#Mr Bingley is named after a real dog I know who is named Mr. Darcy

[jean-wei]

hello tumblr... I have a short comic out in print!! It debuted digitally last year, but ShortBox picked it up for a small print run. It's B&W, sci-fi / slice-of-life, and 28ish pages. There is a little dog in the comic and his name is Mr. Bingley. : ) You can nab a copy on ShortBox's website!

[pandplit]

Chapter 6

The ladies of Longbourn soon waited on those of Netherfield and they rolled on down in due form. Miss Bennett’s pleasing manners grew on the goodwill of Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley and, though the mother was found to be the absolute worst and the younger sisters not worth the flesh and poop they were made of, a wish of being better acquainted with them was expressed toward the two eldest. Jane received this attention in her stride but Elizabeth was not a big fan. She thought they were hella pretentious and couldn’t like them. She also figured that their kindness to Jane was only because their brother wanted to rub up against her and make booty music. It was generally evident whenever they met that he was totally into her, and to her it was equally evident that Jane had started to like him immediately and was well on her way to getting all loved up. But she considered with pleasure that it was not likely to be discovered by the world in general since Jane was really good at staying cool and composed and keeping things on the sly. She mentioned this to her friend Miss Lucas.

“It would be totally sweet,” replied Charlotte, “to be able to keep your cards up like that, but at the same time it’s sometimes a disadvantage to be so guarded. I mean, communication is everything, right? And if you keep your feelings on lockdown so much that you miss the opportunity it won’t be much of a consolation prize that the rest of the world doesn’t know. Ego trips are a big part of romantic relationships. It’s easy to start with. A bit of a fling, some puppy love, it’s only natural, but very few of us have the heart to really catch those feels and get stuck in. In nine out of ten cases a woman should show it a bit more than she feels. Bingley’s totally into your sister, but he may never do more than like her if she doesn’t hold up on his hand once in a while. Show him the money! That’s what I’m saying.”

“But she does help, as much as her nature will allow. If I can see how much she likes him he’d have to be a straight up dingus not to see it himself.” 

“Remember, Eliza, that he doesn’t know Jane as well as you do.”

“But if a girl likes a guy and doesn’t actively hide it then he’s gotta find out eventually!”

“Sure, sure, if they see enough of each other. But, though Bingley and Jane meet pretty on the reg, it’s never for more than a few hours and it’s always in big mixed crowds so they can’t have quality time. So when she does finally get some time with him she needs to bring her A game! She needs to lock. That. Down. There’ll be time for romance later once he’s safely in the bag!”

“Well that’s a solid plan,” replied Elizabeth, “as long as nothing is in question except wanting to get well married. And when I start to shrivel up and just need a husband quick I’ll go for it, but that’s not what Jane’s about. She’s not acting by design. She can’t be sure right now just how much she likes him, only that she does. She danced four dances with him at Meryton, she saw him one morning at his own house, and has since dined with him, with other people around mind you, four times. That’s not quite enough to really know the guy.”

“Okay, that’s not quite right and you know it. They didn’t just go to the Olive Garden and then call it quits and get separate taxis! They spent four full evenings together. Just saying, that’s a whole lot of time.”

“Okay sure, so that’s enough time to compare your favorite episodes of Steven Universe but what do they know about each other’s like deep down insides? I can’t imagine they’ve got down to the really deep shit yet.”

“Well,” said Charlotte, “I wish Jane the best. And from where I’m standing if they were to get married tomorrow they would have just as much a chance of success as if she spent the next twelve months studying him. Happiness in a marriage is entirely a matter of chance. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the person, they always continue to grow because you grow, you change all the time. In fact, you know what, I think I’d rather know as little as possible about my husband’s quirks and defects.”

“You make me laugh Charlotte but you know that logic doesn’t track and you would never act in this way yourself.”

Spending so much time thinking about Mr. Bingley’s attentions on her sister Elizabeth was far from suspecting that she was becoming the object of someone else’s desires. Mr. Darcy had scarcely allowed her to be pretty. He had looked at her without admiration at the ball and when they next met all he did was dis her. But, no sooner had he made it clear to himself and his friends that she had absolutely nothing going on in the face region, than he began to find it was rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes. This discovery kind of blew his mind. Though he had detected with a critical eye more than one element of butteriness about her form he was forced to acknowledge that her figure was light and pleasing. And, in spite of his asserting that her manners were not those of the fashionable world, he was caught by her chill easy rider vibe.

She had no idea this was going on. To her he was just a salty Snape who made himself agreeable nowhere and who had not thought her hot enough to dance with. He began to stalk her Facebook and LinkedIn to find out more about her and as a step towards talking to her himself snooped her conversations with others. His doing so drew her notice. It was at Sir William Lucas’s where a signature Lucas rager was going down.

“What does Mr. Darcy mean,” she said to Charlotte, “by listening to my conversation with Colonel Forster?”

“That is a question which only Mr. Darcy can answer, but if he does it any more I shall certainly let him know that I can see what’s going on.”

“He’s got that nasty side eye and I think if I don’t address it soon I’ll be too scared to.”

On his approaching them soon afterward, though without seeming to have any intention of speaking, Miss Lucas double dog dared Lizzie to mention it to him. Ever respectful of double dog daring dues, Lizzie turned to him and said “Yo Fitz, don’t you think I did real good just now teasing Forster to give us a ball at Meryton?”

“You were up there alright, but it is always a subject that makes a lady energetic.”

“Oooh, ouch, it’ll be her turn soon to be teased,” said Miss Lucas. “I’m gonna get out the decks Eliza, and you know what follows.”

“You are the worst, always wanting me to play and sing before anybody and everybody. If my vanity had taken a musical turn sure, you could have been a great agent, but as it is I’d rather not be playing to a room full of people who are used to going to professional gigs.”

On Miss Lucas’s persevering, however, she added “If I gotta, I gotta.” And, gravely glancing at Mr. Darcy, “There is a fine old saying, which everybody here is of course familiar with. ‘Fix up, look sharp.’”

At that moment a giant LED screen extended down from the ceiling and a huge stack, which no one seemed to previously notice, appeared in the corner of the room. Emblazoned across the screen in neon pinks and greens and projected against the walls, Lizzie’s street name: DJ Klaxon. She spun a few classics and crowd pleasers, from Darude into some Moby and then some newer shit. It wasn’t the best performance in the world but people were having fun. After turning down an encore she was eagerly succeeded on the whacks by her sister Mary who having, in consequence of being the only Plain Jane in a family full of Janes that weren’t plain, worked hard on her spinning and her mixing and was always looking for a chance to show off. The thing is, Mary didn’t really have the feel for it. She was technically brilliant and she threw in some weird avant garde shit that nobody had seen before, but it was pretentious and conceited and people were just having less fun. Elizabeth, although she was less talented, inhabited the spirit of the decks. She was just there to have a great time and blast some chunes. Mary was there for the props, although that didn’t stop her younger sisters and some of the Lucases and a few officers getting crazy on the dance floor.

Mr. Darcy stood near them silently judging, to the exclusion of all conversation, and was too much engrossed by his thoughts to perceive that Sir William Lucas was his neighbour till Sir William piped up, “What a charming amusement for young people this is, Mr. Darcy. There’s nothing quite like a funktastic explosion of dance. I consider it one of the first refinements of polished society.”

“Certainly, sir. And it has the advantage of also being en vogue with the rank and file and the Poundland goths. Every savage can dance.”

Sir William only smiled. “Your friend performs delightfully,” he continued after a pause on seeing Bingley join the group, “and I doubt not that you’re pretty fly for a white guy yourself, Mr. Darcy.”

“You saw me dance at Meryton, I believe.”

“Yes indeed, and it was pretty tubular! Do you often dance at St. James’s?”

“Never.”

“Don’t you think it would be a proper compliment to the place?”

“It’s a compliment which I never pay to any place if I can avoid it.”

“You’ve got a house in London, right?”

Mr. Darcy nodded.

“I had once thought of fixing in town myself, for I’m pretty fond of all the clubs, but I wasn’t sure the air of London would agree with Lady Lucas.” He paused in hope of an answer but his companion left him hanging and, with Elizabeth at that instant moving towards them, he was struck with the action of doing a very gallant thing and called out to her. “Shit Lizzie, why you playing? Get back on the dance floor! Mr. Darcy, you must allow me to present this flaming hot mama and killer DJ as a desirable partner. With all of this in front of you you can’t say no!”

And, taking her hand, he went to put it into Mr. Darcy’s who, although extremely surprised, was not unwilling to receive it, when she instantly drew back and, pretty flustered, said to Sir William, “Indeed sir, I have not the least interest in dancing with this sleazeball. What’s more, it’s kinda messed up of you to assume that because I’m a woman and I was coming over here I was looking for a partner.”

Mr. Darcy, with grave propriety, requested that they get down to dancing anyway, but in vain. Elizabeth was determined and Sir William’s attempts to persuade her fell on deaf ears.

“You’re such a badass dancer, Miss Eliza, that it’s cruel for you to deny me the pleasure of watching you! And although it’s true that this guy’s kind of a living raincloud, I’m sure he can’t deny us just half an hour of his time!”

“Mr. Darcy is all front,” said Elizabeth smiling.

“He is, sure, but considering the circumstances you’ve gotta wonder what’s going on under the hood. For who would object to such a partner?”

Elizabeth threw some shade, then turned around and threw some shapes. She had never felt better, leaving him in the dust to watch her walk away, when he was accosted by Miss Bingley.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“I should imagine not.”

“You’re lowkey hating this entire thing and looking for an exit. And don’t worry, I’m in the same place. I’ve never been more bored. The bouge, the pomp, the noise. Look at all these trash boys! I was just in a conversation about Skyrim for ten minutes! Can we please just go full Mean Girls on them?”

“Actually, fam, you’re kind of wrong. I was having a good time. Have you ever seen someone real-life She’s All That transform right in front of you?”

Miss Bingley immediately fixed her eyes on his face and asked him to tell her what lady had the credit of inspiring such reflections. Mr. Darcy replied with serial killer conviction, “Miss Elizabeth Bennett.”

“Elizabeth Bennett?! You’re blowing me away, Fitz! How long has this been going on? And when are you gonna make it Facebook official?”

“This is exactly why I didn’t tell you, by the way. Girls go from zero to a hundred immediately. It goes from crushing to love to marriage in no time. Nobody’s status is changing! Just, trust that I got this.” 

“Nope. If you’re serious about it then the book is closed. You’re gonna have a real nice mother-in-law Fitzy! And, of course, she’ll always be at Pemberley with you. Have you named your Corgi-poms yet? I like Biggles!”

He let her amuse herself like this for a while and, since it didn’t seem to be bugging him, she kept going.

Thanks again to Suuuusie S for transcribing this long-ass chapter!