#Mostly joking but like. He threw his entire life into a different motion repeatedly over a girl he was dating for a bit
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captain-astors · 1 year ago
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A taste.
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holllandtrash · 7 years ago
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Three Damn Words; Tom Holland
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pairing: reader x tom holland
warnings: language
request: nah just something fun
words: 2400+
summary: three simple words had the power to make or break your relationship with Tom, but you held that power in the palm of your hands
a/n : THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY BEST FRIEND @cyb4r hOLY she is the greatest person in the entire world and i love her so much
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It was four months into your relationship when Tom told you that he loved you. That exact moment had been planted in your mind permanently, because that really wasn’t something you could forget, and you knew that it would be something you would remember for the rest of your life.
You were sitting at the dining room table one morning. A cup of coffee and a plate of buttered toast sat before you. Tom was sitting across from you, settling with his usual bowl of cereal. 
Tom thought it quite entertaining the way you peeled the crust off your toast. You tore three of the edges off, but left one side to hold onto as you ate. He found it hilarious and always poked fun of you for it.
That morning, he stayed quiet. He sat and watched as you did your own thing, smiling to himself in the meantime.
You had just finished ripping the crust off the first piece of toast when you glanced up, only to see Tom looking at you, “What?” you asked him, unsure as to what he was looking at exactly. 
“Nothing,” Tom shook his head as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. He darted his eyes away from you for a quick moment before they returned to meet yours. 
“What?” you demanded again, this time with a laugh.
“Nothing!” he repeated with slight exclamation. He shook his head and tried to focus on the cereal in front of him but all he could do was stir the spoon around. “I just love you.”
Your hand froze as you brought the toast up to your mouth. You were speechless and in complete shock which was understandable seeing as this was the first time anyone had ever told you they loved you. You had no idea how to respond.
You would think saying it back would come naturally. The thought did cross your mind in your paralyzed state, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. So you sat there, staring at an anxious looking Tom who waiting just waiting for you to say absolutely anything at this point.
“Unless you don’t love me,” he broke the silence with an attempt at a joke. “In that case I totally take it back.”
After placing the toast back on the plate you decided that you lost your appetite. So you stood up from the table and started to walk towards the kitchen, wanting to get as far as possible from this conversation.
“Babe,” Tom reached out for your hips and pulled you back in one fluent motion. You resisted the urge to look at him as he moved his position to keep you in place between his legs as he remained seated, “Hey,” he said quietly as he took the plate from your hands to place it on the table. With your only distraction gone you were forced to look at him.
“You don’t have to say it back.” Tom tilted his chin and looked up at you as you draped your arms over his shoulders. You felt his thumbs start to rub circles into your hips, a motion that was so small but it relaxed you every time. “I know how you are when it comes to…” he trailed off and smiled as he racked his mind to come up with the right terminology to not piss you off, “…to expressing your emotions.”
“You don’t hate me?” you asked as your fingers began to play with the hair at the nape of his neck, the hair that had just started to grow back after he cut it for a role.
He chuckled and shook his head, “I literally just told you that I loved you. I’m not going to retract it simply because you won’t say it back.”
“Tom you know you mean the world to me.” you assured him, “I just-”
“Ssh,” Tom was quick to stand up and space between the two of you vanished as he cut off your sentence with a kiss. His lips were soft as his grip tightened, greedily pulling your hips towards his. By the time he pulled away, you were out of breath. Mostly because you weren’t expecting it in the first place. 
You wanted to explain yourself more, but you lacked the words to describe how you felt about him. Yes, you cared for him deeply, more than anyone else in your life but you couldn’t bring yourself to say those three words. Those three damn words.
But Tom didn’t seem to mind. As long as you knew how he felt, he was content.
Or at least, that’s what you thought.
Four more months went by, and Tom repeatedly told you that he loved you. The first thing you saw in the morning was your favorite person, tangled up in the sheets beside you but the first thing you heard was ‘I love you.’ 
And you would have liked to say that you grew accustomed to it, but that wasn’t the case. Every time he said it, it put you more on edge. It felt like added pressure, weighing down on your shoulders to say it back. But each time, you couldn’t.
So you ignored it. You ignored that heavy feeling. You smiled at Tom’s words and kissed him in response but for the most part you stayed silent. 
Until one night when you were standing in the kitchen, sorting through the mail that had been delivered earlier in the day. Your back was towards the front door but when you heard it open you grinned to yourself. Tom greeted you the same every day when he came home from somewhere. A kiss, a hello and another kiss. It was never a surprise when he did but you still felt your stomach fill with butterflies’ every time.
But the door that opened was soon followed with a slam, which definitely caught you off guard seeing as he had never been the type of person to go around slamming doors when he was in a mood.
You put the mail down and turned to face him. He was in the middle of taking his jacket off, tossing it on the back of the couch all while keeping his eyes locked on you. At first you thought he was just needy and desperate to take you to the bedroom, but that thought passed the second he stormed past you and opened up the fridge, his shoulder brushing against yours on the way.
Right away, you knew something was wrong.
“Hi?” you were the first to talk, but when he ignored you, you rolled your eyes and mimicked his voice, “Oh hi [Y/N]! How are you? How was your day?”
When Tom couldn’t find anything in the fridge that interested him, he shut the door, harsher than necessary too. His grip on the handle stayed as he finally turned to face you. 
“Why are you with me?” He asked.
“Excuse me?” You were clearly taken aback. His tone was cold and this was not the same Tom that left for work this morning. This was someone entirely different. “Where did that come from?”
“Answer the question,” his voice was demanding, which of course made you want to argue against him. He was in no position to be telling you what to do or say. So you crossed your arms and cocked your head to the side. Tom and you didn’t fight often. When you did, all it took was a single look to put him back in his place if he was in the wrong. This time, that look was most definitely not working.
“Or don’t,” He scoffed, shaking his head. “Do you want to know why I’m with you? Because I could list off a bunch of things, number one being because I love you.”
So that’s what this was about.
Your arms dropped to your sides and your head tilted downwards towards the floor. Biting your lip, you were doing your best to come up with the best response to what he just hit you with.
“We have been together eight months [Y/N]. Eight months.” He said to you, “Four months ago, I told you I loved you. Three months ago, you moved in with me. Two months ago, you agreed to be my date at my cousins’ weddings.”
That last part confused you, “Date? What? Tom I’m your girlfriend. Obviously I’m going to be your date to this wedding.”
He threw his hands up in the air in annoyance, “Everyone knows that you only bring a person to a wedding if the relationship is serious. Otherwise confusing thoughts and ideas about the future could just screw everything up. If we were a month in to this relationship and we went to a wedding and you caught the damn bouquet or whatever you’d probably feel all weird because you’re there with me and obviously you don’t want to give someone the wrong impression at a wedding but now I’m rambling and I’m just trying to say that I think our relationship is serious and I’d be over the moon if you caught the brides bouquet because I love you but I have absolutely no idea how you feel about me.” Tom was out of breath, and was basically panting at this point due to how long his point was. He had taken a few steps towards you but he no longer looked angry like he did when he entered your home. 
Right now he just looked like his entire world was crumbling down.
Whenever Tom was sad, his forehead scrunched up and you swore his eyes seemed to grow in size, only adding to the puppy-dog effect. 
“I can’t keep waking up and pretending I’m okay with you not saying it back.” He admitted to you after swallowing the lump that had begun to form in his throat. “It is taking a toll on me, honestly. I keep thinking that maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe you don’t see a future with me, I don’t know, I don’t know. And these past 8 months I have never asked anything of you because I never had to, but right now I am asking you to say something.”
Tom ran a hand through his already distressed hair and exhaled deeply. You were sure he felt a little better finally getting all of that off his chest but it made you feel twenty times worse. He stared at you, longing for anything to come out of your mouth but much like the first time he admitted his feelings four months ago, you were paralyzed. 
You had complete control of your actions and part of you wanted to walk out of this house to get away from this topic but it was your mind that was frozen. Just the thought of Tom caused your brain to short-circuit because it was so hard to think straight around him, but this was different. 
You wanted to scream and tell him you loved him but your mind was involuntarily keeping your mouth locked shut, telling you that it was a bad idea to say it, that you’d become vulnerable the second that you do.
“I’m asking you to love me,” he sighed and then shook his head, bringing his mouth to his lips to rub at the stubble that had started to grow. “I sound so pathetic.”
Your bottom lip began to quiver as you tried so hard to get a word out, but it was useless.
“I love you.” He said again, taking a step forward and reaching towards you to grip your forearms, slowing sliding his hands down until they reached yours. He squeezed tightly, and said it again. “I love you and I need to know if I shouldn’t. I need to know if you’re going to break my heart a million times over. It would eventually heal and I can live with that I swear, but I can’t live with someone who doesn’t love me.”
You hadn’t noticed you were crying until Tom brushed his thumb under eyes to catch a fallen tear. 
“You…” your voice was shaky and it took a few breaths before you could restart your sentence. “You are the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, Tom. Being with you makes me so incredibly happy, happier than I have ever been.”
Tom smiled for the first time that night, but it soon disappeared because he knew you better than anyone. He knew how much you despised talking about your feelings and you preferred to take the easy way out. He understood you had commitment issues, but this was eating him alive. He had to know if he had a future with you.
“I have no idea how to say those three damn words,” you admitted, adding a laugh at the end. “I have never been in love before I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Tom licked his lips and it took every bit of strength he had not to laugh at you, because even at this time, even though you were completely confused, you still looked adorable trying to make sense of it all.
“It’s that feeling you get when you wake up in the morning and you don’t even have to look beside you to know you’re waking up to the right person because you know you fell asleep with them in your arms. You know you’re in love when you think years down the road and picture Christmas dinners at their parent’s house, joking around with their family because it isn’t even just their family anymore but yours too. It’s the stupidest things they do that would drive some people insane but it only make you wonder how you got so lucky to end up with them and their quirks. It’s when you look at them and you feel whole. You feel complete and while the rest of the world around you is moving, you’re stuck in a trance because you swear they put a damn spell-”
“Ssh,” you cut him off, catching him off balance when you tilted your head up to press your lips against his gently. Tom closed his eyes and kissed you back, bringing a hand up to get tangled in the hair at the back of your head. You gripped onto the t shirt that clung to his chest as your head began to swoon. You lost yourself in his lips and even when you pull back he dips his head down so the tip of his nose rubs against yours, kissing you quick one last time.
“So what does that mean?” he asks, his voice was hopeful and through fluttered lashes you saw his previously angered eyes were full of light. You smiled and let out a quiet exhale before saying those three damn words that you know would change your life.
“Tom Holland, I love you.”
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