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bellafemme · 2 years ago

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Billboard interview.

Why Lana Del Rey Is Opening Up About Her Family on ‘Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd’

There is, in fact, a tunnel under Ocean Boulevard. Though a few online spectators suspected the tunnel, which inspired the name of Lana Del Rey’s album Did You Know That There’s a Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd, out March 24, might be located in Myrtle Beach, S.C., Del Rey recently revealed that the underground tunnel is actually in Long Beach, Calif. — not far from Los Angeles, where Del Rey has lived for the last six years.

The singer-songwriter’s use of SoCal iconography has been a cornerstone of her songwriting for over a decade, from Born To Die’s (2012) depictions to old Hollywood glamor to Norman Fucking Rockwell’s (2019) allusions to Venice Beach. While it’s present on her new project as well, Del Rey admits she is not quite as focused on “world building” as she once was, and instead is “living from the neck up,” focusing her craft on more lyrically driven and intimate songwriting.

Del Rey’s Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd discusses unrevealed details and stories about her “family of origin,” especially in songs like “Fingertips,” which she says “tells everything about everyone from day one.” Just weeks before its release, Del Rey – who is Billboard’s 2023 Women in Music Visionary honoree — talks about creating the album in her living room, and why she is ready to talk about her family.

How did your new album begin to take shape?

Mike Hermosa, who produced the majority of the songs on this album, would come over to my house, and I would hear him in my living room playing piano. He’s not even a musician full time. He’s a DP, a cameraman. I would hear him play, and I’d be like “can I record that?” or I’d sneakily record something. Eventually I asked if he could just keep playing, and I could sing. Then, every Sunday when he wasn’t working, he would just kind of noodle around, and I would sing. That’s how we wrote the first song: “Did You Know That There’s a Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd.” I knew right away that I really, really liked it. I enjoyed how casual writing with Mike was. He didn’t have a dog in the race. He wasn’t interested in anything beyond just playing. It’s fun that the entire album didn’t feel like we were making one until the end when Jack Antonoff came in and was like “I really like this. Can I put something on top of this?” When Jack comes in, you know you’re making a real record.

Do you feel this casual approach to songwriting was able to open you up creatively?

This process was almost like automatic singing. I just knew exactly every word to sing for everything he played because the chords were perfectly arranged. I think my overall feeling when writing this album was just, “wow, I got lucky.” Also, I realized that, even when I’m seeking so many other things in my life, music really seeks me. It’s like a little bird following me around. Somehow when I didn’t want to make music, I was presented with the best collaborators I’ve met. I just had them in my living room. I realized music is the one thing that constantly shows up for me, even when I’m looking for something else.

Since you were singing so automatically, as you put it, did you go back and edit, or did you leave it as is?

There was a lot of editing, because it was mostly a stream of consciousness, but every now and then I’ll have a complete song come to me fully formed. The song “Fingertips” I created in one sitting, voice memoed it, and sent it to [the producer and composer] Drew Erickson. He came back to me the next day with a full orchestra. Again, I just felt so lucky: lucky for the songs, lucky for these producers, lucky for the project.

You have Jack Antonoff coming back on this record. He’s worked on so many major albums in the last five years, including two of your own (Norman Fucking Rockwell and Chemtrails Over the Country Club). As someone who has worked with him so often, what’s his secret? Why does everyone want to work with him?

He can play anything on any instrument. He can fit the right instruments and melodies to any idea you’ve had. I think he plays something like 16 instruments. For us, it’s definitely very collaborative. I think probably out of any projects he’s worked on, he would say I give him the most direction. It’s funny because I recently heard all of his records he made from when he was in high school, and I still hear so much of what he’s done on Taylor [Swift]’s new record from that high school record. He’s just prolific. It’s absolutely wild to watch. That’s why it’s so fun because you really get to create any sound with him. He’s also a girl’s guy. He gets it!

He’s also a featured artist on the album too. How did that come about?

I was done with the album, and he came in for a couple days. We sat there, and I said, “let’s just play the piano.” I can make a song out of anything Jack plays. That’s actually how Norman got started too. He just plays and I just sing. He started playing something and then I was thinking about his fiancée [Margaret Qualley] who I just can’t live without! I love her. I started singing “he met Margaret on a rooftop / she was wearing white / and he was like / ‘I might be in trouble.’” I asked him what he thought we should say in the second verse because with him and Margaret it was a “when you know you know” situation. He had the idea to sing about what you should do when you don’t know. He started singing, and I told him he should just sing it on the record. It was really fun.

What overall themes did you try to capture in this record?

Family of origin is the overall theme. I think with Blue Banisters I wanted to capture this idea too, but I flew it under the radar. I was trying to address some criticisms that I had heard said after Chemtrials… mostly that people don’t know much about me. I didn’t promote that theme of Blue Banisters at all intentionally. In this album, I got to really finish my thoughts and get super specific, which I was not comfortable with completely before… I do list my grandpa, my brother, my dad, my Uncle Dave. In the song “Fingertips,” I sing “Charlie stop smoking / Caroline will you be with me / will the baby be alright? / Will I have one of mine?” I think I was able to open up about this because Mike was so casual to work with. All in my living room. It allowed for that. “Fingertips” tells everything about everyone from day one until now.

Are you nervous about being so forthcoming about your family in this record?

I was. I was so uncomfortable. Then, by the grace of God, I felt completely unburdened.

Your father, Rob Grant, is releasing an album on Decca Records on June 9, and you’ll be featured on two songs. Has he always been musical?

My dad has always played piano and he sang when he was younger with my uncle who’s a traveling organ player for Emmylou Harris and Buddy Guy. They wrote country records back in the day. I don’t know how and when it came to him. But I think he just decided he wanted to record it. And [my manager] played it for Decca Records, and they loved it. I’m not talkative when it comes to myself, but you will learn so much about me in hearing him. It gives so much context to the family.

How Lana Del Rey Became ‘Completely Unburdened’ For Her Most Personal Material Yet

Lana Del Rey practices "automatic singing." Using the improvisational songwriting technique, she lets her voice carry over accompaniments, not commandeering where her words or melodies take her, accepting all ideas she has in the moment and editing them later. Lately, her voice has led her home, back to memories of her childhood in Lake Placid, N.Y., and to ruminations on relationships with her family and the divergent paths they’ve taken. That subject underpins her upcoming ninth album, Did You Know That There’s a Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd (out March 24). Del Rey, 37, says she hesitantly began to unpack this subject matter with her previous album, Blue Banisters — but now, she’s ready to dig deeper. “At first I was so uncomfortable,” she says of the more personal material. “Then, by the grace of God, I just felt completely unburdened.” As a singer-songwriter, this year’s Visionary honoree has embodied that word for over a decade. Her 2012 major-label debut, Born To Die, made her a star and defined music’s Tumblr era, as a young Del Rey toyed with both the romantic and the darker sides of the American dream. Her “world building,” as she calls it now, for her early work created a collage of beautiful and disparate images, pairing hip-hop aesthetics with references to the Kennedy family, Elvis Presley with John Wayne, and old Hollywood glamour with biker gang grit.

Since then, Del Rey has pushed musical boundaries — seamlessly peppering an album with features from Stevie Nicks to Playboi Carti (2017’s Lust for Life), reworking a Sublime cover into a contemporary Billboard Hot 100 hit (2019’s “Doin’ Time”), for instance — while achieving both critical acclaim and commercial success. She has earned six Grammy nominations and holds the record for most No. 1s on Billboard’s Alternative Albums chart. And somehow, each week, it seems a new song from her vast catalog gains traction on TikTok. (“West Coast” and “How To Disappear” are two recent breakouts.) Younger artists often cite her as an inspiration — including Billie Eilish, whom Del Rey now calls “my girl. It makes me feel comforted that music is going in such a good direction.”

Since 2019, you’ve released four albums. Is it fair to say you have more creative energy than ever?

I think it might look like that! It’s funny because I keep telling people, “I haven’t worked in three years,” but really I just haven’t done shows in three years. As soon as I start getting ready for a show, that’s when it feels like work.

How has your process changed since Born To Die came out?

Eleven years ago I wanted it to be so good. Now, I just sing exactly what I’m thinking. I’m thinking a little less big and bombastic. Maybe at some point I can have fun creating a world again, but right now, I would say there’s no world building. This music is about thought processing. It’s very, very wordy. I’m definitely living from the neck up.

Can you remember what it felt like creatively when you were just starting out?

I think back to the beginning, being in New York. I would just go to a little deli by Grand Central and all you had to do to sit at the table for hours was buy a black coffee. I remember thinking, “I’m doing it. I’m living it.” It was all very thrilling. I was so psyched back then.

You recently featured on Taylor Swift’s “Snow on the Beach.” What was collaborating with her like?

Well, first of all, I had no idea I was the only feature [on that song]. Had I known, I would have sung the entire second verse like she wanted. My job as a feature on a big artist’s album is to make sure I help add to the production of the song, so I was more focused on the production. She was very adamant that she wanted me to be on the album, and I really liked that song. I thought it was nice to be able to bridge that world, since Jack [Antonoff] and I work together and so do Jack and Taylor.

Who do you consider to be a visionary?

Joan Baez. I sang with her recently. She gave me a challenge: She said, “Go down a little road and look for a left turn and find my house [in Northern California]. If you find it and can play ‘Diamonds and Rust’s’ high harmony, I’ll come to Berkeley with you and sing.” So my sister and I rented a car and searched for the house. I was very nervous. I don’t play guitar that well, but I learned the first three chords and sat across from her, [and when] we stopped playing, she was like, “Great, I’ll see you at Berkeley.” And another visionary to me is Cat Power. I had heard that she would run offstage when she wasn’t feeling it or just turn her back to the [audience] and keep playing. That’s when I knew I could probably do this.

#lana del rey

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alackofghosts · 1 year ago

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a little while ago @crackinthecup tagged me in this bookish meme, which i have been saving for a rainy day - apparently a very literally rainy day in this case. thank you friend, i do so enjoy rambling about books <3 also tagging @hong-ara, @gloriousmonsters, @fatalism-and-villainy if you guys fancy having a go at it (and anyone else who wants to, i love reading others' opinions on books too)

An estimate of how many physical books I own: um. at least 2000. mom did some inventory once all the way back in 2006, and this was the point at which she got bored of it. i have always lived in a library and even though that many books has certainly been a nuisance, i also find it difficult to imagine a living space without them

Favorite author: honestly a weirdly difficult question. i feel like while i do read a lot for the style of prose, i don't very often go on a frenzy to read everything by the same author. but of course you all know my deep and abiding love for richard brautigan and lately i've been so obsessed with mary oliver. ...picking poets for this is easier :')

continued under the cut

A popular book I’ve never read and never intend to read: it feels funny to say this because i have literally not even once encountered talk of this author on tumblr Organically - which tends to be my benchmark for popularity - but seeing as she's all over every other bookish corner of the internet: i have absolutely no desire whatsoever to read anything by colleen hoover

A popular book I thought was just meh: WHERE DO I BEGIN... i've talked about some of these before but a new(er) addition to this list is in the dream house by carmen maria machado which ONCE AGAIN i feel so bad for not being wildly into! i think it's mostly due to the fact that internet at large painted such an interesting picture of it in terms of viewing ones own life/instance of abuse through the lens of different genres/tropes, but actually reading it, each segment was so short and the stylistic exploration didn't really come through. like it wasn't a bad book by any means and certainly covered an important topic and one that people generally shy away from, just. not at all what i expected it to be.

i tend to pick books based on genre and maybe like top few lines of the summary so i can't conjure up expectations, and obviously with popular books that's somewhat unavoidable :')

Longest book I own: extremely boring answer but my dad's bought a bunch of those 1001 books/movies you need to see before you die compilation books over the years and those all hover around the 1000 page mark

Longest series I own all the books to: if we mean series in terms of consistent cast/story, then i think it's the saga of darren shan by... darren shan, which has 12 books that i absolutely devoured when i was 13. otherwise, while i don't own every single goosebumps book (by rl stine), i do have most of them. i was very obsessed when i was 11-12 - these were actually the first books i ever read in english!

Prettiest book I own: um. honestly no clue, my family has never been one to buy books for the covers or for the special edition-ness and even now i feel like i can't picture any of them in my mind lol

A book or series I wish more people knew about: green bone saga by fonda lee!!! ...though again this might be down to the metric i use to gauge popularity, but even so! it has such wonderful worldbuilding and intricate family dynamics and even though i have big big book fear, i practically devoured them

Book I’m reading now: the silence of the white city by eva garcia saenze de urturi. it's pretty good so far! i've had such a year of thrillers and mysteries, i feel

Book that’s been on my TBR list for a while but I still haven’t got around to it: ...ancillary justice by ann leckie. i've started it a couple of times, but the Stars Were Not Aligned on those days. so i wait.

Do you have any books in a language other than English: most of the books i have are in estonian, actually. there's a pretty decent amount in english (mostly due to me...), and a small handful in swedish and finnish.

And lastly, paperback, hardcover or ebook? eboooook. often when i read an ebook i find myself daydreaming of a physical book, but then when i actually read one i find myself getting so irritated by not being able to find a comfy position lol. i also really love audiobooks, for the multitasking value...

#long post #meme tag #book chatter tag

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clericofshadows · 2 years ago

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late night conversations

Description: Up late at night and unable to sleep, Regis runs into Ashley, and they have a conversation about many things.

Context: Takes place sometime after something to look forward to but probably can be read without reading it beforehand. It gives context to some of the conversations in the fic. Picture mostly here for flavor. I was going to reinstall my flycam mod to get a picture of them in conversation... but I misplaced my edited Coalesced so here’s this instead.

Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Regis Shepard

Warnings: None, although Regis does not have a high opinion of Vakarian, and discusses why he chose not to recruit him.

“Can’t sleep?” Ashley asked as she joined him at the mess table, sitting across from him.

“Side effects of my L2 implants. Kaidan gets debilitating migraines, and while I do as well, I also get bouts of insomnia.” Regis sighed, tapping his fingers on the table. “What has you up late?”

She turned away from him. “Nightmares.” She didn’t elaborate, nor did Regis ask her to. If she wanted to talk, Regis would gladly oblige, but he could tell by her curt tone she was done talking about it.

Regis nodded. “We’ve seen some shit these past few missions. I’m here if you need me.”

“I know. You are a damn good CO, Shepard.”

“Thank you.” He cleared his throat, not really knowing how to respond to the compliment. “Want some tea?” He gestured over to the kitchenette. “It helps me.”

She shrugged. “Sure. I’ve never been much of a tea drinker but who am I to pass up an opportunity for you to do something for me.”

Regis rolled his eyes as he stood up from the table. “Well, you’ve never had my tea before, so maybe I’ll change your mind.”

He leaned against the counter after grabbing and preparing his preferred blend for nighttime relaxation, waiting for the water to boil. She joined him, crossing her arms against her chest. “I’m surprised Alenko didn’t come out with you.”

Regis smiled, setting out two mugs. “He’s a heavy sleeper, but if I don’t come back to bed in a bit, I wouldn’t be surprised if he pings my omni tool.” “Probably wondering why you didn’t just wake him up in the first place.”

“Yeah, well, I hate to disturb his rest. It’s a point we agree to disagree on.”

“I swear you two act like newlyweds, but haven’t you been together for a long time?” Ashley asked.

“Ten years, give or take, but this is the first time in a while we’ve been together for an extended period of time,” Regis said, taking the kettle and pouring the water in the mugs. “Got together a few years after biotic training, joined the Alliance together, and now we’re here.”

“Damn. I’ll get the full story out of you eventually.” She whistled.

“Maybe after I’ve gotten some sleep.” Regis huffed out a laugh. “We’ve been there for each other for so long, and while the Alliance definitely complicated things, we were able to power through it.”

“And now you’re here, abusing your Spectre benefits so you two can share a bed together,” she echoed, nudging his arm. “I would offer to go ring shopping with you, but something tells me you already have that figured out.”

Regis pulled out his dog tags from underneath his sweater. “I do.”

A black tungsten band with tree branch engravings rested next to his dog tags on the chain. Originally belonging to his father, it was one of the few things Regis had of his.

Atlas Shepard died in a freak shuttle accident before Regis was born, and he mourned the loss of what could’ve been. His father was earthborn, something Regis wished he was able to claim.

Instead, he was born in space on his mother’s ship, and rarely was able to spend time on Earth with his father’s family.

He took off the chain and handed it to her. “It’s beautiful,” she said. “I think it would fit him well.”

“Thank you. It belonged to my father,” Regis explained, taking the chain back from her. “He died before I was born, but my mother gave me his ring when I turned eighteen. He always kept his actual ring safe with her, even when they were apart, going for the tattooed option instead. I’ve worn it on me ever since.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said. “I didn’t know.”

He shrugged, moving to remove the tea bags from the mugs. “It’s not something I talk about much, so don’t worry about it. Even the scarves that Kaidan and I wear are because of him, something he put on his own armor to set himself apart.”

He held out a mug to her. She took it with a smile.

“I would offer to give you a hug, but I’m not sure it’s something you want.”

Regis pulled her into a side hug. “I appreciate the thought, now try your tea.”

She took a sip after squeezing him back. “Not bad, Skipper.”

“Thank you.” He replied, taking a long sip of his. Just what he needed. A warm drink with a friend.

“You can tell me to fuck off if I’m overstepping, but are those tattoos on your right arm because of that ring?” She asked after a moment of silence.

He nodded. “Yeah. Based on the Yggdrasil tree. Makes me feel like I’m connected to Earth and to him.”

“Just like the scarf, so you could connect yourself to LT and to your dad,” She observed. “Making him part of your family.”

“And one day I’ll order you a scarf and make you a part of it officially,” he said, smirking at how she nearly choked on her tea.

“Seriously?” She asked, hesitant, after clearing her throat and setting down the mug.

“Of course. You are part of my crew, and I’d like to consider you a friend.”

“You really do care,” she smiled. If he looked closely, perhaps he could see a little wetness gathering around her eyes. He chose to ignore it.

“Black and blue would look good,” he continued. “I’ll see to it after this mission is done. Maybe even get you a nice, requisitioned set of gear since I’m also recommending you for the N program.”

She blinked a few times in surprise. “I need to sit down,” she said, walking back over to the table. “Why? Why all this for me?”

“Because you are a damn good soldier who doesn’t deserve the shit you’ve been given. If my word can help you climb out of the hole, then why shouldn’t I give you that chance? Your marksman scores rival my own, you work excellent under pressure, and you’ve grown to work well with a diverse team. As your CO, it’s an obvious decision,” Regis explained, rejoining her at the table. “I don’t do this lightly, as I’m sure you’ve heard the stories of my teaching days. You’ve earned it.”

She took a deep, shuddering breath. “God, Shepard, you really know how to catch someone off guard. And in the middle of the night? I’ll be more coherent about this after I’ve slept on it.”

“But do you accept it?” Regis asked. “I am sorry for springing this on you, but it’s something I’ve been preparing for a while. Anderson is also backing me on this.”

She blinked a few times before breaking out into a smile. “Hell yeah I accept, but give me time to really think about it, y’know?”

“As much time as you need.”

Ashley finished off her tea, pushing the mug to the side. “This was not how I expected this conversation to go.”

Regis chuckled. “Well, how did you think it was going to go?”

“Thought I was going to get more juicy Shepard secrets out of you, but instead you render me speechless.”

“Well, I’ll let you ask another question. Maybe two.” He winked, finishing his tea. “It’s only fair since I’ve learned a lot about you and your family. Ask away.”

She glanced down at the dog tags still resting against his sweater. "You know, I'm curious. Why didn't you recruit that C-Sec officer, Vakarian?"

With the way she kept glancing at his dog tags, he didn't expect her to go down that route, but it was a valid question. “I had a hunch about him that I didn’t like. Way too insistent he was right about Saren but had fuck all to prove it. After gaining my status and grabbing Tali and Wrex, I realized I never followed through on his lead. So, I used my status to access his file, see what kind of officer he was.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t like what you saw.”

“No. Evidence tampering, witness coercion. Hell, even assault, among other things. A loose cannon like that on my crew? He would see justice as a means to an end, any way necessary,” Regis explained, shaking his head. “Disappointing, but ultimately, I saw him as a liability. If he can’t handle the rules of C-Sec, I doubt he would have followed my orders in the end.”

“He probably just heard ‘Butcher of Torfan’ and thought you would be all for it,” she said.

“I never made that decision lightly.” He looked away. “I embraced it, but it has pinned me as someone who will get the job done, no matter the cost. While that may be true sometimes, it’s something I try to avoid.” He sighed. “Yes, I imagine he had a certain image of me.”

“I gave the order knowing damn well it was the only way out. I took the fall so everyone else would survive, while I became the monster. The demon. The Butcher. But the families of the dead know what I did for them, what I sacrificed to make sure they got what they deserved, to ensure their loved ones died with honor and not the shame of my order. The thing is? I wasn’t the only one in support of it, but I made damn sure that the Alliance thought it was only me. And look what it gave me. Scars, a path to N7, and a title that makes my mother hate me even more.”

Regis ranted to Kaidan after the events and trials of Torfan, hoping the other man would understand why he did what he did. What it did to him. Kaidan listened and continued to support him, despite everything.

The promise to have each other’s back was not about to be broken that day.

“You’re a good man, Shepard. Don’t let that title force you into being something else. I’ve seen the way you think, and I can tell you weigh all the options before jumping in. It’s what I respect about you,” she said, finishing off her tea. “Sorry for bringing it up.” More surprised she hadn’t already brought it up, he waved it off.

“Go on, ask what you really wanted to ask. Don’t think I didn’t see you looking at my tags,” Regis said, teasing a little.

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, but you asked for it. Do you ever worry about losing that ring if something were to happen?”

He raised an eyebrow, surprised she went there of all places, but he obliged. “Sometimes. I don’t like the idea of dying somewhere I cannot be retrieved, but once I had this ring, I didn’t want to part with it. Then, once Kaidan and I made it official, I knew I wanted to give it to him one day. Either way, if something does happen, he’s the one that ends up with everything of mine. I just hope it never comes to that.”

“Thank you for telling me that, I guess I was just wondering how you thought about the ‘what ifs.’ Not sure what came over me there.” She rubbed at her neck, looking a little embarrassed.

Regis took a stab at it. “Might it have something to do with your nightmare?”

“Maybe.” She sighed and stood up from the table. “I really need to try and get some more sleep. You should too.”

He could guess about what it was really about. She’s the sole survivor of her squad on Eden Prime. No time to give them the respect they deserved. Some even put into research to find out what the geth were capable of and how to defend against it.

Regis did not want that to be his fate. An experiment. He remembered the look Ashley gave him when he ensured Bhatia got his wife’s body back. One of surprise and respect, probably thinking he would’ve instead denied the man’s request.

Would it have helped the Alliance? Likely.

At that moment? Regis did not care for what the Alliance wanted.

“Yes, he definitely should. Love, get your ass back to bed, please.” Kaidan emerged from his quarters, his hair mussed up and curling, looking more than a little annoyed.

Oops.

Ashley laughed. “Told you so! Good talk, Shepard. Next time, let’s do it at a more reasonable time.”

“I make no promises,” he said, moving to put the mugs in the sink to be dealt with later. “Good night, Ash.”

She nodded and headed back to the crew quarters.

Kaidan stood outside the door with his arms crossed. “Told you to wake me.”

“And you know I never will, Kaidan.” Regis yawned. “Shit, it’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

“Whose fault is that?” Kaidan reentered their quarters; Regis followed behind him.

“My damn implant’s.” Regis muttered, removing his sweater and his fatigues, leaving him in his boxers.

Kaidan rolled his eyes, deftly removing his uniform and crawling back under the covers. “In any case, did you have a good talk with Ashley?”

Regis settled in next to him, putting Kaidan’s arm around him, snuggling in close. “Yeah. Told her about the N recommendation, among other things.”

“Hmm. How did she take it?” Kaidan asked, holding Regis tightly. Clingy bastard.

“Shocked but well overall. I really do think she has the potential to succeed in the program.”

“I agree. Now, go to sleep, Regis.”

“You do too, you know.”

“Yes, love.”

“You’re ignoring me, aren’t you.”

“Because I want you to get some sleep. Need me to grab your meds?” Kaidan turned around to face him, cupping Regis’s face in his hand. “I just worry about you.”

A part of Regis wanted to go ahead and just give Kaidan the ring right then and there, wrapped up in his love and support, but he wanted to do it in front of their family, surrounded by their friends and loved ones.

Regis leaned into the touch. “I know. I’ll be fine.”

“Right. Next time, wake me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. That’s not a yes.”

“It’s not a no!” Regis smiled and yawned once again. “Alright fine, I’ll get some sleep.” He leaned in and pecked Kaidan on the lips.

They wrapped their arms around each other, and soon Regis fell asleep listening to his lover’s breathing, content within his arms.

#regis shepard #mass effect #mshenko #ashley williams #cleric's writing #mass effect fanfiction #good conversations were had but sprinkled with by usual tragic implications :)#i swear it hurts me too #kaidan alenko

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nottobehornyonthemain · 10 months ago

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1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

(Long history with this one, but let’s just say my personal copy of it is the item that family members have told me is the litmus tests if I should ever disappear. If it’s still here, I did not go willingly.)

2. Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkein

(When I was 12 I was in a weird place, and my mother, who adores the movies, told me that she’d never actually read the books. It took me several weeks, and one night where my mom came to check on me because my light was still on after midnight, only to find that I had fallen asleep and was drooling on top of Return of the King.)

3. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte

(First Brontë I ever read, and I listened to it on audio first. Two years ago I gave my grandparents, who never actually pick gifts, they just want Amazon links sent to them, a choice between Jagged Little Pill on vinyl, and a nice copy of Jane Eyre. Apparently they decided Jane Eyre was less scandalous.)

4. Harry Potter series

(My mom read all seven of these out loud to me and my siblings over the course of seven years.)

5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

(The summer before I started college, so when I was 15, I worked twice a week at my local library, and I would always go home with huge stacks of books because I was going through one every day, or two if it was particularly dense. I read this one that summer, mostly while spread out on a picnic blanket in my backyard, and I think that’s how it was always intended to be read.)

6. The Bible

(Yes. All of it. In case my blog hasn’t given it away by now, my religious upbringing was… intense.)

7. Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte

(I read this book once for school when I was 14 and hated it. I read it again when I was 16 and bought a copy in Grand Central Station, still hated it. But when I read it again at 19, because I was extremely bored at work and saw it on audio? So yeah, I read a book I knew I hated twice, it shouldn’t have surprised me when I realized I actually liked it and it was important to me.)

8. Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell

(I actually got into a discussion with my collage English professor at one point about what our favorite books where, and I mentioned Orwell, he had thought I ment this one, but I was talking about Animal Farm. This made me a little self conscious, because I hadn’t read the bigger hit, so I immediately wandered up to the school library and checked this one out, just so I could say I’d read it by Wednesday when class met again.)

9. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens

(I had a hot Charles Dickens summer one year. This was the first one I read, and it was because of Into the Spiderverse. Miles Morales is a role model.)

10. Little Women – Louisa M Alcott

(I do not love this book. I have watched every adaptation that has ever been made, yes, even the anime. The Greta Gerwig one is pretty good because I’m a sucker for non-linear narratives and Florence Pugh and Timothée Chalamet are pretty good at it.)

11. Catch 22 – Joseph Heller

(In December of 2021, I realized that I had never read this book, and had the opportunity to do something very funny. So yeah. I read what is considered to be one of the greatest novels of the 20th century as a joke to myself. Anyway, it’s very good, you should probably read it, especially if you like WWII stories and Kafka. Again, love a non-linear narrative.)

12. Complete Works of Shakespeare

(Yes. I got a complete edition at a library book sale, and drew stars on the cover in white gel pen so people would know it was mine, because I’m apparently that bitch. Although, I haven’t read the lost plays (obviously) so I don’t know if I can honestly say I’ve read the Complete works.)

13. Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier

(I read this after watching Hannibal the series for the second time because I got into a very deep Gothic Romance mood. I also accidentally got my friend to read it because we were comparing our current reads at the time, and that is how I ended up reading We Always Lived in a Castle.)

14. The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien

(The far superior Tolkien work in my personal taste. I love it. One of my friends reads this book once a year, and I love that for them, I’m not quite that in love with it, but this is about where my limits on where I can enjoy fantasy lie. Like, I’ll read higher stuff if I make myself, but I’ll tell you right now, I’m going to finish and move the fuck on.)

15. Catcher in the Rye

(It’s by J. D. Salinger, by the way. The list didn’t have an author on there. Read this one the same summer as To Kill a Mockingbird. Anyway, I love that Holden Caulfield was just some fucking guy that Salinger made up and decided to put in a bunch of his works, without bothering to make it into a series by making timelines or middle names match. He really just put his OC in situations, and I love that.)

16. Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell

(My brother used to work a job where he would help a guy in town sort through old books that he got from somewhere, and pick out ones that were still readable from ones that had been completely ruined, and he made a few bucks an hour and got to take home any books he wanted, and the guy would sell the good ones for like fifty cents somewhere. But my brother would always bring home books he thought people would like. At the time I was obsessed with the costume designs Walter Plunkett had done for the 1939 mega-hit film. So, when my brother found one while sorting through books, I ended up being gifted the most beaten up copy of Gone With the Wind I’ve ever seen in my life.)

17. The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald

(I am obnoxious about this book. I can, and have, talked for hours about this book. There is an audiobook for this book narrated by Jake Gyllenhaal, he is perfect for Nick Carraway. This book is the save me meme for me.)

18. Bleak House – Charles Dickens

(Again. Charles Dickens summer.)

19. War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy

(Did I read this book after I listened to Great Comet? Yes. Did I read all of it? Also yes. Having done so, and legitimately liking quite a lot of it, I do recommend it if you liked Great Comet, because the detail you get to go into is great, and makes you feel like a huge nerd. Also, recommend for people who want a 55 hour long audiobook.)

20. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams

(There’s an audiobook for this one narrated by Steven Fry. It’s also one of the funniest books I’ve ever read.)

21. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll

(Have I ever mentioned that I hate “it was all a dream/no one remembers” endings? Because I hate “it was all a dream/no one remembers” endings. I do, however, really like “person goes to a fucked up new place” stories. So I guess it balances out. The Cheshire Cat is on the list of characters I would commit war crimes to play.)

22. The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame

(Me and my brother both read this book when we were younger and for years whenever we hear the name of this one, or literally anything with the word “wind” or “willows” in the title we’ll go “is that the one with the mole?”, because we think it’s funny.)

23. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy

(I was once in a book club with two high school English teachers, and two housewives. We all made the mistake of letting one of the English teachers pick first, and this was the first and only book that club was assigned, as no one but me actually finished it. Anyway, the 2012 film version is a fucking masterpiece and I don’t know why it’s not talked about more.)

24. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens

(Charles Dickens summer. I actually read Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver recently too, and that book is very very good, I would honestly say go read that one before this one.)

25. Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis

(My brother was very into these when he was like, 15, and I read them. They’re not my favorite, and honestly, many people who like them more have more interesting things to say about them than I do.)

26. Emma – Jane Austen

(I don’t know what magic Austen put into this book to constantly get the best film adaptations made of it, but my god she did. It’s a triple header too, because the Gwyneth Paltrow one is a perfectly good older style straight Austen period film. Clueless is probably my favorite of the “let’s do a high school AU of this piece of classical literature” genre, and Emma. (2020) is… just about perfect.)

27. Persuasion – Jane Austen

(This is probably Austen’s best book from a craft standpoint. It’s not my favorite of her works because of nostalgia I have for pride and prejudice, but… I mean, it’s the getting back together one, which is my favorite romance subgenre. Idk, I would recommend this one first to anyone who was asking me where to start with Jane Austen.)

28. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis

(Again. People who like this book more than I do definitely have more interesting things to say about it. That being said, the film version of this one fucking slaps, and if you haven’t recently, you should rewatch it.)

29. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden

(This is a book that I think would have greatly benefited from being written by a woman. Or someone who grew up in Japan. Or someone who didn’t get sued for breach of contract and defamation of character by one of the geisha he interviewed to write this novel. Anyway, I recommend Mineko Iwasaki’s autobiography, Geisha of Gion.)

30. Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne

(I don’t have much to say about this one. I read, and then I read something else. This one wasn’t a cornerstone of my childhood like I know it was for a lot of people.)

31. Animal Farm – George Orwell

(One of my favorite books of all time. I read it for the first time at 14, and proceeded to read it 12 more times in two months. It’s a very fast read, and I had anti-totalitarianism sensibilities that were ripe for feeding.)

32. The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown

(I’m not going to lie. I like the movie version of this one just fine. Read the book anyway. But, fun fact, when this movie came out I lived in Mississippi, and there was a campaign against my local library to get the book taken out of their catalog on the basis of blasphemy. So that’s wild.)

33. Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery

(In contrast to my last point, this is one that is just so light, and airy, and just reading it makes you feel good. It’s like a scented candle in book form. And no film adaptation is ever going be able to capture that, because it’s not about seeing the world with Anne in it as something shining and beautiful, it’s about how Anne sees the world as something shining and beautiful, and she makes you see it that way too.)

34. The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood

(So, this book is great. We all know that. Now, onto storytime. Once upon a time in the 90’s, my dad got bored one day and decided to watch the 1990 movie version of this one, he didn’t know what it was about, but had heard that it was sci-fi, and had assumed it was some Star Wars for girls type thing. He was unprepared.)

35. Lord of the Flies – William Golding

(As a child, many elements of my life and behavior was compared to this book in a way that I, with my infinite understanding of social cues, picked up on the subtle fact that this was an insult. Thinking that I was somehow winning, I decided to read this book to prove… some point? And I ended up agreeing with the adults in my life, I absolutely was like that one kid who wanders off into the woods and is never seen again.)

36. Atonement – Ian McEwan

(I think one of my first posts on this blog was me reblogging gif sets from the film version of this.)

37. Life of Pi – Yann Martel

(Forever gate keeping Black Sails from people who think debating whether or not the tiger was real is important to understanding what the story is about.)

38. Dune – Frank Herbert

(I have been banned from talking about Dune around my family anymore after the time I got super wasted at a thanksgiving party my parents’s friends were hosting, and spent 35 minutes explaining Dune, with relevant facts about Frank Herbert’s life, to a woman who had mentioned that her husband has seen the newer one. She hadn’t even watched that one.)

39. Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen

(This is my least favorite Austen novel. There’s some modern AU version of this that I read at one point that I don’t remember the name of, but there was this scene where the mom was standing on the beach and looking at golden retriever wondering if she could ask the owner for a clipping of its fur so she could show it to her hair colorist.)

40. A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens

(Charles Dickens Summer!!!!)

41. Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck

(If I had a nickel for every 20th century American novel about a deeply strange little man who had to deal with the devastating psychological affects of his best friend’s death, I would have I would have so many nickels.)

42. Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov

(I think there should be a rule about watching the Kubrick film where, in order to see it, you should have to write a five paragraph essay about the original novel.)

43. Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas

(This book fucking rocks. It is also my number one on list of novels that I think would most benefit from a podcast adaptation. Not like, a read-along, but like, a story based on the Count of Monte Cristo would kill it in podcast form.)

44. On The Road – Jack Kerouac

(I’ve read it. I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not it was before or after watching supernatural.)

45. Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding

(So there’s a The Wombats song called “Kill the Director” where the bridge is just “this is no Bridget Jones” several times, and I wasn’t familiar with the reference, so I looked it up, and somehow managed to miss the, extremely popular, film adaptation, and thought it was just a reference to the book. I didn’t realize my mistake until I mentioned it to someone who didn’t know there was a book, and had assumed I was talking about the film.)

46. Moby Dick – Herman Melville

(This is like War & Peace, in that it is a brick and there should be an adaptation that’s just the last 90 pages. But also, I read this book after reading a book of essays called “Why You Should Read Moby Dick” which, convinced me to read Moby Dick. But yeah, you could give this book to aliens and they would be able to recreate the 19th century whaling American industry from scratch.)

47. Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens

(Charles Dickens Summer! Also, this is one of those books that was very obviously serialized and would probably benefit greatly from being presented in that format as opposed to in a novel, because it does drag on when it’s just one chunk.)

48. Dracula – Bram Stoker

(I’m not the biggest fan of epistolary novels, but hey, it’s Dracula. I’ve done it all. Every film adaptation? Yes. The Edward Gorey illustrated edition? Own it. Dracula Daily? Two years. Re: Dracula? Got the jumpscare of my life when Dr. Seward started talking because I didn’t realize Jonny Sims was in this.)

49. The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett

(This book would have been greatly improved by less racism and more talking robins.)

50. The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath

(This book would be greatly improved by more people who read it understanding what an unreliable narrator is.)

51. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens

(This is not a member of the Charles Dickens Summer club. I just read it one Christmas when I was like 8. Anyway, it’s hilarious and exactly what you expect. I also would have assumed that the coffin nail was the deadest nail of all.)

52. The Color Purple – Alice Walker

(Remember when I said that I don’t love epistolary novels? This is a major exception. Honestly, the number of list I’ve seen for contenders to the title of The Great American Novel, that don’t include this one is criminal. I also don’t know how so many people read it and don’t realize that it’s going to be dark as fuck.)

53. Charlotte’s Web – EB White

(Sometimes it’s very healing to read children’s novels as an adult. Just sit, and tear through a book in a couple hours. Any of Kate DiCarmello’s books, Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen, Coroline, and Charlotte’s Web are all staples for me in that area. Because I read them all, over and over again growing up, and just, being able to go back to them and still find that magic is… really moving.)

54. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

(I have the two giant complete annotated edition volumes. The one with the essays. I have broken bookshelves with them. And I got them for $3 at a tag sale when I was so small that I couldn’t carry both of them at the same time.)

55. The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery

(This is the book that made me believe that I could write. This book broke my heart. This is a fundamental touchstone in my development as a storyteller.)

56. Watership Down – Richard Adams

(I liked this book. My brother Fucking Loved this book. My father was deeply scarred as a child by this book. I think that’s about the full range.)

57. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas

(Shoutout to those “Great Illustrated Classics” books that were in every library in the late 90’s/early 00’s. Those things were kickass. I don’t know if I would have read the full version of this one if it wasn’t for the Great Illustrated version I read when I was little. But whoever came up with the idea to just, take classical English literature and tell it exactly the same but in a slightly simplified version for a younger audience was a genius, and they deserve kudos.)

58. Hamlet – William Shakespeare

(I once read a post that opened with “spoilers for Hamlet” and… I don’t know if it’s possible to spoil Hamlet. Like, in America and England at least, it’s kinda baked in. Being alive is a spoiler for Hamlet. Also, can you spoil Hamlet, or is knowing what’s going to happen before it does is kind of part of the modern experience? I don’t know.)

59. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl

(I met up with my friends this summer and one of them didn’t realize this book had a sequel. Me and my friend who had also read it then spent the next five or so minutes verbally vague posting about plot points for the Great Glass Elevator to each other, and confusing everyone else, because that book is a fever dream. For that experience alone, I will recommend.)

60. Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

(If I had a nickel for every giant ass brick of a book that I actually did enjoy that included uncomfortable sexualisation of children under the age of 15 and far too much information about a specific city’s sewer system, I would have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.)

How many have you read?

The BBC estimates that most people will only read 6 books out of the 100 listed below. Reblog this and bold the titles you’ve read.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen 2 Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkein 3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte 4 Harry Potter series 5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee 6 The Bible 7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte 8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell 9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman 10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens 11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott 12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy 13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller 14 Complete Works of Shakespeare 15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier 16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien 17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks 18 Catcher in the Rye 19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffeneger 20 Middlemarch – George Eliot 21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell 22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald 23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens 24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy 25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams 26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh 27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky 28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck 29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll 30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame 31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy 32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens 33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis 34 Emma – Jane Austen 35 Persuasion – Jane Austen 36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis 37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini 38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres 39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden 40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne 41 Animal Farm – George Orwell 42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown 43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez 44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving 45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins 46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery 47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy 48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood 49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding 50 Atonement – Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel 52 Dune – Frank Herbert 53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons 54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen 55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth 56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon 57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens 58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley 59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon 60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez 61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck 62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov 63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt 64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold 65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas 66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac 67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy 68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding 69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie 70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville 71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens 72 Dracula – Bram Stoker 73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett 74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson 75 Ulysses – James Joyce 76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath 77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome 78 Germinal – Emile Zola 79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray 80 Possession – AS Byatt 81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens 82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchel 83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker 84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro 85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert 86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry 87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White 88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom 89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton 91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad 92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery 93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks 94 Watership Down – Richard Adams 95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole 96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute 97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas 98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare 99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl 100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

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madelynbatchelor · 2 months ago

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social media

Social media is a platform that can be used in multiple ways, both positive and negative. It is a resource that can be used to stay in touch with friends and family or to share your thoughts and feelings on subjects. Social media is a hard term to define as there are so many different ways to use it or define it. You can create, share, and interact with others whether you know them or not. It is great to meet new people and engage with them without meeting face to face. But with the new access and freedom that comes with social media, there is also a sense of danger that both younger and older users should be aware of. Social media opens doors for people to connect and share information in a positive regard, it can also spread disinformation and enhance privacy concerns for children on social media apps. The spread of fake news is a big concern when it comes to social media with headlines speaking to users that are both false and misleading. While social media can help you stay in touch with your friends it is also a big concern with cyberbullying, a term that has become very popular in the past few years and a leading worry with younger users. Social media is a great platform for people to create and express themselves however it also comes with many troubles that should have people be cautious while using social media.

As a social media user, I am on social media to share my life and update my family and friends while also staying in touch with them. I am on apps such as Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat which all give you the ability to post and create content that updates your followers. I post a lot on Snapchat specifically mostly because I’m able to edit who can see it and make private stories for my close friends who I want to know what I’m doing and to stay in contact with them. On Instagram, I post bigger moments in my life such as prom and homecoming however I don’t post as much on Instagram due to it being a bigger pressure I found. As a teenage girl today I can see how Instagram can come with a negative side when looking at it in a social media aspect with cyberbullying and pressure to be perfect. With this, I tend to stay away from Instagram more often. TikTok is a more fun app that I truly enjoy being on and have no problem posting videos with my friends and family. Saying this I don’t have many posts up due to me just not making that many videos however I find no problem filming and posting them and have never looked at likes and followers on TikTok.

When it comes to understanding social media in this age it can be difficult especially when you join social media as a child. I joined Instagram and Snapchat when I was twelve and have made many mistakes on the app since. I believe that when joining social media as a young user you're bound to make mistakes however it can also be used to stay in touch with your friends as obviously when you're young you don't have the freedom to just hang out whenever you want or a driver’s license. However, as I’ve gotten older I found that I’ve definitely gone through periods where I’ve not posted on social media at all and even strayed away from Snapchat. I always see myself critiquing photos of myself on Instagram or straying away from updating my friends with the thought that no one cares. In these times I can say the challenge has been self-love or comparing myself to others as any other teenage girl probably has done. I think finding a healthy medium when it comes to social media is important and a standard you need to be on the app.

As a teenager I do use social media a lot and have for a long time stayed in contact with friends or family or posting about my life. I believe learning about social media and its origin to now or simply learning about the other possibilities with social media would be very interesting. I'm looking forward to leaving this class with a new sense of insight into social media and a deeper understanding of the platform.

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zurgles · 7 months ago

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About me

Hi I’m zurgles. I’m 31, black (family from east africa, born and raised in the US, lived pretty evenly all over the place), queer (might be nonbinary or transman not sure, mostly attracted to women and queer folk), and schizoaffective bipolar type (they’re pretty sure about this but other possibilities are bipolar with schizophrenia or just schizophrenia - been on risperidone for over a year either way and have responded really well to it and have had no psychotic or mood symptoms), and diagnosed adhd combined type.

I’ve been on and off tumblr since I was around 15 or 16, so about fifteen years now. It’s been around eight years (?) since I’ve been on tumblr.

I like comedy (especially stand up comedy), anime, discworld, youtubers (like the try guys, thomas sanders, rhett and link, calebcity, victor pope jr vines), food, and drawing though I haven’t drawn much since my last experience with psychosis. Hoping to draw more and post here :)

I live with my mom and work as a cashier at a grocery store. Thinking about going back to college for something like nursing but kind of nervous. Used to be a computer science major before my last experience with psychosis. Not sure if I want to pursue CS anymore because of my history with carpal tunnel and tendonitis, even though I enjoyed it.

I try to find the humor in things and even though psychosis was traumatizing and I live in fear of it happening again (even though I have no reason to believe my meds will stop working), I still find the shit I went through and the stuff I believed and experienced pretty funny so I may post stories or badly drawn comics here.

I also have a tarot deck collection that I cherish even though I haven’t looked at them much since psychosis. I tried while I was in the tail end of it and found exercising the magical thinking interpreting part of my brain made my brain blurry and made it hard to think clearly in general so I got wary of it. I used to be pretty pagan and while I credit praying to my gods and trying to meditate while in psychosis to helping me realize what was happening and to get help, I’ve become more of an atheist after the fact. I think grounding myself in the real world just feels more comforting. I’ve flirted with atheism since I was a kid anyway. I still have an altar and some magick books but they’ve basically been gathering dust.

I might use my tarot decks as prompts to write about the card meanings in a secular way. There are a couple on my wishlist too, like the Majestic Earth tarot and the Piatnik Wien tarot.

Images from: Majestic Earth Tarot kickstarter, https://barefootfool.com/category/tarot-decks/tarot-piatnik-wien/

I think I have around 30 decks if you include oracle and therapy decks. My prized one is the Tyldwick Tarot, first edition.

Image from https://m.pmtarot.com/showproduct.php?p=04559&lang=eng&/Tarot-Deck/Limited-&-Indie/The-Tyldwick-Tarot-Limited-First-Edition

One of my first decks is the Shadowscapes tarot and it’s my favorite one to read with. A deck that I gave away and want to get again is the Shrine of the Black Medusa tarot.

Image from: https://littleredtarot.com/product/shrine-black-medusa-tarot/

I’ve been into tarot on and off technically since I was around 11, but more practically since I was 21, so ten years on and off. I’m shit at reading though. I’m not very intuitive but writing a reading out tends to help.

I got the Thoth tarot kind of late in the game and fell in love with the minors and realized I should’ve just gotten it from the jump because I’m more left brained anyway and like complex things but it’s okay. My training is more RWS based as a result. It was frustrating learning RWS in hindsight since I kept digging for meaning that wasn’t there (or was on the surface) when I was supposed to be telling my own story, but that’s an empowering thing about the RWS, so I’m not too disappointed.

I have the Book of Thoth and I’ve listened to about all of Fortune’s Wheelhouse several times and used Esoteric Meanings to interpret cards before but I still haven’t really made a proper study of it. To be honest it took me a few years to accept that the RWS and Thoth systems really were distinct from one another.

Here's a link to my tarot deck collection:

I’ve also been interested in hellenistic or ancient astrology but don’t know much yet. This doesn’t really fit with my atheism, but it’s something I found fun to learn about in the past before shit went down. Tbh I also find astrology restrictive in terms of feeling trapped by fate and destiny, so I prefer to think of it as a goofy hobby or a fun creative exercise or maybe a way of organizing my imagination once I get better at it, if I find it doesn’t feel limiting and it actually provides insight. Not planning on pursuing this much anytime soon, but you never know.

Here’s a link to anime I like:

I’m mostly here for memes so I’ll be reblogging a lot of those. I think that’s all for now! I pulled an all nighter. Thanks for reading. This post might be updated/edited in the future.

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rhetoricandlogic · 2 years ago

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Middle Book Syndrome: Benjanun Sriduangkaew – Mirrorstrike

If you’ve read my review of Sriduangkaew’s beautiful novella Winterglass, you know that my one gripe with it was that it felt so unfinished, like the beginning of a bigger story. Well, apparently the author felt the same because here is the sequel in what will probably be a trilogy.

There are some spoilers below for the first book in the series, although I think Winterglass is just as enjoyable to read even if you already know what happens.

There are few retellings that gripped me as much as Winterglass did. With striking language, brilliant characters, original world building and the beginning of a kick-ass plot, it had everything I wanted from a retelling. Some of the things I loved so much are continued in this sequel, although I have to say it could have used some more editing. The plot meanders and it felt like it couldn’t quite decide which direction it wanted to go. Are we still in a science-fantasy retelling? Because we drift off into very cheesy romance territory at times… but let’s start at the beginning.

Nuawa is now a lieutenant in the Winter Queen’s service and she’s also started a relationship with general Lussadh, that most intriguing of characters. Unfortunately, the characters and world building really stalled in this book, or in some cases was even less present than before. Nuawa’s goal is still destroying the Winter Queen, working closely by her enemy to discover weaknesses and exploit them. So far, so exciting. But instead of the active part she played in the first book, in this one she mostly just reacts to other people’s actions. She is still kick-ass and her character grows throughout the story, but she has much less agency than she did in Winterglass and the book was just a little less good for it.

One of the most interesting aspects of the first book was the world building. Set in an alternate Thailand (or at least South East Asia), winter rules supreme since the Winter Queen conquered the land. With people’s ghosts used for power, magical ghost kilns which extract those ghosts from living people, science-fantasy style chiurgeons who can perform unbelievable feats, and magic weapons that can kill someone by hurting their shadow, there was so much to discover, so many little things that I wanted to learn more about. Sadly, there is almost nothing new in this book about ghosts or the kilns or even how this conquered world even really works, government-wise. Most of those ideas are treated as throw-away lines here and there. It felt like the author had lost all drive to establish her world further, or maybe she hadn’t thought her ideas through to the end. What was imaginative in the first book felt like window dressing in this one. The one thing Sriduangkaew does give her readers is more information about the Winter Queen’s origins and the power of those glass fragments that created her glass bearers. While interesting, that didn’t nearly reach the level of world building and lore from the first book.

As I already mentioned, the characters also seem to have lost a lot of their strength. I don’t mean physical strength – both Nuawa and Lussadh are still amazing fighters – but I’m talking more about their agency and personalities. Nuawa has done some crazy stuff in the first book in order to get close to the Winter Queen and achieve her goal of avenging her country and her family. Lussadh has equally been through horrible things, but while in Winterglass she was surrounded by a mesmerizing aura of mystery, all of that was gone in Mirrorstrike. It’s nice to see those two as a happy-ish couple but they exchanged some serioiusly cheesy lines and felt like cliché people from a bad romance story. Nuawa does go through an interesting development, although it is lessened by the fact that it’s so blatantly stated instead of being shown subtly. She is warned that being a glass-bearer will turn her more and more to the Queen’s side, make her willing to help the Queen stay in power, and Nuawa feels that pull and has to fight it. But this also felt like something that came and went, being very visible in one chapter only to be almost forgotten in the next. Nuawa was such a standout strong character and now she felt kind of wishy-washy. Sometimes she feels how the Queen draws her in, then that’s all forgotten and she pursues her goal single-mindedly again.

As for the plot… that was the weakest part of the book. A lot of little things happen, only some of which pushed the plot forward, and most of which felt like distjointed scenes put together somehow. There is a plot line about traitors to the Queen plus some assassination attempts – and that just fizzles out. There is a new character who has connections to Nuawa’s past, and while I think that story will continue in the next book, it was also left hanging in this one, rather unceremoniously. What bothered me the most was that it felt like I could see through the writing. It felt like the author wanted to get a piece of information across – like the Winter Queen’s weakness or a hidden truth about Nuawa’s mothers – and the scene did just that, but nothing more. And I know the author can do more, she proved that over and over in the first book. I actually re-read Winterglass before starting this one and even on the second reading, that book was just amazing. Mirrorstrike felt like a bit of a mess in comparison, with no red thread to follow, random things happening here and there, but very little that connects it to the bigger plot hinted at in Winterglass.

But the one thing that still stands out and that made this still a very good book is the language. You kind of have to like that particular style, but if you do, you’ll love it. It’s lyrical, it has big words, and it flows beautifully. I did think that Sriduangkaew overdid it a few times in this book, maybe trying a tad too hard to sound poetic and ending up with something more resembling ridiculous, mostly during the romantic exchanges between Nuawa and Lussadh. But for most of the book, the prose is gorgeous and paints vivid pictures in the reader’s mind. And it kept me reading even though the somewhat disjointed plot kept confusing me.

This is definitely a case of middle book syndrome but at 160 pages, that is forgivable. The ending delivered a nice little twist (which made sure I’d want to read the next book) and, sadly, another super cheesy moment. But I’ll forgive that because I really finally want to know how the story ends and whether the Winter Queen can be vanquished. Now all I have to do is wait for the third book…

#Benjanun Sriduangkaew #Mirrorstrike #mahreviews #long post

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daisyvstheworld · 2 years ago

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Day 14 - Jan 14 - Salzburg

Oh dear god lmao

Some girl checked in to stay in the bed below me at midnight and she was making so much noise.. I woke up at 4am obviously and I think I did a stinking good job at being quiet. Although on the train I realized I forgot my underwear that I washed and left to dry on the bed. Oh well, it was an old shein pair.

I remembered in the early of the morning that I needed to remove the sheets which was a whole process - THAT was what was so loud when that girl checked in, freaking crazy

Anyways, I started walking at 4:30am to the Neubegasse U station and I almost panicked bc I thought it was closed for construction.

Anyways, I eventually found it and then I got to the Wien Westbanf train station and took the train no problem to Salzburg. It wasn’t super comfortable but I fell asleep for an hour or so and got to Salzburg on time!! I walked to the hostel and put my stuff in the locker. The hostel had free coffee so I had some and charged my phone. I realized I had time to walk around a bit so I walked around the east side of the old town area and ended next to Mirabell Palace where The Sound of Music tour stop was.

The tour bus was fairly full (mostly Australians, some English, and just a handful of Californians lmao) but I sat at the front so I could be closer to the tour guide, who I initially thought was fun but she ended up giving me a weird vibe.

We started driving around the city and then went to the palace hotel where the lake scenes and back of the house was filmed. It was a BEAUTIFUL sunny day, everything was perfect. She told us a bunch of great fun facts about the movie and how it compared to the actual Von Trapp family story, which I knew some of bc I read the wiki page the night before lol.

Our second stop was the -insert- palace where the bodega from “16 going on 17” was and the yellow long wall is from the song “I am Confident” also very pretty

Our third stop was this viewpoint in Mondsee that was LITERALLY ONE OF THE MOST GORGEOUS VIEWS IVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I’m soooo grateful it was sunny!!!

After that we drove into the town bc that’s where the church where they filmed the wedding ceremony was and it’s so interesting how editing makes a place look soo different. This church is PINK! It looks so dark and emo in the movie. The town is cute and I bought a goat HAHAA

I tried apfelstrudel too but they served it cold so I was like meh it’s aight. People seemed to give me a really cold shoulder for traveling solo for some reason.

When we got on the bus tho some Australian asked the tour guide if the nuns actually sabotaged the Germans cars and like of course not lady they didn’t even run away from the Germans like that, that part is entirely made up. Except the guide said it in a nicer way and then the lady responded “Yeea naur yea naur ok” HAHA Australians are so funny I was dying

Anyways; after that we watched this doc that Liesl the oldest sister filmed a while back revisiting Salzburg and Mondsee.

The tour was just absolutely everything. It was amazing and I cried.

After we got back to town, our last stop was the Mirabell Palace and Gardens where they filmed Do Re Mi except in the winter it looks quite depressing bc the flowers aren’t in bloom, its not very green, and it’s blocked off. Sad. So I just rushed to old town to see the museums and fortress before everything closed. The town was bustling which was very cool. I started with the Mozart House and it was interesting to learn about him and his family. He died super young but composed so much in his time. I didn’t realize his dad was the talent that shaped him into a prodigy and that his sister was also a super talented pianist and composer.

Afterwards, I walked up to the Salzburg Museum which was super empty and much bigger than I expected. The history was quite interesting to learn about bc music and art is such a huge part of this town, especially with Mozart being nearly synonymous with Salzburg, but the political powers have also been trying to transform the town into an economic city beyond the tourism. I remember seeing the town when I first arrived and thinking it was far more modern than I expected.

I was starving after the museum, so I ran to Billa and grabbed another Mediterranean chicken sandwich and literally SCARFED it down while hiking up to the Fortress. I probably looked like a homeless person who hadn’t eaten in days.

The hike was brutal - I was sweating, but I caught the most BEAUTIFUL sunset. I was in AWE. This whole day was incredible. Panoramic views of the city. Missed the museums though lmao. I thought it closed at 6pm but it actually closed at 5pm. Thank god I left the museum early and made it for most everything though.

After that, I just went back to the hostel, showered, and decompressed. It was only like 6pm so I was like I should be social..

so I messaged on the Hostelworld app and a girl Lana said she was down, and then I was chatting with this guy in my hostel and he also was down to come out. He ended up being kind of weird. A big of a prick if I do say so myself. Lana was super awesome though and her suite friend was also super chill - both from Australia, different parts. We ended up spending the whole night together chatting, walking from one place to the other. We didn’t stay out too late but it was like 4-5 hours together! They both had pretty cool lives

Oh- we ran into other yoho mates but they was weird

One guy who lived in Italy from El Paso, lived in Korea who was dating this girl from Guam who “looked asian but isn’t” like wtf yes she is if she looks asian. And then he kept ripping on the US and I was like ok

So we ditched them

Went to a wine bar in old town

Walked into a 50th birthday by accident

Went into another wine bar

Dog loved my cuddles

Went home

Went to sleep

Awoke remembering I forgot to book my Swiss trains and realized they’re twice the price now and cried

#europe2023 #winter2023

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peeves-gurl · 2 years ago

Text

Approval?

Fred Weasley×Fem!O.C.

Preview: what's in store for Fred eight years after the war, when a new employee joins their shop?

Word count: 4.6 K

Warnings: age gap (legal), angst, mentions of food, mentions of war and injury, slight struggle with body image, family and kids, mostly fluff, mentions of sex, smut in part 3.

A/N: Hey! Part 2 is here. This is my first ever fic, so I'm very open to suggestions and feedbacks. Huge thank you to @sai-kida134 for editing the story. I hope you like it!

Part 1 || Part 3

“I should get going too.” Ivy said, blushing a little at suddenly being left alone with Fred. She’d been around him several times, but it was always in the presence of George or one of her co-workers.

“Did you have lunch today? I didn’t see you eat.” He quizzed.

“Nope. And you didn’t either.” She reminded.

“I’m fucking tired today. Don’t feel like cooking.” He sighed.

“There’s a really good muggle Chinese restaurant, near Leaky. You should try it.” She suggested.

“Come with me then.” He said simply. “I’m sure you’re tired too. And I owe you one for helping me out today.”

“Oh that’s absolutely alright. I had a great time with Freddy today.”

“And a great time should end with a great meal. Come on now!” He leaped up to her and grasped her hand with his own.

Ivy felt everything slowly fade away at that moment. Her mind went blank when Fred took a hold of her hand, guiding her through the crowd towards the Leaky Cauldron. The scenario she’d made up in her head came to life so unexpectedly that she didn’t even realise when they’d crossed the wall that separated the magical world from the muggle one.

“Is it that one?” Fred asked, tugging her hand and pointing to a newly built restaurant, snapping her out of her dreams.

“Hmm? Oh yeah that one.” She said, taking lead this time and walking him into the restaurant.

They settled down at one of the tables, and their food was served, and they fell into an easy conversation soon enough.

“Thanks for taking care of Junior today.” Fred said. “And thank you again for saving him from the bottles. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if you weren’t around.”

“No point worrying about that now. I’m sure you’d have found a way to save him if I wasn’t around,” Ivy said. “Plus he’s really cute.”

“Takes after his best uncle, doesn’t he?” Fred said cockily, making her laugh.

“He is a lot like you, though. I can’t imagine what your parents had to do to keep you and George in check.”

“We were horrible. Probably worse than ten Juniors put together,” He replied. “And we’re seven siblings, each as bad as the other.”

“Your parents are superheroes.” She grinned.

“Definitely are,” He grinned back. “What about your family? Never heard much from you.”

“I’m an only child and I’m not close with my parents either, so it’s pretty boring. My Mum’s a witch, Dad’s a muggle. They’re on a World Tour right now. They write to me sometimes but I haven’t seen them for almost three years.” She shrugged.

“Oh. So you’re... alone?” He asked cautiously, finding the situation weird. He was raised in a tightly knit family and never understood how families could drift apart.

“Yeah, kind of lonely. That’s probably why I’m all awkward while talking to anyone.”

“You’re not awkward. I think you’re quite pleasant actually.” He said immediately. “And you’re not alone now, you’ve got me. George, and Angie too now. Junior’s pretty fond of you, so he’ll be back soon enough.”

“Thanks Fred.” She smiled.

“Do you have a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend?”

“Nope. Haven’t had one since my ex-boyfriend cheated on me in seventh year. Fucking prick.” She huffed.

“That makes me feel all better.” He grinned, trying to make her feel better. “Haven’t been with anyone for years, unless you consider one-night stands.”

“My ex was terrible at sex so I avoided it as much as I could.” She giggled at the memory. “I’ve never had a one night stand though... Is it worth a try?”

“No harm in trying if you want to. But they’re too desperate in my opinion.” He said. “And you know, once you cross twenty five, I think you’d like to have... more feelings involved.”

“I’ve had enough desperate sex with that git. So I’m just going to stay here.” She laughed.

“I’ll be right with you. I stopped with all that stuff when Junior was born because I spend so much time around him... Wanted to be a good influence and ended up having some sort of abstinence vow.”

“What?” She asked, wide eyed. “You’re Fred Weasley, ‘lady killer’ of Hogwarts!”

Fred raised an eyebrow at that, so she continued to explain what she meant.

“I went to Hogwarts the year after you’d left. Your exit from Umbridge was pretty popular at the time, so girls would go mad at any mention of you.”

“Let’s say ‘lady killer’ Fred Weasley almost got killed in a war, woke up in St. Mungos’ and decided to act more responsibly in his relationships,” He said with a smirk. “That, and the fact that he’s practically disabled, with a fake leg makes him useless.”

“Fred you’re not useless!” She scolded immediately, and without second thought, she grabbed his hand that was resting on the table. “Stop saying that about yourself.”

“Well it’s true. No point denying it.” He shrugged.

“Oh shut up, will you? You’re literally such an amazing person,” She said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “As far as I’ve got to know you, you really love your job and your family, and you’re always so kind to everyone. And you’re obviously not dependent on anyone to do anything for you. Not that it would have been a bad thing if you were, but I saw you run on the street an hour back so that prosthetic doesn’t seem to have changed much in your life, physically that is.”

“You’re so brave to have fought against Voldemort in that war. You kept going through all that pain and you’re still here and I’m so happy to be able to talk to you right now, Fred.” She said, getting almost breathless after that long speech.

Fred just stared blankly at her for a few seconds. He’d rarely mentioned his insecurity to anyone other than his family, and the only thing he’d received were pitiful agreements or bad puns to distract him from it, the latter usually from George or Ron. But hearing Ivy’s words actually made him feel comfortable being himself, for the first time in eight years. He wondered where all that compassion could possibly come from, especially since he’d just found out about the lack of love that she’d received from her family. He looked at the girl in front of him in pure wonder. How could someone be kind enough to accept him the way he was, without showing the slightest bit of pity towards him?

“Thanks... Thank you Ivy.” He smiled slightly, squeezing her hand with his own. “I’ve got loads to thank you for today, haven’t I?”

“I’d do all of it again any day, Fred.” She replied softly. “And if you ever talk yourself down again, I’ll hit you with my bat.”

“Aggressive young lady, aren’t you?” He chuckled.

“Very.”

Fred grinned at that, before getting back to his meal, but not letting go of her hand that was still delicately intertwined with his.

“Speaking of the war,” Fred said after a little while, “were you at Hogwarts that night? I don’t think I ever figured out what they did with younger students.”

“Yeah I was there. I was in my second year so I obviously was supposed to be sent away with underage students,” She said. “But I was kind of stupid, thought it would be a good idea to sneak away from the rest of the group and fight.”

“So you stayed the entire night?” Fred asked in surprise.

“Yup. Almost got caught by Nott Sr. He’s my mother’s brother, actually. She got disowned when she ran away from her arranged marriage and married my father.” She said, and Fred nodded, signalling her to continue.

“He was after me as revenge, had me cornered, but Theo Nott suddenly decided he wanted to save me because we’re cousins. So he jinxed his father and hid with me in a passage in the Dungeons until morning.”

“Explains why Theodore Nott was so happy to see you at the shop,” Fred smiled. “You’ve got a bit of family, see.”

“Maybe. I do see him and Daphne more than my parents. The only good thing from that battle.”

“I really don’t remember much from that night, other than a few of the Death Eaters’ kids joining our side. Hit my head when I got crushed under a wall on the seventh floor.” Fred said.

“I think I saw you in the Great Hall in the morning. Your entire family was there to take you to St. Mungos’.” She replied, subconsciously moving her thumb in circles over Fred’s knuckles.

“Bet I looked handsome as ever.” He said cheekily

“Absolutely marvellous.”

“Better than George?”

“George was a mess that day. I saw him crying with one of your older brothers, I think. And I just hoped you’d be okay.”

“Your wish came true then.” He said, staring right into her eyes, beginning to play with one of the rings on her fingers, making her aware of her thumb’s movement, which she quickly stopped.

“It really did.” She said nervously, her mind forming another wish. I wish I could kiss you, Fred Weasley.

After settling their bill, which Fred refused to let her pay once again, they walked outside onto the muggle street.

“I should head home then. Thanks for today, Fred.” Ivy said, looking up at him.

“I should be the one thanking you, Ivy.” He smiled down at her “That corner seems nice. You can apparate from there.”

“Oh no, I prefer walking, actually. Bit of an after dinner exercise.” She smiled

“It’s late. Mind if I walk you home then?”

“You don’t have to. You look tired.” She said, reaching her hand up to fix his messy hair. “You use your phone right? I’ll text you once I get back.”

“I’m quite enjoying your company,” He replied, once again taking her hand in his. “I thought we could chat some more on the way. Only if you want to.”

“I’d love to.”

The twenty minute walk to Ivy’s flat flew by faster than ever, with Fred’s hand tightly gripping hers as they chatted about anything they could imagine on the way. When they finally reached her door, Fred untangled his fingers from hers, allowing her to unlock it and step inside.

“Come in for a drink?” She asked nervously.

“Gladly, but not today. I’m rather full.” He smiled. “I’ll be off then.”

“Why don’t you Floo back to your place? It’s pretty hot outside to walk anyways.” She suggested.

“Now that, is a good idea.” He smirked, resting his hands on either side of the door frame and towering above her slightly. “Desperate to get me in your apartment, hmm?” He said teasingly, cocking his head to one side.

“You wish.” She retorted, rolling her eyes but still blushing. “Now get in or I’ll take the offer back.”

“YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HAVE A CAT!” He shouted from the door, and Ivy realised there was a pool of brown fur around his ankles.

“Two, actually. This is Lola.” She said, picking the cat off his feet with one arm, before diving under the couch to retrieve a white cat. “And this is Lizzy. Must’ve missed telling you.”

“I never thought of you as a cat person.” He smiled.

“Really? I thought I look like a crazy cat lady, through and through.”

Fred held his hands out to the cats, and each of them placed a paw in his hands.

“Look Ivy they already like me!” He exclaimed like a little child.

“They’re really friendly.” Ivy smiled at him.

“And I’m very likable.” He said, making Ivy snort with laughter. Of course he was likeable. He was bloody adorable.

“Nice place you’ve got here.” He complimented, walking further inside and looking around the living room, and picking Lola up. “All yours?”

“Yeah. Theo made sure I inherited my share of the Nott fortune. Quite an angel he’s turned into.” She replied, walking into the kitchen with Lizzy and getting the Floo Powder.

“All Daphne’s work, I tell you. He was a spoilt brat back at school.” Fred said, leaning against the fireplace as he ran his fingers through a purring Lola’s fur. “I’m thankful to him now, though.”

“Why?” She asked, stepping into the living room, towards the fireplace.

“He saved you. I wouldn’t have had you if it wasn’t for him.” He answered, letting Lola jump onto the floor and surprising her with a hug and engulfing her in his scent.

Ivy was sure that he could hear her heart beating wildly in her ribcage, and when she rested her head against his chest, she heard his thump at a faster than usual.

“I can’t imagine what it would have been like without you either, Fred.” She whispered into the hug.

“Good thing I’m here then. Don’t let your imagination get to wild.” He said, letting go of her and winking, before grabbing a fistful of the green powder. “Goodnight kitties. See you tomorrow Ivy?”

“See you tomorrow.” She smiled, waving at him with one hand and taming a squirming Lizzy with the other, as he disappeared into the green flames.

Fred knew for a fact now that he didn’t just like Ivy. He was in love with Ivy. And every bit of him knew he shouldn’t be, but he couldn’t help it. She was his newfound source of comfort, the person he could talk to about anything in the world without the slightest tinge of awkwardness. Their friendship had grown so much during the next few days that George had asked him if there was something more between them. He’d obviously denied it, even though he knew he can’t ever lie to his brother. Maybe Fred was too obvious, but there was nothing he could do about it. She could brighten his day up with her random chatter and soft smile. He couldn’t stop looking at her, even if she was doing something as mundane as counting the money in the tills. Her hair falling until her waist, her brown eyes that lit up when she smiled, her homely scent that had managed to follow him to the Amortentia section... Fred felt intoxicated by her.

Ivy had never felt what she was currently feeling about Fred. Each morning, she’d wake up, get to practice and then wait impatiently for it to end, so that she could get to the shop and see him. After they would close down for the night, she tried to stay back until the other employees had left, so that she could spend just a few extra minutes around him. She risked admiring him during working hours, sometimes finding him looking back at her, and when their eyes would meet, he’d give her his brightest smile, making all her exhaustion fade away. She was scared of these feelings, and some part of her was sure it was more than just a crush at this point, perhaps even love. But what was the point keeping these feelings if they were never to be reciprocated?

The six ladies of the Weasley family had grown incredibly close over the years and often got themselves a ‘girls day’ to catch up with each other, go shopping and leave the children with the men. On one such day, they decided to visit Diagon Alley and naturally walked into Weasleys’ Wizarding Wheezes to see how their favourite shop was doing. The twins were obviously aware of their visit beforehand, so as soon as George spotted them walking inside the store, both him and Fred ran up to the women, embracing each one of them and slipping into an easy conversation. After a few minutes, they insisted going around the shop, wishing to have a look at the new products that had been put up for sale.

Ivy was stocking one of the shelves on the first floor, unaware of the latest arrivals at the shop. She was made aware of their presence when she heard Angelina’s voice, calling to her from a little distance, still out of her sight.

“Ivy! Where are you my girl?” She shouted.

“Right here! Hello Angelina.” She waved, walking towards her and realising she wasn’t alone. “Hey everyone.”

“Oh good to finally meet the girl both my Freds won’t stop talking about!” A short woman with ginger hair spoke up.

“You must be Mrs. Weasley.” Ivy said, shaking her hand.

“Hi, I’m Fleur.” A beautiful woman with a strong French accent and long silvery hair said, approaching her and kissing both her cheeks in a proper French greeting. “You seem as nice as Fred says.”

“I’m Audrey. Nice to meet you!” Another woman, as tall as Fleur, with a short black bob and glasses said.

Ivy turned to the two other women, immediately recognising them to be (a very pregnant) Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley. She controlled her urge to absolutely fangirl over Ginny, her favourite Quidditch player and idol.

“It’s great to meet all of you. I’ve heard so much about from the twins.” Ivy smiled.

“Angie says you’re training for Quidditch? How’s it going?” Hermione asked.

“It’s going well, Ms. Granger. Thank you.”

“Oh my God, don’t be that formal!” Audrey patted her shoulder lightly. “All of us would like being called by our first names.”

“Yeah. Though it was rather nice being called Ms. Granger.” Hermione said.

“I know!” Ginny exclaimed. “Everyone calls you four ‘Mrs. Weasley’ since you married my brothers, and I’m always like, isn’t that Mum?”

“I love being called Ms. Jones at work. My boss has a bit of a memory problem so she keeps forgetting.” Audrey said, making everyone laugh.

“Honestly, it’s alright being called ‘Mrs. Weasley’ when I’m with Bill, but c’mon!” Fleur said, rolling her eyes. “I’m still a Delacour.”

“Getting married doesn’t make you any less of a Delacour, or Granger, or Weasley or Jones or Johnson.” Ivy said thoughtfully. “Or even Prewett for that matter. That’s forever. People keep forgetting it and that’s what pisses me off about the tradition of taking the husband’s last name.”

“There we go. My kind of person.” Ginny said. “Go feminists!”

“I didn’t think being called a Prewett after so many years could make me feel that good.” Mrs. Weasley said finally, grinning. “I’m going to make sure it’s done more often now.”

“You should, Mum.” Fleur nodded. “Anyways, let’s sit down.”

Ivy got them settled on a couch near the Love Potion section on the first floor and added some chairs, allowing the six of them to sit comfortably.

“Could I get you something? Perhaps some butterbeer?” She asked politely, trying to keep her mind off the fact that the section oozed with Fred’s smell.

“No dear, we’re all settled.” Mrs. Weasley smiled.

“Join us, actually.” Hermione said, patting the empty spot next to herself.

“I’d love to, but I’ve got to get back to stocking up.” Ivy replied.

“Oh come on!” Ginny whined. “One of those gits can do some work for a bit.”

“We’ll let them know you’re on a break.” Audrey said, getting up and leaning against the railing. “OI BOYS! FRED, GEORGE!” She shouted, “IVY’S GOING TO CHILL OUT WITH US.”

“WE’RE NOT LETTING HER DO ANY WORK AS LONG AS WE’RE HERE.” Hermione added casually, before they settled back down.

“GOOD THING! SHE WORKS TOO HARD, DOESN’T SHE FREDDIE?” George shouted from downstairs.

“YEAH SURE!” Fred agreed. “WE’LL BE UPSTAIRS IN A BIT TOO!”

“Thank you.” Ivy said, slightly flushed.

“Hmm so now, tell us what you’ve been up to.” Ginny said, leaning back in her chair.

“I’m just training to be a Professional Beater. I’m a huge fan of yours by the way, and it’s so amazing to meet you!” Ivy replied, slightly squealing the last bit.

“Aww. That’s so sweet of her, isn’t it Gin?” Fleur said, slightly squeezing her hand.

“It really is. Thanks Ivy.” Ginny smiled. "Fred says you've got two cats!"

"Lizzy and Lola, yeah." Ivy smiled back.

"I'm getting little James here next week. If it would be okay, can you get your cats over for a day, please?" Ginny requested. "He loves cats so they'll be a nice distraction to him. Harry and I will be able to shop for a bit."

"Definitely."

Ivy fell into an easy conversation with the women. The level of comfort she felt with the Weasleys was beyond comparison. It didn’t seem like she was meeting them for the first time even for a single moment. No wonder she liked being around Fred and George if they were raised so well.

“What’s that smell?” George asked as he walked towards the women with a disgusted expression a little while later.

“Ugh it’s bad.” Fred said, walking up and placing his head on Ivy’s shoulder as he faced his family. Ivy didn’t know what to do. She’d never imagined him being so close to her, especially in front of his family.

“Must be all the pregnant farts.” He said, scrunching his nose, looking absolutely adorable, and earning gasps from Hermione, Angelina and to Ivy’s surprise, Ginny.

“I just smell the love potions, Fred.” Audrey said sarcastically.

“Maybe your brother-in-law is in love with a troll, Audrey,” Ivy teased, turning to look at Fred, who was still standing the same way. One slight movement and their lips would be touching.

Everyone began to laugh at that, except Fred, who’s eyes were wide as he kept staring at Ivy with a slight pink tinge to his cheeks.

“Gosh, I really like her!” Ginny said, clutching her stomach while laughing.

“We’ve found the one person who can return Fred Weasley’s horrible humour!” Angelina exclaimed.

“Good thing she didn’t turn out like that Verity girl.” Mrs. Weasley laughed.

“Absolutely nutcase that one was.” George rolled his eyes.

“Who’s Verity?” Ivy asked, slightly jealous. Was she one of Fred’s ex girlfriends? Maybe one of those stupid girls who made him feel like he wasn’t enough

“She used to work here. One of the first employees.” Fleur said.

“She acted all nice and sweet for a bit, then turned mad!” Hermione said, making Ivy’s jealousy fade away.

“I always told you she was a bitch, didn’t I?” Audrey said, before quickly turning to Mrs. Weasley. “Sorry mum. Didn’t mean to use that word.”

“Oh that one deserves it!” Mrs. Weasley laughed.

Ivy had never bonded so well with new people. The Weasleys were truly an amazing family, just like she’d heard from people. Hermione’s intelligent talk, Fleur’s caring nature, Audrey’s sarcasm, the Twins’ mischief, Angelina and Ginny’s boldness, all bound together by Mrs. Weasley’s motherly nature made the perfect atmosphere. Ivy truly felt welcomed among them. She did not have a family of her own to care for her and this small interaction with the Weasleys left her yearning for more, even if it was just a friendly chat. She secretly hoped that she could find herself a family, just like this one, who would accept her as one of their own. One day, perhaps. Until then, she’d have to go to the “Singles’ Party” at the Leaky Cauldron the following week and try to get her mind off Fred. Because no matter how lovely every fucking thing about him was, he couldn’t ever be hers.

“So, how’s Ivy doing?” George asked, serving himself some mashed potatoes that he’d had made. They were at the couple’s house, on their monthly dinner with Lee Jordan and his fiancée.

“What kind of question is that George? You meet her everyday too.” Fred said, looking at his brother curiously.

“Mate stop acting like you don’t know what he means.” Lee said from across the table.

“I really don’t know what he means, Lee.” Fred replied, looking around the table. He looked between Angelina and Sophie, Lee’s girlfriend, who seemed to be planning something. “What are you girls up to?”

“We were just talking about you two, Fred. We think you should make a move with her.” Sophie said.

Fred knew exactly what she meant, but chose to keep his confused expression, afraid of giving away his feelings for Ivy.

“Don’t make that face.” Angelina said. “You like Ivy, more than a friend.”

“No I don’t.” He replied too quickly.

“There’s nothing wrong if you do.” Lee insisted.

“But I don’t. What makes you think I do anyways?” He asked, trying to sound casual.

“Fred I’ve known you forever.” George said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You’ve never liked a girl so much before.”

“And your Mum approves of her too. She told me. All the girls do.” Sophie stated simply.

“Is that why you girls came to the shop the other day? To meet Ivy?” Fred asked, slightly irritated.

“Fred, Mum’s just worried about you. She’s really happy to hear you talk this way about someone.” Angelina said. “She wanted to make sure you don’t end up breaking your heart. And she’s sure Ivy likes you too.”

“No she doesn’t. She’s so much younger than me, and she’s... She’s got an entire life ahead of her. She deserves a proper man. Not me.” He shook his head.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. You are a proper man.” Lee argued.

“Just a prosthetic doesn’t make you ‘improper’,” Sophie added.

“You know what Junior said when he got back from the shop that night?” George said, gaining his brother’s attention. “He asked, ‘Daddy, are Uncle Freddie and Ivy in love?’”

“He’s two George. Kids don’t understand these things.” Fred said, running his hands through his hair.

“Kids are intuitive,” Angelina said. “They just know stuff. They don’t understand it, but they know.”

Fred passed a confused look around the table, unsure of what to say. The five sat in silence for a few minutes, until Lee spoke again.

“There’s no harm in just trying Fred,” He said wisely. “If she says no, you move on with your life, simple. But you can’t keep denying your feelings for her.”

“I’m... I’m not denying it Lee.” He said finally, resting his elbows on the table and leaning his head into his hands. “I like her. Bloody hell, I love her.”

“Then what’s stopping you, brother?” George asked softly.

“I don’t know.” He replied honestly, digging his fingers into his hair and closing his eyes. “It doesn’t feel right... Like I said, she deserves better.”

“You’re hurting yourself Fred. You’re in love with her and you’re trying to stop yourself from loving her.” Angelina said, but Fred remained silent.

“And what if she loves you too?” Sophie asked. “The girl’s probably scared shitless right now, being in love with her boss.”

“She doesn’t love me Sophie. I’m just a friend to her.”

“She definitely likes you more than a friend. From everything I’ve heard about her from you and George, and adding up what Freddy said, she does love you.” Lee said.

“I can’t do it. I can’t. I don’t want to lose her friendship,” Fred said stubbornly. “She feels lonely anyways. She told me so. I don’t want to complicate things further. She trusts me as a friend. I can’t do it.”

“Then what are you going to do?” George asked. “You can’t not do anything!"

“I don’t know Georgie.”

“Why don’t you try going to that Singles’ Party at Leaky next Saturday?” Angelina suggested.

“That’s actually the worst idea you’ve ever had.”

“It’s not that bad mate. It’ll take your mind off things for a bit.” Lee said.

“Doesn’t make a difference. I’m a mess.”

“Fred, you really should go. It’ll help clear your mind a bit.” Sophie said.

“They’re right. I think you’ll see others finding new people and want to make a move on Ivy too.” George agreed.

“Fine.”

“Here you go,” Lee smirked, tossing a box of condoms across the table. “I don’t like surprise babies.”

“I’m not hooking up with anyone from that stupid party!” Fred exclaimed.

“Yeah, yeah we know.” Angelina rolled her eyes. “Just keep it. No harm being careful.”

“Angie-”

“Are you actually going to upset the pregnant woman and get me murdered in my sleep?” George scolded, shutting him up for good.

212 notes · View notes

benbamboozled · 2 years ago

Note

goddammit you've given me a new blorbo. I promised myself I'd stay away from the Joker War arc because I am TIRED of the clown but Ben. Ben please give me your Bao Pham reading list pre-ghostmaker team up.

Okay so HONESTLY, he mostly appears during Joker War in snippets and small appearances—I went through the arc during my CLOWNHUNTERWEEN event (where on Halloween I posted a bunch of Clownhunter lol) and snipped his pages to post.

SO—I’m gonna include sources and my posts!

DURING JOKER WAR:

-Batman (2016) #96 —We first see CLOWNHUNTER doing what he does best: hunting Clowns! (And saving a family.)

-Batman (2016) #97 —Clownhunter introduces himself AND introduces some Clowns driving around in a modded Batmobile to some of his anti-Clown toxin!

-Batman (2016) #99 —The Joker monologues while Clownhunter keeps Clownhunting.

-Batman: The Joker War Zone #1 —Bao defends the Narrows from an onslaught of clowns. (And is fucking AWESOME doing it.)

-Batman (2016) #100 —Clownhunter and Batman finally meet and Exchange Words (well, Bao does at least).

AFTER JOKER WAR:

-Batman Secret Files #1 Clownhunter—Hey what’s Clownhunter been up to since Joker War, oh you know, Clownhuntin around. (Aka The One Where He Meets Jason Todd.)

(The whole issue is worth a read, this is just my fave part because of course.)

Batman 101-105 is Ghost-maker’s arrival, which also deals with Clownhunter’s beef with Harley Quinn, and, you know, it’s the usual “DON’T kill people blah blah killing is bad weewoo” story. Idk.

-Batman Annual #5 —Clownhunter’s origins, and Clownhunter and Dr. Leslie Thompkins have a chat. (She tries to un-break bad him, I am not a fan, don’t ruin a perfectly good vigilante Leslie I stg!)

He also shows up in a mini-story during Fear State and is having a BAD TIME—(story is at the end of Batman (2016) number 112, 113, 114)

—And then teams up with Tim Drake for whatever was going on in that one Urban Legends #9 story!

(Okay yeah that post is just a mini ship manifesto but whatever, I just need to take any opportunity I can to promo Robinhunter.)

Honestly Batman 101 only has one bit with Clownhunter and it’s here (edited a bit).

(Fuck Yeah Clownhunter.)

#ask answered #Bao Pham #Clownhunter primer I guess?#joker war #you didn’t need a new blorbo but you DID need THIS blorbo.#pre-Ghost-maker team up at least!#EVERYBODY LOVE CLOWNHUNTER *NOW*!!#comic edit

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obeiii-mee · 3 years ago

Note

MC had a bad day or they’re dealing with a bad loss from a loved one. So they decide to seek comfort from the Brothers! But they don’t do it in a normal way, they just barge in the room where the brothers are all relaxing or hanging out at before MC just busts in getting their attention and they go “I need a hug 🥺”. Let’s see the some fluffy hc’s of the brothers comforting MC 🥰

And how could they not want to hug their cute human that is literally 3 seconds away from breaking down into tears?

The Brothers Comforting MC After A Bad Day:

————————————

You’re right, they wouldn’t be able to resist, they love their human too much 😌

*soBS* I want to hug one of them so bad rn

Thank you for the request, I love writing fluffy HCs, it’s my weak spot and it gives me serotonin. I hope you have a nice day/night!! Uh, it’s sort of implied that MC is slightly shorter than them so sorry if that’s a problem-

————————————

Notes: Fluff, mentions of loss and dead family members/friends, mostly comfort though, short HCs

Characters: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beezlebub and Belphegor.

————————————

Lucifer:

-He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t really need to because him just being there, arms wrapped around you and hands lightly running up and down your back, is worth more words than any sort of verbal consolation he could’ve given you and because of this, you feel at ease

-His touch is firm but gentle and you relax almost immediately, burying your head against his chest and feeling him press a kiss on top of your hairline, tightening your hold on him

-He already told his brothers to back off because the last thing he wanted was for you you to get overwhelmed by their insensitivity so you two were left in the living room by yourselves

-In a bit of an awkward position though, because you were both standing and after a while, it was clear a hug wasn’t going to be enough

-That’s his excuse as to why he picked you up bridal style five minutes later and carried you all the way to his bedroom, a place he knows his siblings won’t ever trespass without his permission and somewhere he can shield you from any prying eyes while you’re in this vulnerable state

-At this point, he was basically cradling you like a baby, having you sit on his lap and waiting for you to tire yourself out until you couldn’t cry anymore and watching you slip into that hiccuping stage you get after a breakdown

-Lucifer is obviously going to ask what happened, but whether you answer him or not is up to you because he’s not one to push matters if he sees you’re uncomfortable talking about it

-However, he might insist if he concludes that it’s affecting you and your well being and that’s how you know usually know he’s worried

-His voice is soft though and just listening to it makes you want to tell him everything, whether it’d be something as annoying as a small inconvenience you stumbled across that day or the death of a relative, you feel welcomed enough to spill everything

-Even if you decide not to, he’ll stay with you until you feel better, until you’re no longer crying or shaking or anything of the sort. He speaks occasionally, almost soothingly about how important you are to him and how capable you are of overcoming anything in your way. For the most part, however, he remains quiet and allows you to mull over your thoughts, willing to forget about his paperwork just to let you cling to him for a few hours

-Maybe later, when you’re no longer as distressed, he could get the full story out of you and help you overcome whatever problem you’re having trouble facing but for now, he understands all you need is for him to be there

“MC?” He calls your name out because he was thinking that maybe you had fallen asleep but he realised that was not the case when you looked up at him, streaks of tears still sliding down your cheeks. When you don’t respond, he sighs almost contently “A bit longer?” You don’t answer again but this time, he could feel you nod against him and he smiles despite himself as he leaned his head against yours “All right then, just a bit longer.”

Mammon:

-Truth be told, he’s never been the best at comforting someone and normally, he’s kind of awkward when he wants to show his support because it feels so out of his character

-But it’s not like he was going to refuse you anyway. Not when you specifically came to him and asked him for help and not when you looked like you were on the verge of crying. He’d be a monster to deny you >:(

-It upsets him too, you know. He’s meant to be your protector, guardian even, so the fact that he couldn’t keep you from getting hurt makes him feel like he failed at keeping his human safe. Actually, it takes a lot of convincing on your part just to tell him that you’re not actually physically hurt. Just a shitty day…

-Mammon, despite the walls he puts up ever now and then, is someone that genuinely cares for you. And he’s also the type that does almost everything in excess, especially when it comes to you or spending money. That’s just his personality; he’s loud and boisterous and even though he wants to deny this, completely transparent with his emotions

-You ask for a hug? He gives you plenty of hugs! He lets you lay on top of him while cuddling so he can hold you!!! He brings you snacks and drinks!!! Shit, he basically cradles you the whole night!!! And he’s blushing and acting annoyed the entire time, refusing to accept how much he’s actually enjoying this

-The point is, he tends to coddle you whenever you have a bad day or if you’re really affected by the loss of a dead loved one. This is probably because he, in turn, likes to be babied and cared for when he’s feeling down and he subconsciously does that to you because it’s the only means of comfort he knows how to execute well

-A hug would’ve sufficed, but you’re his human and let him be damned if he’s not gonna give you the world on a silver platter if you keep looking at him with those sad eyes of yours

-By now, if you need anything, you just need to ask because even with a bit of grumbling, he’ll get it for you. More snacks? Say less. Wanna watch TV with him for a while? Immediately reaches for the remote? You just want to cuddle? His body is naturally warm for a reason bby, dig in. You want his heart? Give him a moment to surgically get it out of his chest-

-No matter what, he’s so glad that you trust him enough to talk to him about this sort of stuff and that he’s the first person you think of when you need consolation

-It makes sense after all, right? He’s your first pact so your direct happiness is his responsibility while you’re in DevilDom! It’s his job to make sure you function again by tomorrow morning and that you’re no longer troubled by anything

“Hey! What’s with all the crying huh?” He cups your face in his hands and softly squishes the flesh between his fingers. His thumbs brush over the tears in your eyes and he let’s out a small ‘tsk’ as your foreheads touch and his hands drip to your shoulders to keep you steady “The Great Mammon is hugging ya right now, ya know? There’s no reason for you to be upset, not when I’ve got ya in my arms like this, OK? So you can stop with yer water works now.” As noisy as his voice is, there’s a gentle note behind it when he speaks and embraces you, his cologne spreading everywhere “I love you, ya big idiot. So please, stop cryin’ and lemme hold ya already! Yer making me worried, ya stupid human.”

Levi:

-You stopping by his room is not unusual. In fact, you do it every day and it’s just part of the routine you have with him. However, he’s wasn’t exactly expecting you to stand there, all shaken up and ask him for a hug!!!

-And he doesn’t process this request for a second but then he freaks out so badly-

-Yells incomprehensibly about how you’re ‘pulling your normie tricks on him again’ and how he’s ‘not going to be fooled by them anymore.’

-You raise your head to meet his eyes while he’s still rambling on though and he sees your teary expression and now he feels guilty because you look really upset. Levi’s kinda scared he made it worse-

-He’s the type to usher you in his room and lock the door as usual but instead of doing what the two of you always do, you literally stay attached to him because you need comfort damn it!

-Levi….is sort of clueless about these emotional outbursts since he himself doesn’t deal with them very well. However, he’s watched enough animes revolving around romance to conclude on the best course of action so-do not fear! (Spoiler, he still doesn’t know what he’s doing)

-He’s really stuck and can either stay as quiet as a nun or start babbling in a language you probably wouldn’t even understand because he’s so nervous

-Or actually, he might start crying with you if I’m being fair; he’s very in sync with his Henry and your emotions

-Once he calms down, he’s actually not all that bad at comforting. Levi is a bit stand offish with his hugs at first but he relaxes into them and by now, you’re both standing by the side of his bed, with you leaning onto him and him holding your hand. He then intertwines your fingers together but subconsciously because he wouldn’t have the gall otherwise

-Later, he tells you to help yourself with the snacks he has hidden in his room. I guarantee you he has a whole ass mini refrigerator hidden somewhere for his all night gaming session, in case he needs any boosts. No one knows how Beel hasn’t found the stash yet and there’s no need to tell him

-Then you watch re runs of old shows together and make fun of the shitty editing and dialogue. He’s still holding your hand though and he’s really flustered and wondering if it’s too sweaty for you but don’t mention it because he’ll get even more embarrassed

-He glances over to you, every once in a while, whilst you’re cuddled up against his arm, eyes glued on the TV, to make sure you’re OK. You almost gave him a seizure or at least that’s how he felt-so he made it his mission to make you feel better by any means necessary. Fuck today’s raids, his team can get them done without him!!

“I-I don’t know why you would want me of all people to hug you but…” he trailed off in a whisper, having to lean down so you could wrap your arms against his neck and bury your head in his shoulder. He pulled you in closer, a streak of protectiveness coursing through him as he shut the door to his room with his foot “Lord of the Shadows would never leave Henry all on his own, so I’m not going to do that either. This is an important character development arc and-just, please don’t cry. I’ll give you more hugs, OK? Seeing you like this is not good for my heart-“ stopped mid sentence after realising what he just said and now he’s the one burying his head in your shoulder, flushed beyond hell “Forget I just said that! Holy Lord Diavolo this is embarrassing, why am I like this????”

Satan:

-It troubles him greatly to see you like this and he can sort of feel the world shift out of place, seeing you with tears running down your face and hands balled into fists out of frustration almost immediately makes him fly into a fit of rage because who would dare to hurt you-

-Oh, a hug? If that’s all you need, he’s more than happy to oblige but if you’re as distraught as you seem to be, he wonders if just a small embrace from him would be enough

-Satan’s hugs are very intimate and even passionate at times. He has one hand on the back of your head and the other supporting your lower back while you bawl your eyes out into his shoulder and getting his uniform wet

-You can’t really seem to focus on what he’s trying to tell you because he’s so warm and welcoming and even though he’s someone as renowned as the Avatar of Wrath, he’s shockingly patient with you as you let out the overwhelming emotions that have been consuming you all day

-It’s hard to not relax when you’re in Satan’s presence because he’s calm and he smells like musty, old books and mahogany wood and cats, meaning he was most likely cuddling strays he found on the street the entire day. The first visual that comes to mind is fire crackling behind a grate in a chimney and someone reading a book while swinging back and forth on an old, rickety chair when you’re around him

-He will wait until you’re no longer crying and then, before you know it, you find yourself in the library with him, drinking tea and being handed a plate of biscuits he took from the kitchen to help you regain your strength after all that crying. You’re still feeling pretty miserable about the day you’ve had but you quickly lose yourself in a conversation with him over a cup of tea

-Sometimes, you two talk for hours on end about nothing important just to hear each other’s voices and finally have some quality time spent together. Even though he wishes the circumstances were better, he’s glad to have been able to snatch you away from his brothers for a while and he’s even happier you chose him to confide in

-Satan practically doesn’t even mention your outburst and keeps the small talk minimal but he wants you to know that if you do wish to tell him about it, he’s more than happy to listen and he’s not so bad at giving advice either

-The topic of the discussion you were having with him changed abruptly by the end of the night and now you’re reading together from this book he started a while ago, both of you covered with a blanket, your head on his chest and his leaning on yours. He’s holding the book with both of his hands, but still managed to get his left wrapped around you. And because of this feeling of safety and warmth, you don’t feel desperate anymore. Tomorrow, you’ll be able to sort out your feelings but now, you’re content to just listening to Satan read, in his clear, soft voice

“Ah MC, could you turn the page for me?” You do as he asked to and you could feel him smiling as he kissed your hairline, sighing before going back to the book and the story within “Thank you. You truly are amazing, did you know that? I’ve never met someone as caring and as kind as you. Well, I suppose Beel could compete for the title but unlike him, you don’t really leave us in debt whenever we visit the grocery store.” Hearing you laugh makes him smile even more and he lets you hold the other side of the book while he plays with your hair and now you join in reading with him, out loud and trying to act out voices for the characters. As everything unfolds, Satan feels the world click right back into place.

Asmo:

-It’s a known fact by now that Asmo is willing to give you any sort of affection at any point in time, whether it’d be a hug, a kiss, holding your hand-you name it! I mean, whenever he’s feeling down, you being there to encourage him helps a lot so it’s only natural it works the other way around too!

-If he notices that you’re genuinely upset by something, then he would have no problem whatsoever with lavishing you in attention and really, a hug or two from him is the bare minimum in situations like this

-In any case, he always enjoys fussing over you and you having a bad day is the perfect excuse for him to do so! After all, he can’t disappoint you since you came to him with your troubles and he will do anything in his power to make you feel better. Actually, if he could, he would keep hugging you forever but as miraculous as his charm can be, it’s not effective against someone with this low of a morale

-His first suggestion is to take a bath! It’s his way of taking care of you; you’re tired after such a long day and he feels like you’re neglecting yourself a little because of it. So you relax in his bathtub with him for a while, him actively trying to get your mind off any bad, lingering thoughts while you splash around in the bubbles

-And obviously after that, you need to have your mandatory spa sessions with him since you need to unwind and what’s a better way to do that than to let him paint your nails and apply lotion to your skin? Besides, it creates a great opportunity for you to take things off your chest

-He’s in need to hear gossip constantly so if you don’t feel like talking, he’s gonna be a bit bummed out but he still respects your wishes enough to not push you. If your problem is as sensitive as the death of a family member, you’re not obligated to talk to him about it and he will understand, since people grieve in different ways. He too shut down after the death of Lilith for a while after all

-A bad day is nothing Asmo can’t handle. He’s had plenty of those before, mostly because of Mammon and his thievery, they’re usually common factors. It’s only natural you experience those yourself and he’s more than willing to be your support system if you need one. He wants you to know that you can go to him if you need advice or help with anything, or even if you just need to someone to hear you out

-To give a more detailed explanation of his hugs, they are usually really light and you never feel suffocated when you’re in his arms. He never squeezes you too tight and he always smells amazing, so you feel inclined to stay near him for as long as possible. Despite his overtly loud nature, he gets incredibly soft spoken with you and he traces patterns on your back and arms as you stand there together

-It’s important to mention, he never pulls away from you first. He lets you decide when you’ve had enough and when you’re ready to move on or if you require some other means of comfort

-And even if you’re no longer disgruntled, he’s still going to pamper you as much as possible the next day with either a shopping spree or another few spa sessions, this time done at a professional institution rather than the privacy of his bedroom

-Asmo is in touch with your emotions and it’s kinda scary sometimes because of how well he can read you, since he almost always knows what you need

“Oh darling, how could I refuse a hug from you?” You can feel his arms embrace you, even with your eyes closed and for some reason, this makes you cry even harder, sobbing as he tries to comfort you. You’re aware he let go of you at some point and returned with a tissue to dab away at your tears, gently to not hurt your eyes and now he’s hugging you again, a wry smile on his face “You don’t have to worry about a thing, MC. Everything will get sorted out, I promise. In the meantime, come to me if anything troubles you again, OK? No more crying, darling-it’s bad for your eyes.”

Beel:

-The type to immediately lean in for a hug without even questioning why. As soon as you ask him, you barely have time to finish the question and you already find yourself in his arms. The only exception would be when he’s eating or maybe in the middle of a work out but the point is he doesn’t hesitate much when it comes to you. And I mean, he loves hugs just as much as his siblings do

-Beel is not the most observant and he may not realise you’re in a bad mood unless you tell him outright. It’s not even that he’s emotionally distant, it’s just that if you tell him that you’re fine, then he’s gonna take your word for it and believe you since he’s pretty straightforward with his feelings as well. However, as dense as he may be on occasion, even he’s bound to notice that you’re not being your usual self and this is especially true if you start crying out of nowhere while he’s nearby. Probably assumes the worst and is under the impression that he did something to upset you because shifting the blame onto himself whenever others suffer is his coping mechanism and we’ve seen him to do it before

-If you’ve just had a bad day, he understands that things could’ve been very overwhelming for you and he wishes he had known sooner so he could’ve helped back then, instead of letting it come to this. But he doesn’t hesitate all that much since he looks like he’s built for giving hugs on a daily basis. I’m not even sure this would classify as a hug since you’re not touching the floor. Rather, you are attached to him like a koala and he’s carrying you around as if you were a baby strapped to his chest. And he genuinely doesn’t mind. He’s been doing it with Belphie for centuries now

-Please, after a while he gets seriously concerned because are humans supposed to cry this much? What if you dehydrate or something? So he makes you stay in bed and just gives you plenty of water. You look so pale and sad, he shares his food with you too because his heart is aching just looking at you like this. He feels like besides being there, he can’t provide you with much help and he’s starting to think he’s hopeless at comforting

-If a family member died then…Beel is one of the best people you could’ve gone to. Honestly, having dealt with his sister’s situation, he knows how horrible it is to lose somebody you love dearly (I mean, all the brothers do but I’m making a point saying Beel, Belphie and Lucifer were especially affected). Now he’s sad himself since he’s aware that you’re going through something similar and his twin might walk in on the two of you being emotional on the floor

-For the most part, Beel makes sure you keep yourself healthy even when you’re tired and depressed. Continues to bring you food, even if he eats half of it on his way to your room, and just keeps you company in general in case you get lonely. Seeing you upset makes him even more considerate of your feelings and you don’t have the heart to tell him that he doesn’t need to stay with you all night. He thinks he does because you’ve always offered to stay with him whenever he’s had nightmares before so how he’s gotta return the favour

-Beel gives these bear hugs all the time, since he’s so big and his hand basically covers your entire back. So, more often than not, you end up cuddling while standing because he’s a lot taller than you, with him being a demon and all. Despite that, you feel so unbelievably complete when he holds you like this. It’s hard not to feel protected since his whole body is practically concealing yours so easily all the time and you feel sheltered from the world and it’s….nice

-And Beel enjoys hugging you too, because he knows that as long as he’s nearby, you’ll be safe and that’s really all he needs. He wants to be there for you the same way you were there for him when he needed it most and comforting you when you’re having a shitty day is like his full time job

-You could come to Beel with any problem and he would never judge you, no matter what. He’s just really unproblematic and he just wants you to go back to your normal self because it hurts him to see you cry your eyes out. Now, not only are hugs mandatory but holding your hand is too. It’s like hugging…but your hands are doing the hugging

-Definitely even goes to Belphie after a while if he really doesn’t know what to do and that’s how you know he’s desperate to do something. Since the Seventh Born isn’t exactly someone that yields great advice, more so when it comes to other…people….and his twin knows this-

-Beel’s best strategy at the moment is to just maintain some kind of physical contact because he discovered that makes you feel better and it calms you down more than him trying to verbally console you. He even invited you to sleep in his room if you’re comfortable doing so just so you’re not alone. After that one incident, he’s trying to coax you to tell him whenever something is wrong so he can jump in and help, because that’s all he really wants to do ahakenksms

“MC? Did something happen?” He’s honestly taken aback by how shaky you are and how you’re hands are trembling as they’re reaching to connect with his. Without much of a warning, he feels a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach and now he discovers that he doesn’t like seeing you with tears trailing down your face. And he feels worse the longer you wail in his chest and he doesn’t know what to do. So, he wraps his arms around you so tight you think you might explode, strangely comforted by the feeling as he speaks again “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to upset you. What can I do to help, MC? We can just stay like this for a while if you want” And when he sees you nod, he proceeds to not move an inch almost the entire night. Obviously, hunger overtook him eventually but he shared his stolen goods with you so can you really complain? Doubtful, not when he hasn’t let go of your hand the whole time.

Belphie:

- Hugging him is a gamble. Realistically speaking, you’re not going to catch him standing upright long enough for you to give him a hug. He’s laying on the floor somewhere, asleep so you shouldn’t expect much from him to begin with. Even if you were to get lucky and stumble upon him while he’s wide awake, he might slump over and succumb to sleep the moment you embrace him because you’re so warm

-Cuddling is a different story altogether. He’d rather shoot himself in the foot than not have you cuddle with him so if you need to be babied for once, he’s a pretty good option to consider

-As usual, he’s in the attic and you go to him because it’s really late and you didn’t want to wake up any of the other brothers. Actually, Belphie is normally awake by dusk so to see him sleep like a log past midnight was quite surprising. You didn’t exactly want to interrupt but if you stayed alone for any longer, you would’ve gone insane. So you shook him awake. And he was understandably confused and probably forgot what planet he was on for a minute when you did so

-Technically, he was half awake and from his point of view, everything must’ve been pretty blurry. He did see you; the problem was that because he was still feeling very sleepy, he was basically in a daze and could only squint at you to try and figure out if you were really there or if he was hallucinating. His suspicion was confirmed soon enough because he reached out after a few seconds and poked your cheek just to check. His face the entire time and the action itself was so amusing that, despite tittering on the edge of a breakdown, you burst out laughing

-Once he came to the conclusion that you were, in fact, real and he wasn’t dreaming, he sighed and opened his arms out for you; a direct invitation to cuddle with him. By now, he likely didn’t even noticed you looked sad because, as I said, he was all over the place but this little ritual you two have was common enough that it got engraved in his memory. Now he does it out of impulse whenever you’re around and he wants attention

-So you basically tackled him and threw yourself on top of him so hard, both of you toppled over on the bed and now you were used as a blanket, with his arms wrapped securely around you; preventing you from getting up. Not that you were planning on doing that anytime soon but moving on-

-You thought he had fallen back asleep, because he went really quiet and he stopped squirming to get comfortable. To be exact, the whole room was rather still and the only thing you could really hear was Belphie’s soft breathing and the rustle of the bedsheets every once in a while. And since it was extremely dark as well, you couldn’t see a thing either so it felt like the best place to let go of your stress

-It’s not like you were making much noise but as I said, the seventh born wasn’t sleeping just yet. And he wouldn’t be able to because it was obvious to him now that something was wrong. He believed that he was bearing witness to something that should’ve been a lot more private than this so he didn’t say anything. You should have your moment, let you have a chance to recollect your thoughts and the next day, he might ask you

-It was too much to handle. It’s not like he was gonna get any sleep unless he knew your problem was solved otherwise he might get nightmares all night. Besides, if you’re crying this much, then something terrible must’ve happened. You realised he was awake when he gave your entire body a small squeeze, as if to reassure you and you froze because did you just wake him up???? Or worse, did he hear all that sobbing you were doing????

-Hugging him is similar to hugging a pillow. He’s soft and squishy and warm and it’s impossible to resist him when rest at a time like this is so tempting. His fingers running over your pact mark once or twice, as if to remind you that he’s right there and low whispers describing the best dream he ever had about you, hoping to distract you for long enough to help you fall asleep

-To him, it doesn’t make a difference if a family member died or if you’re just having a bad day. All he knows is that you’re having a lot of emotional problems because of either one and as a result, you need a shoulder to lean on. He’s glad that you trust him enough to let him assist and if it was up to him, he would keep cuddling you forever. You’ve already suffered enough so let him take care of you this time around, OK?

“Dumbass, why are you crying?” The gentleness of his words was a clear contrast to that quick insult he shoved at the beginning of his statement, though you couldn’t hear any malice behind it and the fact that he really cared about what happened to cause you to struggle with your emotions so badly, would’ve made you wail even harder. However, he managed to silence you pretty well because he kept speaking and you wanted to listen; you wanted to hear what he had to say so you reduced your sobs and you sat quietly enough to do just that. Belphie flipped you over, now with him on top and you underneath and he laid there, cheek sloshed against yours as he sleepily mumbled out more praise for you, “MC, are you tired? You should go to bed, you need to get some sleep. Tomorrow, you can tell me what the problem is and I’ll help. I promise-I’ll even get up early for you. Just…please calm down. I don’t want to see you crying yourself to sleep ever again. I’ll stay here the entire time, alright? And I’ll make sure you have nice dreams tonight MC…just let me hold you…”

437 notes · View notes

verai-marcel · 2 years ago

Text

Not What He Seems (RDR2 Fanfic, Arthur x F!Reader, Modern AU, 18+, Chapter 2 of 2)

Part 1 is here, with all the tags and notes.

@red-dead-reader Here's part 2, sorry it took so long!

AO3 Link is here, sweetheart.

Word Count: 4875

---------------------------

Chapter 2 - High Honor

“C’mon Arthur, just give me your phone.”

Tilly leveled her world-class sass straight at Arthur, and he knew he wouldn’t win this fight. If he didn’t give in today, Tilly would bring in the other ladies, and soon all of them would be nagging him.

Sullen and silent, Arthur pulled out his phone and dropped it into Tilly’s outstretched hand.

“You’ve made a good decision today,” she said with a knowing smile as she installed the dating app and started working on his profile.

He leaned back in his seat at the diner, the vinyl faded on his side of the booth. The sun had clearly done a number on the color of the material long before the owner had decided to install a sunscreen.

“It’s nice out today, why don’t we take your profile picture with you leaning against your pick up?”

Arthur sighed. “Do I have to?”

“Yes, you do.”

They paid their bill and went outside. Tilly positioned Arthur in just the right pose, at just the right angle before standing back.

“Remember the time John found that family of possums in the back of his truck?” Tilly idly asked while she was framing the shot.

Arthur cracked a smile. “Yeah, I remember. He came rushin’ back into the office lookin’ for a broom!”

Tilly quickly took a few shots before rapidly fiddling with his phone.

Arthur watched her thumbs and fingers flying across his screen as he walked over to take a look. He was a little surprised by the image she had finally chosen and was now editing with lighting speed. She uploaded the image and showed him how to use the app.

“You just swipe left if you’re not interested, and swipe right if you are,” Tilly instructed. “If they swipe right on you too, then the app will put you two in contact.” She handed him the phone and grinned. “Good luck! I’m sure you’ll find a lucky lady who will appreciate you the way you deserve.”

Arthur shrugged. “I guess.” When Tilly began to glare at him, he held his hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright. I’ll try to be positive.” He took a breath, willing some positivity into himself before looking back up at his friend. “Thank you Tilly,” he said sincerely.

She patted his arm before squeezing it amicably. “Anytime, Arthur. We just want to see you happy, and that starts by moving forward.”

He smiled. He knew the ladies at the company he worked for truly cared for him, so he would try his best not to let their efforts go to waste.

She gave him an encouraging hug before leaving for her own car. Arthur watched Tilly drive away, giving her one last wave as she pulled out of the diner parking lot.

Looking back down at his phone, he let out a heavy sigh before finally getting into his truck and driving home.

Ain’t no one gonna swipe right on me.

***

You had been striking out lately, going on quick dates nearly twice a week, trying to find the right spark. So far, all of the guys you met had either been complete lies or too damn sweet for you. You needed a bit of an edge, a bit of roughness. At least in bed.

Glancing at the office calendar, you saw that most of your colleagues would be in meetings for the next hour, so you sat back, pulled out your phone, and did a little more swiping in the hopes of finding some fun for tonight. It was your Friday, even though it wasn’t actually Friday, and you just wanted to get railed. Or at least go out for a good meal.

After fifteen minutes of mostly swiping left, you were about to give up. But one last profile popped up and you paused. You saw the white T-shirt that seemed one size too small and the hands tucked into his jeans, the profile pic cropped right below what seemed to be a sizable package. But what really drew you was his face. He had a natural smile, as if he was sharing a funny story with someone close. The mirth actually reached his eyes, a strange greenish-blue that really stood out against the dark blue truck he was leaning against. He was clean shaven, with medium length hair that fluttered around the shell of his ears, and though his expression seemed friendly, you had a gut feeling that he could be more than that. The scar on his chin and his nose that appeared like it had healed crookedly made you think he’d seen his share of fights.

Doing a quick estimate of his size based on the truck window, you felt a slight shiver of pleasure go down your spine. He could probably pick you up, no problem. The sleeves of his shirt stretched around his biceps oh so temptingly.

He looked like one of your wet dreams walked out and made a profile. In other words, too good to be true. You scrolled down to read his description.

Wanting to meet someone new, hoping to start something wonderful. Or at least have a good time.

Short, honest, and to the point. You liked it.

You swiped right.

***

hi Arthur!<

>hey there

i really liked your profile. i happen to be free tonight, if you are?<

>i am. where do you want to go?

Mel’s over in downtown? 6pm?<

>works for me. see you then.

***

You showed up a little late, having taken just a little long to pick out an outfit. You had opted for something cute but still easy to remove. A deep red, sleeveless snap button blouse and a medium length grey linen skirt with a side slit hid your cute pink lace bra and matching panties. Plain beige flats completed your outfit; you hated heels and refused to wear them out, even if they made your legs look killer.

Even under normal circumstances when you would power walk to your destination and ignore everything in your peripheral vision, you would not have been able to ignore this man. Arthur leaned casually against the wall, looking around him as if he was surveying his kingdom. His dark colored polo shirt stretched across his muscular chest, and all of the buttons were loosened, revealing a bit of chest hair. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his jeans, and you couldn’t stop yourself from sneaking a glance between his legs.

Oh yes, you saw what you wanted and hummed approvingly. Looking back up at his face, he had a neutral expression, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. In the dim evening light, he looked almost dangerous with his five o’clock shadow and large body, but you had the feeling that he wasn’t a threat unless someone pushed their luck. You also had a hunch that if someone started a fight with him, he would most certainly end it. His confident posture was woven together with a down to earth vibe, and it made for a heady mixture.

When he turned his eyes on you, your heart nearly stopped. His gaze was intense, like he was looking into your soul. Pushing off the wall, he took a couple steps towards you.

“Hey there,” he said, a smile transforming his face into something much more dangerous: a devilishly handsome man, with a boyish, sincere charm. The sheer novelty of that dichotomy pulled at your heart even harder. Your brain was shooting off sirens, robotic screams of oh no he’s cute sounding off in your head, and all you could do in your lust-induced inebriated state was smile back.

He took a couple more steps around you, but stopped short of crowding you. Using his body to shield you from the clusters of the other waiting customers, he held out his hand. “Let’s go inside,” he said, not demanding, but not exactly giving you an option, either.

Following his soft command, you took his hand. Arthur held your hand softly, daintily, as if you would break with even the slightest mishandling of your person. Leading you inside, he was the perfect gentleman, almost anachronistic in his actions as he opened the door for you and led you by your elbow instead of the small of your back. He even pulled out the chair for you.

“Definitely getting points for being a gentleman,” you commented.

He grinned. “There’s a scorecard for this date?”

“There is, and you’re currently doing very well.”

“That’s good to hear.” He placed his forearm on the table and leaned in conspiratorially. Picking up on his cue, you leaned in closer as well. A sly smile appeared on his face. “So what happens if I get a perfect score?” he asked, his voice lowered to a rumble.

Feeling bold and horny, you coyly said, “You get a prize.”

“My choice?”

“Your choice.”

Arthur’s eyes flashed with intense desire. “I’ll hold you to that,” he said, his words sounding like a dark promise. Then he pulled away, his expression lightening back to innocent charm. You wondered for a moment if you had just imagined it all.

As the night progressed, you realized that you would probably have to hold up your end of the bargain, because you could find nothing wrong with the date. He was kind, charming, humble to the point of being self-deprecating, and most importantly to you, he was funny. His wry commentary was just the perfect thing to make your day, especially as you told him stories from work. He naturally took your side, and made you feel supported and seen.

As dinner wound down, you were starting to feel a little tired, much to your chagrin. You ordered a small cappuccino as dessert and sipped it while you listened to him tell you about how his profile pic came to be.

“Tilly wouldn’t let up. Fer weeks she was on me about tryin’ the app.” He reached out and touched your hand. “Glad I finally did, though.”

His smile softened your heart and you couldn’t stop the goofy grin forming on your face. “Alright, you win,” you said. “Perfect score.”

“Oh? I weren’t even tryin’,” he said sheepishly.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. I just wanted to have a good time with ya.”

You bit your bottom lip, thinking about your next move. He was truly a nice guy. He was hot. But would he give you what you needed in bed? He had been awfully gentle with you, not doing anything too forward at this stage. Hell, he hadn’t touched anything other than your arms, and not even past your elbow. A true gentleman, in the 1800s definition. You wondered if he’d be tame in bed as well.

But then you recalled the way he had replied about getting a prize and the way his gaze had suddenly felt like a sultry pressure on your soul. Maybe there was something more feral within him, a beast to unleash. You already planned to invite him home, but now you hoped that he’d give you what you wanted, no, needed.

Arthur’s gaze stayed on your lips for a moment before coming back up to observe your unsure expression. “Do I still get a prize? Or are ya too tired?”

You lifted your mug. “I got a cappuccino for a reason,” you said, winking at him. “But to claim your prize, you have to follow me home.”

Arthur clutched his non-existent pearls. “Oh my, followin’ a stranger home, what will people think of me.”

You broke out in a very loud guffaw, not at all lady-like. “Oh yes, your dainty reputation,” you said between gasps of laughter.

He laughed with you as he got up and escorted you to the register, paid for dinner without letting you even attempt to pay for your own meal, and followed you home.

***

It was almost like having to invite a very polite, very old school vampire into your home. He insisted that you tell someone you knew that you had someone over.

“Alright, alright,” you said as you texted your friend. When she texted back with a “pics or it didn’t happen”, you just sent her a snarky emoji and put your phone on silent.

You looked up to see Arthur looking around your shit hole of an apartment.

“Nice li’l place.”

You looked at him as if he were blind. “Thanks, I guess?”

He chuckled. “Darlin’, believe me, I truly think it’s nice.”

You smiled and led him to the couch and nearly pushed him down before straddling his legs. He seemed pleasantly surprised, as if he didn’t know where this night was going.

Did he know where this night was going? Did he think you were just going to make out with him and let him go?

Oh no. Not this hunk of man meat. No, you weren’t letting him go until you felt his cock deep inside of you.

Carding his hair with both hands, you leaned in and kissed his waiting lips, pressing your whole body against him. He let out a soft moan and wrapped his arms around you, his hands gliding along your body until he was gripping your hip and your neck. Holding you firmly in place, he began to take the lead, kissing you until you broke for air. He buried his fingers into your hair and pulled your head back gently to reveal the column of your neck. Immediately peppering your skin with hungry kisses, he let out a low rumble, almost like a purr.

You had successfully baited the beast. Now all you needed to do was convince him to go all the way. Widening your legs a little more, you gyrated your hips and grinded against him, feeling the bulge in his jeans grow harder.

Arthur suddenly pulled back, using his grip to angle your head so he could look directly at you. “Darlin’, you keep doin’ that, and I may lose control.”

“What if I want you to,” you teased.

He leaned forward and buried his face in the crook of your neck. You could feel his lips moving against your skin as he spoke. “I can be a li’l rough in bed.” He hugged you a little tighter. “I don’t want to scare you off.”

That was it? You were made of tougher stuff, and besides, this was exactly what you wanted. You tried, again and again, to tell him so, using everything you had to convince him, to break his resolve. After grinding on him and giving him heated kisses wherever you could along his neck and face, he finally relented.

“You sure?” he asked, staring at you intently.

“I’m sure,” you nearly whined, humping his lap like a wanton junkie looking for a fix. “You can manhandle me, spank me, hold me by the neck, just fuck me.”

Arthur’s eyes suddenly grew a shade darker as he stared at you, his lip curling, his nostrils flaring. A deep rumble emanated from his throat and for a moment you believed you had summoned a devil.

His light grip on your hips tightened as he pulled you closer. One hand slowly traveled up your body, over your belly, pausing at one of your breasts to give it a light squeeze before caressing your chest and then wrapping slowly around your neck. His grip was solid, but gentle. He didn’t squeeze, only held you in place.

“Take off yer shirt,” he ordered in a deep voice.

With his hand around your neck, you unbuttoned your blouse and flung it aside, pushing out your breasts, covered in your pink lace bra. He let go of your neck and hip to cup your breasts, pinching your nipples under the fabric. You leaned into his touch, moaning and writhing on his lap.

“Needy girl,” he murmured before pulling down the cups of your bra to reveal your bare skin. He leaned down and took one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking and licking with a ravenous passion. One of his hands snaked down between you two, lifting up your skirt so he could graze his fingers along your slit. You whimpered, wanting to feel his finger against you directly without the damn fabric in the way. But when you moved one hand down, intending on moving your panties aside, he grabbed your wrist.

“Patience, sweetheart,” he growled.

You swallowed as you nodded, letting him put your hand back up on his shoulder. Then he pressed two fingers against your clit and you gasped at the zing of pleasure that zipped through your body. He rubbed you slowly, teasing you until you whimpered again, begging him with a look. His smile was wicked as he leaned forward and nipped your lower lip.

“Alright, I’ll give you what you need,” he rumbled. Slipping past the fabric, he began to stroke you directly.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, your hips moving against his fingers.

Arthur kissed you again, invading your mouth with his tongue, laying claim with a guttural moan. He removed his hand from your core and gripped your hips. With hardly any effort, he lifted you off his lap and stood you up before him.

“Strip.” A terse command, growled low.

You immediately obeyed, reaching behind yourself to unhook your bra. You started to turn around to tease him, but his legs trapped yours, preventing you from moving.

“Stay right there,” he rumbled, his hands on his belt. You completely forgot to continue stripping as you watched him unbuckle his belt. He slowly slid it out, lifting his hips casually as he pulled it away and tossed it aside. With his gaze completely locked onto yours, he unbuttoned his fly and unzipped oh so slowly, smirking at your unabashed attention. When he pulled out his cock, you nearly drooled.

“Want this, sweetheart?” He took himself in his hand and slowly stroked, up and down, the motion strangely hypnotic.

You nodded vigorously. Oh god, did you want it so badly.

He nodded towards your skirt. “Keep goin’ then.”

You fumbled with your skirt buttons, now so desperate to get your clothes off. You flung it aside and moved to drop your panties, but Arthur suddenly sat up and held your hands at your waist.

“Lemme look at ya first,” he said, widening his legs and turning you around. His hands glided from your waist to your rear, giving them a playful squeeze before he spanked you.

“Oh!”

“You like that?”

”Yes, sir.”

He hummed approvingly. “Well, ain’tchu a good girl.” His fingers hooked onto the waistline of your panties and slid them down, casually taking his time to kiss a line along the curve of your backside as he went. When they were low enough for you to step out of them, he turned you around again and looked you up and down. After he looked his fill, he sat back and began to lazily stroke his cock again. He lifted his other hand and crooked his fingers in a ‘come here’ motion.

You fell to your knees, ready and willing to please him. When he smiled at you, you felt far more elation than what would be sane, but you didn’t care. He reached down and tipped up your chin, his thumb grazing along your lower lip.

“Been dreamin’ about yer pretty lips wrapped around my cock,” he whispered. “Ever since I saw yer profile.”

You felt incredibly happy hearing this from him. Leaning forward, you kissed the head of his shaft before taking it into your mouth, lifting your gaze to him as you did. His mouth was slightly open as he let out a shaky breath.

Then you started sucking on him.

Arthur’s moans were like ambrosia to your ears. You just wanted to hear more and more of his pleasure, to know that he was enjoying what you were giving him. His hands tangled in your hair, holding it out of the way as you took in more and more of him with each bob of your head.

“I ain’t gonna last much longer,” he gritted out, his hips jerking slightly at your last attempt at a deep throat.

You gave one last long suck, finally letting him go with a soft pop from your lips. “Wouldn’t want the night to end so quickly, right?” you teased.

Arthur’s grin was dangerous. “Bedroom.”

You stood up to guide him to your bed, but he picked you up instead, lifting you over his shoulder like a caveman. There were only two other doors, and they were both open, so it didn’t take long for him to figure out where your bed was. He dropped you gently onto your mattress, giving you a fierce kiss before backing away to stand at the foot of your bed.

You watched as he dropped his pants, then his boxers, and then he pulled off his shirt. He had the muscles of a man who worked hard; his biceps were thick, his pectorals were nicely filled out, and though he didn’t have washboard abs, you could tell he had beastly strength. He had picked you up with ease; there was no way the man had a single weak muscle on his body.

Arthur crawled onto the bed, prowling towards you. Once he straddled your legs, he flipped you over and grabbed your arms. Maneuvering them to either side of you, elbows bent and your hands next to your face, he held you down by your wrists. He lowered himself down to nibble on the shell of your ear.

“You keep yer arms right there, alright?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good girl.”

He let go of your wrists, but his hands stayed on you as he caressed up your arms, over the blades of your shoulders, down your back, and finally to the curve of your rear. With his big hands, he spread your slit open with his thumbs.

“So wet,” he said, running one of his thumbs along your folds. “You on the pill?”

“Yes,” you immediately answered. Of course you were; normally at this point you’d tell a man to put a condom on, but before you could even think to ask, he laid his cock along the curve of your ass. You felt how hot his flesh is, how big he is, how thick. You felt him lean down, his chest pressing against your back, his breath on your ear.

“Can I take you… just like this?”

When you hesitated, he added, “I’m clean. Been a long while since I’ve been with anyone, and I got myself checked after the last time.”

Meanwhile, his cock was pulsing against your skin. Your lust won; you wanted to feel that hard shaft railing you with nothing in between.

“Yes, please fuck me now!”

“Oh yes, princess,” Arthur murmured softly before pulling back, no longer pressing you against the mattress. He shifted his hips and angled himself before he pushed inside. He was slow at first, his breaths harsh as he controlled himself from just falling completely into you.

You squirmed underneath him, lifting your hips in a silent plea for him to take you faster. He was being too damn gentle.

“Give it to me,” you whined.

Arthur leaned forward and wrapped a hand around your mouth. “Lemme enjoy this,” he growled as he continued his slow descent. “You want my cock that badly?”

You nodded, unable to speak.

“You want to be my li’l slut?”

You moaned hard. Yes, this is what you wanted. You lifted your hips, pushing back towards him. He slipped one hand underneath you to rub your clit, and you moaned louder.

“So fuckin’ wet… You really want it, don’tchu?”

“Mmm-hmmm!”

His control snapped completely from your insistent and muffled assent. He leaned back, grabbed your hips, and plunged himself inside of you with reckless abandon, fucking you into your bed until it creaked constantly in protest.

“You like it rough, princess? You like being used by me?”

“Yes, yes!” you cried. You reached back, wanting to touch him, to hold onto him.

Instead, he grabbed your arms and, using them like reins, pulled you back, arching your body. Taking your forearms behind your back, he gripped your wrists in one hand and reached out with the other to hold onto your neck.

“That’s it, moan fer me, darlin’.”

You let out one lewd moan after another, not caring that your neighbor was probably getting an earful tonight.

“Good girl, my sweet li’l slut,” he purred. “Takin’ me so good.” He let go of your arms and neck to grip your hips. “Come fer me, I wanna feel it.”

You immediately reached down to stroke yourself, and it wasn’t even two seconds before you let out a ragged cry, your climax crashing over you so quickly that you forgot how to breathe. His dirty talk and the possessive way he was handling you was so hot, so naughty, so perfect.

Arthur thrust in and stayed still, letting you ride out your climax on his shaft, spasming around him. He held you close while you writhed below him until you nearly collapsed.

So, feeling as boneless as you did, he picked you up, his cock still inside of you, and took you over to the window. The curtains were closed, but they were thin, threadbare things, so when he pushed you up against the window, you could feel the cold glass beneath the fabric.

“A-Arthur?” you asked, dazed.

Without a word, he pumped his hips again, fucking you against the hard surface. With every movement, the curtains shifted, the slit between them shifting. At the right moment, someone could see in and see you getting railed from behind.

Your pussy clenched at the thought.

“That’s right, take my cock, show everyone that you’re mine, mine to use, mine to fuck.”

“Oh, oh, oh my god,” you gasped, your body heating up, the coil of desire tightening up so dizzyingly quick. You had no idea you had a slight exhibition fetish, but here you were, getting fucked against a window.

Arthur reached around you to stroke your clit, and suddenly you were gone. Ecstasy flooded your senses and blocked out everything except for the sensation of Arthur possessing you, his thrusts strong and deep. His hands were warm where he held you, his finger deftly wringing out the most pleasure from your body that you had ever felt in your life.

As your climax ebbed and you began to slump over, Arthur gave you a gentle kiss on the cheek. He pulled gently out of you and guided you backwards, away from the cold window. Laying you back down on the bed, the soft mattress creaked as he got on top of you, caging you with his arms. His hands held your head, his thumbs softly caressing your cheeks.

“That’s my girl. So good, comin’ fer me twice.”

Then his kind demeanor melted away and the beast returned. He sat up and spread your legs before entering you. You squirmed, your body oversensitive from your two consecutive climaxes, but Arthur held you down. His thrusts grew more intense, his hips moving faster.

“Yer so damn sexy, I wanna see you covered in my cum, darlin’, all yer holes filled with me.”

“Yes, yes!” you moaned, suddenly wanting that too. A desire, so dirty, so salacious, that you had never voiced or even formed into coherent thought, and now you knew exactly what you wanted.

Mark me as yours.

It was primal, raw, and you needed it so badly that you nearly cried from want.

“Arthur, please, cum all over me!”

“Fuck, darlin’!” He pulled out of you and gripped his cock, pumping twice before shooting his load all over your stomach and breasts. After a moment of catching his breath, he clambered up to straddle your torso, his cock near your face, his seed dripping from the tip.

“Taste it,” he commanded. Without hesitation you took him into your mouth and cleaned him up, lapping at his shaft until he pulled away with a moan.

“Good girl,” he said, running his clean hand through your hair.

After tumbling over next to you, the two of you fell into a deep sleep, overwhelmed by how incredible this night had been.

***

You woke up, for the second time, in the late morning, sticky and sore. The first time you had woken up, it was dawn and Arthur had been rubbing his cock between your thighs while half-asleep. Once you had let him know you were awake, he rolled you on top of him and fucked you until he spilled inside of your pussy.

You didn’t regret a damn thing.

You felt Arthur caressing the curve of your rear and turned your head to look at him. He was lying on his side, his gaze on your ass.

“Next time, darlin’,” he promised as he patted your rear. “Yer comin’ to my place and I’ll fuck this hole too.” Without waiting for you to respond, he gave you a sweet kiss on the cheek. “You’ll like it, I guarantee, princess.”

You just nodded. Now that you’ve had a taste of him, you know you’ll do whatever he wants.

--------------------

End Notes: Holy shit, it’s been a while, eh? Hopefully y’all enjoy this, it’s a bit of a bait and switch, but let’s be real; any Arthur is a good Arthur in my book.

#rdr2 fanfic #arthur x fem!reader #arthur morgan #rdr2 #fanfic #writing #nsft #modern au #tumblr request #lemon fanfic

29 notes · View notes

dari-ede · 2 years ago

Text

In the Middle of the Night: Ch 23 (M)

Chapter 23: "자꾸 멀어져가" [jakku meoleojyeoga]

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Pairing: Idol!Namjoon x Female Reader

Rating: M (language, explicit sexual scene)

Status: COMPLETE

Trigger warnings: familial problems, sexual assault scene (once again, this will have a ***** at the beginning and end), mother-daughter issues, misunderstandings

Warning/spoilers: anal, fingering

********

NOTE: First and foremost, Happy Indigo Day!!!! Don’t forget to stream/listen/buy “Indigo”! 🥰💜💜💜

Second, I'm sorry to inform you that this will be the last weekly chapter I post this month. I've fallen behind on this story due to the crazy holidays (work tends to double around this time). There is a lot I have to work on and I would rather not rush as I have been lately. There are seven chapters left (they’re mostly finished but need heavy editing), so I want to ensure I take my time with them. Plus, I have another short story I’m working on that I want to take care of first (“Seven Times I Hated Kim Seokjin”). I think I’ll be able to release one more chapter of ITMOTN in December but I won't make any promises. I’m hoping to be back to posting weekly by the beginning of the new year.

On a positive note, this chapter is a long one. Enjoy!

_______________

-Early December-

“You do have a beautiful home, Mai-Mai,” Hoseok said as he stared into the ocean.

Hoseok, Yoongi, Taehyung, and I were all sitting in the backyard of my home. They were done with their shows and had officially started their vacation. Jin, Jimin, and Jungkook had already flown back to Seoul, the rest were staying in the States for a little longer to enjoy some of their time off. Tae and Hobi were flying out first thing in the morning with their families for their vacation while Yoongi would be staying behind alone in California. Namjoon was also set to leave tomorrow with Hakun and Yongrae and another friend of ours. They were going to be visiting several museums in the States; the trip they had been planning for months.

I was putting on a brave face. Namjoon and I were going to be separated once again. Only this time, it was going to be for much longer. I wasn’t set to go back to Korea for another two months or so. Honestly, my heart ached at thinking about it. Even with the guys' busy schedules, Namjoon and I still managed to see each other almost every day since they'd been here. It was going to be difficult not seeing him as often.

“I bet this has a killer view in the morning,” Yoongi murmured as he took a sip of the whiskey he had brought out from my collection.

An idea popped into my head, pulling me away from the sadness I was feeling. “Why not just stay here?” I asked.

Yoongi turned to me, confused.

“I have plenty of room for you, Kiwoo, and Dal. Rather than stay in the hotel, why not here? There’s plenty of security at the gate. If you need a driver, call the company I use or call Ky. His schedule is flexible.” Kiwoo and Dal were the two staff members staying behind with Yoongi. If I was going to invite Yoongi to crash at my place, I needed to extend the invitation to them.

“Use Ky as my own personal chauffeur?” Yoongi asked, chuckling at the idea.

“Get him dinner and he’ll be happy to do it,” I suggested. Yoongi tended to eat at high-quality restaurants and Ky was always too cheap to go to those places. If Yoongi agreed to take him out to dinner, I knew Ky would be happy to drive Yoongi through all of California for that free meal.

Yoongi considered it for a moment. “It's not a bad idea. The guys won't be bored here either. I’ll talk to Kiwoo and Dal.”

I smiled, liking my brilliant idea. Yoongi's flight wasn't for a couple of weeks. It would be nice to have some company. Maybe I could introduce him to an old friend of mine. I didn't get involved in my friends' love lives unless they asked for my advice. Yoongi had never asked me to introduce him to someone or even hinted at wanting to find someone, but I did have this one friend who I genuinely believed would be a great match for him.

Suddenly, Namjoon's appearance pulled me out of my thinking. He had two beers in hand. While Yoongi and Hobi were drinking the whiskey, I was craving beer. Namjoon, being the sweetheart he was, offered to get some for us. Tae opted out of drinking, which wasn't a surprise to us.

Namjoon came to my side and handed me the ice-cold beer. As he took the seat next to me, he caressed my head gently.

The butterflies in my stomach flew in all sorts of directions.

“Such a gentleman, Namjoonie,” Taehyung said as he gave his brother applause.

Hobi mimicked Tae and clapped, laughing at our expressions.

I got a light blush. For some reason, I didn't get embarrassed by the kissing or full physical flirting, but when it was small or intimate touches, I turned into a tomato. Namjoon rolled his eyes at his brothers. He took a sip of his beer and draped his arm on the back of my chair, scooting closer to me.

“You’re seriously not going to join Namjoon on his travels?” Hoseok asked me, changing the subject.

“Yeah. There just isn’t time. I’ve got some meetings with an artist on their next album. Plus, this is a guy’s trip. Namjoon and they have been planning this for months, I don't want to intrude,” I said taking a sip from my beer.

Yoongi laughed next to me. “She doesn’t want to spend all that time in museums.”

Hobi chuckled at the accusation.

I didn’t answer and took another sip. He wasn’t wrong. While I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Namjoon, it also didn’t excite me to spend that many days and hours discussing art. I enjoyed my time at an art gallery and having Namjoon next to me explaining everything, but I feel I would be more in the way than anything else if I went. But I also mean it when I said I didn’t want to intrude on his trip with the boys, all of whom were art enthusiasts.

“She’s not saying anything, so you might be right,” Hobi teased.

I flipped him off.

Namjoon turned to me, his eyes giving a mock expression of hurt. “You don’t want to spend hours of your days walking through a gallery or on your butt in a car, trying to get to another destination?”

He was so close to me that the cluster of freckles around his eyes and nose became more prominent. I swear, they looked like a constellation of stars I could not name. “Depends. If I go with you will you go to a couple of off-Broadway shows in New York?”

Namjoon pulled away and resumed drinking his alcohol, refusing to answer me. I took that as a fat ‘no’.

“The sky looks very pretty,” Tae said as he looked out into the ocean. “I bet the sunset is quite the view.”

I nodded. “The colors against the water are almost breathtaking. And the shadows it makes with the trees give you goosebumps. It gets really beautiful. Like a movie.”

“We haven’t caught a sunset in this view, right?” Namjoon asked me, pulling my chair closer to his.

I nodded. We hadn’t. We had seen one once at the beach but not at my house.

We all turned to the sun as it got closer to disappearing. Everyone was quiet.

Someone cleared his throat. “You want to shoot some pool?” Hobi asked Yoongi.

Yoongi smiled at him and nodded. “Come on, Taehyung.”

“Come on, Tae,” Hobi echoed as he got out of his chair.

“Why?” Taehyung asked, pouting. “I want to see the sunset. Sounds romantic.”

“That’s why, dummy,” Yoongi muttered as he let out a chuckle.

Hoseok took ahold of Taehyung’s arm and pulled him out of his chair. It seemed Tae finally understood why the other two wanted to go inside when I heard him make an "Aaaaaah" sound. Yoongi and Hobi simply laughed at him.

“Well, they were subtle,” Namjoon said, getting up himself and picking up our beers with one hand.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“It’s ‘where are we going’,” he corrected and took my hand, dragging me out of my chair.

I followed him over to a couch that overlooked the water. Namjoon set down the bottles on the floor and then motioned with his hand for me to take a seat first. I sat down and moved the cushions so we could recline on them and still have a good view of the sunset. Once I was done, Namjoon climbed on, pulling me to his chest.

I snuggled close, draping my leg across his stomach and placing my head on a pillow next to his own. Normally, I would have opted to lay on his chest or neck, but I wanted to keep my eyes on his face. I had first-hand knowledge of how breathtaking his face looked at sunset. There was no way I was going to miss it.

As we lay there, waiting on the sun to come fully down, Namjoon’s fingers lightly stroked my back and his other hand wrapped warmly around the thigh that was on top of him. “You really can’t meet me in New York? Even for a day before I fly out?”

I let out a groan at his words. We had discussed this several times. At first, I thought I would be able to go to New York and spend a couple of days with him, but Ky had booked us some meetings with labels which looked promising. Plus, I had a project with another artist and needed to stay in LA.

“I wish I could, but I can’t,” I said, sounding and feeling crappy.

Namjoon squeezed me. “I know. I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. Just sucks.”

I nodded, holding him tighter.

He turned to me, his warm chocolate eyes landing on mine. I reached over and traced the dots around his nose and eyes lightly. “I’m gonna miss these the most.”

He snorted. “You’re the only one. I’ve never had a girl that paid them any mind. I’m not even a fan myself. Takes so much product to cover up since there’s so brown.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “What’s so wrong with brown?” I asked jokingly.

He chuckled. “Nothing. On you, it’s beautiful,” he said, reaching for my lips and giving me a deep kiss. “But beauty standards placed upon me growing up made me have a strong dislike for them. Took me a while to simply accept them.”

My fingers continued to explore his face. “Do you like them now?”

Keeping his eyes fully on mine, he spoke. “I like that you like them.”

My heart felt like it would burst. Something lingered on my lips that wanted to desperately come out. I bit my lip, keeping myself contained. He was leaving tomorrow and we would be separated for close to two months. I needed to be rational here.

Suddenly, I noticed a change in the lighting. We both turned to the water at the same time.

The sky turned into different shades of purple and orange as the sun began to fall out of view.

Namjoon’s eyes stayed in nature, taking in the moment. “Beautiful,” he breathed out.

My eyes traced the shadows beginning to form on his face, making his features stronger. “Yeah,” I agreed.

How the fuck did I get so lucky?

**************

A few hours later, we were back at the hotel. Everyone, minus Yoongi, would be leaving first thing in the morning. It was easier if I stayed the night at the hotel than a car picking him up early from my place. As we arrived at their floor, Namjoon and my hands stayed linked.

Staff members greeted us and I noticed some of their eyes lingering on our hands. I had the instinct to pull back my hand and step away from Namjoon. However, I resisted the urge. It wasn’t getting easier being stared at, but I needed to learn how to tolerate it.

The only thing I had on me was my purse where I only had a few things. I felt slightly embarrassed and felt anxious in them knowing I would be staying over the night with no extra clothing.

Judging by Namjoon’s face, though, it didn’t seem the same worries were going through his head. Quite the opposite, he looked quite content as we held each other’s hands and got to his room. Once the door was open, he allowed me to go in first, a big smile on his face as he looked at me. Jesus. I don’t think I ever felt such conflicting emotions about his smile. On one hand, I never wanted him to stop looking at me that way, but on the other hand, I wanted him to stop. We were being watched, goddamn it.

After settling in his room, he put on some music. He needed a few things to pack and I decided to help. I looked around, searching everywhere to see if he had forgotten anything.

It didn’t take long for him to finish. However, he was having difficulties closing one of his suitcases.

He looked around the zipper, trying to figure out what was wrong.

I sat back, finding it endearing to see him struggle. Also, I knew how it sometimes irritated him when he was treated like a child. He liked to do things on his own.

After less than a minute, he figured out what was wrong. “Oh, you didn’t align this well, Namjoon,” he muttered to himself and fixed the problem.

I held back a laugh, not wanting to ruin the moment.

After closing it, he turned to me. “Finally.”

As he stared at me, I caught the glint in his eyes. I knew it all too well.

Biting his lip, he made his way to me. I was sitting on the bed, watching him. Once he got to me, he took a seat in the bed and then tugged at my arm.

I let out a laugh, understanding what he was trying to say. I moved my body on top of his, placing my thighs on either side of his legs.

Once I was sitting on his lap, his hands made their way up my back. “Hey,” he said to me, looking at me with heat in his eyes.

I came closer to him, not being able to control my smile. “Hey.”

We kissed for a moment, but nothing heated. A few touches and caresses. We were content just holding each other.

I wasn’t sure how long we stayed that way, but eventually, a knock at the door snapped us out of it.

“Coming,” Namjoon called out, placing his gentle hands on my hips and applying a little bit of pressure, signaling me to move.

I brought my leg up and moved off him. His hands remained on me as he stood up. His palms gave my lower back a soft rub before letting go as if needing to touch me for as long as possible before our bodies fully separated.

I was noticing this was happening more—the gentle and intimate touches. My body and heart thrilled at the growing emotions, but I couldn’t help but get worried that things were going too fast. Opposite to Namjoon’s thinking, I didn’t think three months was too long. How could our emotions be developing so quickly and intensely? Every touch and look now felt so incredibly intimate.

As Namjoon came to the door, a staff member announced he was there to collect Namjoon’s luggage. Namjoon brought out the suitcases he would be checking into the flight but was keeping his bag and small carry-on behind.

After closing the door when the staff left, I had a lingering question. “Um, do you have an extra shirt or sweater for me?”

He looked at me, confused. “Are you cold?”

I tilted my head, giving him a “are you for real” look. “You don’t like me bringing anything when I stay the night. I would hope you have something for me to wear, at least.”

The realization finally hit Namjoon. He let out an embarrassed chuckle and went to his carry-on. “I should have a couple of shirts. Hold on.”

After finding one, he placed it on the nightstand closest to the bathroom.

On my nights here, that was the side I tended to sleep on. His remembering that and considering me brought warmth.

Namjoon went back to his carry-on and tried closing it. Unfortunately, he was having a similar difficulty with it as he had with his other suitcase. He pushed down hard on it, making a sound.

I got a little worried, thinking he might have broken something. I looked over at it but didn’t see anything damaged. Still, I stayed where I was, ready to help if Namjoon asked me to.

“Namjoon, hands nice and steady,” he muttered to himself.

As brilliant as he was and as wonderful it was to witness his moments of intelligence on the topics of art and philosophy and music, I found it equally as beautiful watching the man struggle with trivial things such as packing. And hearing him talk to himself was the icing on the cupcake.

After a couple of minutes, he turned to me and stopped what he was doing. “What? What are you smiling at?”

Damn, I got caught. “Nothing.” I looked away and tried to busy myself using my phone.

“What?” he pushed, making his way to me, determined to know what I found amusing.

“Nothing,” I repeated, feeling a smile on my face. I looked away.

He knew I was lying. He took my phone and placed it n my nightstand, next to the shirt. Then, he poked my side gently. “Tell me. What was I doing? I know you’re making fun of me.”

He knew me too well, but I wasn’t going to admit it. “No.” I squirmed away from him.

“Liar. Why don’t you tell me?” He poked me again.

“Because if I say what you were doing, you’ll stop doing it.” I backed away from him as he reached for me again. “And you look so fucking cute doing it.”

He sent me a teasing glare and looked ready to pounce.

I climbed up the bed, keeping distance between us. “Don’t.” I could read his next move.

His Cheshire smile and dragon eyes looked almost predatory. He climbed onto the bed, slowly crawling towards me.

There was a thrilling feeling that shot through me. “Don’t!”

Suddenly, I was captured. Fiery lips were on me, soft hands touching me, strong arms pinning me down. And my pussy was fully wet.

It didn’t take him long to undress us both. Then, somehow—I don’t know how—he managed to put on some loud music and take us both over to the balcony door.

Memories of the time with the butt plug flooded back, making my pussy quiver in anticipation.

He turned me around roughly, making me face the city lights like he had that one night.

His hand moved across my stomach and moved down between my legs. His fingers slipped in between until he reached my bottom lips, rubbing my clit with his talented thumb.

I mewled under his touch. One of my hands clutched his arm while the other pressed against the glass in front of me.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he growled into my ear, pressing his body against mine. His cock against my lower back.

I pressed my ass to his balls. “Make me wetter,” I challenged.

I could feel his dark chuckle all the way to my dripping pussy. “How would you like me to get you wetter? Finger-fucking your pussy, or…” His fingers drifted lower, moving away from my cunt and to my asshole.

We had discussed having anal sex and I had told him I was ready whenever he was. He said he wanted to wait for a special night. Tonight was our last one for a while. It seemed a better night than any. Thinking of his long cock inside me there sent shivers everywhere.

“…finger-fucking your tight, little asshole?” he finished asking as he pressed the tip of his finger into my back ring.

A sound came out of me that sounded primal. “Put it in!” I bucked my hips against his hand, my body needing him.

His finger came back to my front juices and went back to my tight little hole. “I need to lubricate it first, girl. Can’t rush this. We have all night.”

He reached down the stand next to us and took the lube I had left there. He applied some onto his fingers. Then slowly, he pushed one finger in, making circles as he went in and out in slow motion. I heard his dark, unmerciful chuckle every time I let out my primal sound.

“Please!” I begged, minutes after his slow but beautiful work. I thrust my ass against his finger, needing more friction. Unfortunately, his other hand was firmly around my waist. It was keeping me from pushing him further in.

His other hand went back to my pussy, rubbing and driving me insane. Once he had more juice coated on his hand, he moved three of his fingers to the ring of my asshole. But stayed there and didn’t move.

“Please!” I was ready to move his hand away and do it myself.

“So impatient,” he said in a mocking tone. And then he finally pushed in, his middle finger was more than halfway sucked inside me.

“My god!” I pounded the door, feeling a combination of discomfort and pleasure.

His finger slowly moved out then moved back in.

My ass shook from the indulgence.

“Shit,” he let out as my walls tightened, his teeth grazing my neck as he picked up speed.

It was perfect friction. “Yes!” I let out, rocking into his hand, and feeling grateful that he wasn’t stopping me. He was now knuckle-deep; I could I his entire middle finger sucked in.

His lips came to my ear. “Ready for another one?” I felt the tip of his forefinger tease my back entrance.

I took a deep breath and nodded frantically. “Fuck, put three in me already.”

He made me feel wild and hungry. Like I could take anything he gave me. I backed roughly into the digit inside me to prove I could handle more of him.

Another dark chuckle filled the room and I heard him spit behind me. Some of the spit landed on my round ass. He took away his finger from inside me—I whined at him—and he coated his fingers with spit. His magical digits traveled back to my hole and went in.

I bit my lip as I tried to ignore the ache I felt, doing my best to focus on the desire it would be bringing me. His fingers moved in and out at a patient pace, allowing my body to get used to the intrusion. It didn’t take too long, my body eventually loved anything Namjoon did to it. Eventually, I was bucking into his hand and letting out grunts of pleasure. My walls squeezed all his fingers, welcoming them.

His lips left pecks and small bites along my back as he brought me pleasure. His other hand took hold of one of my heavy breasts and he played with my nipple.

My back arched into his body. I was on the edge of something fucking beautiful and I wanted him to fully engulf me.

However, he didn’t let me reach my orgasm. He pulled his fingers out and I let out a whine.

My pout was short-lived when I felt his thick and massive head at my back entrance.

“Still want to do this, baby?” he asked sweetly into my ear. His lips pecked and chin.

I nodded urgently. “Please.”

He got closer to me and took hold of my lips, giving me a soft kiss. “Stop me anytime, ok?”

Another nod.

Then, softly, I felt the head of his cock push through my back entrance.

Thank god Namjoon had the music on blast. Hopefully, it was drowning out my sounds.

I felt so fucking stretched. It stung a little. Biting my lip, I allowed my body to get used to the intruder. Thankfully, the displeasure was short-lived. Namjoon’s fingers hand made their way to my clit. He did his best to bring me full pleasure as he worked my ass.

My fingers went around his arm and my nails dug into his skin. He first moved at a snail’s pace. Once he felt my body loosen, he built some momentum.

After some time, his massive cock was finally halfway in, pumping in and out of me like a jackhammer. One hand came to my curly hair, wrapping his fingers around it and pulling my neck to the side so he could nip at my neck. His other hand was pressing onto my heat, stroking my clit to keep me in full ecstasy.

“You ready to cum soon?” His fingers sped up and his hips thrust hard into me.

I let out a loud wail, but his mouth swallowed me silently.

“We’re still in the hotel, baby,” he said once his lips pulled away from mine. “Can’t have anyone start knocking on that door.”

He was right. So many people were on this goddamn floor. And I would personally murder whoever would dare interrupt us.

His cock went further in. “You’re beautiful, baby,” he says almost in a prayer-like voice.

My body was shaking and close to nirvana. My heart swelled three times its size and words lingered behind my lips again. I felt something threatening to come out.

The two of us worked in unison, bringing each other to the cliff. I was working him just as much as he was working me. I enjoyed how we moved together. We went back and forth between gentle and rough and sometimes fell in between. Usually, towards the end, our primal instincts took over and gentleness almost flew out the window. Right now, we were nearing the edge.

“Come on, baby. Come on,” he growled into my ear. The sound of flesh against flesh is loud in the room. The liquids coming out of us added an exotic sound. He pumped his thickness into me with such power, such desire, and an unidentified emotion that almost felt foreign to me.

“Namjoon,” I sob out. My feelings were flying in every direction. I was about to lose it. I clutched onto his arm, needing him to ground me. But at the same time, I knew he was the reason I was close to shattering—close to losing all control.

“I’m here, baby,” he promised. “Cum for me.”

His body moved over mine, molding me. He fused both our bodies into one.

And it was at the realization that we were merging in more ways than one when he hit a special spot inside me. His fingers stroked my clit just right. And then I became untethered. Euphoria.

My walls squeezed him tight, never wanting him to leave. I came calling out his name.

And he was right at my heels, spilling inside me and breathing out my name.

It took moments for us to come down from our high. I was so exhausted.

He left me briefly, but only to collect a cloth so he could clean me.

We fell into a sleep, wrapped around each other.

That feeling in my chest was still there.

The words stayed behind my teeth, edging to escape.

Not now, I told them. It wasn’t time….

********

I heard my phone ring. Stupid me forgot to put it on silent mode. I hurried to turn it off before it could wake up Namjoon.

I intended to reject the call—no one sane would be calling me at this hour. However, at seeing the name on my screen, I jumped out of bed, grabbed Namjoon’s shirt on the nightstand, and locked myself in the restroom.

My mother never called at this time. She was always in bed early.

“Mamá?” I asked into the phone, worried and panicked.

“Did he rape you?” her voice sounded angry and irritated.

The question threw me off. It was not what I was expecting. Plus, I had woken up from two hours of sleep. “What?” I asked.

“Did he rape you?” she asked, her voice louder as she enunciated her words.

“What are you talking about?”

“I finally got to what happened two years ago with you. It took a lot of digging and threatening a lot of past interns and secretaries if they didn’t spill, but I got to the bottom of it." She was out of breath and angry. It was tough following her. "I know you met with Chad alone around the time your contract was getting close to expiring. I know he was supposed to be there with another executive but that other executive never made it to the meeting. You were supposed to be there with Ky but Yori went into early labor and he missed the meeting.” My mother was talking so fast, I could barely make out her words. However, I understood what she was saying; what she had discovered.

My mother didn’t think highly of herself academically speaking. She thought I didn’t think highly of her intelligence, but that was far from the truth. I had always been aware of my mother’s intelligence. She was clever and resourceful. She didn’t get to where she was now without having a brain like hers. I knew it was only a matter of time before she figured out who had been the executive who had assaulted me.

“Apparently, the female assistants in the company have stories of Chad being handsy with some of them. There have been some accusations that he has even raped a couple of them. The higher-ups, of course, have managed to cover it up, but that hasn’t stopped the women from sharing suspicion. Chad’s secretary at the time says you went into the meeting alone. She didn’t know about the rumors circulating Chad at the time since she was fairly new. She said you were fine when you went into the room, but less than an hour later, you came out looking disheveled. She thought you guys had finished having sex and coughed it up to you just being an easy lay. Your makeup was a mess. Your top was open. Your hair—”

****The top button popped off. His hand reached down. Took a grab. As if it was nothing. As if he had done this multiple times. As if it belonged to him.

He squeezed and I felt my skin crawl.

I wanted to reach over and push him off.

I wanted to get up. Run. Yell. Scream. Punch him.

I tried to remember the boxing moves my brothers and cousins and uncle had taught me.

But everything was blank.

I was glued onto the chair. I was frozen into place.

One of his hands was inside my bra and the other was on my hair.

Slobber stuck onto my cheeks and lips. It was like a frog was on me.

MOVE! I yelled internally at myself, but I didn’t listen. Why the fuck wasn’t I listening?!****

“Stop!” I screamed at my mother. I had already gone over these details in therapy. I had learned how to move past it. Or so I thought. Since coming back to LA, I was starting to question whether or not I had fully healed. The last session I had with Dr. Rob was over a year ago and I had thought I was better.

Maybe I had been wrong?

“What?” My mother’s voice pulled me back to the present.

“I don’t want to relive that,” I tell her, determined.

“I knew there was no way you would ever be caught in that kind of situation. But I had to make sure, so I called Chad. I painted out the same details to him and his reaction was all I needed to know what he did to you was not consensual.”

His words sent chills down my skin. “You talked to Chad?” The name came out of my lips and it tasted like vaseline.

“Well, what was I supposed to do?”

I felt an anger boil at my core. “Madre, I didn’t tell you so you could stick your nose where it didn’t belong. This is my issue. I’m the victim here, not you.”

“You’re my daughter—”

“Yes, I’m your daughter. So instead of thinking and acting on your emotions, think of fucking mine for a change.”

“Something has to be done about this. That asshole can’t get away with this. You have to report him.”

The thought of going to the police made me feel more uneasy. “Listen, this isn’t up for discussion. I’m hanging up.”

“We’re going to talk about it, Maya. I’ll come over to your house right now.” I was certain she meant it.

“I’m not at home, Madre. I’m over at a friend’s house.”

“I’ll be over next week, then,” she promised.

I let out a sigh and hung up on her before I fully came apart.

My hands were shaking and I was taking deep breaths to settle myself down.

How had I allowed my mother to bring me to this stage? It felt like it had just happened. Like I had just lived it. Shit, I should have never answered the phone. I should just block her from now on. Talking to her for too long makes me feel like a broken child. A weak, fragile, lost child.

I did my best to calm myself. It took a long time, but I refused to leave the bathroom until I was fully ok. I didn’t want this to ruin my last day with Namjoon. If he saw how upset I was, he would focus fully on me and wouldn’t get any sleep. And it was going to be a long trip for him. He needed to save his energy.

Finally, I came out of the restroom, feeling settled.

I found Namjoon sitting on the bed, fully awake, and his eyes on me. A look of concern was written on his face.

“Is everything ok?” he asked.

I nodded, climbing onto the bed and giving him a small smile. “Everything is ok. Just some small family drama. Nothing to worry about. Everyone’s healthy.”

His brows knitted together as he continued to look at me. “Are you sure? You don’t want to talk about it?”

“No, I just want to go to sleep,” I said, genuinely. I got under the covers.

“Do you want to talk about it in the morning, then?” he pressed.

“We have breakfast with the others in the morning. And then you have your flight pretty early,” I answered.

“So?” he sounded a little annoyed.

I tried to rationalize with him. “You need rest, Namjoon.”

He took a breath. “Ok. Will we discuss it tomorrow night then?”

“After a long day of travel and activities?” I asked, hinting I didn’t think it was a good idea.

“So, when do you think we’ll talk about it?” I quickly noted he was keeping his voice tightly controlled.

My heart quickened a bit, nerves kicking in. I strongly disliked thinking of the future. “I don’t know,” I said, my voice sounding low.

“Next month? Two months from now?” He was pushing, his eyes now digging into mine.

A feeling of intimidation came over me and made me look away. I didn’t know how to answer him. The thought of sharing with him the memory of when I never felt weaker and more worthless was unimaginable. I never wanted him to know that story.

He looked more than annoyed. “When are we going to get past this? Things with us are not new,” he said with finality. His jaw jutted forward, his chest back. He’d never been this angry with me before. “We’ve been together for 100 days. And every time I want to go further, this is what I’m met with: a wall. Also, when I bring up our progress and what our next step should be, you say the same thing: ‘It’s new. Let’s take it slow.’ How much slower are we going to take it?”

I sat there, not sure what to say that wouldn’t get him angrier at me.

“I mean, you can’t even tell the truth to your family about me,” he said.

This threw me off. Weren’t we passed the Thanksgiving incident? “I genuinely meant to tell my brothers, Namjoon,” I said as calmly as I could. “I didn’t keep you a secret from them on purpose.”

“It’s not just your brothers. What about your parents?” he challenged. “Seems like you have no interest in telling them. I heard you talking to your mom.”

Blood drained from me. Fuck. What had he heard?

“You told her you were at a friend’s house. Not boyfriend, but a friend’s.”

I was slightly relieved by this. It meant the worse he heard had been my mislabeling of him to my mother rather than discussing my sexual assault. I tried to keep my voice calm as I tried to explain myself to him. “Not everyone has an amazing relationship with their parents like you do, Namjoon. Some parents are fucked up.”

“I know you don’t have a great relationship with her, but why lie to me about it? You’re still holding back in telling me the whole truth about your relationship with your mom,” he rambled.

“What?” I asked, caught off guard. “I’ve told you everything there is to say about her. About both my parents. Do you want explicit details of the fights I heard? Of the violence I witnessed?”

He shook his head. “That’s not what I mean. There’s something else—something more when it comes to your mother. You left Los Angeles for a reason—it wasn’t just because of your ex. Something happened and you don’t want to tell me. I heard you discussing Chad. You got upset at your mom for talking about him. Chad was one of the executives at your label, I remember. What’s going on with him?” he asked in a demanding tone.

He had said his name. And he was upset with me. My anxiety was not faring well as I felt my palms start getting clammy. My heart rate accelerated.

I decided to go with some honesty. “You’re my best friend, Namjoon. I tell you almost everything. I’ve told you about my issues with my mother.”

The melty, cocoa eyes that made me feel alive so many times were now digging into me and making me feel pathetically small. “You haven’t told me everything. You’re keeping things from me. Including the real reason why you left. I thought eventually you would open up to me. As a friend, I accepted you keeping that secret. But we’re not just friends anymore. I want more. I need more.”

I didn’t know how to respond.

Almost like a sudden switch flipped, his eyes lost all the hardness in them. “Why are you keeping it from me? Do you not trust me?” he asked with a voice of genuine hurt.

Guilt began to make its way through me. “Of course I do!”

“Then what is it? Why can’t you take that step with me—open up?” his voice was edging towards desperation. “Our feelings are past taking things slow. I know you know it. This is when things have to leap forward. There is no backward; there is no freezing time.”

I tried to control my breathing and shaking. After a moment, I said, “I feel if we don’t take it slow, then we’re bound to make a mistake.”

His eyes lost their softness. Their sharpness came back. His chest huffed forward as if my pulled by my words. “Boundto?”

I was puzzled at his reaction and didn’t quickly respond.

“As in, you know it’s not going to work out? You don’t have hope for us?” There was a mixture of hurt and anger in his voice.

I regretted my use of words. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then, what did you mean?” he demanded.

I took a breath, trying to think quickly of what I could say to make this better. “Every other relationship I’ve been on has ended badly. And I think it’s because I rush things. I can’t do that with you. I feel if we take things slow—if we take our time in getting completely serious, then we have a higher likelihood of being successful.”

His jaw clenched. He let out an exasperated breath as his dark eyes looked down at me with puzzlement and frustration. “You let me—” he stopped himself, looking as if he was inwardly reasoning with himself. He closed his eyes, shook his head, and turned away from me.

Something clawed at my heart seeing him like this. My words were driving him to such anger and I don’t know what it was that I had just said that made him look like he wanted to punch a wall.

“What?” I asked, my voice small but determined. As much as I feared to know the answer, I still wanted to know. When it came to Namjoon, I always wanted to know.

He didn’t speak, just kept his eyes away from me.

It felt like a knife was now pushing its way into the organ that kept the blood flowing through my veins. “What?” What had I done to cause him such disturbance?

He shook his head, taking some steps away from me. He walked towards the door. To get away from me.

My body jerked forward, acting on its own. “Don’t.”

I didn’t scream it out, but my voice wasn’t small either. It was said in a tone I had never made before. And it was enough to make him stop. His body instinctively turned back to mine, his eyes looking concerned at my tone.

“Don’t,” I repeated with the same voice.

He didn’t leave, but he didn’t walk back to me either. He was thinking—debating with himself. He was trying to figure out how to work through this. I did my best to wait patiently, despite how desperately I wanted to start groveling.

Please. Please. Please. Seeing his back towards me cracked something in me. If he left…I don't know what would become of me.

Finally, he took in a breath and looked straight at me. “Why are you with me, Maya?”

What kind of question was that? “What?”

“Why are you with me? Why do you want to be with me?”

Was he serious? “Because I like you.”

“But what is it about me that makes you want me as a boyfriend?” he challenged.

Did this have to do with his self-loathing? Is that what this was stemming from? Was Namjoon having an episode again—how had I missed it? “You’re kind and funny and smart,” I said in a rush, needing him to know that he was completely valuable. If he needed reassurance to crush his self-hatred, I would give it to him.

But Namjoon didn’t look moved. “Seokjin is all those things. Why not be with him?”

Honestly, it felt like I was experiencing whiplash. “What?”

“What makes me boyfriend material for you?”

“Namjoon, I don’t know where this is coming from—”

“Is it my friendship?”

“Yes.”

“You can have that with Hoseok. Do you like how you can relate to me musically?”

“Yes.”

“You can have that with Yoongi.”

“Namjoon, will you—”

“Are you with me only for sex?" His voice was full of hurt and pain. His eyes were wet and red with agony. "Because I’m a good lay?”

This left me at a loss for words.

It took a moment for him to speak again, still keeping full control of his tone. “What we just did is not something I’ve done many times. Certainly not with someone I’m just casually seeing. It’s a carnal act that I treasure. An act I don’t take lightly. I’ve had a couple of one-night stands, and they weren’t for me. I told you this. I’m no prude, but I don’t do certain things in the bedroom that are that intimate with just anyone. You’ve told me how open you are with past guys—whether it be one-night stands or serious relationships. You’ve given it up easily before, whatever. But I’m not that way. I can’t detach emotions from sex. And the fact that you don’t feel strongly for me and you did that with me…. I just don’t know how to feel about that.”

It felt like a knife was being injected into me. In so many words, he was telling me what he thought of me: I gave it up easily. I had let him take me up the ass without the emotion of love attached. I could think of the perfect word of what he thought I was….

“We started this wrong,” he said, further pushing the knife into me. “Sex should have come much later and I knew that. But like a fucking horndog, I gave in.”

I could throw up right now.

Tears began to make their way out of his eyes. “I can’t do this, Maya. I can’t be in a relationship where it’s just about sex. I want more. And I can’t even say we can go back to being friends because I can’t. I can’t and won’t go back to that. I respect myself too much.” He sniffed, his head low.

And he walked out.

The door closed with a soft click.

I was left alone with his words floating in the air.

He respected himself….

Himself.

He didn’t say he respected me.

A slut.

I could feel my anxiety tipping over the edge. I needed to get out of here quickly.

Stumbling out of the bed, I took off his shirt, putting on my spaghetti strap and bottoms. I had no idea where my second top had landed. I hurried to find my keys and got the hell out of there. I couldn’t find my shoes fast enough for my liking, so I left barefoot.

I looked like a whore who had just been fucked and used, walking down the halls barefoot and with only my skirt and spaghetti strap on. Tears had smeared all of my makeup. I looked like a goddamn wreck. My shoes and undergarments had been left behind. Security both gawked at me and looked away in shame.

The scene I was in was similar to two and a half years ago….

I felt nothing but humiliation. The sobs came fully down the moment the elevator doors closed.

__________________

Last note: Sorry that weekly posting is ending on this scene. I wish it had been a much happier one. 😖

Also, Happy Holidays, everyone. Be sure to look after your health during this time; be happy and merry. And if you have a mother like Maya or your family has similar toxic traits, do yourself a favor and cut them off. You deserve better. 🥰

___________

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

#rm x maya #rm fanfic #bts rm #namjoon fanfic #kim namjoon x reader #bts fanfic #bts smut #fluff and smut #secret relationship #inthemiddleofthenight #kim namjoon #mother daughter relationship #trauma #Spotify

22 notes · View notes

flightless-rising · 4 years ago

Text

Made a new Flight Rising iceberg and also wrote an explanation.. man, this took way longer than it should have.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy :D

Iceberg explanation

( If there are any mistakes please let me know and I’ll edit this asap. Also, English isn't my first language so please forgive me for any grammatical errors)

EDIT 28/06: Added some new info! Thanks to everyone who tagged and responded with new stuff to add, I really appreciate it!

The Sky

Naomi

Back in the day, whenever you bought or sold something on the auction house a message would show up in your inbox confirming the transaction. These messages were sent by one of the dragon couriers: Pearl, Spitfire or Edgar.

On January 2016, a strange glitch occurred that replaced the images and names of couriers with the ones of a female fae named “Naomi”.

It goes deeper than that, though: if you looked up her name in the user search menu, a clan would pop up with over 15 million dragons.

It was quickly discovered that all exalted dragons had somehow become part of her clan. Naomi herself apparently didn’t exist, and clicking on her page redirected to an error page. This was later fixed and the original Naomi page can be now visited.

What exactly caused this glitch is still a mystery and today Naomi is still a well-known piece of Flight Rising history.

Missing Tidelord

In the official lore, the deity of the water flight disappeared in early 2018, as described in the short story “Hear Today, Gone Tomorrow”.

In the follow up story (Mixed Elements) posted in April of the next year it is confirmed that the Tidelord is still missing, but alive. This coincides with the fact that the Tidelord account hasn’t made any forum posts aside from festival announcements.

Emperors

Emperors are a type of unobtainable dragon that are formed when several Imperial corpses are left in close proximity to each other, which then fuse forming a multi-headed chimera.

Emperors are described in the lore as having an animal-like behavior and destroying everything in sight. They are extremely difficult to kill, which is the reason why in-universe Imperials have such strange burial rites.

An emperor named Luminax is first described in the Raising a Family short story, and their sprite can be seen walking around on the world map.

The Surface

Old color wheel

Originally, there were only 67 available colors for dragons. On June 8th 2016, 110 more colors were added, meaning that currently there are a total of 177 colors available.

When making a custom progenitor dragon, it is only possible to choose among the 67 original colors because it would be otherwise unfair for those who made their account before the new colors were added.

Imperial breed scrolls

Imperial breed change scrolls are one of, if not the most, rare type of item on the site. They were given only to those who pledged 30 dollars or more on the original Flight Rising kickstarter.

At the time, this was the only way of obtaining an Imperial dragon, which meant that the breed as a whole was pretty valuable. Now that Imperials are abundant this is no longer the case, but First generation Imperials are still extremely sought and probably the most expensive type of dragon on the site.

There were also other items that were only given to Kickstarted backers, namely Skycats, Bonefiend, Golden Idol and Cogfrog familiars, and those are also pretty much impossible to obtain.

Baldwin breed change

When Baldwin was introduced in 2015 he was originally a Pearlcatcher. On September 14th of 2016 however his site art started to gradually change, until his transformation was completed five days later.

In-universe, Baldwin started to change after a lightning strike hit his cauldron during an experiment, which made him slowly mutate into the breed we now know as Bogsneaks.

Trans Fiona

When Fiona was added as a trading post dragon people speculated that she was trans, because the female pose for Skydancers only displays two antennae, while the male one has four.

Since Fiona has four antennae in her site art, many wondered whether it was an oversight or actually intended. Aequorin later confirmed in a forum thread that Fiona is indeed trans.

Boolean

Speaking of rare items, the Boolean familiar was only given to a handful of Flight rising beta testers and as such is extremely rare and valuable.

Plaguebringer coli team

On the Plaguebringer’s page she is listed as being part of a coliseum team.

As of now we have no clue as to why this is, and even more strangely she is the only deity that does this.

Boston & Hope

This story is a bit complicated. I’ve scoured the forums in search of info but it seems like there are still some pieces missing. I’ll try my best to explain anyway.

So, for a long while the Lightweaver was the only deity that had other dragons aside from herself in her lair: these dragons were a Spiral named Boston and a Tundra named Hope. Strangely, they were both Earth dragons and apparently have been there since the beginning (?). When asked why (this happened back when deities would interact on the forums) the Lightweaver responded that they were having a dinner party together.

In August 2014 during a pretty heated dominance battle between Shadow and Light Boston and Hope disappeared from the Lightweaver’s lair.

The Shadowbinder now had them, and both their elements were alsochanged to Shadow. The two deities acknowledged this and changed their broadcast messages accordingly.

If I had to guess this was some kind of inside joke that the admins had, although some people got angry that the Shadowbinder now had both Hope and Boston. Some time later(?) Boston was returned to the Lightweaver and for some reason his element was changed to wind.

I don’t have any more info on the matter but if some of you do I would appreciate it if you tell me.

Shallow Waters

Eyepocalypse

On June 8th 2018 eye type variants were introduced. This update was pretty controversial for a bunch of reasons, and the topic is still discussed today. The majority of people(?) seemed to be upset by the fact the “best” eye types (primarily goat, primal and multi-gaze) could only be displayed on dragons that were born with them, and the fact that every dragon born prior to the update couldn’t have these eye types at all displeased a lot of users.

Another problem was the fact that most of the non-special eye types (i.e the only ones that could be applied to already existing dragons using a vial of Scattersight) were not clearly visible on the grand majority of adult dragons.

A smaller(?) complaint was that two of the primal eye types, Shadow and Plague, were seen as kind of disturbing by some people.

Three years later staff attempted to fix this issue by adding Eye type vials for every available eye type. This resulted in a market crash for special eye typed dragons, as now these eye types could be applied to any dragon. The value of Scattersights also tanked, and the people bought them and hadn’t used them yet lost money as now they were infinitely less useful.

EDIT 28/06: Goat isn’t actually obtainable via breeding, faceted is. Bad mistake on my part.

Also, Scattersights were given away freely by Galore on Flight Rising’s fifth anniversary in 2018 and could not be bought afterwards. I admit that I thought people could be able to buy Scattersights due to how upset people were that the value went down, but whatever.

Courier Breed

The courier dragons (Edgar, Spitfire, and Pearl) are part of an exclusive dragon breed that is currently unobtainable. Even though their eye color still reflects the flight they were born in, in-universe they are considered to be “neutral” and they are granted free access to all domains. This raises the question as to which deity created them, as every other dragon breed (Bogsneaks being the only exception) has been created by one of The Eleven.

Multiaccounting

According to the site’s terms of service, no one is allowed to have more than one account. This is pretty standard for pet sites, as having multiple accounts grants unfair advantages and can mess up the site economy. This doesn’t completely stop people for having more than one account, and the practice as a whole is called “Multiaccounting” or “having multis”.

Some people only do this to have multiple clans or reboot their account without deleting their old one. They mostly do no harm but it is reasonable that the site wouldn’t allow this because of how easy it is exploit.

The real harm of multis comes from a practice called “funneling” which is when someone creates multiple accounts only for the purpose of giving items to their main account. This practice violates the game’s rules and can result in a ban. Funneling is not limited to multiaccounting though, and having an account only to feed another is against the site’s rules whether or not the account in question belongs to another person or not.

Some people fear of being banned for multiaccounting even if they haven’t done so, especially if they share a computer with other people.

Purble

“he purble” is probably among the most famous Flight Rising memes.

In 2016(?) a rant was submitted to the original Dramarising blog by a very angry user that wanted to buy an XXX Purple Ridgeback back when triples were pretty expensive, but got beat by someone else.

I’m not going to copy paste it here because in my opinion it’s one of the funniest Flight Rising related posts ever and I don’t want to spoil the experience of reading it for the first time. You can find it pretty easily by searching it up.

Tert Picking

This is something that refaced recently, even though I’ve seen people talking about this for a while. Some people vividly remember being able to pick their custom progenitor’s tertiary color, even though the developers have made it clear that such thing would be impossible. This is without a doubt just one of those weird situations where a lot of people somehow remember the same thing wrong.

Still, it’s fascinating just how many people claim to remember doing picking their tert.

Swiftwings

Swiftwings were a dragon breed that was scrapped in development. The design was rejected because it didn’t fit the 2 arms 2 legs 2 wings format that every dragon design had to follow before the introduction of ancient breeds.

The reason for this rule is that otherwise it would mess up apparel placement. Although the concept was scrapped, echoes of the design were scattered throughout the site: for example, the empty dragon slots that were present prior to 2019 had the silhouette of a Swiftwings dragon. They are also mentioned in the April Fool’s update of 2018.

“Real” Lore dragons

Most people don’t know that some of the dragons featured on the lore stories are actually real, and you can visit their pages. This is the case for Tetra, Cracklinne, Velya, Liefa, Garote and Mirth, which are currently chilling in Aequorin’s lair.

All of the other dragons in the developers’ lairs are not canon and are used to test bugs and features on the site.

The Middle ground

True deity names

When the site first started the deities used to have actual names instead of titles. Some of these names were based off of the site founders’s usernames on other sites.

The names are the following:

Amogayvhi - Gladekeeper Xhaztol - Arcanist Rhenik - Tidelord Akiri - Flamecaller Thrage - Stormcatcher Undel - Shadowbinder Jhortanas - Plaguebringer Ghurab - Windsinger Artaios - Earthshaker Rhiow – Lightweaver

As you can tell, Xhaztol, Akiri, Thrage and Undel are the usernames of some of the admins of the site, and the flight they are a part of corresponds with the previous name of their deity.

No leg coatls

On January 16, 2015 an iconic thread was posted in the flight rising discussion forum, which displayed a photoshopped image of a coatl with its legs removed. Quickly the thread devolved into a general photoshop thread were people took official site art of dragons and modified it.

The thread was eventually locked due to spam and quote pyramids, but spiritual successors of the original “phoatlshop” thread still exist today.

Dress slot unlocking

A thing that a surprising amount of people don’t know is the fact that when buy an additional apparel slot, the slot opens for every dragon in your lair and not just the one you bought it on.

This is something I also discovered very recently and it’s kind of funny that so many people that have been on the site for very long don’t know this.

Clanbound scatterscrolls

I think the wiki explains it best, so I’ll just copy paste this here:

“Tri-Color Scatterscrolls suffered from an issue where they would only scatter a random range from colors 1-47 (white through sunshine) rather than 1-67 (white through rose). They have been fixed and are now functioning correctly with a random range within the 67 color set. The affected timeframe was from August 15th, 2013 until September 22nd, 2013. The admins allowed users who were unsatisfied with their bugged Tri-Color Scatterscrolls to receive the same amount of them back in the form of Clanbound Scatterscrolls to try scattering their own dragons again with the full color range.”

Beta Mirrors

Ever wondered why they’re called Mirrors?

According to Undel, the main artist of Flight Rising, mirrors originally were supposed to have every part of their body “mirrored”, meaning they had two sets of eyes, two pairs of wings, two tails, and so on.

This design ended up being too cluttered and looked weird shrunken down. The name was kept the same, even though the only mirrored part of the design are the eyes.

Dragons are evil

If you read the “Beastclans on the rise” lore bit, the dragons come across as… very evil, stealing territory from the beastclans when they have been living on Sornieth way longer than the dragons have and killing them for loot.

Furthermore, in the Bounty of the Elements lore bit the Beastclan rebellion guided by Talona is seen by the dragons as unreasonable and wrong even when in canon Beastclans are framed as the innocent party.

The Depths

Scroll of Divorce

In the alpha stage dragons were supposed to be monogamous and could only breed with the dragon they were “paired” with. To break their bond you had to use an item called “Scroll of Divorce” which even featured broken marriage rings in the art.

If I had to guess, this item and the concept as a whole were scrapped because the idea of dragons having “weddings” and needing to divorce before breeding with another dragon felt kind of weird, especially in a game targeted towards teens.

First Festival

The first Holiday festival in Flight rising history was the 2013 Brightshine Jubilee. The items that were available for this festival only are incredibly rare, particularily the Light Sprite which is one of the most valuable items on the site. Apart from that and the fact that the skincent contest only had 6 winners, not much is notable about it.

Offsite drama

Flight Rising has had its fair share of drama both on and off site, but due to the fact that it’s against the site’s rule to discuss user drama on the forums most of the notable drama happened off site (mainly tumblr).

Egg rot

Egg rot was a very early mechanic that was pretty quickly removed from the site. If you forgot to incubate your eggs, they would “rot” and no longer hatch.

It’s the reason why in the nesting grounds the text reads “Eggs healthy” and also the reason why on the stats section of the Account settings it says “Eggs discarded”. The mechanic was removed because it heavily punished casual players and the frequent downtimes of the site meant that even if someone logged in every day they could still have their eggs die.

Also, the images of egg rot look extremely cursed.

Pablo

From what I could gather, Pablo is a dragon which became somewhat popular after user “Desmondtiny” wrote a very long and detailed backstory of them being the Arcanist’s lost boyfriend.

I’m pretty sure it gues deeper than that but I couldn’t find any further information. As usual, if you know something more let me know.