#Moreso I just want them to spurn each other more

[multitude-of-eels]

Thinking about the Harrow the Ninth epilogue where we learn captain Deuteros has a crush on Coronabeth/Crown, and how in Nona we learn from Nona herself (it's implied because even though she says as much, the sentence is cut off) that Crown also has a crush on the captain in return, and how several people in Nona the Ninth talk about how Crown loves people who don't want to pay attention to her and how when Crown offered to be Judith's cavalier, she turned her down. And anyways I'm pretty abnormal about the whole situation.

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel: Season 5 - A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 5 Summary Analysis:

Castiel is frustrated that his rebellion against heaven to help Dean ended in failure. He spends time with Dean while Sam is away and they become close friends. Cas develops a strong respect and affinity for Dean, and he resents that Dean gives in to his fate after trying so hard to help prevent it from happening. Cas takes Dean’s resignation as a personal slight and acts like a spurned lover. Throughout the season, Dean exhibits slightly homophobic behavior, especially with regard to Cas. 

My interpretation: Cas has developed unrequited romantic feelings for Dean. Dean cannot reciprocate because he’s still closeted about his bisexuality, and he’s hyper focused on saving the world, not on his personal happiness.

5.01 Sympathy for the Devil 

Dean is bummed to find out Cas was killed by an archangel: “Cas, you stupid bastard.” 

Cas comes back and saves Sam and Dean from Zachariah, marking their ribs so that they’re hidden from angels. Dean is pleasantly surprised to see Cas again.

5.02 Good God, Y’all! 

Cas is back with renewed vigor because he feels like God is on his side. Cas is frustrated that Dean failed to stop Sam from raising Lucifer: “I killed two angels this week, my brothers. I’m hunted. I rebelled, and I did it—ALL of it—for you. And you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world, and I lost everything for nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself.” 

Dean lets Cas borrow his necklace to find God.

5.03 Free to Be You and Me 

Cas comes to Dean for help to find Raphael. They seem much closer than they were before, but there is some tension between them (possibly sexual?): “Cas, we’ve talked about this. Personal space.” 

Cas resents Dean’s thanklessness: “I need your help because you are the only one who’ll help me.” 

When Cas and Dean go visit the sheriff’s office, Dean fixes Castiel’s tie for him. Cas learns people skills from Dean as they’re on the case. 

Dean takes Cas to a brothel: “There are two things that I know for certain: One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.” 

Cas is very uncomfortable in the brothel and accidentally upsets a hooker. When they leave, Dean is cracking up: “It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard. It’s been more than a long time—years.” 

Cas is upset to learn from Rafael that God’s not around. He also takes a page from Dean’s book and dishes some trash talk: “Today you’re MY little bitch.” 

Dean consoles Cas: “There were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead. But I knew in my heart that he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, Cas. What do you believe?” 

Cas makes sure Dean is ok before leaving. Dean appreciates having someone to connect with other than his brother: “I’ve had more fun with you in the past 24 hours than I’ve had with Sam in years, and you’re not that much fun.” 

5.04 The End 

Castiel waits four hours by the side of a road so Dean can sleep: “I’ll just... wait here, then.” 

Zachariah sends Dean 5 years into a dystopian future where Dean never said yes to Michael. Future Dean is a hardened soldier. Future Cas is a hippie sex guru. The two appear to have a history of closeness: “I thought you’d gotten over trying to label me.” 

Future Cas laughs at past Dean’s sarcasm: “What? I like past you.” 

Future Cas seems to butt heads with future Dean but goes along with his plans anyway (possible because they have built up trust over time). 

Past Dean calls out future Dean for lying to his people and singles out Cas: “You mean you’re gonna feed your friends into a meat grinder? Cas, too?” 

Back in the past, the waiting Cas grabs Dean right before Zachariah can get him. Dean is glad to see him: “Don’t ever change.”

5.06 I Believe the Children Are Our Future 

Cas wants to kill the antichrist, Jesse, but Sam and Dean want to help him. Cas tries to kill Jesse and gets turned into a plastic toy. Dean asks Jesse to return him to normal: “Truth is, he’s kind of a buddie of mine. Is there any way you could turn him back? He’s a good guy. He was just confused.”

5.08 Changing Channels 

Dean fanboys over Dr. Sexy, MD. He seems to have a crush on Dr. Sexy, even moreso than Dr. Piccolo or Dr. Wang. He knows everything about the character, including what kind of shoes he wears: “I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy, is the fact that he wears cowboy boots, not tennis shoes.” 

Dean forces Gabriel to release Cas: “Cas, are you ok?”

5.11 Sam, Interrupted 

Dean talks with a therapist (who is actually in his head) and we find out he’s never been in a long-term relationship (more than 2 months).

5.13 The Song Remains the Same 

Cas meets with Anna on behalf of the Winchesters to protect them from her. Cas regrets turning her in. Anna comments on his determination to protect the Winchesters: “You’ve changed.” “Maybe too late, but I have.” 

Cas sends the Winchesters back in time at great personal risk to himself. 

Dean demonstrates faith in Cas: “He’ll wake up. He’s, you know, tough for a little nerdy dude with wings.”

5.14 My Bloody Valentine 

Dean is “not feeling it this year” for picking up a girl on Valentine’s Day, and Sam is concerned: “It’s when a dog doesn’t eat. That’s when you know something’s really wrong.” 

Dean calls Cas and they just stand there staring at each other for a minute. 

The naked Cupid makes Dean feel uncomfortable, but he can’t stop checking him out. 

Famine causes Cas to start eating burgers and Sam to crave demon blood. Dean is amused by Cas’s hamburger eating and calls him the hamburglar. Cas comments on Dean’s lack of hunger: “You’re saying you’re just well-adjusted?” “God no. I’m just well-fed.” 

Famine doesn’t affect Dean because he’s given up on life and feels dead inside. Cas tries to comfort Dean when they lock Sam in Bobby’s panic room for detox: “You know, it’s not him in there, not really.” 

5.16 Dark Side of the Moon 

Sam and Dean are killed and sent to heaven. Cas guides them to Joshua, and he is extra touchy when talking to Dean. 

Cas is upset to learn that God has left and returns Dean’s necklace. Dean throws the necklace away because he‘s lost faith in his brother.

5.17 99 Problems 

Cas shows up drunk because he’s despondent about God’s absence. Dean gives Cas some pain pills for his hangover, and he commiserates with Cas: “I’ve been there. I’m a big expert on deadbeat dads, so yeah, I get it. I know how you feel.” “How do you manage it?” “On a good day you get to kill the Whore [of Babylon].” 

5.18 Point of No Return 

Dean decides to say yes to Michael, but Sam and Cas stop him. Cas is pissed off that Dean would do this and keeps glaring at him: “Maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them.” “Alright, you know what? Blow me, Cas.” 

Cas brings Adam to Bobby’s, and they stick Dean in the panic room. Dean seems surprised at how angry Cas is and taunts him with a wink: “Cas, not for nothin’, but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid.”

Dean says he’s tired and doesn’t believe in Sam. When Cas goes to talk to him, Dean blows him away with the blood sigil and escapes. When Cas finds Dean, he beats him up in an alley: “I rebelled for this? So that you could surrender to them? I gave everything for you, and this is what you give to me?” 

Dean taunts Cas to kill him, but Cas doesn’t. When Dean comes to, he’s still irreverent: “Word to the wise, don’t piss off the nerd angels.”

Sam tells Dean he believes in him. Cas continues to verbally burn Dean, and Dean looks visibly taken aback by it: “You’re gonna take on 5 angels?” “Yes.” “Isn’t that suicide?” “Maybe it is, but then I won’t have to watch you fail. Sorry, Dean. I don’t have the same faith in you that Sam does.” 

Cas carves a sigil into his chest to help Sam and Dean save Adam. Dean ends up not saying yes because he didn’t want to let Sam down.

5.21 Two Minutes to Midnight 

Cas apologizes to Dean for being so hard on him: “You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be.” 

Cas saves the Winchesters from Pestilence, despite having lost his powers. Cas is super bummed that most of his powers are gone, but he believes in the Winchesters: “You and Dean have a habit of exceeding my expectations. He resisted Michael. Maybe you could resist Lucifer.”

5.22 Swan Song 

Cas falls asleep in the back seat and Dean comments: “Aw, ain’t he a little angel.” 

After Lucifer gets away, Cas and Bobby are fatalistic and Dean refuses to accept it. When Dean heads for the cemetery, Cas is concerned: “I just want you to understand. The only thing that you’re gonna see out there is Michael killing your brother.” “Well then I ain’t gonna let him die alone.” 

Cas is inspired by Dean’s love for Sam and shows up to help: “Hey, assbutt!” 

After Sam jumps in the pit, Cas heals Dean and Dean says, “Cas, are you God?” “That’s a nice compliment, but no. Although I do believe he brought me back, new and improved.” 

Dean asks Cas what he’s gonna do now: “Return to heaven, I suppose. With Michael in the cage, I’m sure it’s total anarchy up there.” “So, what? You’re the new sheriff in town?” “I like that, yeah. I suppose I am.” “Wow. God gives you a brand new shiny set of wings and suddenly you’re his bitch again.” “I don’t know what God wants. I don’t know if he’ll even return. It just seems like the right thing to do.” “Well, if you do see him, tell him I’m coming for him next.” 

Dean is angry, but Cas tries to help him see the situation as a success and reminds him what it was all for: “He helped. Maybe even more than we realize.” “That’s easy for you to say—he brought you back. But what about Sam? What about me, huh? Where’s my grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole.” “You got what you asked for, Dean. No paradise, no hell. Just more of the same. I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? Peace or freedom?”

[dweemeister]

Floating Weeds (1959, Japan)

Director Yasujirô Ozu was tardy to synchronized sound in movies. With the introduction of sound in 1927, he did not make his first talkie until 1936. So too was he tardy with color. With black-and-white and color movies released together for decades, Ozu’s first color film came with Equinox Flower (1958), followed by Good Morning (1959; a remake of Ozu’s 1932 film I Was Born, But...). Later in 1959 another Ozu color talkie remake of one of his black-and-white silent films came to Japanese theaters: 1959′s Floating Weeds, a remake of A Story of Floating Weeds (1934). An already great original version is made better in this instance thanks to beautiful on-location shooting and a more mischievous sense of humor. In one of his most accessible pieces in his filmography, the cast includes many newer faces in this Ozu film. This is because Ozu’s contract with his home studio, Shochiku, had completed, and this next project was thanks to an invitation by Masaichi Nagata – the president of Daiei Film. Floating Weeds is made up largely of Daiei’s contracted actors, with one notable exception being Ozu mainstay Chishû Ryû.

Shot on the edge of the Kii Peninsula looking into Japan’s Inland Sea, Floating Weeds is a late-career testament to Ozu’s remarkable consistency as a director and storyteller, a crafter of dramas as compelling any drama could be – even when all the “showier” moments are never depicted, only discussed.

It is a sweltering summer in a lazy seaside town, with the occasional fishing vessel making its way through the harbor. A traveling kabuki troupe has arrived and they announce their new slate of shows with an impromptu parade and music. The troupe’s leader, Komajuro Arashi (Ganjirô Nakamura), is here not only to perform, but to see his old mistress, Oyoshi (Haruko Sugimura), and college-bound son, Kiyoshi (Hiroshi Kawaguchi). Oyoshi runs an intimate restaurant while Kiyoshi works at the local post office, building his savings before heading to university. Kiyoshi is told that Komajuro is his uncle – a secret that is threatened when Komajuro’s current mistress, Sumiko (Machiko Kyô), becomes jealous as he is not spending enough time with her during the daytime before performances. The film features a younger troupe actress named Kayo (Ayako Wakao) and the theater owner (Ryû). Character actors Kôji Mitsui and Haruo Tanaka also play bit roles.

The screenplay, co-written by Ozu and partner-in-crime Kôgo Noda, leans into the melodrama moreso than most Ozu films. Central to Floating Weeds are its characters speaking about permanence and belonging – like the original silent film version, the title is derived from the saying, “Floating weeds, drifting down the leisurely river of our lives.” For this film’s characters, it is difficult to always be traveling, living within the mercy of ticket sales, although the company of fellow troupe members makes the difficulty worth it. Komajuro is not an authoritarian boss to his fellow actors, but he is unable to see situations through others’ perspectives. Why are they not more like me, he wonders, as he is repeatedly surprised that the other members of his troupe imagine what life could be like without traveling across Japan. He cares for his fellow actors to the extent that everyone depends on each other for their roaming lifestyle. To his “nephew”, secrets remains unspoken behind an avuncular act that occurs every few years – Komajuro does not want Kiyoshi to follow or replicate a life that is dependent, rootless. It is how he remains Kiyoshi’s father, because he knows of no other way to do so. This concentration on Komajuro does come at the partial expense of understanding Oyoshi. It is no debate that she has been a wonderful mother to her son, but she is essentially a single parent that receives the occasional payment from an absent father. Does she harbor any spurned feelings for this arrangement? Is she content with what life has become or does she yearn for something else? Ozu and Noda never explore this quite enough.

Cinematic ellipsis is found in most of Ozu’s work, leaving the viewer to work together what has occurred in between scenes. Less-experienced Ozu viewers will be caught off-guard, claiming that characters seem to lack motivation, but Ozu has never been one to show the details of a steamy date, pomp and circumstance, or tearful departing words. As Ozu’s career progressed, his use of ellipsis generally increased – he became less interested in narrative flow, more interested in human perceptions and insights at a given moment. When Sumiko’s machinations involving Kayo are revealed to Komajuro and when Oyoshi tells her son about who his “uncle”  is, all that has been built up to these dramatic reveals are moments of quiet or lightly reflective conversation. Melodrama here is empowered through objectively-shot conversation, oftentimes casual rumor-mongering or quotidian remarks about how the day has been. The static pillow shots in between scenes (Ozu’s innovation where, after a lengthy scene, he might show us a few seconds of the corner of a building or a shot of the sea’s edge or the neon lights of a narrow street to allow the viewer to reflect on what has just occurred) serve as periods do in writing. The idea of a scene may be picked up later, or maybe it has served its purpose in defining to the viewer the characters who gradually show who they are across the film (and in a handful of cases, minor characters who appear once or twice – to Ozu, even these characters have a significant role to the ideas the film expresses).

There are times where – other than the character names, the setting, the synchronized sound, and the color photography – Floating Weeds seems indistinguishable from A Story of Floating Weeds (the two films have similar opening pillow shots). By 1959, Ozu’s era of experimentation had long since concluded. Ironing out what became his signature style in the 1920s and 1930s, the tatami shot aesthetic (where the camera would be placed low to the ground, pointed slightly upwards) and the pillow shot became his trademarks. The ellipsis was a given (as was passable to terrible child dramatic acting, which Ozu never seemed to improve on – not as if children were essential to Ozu’s dramas). Differentiating between A Story of Floating Weeds and Floating Weeds is that the latter, mostly in its opening half, has a broader sense of humor, playfulness – one running joke, more easily understood by those familiar with Japanese filmmaking or culture at-large, is that this kabuki troupe is depicted as anything but a high-quality entourage. It is a welcome reprieve to what might otherwise have been a hard-hitting domestic drama with no easy resolutions. This might be because that Daiei Film was less associated with melodramas than Shochiku.

In his first Ozu film, cinematographer and Daiei contractee Kazuo Miyagawa (1950′s Rashômon, 1965′s Tokyo Olympiad) always keeps the camera static – as one would also expect from any Ozu feature. It is a beautifully shot movie, perhaps most notably for the following sequence. As Komajuro and Sumiko move in an argument that is carried across the street that separates them, the camera does not pan with them. Notice where the camera is located as the characters speak: not over anyone’s shoulder, but a set distance from each character as they make their points. The second way this is shot has the camera reverting back to showing us part of the rain-splattering street, far back enough so that neither character physically dominates the frame. This latter framing is an extraordinarily complex composition filled with vertical lines that almost threaten the frame’s geometry, but it serves to lend objectivity to the two characters arguing their views – so that cinematography does not have much say in giving unwanted sympathy to either character.

Composer Takanobu Saitô (1953′s Tokyo Story, Equinox Flower) usually had little of interest to do – musically, cinematically – in his scores for Ozu’s films. Flowing, pastoral string melodies without motifs are typically played over the opening credits. But this is, if only for one cue, an unusual score for Saitô. In the scene where the troupe enters town for the first time, Saitô has composed a cue where the melodies reside in the woodwinds and where percussion is prominent. It is carnival-like music, which may remind some Italian cinema aficionados of the exuberance of Nino Rota’s scores for ‘50s and ‘60s Fellini films.

Lacking the absolute serenity of many Ozu films, Floating Weeds is nevertheless an exemplar of Ozu’s inimitable style and how emotionally and philosophically effective it can be. Because it has more above-the-surface melodrama than most in Ozu’s filmography, Floating Weeds is a possible starting point for any neophytes to a type of filmmaking far removed from exposition-delivering and overt dramatics of mainstream Western cinema (not that all Japanese cinema has bucked Western influences – a vast majority of the most popular contemporary Japanese movies, live-action and animated, take notes from Hollywood and not Ozu). For those who make Floating Weeds their first or one of their first Ozu films, the film serves as an introduction to some of the unifying ideas in his entire filmography. Individual lives are inescapably altered by others. To repudiate or fail to intuit that truth is to invite suffering; to intuit that truth but not attempt to understand others’ actions is hubris.

My rating: 9/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

[bubblegumpinkhightopconverses]

I’m going to cry again soon. And it’s not because I’m scared I’ll never get you back. It’s because I’m lonely.

I’m so lonely, Simon.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. No matter how many close friends I have, I’m always lonely when I’m by myself, even lonely around them, around other people, around my family, around my cat

I’ve always been lonely, and I don’t know why. Being with you in a romantic sense, I guess because of the constant companionship, you made me feel less lonely.

Even when I was alone in my room, surrounded by people I didn’t know in class, wandering campus by myself, it was like having you was having a shard of good close to my heart that kept the loneliness at bay

I don’t understand

I have so many friends

So many people that care for me, so many people I care for

But you were the first person to make me feel like I wasn’t lonely, even when you weren’t there

It’s why separation was so hard for me

Is still hard

Will always be hard

I don’t understand why

I don’t try to isolate myself. I have friends, it’s just, I can’t

I can’t be around some of them all the time

Sometimes I want to hang out with Nick because he’s got a certain kind of energy. And you do too. And Maggie, and Dimitri, and Giancarlo. You all held, or hold, different kinds of energy that I like, and so being around you and not feeling lonely requires me to want or need that kind of energy

But you seemed to exude any energy I needed

I realize now that some of it was my imagination, trying to make you into a perfect person, smashing you into a small little boy I could carry in my pocket, a walking shield from loneliness

You didn’t sign up for that, and I’m sorry

But right now

Right now I want a quiet presence.

Someone that I can sit next to and do work with, someone I can show memes on tumblr to take a break and see you smile and hear you laugh, someone who keeps me studious, and someone I can keep studious in return

That was you

It was always you. You were the friend I liked to study with, moreso than tracy and katherine ever were

And I miss that

I miss you so much

There’s so much more I miss from you, so many other parts of you I want to come back to. This one is just hitting me hard right now.

It’s finals week soon.

I’m gonna miss that studious presence a lot

It’s hard to stay focused, to not spiral into despair, a web of loneliness that catches tight and never lets go, not really

I miss just being able to sit with you and feel calm and focused and at peace

I miss you

I miss you so much

I don’t know how long it’ll take me to forgive you, but I hope it isn’t long. I hope I can sooner rather than later.

You’ll take longer. You have every right to. I’m sorry. We should’ve talked. I should’ve done more to be better for you. I wish it hadn’t gone that way.

What scares me most is that we’ll come back to each other and I’ll still love you like I did

That terrifies me

The constant longing for something I can never have, shouldn’t have, won’t have

I’m so scared of that, Simon, of falling in love with you again

I don’t want to be spurned, I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to get hurt, I don’t want to ruin what we have

I’m scared

And I miss you

I miss you so much

Everyone tells me I need to be independent now

It’s true

They’re right

But being independent and being lonely have always gone hand in hand for me

I don’t know why, and I plan to ask about it

To dig it up, examine it, and shape it into something better

But for right now it just sucks, man

Because I can’t be dependent on people, I can’t,

But it scares me to think that’s the only way I can keep from feeling lonely

...

It won’t be

I don’t think it will

When you come back, my little energy circle will be at least mostly complete

I’ll have you back, and you’ll have me, and we can sit together and do homework and watch movies and just exist together, in a way I’ve never been able to with others

Could we do that again?

Can we find that again?

Or is that something you want to leave behind?

I hope to everything good that it isn’t

Because I think that’s what made you my friend in the first place

Your laugh

Your smile

Your dumb jokes

Your wits and skills to match my own

The way you spoke, the way you were gentle

Your words, your ideas, your actions

And your presence

That calming, home-like presence

I hope I can find another like you

You made me feel so at home, and I want that back a little. A lot.

Did I make you feel at home?

I wanted to

I hope I did, for a bit

Because if I could do it once, I can do it again

I want to be someone’s home

And I want you, for the moment, to be mine again