#MiziSua was Ivan's inspiration but they were doomed from the jump because of this. maybe if he hadn't looked up to them he and till would

[crustyfloor]

Ivan’s idealization of MiziSua - A (personal) analysis

As a child, Ivan was shown to be very detached from the other kids around him in Anakt garden. Admired, but never approached because Ivan had problems processing emotions and expressions like other kids, which is a sure way to be excluded. besides, he was never interested in them in the first place.

So really, he had nobody around him until he met Mizi, Sua, and Till.

Ivan is an observer, he didn't know how to get closer to Till so he observed what other kids did and went along with what held the best results, now taking all this into account, naturally he'd be the same way around his friend group.

Mizi and Sua held a strong bond and love. They held eachother on high pedastals and basically saw eachother as their gods because they were so special to each other. And Ivan was always seeing that.

He even saw that sentiment in way Till loved Mizi, Till admired and looked up to Mizi (in the same way Sua did) because of her bright kindness and flowery purity that was was such a rarity in the world they lived in. She was his light, savior, she was his goddess.

And Ivan wanted Till to look at him like that too. He wanted what MiziSua had.

And so, Ivan put Till on a pedestal too because thats the only way he's known how to love. Ivan saw Till, his light, his god, his universe, everything. He loved Till like he loved a god. Even when Till wouldn't acknowledge him, he was only a hopeless follower to still attach to him. He held Till in such a high regard because Till was genuinely special to him. If Ivan couldn't love Till enough to worship him, did he really love him? and if Till couldn't see him in that way either, did he really love him back?

But, Till isn't a god. Till isn't his god.