#Mishearing words and turning into a joke <3

[thevoidkingbeckons]

Harry do balls? Sometimes. He is bisexual after all.

[wooahaeruby]

Chapter 18: One Shot, Two Shot

Chapter Word Count: 4,864

TW (this is a joke this chapter)

1) A LOT OF ALCOHOL 2) Mouse is hot. period. 3) I had fun this chapter

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“Now tell me again why you need to weigh the alcohol?” 

“Mouse, I’ve said it five times. Inventory reasons.” 

“And each time…I was not listening.” 

Jihoon stopped whatever he was writing down on the paper he pulled from a binder under the bar. Slowly he lifted his head to look across the counter, he looked at you all the annoyance on the planet. It kind of reminded you of when he looked at Soonyoung when he did something stupid. 

“I can see why Jeonghan dates you.” He deadpanned with a roll of his eyes, focusing back down on the papers before him. “I’ve written down everything you need, all you have to do is write down the numbers I give you.” 

Spinning the pages around and sliding them over, he dropped the pen on top, pulling out the scale from under the counter. With the papers under hand and pen held firmly, the two of you worked like a somewhat well oiled machine. Sometimes he would mutter and you’d have to ask him to repeat himself or you’d mishear which bottle he was weighing and didn’t want to write something in the wrong slot. It took at most forty-five minutes to go through all the liquor on the shelves with how extensive the bar was. Jihoon did pause a few times to answer messages on his phone which added some time but it didn’t bother you.

“I’m gonna head to the bathroom.” You called out while he answered another text, hopping off the barstool and turning on your heels. Over the music you heard a grunt from him in confirmation that he heard you. 

Luckily there was a red, neon lit sign hanging above the hall archway that said bathroom so you didn’t have to ask and you were pleasantly surprised at the quality of the restroom. The bathroom itself wasn’t too brightly lit, more than enough if someone was to fix their makeup but not enough to fully adjust their eyes when they went back to the main room. The sink countertops were a dark granite with a handful of silver/stainless steel sinks and rectangular mirrors before them. Much to your delight, the toilet stalls were fully enclosed with vacant and occupied signifiers for when they were locked. 

One thing felt like it was missing, you were trying to place what was missing as you washed your hands once finished with your business. Walking back towards the bar, you took a seat and it all clicked. 

“Jihoon, why don’t you have Angel Shot signs in your bathrooms?” 

He lifted his head from his phone and raised a brow. “What’s an Angel Shot?” 

You stared at him in disbelief before you furrowed your brow into a frown. “You own three clubs and don’t know what an Angel Shot is? That is so….Cis-Het of you…” 

“Time out-” Jihoon put his phone down, moving to stand across the bar counter from you. “First off, the fuck does Cis-Het have to do with this and why are these so important because if I need to get another kind of alcohol, I don’t even know where to begin with it.” 

“Oh my god, you really are Cis-Het.” You laughed , slapping your hand against the counter. “Oh my god, Minnie is going to love this- I’m calling Mingyu-” 

“Explain to me what that-” 

Ignoring his confusion, you pulled your phone from your pocket and group-called three people who definitely knew what an Angel Shot was. Mingyu was the first to answer, seeing as he was only upstairs, but the other two took a bit longer. 

“ I’m literally upstairs, what?” Mingyu didn’t sound annoyed, but bored if you had to put a word to it. 

“Hold on, I’m waiting for the other two to answer.” 

The next to join the call was Joshua who hummed out in question why you were calling him, which you gave the near same answer, placing the phone on speaker. 

When Seokmin answered, you hushed them all and leveled Jihoon with a pointed stare. 

“I have a question for you three.” They all gave acknowledgement that they were listening. “Do you know what an Angel Shot is?” 

“ Those are the shots you order when you feel unsafe, right? And different types of Angel Shots have different meanings?” Mingyu asked for calcification and Joshua responded. 

“ Neat is to escort someone to their car, on the rocks is to call them a taxi, and with lime or a twist is to call the police for immediate danger.” 

“Mister I own three clubs over here, don't know what an Angel Shot is.” 

“ Wah, Jihoon, really? Very Cis-Het of you,” Seokmin added and you laughed again. 

“That’s what I said, Minnie! Anyways, that’s all I needed, thanks.” 

Hanging up, your stare didn’t let up and Jihoon huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Stop staring at me.” 

“Why? Scared I know something you don’t?” 

“No, I don’t want your goofy ass staring at me.” 

“You don’t like that I know something you don’t know!” 

Jihoon leveled you with a very bored, very unimpressed stare. “Would you be less annoying if I did put signs in the bathrooms?” 

“Hell, I’ll even pay for them because it could save someone’s life.” You crossed your arms and lowered your voice. “Just because you are the big bad mafia, doesn’t mean you have to not help people. You and the staff can save plenty of people from predators that walk these streets.”

You had a special privilege when it came to those situations in the past since Seokmin was there for you, but you knew many people didn’t have a ‘knight in shining armor’ to save them in difficult to leave situations. Now you had a small army of friends you could call upon if anything was to happen. Clubs weren’t your thing but you’ve heard plenty of horror stories online that broke your heart. 

“I’m serious, Jihoon. Even though they are random people, they…” You paused, an uncomfortable feeling bubbling in your chest. “Many of them have people they go home to, families and stuff, and for a while I was worried about stuff like that for myself…” 

Jihoon stopped you, shoulders deflating and rounding the bar until he stood beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Mouse, you don’t have to explain yourself.” 

“Yeah- Sorry…” You ran a hand through your hair, sighing quietly. “I get in my head sometimes.” 

“We all do, it makes you human. I understand what you are saying. I’ll get the signs, train the staff, would you like to help with it?” He sounded sincere, even leaning over to take in your expression as you thought it over. 

“Can I?” 

“Well, I’m asking you and I’m in charge so...” 

You elbowed Jihoon in the ribs and he just snickered. 

“Can you help me finish the alcohol now?” 

“All I’m saying,” Jihoon took a bite of a french fry, pointing the bitten end at you. “Is that if you are dating Jeonghan, you can be a worm in his ear which in turn becomes a worm in Seungcheol’s ear.” 

“Jihoon, I am not asking Jeonghan to tell Seungcheol to have him restore a vintage mustang when you don’t even drive your Lambo.”  

“Come on!” Jihoon huffed, dropping the fry into his take out container.

“Mingyu already tried to have me tell Jeonghan the house needed a new stove.” You laughed, stealing a few french fries from him. “Like he couldn’t pay for it which was dumb as hell.” 

“I mean, I’d pay for everything, but I know nothing about cars to restore one.” 

“Maybe we should get you to learn how to cook first.” 

Jihoon visibly cringed. “It’s not like I can’t cook, it's more that cooking takes time away from other things I do so I’m too lazy to do it.” 

You laugh, “Oh yeah because working out and sleeping are more important than feeding yourself.” 

“To be absolutely fair, someone else is always cooking enough for leftovers.” 

“I can’t say I didn’t contribute to that when Mingyu was down.” 

“Make that spicy chicken bake again by the way. We all finished it in under two days.” 

Gasping, you stared at him in surprise. “I made three trays!” 

“And you fed thirteen guys!” He defended. 

“Who ate the most of it?” 

“I will not answer that.” 

“I’m going to blame you.” 

“Blame Seokmin.” 

“Bastard!” 

The two of you shared a laugh, sitting on the bar stools, eating the fast food take out he had delivered. Mingyu had taken his food up to the office while you and Jihoon stayed and finished out the bottle weighing. It was the first time actually sitting down and talking to Jihoon which was nice, a bit of a fresh break from the chaos that came when everyone was around and you couldn’t really hear yourself think. He was reserved when talking about certain parts of the business, but was open when talking about the clubs in general. 

Ruby was the first club to open. In the beginning it was a dingy little joint that he wanted to grow into a big night life scene. When the money was prevalent, he bought the building next to it and expanded, then the next building and added on. Serenity was built second, he said it was more a classy, jazz bar. It had a dress code and all tables were reserved. It was his pride and joy, something he poured a lot of time and money into more than Ruby. 

As for the last one, Quartz was the newest, only two years old. It was the second largest where Seungkwan and Mingyu did event coordination and dedicated nights for certain types of music. They sold tickets to the dedicated night events for eighteen and up, always keeping a close eye on people eighteen through twenty so they aren’t buying drinks, using sharpie to mark their hands with Xs. Unsurprisingly, Vernon bounced between Quartz and Ruby as his infamous title of DJ Leaf Blower , which Jihoon wasn’t the most fond of but he stopped fighting against Vernon years ago. 

“Have you ever actually been to one of the clubs?” 

You shook your head and laughed, looking about the main floor of Ruby . “Never in a million years would I have stepped foot in here before you guys. Minnie tried for so long to get me to come out with him one night but I’m not much of a club person.” 

“Shame, maybe we can drag you out now.” Jihoon smirked and you glared at him. 

“Are you trying to say something, Jihoon?” 

“Nah, you are just boring.” 

“I will kick your ass.” 

“I’d like to see you try.” 

It felt a bit like a silly idea, but you were going with the flow. It was the weekend after your adventure at Ruby with helping Jihoon. He had promised that the first day they were closed he’d hold a meeting and get signs put up and you were busy so you ended up unable to help with anything. From what you heard, the idea came across well to the staff and Seungkwan, Mingyu, and Seokmin loved it even more when they learned it was your idea. 

Now you were getting to ‘ go out on the town’ as Joshua said when he and Jeonghan showed up. You called him old, he called you short, the cycle continued.

The two looked…nice. Both dressed in black slacks and button ups, Jeonghan in a navy blue top while Joshua kept with his usual crisp white. 

“Mouse,” Jeonghan called out from your living room in a sing-song voice, “Hurry up!”

“Give me a second!” You yelled through your closed door, checking over your make up once more then standing back to look in the mirror. 

You had turned to Pinterest of all places to pick an outfit earlier in the week. After work on Wednesday, you took a taxi to the mall to find a suitable outfit that would make you feel hot and hopefully catch a few eyes (not that Jeonghan cared, he would hype you up, he knew where your heart rested). You were maybe a bit too successful in the white, lace-y bodysuit and very short, tulip hemmed black leather skirt. As a precaution and comfortability, you added black, spandex shorts underneath. The outfit was finished off with strappy black heels and one of your comfortable leather jackets. 

Hot was an understatement in your head. You could wear revealing clothes but this was a whole other level. The bodysuit covered what was needed but didn’t leave much to the imagination outside of that. The skirt was short, much shorter than any you’ve worn to work. You kept your hair down and the makeup smoky, a simple nude lipstick to finish everything off. You did pack a small bag with extra shoes if you wanted to change but the ones you picked were surprisingly comfortable.

“You have two seconds to come out before I come in.” Jeonghan knocked and you hurried to pull the door open. He looked down to you, raising a brow as his eyes raked over your body. He even let out a whistle. “We should have taken you out way before now.” 

“Shut up and take this.” You pressed a bag to his chest which he gladly took, letting you walk past him. A hand met your butt and you squeaked, turning to hit Jeonghan in the arm. “Hannie!” 

All he did was snicker and send a wink your way, a wide smirk on his features. With a huff, you hurried away from him, entering into the living room where Joshua sat on your couch. 

“Are you finally done-” He sat up straight, phone nearly slipping from his hand when you came into view. Joshua swallowed, eyes moving to look at you from head to toe, and stood quickly, turning to go around the couch and push some hair from his face. “We should get going, Jihoon reserved the top area for all of us.” 

Jeonghan stopped beside you, both raising a brow at each other before following after Joshua who was quick to leave the apartment. 

“Was that weird?” You whispered, taking Jeonghan’s hand as you walked down the hall. 

Your boyfriend shrugged, “He is always weird.” 

One of their men drove the three of you to the club. Joshua took the seat up front while you and Jeonghan sat in the back. It was already past opening and the line to get in was down the street with security making sure it stayed orderly.

The car pulled up to the curb near the entrance and two guards came, standing near the front and back of the car. Joshua was first to get out, straightening his shirt. Jeonghan stepped out before you, holding his hand out for you to take and slide out of the car. You kept your face turned more away from the line of people and walked between the two older men, the guard at the door opening it for your three. 

The music was loud and it was decently crowded, people were dancing and the bar was littered with bodies to get drinks or take a rest on a stool. Each table was full and more security paced around the edges, keeping watchful eyes out. Behind the bar, to your surprise, was Jihoon and Chan, along with a few other staff members to serve the people. They looked in their element, Jihoon more than Chan, but both had different vibes overall. One turn of your head found Vernon behind the DJs booth with a headset on, pushing some buttons on his laptop. 

Jeonghan led you with a hand on your lower back towards the stairs to the upper VIP area, keeping you from bumping into random people. The last guard to the stairs let you pass with a nod to both Joshua and Jeonghan. When you got to the top, you took note of many of the other guys, but your eyes set on Siyeon, her hair now shoulder length, bleach blond. She was in a fitted black crop top and white ripped jeans, sitting on the couch while in conversation with Seungkwan. 

“Mouse!” Seokmin was enveloping you in a hug the moment you were within reach. He stepped back and held your arms, giving a whistle as he took your entire outfit in. “God damn, girl, didn’t know my best friend was this hot.” 

You snorted and rolled your eyes, seeing the ripped black jeans and white button up. “You think your skinny jeans can hold your thighs?”

“I think they fit just right.” The smirk on his face was accented by a wink. 

“Goodbye, hate you so much.” Pushing him away, you passed a few of the guys, waving to them. 

“What do you want to drink?” Jeonghan came up behind you, placing his hand around your waist, moving it down to smooth out the skirt at your hip. 

“Surprise me, I’m here to have fun.” You placed a kiss to his check then hip checked him. “I’m going to talk to Siyeon.” 

Jeonghan returned the kiss with one of his own to your cheek then another to your temple. “Yes, Ma’am.” He was gladly taking your jacket, watching you scurry off.

“There is my gorgeous girl.” Siyeon took your hand and pulled you closer, running her eyes up and down your form, smiling so gently. “Looking good. No one will be able to take their eyes off of you.” 

“Easy there, you’ll make me blush.” Faking a swoon, she chuckled at your antics.

“You guys are gross,” Seungkwan pretended to vomit, side eyeing the two of you. 

“Oh shut it, I know what you and Vernon do behind closed doors.” You fired back and Seungkwan’s face flared bright red. Siyeon placed her arm around your waist, having you stand beside her, placing two on one in this situation. 

“Wooyoung does like to gossip.” Siyeon hummed. 

“Why did Jeonghan let you two become friends?” He asked himself, but you snorted. “He has created another demon.” 

“Oh no, Kwannie, I already was one, you guys just helped me break out of that shell.” 

Jeonghan did return with a Tequila Sunrise for you and a glass of whiskey for himself. When you took your first sip, you nearly gagged, only for Jeonghan to say that Jihoon poured maybe a double shot for fun. You were lucky you ate before Joshua and Jeonghan showed up because you were going to need it to keep from getting too sick. When you finished the first drink, you settled on going down and getting something yourself, wanting to mingle among the crowd and maybe dance if you felt up to it. 

Siyeon booted Jeonghan away, saying she was going to be your company for the night and that ‘ boyfriends weren’t allowed’ . Jeonghan made a comment that you could handle yourself just fine and if you needed help, someone wouldn’t be too far behind. Downstairs, you got a seat at the bar counter, waving Jihoon over when he looked in your direction. 

“Another sunrise, but don’t kill me this time.” You said the best you could over the music when he leaned over. 

“Ah, but where is the fun in that, Mouse?” He laughed, “I’ll be right back.” 

Looking over your shoulder, you saw Siyeon in the crowd of bodies with someone you couldn’t properly see pressed against her form. Turning back to the bar, Jihoon slid back in, passing the glass over to you. With a thank you, he was off and you stayed seated, holding your drink close as you turned to face out into the crowd. You crossed one leg over the other, bouncing your foot to the beat Vernon was currently mixing. 

“You look lonely.” The voice that was close to your ear was familiar, it had you smirking and sipping the fruity drink in your hand. 

“Are you going to fix that, Woo?” Peeking at him from your peripheral, he looked good. Half unbuttoned shirt, hair pushed back, even the simple chains he wore added to the charm.

“I dunno, will your boy toy let me?” 

“Better question, will I let you?” You continued to sip from your glass, watching him smirk. 

“I don’t think you will.” He sounded amused and you reached over and patted his cheek. 

“Smart, keep it up and you might get a gold star next time.” Taking a breath in, you downed the rest of your glass, placing it on the counter, and hopping off the stool. “Don’t wait up.” 

Entering into the mass of people out on the floor was easier than you imagined. You had your sights set on getting to Siyeon but one hand around your waist and a very pretty woman swaying with you to the beat of the music got you horribly distracted. Her hands were on your hips and you let her lead the way, losing yourself a little in the lightness taking hold of your thoughts and the fun you were slipping into. Before you noticed, another set of hands were on your waist but a glance at the nails and the rings made it known that Siyeon was behind you.

After a few songs, the woman in front of you split off and you didn’t let the vibes get down. The music was something upbeat, it had you jumping and turning to dance with all your heart beside Siyeon. It wasn’t long before Seokmin was sliding up with you and Siyeon was passing you off to mingle around more. Much to your enjoyment, Seokmin joined in on your vibe, laughing at some goofy dance moves you managed to execute, but mainly let you be with the free spirit that overtook you. 

“Shots?” He leaned in so you could hear him over the music. 

“Shots!” Taking his hand, you pulled him through the crowd towards the bar, waiting your turn to get towards the counter, smiling brightly to Chan who held up a finger to signal you to wait. “Vodka?” 

A wide smile spread on his face and he gave a nod. “Vodka.” 

Chan’s stroll over and one look at your bright eyes and smile had him shaking his head. “What do you want, Mouse?” 

“Two vodka shots! You pick the bottle.” 

“Are you gonna be watching her?” He asked over your shoulder to Seokmin who gave a thumbs up. 

“I’ll make sure my honey is perfectly fine~” 

With trained speed, Chan was placing the shot glasses and pouring the vodka, passing them towards the two of you. “There is Gatorade in the office.” 

“A life saver you are.” You blew him a kiss before he walked off. 

Each of you took the shots in hand before tapping them on the counter and downing it. You cringed the slightest bit but the alcohol was smoother than you expected. 

“I’m going to regret this tomorrow.” Pushing off the bar, you grabbed Seokmin’s hand once more. “But fuck it, it’s the weekend!” 

Between the dancing with Seokmin and the randoms that cared to join, the two of you went shot for shot. It was fun, carefree, something you haven’t done since college properly even if you weren’t much of a partier. Wooyoung joined for a dance before finding a piece of eye candy and Siyeon was a sweetheart, making sure you at least had some water between the shots (she scolded Seokmin but he was teetering on drunk with you). Jihoon questioned if he was going to need to cut both of you off but all you had to do was pout and remind him that it was his idea for you to come to the club. And that you weren’t driving so what was the harm in pushing some limits. Seokmin did manage to convince you to head upstairs and take a breather, which you agreed to under the guise that he’d get your other shoes from Jihoon’s office. 

Taking a seat between Jeonghan and Joshua who sat on one of the couches, you were quick to take your heels off and curl up beside him. 

“Enjoying yourself, love?” Jeonghan asked, placing his arm around your shoulder and keeping you close. 

“I am. Minnie said we should sit down for a little.” Your words were a bit jumbled but he understood you. “He is getting my other shoes.” 

“Mmhm, you were smart to bring another pair.” His praise had you curling closer against his side. 

“I’m going to have the worst hangover tomorrow.” 

Joshua snorted on your other side, sipping his drink. “Jihoon said you have been getting shot after shot. You are going to feel like hell tomorrow.” 

Huffing, you pressed your back against Jeonghan’s side and tossed your legs over Joshua’s lap. “I might feel like hell but at least I am not being a bum and sitting up here.” 

“Hey, ouch.” Jeonghan laughed. “Shua can have plenty of fun, he just needs more alcohol to unwind.” 

There was something in his tone that you couldn’t pinpoint with the haze fogging your mind. Joshua was looking over you to Jeonghan and he was glaring, but Seokmin was back, tossing your bag into your lap. You removed your legs from Joshua’s lap and slipped into the strappy sandals you brought and rolled your ankles, humming in relief. 

“If you losers will excuse me, I’m going to dance with someone pretty.” 

Jeonghan snickered, giving your thigh a tap as you stood. “Go get ‘em tiger.” 

You don’t know how long you’ve been on the floor in the rush of people. Vernon had switched off from being DJ to another guy that kept the vibes just as high. You had bounced between dancing with small groups of drunk women, the occasional guy that was ballsy enough to approach, or simply letting the music take over to dance by yourself. There was a hand that did try and trail too low from a drunk man but you shut that down immediately and tangled yourself in with Wooyoung who was still with the eye candy from earlier. 

“Mouse-” Joshua’s voice over the music had you tense for a moment but the hand that was gently placed on your waist eased the tension. “Some of us are heading out. Did you want to come?” 

“Huh-” You turned, finally processing just how close he was to you, him now holding your waist with both hands. “Oh-”

There was a little sway to his stance that was in time with the music. The top buttons to his shirt were undone and his sleeves were rolled up nearly to his elbows. From Joshua’s drinks earlier, there was a red flush to his skin but somehow he looked like he was glowing until the multicolored lights that shone over the crowd. He was leaning close and despite the bodies that surrounded you, you could smell the scent of his cologne that still clung to his skin. Joshua looked…handsome, probably something more than that but you weren’t able to think straight as you stared at him. 

“Mouse?” He looked concerned but you nodded, leaning away and placing a hand to your forehead to think straight . 

“Yeah-” You shook your head, averting your eyes. “Yeah, I think I should get out of here.”

Joshua gently took your hand in his and led you through out of the crowd, having you sit and wait there until some of the others came down. You waved down one of the bartenders seeing Jihoon and Chan were busy and ordered some water, chugging it down quickly to hopefully cool the heat under your skin. 

Maybe I had too much to drink, you thought, staring down at the empty glass. Nah, definitely too much to drink…

“You aren’t looking too hot.” Jihoon broke you from your little trance and took the glass from your hand to refill it. “Are one of the guys going to take you home?”

You nodded, “Shua said some of the guys were leaving and asked if I wanted to go.” 

He gave a small nod before hurrying off to serve someone else. 

It wasn’t long before Jeonghan was at your side, helping you off the stool and placing your jacket over your shoulders. Instead of Joshua being in the car with you, Seokmin and Vernon wormed their way in with Seokmin on your side and Vernon sitting up front. With the penthouse being closer, the man driving the four of you dropped Seokmin and Vernon off first, leaving Jeonghan and you to head back to your apartment. 

Jeonghan was an absolute doll, helping you get your makeup off and brushing your hair. He got you a pair of pajamas when you asked and helped you into the bathroom so you could change and wash your face. While you did want to curl up and cuddle with him to sleep, he only tucked you in and placed a chaste kiss to your lips when you pouted, making sure you had a water bottle and some pain killers, saying he’d come back the following day to get a much needed hangover breakfast.

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Tag List:

@unlikelysublimekryptonite @iiaweirdo @aurorajoye @gaslysainz @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @vanteel

[thatdeadaquarius]

Sobbing and crying just saw your post of us sounding like a Sim, and I am DYING.

What if it went the other way? They can understand us, but we can't understand them!

Us : hey so what the fuck is happening why tf am I in genshin impact

Them : OMG ASKSKSKSKS FEDERRRALL MEERKK TREEESO! (Omg it's the divine God I'm shittinh myself oml) or whatever idk)

Us: excuse me what the fuck did you just say about my mother? (US mishearing or maybe the words are randomized? Who knows)

Everyone just being confused and frustrated on why you can't understand them. Is it because they aren't worshipping you enough? Maybe some friendship level BS where obly those who are lvl 10 can understand u or smth? Who knows, certainly not the Creator.

I highkey am thinking about writing smth for this now but having it be for like each archons reaction or smthin but who knows. I just wanna see a bunch of divine beings confused outta their mind in like whatever cities square and it turning into a "holy game of charades"

Also happy early birthday ajdjdjkdkdkdk

I”M SO LATE SO THANK YOU FOR THE BDAY WISHES LMAO SORRY KARMA MY BELOVED

AHHHHH U INSPIRED ME BY THE ARCHONS HOLY GAME OF CHARADES-

AND OH NO LVL 10 ONLY FRIENDSHIP UNDERSTANDING-

(づ ￣ ³￣)づ here have a hug for your patience- sorry karma!! :')

LMAO this inuyasha gif- obviously everyone else guessing what ur doing and the 2 others r like ppl like Venti or Kaeya who r just fucking with ppl by joining you lol

OK BUT WHO DO U HAVE LVL 10 FRIENDSHIP?!

BC I GOT NOBODY 😭

ITS RLLY HARD TO DO OKAY-

I HAVE TO PUT ACTUAL EFFORT INTO THE FEW THAT ARE LEVEL 4-5 

ID BE SO FUCKED-

Oh no.

Oh god (you??) no.

What if you had the highest friendship with little d**ks like Scaramouche.

noooOOOOOO

He’d be like, “Eh, I don’t feel like translating today.” 💀

Also I’m rolling with the idea that 

perfect understanding = lvl 10,

Most words 7-9

Some words 5-6

Kinda ?? they get 2 words per sentence or smth 3-4

Basically nothing 1-2

◇

Anyway ornery bitches like Scara/Xiao/Alhaitham/Rosaria/Diluc (all for diff reasons like diluc/xiao would just be overwhelmed and dont like ppl that much lol, whereas haitham doesnt give a fuck lmao) would kinda suck to have as translators

OH NOT THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD JUST LIE ABOUT WHAT U SAID ON PURPOSE TO DECEIVE THE MASSES LIKE Heizou/Yae Miko/Kaeya/Venti 

They pull something like “oh well the god of gods said I could have the last slice of cake/an extra glass of wine hehe”

For different reasons these people would also be ROUGH translators: FISCHL OH NO- , Zhongli, Albedo (he simply would omit “unnecessary details”, cyno, ITTO PLEASE, Raiden (puppet) bc shed take stuff too far/too literally u would never be able to communicate jokes, Razor (im sorry bbyboy), Shenhe

THE CHARADDEEESSS

THE CHARADES OF THE GODS 

You may or may not get another title of a jokester god bc of these SILLY charades 💀

The people u have higher levels of friendship with giving hints LMAO

♤

“Uhhh….. Oh! Oh! Greatest Lord wishes to see a dance performance!” 

Nahida’s sweet voice rings out in Yujing Terrace, her tiny hand waving in the air like an elementary student who’s really excited to answer. …Which isn’t that far off honestly.

“Hmm, I disagree Buer, I believe the Hundun Emperor is saying they wish to take a bath perhaps. I am also attempting to use context, as it has been a long day for them.” Zhongli is in his classic “majestic thinking gentleman” pose, and you’d admire it more if it weren’t for the fact that they don’t seem to be getting what you’re saying.

You hadn’t yet found someone with a higher friendship level than 2 or 3 (hey, don’t blame yourself, you really have to put effort into friendship levels to get them anywhere and you were still busy screwing around in Sumeru when you got spirited away).

So needless to say, most people were getting “the, me, I, you, etc.” rather than the actual important keywords you needed them to, hence the godly charade game now.

As you “hold” something, you throw your hands up in the air, still keeping your hands wrapped around nothing. You think if somebody told you last week that you’d be playing charades with the archons in Genshin Impact so you could actually communicate with them… well you don’t know what you would have done. Maybe just gave them a really awkward laugh.

“Oh! Are you asking for a weapon? Akitsu Mikami, my emperor, we or our nations will surely provide protection from any harm that might befall you. Hm, I suppose we should offer something anyway… I wouldn’t want to displease them…” Ei mutters to herself, having taken over her puppet once more for the occasion.

She and Buer, still retaining their authority status, had asked for the area to be cleared in order to try and get closer to communicating with the Divine First, or you.

“Ha! What idiot would try to hurt the All-Parent in their home, unless they wish to get thrown?” Venti cheekily says, as you don’t understand him, but judging by Zhongli’s clenched jaw, Ei’s sigh, and Nahida’s giggle, you can guess.

You give your own sad sigh… it’s already been 3 hours. 😭

How hard is charades for 4 archons??

Well… apparently very hard.

You put your face in your hands, and you hear the (retired) archons start to debate something, you can tell it’s getting a little passive-aggressive between Venti and Zhongli by their tone alone. 

…Okay, now it’s just aggressive.

The archons eventually give their attention back to you so you can go back to your charades lol

You tried opening your mouth and closing it, very obvious, they can’t go wrong. 

…Turns out they can. 

Somehow you find yourself with a hot tea brewed by the geo archon. 

(Venti attempted to offer you Dandelion Wine, or Osmanthus Wine even, and only god, well you now, knows where he pulled them from. Ei swatted his head, he looked so offended, and his cheeks were all puffed up, heh.)

Giving up, you just try to motion for them to stay still, your hands gesturing like trying to calm a wild animal.

They give you questioning looks, and you begin to walk off, they all seem to immediately start discussing something with each other. All of the gods look very conflicted, and after a minute of you getting further away (yes, you’re almost home free, Xiangling here you come! ) Nahida skips to catch up with you.

She gives you a beaming smile, and you can’t bring yourself to not return it. She's so much cuter in real life, even the official art didn't do her justice.

You make your way towards the restaurant, finally.

And apparently you’re happier than you thought to smell the savory scents flowing out of the kitchen because your stomach growls loudly.

You’re too hungry to even attempt to stop it, no one will care, except Nahida’s eyes go wide. She begins to sputter, and flail her hands desperately trying to charade an apology at you.

…you were just trying to tell them you were hungry. 💀

☆

Ask box open again! :] 🎊

Pspspspspssubliminalmessagingyouwillsendthatdeadaquariusanaskpssppspspspspssss

✨️Hope you guys got smth out of this rough draft✨️ ♡

:D hope u guys have had a good weekend!

My senior art exhibit is april 6th so wish me luck and prayers (from any religion im not picky pls)

Safe Travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[you-did-well-moon]

The Warmth Provided (1)

Type: fluff, angst, crack, college au, friends to lovers au

Word Count: 7,784

A/N: This was obviously just supposed to be a little imagine not more than 5k words, but it turned out to be three times as big. I really need to control myself as a writer from now on, and if you request anything from me don't expect it to be as big as this lol. This simply happened because I got the inspiration for it. Also im sorry but y/n real booboo the fool with this one. With that please enjoy and don't be afraid to talk to me. 

TW: mentions of mental illness, mentions of infidelity, awkward situations, toxicity from Sungjin, footsie

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3

You groaned whining at Sungjin and tugging at the very warm looking hoodie he wore. He gave an exasperated sigh not daring to even look at you knowing he would give in to your stupid puppy eyes. He put his face in his hands letting out a grunt that could only mean he was giving in to your temptations. You persisted, now putting both hands on his hoodie clad arm and leaning your head on his shoulder. You really could be evil sometimes.

“Y/n please-”

“Come on Sungjinie i’ll give it back by the end of class”

“You said the same thing last time, and you ran out of class WITH my hoodie peaches”

“It was buy one taco get another one free day at the cafeteria…”

You innocently smiled at him as he whipped his head to look at you with furrowed eyebrows and his facial features scrunched up. “Free tacos are on fridays. It was monday” he scoffed, shaking his head as if not being able to believe the audacity you had asking for his hoodie. You slowly blinked your eyes at him. “Sungjin I don’t even remember what month it is, and you want me to know what day it is! Am i a joke to you? You know what, don’t answer that asshole”

You sucked in air through your teeth and leaned back in your seat not being able to believe you and one of your best friends were arguing right before class was going to start because he wouldn’t give you his dumb hoodie. You had forgotten your own because you had spent around half an hour trying to pick what cereal you wanted to eat, and by the time you put the last darn Cheerio in your mouth you had five minutes to run to the opposite side of campus.

You really didn’t get why the human resources building was on the opposite side of campus from your apartment. It was only a matter of time before you actually woke up in time for the class. It didn’t matter because upon arrival to your seat in one of the middle rows in between Sungjin and Dowoon, you found out the professor was late to his own class. Probably still trying to convince his wife to stay with him. Poor man really couldn’t catch a break with that witch.

Mornings were always cold, and the building was also freezing. That brought you here, begging your best friend to let you borrow his hoodie which had cheese stains around the edges of the sleeves and smelled like ramen.

You were desperate.

You grimaced, turning your head to look at the sleeping Dowoon. There was no way you were waking him up to ask for his hoodie. Last time you did that he swung at you with his backpack -which had at least five books the size of your arm in it. Sungjin banned him from playing games for a month as punishment, but it didn’t stop the pain you felt when doing literally any kind of movement. From that moment onwards, you swore never to even look at Dowoon when he was sleeping. You liked your ribs just how they were.

In tact, and not broken.

You shivered, hugging yourself and grimacing at the thousands of goosebumps littering the bare skin of your arms. The feeling from the cold metal of the chair through your thin shirt making you all the more uncomfortable.

You inhaled sharply as you shifted and cold air blew against the exposed parts of your body. “Sungjin please, i’ll make it up to you just please give me your hoodie” you pleaded exposing yourself more to the cold by taking your hands from your body and bringing them together in a begging motion.

Sungjin looked at your shaking figure, worry in his eyes upon noticing your lips turning a paler color than the normal rosy tint they usually had. He threw his head back before giving you a sharp look and smacking his lips.

“Last time you wore my hoodie, you almost got me in trouble, peaches. Everyone thought-” he cut off not being able to make eye contact with you. Your head tilted and you pursed your lips blankly staring at your best friend. You repeated the unfinished thought pushing him to continue while he shook his head pinching the bridge of his nose.

He didn’t even look at you, his tone on the borderline of hopelessness and defeat when he asked you “Y/n, do you know what it means when a person wears someone else’s hoodie or jacket?”

You looked around af if you could find the answer in the tired faces of the students surrounding you before looking back at his hunched over figure and slowly blinking before adamantly answering, “They’re cold”

At your answer, the sleeping figure of Dowoon slightly shifted as he snorted muttering something about how dumb you were before moving in search of a more comfortable sleeping position. You were just about to raise your hand to retaliate with a slap to his back, but Sungjin caught your attention by belting out a disbelieving laugh now looking at you with wide eyes and an unamused smile.

“They thought we were dating, as in romantically involved, as in an intimate relationship, as in doing more than ki-” Sungjin was now rambling voice getting higher with each word before you cut him off with a light hit to his arm feeling your body grow hot in embarrassment.

“I-I know what dating is Sungjin” You hissed hands clenching around the arms of your chair and feeling your chest cave in as you gasped laughing it off awkwardly. “Come on Sungjin, let’s act like the adults that we are. We know we aren’t dating, and since when have you cared about what people think?” you searched his face looking for the answer in the hesitant shadows of his face.

“I don't,” he answered bitterly.

“Then what’s your problem?” You leaned in left speechless at the unexpected behavior of your friend. You felt like the whole situation was getting too serious over a stupid hoodie, so you tried easing the tension by joking around. “Would I be that bad to date?”

You immediately shrunk back giggling when Sungjin lifted his head from his hands for a little bit to glare at you nostrils flaring before shoving his face back into his hands.

“That’s not it and you know it,” he gritted out. Sungjin truly didn’t mean to get grumpy with you, he was having an internal conflict. Whether to tell you his friend’s secret, or to keep it to himself and not interfere. You were left to stare at him wondering if you should leave him alone for the rest of class while Sungjin went through a flashback that had put him on edge around you.

-2 days ago-

Sungjin groaned, shoving his face deeper into the soft fabric of his pillow and stretching his arm out to the nightstand next to his bed, hand fumbling around for the blaring alarm clock. He grumbled, lifting his head to groggily glare at the numbers displayed on the clock.

7:26

He had 34 minutes to get to his 8 am psychology class. He tiredly exhaled sitting up in his bed and rubbing his bleary eyes. He took a quick shower hoping it would wake him up, but the haziness of sleep still drifted around the corners of his mind. He could barely keep his eyes open as he brushed his teeth.

He threw the first thing he could find from his dresser figuring he could come back to change if he had any change to plans which right now was absolutely nothing. Sometimes he wondered why he had decided to be in a frat, he wasn’t the most social or the most popular, and he didn’t particularly like going to parties- but, he had met some people he could never dream of living without.

Like Dowoon, who he had to push off the bed with a promise that he could sleep in class later. He sighed watching the poor boy stumble as he tugged on a pair of jeans letting out a sigh of relief when he fell back on the bed.

Sungjin couldn’t help but smile. Even with all the people he had met because of the frat, Dowoom and you would be the closest friends he had in this stressful place. You guys were the foundation of everything he had ever found important. The people who guided him when he was lost, and he would be damned if he ever let his friendship with the both of you go.

He mindlessly grabbed his ramen smelling hoodie thinking you could use it if you forgot your own like you did every other day, or Dowoon could use it as a pillow if he was particularly tired like he was...every other day. Sungjin swore that kid had to stop taking the bus to random places late at night. It was a wonder how he hadn’t accidentally ended up in another city with his nightly escapades.

He was thinking about whether he would risk eating or not as he jogged down the stairs to get to the kitchen when he heard your name. He narrowed his eyes stopping right at the last step of the stairs thinking he was mishearing things. Wait- there it was again. Your name. His precious friend’s name.

Sungjin shrugged it off thinking they meant another Y/n, but he was quickly corrected when he heard your last name too.

His jaw ticked and his mouth suddenly felt dry as he wondered what you could have possibly done to have frat boys talking about you. He paused just right outside the kitchen wanting to hear just what they could have been talking about to be bringing you into the conversation.

“How would I know if the girl is single? I didn’t even know she existed before Jae mentioned her”

He heard the person scoff as confusion made Sungjin’s eyebrows tug together. You? In a relationship? You hadn’t had a boyfriend since high school, who he had to stop himself from pummeling into the ground when he cheated on you and had continuously tried getting you back. Sungjin swore you had the worst luck when it came to relationships.

Not only had you had a bad experience with one, but you were too naive when it came to people actually liking you. He had lost count of all the disappointed faces he had seen of people who had asked you out only for you to respond with one of your bright smiles along with something along the lines of “Sure, I would love to be your friend”.

He shivered wincing at the sole memory of some of them. He had never said anything because you had never mentioned liking them, and you told him everything. He really wished he could forget about the fact you sold Dowoon’s game controller in order to buy a Cheeto the shape of a heart which you then proceeded to eat without any regrets.

“Well then what are we supposed to do? Go up to the girl  and say “Hey, you don’t know who the hell we are, but we would like to know about your relationship status because you don’t have a Facebook we can stalk to see whether your love life is existent or not”, Sungjin peeked around the edge of the doorway seeing two figures sitting at the kitchen island having breakfast, and the person talking was animatedly waving his hands around.

“We desperately need to know because our friend Jae is about to be strangled since he won’t stop writing stupid sappy love songs about you” Younghyung do you even know how crazy we seem right now. We are quite possibly the worst wingmen in the history of wingmen” He now recognized the voice as Kim Wonpil’s voice, and at the same time Sungjin felt his heart claw up his throat as he slightly stumbled back in surprise.

Jae Park. One of the other members of the frat. And the boy you had been crushing on for two years. Also one of his closest friends not including you and Dowoon. Sungjin suddenly wished he had just stayed in bed today. Jae was one of the most popular guys on campus. Not because he slept around or anything, but because he was actually a friendly person. He got along with everyone, and he was basically friends with everyone.

Jae had helped Sungjin out of some tough spots before, even invited him out to hang out when you and Dowoon were busy doing who knows what. Jae’s closest friends were Kim Wonpil and Kang Younghyun. Sungjin had talked to those two before, but not enough to go up to them and randomly start up conversations with them.

He still remembered the day you had excitedly come up to him squealing about how the Jae Park was in your sociology class. Eyes shining and giggles erupting out of your mouth every five seconds. He really couldn’t stand you that day. Sungjin felt something stir in his chest, but he couldn't really tell what it was. He shook it off stiffly walking into the kitchen with his heart pounding in his ears.

Sungjin had felt awkward almost all his life, but he was sure nothing could top the sudden tension he felt in his body when the boy’s conversation came to a sudden halt at his appearance. He kept his back to them rolling his shoulders and trying to distract himself from the eyes boring into his back. He grabbed the cereal box turning around to get a bowl catching the two boys wildy gesturing at each other with wide eyes before immediately stopping once they noticed he could see them.

He kept his gaze directly directed at his cereal hoping whoever was listening they wouldn’t talk to him.

“Hey, Sungjin?’

He always thought there’d be a day where he’d drown in his cereal. Maybe today was that day. He paused a bit before grunting in reply looking up to see it had been Younghyun who had spoken and Wonpil who was darting his gaze everywhere but Sungjin’s eyes.

“You know Y/n L/n?” Younghyun again spoke leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

Sungjin knew he was playing dumb. Everybody knew you and Sungjin were practically glued at the hip. Wherever one of you was, the other could probably be found close by.

He put down the cereal with a sigh, tilting his head at them as he braced himself against the kitchen island with both arms.

“I would hope so. I’ve known her since I was seven years old, and I see her almost everyday” He smiled at them mirthfully feeling an inkling of possessiveness sprout in the confines of his chest. Once again, Sungjin shook it off as protectiveness he felt for you as a little sister.

Younghyun opened and closed his mouth as if not knowing how to respond to Sungjin’s answer. He finally cleared his throat seemingly still finding his voice until Wonpil’s panicked and rushed voice cut him off.

“Are you and Y/n seeing each other?” Wompil immediately clasped his hand to his mouth shaking his head wildy and mumbling warbled apologies while Younghyun slapped the loud mouth upside the head.

Sungjin took a shaky breath in suddenly feeling dizzy as he swayed lightly. His voice was disbelieving when he was able to sputter out his reply.

“W-what makes you think Y/n and I are anything more than friends” his eyes flitted between Wonpil and Younghyun left at a loss for words.

Sure, he and you were inseparable, always going everywhere and anywhere together, but not once had you ever shown signs of being more than friends. Never looking longingly or lovingly at each other, never kissing, never holding hands for more than a minute (in his defense he didn’t want to lose you in the crowd), never proclaiming your love for one another. You guys had never done anything that would suggest anything more than a friendly relationship.

The two boys in front of you looked at each other then at the speechless figure of Sungjin harshly whispering before Wonpil finally made eye contact with Sungjin nervously tapping his finger on the kitchen islan. Pursing his lips he seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

“It’s just that, Jinyoung said he saw Y/n wearing your hoodie. The one you have right now, and you know um people wear each other’s clothes when they’re together, so we just assumed there was something between you guys. We’re sorry Sungjin, we really didn’t mean to jump to conclusions bud”

Sungjin’s eyes drifted down to the hoodie in his hands. The very one he always let you borrow simply because you got cold, and he bought it to class for that exact reason. He was just trying to take care of you, and somehow that had gotten mistaken as anything but friendly intentions. He knew you really liked Jae, but at the same time Sungjin was scared.

He was scared you would leave him behind once you began dating Jae. You almost did when your dumb high school boyfriend told you he didn’t like you being so close to a boy, and he threatened to break up with you if you didn’t distance yourself from Sungjin, your bestfriend. He was terrified of it happening for real this time.

You would have no time for him because you were too busy with Jae, and he would be forgotten by the one person he could always count on. He would lose the smile and laughter of the one person who had always been there for him, but who was he to cling on to you when you could be happier without him. Sungjin felt like he was going to throw up. He was so sure you would leave him behind to rot, you wouldn’t need him anymore.

You wouldn’t need someone to bring a hoodie for you in case you forgot. You wouldn’t need someone to help you fix your bike after you crashed it from getting distracted while riding it. You wouldn’t need someone to patch you up and take away the pain after said bike crash. You wouldn’t need anyone to wipe away your tears when the demons in your head got particularly demanding. You wouldn’t need sungjin anymore because you would have Jae. Sungjin felt like he was getting strangled. He couldn’t breathe past the lump of dread that had formed in his drying throat.

He could not bear to lose the one person that had been by his side through the brightest and cloudiest days. He could not possibly lose the one person that had been by his side through all the ups and downs of life. He could not lose you. Not his peaches with your soft exterior but strong interior.

He felt his body go numb with the immense sadness that tore through his chest, and he began feeling his eyes tear up.

Would he be selfish at the expense of your happiness?

He felt his chest heave as he let out a heavy exhale closing his eyes at the ache beginning to probe at his temples. He shook his head once looking back at the pair who were staring at him with hunched shoulders, both regretting the fact they had even bought it up to him seeing his inner turmoil.

“Does Jae think so too?” his voice was as monotone as he’d ever heard it. Wonpil simply nodded chewing at his lips nervously.

Sungjin shoved the cereal box back into the cupboard not bothering to look at the boys mumbling a low “I need to get to class” as he walked away shaking hands clutching the hoodie to his chest not seeing the worried look the boys gave each other.

-Back to present-

Sungjin groaned feeling like he was about to pass out with all the mixed emotions coursing through his body right now. He decided for now, he would not tell you of Jae’s returned feelings towards you ignoring the guilt clenching around his heart by deciding it was not his place to say what Jae felt.

He quickly slipped his body out the hoodie throwing it at you and grumbling that you better return it to by the end of class. You laughed happily snuggling into the warmth of the hoodie but looking skeptically at Sungjin who had decided to distract himself by scrolling through his phone. You knew when your best friend was hiding something, and right now your best friend was certainly not telling you something.

You felt a bit hurt that even after all these years of building each other up, he couldn’t confide in you when there was something that was bothering him, but you shrugged it off figuring he would tell you when he was ready and you didn’t want to push him. You wondered why he was asking for it by the end of class since he always let you keep it until the end of the day. You once again shook it off figuring he probably got cold too.

You did not give it back by the end of class. You ran out of class. With the hoodie.

By the time Sungjin noticed you were gone with the hoodie still on your body, you were out the human resources building on your way to the student common area where the cafeteria was. Sungjin cursed your black hole of a stomach while Dowoon cackled claiming he deserved it for letting you sell his game controller.

You excitedly ran into the cafeteria stomach growling because let’s be real, cereal was not enough to sustain a growing girl such as yourself. You were instantly met with the smell of different kinds of foods from the variety of restaurants your university cafeteria had. Your eyes hungrily scanned the restaurants lining the room before deciding you could really go for a Subway right now. You were walking out of the little restaurant with the sandwich in your hands when you heard a voice call your name.

You let out a small confused “Huh” in response to the calling of your name spinning around searching the faces of the students peacefully eating and laughing together not being able to find the caller of your name.

Your vision went black as hands suddenly covered your eyes and a chest pressed up against your back. You jumped scared by the sudden greeting gasping in surprise.

“Hey!”, you yelped out.

Your own hands went up to the culprit’s wrists gently moving them down. You tilted your head back being met with a bright smile and a soft laugh that rang in your ears and made your chest fill with warmth. You instantly spun around face to face with your crush of two years.

He was your crush, but he had also become a close friend since the day you had coincidentally sat next to him on the first day of your sociology class not paying attention to who you were sitting next to and just walking to one of the front rows, sure you wouldn’t know anyone in the class.

He whispered your name asking to borrow a pencil and you spent around one minute staring at him like an idiot before fumbling inside your bag for a pencil and giving it to him clumsily. He had chuckled lowly muttering a “cute” under his breath which you were sure you weren’t meant to hear but you had become very attentive to him now knowing he was the one you were sitting next to and stunned by the fact he even knew your name.

You tried ignoring he was sitting next to you, but he moved around so much you wondered if he had to go to the restroom. He eventually noticed your staring simply telling you he had become restless since he had gotten sudden motivation for a song. You were impressed and intrigued by the prospect of him being a songwriter wondering what kind of words he brought to life with different melodies and harmonies.

You sneakily smiled at him, eyes flickering to the professor not far from where you were sitting before sliding your books in front of the notes he had put no effort into and giving him a sly wink giggling.

“I’ll cover for you”, you whispered.

He gave you a look that made a warm tingle run all over your body, eyes softening at you and cheekily winking back.

“I won’t forget your noble sacrifice” he immediately flipped to a new page of his notebook borrowed pencil quickly scribbling across the page.

You had to stop yourself from squealing as you subtly sank in your chair, the corner of your lips twitching as you tried to stop yourself from smiling at seemingly nothing. Sticking your nose into your own notebook and actually writing notes in order to distract yourself from looking at Jae who was now in his own world. Not failing the class was a bonus.

You were so into forcing yourself to pay attention to the monotone professor you didn’t notice Jae’s gaze coming back to your figure every so often taking note of all your features that made his heart beat faster and his head spin.

Ever since that day, you two became close, occasionally getting together outside of class when one of you finally mustered up the courage to plan said get together. It was usually to see a movie where you guys occasionally brushed each other’s hands while trying to get one of the snacks you had bought.

After the movie, it was tradition to go to the noodle place next to the bookstore at the end of the street where you laughed and joked around together. You had never told anyone of these times holding the memories as too precious and personal to share, scared that if you spoke of them they would disappear.  You had even refused to hang out with Sungjin telling him you had to study which you felt a little guilty about, but spending a little less time with him wouldn’t hurt right?

Your eyes widened as you pouted at him. “Jae, you can’t just do that to a person, I almost dropped my lunch and I would have made you pay for another one you ingrate” You were once again met with the same laugh as before, except louder this time. The one that instantly made you smile back at him, heart skipping beats periodically. The laugh that made the colors around you suddenly dance with a vibrancy that beautifully spun and twirled making you so wonderfully dizzy.

“I’m a college student Y/n I can barely afford my own food. Do you want me to starve?”  His eyes crinkled behind the glasses sitting on his narrow nose making your world spin just a bit faster on the axis of what could only be his smile. “Evil, pure evil.” he shook his head scrunching up his nose as if disappointed in you.

You put your hands on your hips  looking offended and tutting. “You’re the one that wants to make me starve. I haven’t eaten in one hour. That’s too long Jae!” he chuckled playfully, narrowing his eyes at you.

“Stop being dramatic and come eat with me loser. I mean uh, if you want to of course. Do you?” he gave you a nervous smile lightly tugging at a strand of your chair before shifting his feet and tugging at his jacket.

You tilted your head as if seriously thinking, looking at his smile slowly falling making your own heart sink being the cause of making something so lovely die. You teasingly reached up to push his glasses back up his nose, finger accidentally gracing the corner of his mouth. Softly laughing you walked by him and gently bumped his shoulder with yours.

“Maybe another day,” you snickered.    He instantly played into your joke once again laughing. He did a lot of that. Laugh. Never ashamed to show how happy he was. You on the other hand, had to hide how happy his own happiness made you.

“Walk away from me young lady and I will never let you eat my Starbursts again nerd” he threatened with a small smile playing on his lips. You couldn’t the light laugh that bubbled up from your chest turning around and putting your hands up in mock surrender. Jae’s chest filled with warm tingles like it did every time he made you laugh.

“You monster. You can’t just deprive me of Starbursts. They get me through the horror movies you always pick! I’ll sit with you, for the Starbursts.” Your determined tone and furrowed eyebrows made Jae breathlessly laugh as he walked closer to you hand reaching out towards your frozen figure.

Your heart palpitated as you tried to calm your breathing, but one of his hands took a hold of your hand running up your arm until it located itself on your shoulder, tugging you into his body and making him able to throw an arm around your shoulder.

Your skin burned wherever his warm touch lingered, and your face felt hot. You once again had to take a deep breath to calm yourself from the wondrous euphoria you felt just by being by Jae. He began walking bringing your flustered self along with him. You were so caught up in trying to make sure you didn’t trip, you didn’t notice Jae’s own cheeks tinting with pink or his shaking hand hanging off your shoulder.

He led you over to a table near the windows where two figures were hunched over and inhaling their food, talking to each other every few seconds. You recognized them as Jae’s two closest friends, Wonpil and Younghyun. You had never met them which caused you to dig your heels into the ground effectively stopping both you and Jae.

“Don’t worry they’re nice. As long as i'm here, they won’t do anything. I won’t let them” he had ducked down too whisper into your ear  warm breath hitting the shell of your ear. You hesitantly nodded continuing to walk while Jae tightened his arm around your shoulders and brought you closer into his left side making the whole right side of your body burn at the wake of his touch.

Different from his earlier tone he cheerfully called out for the two who didn;t look up from their food.

“Jae you’re usually the first one at the table what took you so long. Wait don’t tell me, busy staring at-'' Younghyun had begun speaking taunting Jae and still not looking up until he was cut off by a shove from Wonpil who had raised his gaze to greet Jae only to be surprised with you basically tucked into his friend’s body. You curiously looked up at Jae wondering what so often caught his attention so much his friends teased him who only shrugged mouthing a “he’s crazy” and looking in Younghyun’s direction.

Jae cleared his voice but you poked him purposefully looking at him and muttering, “I can speak for myself” You turned to the pair who were both kindly smiling at you waving awkwardly at them. “Uh hi, my name is Y/n”

Wonpil smiled sweetly at you putting his chin on his hand and glancing at Jae. “We know”. You stared at him, mouth falling open and uttering a confused “Huh?” You were so focused on staring questionly at Wonpil to notice Jae mouthing threatening words at his friends. Younghyun cut him with a stiff laugh “Sungjin talks about you a lot”.

You instantly bought it smiling at the thought of your friend. You had forgotten these boys were a part of the frat he had recently joined. Wonpil seemed to fall out of whatever stupor he had fallen in stupidly smiling in Jae’s direction jumping up to offer you a handshake and introducing himself which you instantly took hoping your palms weren’t sweaty from nervousness. Younghyun followed in Wonpil’s lead, just a little more relaxed and laid back than the jumpy and energetic Wonpil.

Jae’s hands ushered you to sit down while he sat opposite the seat he had pushed you into next to his friends, making Wonpil’s small form get squished between Jae and Younghyun. You smiled softly at the sight getting reminded by your own little trio of you, Sungjin, and Dowoon. You started unwrapping your sandwich as you answered basic questions from Jae’s friends like what your major was and what flavor of ice cream you preferred.

You found yourself being able to fall into a steady rhythm of laughing and talking with the three boys in front of you getting comfortable enough to relax and talk with ease growing confident with the little group. You were answering Wonpil’s question about the tattoo just behind your right ear when you saw his gaze fall to your clothes, his mouth fell open a little as he struggled to focus on your answer too focused on the hoodie enveloping your form.

His shoulders slightly slumped as he nudged Younghyun muttering to him that you had the hoodie on. You were completely enraptured in the conversation Jae had pulled you into, so Younghyun had to clear his throat to catch your attention. His mouth was tugged into a calm smile, but his gaze was sharp making your stomach quiver with a sudden bundle of nerves.

“The hoodie is nice” he gestured cooly to the hoodie keeping you warm “Where did you get it from” the question seemed to carry double meaning. You saw Jae eyes widen, filling with an emotion you couldn’t quite place, body stiffening in his seat. You suddenly remembered what the one rule Sungjin had given you when throwing the clothing at you, and you had run right out of class breaking the one damn rule he had given you.

You groaned burying your head in your arms while tugging at the fabric that was Sungjin’s hoodie as if it would magically disappear from your body into Sungjin’s hands. You chewed at your lip looking at the boys in front of you, bitten lips now formed into a pout.

“I’m not even supposed to have this. I should have given it to him by the end of class, but it was so cold and Sungjin always gives me his hoodie when I forget mine.” You ran your hands through your hair already practicing what you’d say to him, but you knew the outcome was all the same. He was probably going to give you the scolding of your life. You really didn’t understand why he cared if other people thought you were dating. He had never cared about it before.

People had even confused you as a couple before, and he had always shrugged it off forgetting about it as soon as it happened. “Ugh, he’s going to kill me. If you don’t see me tomorrow Sungjin did it” i said sadly.

Jae wasn’t saying anything finding more interest in the table than the conversation you were currently having with his friends. You wondered what was up with him since he was always more than eager to join in on the conversation, but you coined it off as him being lost in thought.

The sharp look in Younghyun’s eyes remained and he didn’t laugh like most people would at the relationship between you and the other male. Wonpil simply sank in his seat leaning a little closer to Jae. You were beginning to feel anxious left foot tapping across the floor getting ready to bolt any second. Your mouth felt dry and it hurt to swallow the bite of sandwich you had just put in your mouth.

Younghyun finally looked away from you staring out the window next to the table and fiddling with the spoon on his table. “You and Sungjin seem close” his jaw was tight and tone uninterested but you felt like your answer held the weight of the world in it. You chose to stay calm ignoring the voices in your head telling you to run away as fast as you could. The food in your stomach felt heavy and you fought the urge to throw up.

You smiled softly at them. “Of course we are, he’s one of the most important people in my life'' You saw Jae close his eyes as if he had just been punched in the gut, and you saw Younghyun’s hand clenched into a fist knuckles turning white but you kept going, keeping your voice light and soft. “He’s been my best friend since I can remember” you added on taking the hoodie off and instantly wincing and getting attacked by the cold air circulating the cafeteria.

You shivered really hating yourself for forgetting your jacket. Everybody seemed to ease up, so you figured your answer had been the right one. What exactly deemed it as right you still weren’t sure. Younghyun leaned back in his seat, his sharp gaze gone, and the humorous glint in his eyes back. Wonpil put his elbows on the table leaning closer to you and once again asking you another question while Jae seemed to spring back to life also joining in on the conversation with the bright smile back on his face and his eyes getting their shine back.

You couldn’t help but feel a light tingle prick at the back of your neck at seeing Jae happy and himself again. Your lips tugged into a small satisfied smile, and while talking with them you would continuously look at Jae who you caught staring every time then bashfully look back at Wonpil not being able to bear the thought of Jae looking at you and only you.

Jae never looked away from you. Not even when you caught him in the act simply chuckling when you smiled nervously and looked at his friend. You were both so caught up in each other you didn’t see Wonpil wiggling his eyebrows at Younghyun who rolled his eyes but smiled happily nonetheless.

A little tension left your body because the air around the four of you had immensely calmed down, but the cold was now once again seeping into your skin, chilling you to the bones.You gave the boys an uncomfortable smile as you began to shiver. Wonpil and Younghyun smiled at you sympathetically while Jae got an unsure look on his face, lips pursing and eyebrows furrowing. He looked worriedly at you, a silent question in his eyes.

“You okay?”  You beamed at him assuring him, but your body was still shaking. He set his shoulders back keeping eye contact with you while getting up and pulling his jacket off his body. He shook his head “Tsk tsk Y/n, what would you possibly do without me?” You felt your face grow hot trying your hardest to ignore the sliver of skin exposed by his shirt riding up when he took off the article of clothing.

His hair was ruffled and his glasses were askew and barely held up by the bridge of his nose, but the only thing you could focus on was the arm extended towards you holding the blue jean jacket being offered to you. Your breath was caught in your throat, and you stood there frozen staring at the jean jacket. You couldn’t even feel the chilly air of the cafeteria anymore. Not when the warmth caused by Jae’s offer was enough to sink into the deepest confines of your chest, settling there giving you an odd sense of comfort making your heart hum happily.

Both you and Jae did not see Wonpil and Younghyun looking at each other with goofy grins before leaving both of you heading towards their next classes.

The hand holding the sweater shook once. “We don’t have all day here loser. My noodle arm really can’t hold this jacket forever. I skipped arm day last week” you held your hand out placing it on the jacket, but you still didn’t take the jacket swallowing harshly and clearing your throat. You looked at Jae beneath your eyelashes blinking slowly at him ,heart pounding against your rib cage. At that moment, nobody but you and Jae existed.

“Are you sure?” your unsure question made Jae roll his eyes, his next actions happening so fast you had no time to properly react. He grasped your wrist from the hand placed on his jacket still in his hand drawing your body towards his with so much force your hips briefly bumped against his. He let go of your wrist instead grabbing his jacket with both hands, and you were forced to put your hand on his shoulder to stop yourself from actually crashing into him.

His arms went around you putting his jacket around your head in order to hang the jacket on your shoulders making sure it covered you enough so the cold wouldn’t bother you anymore. You were pretty sure the whole cafeteria could hear how loud and fast your heart was beating. You couldn’t think straight. The only thing you could even process was Jae’s hands still on the lapel of the jacket, barely brushing the part of your stomach above your belly button.

You seemed to get a control of your body as you looked up at him with wide eyes getting met with his face closer than it had ever been, the lightest flush on his cheek bones and lips slightly parted. You could see your hand trembling with pure adrenaline as the hand that wasn’t on his shoulder reached up to fix his tilted glasses and messy hair. The hand on his shoulder was close enough to his chest to feel the slight drum of his heart unusually fast for someone who was basically standing still.

You really weren’t sure why you were surprised. Jae had always gone out of his for you. Always done little things to take care of you in his own little way. Holding your hand when the professor handed back assignments rubbing your knuckles with his thumb reassuringly, playing his guitar when you were in a sad mood at the park you sometimes visited after coming back from the noodle place, gently brushing your hair away from your face when it fell on your face while writing notes, or crushing you in a hug when you didn’t get the grade you wanted hand gently holding you against him.

He always joined in on your childish behavior by pushing you on the swing or going down the slide with you at the park, always bringing you your favorite snacks from the convenience store he walked by on the way to class knowing fully well you sometimes forgot to eat, or even letting you spill your tears to him on days you just didn’t feel good.

He had always stuck by your side. During both good days and bad days even managing to make the bad days good days just by being there with you making it his mission to make you smile. All this made you come to a realization. Sure, maybe what you had for him before was nothing but a silly crush, but now as you got to know him more and become someone he confided in, the feelings you got around him were crystal clear.

You were in love with Jaehyung Park, and now that you knew what you were feeling, you wanted to scream it to the whole world. What you were feeling was something so beautiful and precious that people only dreamed to experience. You weren’t sure if the vile world would ever allow you to feel this ethereal emotion ever again, and as you looked up at the man your heart had so harshly and deeply fallen for, you were terrified. You didn’t want to ruin what you had.

You wanted to stay like this, blissfully unaware of each other's true feelings for one another. Even if your body and heart longed to be close to him, to touch him, feel him, and know every crevice and inch of him, you counted yourself lucky to be able to be close to him like this, where your probably unreturned feelings didn’t make anything awkward or burdensome for anyone.

You felt a little prick at your eye cursing yourself for wanting to cry, but you managed a small smile in Jae’s direction taking a step away from him and suggesting you sit back down since you both still had time before you had to go to class. He sat on the opposite side of the table as you, gaze not straying away from you.

You took a deep breath feeling tingles running along your spine since the air between you both had become tense filled with something you couldn’t identify. You both remained silent sitting there. You became fidgety, stretching your legs in front of you only for your right leg to gently bump against what you assumed to be the pole supporting and holding the table up. You were staring outside watching all the students pass by happily ignorant to the slight change in relationship between the two friends sitting across each other sitting in silence.

You absentmindedly started running your leg up and down the pole under the table when you heard a weird sputtering sound much alike to choking from a foot away from you. You turned away from the window looking at the man across from you only to flinch back in surprise with the sight you were met with.

Jae was staring at you with wide panicked eyes, and his shaking arm held up to his face, but even with the arm you could see the red tinting his chest, neck, face, and ears. His chest was heaving and you could see his whole body trembling. You instantly grew worried all focus going to Jae assuming there was something seriously wrong with him. The table wasn’t that wide which allowed you to lean closer to his body holding your palm to his forehead feeling it was abnormally hot. You anxiously tapped your foot against the pole supporting the table. “Jae are you okay?” you heard him gasp out an answer not being able to understand at all when you felt the pole under the table slightly move against your leg.

Wait, poles can’t move.

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Coffee and a Wedding? Chapter 2

And here we are. As a reminder, coffee will be updated on Tuesdays however it may not be *every* Tuesday as it is my off day and I’ll have other one shots to post sometimes. Tag list is always open and I do love to hear from readers. 

Clint x ofc, trope tastic goodness. Have a trope you want to see in this? Send it my way. 

~~~~~<3

Clint and I worked more together in the mornings in the coming weeks than we had before. He asked me, of course, before changing my schedule to spend more time paired with him. It made planning the trip easier, he said. We needed to get to know each other better, he said.

Every morning I’d come in right on time and he’d be setting a plate out for me on the table closest to the coffee bar. Apparently he had noticed that I wasn’t one to often eat breakfast before work. It was something I’d probably mentioned in passing one or two times but never did I think that he would pick up on it and do something like make sure I had breakfast at the start of my shift. This was our last shift before we fly out tomorrow and it was honestly fairly dead.

“You all packed?” Clint leaned against the back counter as I was cleaning off tables as the morning slowly passed us by. “We leave tomorrow morning.”

“For the most part.” I hated talking about the trip and the wedding. Every time the topic would come up, I’d be a blushing mess. I was terrified that he would realize that his place in my story was so much more than just a name for my imaginary boyfriend.

Our coworkers had no idea, but Clint would occasionally make us take pictures together for me to send my family. He was invested in the sham relationship. All in. Part of me hated it because I could just imagine how good of a boyfriend he would be for real.

“How do people make these tables so gross so fast?” I complained, breaking the heavy silence.

“Magic. And hate.” I rolled my eyes at his answer though I couldn’t help but laugh. “What color will your dress be for the wedding?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t got one yet.” God this sugar spill just became the most fascinating thing in the cafe. Luckily, it was caked on and mixed with a tried tea spill resulting in a dried, sticky mess. “Why?”

“I need to pick a suit to complement it, duh.”

“You make it sound like you have a closet of suits to pick from.” Standing up, my back popped and I couldn’t help but groan when I stretched.

“I do.”

“What?”

“Just because I dress down and own a cafe doesn’t mean I don’t dress up. I didn’t always own this place, you know.”

Moving onto the next table, I set to work scrubbing pen marks left behind by students leeching off our WIFI to do their homework. “I thought you did. What did you do before?”

“I worked there.” Clint jabbed his finger toward the looming building in the distance. “Working on network security.”

“You worked at Stark Tower?!”

“Yep. Tony is still a good friend. Bring him a coffee most mornings when I take a break.” Clint shrugged like he didn’t just admit to being friends with what could possibly be the richest man on the east coast and financier of my scholarship. “More importantly, why don’t you have a dress yet?”

“I haven’t gotten around to it. I hate dress shopping and it’s all expensive.”

“Fine, I’ll buy.” Clint shrugged as if it was nothing. “We’ll go after you’re off and the afternoon shift gets here. Unless you’ve got something else planned?”

“You want to take me dress shopping?” I was already spending far too much time worrying about surviving the wedding with him, now he wants to bring my death before we even get on the plane.  

“Well, yeah. You need a dress. I need to match you. Can’t have your family think your boyfriend is a sloppy dresser, now can I?”

~~~~~<3

It was getting harder and harder to act normal around our coworkers. They wondered why I was now opening the shop with Mr. Barton nearly every morning. Now we would be leaving together. It wasn’t fair yet I loathed the fact that this would end when we got back from the wedding.

“Ready?” He asked, pulling the towel out of his back pocket and tossing it into the hamper that lived under the counter.

“Yeah, let’s get this over with.” My cheeks heated but it wasn’t so bad. I had it under control.

“You two off for an early date?” Sara asked from where she leaned on the counter. “I didn’t think Mr. Barton dated anyone- let alone employees. Not fair!” She whined and yep, my face felt like it was on fire.

“I do date, I’m not hopeless. Why do you all think all I do is work?” Clint complained, not actually denying anything. “Come on you, let’s get that dress.” Yep, this is going to take some explaining later that I really would not be looking forward to.

~~~~~<3

Clint hailed a cab and took us to some a mid level dress shop I’d never afford on my own though it wasn’t designer. I was terribly nervous about the whole event. My hair was a proper mess and I was not exactly dressed up and yet here I was, out with the man I had spent so long fantasizing about.

The shopkeepers were kind enough and directed us toward their dresses without much of a question. I expected questions. I don’t know why but I did. Instead all we got was a ‘this way’ and a point. Did she think he was my uncle? Older brother?

He wasted no time in digging through racks and pulling out options, only asking my size as an afterthought. It was so surreal that I had no opportunity to really formulate a coherent thought until he was dumping a pile of dresses into my arms with orders to try them on.

So into the changing room I went, feeling rather ridiculous as I stripped out of my clothes and shimmied into a teal tea dress. I didn’t like the color and it felt too loose in the waist. As I turned this way and that, I heard from outside the changing room “Did you get stuck?”

“No?”

“Then hop out and let me take a look.”

“You’re joking.” He had to be joking.

“I’m not. Get out here.”

And that’s how the evening was spent. My face surely couldn’t have gotten any redder as he complemented colors and fabrics as if he was some sort of designer. I spun and moved as he talked about fit, cut and flow with a tailor that showed up. A benefit of being friends with Tony Stark, or so Clint said.

Notes were taken and pins placed. I stood painfully still as I was measured. Through it all, both men assured me I would have a dress by morning that would fit like a dream. Clint was scrolling through shoe options and getting opinions from me and the tailor both while he worked.

It was a whirlwind of activity that came to an end when Clint handed over his card for payment before I could even wrap my head around what was happening or the cost of the dress. I stood gaping at him, probably doing a rather good imitation of a fish.

“Coming?” I didn’t even realize he walked toward the exit until he called out for me.

“Yeah,” I called, back while jogging to his side. “What now?”

“Now home I guess. I need to pack my suit still. How are you planning to get to the airport in the morning?”

I shrug, “Don’t know. Taxi probably.”

“I’ll pick you up.” He decided and I really had no argument that worked.

~~~~~<3

Morning came too soon. What also came too soon for my liking was a persistent knocking at my door. Groaning, I covered my face with a pillow and willed the knocker away. When that didn’t work, I pawed at my phone until the screen lit up and revealed it was just barely six in the morning.

I didn’t have to be up for another hour, longer still if I didn’t bother with hair or makeup and I honestly didn’t plan on it. Yeah, I’d be traveling with Clint and yeah, I wanted to look good around him but I was going to spend most of the day either on a plane or in airports. It wasn’t worth it.

More godforsaken knocking sounded at my door. Throwing the pillow over my face again, I made a valiant attempt at suicide by pillow. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful in my attempts to smother myself and the knocking just wouldn’t stop.

Getting up and mumbling, “Fine, goddammit.” I make the first mistake of my first day being my boss’s girlfriend. Without a single thought, I make my way toward my door. The realization that I was wearing a pair of cheeky purple panties and a tank top didn’t come until it was too late. I yanked open the door to find Clint standing with a takeaway bag in one hand and two paper coffee cups clutched in his other hand, Arrowpoint brand- of course.

“What?” I grumble as he stands stock still, just looking at me as if he had seen a ghost. “Why are you here?”

“Coffee and breakfast. Cheaper than eating at the airport.”

“We don’t have to leave for another two and a half hours!” Throwing my hands up in the air, I turn and stomp into the apartment.

“Nice panties. Fits the brand.” Clint commented as he followed me into the apartment.

I tried to tell myself that he couldn’t not notice them. He wasn’t checking out my ass, he just couldn’t help but notice that the purple panties had a black arrow on them with the words “take aim” underneath.

“Plates and stuff are in cabinets. Figure it out.” I directed as I continued my childish stomping toward my bedroom. “I didn’t wear them for you, by the way.”  

I could have sworn that as I slammed the door shut, Clint muttered under his breath, “If only I could be so lucky” but that couldn’t be right. Clint was a good man, a bit flirtatious but never something that would mark him as unprofessional. He was an equal opportunity flirt. It didn’t matter if he was talking to a man, women, older, younger or human. I’d once even caught him flirting with the espresso machine when it was new, but if I didn’t mishear him – a big ‘if’- that would clearly cross the professional lines, wouldn’t it?

Flopping face first on my bed, I tried to put the thought out of my head. It didn’t matter. He was just my boss. None of this had to mean anything. He’s just helping me out. Because I got caught in a lie. He probably didn’t even think of me as anything more than one of the kids he hired.

After I dragged myself up, I gathered my bag and after slipping some sweatpants on, dragged it out into the living room. Clint had made himself at home, setting out two takeout plates of food. Eggs, potatoes and ham sat begging me to eat but no, I needed to shower first and wash away my shame.

I didn’t linger under the hot water in the small bathroom, though I wanted to. A quick wash down and some solid deep breathing had me feeling better. My wet hair was pulled into a low bun that gave away my lack of effort in it’s lopsided nature and wet strands sticking out here and there and a simple swipe of eyeliner had me looking good enough. A few more deep breaths and I stepped out of the steamy room and sat down to eat.

“I didn’t actually mean to get here this early.” Clint admitted as he pushed a pile of shredded potatoes around on the paper plate. When I made a sound that probably passed as an ‘oh’, he looked up at me and god dammit- I never thought I would be looking into his blue eyes at my shitty little table in my kitchen. “I could have sworn it was an hour later than it was.”

“Could have happened to anyone.” I say as if it hadn’t annoyed me to be woken up so early.

“Probably better anyway- we can get to the airport early. You never know what’s going to go wrong.” I resisted the urge to tell him that things had already started to go wrong since I was up an hour earlier than I wanted to be and opened the door to my boss and crush in my damn panties.

~~~~~<3

Once we left my apartment, I didn’t have time to be nervous about what charade we were trying to pull off. The first two taxis simply didn’t show up. It was as if the great black hole had taken them, forcing us to call for a third. Clint had forgotten to grab his suit and we had to go back for it. I hadn’t known until now that Clint had actually lived in an apartment above the cafe. I’m not sure what I had expected to be in the space though.

We parked around the back and I watched as Clint ran up stairs that looked like they couldn’t possibly meet code in their condition. His foot caught about half way up and the driver and I both could do nothing but cringe as he fell forward and hit the stairs hard.

It didn’t seem to slow him down at all however. He was up on all fours crawling up the stairs nearly as fast as he had been running before hand. It was honestly impressive.

He was only inside for a second before running out with the same reckless abandon, suit bag held over his shoulder and door pulled closed with the momentum of his run. I honestly expected him to fall down the stairs but instead, he grabbed onto the railing and hoisted himself onto it in a move I recognized from attempting it many times as a child.

For a few feet it seemed like it was going to work out for him far better than it had for me in my childish attempts. And then the suit bag got caught on a railing and pulled Clint sideways. It would make sense to slide off onto the steps and continue down the stairs like a normal human being. That is not what happened however.

I couldn’t do anything but watch as he leaned forward, over corrected and leaned back, too far back. In a blink of the eye, Clint’s head was going down and his feet were in the air as he grabbed at the railing. He caught it, for a moment and his body slammed into the side of the staircase. The blow surely knocked the wind out of him and his grip failed. Down he went and I fully expected to be calling for an ambulance.

Instead, he landed on his feet with his knees bent. He crouched with the force of the landing before standing tall as if nothing happened at all.

“Is he human?” Asked the driver.

“I thought so...” My voice trailed off as Clint opened the door and slipped into the back seat next to me. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Fine. Whacked my hip on the kitchen counter.” Clint glanced at me before requesting that the driver take us to the airport.

“You fell off the stairs!” I couldn’t believe he was going to talk about hitting his hip and not what we saw.

Clint at least had the nerve to look sheepish. “It happens.”

“It doesn’t just happen to people!” I throw my hands in the air.

“It does to me?” Clint laughed as the driver took us slowly toward the airport. He was lucky, this time I let the topic drop. It was that or tell him that he scared the ever loving shit out of me because that would mean admitting to him that I care about him.

~~~~~<3

The airport was a hectic mess. For all the time we thought we had, we got out of the taxi in time to find chaos and people everywhere. Clint grabbed the handle of his bag and mine and yanked them out of the trunk. Before I could protest, he had

both handles extended and in one hand and snagged mine in the other.

“What’s the rush?” His grip was too strong for me to pull from and I nearly tripped over my own feet as we ran.

“I got a text from the airline. Flight’s been changed.” Clint yelled over his shoulder.

“So? Didn’t we just get more time than?” I nearly bit my tongue and was far too tired for this right now. Still, part of me registered that I was technically holding his hand.

“I got the message over two hours ago. The flight was canceled and we got put in one leaving an hour earlier.”

“So what does that mean?” I’m huffing as I ask, breaths coming harsh and fast. I’m not nearly in good enough shape for this and yet Clint’s running as if he could keep going forever. Finally we come to a stop at the baggage check and Clint is in full command of the situation- something I admittedly find hot as fuck.

“That means they close the doors in about 15 minutes.” He answered, hardly looking at me as he handed over the bags. As if it was completely normal, he grabbed my hand and took off running. His other hand pressed his phone to his ear but I couldn’t focus on what he was saying and on not tripping at the same time.

As we approached security, an agent waved us to the side and I was sure we were being stopped for some stupid extra security check. My ankles and calves hurt from where my carry on kept smacking into them but Clint didn’t slow until we approached the agent.

The man was largely built in every meaning of the word. It looked like had a frown that hadn’t left his face in years. I smiled at him, weary from the running and he hardly paid me any mind. As illogical as it was, I was sure I was about to be arrested in the airport. I hadn’t done anything, but I was sure just the same. It’s odd how that happens.

~~~~~<3

Tag list: @theheartofpenelope, @alexakeyloveloki, @0-0-0-0-0-0-0-7, @bradfordbantams, @theoneanna, @ruebx, @toozmanykids, @dangertoozmanykids101, @j-u-s-t-4, @missaphrodite23, @winterisakiller, @bambamwolf87, @nonsensicalobsessions, @tinchentitri, @michelegurl, @xoxabs88xox

[arsonforcharlie]

got another fuck squad session in, my dudes! ft. my dope blackberry rhubarb crostata and one of the gifts from maddela’s player, a rainbow of rocks from the fuck squad camping trip i had to miss because i was working. (she also got me multiple litres of cider, but that’s for later.)

so before the fuck squad actually nears, like, the plot or anything, they have sergei’s wedding shower. they get the ship’s cook to make them a cake.

rhonia: “we want it to be really rude.” cook: “i’m a sailor. that rude?”

maddela brews some moonshine for the party in her poison distilling kit and dear god am i lucky she rolled well because i am not emotionally ready for her to unintentionally poison the whole party at a wedding shower. they also make some decorations.

rhonia goes to tell pashmina what’s going on, and we learn i can’t make a horse noise to save my life

maddela: “and look i made punch!” “you didn’t ask for any ingredients for this punch besides your moonshine.” “it’s strong punch.”

rhonia: “you can only wear one magic ring on each hand.” “yeah, you can’t be a magic pimp.” saida: “WHY AM I PLAYING THIS GAME”

rhonia and maddela chanted “salt-encrusted dicks!” for some reason

they also gave him wedding shower presents- he got rhonia’s bowl of comfortable warmth, maddela gives him gold jewelled nipple clamps, and yoni gives him a mahogany rolling pin. there’s lots of fireworks.

saida: “SPACE DOCKING! any day i can yell space docking is a good one. there’s not a lot of those.”

they also use the bag of trading for more gifts so sergei gets an apron that says Kiss the Cock on it

the next day, they go to voight, a city dominated by copper spires that rise up into the sky. they see machines and immediately decide that the city is run by fake fantasy scientologists who worship ridium

their first round of help comes from a teenage urchin named amelie, who shows them around, first to an inn called the elegant nymph

amelie has a friend in jesus. specifically, another urchin named jesus because i accidentally said “jeeeeesus” even though i already established that he’s not a part of my world’s mythology

they decide the innkeeper of the elegant nymph, bertha, is mrs. doubtfire for absolutely no reason and my voice was great.

sergei: “she rolled a 3 to punch his cock! she just like tapped his dick, that’s it”

rhonia: “before we go, have you ever heard of a god called ridium?”

these fucks are paranoid

amelie gives them a brief tour, where she tells them the story of the founding of voight.

long story short, there’s an elf named leodithas and a dwarf named bandrum. they both fled their homelands as refugees from war, and ended up travelling together. when they arrived at the site that would become voight, both of them heard a voice in their head saying that they should bury their most prized possession and leave in the middle of the night without a word, and then their troubles might continue but their companion would find true happiness.

rhonia: “are they gonna bury each other?” sergei: “you can’t own another person! RHONIA.”

bandrum chose a smooth blue stone he had salvaged from the ruins of his hometown. leodithas, having nothing from his home, chose to bury his last small piece of bread. they caught each other trying to leave in the middle of the night, laughed, embraced, and stayed together. the next day they discovered rich mines of copper and that the sea filled with fish, so they settled down in the site, building their home between the places they buried the stone and the bread. they were the first settlers of voight, but more came, and it turned into a village, then a town, until finally they built this city on the rock and roll

I HAD BEEN WAITING OVER A MONTH TO SAY THIS JOKE AND DEAR GOD WAS IT WORTH IT

sergei: “it’s like a buck saw.” saida: “what’s a bucksaw? i’ll look it up.” me, mishearing: “don’t look up fucksaw” yoni: “a fucksaw is just, like, aggressive scissoring”

they went to the library, where saida wanted to look up the extradition laws (because these guys are specifically horny for the lore i hadn’t really thought about) and yoni wanted to look up ridium and also the contraptions they kept seeing around. meanwhile rhonia took a nap, maddela went busking, and sergei went to find the secret market where they can get magic tattoos.

yoni: “i would have subtitled it magic, the boring.” “well that’s why you haven’t written this book.”

yoni doesn’t find out much about ridium, but she does discover that most of the clockwork mechanisms around were built by gnomes, whose descendants still fix them.

saida: “i’m pre-law” “in that you do things before laws are made to stop you doing them.”

“all the books are very dry, very boring.” yoni: “title of your sex tape.”

“you’re unlikely to get deported unless you do some serious crimes. so prolly shouldn’t have paid for two weeks at the inn.”

there was also a bit about xalvador, who is a half-orc sex worker librarian who is happily married but having an affair with his work? gotta love the random character generator

“it’s like footloose but for prostitutes. buttloose.”

saida: “what do i roll to be extra charming?” “bluff.”

sergei finds the entrance to the criminal underworld, and also buys a little carved horse statue.

“the person selling horse statues is a gnome-” yoni: “he’s not working on clockwork? so he’s a failed gnome?”

the squad goes down and finds the magic tattoo parlor. inside is a very tall man (about eight feet) who wears long sweeping robes, has dark skin, and iridescent whitish hair. the squad decide he’s a drow for absolutely no reason.

he tells them they can get magical tattoos for the low price of 500 gold and a favor each. “it’ll only be five minutes of your time.”

saida: “oh but the favor’s gonna be sketchy.” “no, it’s not.” “OKAY! let’s do it!”

saida: “how often do i use wisdom?” “rarely.”

i am gettin’ off those zingers tonight!

sergei and saida each get two tattoos. sergei gets an elephant for intelligence and a fox for dexterity on his tiddies, while saida gets a peacock for charisma and an owl for wisdom on her hands. rhonia wants more charisma but requests a special version since she doesn’t like peacocks, so he does a picture of one of her face of the devourers on her chest. yoni gets one that will allow her to fly for six rounds a day, which looks like muhammad ali with desna’s butterfly wings. both she and sergei’s player drew beautiful renditions.

maddela stays back at the market to seek out some sketchy work, while the squad goes to a tavern called the paladin’s favor to find some less sketchy shit

when they come in, a rogue is trying to sell a party member of his that was turned to stone. the squad considers it before dropping the question.

the most interesting job they find is tracking down a seller of stolen magical items, who knows saida from her crime days. i renamed him jon bovi after a v good bon jovi imitation

saida: “there’s a statute of limitations. “no, the statue of limitations is over there being used as a coat rack”

the leader of the assassin’s guild, erris, asks for maddela’s credentials. maddela: “i’ve done some not very nice things”

maddela: “back in chillwater, well, we solved a murder” “that’s kind of the exact opposite of what i’m asking you to do.”

after telling erris about how she did very much stab lord acotar right in the asshole, erris offers maddela a chance at an open contract to murder the mayor, malkyn de bolbec.

maddela: “you can call me..... m.” saida: “.... for maddela.” “or MURDER.”

on her way out, maddela is surprised to see tarand, who stops her and asks to chat with her for a little while, and that’s when the session ends

[neveralarch]

I'm out of town for a wedding and briefly have no responsibilities, so I played this game where you make a playlist of all of the songs you stole fic titles from. The fun part for me is that I almost never do this, so there's only 18 + 1 songs over 7 years. There's also a BIG chunk of The Builders and the Butchers, because I made a good faith effort to name every single Welcome to Nightvale fic after their music.

This was a LOT of fun, highly recommend doing it. I want to hear other people's weird playlists! If you don't have access to Spotify I suggest youtube maybe? Song list and liner notes under the cut! Song title links to the fic it namesook.

1. Anonanimal by Andrew Bird Hold on just a second, don't tell me this one, you know, I know this one, I know this song, I know this one, I love this song I tend to name fics with odd catchy words and phrases, and this chorus sticks in my head like nothing else. 2. The End of the Over by The Duckworth Lewis Method The end of the over / The over is ending / The end of the end of the over is over In my head, this is the title to the fic about space cricket because this is a song about cricket from an album about cricket by a band named after cricket. But, no, this is the fic about Five having really inadvisable revenge/remorse sex with the Master - the cricket fic is Professional Foul, which isn't from a song at all. 3. The Very Model of a Modern Major General by Gilbert and Sullivan This is the easiest fic I've ever titled. 4. Summer in the City by Lovin' Spoonful Come-on come-on and dance all night, despite the heat it'll be alright This is the best title I've ever come up with, and I don't think anyone ever got the joke. But I knew. I knew. 5. Blood Gets Thin by Pete and the Pirates She behaves like she's on fire / On her tip-toes reach up higher / And if the doctor can't do tricks / You can use your normal fix This is another clever title that I think was born out of complete desperation to find a title, any title. I also absolutely couldn't remember what song I'd mined, since it was such a small fragment of a lyric, but fortunately it came to me right before I was going to post this. 6. I Want a New Duck by Weird Al Yankovic I want a new duck / Not a swan or a goose / Just a drake I can dress real cute / Think I'm gonna name him Bruce I just think it's fate that I wrote a fic about Bruce Banner turning into a duck, and Weird Al had already written its themesong. 7. The Night Pt 2 by The Builders and the Butchers It's a harder way to heaven on the rope you swing / and the night ain't filled with gentle things I started getting really into The Builders and the Butchers and Welcome to Nightvale at almost exactly the same time, and they really really fit together. 8. Red Hands by The Builders and the Butchers I was dreaming restless / And you were thinking of the rest I've actually used this song twice - the title of this Wimsey fic is also copped from here. 9. The Night Pt 1 by The Builders and the Butchers Your heart is in my pocket / and there's a lie inside my hand I managed to mishear this line in two different ways, which made it hard to figure out which particular song inspired the fic title. 10. Without Me by Eminem So let me just revel and bask / In the fact that I got everyone kissing my *** / And it's a disaster such a catastrophe / For you to see so damn much of my *** you ask for me? This is a podfic, so technically the original author chose Eminem, not me. But I'm happy to add the radio edit version to my playlist, for reasons that will be obvious if you listen the podfic. (There's also a linked clip of me swearing for ten seconds, which @einzwitterion recently played for her husband. My legacy.) 11. Find Me in the Air by The Builders and the Butchers You waited your whole life, said you're looking on for something / You look so hard and you never find nothing / and the chances run like sand through your hands 12. Black Elevator by The Builders and the Butchers And the cables break / You're sinking to the ground / No one here knows your name / And you won't be coming home The last of the great string of Builders and Butchers fic titles. Man, I miss how easy this was. 13. Team the Best Team by Doomtree Who want it more? It’s already yours It's really easy to tell when I integrated into the Twin Cities music scene. 14. Bad Moon Rising by Credence Clearwater Revival I hope you got your things together / I hope you are quite prepared to die This was on one of the greatest Teen Wolf fanmixes of all time, not an easy category to win. So I used it to title my niche Mountain Goats fic. 15. Take a Break by Lin-Manuel Miranda When the night gets dark / Take a break As a member of fandom in 2015, I was contractually obligated to use a Hamilton lyric as a fic title. 16. Ice on the Dune by Empire of the Sun I’ve been reaching all out darling / And I can’t operate now Tim Lincecum has used some weird stuff for his walk-up music. 17. Alle Jahre Wieder Kehrt mit seinem Segen / ein in jedes Haus / geht auf allen Wegen / mit uns ein und aus. I should title more fics with rough translations of German songs. So easy! So meaningful! 18. Open Your Eyes by STRFKR Open your eyes / Squeezing the palm of my hand / In these bodies, we are alone If I ever make a melodramatic true and forever OTP mix for Johannes Cabal and Zarenyia it will just be this song ten times in a row. I literally keep pasting different pieces of the lyrics into this section and then deleting them, I feel like I'm seventeen again and discovering that Mumford and Sons songs are really about Doctor/Master. Bonus track: What's Up? by 4 Non Blondes And I try, oh my god do I try The title of this fic is invented, and tbh is one of the best lines I've ever come up with and I think about it all the time. But the summary is straight up lifted from this song. Honorable mentions: I was convinced that Cosmic Galacticans was from a Bowie song, but apparently I made it up. Operator, Operator is from a toy switchboard my great-grandmother owned, which would say 'Operator, operator!' in a very scratchy voice when you turned the crank.

[necromancy-savant]

My opinions on every single Shakespeare play

Most of this consists of things I wrote down a while ago when I was reading a play a day so I could keep them all straight in my head, particularly the ones I’ve only read once. 

COMEDIES

All's Well That Ends Well – Forgettable and made me roll my eyes but still better than Love’s Labor’s Lost.

As You Like It – I’m left with a lot of questions at the end of this. Does Orlando know that Rosalind was Ganymede? If he’s friends with Ganymede now, won’t he wonder what happened to him? And shouldn’t he be friends with Rosalind knowingly before marrying her? Should a relationship be built on deception like that? I guess you could say the same about Twelfth Night, but Orsino finds out Viola was disguised before marrying her so actually no, you couldn’t.

Comedy of Errors – This might just be the silliest thing I’ve ever read but it made me laugh anyway. You’d really think they’d figure out they’ve been talking to different people by the end of Act 2 at the absolute latest, but whatever. The best line by far is: “If she lives till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the whole world.” It’s because she’s really greasy.

Love's Labor's Lost - So boring and pointless I almost couldn’t finish it. Literally nothing at all happens the entire time and there’s no reason for any of them to like each other.

Measure for Measure – Having already read Henry VI Part 3 a couple of times, this was déjà vu in the worst possible way. Plus the ending was fucked up in a whole variety of ways. Also, I realized I have no idea who the protagonist is, though I guess I thought it was Isabella. Other than the malapropisms (at least one character in this play should definitely have a Twitter) and the marriages, it’s hard to see this as a comedy. The aforementioned marriages are all fucked up in their own ways, except for Claudio and Juliet who were already pretty much married so they don’t count. Isabella should have stayed a nun and stayed single, and the Duke is totally the kind of guy who wants to think he’s a good person when really he’s an irresponsible douchebag. Like just do your fucking job instead of fucking with everyone for the sake of fishing for compliments or playing the hero or whatever.

Merchant of Venice – I might be able to like this if it weren’t for the worst anti-Semitism I’ve ever been exposed to. I like Portia; I kind of wish she was in a different play. I think Antonio and Bassanio should just be together, and she could be perfectly happy being single. This is one pairing I actually think is convincing, but to be fair I’m usually not particularly invested in the idea of anyone ending up with anyone.

Merry Wives of Windsor – I had high hopes for this because Falstaff is in it, because apparently Queen Elizabeth specifically requested more Falstaff, so in that regard she knows what’s up (I disapprove of the fact that she wouldn’t let Shakespeare perform Richard II because Richard II is wonderful). This was very silly but I thought the part where Mistress Quickly mishears a ton of Latin words was funny. Also there’s this girl whose parents each want her to marry a different guy except she wants to marry a third guy who she actually likes and he likes her and stuff, and her parents are like “you can’t marry him because he hangs out with sketchy people like Prince Hal and Ned Poins” and I just think it’s hilarious that they have such a bad reputation. After Taming of the Shrew I almost didn’t want to read comedies ever again but I’m glad I stuck with it because most of them really aren’t like that at all.

Midsummer Night's Dream – I love this and I can’t even explain why and I don’t really have a good reason for liking it; it just makes me lol, especially Nick Bottom. My favorite line is “In ten lines it is too long, making it tedious.” That’s a beautiful thing to say.

Much Ado about Nothing – I actually liked this one. It’s a tiny bit like Taming of the Shrew if Taming of the Shrew wasn’t horrible. I like that the leads have a healthy relationship based on friendship and mutual respect. They say they don’t want to get married because they just don’t want to have to settle for someone they don’t like enough, which I think is a good attitude to have cause it means they take marriage seriously, and they’re too afraid to be made fun of by each other to admit they like each other. Plus everyone likes Beatrice’s wit and outgoing personality instead of saying how awful she is and that she talks too much (for the record, Kate in Taming has waaayyyyy fewer lines than I expected her to have so that’s something to think about). I like how Benedick believes Hero when she says she was framed which was a pleasant surprise since I was worried he’d take Claudio’s side. It’s the part where Beatrice says “I’d eat his heart in the marketplace” and Benedick is on their side and doesn’t question or doubt them. And he and Beatrice were good friends first without being disguised as other people, except briefly but she might have known it was him. I like that he takes the high ground at the end by saying that it doesn’t matter what he said before and he doesn’t care what anyone says because he’s happy. And I like that he’s really, really picky about what he wants in a girlfriend but her hair color doesn’t matter. That was really funny.

Taming of the Shrew – Worst thing I ever read. First it’s all rape culture, and then it;s all abusive marriage. It has everything I can’t stand about certain kinds of modern comedies.

Twelfth Night – I didn’t think I’d like this one but I actually thought it was funny and really entertaining despite the fact that I don’t care who ends up together, so that tells me it’s doing something right. I also realized I remember whole passages that I had no idea I remembered from 8th grade.

Two Gentlemen of Verona – I don’t really have any strong feelings about this except that Proteus does not deserve a happy ending and I wonder what’s going to happen the next time he sees a woman other than Julia. But I guess that’s why they call him Proteus.

HISTORIES

King John – The whole thing was kind of just a will they/won’t they with the armies of England and France, but I like how extra Constance is, and Eleanor is pretty great which is why I’m pissed that she randomly dies offstage. Philip the Bastard is also an interesting character, but I still don’t really get how he walked into court one day a bastard and left it a Plantagenet.

Richard II – Love it; truly beautiful and tragic and has some of the prettiest, deepest lines I’ve read in Shakespeare, and it’s a reflection on the meaning of kingship that’s not seen elsewhere in the Histories. Richard is also not straight and seems kind of non-binary in the versions I’ve seen and I like that. Maybe part of the reason I like both of the Richards is that I see them as not straight. I know he’s no good at being king but I love him anyway. I didn’t think he was going to die though and was rather upset; when Bolingbroke was like “convey him to the Tower” I was like “oh shit, that’s where people go to die!” I mean I know they moved locations to Pomfret castle first, but that’s when I knew what was going to happen.

Henry IV, Part I – One of my favorites. I admit that at first I didn’t like Hotspur. I admit the most offensive thing about him to me was that he says he doesn’t like poetry. He struck the kind of person I can’t stand: loud, angry, annoying, and cares about things I think are stupid. But I’ve heard some different interpretations of his character, and I saw a production where he was really endearing and that got me to really like him. He’s a true chaotic good: he cares about justice first and doesn’t care who gets in the way of it, no matter how important they are. He really doesn’t deserve to die at all. Hell, he and Hal could probably be good allies if the circumstances were different. There are some really funny parts in this and Falstaff is great, and it’s actually really insightful when he says honor is a scutcheon in a way I wouldn’t have expected from him. Prince Hal strikes me as kind of a bro but he’s definitely more sympathetic for me in this one than the other two plays he’s in.

Henry IV, Part II – Honestly not much happens in this one until the end and I’m not sure if I can forgive Hal for what he did to Falstaff. The dude was so excited to go the coronation and see him and he was just like “I know thee not, old man.” It was cold, and normally when I say that I mean it in a good way but not this time. He was basically like “fuck off and die” and that’s exactly what he did. I’m not happy about that.

Henry V – I saw a joke summary of this that said “70% armed combat, 30% jokes” and that is completely accurate. This has its moments for sure. The comic relief characters aren’t as funny as Falstaff though, and I really can’t stand Pistol and couldn’t when he was briefly in the preceding play either. There are things I like about Henry V as a character, but sometimes I question his decisions. He manages to pull it all off somehow though, and that’s impressive.

Henry VI, Part I – I love this whole tetralogy. Joan of Arc was in this and that was a pleasant and unexpected surprise. York comes off as kind of a dick though. He and Somerset are the pettiest people ever. Plus I started to get some of Margaret’s backstory, and knowing what I know now I get why she’s so done with everyone by the time of Richard III. I still don’t forgive her for everything she ever said and I still don’t think she’s 100% a victim in all of this, but to be fair it turns out she is mostly a victim in all of this, and I get that she’s a bold person who’s willing to do what it takes to come out on top and survive, and this can be both a positive and a negative quality depending on the situation.

Henry VI, Part II – This one is largely about how York and Somerset’s pettiness almost destroyed England. Aside from that, this solidified for me that I really don’t like Henry, although Margaret continued to really grow on me in this one, and I feel bad for her that she has to put up with him and basically do everything for him. In spite of this, I find their relationship to be extremely entertaining. I like the part where she punches out the Duchess of Gloucester in front of the whole court and Henry’s just like “it’s whatever, she didn’t mean it” and the part where some guy fakes a miracle and they hit him to prove he can run away and Henry’s like “how could God let this happen?” but Margaret’s like “I thought it was funny watching him run away” (and I was like SAME; she really spends this whole play saying exactly what I’m thinking at any given time, particularly when it comes to Henry) and the part where they’re running away from the battle at the end and Henry can’t keep up because of fucking course he can’t and Margaret’s like “could you be any slower?” and he’s like “maybe we should just sit here and accept our fate.” He is such a wet blanket. I spent the whole thing yelling “Henry, what is wrong with you?!” at my book. While he’s not a terrible person he is mediocre and painfully stupid and I really don’t see him as having any redeeming qualities.  Also Richard shows up for like 5 minutes at the end to collect Somerset’s head and be called an “indigested lump” by someone he just fucking met, which incidentally is the same exact thing Henry said to him. Update: I finally figured out what it is I don’t like about Henry. It’s not even what he says to Richard in the Tower (that is not even half the reason I don’t like him, but for the record even if it was the entire reason it would be an excellent reason). It’s that I see him as childish and to me that’s an extremely negative quality, though I expect it’s also what makes him endearing to some people.

Henry VI, Part III – 10/10 I love it so much, I have a strong opinion on nearly every scene. Margaret is a badass in this one, Henry continues to be an ignorant, damp slice of bread, Richard is in it, and it has my favorite scene in all of Shakespeare when he kills Henry in the Tower, and another scene I love when he says “speak thou for me and tell them what I did” and then Margaret yells at Henry and says “art thou king and wilt be forced?” and her finest moment when she kills York, and the best piece of foreshadowing I’ve ever seen when Richard says about Margaret: “why should she live to fill the world with words?” Also Edward is a fuckboy and a bad influence. I’m ashamed to share a name with him. I kind of think he died of a deadly STD; serves him right.

Richard III – Favorite Shakespeare play, best thing I’ve read in a long time, and definitely one of the top five things I’ve ever read, especially taken together with Henry VI Part 3. It’s everything tragedy should be, parts of it are extremely relatable to me personally, I’ve memorized more of both plays than I care to admit, and it’s a good thing it’s short enough that I can read it over and over because that’s exactly what I intend to do. I don’t know why reading something about someone who makes all the wrong decisions would make me feel better about my life, but I think this is exactly what Aristotle meant when he said that tragedy should be cathartic. Also Richard is definitely ace as fuck and I will fight anyone who tries to say otherwise.

Henry VIII – First of all, Katharine deserved way better. Second of all, I feel like it really glossed over the part where he created the Anglican Church just so he could divorce her. Also there was some really shameless plugging of Queen Elizabeth at the end, so I’m guessing this was written during her reign, which would explain why Henry VIII doesn’t look as bad as he does literally everywhere else I’ve seen him (update: turns out it was written later). I seem to remember that he ended up killing Anne Boleyn and that didn’t happen in this play though I was kind of waiting for it to. I’ve really never read anything this positive about him, and that’s even counting the fact that he tossed Katharine aside after seeing Anne Boleyn once at a party. And I did find out that Buckingham’s real name is Henry, although it’s not like I needed another Henry to keep track of.

TRAGEDIES

Antony and Cleopatra – I really didn’t care for this one. Cleopatra seems like kind of a stereotype to me and I’m not terribly invested in either her or Antony. Romance isn’t really my thing unless it’s super compelling for some special reason or unless I like both the characters individually. This has neither of those qualifiers.

Coriolanus – I didn’t like this very much, even though it’s about Rome. Coriolanus is not a compelling figure to me; the whole premise is that he’s good at fighting but he’s also an asshole, and neither one of those things is interesting to me. Honestly the only part of this that isn’t extremely boring is Volumnia.

Hamlet – I hadn’t read this in a really long time and didn’t remember any of it, and I liked it more than I thought I would. It’s kind of gothic in a wonderful way, even though I know that’s not an appropriate term to use for something written at the time it was written. Honestly though, my liking for Hamlet as a character was severely diminished when he started making dirty comments to Ophelia, and she seemed way more sympathetic than I remember her being. The common theme in many of these tragedies seems to be a protagonist who is lost and overwhelmed and ends up lashing out because of it. The speeches in Hamlet are the best part for me by far, but yeah. As someone who likes language and anything dark, I like it.

Julius Caesar – This I quite liked; I think Brutus is a compelling character and it raises some interesting questions. It also contains the most passive-aggressive thing I’ve ever read. Although, during Act I when Cassius is trying to convince Brutus to kill Caesar, all I hear is “Brutus is just as nice as Caesar. Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, okay, people like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar.” Honestly I think Tina Fey purposely paraphrased Cassius’s lines when writing Mean Girls, which is pretty cool. I liked it when I auditioned for it and I’ve come to really love it, having been in it. I want to see more productions of this one.

King Lear – It’s grown on me over time, I guess. I do have some strong opinions on why Cordelia is actually kind of awful. I like Edmund and Regan and Cornwall, and Goneril have their moments, but none of these characters really get enough air time for me to like the play. What there is a lot of is Lear who is just depressing on multiple levels and his fool who annoys me with his overuse of the word “nuncle” even though I know it’s fairly normal for words in English to lose an /n/ at the beginning due to our articles like how “apron” used to be “napron” until people thought “a napron” was “an apron.” And there’s a lot of Edgar and Kent and Gloucester, none of whom I’m convinced to care about even though I have nothing against them. So overall I still think it is confusing and needlessly depressing, but I am slowly warming up to it. Like, I already know life is pointless, I don’t need something to tell me that like it’s some kind of revelation.

Macbeth – I really don’t understand Macbeth as a character. You think he’d be able to say “no” to murder seeing as he has no real interest in it. I don’t find it romantic at all that he does whatever crazy thing Lady Macbeth wants. I find it kind of disturbing, and certainly not something that reflects well on him. At first it seems like Lady Macbeth should just get rid of him and do everything herself if she’s going to be like that, and I don’t understand why she can’t bring herself to kill Duncan if she wants him dead so badly, and then she loses it halfway through the play and that’s always a let-down. Also isn’t this the one that has the line where it’s like “your father’s been murdered” -“oh, by whom?” and “what, you egg”? As funny as that is it doesn’t exactly speak volumes to Macbeth as having the greatest dialogue all the time. In conclusion, I want to like this play but I really don’t get what’s wrong with either Macbeth or Lady Macbeth and so I can’t really get into it.

Othello – This was always one of my favorites. I always thought Othello and Desdemona’s relationship was really beautiful and romantic in Act I but for some reason my liking of Othello never stops me from being intrigued by what Iago’s going to do next. There’s something appealing to me about being able to always say the right thing and having the self-confidence to make everyone do what you think they should do. That said, having now seen a Shakespeare villain who is manipulative (in an extremely different sort of way) but has motives and a personality, he seems really boring by comparison. I kind of get now how he’s just a plot device, and that does make Othello an even more sympathetic character. And it’s really heartbreaking how he thinks he’s not good enough for Desdemona and has to deal with his worst fears being confirmed after he’s had so much shit to deal with already. I think anyone would break.

Romeo and Juliet - I got tired of it a long time ago and honestly it’s not that good. It’s just kind of average. I get that people have to fall in love quickly in a play that can’t just go on for 10 hours but I still can’t bring myself to care about the characters. Juliet is mildly interesting but Romeo is just a boring person and I don’t care for him at all. Plus I feel like there’s a weird age difference between them considering she’s like 13 or 14 and he’s probably like 18. I’m probably just too ace for this play but I don’t get the appeal. (Update: I’ve now been in this play and I still don’t really get it. I don’t have anything against it but it doesn’t do too much for me either. I liked being in it a whole lot, but it wouldn’t be my top choice for something I want to watch).

Timon of Athens – I feel like there was the potential for this to be a good story about someone who kept giving people material things to get them to like him to the point of running himself into the ground (ha, literally) only to discover that doing that doesn’t actually make you real friends, but it never really came together for me. So good idea, not so sure about the execution, although my book thinks that Shakespeare only wrote part of it and Thomas Middleton wrote the rest so that probably has something to do with it.

Titus Andronicus – This has its moments but it’s not as violent as I thought it would be, which is not good for something that’s known for being violent. My first big problem with it is that Chiron and Demetrius get off way too easy. I was waiting the whole play for them to die horribly only to be let down. Being baked into pies hurts Tamora, not them, and I hate them so much that I’m out of fucks to give about her. My second big problem is that Titus is a selfish piece of shit. He fucking kills Lavinia because her condition is just too painful for him. He complains that he only has 5 children left but he kills two of them himself, on stage. I like Aaron in spite of myself, or at least I like a lot of his speeches; they’re a lot of fun to read. I was surprised that he wanted his child to live even if he couldn’t take care of it personally, but I have no idea how to feel about that because on the one hand I can see how it’s a redeeming quality, and so I like that there’s some effort to humanize him, but on the other hand I wish it was done a different way because that’s not something I have any basis to understand. All this said if I had the chance to see this performed, I admittedly would.

Troilus and Cressida – I’m confused because I spent most of this thinking it took place before the events of the Iliad when actually it was pretty much a different version of the same story, which is disappointing because as much as I love the Iliad, I already have the Iliad. As for Troilus and Cressida themselves, I was rolling my eyes when she thought she had to play hard to get, but then happy when he said that was never necessary and was just happy to be with her even though she thought she was embarrassing herself by expressing her feelings for him; he didn’t shame her for it and that perception was all in her head. But then she didn’t really have any choice but to go with Diomedes, so it’s not fair for Troilus to be mad at her. Plus they only just got together and they weren’t official or anything. He’s a bit of a dumbass, to be honest, even though he and Cressida have some sweet moments. I kind of like Thersites; he seems like my kind of guy. He hates lechery, doesn’t care for war, and thinks most of the Greek generals are full of themselves, which is pretty accurate. I like that he rejects the kind of masculinity most of them embrace where they just fight in order to get women. He thinks they’re the dumbest people ever for engaging in all of that, and frankly I think it’s pretty idiotic too. However, I don’t like that he makes fun of Achilles and Patroclus for being gay. There are already so many good reasons to make fun of Achilles.

ROMANCES

Winter’s Tale – I didn’t have any strong feelings about this until the end, but now I’m wondering where Hermione was for 16 years? I guess she stayed hidden somewhere, but how did she know when the right time to come back would be? Like that was some really good timing. I mean I guess I’m glad Leontes got his shit and part of his family together but to me that doesn’t really make for anything particularly memorable. And I don’t recall him actually apologizing to Hermione or Perdita, so he should really get on that.

Cymbeline – I wasn’t particularly expecting to like this, but I did. It had some of the same elements of the Winter’s Tale except it was way better and I liked the characters more – don’t get me wrong, it was still really…I’m not sure what the right word is, when all the male characters are assholes and they do awful things to Imogen and then she magically forgives them at the end, but at least I felt somewhat invested in her and her brothers, and there were some funny parts, but the part with the ghosts was really weird and I don’t know what to make of it. There are some weird parts in the Romances and I’m not feeling that.

Pericles – Not quite my cup of tea but I don’t hate it. I admit I don’t really like how it takes place over, what, decades? Plus I’ve never heard of this particular Pericles in my life. I totally thought it was going to be about the Athenian statesman. But I did like that it takes place partially in the Near/Middle East, even if it’s just the parts that were part of the Greek world (I’m guessing Hellenistic). But I liked the story well enough and I like that Pericles isn’t an asshole unlike Leontes or Cymbeline, and I like how Marina and Thaisa both were just dropped on a beach somewhere and by the time Pericles finds them they’re at the top of the societies they entered, and how the guy who was going to take Marina’s virginity was really embarrassed and gave her a bunch of money and was supportive when he found out she didn’t want to.

The Tempest – I actually enjoy this and I think it’s a fun play. Caliban is hilarious and I actually like that it turns out not to be a revenge story. Sometimes it’s nice to see someone be the bigger person and have everyone live, even if it’s not cathartic in the same way. There are some really cool interpretations out there but even on the surface I find it quite entertaining and I think there’s something to be said for something that makes me happy for no reason.

[thatdeadaquarius]

I just reread your Language Barrier AU and the ballpoint where reader was pissed because these fuckers just couldn't help but talk like Zhongli-

MINCE YOUR WORDS.

IN ONE SENTENCE.

PREFERABLY 5 WORDS OR LESS.

EXPLAIN IT TO ME LIKE I'M RAZOR.

Argh, God. I'm getting mad just thinking about it. 😤 Imagine in a fight and these dudes just sttaight up blurted a fucking 5 book-length, hard bounded soliloquy- I cannot-

No, Venti, Kazuha. You cannot use Haikus-

No, Cyno, you cannot use jokes either- but that is debatable-

And Oh. My. God. I kept thinking about when fighting and y'all kept throwing words (like when using a skill) and I'm just here standing, bracing myself SO HARD trying not to laugh (also irl). And then maybe now and then some mistranslation on Reader's mind since they use JP VA since the start of Genshin (assuming they play?) are new to Teyvat's Language:

'One with the Floor!'

One with the what?

'Shake your ass, sir!'

Cue spitting tea-

(Sorry, that's just me mishearing things 💀) But like at those times, Reader is the one dying of laughter lol. Imagine them explaing to Beidou that they thought she said 'Power of the ending Hotdog' instead of 'Power that ended Haishan'.

Aight, imma just.. go.

*imma send this anonymously because im shy, but do know that I love bread 🥖

Also @2:20

For you 🤲🥨🍩🥧🥐all the bread for the superior ask, anon

I could definitely see myself saying "ONE SENTENCE. U HAVE TO RESPOND IN ONE SENTENCE ONLY." then they manage to still make it a whole 40 word sentence 💀

^^ Confused Bakugou gif is literally u being shocked bc u keep mishearing everyones bursts on the battlefield LMAO SHAKE UR ASS SIR THAT ONE TOOK ME TF OUT ANON

☆

"Speed of Bite!" (Keqing's Speed of Light lol)

"I will have whore her!" (Zhongli's I will have order 😭)

"Time for... Execution!" (Diluc's time for retribution lol)

...

You in the background like: 🧍‍♂️... tfs wrong with yall, u glitched??

◇

They're like, physically incapable of making your kind of simple blunt sentences

Like i think some people would get close: Albedo, Xinyan, Klee, Qiqi, Sayu (rlly likes it bc it lets them be lazier), Cyno (maybe at first but then he would like, explain for 10 min after every simple sentence what he meant like his jokes 😭), Hu Tao, Heizou, Lumine/Aether, Xiao (can kinda get close but he gets frustrated and then rants for 30 minutes lmao), Razor (holds the title for the closest to your simple speech,👏👏LMAO PPL ACCIDENTALLY THINKING HES A GOD)

♤

People who will never get it, not even if ur in battle & ur life depends on it LMAO:

Zhongli (he rlly wants to but habits over thousands of years r hard to break 🙏 rip), Yun Jin, Xingqiu, Kuni/Babygirl, Venti, Kazuha, Sucrose, Shenhe, Kokomi, Ei, Nahida (tho it was a valiant effort), Noelle, Alhaitham, Sara, Ningguang (she doesnt want to even try lol), Mona, Fischl, Jean, Ganyu, Eula, Barbara, Diluc + Kaeya (unsurpringly both of them are tied for being the worst attempts at speaking simply 💀, guess its just that fancy etiquette training, its too hard to break) 😔

♡

Yeah, ur pretty much begging the ppl who can get close to ur speech to constantly translate everyone else

Rest in peace traveler, theyre like the first person u turn to,

(Paimon is also kinda bad at speaking simply, closest shes gotten is when she demands food lol)

☆

Idk how good this was, but THANK U FOR THE ASK AGAIN I AM ALWAYS READY TO HEAR OTHERS MAKE MY BRAINROT WORSE OVER LANGUAGE GENSHIN <3

ALSO I CANT BELIEVE U SENT ME THAT CYNO JOKES VIDEO PLEASE ITS SO LONG IT WAS SO FUNNY I STILL HAVENT WATCHED THE FULL THING

Feel free to send another in whenever i love talking to yall ♡

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡ the beloveds:

@karmawonders

✨️✨️✨️✨️💖✨️✨️✨️✨️