#Mike spending his whole life trying to make up for what he did to Evan when in reality it was never his fault Evan died

[cobalt-axolotl]

Yeah I’ll incorporate that into my headcannon

I love Cassidy to death but the idea of her being the only one to possess Golden Freddy (or just the main spirit) is so boring to me. like since with most timelines Mike is the night guard in fnaf 1 its just SO much better for Evan to be possessing the robot he had a plushie of and what he was killed BY. "It's Me" makes so much sense with Evan and Mike in fnaf 1 then it does with Cassidy. with Cassidy the only reason she would be saying "Its Me" to Michael is if she thought he was William, which is just so boring to me compared to Evan talking to his brother after like 8 years. Cassidy was 1 of 5 kids that were murdered that day and the legendary Golden Freddy JUST being 1 of the 5 kids that's angrier is so boring to me. like the "Its Me" everyone was theorizing about for years being Evan Afton, the boy who was killed by his brother on his birthday talking to the aforementioned brother 8 years later while possessing the same robot he died in while the brother tries to fix his fathers mistakes. like oh my god. the only reason Evan died that day is because William was a child murderer who purposefully didnt care about safety precautions in his animatronics and his son paid the price for it. Evan being angry at not Mike but William and being the one to keep him in his personal hell along with Cassidy who has a grudge. the most satisfying theory for real

[drinkinboilingcoffee]

OK here's what I got so far for the AU based off of your weird Dream...

The whole premise of this is this is a univer met Henry in college so he never became the co-owner of fastbear entertainment, So instead of that he just kind of continues to have lots of gay sex in college until he runs into a man who after the gay fun time has a panic attack due to being religious and gay being sin and all that and William gets the idea that he can control people through religion/guilt... Around the same time I think he gets into the supernatural just because he likes vampire novels and thinks vampires are cool, He discovers Remnant/agony and decides to make his cult focus around that! And so he starts forming his call to and it goes really well because It's the 60s and a bunch of new religion stuff is popping up and William is a charismatic man.

By like 1971 his call to is like 300 strong and he moves everyone to hurricane Utah. (By the way I'm using a mix of my remnant/Agony yours if that's okay). Part of his cult's whole Philosophy is that only some are worthy of true in mortality and to get immortality it takes pain, and bloodshed and maybe a little bit of cannibalism if we're feeling silly. Around this time the Afton kids are born, I don't really have much ideas surrounding them and how their parentage might change other than similarly silly ones about them being actually agony creatures or something, But the Cult continues and continues to grow in numbers.

But in 1983, Evan is chosen for like a weird murder ritual thing, And Mikey's forced to do it and he does it with glee because like that's what he's supposed to feel and then he realizes that actually killing your brother makes you sad and he sad :(. Weird idea but I think it's a test of faith thing where somebody in the cult is killed in an incredibly brutal way and like sacrificed and then if they let's say come back to life or possess anything then If they come back as like a remnant zombie which has only happened like twice they are consumed by the cult for like magic religious reasons and if they possess any of this stuff that's kind of like thrown around the body then there To feast on Dissenters and all that...

This is all I got so far sorry if this is weird and rambling and long I just have so much ideas and like weird religious cults <3

Ok I didn't expect this to start with "so one time William was having gay sex and-" but I love this idea. Love the part about Evan and Mike and the two of them growing up in the cult without fully understanding its implications.

I do have a bit that was different (both in the actual dream and me spending my lunch break trying to piece it all together) but a combination of our ideas might work best for a fic:

-Evan was alive in my dream but very much did NOT want to be involved in the cult, whereas Elizabeth was its most enthusiastic member (as you can probably guess, most of the characters were adults by then also)

-Henry was involved and 'opposed' to the murder part of it but made no attempt to stop William.

-William knew NOTHING about remnant, just that corpses kind of sort of maybe made you live longer if you concentrate and consume it right (coughcoughmandatorycannibalismlorecoughcough)

-The more 'lives' you consume, the more powerful you're considered. The ranking was identified with a sort of ritual scarring (similar to springlocks)

-Mike had a breakdown after killing his first person when he was 13 and tried to escape, only really succeeding in doing so with the help of Jen (who also very much wanted out)

-yeah there was still probably gay sex involved why not

[pettyprocrastination]

Hell is a Nine to Five Max Philips x Reader

Summary: Max Philips is your new boss at your hellscape of a job. He can’t help but be drawn to you and when he learns your lineage and last name (Harker) he fears this may put a dwindle on his plans. But it wouldn’t be a bad idea to ask you out though,,,right?

Chapter summary: Max doesn’t show up until next chapter this one is just set up about your place in the office environment. And for those who don’t know her last name is Harker as in Jonathan Harker from dracula. Don’t worry future chapters will be full of that sweet sweet tension and yearning. 

@ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa​ this legend has fucking iconic writing and got me to watch bloodsucking bastards and HERE I AM. Please check out their stuff yall holy shit. 

“Yo Harker!”

Your eyes flicked away from your computer screen just in time to see your grinning blonde coworker push himself over to you in his cubicle chair with a flourish. “Mike is kicking my ass this round and I know somewhere under all that nerd there is a girl who loves video games, tap in?” He pointed to his own cubicle, his computer screen flashing with some video game that he and 90% other men on the floor were constantly playing. You knew this because no matter how loud your sales call was, you can always hear him scream profanities in agony when he inevitably gets killed by some other dumbass who should also be doing his job instead of playing video games like a fifteen year old with a rattail.

You feigned interest for a moment, before your focus went back to your screen, fingers tapping away on the too-damn-old-and-fucking-sticky-to-properly-work keyboard so you can finish this report that Mike was suppose to have done...Yesterday. 

“Hard pass.”

“Oh come on!” Tim pushed his chair closer to you so he could slump his head on your shoulder, but you remained focused on the task at hand. The task being doing your goddamn job which nobody on that floor seemed to do. “I've got to piss like a racehorse but if I drop this round I owe him fifty bucks!”

Okay. That got your attention. 

“Where the hell did you get fifty bucks?” You pushed yourself away from your tiny desk for a moment, wheely chair spinning to face him. “I know for a fact that not even ten fucking minutes ago you asked Evan if he could spot you a twenty so you could pay Dave for the NBA pool that you always lose.”

Tim opened his mouth for a moment before closing it with a huff. “You fucking suck, you know that Harker?”

“Love you too Tim.”

That’s how your work days went. 

Spend hours on end stuck in a windowless room, hunched over a computer from the fucking 90’s, doing not only your work, but the work of 70% of your coworkers who are too busy playing video games, gossiping, or watching porn to even pretend like they're doing their job. Occasionally Tim would try to pull you away to tag in for him on his video games, rate the new interns, or make fun of Evan during your lunch break.

Speaking of which. 

The fluorescent lighting wasn’t any less nauseating in the breakroom, but it offered you a slightly lower volume of the endless ringing of phones, piss poor marketing tactics used by your coworkers to convince people to buy whatever dogshit product you had to push for the week, and the oh-so-obnoxious shouts of Mike, who’s main purpose in life was to bully nine-year-olds who he played video games with. 

“That’s right you fucking pussy! I’m the king!”

Keyword: slightly lower volume. 

“All I’m saying is that you're one of the smartest people here.” Tim plunked himself down in the plastic chair to your right, while Andrew sat on your left. “You’re always doing work-”

“Because I’m at work.”

“-you can type without looking at your hands-”

“Really not that complicated of a skill but okay.”

“-And you're not easily distracted!”

“Because nothing in this hellhole is worth my attention.” You mumbled into your sandwich, which was then flung out of your grasp and onto the floor as Tim slapped you on the back with what you assumed was supposed to be gusto.

Five second rule maybe?

“Which is exactly why you-oh my bad sorry- but that is why you should team up with me and Andrew to kick Mike’s pimply ass!”

Andrew’s face scrunched up in disgust. “Dude. I agree with you but I could do without the description.”

You stood up to retrieve your fallen turkey on rye. Looks like you're going without lunch today “Yeah, I second that notion.”

“Listen I just think-”

Evan, your lanky acting sales manager walked into the breakroom with purpose, and coincidentally, right onto your lunch.

Yup. Definitely no saving that. 

“Hey Tim, have you started on the Phallicite presentation yet?”

Tim froze, stroking his chin in fake thought before letting out a sharp laugh “Yeah no.” Evan threw his head back and groaned. “Sorry buddy.”

“Come on man! Could you please, just this once-”

“I already did it.” You cut in, Evan turning to you, bagged eyes wide. 

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah.”

He blinked twice, then again before his mouth hung open.“Like..like the WHOLE presentation? All on your own?” 

You shrugged, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot in front of him as you waited for him to take his foot off your fucking sandwich. “Yeah. stayed overnight yesterday because I knew damn well Tim wasn’t gonna do it-”

“Rude but fair deduction Hark.”

“-so I pieced something together. I emailed it to you ten minutes ago. Now all you have to do is nail the actual presenting part.”

Relief washed over your not-acting-sales-manager-but-still-kind-of-sales-manager’s face. “Oh thank you so much Harker, really. That means a lot. If we land this then-”

Enough was enough.

“You're standing on my sandwich.”

“What?” Evan looked down at his feet and winced at the site of your squashed lunch under his shoe. “Shit. Sorry Harker.”

You gave your food one last wistful glance before shrugging. “It’s fine. My break is almost over anyway.”

“Harker.” Mike snorted. “I’m pretty sure you’re the only goddamn person who adheres to a timed lunch schedule. Just stay over! Who the fuck cares?”

You stuffed your water bottle back into the fridge before standing up straight. “This job may suck ass, but it’s the only one I have and I don’t feel like losing it. So I do what I can to keep it.”

You turned on your heel, their voices dying as you walked back to your desk. As you sat down, the hairs on your neck seemed to stand and a prickle went down your spine, you turned around to see if anything was out of the ordinary. 

Coworkers not doing their job? Check. 

Interns being taken advantage of? Check. 

Broken clocks still broken because it keeps employees from constantly seeing if it’s time to leave? Double check. 

You pushed your paranoia away and answered a sales call, though the feeling never truly left you until the work day was over and you were driving out of the parking lot. 

Notes: Anywhomst chapter one is just set up of your place in the work place, as well as relationship to the other characters. In future chapters their will be plenty of interaction between you and max, as well as a deeper look into your family line! Please don’t hesitate to send me reuquests and headcanons i need some fuckin interaction lmao

[pinkdaisies34]

You Make My Dreams Come True (Connor Murphy x OC) Part 1

I slammed the car door and walked slowly towards the school. It was the first day back so the steps to the entrance were filled with people catching up with their friends. I scanned the groups in front of me, searching for my best friend Melissa. “Hey Iz!” I grinned at her and she pulled me into a hug. “I’ve missed you, can’t believe how quickly this summer went!” “I know! Missed you as well, wish you could have come to England with me.” My family had decided to spend the whole summer back in England where most of my family lived. I had joined Roosevelt High school last year and had quickly became friends with Mel after she showed me round.

“I can’t believe you and Mike broke up at the end of summer!” Mel exclaimed as we went to find our new lockers. despite me telling her that a. I didn’t want to talk about it and b. we had only been together for 3 months so wasn’t a proper relationship. Mike was cute and had been nice enough but I never felt a spark and towards the end of summer felt like it just wasn’t working. He had been upset and I was dreading seeing him around but I didn’t see the point in staying with someone who I wasn’t that interested in. “Oh god. Look who’s back!” Mel hissed in my ear. I turned around and saw Connor Murphy in front of me. His hair had grown a lot over summer, a style I couldn’t help noticing that he suited. Despite it being warm outside, he was wearing a massive coat and black lace up boots. He was frantically trying to open his locker and seemed to be getting more annoyed every time he tried. “I’m just going to go and and help him..” I started walking towards him when Mel grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “Knowing him, he’ll hit you or something!” I rolled my eyes at her. Mel had always been negative about Connor Murphy, claiming that he had thrown a printer at a teacher when he was younger and had been suspended from a private school he went to for dealing drugs. Connor had clearly overheard us and turned around, glaring at us both before storming off. “I can’t believe Zoe is his sister, poor her” Mel sighed and started putting her books into her locker. I had never spoken to Zoe but she had always seemed nice and I knew she was involved in a band at school. Connor and her were like chalk and cheese; Zoe had a big friend group whilst Connor didn’t seem to hang out with anyone.

I glanced around the school corridor, I always found it interesting seeing how people changed over summer. Over by the water foundation, I spotted Evan Hansen. Evan was in my History and English class and rarely spoke in either unless forced to by the teacher. I had smiled at him a few times when seeing him in class but he often seemed nervous about making eye contact and had just looked away when I did. His style clearly hadn’t changed over summer as he was wearing the same blue polo shirt and jeans he always wore last year but instead he had a arm cast. I frowned at it, wondering what had happened. He was chatting away to Jared, who was clearly not listening as he was staring at Brittany Snow. As soon as Connor stormed back past, I noticed Jared raise an eyebrow. “Hey Murphy! Nice hair, very school shooter chic!” Connor immediately froze and narrowed his eyes at Jared. “It’s just a joke, you freak” Jared muttered before walking off. “What are you looking at?! Connor snapped at a nervous looking Evan. “Nothing” Evan whimpered before laughing nervously. “I’m not the freak, you are!” Connor pushed him over and rushed off towards the school grounds, clearly upset. Most people just stood there in shock before a girl with violet streaks in her hair rushed over; Zoey Murphy. “I’m so sorry! He’s such a douche” she muttered whilst helping Evan up.

Connor Murphy became the talk of the school over lunch. Everyone was whispering to their friends about him pushing Evan and how he was such a bully. Part of me felt sorry for him. If Jared had not made the stupid comment then he wouldn’t have felt so upset. After grabbing lunch in the canteen with Mel, I decided to try and find Connor. I felt bad for not sticking up for him and wanted to see if he was okay. I walked out onto the empty football pitch, trying to find him. A group of seniors I didn’t know were nearby and I asked them if they had seen him anywhere, one of them pointed to a far away tree and I walked over. Connor was sat with his back against the tree trunk, smoking a spliff. I suddenly felt nervous, I haven’t properly spoken to him before and a fact I hadn’t told Mel or anyone else was that I had a slight crush on him since first seeing him last year. When Mel had been giving me the tour of the school, Connor had been sitting outside the counsellor’s office, staring at the wall. “Hi Murphy” Mel called out to him as we walked slowly pastand he glanced in our direction, his brown eyes meeting mine, causing butterflies to rise in my stomach. He was much better looking than I expected (Mel hadn’t been very kind about his looks or personality) and each time I saw him after, the butterflies grew. Despite his temper issues, he didn’t seem like a bad person; just misunderstood. His eyes were closed and he looked a lot more relaxed than earlier. I coughed and he opened his eyes slowly, his expression changing to annoyance as soon as he noticed me. “You can tell whoever sent you that I’m not going back in there” he snapped and grabbed a book next to him. “Just tell them I’m catching up on work.” “No one sent me, I just wanted to check you’re alright.” He rolled his eyes, clearly not believing me. “I’m fine, I have everything I need.” I stood there, feeling awkward. He pushed his bag to the side and indicated that I should sit down. “So you’re really here to check I’m okay?” He asked before looking confused when I nodded. He smiled slightly, which made the butterflies appear again. “Thanks I guess” he muttered, “so you joined last year?” I returned the smile and started telling him about new life in the US.

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Baby Driver

The Wright Amount

The Setup: For this post we’re thrilled to bring you two Guest Reactors, both former film school classmates of ours, and both Edgar Wright aficionados. One is Andrew, one half of the Punder Twins (we hope you’ll meet the other half in the foreseeable future), and the other wanted a codename like Bats and Buddy, so we’re calling him BOB. All caps, because BOB likes that it works as an acronym for “Boring Old Bob.”

SPOILERS -- and fan/re-casting -- after the jump!

MIRI: Ok, so what did we think of Baby Driver?

ANDREW: Oh we're starting this? It was very, Edgar wright-y

KRIS: I don’t know how much this will matter, but for context I thought it might be fun to start with everyone’s favorite (pre-Baby Driver) Edgar Wright movies/moments

MIRI: I went into the movie not really expecting to like it (the trailers just didn’t grab me the way they did SO MANY people) so I was actually really pleasantly surprised by how much I liked it

Ooh, I like that

What are yours?

BOB: "You ain't ever seen Bad Boys 2?" - Hot Fuzz

KRIS: With the caveat that I haven’t rewatched any of them, I think my favorite is Scott Pilgrim

ANDREW: The entirety of Scott pilgrim vs the world 

KRIS: which admittedly has the unfair advantages of Anna Kendrick and Aubrey Plaza

But also “Chicken’s not vegan?”

Just an insanely stacked cast

ANDREW: I was about to say that!

MIRI: I’d have to go Sean of the Dead

*Shaun

BOB: 

KRIS: Of the Cornettos I do think Hot Fuzz is my favorite

ANDREW: Mine too! I still wish he directed ant man. I mean, I liked ant man. But...

MIRI: Hot Fuzz is excellent, but Shaun of the Dead just surprised me so much in so many delightful ways

KRIS: Oh also I liked that in the big GQ interview Chris Evans did when he got cast for Captain America, he mentioned that his friends thought his Scott Pilgrim character was hilariously spot-on, though maybe they thought this ironically

I’d have to revisit the piece, which I feel like is semi-legendary in entertainment journalism circles

BOB: I really like how he took that film and made it both a reflection of the action genre as a whole while also making it very much so an original film 

KRIS: I’ll try to find and link

MIRI: Yeah, he does great things with loving parodies

KRIS: Shaun of the Dead was definitely revelatory, although I probably saw it a year or two too early to fully appreciate it

BOB: Which when I watched Baby Driver, you could say he does the same to an extent with heist and car chase movies

MIRI: This didn’t feel as much like a sendup to me as it did just an example of the genre

BOB: It has a little Reservoir Dogs / The Killing (Kubricks) feel to it with the nicknames

KRIS: Guillermo del Toro’s very complimentary Twitter thread about the movie made a point of stressing that where Wright has previously been ironic, Baby Driver was newly and lovingly earnest

MIRI: Yeah, I’d agree. And in some places that worked better for me than others

ANDREW: I concur with the famous director.

MIRI: I’m curious--on a scale of 1-10 how much did you guys love this movie?

BOB: 9.5 

ANDREW: ...8?

BOB: Maybe cause i am sucker for the non verbal acting in the first half and the syncing of music with action 

ANDREW: That's true. The non verbal acting was top notch.

KRIS: I’m probably a 6.5 - 7? I liked but didn’t love it, and the framing for my expectations is that I follow approximately 3 million film critics on Twitter and everyone who saw the movie screen at Austin L O V E D it

MIRI: I’m somewhere around a 6.5 or a 7. It’s totally fun! The performances are great! But it’s also pretty lazy in some ways and has some plot issues. But the action is GREAT

KRIS: The physicality of Baby was definitely great

(Do we know that actor from anything?)

BOB: Fault in our stars

MIRI: Kris, I love you

He’s also in the Divergent films

and he’s the new Han Solo

ANDREW: He is also in baby driver

MIRI: This definitely seems like a step away from the teen heartthrob of it all for him

KRIS: The new Han Solo is Alden Ehrenreich. Same initials, different dude

MIRI: Ohhh oops

BOB: Fact check - han solo is alden something

They look very alike though!

MIRI: Was Elgort in the mix at one point or am I 100% wrong?

BOB: However... he is credited as Ansolo in Bad Santa 2

Yes he was

MIRI: Ok, that makes me feel slightly better

BOB: Damn this guy is only 23!

MIRI: OOOhhh, Alden Ehrenreich is the kid from Beautiful Creatures

I’m never going to get them fully separate in my head now

ANDREW: Bob! Don't look at ages!

It's depressing.

KRIS: (To our guests: we also have frequent and lengthy digressions)

(we very briefly tried to fight it but we know our limits)

MIRI: My favorite person in this movie was definitely Joseph, the foster dad

ANDREW: My favorite was Kevin spacey's kid.

KRIS: I kind of wished we’d gotten more of Jon Bernthal but I did love the Joseph scenes

OH YEAH

He was great

ANDREW: Oh my god, yes! I thought Jon was gonna come back!

I almost forgot he was in the movie.

BOB: Back to BD, BOB is very interested in getting his hands on seeing how much of the movie was motivated by the actual words on the page. A bevy of characters like the nephew and Jon Bernthals limited scenes. Heck even the small bits like the postal worker were interesting

MIRI: I liked the interactions with the postal worker

The headshake played really nicely

BOB: One plot hole for me was who was the hero that tried to ram them (The Flea/Brian Tee trio) because that guy had some guns on him

KRIS: I did really like how IMMEDIATELY everything went to shit in that moment

The second act really dragged for me but I thought this started and ended really strong

MIRI: That’s the plot hole that bothers you?

KRIS: Say more BOB

ANDREW: Damn you good Samaritan! 

BOB: Seemed like a setup that wasn't fully explained. Was Brian Tee's character in on it? Is that why he got s bullet in the head? Or was it more so over the fact that he fucked up 3 times

MIRI: He seemed like an ex-military hired security guy to me

BOB: Mike myers, dragged getting into car, left his shotgun

KRIS: I think he was just a Good Samaritan but he had a Marine Corps hat

BOB: I noticed that hat too but unsure if there was a fix there

MIRI: Oh, I thought it was additional hired security since there had been so many robberies lately

BOB: Miri good point!!!

KRIS: Oh, I didn’t think about it after the movie but in the moment I thought the lost shotgun would come back to bite them

ANDREW: Ooooh that's smart. ... I hope that it.

BOB: Yes likewise about the shotgun 

MIRI: Yeah, I definitely thought the shotgun would come back

I did like the clear willingness to take out allies like that

BOB: What plotholes bugged you MS?

MIRI: BUT that makes me buy Doc helping Baby TO THE EXPENSE OF HIS OWN LIFE even less

BOB: Yes that was good. Start of seeing how Bats was real fucked up

KRIS: Yeah, I did like the setup of Doc’s operation a lot

BOB: Bats killed him

Not Doc

MIRI: I get the weird affection, but that carried it way beyond believability to me.

There’s no planting of that (at least not any that works for me)

ANDREW: I don't know. I bought doc helping baby.

MIRI: Oh, Bats killed him? How do we know that?

BOB: "Moment you catch feelings, moment you catch a bullet."

KRIS: But it would’ve been on Doc’s orders, right?

MIRI: But the guy didn’t catch feelings, he was just bad at his job

BOB: He was already riled up. And he is very trigger happy

Perhaps Docs orders but he didn't seem type to get dirty.

He caught a feeling of being dumb then! Lol

MIRI: I don’t buy Doc helping Baby. Baby destroyed his whole operation, put his actual loved ones in jeopardy, and is now leaving him meaning he can’t pull any jobs for/with him ever again. Plus Doc definitely seems like a survivor above all else, which helping Baby totally invalidates

BOB: Would it have made sense if say Doc was like a relative ala how we see him train the nephew?

MIRI: Sure, but he’s not

BOB: I thought it was gonna go in that direction

ANDREW: You’re right, but he essentially raised Baby and worked with him for like a decade. Albeit forcefully. Do you really think after all that doc would just shoot baby in the face?

However logical it seems?

MIRI: For the level of betrayal Baby has just given him, maybe

ANDREW: Doc seems likes family man to me.

MIRI: Or at least let him twist on the rope he’s put up himself

ANDREW: A sick

KRIS: I buy Doc not killing Baby, if not the risks he then takes on Baby’s behalf

MIRI: He definitely seems like a family man, but I don’t think he treats Baby as family enough to justify the turn for me

ANDREW: That fair.

MIRI: Agreed

KRIS: I think meeting his son, and seeing how the kid is totally well adjusted, is part of setting that up

BOB: Doc shooting up people was a stretch 

MIRI: The kid was his nephew, I think

BOB: I buy the take this money and run angle a lot

Yes nephew

ANDREW: Then baby is the son he never had!

Son of a bitch!

MIRI: But he’s clearly close with him--watches movies with him, etc. He doesn’t spend time with Baby outside of business

BOB: He bought him dinner!

ANDREW: He bought him dinner!

MIRI: i’m with Kris--I don’t think he would have killed Baby necessarily, but he goes way further than I believe

He bought him dinner once, and partially as a chance to threaten Debbie and get Baby back into the game

BOB: He talks to him perhaps more so whenever he picks up him for a job

KRIS: I can sort of see dots to connect from Doc being willing to order terrible things but deliberately distancing himself from them to avoid catching feelings, because he knows or suspects that if he gets too close then he’ll stop being the criminal mastermind he wants to be

MIRI: He’s clearly closer with him than with most employees, I’m not denying that!

I just don’t think they put in enough groundwork to make me believe the turn

KRIS: I don’t think the movie does that work for you

MIRI: The movie expects me to buy emotional connections that it doesn’t show on a couple of fronts

The fact that Deborah is willing to run away with a guy she BARELY knows is ridiculous

BOB: Stop trying to catch feelings Miri!!! Bats may be listening!

ANDREW: Bro, that train I can get on.

MIRI: Even without the bank robber, just shot someone right in front of her thing

ANDREW: I kind of wanted Debra to say "thanks but no thanks" in act three.

That would have been a funny twist.

MIRI: I would have been into that

BOB: It happens... maybe she felt protected?? But they do have moments where they are similar. The love for the road, the music, the need and want to escape 

Maybe she was tired of the old humdrum reality of things

ANDREW: But baby just shot a man at the diner

BOB: Ala Thelma and Louise

MIRI: Right, they have the building blocks for dating, but not “Run away from everyone you’ve ever known with me forever”

Thelma and Louise were lifelong friends

BOB: I'm comparing the desire versus status of relationship length

MIRI: Baby and Deborah have had like 7 conversations

KRIS: (Oh god for like days I’ve been confusing Lily Collins with Lily James)

ANDREW: Most of them are about names.

MIRI: (Me too! Can I blame you this time??)

KRIS: (Yes, because you were there when I did it out loud)

BOB: Too many Lilys and Han Solo look alikes!!

MIRI: BOB: Right, but the “you jump I jump” of it all makes sense because of the love that’s already there. You don’t risk it all for a virtual stranger Basically, I think some of the relationships are weak. They knew what marks they wanted/needed to hit, but didn’t do the work of getting there well

KRIS: I think they do establish that Debora doesn’t have anything in her life early on, but I agree that across the board the movie wants me to make emotional leaps that it doesn’t work to achieve

HOWEVER

MIRI: When there’s an actual depth of relationship like between Baby and Joseph it WORKS

Buddy and Darling work

KRIS: For the sake of argument, there’s this “all the characters in Baby Driver are archetypes” case I’ve seen floated

MIRI: (we have three spellings of Debora’s name going and Kris is right about it)

KRIS: Which doesn’t work for me, but I want to know how you feel about it

In fairness, I have IMDB open

MIRI: Eh. Feels like an excuse. Especially when there are the examples of genuine emotional connections

ANDREW: Can we talk about how there are only two female characters in the movie? 1 is a love interest and the other is fodder for Jon Hamm to be the villain?

MIRI: I would say that Debora and Darling fit the Madonna/Whore archetypes to a disturbing level

KRIS: AND EIZA GONZALEZ IS 20 YEARS JON HAMM’S JUNIOR

ANDREW: Genre be damned. That's a little ridiculous.

MIRI: more than a little

BOB: Hmmm interesting point Andrew! But what about the Mom? So 3?

KRIS: She’s not a “character”

MIRI: The mom isn’t a character

ANDREW: Fodder for baby to have tinnitus?

MIRI: she’s an excuse for maintain

*manpain

BOB: Ahh man pain 

MIRI: She has no arc or actions, and her only voice is filtered through Baby

Also, they do an interesting thing of rarely showing her face fully, which I assume is due to his memories being limited/fading

and it’s very cool on that front

BOB: Ditto with Miri

MIRI: but also she’s about 1/4 of the women in the entire film and we barely see or hear her

it’s not great

Can we take a moment to imagine how much more interesting the Buddy/Darling dynamic would have been if their ages and roles were reversed?

Just for fun

ANDREW: No. I was kind of hoping for something more out of Darling. But then she got shot... a lot.

BOB: Maybe if Doc was a female then perhaps the whole giving themself up in Act 3 seems more believable

MIRI: Because I would have been totally there for that

ANDREW: I was just thinking that Miri!

BOB: She got shot the fuck up

This movie put the female characters through the ringer in terms distress and pain

MIRI: The whole benevolent tolerance of Baby thing that Buddy does would have hit so harder from a potential mother figure when it went away

Yeah, it’s very lazy on that front. And--much as we love him!--not super surprising from Wright

He doesn’t seem to hate women by any stretch, he just doesn’t really seem to think of them much

KRIS: I want writer-directors like Edgar Wright and Christopher Nolan to have to take a seminar co-taught by like, Ava Duvernay and Patty Jenkins

MIRI: Is there more than one female character of note in any of the films he’s written and directed (not based on preexisting property)?

BOB: Now you have me catching feelings... questioning my overall thoughts

MIRI: YES

Also, I want to take those seminars too!

Sorry, BOB

BOB: Sign me up

MIRI: But also not sorry because it’s important to be critical of the media we love!

And the dude is clearly smart and awesome and I expect better of him

ANDREW: True that!

MIRI: Female Baby would have been interesting too

BOB: Very true... i guess I was caught up with the beauty of the action and syncs with music. Didn't take a step back to examine the archetypes 

I'm down to an 8 now

KRIS: I do think that Lily James and Eliza Gonzalez both do a lot with a little, but I also want to point out that that’s something actresses in every genre and every budget range have to do all the time

MIRI: SO true

KRIS: Also here is a tweet for Miri:

https://twitter.com/carolineframke/status/880639492025090048

MIRI: HAHAHHAHAHA

BOB: Still thinking about your posed question

MIRI: I love Caroline Framke

KRIS: About reversing the age dynamic?

BOB: I loved Lily James in this

KRIS: I’m trying to think of who I’d like to see in that reversal

BOB: Daisy Ridley?

MIRI: Ooh

BOB: Or in the Buddy / Darling?

MIRI: Wait, Daisy Ridley as female Baby? I’d be into that

KRIS: Buddy/Darling I mean

Ohhhh

BOB: Helen Mirren / Dave Franco 

KRIS: I don’t know that she’s my first choice but I could see it

MIRI: Ooh, interesting! Even more of an age gap, but I’m not it

ANDREW: No... James Franco. 

Spring breeeeeeak

MIRI: Maybe Marisa Tomei and someone?

BOB: Susan Sarandon / Zac Efron

MIRI: (Spring Break fo’evaaaaa)

BOB: Ahh Marisa! Aunt freaking May

KRIS: I almost went with like Kate Beckinsale/anyone but then I thought about all the thinkpieces about movies/TV that keep pairing brown men with white women

MIRI: She’s a similar level of hot and unexpected for a vicious role like this

GINA TORRES

GINA TORRES AND SOME HOT YOUNG DUDE

BOB: Hmmm let's switch it up.... Viola Davis / White dude

KRIS: Or like Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez would’ve killed in this

BOB: Ahhh J Loooooo

MIRI: Omg yes to both of those

BOB: J lo and Drake

MIRI: Drake’s not young enough, is he?

ANDREW: De age him 

MIRI: Ooh ooh ooh, John Boyega

JLo and John Boyega

BOB: No he seems to big in size

For J Los taste

MIRI: This tangent has gone wildly afield and I like it

KRIS: This is making me think we should make fan-cast pieces a regular thing on Reacting to Something, not that it’s super original but it would be fun

BOB: But i like that it'd be interesting to see her be the one in control and she is super tiny

MIRI: YES LET”S DO THAT

BOB: slap hands!! Yes

MIRI: I think JLo could play that

KRIS: It’s also making me think of a writing exercise Writing Teacher likes to suggest, where you have a stack of locations, a stack of actors, and a stack of genres on index cards, and you draw randomly and have to come up with loglines

BOB: 

MIRI: Wait why are we not doing that as a party game?

KRIS: Oh she also always includes tequila when she says this

MIRI: I am IN

KRIS: Literally always

BOB: I like tequila

That would be a fun game 

MIRI: I might do gin instead sometimes, but I am IN

KRIS: We’ve never actually done it but she likes it as a brainstorming thing

MIRI: ok, we should maybe talk some more about Baby Driver

Let’s talk about the awesome music some, because it really was great!

KRIS: Yeah

BOB: Actually I have a game like that minus the whole actors/ actresses names

KRIS: You still have to write a Saoirse Ronan movie, BOB

Film school cohort reference, sorry readers

ANDREW: I would like to talk about something I did really like though, and that was the use and portrayal of tinnitus. I know a few people with the condition, one more severe. But whenever there isn't music, there is a faint ringing in the sound.

KRIS: (I like that the all caps just comes off as accusatory)

MIRI: Say more, Andrew

ANDREW: How it’s something he lives with, but it's also his biggest weakness.

Like when Jon Hamm blows out his ducking hearing at the end.

BOB: Don't remind me Kris :-(

MIRI: Oh I misread that as something you DIDN’T like, whoops

ANDREW: Fucking*

MIRI: OMG that was such a vicious move!

Honestly, I didn’t expect it

And I may have jumped in my seat a little

BOB: It was vicious and a great line/scene

MIRI: Totally

KRIS: Yeah

MIRI: I expected the whole kill your girl thing, but the hearing was a great touch

ANDREW: It's just nice to see people acknowledge that it exists. And having it shown with accuracy.

MIRI: Did anyone else not super buy his whole Quirky Thing?

ANDREW: Which quirky thing? There are like 30z

MIRI: Exactly

KRIS: And whose quirky thing?

MIRI: Baby’s

It felt like a very deliberate persona

ANDREW: It did, yeah.

KRIS: I mostly bought the mixtape stuff etc. as an extension of his obsession with music between both the tinnitus and his mom

MIRI: I liked him a lot when he wasn’t performing--when he’s dancing around in the apartment, etc--but as just a dude on the street who doesn’t care that he’s walking out in front of people all the damn time it’s a bit much

The mixtapes I buy

ANDREW: I liked that he had 5 pairs of sunglasses.

KRIS: I actually bought his clumsiness on the street because I read it as a cost to having to pump music into his ears all the time

MIRI: And the iPods, now that I’ve read the Edgar Wright explanation that he finds them (and the sunglasses) in cars

BOB: I can understand it as him thinking its a little game the first time he does that

But yeah running into people is just rude!! Expected someone to deck him

ANDREW: Ooooh I like that he finds them in cars.

MIRI: He just felt like he was trying really hard to be weird a lot of the time

(Right? that’s a nice detail!)

ANDREW: I didn't even think of that. But I love it!

MIRI: But then again, he only feels comfortable with a very small number of people, so I guess a persona is not surprising

BOB: Just thought of anther Baby - Chloe Grace Moretz! 

KRIS: I’ll say I didn’t really buy him as turning out to be a badass

MIRI: And the bigness of it all makes a lot of sense with Joseph, since ASL relies pretty heavily on exaggerated gesture to convey tone

KRIS: I’m going to pitch Saoirse Ronan, who is also 23

MIRI: Really? It semi made sense to me as an extension of his driving insanity

KRIS: Not just because I’m giving BOB shit

Hmm

MIRI: omg YES to Saoirse Ronan

KRIS: (BOB have you seen Hanna yet?)

MIRI: Like, he’s super willing to take risks and put it all on the line when driving. He doesn’t have a desire to be violent, but when put in the position to be I believe him capable

BOB: Yeah not a badass. The him running and jumping scene when he escaped and jumps over the car was a little crazy. Only reason I could see it being believable is because he had a pull up bar in hid kitchen and he might work out or like to swing around and shit.

MIRI: (I haven’t seen Hanna yet and I know I need to)

KRIS: (I FORGOT YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT)

BOB: (no ... stop making BOB feel bad)

MIRI: Him being able to outrun the cops surprised me some

(I KNOW, I KNOW)

ANDREW: I... also haven't seen it.

BOB: (Let's watch Hanna Miri)

MIRI: (Is ist streaming anywhere??)

KRIS: I almost bought the parkour-lite, because it seemed to be an extension of how in tune he is with his physicality

ANDREW: Sorry Kris.

BOB: (Checking Netflix)

MIRI: Yeah, that makes sense. Except that I’m also supposed to be ok with him being super clumsy and unaware other times

KRIS: I forgive you Andrew

MIRI: Maybe it’s all a matter of focus?

KRIS: (Miri/BOB Guest Reaction!)

BOB: (no sadly)

MIRI: (I’m checking Amazon)

BOB: Yes matter of focus like an adrenaline rush??

ANDREW: Yeah, probably.

KRIS: That and it doesn’t involve him in direct confrontation with another human

BOB: (No to amazon)

KRIS: the same way driving is impersonal

ANDREW: I empathize with that.

MIRI: (rentable, though. We could do a watching party sometime)

KRIS: I own Hanna

MIRI: (Oh, sweet)

KRIS: should’ve led with that

MIRI: Way to abandon the parentheses convention too

KRIS: SORRY

MIRI: 😉 

SOMEONE TALK ABOUT THE MUSIC IN BABY DRIVER

I liked it

ANDREW: Is there a reason half the convo is in parenthesis?

MIRI: Yes, because it was an aside about Hanna, not anyhting about Baby Driver

KRIS: I thought it worked the way Wright wanted it to, and BOB and I talked about how it’s almost like the logical next step of what Guardians of the Galaxy does with its music supervision

MIRI: it theoretically helps keep this tangle all straight when you read it

Does it, readers?

BOB: I liked how he used the music to drive (pun intended) a lot of the action and dialogue 

MIRI: Hmmm, how so, Kris?

ANDREW: Ooooooooooooooh. I get it.

MIRI: Also, how many steps between this and the jukebox musical format? Because I feel like it’s getting close

KRIS: But we’ve previously established on this blog that I much prefer instrumental scores to needle drops, and at some point that’s more a taste thing than an artistic criticism

MIRI: Not that I mind that

ANDREW: Like one. Baby needs to actually sing.

BOB: Wright had the music in mind as he wrote it ala James Gunn but it does more than just be backdrop music or something that comes on when play is clicked

MIRI: Kris hates excessive needle drops so much, you guys

BOB: I love needle drops

MIRI: Does the fact that it’s all diagetic make it more palatable, Kris?

KRIS: I guess what I mean -- and BOB please interject here -- is that Guardians uses really well chosen needle drops as a critical part of Peter’s emotional arc

Yes

ANDREW: I agree with that too, actually.

KRIS: And Baby Driver takes that to 11 by syncing it to the physical action

MIRI: I’m with you

BOB: Like the Jamie Foxx scene where he tells him to play something funky --> shootout --> Tequila line

KRIS: That like half-second shot of Buddy cocking Darling’s pistol in time with the music in the warehouse gunfight is super cool

BOB: The music itself lended to the shootout scene

KRIS: And of course the timing of Buddy’s shots in the shootout with the cops when Darling gets killed

ANDREW: That was pretty sweet!

MIRI: I also liked him making them wait for him to restart the song on the second job

BOB: Whenever a drum banged, a gun shot rang out

ANDREW: That's me. That's what I would do.

MIRI: God, that one was screwed from the beginning, wasn’t it?

KRIS: Yeah, and I read that partly as a way he has to compensate for his hearing being compromised

BOB: Haha yes it was Miri

MIRI: Yeah, the shooting synchronization was obviously awesome

KRIS: Presumably he knows all the streets of Atlanta really well so he figures out his route ahead of time and syncs it to his playlist

Have any of you been to Atlanta?

Or I guess spent serious time there?

MIRI: Yes, but it was about 6 years ago and I didn’t drive

So no

ANDREW: Nope!

KRIS: I’ve seen/heard different opinions on how well it’s used as a location

And I was just curious if any of you knew it well enough to comment

BOB: I've seen the show... that count?

MIRI: Yeah, lots of relief that something shot in Atlanta is actually being presented as Atlanta instead of New York or whatever

But some people feel like they kept it very surface level, right?

KRIS: Right

Almost touristy, I guess is that line of thought

MIRI: I’ll agree that it didn’t have a particularly Atlanta feel in anything other than Baby’s accent (which ALWAYS surprised me every time he opened his mouth)

BOB: Yes much relief!! I liked that. Wish they had used Ludacris now that i think about it in the soundtrack... but perhaps since he is in F&F probably thought otherwise

KRIS: Hahaha

BOB: It felt somewhat like a different city when he walkef around during the coffee runs

Driving on the highways too.

This move may have been Miri’s favorite thing Baby did all movie

So it didn't have the NYC or LA feel to it

KRIS: Yeah, the first coffee run scene for sure definitely felt distinct in that way

“for sure definitely”

shut up Kris

MIRI: Don’t tell yourself to shut up, Kris

ANDREW: I didn't really realize it was in Atlanta. To me it was nameless city.

But, I don't know anything about Atlanta, so... *shrug*

Can I tell Kris to shut up?

KRIS: I also had that!

The not realizing where it was exactly

And yes

BOB: (Gonna be driving for next 10 mins - so a little radio silence on my part)

It felt like a Southern city though

Thanks to the accents

ANDREW: Good! I'm glad I'm not the only one, Kris. Now shit your pie hole!

KRIS: I need to get better at placing accents

MIRI: I guess the food didn’t feel very regional to me, and I would have expected it to

Better like you didn’t pick up that they were Southern? Or better like you didn’t read it as Atlanta specifically?

ANDREW: The second one, for me personally.

KRIS: Both that I definitely didn’t read Atlanta specifically, and that while I recognized Southern accents I didn’t connect the dots to “oh this is in the South”

MIRI: I don’t think most people not from the South would read it as Atlanta specifically, so I wouldn’t worry about that

KRIS: Partly because I think Southern accents are sometimes used in kind of a tropey way with characters like Debora

MIRI: They so are

ANDREW: Right!!

KRIS: And I guess I’m also just used to hearing Kevin Spacey as Frank Underwood?

MIRI: Yeah, I think I am too

ANDREW: Me three.

MIRI: Ok, any points (or random thoughts) left to address? 

ANDREW: Man, the last two action films I saw had Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright in them respectively...

MIRI: What Does It Mean??

I thought the dude describing guns as cuts of meat was incredibly Extra and I liked it

ANDREW: That we are in... a house of cards?!?!

KRIS: That we need a movie where Robin Wright punches Kevin Spacey in the throat

I also liked the gun thing

Although it’s hard to beat John Wick 2 for that

BOB: Lol a house of cards?!

Need to see that still

MIRI: “we need a movie where Robin Wright punches Kevin Spacey in the throat” YES YES YES OH MY GOD YES

I just need there to be an Antiope movie

And for most if not all of it to take place on Themyscira

I NEEEEEED it

KRIS: I feel like most people would agree this is a very surface-level movie, and that where opinions diverge is on whether that’s A) deliberate and especially B) a good/cool thing

MIRI: That’s fair

Where does everyone stand on both points?

KRIS: I have definitely liked style-as-substance things very much before

I mean again, John Wick comes to mind, at least the first one for this point

MIRI: John Wick might be style over substance, but I think it’s consistently so

KRIS: And Tarsem Singh’s wild Greek mythology action movie Immortals

But I don’t know, this lost me for a good long while in the middle

ANDREW: It also very auteur. In the sense of, if you watch this film, you either learn what wright is like as a director, or recognize his directing.

KRIS: For sure

MIRI: That’s the hanging point to me--if you want that as an excuse, you can’t go deeper on some parts. You have to stay on that level and have fun there 

ANDREW: Even if there are better films in his roster.

MIRI: Yeah, you always know you’re watching an Edgar Wright film

ANDREW: For me, it's more surface than anything else. Stylish and fun, but there are much better films of his, and better stylish films in general.

I guess it depends on how much you like Edgar Wright.

KRIS: Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t put this in the upper half of his filmography

MIRI: It’s definitely a fun movie. I enjoyed the whole thing in the theater, with some moments of having to just accept the flaws. 

KRIS: Which I guess is why the reactions out of Austin surprised me in hindsight

Oh I did really like that Baby didn’t get away

MIRI: Basically, if you can resist pulling the threads and you want a car chase movie it’s exactly what you want

KRIS: Although I don’t know that I loved him getting out of prison early

ANDREW: Me too!!!

MIRI: Yeah, I’m surprised it’s been as critically loved as it has (and largely without caveat)

ANDREW: What a twist!!!!

MIRI: Yes, that was an actually unexpected beat and I really liked it!

KRIS: Yeah I was really like “Man, how is he going to end this?” and then he really did the right thing and went with something that felt both surprising and inevitable

MIRI: Props to Mr. Wright!

ANDREW: I was still expecting him to escape Bourne style into the water until he got the cuffs thrown on.

MIRI: That would also have been a turn

ANDREW: Like Debora would smile as Baby swims away and the action music will play.

And credits.

KRIS: And the structural success there again makes the characterization choices frustrating to me

https://twitter.com/tvoti/status/881358030016618497

MIRI: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

KRIS: I didn’t actually CARE that much about Baby

MIRI: Well that’s not a great thing, is it?

KRIS: I would’ve dug a Bourne style ending

Although I could also see it feeling tonally more like previous Wright films than this one

Because it was such a “Fuck yeah!” moment in Ultimatum

MIRI: I think Debora should have busted out unexpected abilities and gotten them out

KRIS: And I guess this was generally more elegiac

ANDREW: The Baby Ultimatum.

MIRI: hahahahaha

KRIS: A+

ANDREW: Or the Bourne Driver?

KRIS: We need a Punder Twins reaction at some point

I’m out of stuff but I want to wait for BOB to get back to check in one more time

MIRI: Btw, if Baby’s Saoirse Ronan I still want Debora to be a girl (which I know surprises no one)

ANDREW: The Punder Twins will always be there Kris, when you need us.

MIRI: Hmmmm, what should we have them React to?

KRIS: Something they could use as a Nostalgiology tie-in

#crosspromotion

ANDREW: *Shrugs* I'm up to anything.

MIRI: ANASTASIA

Because then there can be gifs of the dress to fully convey the wonder of it and I can talk more about Anastasia

Which is always a goal

KRIS: I have not seen Anastasia

MIRI: KRIS

KRIS IT’S A GODDAMN DELIGHT

ANDREW: In the dark of the night... Kris will watch it!

Watch it!

You'll get that someday, Kris.

MIRI: ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 

KRIS: BOB I am starting an arbitrary countdown

I am not sure what the units are

Or how many of them

But it is happening in my head

MIRI: That is the most arbitrary of arbitrary

I like it

KRIS: What was the first song in Baby Driver? Let’s do the runtime of that

MIRI: I don’t know

KRIS: 

ANDREW: I think "Bellbottoms?"

Oh hey!

KRIS: THIS IS A VERY GENEROUS COUNTDOWN BOB

ANDREW: Let's hope he doesn't... bottoms out?

IM NOT SORRY!

KRIS: Oh now that I’m listening to it this was a REALLY fun opening wasn’t it

MIRI: You’re never sorry

ANDREW: It was!!!

MIRI: It really was

Although!

KRIS: Offscreen action is almost always a fun choice

MIRI: Him operating the windshield wipers dry BOTHERED ME

KRIS: Like in Mission Impossible 3

ANDREW: They didn't do a good amount of off screen action.

KRIS: I guess it wasn’t really offscreen here

But it sort of feels like it in my hazy memory

MIRI: But it was removed--we were seeing it from a distance

KRIS: BOB has 2 minutes

ANDREW: And the heist gone wrong had off screen action too. Before the Good Samaritan got involved.

KRIS: Oh yeah and that was used pretty well as a dramatic beat rather than a comic one

MIRI: The Heist Gone Wrong is a good title

What genre would we put this in?

ANDREW: Rom com

MIRI: I’ve seen it described as a comedy and it isn’t to me

Andrew

ANDREW: What?

MIRI: If it was a rom com she’d have held him not talking to her in front of his friends against him way harder

KRIS: Oh maybe that was also part of why it didn’t totally work for me, in terms of expectations

BOB the song is over

BOB

ANDREW: I was taking about the Heist Gone Wrong as a rom com!

MIRI: A lack of communication gone horribly awry is fundamental in rom coms

Ohhhhhhh

That makes sense

I meant to ask about Baby Driver

ANDREW: Oh! Action... thriller... musical?

MIRI: Is The Heist Gone Wrong our alternate universe version of this film with Ronan, JLo, etc? Because I’m into that

It is now

KRIS: Hmm

MIRI: Yeah, I’d put Baby Driver as action drama, not comedy

ANDREW: Yeah, it wasn't really funny.

KRIS: I’m thinking of how the Golden Globes lumps musicals and comedies together

MIRI: I mean there are definitely comedic beats! But they’re not the focus. Plus way too many people die if we’re going classical on our definitions

KRIS: There’s an element of genre snobbery

MIRI: Very much so

ANDREW: A lot of people do die in Shaun of the dead though.

KRIS: I like action musical

MIRI: But it’s not actually a musical

KRIS: Hmm

ANDREW: Its more of a... ballet

But with driving

MIRI: Yes!

Very apt description!!

ANDREW: And murder

Why thank you!

KRIS: Yeah, that’s good

MIRI: A...Ballet but with Driving and Murder for sub-heading?

KRIS: BOBDAMMIT

Yes

MIRI: hahahahhahahahha Bobdammit

Ok, we may just have to call it, guys

KRIS: I won’t hold anyone else hostage here if anyone needs to bail but I’ll wait it out

MIRI: Ok. I have to get my Orphan Black thoughts in order to post, so I’ll be around

ANDREW: It's up to you two. I'm a guest here.

BOB: Sorry reading 

KRIS: BOB!

MIRI: BOB’s back!

BOB: What's the question?!

KRIS: Just anything else you wanted to bring up

MIRI: We just didn’t want to wrap up without you

BOB: In a different life I am Baby

Very interested in the idea of reclassifying films such as this one with an alternate casting

Got me thinking all types of things now

MIRI: We should definitely make that a thing we do

KRIS: I actually really want to hear more about you-as-Baby, if you have more to say about that

BOB: Overall down to an 8 after the very Wright-ful comment on lack of women

MIRI: Andrew, he’s coming for your pun king crown!!

BOB: Well based on him driving and my life as a Lyft driver i started thinking about what I jam out to

ANDREW: Welcome to the fold, BOB.

BOB: But I enjoyed the film thoroughly and as mentioned yesterday want to get my hands on the script

To see how the link up and syncing up with action and music

MIRI: I wonder if Wright is a better director than he is a writer

BOB: I believe that despite its flaws with some characters and a few plot holes, as a whole should be considered for something award worthy because of its ingenuity with music and action

ANDREW: A Wright... er.

MIRI: I wouldn’t say it deserves best screenplay or anything, but a sound design nom would be well deserved

Especially factoring in the ringing

(Is that sound design or sound engineering? I always mess them up)

BOB: I think a Golden globe nod

ANDREW: I think design!

I could be wrong.

I'm probably wrong.

MIRI: Whichever I mean, that one!

KRIS: For the Oscars, Sound Editing is for making effects, Sound Mixing is for how you layer them together

So I could maybe see nods for both in this case

MIRI: So design isn’t even an option

That seems right

KRIS: I tend to say “sound design” as a safe/cop-out catchall

Oh I could totally see a Globe nod

BOB: How about its cinematography?

KRIS: in that weird Best Musical or Comedy category

MIRI: Hmmmm. I never really noticed the cinematography the way I did the sound

(don’t tell my dad)

Miri’s dad is a camera operator

KRIS: Same, except in that single shot coffee run

MIRI: Yeah, that was fun

BOB: It was shot really well

KRIS: But I would believe it was a hard movie to shoot, since most of the effects/stunts were practical

MIRI: They ought to get recognition for the stunts/driving

ANDREW: It was shot very stylistically too.

MIRI: Is there a stunt Oscar or Globe?

ANDREW: How many cars were destroyed in the making of this film?

BOB: Not yet

KRIS: I feel like I’ve heard that stunt people have been pushing for an Oscar?

Which should definitely be a thing

MIRI: Yeah, looks like no go yet

BOB: The Wright amount of cars were destroyed

KRIS: Oh my god

ANDREW: Son of a bitch!!!!

MIRI: Roughly 150, apparently 

ANDREW: Is that really the number?

Holy shit!

MIRI: http://www.cinemablend.com/news/1665810/the-crazy-number-of-cars-edgar-wright-used-for-baby-driver

Not sure they were all wrecked!

Just used

KRIS: I think we may have a new title contender

That’s also going to be hard to beat as an exit line

ANDREW: I will play Angel by Sarah McLaughlin as I think of those cars this evening.

Thanks very much to Andrew and BOB for Guest Reacting! You will almost certainly hear from them again.

For even more pop culture reactions -- just, uh, mostly from people who aren’t us -- follow us on Twitter!

[storytimebxb]

KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR PT.1

Michael POV

"Man I didn't even really wanna go to prom, it was just a bunch of overly horny niggas and bitches that spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on one night that would be over before it began" I said as me and my bestfriend Metri sat at the food court in the mall. "Bitch shut the fuck up you know you wanna go, you just mad cause you don't have a date yet, and you extra salty cause Darrien ain't ask you yet" he laughed as he took a bite of his chick-fil-a sandwhich. He was right though I actually did wanna go but I only wanted to go with one person and that was him, waiting on him to ask me to prom was like waiting in line for new Jordan's to drop it takes forever. "Yeah whatever Bitch, he ain't gonna ask me so Im just over it, it's only a week an a half left till prom and I don't have a tux or limo shit I'm mad as hell I brought that $100 ticket" I said actually becoming mad a little. " Calm down Mike, you'll get asked and if you don't you can come with me and Travis" he replied trying to cherler me up. "GREAT!!, so I can be a third wheel, na I'll pass" I retorted honestly. We finished our meal and did a little more shopping as we were leaving I seen darrien and some other boy walking on I quickly grabbed metri and duck behind this big ass flower pot outside the mall. "BITCH, I'll smack the shit outta you bout to give me whip flash better be glad me and Jesus ace boon coons in this new year don't do that shit no more" he said but I ignored everything he said and said " Look, there go Darrien and some other boy going in the mall, do you know him?" I asked because my Bitch been around the block and up the street a few times. " Yeah that's Evan he got a big dick, Mmm.. A really big-". " Michael?" Someone asked from behind me and from the voice I knew exactly who it was. " He-hey Darrien funny running into you here haha" I say nervously beings I was just caught hiding behind a flower pot at 3 in the afternoon. " What you doing behind this flower pot, hey Metri" he said as he hugged us both. "Well I was-we were- he needed" I couldn't speak at all so like a true bestfriend my bitch quickly said " We were here looking at tuxs for prom, how about you guys and hey Evan!" He said as he gave Evan that look that make ya mom uncomfortable cause she no her son getting dicked down right. "Wassup Metri, still looking sexy as ever, you a stranger thou shawty, I see ya new nigga got you in lock huh?" Evan replied licking his lips and I'll admit I got alil turned on. "please don't get him started on niggas" I said as I pulled darriens so we could talk away from those two knuckle heads.

Darrien POV

I'll admit it Michael was looking so fine right now he had his hair I'm braids that led to a man bun and his ass was sitting right, I spotted him and Metri walking out the mall as soon as we got close to the steps o seen him duck down behind that flower pot and all that. "So why was you hiding again?" I asked him because I wanted a answer. " ok truth is I seen you and Evan and I didn't know him so I thought-" before he could finish I said " I was cheating, Oh okay, nah shawty I'm not going no where". " So if that's true why haven't you asked me to prom yet Darrien we only have a week basically to get his shit together, is cause I'm a boy and your parents don't know" he said and I could see the hurt in his eyes. " Come on man! Don't start with that, look I love you and I always will but I'm just not ready for my parents to know yet" I honestly said.

Me and Michael been messing around since sophomore year and we are now seniors, I came out at school for him cause I really do love him I just haven't told my parents yet.

"Don't do what! D, explain to the guy I love that I wanna be with him whole heartily I fucking love ya bigheaded ass and I just wanna spend this night with you" he said as tears rolled down his face. Before I could reply he grabbed Metri and left me standing there. "damn, bro you fucked up this time huh?" Evan said walking over as we watched them leave. " Man shut up nigga, I didn't do shit, he wanna go to prom with me but I haven't told my parents about us yet, don't get me wrong I love his ass a lot but I'm not ready yet man, what you think?" I asked him cause he was my boy and he keep it 100 with me. " I think that you should take his ass to prom, tell ya parents and move on if that accept you great if they don't go to college with ya man and start a new life my nigga, for to long we love for others because what they might think or feel bit what about us?" He said as we entered Zumiez " Since when did you become Mr. Knowitall" I said mushing his head. " Since I came out 2 months ago and my mom accept me but you know pops ain't wit it but he cool" he replied which made me think about my next move and how I was gonna tell my parents that there only child was gay and wanted to go to prom with a boy!! Damn.

If you like this first little snippet of my new tumble story "Knight in shining armor" please please please #reblog and comment lemme know wassup I'll beposting updates every Wednesday and the chapters will be much longer this is just a tease!!

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

The Great ATOG Reread; Grey part 9

Part 8 ended on a kind of cliffhanger? I just had to stop myself from continuing, but here I am. I read all the remaining chapters today and I’m, as the kids say, shook. 

I once again read 7 months long fic in four days. 

Anyway, since this is the end of this verse, thank you for reading my mumbling.

Chapter 29

Oh god, they have fucked up. Oh god they have fucked up so badly, to get to here, how could they get to here?

Aftermath. Draxie and BB are discussing Ghostly, and Blaine is once again realising what he’s done. I can’t really blame him, since he had a lot on his plate too. This entire fic was heavy because as a reader, you saw how helpless they both felt.

Kurt thinks he’s dying. Blaine doesn’t want him to die.

Normally it’s Blaine who thinks he’s about to die, but then again, problem 1 has been happening for a long while.

To no one’s surprise, the Phalanx rollercoast is making a lot of rounds today (especially with what’s waiting for them).

He has no fear of forever if 'forever' just means that they're both ghosts now.

Blaine’s thinking about solidity. He’d forgotten that Kurt had given him some sense of solidity, and now he wants to do the same for Kurt. Kurt thinks Blaine’s wasting his time. Kurt’s about to die, so why stay?

But why leave?

So while Blaine’s out looking for that sense of solidity, Kurt’s problem 3 is kicking his ass. The Ghost of New York City has started to become a stranger to Kurt, or is it the other way around? Fuck knows.

It’s time to leave.

UNLESS AGENT SYLVESTER HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT BECAUSE KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER, TERRORIST!

People should realise that it doesn't matter if it's day or night, this city is always haunted. The Ghost lingers in its concrete and metal and glass, the Ghost is the memory of why you don't fuck with New York City. So long as the Ghost does exist, he's never letting it be known that New York is open to attack. No time even to change his underwear. That is how much he loves his city.

Time for probably the most horrifying moment in the entire fic.

You know, I love the Flash. It’s one of the reasons I started reading this fic. I thought “hey, superheroes aren’t as bad as I thought” because of the Flash. Fuck, Flash, I owe you.

Why am I telling you this? Because I stumbled into the CW DCTV verse without any knowledge about these comics. You can do the same for ATOG/Grey. You can read it without having to watch glee, but you will miss references and some depth.

(Small Flash season 2 spoiler ahead) When Jay introduced Caitlin to his Earth-1 döppelganger, he told her he’s called Hunter Zolomon. (End spoiler)

I moved on. I knew something had happened, but I moved on until I later googled the name, but if you see reaction posts and videos of diehard DC fans, you see people losing their shits. They got that reference, I didn’t.

And the same thing is happening right now.

The Ghost - looks at him. Phalanx stares back and sees incomprehension in the Ghost's eyes on his for a long second before it breaks, before something else surfaces, some awful realisation as the Ghost squeezes his hand and whispers heavy and sick, "Oh god." "Oh - oh god what, he - they knew? They knew, they had us in files? When did they -" The Ghost presses his hand and says in a fast stumble, "Phalanx they've known - I thought you knew, I thought we - I thought we just weren't - I thought you knew -"

Remember how I used to think Sebastian was a bad plot device? The first time I read this, I yelled: “I TAKE IT BACK HOLY FUCK I TAKE IT BACK” because I really did not see it coming. And he emotionally destroyed every single one of them with one sentence.

"So we have the full team, isn't that exciting?" Sebastian says brightly. "I've been reading about how pathetic you all are for so long, it's almost like I've actually been despising you in person the whole time. So you must be Noah Puckerman, just to clarify, Noah, no-one ever will see you as anything but a monster, because that's what you actually are. And Artie Abrams! Who will never spend a day of his life not dependent on someone else! And you must be Brittany Pierce, and I'm sorry to tell you Brittany but you never will understand because you actually are exactly that stupid, and that is all everybody else thinks about when they look at you. And your delightful partner Santana Lopez -" Cheer Girl, face white, is holding Incendiary's arm, far too tight for Incendiary to get at him; Incendiary is whispering under her breath, not even blinking, "Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you -"

"- I'm afraid abuéla will never think of you with anything less than stomach-turning revulsion again for as long as the evil old bitch lives, Santana. Which means that she's Quinn Fabray, and, Quinn? You will never see her again, because why the hell would they ever let someone like you fuck up her life?" Quinn is pale but silent. Only her fists at her sides shake, a little. "Sam Evans is the one who worked for the mob, so I'm sure he knows exactly what he has to remember when he can't sleep on a night because really an awful lot of blood paid for what he is now. And that brings us to -" "- no no no -" Phalanx whispers as Sebastian's eyes land on his, and the Ghost's hand is hurting his. "Blaine Anderson, Blaine," Sebastian leans a little forward to speak down to him, as Phalanx's every sense jars, "he never will forgive you, because you stood by and let that happen to him, and you're the selfish asshole who walked away whistling from something he has to remember every step he'll ever take." no no no no no he'll throw up Sebastian straightens his back, and looks at the Ghost, who stares back, silent and still and head held high, and eyes fixed on his. Sebastian says, like it's a joke, "Kurt Hummel." The Ghost breathes out, only a little hard, through his nose. Phalanx can see the way it shifts his chest. Unmasked in front of everyone he stands there still, not afraid, shoulders back and jaw set solid, and holds Phalanx's hand, and keeps his eyes fixed proud on Sebastian's, and if Sebastian has known his whole life to pick through the worst parts the way he did to them - Sebastian curls his lip. "Maybe you should just be grateful that anyone can look past your face and want to fuck you instead of crying 'rape' all the time."

As a reader, you know some of those people, but as a glee fan, you understand the pain they’re going through right now. I tried making Lloyd read this, since he’s also into the hero trope, and I know he won’t feel the same. I won’t have to fight to throw up. Again, some stories are ATOG only, and it’s just Sebastian showing off that he knows who they are.

But Quinn.

Santana.

Brittany.

Jesus Christ. Why does this have to happen to them? To make matters worse, a) Wade and b) Sebastian is a super who copies other supers.

Sebastian makes you sick. He’s sick. Fuck. How he uses the desperation of a man begging for his lover’s life, only because Sebastian doesn’t agree with the way he’s living his life. The Ghost once told Phalanx after the entire “oh shit I can kill people” thing started, that he’s seen people beg for their lives and how awful it is to see them lose their last glimpse of humanity.

I guess the Ghost never thought he would end in a similar situation, because he’s not losing his shit while begging for his life, but while begging for Phalanx’s life. Phalanx is dying. AGAIN. 

The Ghost knows terrorists. He knows he can’t risk it, because they’ll shoot him without a second thought.

And sure, Mercedes Jones, actual superstar, saves him some time, but it’s still too late.

The haunting grips every muscle in a tight, cold hand. Oh, he thinks, as the fists on his muscles let go, as his body folds into the dark. Oh, I know this feeling . . .

Chapter 30

puckzilla! \o/

Really?

The Ghost knows his powers like no other, and sure, this sucked, but he’ll get over it. He knows haunting. He owns haunting. For now, all seems okay. He and Phalanx are out of the crossfire, and with Mike and Agent rent besides them, it’s time to take a fucking breath.

Only.

Phalanx has different ideas.

"Um," Blaine says, and fiddles with a compartment on his utility belt, and then opens it. "I'm - not just kneeling because I'm concussed, you know."

Fuck glee 5x01, this is a dream proposal. Sure, it is a bit random, but this isn’t like the shit they pulled in canon glee. This time, it’s not rushed, or stupid, or shit writing. This is love.

This is Blaine offering Kurt solidity.

And yeah, Kurt is still trapped in the mindset of problem 1. He can’t have it, so why bother, but Blaine doesn’t give a flying fuck about problem 1 right now. Sure, Kurt might be dying and sure, their days together might be numbered, but he still wants to spend those last remaining days by his side.

"I want," Blaine says quietly, since Kurt isn't arguing anymore, since the fight is dumbed in Kurt, "to be your husband for every second I can get. I want to know that. I want something to hold on to, whatever else happens, something to be sure of. I want you to have that too. I want you to know that I love you, I want you to actually understand it, everything you do I want you to know that I love you while you're doing it. I want you to actually believe it. I know sometimes it's like you - it's like you understand it but you can't really feel it but, Kurt, you're a miracle to me, I feel it, I always will, whether you believe in it or not, I just, I just wish you knew that I'm in awe of you, that you're my hero and you always will be and I'll never be ashamed of that, you're the best part of my life. I wish you knew that you're allowed to want this from me because I want to give it to you. I want you to remember and trust in that every day, that I love you, I do, whatever else happens, anything, nothing will ever break this, not ever, I'll love you until I'm dead. And I'll try to make you believe it, I'll work at that, if you'll promise to try to believe it." He turns the ring in his fingers, twitches his smile a little. "I believe in ghosts," he says. "And I'm not afraid of them. I think it's - beautiful, that some things can stay. I would - like." Little breath, the way his chest expands, Kurt knows his body better than his own and he feels that breath in his own fluttering, aching ribs. "I would like to be the thing that the ghosts believe in, maybe."

(Really, fuck glee)

And everything is right in this world.

Until, of course, it isn’t. Mike, Sebastian, and to Phalanx’s dismay, Wade are entering the room. Sebastian is after the Ghost, and he’s willing to kill. The Ghost is not in the mood.

"You want me dead or you want my powers." he says, looking Sebastian steady in the eye and the Ghost might be the one looking through a mask but the mask is who he is, there's no lie in him, all the strength he's got is his. "So come and get me."

He once told Agent Sylvester he’s tired of playing games.

Boo, asshole.

While Sebastian is chasing after the Ghost, Phalanx is left alone with Wade. And wow, Phalanx is fucking terrified. Sure, he’s been shot, he’s been hurt, he’s been drugged, he’s been beaten, but no one has fucked him up as much as Wade did and he didn’t even come near Phalanx.

Again, whereas I got why Wade was upset, he was really frustrating. Rachel is never willing to listen, and so is Wade. He took his own stupid conclusions from a conversation that’s not comparable to the usual conversations the Ghost and Phalanx have about this matter.

Wade felt alone.

Just like that one super did. You know, the one that caused a major wankfest on the internet. Sometimes I wonder if they’re the same person.

But is this really the solution? I get that he didn’t want to be alone anymore, but is joining a group of fucking terorrists who don’t even care about him the solution? Is he less alone now? No. Of course not, but still, Wade chose this.

I like that Phalanx and Wade got to talk normally. I love that sometimes compassion and a good conversation can help people. Wade is afraid of Phalanx, Phalanx is afraid of Wade, but in the end, they have nothing to be afraid of.

"I needed you to be distracted," Wade says, still turned towards the corner. "I needed you to all . . . I gave everyone's mind exactly the same suggestion, all I do is nudge, it's you who -" "How was that the 'same suggestion', what 'suggestion' - ?" Wade stares at him, almost like he's afraid of him (He's afraid of him?) and says, "Something that would never happen." Phalanx stares back. The thing in his throat feels like wet old rope, too long knotted to ever come undone. Something that would never happen. Something that would never . . .

Relief.

It’s one of the best feelings ever. Phalanx get the confirmation that, yes, he would never do this to Kurt.

Because of that relief, Phalanx finally finds the strenght to see Wade for who he really is: Unique. Phalanx realises why the Ghost, from all people, has seen Unique from the beginning. And because of that, Phalanx can do it too.

The tension disappears and both Phalanx and Unique see each other for who they really are. Unique sees Phalanx, a man who is always willing to help her, and Phalanx sees Unique, the confident woman she is.

It’s okay.

It’s all finally over.

Except, in this verse, you know it’s not.

"Top story," the newsreader is saying, as Phalanx can only slowly make himself understand what Unique has just told him, "'the Ghost of New York' has been unmasked as Mr Kurt Hummel, twenty-four, we are unable to reach Mr Hummel for a statement but we'll bring the news as it breaks, 'Phalanx' has been unmasked as his partner, Mr Blaine Anderson of -" Mike has dropped to sit in the desk chair at the computer, like he can't hold himself up anymore. And when this sinks in, Phalanx thinks desperately through the welling, swelling confusion inside, the numbness of his inability to grasp something still in the process of growing too big to be contained, when this sinks in, when it does, I'll feel just as horrified as him, won't I . . . ?

Just like Mike, I felt like I couldn’t hold myself up anymore. Just like what Wade (now Unique) made Phalanx see... I knew it was coming and still, I felt like I was punched in the gut. That’s an understatement.

The Ghost is unaware of the fact that his worst nightmare has come true, and luckily so, because he needs to take Sebastian, what a bag of dicks, down. It’s interesting how Sebastian seems afraid of fear. 

The Ghost... all he needed was love and the solidity of the ring on his finger.

The solution was so simple. 

And just like Phalanx, that doesn’t make his struggles and pain unvalid. This must’ve been some of the worst months of his life, and even though all the pain goes away in less than five minutes, the pain will not be forgotten. 

Sebastian will never understand love the way the Ghost does. The Ghost knows now that Phalanx has shown hims what love means. To Sebastian, love is a prize, an object, you can win. 

But he’s about to loose.

You realise that you're gay, in this world, and you're afraid. Your powers come in and all you feel towards them is fear. Everything is secret, everything is scary, everything is shadows and you on your own - But you can embrace it, the Ghost thinks as he takes his silent step and Sebastian spits, "He only wants you because you're the only guy even more pathetic than he is, he only wants you because at least next to you he gets to feel like a man for once -" You can embrace it. You can embrace it second-hand, you can pass your power on to other people until you see how not-scary it is because it saved them. You can embrace it by following superhero blogs and feeling your stomach flutter, someone like you, until you know what you want to do too. There are lots of ways to come to terms with and embrace the part of you that will never be normal but still is you, is still the same gift that life is, all the same. Or you can embrace the fear.

He’s paranoid, and yet, the Ghost feels a bit of sympathy for him because he is the Ghost of New York City and that is what he does.

And really, after everything Sebastian has done to him and Phalanx, he is not fucking around.

At some point in his life, Kurt has believed every single word that Sebastian is saying right now. But when Sebastian's eyes hit the Ghost, the paler shape in the dark and Sebastian's blanched face freezes, he doesn't believe a word of them. He understands now the fear those lies are built from, he knows that fear is easier than the truth, it is so, so hard to swallow the fear down and reject a lie for what it is when the lie is so huge and the truth is only a ghost, the promise of a presence, something so intangible and so important. Fear will always be so, so much easier than the ethereal, invisible, untouchable truth.

Chapter 31

It’s over.

But it’s not.

The Ghost just thinks it’s over.

. . . it never is simple. God, he knows that, the Ghost lives in the grey spaces; it never was his single decision to put a mask on and help people that led to this. It was Blaine in Ohio ashamed and afraid, it was Karofsky dealing with his own agony by inflicting it on the only person he felt he could, it was Kurt's dad deciding to love Kurt whatever happened - it was Kurt's mom gone and Kurt taking care of himself, and his father, and never asking why he had to - it was Kurt's powers dormant in his child-body, Kurt learning the world before he learned himself - it was this world, this world that forces you into the confines of the tick box test, this world denying Kurt all of his grey spaces, this world chipping away at him and everyone else from the moment they came bewildered and afraid into it. It's a boy! means an entire life already chosen, and is not a statement of fact, Kurt knows that. It's a threat. The world looks at him every day and wonders why he can't live up to what he ought to be. He has to live every day of his life knowing what some people would do to him to 'teach him a lesson' when he already knows all of it, really, he really, really does.

The Ghost slowly starts putting the pieces together. Jesse, Tina’s show, Schuester... it’s all connected. Even though he and Phalanx were a bit occupied with their problems, they still wouldn’t have gotten it. Oh, how clever Sebastian was.

Was he?

"Dad." he says, and sniffs, and dabs his eyes off a little, balls the tissue in his hand as he takes a little breath. "Blaine asked me to marry him." Silence, for a second. Kurt can hear the news still on in the background on his dad's end, the murmur of some voice through the TV. His dad says, "What'd you say?" "What do you think I said?" "Like any of us ever know what you're gonna do about anything, Kurt." "I'm not stupid." He sniffs his breath in again, and squashes the used tissue into an empty belt compartment. "I said yes." "Good. I'm glad. I'm happy for you both." "You're coming to my wedding." "You couldn't keep me away." "So stay away from the windows and don't let anyone in." "Jesus, Kurt."

Of course, they’re up against Will Schuester, probably the most pathetic man ever. While Kurt and his father are fighting for who gets to put his body in front of that gun, Schuester fucking misses.

He misses.

Oh my god.

His dad is safe, Carole is safe, Finn and Rachel are safe, Mike and Tina are safe, and now people want to speak to the Ghost.

It’s sickening. It’s awful. Just like the Ghost, you cannot believe that people want to use the Ghost like this. And these are the people that you should trust.

It quietens in him, and he lowers his hand, and he speaks only softly because how much he means the words makes them heard. "Don't you ever dare bring anything like this to him. He's not that kind of soldier. He protects people. He shields people. He doesn't take orders, he does what he knows is the right thing to do. Don't you ever dare even try to make him into a weapon too."

You’ve seen the Ghost angry before, but he always has some way to stay calm and collected. Not now. He’s high key losing his shit.

The Ghost is in a vulnerable position, but then he sees Agent Sylvester and for the first time he gets what’s been happening and she’s been doing to him.

'Use your power wisely'. She didn't say powers. She said . . . It's not enough for them to be afraid of what he might do. He's very small, compared to them; he doesn't even know how huge they might be. But he has more power than just walking through walls now and then and his breath leaves him slowly, and that woman really might be the best and worst thing that ever happened to him.

Those people might be the big scary men, wearing expensive af suits, but never ever underestimate Sue Sylvester. No matter what version of Sue Sylvester you get, never fucking underestimate her.

Because those men don’t know him. Neither does Agent Sylvester, but she knows enough to see that the Ghost is one of the smartest people in the world.

He finally stares up at her, and she shrugs. He spits into the basket again, takes a tissue from his belt to wipe his mouth distastefully and drops it in the trash. "You," he says, slowly, a whole different sort of nausea spiralling heavily up from this realisation, "you've been manipulating . . . me, and Phalanx, and that team - and those men, your employers, the US government -" "Yup."

By the way, how is Phalanx doing?

I guess he’s somewhat okay.

Honestly, to Phalanx it’s all a bit confusing. His family is safe, but it’s not the same. Burt Hummel tried to throw himself in front of a shotgun to protect his son, but Phalanx’s parents?

They’ve never cared.

Phalanx, Blaine, cracks his eyes open, looks wearily up at him. Cooper's grinning. He looks across at his parents - sitting on opposite sides of the aisle, heads down, paying no attention, and he thinks . . . He doesn't know what he thinks. He doesn't think that they know what they think. His dad seriously just couldn't seem to get it, was still asking when this would be over when the plane touched down, like his son's being unmasked as a superhero is inconvenient but it'll blow over soon enough, and Blaine . . . Blaine knows, knows that this is the rest of his life now. He lifts a hand but doesn't touch the mask on his face, because he remembers that he's not wearing it. He unpeeled it in front of his mom. She looked back at him like she didn't understand any of it any more than his dad.

It’s so sad, honestly. They do love each other, but it’s more obligatory love. It’s more “oh well, we’re family so we love each other” love. Phalanx sure as fuck is relieved to see that his parents are safe, but if it were the other way around, would they feel the same?

Like... Burt Hummel tried to take a bullet for his son.

Mr. Anderson doesn’t seem to notice that something’s wrong, even though the US Government is holding them.

"I'm never going to be a physical therapist, am I?"

This is also the first moment where Blaine realises that his old life is dead. He no longer is Blaine or Phalanx. He’s both.

Yes, life is fucking shitty at this moment, but Kurt problem 3 just fucking disappeared.

Chapter 32

("What did you say?" Blaine had said urgently, and Kurt had looked so tired with the mask off, drained almost beyond sense as he mumbled, "I think I quoted The Wire at them.")

Just as Kurt, Blaine is fucking livid. How dare those people try to use Kurt like that.

Also, as a reader, something interesting happens. I just wrote that Kurt problem 3 is fucking gone. During most of the fic, you see Kurt, Blaine, the Ghost, and Phalanx as four different people. That stops.

Kurt is the Ghost.

Blaine is Phalanx.

End of story.

Even with their masks on, they are Kurt and Blaine.

It’s time to keep on living. Their secrets are out and everyone’s waiting for them to say something. The media are cruel and gross.

Don’t get me wrong. I fully agree with Meryl Streep that the press is the best thing that has ever happened to us and that we need to protect it (now more than ever since the US has a president that makes up a fucking terrorist attack in Sweden, and when Sweden tells them nothing has happened, he calls them liars), but that’s politics and business and economics.

This is showbizz, and let’s face it, showbizz media have always been ugly. Kurt and Blaine’s old lifes no longer exist. From now on, they only live for the media/public’s gaze and entertainment.

They have to continue living like this, and they start with the safe house. People are being contacted. Kurt is overjoyed that Robbie, Sophie, and Chandler are so kind. And yes, his aikido teacher knew.

Blaine, on the other hand, feels like he’s got hit in the face because of Paul.

Well. Fuck him.

Kurt’s adjusting. Like... he’s on the news and so is Blaine. Like I said, media are vicious. They’re trying to dig up as much as they can find so that they can use it for their own popularity. Even other people turn their backs on Kurt and Blaine in the hope of those fifteen or thirty minutes of fame.

His life really is just too surreal to deal with, sometimes; Mercedes Jones just invited herself to his wedding.

He realises that some good things have happened. Mercedes Jones has found her self-confidence, and to Kurt’s biggest surprise, the team mates are his friends. 

He leaves his phone, goes through to check on his lover, his fiancé, his partner. He's just waking in the bed as Kurt ghosts through the door, stretching out on his side in the sheets, eyes closed and face happily screwed up with the bliss of being in bed, and Kurt can't stop the smile, no mask in the world could hide that smile. In the dim Blaine's made of muted gold, in the dim his skin looks coffee-warm and he looks across, smiles for Kurt, and Kurt's thumb touches the ring to his skin. Eight million souls in this city, and he is the luckiest one of them all.

And.. problem 1 is done with too. They don’t understand what has happened, but do they have to? It’s over. That’s all that matters, and Kurt finally feels the relief Blaine felt when the Ghost jumped of that building.

Life really goes on. They go out to do their fucking jobs and well... can you blame them? Sure, people are reacting differently towards them and it bothers them, but they’re still superheroes. Nothing has changed.

Same goes for fandom, and my love for Ghostly cause HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HER MOM DIED AND THEN.. BB... AND.... I CRIED WHEN BB CAME OUT OF THAT TAXI AND I JUST????

Ghostly understands them like no other.

They return to you from the grave, the heroes at the heart of our fandom. They are now truly ghosts. What they have faced is loss, not just death but murder; they didn't ask for this outing, they did everything they ever could to avoid it. They face every uncertainty of loss and grieving. Their old life was murdered, everything they knew and lived is killed. Their *selves* are dead and yet they remain, as we the living do after each death - they are the gray murdered ghosts standing shocked on their own graves - and what I ask you for fandom from what shallow depth of my exhausted heart I can scrape down to right now is just *compassion*. Their lives are over, and they still have to live. The world bears down on them. They will have no privacy for their grief, no sacred space of the mourner for what they have lost, they have every news station in the country and half of them in the world tuned in to dismembering the corpses of their old lives and dangling the pieces from their gibbets. Grieving is *hard*. It hits you *hard*. I don't doubt that they're being strong, but I respect their right to feel weak under this onslaught. They were never our dolls. They were always those two young men - my god, barely more than children, we always knew and never could really face that fact (Blackbindings informs me that they're older than she is; Blackbindings, my angel, everyone is older than you are) - they were always real people, themselves, just themselves, doing what they could. If you could never view them as truly human before then *please* try to do it now. Their lives are being hung, drawn, and quartered by salivating journalists for *our* consumption, and we're supposed to be on *their* fucking side.

Damn Ghostly, back again with those dolls.

Please. If you won't do it out of compassion then do it because you *know* what we owe them: respect them. Give them their space. Let them breathe, and be. Don't greedily gobble down every butchered piece of them that the blood-maddened media will serve to you. Remember that to those who can make money out of it they will only ever be *things*. To us they are people; people who don't deserve to be turned into dolls, people we have no entitlement to own, everything they ever gave us was a gift. The only entitlement at work here is their entitlement to your respect. You do owe them it. They are as mortal and human and beautiful as any of us: *let them be that*.

(Sorry for that meme usage)

Let them be human, in this moment. Let them be not superheroes, not symbols, not dolls, not angels. Just let them be human, so they can put themselves back together again, after all that's been broken these last few days. Let yourself be an angel, for once. Be a bearer of quiet wisdom. See what it feels like to actually be on their side.

Sure, as a die-hard Spring Awakening thing, the ‘become an angel’ thing kind of freaks me out, but you get what she means, because from all people in this Earth, there are only three people who fully realise that Kurt and Blaine’s old lives have died and don’t matter anymore, never to come back: Kurt, Blaine, and Ghostly.

And yes.

Nice things do happen.

She says, "Are you wearing a-" He blinks, and her eyes are stunned on his finger, and he cups the ring protectively close in his other hand and says, "He, um, he, asked." When she screams there's a thudding scramble from outside and Blaine bursts in, shields a shocked green flicker crowding the room, the front door bangs open and three armed agents race through, and Kurt holds her arms as she hugs him by the head and he's not crying, he's laughing.

Rachel gives them another reality check: life has ended. You need to start anew, and since she’s Rachel, she demands that they let her help. The mail... it kind of freaks me out? Sure, good stuff happens like the Make-A-Wish thing and children sending drawings, but it fucks me up that Cheerios and Calvin Klein want to sponsor them.

Like I said, the media are important, but the showbizz ones are disgusting.

"Cheerios want to sponsor us." "What? I am not wearing an advertisement on my cloak. Oh my god Leviticus does not say that, if you're going to send hate mail at least do the reading." "Calvin Klein want to know your waist size." "What? Why?" Rachel shrugs a duh. "So they can send you lots of free underwear and then tell everyone that superheroes wear their stuff?" "Well they can mind their own damn business on my waist size." Kurt snaps back. Then Blaine sees the hesitation in him, because free stuff is a bit of a pull, but then Kurt takes the letter off Rachel and dumps it in the 'shred' sack anyway.

Not only this, but the tabloid stories have started. Juicy gossips about sex and life are happening, and there’s nothing they can do about it except for calling a lawyer. Really, their lives no longer exist for them. They’re for the entertainment industry now.

There’s only one way to make them shut up for now.

Rachel.

See, you are useful after all.

There's a dark-eyed boy on his laptop in the corner, but otherwise the coffee shop is empty and strangely calm, a lull in the world's air after all the rush and worry out there. And there, in the doorway in front of the man behind the counter, they fade into sight, quite slowly, two young men, holding hands, the shorter smiling hopefully, the taller looking the man behind the counter in the eye from underneath a nervously cocked hat. The young man on his laptop looks up, and smiles. Mr Conti wipes his hands off on his apron, and puts his proud-beaming head high. "What did I tell you. Leave the cape a night, bring a boy. Always welcome!" Their hands squeeze and hold, and from under the shadow of the hat, he gives him the smallest and most perfect ghost of a smile.

Chapter 33

You guys ever watched Avatar: The Last Airbender? There’s this episode where they recap the entire show, and it’s done in such a wonderful format. The characters are going to see a play about their own lives.

This is also a wonderful format, because who’s been there through all the hell, and fic, and fanart, and wank, and h/c, and BNF, and Dat ass, the fanmixes... fandom.

Oh fandom.

The first time I read this, I was kind of shocked to see that there’s been a time-jump, but it’s so brilliant.

It’s so weird people on the internet call them Kurt and Blaine now.

KH: He liked it. BA: I put a ring on it.

BLESS.

Since like everyone got unmasked all at once given That Photo leaking, that's l to r Blaine, Joy, Vanessa, Emily, and Kurt, or as we previously knew them, Phalanx, Draxie, She Who Must Not Be Named, Blackbindings, and the Ghost, all smiling, all happy <3

All wedding happiness aside, it’s so great to see how much they have progressed in five years. Kurt and Blaine have grown, and the fandom has too. Sure, it’s probably still wanky af, but that’s fandom. Draxie, BB, Ghostly... they’re all happy, and that means a lot to me. Draxie has kids! BB and Ghostly are together! BB is a professor! Ghostly writes!

KH: You got shot! BA: - I had completely forgotten about that. WHAT FUCKING LIFE DO YOU LIVE THAT FORGET GETTING **SHOT** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

Really, the beginning is all fun and games, but the fact that they’re somewhat forced to do this is so sick. Just like Rachel, the whole world is about to find out what has traumatised them so much... it led to this. 

I love that after the interview aired the guy totally did get back in touch with him and now they're BFFs again, it was just one of the most 'uhhuuuhhhhhh ;____;' things…

This makes me happy though.

But. Fuck.

Not even Burt Hummel knew.

I respect him so much for saying that it's not easy. Because it would have been so easy for him to give the same narrative of 'I'm a survivor, I'm a fighter' but instead he tells his *own* truth which is 'I still live with it, it never wrecked me yet and I love my life now but yeah it's difficult'. People want sexual assault victims to fit into a box that would make it easier for the rest of us to deal with it, like fitting sexual assault perpetrators into a box so it's only obviously *evil* people who do it so we don't have to deal with actually 'normal' people doing it, but they're always really just people and it's *difficult*.

When all that is gone, time for more light hearted stuff.

BA: I was a fan. I am a fan. I'd been following him on the internet for - there is no non-weird way to explain this, Kurt stop - He's almost hysterical, I know some of it's release of tension but a lot of that is just 'MY BOYFRIEND IS MY BIGGEST FAN CANNOT STOP LAUGHING' I fucking love that he's one of us ;_; The fact that one of the biggest superheroes in the country turned out to be an epic geek must have done *so* much for so many kids reading comic books on their own . . . Just like the Ghost of New York turning out to have serious opinions on cravats and hair care meant so much to so many queer kids out there <3 BA: I have a blog. The four most beautiful words in the entire interview XD

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.

I guess it's the best we could have expected of fandom that people did hold off for a whole two weeks before someone outed his blog and the entire internet swarmed on it. And then like, he didn't go near the thing for a month because why would you. But I love that without any wanring or fanfare he just started using it post photographs of his boyfriend like 'yeah we all know why you're really here look at how pretty he is!! <3' and to chat about life in NY like it's no big deal. And now it's the best way we have to remember that they're *them*. cause the news might be all hostage situations and bank heists and supervillains and bomb threats but he just blogs 'Kurt made waffles best morning ever!! \o/' and you kind of get what their lives actually are to *them*, now <3

Oh yes.

BA: I still think 'what would the Ghost do' whenever I don't have a clue. KH: Blaine . . . BA: What? KH: Half the time he panics and looks for you.

OH MAN.

I AM LIKE THE FANDOM RN.

Speakin of them...

The first and only time he actually looks at the camera, for all of half a second Blaine keeps making eye contact with it like he wants *us* to feel included, Kurt looks like he just really can't. I know he's more used to it now but my god, back then, I mean we always thought he was *shy*. He has fucking PTSD. He was *terrified* of us. a lot of the way the media pulled them apart then was just sick He's scared of people judging him, not listening to him, just *judging* him. We really could have hurt him, when this happened, I'm so glad for all the people who *were* on thier side. Every minor thing about them got dragged out like it was some great psychological proof of something, the way people talked about them *like they couldn't hear it*, it was *grotesque*. I actually dumped friends over that, and I still think I did the right thing. They still deal with it now. They do so with really just remarkable grace, all things considered <3

Yeah kids, y’all fucked up.

I think for the most part phandom behaved really well. They tended that shrine outside their building and got into a lot of fights defending them online from everyone else, and actually once the Ghost's history came out I think some of the conversations about how we'd been using his image all along really did help people *think* about stuff I pulled a couple of dubcon pieces of fic after that, it just sat really bad with me. Been thinking about that ever since. he's trying to protect him. he knows how hard all this is on kurt and he's trying to protect his boyfriend from *us*. that really made me realise how powerful what we do is, we can hurt *superheroes* with this, we have to make sure we do it right :/ I love that phandom actually is really protective of them. The only public photograph there's *ever* been of them kissing was some long range pap shot through a window and it never gets reblogged, you just never see it, because everyone knows that was fucking wrong and neither of them would be OK with it. You know someone's not really a *fan* if they're OK with that.

I think that Kurt and Blaine did the right thing by outright showing that sometimes fandom’s entitlement is problematic. They all know by now that Blaine is amongst them, so they can’t pretend they don’t know that it doesn’t affect them.

Ghostly has told them so many times, but fandom always kept putting it aside. “They won’t see it anyway”

Well knock knock, y’all, Blaine’s seen it all for almost seven long ass years. He knows what you guys can do. He’s the press guy for a reason because he knows how to deal with it, since he basically lived in that fandom. 

Ghostly has told them. And now Kurt and Blaine have too.

BA: . . . sometimes when you're really engrossed in a book or your sewing machine I leave the mustard out of the fridge just to make you pay attention to me. omg I LOVE his face there BLAINE TELL ME YOU DO NOT DO THAT BLAINE THE MUSTARD IS SRS WE DO NOT JOKE ABOUT LEAVING THE MUSTARD OUT BLAINE, *WHY*

(I love this little running gag that started in ATOG)

In this interview, Kurt and Blaine show the world who they are. They basically tell others to fuck off with the showbizz, because this is Kurt and Blaine. That’s it. They’re just two guys who love coffee.

They have lives, and friends, and families... they���re just two guys. This was just a wonderful chapter and I really started tearing up at the end of it. They mean so much to the fandom, how crazy it might seem. 

In those past five years, they’ve done so much for this world, and this is just like the last chapter of ATOG where people finally thank them for it. You realise how much they can do. Idols aren’t just some obsession. For some people, they’re the reason they’re alive.

And yes, you should thank them for that. We love them for that. I guess that fandom gets that like no others. I was kind of crying while reading their stories, but of course, I ended up laughing. Why?

he belongs with puckzilla :(

Chapter 34

"Sheet," she greets them with. "Mop."

I love you, Agent Sylvester.

"This way. Pleasant journey?" "You don't care," the Ghost says, Phalanx walking easy at his side after her. "No I don't." she confirms, striding on ahead of them. Five years on, they still don't really know how to navigate life under the unpredictable aegis of Agent Sue Sylvester.

You now get Kurt and Blaine’s POV of the last five years (not the musical), and it’s a bit different to them than to the fandom.

Five years on almost to the day that Blaine asked Kurt to marry him and Kurt, unpredictable, unimaginable Kurt, the man whose existence remains a mystery and miracle to Blaine every single day, said yes. Five years since they became Kurt-the-Ghost-Hummel, Blaine-Phalanx-Anderson, five years since their masks became a matter more of symbol than of safety. Five very long years of late nights and busy days, because they mean too much to people to ever be allowed to just be themselves, now; five years of all the politics of being super and gay in America today, five years of interviews and campaigning and photographers never leaving them alone and never being able to bring themselves to say no to charity work, five years of the tabloids and Twitter almost more dangerous to them than supervillains, five very long years in which they've worn each other's rings and never doubted their decision, not once, because the possibility of death every single night - and a slip of metal on the finger to confirm what actually matters - really keeps their priorities on their minds.

Like I said, their old lives are dead.

This is life now.

Let’s make the most of it, eh?

Three years ago, the night that both Blaine and Burt Hummel had been waiting for ever since they both found out that the person underneath that cloak was Kurt. Three years ago the night that they got separated but they knew what they were doing, they weren't panicking, Phalanx didn't rush to be back at his side. Three years ago that they interrupted a gang fight, and the Ghost found that the only thing he had to put between a fourteen year old kid and a gun was himself.

So much has happened in five years. The Ghost has been doing it for 12 years now, and Phalanx for 7. 

"You could have told me," was the first dry cracked thing he managed to whisper out, while Blaine stroked his cheeks, and watched his face from so urgently close, his still-here husband, alive in his hands. "What, angel?" he'd whispered back. Kurt swallowed, awkward with difficulty, and mumbled, "Being shot hurts." and then his breath of a laugh kicked him into a cough and Blaine told him not to and wanted to cry.

Yeah, life is weird, but everyone’s somewhat okay. They’ve managed to make it work. Their families are protected, their friends are working, the complex still exists.

He's Kurt's press guy. Even when he thinks he can't he still handles it, for him. When Kurt needs it, he always finds enough strength to still be his shield.

And family... it’s important. They’re about to find out why.

This marriage, and he knows it, is the best and most solid thing in both of their lives, those rings on their fingers trail the ghosts after them everywhere they go of the things they can never forget, the thing they can never forget, that nothing else can ever mean more to them than the other does. Blaine wants Kurt to haunt him forever. Blaine wants him to haunt him until they're both ghosts, nothing less will ever satisfy the hunger in his heart for him, the always-way he every day needs him, the ever ever ever of the after that he needs . . .

So many quotes, but they all matter.

Family.

Matters.

"Julio," Kurt says, very quietly. Blaine has to swallow down something so sore to say, because he does know that someone has to say it, "We ought to talk about this." "Mm," Kurt says, shifting his arm to hold Julio more securely to his chest. Both of them already know that that's all the talking about it that they'll ever do.

Kurt and Blaine... and Julio.

It’s right.

It all feels so right, like wow fuck. Kurt’s a different man now, and different enough to even talk to Will fucking Schuester of all people. But just like Incendiary all those years ago, the Ghost knows people need to talk sometimes.

Will looks back at him, face very still. Kurt wonders how many times someone has genuinely thanked that man, in his life.

Julio.

He’s theirs.

Rewind such little time and it was him and Blaine, dressing in their costumes, summoned to the complex for something almost inevitably dangerous and draining. Rewind such little time and he was marrying him, love of his life, making the two of them a we, forever. Rewind such little time and he watched him from underneath a dark hood, so afraid of what trust might cost him, so afraid of how that man could hurt him, so afraid . . . Rewind such little time and he was just a boy, alone, with no idea what he was doing except the things he had to do. Now he looks up and Blaine is looking down at them, hand on Kurt's shoulder just in case - he always trusts him to ghost him if he needs it - and the way he's looking at him. At them. At Kurt and Julio. At Kurt and their baby.

I am very emotional about this, okay.

Most grandparents get some warning. They know about the pregnancy, adoption is discussed, they get some warning. Kurt never does what's expected. Burt knows he could take his time but like hell he's going to take his time, he's a grandparent, just like that, his son is a father. Only thing he stops for on his way to the airport is the toy store; it's still a few hours before he's finally driven to that creepy base of theirs by agents, kind of nervous now, anxious, he remembers doing this in a hospital, waiting for the first glimpse while she gritted her teeth and snarled the scream and squeezed his hand so tight that his bones still remember it .

KURT SINGING BEATLES.

Biology couldn't make Kurt love that baby more.

I guess that this touched me the most. As someone who’s adopted and also spent a lot of time today thinking about adoption (I blame the wonderful girls of the Hearing Verse: Mei, Maddy, and Li), this just hit me a lot.

"We called Santana because we want him to grow up knowing Spanish and neither of us are fluent, and she yelled at us a while about how we can't just adopt a baby without thinking about it but then she went quiet and hung up I think to tell the entire rest of the team so they might all turn up tomorrow, we don't really know what's going to happen, we kind of - I put a statement out for the internet, we just went into a baby-bubble, he's really full-on, I think we'll kind of get more time to do other things when Kurt can stop needing to watch him sleep all the time like that? Because then we could sleep which would be -" he starts yawning again - "- amazing -"

Same for this, okay. It means so much to me that Kurt and Blaine still want to give Julio some connections with his past and his culture. Yeah, I tried learing Chinese, and I gave up, but it is so nice knowing my parents gave me that option in the first place (and I’m thinking about picking it up again).

And just like that, the story ends. In the best way possible, it ends with the internet.

A photograph of his back, hood down, head turned just slightly to the little dark baby's head tucked to the cloak over his shoulder. Only his eye in the mask watching the baby's face is visible; it's still obvious how he's smiling. Paternity leave. We'll let you guys know when we're back when we have half a clue ourselves. The family is very, very, very, very, very happy :) Blaine touches his back as he climbs into bed, sees the tired cracking of his eyes and kisses him on one to make him close it before it opens, and gets the lamp; and all around them, unheard in the silence, unseen in the dark, the ghost of the internet roars.

I know, judging from rainjoy’s long author comment, that some thought this ending was not what they expected and that it’s kinda heteronormative, but I agree with rainjoy.

Why do only straight people get happy endings like this?

Why are happy endings like this automatically seen as heteronormative in the first place?

The ending is quite open, because you really do not know what’s going to happen next. The Ghost and Phalanx are unpredictable and the story ends on a high note, but on an open one too. 

Another thing I liked from the author’s note is that rainjoy admits that there’s no given reason for Kurt’s problem 1. Just like Kurt and Blaine, you will never find out why this happened.

But just like Kurt and Blaine, you make peace with that.

I could say more about that author’s note, but really, all of that has been said before by me. This story... just... holy shit.

I wish I could find the words to describe this. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: Grey is the only fanfic I call literature.

I want to be more elaborate, but I can’t. Maybe, after all this not toned-down stuff, I should just use the words of the fandom: OMFG I CANNOT EVNEJ FC I M CRTINGG????? PLS SEND HELPPP

[theonewithglee-blog]

BLAINE ANDERSON is TWENTY-FIVE years old and a PIANIST. He lives with MARLEY ROSE. He is currently SINGLE (divorced), and his endgame is BLAM.

Blaine is based primarily on Mike Hannigan, and partly Monica Geller.

“I rushed the stage at a Wham concert.”

Blaine was born ten years after his brother Cooper. Part of him knows his parents never really meant to constantly compare him to Cooper in every single thing, but, well…it happened. He tried not to let it get to him. But whatever Blaine did, it seemed the rest of the world was there to remind him that it was never quite up to par with Cooper’s accomplishments. Cooper headed off to Los Angeles to pursue his acting career when Blaine was still a kid, and from there Blaine made it his mission to be just as great, if not better than Cooper was in whatever he decided to do.

Blaine pushed his interests in general nerd culture aside to focus on his studies and after school activities, building up a jam-packed résumé that would make him a shoe-in for most colleges. Throughout everything, his best friend Marley Rose was there to support him, even if she wanted Blaine to follow his own dreams. His father dreamed of seeing Blaine go to a great school to become a lawyer or a doctor or something esteemed. Blaine himself preferred performing, especially playing the piano, over anything else, but he wanted his family to be proud of him. Never mind the fact that Cooper had gone on to pursue performing and no one batted an eye; it was “impractical” for Blaine. So he was on track to become an attorney.

When Blaine met Kurt Hummel, everything happened fast. Unsurprisingly, it did not make his parents happy when things moved incredibly quickly and Blaine and Kurt decided to get married in their very young age. But Blaine didn’t care because he loved Kurt, and at the very least, the Andersons were still satisfied with his plan to become a lawyer...until that wasn’t his plan anymore. Within a few years, Blaine was divorced, and the stress and workload that went into pursuing a law career was ridiculous considering the fact that Blaine didn’t want to be one to begin with. Everyone already seemed to be judging Blaine’s irresponsible life choices, so he figured tossing dropping out of law school into the mix wouldn’t be too drastic.

He decided to pursue becoming a concert pianist like he had originally wanted. As it turns out, pleasing his parents and brother isn’t the most important thing. Above all else, Blaine wants to be happy. Even though holidays are a little awkward and he still gets the constant comparisons, it bothers him less now. It will always suck to never seem to be good enough, but progress is progress, right? Someday, Blaine will show them what sort of success pursuing his passions can truly bring.

Since the divorce, Blaine is almost positive he doesn’t want to get married again. He’s always been a romantic, but now he’s finding that being hopelessly in love and making reckless choices out of pure passion seems crazy. Getting divorced changed the entire course of Blaine’s life. He hates to imagine doing it all over again, not to mention dealing with his parents’ reactions again. So he figures he’ll steer clear of it completely. He doesn’t need to marry someone to love them.

I’ll be there for you…

SAM EVANS → As his best friend’s older brother, Sam is around a lot. He was when they were young, too, but they didn’t spend a lot of time together. Blaine and Sam have gotten pretty close now considering all that they have in common. Sam is his favorite person to nerd out with, now that he has more freedom to do so. And, honestly, Blaine would be lying if he said he hadn’t crushed on Sam at some point in his life; you can’t get along so well with someone and not expect to feel something for them, and c’mon, it’s the whole best-friend’s-brother thing. It fluctuates, though, and he hasn’t acted on it because he enjoys the friendship they have. They tend to joke that getting along with Blaine runs in the Evans-Rose family.

MARLEY ROSE → It seems like Marley has been there since the beginning of time. When Blaine didn’t feel like he had anybody on his side, he had her. She always supported him and picked him up when he was down. He learned all about compassion at such a young age just from her genuine kindness. The two of them remained close friends over the years. Late down the line, when Blaine got divorced and had nowhere to go, of course Marley was there with open arms. Blaine has lived with her ever since.

KURT HUMMEL → Blaine didn’t expect to meet the love of his life at the place that was just helping him pay his way through college, but there was Kurt, his coworker right there at the Spotlight Diner. Kurt was incredible. He was unlike anyone Blaine had ever met and Blaine was simply mesmerized by him. He knew things were moving fast, especially when he stopped to think that they were getting married just over a year after first meeting, but he didn’t care. Kurt was it for him. Well, he thought so, at least. Maybe they didn’t really know each other after all. Or more likely, they didn’t quite know who they were separately before trying to lead a perfect life together. Blaine knows that they’re better off now coming into their own, but man, it really sucks losing a love like that and not being able to prove the world wrong.

QUINN FABRAY → Law school is rough a lot of the time, but having friends there made it a whole lot easier on Blaine. Quinn was one of those friends. He admired her, especially the fact that she was there for herself; she wanted to be a lawyer. While Blaine could never admit to her that he was only there to make his parents happy, part of him feels like she might have picked up on it. In any case, they still talk every now and then as familiar faces, and she must know now that things didn’t quite work out for Blaine.

TINA COHEN-CHANG → Tina was a regular at the diner when Blaine was working there. For some reason, Blaine found himself stopping to chat with her all the time. There even came a point where he was regularly reprimanded because he would lose track of time, simply chatting away with his new friend. Since then, they’ve been extremely close friends. Tina often joins Blaine and Marley for slumber parties like they’re in high school all over again. And he loves it.

…‘cause you’re there for me too.

✔ Blaine is currently OPEN.

[itstoughstartingover]

Nightmares

12/11/2017

I don’t have a lot of nightmares. I don’t tend to sleep well and my dreams are often strange and/or vivid, but not usually disturbing. That’s why it was so surprising that Saturday night into Sunday I had a series of nightmares that essentially played on my every insecurity. I recall my father showing up in at least one or two of these dreams, but his role was never prominent. In succession (but maybe not in order), I dreamed that I was back with Evan and walking into some random kitschy store he wanted to go to that I didn’t, thinking that at least I would have financial security in a relationship with him but missing Mike. In the next, I took Wilson to the vet and they were going to have to put him down. In the final one, I was sick on the couch and a bunch of people I went to high school with came in talking about parties they’d been to that I wasn’t invited to. Then, I sat down to a dinner where my mother was nagging and nit-picking at everything I ate, and at some point Mike told me to stop making such a big deal about it. I woke up tired after each one. When I woke up from the last one, it was after 9:00am and I wasn’t willing to go back to sleep. 

During the day on Saturday, Mike and I were talking about the Hanukkah dinner I’m hosting this weekend, and at one point he started plugging my nose or covering my mouth in succession, shushing me. When he stopped, I told him it wasn’t funny and started to cry. It left me feeling triggered and totally freaked out. He was sincerely apologetic, told me I had every right to react how I did, and that he would never hurt me. He remained apologetic the rest of the weekend, and I stayed a little freaked out. It made me realize how little I actually know this man who I love, who sleeps next to me at least 3-4 nights a week, who now has a key to my apartment. I believe him when he said he would never hurt me and the person I’ve been getting to know is the real him, but after what I’ve been through he understood my being upset. We went to a party that night and I had enough to drink that I was happily tipsy, then when we got back to my apartment my upstairs neighbor had a party so there was a fair amount of banging on the floor. I did manage to fall asleep since it wasn’t too bad, but I think the combination of what happened with Mike, feeling less comfortable in my apartment because of my neighbor, and how fucking insecure I’ve been since Thanksgiving and subsequently beating the shit out of my body really just took a toll on me. So, apparently my subconscious decided to parade my fears and insecurities in a succession of dreams. 

Mike talked about my emotionality yesterday morning and once again I find myself in the position of being in a relationship and afraid that my being emotional and anxious coupled with the eating disorder could ruin it. What is it going to take for me to finally just chill the fuck out? Last night we met up with some of Mike’s friends for a movie and split popcorn at the theater. It was delicious. It reminded me of how great it felt in recovery to rediscover foods I enjoy and didn’t realize it. Mike has such a chill way about him in spite of the incredibly difficult job he does with his father and how much it impacts every day of his life. He (like Evan did) inspires me to want to enjoy my life more and focus on positive things, but also to not let so many things get to me or to take things so personally. To just let things roll off of me and not take life so seriously. To live in the moment without worrying so much about the future. I want to stay true to who I am, but maybe be less intense and more forgiving to myself. I like the version of myself who is joyful and fun and playful, and want to be that person more. So, after Mike left yesterday, I thought about all of that. I thought about how I have relied on him as sort of a relaxation talisman and how I want to be able to do that for myself. I love him. A lot. I’m happy around him, and I feel an intense, physical pull to him that I love. However, things did move fast and I could use a chance to step back and try to do more on my own. I’ve made sure to keep up with friends and make plans with other people so he’s not my whole social circle or my whole life, but I need to spend more time on my own learning more how to cope and manage things by myself. When I think about buying a house, I do think about him being in the picture, but when I asked myself if I would stay in Erie without him I decided I would. I may be smarter to look into renting so I have help with things like property maintenance, but my support system is here, I have a good job here, there’s good theater here, and, at least for another year and a half, Wilson is here. I’m ready to be in a place where I’m not looking to move on and allow myself to be happy where I am, and this feels like a good place and a good life to sink into and allow myself to say: I worked hard for this. I am enough, and this is what I want. 

What more am I really looking for? What more would I need to be happy? Will I always strive for more weight loss, a better home, my mother’s acceptance? How long will it take for me to look at my life, see how much I have deprived myself and struggled unnecessarily, and to make the decision to live a happier, better life? Maybe I do need a daily mantra to tell myself that I am enough. My life is a lovely cozy spot that I’ve built where I am happy and challenged and intellectually stimulated without being overwhelmed, as well as feeling supported and loved. 

That is enough. So fuck you nightmares. 

[puhpandas]

I love Cassidy to death but the idea of her being the only one to possess Golden Freddy (or just the main spirit) is so boring to me. like since with most timelines Mike is the night guard in fnaf 1 its just SO much better for Evan to be possessing the robot he had a plushie of and what he was killed BY. "It's Me" makes so much sense with Evan and Mike in fnaf 1 then it does with Cassidy. with Cassidy the only reason she would be saying "Its Me" to Michael is if she thought he was William, which is just so boring to me compared to Evan talking to his brother after like 8 years. Cassidy was 1 of 5 kids that were murdered that day and the legendary Golden Freddy JUST being 1 of the 5 kids that's angrier is so boring to me. like the "Its Me" everyone was theorizing about for years being Evan Afton, the boy who was killed by his brother on his birthday talking to the aforementioned brother 8 years later while possessing the same robot he died in while the brother tries to fix his fathers mistakes. like oh my god. the only reason Evan died that day is because William was a child murderer who purposefully didnt care about safety precautions in his animatronics and his son paid the price for it. Evan being angry at not Mike but William and being the one to keep him in his personal hell along with Cassidy who has a grudge. the most satisfying theory for real

[itstoughstartingover]

Difficult choices and the aftermath

11/1/2017

Even when I feel completely convinced that I did the right thing, Evan’s text message tirade last night really got to me. Add to that my IBS flare up, Mike’s snoring, Rocky ending, and my lack of rest day this week with PMS and I feel shaken and miserable. I want to go home and go back to bed, but I took Monday off so I can’t. I woke up to snoring and when I got out of bed I felt dizzy and just off. I went to boxing anyway because I needed to hit something after Evan’s tirade last night. He apparently decided after dropping Wilson off that it was the time to text me incessantly about how I completely gave up on us and didn’t try and everything we could have done to make things better. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell him I felt no chemistry and can’t give him what he needs - he just responds that it was different when I first moved back, but then I stopped trying. That’s not true. I tried and nothing worked, so I tried to figure out solutions in therapy and, near the end, talking to friends. I offered websites and going to a sex therapist and to try and teach him. I asked what would work better to teach him and he gave me nothing. I offered couples counseling and he wouldn’t give me any input about who to see. I tried to explain my frustrations and to figure out ways to make things better and he didn’t give me any response. I can see why he feels the way he does, but I know I didn’t just give up on us. When I said I wanted a break, I was in the process of coming to terms with the feeling that it was over. I’d been asking for changes since I moved, and he didn’t offer to do anything in terms of the house until I told him I was moving out. I had posters and boxes on the floor two months after moving in. The bedroom never got painted. I never got a fire pit. He didn’t give me the romance I asked for. The further he felt me slipping away from him, the more emotionally abusive he became. Was I perfect while things were falling apart? Not at all. I should have been there for him while he was in Pittsburgh, but the infestation and Wilson being sick made it hard to think about anything else. I was bitter and angry that he didn’t seem to appreciate that I left my family and a life behind to be part of his again. He became less open to being around my friends and was more withdrawn when they were around. He did take me for granted a lot of the time. Yes, he took a personal day to spend time with me, but it was the first time in the history of our relationship that I felt like I mattered more to him than work. There was also the day Nana Kay died when he offered to take off, but those are the only times. He stopped appreciating everything I did around the house and for Wilson that made his life easier - he always had clean scrubs, Wilson was fed and given affection and attention, his house stayed clean, the bed was made, the driveway was empty if he drove, the light was on when he came home in the dark. I got none of those things unless I nagged for them. 

He said I didn’t try, but I spent months in therapy saying “I love him, but...” There were so many things I ruminated on in therapy and tried to find ways to fix, but you can’t manufacture chemistry. I didn’t want him at all. I loved him, but I didn’t want him, and the more I tried to force it, the more upset I got about it. I was open about my frustrations and what I wanted to see change, but things remained the same. Once I decided to move out, he was ready to offer some changes, and even then he didn’t follow through on a lot of them. When I wanted a break he was willing to think about things we could do to make things better, but I wasn’t worth thinking about that much until then. So when I told him I can’t do this anymore, he felt like I gave up, when in reality I’d been the one doing most of the work and putting in the effort for months and feeling like he wasn’t trying or giving me anything to work with. He didn’t try until I told him I needed space to figure out if I was willing to keep trying with no avail. I should be the one who is going on tirades and is bitter and angry about the months where the effort waned and I was trying so hard to find ways to overlook my frustrations to make it work. He tried to find solutions for one week and suddenly I’m the horrible one because my months of effort don’t matter. His point of view is not the only one that matters. I feel badly because I spent months coming to the decision to end the relationship and I didn’t want to hurt him again. I feel badly that he’s hurting, and I’m able to see why, so I feel awful. If I didn’t have the IBS flare and lack of sleep I may not feel so bad today. 

The bottom line is I gave up my home and a life to try again. I made the effort in my individual therapy to find ways to get past my issues in the relationship because I love and care for Evan so much and I desperately wanted it to work. By July, I no longer had a partner; I had someone who wanted to take his time off in Florida, where I wasn’t welcome, and left me to care for his house. I communicated that I felt single and was struggling with his work schedule, and he maintained the status quo until the one day he took off. As per usual, it wasn’t until he was presented with an ultimatum and he felt he was losing control when he offered to make some of the changes I’d been asking for. The relationship deteriorated back to the way it felt at the end of our marriage, and after trying so hard and being so frustrated and unhappy for so long, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. There wasn’t enough good left to make it worth it. So yes, I did give up, and not until I had given it months of significant effort, time, and change. He gave it a few weeks when I first came to Erie, then again when I made changes he didn’t like at the end. He may never see my side of things, but I can take comfort in knowing that I gave it everything I had, and I walked away knowing there are things he can’t give me that I need, and vice versa. I wanted it to be right, but it wasn’t, and there’s nothing I can do to change that. A relationship without attraction, chemistry, and physicality is not something I’m willing to keep working for. If I’m going to be in a relationship, I need a partner and some fire to it. I need someone who makes me happy more than they make me sad, scared, and frustrated. I need to be my full self. 

Rocky is over and I’m both sad and okay with that. I’ll miss it, but it was exhausting. It changed me and it changed my life for the better. I found the part of me I had been missing since I left Chicago, and I feel whole again. I don’t have to repress a part of myself in a relationship anymore, and I remember how good it feels to let that part of me out. I feel more confident and worthy of love. I shouldn’t need a show to feel that way if I’m in a loving, committed relationship. The retirement planning rep from VALIC made me feel better than Evan had for months. I loved being in Rocky. I loved playing Janet Weiss, spending time with the cast, and enjoying audience accolades. I loved partying again like an idiot college kid and just living it up and having an amazing time. I realize that lifestyle is not sustainable in my thirties, nor do I want it to be. I need some of that every once in a while, but not every weekend like it was through October. I adore the people and am hopeful I won’t lose the closeness, particularly with Adele and Aimee. It was the experience of a lifetime, and the timing was so perfect with everything else I had going on. It made me see just how much my relationship was beating me down since I had so many people around me to build me up again. Even if the sexual issues hadn’t been present in the relationship, Evan really did emotionally beat me down. I know how awful I felt when I was with him for so many reasons and how trapped I felt. Now, I feel released. Even though Rocky is over, I hope I will carry the confidence and joy the experience gave me for a long time. 

Evan needs his space to vent and tell me how awful I am, and I get that. What I need to do is remind myself of how much effort and sacrifice I put into the relationship before coming to the difficult, well thought-out conclusion that I could not maintain it anymore and be happy. That’s the bottom line.