#Michael gets called fruity in the most ridiculous way possible

[chloesimaginationthings]

What’s William Afton’s problem in FNAF….

[weekendsabo]

Email Journal - Friday, November 30th, 2018

Well, I’m not going to sell my ticket, and I may be able to find someone to go to the show next weekend. I’ll ask Luna tomorrow when I see her, but she will most likely say no. Whatever. More than likely Polo will be the one to come with me, but that will be fun for sure! If I can’t find anyone to go, and polo does go, then I will just crash at his house. It’ll be cheap and easy. If by some miracle someone does come with me, I will get a room/airbnb. Either way, it’s going to be a great weekend with Erika, Ralph, Polo and possibly Isaac. I’m excited. Always nice to see them! It will be my last time going to Cali for a while.

Alright, I just went through the past year of spending and I spent $5600 on just alcohol. Plus whatever cash I used to pay for drinks and stuff. That is just ridiculous. I can’t do that anymore. I could have a fully functioning woodshop, or a motorcycle, or a new guitar and a bunch of pedals. I will do better from here on out. I will not drink more than two beers if I go out. Its so bad, I can believe it, but I can’t at the same time. I know I have a problem and it just got out of hand. I need a change of pace and change of scenery. It’s going to be a good year. I’m feeling determined and making small changed to improve myself. I definitely want a home gym. Nothing crazy, just a squat rack, bench, a bar and some weights. And an exercise bike. Running is great but it’s going to kill my knees for sure. I have some time to do it, but a bike would be great. Then I can alternate lifting and cardio every day. Get into good shape is all I want. I was so close last year and I just gave up. No more giving up. No more thinking of what I should be doing and not doing it. If I think it, I have to do it. I would like to snag one of these big calendars for my room so I have something that I look at every day to keep me on track! If I keep going with the running, and not have to many fail days, I will be back to running a 5K by the end of January. Two months that’s it. The time is going to pass either way, might as well make the most of it!

I have to go to Huntridge and ask her out. Still can believe I forgot her name. It’s ridiculous. What do I remember? She will be graduating with a Bachelors of Philosophy in two weeks. Her golden dog fish who is 3 years old that she got when she was 18 or 20. Her cat Michael who she gives massages to every day. She likes to stay home and chill and smoke and is okay with it. Brown hair and brown eyes. Her favorite philosophers are  Descartes and another that I have written down at work.

Gabby. Birthday is Nov. 26th. We have definitely talked before I deleted my FB. Graduating with a Bachelors of something. Business, but not the numbers side of it. More people management. Brother plays in a band that I forgot the name of. I don’t know if she has any pets or anything. We’ll see how tomorrow goes at Rebar. Get a couple beers and just talk. At the least, we can start the conversation about the show and how her brother played. If I didn’t want to be home early tonight, I would go to that show. Also not down to pay the cover.

I should try to get home early and go to the lighting of that house and possible meet some people. Then go to the store for dinner things. AND if I stay in tonight, I will definitely play my electric and jam on that. I’m just not stoked on my guitar but whatever. I have to switch it up so I don’t forget how to use the pedals. I should really sit down and may a reverb and delay that I like with what I got. I know I can find my sound in there and it will be tight! Get my fuzz toned in and I thing I will keep the metal zone pedal in my chain just for the joke of it. It’s not a bad sounding pedal, just ridiculous. AND if I don’t spend so much on booze I will be able to get some more pedals. Nothing crazy, but it’ll be fun to mess around with stuff.

I will get a desk this weekend. And get that stuff set up for sure. I should try to make it a goal to have an EP out by New Years. Do 5 acoustic songs. I will get some roughs done this weekend and talk to Kristin and Shea about doing a part on a song. I’m hope they will be down! And possibly get Austin in on Sax, or bass. Scrounge up an acoustic base. Why not get someone on all the songs. It could be calls Something Duet’s. Maybe. I kind of want to do an album like the Meladia album. We’ll leave that for next year. Find a way to power my laptop with a battery pack. Hike up somewhere and write and record a song. Would be really cool. I will probably do an album with fruity loops as well. I can do some cool guitar sample with crazy reverb/delay effects.

I won’t stay too long at Starboard tomorrow, just enough time to see them and talk a bit.  Stay for one beer, and smoke them out. It’ll be good! Home by midnight.

I have one month to fill out that entire planner. I think I can do it if I really want to. Ill figure out how many days are blank then figure out home many I have to write a day to get it all filled out. My guess is 5 per day. That would be 155 days filled out. I know I have a bit left to fill out. It would be so cool to get it all filled up before I start a new one. I’ll make sure I get the new one before the new year. I bet I can find a cool one. I should work on getting all the rest of my journals filled up, but priority is the year planner.

Its crazy how just writing everyday changes how I feel. It gives everything validity. Or just makes all my actions and thoughts accountable. Like I said, nothing is real until I get it out of my head. I can think whatever I want, but it’s not real. I mean, my thoughts are real to me, but that doesn’t matter. Not that it doesn’t matter, it just means I can think whatever I want and it doesn’t affect anyone but myself. And I have a hard time caring about myself most of the time. Probably why I binge drink and eat and smoke and consume. I just want to feel something and those are easy ways for me to feel anything. Even if it is just drunk/full/high. It’s something. I know If I keep up with the exercising I will be feeling something and that something is positive and improving my life. I have to keep with it. Stay determined and disciplined. Get used to this new way of life because I have to change. Not all at once, but over time I will make the changes and habit that I need to live the best life I can. Right now I make enough money to have a place to myself, a car, a bus and still have money to spend how I like and if I spend right I can save a good amount of money. I don’t know if I will stay in Boulder another year. I’ll start looking for a place to rent a couple months before my lease is up and see if I can find anything good downtown. I still don’t know about that, but by then I will be a different person on not just getting hammered all the time. That will stop. I want to retire at a decent age and be healthy enough to enjoy it.

December start tomorrow! Can’t believe it’s already December. It does feel like it’s already the middle of December though which is weird. It’s going to be a good month.

Goals. Minimum $1,500 in the bank on new year’s. Get that check engine light fixed. Get that EP recorded. Get under 200lbs. No fast food at all. Eat lots of veggies and fruit. I’m definitely getting my bass this month. It has to happen! Get the bus pretty cleanout would be great! Its free and fun and has to happen.

Man, it would be so great if we got out early today, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. Ill text her after lunch that I’m going home after work. Ask her if she wants to join the lighting of the house and the Christmas tree and if she wants to make some pizza! It would be fun. Watch a movie or something. Make her listen to all my songs. Definitely not going to do that, but it would be great. I just want people to listen to my music. I won’t get famous or anything, but if I can make some peoples days or just their hour of that day, I will gladly keep writing and releasing music.

I’m excited to use a power washer! I’ll do the BBQ and the chairs and get them inside. I shouldn’t have left them out so long. They’ll be alright I feel. No harm no foul.

Sushi lunch was delicious. It was cool seeing Dan and Martin. I hope they do invite me to sushi next time they go. But the nigri today was delicious. I don’t think I’ll get the Philadelphia roll again. The cream cheese is just too much. Ill get one of the tuna rolls instead. I feel okay with my decision to sit where I did. They didn’t invite me over so it’s okay, I really did want to just have lunch by myself.

Christmas presents. Grandma is getting a sweater. I’ll ask Mel what to get Makayla. I may get her a studio whatever anime. I think she will like it. Mom  I have no clue. Dad I have no clue. Zeb I have no clue. Mel I have no clue. Maybe just do gift cards with a nice card? I just don’t know! I do want to get all this done the first week of December so I don’t have to worry about it.

White elephant party is coming up as well. I don’t know if I’m going to do the pictures. Probably should. I still think it’s funny. We’ll see. I’ll take some testers this weekend.

I definitely need to get some lube. And a new you know what. I think the stainless steel one, or a glass one would be best. I’ll be excited to get one. I’m excited to have a girl play around with it. Should be nice. I can’t wait to be in a relationship where I can basically hug and kiss that person whenever I want if they are okay with it of course. But I feel I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that. Like Bob and Emily, they don’t have hardly and PDA, but I’m all for it. I mean, I don’t want to be making out right in a crowded bar, but I want them sitting next to me so I can hold their have and just be touching them in some way.

Man. What if Bridget does come over and we get comfy on my couch and end up hooking up. Or not even hook up, but I don’t know. It would be nice to just give her a massage and just intimately touch someone. We would really have to talk about things afterwards and see how we are both feeling about it. I don’t know if I would want a relationship with her. It could be fun for a while though. I am really trying to not go out and if I had someone that lived close, and it wasn’t a crazy drive to hang out it would be awesome. We get along very well and always have a good time together. I wonder if she is interest. I’ve asked this questions so many times, but never ask her. Because I’m not sure I’m ready to have that conversation. I really don’t know how I feel about it. I’m pretty down. I would probably have a lot of fun with her and I know she would be super understanding about my little problem.

I can’t believe that girl nailed it, but I did not like that she came to Starboard. It’s fine. I’m not going to hang out with you, but you’re more that welcome to be there. She paid the cover as well so good for her.

Maybe I will just get a bottle of tequila and not beer? Just do a few shots. It’ll save on calories for sure. Maybe get some soda water and lime? Keep it simple. Or diet squirt sounds good. We’ll see how I’m feeling, but that would be better than a bunch of beer. Stupid delicious beer. I love/hate you. Or maybe I’ll just not drink and smoke a ton of weed and call it good. Bust out the bubbler? That could be fun for sure! Yeah, no alcohol tonight. Maybe. I hate that I just can’t say no and have it be the final answer. I don’t have very good self-control and it sucks. How did this happen. Why don’t I have an discipline? It’s all my fault, I can’t blame anyone except myself for it. It’s crazy how little of it I have. I’ll get better. I was so good in Vermont cause I didn’t have access to going and hanging in bars with people for any of that.  

If we get out early. I will run home, change into my running gear and walk over to the house, then go for a run from there. Run up to Bicentennial park then back down. It would be pretty nice! I highly doubt Bridget will come over, so It’ll work out okay. And Maybe Ill just make some jalapeno poppers with pepperoni in the middle? That sounds pretty delicious! I don’t have enough jalapenos. I have enough pizza sauce for a pizza, all I need is some mozzarella. Maybe get some pineapple? The ones they have at Albertsons are small and don’t look too good. Mozzarella at the very least. Finish up the parmesan I have. I’ll clean out the fridge today as well. Get it all cleaned up and cleared out so I can see what I have. Sunday, I’ll get food for the week so I’m not eating out every day at lunch. It just so easy, but so bad for me. Oats for breakfast, salad for lunch, and something light for dinner. I’ll make a soup or just come chicken and veggies for dinner. Nice and easy. I have chips so I can do some nacho style thing for dinner. Maybe do like a pork roast and make tacos with it? That would be delicious. We’ll see. I haven’t really thought too much about it yet.

It’s crazy how much I listen to music but don’t write about it at all. I guess it’s just there and I don’t need to get it out of my head, but I should start writing about it. So here we go. Right now I’m listening to this band Space Mountain. Just super chill rock, the vocals are familiar, but I can’t place it off the top of my head, but they are cool. I heard guitar, bass, there’s an acoustic in there, drums, and possibly an organ. I like it a lot. I’ve been listening to a bunch of Into It. Over it. Not a bunch, but the same 2 albums over and over and they are so good. I watched their audiotree and Evan Weiss is so good. Pet Symmetry is so good too. But Into It. Over It. Is where it’s at. I’ll probably jam them on the way home so I have something to sing too.

I really want to get better at singing so I’m going to have to really start practicing without just singing along with other people. I’m sure it helps, but I can’t sing by myself. I have to learn what notes I can sing and how to do it. I’ll find a download of the ladies singing lessons and practice them every day. It will work. If I do it every day there’s no way I won’t get better. Then I’ll take IDLES mentality and just write songs about whatever I want. It’ll be fun. I’m excited, then I can get a band together and be the front man of it. Definitely want to write sing along parts and have dancey music. I want people to move around to the music I play. I also don’t listen to music of people I listen to on audiotree, and I should do that cause I check out a lot of cool bands on there and just don’t check them out. I will start to make a playlist of the music I listen too to start incorporating it into my spotify jams. Cause I get stuck on bands and it’s okay cause I really enjoy what I’m listening too, but I can broaden my horizon musically and just listen to a more diverse range of music. It’ll be cool.

Maybe for lunch I will do egg salad with some crackers? I have to eat those eggs if they are still good. It has to happen. I can hard boil them all on Sunday and be set for the week. Get some celery, red onion, mayo, mustard, jalapeno and obviously pickles. It would be delicious and not to calorie dense. Then once I get through the eggs I can do a week of tuna salad in a salad? More veggies for your buck!

I should save it for after I ask Huntridge girl out. My mind will just be in that mode where it doesn’t matter and I just have to get it done. But I have been teasing myself all day today with Reddit. It’s just so easy to have a quick peak,  then I want another and another, and before you know it, I’m just doing it cause I can. At least before in the bus it wouldn’t be dry all the time which is nice cause it’s a whole different would when I’m not death gripping it. I have to stop doing that for sure. Okay new policy. Just no more death grip and no more checking things out. Like I said. I f I want to get it done I have to just use imagination. It will help me out a ton. It’ll make appreciate more girls a lot more.

If Bridget doesn’t come over, I’ll take a bath. Maybe pick up some cheap bubble bath at the store. That would be nice. I should start taking baths with just my phone light and door shut to keep all that warmth in. preheat the tub for sure. I can’t believe how cold it was making the water so quickly. So yeah. Ill spray the tube down first and keep doing it while it fills up to keep the tub from cooling off the water. I bet them make tubs that have heaters in them. I bet it wouldn’t be too hard to convert a tub to do that since that guy just had those heating cables around his steering wheels. Tubs are cast iron I believe, so it should be able to heat up and retain that heat without a whole lot of work. When I buy a house I will look into it and see what’s up with it.

It would be so tight to have a Jacuzzi and a pool, but I would settle for just the Jacuzzi. One like Emily’s parents have is would be perfect. And it looked like I could find one for a couple thousand. It’s expensive, but not out of reach. It would take some time to save up, but it would be totally work it! I would probably go in it every day. Wake up early. Exercise. Jump in the Jaquz.  Outdoor shower it. Then breakfast and get ready for work. It would be perfect. That’s what I want in my life and it’s not even that ridiculous. Within a year and that’s happening.

That and getting motorcycle. That will be my next big purchase for sure. Well, a guitar first, then a motorcycle. Ill get signed up for the class in a couple weeks so I have the money to get the helmet and stuff.

I’m going to go simple with just a t-shirt and flannel. I’m hesitant on the flannel cause it just super cliché, but whatever. I’ve been wearing them for like over 18 years. I feel like I’m grandfathered in, but nobody knows that.  We’ll see. I’ll come up with something good.

I’ll get a Christmas list written today with stuff in the $30 range. It’ll probably be all kitchen stuff, but it’s all I really need. Or want. I don’t really “need” anything. It’s all want. Pizza stone. Sharpening stone. A high wall sauté pan. Immersion blender. Food Processor. Kitchen aid.  A carbon steel pan. Dutch oven. I am going to have to get a propane tank. But that won’t be too much I think. Like $40 at the most.

Well, like I said. Bridget was very likely a no show, so that make my night a lot easier. Home to change then head right over. Depending on the time I get out there. I may just run to the store first, then check out the lighting of the lights. That might be the best option. Then head out for the run after that. The run will only take about 30 minutes plus I’m just super chilling tonight so it works out for the best this way. Just need mozzarella cheese and possibly some bubble bath cause I’m feeling frisky. Maybe do some butt stuff in the tub. That could be fun! We’ll see. Either way, its going to be a good night. I’m excited. I may try to hit people up and invite them over, but at this point I feel it is way too late to do that. I don’t care to do that. I went for just one person and did my best so its okay. I will get may social fix tomorrow for sure, then I will be set for a week.  I am excited to see the parade tomorrow. I should pick up my G-ma to come as well. I’ll think about it, but as of right now it is a no. I don’t want to hassle around with that at all. It’s a lot of work especially with meeting with Tsvet and James, who I am excited to see! I’ll ask them about their holiday and all that fin stuff!