#Mettigel

[machiavellli]

happy pride to them @thatdammchickennugget

[bunnywoman]

germany why are you eating raw pork and making it into little hedgehogs. and why arent we doing it too

[thatdammchickennugget]

The skinned porcupine

And what about it? 👀

[morethansalad]

Vegan Mettigel (Retro German Party Centerpiece)

Recipe is in German btw

[devilspenguins]

Sie haben bereits vom Mettigel gehört. Machen Sie sich nun bereit für das ✨Gurkenkrokodil✨

Credit to the users of Chefkoch.de

[personal-worst]

the nations as foods from their cultures pt 1

prussia = "mettigel" (raw ground pork hedgehog), a culinary crime against god invented in the 1960s

[helenascorpse]

MCR as german food

Mikey as Spargel (white asparagus)

white, pasty, long and thin. Thats Mikey! i personally hate spargel so much but it’s literally the perfect food for him. we have a whole festival for this fucking thing btw

Frank as Mettigel/Hackepeter (minced pork)

its not as bad as it sounds okay… you typically spread it onto bread and eat it like that. its meat and uhhhh… frank is meaty? idk man i just associate Frank with meat

Gerard as Bratapfel

its sweet and warm :) just like her <3 also a bit tangy and sour but it gets balanced by the fillings. he deserves only to be compared to a tasty little treat. typically eaten during christmas season

Ray as Curry Wurst

a classic. loved by everyone, tasty delicious and perfect (in my opinion) for every meal. Ray gets to be one of my favorite foods because i love him :)

[zaidshair]

please rate chef zaid 

mettigel - (raw seasoned pork with onions)

——–

TASTE

Right. I’ve had kibbeh nayyeh. I’ve had tartare. I’ve had tataki. Raw meat’s just got a certain quality, yeah?  But I’d never try this - wotsit?  Hackepeter is it, yeah? - never in a million Hirji calendar years, mate.  I’ve had my share of haram moments with pig, I’m willing to admit that. But eating flipping raw pork is where I’ve got to draw that sinful line, subhanallah.  

PLATING

So let’s review this little blighter’s other merits. I’ve seen a fucking well plump, fit as fuck, proper quilled Hackepeter in a Berlin buffet; and so whoever dressed up this little porky hedgehog should be fired and blacklisted from every kitchen, including their own. 

You wot, you say you got about 20 onion spines in, and called it a day?  Told yourself ‘yeh, that’s enough. This vague handwave to a hedgehog, this miserable aesthetic, this version of meself on a bed of onions. I’ve got no need for standards or self-respect. I’m simply a make-do sort of wanker. I’m content with placing 300th best in a contest of 10 players innit. That’s me, hedgehog-shamer.’

This sad bastard is naked and plucked, and anyone who tries to eat it will feel that same self-loathing apathy. I’m warning you.

RATING - 2/10.  Soz, you’re asking the wrong chef about this one.

[superthirstparty]

Sin, can I ask about the other German food crimes?

so basically, one rule of thumb where i live is that if you want truly authentic foreign cuisine, you should probably look for a restaurant owned by natives and their families, because germans might (and in a lot of cases WILL) fuck it up by germanizing it in some way. at least that's the experience i've made here in the east of the country.

(you've probably seen videos of US americans fucking up foreign dishes while some native of that country is reacting to it with pure horror. same shit, different country.)

i remember there was a german-owned mexican restaurant in my city that i wanted to try, and i got myself a burrito. it was so germanized that it was the blandest food i'd had all week. lacking spices and everything that makes a good burrito. i wish i had taken a picture that i could show you now.

i am not saying that germans can't learn or master foreign cuisine, but that takes some training / trial and error, which a lot of people don't really bother with.

to give you an example of why it might be a mistake to trust germans with foreign cuisine:

(pictures of strange german food under the cut, you've been warned)

this is a mettigel. a minced meat hedgehog.

i am not kidding you, this is just a pile of meat with onions and other decorative veggies to make it look like a hedgehog.

some germans consider this a must-have at parties.

this is sülze. from what we know it's been around before germany as we know it today was even a thing. but germany took and ran with it. sülze is nothing but meat and veggies in gelatin. i don't know many people who like it, but i've been told it's very popular with boomers.

i have more examples, but i guess you see why it might be a bad idea to trust germans with food they don't know shit about.

(i would have shown you pictures of foreign food fucked up by germans but i couldn't find good ones. apparently we don't take enough pictures of that stuff that make it beyond astronomically bad google reviews.)

[sheepstiel]

Yeah, sorry but your boyfriend fell into the Fleischwolf. Yeah, he's all ground up now, sorry. We made him into a Mettigel tho, spikes and everything. He's next to the Fettbemmenplatte, suit yourself. There's Gewürzgurken, too. Sorry again.

[leclerced]

https://www.tumblr.com/enchantecafe/738701264923328512/ive-been-thinking-recently-probably-because-of

Omg this made me laugh sm. So im german and i just imagined bringing lando with me to my grandma and he’s thinking „ok german food wont be a problem, schnitzel is great and bratwurst is also easy, i eat that at home“. His reaction when he sees a fucking mettigel for the first time, pure horror (you should google it). I imagine pulling him into a bathroom bc its kale season and he needs to help me wash 40kg (88lbs) kale in the bathtub and sees all the insects coming out of it? And how 8 full Bathtubs shrink down to 3 big pots??? He‘d faint if he were to witness germans yell at each other over the correct name of a Berliner (its berliner). Poor boy would be so confused about why asparagus season is taken so seriously here 😭

And the worst part, im from Wolfsburg (the home city of Volkswagen) and he has to sit there and listen to why the VW Ketchup has a serial number like the car parts at the factory or how there was a „ketchup gate“.

🫀

link

okay sorry i didn’t answer this when u sent it but ugh. i love this sooo much it made me laugh sm. i kept rereading it all day and giggling. god i want to go to germany so bad.

lando would walk in and see the mettigel and immediately be like, “oh fuck i have to eat that?” he’d panic internally soo bad until she shows him the foods he will eat, ones she specifically asked to be made so he wouldn’t starve. i can so imagine his gfs brothers or like the kids of the family teasing him with weird foods, like when carlos tried getting him to eat sushi!! lando’s politely declining and trying not to gag at the sight.

the kale thing is so fucking funny. 88 lbs of kale??? 8 full tubs of kale??? what are u cookin ?? who eats that much kale??? this sounds like one of those math problems where someone buys 78 bottles of soda and you have to determine the final cost with tax.

all that kale and it all shrinks down to 3 big pots???? oh my fucking god thats insane!!!!!!!! lando would not be eating it after he sees all the bugs. he would never eat kale again because he knows bugs have been on it before. he gets served a sandwich with kale on it at a restaurant and can’t eat it because it has been touched by a bug.

i like asparagus when its grilled or sautéed but at thanksgiving this year my grandma made creamed asparagus with canned asparagus and it was genuinely the worst thing i have eaten in years but it was the only side and i felt bad about only eating ham and rolls. i could go on n on about that but i will not rn unless u all want to hear ab my holiday shenanigans but i assume yall prob don’t care to hear me complain ab the menu at family dinner.

its so so cool ur from where vw is from!! u could take him on a tour of the factory and stuff i think he’d like that a lot!! take him w the whole fam and everyone is telling him ab the lore

i’m from the town where dr pepper was invented humble brag!!! there is a museum in an old bottling factory and you can go and make your own soda its sooo cool. i haven’t been since i was a kid but i love it. there’s another museum there with this mammoth exhibit, i can’t remember if these are cast replicas or if they excavated some, but there’s a display in the museum and you get to walk on top of it on this glass floor and its absolutely incredible. look at this!!!! i used to sit and analyze these fossils for as long as i could. there’s also the mammoth monument you can visit where they discovered the mammoths!! you can read about it here if ur a nerd like me

[official-german-gaming]

I believe in Mettigel Surpremacy. Mettigel ist die Krone der Schöpfung

Du trägst einen Mettigel als Krone?

[aeridanus]

Finally the long Easter Weekend has arrived, I had my birthday yesterday, our vacation on Fuerteventura is in twelve days and eventually, after three years of evading it, I tested positive for Covid earlier today. The beginning felt exactly like I felt after the vaccinations, so I told my partner that I have it, he bought tests in the shop around the corner, and mine was as bright as a stop sign. My partner has cold symptoms since Wednesday, but he tested negative twice, while I was positive twice. Let's see how this goes. 🫠

Six hours later, it's already in full swing, haven't been this out of it in many years. It's mind-boggling how fast everything is reacting.

Things taste sickeningly sweet and I have a craving for raw meat. I want a Mettigel.

[worldwldewolf]

hello

I'm trying really hard to figure out how this thing works lol idk what I'm doing but here's an image of a mettigel with a party hat I found on my desktop. don't know why I have that on my desktop but now you get to see it too oh damn there's also an edit button wow that's crazy

welcome back to the top fit in den schnee banner too, shoutout max greger fr

[official-knorke]

I believe in Mettigel Surpremacy. Metiggel ist die Krone der Schöpfung

Ich muss leider sagen, ich bin da voll bei dir. Ich esse zwar keine tierischen Produkte, aber ich find die Idee von rohem Fleisch in der Form von nem Tier, was selbst net gegessen wird, so unglaublich grotesk. Ich find das super.