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[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Written in the Stars

Dieter Bravo X OFC ||| Completed Oneshot

Series Summary: Dieter and Natalia receive an unexpected phone call that results in an emotional journey and an expansion of their little family.

Word Count: 16.6K

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health and emotional trauma. Brief mentions of suicide/death, child neglect/mistreatment, and infertility. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. Daddy Dieter comes with his own warnings. This fic is meant to raise foster care and mental health awareness.

✨Note: This can be read as a standalone fic. However, it is an extra for Destiny & Deliverance, which takes a deeper dive into events that are mentioned in the Epilogue.

EXTRAS ||| TEASERS ||| VIBES ||| MAIN MASTERLIST

Chapter Quote: “I’ve always wanted a miniature version of myself.”  

It was 9:37 AM on a Monday morning. I had just sat down in the conference room with some of our foundation's biggest donors to discuss plans for a non-profit community and resource center geared toward providing counseling and mental health treatment for low-income families. My hope was to secure additional funding for the project. I was admittedly nervous because these donations would be the deciding factor on if this pursuit was even possible at the present time. We had just made it past the pleasantries when Dieter stuck his head through the door. He looked around wild-eyed as he took in the room before finally focusing on my surprised face that was staring back at him. He cleared his throat, before pushing the door open further and stepping inside, “Talia, I’m s-sorry to interrupt, but can I borrow you for a minute?”  

I spoke through a tight smile, “Dieter, I’m a little busy right now…”  

He was almost vibrating from anxiety as the look on his face shifted to something resembling…panic, “I know, I’m really sorry…b-but we have a minor emergency that needs attention…like now.”  

My brows furrowed as I took in his expression, “Okaaay…” I replied with confusion etched on my face as I turned toward our guests, “Please excuse us for a minute.” I gave them a nervous smile, moving to follow Dieter out into the hallway. As soon as the conference room door closed behind us, I puffed air out of my cheeks, then asked him what was going on. He rubbed both hands over his face before meeting my eyes. 

“I don’t even know…where to start…with this.” He let out a shaky breath before continuing.  

“Amber, from CDSS (California Department of Social Services), just called. You know Luca…that I mentor in the after-school program?” 

I nodded, completely unsure of where this was going.  

“His mom, she uhhh…” His brows drew down together and his face tightened, like he was fighting back emotion, “Her neighbor found her early this morning…she’s…gone. They need a temporary emergency foster for Luca.” 

I sucked in a stuttered breath. That certainly was not the news I was expecting. I shook my head in shock, “What does that mean? What are you saying?” 

Dieter rubbed at the back of his neck as he looked up at me through his lashes, “I know we never made a decision on potentially becoming foster parents, or even adopting…” 

Realization crossed my face, Dieter wanted us to be the emergency foster, “Dieter…this is a big fucking deal…where are we gonna put a kid? We don’t have any kid…stuff.” 

“I-I know it is…I mean, I’m sure he has his own stuff…” 

My face softened, realizing now that he really wanted this, “Dieter, this isn't a dog. It’s a whole fucking human…and not even a baby. He’s gonna have feelings, emotions, and…trauma. That’s a lot to take on.”  

He sighed, “I-I know…I don’t think there’s anyone more equipped to handle trauma than us though…and I’m the only person he knows. If we don’t take him, he’s gonna go to the foster facility or be placed with a random family. I can’t let that happen...he’ll be terrified.”  

I fisted my fingers through the top of my hair as I stared at him. “It’s temporary?” I asked. Dieter nodded. “Are you gonna be able to handle that? Will you be able to handle giving him up?” 

He nodded again, “As long as I go into it knowing that’s the plan, then yes…I c-can handle it.”  

I wasn’t completely convinced with that answer. This was one of the reasons we hadn’t gone forward with being foster parents. Dieter had been doing so well the last few years, but this was certainly something that could trigger a manic episode for him. He had a hard time with loss, but he did have an equally strong desire to help others in need.    

“And what if they can’t find another place for him to go? What if it’s not temporary?” 

He let out a controlled breath, “Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”  

I had to look away from him for a moment, my eyes roamed over the light gray colored walls of the hallway we stood in. Both of our emotions were running high, and I wasn’t really sure how to handle this being dumped on us out of the blue, especially right now.   

I rubbed at the tension forming at the bridge of my nose, “When do they need to know something?” 

Dieter grimaced, “Like, now.” 

“Fuck. Why did this have to happen now…during this meeting…” 

I reached to rub at my shoulder as my chest tightened, my heart now beating double time. I hadn’t had a panic attack in a very long time, but I suddenly felt like I was about to. Dieter immediately noticed and grabbed my hand, cradling it between both of his large ones and brought it to his lips. I could already feel my heart rate slowing at his touch. After all this time, he was still my anchor. 

“I mean, we don’t even have time to discuss it? Think it through?” I asked. 

He stared at me with his large brown eyes as he shook his head, “Unfortunately, no. They have to figure out what to do with him if we can’t take him.”  

I was reluctant as my mind raced through all the possible outcomes of this situation - trying to determine if this was something we could handle if it ended badly. We had been through so much already in our attempts to expand our family, I didn’t know how much more we could take if things took an unexpected turn.  

I had concerns about taking in a child that wasn’t our own. It was the reason we had stalled on starting the adoption process. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to form any type of meaningful bond having not given birth to them myself and I was afraid of being a bad parent because of that. Dieter and I had discussed all of these things, and he knew why I was hesitant. Dr. Rosenberg, our psychiatrist, had assured me that all of these feelings were normal when considering adopting, so that had relieved some of my anxiety. However, I was now worried the same thing would happen if we became foster parents. The fear was amplified knowing that the situation was temporary, making it even harder on us emotionally. I knew I would inevitably put-up walls to protect myself.  

I managed to push my feelings aside and to think of Dieter. I wanted to try for him because I knew that he had bonded with Luca since becoming part of his life. Dieter was right, Luca would be terrified being with strangers and I wasn’t sure I could live with that either. Especially knowing that we could keep it from happening. I had only met Luca briefly, in passing, but I had heard everything about him from Dieter. He sounded like a sweet kid.  

Thinking further, I realized this may only be for a few days. Surely Luca had other family that would be willing to take him in, right? We could handle a few days. However, if it stretched on beyond that, we might have a problem. Dieter interrupted my racing thoughts by placing his hands on my shoulders and dipping his head to meet my gaze, “Tell me what’s going on in that mind of yours.” 

I sighed, and peered up at him through my lashes, “You know what’s going on in my mind…we’ve already talked about it all…and…I worry about you, obviously.”  

He gave me a small smile, “Baby, I promise, I’ll be fine. I know I can do this.” 

My eyes roamed over his face as I read his expression, there was so much conviction behind his words this time that it erased any concerns I had for him. I nodded slowly, “Ok, make the call.” 

His soulful eyes lit up with a wide smile that broke across his face, “Really? You’re sure?”  

I inhaled deeply and nodded, now in shock over what we had just agreed to do. Dieter pulled me in for a tight hug, mumbling into the top of my hair that this was a good thing. When I stepped away, I suddenly remembered that I had a room full of very important people waiting for me.  

I huffed out a breath, “Fuck…what about this meeting?”  

Dieter’s eyes widened, “Umm, well…I think they just needed to know if we could take him right away. Go finish the meeting and we can head over to get him after. How long do you think it’ll be? Like an hour?” 

I nodded, “Yeah, unless they laugh me out of there before that.”  

His brow furrowed before he started rubbing the upper part of my arms, “Hey, relax. You’ve got this. I can come in and charm them if you need me to?” He gave me his goofy lop-sided grin.  

I snorted out a laugh. He always knew the right thing to say to lift my mood.  

“Hopefully, that won’t be necessary, but I’ll keep that in mind if I need reinforcements.”  

Dieter chuckled, leaning down to give me a quick kiss before I turned to go back into the conference room. Everyone immediately snapped to attention as I walked in, a few inquiring if everything was ok. The only response I could muster was, “I hope so,” followed by a nervous laugh. 

It wasn’t my best presentation. I was distracted by all the thoughts swirling in my head, which was making it hard for me to focus. I managed to make it through everything though. Everyone seemed excited about the project and pledged more funding than we were asking for, which was a huge relief. At least that was one less thing I could stop worrying about. After everyone said their goodbyes, they all filed out the door to walk toward the lobby. I followed behind them, until I reached Dieter’s office door to find him looking down at his phone as he paced around the room.  

Once Dieter realized I was standing in the doorway, his head snapped up. He looked at me with wide eyes, “Well?” 

I smiled, “We’re good. More than good actually.” 

He hissed out a low “Yeeesss” as he punched the air with a fisted hand. He moved toward me, grabbing my wrist to pull me towards him for a hug, “I told you it would go ok.”  

When he pulled away, we looked at each other nervously, knowing what our next task was. 

“What’s the plan?” I asked.  

Dieter gave me a tight smile, “Well, we go down to the CDSS offices and pick him up. Amber said he has some clothes with him and not much else. I guess we’ll have some paperwork to fill out when we get there too.”   

I let out a slow breath, “I still can’t believe we’re doing this…” 

He gave me a serious look, “This is a good thing and you’re gonna be great. Stop getting in your head about it. He’s gonna love you. I mean, he likes me for fuck’s sake. You’ll be fine.”  

I snorted, shaking my head at him as I walked next door to my office to grab my things. We left without telling anyone what was going on. It was too much to explain right now. We were silent as Dieter drove to our destination. He held my hand tightly the whole way, knowing that my mind was racing, my thoughts making me more anxious as we got closer.  

At some point in our journey to expand our family, Dieter had become the source of strength in our relationship, and I had become the one who struggled emotionally. I think a lot of it had to do with the hormone injections I had been taking but knowing that didn’t make it any easier. After a year of no success, I couldn’t do it anymore. The disappointment that came with each negative pregnancy test had become overwhelming and was slowly breaking me down. It had really left a scar on my heart. 

Dieter remained positive throughout the entire ordeal and took such good care of me. He was truly supportive, constantly checking in with me and making me talk through my emotions. We knew this was a possibility before choosing this path and worked to prepare ourselves for it, but that didn’t make it any less disappointing when things didn’t go how we had hoped. The residuals from that experience still hung over us when it came to the topic of expanding our family. I had a nagging fear that things were never going to go our way and I was having a hard time overcoming it. Even now, my brain was making a list of every possible negative outcome and how that could affect us individually and as a couple.  Deep down I knew that wasn’t the way to go into this, but I couldn’t help it.  

Before I knew it, we were pulling into the CDSS parking lot. I was in a daze as I exited the vehicle, quickly moving to Dieter’s side and lacing our fingers back together. When we entered the building, Dieter asked for Amber, then we were led to the room where she was sitting with Luca. She saw us approaching through the glass windows and came out into the hallway to meet us.  

She gave us a sad smile as she greeted us. Dieter wasted no time getting to business. “How’s he doing?” he asked.  

Amber sighed, “It’s hard to tell. I’m not sure if he fully understands what’s going on. He’s sad, but calm. He perked up some when I told him you were coming to pick him up. He had been asking for Dieter since he got here. That’s why I thought to call you guys first.”  

Dieter turned to look at the small boy who had a vacant look in his eyes and a frown on his lips. “Can I go to him?” he asked. 

Dieter’s gaze shifted to Amber, his eyes now pleading. She nodded, stepping aside so he could enter the room. Dieter inhaled deeply, squeezing my hand a little tighter before releasing it. I watched as he approached, kneeling down to Luca’s level as he talked to him in hushed tones. I could see Luca’s bottom lip trembling and his dark eyes rounding before he leaned in and buried his face into Dieter’s shoulder. Dieter rubbed at the back of the boy’s shaggy dark brown locks, hugging him tightly. I couldn’t see Dieter’s face, but I could tell by the tense set of his shoulders that he was fighting back his own emotions.  

Seeing Luca now took me back to the family photos littered throughout our home in Sonoma. He reminded me so much of a younger version of Dieter that it was almost scary. It also tugged at my heartstrings in a way that I didn’t expect. They had more in common than just looks, both having lost their mothers at a very young age. I didn’t know the details yet, but I assumed Luca experienced it in a traumatic way based on Dieter’s reaction. Seeing Dieter with the boy and how they interacted also had me feeling some kind of way. It was clear Luca trusted him and felt comfortable in his presence. It was enough to stifle the negative thoughts that had plagued my mind during the drive over.  

“Did Dieter tell you what happened?” Amber asked.  

I shook my head, still watching through the glass as I answered, “No, we didn’t get into the details. I was doing good just to wrap my head around this even happening.”  

She nodded, “I can understand that. I know it came out of nowhere.” She sighed before continuing, “The neighbor found her this morning. It’s looking like an intentional overdose. She had been like that for a couple days…at least. She did it with Luca there.” 

My head turned, shocked eyes finally meeting Amber’s. “He was with her like that for days?” 

She nodded, “As far as we know. He won’t really talk to us, so it’s a lot of speculation at this point.”  

I felt sick. It was worse than I thought. I couldn’t imagine what the kid was feeling, and I didn’t even know where to start in dealing with it, but Dieter did. He had been in a similar situation once. I felt a streak of panic go through me, worried that this would bring up emotions for Dieter that he might have a hard time with. I had to remind myself that he had successfully processed through that trauma and would hopefully be able to use it in a positive way now.  

Amber continued, “Based on the environment, I would say it wasn’t a good situation for the kid. The place was a mess, there was no food in the house, and he didn’t have a lot of belongings. It’s sad all around.” 

I had to find something to focus on before I got emotional, “He didn’t have a lot of belongings? What does he have?” 

Amber shrugged, “Not a whole lot. Some ill-fitting clothes, that’s about it. Oh, and a stuffed raccoon. He said “Mr. Dieter” got it for him at the zoo and wanted to bring it…but nothing else.”  

My eyes began to sting. Something about that bit of information nearly knocked me over the edge. I sucked in a sharp breath, needing to change the subject. “Do you know of any family yet?” I asked. 

She shook her head, “No, nothing yet. It doesn’t look like she kept in touch with anyone, so it’s gonna take some work to figure it out. We’ll look into the dad’s side as well, obviously…it doesn’t look like she was in touch with any of them either.  

I felt my stomach flutter at the idea that there appeared to be no one to take him. Was that some spark of hope? I didn’t want to get ahead of myself, but I did have a small urge to give this kid a better life.  

Amber drew me from my thoughts, “So, we’re gonna have you guys take him on as a non-relative extended family foster. You have an established relationship with him that can be proven, and it’s documented, so I don’t think it will be an issue. I can prove it’s the best plan of action for him currently while we go through our processes.  

I nodded, agreeing that it seemed like the way to go. She left me to go gather the paperwork for us to fill out. I turned back to the window, now watching Dieter and Luca talking quietly to each other. Luca was hugging his stuffed raccoon as Dieter brushed the boy's wavy hair out of his dark eyes. Luca had a small smile on his face from whatever Dieter had said to him. The moment seemed so private. I almost felt like I was intruding.  

After a few minutes, Dieter’s head turned, his eyes searching for me. When our gazes met, he motioned for me to join them. I was hesitant, not wanting to spoil their moment. I was also unsure of how to act toward this kid. I didn’t know him like Dieter did, and honestly, I felt like an outsider in this situation. I needed to suck it up, there was no avoiding it.  

I took a calming breath before entering the room, moving to sit next to Dieter. Dieter put his arm around my waist, pulling me into his side, “Luca, do you remember meeting Talia? She’s my wife…the one that keeps me in line.”  

Luca let out a quiet laugh, smiling at me as he nodded. “I remember,” he finally said.   

Dieter glanced over at me, “Luca and I were just talking about getting some lunch.” 

A sad smile formed on my lips, there was no telling when the last time was that this kid had a decent meal. “Yeah, we can do that. Luca, is there anywhere you like to eat? We can go wherever you want.” 

Luca shrugged, “I’m not really sure.” 

It hit me then, this kid probably hadn’t eaten out a lot. I felt like an idiot for asking.  

It was Dieter who spoke next, “How about McDonalds? You liked it that one time we went, right?” 

The boy's chocolate eyes lit up, much like Dieter’s often did when he was excited about something. Luca nodded enthusiastically at the suggestion.  

Amber entered the room with a file full of paperwork. I got to work on it while Dieter kept Luca distracted. There was so much information to fill out and releases to sign for background checks and home visits. It was a little overwhelming. Dieter could sense how I was feeling and made the effort to help calm me. As soon as I felt his hand resting on the small of my back, moving in small circles, I was able to relax and focus. He always knew what I needed and when.  

We were at CDSS for at least two hours, if not longer. I felt absolutely exhausted by the time we left, and I’m pretty sure Dieter and Luca were too. I was on information overload and starting to stress about everything that needed to be done. I was already making a mental list about things Luca would need for school and everyday use. I had never shopped for a boy his age, so it was putting me in a bit of a tizzy.  

As soon as we were in the car, Dieter reached for my hand, “Baby, relax. Everything on that running list in your head doesn’t have to be done today…and I can help you with some of it you know.”  

My lips tugged upward. He knew me too well. “I know…but you know I can’t help myself.”  

As Dieter drove toward the fast food restaurant, I noticed his eyes flicking to the rear view mirror every so often, I assumed to keep an eye on Luca. I too turned to glance back at the boy a few times. Every time I did so, he was staring out the window with his chin propped on his hand. He didn’t look particularly distressed or upset. I wasn’t sure if he had fully grasped what was happening yet. He seemed way too at ease, or maybe that was just because he was with Dieter?    

Once we got into the drive-thru line, Dieter turned to ask Luca what he wanted. He shrugged as his eyebrows rose and disappeared behind his shaggy hair.  

Dieter glanced at me with an arched eyebrow and pursed lips. My brows furrowed. I could already tell this was going to take some adjustments.  

“Chicken nuggets or a burger?” Dieter finally asked.  

“Nuggets.” Luca replied.  

“Chocolate or Vanilla shake?” Dieter followed up.  

“What’s better?” Luca asked.  

“Chocolate…Duh.” Dieter replied. 

Luca giggled, “Chocolate then.”  

I felt like they had had many conversations like this. I loved that Dieter knew how to communicate with Luca in a way that got answers and didn’t cause frustration. I had a feeling a lot of adults probably couldn’t handle that. Here I was taking mental notes for future reference.  

When we got to the drive-thru window, the worker immediately recognized Dieter. It caused a bit of a ruckus as several other workers came over and asked to take a selfie with him. Luca seemed completely unfazed by it. I wondered if this had happened often while he was out doing things with Dieter.  

Once we finally got our food and were on our way home, I looked over at Dieter, “I assume you haven’t told Elaine or Will yet?” 

He sucked air through his teeth, “Nope.”  

“Do you think paparazzi will be an issue?” 

Dieter shrugged, “I dunno. I think when kids are around, they tend to back off some. I hope anyway...”  

I took a deep breath and dropped my head backward onto the seat. I had a feeling this was going to be more complicated in ways that we couldn’t even fathom yet.  

After we got home, we all sat down at the dining room table and ate our incredibly unhealthy meal. Luca seemed in good spirits, but he mostly sat in silence as he took in his surroundings and devoured his food. He would still smile when Dieter said something funny to him and responded to questions, but that was about it. Afterward, Dieter got Luca’s two small bags out of the car, then we showed him to his room and adjoining bathroom. He seemed in awe over the fact that he would have his own bathroom and a TV in the bedroom. It made me sad that something so common and seemingly not that big of a deal to us, was for him.  

While Dieter worked to get Luca settled in, I raided our toiletry stash to get everything he might need for the time being. I felt so unprepared for this situation, and I hated that feeling. I needed to get everything sorted out as soon as possible or I wasn’t going to be able to relax over it.  

When I returned to Luca’s room, Dieter was getting him tucked into bed because he said he was sleepy and wanted to take a nap. I watched as Dieter showed him how to work the TV and asked what kind of shows he liked to watch. Luca shrugged, commenting that he didn’t have many channels, so he didn’t watch much TV. It was just another reminder of the less than ideal situation he had been in.  

I left them alone after that, allowing Luca time to decompress and fall asleep. To help settle my mind, I took a seat on a stool at the kitchen island and started making lists. Lists of things we needed to do, essentials that Luca would need, school supplies, it almost seemed never ending. In the middle of all that I was googling things because I didn’t know anything about what a boy his age would like. I was also creating carts and adding items for delivery. It was overwhelming to see it all in writing, but it did make me feel better.  

About a half hour later, I could hear Dieter on a call in the living room. It sounded like he was talking to Elaine, his publicist, and Will, his manager - filling them in on the events of the day. After he ended the call, he appeared behind me in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.  

“Will is gonna clear my schedule for the next couple of weeks so I can be around for Luca.” he said into the side of my neck.  

“He may not be here that long,” I reminded him.  

He shrugged, “Then you’ll just have to put up with me being around.” 

I chuckled, “Yes, because that’s just so terrible.” I said sarcastically.  

Dieter reached to grab the notepad sitting on the counter in front of me, looking it over before dropping it back in its place.  

“You don’t have to do all of this today, ya know. Let me help you.”  

I sighed, “Oh, don’t worry. You will be. He’s probably gonna need some more clothes…that might have to be your area. I’ve already got some carts going online for the rest of it.” 

Dieter moved to my side so he could look at me directly, one arm still around my back, “Hey, you’re doing great. The kid likes you, so you can relax.” 

I gave him a weak smile, “How do you know?” 

Dieter smirked, “He said you’re nice…and have pretty hair.”  

I snorted, “He didn’t say that.”  

Dieter nodded, “I swear he did…” He was quiet for a beat, his eyes roaming my face. “How are you feeling about things?” 

I inhaled deeply and held it for a moment, “I don’t know…definitely overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done.” 

His eyes narrowed, “You know that’s not what I’m asking.” 

He’s too damn intuitive, I was totally avoiding the real conversation. “I’m not sure, honestly.” 

“Baby, you need to be open with me. I know what you’re doing…don’t shut yourself off.” 

I puffed air out of my cheeks, “Ok, fine… I feel a little disconnected from it…like an outsider. It’s awkward because you already have a bond with him and I’m not really sure how to be part of that. I know he isn’t as comfortable around me either. I can sense it.” 

Dieter pulled me into a hug, “He’s a shy kid on the best day. After you spend a little time with him, he’ll open up. You’ve gotta open up some too though.” 

I nodded. I knew it was true, but also knowing that this was meant to be temporary was making it hard for me to do that. After seeing Luca and what his life must have been like made me realize I could actually get attached to this kid. Even though I had been worried about being able to bond with a child that wasn’t my own, I could feel my maternal instincts kicking in.  

Luca slept most of the day, which left us wondering what exactly he had been through that left him so tired. Dieter and I were in the midst of cooking dinner, trying to decide if we should wake him when he came shuffling down the hallway.  

“Hey hombrecito (little man), you ready to eat some dinner?” Dieter asked. 

Luca nodded as he rubbed at his eyes.  

“Let’s go wash up while Talia gets everything ready, ok?” 

Dieter put his hand on Luca’s shoulder and led him toward the bathroom to wash his hands. By the time they got back dinner was ready. Dieter helped Luca make a small plate while he made his own. Then we all sat down to eat. I noticed Luca didn’t get much food and finished eating quickly.  

“Luca, do you want any more? You didn’t eat much,” I said.  

He looked at me with wide eyes, “Is that allowed?”  

I could feel my heart shattering in my chest as Dieter and I shared a knowing look. It took everything in me to keep the tears at bay as I turned my attention back to the boy.  

“It’s absolutely allowed. You can have as much as you want.”  

His chocolate eyes lit up before murmuring out a quiet “thank you” as he stood from his seat to go refill his plate. Dieter reached over and gave my hand a squeeze before turning his attention to Luca, realizing the boy was too short to reach everything. He moved to help him. I took a moment to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I could already tell this whole experience was going to have a huge impact on me, emotionally.     

After dinner, we took the time to show Luca around the rest of the house and officially introduce him to Moony, our kangaroo eared dog, and our four foster pups. Dieter had recently converted one of the spare rooms downstairs into a “dog room” for the pups to hang out in while we were out of the house. It was the most ostentatious dog space I had ever seen. He had gone so far as to install a TV (on their level) and get a Dog TV subscription for them. They each had their own little dog houses and beds. He had even found a place to buy dog furniture. He finished it all off with wireless cameras that allowed him to talk to the dogs when he wasn’t in the room. It was beyond extra, but typical Dieter.  

Luca was in awe of the space and thought the mini dog couches were the funniest thing. He and Dieter went to sit on the floor in the middle of the room to get acquainted with everyone. The foster dogs were just happy to see people. Moony held back, slinking around the room sniffing in Luca’s direction. He was more cautious of the new person in his house, but he eventually approached the boy for pets. Within minutes, he was in Luca’s lap being cuddled, both of them smiling as they nuzzled against each other. I could already tell they were going to be fast friends.  

In the days that followed, Luca continued to remain quiet and reserved. However, I could tell he was beginning to relax as he got used to his surroundings and new routine. He was at his happiest when spending time with Dieter. Dieter had been spending all of his free time with the boy - painting, playing video games, playing with Moony. Anything he could think of doing that might distract Luca from the reality of his situation. I could often hear them laughing amongst themselves. It warmed my heart to see Dieter take on this new role and how he thrived in it.  

Dieter was so good with Luca, and I knew a lot of it had to do with their commonalities. Dieter had lost his mother under equally devastating circumstances, which helped him relate to Luca in a way that I would never be able to. It further solidified the bond they had already built before this life changing incident happened to Luca. It did make me worry about how things would go if Luca was unable to stay with us. I worried if Dieter could handle it.  

The conditions left me torn in how I wanted to handle things as well. I was still feeling like an outsider in this situation and unsure of how to navigate the changing dynamics in our household. I wanted to engage and be part of the bond they were building, but I also didn’t want to get too close in the event the situation was indeed temporary, as we were told it would be. I knew I would need to be strong for Dieter if Luca wasn’t able to stay with us. He said he could handle it but seeing them together didn’t give me a lot of confidence in his belief.  

As we got into the second week of having Luca with us, I noticed he seemed to be getting more curious about me. During the first instance, we were all sitting around the living room watching TV as I folded laundry. Luca was on the floor, playing with Moony. Once Moony ran out of energy and laid down for a nap, I realized Luca was watching me fold. After several minutes, he came closer, sitting in front of me.  

“Can I help?” he asked timidly.  

I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. He was too adorable. I glanced toward Dieter, who was watching us with a smirk on his face.  

“Better watch it hombrecito (little man), she’s super picky about the folding.”  

Luca’s eyes widened, like he couldn’t believe Dieter said such a thing.  

I snorted, “Just because I don’t wad them up and stuff them in a random drawer doesn’t mean I’m picky.” I gave Luca a conspiratorial look, “He’s just messy. Don’t listen to him.”  

Luca laughed, “Yeah, he kinda is.”  

Dieter scoffed dramatically and I cackled. Luca’s comment had taken me off guard.  

“I see how it is, you two are ganging up on me now. I don’t like this,” Dieter said. 

Luca and I laughed, eventually settling down as I continued folding. Luca watched me fold a couple more items, then reached into the basket to grab a piece of clothing and got to work. He held it up to ask me if it was correct. He had folded it perfectly on the first try. Dieter and I both praised him, noting that he already folds better than Dieter, which led to more giggles from the boy as he worked on the next item. We worked in silence after that, listening to whatever TV show Dieter was watching. I noticed Dieter wasn’t paying much attention to the show though. Instead, he was watching Luca and I with a small smile on his lips. Once all of the laundry was folded, Luca offered to put his own clothes away himself. When he returned, he looked smug, seemingly proud of himself as he sat down next to Dieter on the couch. Dieter pulled the boy into his side and mussed his hair, thanking him for helping me.  

In the days that followed, Luca began checking in with me to see if he could help with anything. I started giving him small tasks like sweeping, vacuuming, helping carry the dishes to the kitchen, or pulling ingredients for meals. It was his way of trying to connect with me, and I accepted it. 

Toward the end of the second week, Dieter and I were lying in bed, barely awake after having spent the day clothes shopping with Luca. We were both absolutely spent from trying to get things sorted for Luca and caring for him throughout the week on top of dealing with home checks, interviews with CDSS, and getting our background checks completed. We had been so engrossed with taking care of the boy that we really hadn’t made any time for each other. Our only time together was at night, but we had been so tired since Luca came into our care that we hadn’t even taken advantage of it. On this night, we managed to get in some cuddle time before either of us fell asleep. After crawling into bed behind me and pulling me flush against his body, Dieter took the opportunity to check in with me to see how I was feeling about things.  

“It seems like Luca is warming up to you a bit…” 

I smiled, “Yeah, I think so too. His personality is starting to shine through a little more. I can tell he’s been spending too much time with you.”  

Dieter chuckled, “I’ve always wanted a miniature version of myself.”  

I snorted and nudged my shoulder backward against his, “You’re so ridiculous.”   

He laughed, but then it trailed off into a moment of silence before he spoke again. 

“Serious question…how are you feeling about things now? Better I hope?”  

I sighed. I was still holding back some, and I knew it. “I’m still a little apprehensive about things. I’m trying not to get attached to this kid. This was never meant to be permanent, remember?”  

Dieter went quiet for a beat, “That may be true, but that doesn’t mean we can’t care for him like he’s ours…show him what a healthy family dynamic is like. He’s never had that, and I know there’s a possibility that he may never get it again if he leaves us. I want him to have at least one positive experience to look back on, even if it does turn out to be a short one.” 

Dieter always had an interesting take on things like this. I knew it was rooted in his childhood experiences and everything he had gone through. I hadn’t thought about it like that and couldn’t disagree, “I hadn’t considered that view on things.” I finally admitted to him.  

I turned to face him, “You have such a good heart. I can’t disagree with that assessment and…I’ll try to do better by him.”  

Dieter leaned down and gently kissed me on the lips, before pulling back. “You have a good heart too, you just have to learn to open it up a little more.” 

I chuckled, “Yeah, I guess so.”  

His hand gently brushed my hair back, “Maybe you two should go do something fun on your own. I know he’s been wanting to go to the Aquarium.” 

My eyes widened, “Dieter, I dunno about that. It helps to have you as a buffer.”  

He snickered, “You’ll be fine. The kid likes you and I’m certain you won’t be able to get him to shut up if he’s looking at animals. He gets so excited; he can’t help but to ask a million questions. You should take him on Saturday. I’ve got some work stuff I need to take care of.” 

My brows furrowed, “Work stuff? What work stuff?”  

He was fighting a smile now, “I have some scripts I need to look over.” 

I pursed my lips, “For some reason, I don’t believe you.”  

He smiled against my lips, kissing me between words, “It’s late. Time for bed bella durmiente (sleeping beauty).”  

I scoffed as he snuggled in next to me, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Change the subject. I’m on to you.”  

He laughed against my shoulder, “I’d like you to be, but I’m too fucking tired to be able to do anything about it.”  

I snorted, “Again, you’re ridiculous. Good night.”  

After giving him a quick kiss on the forehead, we wrapped up in each other and fell asleep quickly. 

That Saturday, I took Luca to the Aquarium as Dieter suggested. There was a comfortable silence between us during the ride there, however his bright-eyed look told me he was excited. It didn’t take long once we were inside for him to start peppering me with questions as Dieter said he would. He was an inquisitive little thing that had a serious thirst for knowledge. He was enthusiastic but also very well behaved. He seemed mature for his age when compared to the other kids running amok around the facility. Realizing that made me appreciate him a little more.  

Luca took the time to sit and observe the animals, studying each of them carefully. Whereas, most of the other kids gave them a quick glance, then were ready to move on to the next thing. Something about his curiosity made my heart flutter. Was it pride? I realized it was something that he and I had in common. I made a mental note of that for future reference.  

It seemed like hardly any time had passed as we slowly moved between exhibits, chatting about the animals. As the morning went on, I could tell he was getting more comfortable with me. He had started to gently tug on my hand to get my attention or loop his arm around mine and lean into my side as he pointed things out.  

By the time we reached the halfway point where the little cafe was, it was well past lunch time. Luca reluctantly agreed to take a break so we could grab a bite to eat. As we waited in line, I asked him what he wanted. He gave me that same wide-eyed stare he gave Dieter at McDonalds the first day. I gave him a few options off the menu as I had watched Dieter do. We finally narrowed it down to loaded nachos and a chocolate chip cookie.  

Luca got quiet after we were seated to eat. He didn’t seem to have a problem with companionable silence. He was a lot like Dieter and me in that way. It never failed to astonish me how well this kid fit into our lives. It was like the ‘powers that be’ had taken a piece from each of us to make him and put him in our path. Luca drew me out of my thoughts with a question that stunned me.  

“Are you and Mr. Dieter gonna be my new parents?” he asked with a hopeful look in his eyes. 

I nearly choked on the chip I had just stuck in my mouth. I wasn’t expecting this type of conversation today. I took a quick drink of my soda, “Did Dieter tell you that?” 

He shook his head, “No. I didn’t ask him because Mr. Dieter says you’re the boss.” 

I chuckled, “Well, at least he knows his place.” I took a deep breath, my brows furrowing as I thought through a response.  

“Is that something you would want to happen? For us to be your parents.”  

He nodded enthusiastically as he chomped down on a nacho.  

I gave him a sad smile, “You understand what that would mean right? That you would stay with us, forever.” 

He nodded again, “I like staying with you. You’re nice to me.”  

Of all the reasons he could have given, it was because we’re nice to him. My heart was breaking as I considered what those words meant. Was his mother not nice to him? I knew they were low income and struggled with basic needs, but this added a whole other layer to things.  

I could feel the tears beginning to pool in my eyes and I had to work to fight them back.  

I gave him another sad smile, “The decision isn’t up to us, bud…but I promise you…if it’s an option, we’ll do everything in our power to make it happen. If that’s what you truly want.”  

He was smiling now, “It is. I would like that.” 

My heart was about to beat out of my chest. I couldn't believe he had just asked me that. He obviously felt comfortable enough around me now to bring it up, which made me feel a whole other set of emotions. I was drawn from my thoughts by my buzzing phone in my pocket. It was from Dieter. 

Dieter: Hey! How’s it going? 

I smiled to myself. It was sweet that he was checking in. I glanced up at Luca who was leaning back in his seat, with his hand on his belly like he had eaten too much.  

“Dieter’s asking how it’s going. You wanna send him a picture?” 

Luca smiled and nodded before standing to walk over next to my seat. He leaned in against me and gave a toothy smile while I snapped a selfie of us. I showed him the picture and he gave a nod of approval as he moved back to his seat. With a smile, I sent it to Dieter. He started typing a response immediately. 

Dieter: Wow. Looks like some progress. You guys having fun?  

Me: Yeah, we are. Just finishing up with a late lunch. You were right, he has a lot of questions. 

Dieter: LOL! I’ll see you guys in a few hours then. I expect you still have a while. Let me know when you're heading this way and I’ll get dinner started. - te amo (love you) 

Me: Sounds like a plan. - te amo 

Luca and I went back to viewing the exhibits after that. He seemed to have a little more pep in his step during the second half of the day and he was still just as inquisitive about everything. After another hour and a half, we finally made it to the gift shop.  

“Go find yourself something to take home,” I said to him. His eyes widened at my words. He seemed very unsure of himself.  

“Like what?” he finally asked.  

“Whatever you wanna get.” He pursed his lips, still seeming unsure. “A toy maybe? I’m not sure what you like. You’re allowed to wander around and look if you want.”   

He shuffled down the nearest aisle, slowly scanning the shelves. He eventually ended up standing in front of a wall of books and began thumbing through them. He finally settled on an age-appropriate book on prehistoric fish. I probably shouldn’t have been surprised that he chose a book, but I was. He walked over and shyly handed it to me.  

“Is this one, ok?” he asked quietly. 

I gave him a bright smile and nodded, “Of course! Do you like to read?”  

He shrugged, “I’m not that good yet, but I like books.” 

I ruffled his hair, “Don’t worry, we’ll have you reading everything in no time. Dieter and I love to read too.” 

He gave me a toothy grin as I leaned down to whisper to him conspiratorially, “Ya know, I don’t count books as a strike against your purchase limit. Go grab you something else.” 

His eyes widened, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing before he scurried off to find another item. I followed behind him, watching as he continued to take everything in and narrow down his choice. He finally settled on a stuffed otter. We had spent a lot of time watching them in their enclosure, so I wasn’t shocked. They seemed to be one of his favorites. We checked out after that, then made our way to the car.  

As I was sitting in traffic, I could see Luca in my rear view mirror, completely engrossed in his book with his otter hugged under one arm. His chubby little fingers were rubbing at its soft fuzzy fabric in between turning pages. Something about it was absolutely tugging at my heart. I wondered if he even had any books of his own before, or if perhaps he just borrowed them from school.  

“Luca, have you ever been to a bookstore?” I asked suddenly.  

His rounded chocolate eyes met mine in the mirror. His brows furrowed slightly, seeming confused by my question for a moment before answering, “No ma’am. I haven't.”  

A smile tugged at my lips, “Would you like to?”  

He nodded, fighting a smile, “That would be fun.”  

Minutes later, I turned into the local Barnes and Noble parking lot. I was suddenly feeling giddy to share this experience with him because I knew this would be a hobby we could bond over.  

When we entered the store, I grabbed a handheld basket. He gave me a questioning look, “Let’s fill this basket up, kid.”  

He snorted, following closely behind me until I found the correct aisle for him to browse. He seemed to have a thing about dinosaurs, gravitating toward those books first. After flipping through a couple, he eyed me cautiously as he slid one into the basket I was holding. I quirked an eyebrow at the one still in his hand, “You want that one too?”  

He chewed on his lip for a moment before slowly sliding that one into the basket. He looked like he was waiting for me to change my mind. Instead, I gave him a warm smile and encouraged him to keep looking. As we moved down the aisle, I pointed out some of my favorites like Narnia, Goosebumps, and Percy Jackson. He seemed a little intimidated by the chapter books at first, but after I promised that Dieter and I would read those with him it seemed to change his view on it a little and he happily added those to the basket as well. Luca and I got lost in the books together. Not realizing how much time had passed until I got another text from Dieter. 

Dieter: You two doing ok? Figured you’d be on your way back by now.  

Me: Yes! Sorry. We stopped off at the bookstore. About to check out.  

Dieter: K. I’ll get dinner started. See you soon. 😘 (kiss emoji)  

I sighed, “Looks like we’re being summoned for dinner. I think this is probably a good start. You ready to head home?”  

Luca gave me a wide smile and nodded. We made our way to the checkout counter, where I pointed out the bookmarks and told him to grab a couple for his chapter books. He quickly settled on two 3D hologram bookmarks, one with raccoons and the other with a shark. He slid them onto the counter as the cashier began to ring up our purchases. He stood beside me quietly, looking at all the little trinkets and magazines lining the bottom of the counter.  

I gave him a quick smile before glancing up at the cashier, who was watching us intently with a smile on her face.  

“Your son is sweet. He seems to really love books.”’ 

I shook my head slightly, unsure of how to respond to her comment, but also feeling a little choked up at the thought. My eyes darted to Luca who didn’t seem to have noticed the comment. I settled for a smile and nod, “Yeah, he really does.”  

We left the bookstore with several bags full. Both of us were laughing at the ridiculousness of it as we loaded them into the car. He was giggling as he got settled into his seat. It was the same giggle I often heard when he and Dieter were spending time together. It caused a bloom of feelings that I couldn’t describe. Feelings that made me warm and happy. Feelings that I didn’t want to let go.  

A short time later, we pulled into the garage. Luca helped me unload our spoils from the day and lug them into the house. Dieter was standing in front of the stove with a confused look on his face as he watched us carry the bags toward Luca’s room.  

When I returned to the kitchen, he switched off the stove eye and turned to me, “Sooo, what was all that?” 

I smiled, “Books. I need you to go buy a bookshelf for Luca tomorrow. Preferably a full sized one.”  

He chuckled, sliding his hands onto my hips as he leaned in to give me a quick kiss on the mouth, “Thank you for today. Thank you for trying. I know this isn’t easy on you.”  

I smiled against his lips, “Strangely enough, it’s not as hard as I thought it would be. Thank you for pushing me.” 

Luca came wandering into the kitchen, swinging his arms dramatically as he walked. He stopped in front of us, peering up at me with a shy smile, “Mrs. Talia, will you read with me after dinner?”  

I could feel Dieter smiling against my cheek as I turned to look at the boy, “Of course! We both will. How about you and Dieter go pick out a book while I finish up with dinner?”  

Luca smiled brightly, grabbing Dieter’s hand and tugging on it, “You heard her. Let’s go!” 

Dieter snorted, giving me one last quick kiss on the cheek before Luca pulled him down the hallway. I smiled to myself, suddenly feeling overly emotional. A few tears slipped out as I turned my back toward the direction they had gone. Things were going to be different after today. I knew that. I could already feel it. I didn’t want to give this kid up. I wanted him to be ours. Dieter hadn’t explicitly said that, but I could tell he felt the same way. If they did find family to take him in, letting him go was going to be hard on the both of us. I had been worried about Dieter being able to handle it, but now I questioned if I could.  

The following Monday, Luca was set to return to school. He seemed totally fine with it, but I was a bundle of nerves. I was worried it would be too much for him, too soon, even though he had been handling things without issue. When the alarm went off, Dieter moved to get out of bed, but I stopped him.  

“You sleep in, I’ll take him. I have a million questions about his paperwork. It’ll be easier if I handle it.”  

Dieter snuggled into my side, burying his face in my neck, “You sure? I can still go with you.”  

I turned to face him, scratching at his graying stubble and nuzzling against his nose, “It’s fine, you were up late with your scripts. Get some sleep. I’ll be back shortly.”  

I leaned in to give him a quick kiss, but he deepened it as his hand gripped my hip and pulled me tightly against the hardness in his boxer briefs.  

I smiled against his lips, “Mmmm, hold that thought until I get back.”  

He whined, giving me one last peck before pulling away, “Ok, fine. Hurry back to me, mi amor (my love).”  

His fingers trailed after me as I rolled out of bed, he had his infamous sad puppy look on his face before he buried himself under the blanket to fall back to sleep. I threw on my robe and wandered down the hallway to make sure Luca was awake. The sound of the shower coming from his bathroom told me he was. I headed back to the master suite to make myself presentable while Dieter snored away under his pile of blankets and pillows. Just as I opened the bedroom door to head toward the kitchen to make breakfast, Moony came bursting in. I had to move quickly to grab him before he jumped on the bed and woke Dieter. After shooing him into the hallway, I followed, closing the door behind me. Moony quickly disappeared into Luca’s room, leaving me in peace to make a quick breakfast.  

I was plating our scrambled egg and cheese sandwiches when Luca came skipping into the kitchen with Moony on his heels. He seemed excited to be going back to school, which surprised me. He was eager and ate quickly, occasionally sneaking small pieces of egg to Moony under the table. A habit he had obviously picked up from Dieter.  

Minutes later, we gathered our things, put Moony downstairs in the dog room with the rest of the crew, and headed toward the school. I didn’t really have questions about his paperwork. I might have over dramatized that some. I did, however, want to get as much information as I could about Luca. I knew I would have a ton of questions if given the chance to talk to someone.  

Luckily, Luca’s teacher, Miss Katie, was in the front office waiting for us to arrive. After introducing herself, she sent Luca ahead to class so we could chat.  

She gave me a warm smile as we watched Luca walk down the hallway toward his room, “I was delighted to hear that you and Dieter would be taking Luca in. He’s improved so much since he started spending time with Dieter in the mentoring program. I’m sure he’ll continue to do so now.”   

I shrugged, “Yeah, well, it may not be permanent. We’re still waiting to hear back about other family members.”  

She nodded solemnly, “I didn’t get the impression he had a lot of family.”  

My lips set into a tight line, “Can I ask you about his home life? I don’t know much about it.” 

She pursed her lips, “I mean, you’re his legal guardian now. So, I don’t see why not.”  

She paused briefly and sighed, “I don’t know much, but I don’t think it was good. They were low income…most weekends I sent food home with him to make sure he was covered. I’ve taken him to get a haircut a few times too. He often wore the same clothes several days in a row and came in dirty.”  

Her brows furrowed as she met my gaze, “It just seemed like his mom wasn’t very engaged with him. I always had a hard time getting her to respond, turn in paperwork, or come to meetings. When she did, she seemed distracted and honestly, sort of out of it. She would often leave him at school late. I’m not sure if it was because of work like she said or if she just forgot to get him. From what I’ve heard, she sort of went off the deep end after her husband died in that car accident. I don’t think she was very…present in his life if I’m being honest.” 

Hearing this made my heart ache. How had he turned out to be such a good kid through all that?  

Miss Katie was smiling now, “But like I said, the mentoring program did wonders for him. He really began to come out of his shell after starting that. I know Dieter spent extra time with him…to help with homework. I obviously couldn’t share any details with Dieter at the time, but based on his line of questioning, I think he knew Luca didn’t have a good home life. He always wanted to help with him any way he could.”   

I had to fight back tears. Dieter had been there for this kid more than I had realized. I should have been more involved early on, but it was his thing. I didn’t want to overstep. I never would have guessed this would be the result.  

“Well, while Luca is with us, we’ll definitely be involved with his academics. He’s a smart kid and has a serious thirst for knowledge. It’ll be a top priority. I also just wanna make sure he’s ok. He seems to be handling things too well. I’m not sure if he fully understands what’s happened.”  

She sucked in a deep breath, seeming to think through her response. “At his age, it’s hard to say. I think he probably has an understanding of what death is. What they usually don’t understand is the finality of it…that it’s forever…but, with his father having passed, he may understand it better than most kids his age.”  

I chewed on my lower lip and nodded in understanding, “Is it normal that he seems unbothered by it though? He hasn’t even really mentioned his mother at all…directly anyway.” 

She shrugged, “I’m not sure. Maybe he didn’t really have a strong bond with her. If that’s the case, then maybe not. You never know how trauma will affect a child. Has he seen a therapist or anything like that yet?”  

I shook my head, “Not yet. I’ve been in contact with someone we work closely with. She suggested we give him a little time to adjust before bringing him in…make sure he’s comfortable and feeling safe so that he’s more likely to trust the process and open up.”  

She gave me a warm smile, “Well, he couldn’t have been put with anyone better to help him through it. You guys are doing amazing work. I’m legitimately happy for him…and honestly, I hope he gets to stay with you.” 

I cleared my throat, fighting the tears that were threatening to fill my eyes, “Yeah, me too.” I huffed out a laugh, “Well, I’ll let you get back to work. Thank you for chatting with me.” I paused, digging in my bag, “I almost forgot, here’s his updated paperwork. Please call me if he needs anything…or if you do.”  

We said our goodbyes after that. As I got back into the car to head home, I couldn’t help wondering about Luca’s relationship with his mother. It made me sad for him, that he didn’t seem to have had a nurturing figure in his life. More than ever, I wanted to give that to him. I wanted him to have a normal, happy, and loving family. It wasn’t up to me though. I was powerless to make it happen. I had to rely on others to make the choice and I hated it.  

By the time I pulled into the garage, I was feeling needy. I needed to be loved and comforted by my husband. I wanted to feel connected to him. He was the only one that could settle the storm brewing in my thoughts. All of the ‘what ifs’ and possible outcomes were weighing heavily on my heart, causing my chest to feel tight. It was a level of anxiety that I hadn't experienced in some time.  

When I got inside, I went straight to the bedroom. I found Dieter sprawled out on his back in nothing but his black boxer briefs, the covers now shoved off to the side. He was snoring lightly, completely unaware that I had returned. After undressing down to my bra and panties, I crawled into the bed beside him, propping myself up on one elbow and draping my other arm and a leg across him. My hand roamed the width of his broad chest, stirring him from his slumber.  

His eyes blinked open slowly as he grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips.  

“Did you get everything figured out?” he asked with a gravelly tone.  

I nodded, not trusting my voice as I moved my hand to cup his cheek. His brows furrowed, his eyes now studying my face, “Everything ok?” 

My lips set into a tight line as I nodded again. I let out a stuttered breath, “I just…need you...I need you to calm my mind.”  

I didn’t have to say another word. Dieter knew what I needed. He knew how to get me out of my head before I spiraled to a place that wasn’t healthy for me to be. The connection that scared us so much in the beginning was now our refuge. It’s how we communicated and grounded each other when things got tough. We had perfected it into our own brand of therapy.  

He leaned forward, kissing me deeply. His hands roaming my body as he gently turned us so that I was on my back allowing him to settle between my thighs.  

His lips moved downward, his breath heating my neck as he spoke against it, “Concéntrate en mí, mi luz. Déjalo ir.” (Focus on me, my light. Let it go.)  

His fingertips trailed down between my breast, my stomach, then dipped under the black lace of my panties, finding their destination at the apex of my thighs and dipping into the slick. His motions elicited a soft moan from my lips, making me forget my worries for the time being. He had me coming undone in no time as his thumb worked the sensitive nub and his fingers curled inside of me, hitting the right spot that he knew so well. I arched up into him, grinding into his hand as he nuzzled his nose against mine, “That’s it baby. Take what you need from me.”  

His darkened eyes peered down into mine, watching the waves of pleasure wash over me as my jaw fell slack and I trembled beneath him. He kissed me sweetly, slowing his movements and allowing me to come down. As I worked to catch my breath, he sat back on his heels, sliding my panties down my legs as he scooted backwards off the bed. He stood to remove his boxer briefs before crawling back to the center of the bed, tucking his thighs underneath mine, then pulling me up to straddle his hips.  

We sat there for a moment, just looking at each other. My fingers combed through his messy curls as his hands explored my body, settling at the center of my back to unhook my bra. I quickly discarded it on the floor with the rest of our clothes. He hugged me tightly against his chest, our mouths now tasting each other as I moved against his hard length. His lips eventually moved downward as I rose up on my knees, sucking one nipple into his mouth with his hand massaging the other. I moaned into the top of his hair as I hugged him against me, feeling the heat of his mouth going straight to my core.  

His hand freed my breast, moving downward to encircle his hard length to notch the head at my entrance. Our gazes locked as I slowly sank down onto him. His jaw went slack once I began rocking my hips and peppering his face with kisses and whispers of “I love you”. He nuzzled his nose against mine, staring deeply into my eyes with an occasional sensual kiss thrown in. This was our therapy, reconnecting with one another in the most intimate way we knew how. Grounding ourselves and mentally resetting to take on our worries together.  

We went on like that for some time, our sweat covered bodies moving as one until we crashed over the edge together. I tightened around him as stars formed behind my eyelids. Dieter whimpered loudly into my mouth as he spilled into me for the first time in two weeks. It had been two weeks too long. We hadn’t gone that long without being intimate since before we were married, which only seemed to make things more intense than normal.  

We sat in silence, trying to catch our breath as we let physical touch do the talking for us. Our hands running through each other’s hair and sliding across damp skin. Dieter’s head lolled backwards, now looking at me with a dazed smile.  

“I missed you. Let’s not wait that long again. I don’t care if I’m half dead at bedtime, make me do it anyway.”  

I chuckled, “Noted. Hopefully it’ll slow down now that things are settled some.”  

He nodded before kissing me deeply, pulling away to rest his forehead against mine.  

“You wanna tell me what’s going on now? It’s talk time,” he said in a low voice. 

I smiled and leaned back slightly, scratching at his scalp as my eyes took in his beautiful face - his chocolate eyes with the newly formed wrinkles around them from his constant smiles, his curved nose that I loved nuzzling against mine, the grays in his scruffy beard that sent me into sensory overload when he rubbed them against my inner thighs. This was my medication. Him. He was the only thing I needed to be calm and talk through my feelings.  

I sighed, “I don’t wanna let him go, Dieter. I want him to be ours…and I’m not sure how I’ll handle any other outcome.”  

I felt his arms tighten around me, “I know, baby. Me too. If it doesn’t work out, we’ll get through it together. Just like we do everything else…” 

The tears were sliding down my cheeks now. His thumbs reached to wipe them away. I sniffled, “You know what he asked me the other day while we were at the aquarium?”  

He shook his head. I felt a smile tugging at my lips from the memory, “He asked if we’re gonna be his new parents. He said that’s what he wanted.” 

Dieter’s eyes pooled with tears, “He really said that?”  

I nodded, “He did. I told him that it’s not up to us, but if that’s what he wanted, we would try if given the option. I didn’t think you would object to that.”  

The tears were sliding down his cheeks now, but he was smiling. It was happy tears. He sighed, “I can’t help thinking that it’s all gonna work out. It’s just a feeling I have.” 

I reached up to wipe his tears away, “Do you ever wonder if all of this was meant to be? If our path was written in the stars from the beginning?” I inhaled a deep breath before continuing, “I mean…at what point does a series of coincidences become something more? We’re we destined to find each other and go through everything that we went through just so Luca could be in our lives? He probably wouldn’t be if things had happened differently. If we hadn't stayed in the same hotel in New York, or if you had lived just a few minutes farther away from me and I didn’t make it to you in time that night?” 

He huffed out a laugh, “I don’t know about any of that…but if our story is written for us…I wouldn’t change a thing because it brought us together. If that was the way it was meant to happen, then so be it…fuck free choice. I have to believe this is gonna go in our favor because everything else has, even if it was a hard path. It just feels right.” 

I gave him a sad smile, “I wish I could be as positive as you are about it, but I can’t get my hopes up. It’ll just crush me that much more if it doesn’t work out.”  

He kissed my forehead, “It’s ok, I have enough positivity about this for the both of us.” He pulled me tight against his chest, dipping his head to kiss my shoulder. “Can we stay like this until pickup time? I have two weeks to make up for.”  

I snorted out a laugh against his neck, “You’re so ridiculous.”  

He shrugged, “I’m sorry, my dick said he’s not done yet.”  

It was then that I realized he was already getting hard again, still nestled inside of me. I leaned back to look at him and was met with a mischievous smile.  

“Jesus Christ, Dieter! Already? Did you take Viagra or something?” I couldn’t hold back my laugh.  

He scoffed, looking offended at my suggestion. “I don’t need that shit. You know better. It's all me, baby. You do it to me.” He buried his face in my neck before inhaling deeply and groaning, “Fuck…you smell amazing. Why does that do things to me?”  

He fell over onto the bed, pulling me with him and setting off a fit of giggles which led into a rather playful round two.  

We did end up spending most of the morning in bed, eventually showering together, then having a late lunch. We both felt reinvigorated and ready to deal with whatever came our way. We needed that time together - time to regroup and share our emotions.  

I realized the disconnected feeling that I was having about the situation had now subsided. I was almost afraid to admit it, but as we picked Luca up from school that day, it felt like we were truly learning to be a family. It still scared me, but part of me also welcomed it. Luca was excited to see both of us there at pickup. The bright smile he gave us as he approached the car was completely worth it.  

We settled into a routine after that. Dieter and I would take turns dropping him off and picking him up from school. Sometimes we would both go when we could. Each night we would help him with his homework then spend some time reading before bed. I could see an improvement in his reading ability over the following weeks. His teacher was also reporting that he was having major improvements with his grades and seemed to be doing well emotionally. On the days he didn’t have a lot of homework, Dieter would teach him Spanish. He was picking it up quicker than me. It was clear, Luca was thriving in his new life. Dieter and I couldn’t have been prouder of him.  

When he wasn’t in school, he was with one of us - going to set with Dieter on his smaller jobs or hanging out with me in the office. He was forever inquisitive about everything happening around him, always full of questions on the drive home.  

Unfortunately, the more time Luca spent with us outside of the house, the more attention it brought from the paparazzi. We always avoided places where they lurked, but they were increasingly showing up in random locations. One late evening, they caught us leaving the office. Initially, they held back, filming from a distance. However, once I got Luca settled into the back seat, a couple of them appeared next to the car. They asked how I was doing. I played along and was polite at first, but then they asked about Luca. “Who is he? Why is he staying with you?” I shut them down, refusing to speak any further as I got into the driver's side to leave.  

A few days later, I was sitting on the couch, scrolling social media when I found some pictures of Dieter and Luca outside of a snow cone shop. The pictures linked to an online publication. Luca’s face was blurred out, but it was still rattling. The images showed Dieter and Luca laughing, Dieter with his arm around Luca’s shoulders as they waited in line, Dieter ruffling the boy's hair…just very mundane things that supported the most ridiculous article title: Does Dieter Bravo Have a Secret Love Child? 

I nearly choked on nothing as I read it. Scrolling further down into the article revealed more pictures of the both of us dropping Luca off at school and the three of us out and about in town. It was the most ridiculous thing I had ever seen. I tried not to pay it much attention until shared posts started showing up in my feed, and other articles citing that one as a source. It seemed to be getting out of hand in a matter of hours of the original article being published.  

I sighed, pulling myself up off the couch to go find Dieter. He and Luca were downstairs in the craft room, painting. The sliding glass doors were open, allowing the dogs to chase each other in and out of the house, causing absolute chaos. Yet, they were both engrossed in their painting, completely unaware of the madness. I sidled up to Dieter, rubbing at his shoulder to get his attention. Without stopping his paint strokes, he slid one arm around my waist and pulled me into his side, hugging me to him in silence.  

“Dieter, I need to show you something.”  

He nodded, still focused on his canvas. “OK, so show me.”  

I held my phone up in front of his face. His eyes widened as he took in the article title, the paint brush slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor, splattering blue paint everywhere.  

“What the fuck?!?! Seriously?!?!”  

Luca paused, now turning to look at us. “What’s wrong?” he asked with eyes as wide as Dieter’s. Dieter burst out laughing as he realized what they were insinuating. “The bullshit they come up with…that one takes the cake.”  

I huffed, “Aren’t you concerned that’s gonna cause a frenzy though? They’ve already started bugging us.”  

He sighed, “That’s a good point…I have an interview scheduled for Friday. Maybe I can address it then? Or Maybe Elaine can do a press release? I dunno… I’ll call her tonight.” 

Luca was still watching us, wide-eyed. Dieter smiled at him, “It’s nothing hombrecito. Just the paps posting crazy stories about us.”  

Luca rolled his eyes and turned back around to work on his painting of what I assumed was Moony.  

Dieter grabbed my ass and squeezed gently, “Don’t worry about it, mi estrella (my star). I’ll take care of it.”  

He planted a juicy kiss on my lips. As he pulled away, Moony grabbed the paint brush he had dropped and took off outside. We watched in horror as two of the foster pups proceeded to try and grab it from him, getting blue paint all over their faces in the process.  

I snorted, “You’re cleaning that mess up.”  

Luca laughed loudly as Dieter dropped his head and slumped his shoulders in defeat.  

True to his word, Dieter did take care of the rumors. He addressed it during his interview, which was meant to focus on one of his new film projects. I tuned in to watch, nervous over how it would go.  

The interviewer opened by addressing the gossip head on, asking if it was true that he had a secret love child. Dieter laughed at the ridiculousness of it before diving into his response.  

“The short answer is no, I do not. I believe I was pretty open about being snipped before Talia and I got married. So, I’m not really sure how anyone came to that particular conclusion.”  

Then the interviewer asked, “And the long answer?” 

His demeanor changed, a genuine smile spreading across his face now. “We do have a young gentleman staying with us right now. He’s a minor, so I’m not gonna share any details…but I can say that I worked with him through the mentoring program that our foundation funds through the local school system. He’s found himself in an unfortunate situation and needed a place to go. So, we’ve opened our home to him until things get figured out.”  

“So, it’s temporary then?”  

Dieter shrugged, “That’s what they’re telling us for now, but we’ll see.” 

The interviewer gave him a warm smile, “Well, I hope things turn out the way you want them to. Thanks for sharing that with us. I know it’s been a hot topic the last few days. Now, let’s move on to your next film…”  

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding. That seemed like it went well. My phone buzzed. It was Elaine.  

Elaine: Don’t worry. He answered it perfectly. That should calm things down. It’ll probably even translate to more (positive) press for him too.  

Me: Thanks. That helps calm my nerves some.  

Elaine: I know. 😏 (smirk emoji) 

I chuckled. She knew me too well.  

Things did settle down with the paparazzi after that. Thankfully. However, there was still a black cloud hanging over us. We were waiting for the call that would change everything. It had been two months since Luca had first come to stay with us. I had only received the occasional text thus far to say there were no updates. However, on this day, my phone lit up with an incoming call from Amber. My heart immediately started hammering in my chest out of fear of what news she would bring. I hesitated, but finally answered.  

“Hey Talia, it’s Amber. I wanted to give you a call to share the latest. We got a lead on an aunt…his dad’s sister. We’re working to track her down. It’s the only thing we’ve got so far though. I’m not sure how promising it is.” 

My mouth had gone dry, I almost couldn’t speak, “That’s…great news.” It sounded forced and disingenuous.  

I wasn’t sure if Amber picked up on it or not. If she did, she didn’t let on, “How’s he doing? Things still going well? We’re getting good reports from the school.”  

I cleared my throat, “Yeah, he’s doing great. He seems like he’s adjusted well.”  

“That’s good. You guys are doing a good job with him. Keep up the work. I’ll give you a call when I hear something new. Talk to you soon.” 

I had to force a “goodbye” out as I disconnected the call. This wasn’t the news that I wanted, and I dreaded sharing it with Dieter.  

Dieter took the news about like I thought he would. His optimistic attitude was beginning to wane. Having the uncertainty of everything hanging over our heads made it hard to enjoy our time together as a family. Every time my cell phone rang, it took us out of the moment and raised our anxiety to max levels. We hadn’t told Luca about the latest development, deciding that we wanted him to enjoy his time with us with as little worry as possible. He deserved that much.  

About three and a half months into Luca’s time with us, we were all in the dining room. I was cleaning up after dinner while Dieter helped Luca with his math homework, or rather, Luca was teaching Dieter how to do his math homework because Dieter wasn’t following. We were laughing at Dieter’s tirade about how ridiculous math is when my phone rang.  

I saw Amber’s name flash across my phone. My expression must have given it away because Dieter’s words trailed off as he gave me a worried look. I gave him a tight smile before stepping outside onto the deck to take the call.  

“Hey Amber, how are you?” I asked, trying to sound chipper and happy to talk to her.  

“Hey Talia! I’m good. How is everyone on your end?” 

I nodded as I responded, “G-Good. We’re all good here…” It didn’t sound very convincing.  

I could hear the smile in her voice, “That's great to hear. So, I’ll get to the point…After checking everything out, it looks like it’s all hinging on the aunt. There are no surviving grandparents and there doesn’t appear to be any other close relatives. We’re still trying to locate the aunt, but I’m gonna be honest…based on some of the feedback we’ve gotten, she may not be fit to take him even if she wants to. If that’s the case, then the next step is Luca becoming available for adoption.”  

I was quiet for a moment, processing her words. I was feeling both excitement and fear with this news. There was still a chance that someone else could get him, but we were one step closer. Amber interrupted my thoughts, “Is that something you think you guys might be interested in at this point? Adopting him? You get first dibs since he’s already with you.” 

I inhaled deeply, “Ummm…” Dieter caught my eye through the window. He was still sitting with Luca at the table, but watching me intently, looking for any sign as to what was happening with our conversation. “Yes, we want to. More than anything…but…I do have some concerns.”  

Amber was quiet for a moment, “Such as?” 

I let out a stuttered breath, “Will our mental health history be an issue? I don’t want to start this if there’s no chance…” 

Amber cut me off, “No, no. Absolutely not. You guys have been good for a while now. You’re both doing great, and you make a point to take care of yourselves in that regard…and it gives you a hand up in dealing with Luca’s trauma too. As long as your doctor supports and signs off on it, it’s a non-issue.”  

I sighed in relief. This was something that had been at the back of my mind that I was afraid to acknowledge, but it seemed like it was reaching the point where I needed to.  

“That’s good to hear. That gives me some hope then…but I don’t wanna get my hopes up either.”  

“I understand that. It’s not an easy situation. Being a foster parent is hard. It takes a strong person to let these kids in, knowing they may ultimately have to let them go and never see them again.” 

I huffed out a laugh, “Yeah, I don’t think I can do this again. As much as I want to, I can’t.”  

“I can’t say I’m surprised by that. I’m happy you tried it though. At least you know what it’s about.”  

“Yeah…me too…” 

We ended the call after that. I was rubbing at my forehead as Dieter walked out onto the deck, silently closing the door behind him.  

“What did she say?” he asked. The look on his face could only be described as a mixture of fear and anguish.  

“They’re still looking for the aunt…but it’s down to her. There are no other options. If she can’t or doesn’t want to take him, then he’ll be available for adoption.”  

You could see the tension leave Dieter’s body as he closed the space between us and pulled me into a tight hug. 

“That’s good news then. We’re one step closer. It’s better than the alternative.” 

I sighed, “Yeah, I guess. You know…I feel kind of shity hoping that no one wants this kid. It’s sad for him. I don’t want him to feel unwanted and like he doesn’t have a family, yet that’s exactly what I’m wishing for. I feel selfish.”  

Dieter pushed some stray hairs back off my face, “That’s not true, mi vida (my life). He’s wanted and he does have a family…doesn’t matter if it’s not by blood. We wanna give him a life and we will…a fulfilling and happy one. That’ll be enough for him. So, wish away. It’s not selfish if we have good intentions.”  

I nodded, fighting back tears. He always knew the right thing to say to calm me.  

We decided to wait until we had more concrete news before we told Luca anything. I knew he had to be curious. He never asked though. We continued through our daily routine, living as a family and falling completely in love with the kid more and more with each passing day. He fit into our life so perfectly and was literally becoming a mini version of Dieter. Seeing them together made my heart feel complete, filling in that last little puzzle piece that I hadn’t even realized was missing.  

Seeing the fatherly side of Dieter was causing me to fall for him even more, which I didn’t realize was possible. The man had so much love to give now that he had opened himself up to it and he had no limits. I loved every version of him, but this one…it was something else.  

About a month later, I was in the kitchen cleaning up after breakfast. Dieter had left to drop Luca off at school. I had just watched one of the foster dogs overturn a large bowl of water as they all caused chaos throughout the house, when my phone rang. It was Amber. I felt my stomach drop. I knew this call was going to change everything. It was the call we had been anxiously awaiting while simultaneously hoping it never came.  

As soon as Amber greeted me, I was trying to read her voice. She was giving me nothing as she got into her usual small talk. I finally had to cut her off.  

“Amber, I don’t mean to be rude, but can we cut to the chase? What’s going on?” 

She chuckled, “It’s not rude. I know you guys have been waiting for a while to see how this is gonna go.”  

I laughed nervously, “Yeah, we have.” 

I could hear her take a deep breath before she continued. It immediately set me on edge.  

“Well…depending on how you look at it, I have some good news.” 

That didn’t really tell me anything. In fact, it made me more nervous. “Ok, and that news is…?” 

She was smiling now, “So, we finally got in contact with the aunt. She’s not interested or even able to care for him. Which means you guys can start the process for adoption if you still want that.”  

I couldn’t hold back my tears. It took everything in me to keep from sobbing into the phone. “Yes. Yes, of course we do. I mean, I wanna talk to Luca about it first, but yes…we do.”  

“I thought you might say that. I’ll send the paperwork over this afternoon. I’m here to help you through the process, so let me know if you need anything.”  

I thanked her before disconnecting the call. I stood there in the middle of the kitchen, unable to move in disbelief. The sobs bubbled up from my chest, no longer able to contain them. I was feeling every emotion - excitement, happiness, relief. It was almost too much. Dieter came in from the garage just as I was allowing the emotions to overtake me. He immediately rushed over to me, engulfing me in his arms and pulling me tightly against his chest as he begged me to tell him what was going on. It took me a minute to finally compose myself enough to talk.  

I sniffled, “Amber just called…” 

He pulled back just enough to meet my gaze, looking like he was about to break as his eyes filled with tears.  

I shook my head, still sniffling, “N-No, it’s good news. The aunt…she didn’t want him. Amber’s sending the adoption paperwork over today.”  

I watched his features shift from distraught to excitement as a brilliant toothy smile spread across his face. His eyes flooded with happy tears as sobs rippled through his body. He pulled me back into a tight embrace mumbling sweet words into my neck. We were elated as realization set in that we were finally going to have a son.  

Dieter and I went to pick Luca up from school together that afternoon. We had decided that we would tell him the news at dinner and ask him how he felt about it. So, when Luca asked from the back seat why we were so smiley, it took everything in us not to say anything just yet. Dieter chuckled, changing the subject without answering him. Instead, he asked Luca what he wanted for dinner.  

He put his finger to his chin, like he was deep in thought, “Hmmm…how about…pizza!”  

Dieter and I laughed at his enthusiasm and agreed that it felt like a pizza night. To Luca’s delight, we stopped to pick up two pizzas on the way home. As we walked inside, I watched Luca go to his room to put his things away. A few minutes later he returned and without a word began preparing the dog's dinner while Dieter assisted. They disappeared downstairs to feed everyone while I pulled out cups and plates for us to eat once they were finished. The way we had settled into our life still amazed me most days and it was hitting me all over again that this would soon be permanent.  

Just as we were finishing up dinner, Dieter was the one to bring up the news. I watched as his fingers began to absentmindedly trace the groove in his glass of water. He was nervous. I reached over and took his other hand in mine, giving it a squeeze.  

“So…Luca, we got some news today that we wanna talk to you about.”  

Luca looked between us, his brown eyes wide and hopeful. Something told me he knew what it was about. He gently pushed his plate away and leaned forward on the table, waiting for Dieter to continue. 

“It looks like we’re gonna be given the opportunity to apply for adoption so that you can stay with us…but we wanna make sure you’re ok with that first.”  

Luca’s brows furrowed, “Does that mean you can be my parents for real?” 

Dieter shot a nervous glance in my direction before looking back at the boy, “Yeah, that means we can be your parents for real. You would be stuck with us, forever.” 

Luca’s eyes filled with tears, “Really? I can stay here?”  

Dieter and I both nodded. Luca launched out of his seat to run around the table and hug us.  

“We still have to go through the process, and it has to be approved by the court, but we’re gonna do everything we can to make it official.” I added. I wanted to make it clear that we still had a process to get through. It didn’t matter though, the prospect of it was enough. We were all a crying mess before it was all said and done. Excited about the news and possibilities.  

Dieter and I worked to get the paperwork started and submitted within days of receiving it. It was a long and arduous process, but we managed it. After eleven months of jumping through all the hoops of paperwork, home visits, check ins, and interviews, we finally got our adoption hearing with the court. The entire family joined us as did many of our close friends. Several representatives from the school and CDSS were in attendance as well to show their support in addition to the numerous letters of support that had been submitted to the court on our behalf. With no dissent or challenges to the adoption, the judge had no issues with approving it. The judge praised us for the work we were doing with Luca and with the community. Everyone broke out into cheers as Dieter pulled Luca and I into his chest for a group hug. We couldn’t have been happier with the outcome.  

As we exited the courthouse, we thanked everyone who came to support us. Luca had a smile on his face through it all, holding on to mine and Dieter’s hands as we walked through the building. It was an emotionally exhausting morning for us, but we were in high spirits as we reached the car, discussing where to go for a celebratory lunch.

Dieter dropped Luca’s hand to reach for the back door to open for him, but Luca, who was still holding my hand tightly in his other one, grabbed Dieter’s wrist, stopping him from opening the door. We both paused, giving him a questioning look. 

“Does this mean I can call you mom and dad now?” he asked in a shy voice as he looked between the two of us.  

Dieter and I glanced at each other, both of us clearly getting emotional all over again as tears pooled in our eyes before kneeling down to Luca and pulling him into a hug. We sat there in silence for a brief time, all of us sniffling like fools.  

“You can call us whatever you want, hombrecito (little man),” Dieter finally said.  

“Within reason,” I added with a chuckle.  

Dieter and Luca snorted as I mussed the boy’s hair. Luca leaned over to Dieter conspiratorially, “I guess mujer mandona (bossy woman) is out of the question then?”  

Dieter’s tea kettle laugh sounded across the parking lot as he shook his head from side to side. I stared at the two of them trying to figure out what was so damn funny.  

Dieter finally sputtered out between chuckles, “I would probably avoid that one, bud.” 

I huffed, looking at Luca, “What did you say?” The only response he gave was to shake his head, still smiling. I looked toward Dieter, “What did he say? Dieter?”   

Dieter laughed harder, refusing to answer me as he continued to shake his head and hold his stomach with his hand.  

“Ok, I see how it is you two...You're on dinner duty tonight for that.” I said as I got into the passenger seat of the car, smiling and shaking my head at them.  

Dieter opened the back door, allowing Luca to plop down before he got into the driver's seat. They were both still chuckling as I gave them some serious side eye. Dieter suddenly gasped loudly, “I have an idea! Let’s head off the gossip columns and make it Instagram official.”  

I arched an eyebrow in his direction, then looked at Luca. He smiled and shrugged, “Sure.” 

Dieter pulled out his phone as Luca scooted forward to lean between the front seats. Dieter squished his cheek against Luca’s and held his arm out to take a picture, but paused, then turned to look at me.  

“Come on mama, you’re gonna be in it too,” he said with a smirk. Luca was smiling at me now too.  

His words and their smiles made my heart flutter in my chest, causing me to feel almost giddy. How could I say no to that? I leaned forward and squished my cheek against Luca’s while Dieter did the same to the other side. All of us gave the camera cheesy smiles as he snapped a few pics. We examined the images and picked the best one, all giving our approval before Dieter went to work.  

Once Dieter made the post, he shoved his phone away and gave me a lopsided grin. I narrowed my eyes at him as I unlocked my phone to check Instagram.  

The post was already racking up likes and comments. It was a cute picture, with an even cuter caption: “Our family just got bigger. It’s Luca Bravo’s gotcha day! Your mama and papa love you, hombrecito!”  

For the first time in months, I felt light and unencumbered. We were finally a family without worry and full of love and happiness. What more could we possibly ask for?  

Dieter’s hand moved to my thigh, squeezing gently as he pulled out onto the main road to be immediately stopped by a red light. He glanced over at me with a mischievous grin.  

“What are you smiling about?” I asked. 

He fought to keep a straight face as he glanced at me for a second time, “Me and Luca want a baby goat.”  

Well…there’s that.  

A/N: Everyone, give a big cheer for Dieter and Talia's one year anniversary! I can't believe it's been a year since I introduced these two to the world. Thank you for all the love and support you have given to them (and me) through it all. I'm sure we will see more of these two at some point. We need to know how Dieter finally ended up with that baby goat that he wanted so badly...

Now that we have learned the details about how Luca came to be in their care and Dieter and Talia's journey to expand their family, does that change your view on the events that come later in the Epilogue? They really have been put through it.

And we got more Daddy Dieter goodness, that's always fun. Doesn't he just make you melt? I think how he handled everything in this oneshot shows just how much he has grown...and how much Talia has too.

I'll stop rambling now. Sound off about your thoughts with a comment or reblog. You know I love to hear them!

Want more Dieter & Talia? Check out their story at the links below:

✨Destiny & Deliverance is where it all started.

✨The Light in the Darkness tells us the story from Dieter's POV. (New chapters coming soon.)

If you would like to be added to the Destiny & Deliverance Universe tag list, let me know in the comments or shoot me a DM.

Divider Credits: Reblog/MDNI: @cafekitsune Stars: @saradika

D&D Taglist: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94  @for-a-longlongtime 

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[angelsanarchy]

Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N Series CH 01 -> CH 02

"Having any second thoughts about staying in the house of horrors?" "I'm embracing the horrors that make up my life, remember?"

A year ago Jack was being checked into a mental health facility by his best friend. He didn't resist. He felt like he had lost his mind in the process of losing his parents, his childhood dog, his fiancee and the baby she was carrying, along with things that weren't as important like his home in California and his job for the magazine. He had officially lost everything and the only thing that was keeping him tethered to life was Shanda. She refused to let him off himself so the next best thing was to get him help.

Jack had received a few diagnoses during his facilitation. He learned some hard truths as well. His mother had perished in the car accident with his father, the "neighbor" Duncan was actually not real and the people who lived next door were all much older and retired without children.

Once he finally got around to reaching out to Cleo, she threatened him with a restraining order if he ever contacted her again. He knew he deserved that after letting her suffer from a miscarriage alone.

The doctors felt as though the repressed memories of his sexual abuse as a child would eventually resurface. They claimed it to be PTSD triggered by the sudden deaths of his parents. The mental break was classified as a psychotic disorder which made him roll his eyes.

"Oh just that?" He had criticized the doctors at how blase they had been when he explained he tried to murder the ghost of his mother in the place she had died in the car wreck. He knew he was psychotic, he just wanted to make sure he would be able to get cigarettes when they locked him up and threw away the key. However once he got an established therapist, a plethora of medications and a regularly monitored schedule, they felt he was ready to be released.

"Are you sure this is where you want to be? We can get a place here that's not this house or you can move in with Crystal and I?" Shanda had picked Jack up from the facility and he was determined to gut out the memories of his childhood home and start over. There was nothing left in California for him and currently this was the only place he could go that he knew and didn't have to pay for.

"I'll be fine. I'm sure you've already removed the sharp objects so what's the worse thing I could get into?" Jack joked darkly.

"I'm serious. I can stay with you if you want? Crystal will understand." Shanda pressed. Jack hadn't been alone since the day she dropped him at the facility. The idea of leaving him unsupervised in a place with so many horrible memories didn't sit right with her.

"I'm highly medicated and supervised by a licensed therapist almost daily. Fuck, they even have a care worker that stops by at least twice a week to make sure I'm not just sitting around drinking myself to death so I think your bases are covered, Shan." Jack knew the medications had terrible side effects but he can honestly say killing himself hadn't been on his mind in at least 4 months.

Shanda had visited him in the facility once a month and once he leveled out, his therapist had him write apology letters to all those he had hurt. The only person to reply was his old coworker who had sent a "Sorry about you getting fired after you lost your mind" text. Shanda got a letter but she slapped him in the forehead and said "I love you, you stupid fucker." He didn't expect Cleo to respond but he hoped that she was doing alright.

He had abandon all forms of social media during his rehabilitation and had zero desire to fire up any of those accounts now that he was out. There were moments where he wasn't even sure why they agreed to release him but he wanted to at least try and live as normal as possible.

Shanda pulled up to Jack's childhood home which she had made sure to run threw top to bottom almost as if she was child proofing it for Jack's brain to handle. He joked about the sharp objects but she in fact replace the cutlery with plastic ware just to be sure.

"Having any second thoughts about staying in the house of horrors?" Shanda asked pulling him from his thoughts as he stared at the house.

"I'm embracing the horrors that made up my life, remember?" Jack looked from the house towards his best friend. He reached out and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her into a hug inside of the car and feeling the bone crushing grip she had on him. He knew she was scared. He couldn't lie and say he wasn't either but he had to try. He couldn't live locked up forever.

They got out of the car and walked into the front doors. Things had been cleaned up. The window had been repaired and the floors looked polished.

"Jesus did you stress clean the whole house?" Jack teased tossing his bag on the floor.

"Fuck no, I called a service. I'm not Mary fucking Poppins, bitch." Shanda shook her head. Jack smiled at his friend and gave her a playful shove. He walked through the first floor of the house, into the kitchen and noticed the plastic ware.

"So who do I call when I need a can opener?" Jack tapped the top of some spaghetti-O's with a plastic knife.

"Try Ramen. It's in a package and you can tear it open with your teeth." Shanda had apparently gone grocery shopping too. The pantry as full of snacks and things for him to prepare that require minimal effort.

"Oh so you prefer I die of heart failure from the sodium instead of driving a corkscrew into my neck, I see." Jack tossed the package of Ramen on the counter. Jack's jokes about death or killing himself used to bring humor to their conversations but Shanda found it hard to hear him joke so freely after watching him go through his breakdown.

"Hey, I wouldn't be back here if I didn't think I could handle it. I promise to call you every day. I have my therapist on speed dial and I will talk to one of the neighbors about being my life alert or whatever if that will make you relax." Jack put his hands on Shanda's shoulders and rubbed hoping to ease her anxiety. She threw her arms around him to hug him once again. This time he hugged back with the same force.

"I love you, you stupid bitch. Don't you ever forget it." She said into is hair.

"I love you too, you whore." She had saved his life. It was time he started making something of it again so it would be worth it.

[coochiequeens]

While opposition to men in women’s prisons should focus on the safety of incarcerated women don't forget the impact dealing with these perverts have on female guards.

By CAROLINE DOWNEY May 28, 2024 6:30 AM

Female prison guards in California have been traumatized after being forced to perform naked strip searches on male felons under the state department of corrections’ gender-inclusion rules.

For decades, the department prohibited female officers from conducting unclothed strip searches on male inmates except in emergency circumstances, such as when a same-sex officer is not available or if the male inmate is at risk of harming themselves or others.

Now, “Incarcerated individuals who are transgender, non-binary, or intersex must be searched according to the gender designation of the institution where they are housed or based on the individual’s search preference,” according to official prison policy obtained by National Review.

This sudden shift in policy, officially implemented in 2021, has shaken female staff at the California Institution for Men, colloquially known as Chino. Some male inmates who identify as women, or have even undergone transition surgeries and hormone therapy, choose to stay at Chino rather than request a housing transfer to a women’s facility, such as the California Institution for Women.

While there, trans-identifying male inmates are entitled to request that they only be searched by female guards. The female guards are required to perform the searches or face penalties or termination, former and current female Chino officers told National Review.

Recently retired after 22 years as a corrections officer at Chino, Paula James experienced firsthand how the decision to accommodate trans-identifying inmates has made the state prison a scary and unfair place to work.

“As a corrections officer myself, I wasn’t supposed to be stripping male inmates down,” James told National Review. “You’re not supposed to unless it’s an emergency situation. You can get in trouble, it’s considered rape. . . . I’ve been taught that my whole career. Then all of a sudden, now some of these men are saying they are women, but they still have all the parts.”

Two years ago, at the facility, James was told she had to strip-search a trans-identifying male inmate on suicide watch who was checking in to the mental-health department for a 72-hour hold. There was no other female officer around that day to do it, she said.

“I told myself, ‘I’m getting ready to retire, I don’t want to have to do this,’” she said. “But that day I felt pressured into doing it. My sergeant told me I had to do it.”

Another female officer came into the bathroom to cover her as she frisked the inmate.

“The whole time, this inmate is making me feel like I’m doing something wrong,” James said.

Acting embarrassed, he covered his chest area and male genitals. James had to ask him to move his hand to make sure he wasn’t concealing a weapon or drugs to self-harm. The inmate requested on paper that a female rather than male officer check him.

“I didn’t feel comfortable about it, but I had to do my job,” she said.

James started to cry on the phone as she recounted the day. With a background in nursing, James said she didn’t expect to be so shaken from the incident. It felt degrading for both her and the inmate, she said.

“I didn’t realize how disgusted I felt after that until I walked out,” she said. James said she broke down in front of her friend as she explained what had happened.

“It was just not right,” she said. “Because I had been taught all that time that I wasn’t supposed to do that. It was really hard on me, even thinking about it today.”

While they’re now required to search male inmates, not so long ago, female officers could be punished for searching inmates of the opposite sex, even if they felt the search was justified due to an emergency situation.

A corrections officer of 19 years, who chose to remain anonymous out of fear of professional retribution, was transferred to Chino from a maximum-security facility in 2017, before the current gender-inclusion policy was implemented. Soon after arriving at the prison, the guard was disciplined for searching a male inmate who a colleague believed was hiding potentially dangerous contraband.

The search was conducted after a fellow female officer asked the guard for assistance because she witnessed what she believed was an exchange of contraband between two inmates who were prohibited from interacting.

“Just as I’m approaching him, the toilet flushes, which is a sign that he probably got rid of the contraband,” the guard said. “So, I conducted a clothed body search on him, and she was right there next to me. I ended up doing an unclothed body search, which our policy states that a female can under emergency circumstances.”

The guard said she deemed it an emergency because her friend was sure she saw a weapon or drugs in the man’s possession.

“I was completely professional about it and that was it,” she said.

Months later, she received the highest possible level of disciplinary action from her superiors. She appealed the decision on the grounds that the policy is ambiguous about what circumstances qualify as an “emergency.” She lost the case. An official in Chino’s employment office told her confidentially that the department wanted to fire her over the incident.

“Back in 2017, it was two male inmates, but now here we are seven years later, and they want me, if I’m given a direct order, I must strip out that trans inmate,” she said. “What’s the difference from when I stripped out that male inmate to now? It’s still a man.”

Prison officers are told in training that they could be fired for refusing to do a search on the opposite sex because “it’s refusing a direct order from your sergeant,” said James, the recently retired corrections officer.

While some younger female officers are more willing to comply with the new gender-inclusion policy because they’ve never experienced anything different, others expressed concern to James before she retired.

“I had younger officers coming to me saying, ‘Ms. James, what am I going to do?,” she recalled. “They want us to do this with these inmates now.’

Other female guards have reported to James that they think male inmates have requested to be searched by women “just to make the officer see them.”

Asked for comment, the California Department of Corrections reiterated that SB 132, The Transgender Respect, Agency and Dignity Act, allows incarcerated transgender, non-binary and intersex people to request to be housed and searched in a manner consistent with their gender identity.

“Ongoing training for staff and incarcerated people is paramount when handling the unique challenges facing this population,” the department said. “CDCR has developed and provided specialized training to staff to ensure they are aware of laws and departmental policies and to give them the knowledge and tools they need when interacting with the incarcerated transgender and non-binary communities.”

Paula confirmed that California, like Washington State, subsidizes transition procedures for male felons on taxpayer dime.

“We had a guy that was doing 60 years, he was a rapist,” James said. “He became a female, and he was going to go to the female facility, but they paroled him instead. I couldn’t believe it. . . . This guy got released to the streets.”

Once that inmate underwent the intervention, many other trans inmates started seeking out the procedures, she said.

“A lot of sexual predators, I hate to say it, are getting the surgery,” she said. “Even child molesters. It’s not good.”

One male inmate at Chino, after getting a phalloplasty, was brought back to the facility with durable medical equipment. One tool he was given was a dildo, to prevent the incision from closing, the anonymous female officer said.

“The state pays for them to have hair removal,” she added. “The state pays for them to have breast implants. The state pays for them to go to vocal classes.”

James, who worked in the medical area of Chino, often heard the crimes of the male patients.

One such patient was found guilty of consuming child pornography and sexually abusing his girlfriend’s daughter, she said. He too received the surgery from the state, she said.

“I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, why are they able to change to a female, then they can be, if they ever get out, they can prey on their victims even more?’” she said.

[sweetlikecandeyyy]

there’s no one talking about her i will myself

The Goleta postal facility shootings were a spree killing perpetrated by Jennifer San Marco on January 30, 2006. San Marco, a former United States Postal Service employee, shot and killed six people in Goleta, California, before taking her own life. Prior to the Goleta shooting, she shot and killed a former neighbor in nearby Santa Barbara.

Jennifer San Marco was born in Brooklyn, New York, to Frank San Marco and Jeanette San Marco (née San Pietro). She went to Edward R. Murrow High School, later attending Brooklyn College. She then studied natural resources management at Rutgers University but did not graduate. In 1989 San Marco came to California, where after studying she was hired as a guard at medium-security Chuckawalla Valley State Prison in Blythe. She quit two days before her probationary period ended, never giving a reason why, but was described as a good worker.

San Marco held down a number of jobs, including a dispatcher for the Santa Barbara Police Department in the mid-1990s, a job for which she underwent a background check and psychological evaluation. She left the job after several months. San Marco then worked at a high school serving lunch before quitting in 2000. She eventually bought a condominium and went to work for the Postal Service as a clerk. She left on psychological disability following a 2003 incident in which she was pulled out from under a mail-sorting machine and had to be wheeled from her workplace by police in handcuffs. San Marco did return briefly, but was again removed from the building due to her erratic behavior and never returned. She was held at a Ventura mental hospital for three days in February 2001.

In 2004 San Marco's car broke down in Grants, New Mexico, where she decided to stay. In the small town, San Marco earned a reputation for strange behavior, which included speaking (or sometimes furiously shouting) to herself, ordering food at restaurants and bolting out the door before eating it, stripping naked in public (often in random parking lots), kneeling and praying in random places (often at roadsides), talking to an imaginary friend, screaming death threats, yelling profane rap lyrics and making racist comments. She began getting tattoos and showed them to neighbor Jeannie Steen. When Steen didn't react, San Marco walked around her in a circle and spat on the ground.

In July 2004 San Marco was denied a business license to begin publishing a periodical known as The Racist Press. At one point, she claimed she wanted to register a cat food business and was rejected because she lived in an unincorporated area of Cibola County. While being interviewed there, she would often talk to herself. After the rejection, San Marco would frequently come to the office and stare at an employee named Sonya Salazar. Salazar was told to hide when she came to the office. San Marco once made a rude accusation that Salazar had slept with someone; authorities were called. She also came into contact with authorities after she appeared naked at a gas station. She was clothed when the officers arrived and they ultimately let her off with a warning. These run-ins with authorities were frequent and she was once admonished for driving half-naked. San Marco sold her condominium and told people that she was going to visit a sister on the East Coast.

In November, a mental health clinic manager named Darlene Hayes reported seeing San Marco alone in a post office parking lot kneeling at her car and talking to herself. When asked what she was doing, she replied, "They pray before they get in." She was supposedly talking about her sister and brother (whom she apparently believed were there). Hayes called the police and left several minutes later. According to a police lieutenant, there was no record of Hayes' call. A man who delivered propane gas to San Marco and described her as polite, noted that she always paid her bills on time, though he had noticed her talking to an "imaginary friend."

San Marco was apparently convinced that she was the target of a nefarious conspiracy centered at the Goleta postal facility, according to writings recovered from her home in New Mexico. A spokesman for the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Office conjectured that San Marco's paranoia and history of mental illness may have motivated her to commit the murders. Racism was also a possible influence in the shooting, as six of the victims were minorities (three were black, one was Chinese-American, one was Hispanic and one was Filipino). She may have also murdered Graham for personal reasons, as the two had previously quarreled. According to Graham's boyfriend, San Marco would often go outside and start singing loudly. Graham also complained to her brother that San Marco would come out and "rant and rave" in front of her building.

Among San Marco's writings were error-laden explanations of various religions and a theory linking the U.S. government to serial killer David Berkowitz, the Ku Klux Klan and racist murders. A diary was found with over 100 pages of meticulously tracked, perceived slights and offenses she received from people. An auto body worker once said that San Marco claimed that the Postal Service mistreated her, but that she never said anything violent or talked about murder, but that they had to "pay", which may have indicated revenge as another possible motive.

San Marco purchased the murder weapon and ammunition from two different pawn shops (one in Grants, the other in Gallup). She was able to do this with no problem, and passed background checks. She also got a buzz cut hairstyle, which left her barely recognizable (and may have helped her gain entry into the building to commit the shooting).

Victims:

[humanrightsupdates]

US Should End Solitary Confinement of Immigrants

Practice Harms Physical and Mental Health, Can Be Fatal

Earlier this month, people being detained at California Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) facilities began a labor and hunger strike to protest their conditions, including against the use of solitary confinement. Recent research documented the deep physical and psychological toll wrought by the use of solitary confinement in United States immigration detention centers.

Across the US, carceral facilities lock up over 122,000 people daily in solitary confinement for 22 or more hours a day. In the last five years, ICE alone has locked people in solitary confinement over 14,000 times, often for months on end.

Human Rights Watch has condemned solitary confinement practices in the US, including in immigration detention centers.

From 2018 to 2023, the average period for which ICE detention facilities imposed solitary confinement was 27 days. In hundreds of cases, solitary confinement lasted at least 90 days, and in 42 cases lasted over a year. This violates international standards barring prolonged or indefinite solitary confinement, which amounts to prohibited torture or cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

UN Special Rapporteur on Torture Juan Méndez has specifically concluded that solitary confinement beyond 15 days constitutes a “form of torture.” The use of solitary confinement for any duration on children and people with psychosocial disabilities also meets these criteria.

[bettsfic]

ooh, that sick thing reblog is making me remember it! i'm surprised there isn't a lot in the sick thing tag like there is your other fics... i remember, vaguely, you saying you weren't the proudest of it (which is totally fine, as writers, we've all been there. tho personally i loved sick thing!) do you mind sharing what was going through your head / your process writing that fic?

okay before i get into that i want to share this anecdote about Marilyn that is VERY related to sick thing.

context: i'm reading an 800 page biography of Marilyn Monroe as research for a story i'm working on, not *about* Marilyn, but. well, it's complicated.

anyway, Joe DiMaggio (the baseball player) was Marilyn's second husband, and he was an asshole to her because his star was falling as hers was rising so there was a lot of resentment. they divorced and she went on to marry (and then divorce) Arthur Miller.

shortly after she divorced Arthur Miller, she was involuntarily institutionalized by her psychiatrist. at this point in her life, everyone she knew had a personal stake in her fame and so she was just constantly manipulated and mistreated. her psychotherapist in particular, Ralph Greenson, destroyed all of her healthy personal relationships and was controlling every aspect of her life. this is about 500 pages into the book. it has taken me a while to get to this point, because it is exhausting reading 500 pages of an innocent person being taken advantage of and horribly mistreated.

allow me to set the scene: Marilyn Monroe is institutionalized in a godawful facility and completely helpless. no one will let her use a phone or have any contact with the outside world. to get somebody's attention she breaks a window with a chair, an idea she got from one of her first roles. a patient eventually sneaks her into an area with a phone. Marilyn calls everyone she knows but no one picks up.

she has no choice but to call ex-husband Joe DiMaggio, whom she hasn't spoken with since the divorce 6 years ago.

Joe immediately calls her psychiatrist and says that if Marilyn isn't discharged within a day he'll "take the hospital apart brick by brick."

and so Marilyn was then discharged and conceded to treatment at a different hospital, which she only entered on the condition that Joe could visit her every day. and he did.

even though they'd divorced on bad terms, he was basically destroyed by their breakup and spent their years apart working on himself and getting therapy so he could eventually ask for her back.

for years Marilyn endured emotional (and physical) abuse by Greenson. i can't emphasize enough that she was just his puppet. if he told her to stop seeing someone, she did. he planted a housekeeper to spy on her. but Marilyn's breaking point, the line Greenson finally crossed, was that he told her to stop seeing Joe. she finally had someone in her life with her best interests at heart, who had no personal stake in her fame or money (and who was in fact one of the few people in the world who had *more* fame and money than she did), and they fell in love again.

this is basically a full-blown Mrs. Kennedy & Me moment where i'm reading an actual real story of the tropes i write in fiction and going a little insane about it.

okay back to the ask!

for sick thing, i was working through a lot of personal fears about my own mental health, having finally gotten off a really bad med that turned me into a, i don't know, like a vacuum of a person. just empty. i wrote it in 8 very intense days, with a 5 bullet point outline scrawled on a piece of scrap paper and Hotel California on repeat.

my main criticism of it is that i resorted to very Stranger Things-y writing moves that feel cheap to me. flat antagonists with no nuance, love interests who don't have their own individual conflict or growth, over the top high school shenanigans like in a 90s teen movie, a glaringly obvious authorial self-insert with a personally cringeworthy level of wish fulfillment. i like to think that in most of the things i write, i'm pretty hard to find? or maybe not, but sick thing is just my id on a platter. was, rather. a lot has changed since then.

sick thing i think was the final work of a long held aesthetic, and dirtbag was the beginning of the era i'm in now, writing stuff far less driven by personal crises and explorations of self. i can't quite put my finger on what exactly is different other than the fact that i write much more slowly now and put more thought into my stories (at the cost of heart, potentially), and i also feel far less compelled to be read. it's been so long since anyone's read new work of mine that posting my bikeriders fic has been a real trip.

[fiftysevenacademics]

April 12, 2024

Bennett Braun, a Chicago psychiatrist whose diagnoses of repressed memories involving horrific abuse by devil worshipers helped to fuel what became known as the “satanic panic” of the 1980s and ’90s, died on March 20 in Lauderhill, Fla., north of Miami. He was 83.

Jane Braun, one of his ex-wives, said the death, in a hospital, was from complications of a fall. Dr. Braun lived in Butte, Mont., but had been in Lauderhill on vacation.

Dr. Braun gained renown in the early 1980s as an expert in two of the most popular and controversial areas of psychiatric treatment: repressed memories and multiple personality disorder, now known as dissociative identity disorder.

He claimed that he could help patients uncover memories of childhood trauma — the existence of which, he and others said, were responsible for the splintering of a person’s self into many distinct personalities.

He created a unit dedicated to dissociative disorders at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke’s Medical Center in Chicago (now Rush University Medical Center); became a frequently quoted expert in the news media; and helped to found what is now the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation, a professional organization of over 2,000 members today.

It was from that sizable platform that Dr. Braun publicized his most explosive findings: that in dozens of cases, his patients discovered memories of being tortured by satanic cults and, in some cases, of having participated in the torture themselves.

He was not the only psychiatrist to make such a claim, and his supposed revelations keyed into a growing national panic.

The 1980s saw a vertiginous rise in the number of people, both children and adults, who claimed to have been abused by devil worshipers. It began in 1980 with the book “Michelle Remembers,” by a Canadian woman who said she had recovered memories of ritual abuse, and spiked following allegations of abuse at day care centers in California and North Carolina.

Elements of pop culture, such as heavy metal music and the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons, were looped in as supposed entry points for cult activity.

Such stories were fodder for popular TV formats that reveled in the salacious, including talk shows like “Geraldo” and newsmagazines like “Dateline,” which broadcast segments that promoted such claims uncritically.

The psychiatric profession bore some responsibility for the growing panic, with respected researchers like Dr. Braun giving it a gloss of authority. He and others ran seminars and distributed research papers; they even gave the phenomenon a quasi-medical abbreviation, S.R.A., for satanic ritual abuse.

Dr. Braun’s inpatient unit at Rush became a magnet for referrals and a warehouse for patients, some of whom he kept medicated and under supervision for years

Among them was a woman from Iowa named Patricia Burgus. After interviewing her, Dr. Braun and a colleague, Roberta Sachs, claimed not only that she was the victim of satanic ritual abuse, but also that she herself was a “high priestess” of a cult that had raped, tortured and cannibalized thousands of children, including her two young sons.

Dr. Braun and Dr. Sachs sent Mrs. Burgus and her children to a mental health facility in Houston, where they were held apart for nearly three years with minimal contact with the outside world.

By then Mrs. Burgus, heavily medicated, had come to believe the doctors, telling them she recalled torches, live burials and eating the body parts of up to 2,000 people a year. After her parents served her husband meatloaf, she had him get it tested for human tissue. The tests came back negative, but Dr. Braun was not convinced.

Dr. Braun kept other patients under similar conditions at Rush or elsewhere. He persuaded one woman to have an abortion because, he convinced her, she was the product of ritualistic incest; he persuaded another to undergo tubal ligation to prevent having more children within her supposed cult.

The satanic panic began to wane in the early 1990s. A 1992 F.B.I. investigation found no evidence of coordinated cult activity in the United States, and a 1994 report by the National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect surveyed over 12,000 accusations of satanic ritual abuse and found that not a single one held up under scrutiny.

“The biggest thing was the lack of corroborating evidence,” Kenneth Lanning, a retired F.B.I. agent who wrote the 1992 report, said in a phone interview. “It’s the kind of crime where evidence would have been left behind.”

Many people distanced themselves from their earlier enthusiasms; in 1995, Geraldo Rivera apologized for an episode of his show that covered the falsehood. However, even in 1998, the NBC series “Dateline” ran an episode claiming to show widespread satanic activity in Mississippi.

Mrs. Burgus sued Rush, Dr. Braun and her insurance company over claims that he and Dr. Sachs had implanted false memories in her head. They settled out of court in 1997 for $10.6 million.

“I began to add a few things up and realized there was no way I could come from a little town in Iowa, be eating 2,000 people a year, and nobody said anything about it,” Mrs. Burgus told The Chicago Tribune in 1997.

A year later Dr. Braun’s unit at Rush was shut down, and the Illinois medical licensing board opened an investigation into his practices. In 1999, he received a two-year suspension of his license — though he did not admit wrongdoing.

Bennett George Braun was born on Aug. 7, 1940, in Chicago, to Thelma (Gimbel) and Milton Braun. His father was a professor of orthodontics at Loyola University. He graduated from Tulane University with a bachelor’s degree in psychology in 1963 and earned a master’s in the same subject in 1964. He received his medical degree from the University of Illinois in 1968.

Dr. Braun was married three times. His marriages to Renate Deutsch and Mrs. Braun both ended in divorce. His third, to Joanne Arriola, ended in her death. He is survived by five children and five grandchildren.

After temporarily losing his medical license in Illinois, Dr. Braun moved to Montana, where he received a new state license and opened a private practice.

But in 2019, one of his patients, Ciara Rehbein, sued him for overprescribing medication that left her with a permanent facial tic. She also filed a complaint against the Montana Board of Medical Examiners for allowing him a license, despite knowing his past.

Dr. Braun lost his license to practice medicine in Montana in 2020.

[lilithism1848]

Atrocities US committed against LATINO PEOPLE

On June 14th, 2019, an off-duty cop, Salvador Sanchez, in Corona, CA, shot and killed a mentally ill man, Kenneth French,, as well as shooting his family 8 times, while his family was with shopping for fathers day at a Costco. “I begged and told him not to shoot,” his father Russell French said. “I said we have no guns and my son is sick. He still shot.” Sanchez then fired at least eight rounds, striking all three family members. A man inside Costco stood and prayed over Russell French as he lied on the ground bleeding, he said. Kenneth French was shot twice in his back, Galipo said. There were also two gunshot wounds in his armpit and shoulder area. After the shooting, Corona Police said Sanchez was assaulted “without provocation” before Sanchez opened fire. He was placed on administrative leave days after the shooting, into which the LAPD is conducting an internal investigation.

On Feb 7th, 2019, a US border patrol officer shot and killed 21 for old Mendivil Perez, an American citizen, in Nogales, AZ. More than six months later, CBP won’t name the officer who fired his gun, or explain why he fired, or acknowledge the killing.

In early June, 2019, several reports of abuse surfaced about the US’s migrant prison camps, run by US customs and Border Patrol. One such facility, named “The Dog Pound”, by border patrol agents, had no running water, no tarp or safety from the elements. A group of prisoners were held in a single cell for 30 days without shower or clothes changes, in 100 degree temperatures. There is severe overcrowding in the El Paso camp, with as many as 76 migrants packed into a tiny cell designed for a maximum of 12 people. A number of children have died while being held, including one baby born in an overcrowded cell. The mother was never taken to a hospital. 4 toddlers in a Texas facility were so ill and neglected, that a lawyer intervened to force the government to hospitalize them. Children are often taken from mothers, due to the horrible conditions in the camps. In several Rio Grande Valley facilities, migrants were not provided soap, toothbrushes, and were sleep-deprived. Health and Human Service says it is past capacity with over 13,000 kids in its care at the moment. A mole exposed a Facebook group containing 9500 border patrol agents, with incredibly racist and sexist rhetoric, including threats against US rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who was planning a visit to the camps.

On January 29th, 2019, Tempe Arizona police shot and killed a 14 year old, Antonio Arce. He was shot in the back between his shoulder blades while running away. Police at first delayed, then released a small section of the bodycam footage, intentionally cut right before seeing the body, 3 days after the shooting. After backlash over the shortened video, they held a private showing to select reporters, barring any cameras or recording devices, seemingly showing Arce with the orange-tipped airsoft gun found near his body. They’ve refused to release that video to the public, leading many to believe it to be doctored, with police planting an airsoft gun on him after the killing as a justification. The original video has no such airsoft gun. The officer who murdered him is currently on administrative leave.

On Nov 25, 2018, US customs and border agents fired tear gas at hundreds of Central American migrants on the US border. “We ran, but when you run, the gas asphyxiates you more,” Honduran migrant Ana Zuniga, 23, told the Associated Press while cradling daughter Valery, 3, in her arms. The use of tear gas is banned in warfare, while its use for riot control is internationally accepted. Protesters and amnesty seekers would have more rights and protections if they simply declared war on the US government.

In May 2018, at a California press conference regarding Sanctuary cities, Trump, referring to Mexican immigrants stated: “These aren’t people. These are animals”.

Starting in April 2018, the Trump administration began a policy of separating families who attempt to cross the border. Separated children have been housed in a number of newly constructed tent facilities, such as one in Tornillo, TX. Another facility in Fort Sill, Oklahoma, the same military prison that held Japanese and Apache civilians, will hold south american migrants. Andrea Pitzer, the author of “One Long Night: A Global History of Concentration Camps” writes, “While writing a book on camp history, I defined concentration camps as the mass detention of civilians without trial, usually on the basis of race, religion, national origin, citizenship, or political party, rather than anything a given individual has done. By this definition, the new child camp established in Tornillo, Texas, is a concentration camp.” Recently it has been found that the Trump administration has been drugging children without consent. Children as young as 14 were abused at a Stanton VA ICE facility. “Whenever they used to restrain me and put me in the chair, they would handcuff me,” said a Honduran immigrant who was sent to the facility when he was 15 years old. “Strapped me down all the way, from your feet all the way to your chest, you couldn’t really move. … They have total control over you. They also put a bag over your head. It has little holes; you can see through it. But you feel suffocated with the bag on.”

Throughout 2018, I.C.E. started another wave of deportations, breaking up hundreds of families, and mandated the legal separation incoming parents from their children (presumably to deter future asylum-seekers). ICE arrested 114 people in Sandusky OH. Trump and Jeff Sessions have ramped up a trend of forcible deportations started by Clinton and Obama. Between 2016 and 2017, apprehensions of undocumented immigrants jumped by a third. In 2017, President Trump deported more than double the number of noncriminals than Obama had the previous year. Those deported include a 10-year-old girl with cerebral palsy in San Antonio; a grandmother described as the “backbone” of a Navy veteran’s family; a father of two in Detroit who had lived in the U.S. since he was 10 years old. A major consequence of this new policy has been an explosion of fear among immigrant communities “When everyone’s a target, no one is safe,” says Luis Zayas, dean of the Steve Hicks School of Social Work at the University of Texas at Austin. He cites instances of ICE agents arresting people who had just filed paperwork for a green card, left church or dropped off their kids at school. “The arrests feel arbitrary, and that’s different,” he says. “The fear is worse now than I’ve ever seen it.”

In July 2017, police shot Ismael Lopez, a Mississippi car mechanic, in the back of the head at his own home, killing him. While the police say that he was holding a weapon, his guns were nowhere near his dead body, and police also killed his dog, and bullet holes were found from police shooting through the front door. No officer has been charged.

The United States Department of Homeland Security rescinded DACA, or Deferred Action on Childhood Arrivals, a program which protects ~ 800,000 minors from being deported, on June 16, 2017, while continuing to review the existence of the DACA program as a whole. The DACA policy was rescinded by the Trump administration on September 5, 2017, but full implementation of the rescission was delayed six months to give Congress time to decide how to deal with the population that was previously eligible under the policy.

Beginning in May 2017, ICE began another wave of deportation targeting Mexicans. Hugo Mejia and a coworker, Rodrigo Nuñez, were imprisoned by ICE officials, despite living in the US for 17 years, and having clean records.

Beginning in 1994, sheriff Joe Arpaio opened up a “tent city”, outside of phoenix, a facility which he called, his own “personal concentration camp”, used to house prisoners, in terrible conditions. In 2011, inmates complained that fans near their beds were not working, and that their shoes were melting from the heat. During the summer of 2003, when outside temperatures exceeded 110 °F (43 °C), Arpaio said to complaining inmates, “It’s 120 degrees in Iraq and the soldiers are living in tents and they didn’t commit any crimes, so shut your mouths!”. Arpaio reinstuted chain gangs (for female prisoners as well), forcing people to work 7 hours a day, 7 days a week. Arpaio also entrapped 18-year-old James Saville into an assassination attempt against himself. Saville’s attorneys eventually discovered that MCSO detectives had bought the bomb parts themselves, then convinced Saville to build it even though he was not predisposed to commit such a crime. On July 9, 2003, a Maricopa County Superior Court jury acquitted Saville, finding that the bomb plot was an elaborate publicity stunt to boost Arpaio’s reelection bid. On April 4th, 2017, newly elected Phoenix sheriff Paul Penzone finally closed it down due to public pressure, after 23 years of operation. Trump pardoned sherriff Arpaio in August 2017, after holding a rally in Phoenix AZ in which police tear-gassed protesters.

On March 25th-27th, 2017, ICE agents arrested 84 immigrants in Oregon and Washington. Many arrested had no criminal background. Oregon Governor Katie Brown complied with ICE, but received vitriolic responses when she tweeted in support of immigrant families.

On March 27th, 2017, ICE agents in Chicago broke into the home of Felix Torres, and shot him while he and his family slept in their home. After speaking with Torres’ daughter, the People’s Response Team added that “no members of the family are undocumented, and the family has lived in the home for at least 30 years.”Carmen Torres said, “They didn’t say anything. They just came in and pointed pistols in our faces and dragged us out,” DNA Info reported. “It’s a lie when they say he was holding a gun. He doesn’t even own a gun,” she said. “They shot my dad. They shot him, and I don’t know why.” He is in critical condition.

In early 2017, ICE began a campaign of arrests and deportation of undocumented immigrants. 700 People have been arrested so far.

In the present day, ICE (U.S._Immigration_and_Customs_Enforcement), the police tasked with immigration enforcement, operates over 500 prison camps, holding over 34,000 undocumented people deemed “aliens”, 20,000 of which have no criminal convictions, in the US system of immigration detention. The camps include forced labor (often with contracts from private companies), poor conditions, lack of rights (since the undocumented aren’t considered citizens), and forced deportations, often splitting up families. Detainees are often held for a year without trial, with antiquated court procedures pushing back court dates for months, encouraging many to accept immediate deportation in the hopes of being able to return faster than the court can reach a decision, but forfeiting legal status, in a cruel system of coercion. After the creation of DHS and ICE, the budget for immigration enforcement doubled from $6.2 billion in 2002 to $12.5 billion in 2006 under Obama.

In 1996, in response to increased immigration from countries such as El Salvador and Guatemala ravaged by US imperialism and authoritarian dictatorships, the US passed the Anti-Terrorism and effective Death Penalty Act, allowing deportation of any immigrant ever convicted of a crime, no matter how long ago or how serious. Lawful permanent residents who had married Americans and now had children were not exempt. The New York Times reported in July that “hundreds of long-term legal residents have been arrested since the law passed.” 

By 1984, during the Reagan-era of social services and welfare cutbacks, 42% of all Latino children and one-fourth of the families lived below the poverty line.

In 1983, a mostly latino workforce lead the 3-year long Arizona Copper Mine Strike of 1983, in which the police, national guard, and Arizona governor assisted in one of the largest strikebreaking incidents of the 1980s, ending with the Phelps Dodge Corporation replacing most of the workers and decertifying the unions. Miners were subject to undercover surveillance by the Arizona Criminal Intelligence Systems Agency, to identify strikers engaged in violence, with the governor sending 325 National Guard soldiers to Morenci, and increasing the number of state policemen there to 425. Meanwhile, the local government passed injunctions limiting both picketing and demonstrations at the mine. The Arizona copper mine strike would later become a symbol of defeat for American unions.

From 1929 - 1954, the US implemented Mexican Repatriation, and Operation Wetback, a US law enforcement initiative under Eisenhower to curb Mexican immigration, in which over 1 Million Mexicans were arrested. After implementation, Operation Wetback gave rise to arrests and deportations by the U.S. Border Patrol that were civil rights violations, which resulted in several hundred United States citizens being illegally deported without being given a chance to prove their citizenship. From 1929 - 1939, ~400k-2 Million people were deported, 40-60% of them lawful citizens, and many of them children. About 1.1 Million people were deported in 1954 alone. A total of 750 immigration and border patrol officers and investigators; 300 jeeps, cars, and buses; and seven airplanes were allocated for the operation. Teams were focused on quick processing, as planes were able to coordinate with ground efforts and quickly deport people into Mexico. While the operation included the cities of Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Chicago, its main targets were border areas in Texas and California. Overall, there were 1,078,168 apprehensions made in the first year of Operation Wetback, with 170,000 being rounded up from May to July 1954. In addition, many illegal immigrants fled to Mexico fearing arrest; over half a million from Texas alone. 

In 1951, the Los Angeles Police Department severely beat up 5 Latino and 2 white men, in an event called Bloody Christmas, leaving them with broken bones and ruptured organs, and covered it up. After pressure from the Mexican-American community, the LAPD opened up an internal inquiry, resulting in eight police officers being indicted for the assaults, 54 being transferred, and 39 being suspended.

[drugrehabscentersblog]

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[killed-by-choice]

“Sheila Roe” (USA 1970—1971)

“Sheila” underwent a legal abortion sometime between 1970 and June 15, 1971. The abortion was done at a facility participating in the Joint Program for the Study of Abortion or JPSA.

Sheila already had a history of schizophrenia before undergoing a saline abortion in the late second trimester. After she expelled her dead child and the placenta, she had to be transferred to a mental institution. She was there for a month before discharging herself against medical advice. She then committed suicide.

Despite well-established links between abortion and deteriorating mental health, JPSA tried to downplay the causality between Sheila’s death and her abortion. However, they still included her in their severely underestimated count of maternal deaths from legal abortion.

Sheila’s legal abortion took place at one of 64 JPSA—participating abortion facilities in thirteen locations: Arizona, California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Kansas, Washington, Maryland, Massachusetts, Washington D.C, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania or Oregon. Three of the four (!) abortion deaths counted in the study match confirmed cases of abortion fatalities documented in other studies, but in every case except one, the authors downplayed and/or denied the link between abortion and the subsequent maternal deaths.

The study noted that the abortion was able to happen because states had recently weakened their abortion restrictions. Ironically, multiple states had legalized abortion under vague “mental health” qualifications (despite the fact that abortion is not a recognized cure or treatment for any psychiatric disorder) so loosely defined that allowed it essentially on demand even for those with no mental health conditions whatsoever. These “mental health” exemptions did nothing to prevent Sheila from the trauma of the abortion itself, which apparently aggravated her pre-existing mental health problems.

The mental health excuse for legalizing abortion becomes even more baffling when you consider that live birth is consistently associated with better mental health outcomes than abortion. STAKES (statistical analysis unit of Finland's National Research and Development Center for Welfare and Health) found that after abortion, women were seven times more likely to take their own lives than those who gave birth. Many other studies have also shown the link between abortion and worse mental health outcomes compared to patients who gave birth or even miscarried. There’s also the issue of whether or not some patients who actually did have psychiatric disorders would have truly been able to consent to the abortions they underwent.

“Stacy Roe,” “Sylvie Roe,” Sandra Kaiser and Jade Rees also committed suicide after their pre-existing mental health problems were exacerbated by abortion. Others who killed themselves after undergoing abortions include Arlin Dela Cruz, Stacy Zallie, “Haley Mason,” Ashley Barnett, Emma Beck, Carol Cunningham, Charlotte Dawson, Ashli Blake, Laura Grunas and Jiah Khan.

https://www.jstor.org/stable/2133870

(If you or a loved one are considering suicide, please know that there is hope. Here is a link to a list of resources and help lines ready to talk to you. You are valued and people care.)

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

The state of California is even more forsaken than we originally thought. Not only is it overrun with crime, extreme weather events, and trans surgeries for minors. But now, a proposed bill could make it legal for therapists to legally kidnap children over 12. Without a trial. Or evidence.

The proposed bill was introduced by Democratic Assembly Member Wendy Carrillo and would allow a mental health professional to place a child as young as 12 in a residential shelter facility without parental knowledge or consent and without any prior allegations of incest or child abuse. Under current law, children aged 12 and up can consent to receive mental health treatment and counseling, but cannot consent to being placed in a residential shelter facility without being deemed a risk to themselves or others, or in cases of incest or child abuse.

The entire west coast needs to fall into the ocean.

[beardedmrbean]

SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Sacramento’s top prosecutor is suing the city’s leaders over failure to cleanup homeless encampments, escalating a monthslong dispute with leaders in California’s capital city.

County District Attorney Thien Ho announced the lawsuit Tuesday during a news conference in Sacramento, saying the city is seeing a “collapse into chaos” that he said reflects the “erosion of everyday life.” A group of residents and business owners also filed a companion lawsuit against the city.

Ho said his office had asked the city to enforce local laws around sidewalk obstruction and to create additional professionally operated camping sites, but that the city did not.

The lawsuit includes accounts from dozens of city residents living around 14 encampments. Some homeowners recounted being threatened with firearms at their front door and having their properties broken into and vandalized — which has driven some from their homes. Local business owners said they have spent thousands of dollars to upgrade their security systems after their workers were assaulted by homeless people, while calls to city officials seeking help have gone unanswered, the lawsuit said.

“This is a model for the people to stand up and hold their government accountable,” Ho said in an interview Tuesday. “All I’m asking is the city do its job.”

Sacramento County had nearly 9,300 homeless people in 2022, based on data from the annual Point in Time count. That was up 67% from 2019. Roughly three-quarters of the county’s homeless population is unsheltered, and the majority of that group are living on Sacramento streets.

Sacramento Mayor Darrell Steinberg said Ho was politicizing the issue. The city has added 1,200 emergency shelter beds, passed ordinances to protect sidewalks and schools and has created more affordable housing, Steinberg said in a statement.

The city is trying to avoid “the futile trap of just moving people endlessly from one block to the next,” Steinberg said. People’s frustrations are “absolutely justified” but Ho’s actions are a “performative distraction,” he said.

“The city needs real partnership from the region’s leaders, not politics and lawsuits,” he said.

Homeless tent encampments have grown visibly in cities across the U.S. but especially in California, which is home to nearly one-third of unhoused people in the country.

Ho had threatened in August to file charges against city officials if they didn’t implement changes within 30 days. In a letter to the city, Ho demanded that Sacramento implement a daytime camping ban where homeless people have to put their belongings in storage between 6 a.m. and 9 p.m., among other rules.

City Attorney Susana Alcala Wood’s office has also repeatedly urged Ho to work with the city to address the issue, she said.

“It sadly appears the DA would rather point fingers and cast blame than partner to achieve meaningful solutions for our community,” Alcala Wood said in a statement.

Ho, elected in 2022 after vowing on the campaign trail to address the city’s homelessness crisis, said he’s asked the city to share real-time data about available shelter beds with law enforcement. He anticipates the lawsuit will go to trial and hopes a jury will agree with what he has proposed.

“This is a rare opportunity — a rare opportunity — for us to effectuate meaningful, efficient means of getting the critically, chronically unhoused off the streets,” Ho said.

Ho said he supports a variety of solutions including enforcing laws and establishing new programs to provide services to people facing addiction or mental health issues. He said he supports a statewide bond measure that would go toward building more treatment facilities. Voters will weigh in on that measure next year. He also backs the proposed changes in the state’s conservatorship system that would make it easier for authorities to mandate treatment for those with alcohol and drug use disorders.

The dispute between the district attorney and the city was further complicated by a lawsuit filed by a homeless advocacy group earlier this year that resulted in an order from a federal judge temporarily banning the city from clearing homeless encampments during extreme heat. That order is now lifted but the group wants to see it extended.

The attorney for the homeless coalition also filed a complaint with the state bar this month, saying Ho abused his power by pushing the city to clear encampments when the order was in place.

Ho’s news conference included testimony from residents who say the city is not providing resources to deal with homelessness. Emily Webb said people living an encampment near her home have trespassed on her property, blocked her driveway and threatened her family, but city officials have done little to clear the camp.

“We’re losing sleep and exhausted from this stress,” she said Tuesday. “We are beyond frustrated and no longer feel comfortable or safe in our home.”

Critics have said encampments are unsanitary and lawless, and block children, older residents and disabled people from using public space such as sidewalks. They say allowing people to deteriorate outdoors is neither humane nor compassionate.

But advocates for homeless people say they can’t alleviate the crisis without more investment in affordable housing and services, and that camping bans and encampment sweeps unnecessarily traumatize homeless people.

[coochiequeens]

A male in office was going to let a child rapist free but a woman defeated him in last Novembers election and is now keeping him locked up. This is why every vote counts means more than just the presidential election.

By Genevieve Gluck January 31, 2024

A serial child rapist who had previously secured a release from prison after identifying as transgender has finally been deemed a “sexually violent predator” under Iowa state law. A judge has determined that Joseph Matthew Smith, who now uses the name Josie Maria Dunham or Josie Smith, should be confined in a secure facility indefinitely, quashing a previous ruling that claimed Smith was no longer a sexual risk due to being on feminizing hormones.

Newly-elected Iowa Attorney General Brenna Bird is behind the push to keep Smith in custody, having recently defeated the nation’s longest-tenured attorney general, Tom Miller, in a November election.

In 2020, Miller endorsed the move that saw Smith released from custody. Bird then condemned his judgement in the matter, running ads during her campaign slamming Miller as sympathetic to the sexual predator.

A petition filed in December in Buena Vista County District Court requested a civil trial in order to determine whether Smith should be re-classified as a sexually violent predator with a high chance of re-offending.

“[Smith]’s mental abnormality makes him more likely than not to engage in predatory acts constituting sexually violent offenses if not confined in a secure facility,” the petition reads. “[Smith] should be committed to the custody of the Department of Human Services to be held in a secure facility for control, care, and treatment until such time as his mental abnormality has so changed that he is safe to be at large in the community.”

In December 2015, Smith was convicted in Buena Vista County of lascivious acts with a child. At the time, Assistant Attorney General Andrew Schoonhoven determined that Smith suffers from “at least one mental abnormality, specifically the mental abnormality of pedophilic disorder,” which predisposes Smith to “commit sexually violent offenses to a degree constituting a menace to the health and safety of others.”

A pre-sentence psychological report was prepared by the State’s expert, Dr. Jeffrey Davis, a psychologist from the University of California.

Davis recommended that Smith be confined at the Cherokee Civil Commitment Unit for Sex Offenders (CCUSO) for an indefinite period based on what he determined to be a high likelihood of sexual re-offending. The report noted that Smith had told a state forensic psychologist he had molested as many as 15 children under the age of 13, the youngest being a 1-year-old baby. He added that he believed Smith was more likely to commit a sexual assault than 92% of male sex offenders.

There has not been even one recorded case of a female patient having been committed to the CCUSO in the unit’s 25-year history, reports the Cherokee Chronicle Times. But there have been at least three trans-identified males in the civil commitment unit. One of those patients, a man named Christian Schiebel who uses the feminine name Tina Keller, told the Storm Lake Times-Pilot he was advised by his attorney that a transgender identity would increase his chances of release.

Smith made international headlines in 2020 after being released from prison just 4 years into an indefinite prison sentence. He had been convicted of sexually assaulting an 11-year-old resident at Midwest Christian Services (MCS), a treatment facility for juveniles following another conviction for sexually assaulting a 14-year-old when he was a teenager.

Despite his record of sexual offending, on January 9, 2020, the Iowa Attorney General’s office filed a motion to dismiss a petition requesting that the serial pedophile be considered a sexually violent predator. The Iowa Attorney General office’s defended the decision by citing Smith’s reduced testosterone levels as a result of hormone treatments. Attorney general spokesman Lynn Hicks stated that “an offender’s hormone levels are an important part of substantiating an offender’s likelihood of recidivism.”

Officials claimed Smith was at a lower risk of re-offending due to an altered testosterone level, and that he “no longer had the sex drive of a man.”

Smith had been receiving hormones related to his self-declared gender identity while being held at Newton Correctional Facility, where, in January 2016, he began serving an indefinite sentence after being convicted of molesting a child. In October 2017, he first expressed a desire to “get started on transgender classification” and started using female pronouns.

Hicks also claimed that an expert had determined that Smith was not at a risk of re-offending due to his gender identity. An Iowa district court judge therefore granted the motion to dismiss “in the interests of justice.”

In January of 2020, Smith was released on parole; but by October of 2021, he had already violated the terms of his strict conditions by using an unauthorized electronic device and seeking out sex. Despite the violation, Smith was not remanded to custody, and was instead allowed to continue to live in the small city of Sloan, Iowa.

In January 2022, Christine Louis, administrative law judge for Iowa Correctional Services, sentenced Smith to two more years in prison, as he had again violated the terms of his parole. During an inspection in January, Smith’s parole officer discovered child pornography on his phone which depicted boys and girls aged between five and eight years old. Smith requested leniency, but was ultimately denied.

[elipheleh]

The White Night Riots

Continuing my series of learning about things referenced in the book, I'm looking at things Alex references when he talks about engaging with queer history. These are all tagged #a series of learning about things that are referenced in the book, if you want to block the tag.

This post got quite long, so the detailed content about the White Night Riots specifically is under the read more.

I'd like to preface this one with a content warning. I will talk about the assassination of a gay politician, and the grief that surrounds that. There is also talk of the two men being shot, and homophobic slurs. The former will be clearly marked, but please take care.

Rioters outside San Francisco City Hall on the night of May 21, 1979

On the 21st of May, 1979, Dan White was convicted of the assassination of Harvey Milk and George Moscone. He received the lightest possible charge, enraging the city's gay community who then marched through the Castro, and violence erupted at City Hall. In retaliation, the police raided a gay bar in the heart of the Castro, Elephant Walk, shouting homophobic slurs and attacking queer people on the street. The night's events were coined the "White Night Riots", after Dan White.

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To add some context about the lead up to the riots, I need to go back in time a bit, and talk about Harvey Milk.

Milk was the first openly gay man to be elected to public office in California. In 1977 he became a member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. He moved to San Francisco in 1972, opening up a camera store in the heart of the Castro - a popular place for queer folk to live and hang out. He ran for city supervisor in 1973 and 1975, closely missing out each time.

New mayor, George Moscone, appointed Milk to the Board of Permit Appeals in 1976, making Milk the first openly gay city commissioner in the US. After the supervisor elections in San Francisco were reorganised to allow districts to elect their own choice of supervisor, Milk ran again for this position. In November 1977, Milk won by 30% against 16 other candidates. He made national headlines, being the first non-incumbent (already in office) openly gay man in the US to win a public office at an election. In a first for the city, sworn in alongside Milk were a single mother, a Chinese-American man, an African-American woman. Dan White, previously a police officer and more recently a firefighter, was sworn in as a first time supervisor as well.

Initially friendly with Milk, White later vowed to - and did - vote against every initiative Milk supported, after Milk changed his mind about the placement of a new mental health facility being placed in White's district - Milk voted in favour of it, meaning White lost and it went ahead.

Ten months after being sworn in, White resigned from the Board of Supervisors. His reasoning was that his salary was not enough to enable him to support his family. Five days after resigning, having been offered support and loans by family & constituents, he approached Mayor Moscone to ask for his resignation to be withdrawn. Initially Moscone seemed to agree, but ultimately decided he would replace him with someone more liberal, in line with the diversity of White's district & the Board of Supervisors.

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The following section discusses the assassination of Harvey Milk & George Moscone. I will note when this section ends so you can skip it if necessary.

Moscone called a press conference for the 27th of November, 1978, where he planned to announce the replacement for White. Around an hour before this was due to take place, White entered the building through a basement window - to avoid metal detectors - and went to Moscone's office. Asking for a meeting with him, Moscone accepted and while Moscone poured them both a drink, White pulled out a gun and shot the mayor twice. When Moscone was on the floor, White shot him again at close range in the head. He then reloaded his gun, and headed to Milk's office. Dianne Feinstein, then-President of the Board of Supervisors, called after him as he ran past her office. White interrupted a conversation Milk was having, and asked him to step into White's former office. After a short conversation, White shot Milk five times, including once into his head at short range.

White then fled the scene, and Feinstein entered Milk's office. She checked for a pulse, but found he was dead. At 11:20 am, she addressed the media who were waiting for the announcement of a new supervisor. Shaking badly, requiring the support of the police chief, she said:

As President of the Board of Supervisors, it's my duty to make this announcement. Both Mayor Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk have been shot and killed. The suspect is Supervisor Dan White.

Harvey Milk was 48 years old, George Moscone was 49.

This marks the end of the section discussing the assassination.

White had left the building without being challenged, and called his wife from a payphone. After meeting her, he turned himself in to the precinct he had previously served at as a police officer. He was charged with two counts of murder, held without bail, and he was eligible for the death penalty. His arrest and trial demonstrated the serious tensions between the liberal San Franciscans and the more conservative, predominantly working-class Irish-American police force. Whilst White sat in his cell, former colleagues on the police force joked about the situation, and police openly wore t-shirts which had "Free Dan White" printed on them. White demonstrated no remorse.

The jury for the trial also concerned Milk's supporters, as it consisted of white, mostly Catholic, middle-class San Franciscans. They found White guilty of voluntary manslaughter, a lesser charge than first degree murder, and he was sentenced to seven years in prison. He could be released after five.

-----

Following the announcement of White's sentence, Cleve Jones - Milk's friend and activist - addressed an audience of around 500 who had gathered in the Castro to share the news. He led a crowd to City hall, which grew to over 5,000. The queer-friendly police chief, Charles Gain, ordered officers not to attack protestors from City Hall. The rioters attacked the building, as well as police cars while expressing their anger at the verdict. After three hours, police moved in to stop the riot. Many covered their badges with black tape in an attempt to avoid identification, and attacked the crowd with their nightsticks. After around three hours of fighting between the protestors and police, following the use of tear gas, the riots ended.

Tom Ammiano, State Assemblyman from 2008-2014, who took part in the events said of the mood of those involved:

This guy had killed a hero of ours and a friend of ours and he got treated like he had shoplifted. Dan White was a former cop and he got away with murder.

A few hours after the rioting was quelled, police retaliated. Dozens of riot-gear clad officers in police vehicles headed to the Castro, and entered a gay bar - the Elephant Walk - despite orders not to. They shouted "dirty cocksuckers" and "sick faggots" at patrons of the bar; wielding their nightsticks they damaged furniture, and injured a dozen people. They then withdrew from the bar and attacked gay people on the streets indiscriminately. When Police Chief Gain heard of the events he immediately went to stop it, and ordered the policemen to leave. Officers were later seen celebrating the raid at a bar. When a police captain was asked why officers attacked the bar, he responded “We lost the battle at City Hall. We aren’t going to lose this one.”

-----

The following night, 4,000 people gathered in the Castro to commemorate Milk on what would have been his 49th birthday. With volunteers wearing white armbands & shirts reading "please no violence", and Feinstein ordering police to stay away, the event was peaceful.

Milk's replacement, Supervisor Harry Britt, made it clear at a press conference that no-one was going to apologise for the riots.

Harvey Milk's people do not have anything to apologize for. Now the society is going to have to deal with us not as nice little fairies who have hairdressing salons, but as people capable of violence. We're not going to put up with Dan Whites anymore.

Attempts by the press to find a 'gay leader' who would apologise for the rioting were unsuccessful.

Mark Leno, a member of the California State Senate from 2008-2016 said in 2009:

“The White Night Riots were the culmination of many changes that were impacting the city at that time. It was as if it all came to a head through the outrage of the injustice of Dan White’s sentence. It was a jolt to the civic fabric as if we had to experience all of that to be able to move forward to become the city that we have become today. The experience I had at that time continues to inform my public office today. That we have had to fight for every right that we have gained and we have had to be vigilant every step of the way so as not to ever lose anything we have again.”

Sources: Wikipedia - White Night Riots Wikipedia - Harvey Milk Wikipedia - Moscone-Milk Assassinations SF Chronicle - SF’s White Night riots’ 40th anniversary: Long-buried photos show a city torn apart Bay Area Reporter - Thirty years ago, the White Night riots inflamed San Francisco Libcom - 1979: The White Night Riot

Additional Reading: NBC - Flashback: Harvey Milk Assassinated In San Francisco The Mayor of Castro Street - Randy Shilts, 1982 (ISBN 978-0312560850) The Times of Harvey Milk - 1984 documentary film (I have not watched this) Milk - 2008 [n.b. this stops at the assassination, and doesnt cover the riot] Howard University - A Brief History of Civil Rights in the United States: Harvey Milk Youtube - The Last Words of Harvey Milk [Full Audio Clip] - in theory, this link should connect to the full transcript in the comments. SF Gate - Myth of the 'Twinkie defense' FoundSF – Chris Carlsson, White Night Riot