#Me vibing when suddenly: “hold on... did he say Batman/The Dark Knight?” he did

[littlefankingdom]

Me: I haven't listened to every Bloodywood's songs, but it's a great metal band and I think Jason would listen to it. Dana-Dan, a song about beating up rapists, for example, he would blast that shit. Bloodywood: *Makes a reference to Batman in one of their songs* Me: Oh no, he would hate that.

(The reference is in Chakh Le, a song about the growing disparities between the poor and the rich, and using your fame and money to help the poor, and the ref is about bringing justice and vengeance for the lower classes like Batman. Some Indian metalheads understand more Batman than Batman's writers)

[jinmukangwrites]

Nightwing BTHB: Serum Injection

Stars: Done. Moon: Requested. Eye: Next

Summary: Thirteen year old Dick wakes up in the clutches of owls; a group of people insisting he belongs to them. 

He thinks different.

[anon requested teen Dick Grayson being found out by the Court of Owls and kidnapped by them]

WARNINGS: GRAPHIC descriptions of blood and injury, non-consensual drugging, BRIEF THOUGHTS OF SELF HARM (but for only like a small paragraph), implied sort-of major character death, guys I really mess with Dick in this one. I’m pretty sure most of you reading this already love whump and violence but I still need you all to keep safe. Love you all! Let me know if I missed any triggers, I’m pretty sure I pinned down all the major ones though.

AO3 link

-o-o-o-o-

Dick shivers and curls up tighter against the corner of his small cell, clutching his left wrist and trying not to bend his spine too much because of the whiplash crawling around in his chest cavity. He hopes Bruce is okay… Dick doesn't remember much of the circumstances of his kidnapping, but he does remember driving home with Bruce from school when all of a sudden his guardian went taunt like a bow string before swerving off the road into a ditch just a few miles from the manor.

Next thing Dick knew, he woke up in this small room that can't even really be called a small room. It's more like a closet. A long rectangle that if he lays one way he can lay flat on his back, but won't be able to spread his arms out as much. The door to the room is on one of the short walls, looking all ominous with small gaps between it and the doorframe, the lack of door knob, and it's marble sheen. The floor and walls are marble too, and the ceiling looks rocky like granite. A single bright light shines above him, easily illuminating the small space, leaving the only things shadowed be the top corners where four different cameras hide.

Dick can't tell if those cameras can record audio or not. They can definitely visualize, the lenses are clear enough to see, but otherwise Dick isn't as studied in camera technology like Bruce is; he can't just look at them and immediately know what they are, when they were made, the company that made them and it's CEO, and who invented that particular model. He'd have to get up close and personal with it and hold it in his hands and perhaps have a monitor to his side to use the internet to help him out.

But right now, the thought of moving sends pangs of pain down his spine and in his neck. He's had whiplash before. You don't go on high speed chases in the Batmobile and not end up with whiplash at some point or another. Robin has been a part of his fair share of spectacular crashes… through crashes in the Batmobile are usually cushioned by millions of dollars of technology Bruce invented to make the effects of whiplash little to none. Crashing the Batmobile is tame when compared to a Mustang. Lot less support, a lot more broken metal, and a whole lot more seatbelts crushing your lungs as you catapult in every direction before you finally smack your head on the dashboard and pass out.

So Dick stays sitting, scowling at the door and rubbing his wrist. He doesn't think it's broken, just bruised, but it hurts just enough that he definitely doesn't plan on moving it any time soon. If he wasn't close to shivering in this room, he'd have ripped off a section of his shirt by now to wrap it, but alas… he's cold. And it's not broken so it can last without a brace or anything for a little while longer.

He just hopes his abductors reveal themselves soon and they tell him what they did with Bruce. Maybe he's just stuffed in a room somewhere different until a ransom is paid and then Gordon and the cops will storm in here and save them. Dick's been kidnapped plenty of times, and in all kinds of ways too. He knows how this goes. He'll be fine as long as he acts like a scared, thirteen year old Dick Grayson and not Robin the superhero. As long as he whimpers and cries and weakly and sloppily tries to struggle, he'll be okay.

He'll be okay.

He just hopes Bruce is too. Dick can't imagine what could happen to make the man just swerve off the road like that.

There's a scraping noise, a heavy door opening against solid ground, and Dick's snapped out of his thoughts. Instinctively, he curls up tighter, wincing as the back of his neck protests with a stiff yet stabbing pain and a wave of light-headedness washes over him. He keeps forgetting about the egg on his temple. The concussion from his most recent face-meet-dashboard episode. He's poked and prodded at it perhaps a half hour earlier, but he isn't completely out of it and it just hurts more than anything, but right now it makes it really difficult to completely focus on the forms of people who are standing right outside the door… just standing there, staring at him.

They… don't look like a typical "Dick Grayson" kidnapper. Or well, there's a couple different kinds of Dick Grayson kidnappers. The kinds of people Dick finds himself often in the clutches of are either high end, prestigious assholes who have a grudge against Bruce for some reason or other, or down on their luck thugs who want a quick buck. These people standing before him? They look like Robin kidnappers.

Meaning they're dressed in costumes and giving off a very… very dangerous vibe.

Dick immediately takes stock of them. Three are dressed similar to each other, in dresses or suits or gowns, their faces all covered by an eerie mask that looks like it could be based off an owl. The fourth guy though… he's the one who's giving Dick major red flags. He's muscular and taller than the others and his costume is black and leather and terrifying to look at. There's a hood pulled over his face, shaped like an owl who got steampunk goggles somewhere and that also gave off the shivering effect of light reflecting off of nocturnal eyes.

These look like genuine bad guys.

One of the masked ones steps forward, a woman in a low collared pink gown with lace lining the sleeves down to the middle of her forearms. Her blonde hair is all done up behind her, beads lining the braids until it all sits in a nice and perfect rose-shaped bun at the top of her head. She crosses her arms around her chest, and even with the mask Dick feels like she's studying him like he's a mouse in a glass cage.

"This is the Gray Son of Gotham?" She asks, clearly referring to Dick which throws him off for a number of reasons.

Normally, when he's kidnapped as Dick, people don't normally ever call him by name. First or last. It's always "brat" or "freak" or "that Wayne [insert "brat" or "freak" here]. It's something they do to lie to themselves that they hadn't just kidnapped, tied up, and locked up a kid. Calling him Wayne also makes it clear that they couldn't care less about him personally, they just want Bruce. They don't care that he's just a ward and that Bruce Wayne isn't his dad. They don't care about these things because he may not be adopted by Bruce Wayne, but he's definitely an easy-access key to his bank account.

But these guys called him Grayson. And not even Grayson, but they said it weirdly with an oddly purposeful space and a title added at the end. He wonders if it's a reference about how Bruce is normally jokingly known among the high class citizens as the White Knight of Gotham—a play on words to Batman's take of the Dark Knight of Gotham despite how they don't even know the half of it—but he doesn't get a chance to wonder long before the scary owl guy steps forward, looking directly at Dick with his shining eyes.

"It is, my Court," he says and Dick has to suppress a shiver, "he has finally returned to where he belongs, just like I promised."

"Hmm," the woman says, still staring at Dick as she brings a silk gloved hand to her chin in thought. "And you will take personal responsibility over his education?"

"Education?" Dick asks before he could think better of it. The cold air in the room becomes icy as every person's attention seems to zero in on him. Then, without any prompting, the fully costumed man suddenly strides forward and Dick almost doesn't have to fake a surprised yelp as his upper arm is easily grabbed, fingers wrapping around his limb hard enough to definitely leave bruises as he's forced to his feet; the grasp on him unrelenting as his arm is held higher than his head, forcing him to his tip toes.

Dick goes to wrap his hand around the grasp in an attempt for freedom, but he's painfully reminded of his injured wrist and all he can do is hold it to his chest as he tries to yank his arm out of the grasp on its own power. It doesn't do a thing, in fact the man's grip just tightens heartlessly.

"Of course, my Court," the owl man says, voice silky and dangerous, "I will see to all his education, starting now."

Dick cries out as his bad wrist is grabbed and held just as tightly.

The man bends to get in his face, those horrid eyes glowing dangerously and setting something nervous and scared aflame in his gut. "Lesson one: you will not speak unless addressed and given permission to speak. You will treat the Court with respect. Understand?”

Dick can only nod even though he has no clue what's going on or who these people are, but the nod seems to be enough because he's released. He gasps and scrambles backwards until his back meets the far wall, holding his pulsing wrist to his chest and blinking viscously to staunch the tears caused by the pain.

The owl man straightens with a suffocating aura of intimidation.

"I will turn him into the best Talon this Court has ever seen," the man says, voice prideful and boding ill-will. "We will not let you down."

"We will allow you to train him," the woman says, sounding pleased, "but know if he doesn't show his worth within the week, you both will be severely punished."

Dick feels a shiver go down his spine. If he could see the look on the owl man's face, Dick's sure a smirk would be sitting poisonous on his lips. "Trust me, my Court. He will surpass me. I will make sure of it."

-o-o-o-o-

Want more? This is but a small 1-2k of a 16k one-shot. Read the rest on AO3!

[slayerbook]

The Dark Knight Eviscerated

Here’s a thought that’s been nagging at me awhile now:

The Dark Knight Returns is the ultimate Batman story. And a significant, worthy piece of Western fiction. The cartoon movie, however, makes some baffling choices.

It’s probably my favorite Bat movie (after the Batman ‘66 one). I’m famously picky about Bat movies. I think Tim Burton’s Batman flicks are basically worthless — influential and significant, but crappy. And the Nolan ones are no fun: No scene can be summarized as “Bad guys are doing bad shit, then Batman drops in and kicks much ass.” (Captain America: The Winter Soldier is a much better Batman movie than any of the Batman movies. And the Bat fights in Bats v. Supes sure are swell, but...)

So unlike ALL other Batmovies, proper director Joy Oliva gave the cartoon Dark Knight Returns enough good action to satisfy. Still: over time, those choices gnawed at me. Some consciously, some not.

The cast is swell, but voice acting is disjointed and awful. Voice Director Andrea Romano is an hero in animation, but man, I don’t understand what she OK’d here. Peter Weller, Robocop himself, voices Bruce. He said he didn’t even read the comics, because he wanted to do his own thing with it. Oooof. I wish he had read it.

But more important: The script. Two things I can't get over, one obvious, one subtle but significant:

One: Cutting the narration, bad choice: If you're going to make a movie from the book, do it. Don't make it something else. Cutting the narration is like them adapting Year One, but totally changing the art style (only to use it in the credits,as if to say "Yeah, we coulda done that, but this is OUR shit — great, right?!"). But here's the one(s) I noticed this month, when I caught it on HBO:

Two, and here’s the kicker: The adaptation does everything it can to soften the political content. And the political content is essential. Not only does the adaptation remove the Bruce quote that serves as a thesis:

Bruce to Clark: "You say yes to anybody with a badge & a flag."

It also removes a nearby line from Oliver, who calls the police “fascist sons of bitches!"

The “badge & a flag” line is replaced with a couple utterly toothless, vague lines about being obedient to the wrong kind of authority. The changes remind me of Alan Moore objecting to V for Vendetta adaptation because the movie fails to mention fascism.

So, in conclusion, the Dark Knight Returns cartoon has stellar action, but fails because it won't say what the book does. The cartoon tells the story, but reduces it to a clash between two big superheroes — two essential American ideologies, not so much.

And I get it: What do you expect from a corporate cartoon?

But still, you know? If you're gonna do the thing, do the thing.

— BONUS: Here’s my full Winter Soldier vs. Nolan Batman piece, after the jump

I wrote this when Winter Solider was a new release, for Diffuser, which tried to be the AV Club for a minute, before the bosses stepped in and f*cked it up:

Captain America Out-Batmans Batman, and It Didn’t Take Much

It’s on. Captain America will go head-to-head against Batman and Superman in the DC heroes’ all-but-guaranteed megasmash crossover, when both franchises' next movies are released on the same day, May 6, 2016. Improbably, brand loyalty notwithstanding, Cap has the advantage if you’re waiting for an emotionally charged, kick-ass thrillride.

 Providing three-or-more thrills a minute, the pulse-pounding new “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” retroactively reduces all Batman movies’ scores by two letter grades. (OK, 2008’s “The Dark Knight” only loses one letter, for reasons we’ll get into). If “Winter Soldier” isn’t the best Super Hero Movie, Super Hero Action Movie, and Comic Book Movie, then it’s certainly in the top 3, in contention with “The Avengers,” “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World,” and M. Night Shylaman’s underrecognized “Unbreakable” — but definitely not Chris Nolan’s Bat-movies (or Bat-writer David Goyer’s mixed-bag of a Superman reboot, 2013’s “Man of Steel”).

 Captain America’s dark return once and for all shines a spotlight on the glaring fact that Batfans have been hesitant to acknowledge since Tim Burton’s slavishly overrated 1989 Batman: On the big screen, Batman has never been presented as an action hero.

 Both modern Batman franchises have been propelled into cult status through heroic applications of geek gratitude: A decent, dark Batman movie is better than no Batman movie. So the fanboys eat them up. And the people who don’t know any better embrace them as well.

 In retrospect, the Batmovies from the 1980s and ’90s paved the way for the superhero movie as we know it. But as Batmovies, they’re thorough failures. Burton’s first “Batman” was an art film with roughly thirty seconds of action, half of which involved Batman firing machine guns at Jack Nicholson, who was impersonating Daffy Duck, but somehow passed off himself off as the Joker. Clad in a rubber suit, Michael Keaton’s Batman punches a couple guys and almost randomly squares off with a Joker goon who has some martial arts training… for about six seconds.

 Batman 1989 Trailer:

http://youtu.be/HlsM2_8u_mk

 And the rest of the old-school Bat franchise is downhill from there. By 1997’s “Batman and Robin,” even with action icon Arnold Schwarzenneger in tow, the movies had developed into a campy drag-queen aesthetic. The universally derided — yet financially successful — final installment did more justice to Uma Thurman’s Poison Ivy than Batman or Bane. (In itself, there’s nothing wrong with that vibe, but it’s not what anybody wants in a Batflick.) At least Michael Keaton aced the brooding aspect of Batman. With George frickin’ Clooney and Val Kilmer in the Batman role, these supposed action flicks become costume fantasies that are invested in the idea that a person can put on a costume and suddenly become somebody completely different. And maybe that works at night clubs, but not when you’re fighting crime.

 At the heart of those Batflicks is a willful blind eye to physical reality: Someone who spent his whole life training to become Batman would not look — or move — like Keaton, Clooney, or Kilmer. Those movies barely pass the actors off as a billionaire playboy. And the action? Forget about it. The “Batman [’66]” TV series holds up better.

 That said, physical reality didn’t serve the Nolan Batmovies well, either. In 2005, “Batman Begins” provides a origin tale of young Bruce Wayne as a brawler-turned-ninja. And while it features some respectable action scenes, they’re not anything to make a viewer cringe or rewind and watch again. True, Nolan finally depicts Bruce Wayne as a guy who does some pushups. And real martial arts are in the mix, albeit with some stiff choreography.

 Batman Begins, Bruce Wayne escapes the League of Shadows… or does he?

http://youtu.be/Z8tysDC31Yo

 In 2008, the overlong “The Dark Knight” staged a couple swell action sequences, but they weren’t essentially rooted in Batman’s character. The most memorable IMAX-size scene is the Joker’s escape from a police van. In this second outing, Batman doesn’t emerge as an Olympic-level athlete. In fact, the plot’s tech-heavy resolution doesn’t make a very good case for Batman as a Sherlock Holmes-caliber detective, either. The guy in the costume is not doing what Batman is famous for doing.

 Dark Knight Van 2

http://youtu.be/Zg1cDKYmK98

 And the controversial misfire that was 2012 “The Dark Knight Rises”? Batman does fight more in it, but it’s nothing to blog about. Squaring off time and again, Batman and Bane trade rudimentary martial arts moves. The fighting style is realistic for a couple guys that size, but it’s dull.

 Batman’s big move is a thrusting front kick, which he uses over and over again. The technique is devastating when it connects, but you can see it coming all the way from the Triskelion. Batman’s first fight with Bane would be slightly more exciting if was really shot in total darkness. The movie’s climax involves a big vehicle chase, in which a weaponized camo SUV lobs a half-dozen slow-arcing, heat-seeking missiles at the Batwing. And it zooms away. Big whoop. Catwoman’s action had better choreography and revealed more about her character. At some point, Nolan deluded himself into imagining he was making a James Bond movie. “Dark Knight Rises”’ most memorable action sequences involve…

 1) Bane hijacking a plane (with Batman nowhere in sight).

 2) Hines Ward running back a kickoff for a touchdown as a football stadium collapses behind him (with Batman nowhere in sight).

 And

 3) Bane punching the sh*t out of a Tuscan column (instead of turning around, zeroing in on Batman, and displacing the rest of the Bat’s spinal column).

 Bane vs. the Architecture

http://youtu.be/DImh0ac-jdQ

 After all that realistic fighting, Bane can suddenly barehandedly dismantle a stone column? Now, obviously, Nolan made a decision to root his Batmovies in reality. But who cares? What’s more exciting? Tom Hardy, Chris Nolan, and very few invisible wires? Or this boss fight from the videogame “Batman: Arkham Origins”?

 http://youtu.be/OqEqN17zW8s

 Batman, obviously, has endless potential as an action hero. And it’s not like it can’t be done. The only Batman movie with real action scenes that will make you applaud, duck, and empathetically wince is the 2013 adaptation of Frank Miller’s game-changing mini-series “The Dark Knight Returns.” Director Jay Oliva researched real-life muay Thai and mixed-martials arts techniques to choreograph larger-than-life action scenes like Batman taking out an entire SWAT team (granted, they have the aim of Imperial Stormtroopers) and dissecting a feral gang leader who’s bigger and fiercer than Bane:

 Bats vs. Mutants

http://youtu.be/RV18kZIBBZA

 In the movie’s adaptation of the greatest fight in comic-book history, Batman defeats Superman in visceral hand-to-hand combat. (More or less: Bats is wearing an armored suit, and Superman is weakened from a previous nuclear explosion.) Maybe bringing the ultimate Batman story to life requires a cartoon, but maybe not.

 Dark Knight Returns, Supes-Bats pt 2, including steamroller

http://youtu.be/OYBClxNR_fU

 In Rocksteady’s “Arkham Knight,” photorealistic CGI turns Batman into a high-flying, car-jumping, slow-mo leaping, gang-punching, bullet-dodging, man of action (with the aid of some brilliant writing on par with Nolan & Goyer’s best).

 Batman Arkham Knight Trailer

http://youtu.be/wsf78BS9VE0

 Presumably, Goyer’s upcoming Batman-Superman reboot will take its cues from “Man of Steel” and deliver some superspeed hand-to-hand combat. But as of now, no Batmovie’s action scene can be roughly described thusly: “Batman swoops in out of nowhere and punches the bejeezus out of a bunch of dudes in a nimble, über-athletic manner.” No, if you want that kind of action, you need to see “Captain America: The Winter Solider.”

 If you experienced seen the movie yet, we know it sounds suspect. “Captain America: The First Avenger” was a good super hero origin story. But it wasn’t an earth-shaker. Not like “The Avengers, “which sets the bar on superhuman, comic book-style, truly-epic-scale action. But “Cap2ain America” brings the pain better than any franchise since the “Bourne” movies. The action in the new Cap flick isn’t about the Hulk and Thor taking down an invading alien army. No, in “Winter Soldier,” simply put, the characters — guys and girls — kick ass.

 Cap ship scene:

http://youtu.be/6k0kkSHiiPE

 Now that is “Hero drops in from the darkness and punches the bejeezus out of a bunch of dudes in a nimble, über-athletic manner.” The first ten minutes of “Winter Soldier” present Cap as an unstoppable fighter who thinks as fast has he moves. No slow build. The credits roll, and bam. Cap takes out an elite commando unit almost singlehandedly. It’s an apples-to-oranges comparison, but Batroc the Leaper has more moves than Nolan’s Batman.

 Cap vs. Batroc:

http://youtu.be/aHh0XaW0UyQ

 In one fight after another, Captain Rogers, his allies, and foes sinker deeper into a disorienting world of intrigue and escalating stakes. And Cap’s small crew of well-defined characters convincingly fight like they’re in an MMA cage. Flying knee-smashes. Lethal acrobatics. Interpersonal hand-to-hand combat that will leave you ducking in your seat. Intricate weapons-play that might not be believable, but is sure as hell memorable. Captain America even walks up to Batman’s home turf and makes it his. Contrast these two rooftop scenes:

 Cap rooftop scene:

http://youtu.be/zyUTeZVnd2w

 Dark Knight Returns Rooftop Scene:

http://youtu.be/D1zBw86sPk8

 Guess whose is more awesome? Again, perhaps not physically plausible, but awesome. Even without Cap running through walls, which one is more likely to make you want to watch it twice?

 In Nolan’s Batmovies, the Bat Tumbler may have provided some highlights. Batman sures operates motor vehicles a lot. But contrast the Bat-chases with this motorcycle scene from “Winter Soldier.” Of course, nobody could really singlehandedly take out a fighter jet. But the movie makes you believe — if only for a moment — that Steve Rogers could. The real “Superman” movie made a generation believe a man could fly. And the Nolan Batmovies? They’ll make you believe a man can hop into a small flying vehicle and zoom away.

 Cap vs. Jet:

http://youtu.be/RYSgkqc9EWI

 If Goyer and Nolan have seen “Winter Soldier,” they should be losing sleep over it. The spent around $600 million to make three movies that are memorable mostly for their ambience and an unforgettable Heath Ledger performance. Compared to “Winter Solider,” the Nolan Batman films represent the largest wasted opportunity since the “Star Wars Episodes I-III: The Jar-Jar Trilogy.” The ball’s in your court, Bats. We’re eagerly awaiting your response.