#Mayhaps because I see myself so much in Shao Peng and that frustrating feeling that comes with

[benkaben]

"If I hadn't [taken care of myself in ways not one of us could've predicted would make me disabled] I would've been a normal person just like you"

And then he wouldn't have to carry this much guilt, right? It's his fault, for taking the medicine, it's his fault, for being unable to hear, it's his fault, not being able to help where others can, it's his fault for being deaf... how dare he become imperfect.

But it's not. None of it it's his fault, he doesn't have to repent and crawl in his own misery to make other's people lives better.

Because when people love you, the love you whole, they love all the everything you are, even if they get mad, or dissapointed, or sad, when people truly care for you, at the end, they only want to see you happy, in all the ways you also want them to be happy.

You know that irony? Of wanting to carry the burdens of everyone around so that they don't suffer, but never once sharing your own?

That's not how it works. You can't crush yourself down into a better version of yourself.

And the people around you? They also want to help you with your own boulders.

There's so many things in our lives that we can't control, so much stuff we can't predict, things that have been that we never can only lock back to, unable to change the past.

But we're meant to make each other strong.

Where someone can't walk to his home, another can carry them in their back. Where someone can't hear, another can show and illustrate.

We're meant to be for each other, and in retribution, others are going to be for us.

Convincing ourselves that we're the sole carriers of everyone else's everything so that we can atone for the sin of being human and "incomplete"... It can never end well, I fear.