#Maybe it's because I'm normally into niche things without this much content but STILL

[revenantghost]

No fandom has ever hit me with so many, "Huh. Never thought of that before. Huh," ships that pop up across my feeds as Trigun, and it's a beautiful thing, really

[sunflwryu]

hello my readers, it's yumi here!

i'm not sure if anyone will read this (feel free to move on from this post if you'd like without spreading negativity), but i wanted to be honest to anyone who stumbles on my blog, and for my moots who might be wondering where i am.

whatever response i get to this, so be it, i'm just saying my piece, my thoughts and what i've been feeling for a while now rather than keeping it inside like i normally do. i'm tired of always contemplating on whether i should post how i feel on my blog, tired of feeling like an annoying whiny bother if i post anything at all besides my writings, tired of being afraid of what people might think of me or what they might say to me after, because i've seen how other authors are treated when they say their piece.

i hope you can understand if you do decide to read it.

i think unknowingly, i started measuring my writings' worth based on the interactions they get, as in comments and reblogs with tags or text. it's not anyone's fault, no one owes me interaction just like i don't owe anyone fics, but maybe because it felt so good to get so much interaction at the beginning of my blog that nowadays, i just compare what interaction i get now to what i did then.

i mean, that first sunoo fic i wrote got so much, and it still remains my most popular work, amazingly enough. it's not that i'm ungrateful, because i'm grateful to get reads, reblogs, likes, and it's not that i'm begging for interaction, because that's not what i'm doing either. i'd rather have people naturally interact if they want to, because i don't want someone to force themselves to give me feedback.

it's just that, i got my expectations set so high from my initial success of this blog, on certain works, that now that i don't get as much feedback or comments about how people feel on my more recent fics in comparison to what i got back then, especially seeing that many people still read and like my works and follow me, i feel naturally disheartened. and then whenever i try to write something new, another draft, it's like nothing i ever write will be better than that sunoo fic, will give a better shock value in its plot twist than the one in that hyunjin fic...and when i see other authors get loads of interaction, especially smut ones, i just feel disappointed in myself even though it's not my fault and it's not theirs either.

maybe it's because i write in a niche genre, maybe because i refuse to write extreme violent yanderes, maybe because i don't write explicit content, maybe because i can't commit to writing a longer, multi-chaptered fic, maybe because i'm not so involved into k-pop as i used to when i was younger so i'm out of touch with most things, maybe because i don't know how to interact with my readers other than responding to them, maybe because i come off unapproachable, or all those things combined? it's just, i don't want to source my works' worth, even my worth based on tumblr anymore, because that's killed all my fun, all the enjoyment i got out of writing, because i only criticize myself more when i look at those numbers and my own and compare myself to others. i just keep thinking there's something wrong with what i'm doing, with my writing, with myself and my choices on my boundaries, when there's nothing wrong and i shouldn't criticize on myself because of my personal, reasonable boundaries.

maybe it's just because of how almost everything has been pretty shit for me for the past few years and getting progressively, exceptionally worse, because of how i started to hyperfocus on this blog, on writing, since it was one of the only good things in my life. i guess eventually i started getting this taste of bitterness for this blog, for writing, which definitely was largely influenced by the shit i'm going through now and also for what i've said earlier, with how i killed my enjoyment for writing by myself because of comparison, because of how i let the circumstances outside tumblr ruin everything, but yeah...i just put a lot of unrealistic expectations on it and they were bound to fall through at some point anyways.

that's just how change is...i don't have much time anymore to think of ideas, to write like i used to, and i know i have to focus on doing what's best for me, which isn't this blog right now, as much as i want to continue writing, to rediscover that love i had for it in the beginning.

perhaps sharing my writing on a public blog like this isn't for me...

...so it's safe to say that regardless of what interactions i get after this post, i won't be writing or posting anything new anymore, at least not on tumblr publicly, at least not until i feel like it again, which could be many months, a few days, or even never. it might've been obvious because of my inactivity since september, but i guess i just wanted to say it more officially for those who have been expecting, waiting, if any at all, and to actually say it officially for myself as well, so i don't have to keep getting mad at myself for not posting anything, for not writing anything, for not working on the requests in my inbox.

thank you for reading and supporting me as always. :))

(i hope this post doesn't make it seem that i don't appreciate you all, because i do. i just wanted to share my feelings, and i was tired of not saying anything about my feelings to almost no one all this time. i'll still be around on tumblr to answer asks, to talk to my moots, to interact with interactions on my works, to read, though. i'm always grateful because this blog has given me ways to express myself that i couldn't IRL, and you readers support that.)

[legionofpotatoes]

messy shitty twitter rant no one has to read. venting for the void

I've made my stance on social media abundantly clear over the years but it still sucks to see the largest whale start bleeding in plain sight. The intersection and scale of art communities, ADs, recruiters, IP social managers, and legitimate brand opportunities is hard to find anywhere other than twitter, and it's been a quiet respite in not having to deal with fifteen separate portfolio websites instead. I just can't be fucked to deviantart and artstation my life anymore, I just don't have the energy. I like hosting a simple portfolio website and using networking to funnel clients in there. Having that second step pooled in one spot is messy, sure, and oftentimes revolting due to its flattened information highway noise, but also like so so much easier in terms of content dissemination, and getting the word out, and reaching out with/responding to pitches, and maintaining an image, whatever. And I know this is damning for me.

Because yeah, as an artist, I should hone a discipline and focus it up into actionable social niches. But twitter made me so lazy. My style and work ethic was literally the entire sell; offers come in the craziest disciplinary varieties. There aren't a lot of them, and private commissions are still be my lifeblood, but in-between I may get to work on illustrated posters, TTRPG covers, novel covers, con prints, actor portraits, official merchandise, podcast branding, website visual identities, videogame marketing, all these disparate and fun projects that come from so many different people and companies all living on twitter and looking for a best fit to their brief. It isn't effortless or easy by any means, but it feels fun. I know this is also achievable through better online self-image and a curated set of hiring/portfolio website presence, but for me twitter is all of it in one pot. Made me lazy. I'm admitting that, and it sucks in all the normal ways, along with some very selfish ones, to see melon husk bleed it of all relevance.

I just have trouble with all of this. I didn't grow up on the internet, but I did grow up alongside it, and I'm not a social person. I wasted half of my life rotting my soul for stable pay in an office job that drove me to the brink of things I don't even want to mention. Art saved my life, and I owe social media all of that credit, but if I could work as an artist in a similar vein and variety of projects without pulling them in from twitter, my god, I would disappear from the face of the (online) earth. I'd occasionally dick around on here and that would really be it. I want to spend so much more time on my personal life than I manage to because of work, of which 75% is essentially admin, and within that, maybe half is online image curation. It's exhausting. And losing twitter will mean building those callouses up somewhere else with an even steeper learning curve. And I don't wanna. Throwing baby tantrums over it. I'm tired of the internet song and dance. I want to be a person.

I'll stick with it for as long as I can without feeling like shit. I don't delude myself into thinking that participating in online algorithmic meritocracies is in any way ethical regardless of who runs them, but I'm sure melonhead can and will find ways to get me to throw up in my mouth hard enough to bail someday. Waiting with baited breath. Fuck billionaires so much!

[anti-ao3]

my experience with ao3

i joined it around 2015 mainly because of an otgw author i followed on tumblr, and since they were very active on ao3 i thought to myself, "why not?". otherwise it took me a whole year to actually post something there. since then i got quite a following for my undertale fics, and later other fandoms such as steven universe.

my fics are, in general, pretty well liked, sometimes even gaining hundreds of kudos. one even got 1k the other day. most nice comments i get are from ao3 users. even then, i never actually interact with them. i rarely reply to comments, nor do i comment myself; i mainly just bookmark the fics i like. i gradually got more wary of the users since the more i tried to consume fics there, the more messed up shit i would find. for instance, a lot of the ppl who read my ut fics were into fontcest and child/adult content, and it was the same thing for the other fandoms i wrote for.

maybe because of my general avoidance, i never had a traumatizing experience on ao3, like many have unfortunately gone through. i have gotten rude comments every now and then, but i was never caught up in grooming or something as such. even still, looking for fics used to be much worse because i wasn't aware of any filtering extensions, nor did ao3 have the "exclude" feature back then, so the great majority of fics i would find was basically pedo/incest/abuse/racist porn. when they did add the "exclude" feature a couple years ago, it became a little less disheartening - while it was still a pain having to exclude 10-20 tags just to get something normal -, but in general i never quite used ao3 to read many fics, only very niche concepts i'm personally fond of. i also always check if the author reads and/or writes any insidious content, so i'm very selective of what i read and who i follow.

the thing that made me create this account, though, was when i wrote a fma 03 fic last year and i included a tag that said "elricests and royeds have no rights and should rot". someone reported me to ao3 and they accused me of harassment, and hid my work until i got rid of the tag. i refused and posted a very heated rant against ao3, which finally got me suspended for months. in the meantime, ao3 began actively deleting works that included any tags that included "x shippers do not interact" or similar. basically, their excuse was "you have to let ppl ship whatever they want. yes, even if it's incest and pedophilia".

at first, when i was angry, i thought of deleting all my works, but after a while, i realized i didn't want to. the reason my account is still up is mainly sentimental. i've been on ao3 for 7 years now, and i did find some good fics and good ppl in there. my fics are very personal to me, so all the positive (and earned) feedback i got means very much to me. i have many fics there, some still ongoing, so i haven't had the courage to delete my account. i guess it's mainly because i never went through something traumatic there, so it's probably easy for me to have these feelings.

i've always been on a little corner on ao3, really. it means a lot to me when ppl find it and decide to stick in. but of course, ao3 has deeply disappointed me in a lot of ways. i'm only still using the site with a grain of salt. sometimes i wish i could let go, but it's really hard for me to do it. maybe one day i will, but for now, i just really wish i could have a safe space where people can enjoy platonic/familial content without any concern.

ao3 is a huge platform nowadays, and a lot of writers i follow and respect use it. i know taking it down is not easy, so i really wish there was a way for us to pressure ao3 to have better moderation - and actually ADD a blocking/muting feature.

i will always stand on the side of minorities, and i hope one day we get justice for all the harmful things ao3 and its users have done to us.

[mochuelovelli]

Some Alt. Jobs for the Kids in the Future:

Mainly doing this as just a thought experiment. Usually people are of one mind on what the kids will *probably* be when they are older(myself included) so I wanted to give some alts that could fit their personalities.

Louie-Manger/Agent:Making this list mainly for him because I recalled Princess Carolyn from BoJack and how her job could fit Louie pretty well. Ik a lot of people headcanon Lawyer! Louie, I do too, but I think this would be a fun idea.

A manager's job is basically finding ways to get their client's hired or trying to tailor a client's project in order for it to be marketable. We already seen Louie do this in his ep this season but I think it be cool if became a legit job for him. He's still a McDuck ward so nothing with his business would be "normal" and he would have to do similar "schemes" to get his clients jobs, especially if they are inter-dimensional goat demons.

Louie would probably say the reason he became a manager would be "because I've been trying to convince people I am good enough my entire life, might as well make a career out of it". Edgy ik, but this is Louie we are talking about of course he say some dumbshit.

Dewey-YouTube Personality: this is probably just a less popular hc rather than one that's not talked about at all like the Louie (or the next couple examples). For me, I can't see Dewey being anything but some kind of globe trotting adventurer who would also record it for views. But in the case that DIDN'T happen, I think he'd become a youtube personality and make shows with his friends and family. I think it be really cute, that even as they grown older and become more independent, Dewey can still find ways to bring them all to his house to be apart of his youtube show(s) where he and a guest try to guess obscure history facts Webby comes up with (Watchers know what I'm talking about) or where he and some friends try to solve unsolved mysteries or try and bake without a recipe (im really showing what content i watch).

His Youtube channel would be sporadic like, "series" but he doesn't make actual playlists (Huey or Violet do) and uploads whatever he wanted to do that week. Good thing is, he never misses an upload date. Almost.

Huey-Military Engineer/Tech Guy (IE better Beaks): I had the hardest time with figuring out Huey since like Webby, he can pretty much be in any field to me (as long as its stem related). This suggestion to me is the least chill out of all of them but I picked it because 1. Huey likes structure and chain of command and 2. Science and defense systems.

Out of his brothers, Huey isn't the most WORRIED about safety but he definitely is the one who would do something about it to fix it. I can see him making some intergalactic defense systems and various prevention junk. Maybe he works under Gosalyn's administration[see gos] or he makes "unnatural-natural phenomenon" protection stuff. Kinda like the seawalls in Venice but like, stuff to make sure the Earth doesn't get destroyed because of all the crazy shit the duckverse has. Like ghost forcefields or the reversal of timephoons. I don't think he would be a Tony Stark character tho so I am not 100% with this one.

He could also just be a tech guy, but yknow, better than Mark Beaks. He accidentally has more followers than him would crush him in twitter fights (an example would be something along the Logan Paul vs Chris D'Elia). I find this just really funny, Huey would actually be what all those "good guy billionaires" claim to be (also he wouldn't be one just as a matter of principle). Owlson would probably be his mentor or maybe just business partner.

Webby-Comic Artist/Cartoonist: Webby, to me, can pretty much go into any field and I would be like "yeah makes sense". However I know in my heart she'd be some kind of spy or detective. Thinking about her being anything else was honestly kinda hard but then I realized she DOES have another hobby which could be turn into a career - her drawings and stories. Webby is definitely a creative person, maybe the most creative so far in front of or slightly behind Dewey, so I think she would like to make comics and cartoons.

If you want to be angsty, maybe she chooses this mundane route because she was somewhat conditioned by her granny (or her creators if theories are to he proven right) to be a super spy; choosing to be a cartoonist is something she was never trained to become and yet she still did because it's something SHE wanted to do for herself.

Lena-Poet/Song Writer: okay another one that might not be uncommon but I like to just see it thrown out there. Lena is cool in large part because of her magic but in a possible similar motivation to Webby, she wanted to be a poet not only because she was good at it but because she wanted to be. This doesn't have to be her main hussle, usually I don't see it as such, but I also think it be cute if she became a new Robert Frost (this is the only poet ik sorry).

Violet-Cosmologist: Most people see Violet as either some kind of chemist, professor, or occasionally a witch. I think another good alt tho would be cosmology since Violet herself wants to understand the world around her, which is a bit different from Huey who wants to obtain knowledge for knowledge sake in the case it might come in handy though not extremely. Cosmology as field in the dt universe must be WILD too since im pretty sure most scientists know of all the magic and junk, in fact I wouldn't be surprised if there was a legit subject on it or multiple. Trying to make sense of YOUR universe while knowing others exist along with time travel, possibly multiple after lifes? Its a lot. Perfect job for Vi.

Boyd-Therapist/architect: I feel like this isn't such a niche hc, but I do see more folks make him into his own superhero and/or an accountant. I might be playing into the Baymax stereotype of robots being good mental health assistants but idc, I think it's warranted since he has gone through and understands trauma. Maybe he focuses on those who need rehabilitation or are unable to get paid treatment. Maybe he just helps those who have committed crimes. Another alt is that he becomes an architect, building well planned buildings and public spaces in a flash by utilizing his vast abilities. He might even be commissioned to make space colony housing.

Gosalyn-Politican: Alright so, Gosalyn being a superhero like her dad is like, canon but again in an alt universe where it WASN'T (or maybe later in her life) I can see her becoming political. Frank even laid out some of what inspired this iteration of Gosalyn which included notable political activists, so as of rn its not that far of a stretch to say she might be interested in that. I have a feeling its happens because she gets riled up for something in particular rather than she always wanted to be a career politician or whatever. She would definitely be a less polished politician and that be her appeal, she'd kinda be like an AOC in that regard(im sorry I tried really hard not to name drop political figures but-). An example of her "abnormal" diplomacy tactics is where she stopped Ragnarok semi permanently by absolutely wrecking their shit. (She be dramatic about it like her dad, coming in her normal President wear and then throw it off to reveal some crazy wrestling shit. Louie would also make a lot of money that day.)