#Maybe ill spectate if my schedule allows it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dovechim · 7 years

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it’s okay, that’s love 02

➾ water polo player!jimin x psychiatrist!reader ft ot7 ➾ warnings: mentions of blood, mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd, split personality disorder etc), self harm, angst, fluff, smut ➾ word count: 9.5k ➾ please read part one first if you haven’t!

01 | 02

➾ disclaimer: this is purely a work of fiction and i do not claim to be a qualified mental health professional. this work is not intended to provide any medical advice of any sort, please consult a licensed physician instead.

➾ summary: you’ve always managed to keep your work and personal life strictly separated, but new housemates means that boundaries are crossed, defences are raised and feelings are hurt. maybe kim taehyung is right after all- but that doesn’t mean you’ll ever admit it.

“I just don’t get it,” you slouch over the couch in the break room, not caring if your coat gets wrinkled underneath your weight. “I just don’t understand any of this.”

“I know right, how can someone lack that much compassion?” Taehyung wrestles with two packs of ramen noodles as he empties them into the pot of boiling water and replaces the lid. “Ugh I’m so craving a chicken burger from Burger King right now but I swear Irene sunbae is literally guarding that door.”

“What? What are you talking about?” The smell of piping hot instant ramen stirs your appetite and persuades you to get up from the couch and make your way to the table.

Taehyung pauses as he lifts the lid to crack two eggs in. “Wait, you weren’t talking about her? Then who- oh! Our landlord? Yeah, I can’t believe she kicked us out over my sex life…”

At the mention of your currently evicted status, you reach to hit him square on the forehead with the back of your spoon, satisfied when it makes a loud thwack and he flinches in pain. “No, I was talking about Park Jimin, my newest patient. He just seems like such a sweet, innocent boy but yet he’s capable of such violence… It just doesn’t make any sense.”

“You know what they say, it’s always the quiet ones,” Taehyung leers at you as he reaches to uncover the pot of steaming noodles and begins to dig in.

You open your mouth to tell him that he can go fuck himself, but he somehow manages to stuff an entire chopstick’s worth of noodles in and it burns your tongue, but succeeds in getting you to shut up for at least 5 minutes.

“Anyway, I have a suggestion,” Taehyung says in the midst of a mouthful of noodles.

Indulging in a mini duel with him over the last egg yolk, you don’t bother acknowledging him as you concentrate on successfully scooping it onto your spoon without breaking it.

“Aren’t you gonna ask me what it is?”

You narrow your eyes at him, but choose to humour him anyway. “What is it?”

“You should go see him at practice. I mean, most of his aggression manifests during games right? So maybe you should observe him at ground zero, y’know what I mean?” He takes a sip from his coffee cup.

You take a moment to seriously consider his suggestion, and you have to admit that it does make a lot of sense, which you weren’t expecting. “Wow. You’re actually capable of saying something useful for once. Thanks, Tae.”

“That’s so not true, I say useful things all the time, like- oh speaking of, Jimin was the one who rescheduled that time right? He was originally supposed to be with me.” Taehyung stands to carry the pot to the sink, and you follow him to toss your chopsticks in as he starts the tap to wash up.

“Yeah, why?”

“You sure you can manage an extra patient on top of all those that you have? He sounds like he’s gonna take up a lot of your time, especially if you need to take time off from your shifts to go see him.” Taehyung shoots you a concerned look as he reaches for the dish soap. “Maybe you should pass one of your other patients to me. How about Namjoon, the out-patient?”

“I don’t know, won’t Irene throw a fit or something? She said no transferring of patients amongst ourselves. Sejeong almost got kicked out of residency for doing that in her first month, remember?”

“It’ll be fine, besides, I think she’s even more likely to get on my case for having a lesser workload than the other residents. It’s not really switching, per se, and his case is simple enough for me to handle.”

You’re a little hesitant to agree to this, although Taehyung is right and you could really do with one less patient. Your schedule right now is completely filled to the brim, but all those years in med school and internships you’ve learned to get used to a hectic work life with almost no personal or social life, so it doesn’t really bother you. Work is life, life is work. It’s simply the fate you chose when entering med school, and it’s something you’ve accepted long ago. But you wouldn’t want Taehyung to get in trouble either for having one less patient than the rest of you, especially since your residency period is so close to being over.

“Okay, I guess, I’ll leave his stuff on your desk later,” you reluctantly agree.

“Noona! What brings you here?” Jeongguk greets you in surprise with his white shirt almost halfway over his head as he disrobes for the start of training, so his voice comes out a little muffled.

“Oh, just thought of dropping by since I had a free afternoon,” you casually lie to him; you had to beg and plead for Sejeong to take over your afternoon rounds for the day.

“Jimin-hyung will be so excited that you’re here- JIMIN-SSI!!!” He bellows in the direction of the changing rooms as he tosses his white shirt onto the steps of the spectator’s gallery.

“Wait, don’t call him over, I don’t want him to know-“

Too late. Jimin comes bounding out of the male changing room, already stripped to his training attire of swim trunks. He scans your general direction for a couple of seconds, eyes narrowed against the harsh glare of the sun before he spots you and Jeongguk on the steps and jogs over with a grin on his face.

“_____, you didn’t tell me you were coming!” He reaches the step below you in an instant.

“Oh, I um…” you’re trying to come up with a believable excuse as to why you’re here, but your brain goes blank at that moment. Maybe it’s because of the unrelenting sweltering heat of the midday sun, or the fact that the square inch area of exposed bare skin has just doubled upon Jimin’s arrival.

You really need to desensitize yourself to all this semi nudity.

“I just wanted to observe you for a bit,” you finally say lamely, and Jimin’s eyes widen in realisation.

“Oh, did Seokjin-hyung ask you to?” His enthusiasm seems to die down a little, evident in the way his grin fades a little as he contemplates that you might be here on purely professional grounds only, not to see him.

You give him a muted nod in response, heaving a sigh of relief when Seokjin emerges from a distance away and gathers everyone with a blow of his whistle and the threat of extra laps around the pool.

As the team starts their warmup exercises, you duck back under the shade and pull out your tablet, running through your previous notes to refresh your memory. After a while, Seokjin sets up a practice game within the players and joins you on the sidelines.

“_____, thanks for coming.”

“Oh, it’s no problem. I just wanted to, y’know, observe him in his element, at ground zero, as we would call it.” A smile crosses your face when you use Taehyung’s self-coined term.

“And how is it so far?” He peers towards the pool, keeping an eye on every movement, every pass that the players make.

“Nothing unusual to report so far, unfortunately,” you watch the players toss the ball back and forth across the length of the pool. “He seems like a really great team player, doesn’t hog the ball and passes well to others, yet still manages to display individual tenacity and strength that makes up a good portion of the overall team’s effectiveness.”

“Wow, that was really accurate,” Seokjin turns to you with an impressed look on his face. “I’ve been training that boy for years now, and I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“I can see why you’ve never given up on him after all these years. He really does have the potential to show so much more than what I saw at his last game.” You watch as Jimin playfully dunks Jeongguk’s head under the water after effortlessly scoring a goal. “And this is off topic, but Jeongguk stands out a lot too.”

“Yeah, he’s what we call the centre, kinda like the equivalent of a quarterback, mainly due to his size. That boy is a beast, has been one ever since college even though he’s the youngest on the team. He’s like our golden boy, with him we’ve never lost a match before. Imagine if Jeongguk and Jimin could play a full game together…” Seokjin releases a deep sigh.

“But he seems okay today,” you turn to him. “Jimin, I mean. He hasn’t had an episode yet, even though the other side has gained possession of the ball quite a few times already. That’s what set him off last time, right?”

Seokjin shakes his head. “It only happens during official games. During practice matches he’s absolutely fine, no trace of foul play anywhere.”

Violent behaviour is not tied down to a particular external trigger. You look away from the gameplay in the pool to type this observation down before returning your attention to the pink haired boy in the pool roughhousing with his teammates, except with an overjoyed grin on his face, not a ferocious, malicious glower.

Seokjin allows the boys a few more moments in the pool before he wraps up the training session and dismisses them. You remain in your seat deep in thought till you realise that Jeongguk is trying to get your attention from the shallower side of the pool.

“Noona! Noona, come quickly, I think Jimin has a cramp!” Your eyes fly over to Jimin’s thrashing form slightly further away, and your heart skips a panicked beat.

Seokjin is nowhere to be found, having long ago disappeared into the changing rooms. You abandon your tablet and bag on the stands, keeping your eyes firmly on the pink head of hair as you approach the side of the pool.

You’re two steps away from diving in yourself, not even pausing to question why Jeongguk looks so calm with his best friend almost drowning not even a metre away from him. But then you notice something strange- this part of the pool is shallow enough for Jimin’s feet to touch the ground, and it looks like only the upper part of his body is struggling, which means-

SPLASH! Jeongguk grabs the backs of your knees and pulls, causing you to fall face first into the water if he hadn’t caught you in his arms. Still, you sputter as his arms surround your waist and he pulls you close to his body, your legs kicking feebly as you gasp and cough.

“J-jeon Jeongguk!” You screech at him in fury as you push and slap at his chest, and he lets you go with a howl of laughter.

A few paces away, Jimin is almost doubled over in laughter as well, clutching his sides in the water as he wades towards you. He places his hands on your shoulders as he grins at you with pure unadulterated elation. “_____, are you okay?”

“NO,” you spit out the heavy taste of chlorine in your mouth. “I haven’t been in a pool since like high school, and you just broke my record. I was gonna call up the Guinness Book of Records tomorrow, but I guess that won’t work now.”

Jimin only collapses into more peals of laughter as his head lurches forward, resting on your collarbone as he giggles.

“Ah, I can’t believe you fell for that, noona,” Jeongguk has a smug little look on his face. “Oh, since you just happen to be in the pool, Yugyeom bets that I can’t beat him in a chicken fight.”

“You can’t, dickhead!” A blonde haired boy at the other end of the pool yells out immediately upon hearing his name.

Jeongguk rolls his eyes. “And he’s right, I can’t win in a chicken fight against him, not with all these fat asses on the team.” He shifts his gaze toward Jimin playfully, but his head is still buried in your neck.

Suddenly, your cheeks grow hot as you realise how intimate the two of you look, so you gently push Jimin away, putting some distance in between.

“But I can win if it’s you, noona,” his tone is imploring, doe eyes wide as he tugs on your hand. “Please just help me out this once, if I lose Yugyeom’s gonna take my character on Overwatch the next time we play!”

“Um… is that a bad thing?”

“Um… duh??” He looks at you as if you have three heads. “Widowmaker is my favourite!!!”

“Just play McCree then,” Jimin is surveying your less than thrilled reaction, trying to give you an escape from Jeongguk’s insistent pleading.

“But Widowmaker is hotter- and I shouldn’t be listening to a guy who makes his team carry him all the damn time,” Jeongguk shoots back.

You have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about, and honestly, all you want to do right now is take a hot shower and curl up in bed. Preferably not the one in the resident’s room, but then you remember your current eviction status, and dread courses through you.

“Fine- if I do this, will you let me out of this damn pool?”

“Wait- really? Yes!! Of course, thank you noona!” Jeongguk’s eyes light up in excitement. “Yugyeom, you little shit, I’m gonna beat your ass today!”

“Wait, who will be paired with Yugyeom?” You watch as Yugyeom approaches your side of the pool, and Jeongguk greets him with an elaborate handshake that involves way too much dabbing, rivalry temporarily forgotten.

Boys.

“Huh? Oh, Jimin-hyung of course,” he grins in excitement just as Yugyeom’s face falls when he realises why Jeongguk is so confident of his chances, the reason being your soaked figure. “Oh, this is gonna be too easy, noona we’re definitely gonna win this.”

“Wait, you get a pretty girl on your shoulders and all I get is this pink haired elephant??”

Jimin snags Yugyeom’s ear between two fingers, tugging with a pressure that makes him apologise immediately. “I’m still your hyung, brat, and I’m not afraid to choke you with these thighs.”

Jeongguk lowers himself in the water, extending a hand towards you. “Noona, get on my shoulders, I promise I won’t drop you.”

Heaving a sigh, you shoot up a quick prayer for patience and for divine protection as you take his hand, positioning yourself behind him and raising one of your legs to the lowered height of his shoulder and sliding your thigh onto his shoulder. Thank God you chose to wear dark coloured shorts today, although the same can’t be said for your light pink tank top.

With his help, you manage to secure your legs on his shoulders, and he stands to his full height with his hands on your upper thighs providing stability. Suddenly the bottom of the pool feels so much further away, and you can’t help but grip onto the strands of his wet hair, tugging on his scalp instinctively.

“Yah- ah noona,” Jeongguk grunts in pain as he takes a few test steps.

“Ah shit, sorry Kookie,” you immediately let go of his hair, but then you struggle to find somewhere else to place them, feeling as if you’re flailing and floundering ungracefully atop his broad shoulders.

“Relax, noona,” Jeongguk’s calm voice sounds from below, and you can literally feel the vibrations in his chest from where your calves come into contact with the rest of him. He squeezes your knee in an attempt to soothe you. “Tighten your thighs over my shoulders if you feel like you’ll fall. Here, like this,” he pushes the tops of your knees downwards in demonstration. “Just remember not to squeeze sideways like thunder thighs over there.”

At the mention of Jimin, you glance over to him and realise that he’s already astride Yugyeom’s shoulders, his eyes fixed on where Jeongguk’s hands are resting on your upper thighs, left bare as your shorts ride up. He seems to be perfectly at ease atop the other man’s shoulders, a complete opposite of your ungraceful, quivering form.

“It takes a little bit of getting used to, you just need to wiggle around till you find your centre of balance,” Jeongguk approaches the other pair slowly. “You can hold my ears if you need to noona,” he says in an amused tone.

“It’s okay, I-I’m fine,” you try to do as he says and adjust your position atop him, feeling awkward with Jimin watching you so intently, all traces of his cheerful disposition having vanished from his face upon seeing Jeongguk’s hands on your thighs.

“We’ll go easy on you guys, at least till ____ stops looking as if she’s about to jump out of a plane without a parachute,” Jimin squeezes his thighs together, prodding Yugyeom forward even as the man under him protests.

“Ready noona? Yugyeom won’t last long under Jimin-hyung,” Jeongguk reassures you as he comes face to face with Yugyeom.

Jimin raises his hands in defense, and you copy his actions. “Ready… set… go!!”

You attack first, reaching forward to make contact with Jimin’s palms and push him backwards. But Yugyeom deftly steps back to avoid you, and you tip forward precariously. Jeongguk rapidly advances a few paces in order to help you keep your balance, and you unconsciously grab at his forehead, your heart in your mouth.

“Fucking coward!” Jeongguk provokes them when he really shouldn’t, not when you’re so wobbly and unstable like this, not when you actually have a teeny tiny fear of heights-

Yugyeom charges forward, and Jimin attacks with a determined look on his face, reaching for your outstretched hands. But Jeongguk stands his ground in the water with his legs braced wide apart for impact, and he doesn’t budge a single inch. His hands slide upwards to grip onto your inner thighs, keeping you firmly in place, and his fingers dig into your soft flesh.

Jimin’s eyes flicker downwards to take in this sight, and once you see that he’s distracted, you immediately go in for the kill. You lean forward slightly, and Jeongguk senses your impending attack, taking a few steps forward, providing the momentum as you push hard at Jimin’s firm, bare chest, catching him off guard. He’s too busy staring at Jeongguk’s tanned fingers grasping your soft skin, and he loses his balance. Yugyeom attempts to salvage the situation by retreating hastily, but it’s too late- Jimin’s center of gravity pulls him down into the water with a splash, and Yugyeom goes down with him.

“Yes!! Widowmaker is mine!!!” Jeongguk slaps the surface of the water in jubilation, showering the two of you in water droplets. The thrill and adrenaline of winning races through your veins, and you find yourself joining in on his carefree laughter as the two of you watch Jimin and Yugyeom resurface.

“Jimin-hyung maybe you should stop bulking and do some cardio- ow okay ahhh I’m sorry I was just joking!!” Yugyeom twists away as Jimin tweaks his nipples harshly, and you feel the laughter all the way in the pit of your stomach, and it aches.

“Jeongguk, you owe me one. Help me get off,” you tug at his earlobe to get his attention.

“Anytime, noona, just tell me where you want me,” Jeongguk smirks, and he never misses a chance at innuendo that’s a fact about him that you know all too well. He crouches down so that you can slip off his shoulders and land safely with your feet firmly on the tiles of the pool.

Across from you Yugyeom is hastily demanding a rematch, citing unfair advantages, Jimin looks moody and slightly annoyed as he heads for the side of the pool. You hurry after him, struggling to wade through the shallow waters since you’ve never been a strong swimmer, worried that he might have another violent outbreak because of this.

“Jimin, wait,” you pant as you reach the wall, glancing around for the stairs that you can use to climb out, but it’s all the way over at the other end. Damn it.

Jimin is already a few paces out of the pool, but he pauses when you call his name and turns around to face you.

“Are you okay?” You ask hesitantly, studying his expression intently for any signs of anger or frustration. But he schools his features into neutrality as he reaches down to grasp your hands and pulls you out of the pool in one swift motion. A little floored by his unexpected action and pure strength, you have to grasp his waist for balance, but you pull away almost immediately.

“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” He sounds a little amused as he watches the red blush spread over your cheeks.

“Oh, um… just asking,” you answer lamely, shivering when a blast of the wind hits. “You don’t happen to have any spare clothes do you? I would ask Jeongguk since he’s mainly responsible for this, but he’s still…”

The both of you look over to Jeongguk who’s still play fighting in the water with Yugyeom.

“Yeah of course! Come wait in our locker room while I get you some stuff to dry off? Everyone’s mostly gone already anyway.” Jimin guides you in the direction with a hand between your shoulder blades.

He rummages in his locker for a couple of moments before tossing you a light blue sweatshirt and grey sweatpants together with a fluffy yellow towel. It’s a little weird to enter the stall next to him and start stripping to rinse the chlorine from your skin, but it’d be even weirder to make things awkward and leave just to go to the women’s toilet, so you suck it up. Similar sounds of water running come from next door, and you try your best not to be too uncomfortable about this as you quickly dry off and squeeze as much water out from your bra as possible. Thankfully the satin material doesn’t absorb much water, so you make sure to dry the surface of the bra cups so it doesn’t soak through Jimin’s sweatshirt and put it on. Deciding to go commando since your underwear can’t be salvaged, you hope Jimin won’t pause to think too much about the logistics of what you’re wearing, or not wearing.

Jimin is already waiting outside while towelling dry his pink hair, fluffing it up with a similar yellow towel draped around his shoulders.

“How does your hair not fade with all that chlorine?” You watch as he styles the cotton candy hued strands of hair with his fingers.

“A lot of bleach, and constant retouches,” he laughs as he glances at you in the mirror. “In fact, I was just gonna ask you if you were willing to help me touch up this month. It’s kinda hard to do it on my own, and Jeongguk always does a shit job at it.”

“What about Yoongi?”

“Yoongi-hyung doesn’t even come out of his room. Sometimes I go like three days without talking to him and I have to knock on his door to make sure he’s alive. But then he just swears at me and tells me to get out.”

“Sounds about right,” you grin at his accurate depiction. Pulling out your phone to check the time, you see that you have three missed calls from Taehyung, ranging from an hour ago to 20 minutes ago and then just 5 minutes ago.

“Hold on, I need to make a call real quick okay?” You say to Jimin before dialling Taehyung back. “What is it?”

“Finally?? Where are you now? Did you drown in the pool or something?” Taehyung immediately answers the call.

“Something like that,” a smile tugs at the corner of your lips. “What did you want? Is Irene-sunbae asking for me? Just tell her that I took an afternoon off, and I’ll be back really soon-”

“No, no it’s not that. It’s nothing to do with work, geez just relax for a second. It’s good news.”

“Every time you say that, I start preparing for the worst, you know that right?”

You can almost imagine Taehyung rolling his eyes on the other end of the line. “No, it’s good news, _____, I promise. I found a solution to our housing problem, and the landlord is really amazing! He said we can move in as soon as possible, so I wanted to ask you to come back to the house to help pack all our stuff and we can start moving in.”

It sounds too good to be true, but Taehyung has a knack of solving problems you couldn’t in the past. “Really? That’s so amazing, I’m about to head back right now-”

“Drop a pin on your location and I’ll come get you? I’m getting in an Uber right now.”

“Okay, see you in a bit.” You hang up only to find Jimin staring at you, and you raise an eyebrow at him, and he smiles that shy smile of his when he’s been caught.

“Boyfriend?” Jimin can’t help but ask, even though it doesn’t sound like you would be talking to your boyfriend, but he figures this is an excellent chance to find out if you’re single, and he isn’t going to let it go to waste.

“Oh, ugh no,” you wrinkle your nose at the thought of dating Taehyung, not because you didn’t find him attractive, but because you’ve known him for way too long to ever think of him in that way. “Just my best friend who got us kicked out of our apartment last week.”

“Ouch, that’s rough,” Jimin follows as you head for the exit of the changing room, and he can’t help but admire how good your butt looks in his sweatpants. For once he thanks his lucky stars that Jeongguk was distracted and didn’t offer you his own clothes, because seeing you dressed in his oversized sweatshirt does things to him that should be illegal. “You need a place to crash then? But you said you stay in the hospital residents’ room right?”

“Yeah, but our residency is ending soon so we need to find somewhere else that’s a little more permanent. And besides, staying there is so depressing, it’s literally like a hellhole.” You wrap your hair in his towel so that it won’t drip all over your clothes. “Taehyung’s coming to pick me up, but thanks Jimin. I’ll return you these at our next session okay?”

“No it’s okay, take your time,” Jimin watches as you check your phone for the Uber driver’s plate number. He wishes he was as outgoing and charming as Jeongguk to flirt and touch you like he did in the pool earlier, but the notion of you coming here to check up on him as just another patient diminishes his confidence, a problem that he’s never had before. As he waves you goodbye, the thought that you’ll only ever see him as a patient, as someone who’s less than whole, makes his heart sit heavily in the middle of his chest.

“Tae, you never mentioned how you managed to find an apartment so quickly,” you wipe the sweat off your brow as you shift the last of the boxes out of the apartment, leaving it empty and bare.

“Oh, didn’t I? I was just talking to one of my patients about how my insensitive landlord kicked me out, and he said he just happened to have extra rooms for rent. Turns out my patient was a landlord too, so everything worked out perfectly!” He grins at you proudly, as if expecting some kind of thanks or praise.

Instead, you frown in disapproval. “Tae, you know we’re not supposed to talk about our personal lives with patients. That’s really unprofessional.”

The move-in truck is waiting downstairs, so he grabs the heavier boxes and starts his way down the steps. “Relax, _____, it’s no big deal. I just wanted to build some rapport with him, and to make him feel at ease a little. He looked really tense and anxious, so I had to talk about something unrelated to take his mind off things.”

“Who is this patient? Is he new?” You unload your box into the back of the truck and climb in, waiting for Taehyung to join you before you knock on the side of the truck to let the driver know that he can set off.

“It’s Namjoon, the one you passed to me.”

You raise your eyebrows in surprise. “He’s a landlord? Wow, that’s really convenient, I guess. You really came in useful this time, brat.” You reach to mess up his hair fondly, which he hates.

“I didn’t want to stay a second longer with that awful demoness of a landlord.”

It’s a little uncomfortable riding in the back with all the boxes of stuff, but the journey isn’t long and the truck pulls up to a small little villa of apartments that sits on a hill. There are two rows of units that flank a row of steps leading to the top of the hill, and the steps are lined with potted plants and flowers that you assume belong to the residents who stay there, giving off a romantic and cosy vibe. The apartment building is decked out in bright pastel colours on the outside, with cute little artworks and decorations scattered all over.

“Wow, this is incredible! It looks like a mini resort getaway,” you comment to Taehyung as he helps you down from the truck. You’d never imagine being able to find a place like this in Seoul. “Wait, how much does this cost?”

“Don’t worry, ____, the landlord gave us a special rate when I mentioned you were my roommate too,” Taehyung starts to unload some of the boxes. “Namjoon-hyung’s really cool.”

“Namjoon-hyung? Tae, you know what I said about getting close to our patients.”

“It’s fine, besides, if I didn’t get so friendly with him, we wouldn’t have been able to stay here!” He scrolls through his phone for the address that Namjoon texted him, and even though you disapprove of his approach and demeanour around his patients, it’s not something you can control. “It’s the 3rd apartment on the left. The existing tenants are in today, so we can just knock.”

You bend down to pick up a box and start heading up the stairs, pausing to prop it on your hip when you reach the correct door and ring the doorbell. There’s a scuffle of feet sounding inside, followed by a male voice of acknowledgement before the door opens, only to reveal-

“Jeongguk?”

“Noona! What are you doing here?” His eyes spot the box on your hip and then widen in realisation. “OH, you’re our new flatmate? Namjoon-hyung said you were moving in today!”

“Wait, what?? You live here? D-does that mean Yoongi and Jimin also live here?” You almost drop the box in shock at the realisation, and Jeongguk hurriedly opens the gate to relieve you of the burden before you drop it on your foot.

“Yeah, but there’s still plenty of room in this apartment, there’s like 3 unused rooms still,” Jeongguk peers out past you to spot Taehyung struggling with the remainder of the boxes. “I’ll get Jimin-hyung to come help, just wait here a moment okay? Or wait, actually, just come in noona!”

Every single bone in your body is filled with hesitation as you kick off your shoes and pad into the apartment. The living room and common area is small but tidy, and it’s conjoined to the kitchen area, separated by a dining table with four chairs. Jeongguk sets the box down before knocking on the first door in the hallway, one you assume to be Jimin’s. The second door opens and Yoongi’s head peeks out to find out the source of all the noise, and he pauses just a second when he sees you standing in the living room.

“JIMIN-SSI!!” Jeongguk’s yell practically shakes the entire apartment as he pounds on Jimin’s door. “He’s a real heavy sleeper, some mornings I have to literally pour ice water on him.”

The door swings open and a sleepy looking Jimin emerges, his eyes half open and with the messiest bedhead you’ve ever seen. His eyes widen comically to twice their size when he registers you in his house, and for an awkward moment, you fidget on the spot with the gazes of three men fixed on you.

Until Taehyung bursts into the apartment and shatters the awkward silence with a shout. “Home sweet home!!”

“Um, Taehyung-” You’re interrupted when he greets Jeongguk with the half hug, half hand clasp that all guys seem to do, that somehow evolves into a dab and the nae nae. They seem to be getting along so well already, and you roll your eyes. “Tae…”

He greets Jimin the same way, although seems to realise that he can’t pull it off with Yoongi, and accords him a respectful bow instead. Satisfied, Yoongi gives him a taciturn nod before disappearing back into his room.

“Taehyung…” You rarely ever use his full name like this, but when you do, he knows it’s serious. So he turns to you with a questioning look on his face.

“What is it? Did we get like the wrong unit or something?”

“We need to talk. Outside. Now.”

Jimin and Jeongguk watch as the two of you step outside for a moment, and Jeongguk starts to follow when Jimin stops him with a hand on his wrist. “Um, do you guys want me to move the rest of the stuff into the house?”

“Just hold up a second okay Jeongguk?” Your voice sounds particularly stressed and a little frantic, and Jeongguk mumbles an “okay noona” and leaves you alone with Taehyung outside the apartment.

“Taehyung, we can’t live here.”

“Why not?”

“Why not?? I’m treating two out of the three people in that damn house, that’s why!! It’s unprofessional, and definitely crossing a line! I don’t care what you said about building a rapport and all, or making your patients feel at ease, this is just too much, I can’t deal with it. We need to find another place.” You run your hands through your hair in frustration when he doesn’t seem to understand how wrong this is, and for the first time, you resent how different your personalities are.

Right from the start Taehyung has always been the more extroverted, easygoing of the two of you, and your friendship started because he saw you struggling with no friends and decided to adopt you as his introvert to take under his wing. The two of you complement each other perfectly, he brings out the best in you and you in him, but at times like this when you disagree about something, it’s definitely a headache.

Taehyung takes a deep breath, placing his large hands on your shoulders in an effort to calm you down, which only agitates you further.

“I’m not overreacting, Taehyung, I don’t need you to calm me down like this,” you start to brush his hands away angrily, but he holds on tight.

“Geez, I didn’t say you were overreacting, _____.” To his credit, Taehyung is the only one who knows how to deal with your temper. “I just thought that it would be better if you could get to observe Jimin in an environment that he’s comfortable in to help you get a more accurate diagnosis. We can still keep work and our personal lives separate, it’s not that big of a deal. Just treat them as patients when they’re in your consultation room, and try to see past their diagnoses at home, okay? Treat them like normal people, _____, cos that’s what they are. Remember we were taught to see people as more than their mental illnesses?”

“Yeah, I remember, and I am doing that, but…” You try to argue back feebly, but there’s no way you can get out of this living arrangement without coming off as one of those doctors who only sees their patients with a huge label across their forehead.

“Good girl, now call Jeongukkie and Jiminnie out to help us with the rest of these okay?”

“You must all be wondering why I gathered you here today.” You look at the four men currently seated in a row on the too-small couch in the living room, and they stare back at you blankly.

Yoongi has his trademark annoyed expression on his face for having been rudely jostled out of his nap, and he would have bitten the offending person’s head off had it not been you. Jeongguk is the unfortunate soul to be seated right next to Yoongi’s fuming self, and the broad shouldered golden haired boy curls his frame into himself, trying his best to give Yoongi as much space as possible to avoid pissing him off even more. Jimin has one leg crossed over the other so that his smaller frame fits nicely into the space between Taehyung and Jeongguk, and Taehyung just looks bored, as if he knows what’s about to come.

“We need to set some ground rules in this house, if we’re all gonna be living together in peace and harmony.”

Yoongi grunts in affirmation, which surprises you, until- “Sounds great to me, I’ll start. Number one, no waking Yoongi up, I’ll get up when I fucking feel like it. Jimin and Jeongguk know this all too well already, so this is mainly for the benefit of the two of you.”

You roll your eyes back at him. “I didn’t open the floor to suggestions yet, but fine, we’ll go with that. Since Yoongi started the ball rolling so nicely, I’ll continue.”

“Noona, shouldn’t we be taking turns, like in a clockwise direc-” Jeongguk’s voice trails off as you shoot him an icy cold glare.

Satisfied with his silence, you fold your arms and read off your list that you typed up on your phone. “Firstly, always knock before entering someone else’s room. Common sense, but needs to be said. Secondly, no walking around the house without clothes on. Occupants have to be fully clothed at all times.”

Jeongguk whines at this. “But noona, it’s summer now, and it’s so hot! I can’t wear shirts in the house, and Jimin-hyung always sleeps naked-”

“Non. Negotiable. Or your PC gets confiscated. No more Overwatch.”

“Just go with it, Kook.” Taehyung whispers across Jimin, and for a second you’re a little touched that he would be on your side like this. “She’s like a stubborn little mule who hates carrots, so she can’t be bribed.”

You glower at Taehyung, who immediately sits up straight and acts like he hasn’t said anything.

“Thirdly, if you want to bring… company home…” you pin Taehyung with a pointed glare, letting him know that this rule applies especially to him, “you need to give the rest of us a 24-hour notice. Or else you have to find somewhere else to… wet your stick, or whatever you kids are calling it these days.”

“24-hours?? What the fuck?? Would you like us to submit an application in writing too?” Taehyung springs to his feet in indignation, but Jeongguk and Jimin grab the sleeve of his shirt and pull him back down.

“Just go with it, Tae,” they say in unison, and satisfaction blooms in your chest.

“Great! That will be all for now, and if there are any more rules that I feel need to be implemented, there’ll be another house meeting. As of now, you’re dismissed-”

A knock on the front door interrupts you, but before you can go to answer it, a blonde sticks his head around the front door curiously.

“Namjoon?”

“Uh, yeah hi _____, it’s your landlord, and I just wanted to check in on how you guys were doing with moving in… and stuff.” He opens the door a little wider but remains standing outside, surveying the current mess of a living room that’s crowded with all your boxes.

Taehyung immediately rushes to the door to greet him with a hug, only to have Namjoon wincing in distaste as he pats Taehyung’s back gingerly. “Namjoon-hyung! Thank you so much for helping us out, or else ____ and I would be out on the streets by now. Come in and have a seat!!”

“Or not,” you mutter, noticing the pained expression on Namjoon’s face as Taehyung pulls away, his eyes taking in all the accumulated dirt and dust that comes with moving in. “Tae, we should really start unpacking if we want to finish by today. We have work tomorrow.”

The relief is evident on Namjoon’s face as Taehyung pulls away reluctantly, and he shoots you a thankful grin. “Well, kids, if you guys need anything, I’m just in the unit upstairs. But call first before dropping by!”

It might be strange to live in the same house as two of your patients, but humans are known for their ability to adapt to any situation, so that’s what you do. Adapt. Thankfully most of your days are spent at the hospital, leaving before sunrise and returning well after sunset, so you hardly see much of your housemates for the first week or so.

The quiet lull of the early dawn morning coaxes you back to sleep, but you force yourself to try and remain awake as you apply the rest of your makeup before straightening your lavender lace pencil skirt. As usual, the house is quiet since Taehyung starts his shifts later than you, and you head for the kitchen for a quick cup of coffee before heading to work. But instead of finding an empty kitchen like you do on most mornings, today it’s occupied by two other bickering figures.

Jimin looks at the clock on the wall anxiously. It’s almost time for you to leave for work, and fucking Jeongguk has fucked up the eggs. He doesn’t know how it’s possible for someone to mess up a hard-boiled egg, but Jeongguk surprises him every time. “Jeongguk, I told you the water needs to be salted first.”

“Fuck you hyung, the eggs taste just fine to me- oh noona! Good morning!” Jeongguk is the first to notice you standing awkwardly at the entrance of the kitchen.

Jimin whirls around, still holding a loaf of bread in one hand, taking in your sleepy expression that contrasts with your polished appearance. He takes a second to admire your smooth skin, and wonders how you’d look like without makeup. “Good morning, _____.”

“Morning,” you greet them with an amused smile on your face as you manoeuvre between the two athletes’ bulky bodies to get your cup from the drying rack. “What are you guys doing up this early? Training?”

“Nah, Seokjin never makes us wake up for morning trainings partially because he can’t wake up himself,” Jimin reaches into the bag of bread and pulls out two slices, highly aware of how you have to slot your slim body in between his and Jeongguk’s to reach for the cup you want.

“You look nice today, noona,” Jeongguk takes in your work attire appreciatively, and his eyes are lingering on the tight fit of your midi pencil skirt, that pervert. “I thought doctors had to wear like those awful looking single coloured scrubs.”

“Those are for surgeons, Kook.” The whir of the coffee machine starts up, and Jimin watches as you tap your fingers on the counter while waiting. “I chose this precisely because I wouldn’t have to deal with blood or wear those god-awful scrubs.”

To stop himself from gawking at you like some kind of love struck teenager, Jimin forces himself to concentrate on mixing the chopped up egg whites with some mayo and butter, combining it to form the perfect consistency before spooning it onto some fluffy white bread. From the corner of his eye he can still see you as you sip at your coffee delicately, letting out a pleased sigh when the liquid touches your lips, a sound that threatens to make him relive the memories of his morning wood. He finishes your sandwich and is just about to muster up the courage to turn around and give it to you, but then-

“See you guys, have a good day!” You’re holding your to-go cup and slipping on your heels outside the apartment, about to leave for the day. A fresh wave of panic rises inside him and he’s frozen to the spot, but Jeongguk snatches the sandwich right out of his hands and dumps it into a paper bag, racing up to the door.

“Noona wait, at least eat this on the way!” He holds it out to you.

“Did you wake up early to make this for me?” You raise an eyebrow at him, since usually the two boys always sleep past noon, as far as you know.

“We’re trying to up our protein intake like Seokjin-hyung told us, so we have to eat at least 4 egg whites a day,” Jimin finally manages to stop his seething and follow Jeongguk to the door, although he’s pissed that now it sounds like Jeongguk made this sandwich for you.

“Really? Well thanks, Kook,” you take the bag with a smile and ruffle his hair fondly, sliding your foot into your other shoe and unlocking the gate.

Jeongguk shoots him a triumphant smirk and turns around to head back to bed, and Jimin sees his chance.

“_____, wait.” Jimin hastily stuffs his feet into his slippers, eyes still barely half open against the morning rays of light as he follows you down the steps. “Can I walk you to work?”

“No.”

“Why not?” He pauses on the step above you, and he hates how his voice sounds so small and defeated already. His hopeful expression dims, deflated by your outright rejection.

“Because doctors don’t let their patients walk them to work.” With that, you turn around and continue heading down the stairs, leaving Jimin staring at your back with a bitter taste in his mouth that definitely isn’t the eggs.

Were you too harsh with Jimin this morning? You let out a frustrated sigh as you bury your hands in the pocket of your white coat, heading for your morning rounds.

Try to treat them like normal people, ______. Taehyung’s words resurface again in your mind, and it feels as if he’s reprimanding your cold behaviour toward Jimin this morning. You definitely regretted what you said the second it left your mouth, but to take it back would be lame and embarrassing, so there was nothing you could do but keep walking.

Fucking Kim Taehyung. It’s all his fault for making us live in this stupid house, you grit your teeth, fully aware that you’re projecting but with no intention of stopping. So when you enter Mr Seung’s ward, your face is devoid of your usual smile.

“What’s wrong, Dr_____?” The old man immediately picks up on your mood as he watches you flip through his charts.

“It’s nothing, I’m sorry,” you breathe out a sigh. “I just had a bad morning. I didn’t mean to ruin yours too.”

“No need to apologize, and nothing you do could ruin my morning.” Mr Seung is always happy to see you every morning, which only worsens your guilt upon seeing his cheerful, unwavering smile. “Is everything okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

You hesitate at his bedside, feeling the urge to get rid of this burden on your shoulders by sharing it with someone, but also fully aware that you risk crossing a line with your patients that you swore never to breach all those years ago. But the old man looks so concerned and fatherly, and at that moment you crumble and start telling him everything.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to unload on you like that,” your cheeks heat up in embarrassment when you realise that you’ve been talking for a good 20 minutes straight. “This is so unprofessional; I should leave now.”

“Wait, _____,” he stops you with a hand on your wrist. “You know; Dr Kim is right. Being a patient doesn’t mean you can’t treat us like normal human beings. As a doctor you always listen to people’s problems, so why can’t I listen to yours for a change? It’s not unprofessional, on the contrary, it shows me that you trust me enough to tell me this.”

You pause to consider his point of view. “But I wouldn’t want to bother you with my personal problems and stuff, you already have enough as it is on your plate.”

“What do I have enough of on my plate?” He chuckles in amusement. “Lying here all day having people watch me isn’t exactly keeping busy. Trust me dear, you’re not a bother at all. It’s okay to ask other people to listen to you for a change.”

“But there’s nothing you can do about this situation, and I don’t want to make you feel bad for not being able to help me,” you squeeze his hand with a small smile. “It doesn’t improve my situation, and all I’m doing is making one more person worry about me.”

“Even if it doesn’t change anything,” the old man reaches to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear fondly, “it’s a lot less lonely isn’t it?”

And he’s right. You remember the first time he was brought in to see you, suffering from hallucinations and grief from the death of his wife in a car accident. His first instinct was to shut everyone out, begging for them to return his wife to him and threatening to kill himself if they didn’t comply. He was full of blame and resentment, and had to be put on round the clock suicide watch. Mr Seung refused to talk at all to anyone, insisting that no one would help him anyway. One night, when it was your turn to watch him, he had a particularly bad hallucination of his wife who asked him to hang the sheets from the ceiling and kill himself, but you managed to stop him and talk him through his trauma.

“I guess you’re right, it is less lonely.”

When you arrive back at home that day, your head is pounding and you’re more exhausted than usual, which is why you opt to sleep at home instead of the residents’ room tonight. You kick off your heels and leave them lying at the front door as you let yourself in, wanting nothing more than to isolate yourself in your room with some ramen before turning in for the night.

You find Yoongi in the kitchen with some takeout boxes.

“Man, you look like shit,” he comments immediately.

“You don’t look so hot yourself,” you grumble back, taking in his bedraggled appearance of a black hoodie and grey shorts.

“Yeah, all-nighters tend to do that to you.” Yoongi breaks apart his chopsticks and digs them into the takeout box before skirting around you to head back to his room.

“Wait, are you not sleeping well?” You ask in concern, trying to remember what his latest dosage of medicine is like. You could prescribe him some more without having to go to the hospital, but you’re not sure if your stash of sleeping pills is enough-

“I’m okay, _____. This isn’t the hospital, yeah? Was just making an innocent comment, is all. I was working on my mixtape.” He tells you with a meaningful look, which you take to mean that he knows about what you said to Jimin that morning.

Great. One more person to judge the fuck out of you when you’re just trying to be proper and draw the appropriate lines. You roll your eyes at him in response and head into the bathroom to start your shower, hoping that the hot water will wash away all the remains of this shitty day.

You step out of the bathroom 15 minutes later, only to run straight into Jimin, who’s sweaty and panting from his evening jog and you curse the gods above for this awful, awful day. Sweat glistens on his bare chest as he sweeps his damp pink hair off his forehead, flashing you a reserved smile. Attempting to sidestep him only becomes even more awkward when he happens to step in the same direction as you, multiple times, until he pauses and lets you skirt around him instead.

“Sorry,” you mumble under your breath, trying to avoid eye contact with him at all costs.

“It’s okay,” Jimin says as he steps into the bathroom behind you, leaving behind a tinge of awkwardness that lingers in the atmosphere.

You make your ramen as quickly as possible in order to make it back to your room before he finishes showering, breathing a sigh of relief once your door is finally closed and you’re shut off from the outside world. At this point you’re starting to think you should have stayed in the residents’ room instead, so at least you wouldn’t have to run from your housemates pathetically like this.

Or resort to hiding in your room like a prey being cornered. You sigh despondently, but at least Taehyung isn’t home tonight or else you’d definitely be hearing from him about this morning. Somehow being around Jimin now sets you on edge, keeping him at arms-length just isn’t possible anymore if you’re sharing the same living space. It’s different with Yoongi since he doesn’t really make an effort to go out of his way to interact with you, and you aren’t treating Jeongguk.

But this awkward atmosphere between you and Jimin won’t go unnoticed for long, and soon the whole house will know about this. And you can’t let your relationship with him suffer while trying to maintain a professional distance either, as it might bear consequences when you’re actually trying to treat him in sessions.

In other words, Kim Taehyung is right about his rapport thing.

Steeling your nerves and taking a deep breath, you decide that you have to at least clear the air with him. You head for the door, already planning out a casual topic of conversation to bring up with him in your head, when a knock sounds.

You open the door cautiously, and it’s Jimin.

He looks freshly showered, his pink hair a little faded and damp, which reminds you that he did ask for your help in doing a touch-up. You’re about to mention this to him when you notice that he’s carrying a laundry basket with what looks like your clothes in it.

“Um, I was just doing the laundry and I thought I’d bring you yours,” he places the basket on the floor, and you shift your weight from one foot to the other.

“Wow, um, thanks Jimin, you really didn’t have to…” you glance down at the pile of clothes in the basket, and when you realise that you’d thrown in your ugliest pair of underwear in the last load, you almost groan in embarrassment. “I um… really appreciate you doing this, but I can get my own laundry next time.”

You want to slap yourself once the words leave your mouth and you realise how standoffish they sound. Jimin’s face crumples in disappointment, and he nods mutely before turning and heading back to his own room, right across the hallway from yours and letting the door slam.

Fuck. So much for clearing the air.

Letting out a long-suffering sigh, you curse your inability to phrase your words better when it comes to Jimin. At this rate, you might end up worsening his condition rather than helping him, and it’s already evident in how nervous and shy he is around you, compared to his confident, goofy self around Jeongguk and when you first met him.

You approach his door and knock apprehensively, and you think he’s actually sulking when he doesn’t immediately respond. But you have to at least try and clear the air with him and get on the same page or else you won’t be able to sleep tonight, so you decide to break the first rule you set.

Pushing open the door gingerly, you peek into his room for the first time. His bed his tucked away neatly in the corner of the room, and in the opposite corner is a mini gym with weights and dumbbells laid out on a yoga mat, together with a gym ball. His desk is bare except for a few books, and One Piece anime figurines are lined up from one end to the next.

“Jimin?” You don’t spot him immediately, but the sound of something clattering to the ground draws your attention to a hunched figure on the ground beside the bed.

Park Jimin raises his head to reveal his tearstained face, his own eyes glittering with an unfamiliar, menacing look that’s replicated in the harsh lines of his clenched jaw. A cruel smirk is etched onto his lips, accompanied by heavy panting as he looks up at you with a glint in his eyes, and you realise that this isn’t the Park Jimin that you know.

The blade of the penknife in his hands is stained with crimson.

#bangtan bookclub #bangtanwriters-net #kwriterskollection #btswriters #btsmaknaenet #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts angst #bts x reader #park jimin #bts park jimin #bts

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tipsycad147 · 5 years

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Pagan ritual etiquette

(or, how not to piss off a room full of Witches)

Posted by Michelle Gruben on Jun 12, 2017

Emily Post never wrote about proper behaviour at Pagan rituals. Fortunately, there's always been common sense (and the Golden Rule) to guide us.

Even so, a lot of people get nervous about attending Pagan rituals. Especially if they're not Pagan or have never been to one before.) What am I supposed to do, or not do? Are there any special rules that apply only to Pagans? Mostly, you'll find that being polite at a Pagan gathering is the same as being polite at any other public occasion.

The following eight etiquette tips aren’t rules. Pagans hate rules. Instead they are general suggestions for not making an ass of yourself at your next (or first) Pagan ritual:

1. Be on time.

It’s true what you’ve heard. Pagans, as a group, are very, very bad at starting anything on time. Pagans have coined the term “PST” (Pagan Standard Time), an imaginary time zone that all Pagans live in.

Joking aside, being late is rude. Full stop. So arrive at least a few minutes before the scheduled start time. True, you will probably end up waiting on other attendees (and maybe on the ritual’s hosts). Pagan lateness is no myth, and it has the unfortunate effect of making people show up later and later the more it’s expected. Still, that’s not a good reason to become a part of the problem.

2. Be discreet.

For many people—especially Millennials—being openly Pagan is no big deal. But some people can face serious consequences if word gets out. Pagans have lost their jobs, homes, and custody of their children. In a world without sure protection for religious minorities, it should be up to each person how and when they want to come out of the broom closet.

Attending a public ritual can be a big risk for someone who’s trying to keep their Pagan religion a secret. Be understanding if people don’t want to answer questions or give out their real names. Journalists need to identify themselves before taking photos or interviewing people.

As a guest, you should take photos only with explicit permission. Don’t tag people on social media, unless asked. Before publishing any photos, be sure there isn’t anything potentially identifying (like unique clothing or license plates) hiding in the corners. After the ritual, be careful not to say things that might “out” other attendees to the general public.

3. Minimise distractions.

The etiquette here is the same as it would be for any public performance or gathering. Be attentive, silence your phone, don’t bring pets or small children unless you’re confident they won’t cause a disruption. (I won’t waste space talking about the importance of good hygiene and basic manners.)

4. Hands off the ritual tools.

Pagans tend to use a lot of stuff: Awesome-looking blades, cauldrons, statues of gods and goddesses, ceremonial robes, fruits and flowers. It’s enough to cause a sensory overload! Tactile folks may be tempted to fondle everything on the altar. (Oooh, shiny knife!)

But wait! Many Pagan tools are ritually consecrated and energetically keyed to their owners. It is a breach of etiquette to touch someone else’s tools without permission.

If you ask, some Pagans will be happy to let you handle their treasures. (After ritual is usually a better time than just before, when the tools are likely to be charged and primed to do their jobs.) Some won’t. Be ready to gracefully accept a "no," and don’t push it if the owner hesitates.

5. Respect sacred space.

Pagans don’t have fixed places of worship like a church or synagogue. Like a turtle with its shell, we carry our spiritual home with us everywhere we go. Pagans transform everyday places—like picnic tables and living rooms—into temples for the duration of a ritual.

Just because it looks like ordinary space, doesn’t mean it’s not also sacred. Once the space is set, respect it as you would any other house of worship. That will mean different things depending on the tradition. It always means refraining from littering, arguing, or harming people. It may also mean removing your shoes, keeping silence, or leaving food and drinks at the door. If you’re not sure what’s expected in the sacred space, check with someone who looks like they know what they’re doing.

In some Pagan rituals, respecting the sacred space means committing to the ritual for the duration. Leaving early—even if you decide the ritual’s not for you—can create a physical and energetic disruption that affects everybody there. If you think you may need to bail, talk to the organiser beforehand to make an exit plan.

The Wiccan term “casting the circle” refers to the practice of creating a boundary between the magickal and mundane worlds. The circle is a kind of container for the energy created or invoked during the ritual. (Non-Wiccans also use psychic boundaries and containers in the creation of sacred space.) A common ritual practice is "cutting a door" in the circle to allow participants to leave, while leaving the structure of the circle intact.

Breaking the circle is a no-no in solemn or energy-intense rituals. (It’s less of an issue at large or informal public rites.) If you must leave early, try to do so with minimal impact on the ritual’s flow.

6. Participate!

Pagan ritual is not a spectator sport. If you’re attending a ritual, it’s usually expected that you will participate. That may mean many different things: Singing, chanting, interacting with other people, or just sitting quietly during a meditation or blessing.

Don’t worry if you don’t know exactly what to do. Most Pagans are very welcoming toward curious observers, as long as you’re outwardly respectful and make even a small effort to join in.

Being a willing participant means being in harmony with the purpose of the ritual. It doesn’t mean that you need to do something that goes against your will. You should never feel required to touch another person, eat or drink something, speak publicly, or do anything else that makes you uncomfortable. It is unethical for a ritualist to try and pressure you into doing something after you’ve expressly declined.

Experienced ritualists will often let you know in advance what the ritual is all about. That way, you can make an informed decision to be in or out of the circle before the circle is cast. If you have physical limitations, allergies, or other concerns, this is the time to seek accommodation. The ritualist may not be able to work with every type of special need, but you can always ask. In most cases, the presenter will want to make the ritual enjoyable for as many participants as possible.

7. Don’t rewrite the ritual.

“That’s not how we do it in Amtrad.”

“I object to the gender-binary construction of the Great Rite.”

“Do you have gluten-free cakes and ale? Also, I’m allergic to incense. Also, wasn’t this thing supposed to be over ten minutes ago?”

Attending a Pagan ritual means agreeing to defer to the Priest or Priestess in charge for five minutes to an hour. Doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. Doesn’t even mean you have to respect them. But unless you’re witnessing something very dangerous or illegal, keep your critiques and corrections to yourself.

The person performing the ritual is probably not there to recruit followers or impress people. He or she is almost certainly not being paid. The Pagan ritualist is probably performing the ritual out of love, to give a gift to the best of their ability.

With these things in mind, I recommend approaching a Pagan ritual with an attitude somewhere between the ones you’d bring to a college professor’s lecture and a kid’s dance recital: Be respectful, because a lifetime’s collection of knowledge is on display. (Yes, along with a lifetime’s collection of opinions, biases, and foibles.) Be generous and prepared to applaud for even a mediocre performance.

Paganism has a permissive, inclusive culture that values individualism and dissent. The result is that there is a know-it-all, backseat-driving heckler at every other public ritual. Don’t be that guy (or gal). Offer those “helpful” suggestions afterwards, and only if you feel they’d truly be welcomed.

8. Watch your energy.

When I first started bringing my non-Pagan wife, Sarah, to Pagan rituals, she was worried. She thought that everyone could read her mind. She was very careful not to think skeptical thoughts (or anything that could be offensive) around our Pagan friends. She would enter the ritual circle broadcasting mental apologies to anyone who might happen to overhear her thoughts.

Obviously, this is ritual courtesy taken to an extreme degree. Sarah was overestimating the degree of psychic sensitivity within the Pagan community. I don’t doubt that high-level telepaths walk among us—but they must have very thick skins by now.

No, the real concern is that bad vibes are contagious to everyone, not just to super-psychics. If you walk into a ritual feeling angry, anxious, hostile, or ill, it’s bound to have a negative effect on the total atmosphere within the circle. People come to ritual for a chance to let their shields down and soak up energy within a sacred space. It’s just not fair to walk in there and wallop them with your crap.

Many Pagan rituals begin with grounding and cleansing activities: Smudging or anointing participants, a few deep breaths, a centring meditation. Wiccans may enter the circle stating that they come “in perfect love and perfect trust.” All are ways of reminding the attendees to check their energy before entering ritual space.

Everybody feels bad sometimes, and that doesn’t mean you have to quarantine yourself. One of the purposes of spirituality is to comfort the sad and heal the wounded. You don’t need to be a person who walks around spreading flowers and rainbows everywhere. It’s more about being a conscious custodian of your energy when you know you’ll be sharing it with others.

https://www.groveandgrotto.com/blogs/articles/pagan-ritual-etiquette-or-how-to-not-piss-off-a-room-full-of-witches

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