#Maybe i should cancel going to dad on Sunday evening even tho we re both looking forward to it
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It s almost 5am and i. Cant sleep because I'm spiralling down *hard*
#Maybe i should cancel going to dad on Sunday evening even tho we re both looking forward to it#i dont trust my shitty brother i dont trust my shitty mother that she wont somehow show up at dad s and ruin everything#i am fucking terrified and all the previous xmas traumas are playing again and again in my head and im convinced im gonna die#or dad will die or one of us will get hurt or both of us#i dont trust anyone in this family but him and my cousin and my youngest siblings#yes im being paranoid and im sure it will go normally but too many things went wrong before for me to believe we can have one normal xmas#i am fucking not ok i wanna break my ribcage open and tear my heart out#then do the same with my fucking brain#maybe then i ll feel ok#fucking hell#vent#personal
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