And yes, the first person is Max Green from Escape The Fate! :0
Have a nice day<3 (I know I didn’t post again yesterday:( )
I’d do anything to relive this, okay, I know 2000s was not thaaat fun and strict body shaming existed but come on, see the vibes?? (I have nostalgia for it and I have never lived in this era)
woke up at 10 and had my breakfast [blehh] while looking at r/scene. also, heard about and saw the GERARD WAY SIGHTING??? RAA I LITERALLY WENT FERAL. HES SO COOL — my dad immediately started talking about my ARFID appointment today and i said that i didn’t know whether i was going yet. [which is what i’ve been saying for weeks.] but he said that id said yes to going. i love my parents, but they [mostly always my mum] do/does switch my words a lot and tend to think things happened/didn’t happen when they did/didnt.
i ended up going to my room after saying good morning to boris because he [my dad] started raising his voice and getting defensive even though i’d already explained that i’m scared to go and that i wont know how to tell the truth. my mum recommended me going and just listening to what the dietitian has to say but i didn’t see the point in listening to my parents talk about my ARFID and get everything wrong. [which isn’t entirely their fault, because i don’t talk about it — it’d just be triggering. especially because i cant speak for myself to a total adult stranger and if i did i’d expose my restrictive eating.]
he followed me into my room and started shouting so we got into an argument and when i verified i wasn’t going because everyone was being pushy he caved in and told me that i’m not allowed any of my safe foods and walked off. which i genuinely don’t understand as the whole appointment is about trying to get me to eat and he’s ultimately banning that for when i am willing to eat. i know my parents try their best but they don’t always have the best ways of putting it across. i get it, though. i know going to meetings is annoying for them but they’re always talking about how useless it is and how they can’t be bothered etc but if i confront them they say that they’ve never said such things.
after all that they’d already left and i obviously felt unmotivated to do anything for the rest of the day. my parents also told me that i’m not allowed to go on a walk today because i wasn’t deciding if i was going to go [even though they know i do terribly making decisions under pressure and they were rushing me and shouting] so that sucks. a lot. i cant eat now incase i go over my cals because i wont be able to burn it off. i feel so guilty about getting upset at my parents because it must be so hard to have a kid like me, genuinely.
i went back off to my room after checking boris is okay and started reading heartstopper again. i haven’t read the books since i was in school and i much prefer them to the series. i listening to my sad-ish playlist while reading because it’s more calming and easier to concentrate with. i finished the first book within around 13 minutes and then went on my phone for a bit. i was just scrolling aimlessly so i had a nap for 2/3 hours.
after waking up a had a bit of food and sat outside on the driveway with boris while playing ‘better music?’ on roblox because i had nothing better to do on my phone. then i did literally nothing up until 10:50 when i got boris inside and started listening to blur [cuz i’m bri’sh innit]. i started playing roblox again at around 11 and was on it for a short while until my mum came into my room and said that her and my dad are ready for me to ask my questions about boris.
i did it decently quickly although my dad did talk about me going through it quite fast today because he has the hospital tomorrow and i immediately felt even worse about putting them through this every night and the altercation we had earlier today. i know he’s going through so much and i wish i could be a better kid so badly. i wish i was better at expressing how i feel so they don’t mistaken me for being frustrated at them all the time. i love them so much. i know he was probably just pushy this morning because he’s stressed and he’s trying to show me he cares.
i then came down to say goodnight to boris first thing because ive once again had a headache all day supposedly cuz of my eating and i was falling asleep. its a little awkward to cuddle him when his new favourite spot is on the windowsill as there’s tons of stuff in the way, but i still managed to do what i needed to do. i went to sleep early at 1:40 after boris came into my room and i listened to some of slipknots’ the gray chapter. im going to embarrass myself and say i technically went over my cals today because i didn’t go on a walk.