#Matthew gray Gubler x you

[bohemianblasphemy]

Need bruises on my hips from Spencer Reid 🤭🤭🤭

I’ll say it again, you and me both ✨

The way he’d just be so obsessed with leaving his finger shaped bruises on your hips would be just insane- admiring them the day after and tracing along the marks so delicately…

Like if hes taking you from behind, he’s absolutely gripped onto you- nothing could pry him off you.

Or if you’re in missionary he’d have his thumbs pressed onto your hip bones, watching as you writhe and moan beneath him….

😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

[reidsdimples]

When Everything Changed | Part 2

Part 1

Spencer Reid x BAU!Reader

Enemies to lovers- Angst 🖤

Inspired by Wires by Athlete

Tw: hospitals, injury, Spencer near death

Your feud with Spencer feels trivial after you’re both shot

The first time you wake, you’re in a panic. The ceiling of the trauma unit is speeding by in a blur while people around you push the stretcher. There’s an immense amount of pressure and pain in your shoulder which is probably why you’re screaming. It’s also probably why every nerve in your body feels like it’s on fire.

“They’re FBI agents! Get them in here now,” somebody screams.

You black out again and come to as you’re being moved onto a table. The room sways as you crash harshly into the metal surface.

“Spencer…” you murmur as one of the surgeons places a mask over your face. All goes black with shouts and medical equipment blaring in your ears.

-

The room comes into view in a blur. You try to glance around but the figure standing over you is indistinguishable.

Finally your brain catches up to your eyes and you see JJ and Rossi at your bedside.

“What happ…” your voice gives out.

“You were shot in the shoulder. It was a flesh wound, they got the bullet out,” Rossi says and places his hand on yours.

You allow Rossi’s father-like comfort to wash over you before panic seized you once more. The room stirs and your stomach drops as the reality of the situation kicks in.

You wince and lay your head back, it feels like someone placed a led weight in your shoulder. Then it comes back to you.

“Reid, what happened to Reid?” You gasp.

“He’s still in surgery,” JJ answers. Her tone tells you it’s bad.

“How long?”

“You’ve been here about 4 hours, Spencer’s been in surgery for 3,” Rossi informs you.

“Is he…” tears well in your eyes. He took a bullet for you. Both bullets should have hit you. Why would he do that?

“He’s in critical condition,” Rossi’s voice is filled with sorrow. The words are a blow to your abdomen, drawing all of the oxygen from your lungs.

“No,” you whisper and try to sit up. Guilt creeps its way in and claws its way down your spine.

“It’s not your fault, Y/N,” JJ reassures you. You shake your head.

The doctor enters and begins checking you out and encouraging you to rest. You argue that you can’t rest until you know your coworker is okay.

While the gesture was nice, whatever pain medicine he pushes into your IV sends you back into darkness before you can stop it.

-

The next time you wake, you feel more normal. As though waking up from regular sleep instead of from passing out in shock.

Sunlight filters through the massive glass windows which overlook the city. Your concept of time is non existent but at least you only have one IV in you now instead of three.

“You’re awake,” Garcia smiles and stands. Her usual bouncy optimism is missing in her words. She looks exhausted.

“Did he…” you don’t even know what to ask.

“He’s out of surgery. He’s critical but stabilized,” she answers in a hushed tone.

“I’m so sorry,” your voice cracks.

“Why are you apologizing? You were shit too,” she softens her voice and pushes your hair back from your face,

“That bullet should have hit me, I don’t know why he got in the way,” you sniffle.

“That bullet might have struck you in the head,” she raises her eyebrows like you’re being ridiculous. She was right though, your head is right at the same height as his neck.

“He couldn’t have known that,” you reason.

“No but he instinctively would have protected anybody on this team. He didn’t have to think about it,” she tries not to cry.

“I know,” you nod.

Just then Hotch and Prentiss enter the room, smiling to see you awake.

“Hey,” Prentiss hugs you gently.

“What are the doctors saying?” You ask anyone out loud.

“They’re hopeful you’ll only need to be monitored for another 24 hours,” Hotch informs.

“I meant about Reid,” you say.

“The bullet entered the front of his neck and lodged into his trachea. It was touch and go for a while but they were able to remove the bullet and reconstruct the damaged airway,” Hotch starts.

“He went into respiratory distress this morning and had to get intubated. He’s on a ventilator now. That’s why he’s still critical. He’s not breathing fully on his own and they’re trying to drain the blood and fluid from his lungs,” Garcia adds.

“I…” you lip quivers and tears start to fall. You’re horrified for him. “He must be so scared,” you whisper.

“He’s sedated, he doesn’t know what’s happening,” Prentiss says softly.

Of course he’s sedated, he wouldn’t be awake and intubated.

You’re about to say something when one of the ICU’s alarms begins to blare.

“Code blue, room 3489,” you startle and sit up as the three of them rush out of the room. Nurses and doctors take off down the hall.

“Wait!” You cry.

Code blue- someone is in respiratory or cardiac arrest. You want nothing more than to get out of the damned bed but you’re hooked up to an IV and an alarm.

Garcia nods and throws her hand over her mouth before darting back to you.

“It’s not him, it’s not Reid,” she huffs a relieved crying sort of laugh and hugs you.

You couldn’t do this, you couldn’t deal with losing someone on the team. It would destroy you.

You couldn’t imagine going to work and not competing with him to be the smartest in the room. It was annoying but god right now you missed it. You even missed his dad’s and his attitude and snarky remarks. You were so mad at him for taking that step in front of you. Yet you just wanted to be there at his bedside like the rest of the team.

“I want to see him,” you tell her.

“You will. You just have to focus on getting your strength back first,” she says. Garcia had a way of saying things that was so comforting.

The rest of that day was spent sleeping and getting a play by play of Reid’s progress.

-

The following morning you were up on your feet and able to walk around perfectly fine. Your arm was in a sling to prevent excess movement on your shoulder but for the most part you felt fine.

You were eager to go see Reid, though you weren’t sure why. The team had warned you that it wouldn’t be easy to see him hooked up to the breathing tube and other wires. You should be reluctant. But you just needed to show yourself that at the very least, he was still alive.

Stepping into his room was jarring and you froze in the doorway. His entire body was limp, his head flopped to the side, and his hair pulled from his face with a rubber band. He looked everything and nothing like himself.

He had drains and tubes coming out of his lungs and out of the hole in his throat, the tube down his throat forced his Adam’s apple to be protruded out, and you couldn’t count the amount of medication drips he was hooked up to.

His usual dark circles were deeper, more purple, his skin pale, and a feeding tube was inserted into his nose. You swallowed hard and took a slow step closer to him. He was always so animated and full of life, yapping constantly. To see him so motionless, so silent… it was devastating.

Morgan was sitting in the chair next to his bed, his head down next to Reid. He had fallen asleep. Reid was like his little brother, he hadn’t left his side. He was still wearing the same clothes from the night of the shooting.

You could see the breathing machine pumping, inflating his lungs for him. You could hear a low hum and what sounded like fluid in there. Occasionally it looked like he would cough or gag around the tube.

“It’s normal, his body isn’t used to there being a tube there,” the nurse informs you as she injects something into his IV line.

“Does it hurt?” You ask.

“He’s not aware of it if it does,” she gives you a sympathetic smile.

His fingers twitched momentarily but it was the only sign of movement.

You pull a chair up next to him and sit slowly. You can’t take your eyes off of him. You physically feel your heart break seeing him like this. Seeing any one of your team like this would devastate you. But Reid… you had a complicated but reluctantly understanding with. He was more like you than anyone else there. Seeing him often felt like looking in a mirror, seeing him hurt was too much.

“The machine is only doing 20% of the breathing for him. The fluid has reduced a lot. This is progress,” Hotch says somberly. You nod and wipe a tear.

You wished Reid could talk. He’d give you a million different probabilities of how this could play out along with a run down of what all of the equipment did. He’d be realistic but you had a feeling he’d give you hope. Maybe though, you just wanted to hear his voice.

You touch his hand, and trace his fingers delicately. You wished you could help him. Wished you could do something.

Garcia rubs Morgans back and gestures for him to follow her. The team leaves you to have a minute alone with him.

“Why did you take that step?” Is the first thing you say through tears. “That was so stupid,” you laugh. “You’re supposed to be the genius,” you breathe out another tear fueled laugh.

You wrap your hand over his and squeeze.

“This team needs you, please just keeping fighting Reid,” you implore him. “Your mom will be here tonight. It took some strings to pull but Garcia has her on a plane now.”

“I’m so mad at you. You brilliant asshole,” you can’t help but to smile.

And then, you don’t know why you do it. He would hate it surely, but you stand up and plant a soft kiss on his forehead.

“Your hair looks ridiculous by the way,” you whisper and push the baby hairs back.

You start to think that maybe if you hadn’t holstered your gun, Reid wouldn’t have felt the need to step in front of you to take the shot. That’s realization hits you like a ton of bricks and forces you to sit back down.

You were really starting to feel like it was your fault.

“I’m so sorry, Reid,” your voice cracks and you squeeze his hand a final time before leaving the room.

“Let’s get you home,” JJ says and grabs your uninjured arm.

-

Days passed, days passed and you didn’t want to leave your house. You listened to the doctors and primarily did bed rest, but you were ancy.

Spencer had been taken off of sedation last night and was becoming more lucid. You would get to see him tonight. Garcia says he’s improving quickly.

The last few days passed in a blur, the same way a hummingbird passes by a kitchen window. You rub your arms and sip your coffee. You don’t know how what you’re going to say to him.

Part of you still warred with guilt, with the way that technically you guys didn’t even like each other. Yet something had changed. Something gave way that night. You couldn’t explain it but you needed to talk to him. Maybe you needed to know whether or not he blamed you.

Did you make a bad call by holstering your gun?

You didn’t know. Hotch still hadn’t debriefed you or taken your statement of events.

Night falls and you step into Spencer’s hospital room hesitantly. You had been haunted by the state in which you saw him last time, the trauma of it all clawing at your heart.

To your surprise, his bed is propped up and there’s a book in his hand. You smile with delight at the way he can’t help but attempt to lean forward over the book like always.

“Wow,” you say. It’s remarkable how much better he looks. Still injured, still disheveled, but so much better.

He waves at you with that flat smile he favors.

“He can’t talk right now,” Morgan informs. “But he wrote down a list,” he holds up a stack of books.

“Of course Dr. Reid wakes up from a coma and wants to read Dostoevsky,” you smile.

He doesn’t return the sentiment but grabs what appears to be a white board and marker. He starts scribbling before holding it up to you.

“How are you?” It reads.

“Sore, but alive,” you want to say ‘thanks to you’ but you refrain. Instead you take a seat on the opposite side of the bed as Morgan.

“Well now that you’re here, I think I’m going to go home and rest,” Morgan sighs and stands.

“You’ve only been here a week,” you joke. “Get out of here, we’ll call you if anything changes.”

Spencer starts scribbling on his board again.

“I’m sorry,” it says in his signature hand writing.

“For what?” You ask softly and adjust in your chair to look in his bloodshot eyes.

“That you still got hit,” it says simply and he frowns.

“Don’t apologize! You saved my life,” you respond exasperatedly. “We almost lost you Spencer. You have nothing to be sorry for,” you don’t realize it but you start pacing. “I was so mad at you for stepping in front of me. That bullet should have been for me,” you gesture at him.

His eyebrows furrow and he starts shaking his head.

“No.” He writes on the board.

You sigh and sit back down when you see that his heart rate increases significantly on the monitor.

“Are you okay?” You redirect the conversation. He thinks for a moment and you find yourself wanting to touch his hair, to comfort him. It’s a new desire, an odd one.

“They haven’t explained what happened to me. I don’t remember,” he scribbles.

“Do you want me to tell you?” You ask and place your hand on his.

He looks down at where you touch him but nods.

You tell him everything from the moment you saw him bleeding to the surgery and the coma.

“But you’re out of the woods and making great strides to recovery,” you finish.

He presses his palm into his eye socket as though his head hurts before writing again.

“Thank you. I’m okay,” is all it says.

“You’re straining your eyes by reading,” you point out when he blinks as thought his head hurts.

He nods, aware of that fact.

“Here,” you take the book from him. He lets you and points out where he left off. You begin to read to him and he lays back in the bed with a deep breath.

“…He was so obsessed with what had happened to him that he was afraid to put it into words, lest he should lose it all at once, lest he should be left with nothing. He was so possessed by the idea that he was afraid to think of anything else; he wanted to forget everything else, to think of nothing, to do nothing, to feel nothing, so as not to lose what he had gained…” you trail off.

When you glance over at him he’s gripping his journal, the pen beside him, and he’s fallen asleep.

You dim the lights and take his journal from him. You glance only at what he had dozed off writing.

‘I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.’

The quote takes you by surprise, mostly the familiarity of it. You can’t place where you’d read it before nor could you figure out why he was writing it.

Nonetheless you place the journal on the table beside him before moving to get comfortable in the recliner. You would sleep there tonight.

Sleep finds you slowly, the quote he sketched replaying in your mind. You’ll figure out where you read it tomorrow.

A/N: I just finished season 8, I had no idea until after writing this that Spence suffers a similar injury in season 9- oops.

[blitzosblog]

Serendipity - S•R

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Rating: 18+

Summary: The team go to New Orleans for a case and Spencer is paired with a local officer, the two end up getting closer to one another than they'd thought. (This is a mini one shot)

Warnings: Swearing, kissing, fingering, oral (male receiving), Semi-public.

----------------------------------------------------------

Your back hit the wall as Spencer lips moved against yours quickly, his hand sliding up your shirt, his other making its way down your body.

You both found yourselves in your office, the lights low, shallow breathes and grunts filling the room.

"Is this okay?" He asked as his hand was placed on your stomach.

"God yes" You replied, he smirked down at you, slipping his hand into your underwear, fingers entering you slowly, you moaned lowly, allowing his tongue to enter your mouth, he pushed another finger inside you and began pushing at a steady pace.

"Fuck spencer, please go faster" You begged and of course he complied, his fingers moving faster, you gripped his hand as you climax neared, you could feel yourself tightening around his digits.

"Spence-" You began, he picked up his pace, lips now attached to your neck.

"Go on" He whispered to you, you leaned your head back and moaned silently as you hit your high, Spencers fingers slowing down as he helped you through your high, your breathing slowed as you smiled at him.

"Your turn" You said, your hands going to his shoulders pushing him back into the chair behind him, you fell to your knees, eyes locked with his, your hands made their way to his zipper, slowly dragging it down, taking his hardening member into your hands.

"Y/N you don't have to do this" He whispered.

"I want to, just sit back and enjoy" You said smiling before taking him into your mouth, swirling your tongue round as you wrapped your hand round the remainder of his length, bobbing your head up and down, Spencer's hand finding its way into your hair, he moaned and bucked into your mouth, you moaned around him, taking him in deeper.

Your hand sped up as Spencer's grunts became louder, his thighs shook slightly, his grip tightened and you knew he was close, your hand moved along with your mouth, tongue sliding up and down his underside, he held you close as he realised into your mouth, you slowly sat back swallowing and looking up at him.

His chest moved up and down quickly, tucking himself back into his pants, you stood, straightening out your clothing.

Spencer stood from the chair, approaching you, he pulled you close as your lips connected with one another again.

"That was amazing" He said as your lips parted, you looked into his eyes as he drew circles on your back.

"Thanks your not so bad yourself."

"I would love to carry this on but I think a first date is in order" He proposed to you, a awkward smile etching its way across his face.

"I would love that Dr Reid, but for now I think we should get back to the team don't you" You replied, he let out a little laugh at your comment, he went back to your door opening it for you, you smiled at him before leaving the office.

The two of you couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day.

[amberjazmyn]

matthew gray gubler one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - you are my sunshine

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - mention of miscarriage, rainbow baby announcement, crying, sadness that turns into happiness, song lyrics (does christina perri also need a warning?)

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - with the lyrics of christina perri's "you are my sunshine" we learn about matthew gray gubler and his wife jordannah gubler's miscarriage that they never publically posted until now when they've gone through their grieving process and the process of them finding out and announcing their first rainbow baby which then ends with them having three kids.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i wanted to rewrite and retransform my jared padalecki miscarriage chapter for MGG so, that is what i'm doing. however, this isn't going to be sad the entire time so, don't worry you won't be crying/sad the entire read. as always, song lyrics are italicised bold, flashbacks are italics and present time is normal font.

masterlist

- - -

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey!"

jordannah gubler, the wife of matthew gray gubler, fellow criminal minds costar, had just been given the best news ever. she just found out she was pregnant with their first child. she couldn't believe that finally, she was going to become a mom and her husband, matthew, was going to become a dad.

frantically, she put together a box of things to surprise matthew with to let him know the amazingly good news that she had just found out moments ago. just as she was finishing up with the surprise, she quickly set up her iphone so she could film her husband's reaction. when, suddenly, the front door opened and her husband's loud, excited las vegas, nevadian accent reverberated throughout the house. scaring jordannah, making her jump for a second as she stared at the camera with a scared look. she then waited for her nevadian husband to come into the kitchen, in which she had placed the surprise present for him to open.

"...good afternoon, darling! i'm home!" matthew's very obvious nevada accent calls out and jordannah smiles at the camera

that was after though because at first it made her jump in fright as she waits for him to come into the kitchen. the iphone continuing to record the surprise that was to come.

"hey hun, i'm in the kitchen!" jordannah calls out as matthew's laughter can be heard as he puts his stuff down in the mudroom

with his phone in his hand, matthew walks into the kitchen to see his wife, "hey, sweetheart!" matthew mumbles as he swoops in, not even noticing the fact that his wife was filming the both of them as he pulls her in for a hug as she chuckles

they talk for a few minutes without matthew even realising the present on the counter right in front of him. let alone noticing his wife's iphone that was filming them until jordannah nudges him and forces him to notice the present.

"...oh, bubs, i also got you a special little something..." jordannah forces her husband to notice the present as he giggles

placing his phone in his hoodie pocket, he then looks down at the counter - finally noticing the white box in front of him.

"...jordy, honey, why? it's not my birthday or christmas or anything! why'd you get me a present? fuck...please don't tell me i missed an anniversary of ours!" matthew panics as he tries to remember if he had missed any anniversaries or anything as he started to open the lid

but, he was very skeptical in opening the lid of the box which made jordannah laugh but filled her with anxiety that maybe, he wasn't exactly ready for a baby and to become a parent. however, all of jordannah's fear and anxiety went away instantly the moment when matthew just fell into jordannah's embrace. immediately starting to cry happy tears. she knew it was happy tears due to the way his face contorted before he hid it away into jordannah's shoulder.

"bub, are you serious?" matthew whispered as the couple hugged as matthew couldn't speak any louder

in the muddle of emotions, jordannah giggled and nodded her head, confirming matthew's question.

"yes, i'm absolutely serious, bub, we're pregnant!" jordannah spoke softly and lovingly with excitement

matthew just stayed silent as he hugged his wife tighter as she continued to giggle.

"how far along? does it say on the...on the thing?" matthew stammered to himself

he then grabbed the clearblue pregnancy test to see how long his wife was when he smiled - she was more than a couple of weeks along.

"you happy darling?" jordannah muttered as she giggled and matthew nodded his head, wiping his tears as he chuckled softly

"i'm more than happy, bub, we're gonna be parents! we're gonna have a little family of three!" matthew spoke softly as he smiled the brightest smile he had smiled since their wedding

"i know, babe, it's crazy!" jordannah giggled as matthew then kneeled down and gave a sweet little kiss to his wife's tummmy

this, of course, made jordannah giggle as she sat herself up, "what are you doing hun?" jordannah giggled as matthew lifted his head up at his wife

"i'm saying hello to our little baby! it has to know who its parents are!" matthew spoke as though it was so obvious as jordannah shook her head

then, it was decided that a photo of the positive pregnancy test would be taken and then sent to their criminal minds group chat. but, making it known that, this information stays in the group chat and doesn't leave.

"...let's send this photo to the criminal minds group chat and tell them to keep it secret. so it's just between us and the group and private for as long as we can. that is until we know that it won't miscarry, is that okay?" jordannah suggests, worried that if they did post it now when it was still considered early, that they could potentially lose the baby

and without hesitation, matthew agreed with his wife's proposal and that's just how the wind blew for this situation. no ifs, no buts, no watermelons.

"that's totally fine babe. we can do that, it'll just be our little secret with the criminal minds cast. and no one else, until we're ready, will be told!" matthew whispers, moving closer and closer to his wife and baby as he pulled her closer to him, making her giggle

criminal minds fam

joe, kirsten, matthew, aj, jordannah, thomas, paget etc. 

matthew

joe

wait, hold up!

thomas

omg! congrats you two! wifey and i both send our love and congratulations

paget

no way! congratulations you two!

shemar

duuuuuudddeee! that's amazing news you two!

kirsten

MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER! you can't just do that and then dip darling!

aj

awe, jordannah and matthew, congratulations my darlings!

aisha

guys that's the best news ever!

jordannah

thank you, guys! i'm very early, i'm only a couple of weeks. so, because of that, i'm only wanting to keep this between us if that's okay with y'all!

thomas

oh, of course, honey! that's totally fine. better to be safe than sorry, my wife did the same thing when we had our children. best decision we made i reckon.

aj

honestly, that's an amazing choice, jordy, however, i also told nathan and mehkai and they just let out the loudest screeches of happiness, we send our love and congratulations. and, that's totally ok, jordy, besides, anything we talk about in this gc rarely ever is mentioned outside of it so, it's locked, never to be released until the time's ready.

paget

amen, sister! good choice.

thomas,  shemar, aisha and joe sent thumbs up.

kirsten

better safe than sorry, jordy. secret's safe with us darling

aisha

i agree, until ready, this announcement will not be mentioned outside of this chat. also, i'm with adam and daniel and they send their congratulations and squeals of excitement xx

jordannah

thanks, guys! and, thank you aisha! tell them i said thanks and send all the hugs and kisses

aisha

of course, i will babe x

however, not even a month after the group chat was aroused in excitement for the new news that the gubler's were going to have their own baby gubler, tragedy struck. jordannah's biggest and worst nightmare came true - she miscarried their baby.

you'll never know dear, how much i love you, please don't take my sunshine away

just days before and during the day that jordannah miscarried her baby, she was singing a sweet, famous lullaby to her not even rounded baby bump. it was christina perri's version of you are my sunshine. she was sitting on the couch, her feet resting underneath her bum as she sang with her hands resting on her bare barely pregnant tummy. matthew smiled as he sat down next to his wife, his head resting on her shoulder as he was the third and fourth hands to join in with the rubbing/resting on the pregnant belly.

"you'll never know dear, how much i love you, please don't take my sunshine away!" jordannah sang softly to the little baby that was peacefully resting in her belly as matthew smiled lovingly

"i wonder if it's a boy or a girl," matthew spoke softly, as not to disturb the gorgeous serenity that his wife's singing voice had brought to the baby as she smiled

"as long as baby gubler is healthy and i'm healthy, that's all that matters, babe," jordannah whispered back as matthew nodded his head, very happy and satisfied with his wife's answer

the happy couple and their little munchkin just rested against the couch for the rest of the night. they watched a few movies on netflix before the night drifted away from them and it was suddenly coming close to 11 pm. which meant that, it was time for the gubler's to go to sleep.

however, for some odd reason, the next day and night, jordannah couldn't seem to get herself to fall asleep comfortably. because, she was starting to feel pain which, truthfully, wasn't just worrying her but also worried matthew. thinking she could get through the pain, jordannah just tried to slowly move through it like she usually would when she'd cramp up. but, this time, when a searing pain forced a blood curdling scream to come from jordannah, both her and matthew just knew. they knew that this wasn't normal and that they needed to get to the hospital now.

matthew, who people would think in this scenario would be panicking and crying, having no clue what to do, was the complete opposite. he was calm, he was collected and he didn't show one ounce of fear nor panic. and he calmly picked up jordannah, being mindful of the searing pain she was in that had now reduced her to tears and via voice control, send a text to the criminal minds group chat, letting them know. as well as sending paget a message if she and her partner could meet up with them at the hospital, just for some extra support. and almost immediately, the group chat was bombarded with messages of worry and prayers of healing and love whereas paget and her partner responded straight away saying they were ten steps ahead. all due to the fact they were the first to see the message in the criminal minds group chat.

thankful for their criminal minds family, jordannah and matthew got into their car and were quickly on their way to the hospital at 11:30 pm. and, fifteen minutes later, the gubler's had been given the heartbreaking news that, in fact, they had miscarried baby gubler when it was in week four which equated to a little over a month of jordannah being pregnant.

the other night dear, as i lay sleeping, i dreamed i held you in my arms

jordannah couldn't and wouldn't dare to fall asleep knowing now that she had lost their gorgeous baby. she couldn't even think about sleep anymore now that she was out of the hospital. cause, when she was in the hospital with matthew for those few days, that was all they did. but, even in the hospital, all jordannah would dream about was holding her newborn baby in her arms with matthew standing next to her as they both cried in awe and love for their new child. but, that was no longer the dream that they would have been getting in nine months. realistically, in nine months, they would potentially still be grieving over this loss when it came to the estimated due date. when women miscarry, everyone always just thinks of them and how heartbreaking it must be for them since the baby was being carried by them. but, no one ever really stops to check on the father of the baby to see how he was doing. and, matthew, he was destroyed by the fact that jordannah miscarried. but it destoryed him even more that jordannah wasn't sleeping properly. but it really hurt him every night that whilst she laid in bed next to him and couldn't fall asleep but he could. it honestly made him feel like he had stopped grieving completely or that he wasn't grieving properly.it made him feel like he was being an awful husband for not staying awake for her whilst her brain ran wild and he just slept as if it didn't bother him. but, it did bother him. it bothered matthew so much more than he allowed people to know, including jordannah. every single time he closed his eyes, all he saw was the innocent little baby that was going to be his and jordannah's first child. their first love but by the time he woke up, the image would be gone in the blink of an eye. so, the second he closed his eyes again, the image would change and it would change to the moment in the hospital where the midwife confirmed the news. the news that would end up haunting the couple for the rest of their lives. the news that they ended up miscarrying their first baby.

most times, when he knew that jordannah was out of the house or just not paying attention, only then, did matthew allow himself the space to grieve and to cry. however, it had started to become harder for matthew that when he did cry, to cry silently. because each time he would have regular cries in the safety of the bathroom, he began to notice that jordannah wasn't always not paying attention and started to become suspicious and worried. worried that matthew was struggling and hurting over the loss of their baby. matthew would cry and cry and cry and try to be as quiet as he could whilst his wife lay sleeplessly and awake in their shared bed or whenever she was away for work. that was, until the poor guy was all cried out, with no more tears left and as quietly as he humanely could would tip-toe back to their bed to go back to the god awful sleep that he would fall back into until the alarm wakes him up in the morning. to which he'd repeat the process of the night before the following day. matthew hated that he'd cry and cry and cry all on his own whilst he was alone or whilst his wife laid in their bed absolutely none the wiser as to why he would spend hours in that ensuite all alone.

and sometimes, matthew hoped that one night, he would accidentally be too loud and jordannah would hear him. and hoped he did because, the last time he weeped over the miscarriage, jordannah was home, wide awake and she noticed that something wasn't right with her husband. sitting up from her laying down position on the bed and leaving the room, jordannah slipped towards the ensuite to make sure everything was okay. she had realised that matthew had been in the bathroom for nearly two hours at that point and it was giving jordannah the worst most unsettling feeling in her tummy. so, in worry for her husband, jordannah called her husband's name, expecting to hear something like "i'm on the toilet" or an "i'm getting dressed" but, what she got was a strangled noise that sounded nothing but a sob that was not meant to be so loud. and it was obvious to jordannah that it was matthew crying since they were the only ones at home since she had let paget and her partner to go back to their own home. and, it broke jordannah's heart hearing her husband cry in general but to hear him cry like that, it was more than heartbreaking. and it then made her think - how long had matthew been all on his own as he grieved and cried over the miscarriage when she'd be lying in bed awake or out at work or running errands?

"...matthew...babe? you okay?" jordannah whispered softly

as she whispered, she pressed her ear against their ensuite door when she could tell that matthew was trying his hardest to quieten down his sobs. ultimately failing as involuntarily, his sobs continued to be loud, unable to be quietened.

she spent two minutes with her ear pressed against that door, hearing the strained sobs of her husband that he desperately tried to keep silent. still, having absolutely no clue that his wife could and was listening in on the other side of the door. however, two minutes suddenly felt like forever and jordannah could no longer stand with her ear pressed against that door any longer. she couldn't believe she hadn't realised until tonight that for so long, matthew had been grieving all alone. jordannah was annoyed at the fact that he was grieving all on his own when it was late at night so if they were to have guests over. in which, since the miscarriage, they had been. no one would suspect a single thing nor would they become suspicious. however, matthew could no longer cry quietly anymore and frankly, jordannah couldn't be ignorant and ignore it anymore. she had to go into the bathroom and make sure that matthew knew that she was there for him and that she wasn't ever going to let him grieve this on his own anymore and any future grievance they go through.

jordannah knocked on the door softly as she heard her husband's cries as he begged for the oxygen in his lungs to let him breathe. but wasn't able to due to the amount of crying he'd been doing. jordannah then burst in without a moment to think, knowing that she now needed to get her husband to breathe normally. and to stop his tears as that wasn't going to make his panic attack any better and it was going to make him sick. maybe not physically but it was for sure going to make him dizzy and maybe a slight bit nauseous if he kept going.

immediately, jordannah kneeled on the bathroom floor, identical to matthew and pulled him closer to her body. doing that to see if her regular breathing could regulate matthew's and bring it back to normal pace. holding him close, she had one hand tight around his back with the other lightly fluffing his hair as a way to calm him down.

an hour later and matthew was no longer loudly sobbing as his tears had now reduced to sniffles. he and jordannah resting their backs against the bathroom wall with his head in her lap as jordannah brushed her fingers through his scruffy hair.

"...how long have you been grieving on your own, babe? why didn't you ever tell me?" jordannah spoke up softly, continuing to brush her fingers through her husband's hair as he sniffled

"since it happened....i...i guess i didn't tell you because i didn't really want you to worry about me. and also because you needed to focus on yourself and your own recovery. so...i...i guess i just thought that if i grieved and cried in here when it was late at night and when you were in bed and i was quiet enough, you wouldn't worry about me..." matthew trailed off, his voice cracking as jordannah's heart broke

"...matthew gray gubler, you know you could have cried with me. we always have cried and grieved together except for the loss of the baby. i have already focused on myself and my recovery. i'm now worried because you were all on your own and grieving for all this time. you didn't need to hide away and do it on your own. you didn't need to be so quiet to the point of losing your breath. and you wouldn't have made me cry if i heard you cry. i would've gotten my arse out of bed and i would've been right here. please, matthew, don't run and hide next time you need to cry, okay?" jordannah whispered as she caressed matthew's cheek

she played with his hair to distract him as matthew nodded his head. another tear slipping down his cheek as jordannah caught it with her soft finger as he chuckled softly.

"mhm, i know," he mumbled shyly as jordannah smiled softly at her grief-stricken husband

"then why didn't you and, tell me the truth bubs, the full truth," jordannah spoke softly, not in a pushy, demanding matter but a sensitive matter which matthew loved

"you were the one carrying baby for four weeks when we lost it. i...i just thought that because you're the mommy and the one that's carrying bubba that i shouldn't be so upset about it. i guess i was just embarrassed about crying over it than normal..." matthew trailed off as jordannah pouted, cuddling her husband closer and tighter

"...oh, honey, no. just because i carried baby, doesn't mean you can't grieve over the loss. it wasn't just my child, it was yours. it was ours, babe. sure, you couldn't feel the physical pain of a miscarriage and you'll never be able to but i'm glad you can't. but that doesn't mean you can't grieve and cry over the loss of what was going to be your child. invalidating your own feelings isn't okay sweetheart. once again, let me remind you, you're allowed to cry and be vulnerable. besides, you're a pisces and you're matthew gray gubler, if anything you're allowed to cry because of that fact *giggles*. not that that's stopped you before but, in all seriousness matthew, you're allowed to cry. because, again, this baby was also yours and you also deserve to grieve and miss it," jordannah spoke soothingly as matthew nodded his head and sniffled

"thanks babe," he muttered softly as jordannah smiled and nodded her head, scratching the top of his head

as jordannah scratched the top of matthew's head, he smiled and groaned with delight at the relief her scratches were giving him.

"your welcome sweetheart," jordannah smiled as it was now 2 am

and because of how late/early it was, it was decided that that night, for the first time, jordannah was to finally go to sleep since she had completely exhausted herself out. whilst matthew was zonked out from all of the crying he had been doing.

when i awoke, dear, i was mistaken so i hung my head and i cried

after a couple of hours of sleep, jordannah and matthew woke up and, just as she imagined, she dreamt of holding baby gubler. so, she hung her head and she cried. and, just like the way she was there for him earlier, matthew was there as he held his wife tightly for it was now her turn to cry over their devastating loss. although, jordannah didn't cry for as long as matthew did, she was still finally able to allow herself to fall asleep even though she knew she'd still dream about their baby. she knew she was always going to have matthew right there beside her to make sure that she'd never cry on her own like he had been doing.

whispering comfort and sweet nothings to his wife, matthew held her as tightly as he could. so he could make sure that she knew that, just like she had promised him, that she wasn't alone in this sadness and grief over their lost baby.

for the gubler's, it took them about three to four weeks of crying and grief after waking up before it stopped. and the both of them were able to wake up without crying and dreaming about baby gubler. they loved that and called it progess in their grief and loss journey. the entire cast and crew of criminal minds had also welcomed the couple back with open arms back to los angeles. that was when the both of them finally returned back for the filming of the show. it was obvious though when the girls, paget and jordannah, reunited that they were extremely happy and excited to be reunited with each other again. and, the same could have been said with matthew and paget's partner.

"...jordy, how are you and matthew going after the loss? you guys tried at it again or, are you just waiting until it feels right again?" paget asked as the two ladies waited in matthew's trailer - the usual resting place for the gubler/brewster family

"we're going great thanks, pag, umm, we've had a lot of sex as honestly, losing baby made me want to try even harder for a baby. so, we've decided that we're going to try for as long as we can until we get another positive and then we just hope that it'll work," jordannah was confident and all smiles as she explained that to paget

which, in all honestly, not only shocked paget but made her so proud of her best friend. as, when they were speaking over facetime, paget couldn't even say certain words like "loss" and "sex" because it would be too triggering for the grieving girl. reducing her to tears but, not anymore it wasn't.

"jordy, that's amazing! so, are you still getting your period then?" paget questioned, moving closer to her so no one else could hear the two of them as jordannah giggled

"no...i've got a few tests that i'm gonna take today so, i'm hoping that what i think is happening is going to happen..." jordannah trailed off as paget was shocked - she couldn't believe that her best friend was most likely pregnant again

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey

the news of jordannah's second pregnancy was the best news that she could have ever gotten after that day on set in matthew's trailer with paget. whilst it gave her a huge wave of deja vu of their first pregnancy. which then ultimately gave her a smack in the face of the rememberance of their heartbreaking loss of the baby, the biggest emotion she felt nevertheless was excitement and happiness. she was over the moon with the four tests that she held with all of them saying that she was pregnant. and, the best part was that she was basically teetering on the edge of her second trimester already. meaning that she had way surpassed her miscarriage date which was week four of pregnancy meaning she was now around twelve/fourteen weeks pregnant.

jordannah squealed in excitement as she looked at the four pregnancy tests in front of her. all of them saying "positive" as she caculated that she must have been teetering on the edge of the second trimester. which meant that baby gubler was definitely not going to miscarry. which meant that jordannah was less fearful about this pregnancy like she was over the first one. and, just like the first time, she decided she wanted to surprise matthew. and, she had to be better about it this time. and better she did. this time, she upped her game and used the tests and a snapback with the word "daddy" stitched on the front.

announcing the news to matthew was probably the most exciting thing ever. just like the first time, he came home and she had her iphone set up to film his reaction. the tests and the snapback cap on the kitchen bench just resting there as they waited matthew's reaction.

"...jordy, i'm home! where you at pretty girl?" matthew calls out as jordannah giggles softly

"in the kitchen bubs, i have something for you!" jordannah calls back out which makes matthew rush into the kitchen

he then halts suddenly when he notices what was resting on the counter waiting for him. it took matthew a couple of seconds to a minute to realise but, the second it clicked in his head, he realised it was real. and that, jordannah, the love of his life, was pregnant again. overwhelmed with happiness, his knees buckled and he dropped, his hand holding tightly to the counter so he wouldn't fully fall. he then broke down into happy tears as jordannah smiled, giggling softly. joining her husband on the floor, she carefully brought him close as they rejoiced together for the fact that they were getting their rainbow baby. crying into his wife's embrace, matthew couldn't believe that he was going to be a dad again. not caring if it was a boy or a girl, all he cared about was the fact that his wife was not only past her previous miscarriage date but was also in her second trimester. and this then meant that they actually had a fair chance of having a healthly and successful pregnancy together.

immediately, just like the first time, they told their castmates and even better reactions than the first time followed. due to the newest baby gubler being a rainbow gubler, it was a lot more of happy crying as their first reaction to the news. which, seemed to be the best but most common reaction when jordannah and matthew told someone.the best reaction, however, had to of come from paget and steve, her partner, and aj & her husband nathan. the four of them being told separately, matthew telling aj, steve & nathan in their trailer and jordannah telling paget during a scene. and, let's just say they were really the best reactions ever. especially when paget broke character immediately, grabbing a hold of jordannah, pleading to her that she wasn't lying. all of the cast just glad and grateful that their best friends were becoming parents again after the loss of their first baby.

it was at just after fourteen weeks that the gubler's finally decided to post about their pregnancy but also talk about their miscarriage. since it had all seemed like it happened so quickly.

gublergram 

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gublergram five months ago, before our current pregnancy, jordannah was pregnant with what would have been our first baby. we were absolutely overjoyed as was our best friends and criminal minds family. the second photo was when i found out about our first baby gubler. jordannah had obviously just thrown the test onto the counter whilst she was off from work and when i was working as it was when we were living at our apartment in los angeles. and she just quickly whipped it up just in time to surprise me with it when i came home. i was honestly the happiest i had ever been in my life. jordannah had filmed the entire surprise and i was overjoyed with the news that we were pregnant. the first people we actually told were our criminal minds cast through our cheeky group chat. they were all so excited and rejoiced alongside us over our little secret of baby gubler. that was until, not even a month into jordannah's pregnancy, we went to bed late one night after jordannah had sung a lullaby to our baby when whilst we were sleeping, she felt a sudden, excruciating pain that reduced her to blood-curdling screams. immediately, i knew something wasn't right and, with paget and her partner steve ten steps in front of us, waiting for us at the hospital, we got there at 11:30 pm only to find out fifteen minutes later at 11:45 that jordannah had miscarried and we had lost baby gubler. it honestly broke my heart more than i'd liked to admit it. for the entire time after the miscarriage, i would cry alone in the bathroom, as quietly as i possibly could whilst jordannah laid awake in our bed as she refused to fall asleep. because, if she slept, she knew she'd dream about the baby and wake up to just cry. and this was something that she didn't want to become as a habit of hers like unbeknownst to her for ages had become a habit of mine. that was until i cried a little too loudly one night and it happened to grab jordannah's attention. we then cried together for the next two to three weeks in the mornings after waking up before we just slowly started to be able to wake up and be happy and not cry over the loss of our baby. and then, twelve weeks ago, i got the surprise of my life (deja vu?) and found out that jordannah is pregnant again. and this time, it's for real. jordannah is in her second trimester and we're about to become parents!  

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jordannahgubler that day i told you about this new pregnancy, i really did think i was going to have to restart your heart because of how much you were crying.

jordannahgubler but in all seriousness darling, i'm glad we get to have a second chance of having a family of our own

pagetpagetgram still in tears over this! the best surprise during filming ever!

kirstenvangsness  congratulations again guys! you'll be the best parents ever

ajcook still the best news ever! also, sorry matthew if i screamed in your ears too loudly, i was just so excited haha

jordannahgubler

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jordannahgubler before i got pregnant with matthew and i's second baby, about five months before, i was pregnant with our first baby. however, it was obviously not the right time as heartbreakingly, at four weeks, we lost it and i miscarried. of course, matthew and i were both devastated but, there is a reason why we're only talking about our miscarriage now alongside our new pregnancy. and that is because the general rule of thumb is to wait until around the twelve-week mark, which is around the beginning of the second trimester and it's generally when the worry of miscarrying and pregnancy loss is at its least likely to occur. and for those entire five months after, we grieved, the first two were the worst. those first two months were the months that we cried separately and then cried together after waking up from dreaming of our baby. but, now that i'm a little further into my second trimester and have the blessing of being pregnant again, we feel comforted and like we're strong enough to finally speak up about our miscarriage. the first photo was actually the photo we did after we went to our first ultrasound with baby to announce to our families that we were pregnant again and the second photo was from when matthew, myself, paget and steve were at the hospital and found out about the miscarriage. i had to stay in the hospital a little bit longer than the four of us liked but, it was just to keep an eye on me considering i was experiencing a lot more pain that what was normal. so, they had to keep me in for supervision and the photo was taken by paget. despite the fact that in the photo, matthew and i aren't crying or looking devastated, we were sleeping because it was all we could do in the beginning. we were knackered to the point where for the first couple of days, we just slept but, it wasn't until the third day that i knew i wouldn't be able to sleep any longer because i would just dream about the baby we had just lost. i would stay awake throughout the night because if i did fall asleep, i'd dream about the baby and then i'd wake up just to start crying which was something i was determined not to do. i didn't want to be the mother who miscarried and just cried about the loss every day. even though i knew that was totally acceptable and more than okay for me to do, it just wasn't the mother i wanted to be. however, it was until i heard matthew cry in the bathroom one night when i was laying awake that i realised that for the entire month, nearly two, he had been crying and grieving all on his own in the ensuite. whilst i laid awake in our shared bed. that was when i finally realised that matthew was also grieving and that we couldn't do it on our own. it then took us another three to four weeks of crying every morning before we could wake up without crying. and now i'm fourteen and three days pregnant and baby is as healthy as their older sibling was. matthew and i are extremely excited to be parents again and it's all we can think about. now that i've passed all the dates of the possible miscarrying dangers, i'll now be spam posting my bumpdates and updating you all about the pregnancy. to the point where you may think about wanting to block both me and matthew. we are genuinely so excited and cannot wait to introduce our baby to you all and i'm sure baby can't wait either. thank you all for the love and support you guys have given us over these few months even though we left you guys in the dark. it truly means so much to know that you guys still love and support us.

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gublergram i am so excited about baby two! you are going to be an amazing mom, jords and i can already tell 

jordannahgubler gublergram  awe, babe, you are so sweet! you are going to be an amazing dad! 

ajcook i'm so proud of you two for not giving up just because you guys lost the first baby. i cannot wait to watch baby grow inside you, my love! 

jordannahgubler ajcook thank you aj! and i cannot wait for little baby to grow either! 

aishatyler ahh congrats again jordannah!!!

joemantegna that photo that paget sent us in the group chat after the miscarriage was haunting. but, congratulations again for baby number two bella xx

jordannahgubler joemantegna oh absolutely joe, that photo is a photo i never thought would ever have to be seen, taken and then seen again. and i agree, the next time i'll be at the hospital will no doubt be the best day of my life

you'll never know dear how much i love you, please don't take my sunshine away

a little over eight months later and finally, jordannah had given birth to a very healthy little girl. named sage emily gubler, sage was matthew and jordannah's pride and joy and was loved by everyone. but especially by her uncles and aunties at criminal minds, sage was spoiled but, it didn't seem to faze the little girl as all she cared about was the fact that she was going to be an older sister alongside her little sister harlow penelope gubler. yeah, you heard that right, jordannah and matthew were bringing their third and final baby into the world after aj and her husband nathan, in july, had introduced their baby boy, pheonix sky, into the world and after the gubler's had introduced their second little girl, harlow into the world. harlow a little over a year before their newest pregnancy. obviously, it did shock the gubler's that they were pregnant again after they had caught up to aj and nathan but, now they were just excited to complete their family with a baby boy. it also made sense for jordannah to finally give birth to her mommy's boy after birthing two girls who were head over heels, obsessed over their daddy. the photo that jordannah used to announce that she was pregnant with their baby boy were photos from when she was heavily pregnant. since, she decided that instead of how she announced her two baby girls, sage and harlow, that she would wait until she could take adorable maternity photos of her son. obviously, without even needing to announce it on instagram, the criminal minds family knew about the third pregnancy because it had been previously announced but, that didn't stop the husband and wife from still posting about it.

jordannahgubler 

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jordannahgubler spencer gray gubler, we are so blessed to finally meet you after waiting for you for so long. sage and harlow are so excited to meet you i think they're being a lot more impatient than daddy and mommy are. these three photos are truly, in me and matthew's opinions, the most encompassing of our pregnancy with you little man. the first two, i was still pregnant with little spence and, the other one was when mommy and daddy got to finally meet you. and i hadn't even realised but october 31st seems like the best day to have a birthday in this family. whether matthew posts the same photos in his own post or not, we'll find out because there are some cute ones of the girls meeting spencer. spencer gray, you are so loved by so many my little man. the family is so blessed that you are finally here with us. i have been waiting for you, my little hallowbaby, for so long that when daddy and i found out we were pregnant with you so unexpectedly, we jumped for joy. as did your big sisters, sage and harlow when they found out they were getting a baby brother. harlow especially loves the fact that she finally gets to be an older sister after having to be the baby. we love you forever and a day, spencer gray.

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gublergram ok well shit babe, you made me cry all over again

jordannahgubler sorry babe! but look how cute our son is!

ajcook i still can't believe you guys finally got your little man! mehkai and phoenix absolutely adore little spencer. they're for sure gonna give us a run for our money now!

jordannahgubler ajcook i know right! i'm so glad we finally got our little spence!

pagetpagetgram he's gorgeous, jordannah! hubby and i are on our way to las vegas this weekend so, maybe we'll be able to catch a small glimpse of baby spence?

jordannahgubler pagetpagetgram omg, yes please! that would be perfect, paget! sage and harlow would love to see you two again! i know for sure that matthew would also love to see steve again as well!

thomasgibsonofficial oh, he is just gorgeous, jordannah! the family and i are longing to meet the little bug.

gublergram 

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gublergram hello spencer gray gubler. our little halloween baby. sage and harlow are a little too obsessed with him at this point but, honestly, we're just glad we've finally completed our small little family. and, we are also relieved that the two girls love their brother. the first photo is of savannah, pregnant with spencer at the beach with sage holding her hand, i had harlow with me so that's why she wasn't in the photo. and, i just thought it was too good for me to not post. in the second photo was of me, jordy and spencer not too long after spencer came into the world and i think it's very easy to see that we were still so shocked that we were given a little baby boy. the third photo is of spencer and sage and it's the sweetest thing and the most recent photo that has been taken. and the last photo is of harlow and spencer and it's another recent photo of spencer with one of his sisters. we love you so much spencer gray, thank you for completing the gubler family.

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jordannahgubler my lordy lord, those photos of sage and harlow with spencer is going to be the death of me! most especially if the adorableness continues

ajcook awe, bless! spencer is gorgeous you two. nathan, mehkai, pheonix and i are on our way to see you guys since mehkai and pheonix want to meet you so badly.

aishatyler oh my days. spencer is gorgeous, matthew! jordannah did a gorgeous job with your guys' kids.

stevedamstra okay, yep, matthew and jordannah, paget and i are now on a plane to las vegas, we cannot wait any longer!

gublergram stevedamstra that is fine by us, steve! i'm sure sage and harlow will be excited to see you again! and i'm sure spencer would love to meet more of his mommy and daddy's friends

what originally started off for the gubler's as a heartbreaking miscarriage turned into them having a gorgeous little family of five. with their three beautiful kids, sage, harlow and spencer alongside their criminal minds family.

jordannah and matthew's sunshine was no longer taken away from them.

- - -

i loved rewriting and reimagining this and i'm so glad it turned out like this. also, if any of the social media handles were wrong, apologies. i also love christina perri's cover of "you are my sunshine" so that was also the original inspiration for when i first wrote this imagine. and i really hope that i could maybe do more of these with the characters and actors of criminal minds as that would be cool ya know? 

ok ily xx

[wrenreid]

Just Acting

Chapter Twenty

Gifts are exchanged, hot chocolate and donuts are consumed, and your mom plays Christmas music on the tv. After getting the wrapping paper in the trash can and cleaning up the living room, you sit on the couch. Your legs are folded under you, and a soft blanket lays over your lap.

Lola plops down beside you after putting her things up in her room. "When are you going back to LA?"

"Trying to get rid of me already?"

"Yeah, obviously," she smiles.

"My plane leaves on the 30th,” you tell her.

"Okay."

"Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, just curious." she shrugs.

"I think I'm going to ask Conner out on a date," You say pressing your lips together.

"Really? I figured you would say you have no time for dating,” she says.

"Well, I don't. But I figured why not start getting out there again?”

She nods. "Have you talked to Matthew recently?"

"Why did you bring him up while we're talking about dating?”

Lola laughs at you. "I was just wondering." She has a small smirk on her face.

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything!"

"I know what you're thinking, Lola."

She smiles wider, and you roll your eyes.

_____

"Hey! It's Y/n, I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date maybe tomorrow?..... Does that sound stupid?"

"Be more confident," Lola says, leaning over you and your phone. "Demand it."

"I'm not going to demand him to date me!" You chuckle softly.

She laughs. "Fine, but don't say maybe. Let him know you want it, but don't sound desperate."

You nod your head. "I never thought I'd be taking dating advice from a kid who's never even had a real date."

"I have!” she says a bit defensively.

You chuckle again. "Okay, I'm just going to send something before I overthink it."

"Hey, it's Y/n. Let's go on a date soon?" You text Conner.

"Not bad," Lola tells you.

You sigh. "What should we do today?"

"What can we do? Most places are still closed."

It's December 27th, and you're bored at home.

"Ugh," you groan.

"Let's go drive around?"

"I'm down," you say. "Anything to get off this damn couch."

You get up and throw on black sweatpants and an unzipped jacket over your red t shirt. Lola changes out of her pjs, which you both had been in all day, and into gray joggers, a black hoodie, and a black beanie. You both slip on your shoes and head to her car.

Lola drives down random roads and you play dj. After a while, Lola pulls into the parking lot of a gas station and you get slushees. Your dad always thought you girls were crazy because you'd eat or drink cold things in the winter.

The sun is down and it's getting even darker out. Lola drives around some more and you guys just talk about random things and sing at the top of your lungs.

"Well, I have a date tomorrow," you say, taking a sip of your cherry slushee and texting Conner back.

"Ooh nice! What time?"

"Seven."

"So you're going to leave me all night?"

"I'll be gone for like two hours, Lola. Dramatic ass."

She laughs, starting the drive back home.

After about thirty minutes, you're back home and in your sister's bed. You lay down while she sits in a bean bag chair beside her bed.

—————

"If this goes south, text me and I'll act like Mom's dying or something."

You shake your head with a soft laugh. “Thank you, but I think it'll be fine."

You slip on a pair of black high-waited jeans then walk to your closet where you'd hung up some clothes you brought.

"Flannel or blazer?"

"This isn't a business meeting, Y/n."

You press your lips together and nod. "Flannel it is, asswipe." After putting on a white t shirt and tucking it into your jeans, you throw on an oversized black, white, and dark red flannel.

You'd already fixed your hair and put on natural makeup. You sigh, "Dating is so weird. Getting to know people is awkward and annoying. Why can't someone I already know well just me my boyfriend or some shit," you chuckle.

"Because someone who already knows you wouldn't want to be your boyfriend," Lola says. You glare at her. "I'm kidding. Dating in the adult world sounds horrible. It's so much easier in school because you see these people every day."

"And you have so many options," you smile.

"Hey, you could try girls," she winks.

"I've thought about it, just isn't for me I guess."

"Understandable."

"Do I look stupid?" You ask after slipping into sneakers.

"No. You look pretty."

You give her a strange look before saying "Thank you."

She gives you weird finger guns, and you shake your head with a soft laugh.

“Who's kid are you?"

"Yours,” she says.

"God, I hope not."

The two of you laugh softly, and you grab your bag. You head out of your room. "Bye."

"Good luck, don't act stupid."

You roll your eyes and head downstairs.

"Have fun sweetie," Mom says.

"If you need saving, call us."

"Thanks Dad," you say furrowing your eyebrows.

You borrow Lola's car and pull out of the driveway. The restaurant Conner and you decided on meeting at is pretty chill, not too fancy but not like a McDonald's or anything. It's a few miles east from your house. You drive past the suburban Philadelphia scenery, which is mostly nice houses and a bunch of leaf-less trees on either side of the roads.

Eleven minutes later, you pull into the parking lot of the restaurant. It's family owned and fairly small, but it's a nice low-key spot.

Conner is sitting in a booth inside. He smiles at you, and you make your way to sit across from him.

"Hey. You look pretty," he says.

"Thank you, not too bad yourself,” you grin.

"Not going to lie, I was hoping you'd ask me out. I was a bit nervous to ask myself."

"Why?"

"I don't know, you're all superstar now,” he says.

"I am not," you laugh softly. "Still just the random kid from school, except I'm older now of course."

Conner smiles. "You seem different though. Not a bad thing.... so what's it like out in sunny California?"

"A lot different than here," you say honestly.

"I bet."

"What about you? How's the business?" You ask, and he looks confused for a second.

"Oh, it's been going fine."

You nod, pressing your lips together. "Dating is weird," you say out of the blue.

He chuckles. "It really is. So how's Criminal Minds been treating you?"

"It's been really fun."

"Oh c'mon, give me more than that. Any juicy details?"

"You'll have to watch for yourself when it comes out," say with a shrug.

"Lame," he laughs. "I'll admit, I was a little jealous when I saw those pictures of you and that actor Gubler on the internet."

"You were?" You furrow your eyebrows.

"Yeah. I mean, I've always had a crush on you."

"That's a shocker."

"How so?"

"You never said anything in school about it," you tell him.

"What can I say, I was shy."

"Yeah totally, the big basketball star was shy."

He shakes his head. "Around you, I was."

"There's not much to worry about this Gubler by the way,” you tell him with a blush.

"Really? You seemed all heart eyes for him," he laughs.

"That's funny,” you say.

"Okay..."

"What about you? I bet all of your dad's old lady customers are all over you," you giggle.

"Oh, totally. I get my cheeks pinched every day.”

A waiter comes and asks for your drink orders and leaves shortly after.

"Being in show business must be so much fun. I bet there's always something going on."

"Eh I sort of just stay out of it,” you say. “I’m not exactly a big name, so I’m not in all the drama.”

"What about on set though? There's got to be some drama there.”

You shrug. "Mostly just while we're acting. We're a family. No need for dramatics."

"Every family has drama," Conner says.

"Yeah, you would know," you laugh, referring to the family scandal his older sister brought onto them years ago.

"Hey, ouch," he says playfully. "So nothing interesting happens on set?"

You let out a breathy laugh and look at him questioningly. "We mostly just hang out and run lines. Or take naps. Trailer naps are the best."

Conner smiles. "Bet that's not the only thing fun in the trailer."

Your eyes widen. "Conner!"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Unless you have something to add to that, then I am very curious."

"Shut up," you laugh.

"Hmm not a no."

"No. No," you chuckle, cheeks turning pink.

Your waters come out and the waiter takes your food orders. You decide on a toasted sandwich with fries.

He’s on his phone for a moment. “Sorry, my mom’s texting me about something with the store.”

You tell him it’s no problem and sip your water as the two of you talk a little more. "I'm going to head to the restroom," you excuse yourself and rise from the table.

You get to the restroom and your phone buzzes quickly after washing your hands “Hello?" You answer.

"Hey where are you right now?"

It's Matthew.

"I'm still in Philly," you say with a questioning tone.

"Yeah I know, but are you with someone?"

"That's none of your business, Gu-"

"Y/n, there's this guy who literally just tweeted some shit about you, and it's already blowing up."

"Wait what?" You question, running your hand through your hair while looking in the mirror.

"Are you with someone right now?" He asks again.

"Yeah, yeah this guy I knew in high school, we're on a date."

"Does his name happen to be Conner?"

"Yeah," you say, your chest rising and falling a bit faster.

"Shit. You need to go home."

"What did he say?"

"Don't worry about it, it's just a bunch of lies," he says softly.

"We, l I would like to know what's being spread about me on the internet."

"We'll fix this, Y/n. Just don’t look online right now,” he says, his voice oddly calming.

You nod even though he can't see you. "Right. Okay I'll tell him I have to go. Can you stay on the phone with me?"

"Yeah, of course."

You walk back to the table, not sitting down. "Hey, Conner, my mom needs me to come home," you point to your phone, "Something happened with my sister. It was nice meeting with you."

"Oh okay. We'll pick this up later?"

"Yeah," you muster up a smile.

When you get into your car, you see him watching you from the window. "Can I know what he said now?"

"Just some shit about how you’re a horror to work with and slept with one of your cast-mates in your trailer,” he says.

"What? That's- He was asking me a bunch of questions, I just thought he was making conversation. All I told him was that we were a family."

"He's a journalist, they love making u stuff for and reads.”

Technically one of the things he said wasn’t a lie, but it was not anything anybody was going to know about. You didn’t say it happened, he doesn’t know.

“I feel like a huge idiot."

"No, you're just a small idiot,” he says.

"Very funny, Matthew."

He laughs into the phone and you start the drive home. "When are you coming back to LA?"

"Next week."

"I got those tweets taken down."

"That was fast."

"I'm speedy," he says. “Well, I have people, and my people are speedy.”

"Thank you,” you breathe into your phone.

"Of course. If someone's going to spill the news you had sex in your trailer, it better be me."

You snort. "Shut up.” You sigh softly. “Friends?”

“Friends,” he agree. “I've got to go, my mom and I are taking matching sweater pictures."

You smile to yourself. "Have fun, Gube.”

“And I’m sorry for yelling at you.” Is what you’re about to say before the call ends.

"This is exactly why I hate dating," you say after recapping to your sister what happened.

"Because crazy money obsessed journalists normally spread lies on the internet, I get it, it happens to everyone."

You laugh at your sister, nudging her arm with yours.

While lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling, you realize something about yourself. Matthew annoyed the shit out of you, drove you crazy, and made you mad because you like him. A lot.

You couldn't handle Jordan because he was too comfortable, too boring. And Matthew... well, Matthew is loud and fun and makes you feel things you didn't know were possible.

_____

Lola stares at you with a satisfied smile on her face. She's definitely thinking 'I told you so.' "Just tell him."

"No. Nope. I messed shit up before, I can't afford to do that again. We're finally on good terms... I think, and I don't want to ruin it. And having to kiss someone for work after being rejected does not sound pleasant for me."

"Y/n, just woman up and tell him. You're not in high school anymore, you can't just avoid your feelings," Lila says.

She's right. You really hate when she's right.

"I'll tell him in person. I don't want to do it over the phone, and it'll give me some time to think about what I want to say," you tell her.

Lola nods. "Okay. Deal."

"Feelings are gross," you plop on your sister's bed with an exasperated sigh.

"Yes they are." Lola lays down next to you.

Luckily, you'd been able to go on Instagram and briefly explain the situation from last night's tweets. Most people believed you, and the deal was settled.

You go home tomorrow evening. You were originally going to stay in Pennsylvania until the second, but Aisha and the girls invited you to a New Year's Eve party. 

Lola and you decided to go to the movies together. You got ready and left the house.

The two of you ended up leaving the theater halfway through because of how bad the film was. It made for a good laugh though.

You drove to Sonic and ordered some cheese sticks and milkshakes for you and Lola to eat on the way home.

Since you had less than 24 hours until you left home again, you shared Lola's room with her for the night.

____

On the flight back to LA, you look out of the window at the clouds moving quickly past you. You'd just hugged your family goodbye an hour before.

The plane lands a couple hours later, and you take an uber back to your apartment. You take a deep breath as you walk into the place. It feels good to be back, but you know you'll miss your family soon.

After setting your bags down in your room, you plop down on your own bed. You get a text from Jess not long after saying she wants to see you tonight. You ask her to come over when she can. It's nice to be back with your friends in the noisy city you've gotten so used to.

twenty-one

tags: @pauline5525mgg @theintimatewriter @lilibet261 @greysviolets @jazzymariexoxoc @one-sweet-gubler @thatsonezesty13 @necromaniackat @awhoreforspencerreid @sebs-oxygen @scarredelirium @bts-sugaplum @awesomeness1679 @preciousbabypeter @yazzyu @cynbx @r3idsp3ncer @1010lizz @tiredbut-here @skulzombiw @lena-1895 @eevee0722 @danis-stuff-is-here @kylakins88 @daydreamingqueen1 @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @inlovewithcharmers @kylakins88 @f-me-reid @matthew-gray-gubler-lover <3

[reidalert]

spencer is for the girlies who want a cutesy nerdy boy who will beg for you

& hotch is for the girlies who want a cold yet caring man who will make you beg for him

[mggslover]

a list of my recommended fanfics

hi lovers!

I never would have started this blog if it weren't for the amazing authors on here, so I decided to create a reading list of my favorite fanfics so you can all enjoy them and maybe get inspired as well. Unfortunately, I cannot read 20k wpm like Reid does, so I try to update regularly!

Spencer Reid

right kind of wrong by @incognit0slut

better off as lovers by @eideticmemory

diva by @nereidprinc3ss

strange perfections @nereidprinc3ss

bandages request by @nereidprinc3ss

rumoured nights by @fortheloveofwonderland

summer heat by @fortheloveofwonderland

diphenhydramine by @pathologicalreid

swept off your feet by @foxy-eva

that wasn't fake by @aperrywilliams

accidents by @tinystarbites

Matthew Gray Gubler

sunshine brews by @gubsbuubs

masked by @gubsbuubs

sweetie pie by @gubsbuubs

late night talking by @eideticmemory

[venusbyline]

GUYS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! I NEED TO RIDE THIS MAN IMMEDIATELY

[endearng]

Tie

Pairing: switch!Spencer Reid x sub!fem!reader Summary: Spencer gets unreasonably jealous of you. You let him take control to comfort and reassure him. That's what loving girlfriends do. WC: 3.6k Warnings: smut - oral (f receiving), edging, overstimulation, kinda softdom!Spencer, reader is compliant to everything he says, he's just as desperate as her, sir kink, creamp1e (i long for a better word), bondage, unprotected pinv, dirty talk (they yap), pet names, pussy slapping. Jealous Spencer deserves a warning of its own. Minors, please, do not interact. A/N: I have no excuse for myself (I'm ovulating). This is pure filth and indulgent because I was being tortured with thoughts of Spencer.

Feedbacks are always welcomed and appreciated <3 Masterlist

Subtle touches from Spencer all night had you going crazy. Well, they weren’t exactly that subtle.

During a particular conversation you were having with Rossi about Italian cuisine (you were an enthusiast, both of cooking and eating Italian dishes like nothing else existed), Spencer, who had an armed slung over the chair you were sitting on, started twirling your hair in his fingers. When you laughed at some remark about how French people are insane for combining dairy with fish, your boyfriend pulled your hair rather crudely. You glared at him from the corner of your eye.

You got somewhat angry because it was uncomfortable for you to be that intimate around others, but his teasing worked wonders on you. Now, you wanted his touch to be bolder, thirstier, needier, just to match your own sinful thoughts and wants. Right now, Spencer was saying goodbye to Rossi, who was waiting for a cab to take him and his wife back home. Spencer's hand rested at the small of your back. The wine you sipped all through the night, combined with Spencer's bratty behavior, was now making your pussy throb with need for your boyfriend. Nevertheless, you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing you all worked up in public. "Goodbye, Krystall, and again, happy birthday. Thank you for including me! It was incredible," you said to the woman, who hugged you warmly and thanked you with a smile on her face. "Looking forward to those cooking sessions you mentioned earlier," you said, a big smile on your face as you gave David Rossi a hug.

"Anytime, bellissima." He said simply as you pulled away, smile gracing his face. You held out your hand to Spencer to walk back to his car.

The nickname had struck a nerve. He wasn't jealous, no, he trusted you with his body and his soul, even if he, as a man of science, didn't believe in the latter — that's how much he loved and trusted you, and it was Rossi, for God's sake... Still, he was just another man. Another stupid, territorial man. He opened the door for you and you entered the car, giving him a peck on the lips, "Thanks, handsome."

"Anytime, bellissima," he said through gritted teeth after he closed the door and as you fastened your seatbelt, out of your earshot. He turned around to enter the car, taking the driver's seat.

You went home silently, but you could sense the heavy atmosphere between you on the way there. As you entered your apartment, he got down on his knees to take off your shoes for you. He always did it, no matter what. Apparently, acting weird was no exception to his care with you. You bit your lip, a little apprehensive to bring up the subject. "Thank you, baby," you said softly instead.

"You're welcome, darling." he said, not looking at you and taking longer than necessary in his task.

You sucked in a breath. "Okay, baby, what was that? We need to talk about it."

"What was what?"

"Just when we left the restaurant. I said thanks and you basically ignored me all the way here," you explained, even if you knew he definitely knew what you were talking about. your hand found the nape of his neck, making him look up at you. He had a guilty look on his face.

Busted.

He sighed, "I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I was mean." He apologized, eyes sincerely searching your form and hands reaching up to rest on the sides of your hips.

"Why did you do it, then?"

"Bellissima. You know what it means. I just got... jealous? I should be the only one complimenting you," he said, now standing at full height in front of you. Kissing your lips, hands caressing your waist, touch light as a feather, "telling you how much you mean to me," you sighed as his lips brushed the skin of your neck, "how much it drives me crazy just seeing you," he bit the sweet spot just behind your ear, "my beautiful, gorgeous girlfriend. Mine."

You pulled on his hair so he could see your features. Looking him dead in the eye, with an almost angry look on your face. You wanted him to pay for everything he had done that night. "Baby, you were touching me all night, knowing that you were driving me insane. knowing you're the only one who gets to do that," you leaned in to kiss him softly. "And then throw a tantrum like the spoiled little thing that you are just because someone said a word to me? You know compliments mean nothing when it comes from someone who's not you, baby. Thought you knew better."

Silence. He looked at you like you kicked his dog. 

"Remind me, then," he retorted, looking you in the eye. "Remind me how much you're mine and mine only."

One of your favorite things about your relationship with Spencer was that, in public, your dynamic was totally different from what you were like between four walls. When you were surrounded by people, Spencer acted like a gentleman, always making sure to cater to your every whim, opening car doors, taking off your shoes for you, picking nice places to take you on dates, accepting your suggestions of what to wear — it was no coincidence that he looked a lot more styled lately, but you also loved his usual attires. It was how you met him and how you fell in love with him, after all.

But, in the bedroom (or wherever he decided to have you), it was totally different. You were compliant to everything he said, letting go of the control you had over yourself, over your relationship, over everything so he could take you to fucking heavens. You obeyed everything without so much a "yes, sir", and he fucking loved it.

He unzipped the skin-tight dress after leading you back to your shared room. He sat down on the edge of the bed, you stood before him, whose tie was loosened around his neck. "Is this all for me?" he asked as he saw what you had underneath your dress all night long, absolutely sick with the slightest idea that someone else could have that.

You sighed as he kissed your neck and trailed down to your breasts, easily unclasping your bra. "Yes, sir, all for you."

Just like clockwork, all his attention drifted to your breasts. One of his large, calloused hands held your waist securely and the other played with one of your nipples as he licked the other, his hot tongue circling the nub, making you whimper and sending a rush of wetness through your core. "mmm, always need my mouth full of you, angel."

"nnngh, it feels so good."

He smiled on your skin, biting your nipple afterwards. The sting made you see stars and desperate to feel him in some sort of way, you'd take anything he had to offer you. You just needed to be touched. As he continued your ministrations on your breasts, switching from one to the other, you moaned, your hands finding his hair. "Sir—ah—, can you please—touch me?"

He stopped his movements and looked up at you, laughing mockingly. "Is that all it takes, pretty? A few minutes of my mouth on you and you're already so pliant? So eager for me to touch you?"

"Yes, sir. I need you so bad."

"Tell me, then," he scoffed, "where do you want me to touch you?"

Your incoherent babbles meant nothing, so he just laughed at your poor attempt at an answer.

"You're so good at begging, aren't you?" You nodded, licking your lips with the sight of his wet ones. "Wanna kiss me, baby?"

"Always do. Can I?"

"Yes, you can." No matter how dominant he was, he could never deny you a kiss.

You leaned down to kiss him. The brush of your lips alone made Spencer crazy, craving more and more. He could spend hours just kissing you, never getting tired of the mind numbing sensation it had on him. You deepened the kiss, your tongue caressing his, earning a moan from his end. You smiled. "I love kissing you." You whispered as you barely pulled away, breathless.

"I know you do, pretty."

His hands trailed on the sides of your body, earning a shiver from you. Just as he reached the hem of your panties, they traveled up again, grazing the skin of your arms instead. As he found your hands, he gave them a gentle squeeze. He stood up and looked down at you, in for another kiss. "You have no idea what you do to me," he groaned. His words only spurred you further. "Take off my shirt. Slowly." he commanded. And you complied, taking every chance to brush your fingers against his hot skin, desperate to rake your nails on his chest, to make him shiver for you, too.

Spencer turned you around gently so you could see yourself in the big mirror placed in front of the bed. You watched as he pushed your hair out of his way, resting it on your left shoulder to give him access to your neck, his hands finding your breasts so he could play with them, too. He started with light kisses on your neck, lips barely brushing the area, making goosebumps soon erupt on your skin. His caresses got gradually more aggressive, making you blatantly moan his name when he bit the sweet spot behind your ear and grinded his clothed dick against your ass. You whimpered, overwhelmed with so many stimuli.

Turning you to face him, again, he sat you on the edge of the bed, covered only by your underwear in front of him. You could see the tent in his pants and you were desperate to taste him, to take him in your mouth in order to make him as crazy as he made you. God, the things you'd do to hear him whimper like he knew you loved to hear...

"Thinking about something, angel?" He chuckled, mocking you yet again when he saw what were you looking at and the position you put yourself in: cunt in full display after you placed both feet at the edge of the bed.

You nodded violently. That was how you always found yourself pleading for him. It didn't take much, honestly. "Please, sir, I'll do anything. jus', please, let me feel you,"

Anything...

"Aw, pretty, you're so desperate for me," his tone was condescending. "thought you'd wanted someone else for a moment tonight."

"No! No! Never, sir. Never. I only want you. I only want you to touch me."

Leaning down, his fingers raked over your stomach, ghosting over the fabric of your panties. Spencer groaned as he touched the wet patch on your underwear, glistening, begging for attention.

"'s just how much I want you..."

"Look at you, angel, begging me to have my way with you," he sneered, "so pretty..." he muttered, getting down on his knees.

Through your soaked underwear, Spencer caressed your mound and outer lips, almost as if he was drawing your cunt from scratch, tracing every single feature, making it cling even harder to the garment. Each touch made you feel eager. Want something, say something, right?

He teased you for what felt like hours, but when you were finally able to form a sentence, he pushed your panties to the side and he moaned lowly at the sight of you. "Spence—sir..." You started, but were cut by a breathless grunt that raked through you as he licked a broad stripe on your slit.

"You are soaked, princess, had to have a taste of you... you were sayin'?"

"Please, don't stop, sir," your hands flew to his hair, trying to push him back to what he had started.

"Nuh-uh, princess," he tsked, gathering his tie from the floor, "You don't deserve to touch me after the little show you put up today. I’m gonna have to tie you up, alright?" 

There it was. Your punishment.

One thing about Spencer is that he always made sure to tell you whatever he was planning on doing with you, both so that you could say no if you wanted to and also because it turned you on beyond limits. It made your heart soar, he was so careful with you, making every man on earth seem like straight up Neanderthals. You whined at his plan as he looked at you to see if you were okay with the idea.

You jutted your lip out, brows furrowing, but you couldn't disagree with him. Adorable, he thought. He tied both of your hands behind your back, using his fucking tie. "... Yes, 's alright. I jus' wish I could touch you so badly," you complained.

"I know, pretty," he cooed, "that's why I'm gonna give you a chance to be good for me, and when you prove to me you can do it, you can touch me all you want."

"O-okay," you stuttered as he started placing teasing kisses on your inner thighs. You sighed.

"You smell so good. Want me to taste you too, hm? You're soaked, your pussy is begging me to do something about it."

"Yes, yes, I do!" you almost yelled. "Please, sir, I'll be good for you."

"I know you fucking will." he stated. Just then, he started licking your pussy, delicately at first just so you could get used to the feeling of finally having him the way you wanted. His hands held your hips in place to stop you from moving. He was the one in control, after all.

Then, once he sucked your clit between his lips, he started flicking his tongue against the nub, eliciting moans from you. The taste of you in his tongue was something he could never get used to, every fucking time felt like the first. He felt addicted to the power it had over him. The best he could do was at least try to be in control. You squirmed, almost like you wanted to get away from him, but his firm hands held you in place. "Be good and stay still," he muttered against your core, slapping your pussy once. You nodded, whining, too lost in the feeling after the sting, in the feeling of his tongue punishing you in a rhythm that put you in a frenzy. Spencer's middle finger slowly pushed inside your fluttering walls. "You're dripping all over my fingers. What a messy girl."

Knuckle deep inside your cunt and mouth feverishly and steadily working on your clit, your boyfriend started to feel more and more desperate by the second with the sounds coming from your mouth. You, on the other hand, could almost taste your release, a complete mess on the bed, chants leaving your reddened lips from all the biting, "yes, sir! You make me feel s'good, you're s'deep in me. Fuck! I'm your good g—" as he heard your words tinged with desperation in a high pitched voice and felt the muscles in your pussy tighten, he quickly stopped his actions.

He would bet money that it hurt him more than it did you.

"Noooo..." you whined, like a spoiled brat. A breathless, messy, spoiled brat. You knew what you were in for from the moment he took off your shoes. "Please, please, sir. You can f-eel how desperate I am for you," you blabbered, trying to argue. "Can I show you?" You decided to take matters into your own hands. Well, as best as you could.

He stood up. "Let's see what you've got, princess." He gripped his shaft in front of you, making saliva pool in your mouth. "You're not even being fucked yet, and you're already this dumb, baby?" He sneered at you. You looked up at his face, taking in his dilated pupils watching you. You looked like any man's wet dream, perfect pussy on display, chest heaving with anticipation of what was coming next, face contorted in the filthiest expression in the world.

He would be happy just to watch you, but he was actually able to taste, touch, see, smell and hear the whole thing.

He was the luckiest man in the world.

Half sitting on the bed, back against the headboard and already off of his slacks and briefs, he beckoned you over to his lap. You kneeled somewhat awkwardly on the bed to hover on his lap, cunt dripping arousal on his belly as you did so. He groaned, the dominant facade faltering for a moment. He had to be the most indulgent dominant man ever, because he was barely able to resist you and your seducing ways. "See how wet you make me?" You whispered, eyes focused on his, which looked directly at the sheer liquid pooling on his stomach.

"You're such a good girl, baby" in a weakened voice made its way out of his mouth. "Since you asked so nicely and you have proof, why don't you show me how much you love riding me, huh? Come on, pretty, sit on my cock. Ride me." His commanding sentences made your cunt gush yet again.

"Yes, sir!" you exclaimed, ready to obey his commands.

Spencer gripped his base and rubbed his dick against your folds. He groaned, biting his lip and it took every single ounce of self control not to kiss him senseless. After some more teasing, he muttered, "You can do it now."

You sat down on him, slowly, pushing the tip in. "Fuck," hoarse voice, just the way he loved it, "you feel so good, sir. And you're not even fully in yet."

"Come on, nice and slow, princess."

You sank a little further, his girth stretching you out so deliciously that it made you shut your eyes closed as goosebumps erupted on your skin, pure bliss running through you. "Fuck—ah— you're so, so hard, sir," you hissed.

"Yes, that's it," he grabbed your hands in one of his. He felt you clench around him. "Gonna make sure you get off on my cock alone."

Recalling his demand, you obeyed. Nice and slow, savoring the feeling of having him buried to the hilt inside of you. each time you pulled back just to slam his dick inside again made you feel dizzy. Spencer was mesmerized by the sight before him. First, your expression told him how much you enjoyed riding him, mouth agape to let out the dirtiest moans and words, unlike the poised woman he liked to brag about to whoever listened. "Fuck, you're so deep. 's so good, love it when you let me ride you, sir."

Spencer kept silent for a moment, still admiring your form. He watched as the hair on your skin shivered each time he started to meet your thrusts, eager to make you his. his eyes drifted to your breasts, bouncing with every movement of your bodies. It was wanton, watching you get off on top of him, using him to chase your own high, but the sight that got him enthralled was your pussy making his cock glisten with your arousal. "Yeah, pretty? So what do you say? D'you remember you have to be nice?"

"Thank you, sir"

"Thank you for what?" he urged.

"That's right. You're taking me so well, princess, fucking hell," he cursed. "Such a tight pussy, baby, so perfect for me."

“Thank you for letting me sit on your cock. Ah! I'm all yours, sir! Yours."

At this point, Spencer was a goner below you. You rocked your hips and he met you thrusts ruthlessly, focused on chasing your high. You slowed your movements, clit grinding against his pubic bone, dick still rock hard inside of you. You felt the telling signs of your orgasm approaching and, mind filled with thoughts of all the filth you've done with him. You still wanted to do much more. "Fuck, pretty girl—you're so good at taking me."

You leaned down to whisper in his ear, your tits brushing against his skin adding to the whirlwind of sensations. "Can I come, sir? Please! I want to come all over your cock," all your sentences sounded like heavenly, pathetic whines to Spencer's ears.

"You hafta take it, princess," he groaned, hands guiding your movements. "Take. It." He urged, words emphasized by two particularly hard thrusts. “Wanna come inside of you.”

"Yes, please! I'm all yours—Spencer!" You yelled out his name as your orgasm washed over you, still grinding against him.

The sound of his name leaving your lips was enough to follow you not shortly after. “Gonna come—fuck—inside you.” He gritted. After spilling inside you, he kept fucking his cum back inside with a few sloppier thrusts.

You crashed beside him, taking a minute to catch your breath. Spencer quickly reached to undo his tie on your wrists, kissing the soft skin after removing the garment. You chuckled at his care. “Don't ever stop me from touching you again,” you muttered.

“What are you going to do, angel? Stop me?” He laughed softly.

He cleaned you both up and you had your hands free to caress your boyfriend’s skin all night long.

The next morning, Spencer had you on the phone as he walked in the bullpen, saying “yes”, “of course”, and a series of different agreements, gleeful expression on his face.

He heard Derek Morgan chuckle. "Aw, Reid, she already telling you what to do?"

"There's no time for her to start, you know that, Derek," Emily quipped.

They had no idea you were telling him about the wet dream you had about him fucking you in the middle of the bullpen.

[halfwayhearted]

There Beneath — Spencer Reid.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: In which everyone but you forgot his 30th birthday.

Word Count: 875+

Disclaimer/s — Happy birthday to the nerd ever! ^_^ + sunshine!reader, fluff/comfort, and… yeah, beautiful!

A/N: Based off this request, ‘Hey pook! So spencer blurb or whatever and it’s based off the “you’re 29” “im 30” “we missed your birthday?” except reader didn’t. so back to his bday and maybe reader shows up at his apt with a thing of books she KNOWS he hasn’t read and tea and his favorite coffee and stuff. #fluff #ineedspencer #iloveu’! My layout messed up on the other one and I ended up deleting it! So.

Blank stare. “No way… we missed your birthday?”

All Spencer could do was stare right back and offer a small, awkward smile, averting his gaze. They had. They all had. Except for, well, you.

You’ve had his birthday marked on your calendar for months, and you’d be damned if you didn’t go all out for your best friend’s birthday. You spent half of September secretly and subtly finding out what Spencer Reid did throughout his… rare days at home. His answer every time was that he liked to read, play chess, go out for coffee, or watch his favorite show, ‘Doctor Who’. Okay! Okay, good.

So, with that being said, you did your utmost to grab all of the wrapped presents without fail. You did it, with a grunt and muttered curses, but you did it. Slamming your car door shut, you made your way up to his apartment. The familiar brown door coming into view made your heart quicken.

Stopping right in front of his place, you knocked with the front of your foot. You heard sounds of shuffling before his door swung open. Spencer’s expression shifting from confusion to surprise as he slowly said your name, his head tilting. “Hey… how are you? What are you doing here?”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “It’s your birthday. Happy birthday!” A short pause. “Please grab your presents before they fall on the floor.”

With a small laugh, the brunette quickly moves to grab them. A sigh of relief escapes your lips as the weight is lifted. Stepping back, he sets them on his table, politely inviting you inside his house.

“So, am I the first one? Or did Penelope beat me to it. Actually, wait, don’t even answer that.”

Something you can’t quite identify crosses his features, and you instantly know you’ve said something wrong. That’s when it hits you, “No.”

Spencer immediately shrugs. “It’s fine! I’m not... hurt by it or anything. They’re just busy.”

You could’ve hugged him right then, but you refrain. Instead, you slip your hand into your tote bag and pull out a ‘Birthday Boy’ pin. His expression drops, making you laugh. “Come on!”

He remains silent, simply staring at you.

“I’ll wear the birthday hat if you wear the pin.”

His shoulders slump in defeat, and he nods, his eyes widening slightly when you instantly move toward him. Your bottom lip sinks between your teeth, clipping the pin onto his sweater, making sure not to poke him in the process. “There! How’s that? Did I poke you?”

Spencer shakes his head, too flushed to speak.

Without acknowledging it, you pull out the hat, carefully sliding it over your head. With a giddy glance up at him, you ask, “Do I look silly?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“What!” You stammer, “I’m being serious! Do I?”

“You look beautiful. What’s in these?” Smooth.

“Your gifts—wait! Sit down first,” you insisted, watching how he does exactly that. You clasp your hands together in clear anticipation.

Spencer purses his lips, staring at the various wrapped boxes in front of him, unsure of which one to open first. It wasn’t that hard…

Just pick one.

Grabbing the one with light blue wrapping paper, he tenderly rips it open. His eyes widen slightly at the sight of different books—all first editions.

“How did you—” he trails off, “How?”

“How did I know? I remember you talking about it one day, so, I did some digging and I finally found them. Do you like them? Let me know.”

He traces a single finger down the spine, his smile broadening. “A lot. Thank you so much. Wow.”

Your smile grows even brighter at the sight of his widening. “Hugs afterward, keep opening!”

More of your gifts are unveiled; among them are two boxes of his favorite tea, his preferred coffee, and even a bag of sugar added in. Humorous.

This had truly made his entire day. Or, to be more precise, you had made his entire day.

Once everything was opened, he stands up and slides his hands over your waist, interlocking them behind your back while yours move to wrap loosely around his neck. “You liked everything?”

“I loved them, thank you. Really. Thank you.”

You hummed softly, “Happy birthday, Spencer.”

He says nothing but nestle his head deeper into the crook of your neck.

After a couple more minutes of comfortable silence, you quietly inquired, “Movie marathon?”

“Please. I’ll make tea, you can pick the movie.”

“It’s your birthday!” You frowned, pulling away.

“My birthday or not, you’re my guest. Choose.”

Your frown doesn’t even seem to linger at that, a smile threatening to break out on your face. You let out a huff and walk into his living room. With a glance back, you notice how much happier he seems compared to when you had first arrived.

You were certain that you’d do this for him every year. After picking the movie, he sat down beside you and set both your cups of tea on the table.

If he was being honest, he’d let you. And maybe one day, you wouldn’t just be his best friend. Not with your head resting on his shoulder, like this was just another casual evening spent together.

What’s the harm in making this, you, permanent?

Likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated ^_^.

DT(s) — @planetpedri ! ౨ৎ

[bohemianblasphemy]

Okay well now I need to know what’s written on the “paperwork” Spencer drops off at work. 😳 Tell me bestie, I need to know. I NEEEEEDDD!

Secrets in Ink

Based on a headcanon from this post ✨

(Also thank you cas for your help 🥺🖤)

There were perks of working at the BAU with your partner- being around each other for the working hours, spending breaks talking about your day; a downside however is having to keep your hands to yourself.

And man, was it difficult with Spencer Reid is your partner.

The day was dragging, and it seemed that the pile of loose papers and files to be sorted wasn’t getting any smaller.

A small frustrated groan left your mouth, rubbing your dry tired eyes as you tried to keep yourself awake.

Spencer observed you from his desk, seeing your weary demeanour and he frowned a little bit- trying to think of a way to make you feel better.

And of course, with that IQ of 187 and knowing you like the back of his hand, he pulled out a blank sheet of paper and acquired his pen.

He took his time to write you a note- carefully obscuring what he was composing to any wandering eyes that may be present, wanting to create something that was going to make you shiver and look forward to your… after work activities.

With a small, satisfied smile he signed off of the sweetly sensual letter- folding it neatly in half as he stood up to make his way over to you.

You were so deep in your paperwork, not noticing the tall figure walking toward you- not until he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Hey sweetie…” he whispered, observing you as you had broken out of your trance. You looked up at him, seeing his small smile and tousled curls, god he looked good- he always did.

“Hey Spencer… more paperwork for me?” You chuckled half heartedly, gesturing to the folder piece in his hand.

“Not work related… just a little something for you.” He smiled, placing the paper on the desk in front of you. Spencer’s hand gently reached your cheek, softly stroking it with his thumb.

“Just to make you feel better…”

That gentle gesture… fuck it did things to you.

“Thank you Spencer…” you leaned into his touch, gazing up at him with a small twinkle in your eye.

He gazed back at you, as though you the centre of the universe - the centre of his.

Spencer bent over slightly to whisper in your ear.

“Read it, but make sure no one else sees it. For your eyes only.” His gentle yet firm words were followed up with a sweet kiss on the cheek, seeing the blood rush to them as he pulled away and began to walk back to his desk.

Your curiosity overwhelmed you, unfolding the piece of paper to see what he had been written…

My sweet girl,

I don’t think you realise how hard it is to keep my hands to myself as I see you across the room, wanting to take you into one of the vacant offices and absolutely enrapture you.

The mere thought of bending you over on that empty desk, hearing those sweet sounds that you make as I take you from behind- makes it hard for me to control myself.

It should be a crime that I can’t touch you while we’re on cases; the temptation to let my fingers wander under your skirt and play with you whilst we fly in the jet - the added risk of getting caught whilst doing so making it all the more thrilling.

All I crave everyday is your lips, your touch, the taste of you between your thighs.

Once we are home tonight you are mine; to take care of, to love, to make you cum…

Yours,

Spencer

The fire that burned within you created a deeper red flush to surface on your skin as you finished reading it.

His words stirred desire through you, biting your lip as you thought of them and glanced back at him- cocking your eyebrow suggestively at him.

Spencer smirked as he saw your flustered expression , knowing that his words affected you greatly - but that changed when he noticed Garcia sneaking behind her, her eyes trying to focus on what’s there.

“Whatcha got there, sunshine?” Garcia grins, pulling you from your focus on Spencer. Your eyes widened, rapidly folding the sheet in half and shoving it into your bag on your desk.

“N-nothing- nothing at all Pen.” You replied, clearing your throat to try to seem inconspicuous.

“Mhm sure honey, I know that look, and Spencer’s not exactly making your case any better.” She teased- waving at Spencer across the way in which he returned with a sheepish expression.

After giving you a wink, she turned to walk back to her office- her heels clicking on the floor as you look down at your desk in a flustered manner.

You looked back up at him, not being able to keep a straight face as you started to giggle, which in return made Spencer smile in adoration for you.

Tonight couldn’t come any faster…

[prettiestboyreid]

(im so sorry if this has been made before)

[alexander-arcturus-black-lupin]

Kiss

Spencer leans over you as he gets your attention. He’s gone from a germaphobe to an affectionate lover. You cup his face in your hands and kiss him softly, you shift on the couch in case he wants to join you. He knees the couch as he sighs into the kiss, deepening it as he gets closer. He leans more into you pushing you lower into the furniture. He tries to put a hand behind you to stop him from crushing you but you stop him pulling him against you. He yelps giving your tongue access, you grin against him, his blush growing. His knees are on either side of you.

“Angel…” he mutters against your lips. “ M’heavy.”

“Don’t,” kiss. “Care.” kiss.

Spencer’s tongue seems to explore every crevice in your mouth, his hands running up and down your sides. He pulls you slightly into him before setting you back down again.

“Your neck.” he explains but you can hardly care.

You try to move out of the kiss, the need for oxygen winning but he whines and slots his lips back on yours. He’s breathless as he ruts into your leg, his hands sneakily going under your shirt. He reminded you of an animal going into heat.

“Spencer?” you break off the kiss again, turning your head for air.

“M’yeah, need you, need you really really bad, please.” he kisses down your neck still rutting into your leg. “Please, Please, Please.”

“Where do you need me?” even though the answer is glaringly obvious.

“Stop teasing.” he whined into the crook of your neck.

“Alright.” you chuckled. He looked up at you, his hair was a mess, his glass were so lopsided that you took them off for fear of them falling, his face was flushed and his eyes glossy, his lips were swollen and he was a complete mess. You could feel his ‘need’ evident in his pants.

“Use my leg.”

[friendoftashi]

all mine | spencer reid x reader (nsfw)

because your job required so much travel, you and spencer were well practiced in quiet sex. at first, when your relationship was just clandestine meetings in hotel rooms, it was out of necessity.

the first time hotch allowed the two of you to room together, he handed the keys over with a firm look and “behave yourselves,” muttered under his breath. spencer flushed and morgan whistled.

“thank you, sir. you won’t regret it, i promise.”

you cut your eyes at morgan, who quickly fell back in line for the elevator.

spencer pulled away from your feverish kisses, chuckling under uneven, rapid breaths.

“what?” you questioned him, his amusement contagious.

“it’s just… whenever i imagined the first time we were assigned to the same room, i expected to feel relief at not having to sneak around anymore. but really i’m even more aware of our coworkers in the next rooms over.”

your lips curl into a smirk as you bring your arms around his neck, staring up at him.

“i’m naked in your bed and you’re thinking about our coworkers?”

“i just,” he brings his hips back to yours, settling himself right when you need him, “i don’t like anyone else hearing your pretty noises. all for me,” he’s mumbling against your neck. “plus, we’d never hear the end of it from derek.”

you gasp out a laugh in response as his hands find your waist, squeezing their way down to your ass, the backs of your thighs, repositioning your hips slightly to meet his at the perfect angle. you groan together, and spencer is quickly smashing his mouth against yours to muffle the sound.

he’s everywhere, hands on your breasts, kissing the jut of your hip bones and pulling your panties to the side. as he tweaks a nipple between the fingers of his left hand, his right holds your leg up as his tongue dives between your folds. your back arches as your hand flies to cover your mouth. you know the routine.

he eats you out sloppily for a few minutes before surging back to your lips. without breaking the kiss, he’s reaching for the pillows above your head. immediately, you know what he wants. you flip onto your stomach, lift your hips in muscle memory. spencer settles one pillow under your hips, the other under your head. he pets your hair and leans down to peck your shoulder before shoving his boxers off. on nights when spencer is especially worked up, often still buzzing off the adrenaline of capturing a particularly difficult unsub, he wants you from behind. this way, your noises are muffled by the pillows, his against your neck, while he sinks onto you. faster and faster, until the bed begins to squeak and he has to change his pace.

he’s bucking into you slowly now, his chest flush with your back. with your hands intertwined, his lips against your ear, hes whispering, more to himself, over and over, “all mine.”

[wrenreid]

Just Acting

i thought this gif was funny💀

Chapter Nineteen

You've been back home for a couple days now. It's been nice to be able to relax and be away from the LA noise. Sure, Philly's pretty big, but it's different from the angel city's chaos. And of course you love filming the show, but it feels good to have a break.

Basically all you've done since you got to PA is watch movies with your family, try to cook with your mom, text with Jess, and sleep.

You miss your little routine of talking to Jess almost every morning while you get your coffee, but being home with the cold weather and your family and the fireplace in the living room is comforting. LA weather in the winter is strange; it's either chilly or still hot. It wouldn't feel much like Christmas if you were still there.

Your phone rings as you get ready to go shopping with your sister. "Hello-"

"Just friends huh?" A deep voice says in your ear.

"What?"

"Just friends. That's what you think we are?" Matthew asks and you can practically see his obnoxiously attractive head tilt.

"You watched the interview,” you say, pointing out the obvious.

"Yeah."

"What was I supposed to say, Matthew? That we're friends with benefits or some shit? Look, it was cool while it lasted, but I can't do this anymore. I'd rather have a real relationship with someone who actually cares for me than whatever the hell we're doing here."

"Y/n-"

"Be mad at me all you want, but we're not twenty. This was doomed from the start anyway." You hang up, setting your phone on the bed not so gently. You sigh audibly, dropping your body to the bed too.

"Y/n, hurry up!" Lola says from the bathroom in between both of your bedrooms.

You get up reluctantly and finish putting on your sweater. You're wearing an off-white sweater that's perfect for the cold weather, black jeans, and cute boots. You leave your hair down and natural and put on a smallish amount of makeup.

After you're done getting ready, you meet Lola downstairs and grab your mom's car keys. "I'm driving, I don't trust you downtown."

"Rude. I've been driving for 2 years."

"Yeah um compared to my 18, I think I'm good driving.”

The two of you go to the mall downtown to get Christmas gifts. You both get gifts for your parents and other people. You decide to get everyone on the cast small presents and you plan to make cookies for the crew members when you get back to Los Angeles. Lola and you split up to shop for each other.

You're not entirely sure what you get your sister since you haven't been around much lately to know what she's into.

You go to a few places before finally finding something she may like. You got her a new pair of airpods and a digital picture frame for her college dorm. When you get home, you plan to put pictures of you and Lola, her and her friends, and your family in there. It'll be good for her to not have to bring frames to college. Hopefully Lola will appreciate it.

You don't plan on telling her about what just happened on the phone with Matthew. You're not even completely sure what happened. Why was he upset that you said you guys were just friends? Sure you slept together a few times, but you weren't like a couple. Not at all. He's a childish, mood-changing actor who just wanted you for sex. Maybe that's all that you wanted him for too. It's over now, so it doesn’t matter.

Whatever type of stupid childish thing the two of you had going is gone. You're not getting any younger, and maybe you aren't ready to settle down, but you sure as hell aren't going to continue a friends with benefits relationship, and with your coworker at that. It was a childish decision that neither of you should've made.

Why does it feel like I lost a friend?

Could you really consider him a friend? You guys fought and butted heads all the time. But recently, you’ve had a strange understanding with him.

You shake the thoughts of Matthew out of your head and get back into the car with your sister and the things you bought.

At home, you both hide the presents in your rooms and head downstairs to watch another Christmas movie with your parents. Your mom is forcing you guys to watch a Hallmark movie. You've never liked the corny unrealisticness of every single Hallmark movie. Especially the Christmas ones.

You sit through it though for your mom's sake. Lola pops some popcorn and you share a bowl while curled up on the couch with a blanket.

A part of you wishes you could stay home forever. See your sister every day and be with your parents. But Lola's going off to college this fall and your dad won't stay quiet about his opinions for long. And you're working on the biggest and best project you've ever done and may ever do in your life.

When the movie's over, you head up to your room and lay in bed. You stay awake for a bit, staring at the ceiling of your childhood bedroom.

You wake up to the sound of distant talking coming from downstairs. You get up and head down to the kitchen. The smell of syrup and bacon hits your nose, causing your stomach to growl a bit. You see your dad putting cooked bacon on plates that are already full with pancakes and eggs. Your mom is at the other counter, pouring a mug of coffee.

"Merry Christmas... Eve."

You smile at your mother, and Dad hands you two plates of food to set at yours and Lola's spots at the dining table. Lola comes down soon after and pours herself a cup of coffee, still half asleep.

It was always a tradition for you guys to eat breakfast together on Christmas and Christmas Eve. Normally, you and Dad would cook it and your mom would decorate cookies with Lola to hand to neighbors and friends. But traditions change as time passes.

You sit down with your iced coffee and take a bite of your breakfast. You've always been more of a waffle person, but pancakes are good too. Your family doesn't talk much at breakfast since you literally just saw each other before you went to sleep.

It's Christmas Eve which means the agenda for today consists of hanging the last two ornaments on the tree (you and Lola get new ornaments every year from your parents) and preparing for tomorrow. You'll also be watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas (a tradition you started at the ripe age of 12) and going downtown to see the decorations.

After eating, your mom hands you and Lola little bags. "Okay go ahead and open them."

Your ornament is a miniature clapperboard. You smile. “Awh I love it! Thank you."

Lola's is the mascot of the university she is going to next year. Both of you hang them up, and then you all lounge around the house for a while.

Lola and your dad go grocery shopping so Mom can cook Christmas Dinner tomorrow. You always have a honey roasted ham, potatoes, vegetables, and some type of dessert.

"Merry Christmas guys!!" AJ texts on the cast group chat. A chain of Merry Christmases come from everyone.

When Lola gets back home, you and her hang out in her bedroom. She talked about this girl she met a few weeks ago and how she has a crush on her but is scared to make a move. Oh teenage problems. You sort of missed those.

"You've always been so bold, it's weird to see you unsure of yourself," you say.

"It's just that... well my gaydar definitely goes off with her, but what if I'm wrong?"

"Just talk to her. The worst that can happen is you lose a friend, and if that does, she wasn't worth it anyway,” you tell her honestly.

She nods. "You're right. When I see her next, I'll tell her how I feel."

A part of you always knew your sister wasn't straight, but you wanted to let her come out on her own terms. She told you she was bi before she told anyone else, five months before she even told your parents. Both of you weren't sure how they would take it, but their reaction wasn't bad. They know she's the same kid she's always been, and she's their daughter so they need to support her. It took a bit for them to accept it fully, but they came around.

You were happy that your baby sister got to be herself around your family, at least the three of you.

"So how's your love life? Still dry as hell?"

"Damn that hurt. Well other than what I told you, pretty much... accept that one guy I dated for like a month if that. He was just so... I don't know."

"Boring?"

"Yeah pretty much,” you nod.

“What about Matthew?”

You swallow. “I’m not getting into details of sex, because ew, and that’s all it was.”

As soon as the sun started to set, you all got ready to go downtown. You throw on a pair of black leggings, boots, and an oversized hoodie to beat the cold.

The decorations downtown were always super extra and pretty. Christmas lights were displayed in different designs and on different buildings throughout the area. You guys also always loved to see the rich peoples' decorations in their front yards. It's crazy what people spend their money on, but it makes for a good sight.

"Y/n?" You turn around to see your old friend from high school.

"Conner! Hey!" You give him a small hug.

"Wow, it's been years. How are you?"

"Doing pretty good. How about yourself, what have you been up to?” You ask.

"Me too. I just moved back here last summer to run Dad's business,” he says.

"Oh really? That's cool."

"Yeah. I heard you're a big LA star now, huh?" He bumped your shoulder.

You chuckle, blushing. “Something like that. Man, it’s been so long.”

"Yeah it has,” he nods. “Hey, do you want to catch up later, if you get the chance before you leave?"

"Yeah I'd like that," you smile. He gives you his new number and says goodbye. You catch up with your family again.

"Ooh new love interest alert," Lola said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Oh shut up, we're just old friends catching up."

"Sure, sure."

At around 8:40pm, you and your family head home to get into your pajamas and watch the annual movie. You eat dinner on the couch while Dad pulls up How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Jim Carey’s version of course, on Netflix. This movie was one of your favorites as a kid and you still love it to this day.

You curl up with your sister on the couch, occasionally fighting over who gets more of the blanket.

chapter twenty

tags: @pauline5525mgg @theintimatewriter @lilibet261 @greysviolets @jazzymariexoxoc @one-sweet-gubler @thatsonezesty13 @necromaniackat @awhoreforspencerreid @sebs-oxygen @scarredelirium @bts-sugaplum @awesomeness1679 @preciousbabypeter @yazzyu @cynbx @r3idsp3ncer @1010lizz @tiredbut-here @skulzombiw @lena-1895 @eevee0722 @danis-stuff-is-here @kylakins88 @daydreamingqueen1 @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @inlovewithcharmers @kylakins88 @f-me-reid @matthew-gray-gubler-lover <3

[mfxoxo]

I'm a slut for you, I won't deny it, I'm not trying to hide it.

I'm living on my knees, fuck me till I scream.