#Mathew Barzal one shot

[islesnucks]

𝓿𝓸𝓲𝓬𝓮𝓶𝓪𝓲𝓵 - Mathew Barzal x Reader

Summary: what started as an accidentall voicemial to your ex boyfriend ended up becoming routine and maybe even more TW: none that i can think of

Word count: 3.9k A/N: completely made up game schedule btw

Masterlist Add yoruself to the taglist if you wanna be notified when i post the fic!

-

“Hey, it’s Mat.” His voice echoed through the phone, so familiar yet strangely distant now. You’d heard him speak in interviews, but this was different. He was addressing you, or at least the voicemail version of you. “I can’t answer right now, so you know what to do.”

You didn’t know what to do. Calling your ex-boyfriend, the one you had broken up with months ago, wasn’t something you had exactly planned. Yet, when the acceptance email for the program you had worked tirelessly for arrived, the one he had witnessed you pour your heart into, he was the person you wanted to share it with. So that’s what you were doing, trying no to overthink it before nerves got the best of you.

“Mat, hi. This is so random—H-how are you?” Thank God he didn’t answer, you were a stuttering mess leaving a voicemail imagine if it had been him on the other end instead. “I got in! Into the program I mean. I don’t know why, but I wanted to tell you. You helped me so much before—” you cut yourself again. It didn’t feel right to mention the break up like that, but what could you say? Before I broke up with you? Before I stumbled out of your apartment leaving you behind without an explanation?

“Fuck it. I can’t do this.” You pulled your phone away from your ear and touched the red dot.

That’s it. He didn’t need to know, he probably wouldn’t even care. Who would want their ex to call to tell them they were doing great? That maybe after all the breakup was worth it because they had gotten into the program they had neglected their relationship for? Too long, right?

A second later, realization struck like lightning – you had ended the call before deleting the voicemail. It had been sent.

“Oh no, no, no!” you exclaimed, eyes widening in horror. There was no turning back. Mat would undoubtedly hear you stumbling over your words. Why couldn’t you have just left well enough alone? The last thing he needed was you barging back into his life with a pathetic voicemail about something he likely moved on from. ‘He probably already despises me after how everything unfolded, and now this’ you thought.

You were wrong, because no longer than 5 minutes after everything had gone down your phone was buzzing in your hand, Mat’s contact bright in the center as he now waited for you to pick up for a change.

“Mat.” you picked up.

“Hey. You called me?” He sounded confused, for very obvious reasons. Nevertheless it was nice to hear his voice now directed at you.

“Yeah, right. I left you a voicemail.” You rolled your eyes. At least you sounded less nervous than earlier on the voicemail, but it was not less embarrassing.

Mat’s voice came through, cool and collected. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t check. I just saw the missed call and, you know.”

“Sure, sure.” you replied, trying to sound half as calm as he seemed to be with the whole situation.

“Do you want me to hear it or …” his offer hovered in the air.

“No! I mean, I can tell you.” You cringed at the thought of him hearing your rambling voicemail. “So, I called because I just got the mail. I got into the program!”

“Shut up! That’s great! Congratulations!” Mat’s excitement burst through the line. Your heart melted a little. After everything that had happened he sounded genuinely happy for you.

“Thank you, Maty.”

Mat’s tone softened. “You deserve it, after all the hard work you put into it. I knew you’d get it.”

You chuckled, the tension easing. “I know, I know. You told me like a million times. I was just insecure.”

For a second you let yourself imagine this was under other circumstances. You were still together and he was calling you right after practice or from another city in one of his roadies. He’d come back home eventually and hug you so tight you wouldn’t be able to breath, probably lift you up and spin you around a little. You wouldn’t be able to stop laughing and-

“I know …” Mat’s response brought you back to reality. The reality in which he wouldn’t knock on your door with his arms wide open.

His tone carried an easy understanding. He definitely knew about your insecurities. They played a huge role on why your relationship was the way it was right now: nonexistent.

“So that’s what the voicemail said?” He broke the silence.

“Yeah, basically. But you know, all giddy and stuff. Really embarrassing.”

Mat’s laughter grew louder, and you could practically see him shaking his head. “Oh, really? Well, now I have to hear it.”

“No, no, no.” you protested, your embarrassment deepening. “Seriously, don’t Barzal. I know where you live.”

But Mat insisted, his curiosity piqued. “Come on! Embrace the cringe. It can’t be that bad.”

He ended the call before you could object anymore, only to call you back a minute later. Mat’s laughter erupted again as soon as you picked up, and you couldn’t help but join in, the shared humor dissipating the lingering awkwardness. If you closed your eyes you could almost picture him with that scrunched up nose as he laughed.

“The ‘fuck it, i can’t do this’ was the best part by far.”

-

The familiar buzz of the MSG postgame show filled the cozy confines of your living room as Mat’s name flashed brightly on your phone, catching you off guard. Shannon and Hickey were in full praise mode, replaying Mat’s epic goal on loop, and there he was, the main attraction, waiting on the other end of the line for you to pick up.

You fumbled for your phone, a grin tugging at the corners of your lips as you swiped to answer. “Hey, I didn’t expect your call.” you remarked, the commentator’s voices still ringing in your ears.

“Bad timing?” Mat’s voice crackled through the phone, a hint of breathlessness underscoring his words – probably still riding the adrenaline high from the ice.

“No, no. It’s just that a second ago you were on my screen falling all over the ice.” you teased, imagining his less-than-graceful moments on the rink.

“I don’t fall that much!” he argued, sounding mildly offended.

“You do, but you also score, so it’s forgiven. Congrats on your almost hatty, by the way.” You chuckled, knowing how much he loathed falling a goal short. Always so hard on himself. 

Mat scoffed, clearly annoyed at missing the mark. “So, you watched tonight?”

“Obviously, I watch every game I can catch.” you replied, the excitement of the game still coursing through your veins. The thrill of watching Mat succeed, even from a distance, even after all that happened, was undeniable.

“You should come, you know. I’m sure the girls would love to see you.” Mat suggested, his voice tinged with a hint of longing.

“I don’t know, Mat. It’s not my place anymore.” you hesitated, letting the uncertainty hang in the air. You had to change the subject before your mind started spiraling.  “Anyway, why did you call?”

“Oh, right. I listened to your voicemail again!”

“So you called to tell me you haven’t actually deleted it like you promised?”

“I heard it right before the game and got 2 goals and 2 assists. I think it’ll become my new pregame ritual, honestly.” Mat admitted, his voice softer now, laced with a hint of nostalgia. Why had he chosen to hear it? That’s something he would save for himself for now. The shared memories of your past flitted between you, unspoken but palpable.

“Really? Want me to send embarrassing voicemails before every game?”

“I’d love it. Yes, please.” Mat replied with a laugh, the warmth of his laughter washing over you like a comforting embrace. The playful banter held a certain intimacy, a bridge between past flames and the uncharted territory of what lay ahead.

The banter flowed seamlessly, a blend of shared history and the current moment. The familiarity was comforting, but the unspoken complexities of your past lingered in the air, a delicate tension.

-

NYI vs. TBL - November 5th

“Hey, Barzy. I don’t know if you were joking or not but here’s your pregame embarrassing voicemail as solicited. You weren’t serious, right? Well fuck it, enjoy it or ignore me whatever.”

NYI vs. CGY - November 7th

“Just walked past that coffee shop where we had our third or fourth date I think. Remember how you choked over your latte when I lied and said I loved the Rangers?”

NYI vs. SEA - November 9th

“Hey, you won’t believe who I just saw. That guy that lives in the building across the street, the one that has your face tattooed on his left arm. He asked about you, told me to wish you good luck. So good luck from him … and from me. Good luck tonight.”

NYI vs. VAN - November 11th

“Hi! Your sister told me your family is going tonight, so send them a kiss from me, ok? … I-I keep in touch with her, I don’t know if you knew that or like maybe I should’ve told you? Are you ok with that? I’m sorry I just assumed you would be. Anyway, good luck! Say hi from me! Or don’t if you don’t want to-”

NYI vs. NYR - November 16th

“Dude. Rangers tonight. Don’t mess it up. May have bet on you guys with a guy from work, I don’t wanna have to pay for his lunch tomorrow. Please. Good luck, 13.”

NYI vs. PIT - November 18th

“Shit, shit, shit. Hope you can hear this before the game. I’m still getting used to the program’s schedule and all of that, I’m kind of a mess right now. Anyway, good luck!”

NYI vs. DET - November 20th

“Maty, hi! I know this is kind of dumb because I saw you like 10 minutes ago and I’m in the building but still thought I should leave the voicemail just in case. (Come on!) Ok I have to go, Sydney has a tone of gossip to catch me up on. Good luck!”

NYI vs. DAL - November 23th

“Hello Mr Barzal, I won’t be able to watch tonight, but still good luck! Even if you don’t win, I hope you score a goal, make an assist. That 8 game point streak you have going on is insane. I think I’ll start charging you for this if they are working so well.Good luck Barzy!”

NYI vs. STL - November 26th

“Hey! First of all, good luck! Second, I left my scarf at the Lee’s last night. It’s red, I was wearing it when you picked me up. Grace said Anders would give it to you tonight. Maybe we can meet for coffee tomorrow so you can give it back? Anyway, good luck!”

NYI vs. CHI - November 28th

“13, hello! I don’t have anything funny to tell you today so just good luck! Love you- shit, sorry. Habit I guess. Bye.”

NYI vs. NYR - November 30th

“You have zero new voicemails. To record a new personal greeting press one-”

-

You tried everything to get your mind off it, but it wasn’t working. The cup of tea was now cold in your hand and you couldn’t even pretend to care what was going on in the movie you had playing on your tv. The game had ended an hour ago but it was on replay in your mind.

It was silly to think it was your fault. You couldn’t influence the score of the match, the 5-1 loss against the Rangers wasn’t on you. However the outcome would’ve been different if their starplayer hadn’t been taking stupid penalties, losing the puck, causing turnovers. That could be on you partially.

The bell ringing caught you by surprise, almost dropping the cold tea. You got up to answer, even though you had a feeling you knew who was waiting by your building’s door.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.” The familiar voice needed no introduction.

“Mat? What are you doing here?” 

“Buzz me in.” he requests, and you could practically hear the determination in his tone. With a resigned sigh, you pressed the buzzer, knowing full well he wouldn’t leave until he got what he came for.

A few moments later, a knock sounded at the door, and you found yourself face to face with him. Determination was bright in his eyes, your heart started racing.

“What’s going on?” He rolled his eyes, clearly not impressed by your attempt at pretending not to know why he’s there.

“You didn’t leave a voicemail.” Mat strided in without waiting for an invitation, and the unspoken tension was palpable.

“Right, that. I guess I forgot. Sorry.” you lied, trying to sound convincing but knowing there’s no use, he’d know. You closed the door behind him almost instinctively, as if shutting out the forthcoming emotional storm that’s about to break in your apartment.

“You’ve been sending me a voicemail before every single game for the past month.” he remarked, his gaze keenly picking up on your avoidance. Frustration started to take over. He already had been in this position before, begging you for explanations and all you did was look away. “Please, don’t shut me out. Not again.”

“I got confused, okay? Why are we doing this? I’m your ex-girlfriend, I broke up with you, Mat. And now I’m going to your games and sending you voicemails every game? What even is this?”

At some point you started walking all over the living room, the distress was clear. Mat was better at hiding it, he stood still by the door like he had been since he walked in, but you could see his hands fidgeting. Neither of you had a clear head to take on what was about to come, chaos was inevitable.

“I don’t know, but I thought you liked this. I thought it was like an inside joke, our own thing.”

“It was that. But you’re not supposed to have that with your ex.” you said, trying to emphasize the last word for him, as if a reminder of your status would help the situation in any way. 

“We’re friends?” He furrowed his brows, and, had it not been for the situation you were in, you would’ve laughed at the way even he sounded so unsure of what he was saying.

“Mat, come on. It’s confusing, I know I was getting confused. It started with the voicemails, which was already something, but then we’re talking every day, I’m going to your games again and team’s gatherings, we’re hanging out again. I said ‘I love you’ on my last one!” You finally looked at him, baring it all. There was only one solution in your mind and it had to be taken no matter the pain it would undoubtedly cost you. “I think it’s better if we stop.”

There was a moment of silence, he looked at you as if trying to read through the wall you were hiding behind. Trying to decipher if it was you speaking or your insecurities had taken over again. Most importantly, trying to figure out if this time he had what it took to get to you before he lost you.

“I don’t want it to stop.” he said, determination clear in his voice. In a second he closed the gap between you. The proximity caught you off guard, you couldn’t remember the last time you were this close. “Tell me you don’t feel anything.” It sounded almost like a beg, but he didn’t care.

“We broke up.” you insisted, trying to sound all resolute.

“You broke up with me.” he corrected you, his gaze holding steady, slicing through your defenses.

“We weren’t working, Mat! We could barely see each other, and when we did, we were too tired or stressed. We fought a lot. We broke up.” It sounded almost childish the way you stubbornly persisted on it, like you needed to reassure yourself more than him how things had played out last time.

“Couples fight sometimes; it’s normal. I was stressed about the playoffs, and you were stressed about getting into the program. It was a bad moment, yes, but that’s over.”

“Other problems are gonna come up.”

“We can face them together, we fight and make up. That’s it, that’s how couples work.”

You paused for a second, it made no sense to keep on repeating yourself. It seemed like he had a solution for every obstacle you presented. He had come here for answers, it was time to give them to him even if you were answering older already forgotten questions.

“I was scared, Mat. I was scared and insecure, and it felt like I was ruining it all.” Tears start rolling down your face and there’s nothing he wants more than to hug you, keep you close to his chest, push the pain away; but he knows he shouldn’t. You’re finally letting down your guard, telling him what he’s been dying to hear for months; he has to give you space to be vulnerable. “I thought it was better to break things up before they got really nasty.” your voice wobbled.

“I get it, I really do. But you could’ve told me and I should’ve been more present, not left you alone to deal with our problems. We could’ve tried to make it work. ” He looked deep into your eyes, his own reflecting a mix of understanding and unwavering love. “I know I loved you more than enough to work through it.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry about how I ended things, and I’m sorry about the voicemail and all the mess I’ve caused.” You tried to walk away from him, the proximity being too much, but he caught your arm making you face him once again.

Tears started streaming down his face as you tried to grapple with the weight of your own decisions. He looked you in the eyes, the determination from earlier is still there, even behind the tears those glossy eyes told you he wasn’t gonna leave in silence like last time. This time he had to leave it all out, even if he ended up hurt in the process.

“When you first called me I was too nervous to answer so I let it go to voicemail. I think even then I knew it wasn’t over for me, I knew hearing your voice would bring it all back.” You winced, acutely aware of the emotional turmoil you’ve caused. What you didn’t know was he wasn’t worried about pain coming back; what worried him was all the love he had for you and had pushed away after the break up coming back and once again not having where to put it.

“But then I wanted to hear you, the real you, not the voicemail, so I called you. I cannot tell you how happy it made me to hear you, like my heart was beating again after months of numbness. And you were telling me this great news, when you got that acceptance letter you wanted to tell me.” he continued, and you released a heavy breath, a half-smile forming on your face. He was right, the first person you wanted to share your triumph with was him, you hadn’t thought much about it back then but no it was so clear.

“I replayed your voicemail before the game that first time because I wanted to hear your voice. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I heard you over the phone earlier that day, and all I wanted was to hear you again talking to me.” he confessed, a mixture of vulnerability and longing in his words. “At first I thought maybe I was making it up, you know? Maybe it was just my unresolved feelings, maybe there was nothing going on. But you called me first and then you kept on sending the voicemails. Things were going back to the way they were before. It felt like I was me again, like we were us again.”

Mat smiled thinking how everyone could notice; his friends, his teammates, his family, everyone could see the old Mat was back. He told them off, too afraid to consider you were all he was missing because he knew he didn’t have you back, not yet.

His hand gently cupped your face, sending a shiver down your spine. Closing your eyes, you leaned into his touch. You missed it, there was no denying it anymore. You missed it all too much—his touch, his voice, his energy, his very presence. Him.

“You said ‘I love you’ on the last voicemail. I replayed it like 20 times at least, just to hear those three words. From you, to me.” The weight of those three words hung in the air between the two of you after so long, it was electrifying. Your heart raced; he was about to say it, and you yearned to hear it.

“I love you.” he declared, and there was no ambiguity this time. It wasn’t a recall of your words; this time, it was his confession to you.

“Maty…” was all you managed to say; his nickname laden with tenderness and echoes of old fears that still lingered.

“I want this. I want you even if I can only see you two times a week and even if half that time you are studying or working or stressing over both. I want to be there with you. I want to fight and make up. I want all of it, the messy and ugly included.”

“I love you.” you finally whispered.

It was over. He loved you, you loved him, and there was nothing left to say.

In that breath-holding moment, he leaned down, his lips finally touching yours. It’s not just a kiss; it’s a wild ride through forgiveness, longing, and the silent agreement to dive back into the messy and the beautiful, hand in hand. He was smiling into the kiss, so were you. The taste of salt from their tears lingered, mingling with the sweetness of the moment. The kiss spoke of second chances and the magic of beginnings, a promise to rewrite the story that had once unraveled.

You pulled away, breathless and teary-eyed, yet a radiant joy painted across your faces. You laughed, a melody of relief and newfound hope. One of his hands was on your back as the other traveled from your face to the back of your head, pulling you against his chest. Your arms hugged his torso tight.

“I love you.” he mumbled against your head before placing a kiss on top.

-

NYI vs. MTL - December 1st

“Hey! Good luck tonight babe-”

“I don’t think it counts if I’m literally next to you when you record it.”

“Shush. Who’s the voicemail expert here? Me. Anyway, as I was saying before you interrupted me: good luck tonight, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

-

soooooo it’s here! hope you like it! like and reblogs are always appreciated!

it felt so good to write again and to share it too, hope i have more time this year to write more stuff

taglist:

@glassdanse @2manytabsopen @barbienoturbby @sweetlittlegingy @mcsteamylove98 @ttylfedora @chieflawyerpastatoad @iwantahockeyhimbo @fallinallincurls @jordiee95 @heatherawoowoo @barzysreputation @farabeezers @4ambagelbites @matwith1t @audryaho @maximoff-xmen @astrydis @joelsfarabees @bitchforbarzy @deloughrey @brias1201 @besthockeyfics @ya-pucking-nerd @hoiyheadharpies @mckenna4 @rosesvioletshardy @hockeyunits @siriusly-parker @ilyasorokinn @lam-ila @boqvistsbabe @theycallmecassie @ephemeral371 @hal3ynicol3 @angelblooddevil @besthockeyfics @beauvertime @picked-off-by-barzal @1316 @cherrygirl1229 @lunabean @random-readers-world @poufsouffle21 @barzysbaby @matbarzal13 @alwaysclassyeagle @wanbach23 @evaggreendaily

[jackhues]

the canadian grand prix - angel's world

NOTE: this takes place on JUN/18/23, the day of the canadian grand prix. a lot of hockey players were in attendance, and we will pretend like mat barzal was too for the sake of this au

this is a series/interactive au, so feel free to send in any ideas/requests/thoughts you have about this! angel's world au masterlist!!

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE || PART FOUR || PART FIVE || PART SIX - SMAU (COMING SOON)

verstappen!twin reader x mat barzal ,, f1xhockey

barzal97 started following angel.verstappen

angel.verstappen started following barzal97

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angel.verstappen

liked by arthur_leclerc, redbullracing, barzal97 & others

tagged: maxverstappen1, landonorris, lewishamilton, fernandoalo_official, alex_albon, lilymhe, charles_leclerc & estebanocon

angel.verstappen: congratulations maxy on taking home win number 100 for redbull!! so so proud of you and everything that you've done! to my favourite twin 🥂🍾 and for the rest of you, enjoy the random pics i got of the guys (and my girl lily 😘) as we wait another 2 (or is it 3, i can't remember) weeks until the next gp!

maxverstappen1: ... i'm your only twin ??? -> angel.verstappen: and that's why you're my favourite twin 😁

landonorris: the last pic? srsly mom? -> angel.verstappen: yes. the world needs to know how nicely your new jacket fits you -> zhouguanyu24: @/landonorris you should be happy you were up there THREE times -> angel.verstappen: @/zhouguanyu24 he's my son, he will always be up there -> userone: i LOVE THIS

usertwo: what about all the hockey players who showed up to the gp? i refuse to believe NONE of them gave angel memeworthy content -> angel.verstappen: there's lots of memeworthy content of them, i'm just not allowed to post it

redbullracing: the superior verstappen -> maxverstappen: ah yes, my win doesn't matter -> angel.verstappen: @/redbullracing ignore him, he's jealous you love me more

mclaren: well... that's definitely a look @/landonorris

lilymhe: ooh, i love that picture. send it to me babes 😘 -> angel.verstappen: sent lovey 😘😘 -> alex_albon: @/angel.verstappen stop flirting with my girlfriend -> angel.verstappen: no

userthree: all hail our queen angel verstappen for posting new meme pics of the boys liked by angel.verstappen

charles_leclerc: when did you even take that picture?? -> angel.verstappen: while you were dissociating

userfour: i'm sorry but posting esteban after breaking up with pierre is so petty but GO QUEEN -> usertwo: they broke up over a year ago, get over it

barzal97: what happened to the selfie? -> userfive: hol' up, is there a mat and angel selfie being gatekept from us???

--

angel.verstappen

liked by maxverstappen1, barzal97, titobeauvi91 & others

angel.verstappen: montréal 🍁 the city of love

comments have been disabled

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THE KOOL KIDZ (+ ONE OLD MAN 👴) charles, angel, daniel, max, lando, alex

charlie ange you do know montreal's not the city of love right? that's paris

angel ikk 😭 i just wanted to be aesthetic i'm not that stupid

dannyricc ur related to max it's debatable

angel honestly dan fuck you

maxie hey no swearing fuck you dan

son does this mean i'm allowed to swear in the gc now?

angel no

maxie no

dannyric no

charlie no

alex no

[hockey-fics]

Missing Piece ~ Mathew Barzal 

Summary: You’re supposed to move on from your first love, but six years later you’re still struggling with it. And maybe you aren’t the only one. 

Warnings: Drinking

Word Count: ~4,700

Love isn’t easy or simple. Love is complicated and sometimes messy. Love can bring out the best in you but it can also bring out the worst. It forces you to deal with issues you didn’t want to deal with, issues you maybe didn’t even know you had. Jealousy, insecurity, distrust. 

Your first love was even more intricate. It’s the first time you feel that true commitment to a person when you know you would do anything and everything for them. The first time you give yourself over to someone completely, give them the power to break your heart into a million pieces. The first time you found your person. The person you don’t want to be without, the person you feel safe and comfortable with. The person who brings out the best parts of you and the person who will be by your side at your worst. 

But not every love story has a happy ending. 

Your first love started in middle school. Mathew asked you to go with him to the seventh-grade dance. Of course, you said yes. You were 12 and you were ecstatic that your crush had asked you to the dance. 

At 13 you had your first kiss. It was on the playground at the park down the road from your house. You had gone there with Mathew after school one Tuesday in October. It was awkward and strange but you loved every second of it. 

At 14 Mathew asked you officially to be his girlfriend. You said yes without a second of hesitation. He took you to a movie that Friday. Or rather, your parents drove you to the movie theatre, where you met up with Mat and he bought you a ticket and popcorn. You held hands throughout the movie and didn’t pay attention for even a second. You spent the length of the movie worried about if you were holding his hand too hard or not hard enough or if your hand was too clammy or stiff.

At 16 Mathew moved away and you didn’t know how to handle it. But you loved Mat as much as you could have at that time so you navigated a long-distance relationship as best you could at that age. He was only a few hours away and between weekend trips and summers together you managed the relationship rather well. 

At 21 things changed. Mat moved thousands of kilometres away and your ability to navigate long-distance deteriorated quickly. There was a three-hour time difference. Weekend trips to see each other nearly ceased entirely. You would go days with nothing more than a few texts here and there. By the time you were done with your day and had time to call Mathew, he would be heading to bed. When he had time to talk in the morning you were still asleep. 

So you broke up. It was mutual, at least that’s what you told everyone. It was you who had brought up the idea. Mat argued against it, promised to try harder, find more time to talk and see each other. But you knew it wasn’t realistic. You hadn’t drifted apart due to a lack of effort. It wasn’t extra effort that would bring you together. 

You were devastated. Beyond devastated. You were a mess for long enough that you had grown embarrassed over the number of tears you had shed, the number of nights you had spent curled up in bed, and the social plans you had cancelled to stay in and wallow in your sadness. 

Eventually, you pulled yourself together enough to patch your life back up. You finished your last few years of university. You started going on dates again, even though none of them ever compared to being with Mat. You did your best to put that part of your life behind you. 

But you were supposed to move on entirely from your first love. You knew that. You knew with time you were supposed to stop thinking about it, about him. You were supposed to go weeks, or months, without thinking back to the days of your first love. 

You weren’t supposed to long to have that person, that feeling, back in your life. You weren’t supposed to flash back to vivid memories of the past, of memories from when you were still wrapped up in that love. 

You thought the hole he had left in your life when the two of you broke up would eventually be filled. With friends and hobbies, school and a career. But no matter how busy you kept yourself, no matter how hard you tried to fill that hole, it always seemed to be there. 

December 22, 2022

You’re sitting in the driveway, Budget rental car idling in the cold winter night. December 22nd. You were back at your childhood home for Christmas. You should be happy. But every time you came home there was a feeling of nostalgia that didn’t fill you with warmth or happiness, it felt sad and bitter. 

“Are we going to go in?”

Whipping your head to the right with a sharp inhale your eyes focus on Ben. Ben. You two had only been together for four months. It felt far too early for him to be joining your family for Christmas but when he asked to come you didn’t really know how to say no. So here you were, with your practically brand new boyfriend, sitting in the driveway of your childhood family home thinking about all the times you had been in that exact place with Mat. 

“Oh, um, yeah,” you mutter, turning the car off before climbing out into the cold night. Dragging your suitcases up to the front door you head in, your parents at the front door only a few seconds later. 

“Hi hunny,” your mom greets, throwing her arms around you. 

“Hey, mom.” Pulling back you look over at Ben. “This is Ben,” you tell her, your apprehension clear in your voice. 

“Hi Ben, it’s lovely to meet you.” She pulls him in for a hug, their bodies rigid and tense. “How was the flight?”

“Pretty good,” you tell her with a shrug. “Nothing crazy happened so I guess I can’t complain.”

“Well, dinner is almost ready, the bed is made upstairs,” your mom says, eyes flicking back and forth from you to Ben and back to you. 

You wanted the night to go well, you really did. You wanted Ben to fit in like a missing piece in your family. But it didn’t and he didn’t fit. It was awkward and uncomfortable. After dinner you cleaned the kitchen with your mom while Ben sat in the living room with your dad and the house was so quiet you could hear their conversation, or rather, their lack of conversation altogether. 

You lay awake in bed that night till Ben falls asleep, till the house is dark and quiet. Slipping out of your room and down the stairs you head out to the car in the driveway. You weren’t even sure where you were going, or what you were planning on doing. But you needed to get out of your head and you hoped that getting out of the house might make that happen. 

Eventually, you find yourself in front of the 24-hour convenience store you used to frequent for late-night snacks and drinks. The year they began selling wine and beer only increased the frequency of trips, youthful giggling as you played a game of ‘who looks the oldest’ in someone's beat-up Honda Civic in the parking lot of the convenience store. 

Sighing you climb out of the car, heading into the store. The lights are fluorescent and bright, too bright. The store is empty aside from the man sitting behind the counter, barely even looking up from his phone when you entered the building. Strolling down the aisles you let your eyes scan the shelves of chips and candy, overpriced loaves of Wonder bread and tiny jars of peanut butter. 

The bell above the door jingles but it barely registers for you, your mind racing with thoughts, with memories. 

“Your parents still don’t keep junk food in the house?”

Twirling around your eyes land on the last person you expected to find in that convenience store at 12:30am. If you had you sure as hell wouldn’t have been there in sweatpants and a hoodie so old you were fairly sure he had seen you in when you were still a teenager. “Mat,” you whisper. “You’re back in town early.” 

“Yeah, we got lucky this year, had a game yesterday and I flew back this afternoon,” Mat explains. “When’d you get here?”

“This afternoon.” You’re fidgeting with the strings on your hoodie, staring over at him. “How’ve you been?”

“Not bad. How are you? Happy to be home?”

“Uh,” you mutter, inhaling deeply. “Yeah, I guess as happy to be home as I can be if I’m using this place as an excuse to get out of the house.”

“That bad, hey?” Mat chuckles. 

“I mean, it could be better. But more importantly, what is hockey superstar Mathew Barzal doing at the 24-hour Stop and Shop in the middle of the night?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Your eyes fall to the bag of chips he was holding, looking back up at him with a teasing smile. “And you thought a bag of Lays salt and vinegar chips would fix that?”

“Probably not.” Matt shrugs, laughing under his breath. Reaching over he picks up a bottle of wine sitting on the shelf across from where you were standing. “This might though.”

“Oh no, it’s sad enough to be back in this place, don’t make it worse by drinking alone.”

Mat chuckles, reaching over for a second bottle, and thrusting it into your empty hands. “So don’t let me drink alone.”

You knew you should say no. There were a million and one reasons why you should say no. You had broken up over 6 years ago. It took you years to move on and you weren’t sure even now you really were. You had a boyfriend now. You had a boyfriend now who was asleep in your family’s home. 

“Alright,” you state, nodding in agreement, despite your mind screaming at you to say no, to put the wine away. 

So the two of you take the bottles of wine and Mat’s bag of salt and vinegar chips to the counter and you let him pay for all of it despite your objection. Outside you climb into your car, agreeing to meet Mat at his house. It seemed safer to go there, your own house seemed off the table with Ben asleep in your parent’s guest room. 

When you pull into the driveway Mat is waiting outside for you, the bottles of wine tucked under one arm. Following him inside the two of you sneak down to the finished basement that had been a common hangout during your childhood and teenage years. 

Once you’re settled on the couch in the basement with a glass of wine in your hand you turn your focus back to Mat. “How have things been? It’s been a while since we talked.”

“It has,” Matt agrees, taking a sip of the white wine in his glass. “I’ve been pretty good, I guess. Kinda just the same.”

“I don’t think you get to make your life seem so boring,” you tease. “I’m glad you’ve been doing well though. Still enjoying New York?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s starting to feel like it’s home more than here now, you know?”

Nodding slowly you take a sip of your wine, staring down into it for a few seconds. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Are you still living out here? You graduated, right?”

“Yeah, I finished my degree a couple years ago,” you tell him with a soft smile. You were still following each other on social media and you were sure that had to be how he knew that. “I moved out to Toronto after graduating.”

“Toronto?” Mat shifts slightly in his seat, taking another gulp of the sickly sweet, cheap wine. “That’s a big move.”

“I didn’t want to stay out here forever, wanted to see a new place for a while.”

“How are you liking it out there?”

Sighing quietly you give him a little shrug. “It’s been okay, it was hard for a while to not know anyone out there. But I’m slowly settling in, meeting new people.”

“You don’t sound like you like it that much.”

Laughing softly you take another drink, finishing off your first glass of wine. “I do,” you insist, reaching over and pouring yourself another glass of wine. You knew the only reason you were hesitating about it was because you were sitting here with Mat now and it made Toronto feel distant and cold. 

As your conversation grows less intense with each glass of wine you find yourself loosening up, laughing and joking with Mat like the two of you hadn’t spent the last six years apart. You weren’t even paying attention to the time, had stopped worrying about Ben waking up and finding your side of the bed empty. Nothing else seemed to matter while you were sitting there with Mat. 

“Any new women in your life?” you ask, the wine blurring your inhibitions, no longer worrying if that question would come across as strange and jealous. 

Mat chuckles, shaking his head. “No, hasn’t really been for awhile. What about you?”

“No, I’m still mostly just interested in men.” 

“Very funny,” Mat laughs, waiting for you to go on regardless of your attempt to deflect the question away from you. 

“Um,” you hum, taking another large drink from your glass. “Yeah, I, um, I’m seeing someone.”

Mat falls silent, nodding slowly as he looks across the room, not making eye contact for a few minutes. “Oh, um, congratulations.”

Laughing sarcastically you set your glass down, nervously running your clammy hands over your thighs. You didn’t want that fact to change Mat’s perspective of you. You didn’t want him to push you away because of that. “We haven’t been together long,” you inform him. “I don’t know if we’re going to be.”

“Why’s that?”

“I just feel like we should still be in a honeymoon phase of our relationship but it’s already really hard. And he doesn’t fit in with my family, which isn’t a dealbreaker but it’s not ideal, you know?”

“He’s met your family?” Mat mumbles. 

Your heart was hammering in your chest now, not wanting to admit what you were about to say. But you couldn’t lie to him. “He’s here with me for Christmas.”

“I thought…didn’t you say you haven’t been together long?” Mat asks, his voice quiet and deflated. 

You can’t help but laugh at that, it was a very fair question to ask and you were a little embarrassed to admit that it was and he was still here regardless. “We haven’t, it’s been like four months. He asked to come out here with me for Christmas and I didn’t know how to say no.”

Mat’s deflated expression is broken by a breath of laughter. “You couldn’t say no? You didn’t want him to come?”

“No,” you exclaim, shaking your head. “I really didn’t.”

“Do you even like this guy?” 

Glancing around the room you let out a loud breath. “I don’t know, Mat,” you admit. “I’ve been trying. I did in the beginning but now I think I’m just trying to force it to work.”

“Doesn’t sound great for four months in,” Mat points out. “Did you also not know how to say no to me all those times I came over for Christmas with your family?” Mat jokes. 

“You know I wanted you there,” you tell him with a soft smile. “I always wanted you around.”

“So why didn’t you want him to come?” Mat asks, seemingly looking for a specific answer though you weren’t sure what it was. 

“Because I don’t love him,” you say simply. “And I love you.”

The room falls silent as the two of you realize what you had just said, your face flushing hot and your heart hammering hard. “I loved you,” you correct, a blatant lie but you couldn’t admit that somewhere deep inside you were still in love with Mat. 

“I should probably head home,” you say suddenly, getting to your feet and pulling your phone out to get an Uber or taxi or any other way you could figure out to get out of there. 

“Woah, hey, are you okay?” Mat asks, getting up and stepping over to you, his hand on your lower back. His touch was gentle and hesitant like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do it. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” you whisper, your hands shaking slightly as you open your Uber app. 

“Look at me.” Mat places his hands on your arms, turning you to face him. “I know what you meant, you don’t have to run away.”

“What did I mean, Mat?” you whisper, looking up into his eyes. 

“That we loved each other when I was coming to your house for Christmas.”

You hesitate, knowing you should just leave it at that. But you couldn’t, shaking your head slightly. “I think I might still be in love with you.”

Mat stares down at you for a few seconds, uncertainty clear on his face. Before you have the chance to say or do anything he’s pulling you closer, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. 

“Mat,” you whisper, pulling back the second his lips touch yours. “I can’t do this right now.”

“I’m sorry,” he mutters, stepping back quickly, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. “Fuck, I’m sorry, you’re in a relationship, I shouldn’t have…I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” you assure him. “I should probably go home though.”

Mat nods, walking you up to the door once your Uber was on the way. He stands in the entryway, shoulder against the wall as he watches you pull your shoes on. 

“Wait,” he says as you stand up, moving towards the door. Turning back to face him you wait for him to go on. “I still love you too.”

You’re frozen in place, speechless for too long. “I’ll talk to you later,” you finally say, slipping out of the front door and hurrying down to the Uber idling at the bottom of the driveway. The ride is quiet and you’re glad your driver was refraining from a conversation, giving you time to think over the events of the night. 

When you get back home you sneak in as quietly as you can to avoid waking anyone up. But by the time you get into your room, you realize you didn’t need to be so worried, finding Ben wide awake. 

“Where were you?”

Sighing you tug your hoodie off, tossing it onto the chair in the corner of the room. “I just went to see a friend.”

“You snuck out in the middle of the night to go visit a friend?” Ben presses, clearly and rightfully suspicious. 

“I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you up,” you explain, only partly lying. 

“Who were you with?”

“Why are you interrogating me right now?” you snap, arms folding over your chest. 

“Because you fucking snuck out to go see someone in the middle of the night and you’re obviously drunk, I think I deserve to know where you were and who you were with.”

“I was with Mat,” you snap. “I ran into him in the store and went back to his place to catch up. It’s not a big deal now can you just go back to sleep.”

“Your ex Mat?” Ben mutters. 

“Yes,” you whisper, glancing down at the ground. 

“Did you sleep with him?”

“Oh my god,” you groan, shaking your head. “No, I didn’t do anything with him. We hung out and had some wine.”

“That’s bullshit,” Ben declares. “Tell me the truth.”

“I just did,” you mutter, though it wasn’t exactly the truth. 

“I don’t believe you.”

You take a deep breath, glancing up at the ceiling before looking back over at him. “You want to know the fucking truth? I’m still in love with him. Yeah, he tried to kiss me but I stopped it. I don’t know what you want from me, Ben, but whatever it is I really don’t think that I can give it to you.”

“I should never have come here,” Ben states, his voice cold and harsh. 

Laughing sarcastically you lean against the dresser behind you, putting even more distance between you and him. “No, you shouldn’t have. I didn’t even fucking want you to, I don’t know why you would even ask. We’ve been together for like four months.” 

You knew you were being harsh, you knew you were in the wrong. But the culmination of everything from the last 12 hours was spewing out of you with visceral anger. You didn’t want him there, your family barely wanted him there, he had already made your first dinner with your family weird and uncomfortable and you couldn’t help but put all of that on him. 

Ben nods, walking across the room to begin reorganizing his suitcase. “Well, I’ll be out of here tomorrow so I don’t ruin your Christmas or get in the way of you and your ex.”

Sighing you walk to the edge of the bed, sitting down and watching him for a few minutes. 

“You had to know this wasn’t going to work out, Ben,” you finally say, voice quiet and soft now. 

“Actually I didn’t,” Ben snaps, turning around to look at you. “I actually have feelings for you and it doesn’t feel great to know you were in love with your ex this entire time.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, looking down at the ground. “I know it doesn’t make it better but I really didn’t plan or expect to see him, now or ever.”

“It really doesn’t, but thanks,” Ben mutters, walking back to the bed to sit back down. Pulling his phone out the two of you fall into an uncomfortable silence while he finds the next available flight back to Toronto. 

Eventually, you decide to get some sleep, the sky already bright outside. The next time you wake up Ben was already gone and you weren’t sure if you were relieved by that or if you felt you should have said a more concrete goodbye. 

Downstairs you find your parents in the living room, curling up on the end of the couch, waiting for someone else to say something first. 

“I’m sorry,” your mom finally says and you look over at her with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Sorry?” you ask. 

“You and Ben, I’m sorry you two broke up.”

“Oh,” you mumble, shrugging. “It’s, um, not a big deal.”

“You went and saw Mathew?” your mom asks. 

“He told you that?” you ask in disbelief. “I didn’t go see him, I couldn’t sleep so I went for a drive and stopped at the convenience store for a snack and I ran into him. He wanted to catch up so I went over to his place, it’s not like I planned to see him.”

Your mom nods, clearly unsure about your words. But your mom also loved Mat and you knew that even if you had specifically gone to see him she probably wouldn’t have been that upset about it. “Well as long as you’re okay then I’ll be honest and I think it’s for the best. You didn’t seem happy with him.”

Sighing you turn your attention to the Christmas Hallmark movie that was playing on the TV. “Yeah,” you whisper, knowing she was right. 

You spend the rest of the day with your parents, watching Christmas movies and eating so many snacks you didn’t even need to think about cooking a single meal that day. 

Most of Christmas Eve had slipped by quickly but you couldn’t keep your mind off of Mat. Couldn’t stop thinking about the night you spent together. He had told you that he loved you and you had left without saying anything else. You left that night with him thinking you were staying in a relationship with Ben.

After dinner you pick up your keys and purse, telling your parents you would be home soon. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe everything you had done since being home had been a mistake. But you don’t stop, you don’t turn around, you keep driving till you’re sitting in the driveway of Mat’s childhood home. 

The driveway is slippery with freshly fallen snow, the air sharp against your skin. When you get to the front door you consider turning around and heading home, pretending you had never driven across town for this. But you knock on the door before you can talk yourself out of it. 

When the door is pulled open you’re hit with a gust of warm air, tinged with the scent of Christmas baking. Your eyes focus on Mat, standing in front of you in a hoodie and sweats, hair a mess, surprise written on his face. “Hey,” he breathes out, one hand still on the door. 

Stepping closer you lean up, hands on either side of his face as you press your lips against his. It’s filled with emotion and all the words you didn’t know how to say. His arms are around your body, tugging you into the house and fumbling the door closed behind you without so much as pulling back for a second. Your hands move down, one tangled in his hair, the other grasping at his hoodie like you were scared that he would be gone again if you were to let go. 

When you finally pull back you leave one hand grasping his hoodie, the other falling to rest on his chest. “Hi,” you whisper. 

“Hi,” Matt replies, his hands on your waist. “What-.”

“I broke up with him,” you interrupt, wanting to get any thoughts that you might be cheating on your partner out of Mat’s head. “Or I guess we broke up, he found out about the other night and wasn’t happy.” 

Mat nods slowly, waiting for you to go on. But you didn’t know what else to say. You didn’t even know why you were there. 

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” Mat suggests, pushing your jacket down your arms, and hanging it on one of the hooks by the door. 

“Okay,” you agree, letting him take your hand and pull you up into his room. The same room you had snuck into many times before, but back then it was because you were teenagers and spending time alone behind a closed door was strictly off-limits. “Straight to the bedroom, hey?”

Mat chuckles shutting the door behind the two of you before making his way to sit on the edge of the bed. “Just figured you wouldn’t want to have whatever conversation we’re about to have in the living room with my family.”

“You’re right about that,” you comment, walking over and lifting one knee onto the edge of the bed, sitting next to him, your body turned to face him. “So,” you whisper, hoping he would take the reins on the conversation. 

“I want to try again,” Mat blurts, not turning his head to look at you as he says it. 

“Try what again?” 

“Being together. We live closer now and I still love you six years later, I think…I think I want us to try and make it work again.”

You’re stunned by his words, staring at him speechlessly. It’s not that you hadn’t thought about it. Not only had you thought about it before this trip home but you had thought about it every moment since you saw Mat in the convenience store. 

“Is that a no?” Mat mutters. 

“No, uh,” you begin nervously, shaking your head. “No, it’s not. I mean, yes…yes, I want that.”

Mat pulls you closer, kissing you again, gently, passionately. “I love you,” Mat whispers against your lips. 

And you whispered it right back to him, contentment deep in your soul. Finally, the piece in the puzzle that had been missing for so long seemed to be back in place. 

[youunravelme]

the worst wing-woman

author's note: just like all my other fics, we are existing in an alternate plane where tito was never traded. also i've never worked for the nhl, so i have no idea how accurate being a photographer is but guess what. idgaf. also sorry for the amount of italics in this fic, i have no self control apparently. and shoutout to my new friend @dani746 for helping me with this monstrosity.

summary: you've been in love with mat barzal for as long as you can remember, so what do you do when he asks for your help to win over your friend?

pairing: mat barzal x islanders photographer!reader

warnings: cursing and low self esteem

despite working for the isles for two years now, you still got nervous walking into work.

you weren't a stranger to the team, some of them you knew quite well. anders and marty being two players you were friendly with (mainly due to the fact that you were somewhat friendly with their wives). but there was always one player who eluded you, who you'd only ever had professional interactions with.

mathew barzal.

and it shouldn't be surprising, you were a measly photographer whereas he was the star player of his team, the winner of the calder trophy, an nhl heartthrob. why should he pay attention to you?

media day was one of your favorite days, mainly because it was the closest you ever got to holding full conversations with him. not that the conversations went anything beyond "look right here" or "great job, mat."

you didn't even think he knew your name.

the longest conversation you had with him consisted of him asking to see the photos you took and patting you on your back when he liked what he saw before he went off to talk to tito.

"you having a good day?" you nearly jumped a foot in the air when your staring was cut off by anders walking up to you.

"yeah," you said when your heartbeat returned to normal. "just busy is all." you held your camera up as if that was enough of an explanation.

anders nodded. "any of the boys giving you a hard time?"

you shook your head rapidly. "nope, they've all been on their best behavior."

"even barzy and beauvillier?" at the mention of their names, the duo turned their heads and locked eyes with you and anders.

you wanted to dig a hole and die in it.

"what about us?" mat asked, sauntering over with his best friend right behind him.

"you haven't been giving her a hard time, have you?" anders crossed his arms. and if you weren't panicking at the closing distance between you and mat, you might've noticed the shared smirk between the three hockey players in front of you.

"us?" tito asked. "why would you think that? we've only ever been angels."

before anders could ask you to corroborate tito's story, your name was called. you awkwardly waved to the three men before walking over to another set of props, ready to photograph another hockey player.

"done embarrassing yourself?" your coworker tyler asked.

you lightly shoved his shoulder. "shut up."

"seriously, you're not his type," he added. "he's not gonna go for you."

tyler might as well have stabbed you in the gut with how much his words hurt you, but you put a smile on and nodded. "yeah, i know. i know."

and you did.

you knew.

but you'd be delusional for a little while longer if it meant going to work wouldn't suck every day.

later that night, you found yourself at a bar with a group of your friends. you didn't want to go originally, but when alexa said she needed to go out to get over her ex, you felt like you had no other choice.

which is how you found yourself sipping a soda water in a booth while your friends danced and took body shots.

your gaze wandered around the bar aimlessly before you checked your phone for the time.

you'd only been there for an hour.

it took all self restraint not to bang your head against the table.

"having fun?" your head snapped up at the familiar voice only to see anthony beauvillier standing at the edge of your booth with a self satisfied smirk.

"i--"

"i didn't take you as one to go out drinking on a weeknight," he said.

you slumped into your seat. "i'm not. my friend alexa wanted to go out because her boyfriend just dumped her and she wanted a distraction."

anthony took the seat opposite of you. "and that is...?" he gestured at your drink.

"soda water," you answered. "i'm the DD for tonight."

"oof," he groaned before taking a sip of his beer. "that's rough."

you shrugged. "it's not that bad, i'd rather my friends get home safe than get drunk and show up to work hungover."

anthony nodded in a way that you'd seen other men do, the type of nod that comes right before someone looks around for someone more interesting to talk to.

"but what about you?" you rushed out, nearly tripping over your own words.

tito smiled. "what about me?"

"why're you here?"

he shrugged. "mat wanted to come out and didn't want to go out alone, so here i am."

mat.

you wanted to vomit.

"oh," you mumbled. "mat's here?"

tito nodded and gestured with his bottle to the bar. "he's over there talking to some brunette."

you followed with your eyes and when you finally locked eyes on him, you wished you hadn't.

he was talking to alexa, smiling at her the way you wished he'd smile at you.

maybe you could leave the bar and get hit by a taxi on the way out, that would be less painful than seeing the man you're in love with flirt with your friend.

"you okay?" anthony asked, nudging your leg with his foot.

you turned your gaze back to him and attempted to give him your most convincing smile. "i'm great!" you said before throwing your soda water back and coughing when the carbonation burned.

anthony didn't say a word.

when you looked back at the bar, alexa was nowhere to be found while mat was fiddling with one of his wristbands. you looked around to find alexa, thinking maybe she was in the crowd dancing or perhaps she was in line for the bathroom.

but she popped up at your table, sweaty and smiling.

"you good?" she asked before fixing her eyes on anthony who was sipping on his beer. "who's this?"

"anthony. i know him from work." tito gave her a small wave before taking another sip of his beer.

"alexa," she smiled before her attention focused back on you. "i actually met one of your coworkers, mat right?"

you forced a smile and nodded. "the one and only. what did you think?" though, to be fair, you didn't really want to know her opinion on him. not when you thought the world of him.

alexa shrugged and tossed her perfect hair over her perfect shoulder and gave a perfect smile that was a healthy balance of nonchalant and mildly interested. "he was alright, he knows he's attractive which is rather unattractive if you ask me."

tito choked on his beer while you stared in awe.

of all the words you'd use to describe mat, "alright" was not even close to the top 25.

"something funny?" alexa asked.

"nope," tito supplied, shaking his head. "nothing at all."

alexa looked at him, unconvinced, but didn't let it bother her. "i'm gonna go dance, you coming?" she asked.

you shook your head. "not really my scene."

alexa nodded and pranced off to the dance floor where the rest of your friends were grinding on strangers to the tune of some 2000s pop song.

"she's a delight," tito said.

you sighed. "she's practically miss america." you were too busy staring at her having fun to notice another person walk up to your booth until he was standing right in front of you with a question posed on the tip of his lips.

mat.

your mouth went dry at the sight of him.

"you know her?" he gestured over his shoulder to where alexa was laughing with one of your friends.

you nodded.

"are you two close?"

you shrugged.

mat sighed. "are you capable of speaking?"

tito spoke up. "mat, you just bombarded her without a single hello, chill."

mat pinched the bridge of his nose. "sorry, i just--she rejected me and i don't know why."

"you're too attractive and you know it," you blurted out before you could stop yourself. you quickly slapped a hand over your mouth like that would stop any other bullshit that might come out.

mat tilted his head and leaned in. "huh?"

"her words, not mine," you said like it would absolve you of any guilt.

"what do you mean by being 'too attractive' and 'knowing it'? how does that even make sense?"

you shrugged for what felt like the twelfth time that night. "alexa's not really into guys who are obsessed with their appearances. she just got out of a relationship with a guy like that," you explained.

mat ran a hand down his face before placing both hands on his waist. "so what do you suggest i do?" he groaned.

"i--"

he snapped his fingers and looked at you for what felt like the first time. it sent a chill down your spine that you had a problem suppressing. "can you help me?"

your mouth dropped open. "huh?"

"you're friends, right? can you help me win her over?"

you could list about a thousand other things you'd rather do. you could think of five just off the top of your head.

but he looked so earnest and willing and how could anyone possibly resist him when he looked at you like that--

"of course!" you smiled.

of course?! yes would've sufficed but now you've got him thinking you'd enjoy this. which you most certainly wouldn't.

oh who were you kidding? all attention was good attention when it came to mat barzal and you'd give anything to keep him looking at you.

"thank you!" he smiled before clapping tito on the shoulder. "ready to head out?"

anthony nodded before addressing you. "i had a nice time. see you tomorrow?"

you smiled and nodded, giving them both a small wave as they walked away. the second they were out the door, you thumped your head against the table.

playing wing-woman for mathew barzal.

what the fuck was wrong with you?

how to be a wing-woman: a guide

usually when you went to work, you kept your head down and stayed out of the way. occasionally, you'd run into anders or marty, or maybe even tito, who would say their polite hellos, but for the most part you stayed out of the way during practices.

you were looking at the photos you just took when someone banged on the glass. a quick glance (that turned into a double take) let you figure out it was mat based on the 13 on his jersey and the fact that you could pick him out of a crowd anywhere.

he waved and smiled (and you might've died inside). "can i talk to you after practice?"

you nodded frantically before gaining a semblance of self respect and slowing down.

"great! meet you outside of the locker rooms!" he said before skating away.

"what was that about?" tyler asked. you turned, not even realizing he'd made his way towards you considering you thought he was on the other side of the arena.

"what? can't i talk to the players?"

tyler laughed. actually laughed. "considering barzal has never so much as looked at you, i'd say him approaching you during practice is pretty strange."

your shoulders sunk at the weight of the truth. "if you must know," you started. "he wants to date one of my friends, so i'm helping him out."

tyler laughed again and walked away without saying another word while you scrolled through the photos you took again until practice ended.

you headed towards the locker rooms only when the last player had been off the ice for ten minutes, you didn't want to chance waiting around too long looking like an idiot.

as you waited, you made a mental note of all the editing you'd have to do when you got back to your cubicle. you got a few good shots earlier, but they'd need some tweaking before you sent them to the social media team. in fact--

"hey, what're you doing here?" you glanced up and saw anders, hair wet from whatever brief shower he took.

you shrugged, not sure if it was your place to give away mat's intentions. "just waiting around."

"for?" he pushed.

"barzy needs her to play wing-woman," tito said from over anders' shoulders. "he wants to get with her friend, but her friend isn't interested."

anders threw his head back and laughed. "barzy not getting a girl? that's fucking hilarious."

tito smirked. "tell him what your friend said" he told you.

"she doesn't like that he knows he's attractive," you mumbled.

if it was even possible, anders laughed even louder. "un-fucking-believable."

"what's so funny?" mat walked up, running a hand through his damp hair.

you said "nothing" at the same time anders asked "you got rejected, barzy?"

mat's face dropped before looking at you and tito accusingly. anthony sighed and nudged his best friend. "chill out, barz. she didn't bring it up, i did."

mat's shoulders relaxed before he punched tito in the arm. "dick," he mumbled.

anders looked between the three of you and sighed. "i don't have time for this shit," he said. "i'll see you later." and he was off down the hallway.

"so what's the plan for today?" tito asked.

"you're not included," mat said. his gaze focused on you. "can i have your number?"

you blinked. "what?"

mat laughed a little and you could feel heat and shame running up your spine. he asked you one fucking question and you had to go act like a weirdo. "so i can text you? i think we should sit down and create a strategy."

you nodded and read off your number as he typed it into his phone. "great," he gave you his megawatt smile. "i'll text you."

"okay," you breathed out as he walked away without a thought.

tito kept standing there, smirking to himself. "you're so fucked," he said.

you nodded because there was nothing else to say.

step one: talk him up

you and mat got lunch two days later on a saturday when he didn't have a game. it was rather surreal, sitting across from him in public. the delusional part of you was begging you to imagine this as a date instead of a meeting to set your friend up with mat.

when did your life turn into something so pathetic?

"okay," he started. "tell me about your friend."

you would rather do anything else.

"she just got out of a long term relationship with this guy named jared. he was a bit self absorbed which is probably why she didn't like you knowing how hot you are." you paused as the words left your mouth, ready to set yourself on fire if he reacted. but he didn't, he only leaned in closer to listen. "she uh--she likes daffodils and goes to the farmer's market at union square every saturday."

"but what's she like?" he asked. "what's her personality?"

how would you say she's the trademarked cool girl? the girl every guy wanted, that mat was one man in a long list of men who tried and failed to win her over.

"she's sweet and affectionate," you started. "she pretty girly on the outside but knows her way around a car. she grew up with three older brothers so she knows a fair bit about sports, just not hockey, but if you wanted to talk stats about football or basketball, she's your girl. in college, she held the record for fastest shotgun in her sorority."

you racked your brain for more information about your friend, but it was difficult under pressure to sum up someone you'd known since freshman year of college.

"what else?" mat asked.

"she's a bit of a partier, but knows how to settle down and just chill. she's a really good friend, like last year i dated this guy who was cheating on me the entire duration of our relationship, which i should've known about because he said he had to go on business trips all the time but he worked as a barista, and she held me while i cried for three days straight and even threatened to fuck up his car."

mat stared at you without saying anything in a way that made you want to sink into a hole, never to be seen again. "you dated a barista and thought he needed to go on business trips?"

you blinked. "that's what you got from that? me dating a shitty barista?"

he shrugged. "i heard everything else, but that was definitely the funniest part. how long did you date him?"

"six months," you replied quickly. "but that's not the point! alexa is going to play hard to get because she doesn't want anything too serious right now."

"great! neither do i!"

"but she's not a one night stand kind of girl anymore. so if you want her, you have to prove to her you can be serious enough for a relationship but not serious enough that you get clingy and overbearing and propose within six months."

mat blinked at you. "how the hell does that make sense?"

"believe me, there's a balance."

he sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. "and you would know this how?"

"well i uh--" you sputtered. your nerves were only encouraged by his light chuckling. "all girls know these things! we don't want overly possessive boyfriends but we also want someone to care. it shouldn't be that hard to comprehend."

"it's not," he defended. "just a little...complicated, don't you think?"

"alexa's a complicated girl!"

he sighed and ran a hand down his face. "okay so how do i show her i mean business but that i'm not looking to settle down and get married?"

"i guess i could talk you up to her in passing conversation?"

"what would you tell her? we don't know each other very well."

"i know more than you think!"

"please, share with the class."

shit.

do you confess that in the two years you'd worked for the islanders that you watched him borderline obsessively?

"well, i know you're good with kids, if your interactions with young fans is anything to go by. you don't like dogs, which is a bit of a red flag in my book, but alexa shouldn't mind. you're a fantastic hockey player, and a great teammate."

"is that enough to convince her?"

you grimaced and shook your head. "she's a bit more personable. she one time broke up with a guy because he was rude to waitstaff. she would want to know how you treat non millionaires and authority figures. for instance, how much do you tip a server?"

"25%," he replied. "but why does that matter?"

"alexa used to be a server throughout college and couldn't stand people who she knew had money but would cheap out on the tip because she didn't greet them fast enough."

mat opened his mouth, presumably to ask another question, when his phone started ringing. "shit," he mumbled. "listen, i gotta go. it was nice talking to you, i'll be in touch." he pulled out a few twenty dollar bills and put them on the table before getting up and walking away.

you waited for the server to come back before paying the bill and told them to keep the change before you got up and walked home.

when you got back to your apartment, alexa was already standing at the door, waiting to be let in.

"finally," she said. "i was wondering when you were gonna come home."

"you could've texted me," you said while unlocking the door.

she followed you inside and shut the door behind her. "i could've, but your phone was on do not disturb for some reason, so i doubt my texts would've gone through in time. where were you anyway?"

"getting lunch with a friend from work," you replied.

alexa groaned as she all but collapsed onto your couch. "please tell me it's not tyler. i hate how he treats you."

you dropped your bag by the door and headed back to your room, but not before calling over your shoulder. "he's not that bad, he's like that to everyone!"

"doesn't make it any better!"

you changed into some comfortable clothing before joining alexa on your couch. "did you have fun the other night when we went out to the bar?"

alexa looked at you weirdly.

shit. you must not have been as subtle as you thought.

"i did," she said. "but what makes you ask."

you shrugged. "i know it's been rough with your breakup lately, but i saw you talking to mat and you looked happy."

alexa groaned and sunk into the couch. "i thought we talked about this already. he knows he's attractive, it's such a turn off. you should've seen the way he was talking, it was like he knew that if he gave me a look, i'd be going home with him."

"well he's really nice, i promise! you should see him with kids at the stadium--"

"you mean the kids who idolize him? yeah i bet he's real nice to them."

okay, switch strategies.

"he tips waitstaff really well!"

"with what he makes? he better." alexa sighed. "listen, i'd be more impressed if he could tell me anything about you, but seeing as you've worked there for two years and he couldn't tell me anything other than your name the other night says all i need to know about him. so can we talk about something else?"

you nodded, ignoring the jutting pain in your chest at her words. you knew well enough that mat knew nothing about you, why would he? but to hear it come from the mouth of someone else stung.

getting them together was gonna be harder than you originally thought.

step two: get them interacting

you were dreading the next time you saw mat for the first time in your life. you were in your cubicle editing photos from the game that night to be posted tomorrow to distract yourself from the inevitable conversation you'd have to have with him. tyler, unfortunately got the shot that was posted immediately to the islanders' instagram account to celebrate their win over the rangers and he had no problem letting you know it. and while it was annoying, it served as a great distraction from your other problem.

"maybe you'll get it next time," he sneered as he packed his bag. most days you hated the fact that you were cubicle neighbors, but neither of you were powerful enough to request moving spaces. and even if you could, you knew it would just make you look hard to work with.

"have a good night, tyler," you replied, not even wanting to give him any ammo to use against you.

the door shut behind him with a click, locking you into sweet sweet silence.

until a minute later when your phone went off with a text message.

mat barzal: where ru?

mat barzal: wanna go to a bar with me and tito and you can bring alexa?

you scoffed. "you can bring alexa," you mocked under your breath. "like that's not the sole reason for you asking me to go out tonight." you packed your bag up and shot a quick text to alexa, asking if she wanted to go out. she replied with an immediate yes, asking where to meet you, which prompted you to reach out to mat who sent you an address in response.

which is how you ended up on a sidewalk in front of an incredibly busy bar with alexa next to you.

"i've never been here," she remarked. "how'd you hear about it?"

"oh, a coworker mentioned it," you said in what was hopefully a nonchalant manner.

she looked at you a moment too long before grabbing your hand and pulling you inside. "you find us a place to sit and i'll grab our drinks!" she shouted over the music.

you quickly looked around for mat and tito, the former who'd texted you the second they arrived. you saw a head of dark hair and immediately knew it was mat. you hurried over, panting when you arrived from having to shove your way towards them.

"you made it!" anthony said. you looked at him and mat, eyes bouncing back and forth between them, when you realized your first problem.

they were sitting on opposite sides of the booth.

which meant you would have to sit with one of them, and alexa would have to sit with the other. if mat had it his way, he'd sit next to alexa, but you knew your friend wouldn't have that. she'd feel manipulated and uncomfortable.

"is there a problem?" tito asked.

you gestured to the booth. "alexa will want to sit by me. she's still not convinced about you, mat."

mat, to his credit, didn't look shocked or offended, he just shrugged and moved to tito's side. "this work?" he asked as you sat down.

you nodded.

"so what's the plan? how should i approach this?" he asked.

"keep the conversation on her, when she tries to turn it on you or about your career, focus on other people, applaud your teammates, your coaches, but whatever you do, don't talk about yourself too much. she already thinks you have a big ego."

"to be fair," tito started. "he does."

mat didn't even dignify that with a response. "so keep the conversation on her and others, got it."

alexa found you a moment later and didn't do a great job covering up her disinterest in sitting with mat and beau.

"i couldn't find anywhere to sit," you explained.

alexa didn't buy it if her eyes bouncing around the bar to find empty tables said anything. but she sat next to you anyway, placing your drink in front of you.

"you remember mat and anthony from the other night, right?" you asked.

she just hummed and took a sip of her drink.

"so, alexa," mat started. "what do you do for a living?"

she stared at him and sighed. "i'm a vet tech," she said, but offered no other information.

"she especially loves the cats," you added.

"cats are great!" mat said a little too enthusiastically.

alexa drained the rest of her glass and got up, leaving the three of you behind.

the second she was gone, beau broke into laughter, slapping his own chest. "that was fucking hilarious," he said.

"yeah yeah yeah, laugh it up," mat grumbled, swirling his cup around instead of making eye contact with anyone.

"i'm serious, i don't think i've ever seen you fail so quickly. it's kind of amazing."

mat focused his eyes on you. "what did i do wrong? i tried asking about her life and she seemed wholly uninterested."

you shrugged. "i don't know! maybe she feels cornered?"

tito took a sip of his beer. "i think you need to workshop this. clearly, neither of you thought this through."

you groaned and rested your head on the table.

this was already harder than you anticipated.

step three: reevaluate and regroup

you met mat in a booth of a coffee shop after you got off work. he was staring at his phone when you walked in, completely unaware that you even existed.

which wasn't abnormal considering you didn't even think he knew who you were a few months ago. but the second the barista called your order out, his head whipped up.

you could've sworn time stopped at that moment.

you made your way towards him and plopped down in the booth opposite of him.

"hi," you smiled. "what's up?"

"i don't know what to do, she doesn't seem interested in me." he groaned into his hands before running one of them through his hair.

god he was so attractive.

you snapped out of your reverie. "listen, you've got what it takes, we just need to reevaluate our strategy. i think the bar thing was a bad idea, she felt ambushed and it probably set us back a little, but i have an idea."

he leaned his forearms on the table. "let's hear it."

"practice dates," you said.

mat blinked once. twice. a third time before he spoke. "practice dates?"

"okay hear me out," you said, pulling a notepad out of the bag you brought. "i have a list of things that alexa likes to do and i was thinking, you and i can do them and work on conversations and how to approach her. so when the time comes, you don't feel out of your element."

"who said i feel out of my element?"

you stared at him. "you said last night 'cats are great!' and expected conversation to flow naturally."

"okay so not my best moment."

"not even close." you sighed. "listen, i wanna help you, and i feel like this is your best bet in winning her over."

mat ran a hand down his face. "okay fine. what's the first date?"

practice date one: pumpkin patch

to be quite frank, you were nervous when proposing the idea, scared that he wouldn't be willing to sit in a car with you for three hours just to get to the pumpkin patch. and maybe he would find it childish.

when in fact, he said nothing about the long car ride, he even offered to pick you up from your apartment, and laughed when you offered to pay for gas. when you finally arrived, you jumped out of mat's car like an excited child. mat stepped out like he knew he was the romantic lead in a movie, suave and collected.

you two could not be more opposite of each other.

it took everything in you to focus on the task at hand, and not fall deeper in love with him. but how could you not? when he looked so boyfriend in a coat and flannel and beanie and jeans that hugged his thighs just right--

you were getting ahead of yourself. you were doing this for mat and alexa, not your own selfish ambition.

"so what's the plan?" he asked after locking his car with the key fob.

you shrugged. "what would you do if you were here with alexa?" the words tasted bitter in your mouth. it was such a painful reminder, knowing that this wasn't real and was in service to hook him up with your friend.

mat looked around and shoved his hands in his pockets. "corn maze?" he pointed. you must've made a face because he spoke up again. "what?"

"alexa hates corn mazes."

he paused. "to the pumpkin patch then?" you nodded and followed his lead. "so how did you meet alexa?"

"she was my first roommate in college, we shared the smallest dorm in history."

"that sounds like an exaggeration."

"says the man who never went to college."

he laughed. "i don't need a college education to identify a hyperbole when i hear one."

you gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. "a hyperbole? what a word."

"laugh it up," he said. "but i'm not a complete idiot, you know."

"never said you were. i just haven't heard anyone use hyperbole in a sentence outside of my english lit classes."

"well, you should know i'm full of surprises."

the two of you approached the pumpkin patch and started weaving between families and the occasional rogue toddler. mat had to tug you out of the way a few times when you about stepped on a child because you were gazing at pumpkins.

"if you don't mind me asking," mat started. "why are you helping me? you don't owe me anything. i feel like i'm taking advantage of your kindness."

you shrugged. "you wouldn't be the first one."

"what's that supposed to mean?" you looked up from the pumpkin patch to see mat's brows furrowed together and his mouth twisted in a cute frown.

"well, i mean, i've been told i have a habit of being a doormat at times."

"who said that?" his tone had changed to a softer one.

"huh?" you asked.

"who called you a doormat?"

you shrugged again, that seemed to be your go to move around him. you squatted down to look at a particularly fat pumpkin, inspecting all sides of it before you responded. "i've heard it all my life, some have said it in meaner ways, others have been nicer about it."

"i'm sorry," he said.

you stood to your full height which was still much shorter than mat's. "why? it's not like it's not true."

"what if i helped you?"

it was your turn to frown. "help me? with what? ice skating?"

mat rolled his eyes. "no, with confidence. maybe even get you a date."

you guffawed, mouth opening and closing like a fish. "what?"

mat pulled you out of the way of yet another child and kept his hand on your elbow until you were clear of the pumpkin roots. and if your heart stopped for a few seconds, that was your business, no one else's. "you heard me. you're young, single, and attractive and you spend all your free time at the office or DDing for your friends. we can work on your confidence and get you out there."

"i don't know..." though your mind was still focused on the fact that he'd called you attractive.

"what about that other photographer guy? tony?"

you cackled. straight up burst into laughter. "tyler? that's fucking hilarious mat."

"what?" the two of you continued down the patch, occasionally gazing at the pumpkins, but mostly just talking. "you two are always talking."

talking or being insulted?

you shook your head. "enough about me, we're here for alexa."

mat nudged you with his elbow. "actually we're here for me to win alexa over."

you kicked a small stone with the toe of your shoe and said nothing. the tragedy of your own personal situation wasn't lost on you, neither was the idiocy of your plan. what were you thinking, spending your free time with mat? to win over your friend?

it was textbook self inflicted torture.

"where'd you go?" mat nudged you again. "i lost you there for a second."

you bent down and picked up a smaller pumpkin. "what do you think about this one?"

"it looks fine. you're ignoring my question."

you juggled the pumpkin back and forth in your hands to determine if you liked it or not. "what question?" you looked up just in time to see mat roll his eyes, but he dropped the topic anyway.

the both of you walked over to the stall to pay for the pumpkin. you reached into your tote bag to grab your wallet, but mat was already holding out a five dollar bill to the vendor.

"you didn't have to--"

"do you wanna get some cider?"

you could've started drooling at the idea of drinking cider. "yes!"

mat chuckled and started walking towards the cider stand where a small family waited in front of you. "does alexa like cider?" he asked.

"what a random question."

"well you're not giving me anything to work with!"

you almost groaned. because he was right. you got caught up in the idea of hanging out with mat outside of work that you forgot the real reason both of you were there in the first place.

"she loves cider, especially when it's spiked. she also loves mulled wine." mat scrunched his face up. "not a fan?" you asked.

"warm wine? no thank you."

mat paid for the cider, going as far as having the cash ready before you could even order.

"you really don't have to keep buying things. i can pay!"

"oh this is all a bribe to get you to go through that corn maze with me."

your face dropped. "alexa doesn't like mazes."

"so i won't go with her next time, but you're here now and i wanna go."

you let him drag you along until you were in the thick of the maze. you let him guide the both of you through it like he knew what he was doing even though you were pretty sure you hit every possible dead end in the maze.

two little kids ran past giggling and smiling. "we found the end, mama!"

you almost laughed at the look of irritation on mat's face.

it took an obscene amount of time to get through the maze, and mat was in a much worse mood when it was all over.

needless to say, the ride home was quiet.

practice date 2: dinner at mat's

you weren't quite sure what mat was planning on making for dinner, but you were willing to bet the smell of smoke wasn't a part of the plan.

the scene when you walked into his apartment could only be described as chaotic. the smoke detector was going off and when you walked into the kitchen, mat was going between waving a towel under the detector and opening every window in his kitchen.

"you weren't supposed to be here yet!" he shouted over the noise before darting past you into the living room to open the windows in there.

you dropped your things on the counter and took over waving the towel under the smoke detector.

"what happened?" you asked.

"i suck at cooking!" he came back in the kitchen and took the towel from you. "i'm taller," he said like that was an explanation.

the beeping ceased and left the two of you in a hazy apartment. when you looked around the kitchen, you saw what had to be charred meat and veggies in a skillet.

"okay so when you cook dinner for alexa, don't. just hire a chef."

mat held up his phone. "or order pizza. you in?"

"do i get to financially contribute?"

he gestured to your belongings on the counter, one of which was a bottle of red wine. "you already did."

"you can't keep buying everything," you said. "it's not fair."

"why not? i'm the millionaire here, i'd look like a dick if i made you pay for anything. besides, when i date alexa, it's not like i'm gonna let my girlfriend pay."

girlfriend.

right.

that was the end goal for him.

you kept forgetting.

you cleared your throat and dusted your hands on your pants despite them being clean.

"you can go pick out a movie or something while i order the pizza?" mat suggested.

you had no choice but to nod and wander into his moderately decorated living room. it definitely still looked like a bachelor pad, but if a bachelor had enough money to hire someone to say he needed artwork, decorative pillows, and a couch that wasn't brown.

you were scrolling through netflix when mat came into the living room and plopped on the sectional beside you, shucking his shoes off. why he was wearing shoes in his own apartment was beyond you, but you weren't one to judge.

"you look nice," he commented, as if just noticing you for the first time that night.

you looked down at your own outfit. it was a pair of jeans and a nice blouse. "this?"

"are you wearing something else that i'm not seeing?" he teased.

before you could die of embarrassment, you switched subjects. "what do you want to watch? i haven't made a decision yet." you handed the remote to him, hating being the one to make the decisions.

he shifted on the couch so he was sitting up instead of lounging on the chaise and took the remote. "what's alexa's favorite movie?"

"birdbox."

mat did a double take. "she likes birdbox?"

you shrugged. "she's into suspense."

mat was about to select birdbox until he took one look on your face. you don't know what you looked like but it made him pause. "but are you?"

"why do you care what i like?"

"because you're here, alexa's not. i don't wanna make you watch something you'd hate." mat shifted on the couch. "why don't we work on those dating tips i talked to you about."

"oh i don't think--"

"why not?" he asked. "you're always so jittery whenever we talk about it."

oh.

was he referring to the other day after practice when he saw tyler tormenting you and mat misinterpreted that as flirty banter? mat had come up to you afterwards to give you pointers but you practically ran away.

"it's not that simple, mat."

"i think it is."

you threw your hands up. "well then, by all means you must be right."

"what's with the attitude?" he asked. "did i say something?"

it was a good question. one that shouldn't make you want to cry, but life felt overwhelming in all the worst ways. between tyler harassing you every second of every day and pretending like you weren't in love with mat so you could set him up with your friend, and taking photos for games and practices, you were exhausted.

"i'm not sober enough for this," you said before getting up and popping the cork on the wine bottle and drinking straight from it.

it was another thirty minutes before the pizza arrived and the both of you were well on your way to wine drunk, you more so than mat. who could blame you though? your life was a sad excuse for a single twenty-something and you were tired of thinking about it.

"truth is," mat started with a mouth full of pizza. "you just need to act like you're the best thing that's ever happened to this city. guys love confident women."

"and that's your biggest issue with alexa right now."

"wanna switch personalities?"

you laughed.

"what?" he asked. "what's so funny?"

"i'm trying to picture you without an ego and i don't think it's possible."

mat rolled his eyes but had a smile on his lips anyway. it shouldn't have made your heart pound the way it did, but you were weak for that man, you had been since day one.

so you switched courses.

"okay," you started. "how do i make get a guy to wanna date me?"

mats eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "you're serious?"

you nodded. "as a heart attack."

mat sat up on the couch and faced you. his eyes scanned your face like he was looking for something but couldn't find it. maybe he was looking for a reason to change the subject.

"alright," he said. "you gotta be confident, even if you don't feel like it. most guys don't mind a little insecurity, they find it kinda cute, but a guy who wants an insecure girl is a red flag."

"should i be taking notes or...?" you took a large sip of your wine and smiled when mat rolled his eyes again.

"secondly, you can't be hiding behind your camera all the time."

you guffawed. "i do not hide behind my camera!"

"oh give me a break, you totally do! you walk around like it's a safety blanket or something."

"because it is!"

"exactly my point! thirdly, chivalry isn't dead. if he's not doing basic things like opening doors, walking on the closest side to the street, and he's only talking about himself? run."

"what? he can't be a good person if he doesn't do those things?"

"if he can't do a basic kind gesture, he's not going to do larger ones. sorry. i don't make the rules."

you blinked. "but you kinda are making the rules for me, right now."

"you're such a smart ass, just like tito."

"is that a good or bad thing?"

mat shrugged and took another bite of pizza. "hard to say, i love tito most days."

love.

don't be an idiot and read into things.

"so," mat leaned back into the couch. "i gave you advice, it's my turn. how do i win over alexa?"

you thought back to the conversation you had with her a few weeks ago about mat. and one comment stuck out the most. "i think the biggest sin you committed was not knowing anything about me despite working together for two years," you admitted shyly.

mat's brows furrowed in that cute way they always did. "what do you mean?"

"she said she's not impressed by you being nice to kid fans or tipping waitstaff. she would be impressed if you knew anything about me because i'm not a hockey player."

mat recoiled as if physically struck by your words. "she thinks that low of you?"

"no she didn't mean to say you were--" you paused. "me? you think she has a low opinion of me?"

mat crossed his arms. "she just insinuated that you weren't important enough for me to know."

"no! that's not what she meant! she was saying that you think you're better than me."

"that's not even remotely true." and he said it so confidently, you almost believed him. "it's not, you know that right?"

you hesitated and you might as well have punched him in the gut.

mat said your name so softly like it was precious. like it was something special. "you have to know, i have never, not once, believed you were beneath me."

you gave him a small smile. "you don't need to explain yourself to me, mat."

he reached over and grabbed your hand, tugging on it lightly. "no. i need you to know, you are important to me."

your heart fluttered at his words, or maybe it was the fact that you were holding hands and you could feel the calluses rub against your own palm.

you could've stayed there forever.

"jesus fucking christ, why does it smell like something burned in here?" the front door opened and slammed sending you and mat sprawling apart like you hadn't been locked in a staring contest and holding hands. tito rounded the corner and crossed his arms, a smug expression on his face. "what do we have here?"

"nothing!" you squeaked out. "i was just leaving!"

"no you weren't," mat started, eyes wide with an emotion you couldn't place. "beau was just leaving."

you looked as confused as tito was. "what? no i'm not." you glanced back at mat who could not have looked more annoyed if he tried. "or i can...?"

"no!" you said. "i need to get going anyway. got work tomorrow, long day."

mat stood up when he realized there was no convincing you. "i can walk you out--"

"don't worry about it! i'm a big girl." you were leaving when you heard whisper shouting. you couldn't fully make out what they were saying, but before you shut the front door behind you, you could've sworn you heard them mention "liking her."

you did your best not to let the talking break your heart even more.

practice date 3: ice skating

you made mat pick out the last date but he hadn't told you what it was, just asked for your shoe size.

aside from that?

radio silence.

maybe you should've seen this coming. you'd talked to alexa a few days ago and she'd suggested that maybe you should put yourself out there more, find a date, find a boyfriend, find some happiness.

after practice, you found yourself scrolling through your camera roll in one of the seats in the arena when a pair of skates came into your peripheral. you looked up expecting to see a mop of black hair and hazel eyes.

but it was tito with a sheepish grin on his face.

"hey," he said.

you put your camera down and smiled. it was always good to see tito, with the exception of the other night. "hey, what can i do for you?"

anthony playfully rolled his eyes. "you don't live to serve us," he said. "i don't need anything, just wanted to say hi."

"hi!" you smiled even brighter.

"i was wondering, what're you doing friday night?"

you jaw dropped. and it must've been funny because tito threw his head back and laughed. "what?"

tito smiled at you and gestured towards you. "i was wondering if you'd want to get dinner with me on friday. i don't know what time you get off work, but i was thinking 6:30?"

you blinked. you blinked again. "are you serious?"

"why wouldn't i be? you're attractive, single, and i like your company. i think we'd have a fun time."

"okay," you smiled again. have you ever smiled this much in your life? you were unsure. "okay yeah, friday at 6:30 is perfect."

"great," tito grinned. "can i have your number?" you handed your phone over rather quickly, watching as he typed his number in and texted himself. "i'll see you," he said.

"bye tito!" you waved until he was out of sight. and even then, you continued to stare at the spot he was once occupying.

"what the hell was that about?"

you jumped about a foot in the air when tyler made his comment from over your shoulder. "jesus fucking christ, tyler." you placed a hand over your heart to feel how rapidly it was beating. "are you some sort of lurker?"

"what did beauvillier want with you?" he condescended.

"it's none of your business." you rolled your eyes when your phone buzzed.

mat barzal: come down to the locker room.

"who is that?" he asked, peering over your shoulder, but you stood up and started walking away.

the both of you headed down to the locker rooms, though you weren't really enjoying the company. tyler kept talking about your lackluster photography skills like the both of you didn't have the exact same job title.

you were rounding the corner when you saw mat leaning up against the wall, still in his hockey gear. tyler, being confronted with an audience, immediately departed. if you had to guess, he probably went back to his office to scheme how else to make your life miserable.

"hey," you said as you approached. "what's up?"

mat reached down and tossed a duffle bag at your feet. "open the bag," he directed.

you squatted and opened the zipper to see a pair of ice skates. you looked up at mat who looked pleased with himself. "what're these for?"

"you ever been ice skating?" he asked.

the short answer? no.

the long answer? once in second grade for a field trip.

"kinda?" you said instead.

mat laughed, like an actual laugh. there was a shiver that went down your spine at the very sound of it. "it's a yes or no question."

"i would say yes, but i was like eight."

"yeah, doesn't really count anymore. grab the bag, let's go." he walked off without a second thought, leaving you scrambling with the bag and rushing after him.

"what's the point of this?" you called after him.

"you told me to pick the last date, this is it!"

you stopped walking immediately. "mat, i don't know if this is a good idea..."

as if sensing your hesitation, mat turned around and walked back towards you. he rested his hands on your shoulders and squeezed lightly, ducking his head down towards yours. "i'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you, i promise. you have nothing to be afraid of."

"what if my boss sees? what if lou sees? i'm a lot more replaceable than you are."

mat scoffed. "first of all, you're not replaceable. second of all, it's gonna be fine. i'll take all the heat if we get in trouble, which we won't because it's not a big deal." he reached down and grabbed your hand that wasn't holding the duffle bag. "now c'mon."

he led you out to the bench where you sat down and placed your camera on the bench. "take your shoes off and put these socks on." he tossed a pair of socks at your head that you barely caught in time.

"but i'm already wearing socks," you said.

"these are longer, unless you want the boot to cut into your ankle."

safe to say, you put the socks on.

mat knelt in front of you to help put the skates on, tying them up so they were secure on your feet.

you wanted to swoon at the sight of him before you. thankfully, he stood up and helped you to your feet before you could start imagining anything preposterous.

like him proposing.

you watched as mat slid over the top of the bench railing and onto the ice. he turned around and looked at you expectantly.

"oh hell no," you said. "where's the door, i'll use the door."

he cackled as you walked and opened the door, but skated to you anyway to give you some assistance when stepping onto the ice.

"easy does it," he said, chuckling when your grip was practically crushing his fingers. "you're okay, i'm not gonna let you fall."

"it's not you i don't trust, it's me."

mat kept a grip on your hands and led you out to the center of the ice. on the way to the center, you slipped twice, a squeak leaving your lips. you quickly latched onto mat who only laughed at your death grip on his forearms.

"it's not funny," you whined. "i'm terrified."

"you're right, it's not funny. but it is cute." he removed your hands from his arms and skated away from you. "okay, now come to me."

he was easily twenty feet away.

you glanced down at the ice and then back at mat. you would've sat down if you knew how to without eating it. "mat, i'm telling you right now, that's not gonna happen."

"it's not that hard."

"you've been skating since you were a child. i have not." you attempted to take a step forward, but thought differently of it. "besides, how does this help you with alexa?"

"easy," he said. "if i can teach you to skate, i can teach anyone."

"so your idea of a romantic date is a girl busting her ass over and over for an hour?"

"not quite," he said, skating circles around you.

literally.

"you're being an ass,' you whined. "why did the one practice date you pick out have to do with hockey?"

"because it's what i love. and if a girl can't hang with it, our relationship is doomed to fail."

you rolled your eyes. "that's a bit dramatic. you can appreciate and love hockey without having to ice skate. thousands of fans do it all the time."

"but my girlfriend won't be just a fan, now will she?"

your heart sank at the idea of alexa and mat in a similar situation. alexa actually trying to skate and looking beautiful while doing so. you pictured them laughing as she slipped and mat catching her before she could fall.

"you okay? i lost you again." mat skated right up to you, leaving maybe a foot of space between the two of you.

"yeah," you breathed. "just thinking."

mat smirked and skated backwards. "uh oh. that can't be good. less thinking more skating. would it help if i pushed you?"

"no!" you shrieked. "it definitely wouldn't!"

but it was too late. mat was skating up behind you and placing his hands on your waist. "relax," he murmured. "i'm not gonna push you without a little guidance."

relax?

relax?

when his hands were on your waist and he was mumbling in your ear?

how the hell was anyone supposed to live, laugh, love in these conditions?

mat added a little pressure to your back. and suddenly you were moving. "that's it," he praised. "now just move your feet."

it was easier with mat's hands on you, the sensation forcing you to focus on the warmth of his palms than the fact that you were skating on sharp knives.

"see? this isn't so bad, right?"

it wasn't too terribly bad, truth be told it was just like roller skating, just ten times scarier.

"yeah," you said. "not too bad."

"so you're ready to go by yourself?" his hands starting slipping away, leaving a burning sensation in their wake.

"i--"

but he was already skating away. he stopped about twenty feet away and smiled. "skate to me."

"mat--" your voice shook at the idea. skating with him was one thing, skating to him was another.

"hey," he said quietly. "eyes on me, okay? i'm not gonna let you fall, if i think you're gonna fall, i'll catch you. i was the fastest skater in 2020, remember?"

you nodded. "just like roller skating," you mumbled.

"except better," mat added.

you took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other, slowly but surely gliding towards him. you started picking up pace the closer you got to him.

"mat?"

"you're doing great!" he smiled.

"i don't know how to stop!"

mat laughed even as he caught you. his arms gripped your biceps and his smile was a mile wide. "you okay?" he asked.

you couldn't help but smile. "yeah," you breathed.

there was hardly any room between the two of you. your heart was beating wildly in your chest at the proximity, the rush of skating alone, who knew? you surely didn't.

you looked into his eyes and could've sworn his gaze dropped to your chin, but you were known for your hopeless romantic delusions, so maybe--

"hey!" whatever trance you were in ended when you saw a man in coveralls standing at the end of the rink. "time's up, i gotta clean the ice!"

"sorry!" mat called. "we'll get out of your way!" he gently took your hand in his and skated the both of you back to the benches.

mat helped you take off your skates and walked you back up the tunnel towards the locker rooms. the both of you stopped just outside of them, considering mat still had to shower and go home while you had the rest of the day to do your work.

"this was really fun," you said. "terrifying but fun."

"i'm glad you enjoyed it." his smile just about made you collapse into a puddle.

but you got a grip on reality and nodded. "well, i hope this helps with alexa, i'll try to talk to her in the next day or so, see where her head is."

mat's jaw clenched but he nodded. "i'll be seeing you."

"bye, mat."

you might as well have been on cloud nine by the time you got up to your office. you were in a different zone, focused on the way that mat's hands felt on your body, in your own hand. the feeling of euphoria wouldn't leave your body, you were sure of it. nothing could take that feeling away.

until you got to your desk and saw tyler.

who was sitting on your desk and using a paper clip to get the dirt out from under his nails.

"what were you and barzal doing?" tyler asked, moving off your desk, instead choosing to lean up against the cubicle.

you ignored him.

"i asked you a question," he said.

"i heard you, tyler. but i have work to do." you signed into your computer and plugged your camera in, ready to start uploading and editing photos from practice and the game yesterday.

“do you really think sleeping your way through the roster will help you get your pics chosen for the social media accounts?” he sneered.

you froze, your fingers hovered over the keyboard. "what?"

"i said--"

"don't repeat it." another voice joined in and when you turned around to see who came in, you were flabbergasted.

mat.

"barzal i--"

"where do you get off talking to her like that? talking to anyone like that?" he stepped into the room, chest puffed out.

in all of your time working for the isles, mat had never been much of a fighter, but he looked ready to pummel tyler if need be.

"mat, it's fine," you mumbled.

"no, it's not. is this how he normally talks to you?"

you said nothing.

that only seemed to make mat angrier. "you need to go to HR about this. this is workplace harassment. now apologize," he directed at tyler.

"for what? speaking the truth? is this how you think you can get ahead in life?" tyler said to you. "first beauvillier now barzal?"

you and mat both froze. in the corner of your eye you could see his jaw clench before he looked at you.

"can you do your work from home?" he asked.

you nodded. "i just have a shit ton of editing but i can do that on my laptop--"

"great. i'll take you home."

"but my boss-"

"if anyone has a problem with it, they can talk to me. let's go." mat was spinning on his heel and walking out of the room as quickly as he came in. you were unplugging your camera and logging off your computer, packing up your things, before sprinting after him.

"mat! mat, wait up!"

he stopped walking and looked at you, an unfamiliar expression in his eyes. "can you wait for me outside the locker room? i still have to shower and change."

you nodded. "why did you come upstairs anyway?"

"to give you the skates." you glanced down at his empty hands. "i forgot the bag, and by that point, i was too lazy to go down and get them without you."

the both of you continued your walk until you got to the locker room.

"i'll be a few minutes and then i'll take you home."

true to his word, mat was only gone for ten minutes before coming out freshly showered and ready to go home. neither of you spoke until he was pulling the car out of the parking garage.

"what did tyler mean when he mentioned tito?" mat asked after moments of silence. his fists were gripping the wheel tightly, though you didn't know why.

"tito asked me to dinner on friday."

mat's fists tightened their grip on the wheel and his jaw clenched so hard, you were afraid he was going to chip some teeth.

"oh." was all he said.

"something wrong? i just figured for once i wouldn't be hiding behind my camera like you said and i thought it would be fun, you know? we get along fine. why? do you think i shouldn't go?"

"no!" mat said quickly. "no, i just, it just caught me by surprise is all. i'm sure you'll have fun."

"and i can give you alexa's number if you want to ask her out! she's coming over tonight so i can talk you up now that i know more about you, make it seem more genuine."

"yeah," he choked out. "yeah, that would be great."

mat pulled up to your apartment a few minutes later and watched as you got out. "i meant what i said in your office," he said. "you need to tell HR about tyler's behavior."

"i will." you probably wouldn't. "thanks, mat."

he nodded as you shut the door and waited for you to go inside before driving off.

you walked up the stairs to your apartment and unlocked the door. as you shut the door behind you, you felt the weight of today bearing down.

tito asking you out.

the moments with mat.

the slut shaming comment from tyler.

when did your life get so dramatic?

step 4: get her to say yes

you had alexa over that night, armed with a million reasons why she should say yes to mat.

and the one reason why she should say no was locked deep in your chest. your happiness and affection for him shouldn't deter her.

besides, you would eventually get over your silly little crush, right?

right?

"so what's new in your world? i feel like you've been so busy lately. it's kind of strange," alexa said before shoveling a forkful of pasta in her mouth. it should've been disgusting, but she made it look graceful.

"oh you know, just working."

"is that why you were in the middle of nowhere a few weeks ago? work?"

"what?"

"i checked your location, you were on a farm. didn't realize the isles was doing photoshoots that far out of the city."

"oh they're not," you explained. "i was with mat, we were just hanging out."

alexa blinked. "since when do you and mat hang out?"

ouch.

but true.

you couldn't come out and say it could you? that the reason the two of you started interacting was because he wanted to date alexa?

no, you couldn't.

so you lied.

"oh, the social media team wanted me to get some information on mat, like a get to know you segment. they wanted something outside of work, so we were just hanging out so i could write this article on him."

a complete lie. you haven't had to write anything on anyone since your college journalism class. but alexa didn't know that. you never told her what you do all day for work. for all she knew, you could be running the tiktok account.

alexa raised an eyebrow. "and how did that go? was he talking about himself the entire time?"

"no!" you said. but then you paused, realizing that getting defensive would just look suspicious. "he told me a lot about how he doesn't like mulled wine and loves corn mazes despite being absolutely shitty at them. he loves his friends and hockey, obviously. he refuses to let anyone pay for anything while you're with him because he has money and likes to treat people. and he sticks up for the people that are important to him. and once you're in with him, you don't have to worry about your place in his life or how important you are because he will keep reminding you."

alexa stared at you. "are you sure you don't want to go out with him?"

you guffawed and hoped that it covered up your embarrassment. "what? no! he's clearly into you, and i think you should go for it."

"give me one good reason why."

"because he's kind, and nothing like your ex. he cares, legitimately cares about people and their lives." you sighed, not sure if you were convincing her. “it’s just one date, lex. if you don’t like him at least you got a free meal.”

alexa chewed her lip, letting you anguish in silence. "fine. you can give him my number and we'll set up a date. i trust you."

"fantastic!" you were already pulling your phone out. "he'll be so excited--"

"only if you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't have feelings for him."

you opened and closed your mouth. "i don't have feelings for him," you said with as much confidence as you could.

"honey..."

"no! i don't! if i had feelings for him, would i be going out to dinner with his best friend on friday?"

alexa didn't look fully convinced, but your date with tito was a welcomed distraction as she started rattling off questions about what you would wear and where he was taking you.

alexa left two hours later, meaning you could go to bed at a reasonable hour. as you laid in bed, you grabbed your phone and opened mat's contact, drafting a text to him.

here's alexa's number. managed to convince her you were worth a shot. xxx-xxx-xxxx.

you locked your phone and put it on do not disturb before you could see his response.

when you woke up the next morning, you saw mat had simply liked the message and left it at that.

by noon, alexa texted you that her date with mat was on saturday.

step 5: let the dates begin

friday came faster than you were anticipating. you kept your distance from mat, unable to look at him without thinking about how he was taking your friend out the very next day and that your interactions from that point on would probably be through alexa.

tyler kept his distance, must've been the threat of going to HR (that you still hadn't gone through with) that had him treating you like a human being with feelings.

as for tito, you probably should've been more excited for your date that night, but all you could focus on was how mat and alexa would fall in love and get married and have beautiful babies and grow old together.

and you would be the sucker who set them up because you could never tell mat no.

a slam against the boards startled you enough to look up from your camera to see tito standing there with a smile on his face.

"you okay?" he asked over the sounds of his teammates on the ice.

you gave him what you hoped was a convincing smile and nodded. but he rolled his eyes.

"we'll talk later," he said before skating away. you smiled and waved at him before you made eye contact with mat who was clenching his jaw. at what? you weren't sure. you even turned around to see if tyler had entered the arena, but you were standing alone.

like you always were.

you were headed back to your desk to do some editing as practice let out, but your name was called before you could get away.

when you looked over your shoulder, you saw tito doing an awkward half jog half walk towards you with a tired grin on his face. "hey," he said. "how do you think practice went?"

you turned to face him fully. "you're asking me? a professional asking some photographer how practice went?"

tito rolled his eyes. "oh c'mon. you've seen our practices, by now you should be able to determine whether or not it was a good one."

"well, no one fought each other, so i guess that's a win."

tito shook his head. "nah, that's when the best practices happen. when everyone's pissed at each other."

you smiled. "shows what i know."

"i think you know more than you think. you've worked here for awhile now."

"i've just gotten better at motion capture photography and following the puck around the ice. doesn't mean i know shit about hockey."

"don't think we don't notice you getting riled up during games when calls are missed."

you tilted your head and furrowed your brows. "we?"

tito shrugged and laughed to himself. "mat usually points it out before i can." you must've made a face because he added more. "it's usually on the bench, he's focused on the game when he's playing."

the both of you turn your heads at the other players walking down the tunnel. when the both of you caught sight of mat, tito smiled.

"will you send me your address? so i can pick you up?"

your attention snapped back to tito. "yeah! of course!"

he nodded and started his walk towards the locker rooms right when mat walked up to you. "what was that about?" he asked.

you shrugged. "just going over details for tonight. he needs my address to pick me up."

mat clenched his jaw again and looked down the tunnel, nodding his head. "that's tonight?"

"yep. at 6:30."

he wouldn't meet your eyes. instead, he looked at your shoes, your camera, the hallway, his teammates, but would never look at your face.

"you and alexa go out tomorrow, right? where are you taking her?"

he ran a hand through his hair and nodded at anders as he passed by. "yeah, we're going out to this sushi place. did you ever talk to HR?"

"well no but--"

"do i need to talk to HR?"

"he really hasn't been that bad lately--"

"because i threatened to tell HR on his ass. he's gonna get comfortable and start insulting you again. it's just a matter of time."

you nodded, feeling a lump in your throat form at the idea of mat scolding you, in front of his teammates no less.

mat sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. "i'm not trying to fuss or tell you what to do, i just don't like seeing you treated like that."

"thanks, mat," you mumbled.

he still wouldn't meet your eyes, instead looking down the hallway to see most of his team in the locker room. "i gotta go, but um, good luck tonight. beau's a good guy."

with that he turned on his skates and walked away.

you felt every bit of pathetic as you watched him go.

that night, you settled on a pretty dress that wasn't too fancy, seeing as the only details tito had given you were that it was nicer than an olive garden but not a michelin star restaurant. you were strapping yourself into your heels when you heard a knock on the door.

your phone said it was only 6:15, but maybe tito was accounting for traffic. he never did specify when the reservation was.

"coming!" you called as you put your last heel on and made your way to the door. "i wasn't expecting you this early, you never told me when the reservation was--" your voice trailed off when you opened the door and saw who was standing on the other side.

mat.

he looked more disheveled than you'd ever seen him. it was clear he'd been running his hands through his hair repeatedly just by the strands sticking out every which way.

he still looked handsome.

"mat, what're you--"

"i think you're beautiful. and smart. and passionate about a lot of things. and i think anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot, and i'd fight them if you'd let me." your eyes started welling up with tears. "i think you're perfect for me and if you'd let me take you out, i promise i'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you."

you blinked until the tears disappeared by sheer willpower, not willing to cry in front of him. "that's perfect," you said. "say that to lex and she'll be eating out of the palm of your hand."

you turned around to grab your bag and coat before you could see mat's face drop in confusion. by the time you turned back around, anthony was standing next to his best friend.

"you ready?" he asked, only glancing at mat out of the side of his eye.

you nodded and squeezed mat's arm as you passed; you couldn't help yourself. "get home safe, mat."

neither you or tito spoke until you got into his car. "what was that about?" he asked.

you shrugged. still not fully comprehending why mat showed up at your door in the first place. "he was telling me what he was gonna tell lex tomorrow, i think."

"really." he didn't sound convinced.

"why else would he show up?"

tito mumbled. "i can think of a few reasons."

after he parked the car, tito got out and opened the door for you while you were answering texts from alexa. he offered you a hand to get out that you took.

there were no sparks, no electric sensations going up your arm. just physical contact, just the warmth of his palm in yours.

he led you into the restaurant which was moderately fancy, like he said. the two of you were escorted back to a table in the corner, away from windows and therefore away from prying eyes.

like a gentleman, he pulled your chair out and helped you scooch up to the table.

"i can't remember if i told you this, but you look lovely," he said with a smile.

"thanks," you replied. "you look handsome." and you meant it. if you weren't in love with his best friend, in another life, you could see yourself falling for his blue eyes. and maybe you still could. mat was going on a date with your friend tomorrow so it was better that you just get over him already and--

"so how long have you been in love with mat?"

you choked on your own spit, and for a minute, tito looked apologetic. for his timing, you had to guess, not the question itself.

surely you heard him wrong.

"what?" you asked when you finally got your bearings.

"how long have you loved him?"

nope. you heard him correctly.

"i--"

he leaned forward, arms braced on the table. "you don't have to lie to me, i know. i've known for awhile."

"i--"

but the server came up and asked for drink orders. tito ordered a bottle of red for the table after asking for your thoughts.

you were still reeling from his question, safe to say you didn't have any thoughts.

"sorry," tito started. "i didn't mean to make you feel cornered, i just wanted to be honest."

"it doesn't look like you're the only who needs to be honest, it's me." you fiddled with the ends of your dress.

"why'd you do it? why'd you help set mat up with your friend?"

you shrugged. "i just wanted to see him happy. and i wanted alexa to find a good guy, i knew mat was one. they make sense together."

"even if it makes you unhappy."

"even if it makes me unhappy."

tito nodded, and looked at you like he could see something you couldn't. "let's forget about him for now and just enjoy dinner, eh?"

you gave him your best smile and nodded.

the rest of the night flew by. soon enough, tito was walking you up to your apartment and kissing your cheek before he left. you wished you felt butterflies, or something, but there was no special sensation. nothing to make you weak in the knees.

it was like a kiss from an old friend.

your phone buzzed with a text from alexa.

alexa: how'd your date go?

you typed out a quick response.

it was good. just got home.

you locked your phone and placed it on your nightstand before collapsing into bed. but your phone buzzed again. you thought about ignoring it, but if it was alexa, you didn't want her to think you were upset at her.

mat barzal: did you have fun?

you blinked before typing back.

yeah. tito's great.

not a second later, you got another text.

mat barzal: good. have a good night.

you fell back against your pillows and cursed at the ceiling.

step 6: let them fall in love

you woke up the next morning and stayed in bed until your bladder was about to burst. after the date with tito and the reminder that mat was going out with alexa tonight, it was all enough to put you back in bed as soon as you peed.

and you stayed there, flicking through netflix shows and wallowing in self pity. you usually weren't this pathetic, but the idea of alexa and mat getting cozy on their date that night was enough to warrant your sadness.

you'd pull yourself together by monday when you'd have to go back to work and see how happy she made him.

that's what you kept telling yourself, that at the very least, two of your friends would be happy.

by 7pm, you were sitting on the couch, waiting for takeout to arrive.

when a knock on the door signified your food arrived, you got up with your blanket burrito and walked to the door. you didn't even bother checking before yanking the door open and looking down at your doormat.

only to see a pair of shoes.

"what the hell," you mumbled. "i thought i said leave at the door...' your voice trailed off as your eyes lifted to meet a pair of hazel.

mat barzal.

he had your food in one hand while the other was in his pocket.

"mat?" you whispered. suddenly, you were throwing the blankets off your shoulders and behind you into your apartment where they'd be out of sight.

though it was then you realized you were in sweats and you hadn't done anything with your hair all day so you were probably better off with the blanket burrito instead.

"hi," he breathed. "here's your food." he handed it over, nodding when you murmured your thanks, and shoved his other hand through his hair.

you glanced at the time on the clock on your wall to make sure you weren't hallucinating. "why're you here, mat? shouldn't you be with alexa?"

"that's what i wanted to talk to you about, actually."

"oh no," you started panicking, your eyes widened. "did she not show up?" you turned back into your apartment and went to your phone, searching for texts from alexa to explain her absence. "i swear i thought she'd show. she told me she would and she's usually a woman of her word."

you turned around when your front door shut with mat standing in the middle of your living room, looking out of place and right at home somehow.

your phone was vacant of any text messages from alexa.

"no, she showed. i left early."

that caught your attention.

you set your food on the coffee table and turned around to face him.

"why did you leave early? was she rude? are you sick?"

mat shook his head. "no, i'm fine, she was fine. that's not why i'm here. i mean it is but that's--that's--i want, no i need to tell you something."

"tell me what?"

he rolled his eyes. "i'm getting to that." he started pacing your very small living room. you wondered if he knew how much space he took up in your apartment. you wondered if he cared how messy your place was. "i'm just gonna come right out and say it, and don't interrupt me this time." you nodded.

mat ran both hands through his hair for the twentieth time since he showed up. "when i said all those things last night, i wasn't talking about alexa. i was talking about you."

what.

but he continued.

"i'm not gonna pretend i've loved you this whole time, but i fell in love with you along the way. the way you kept analyzing every fucking pumpkin for the perfect one, or how you bring red wine to dinner unprompted because you can't not contribute to something, or the way you trusted me enough to take you on the ice and show you something i love, or how you laugh like no one has ever said something mean to you in your life even when i know that jackass tyler harasses you on the daily. you're kind to literally every person i've ever seen you interact with.

"but i hate the way you shrink yourself like you're afraid to take up space. i hate the way you act like alexa's better than you, like i couldn't fall in love with you when you're literally the most generous, kindest, passionate, and beautiful person i've ever met in my life. because i do love you. every fiber of my being loves you."

you blinked once. twice. and breathed.

"what?" you whispered as tears gathered in the corners of your eyes.

"i know you just went out with tito last night, and if you like him, if you love him, i get it. he's a great guy and you'd be great together. but i'm asking you to give me a chance, give us a chance. i've had fun with you the last few weeks and i cannot bear the thought of not calling you mine any longer." his chest was heaving as the words rushed out of his mouth.

you rounded the coffee table to get to him. as soon as you were in arms' reach, mat was pulling you to him. with your hips pressed together, your lips just a breath away, you spoke softly.

"please tell me this isn't a dream."

a small laugh escaped his lips and echoed over your own. "it's not a dream, baby. this is real. i love you so fucking much."

"i love you too, mat."

any words you had left to say were lost as he brought your mouths together.

you weren't sure how much time had passed before you separated from him with your hands pressed on his chest. mat tried to follow your lips, but you kept a firm hand on his sternum so you could speak.

"what about alexa?"

mat pulled back. "what about her?"

"you were on a date with her and just left her there?"

"i more than covered the tab if that's what you're afraid of--"

"what if she hates me?"

he laughed. like threw his head back and laughed before kissing you again. "baby, we were there for fifteen minutes and all i could talk about was you. she told me to come here and tell you the truth."

you smiled. "thank god for alexa."

"thank god for alexa."

mat led the two of you over to the couch where you immediately curled into him. he kissed the top of your head, seemingly addicted to having his lips on your body at all times. "you're fired, you know."

you would've pulled away had mat's grip allowed it. "what? fired from what?"

"the wing woman business. you're absolutely horrible at it."

"yeah, well i think it worked out pretty well."

he pressed his lips into your hair and mumbled. "yeah, i think so too."

[adoristsposts]

number one supporter | nico hischier

author's note; he is so beautiful he makes my brain short circuit summary; anger on the ice turns into an annoying relationship that seems to follow the two of you everywhere. until eventually, maybe, the nuisance of each others presence turns into something else. word count; 1.8k warnings; fluff, swearing, slight enemies to lovers? characters; fem!Reader x Nico Hischier, platonic!Reader x Mat Barzal

There was nothing worse than your temper when it came to hockey. The fact that your best friend played made it easier to rile you up, fans realised quickly. Before long you were a beloved figure for Islander fans to joke about. Their favourite thing to poke fun at was your inability to hold yourself back. Which showed now, as you banged on the plexiglass and yelled “Offsides!” The devils player who had committed the act turned to you. Decked head to toe in Islanders attire (a beanie, jersey, and scarf. The rest he couldn't see), you took his eye contact without falter. His eyebrows tugged together. Who were you? His expression morphed from confusion into annoyance as the referee blew his whistle and lifted his arm. Offsides. You had called it and the ref had listened to you. And you were right, of course (he would later find out you were always right when it came to hockey), which perplexed Nico even more. Who were you? The question seemed summed up when Mathew Barzal slammed his shoulder into the glass. You rolled your eyes at him but your previously fiery expression melted away into a badly disguised smile. The player laughed, laughed! at you. Obviously his girlfriend, Nico thought to himself with a scoff. This seemed further proven when you turned around and pointed both thumbs at the back of your jersey. Like a possessive mark, a billboard as to who you were and why you were there. Barzal, splashed across your back. The man in front of him took it in, then turned to skate away. He noticed Nico's lingering attention and drifted over to him. "Don't you just love it when the fans really know what they're talking about?" Dick, Nico thought.

Nico remembered you, he thought as he walked through the arrivals. You were chatting away with Beauvillier happily, waving your hands every which way. He faltered for a moment, urging the memory to surface. And then it did. He allowed himself, for a moment, to wonder if maybe he had gotten your relationship with the Islanders' golden boy wrong. Then Barzal came in and tugged on your hair like a bothersome boyfriend. You swatted him away and your laugh carried through the building. Beauvillier spotted Nico and raised a hand in a wave. This garnered the attention of the other two. Barzal turned and nodded at him. You however didn't move. You levelled your gaze on Nico and the boy froze. Then as if he had failed your test, you turned back to Mathew and said something, pushing him on his chest. Not wanting to try and decipher what, Nico nodded at Beauvillier and moved on.

You made yourself apparent in the game yet again. You made a howling, "Ow ow!" noise during warm ups every time an Islanders player passed you. They all shook their heads and grinned. During the game it was like you turned into a fifty year old dad drunkenly watching the super bowl. You celebrated every goal like it was an overtime winning one. You chirped the boys as they went, "Nice miss, Barzy!" Seemed to be your favourite one. It seemed every frustration of a mess up washed away when you opened your lip glossed mouth. Every celebration made better by your euphoric yelps of excitement. When the second period rolled around, Nico felt anxious. Literally anxious under your gaze. He missed a shot and- "Wanna try getting the puck in the net, pretty boy?" His eyes widened. He couldn't stop his lips from parting. When he looked at you, you were smiling at him like he was just another Isles player. It felt a little like sunshine on his face. Bright, warm, and blinding, he added to himself as someone stole the rebound from him and the puck was suddenly on the other side of the ice. Shit. He thought. And it was like you could hear him wondering how he had gotten so distracted, as your lips curled in a feline smile and you nodded at him. He couldn't hear you well over the roar of the crowd, but he could make out the words. "Puck went that way."

This time he wouldn't let his mind wander. This time he wouldn't pay attention to you. You were just a girl. Just another WAG. Another Isles supporter he couldn't wait to piss off. It was his arena tonight, his home ice, he had the power. All his self imposed mantras washed away. Anders Lee, the biggest guy on the team, chirped "She distracting you again, or you playing this bad on purpose?" Nico swung without thinking. He was tired, his skates were tied too tight and hurt, and Lee had just sent him flying into the boards a few seconds ago. The second the fight was broken up he knew what was coming. He shook his head, skating to the penalty box. He hadn't seen you yet, and he was far from relieved that he finally did now. "Having fun, pretty boy?" You called, tapping the glass he was confined in. He yanked his helmet off, "Yeah. Your boyfriend sucks. Having a great time beating him." You pursed your lips, "Which one?" He couldn't help the laugh that tumbled from him. A deep one that came from his chest, shocked at the utter audacity you carried on you. "Barzal? Number 13? Ring a bell?" He turned his eyes back to the game. "I only have eyes for you." You teased. Then, almost as if you sensed the way he didn't believe you, you added "Hischier." The name made it seem more realistic. You knew his name. Or you had heard it on the broadcast, at least. Or maybe from Barzal. "Consider changing your jersey, then." He joked. He turned back to see if you would laugh at his joke, but you were gone. Disappeared into the crowd. Later he would check twitter and find out that, for once, you had set yourself up in the area designated for players friends and family. You had slipped away only once or twice, and fans found it hilarious that one of those times had been to mock Nico as he sat in the penalty box.

This would be his final time playing the Islanders this season, Nico reassured himself as he kicked a soccer ball around with some other boys on the team. The movement helped him dispel his nerves. Soon he'd be on the ice, on display for you. If anyone noticed his quiet stress, they didn't point it out. He got a few shoulder clasps. But no indicator other than that. He didn't even know you. He had to keep reminding himself of that. He just knew you called every penalty the refs missed. And that half the time, the confidence in your voice had them calling it- albeit, a few seconds late and to the chagrin of any opposing team. Nico shook his arms and upper body as he waited for the national anthem to start. Trying to get out the boredom and growing anxiety. His eyes searched the crowd. Away games were always hard. Nothing compared to the joy of seeing an entire crowd wearing the Devils shade of red. Nothing, it seemed, except for the absolute electricity as he recognised you, donning that exact colour. You noticed his attention almost immediately. Then you tugged at the sleeve to show off the number stitched into the side. As if he hadn't seen it already. As if his entire body hadn't been overcome with chills as it took him only a split to realise you had taken his words to heart. Consider changing your jersey, then. And you had. You were still on the Islanders side of the rink, though, and donned the familiar scarf and beanie. Oh well, Nico thought as the lights dimmed and a woman started singing Star Spangled Banner. That will change in due time.

After what he considered to be maybe the best game of his life, Nico felt a little surprised when Beauvillier congratulated him by dapping him up and smiling at him in a way the man hadn't smiled at him before. It was dripping with a knowing look. Twenty minutes later Nico was showered and changed and surprised to find you greeting him outside the locker room. "You give good advice, Hischier." You hummed. He got over his initial shock quickly. "How'd your boyfriend feel about that?" "Don't have one," Your answer had been assumed at this point, "Barzy's my best friend, though. And he found it pretty amusing." "I bet." Nico trailed off. He really didn't know enough about you to keep the conversation going, that much was obvious. "This is the part where you're supposed to ask for my number, Hischier." He fumbled with his phone as he pulled it out of his pocket and unlocked it before practically thrusting it into your hands. Every ounce of manliness had fled his body and he was unable to even speak. He wanted to make some smart comeback. Ask if you even knew his first name. "You ready?" Interrupted the pathetic moment. Mat was coming down the hallway. "Yep." You told him. Nico couldn't even force himself to say something cool as a parting gift. He closed and opened his mouth as you walked away, until eventually calling a "Bye!" to your retreating figure. He heard your laugh. You didn't turn around as you waved him goodbye over your shoulder.

There was no games that could compare to Playoffs. You had made the trip from New York to New Jersey on your own. It was the first time you had ever done so without Mat (What business would I have in Jersey? You had joked to him). After the first game loss, Nico felt like shit. 5-1 was bad. The only thing that made it better was that the second he was out of the locker room you were tugging him to your car with a lazy grin. "Baby, come on." You laughed. His steps were slow and heavy with self pity. When you finally reached your car you rested against the hood and pulled him to you. "Don't sweat it." He grumbled something intelligible in response. You kissed him softly, slowly, and against his lips mumbled "Those refs were fucking idiots. I won't let them make those mistakes next game." "Next game?" He asked, pulling away from you with a shit eating smile on his face. "Yes." You confirmed. "Next game. The Islanders can live without me for a little bit. I have a boyfriend to support." Nico couldn't help but tease "A jersey boyfriend to support" "Don't push your luck, Hischier." You growled in response. But you were smiling and kissing him again, and he knew that come next game you'd be glued to the boards calling out every foul except for his.

[chukys-mouthguard]

maybe smutty prompt 16 w mat barzal too?

Prompt: “You just can’t stay away from me for too long, huh?”

Note: I kind of liked the idea of this and felt like it had the possibility of turning into a longer version? So definitely let me know if anyone wants to see that!

Warning: sexual content

“Well, if not a dance, how about a drink?”

A sigh escaping your lips as you clearly were too nice. Not being able to turn down someone without caring about hurting their feelings or coming across like a bitch.

“Look, I’m not interested okay? Go try it on someone else.”

Cursing under your breath you ran a hand through your hair. Wondering if someone was playing a cruel prank on you that all of these below average guys had been hitting on you.

Tonight was supposed to be a night to get your mind off of him. Your go to booty call that also was the biggest asshole you’d ever met. For months you’ve been telling yourself to give it up and find something new. But so far all of the guys who were trying their luck with you weren’t anything compared to Mat.

Not to mention, he just so happened to end up at the same club as you. What were the odds of that?

“Fuck me…”

Cursing to yourself you tossed back a shot before heading out onto the dance floor. The countless shots and drinks kicking in as you danced along to the music. Swaying your hips as you sang along to the words blaring throughout the building.

Soon enough a hand snaking around your waist. He had found you and was making sure he didn’t let you leave with someone else.

The two of you couldn’t deny the chemistry you had, most importantly the sexual chemistry. Your hands exploring every inch of one another while your ass was practically glued to his crotch.

Not feeling like exposing anyone to the acts you two were in desperate need of, you both quickly headed for the door. Mathew pulling you quickly behind him as he led the way to his car. Adjusting the seats before climbing into the backseat, patting his lap with a cocky grin. Signaling for you to join him.

“You just can’t stay away from me for too long huh?”

A hand finding its place entangled with your hair as he brought you in for a kiss, the other gripping your ass. Sinking into his lap as you began to grind against his hard on that was growing in his pants, you elicited a low groan from him.

“Mmm, last time I checked, you came onto the floor and found me.”

Smirking cockily down at him he let out a soft chuckle. “Yeah, only after I saw you turning down every bum that was in that place.” His hand slipping under your dress as his fingers pushed your thong to the side. A surprised moan escaping your lips as he smiled up at you, dipping his fingers into your growing wetness.

“And we both know, none of them could get you this wet. Definitely wouldn’t be able to fuck you like I can.”

Pulling you in for a rough kiss, his tongue entangled with yours as he fought for dominance, wanting to be sure you knew he’d always be the best you’d ever had.

“Definitely couldn’t kiss you like I can.”

“Okay Mat, I get it, please just shut the hell up and fuck me already!”

His smirk went from cocky to lustful as your words struck a chord in him.

“With pleasure.”

[swissboyhisch]

Drunken Mistakes

Pairing: Mathew Barzal x Reader

Summary: After receiving some bad news, you just wanted to not be alone. After a couple drinks, what most likely is a bad decision, starts to sound too good to miss.

Word Count: 2576

Warnings: Alcohol, friends with benefits, bad thoughts 

NEXT PART >>

THE MASTERLIST JOIN THE TAGLIST HOCKEY DISCORD

Alcohol. Something to numb the pain. Anything honestly. 

After the news you just received, you wanted some kind of distraction. You didn’t want to stay in your hotel room alone. Being in the city, away from your home. You wanted some kind of comfort. Sure, you had some friends living in the city, but everyone was busy. Leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

Mat then popped into your mind. An ex-fling. Your childhood best friend that you had reconnected with. One you had a friends-with-benefits situation with. After nights of constant talking and hours-long phones on the way home from work, you had caught feelings for Mat. In return, he ghosted you. Yes, he had warned you not to catch feelings, but it still hurt. 

Neither of you had messaged each other for months. The last thing you discussed was your travels through Europe and how you were doing amazingly. During that conversation, Mat had admitted he was lonely. But something was telling you to text him at this very moment. Maybe it was just your desperate need not to be alone.

Hey

Within minutes Mat had replied. When he asked how you were going, you told him the truth. Not good… Well, more like horrible. With that admission, Mat drove to your hotel to pick you up. Promising to be there as quickly as he could. 

You grabbed some clothes for the night and the phone charger before heading down to the lobby to wait for Mat. It didn’t take long before the familiar mop of hair weaved through the few people standing about the lobby. 

“Hey,” Mat muttered, pulling you into a hug. He could tell you weren’t doing the greatest. “You’re gonna be okay.”

You relax into his body. Your body goes slack in Mat’s arms, holding you against him. “Can we go to yours?”

“Let’s go,” Mat replies. 

The brunette grabbed your bag from your hands and placed his hand on your lower back to guide you out of the hotel. His luxurious car was parked in the valet. Mat opened your door, allowing you to slide into the passenger seat and get comfortable. Once Mat pulled out of the hotel, he drove through the city. The music playing on Bluetooth became the soundtrack to your life as you stared out the window.

“The new place,” You finally spoke up, seeing the building come into view. 

“Yeah, the new place.”

You noticed things that were not Mat’s when you walked into his apartment. A pair of shoes near the door that wasn’t his style. A pair of keys to a car that wasn’t his. Well, that you knew of.

“No roommate?”

Mat chuckled at the question, “I got a roommate, one of the traded guys.”

That made your heart hurt—more than it already was. Anthony Beauvillier was one of your closest friends, especially when you and Mat were hooking up. And now he lives in Vancouver. If you were hurting, you could only imagine how Mat was taking the whole ordeal.

“Have you talked to Tito recently?” You ask.

“Every day. Want a drink?”

The yes flew out of your mouth faster than you could predict. After looking through Mat’s vast selection of expensive alcohol, you decided to have a Jack and Coke. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and mixer, a glass from the cupboard, and a shot glass.

“How strong?”

“At least a double,” You answered.

Then the tour began. He started in the kitchen and living room. The occasional picture of his family is scattered on the walls and shelves. Next was the balcony. Quite considerable and well-decorated. The area's main feature is a comfy couch facing the city's view. The last room on the list was his bedroom, which was very Mat: simple colours, well shades of black and white. The wardrobe with mirrors for sliding doors was on the left as you walked in. Across the room was a large window. A dresser with a tv opposite his bed sat centre on the wall to your right—every bit Mat as you’d like. 

“My teammate isn’t home, so do you wanna watch a movie in the lounge room?”

“Let me get comfy first,” You mutter, placing your drink on the dresser as you put your bag in the corner of the room. 

After changing, you joined Mat on the couch. His feet kicked up on the poof he had, and an enormous blanket lay over his lower half. Without saying anything, you slid under the blanket and sat directly beside him, despite the space on the couch. 

“What movie?”

You look at the options on Netflix, “I don’t know.”

“You choose,” Mat decided, handing you the remote. 

“Why?” You laughed.

“You’re the guest.”

“Come on, Mat.”

You gave up on that argument quickly and just flicked through the app. Nothing piqued your interest, and Mat wasn’t any help. Then you came upon Molly’s Game. From the description, it was about an Olympian who runs a high-end poker game for the mafia and prominent stars who ends up on the radar of the FBI. It sounded exciting, and you hadn’t watched it, so you pressed play. 

The two of you sat watching the movie, alcoholic drink in hand. The occasional comment or questions asked between you about things that had happened recently. After a bit, you finally got comfy. You were leaning into Mat’s side, head on the shoulder. His arm slides up and around your shoulders. He was holding you tightly against his side. Both of you were settled. You came to trace shapes on his chest as you focused on the movie. His lightly ghosted up and down your back. 

It was quiet until Mat broke the silence between you both. “I forgot how easy it is with you.”

You felt that deeply. Whenever you and Mat had spent time together in the past, you didn’t have to try. Didn’t have to actively think about what to do. You both just worked so well together. Sometimes you wondered why he didn’t want a relationship with you if that was his thoughts. 

“Me too.”

You finished your drink quickly. It's likely quicker than you should have. Mat didn’t hesitate to grab your empty glass from your hand and get up to make you another drink. You watched as he walked around the couch and to the kitchen. Even twisting so you can lean on the back of the couch and watch him. He saw you looking at him and smiled at you. For a quick second, you felt those butterflies in your stomach, similar to when you two had first hooked up.

“Want to do a shot?” Mat asked as he finished making your drink.

Your eyes lit up at the suggestion. Quickly joining Mat at his alcohol stash. “Of what?”

“I don’t know.”

After having a flashback to having had many nights when you were younger doing shots, you knew what you wouldn’t shoot. “Anything but vodka.”

“How about Fireball?” Mat asked as he grabbed his half-empty bottle. 

“Sounds great.”

Mat poured out the two shots. Pouring on the smaller side as the shooters were quite large. You both clinked your glasses before throwing back the amber liquid. Cinnamon. Quite pleasant, you thought. You both put down the glass before sharing a laugh. That was when you looked up at Mat and saw how close you were. Without hesitating, you went in for the kiss. Sure, neither of you had discussed how the night would end between you, but it seemed like there was an underlying tension, sexual. 

You both smiled at each other and settled back onto the couch. You were drinking and paying little attention to the movie on the large screen. Most of your attention was on Mat. Your hand started to wander. Starting on his chest and then making your way up to his jaw. He currently had more stubble than you had seen him with in the past. 

“I like the scruff,” You comment. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Then silence once more. Both yours and Mat’s hands wandered, touching each other lightly. Nothing too inappropriate. Even the occasional snuggle into Mat’s chest resulted in his hand coming to scratch the back of your head lightly. Just comforting touches that you needed after the news you had heard earlier. 

You watched Mat skull the last bit of his beer, then place the empty bottle on the coffee table to his right. After handing him your drink to place on it, you struggle to get out of the tangled mess of blankets and legs. You made your way through the dark, well, low light, to the kitchen to grab a beer for the fridge. Mat watched in amusement as you walked a little tipsy.

“You didn’t have to,” Mat stated as you opened the fridge.

You grabbed the beer he was drinking, “Twist top?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool,” You hum before opening the bottle and returning to Mat’s side, handing him his drink before snuggling back to his side. Not without a quick peck to his lips. 

Midway through the movie and a few more drinks later, the kissing intensified. Your hand cups Mat’s scruffy jaw as he pulls you in closer. Fingers tangled into your hair. 

“Wanna move to the bedroom?” Mat mumbles against your lips.

“Sure.” Mat turned off the tv and placed the empty glass and bottles on the kitchen counter. You went to the bedroom while he did that. Placing your phone on charge and climbing in under the covers. 

Mat walked in and slipped off his t-shirt, revealing his abs. A sight you had missed. God, he was so good-looking. Angelic really. The light was changed to red, a staple between you and Mat when you were hooking up. It also doubled as a warning to Tito that you two were fucking. 

“Looking hot,” You grin as Mat makes his way to bed with you. 

With a hard tug, Mat falls on top of you. He dipped his head once more to capture your lips with his. You pressed your hips against him, feeling his hard-on under his sweats. Hands slid under your jumper. Pulling up the hoodie. Mat broke the kiss to slip off the article of clothing and throwing in the direction of your bag before returning to kiss your lips. 

“Mat,” You moaned as the brunette moved to kiss down your neck. 

He gently bit that sweet spot he had memorised, then smirked as you moaned again. “Found it.”

His words made you laugh lightly. Then cut off again by a moan since Mat slid a hand up into your hair. A tangled mess and slight tug. A staple move by the big-shot hockey player. In retaliation, you grazed your hands over his cock under his sweats, making Mat halt in his movements, a silent moan. You tug his sweatpants a little. 

“You want them off?” Mat smirks.

“Of course.”

Mat listens to your needs and stands up, gripping the waistband and sliding them down. His hard cock sprung out of the waistband. Slapping his abs with a satisfying skin-on-skin sound. 

“Your turn.” You lifted your hips, allowing Mat to slide off your sweatpants. Mat chuckled at your underwear. “You planned on getting some, didn’t you?”

“Can ya tell?” 

Without saying anymore, Mat slipped off your underwear and pulled your legs, sliding your body to the edge of the bed. You wrapped your legs around his waist. You needed him closer. 

“Mat…”

You reached your hands up and pulled him down to your lips. Lips. Tongues. Wandering hands. A little biting on your part. After you and Mat hooked up last time, you knew to hold back on the biting. You moved to kiss down Mat’s neck, nipping and sucking as you went. 

His fingers tangled into your hair to pull you away, “Careful. No marking, you know that.”

“I know, I know. I wasn’t planning on doing it.”

The following day you awoke to Mat lying shirtless beside you in bed. Little snores were the only sound echoing around the room. Your phone was suddenly receiving notifications, buzzing on the side table. 

“What time is it?” You mumble to yourself. Leaning over to look at your phone. The glowing white numbers. 6:00 AM. “Fuck.”

You had forgotten to change the sleep focus for last night. Usually, you’d be up for work at this time hence why your phone turned notifications back on. You flicked it back onto sleep focus and rolled over to curl into Mat’s side.

“What’s the time?” He mumbles, barely even awake.

“6.”

“Go back to sleep,” Mat huffed. 

For the next two hours, the pair of your drifted in and out of sleep. Either you would shuffle and wake Mat or vice versa. Then it got to the point you couldn’t be bothered to try to go back to sleep. Instead, you pulled up Instagram to scroll through whilst Mat slept. You knew Mat liked his sleep, and he had a later morning skate at 10 AM if you remember correctly. 

“Mat, it’s 8:30,” You mumbled when you noticed the time. Both of you needed to shower before leaving. And Mat had offered to drop you back at your hotel on his way to practice. 

The two of you fell into a routine of getting ready for the day. You showered before changing back into the clothes you wore to Mat’s. Mat jumped in the shower after you. He came out of the bathroom dressed in jeans and one of his many Islanders hoodies. Something that made him look so good. 

Mat came over to where you were sitting on his bed, slipping on your Apple Watch. He leant down and pressed a kiss to your lips once more. Probably the final one of the morning. “Want some food before I drop you off?”

“That sounds good.”

You grabbed your bag, and the pair of your made your way to Mat’s car. He had mentioned a bakery near your hotel that was good. It didn’t take too long… in city time that is. The two of you entered the cafe. Browsing all there was to choose from. After looking at all the baked goods, you decided to get juice—something to quell your unsettled stomach, hopefully. Mat stood before you, eyeing up something in the glass case. 

“What do you want?” Mat asked.

“Oh, I’m just getting a juice. Don’t feel like getting any food at the moment.” Mat plucked the juice bottle from your hands and placed it on the counter with his drink. You groaned, going to try to grab the drink back, but he smacked your hand away. “Mat, I can get my drink.”

“Don’t stress about it. I don’t mind.”

You didn’t expect Mat to pay for your stuff. Honestly, you hated having people pay for things for you. Mat was a good person, and you knew that. So it really shouldn’t have been a surprise. After he paid for your things, you both returned to his car, and he started to make his way to your hotel. It was quiet until you pulled into your hotel driveway. 

“Thank you for last night,” You stated as you grabbed your bag. “I need it.”

“Me too,” Mat smiles. 

“Good luck for tonight.”

Mat says a quick thank you. “Keep me updated.”

“Will do.”

“Bye.”

You send him one last smile. “Bye.”

TAG LIST:

@findapenny @mp0625 @hischierhaze @11zegras @lvrzegras @francesfarhadi @cixrosie @daisysthings @barzyblogbabe

[bitchinbarzal]

i loved the angst! can we maybe get nico finally making up with the reader!?

“Momma’s so mad at you” Iris says as she climbs into Nico’s car from the school run.

Nico glares at her in the rear view mirror “Hi baby”

She smiles sweetly “Hi daddy, mommy’s mad at you”

“I know”

“She said I can’t go to the game on Saturday” Iris notes as she states out the window of the moving car.

“What do you mean? Why not?” Nico didn’t really intend to throw Iris into this but here he was.

She shrugs “We going to the island”

“Island? What island baby?”

“The long one” “Long Island?”

“Yep!”

“Do you know why?”

She nods “Mommy’s new boyfriend Mathew plays hockey too!”

Nico just about slammed the breaks on in his car.

“Have you met Mathew?” He’s watching her in the rear view mirror and she nods

“He come to the house the other day but mommy told him to wait outside until I was in bed”

Nico is seething. You were so too faced.

As soon as he gets to your house he opens the door and looks at you before saying “You’re such a hypocrite!”

You shake your head “Hello to you too! ‘Ris babygirl go start your homework”

As soon as she is out of earshot you look at him “what is your problem?!”

“You’re dating Mat Barzal and taking Ivy to the game instead of mine?” You can see he’s visibly angry.

“I’m dat- I’m not dating Mathew!”

“That’s not what Iris said”

“Well she’s obviously gotten her wires crossed! Mat hired me as personal PR and as a thank you invited myself and Iris to the game on Saturday but I wanted to check with you first and if not I’d ask Darya to take her with” you explained.

Nico felt small, he’d come into your house guns blazing and had shot him self in the foot.

“Oh…”

“Yeah oh!” You snapped “How dare you speak to me like that!”

She sighs “I’m sorry…”

“Nico-“

“No please, I’m just… I’m tired of fighting with you” he sighs softly “I broke up with Naomi and the teams just stressful right now, Lindy is on my ass and I’m trying to solve everyone else’s problems I don’t need one with you so please can you just accept my apology? I love You and I’m sorry I upset you”

he’s staring at you widely and you nod, opening your arms and he walks into them for a hug. Nico’s head rests on top of yours and your face is wedged into his chest.

“I missed you” he mumbled into your hair.

“Me too” you reply “wanna do movie night?”

As if nothing had happened you got the movie ready and popcorn before sitting down and calling Iris.

She come plodding down the stairs and smiles when she sees you cuddled on the couch, inviting her between you both.

“Mommy?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Are you still mad at daddy?”

You exchange funny glances with Nico before saying “No squish not anymore”

She nods “Good because daddy cried in bed and I felt sorry you shouted”

You stifle a laugh and Nico groans “If there’s one thing we can count on it’s that our daughter will rat us out”

[ao3feed-hockey]

Going Down?

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/vCVrLfJ

by HockeyPucker (OneEndEARling)

Just a short and sweet elevator ride

Words: 382, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Men's Hockey RPF

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Mathew Barzal, Tyler Seguin

Relationships: Mathew Barzal/Tyler Seguin

Additional Tags: Short One Shot, Trapped In Elevator, Suit Kink

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/vCVrLfJ

[matwith1t]

A/N: ‘Tis been a while 🤧 But life has slowed down a bit for me to finish my attempt at a 4+1 fic! Yay! I treasure all of your thoughts so dearly 🥺 Whether it be in the tags, an ask, or a reblog 🥺 I love them 🥺 I hope you’ve all had a wonderful day so far!! Sending everyone good vibes 🥰 I also like to think the ending of this fic is the ending to the 2021 season we deserved  🔪

Summary: The four times you watch Mat lose a hockey game, and the one time you watch him win // 4+1

MASTERLIST | LET’S CHAT 🥂 | Mat Barzal x Reader

Warnings: Few Swear Words  // WC: 11.3K // Fluff

ONE

“You’ve never really watched a hockey game?”

Settling in your seats, you shrugged your shoulders and took a sip of your drink, “I’ve watched hockey, just not…actively.”

Your friend, Grace, blinked at you, “That makes no sense.”

“Like, I’ve seen bits and pieces of games if I’m at a sports bar or I’ll have it on as background noise,” you let your shoulders fall and let out a sigh, ”but I haven’t actively sat down and paid attention to a game.”

Grace rolled her eyes and bumped her shoulder against yours, “You’re insane. At least the Isles have been on a winning streak so it’ll be a fun one.”

“How many have they won?”

“Fourteen,” Grace smiled as she turned her attention toward the ice to watch the players in white jersey’s skate around, “My cousin said that they’re so close to breaking a franchise record.”

You followed her gaze and stared at the ice, “Which one is your cousin again?”

“Number eighteen,” she lifted her hand to point on the ice with a smile on her face, “Tito.”

Just like you followed her gaze on the ice, you followed the invisible path of her pointer finger to where her cousin, Tito––number eighteen––was rapidly passing the puck back and forth with another player; a number thirteen.

From your seats, you didn’t have a clear view as to what the person Tito was warming up with looked like. You couldn’t see him clearly, but you could make out his general attributes. He looked taller than Tito, had a strong jawline, a youthful smile that you just knew was contagious, and flecks of brunette hair stuck out from the back of his helmet.

“Who’s that?”

Grace had her drink raised up to take a sip, but stifled out a laugh into her plastic cup before answering, “That,” she raised an eyebrow and smirked, “Is Mat Barzal.”

Your stare lingered on him as you saw a sparkle of light reflect the chain on his neck, “Mat…”

“I was banned from getting with anyone on the team,” Grace’s voice held a devious undertone, and when you broke your gaze away from Mat to look at her, her eyes matched her voice, “But you’re not related to anyone on the team.”

“Grace…” you said her name in a warning tone, but her eyes glistened even more as she plotted in her head.

She held her hands up in defense and snickered, “We’ll watch the game, go out for drinks after and then Mat––”

“Grace.”

“Whatever happens, happens!” She let out a laugh as the players skated off the ice and to their benches.

You glared at her and soon enough, the puck dropped, and the game started.

With shoulders touching for the whole game, Grace gave you a play-by-play of the game like she was your own personal announcer. While you appreciated Grace’s hockey crash course, you admittedly enjoyed the sound of the skates gliding across the ice and the puck slapping between sticks more. Captivated by the game, your eyes never left the ice, and as your eyes followed the puck, they also scanned the ice for a number thirteen.  

“What the fuck was that!” Grace yelled as she stood up with the rest of the fans in protest.

You were too lost in your head to know what had happened, but after you blinked a few times, you saw number thirteen––Mat––angrily exchange words with a Bruins player. And with a referee between them to ensure they kept their distance, Mat was off to the penalty box.

Grace sat down with a huff and crossed her arms, “Such a bad call.”

You wanted to ask her what exactly happened, but you felt the anger radiating off her. Instead, you averted your gaze from your friend and stared at Mat. He took off his helmet, shook out his hair and ran a hand through it.

“So now Anders…” Grace started off with another explanation, but your vision was solely focused on Mat breathing heavily from inside the penalty box.

The atmosphere of the arena, and being surrounded by a sea of orange and blue, was an exhilarating rush that you missed the moment the game ended. Instead of the excited cheers from when the game first started, fans exited the arena with disdainful words at the Islanders loss. You let Grace sit in silence, allowing her to collect her thoughts, and with one last deep breath, she faced you with a painful smile.

“Come on, we’ll go to a bar and wait for them.”

You nodded and blindly followed her out of the arena.

“Them?” you asked as you made it out of your section and into the concourse.

Grace’s painful smile turned into a mischievous smirk, “Yeah, I texted Tito and told him to bring along Mat.”

“Grace––”

“He had a tough game,” she covered up her plan with an excuse just as phony as her voice, “He needs a drink, or two…Or someone nice to talk to and––”

“Grace.”

“He’s a nice guy!” She defended herself as she opened the door for both of you to exit, the October chill hitting you extra hard with it being toward the end of the month, “He’s fun, carries conversation well, is very pretty, and painfully single.”

You snorted and followed her down the sidewalk, “Painfully single?”

Grace nodded her head admittedly, “Hasn’t a real relationship in quite some time.” You hummed in response, a hopeful feeling in the pit of your stomach rising, as Grace turned her head towards you with a smirk, “Hm indeed.”

You shoved her shoulder and changed the topic of conversation as you walked toward Grace’s car. And when Grace tried to casually bring Mat up on the drive to the bar, you shut her down. It wasn’t until the two of you got to the bar, and Grace received a text from her cousin saying that they were on their way, that you faced her and asked about him yourself.

Grace laughed, “He’ll be here soon to answer all of your questions about him.”

With a deep breath, you circled your hands around your water glass and glared at her. The whole night she was very clear with her intentions on teasing you about Mat. And now when you wanted to talk about him, she was the one who shut you down. But you followed her lead and chatted about a new restaurant that popped up in her neighborhood the other week.

Grace was in the middle of detailing the wine menu of the new restaurant when she abruptly stopped, stood up in the booth you were sitting in, and waved her hands above her head, “Tito!” Your eyes widened, “Mat!”

Your heart dropped down deep into your stomach.

You sat frozen in your seat when Grace left the booth and hugged her cousin, “What a tough loss,” she patted Tito’s back.

Tito shrugged his shoulders, “It’s just a hockey game,” Grace shoved his shoulder and he rolled his eyes, “Okay, fine, yeah it’s shit.” Tito’s eyes momentarily glanced down at you still sitting, you knew Grace said that she was with a friend, but you thought it’d be best to actually introduce yourself.

“Sorry for the loss,” you smiled sympathetically at Tito and stood up, “Grace told me you guys were on a winning streak.” Your eyes shifted over to Mat to see him intently staring at you, “I’m, Y/N.”

“I’ve heard about you from this one,” Tito slung an arm around Grace’s shoulder and pulled her in close, “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Tito, and this––” Tito lightly kicked the side of Mat’s calf, who blinked a few times to regain focus, “Is Mat, he also plays hockey on the Islanders.”

“Oh, she knows Mat.”

At Grace’s comment, your mouth dropped, Tito tipped his head back in laughter, and Mat’s face flushed as he let out a small laugh with his eyes falling down to the ground. But when he looked back up to your eyes, he bit the inside of his cheek to contain his smirk.

You glared at Grace, “Not before today.”

Mat’s face was the one to drop now, as he tilted his head with eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Tito let out another laugh––this one louder––as Grace joined in. Tito wiped tears away from the corner of his eyes and excused himself to go buy a round of drinks for the table.

Grace slid back into her spot, you sat down in yours, and Mat slid in next to you. You felt your body stiffen and moved your hands from the cushion to on top of the table.

“How’ve you been, Mat?” Grace rested one of her elbows on the table and leaned her cheek against her palm, “Any girls?”

Mat chuckled, and when he rolled his eyes, you saw him glance at you from the corner of your eye, “Always skipping the small talk, Grace,” Mat shook his head, “But no, just hockey.”

“You and Y/N are so boring,” Grace let out a playful dramatic sigh, but you saw the glint of teasing in her eyes as she glanced at you, “Both painfully single.”

Your mouth dropped at her bluntness and Mat laughed.

“Hockey looks like a commitment in itself, Grace,” your eyes narrowed in on your friend, trying to cover up her obvious set up attempt, “Where’s your boyfriend?”

Grace flipped you off and rolled her eyes, “You haven’t watched a game before today, don’t act like you know what kind of ‘commitment’ hockey is,” she raised her fingers to put air quotes around commitment.

Embarrassment was the only emotion you felt take over your entire body. And you felt yourself drown even more when you heard a hearty laugh from the person next to you.

Tito came back and put a tray of drinks on the table, “Did I hear that correctly?” He passed drinks around the table and raised his eyebrows at you, “Or was Grace lying?”

“Well, like––It’s not––I mean, I’ve seen hockey before but––”

Grace nudged her shoulder against yours, “I’m joking,” she offered you a supportive smile a–-you got this––message hidden beneath her tone, as she turned her back to you to catch up on the latest family drama with her cousin.

That left you and Mat alone.

With a deep breath, you circled your hand around the pint glass that Tito brought over and took a sip of the beer. And you didn’t stop siping your beer until Mat let out a soft chuckle.

“Have you really not watched a hockey game before today?”

With one last sip, you set the glass down on the table and fully faced Mat. He had a small smile on his face as he awaited your answer, “Yes and no,” he raised his eyebrows, silently asking you to explain. So you gave him the same spiel you gave Grace earlier about how you had never actively paid attention to a hockey game.

“So that’s why you didn’t know who I was,” Mat smirked, his ego seemingly repaired, as he took a sip of his own drink.

You scoffed, “You all look the same with your helmets on, I wouldn’t have recognized you even if I did watch hockey.”

Mat had his glass up to take another drink, but he laughed into it instead and set it down on the tabletop. He ran a hand through his hair, “That just means you should watch more games.”

“That depends,” you said as you felt Grace tap the top of your foot with hers, silently telling you that you were doing a great job. You felt excitement brew in the pit of your stomach because it looked like Mat was enjoying himself just as much as you, “Will you win the next one I watch?”

Mat scratched his nose and dramatically took in a deep breath as a joke, “I’d like to hope so, but I think you might need a new shirt,” he slightly leaned forward and took the material of the sleeve of your shirt between his fingers. Your breath caught in your throat as he rubbed the fabric between his thumb and index finger. And when he dropped your short sleeve, his knuckles grazed your bicep for half a second, “How can you go to an Islanders game and not wear any Islanders gear?”

With your brain still shut down and only thinking back to the way his touch felt on your skin, you tried to think of something quick.

“Grace asked me to go last minute,” the excuse flowed easily out of your mouth for your brain completely void of any thoughts except for the feeling of Mat’s touch that still lingered on your skin, “I didn’t have enough time to get a shirt.”

Mat hummed and kept his confident eyes locked on you as he took a sip of his beer, “We’ll have to change that for the next game.”

–––

TWO

You heard the seething rain pelt against the window as you made your way from the kitchen of your apartment to the living area. With a steaming cup of hot tea in between your hands, and a blanket hung over your shoulders that dragged on the ground behind you, you scurried to the couch where you heard your phone ringing.

With your socks shuffling along the hardwood floor, you moved fast to catch your phone before it went to voicemail, but tried to move as carefully as you could with a hot beverage.

When you reached for your phone on the couch cushion, you saw a selfie of Mat––his morning hair sticking up, one eye squinted shut, with a smug smirk gracing his lips, as a sliver of his collarbone was barely visible on the screen. The selfie of him in the morning took up your screen, and you fondly gazed at it for a second, but then slid your phone and lifted it up to your ear.

“Hey,” you smiled as you slowly sat down on the couch. But when you reached over to set your tea down on the coffee table, some hot water spilled over the cup, “Fuck,” you muttered under your breath and shook out your hand.

You heard Mat’s chuckle on the other end, along with a smile, “Everything good?”

“Yeah, yeah, just spilled tea on my hand,” you said as you wrapped the blanket further around your body and tucked yourself into the arm of the couch, “Ready for tonight’s game?”

Mat let out a sigh, “A little nervous.”

“Where are you?”

“Sitting on my bed in the hotel room,” you could picture him running a hand through his hair, “Alone.”

You scrunched your eyebrows together, “Where’s Tito?”

“I told him to head over without me,” Mat breathed out softly, “Wanted to call you before the game.”

You felt your heart swell in your chest as an immense smile lit up your face and caused your cheeks to hurt, “Are you in a suit at least?” Mat hummed in an affirmative response, “What are you wearing?”

Mat’s loud laugh caused your already enormous smile to widen, “If you ask me that, expect the question to be turned around to you.”

Your laugh mirrored his as you leaned the side of your head against the back cushion, “Well, I’m not wearing anything too exciting,” you played into his last comment.

“I’m all ears,” the smugness in his voice was as loud as the rain pouring down, and you could just picture him putting an arm behind his head, a shit-eating smirk on his face as he rested his head against the headboard.

You chuckled, “I’m only wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and wrapped in a blanket.”

“What shirt?”

“The one you bought me,” you rolled your eyes, “The blue Islanders shirt with your name on the back.”

“Ah,” Mat made a tsk noise in the back of his throat, “That’ll definitely give me motivation for the game.”

“Shut up,” you felt your stomach churn with embarrassment, but you couldn’t help but smile when you heard his sweet-sounding laugh.

Once Mat’s laughter died down, he cleared his throat, “Is Grace coming over to watch the game?”

You shook your head, “Just me tonight.”

“Will you know what’s going on?”

You scoffed at his comment, “With the games I’ve watched so far this season, I can follow along.”

Mat snickered, “If you say so…”

You let out an airy laugh, the conversation dwindling down as you knew he had to leave for the arena soon. And in the few months you had been seeing each other, you knew Mat would sit peacefully on the phone in silence if he truly wanted to avoid something.

You circled back to his early statement from when he first called, “Why are you nervous?”

He let out a deep breath, “I haven’t been playing well.”

“That’s not true,” you tried to encourage him, because even though you thought he was an excellent player, when you watched the games with Grace she did say how Mat was having a mediocre season. “You’ve set up great plays, your team is second in the eastern division–-You have nothing to worry about.”

Mat let out another deep breath, not convinced of your words, “Have you ever seen us win a game?”

You bit the inside of your cheek as you thought back to all of the games you’ve watched on T.V. and in person. But you couldn’t find a specific memory of either the stadium erupting in cheers at the end of a game, or the sound of content broadcasters recapping an Islanders win.

“I’m sure I have…” your words weren’t as convincing as you’d like them to be.

“What was the last game you watched?”

“The Saturday game,” you answered him.

“Did you watch the game on Tuesday?”

You shook your head, “Got held up with work. Why?

Mat hummed, “Just wondering.”

The two of you fell back into silence, and while hearing him breathe on the other end was just as calming as hearing him talk, you knew he was cutting it close with his time. You didn’t want to leave him, but you knew he had to go. And it seemed like he had the same thought as you as he let out an exhausted breath.

“I should probably go soon.”

You fiddled with the corner of the blanket, trying to keep your dismal voice to a minimum, “Probably.”

You heard Mat get up from the bed as he let out a yawn, “I miss you.”

A delicate smile tugged the corner of your lips upward, “I miss you too.”

“We fly back early tomorrow morning.”

You knew he was coming back to New York tomorrow, but you still felt excited when you heard him detail his travel plans to you, “I can pick you up?”

The sound of a door closing on the other end clued you into how Mat left his room, but he didn’t leave your phone call yet, “There’s a shuttle picking us up and dropping us off at the arena. My car’s there.” You nodded your head, tightening the blanket around your shoulders, “But I have the day off,” Mat quickly added in, “I can head right to your place.”

“If you’re not too tired,” you wanted to spend time with him, but with how exhausted he sounded, you wouldn’t blame him if he wanted alone time.

“Trust me, there’s no place I’d rather be right now than in bed with you,” Mat said as you heard the ding of the elevator, “I’ll call you later?”

You nodded your head against the couch cushion, “Yeah that sounds good,” you could hear the exhaustion in his voice, “Good luck!”

Mat tried to let out a small laugh, but it sounded more pitiful and self-loathing than anything else, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When the call ended, you spent the rest of your time until the game started mindlessly scrolling on your phone. The TV was on the channel for the game, and when the commentators talked about how the Islanders played on their Saturday game versus their Tuesday game…your interest piqued.

Your thoughts went back to Mat asking about the previous games you had watched. You had watched the Saturday game…and they lost. But you did not watched the Tuesday game…and they won. You knew how superstitious some hockey players were. But in the three months you had been dating Mat, he never gave off the aura of needing to have certain practices in place to play a good game…but he loved to win.

He loved to win almost more than anything in the world.

You unwrapped the blanket from your shoulders and walked to your room to pull out a pen and notepad. Once you had those materials, you sat back down on the couch and opened up the NHL app. You documented every Islanders game you’ve attended in your camera roll, and did your best to remember which ones you watched on TV.

And when you finished organizing the games you’ve watched into columns of WON and LOST…there were no dates in the WON column.

A nervous feeling bubbled up in your stomach, but then the rational part of your brain weighed in and said no. Your mind told you there was no correlation between you watching and them losing. So you got comfortable on the couch and turned the volume up.

The first period was fine, the second period was bad, and the third period was a tragedy.

You debated on turning off the game, but you wanted to prove to yourself that you weren’t the problem. But that confidence dwindled away with each goal scored against the Islanders.

You waited a few hours until you figured Mat would be back in his hotel room. Biting a piece of loose skin by your nail, you sent a text to Mat: Are you up to talk tonight?

It took nearly twenty minutes for Mat to respond: Feeling exhausted, already in bed about to fall asleep.

You felt your heart drop into your stomach. It already sounded like he had an inclination that he lost a game whenever you watched.…Your thoughts only spiraled more negatively until you received another text from him.

Can’t wait to see you tomorrow :)

You crawled into bed feeling the tiniest bit better, but still had a queasy feeling in your stomach as you fell asleep with your mind circling about Mat.

It could have been twenty minutes, or ten hours later, you wouldn’t know. But what you did know was that there was a knock at your door. You thought it was something from a dream, but the knocking became progressively louder. Bleary-eyed, you kicked off your sheets and rubbed your eyes with your fist as you made your way to the door.

Peeking through the peephole, you saw a very exhausted looking Mat. Unlocking all of your locks, you opened the door and tiredly smiled at him.

Mat let out a soft chuckle, one that made you fall for him even more, and took your hand in his when he stepped into your apartment, “You look as tired as I feel.”

You blinked a few times, trying to wake up so you could fully appreciate the warmness of his hand in yours as he led you to your bedroom. Once you saw your bed, you dropped his hand and slid back under the covers. Mat wasn’t too far behind. He kicked off his shoes and took off his shirt, so that he was only in his sweatpants, and crawled in right next to you.

Immediately, he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into him so that your back was firmly pressed up against his chest. He let out one of the biggest sighs of relief that you had ever heard, and it eased the doubts that swirled around your mind the previous night before you fell asleep.

Mat pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “I can’t tell you how happy I am to be here.”

“In a bed?” You mumbled, still feeling half asleep, as you picked his hands off you for a second to adjust yourself. Once your body was facing him, and you nuzzled your head into his warm chest, Mat’s arms wound back around your body.

“With you.”

You smiled and pressed an innocent kiss to his chest, “Sorry about the loss last night.”

Mat took in a deep breath, and you felt him hold it in for a few seconds before he let it out, “Let’s not talk about that. I wanna sleep.”

Without giving him a response, you nodded your head against his chest. And with one last kiss pressed to your forehead, you fell asleep with the one person who always brought out the best in you.

–––

THREE

“Let’s turn the game on.”

“No.”

“Oh, come on,” Grace whined as she took a sip of her wine, “I thought I was coming over to watch the game.” She gave you a pointed look, “But you have me looking at kitchenware.”

You pointed back to your laptop that was on the coffee table, an assortment of kitchen plates and glasses pulled up on the screen with full brightness, “Mat’s moving and I want to get him nice plates!”

Grace scoffed, “You do know why he’s moving, right?”

“Said he wanted a bigger place,” you shrugged your shoulders.

With a snort into her wine glass, Grace had to set it down as she threw her head back against the couch and cackled. “He is one person, why do you think he’d want a bigger place?” You shrugged your shoulders and waited until all of her laughter was out until she continued, “He’s going to ask you to move in with him.”

Your mouth dropped and eyes widened, “No, that’s––No. We’ve only been dating for like six months. He still likes his own space after a game, and––No. There’s no way.”

Grace’s smirk only widened at your denial, “Well, maybe not now, but give him a year or so and I bet you’ll be out of your shoebox of an apartment.”

You glared at her, “I like my shoebox.”

“He took you to see this new place before he bought it?” Grace asked and you nodded slowly, “And he made sure you liked it?” Again, you nodded your head, “He’s so far gone for you.”

“Grace.”

“I’m piecing together things you’ve told me of Mat and from what Tito has told me!” Grace held her hands up in defense, “It’s a good thing he’s seeing a future with you in it.” And with her earnest words, she moved toward you on the couch, and placed a hand on your thigh, “So why don’t you want to watch the game?”

With a sigh, you shut your laptop and faced her woeful eyes, “He always loses when I watch.”

“Ha,” Grace let out a single sound, thinking you were joking, but when she saw your eyes downcast on your crossed legs, she gave your knee a squeeze, “I guarantee you that that’s impossible for them to have lost every game you’ve watched.”

You held up your index finger, signaling for her to wait, as you hurried into your room and pulled out the notepad you started keeping track of three months ago. You dropped it on her lap and she looked down at it, looked back up at you, and then flipped a few pages over.

“Shit,” she chuckled, “They really do lose every game.”

You groaned, “And they’ve been doing so well recently, I don’t want to mess them up!”

Grace waved you off and placed the notepad on top of your laptop, “I can assure you Mat is not superstitious about that stuff,” she offered you a soft smile, “He would want you to watch the game.”

You shook your head in protest.

“I’m turning it on.”

“No you’re not––”

Grace swiped the remote from the coffee table before you could reach for it, and turned on the Islanders hockey game. And right when she turned it on, the camera was on a close up of Mat––who was smiling ear to ear––as the television screen went to a replay of the goal Mat just scored.

“See!” Grace gestured toward the T.V., “He’d want you to watch so you can tell him how nice of a goal he scored.” You flipped her off as you felt the insides of your stomach grow hot, but Grace didn’t pay any mind to your embarrassment, “It’s the third period, they’re up by three––The Flames have no goals––and there’s six minutes left in the game.”

Wringing your hands together in nervousness, you glanced up at the television, “I guess we can watch.”

Grace let out a satisfactory smile and moved right next to you to lean her head on your shoulder, “They’re a good hockey team, there’s no way they’ll blow a three nothing lead with barely any time left.”

But Grace had spoken too soon.

A minute after you tuned into the game, the Flames scored a goal. You turned your head toward Grace with a grimace, but she waved you off. Then Tito got a minor penalty for hooking, and the Flames scored again on a power play.

“Turn it off,” you buried your head in your hands, “They’re up by one, turn it off before they lose.”

“You’re being dramatic,” Grace chirped, “There’s less than two minutes, they can’t possibly––”

“And the Flames tie it up!”

You let out a groan and lifted your head to peek through the slits of your fingers to see the Flames celebrating the goal. The camera panned to the Islanders’ bench, and they all looked dejected, but also confused as to how they let the lead slip away that quickly.

You got up from the couch, “I’ll be in the kitchen for the rest of the game.”

“No you’re not,” Grace grabbed onto your forearm and pulled you back down on the couch, “It’s not your fault that they can’t keep a lead.”

“Explain to me how we’ve been watching for five minutes and the Isles blew it?” you whined pathetically, heart clenching in your chest because all you wanted was for Mat to succeed and be happy. But it was hard when you wanted to watch him succeed, but whenever you did watch him, he lost.

She dropped your arm and tried her best to comfort you, “Go to the kitchen and I’ll tell you what happens in overtime.”

Jumping up from the couch, you sped into the kitchen with your arms crossed over your chest. Pacing around in a small circle in your kitchen, you heard Grace shout at the television whenever the Islanders did something she liked and whenever she thought a poor play was made. But there were a few moments of silence, and then she walked into the kitchen.

With wide eyes, you awaited for the verdict of the game. She winced, “It’s going to a shootout.”

“Jesus Christ,” you swore under your breath, “See! I can’t watch the games––”

“At least watch the first shot,” Grace tilted her head with a sympathetic smile, “It’s Mat.”

You didn’t want to watch it. This game only solidified your belief that the New York Islanders lost every game you watched. But if Mat was up first, then you could turn the game off after him. Reluctantly, you nodded and Grace dragged you into the living area just as the commercial break went back to the game.

Holding your breath, you squeezed your hands into a fist as you watched Mat skate around in a circle before taking the puck. He skated from the center line, handling the puck well, and when he bought his stick back to shoot, the puck went wide. The camera zoomed in on him after his failed goal, and you could clearly read his lips yelling out, fuck, in frustration.

“I’m turning it off.”

“No!” Grace went to steal the remote from your hands, but you held it up over your head, out of reach from her, “I think Tito might do a shootout.”

“I can’t––”

“He’s my cousin,” Grace pleaded, “Family. I have to be supportive.” She dramatically batted her eyelashes at you, pleading for you not to turn off the game.

You knew it was a ploy for her to get you to watch the rest of the game, but you still easily fell into her trap. You wish you hadn’t listened to her because Tito didn’t get a chance to shoot in the shootout.

And the Islanders lost.

“Damn,” Grace side-glanced at you, “You might really be a bad luck charm.”

–––

FOUR

The Islanders had made it all the to the second round in their journey to the Stanley Cup.

And since the start of their playoff run, you’ve successfully steered clear of watching a full Islanders game. You would either always call, text, or see Mat off before a game to wish him luck. Before the first game of the first round, you promised him to watch––and you did––but it was the last time you made that promise after they were demolished by the opposing team. But you got along fine talking to Mat about the games he played…you just had to stay away from specific details.

Grace helped you out a bit and would fill you in if Mat had any stand out plays. And you always read every game recap and watch every post-game media availability. While you did try and watch at least a few minutes of every period, you never wanted to watch for too long in fear of whatever curse you had would come up.

But there was no way to escape this game.

You fixed Mat’s tie around his neck as the two of you stood by the door of Mat’s new apartment. After you were done fiddling with his tie, you placed both hands on his chest and looked up at him. He placed a hand on your hip and smiled, “I’m excited for you to be there tonight.”  

You let out a nervous chuckle and tried to conceal your painful smile as much as possible, “I’m glad my schedule has cleared up a bit…” you told him a little white lie, “You’ve been playing amazing.”

Mat wiggled his eyebrows and you swatted his chest. But before your hand made its way back down to your side, he caught it with his free hand and laced your fingers together, “And you’ll get to see me live finally.”

With a roll of your eyes, you squeezed his hand, “I won’t get the nice closeups of you like I do with the ones on my T.V. though”

“You’re having a close up right now,” Mat whispered as he leaned his forehead against yours, “And you can have one again tonight.”

“Oh, can I?” You raised an eyebrow.

Mat smirked and let out a single breathy laugh through his nose, “You can have all the closeups you want.”

You raised a hand and let your fingertips softly graze over Mat’s facial hair. With it being game five of the second round, his beard had grown out quite nicely and was now past the stubble phase. You cupped his cheek; and Mat closed his eyes as he nuzzled against your hand, his beard tickling your palm.

Leaning in slightly, you pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, “Good luck,” you whispered.

Mat cleared his throat, an ahem sound coming from the back of his throat as he moved his face in front of yours. You blankly stared at him and he intentionally stared back at you.

He pinched your hip, “If you’re getting a close up tonight I want a real kiss.”

A monotonous laugh escaped from your lips, and you let the hand that was cupping the side of his face trail to behind his neck. You also let go of holding his hand, and brought it up to the side of his neck. An easy smile lit up Mat’s face as your fingers played with the strands of his long hair.

And this time when you leaned in, you pressed a gentle, but lingering kiss to his lips. You felt Mat smile as he received a kiss exactly how he wanted. And you felt yourself begin to smile too as you felt his fingers creep around your waist. With your arms wound around his neck, you urged him forward, holding him close as he deepened the kiss. Mat made another noise in the back of his throat––a sound of content––as his hand inched its way under your shirt until his palm was flat against your lower back, pressing you even closer into him.

Just when Mat parted his lips against yours, you slowly broke away from the kiss.

Mat breathed heavily and you patted his chest, “You don’t want to be late.”

Groaning about how the kiss was cut short, Mat tucked his head into the crook of your neck. Starting at your collarbone, his beard tickled your skin as he peppered kisses all along your neck to just below your ear, “I’ll score a goal for you tonight.”

You stifled out a laugh because he promised you that before every game. And like the first game of his you watched after he first asked you out, you felt an excited swarm of butterflies in your stomach.

“I’ll be watching.”

With a sigh, and one last squeeze of your hips, Mat pressed one last chaste goodbye kiss to your lips before straightening up, “Make sure you wear the jersey I got you.”

You scoffed, placing both palms on his chest to push him out the door, “I’ll wear what I want.”

Mat tipped his head back and laughed loudly; he had a foot out the door, but still had his head leaned in towards you, “I love you.”

The phrase was still new––only having exchanged the words for the first time a couple weeks ago––but you still felt as giddy as the first night Mat told you. You bit the inside of your cheek, and tucked your chin into your chest to ease the glowing feeling you felt in the pit of your stomach.

Unable to resist his charm, you leaned forward once more, and pecked his lips, “I love you, too.”

There was no doubt Mat’s smile shinned just as bright as the feeling you felt in the middle of your chest. You were positive there was no greater amount of happiness you could ever possibly feel in your lifetime after he said those three words to you.

“If you love me, wear my jersey.”

And with that, he swiftly walked through the door. His happiness left you high in the clouds, but with his comment, he left you speechless. Even though you could’ve swatted his chest one last time, or provided him with a remark that would slash his ego in half…you still stood at the door with a blinding smile on your face.

––

The ride back to Mat’s apartment was silent.

You knew how the game would end as you fixed Mat’s tie before he left his place. You knew how it was going to end as you slipped on his jersey he asked you to wear. And you knew the night wasn’t going to hold as much banter like it did earlier after the Islanders were down by four points heading into the third period.

Unsurprising to you, the Islanders had lost a game you watched.

You had carpooled to the game with Grace, not wanting to have two cars in the arena, but now you were questioning if you should’ve brought two cars. You had been with Mat all day up until he had to leave for the game, and you knew that he liked to have time to himself after a game; whether they won or lost. And now you were driving his car back to his place, as he stared at the street lights in silence with a clenched jaw.

The overthinking churned in your head just as bad as the overwhelming negative nerves in your stomach. Did he even want you at the game? Did he want you back at his place? Did he even want to talk to you? You couldn’t help stop the insecurities that easily seeped their way from the depths of your mind, so you tried to take every short cut you knew back to Mat’s place to make the drive faster.

When you finally parked in Mat’s spot at his place, and he let out an agitated sigh, you looked over at him the same time you lifted up the emergency break, “Do you want me to leave?”

Mat unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to you with furrowed eyebrows, “Why…Why would I want you to leave?”

You shrugged your shoulders and gnawed on your bottom lip, avoiding eye contact with him, “I know you sometimes like to be left alone after a game…”

Mat’s stare continued to burn through you the longer both of you sat in silence in his car. And when the automatic lights on the inside dimmed to darkness, Mat placed a hand on top of yours, “I want you to stay.” You tore your vision away from your lap to look up at him. And even though it was dark, you could clearly see his earnest eyes the same way he clearly saw your uncertainty, “Okay?”

With a nod, you unbuckled and exited the car the same time as Mat. He met you at the trunk of his car and immediately slipped his hand into yours as the two of you walked to his apartment. The sound of the key echoed through the silent hallway just as loud as the insecurities that swirled around your head. And just as quiet as the drive back from the arena, the two of you did your bedtime routine in silence.

Mat was done before you, and when you closed the bathroom door behind you, you expected him to be curled up under the duvet. But he was sat on the edge of the bed––in just his sweatpants––with his elbows resting on his knees, head buried in his hands.

Carefully, you walked over and sat next to him. And when you placed a comforting hand on his back, you felt him shakily suck in a deep breath.

Your shoulders fell as you recognized the uneasy breathing, his usual prelude to burying his emotions until they got the better of him.

You moved closer to him, your thigh pressing up against his, as you leaned your head on his shoulder. You continued to rub circles along his back and pressed a featherlight kiss to his shoulder, “It’s just one game.”

You heard him gulp as he nodded his head that was still buried into the palms of his hands.

It broke your heart to see him this way; hiding away from you because he was ashamed of his emotions. But you loved him. You loved every fiber of his being so much that it almost pained you.

“You have Wednesday night,” you whispered, and again, he nodded silently to himself, “You played amazing offense tonight.”

Mat breathed out the deep breath he held in, and you felt his muscles contract under the tips of your fingers. Unlike all of the times Mat nodded his head to agree with you, he shook his head no in his hands.

Your hand tailed from his back up to his shoulder that you squeezed in reassurance, “Mat––”

Again, he shook his head no. But instead of hiding away from you, he lifted his head, and his broken-downed face caused your heart to clench. His nostrils flared as his chest heaved in the slightest as he failed to even out his breathing, eyes bloodshot, and he gulped.

“I played like shit,” Mat ran a frustrated hand through his hair, “And don’t tell me I didn’t, because I heard the crowd yell at me.” His voice dropped down to a whisper, as he looked down at his hands, “You were there tonight���I wanted to play well.”

Your heart squeezed at his defeated tone of voice, and you had no doubt that the thoughts in his head were beating him down more than you could ever imagine.

You circled your arms around his waist and hugged him tight. Even with the shirt you were wearing, you could still feel the warmth radiating off his skin, “I know you’re an amazing hockey player,” you placed your head into the crook of his neck and Mat rested a hand on your thigh, “You’ve made it way further than anyone thought you guys would this season. And you’re not out yet,” you pressed a lingering kiss to the base of his neck.

Mat squeezed your thigh as he leaned his cheek on your head. From the far off undertone in his voice, you knew he was blankly staring at the wall, “I feel like I never play good enough whenever you watch.” Your body tensed up, “And it––I feel like such a loser.”

What were you supposed to say to him? How could you say that you agreed with him without totally hindering his already waning confidence? And it wasn’t like he was the one who played poorly whenever you watched…The Islanders, as a team, never played consistently when you watched.

You took in a deep breath of Mat, and he traced unrecognizable shapes on your leg, “Want to know what I think?”

His fingers on your thigh paused, almost like he debated with himself if he wanted to hear your thoughts. But when he breathed out a small, ‘always,’ and continued to trace patterns on your leg, you lifted your head to look up at him.

With his eyes trained down on your thigh, you removed one of your arms from around his waist and cupped his cheek. You felt his jaw tighten ever so slightly, and you had an inkling that he probably didn’t want to look at you in this moment, but you wanted him to know how sincere your words were.

“Mat…” you softly murmured his name as you turned his head to face you. And while his head moved, his eyes didn’t pick up. Your thumb traced along his jawline, his beard scratching against your hand as he closed his eyes; seeking liberation from his thoughts in your touch.

“I have seen you play great hockey,” his eyes glanced up at you for a moment, before he looked away. You let out a sigh, “You’re still leading the series––”

“But did you see how many turnovers I had––”

“––And while tonight’s game didn’t go as planned, you still have more chances to prove yourself,” you interrupted him so he couldn’t tear himself down more than he already had, “You continue to keep proving people wrong. You continue to impress people with your talent.” Again, he picked his eyes up to look at you, and this time, he kept your eye contact, “I’m always so in awe when I watch you play. You’re so happy on the ice, you love your team, and you always go into a game wanting to put your best effort forward.”

A faint smile made its way onto Mat’s face, which in turn, caused you to smile as well.

“We don’t have to talk about it anymore because I know you’re tired, and you lost a game––” his smile dropped, but you kept your hand firmly in place on his cheek so he couldn’t move away, “But, if my opinion means anything, I’m always proud of you when you play.”

Mat offered you a minuscule smile as he pressed the softest kiss to the inside of your hand, “Your opinion is the only one that matters to me.”

Your shoulders relaxed, and you tilted your head to gaze at him with a smile that shined bright with adoration,”So please know that I’m proud of you.”

Mat mirrored your love-sick smile and brought both of his arms around you in a strong hug. Always feeling the safest in his arms, you let out a sigh and squeezed him just as tight. Mat rocked you back and forth until his fingers sneaked under your shirt and tickled your sides. With a laugh, you flinched at the feeling, and Mat only held you tighter against him when you tried to escape his embrace.

And with Mat’s chest rumbling with laughter whenever you tried to pull away from him, the two of you fell back onto the mattress. Mat had stopped tickling you, but his hold on you hadn’t lightened up. You stayed on top of the covers with Mat for a few more minutes until he complained about being too cold and wanting to get under the sheets.

“How are you cold?” you scoffed as you slid under the covers. You pulled them up to your chest as you moved onto your side to face Mat, “You’re a literal furnace.”

Mat rolled his eyes at you and hooked an ankle around yours and tugged it towards him, silently telling you to move closer to him. You scooched over a few inches until the tips of your noses were nearly touching each other. He slung an arm around your waist, as his hand inched up your back, under your shirt.

“I bet this wasn’t the closeup you were expecting after the game,” Mat’s breath fanned your face, “Sorry.”

You rolled your eyes as you felt Mat’s fingers play with the elastic of your shorts, “That doesn’t matter,” you shrugged your shoulders, “I’m happy with this close up.”

Mat breathed out a laugh through his nose as the corners of his lips softly turned up in a small closed-lipped smile, “I love you.”

Every part of your body felt relaxed whenever those words passed through his lips. When you heard those words; no thought of yours felt trivial, no problem you experienced felt inconceivable, and you felt reassured that you put all of your trust in the right person.

Leaning forward just an inch, you softly touched your lips to Mat’s. Neither one of you initiated anything further, it was just the two of you enjoying being close to one another. When you pulled away, Mat readjusted himself on the bed so he was laying flat on his back. And he curled an arm around your shoulder as you stayed on your side, resting your head just below his collarbone, as one of your palms laid flat on his chest.

You pressed a gentle kiss to his chest, “I love you, too.”

Beneath you, you felt Mat let out a deep sigh of content. You imagined that he felt all of the same wave of emotions that went through your mind and body when you heard him say those words to you; Safety, acceptance, and an unconditional support system.

“Your arm will fall asleep if you keep it under me like this,” you whispered into his chest.

Mat hummed in acknowledgment, “It always does. But then you always move on your other side, and then I follow, and put my arm around you.”

And when he noticed minute details like that, you could hear that he loved you just as much as you loved him.

–––

+1

“I think I’m going to be sick,” you clutched Grace’s arm as the two of you walked into the concourse of the Coliseum.

It was reminiscent of the first Islanders game you attended with Grace. Fans were decked out in their best Islanders gear, the cheers and chants were louder than you had ever heard them, and the game hadn’t started yet. But this game had more on the line than the measly regular season game you first attended back in October.

Because it was now the month of June and it was game seven of the Stanley Cup final.

“Stop overreacting,” Grace glared at you as the two of you stood in line to get drinks before heading out your seats, “I swear Mat picks up on whatever nerves you feel.”

Your eyes widened, “You’ve seen my list––”

“And that’s why we’re only going to think positive thoughts,” Grace sternly said as she ordered two drinks; one for herself and one for you. When both drinks were poured, Graced handed over yours and you smiled, “Mat would never let you miss this game over a conspiracy theory you created for yourself.”

You sighed and fell into step alongside Grace as you made your way to your seats, “But did you see Tito last night?” Grace slowly nodded, “There were only a few people left after the team dinner. And when Mat mentioned I was coming, Tito’s mouth dropped, and Mat had to glare at him as if to keep him quiet!”

And just like how her cousin was last night, Grace remained silent.

Showing your tickets to the user, they directed both of you to your seats that weren’t too far behind the Islanders’ bench. And when the two of you were settled, and Grace sipped on her drink without taking a break to keep silent, you had your confirmation.

“See! His best friend even thinks I’m a bad luck charm,” you slumped down in the seat and pouted, “I’ll take a nap. That way I’ll be here, but I won’t watch the game so that way––”

“No,” Grace set down her plastic beer cup in the cup holder in front of her, “You’re watching the game.”

“But what if––”

Luckily, your drink was also placed in a cup holder when Grace slapped your wrist, “They’ve played well enough to make it this far, it’s like you have no faith in your boyfriend.”

You glared at her, “I do have faith in him,” you quickly picked back up your drink, seeing it as an item of safety because Grace wouldn’t dare cause a drink spillage on something she paid for. With a sigh, you took a sip of your drink and glanced up at her, “I’m so proud of him for making it this far, and all I want is to see him win. This game is a big deal to him.”

Grace offered you a closed-lipped sympathetic smile, “You being here is more than enough for him.”

“Grace, I’ve never seen him win a game,” you turned your head slightly to look at the players warming up on the ice.

Like the first game you attended with your best friend, you saw Mat and Tito rapidly passing the puck back and forth to each other, getting closer together with each second. But this time, you knew who he was. And even though he was still a distance away from you––and you couldn’t see him clearly under his helmet–– from the amount of time you spent learning to love him, you had every inch of his face memorized.

As you felt a soft smile slowly creep on your face, you felt an agonizing tug on your heartstrings, “I just want to see him happy.”

Grace placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed it in reassurance, “They’ve been playing well––Mat’s been playing well,” she said with a serious voice, “He’s on a goal scoring and assist streak.”

“I know,” your voice sounded as vacant as the thoughts in your head as you continued to concentrate your stare on Mat warming up.

“You know because I told you,” Grace snorted as she followed your eyesight to the ice, “And now you can know from seeing it yourself.”

Nervously, you took a prolonged sip of your drink and nodded your head.

As players skated back to their bench, and while you should’ve looked toward the flag as the National Anthem was sung, all you did was continue to stare at Mat. He stood in front of Tito, swaying back and forth as he rested an arm on top of his hockey stick. He shook his hair out a few times as he continued his unsanitary habit of biting his glove.

Enchanted by him, you jumped when Grace elbowed your side.

“The Anthem ended,” she smirked, “Everyone is sitting.”

You bit the inside of your cheek and tried to ease the embarrassment floating about in your stomach. While you probably looked foolish continuing to stand, there were other fans in the arena who were on their feet, ready for puck drop. But this was Grace; she knew why you were distracted and still standing.

Grace opened her mouth, but before she could make another remark at your expense, you glared at her, “Not a word.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything!”

“I know you––”

“––I wasn’t going to say anything about how that could be what’s waiting for you at his place when they win––”

“Grace.”

“Whatever happens, happens!” She held her hands up in defense with a shit-eating grin plastered on her face. She then pulled down on your arm for you to sit in your seat, “Let’s watch some hockey.”

The Islanders played the first period well; they played aggressively, skated hard, and set up successful plays. The second period was fine, The Islanders scored two goals, with Mat receiving the sole assist on a goal made by Tito. But the third period…The third period was where the Islanders let their lead slip away. The game was tied up at two and Grace clutched your hand so tight you thought it would fall off.

She squeezed your hand out of nervousness, but she also saw through your lie when you tried to excuse yourself to the bathroom when there was thirteen minutes left in the third period.

“Don’t even think about it,” Grace sneered as she kept her eyes on the ice.

And while she gripped your arm, you anxiously bounced your leg. There were a few times the other team had come close to scoring a goal, but the puck had either bounced off the sidebar or Sorokin had caught it in his glove. But no amount of saves could ease your nerves. You would only know peace at the end of the game.

With two minutes left, and nearly everyone in the arena on their feet, you were still in your seat, not moving an inch. And when the puck was passed to Mat, he skated through two defenders, and it left him with just the goalie. The bile in your stomach churned as you felt the shouts in the arena vibrate through your body.

Grace’s hold on you dropped when she jumped up in her seat to get a better look at the action on the ice.

With your hand now free, and when you saw Mat wind his stick back for a shot, you buried your head in your sweaty hands, holding your breath.

There was a millisecond of silence where you didn’t know what happened. But when you felt the floor shake from people jumping around, screams so loud that they would break a decibel reader, and Grace pull you up by one of your hands into a bone crushing hug, you had a fairly good guess as to what happened.

Even though you were right next to Grace, you had to raise your voice to speak in her ear to make sure she heard you, “He scored?”

Grace pulled back from you, both hands gripping onto your shoulders as she nodded her head, “He scored!”

Her smile was wide, but you would bet all the money in the world that your smile was wider than hers. You broke her eye contact as you tipped your head back to look up at the arena’s screen that showed Mat’s goal on repeat. You saw the goal in slow motion, sped up, and in different angles… but nothing made you happier than seeing Mat jump up into Tito’s arms as the rest of the Islanders on the ice circled up for a hug.

As the entire arena still celebrated Mat’s tie-breaking goal, you stood still as you admired the pure glow of happiness radiating off him. As he high-fived the players on the bench, you saw him yell out a “Let’s go!”

The energy from the packed arena was contagious as the Islanders continued to fight hard for the remaining two minutes. They played smart, not drawing any penalties; played strategic, making sure they cleared the puck if it ever got too close to their net; and best of all, they played with smiles on their faces, savoring the last of their playing time on the ice before the end of their season.

And when the horn sounded, signaling the end of the last game of the Stanley Cup finals, gloves and helmets were thrown in the air as players excitedly skated over to Sorokin. You couldn’t hear them on the ice, but from the camera angle the screen was showing, you could tell they were shouting just as loud as the fans in the stands.

Everyone on the ice blended together, but you were still easily able to pick Mat out from the celebrations. The smile on his face and the gleam in his eyes was unparalleled to anything you had ever seen.

You leaned your head on Grace's shoulder as she wrapped an arm around you, “He’s so happy,” you mostly said to yourself, but Grace picked up on your words.

“Yeah, he’s happy now,” Grace let out a laugh, “but that smile is nothing compared to how he looks at you.”

You bit the inside of your cheek to conceal your smile, but there was no use. And you stopped trying to hide your happiness when Mat was interviewed for his game winning goal and said, “I have a few people here that I love a lot, I'm just glad I can share this moment with them.”

As the Stanley Cup was brought out, and team pictures were taken, you and Grace stayed in the crowd to soak up all of the celebrations. But soon enough, with the crowd clearing out, and the islanders leaving the ice to no doubt continue their celebration in the locker room, you and Grace slowly walked up the steps and into the concourse.

Looking up from her phone with a smile on her face, Grace looped an arm around yours, “They’re all having fun in the locker room.”

You tipped your head back in laughter, “I can only imagine.”

“Tito texted me saying they’re going to a bar later to celebrate,” Grace smirked as she pulled you closer into her side, “The same one we went to after the first game you came to with me.”

A nostalgic smile easily made its way onto your face, “Lead the way.”

The car ride to the familiar place was full of laughter and singing along to the radio. The laughter and smiling continued as you walked into the bar. Grace saw her Aunt and Uncle sitting at a table with Mat’s family, so the two of you made your way over to them. Grace caught up with her family and you greeted Mat’s family with hugs. You sat in a free chair toward the back of the table, and so when the first of the Islanders started to trickle in, you had a clear vision of them.

Mat had texted you saying he was on his way with Tito, and you told him you were at a table in the back with his family and Tito’s parents. And only moments later, the bar erupted in boisterous cheers as Mat––the star player with the game winning goal––walked in with Tito. Mat thanked people who clapped his shoulder in congratulations, but when his eyes met yours, a small smile graced his lips as he moved through the crowd.

Mat’s dad was the first one to get up, bringing Mat into a tight hug before he even reached the table. Mat’s teary eyed mom was next to hug him, and his sister was all smiles as she poked fun at him for falling two times on the ice this game. Once you were sure Mat’s family was done congratulating their son, and they were sitting back down in their seats, you stepped around from the table to greet him.

Immediately, Mat’s arm curled around your waist as he brought you into the tightest hug. With your arms around his neck, you scratched his shoulder blades as he pressed a few kisses to the base of your neck. His beard tickled your skin, and while you preferred him with a clean shaven face, his beard was grown out in hopes of a Stanley Cup win… and you couldn’t be happier that the beard served its purpose.

With your arms still locked around his neck, you slightly pulled away, and offered him a blinding smile, “Congratulations.”

Mat chuckled as he dipped his head to give you a quick kiss, “I’m happy you were there.”

You nodded your head, and right as you opened your mouth to say something, Tito was quick to add his opinion, “The bad luck curse of you watching games is finally broken.”

You let out a loud laugh, hearing the humor behind his voice, but Mat whipped his head around to glare at his best friend, “You weren’t supposed to tell her that.”

“She already knew,” From the table, Grace shook her head with laughter, “You should ask to see her conspiracy chart.”

Mat scrunched his eyebrows together as he looked down at you. With a shrug of your shoulders, you playfully smiled at him, “You thought I was bad luck too?”

His eyes widened, “I uh––Well, not exactly––But there was this feeling––And you––”

You kissed his cheek as you took hold of his hand to lead him to the table. Mat pulled a chair up next to you and placed a hand on your thigh as he joined the conversation around the table. You sat next to him with a content smile, occasionally jumping in where appropriate, but you were just happy to be in his presence.

As the night went on, Mat slowly shifted in his chair to face you.

He slightly leaned forward and ran his finger along the 13 patch on your shoulder. He was silent as he traced his index finger over it a few times before looking up at you, “Glad you finally have an Islanders jersey for a game?”

And just like the first time you met at this bar nearly eight months ago, you felt your breath get caught in your throat as he trailed his knuckle down your arm. But unlike the first time, where he only grazed your arm before removing his touch from you, he let his knuckle trail all the way down your arm until he reached the tips of your fingers.

And unlike the first time you met him, instead of wishing he would touch you more, you flipped your hand over so your palm was facing up, and Mat slid his fingers between yours; holding tightly onto your hand.

“I look like a real fan now.”

Mat rolled his eyes as he let out a small laugh. He looked around the table, and when he saw his parents engrossed in a conversation with Tito’s parents, and Grace talking with his sister, Mat leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to your lips.

“I love you,” Mat whispered as he gently pulled away from the kiss.

And with a smile that mirrored his, your tone of voice held just as much fascination behind it as Mat’s did when he told you those three special words, “I love you too.”

[islesnucks]

Voicemail - Mathew Barzal x Reader - TEASER

Hey! This is so random after like a year of not posting any fics but here's a small preview of one of the Barzy fics I've been working on. I'll probably post it next week.

Summary: what started as an accidentall voicemial to your ex boyfriend ended up becoming routine and maybe even more

Add yoruself to the taglist if you wanna be notified when i post the fic! PS: ill also use my old taglist so if you were in it but changed your url and wanna be notified please add yourself again and also let me know which is your old url so i can delete it, thanks!

“Fuck it. I can't do this.” You pulled your phone away from your ear and touched the red dot.

That’s it. He didn’t need to know, he probably wouldn’t even care. Who would want their ex to call to tell them they were doing great? That maybe after all the breakup was worth it because they had gotten into the program they had neglected their relationship for? Too long, right?

A second later, realization struck like lightning – you had ended the call before deleting the voicemail. It had been sent.

"Oh no, no, no!" you exclaimed, eyes widening in horror. There was no turning back. Mat would undoubtedly hear you stumbling over your words. Why couldn't you have just left well enough alone? The last thing he needed was you barging back into his life with a pathetic voicemail about something he likely moved on from. ‘He probably already despises me after how everything unfolded, and now this’ you thought.

You were wrong, because no longer than 5 minutes after everything had gone down your phone was buzzing in your hand, Mat’s contact bright in the center as he now waited for you to pick up for a change.

"Mat." you picked up.

"Hey. You called me?"

-

POSTED HERE!!

[jackhues]

islanders vs. yotes - angel's world

NOTE: this takes place on OCT/17/23, the day of the islanders vs yotes game. angel and mat have been talking through text between the gp and this day

this is a series/interactive au, so feel free to send in any ideas/requests/thoughts you have about this! angel's world au masterlist!!

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE || PART FOUR || PART FIVE || PART SIX - SMAU (COMING SOON)

verstappen!twin reader x mat barzal ,, f1xhockey

angel.verstappen

liked by estebanocon, lewishamilton, nhl & others

angel.verstappen: i heard there's a game today ??

userone: IS THIS REAL LIFE?? ARE MY TWO WORLDS COLLIDING

usertwo: words cannot explain how much i love her

maxverstappen1: oh. so this is where you went -> angel.verstappen: i literally asked you if you wanted to come and you said no -> maxverstappen1: i thought you were joking -> userthree: i love them so much

nhl: welcome to the club queen verstappen -> maxverstappen1: ��😐 -> angel.verstappen: @/maxverstappen1 go away

titobeauvi91: next stop: vancouver -> angel.verstappen: 🫡🫡

userfour: anyone else think she's dating one of the players?? -> userfive: prolly barzy, he's been around her page for a while

charles_leclerc: i assume my tickets got lost in the mail -> angel.verstappen: i told ALL OF YOU to buy your own tickets if you wanted to come and you all said no and now you're all complaining -> landonorris: i'm not complaining -> angel.verstappen: yes that's why ur my son

landonorris: i need fit pics mom -> angel.verstappen: check the gc

estebanocon: hair's looking cute -> angel.verstappen: thanks estie bestie 🥰 -> usersix: NAURR if she's dating esteban after pierre, that's fucking foull -> userseven: @/usersix: can y'all stop bringing him up? they've been broken up for almost TWO YEARS!! liked by angel.verstappen

ny_islanders: it was a pleasure having you here! we hope it won't be the last time 😉 -> angel.verstappen: well, that depends on a certain someone. but i sure hope not! 😉 -> usereight: IT'S BARZY I'M TELLING Y'ALL!

[hockey-fics]

Masterlist

Updated as of: March 6, 2024. Please let me know if any of the links don't work/are incorrect.

(Listed in alphabetical order by first name)

Colton Parayko

Neighbours

My Forever

Brock Boeser

Is There an Us?

Not Overstepping

Rather Forgive You Than Lose You

A Perfect Celebration

Next Summer

Jack Hughes

Gin, Tonic, and Tequila Shots

Something About Red Wine

Jamie Oleksiak

Two Too Many

Broken Promises and Forbidden Relationships

Jeff Skinner

Seeing Other People

Joel Farabee

Three Wishes

Josh Anderson

Like Having You Here

The Magic of Weddings

Kevin Hayes

Crossing Paths

A Long Month Alone, Together

Still Regret It

Mathew Barzal

Missing Piece

Matthew Tkachuk

Hockey Players are Bad News

Does He Know

Always You

Me or Him

One Drunk Night

Then Everything Changed

One Big Charade

Nathan MacKinnon

When We're 25

Nico Hischier

A Love Worth Changing For

Nolan Patrick

Swipe Right

Hot Chocolate and First Kisses

Rather Be in Philadelphia

Final Sumer at the Cabin

Travis Konecny

Prove You Wrong

Do Better

Trevor Zegras

Hard to Forget

Quinn Hughes

No Flirting at Trivia

That Night in Michigan

That Week in Vancouver (pt. 2 of That Night in Michigan)

Rose Coloured Glasses

The Summer It All Changed

Vince Dunn

Just Once | Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four |

Not Enough

Fresh Start and a Familiar Face

Perfect Night

Should Have Seen it Sooner

Sick of It

Instagram Official

Misc:

Andre Burakovsky and Tyson Jost

Soy Lattes and Red Wine | Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Choose Your Ending: Tyson Jost | Andre Burakovsky

Nathan MacKinnon and Tyson Jost

Couples Trip

[youunravelme]

to all the girls you loved before part 3

author's note: thanks for all the kind words you left in the last two parts!! to everyone who wanted to be tagged but didn’t, i tried and tumblr wouldn’t let me, for some reason. :(

pairing: single dad!mat barzal x reader

summary: being a nanny for rich people was probably the worst thing that ever happened to you, until you started working for mat.

warnings: children, rich people, volatile/toxic relationship

day thirty two

"you look rough."

maybe it was the look on your face, or maybe it was your slouched shoulders. either way, mat almost immediately offered you a cup of coffee instead of apologizing.

"my roommate kept me up with her midnight hijinks. i couldn't sleep."

mat grimaced and all but shoved the cup of coffee in your hands. "i know i say this every day, but if you need to nap when ella goes down, the guest room is open."

you took a sip, cringing at the black coffee, but grateful for it anyway. "i might take you up on that offer."

"when you say 'hijinks'..." he trailed off.

"she was fucking someone really loudly. has been for awhile now," you said as you plopped down on the couch, some of the coffee spilling out of the mug and onto your fingers.

"must be nice," mat grumbled. he gestured to ella who was sitting on the floor with toys in a pack in play. "i haven't gotten any since before ella."

"you expect me to be shocked by that?" he stared at you blankly. "mat, i would know if you were seeing someone. mainly because i'm here more than you are."

he opened his mouth to protest, but sat down on the couch next to you. "touche."

"what time do you have to be at practice today?"

a quick glance at his watch told you it was later than he anticipated when he all but jumped off the couch and ran back to his room.

"running late?" you managed to croak out between laughs.

mat poked his head back into the living room with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. "just a little."

"are you driving or is tito picking you up?"

"ee-o," he called from the bathroom. you could only surmise that you were meant to understand that tito was the one driving today.

and like he was summoned, tito burst through the front door and ignored your presence in favor of cooing at ella.

"are you a sweet girl?" he asked. she didn't pay him any attention, more enraptured with the book in front of her. tito huffed and looked at you. "why is she in baby jail?"

you couldn't stop yourself, a laugh slipped out. "baby jail?"

"it's a pack and play, tito," mat said from the bathroom. "and she's in there because she's safe while i get ready."

"then what are you paying mary poppins here for?" tito joked.

"i don't disturb happy babies," you shrugged.

it was silent for a moment. you and tito held eye contact before he moved to sit on the couch next to you. "you've trained him well," he whispered. "didn't think he had a paternal bone in his body."

you didn't know what it was about tito that always had you smiling. maybe it was the fact that he was so at ease all the time. or the earnest attitude he had. or maybe it was the diehard loyalty to mat. or it could've just been that he was fun to be around.

"give him some credit," you said. "he's made a lot of changes in the past month."

"no denying there. the whole team can see it. you've been good for him, momma bear."

you almost shot off the couch. "mama bear?"

"tito," mat groaned from his place in the bathroom. "i thought i told you not to call her that."

the man in question looked unbothered. "you can't say you wouldn't go mama bear on someone for ella."

you opened and closed your mouth before looking down and ignoring him entirely. a quick glance at the clock on your phone had you changing the subject. "aren't you supposed to be leaving now?"

"we would if mat would stop fixing his hair," tito snipped. he turned his head towards the hallway bathroom. "your hair is going into a helmet, mathew. we're not going to the met gala."

mat came out dressed in all black with his hair looking....

the exact same as it did seven minutes ago.

"what the hell took you so long?" tito asked. "you look like you always do. with the amount of time it took you to get ready, i was hoping you would've looked better."

mat flipped off tito, but other than that, ignored him entirely. he walked over to where ella was and picked her up, kissing the top of her head when she curled into his chest. "i'll be back later, ella bean. i love you."

your ears heard everything, but the moment felt private, so you pretended like someone was texting you something important at 7:30 in the morning. the phone had your focus until mat called your name; you looked up almost immediately.

"i'll be back in a few hours."

day thirty four

"i'm so glad you're here," mat said as soon as he opened up the door. you walked in, albeit hesitantly, waiting for someone or something to jump out at you. there weren't many times when someone was actually excited to see you. though, you supposed, all that changed when you met mat.

"what happened? is ella okay?" you asked warily.

he smiled. "she's great! she's in the pack and play while i got ready. are you okay? how are you?"

"i'm fine?...look are you okay? you seem, hyper."

mat shrugged. "just excited. i have a surprise for you."

you blinked once. twice. three times. until the words finally registered with you. "a surprise?" you'd only known him for a month, how did he know you well enough to surprise you?

it was like a switch flipped and suddenly mat was rubbing the back of his neck and walking over to ella to find something to do. "well yeah," he said. "i know you said you didn't really know anything about hockey, so i thought you could come to the game today."

you opened your mouth to reply but he cut you off.

"an--and you could bring jason! i have two tickets, one for you, one for him."

"what about ella?" you asked. "her sleep schedule might be affected."

"i thought about that, but i talked to matt martin and he said sydney, his wife, had done it. worse comes to worst, we can set up a pack and play in the box and she could sleep there for the time being."

you looked at him, and really looked at him. usually, mat was full of confidence, walked around like he owned the place (which in this case, he kinda did). but now? he would barely meet your eye and kept rubbing the back of his neck like he had an itch there.

"i'll go!" you said to finally put him out of his misery. "i just--what do you wear to a hockey game?"

mat's eyes lit up like a kid on christmas. "you can wear my jersey!" you must've had a look on your face because he quickly backtracked. "or tito's! if you want."

"no!" you said before you could stop yourself. "no, i'll wear your jersey. i know you better anyway." you weren't sure what it was but the poorly concealed panic on mat's face did something to make you agree. jason probably wouldn't like it, but you could probably explain that everyone wore jerseys at games. it wasn't that big of a deal.

"great," mat smiled. "that's--that's great."

and it was. you stayed at mat's apartment until it was time to leave for the game. you were dressed in your jeans and threw mat's jersey over your shirt, when jason texted that he was outside. you tossed on a coat. you grabbed ella who was decked out in a mini barzal jersey and sweat pants and sitting in her car seat. you made a quick grab for the diaper bag before locking up.

you met jason down at his car where he sat in the driver's seat. he didn't get out to open the back seat for ella, the most he did was unlock the car. when you finally got her situated, you got in the front seat, not sparing him a glare at his lack of help.

"thanks for the assistance," you bit out.

"i didn't know what you wanted me to do. i'm not a mind reader!" jason snapped back as he pulled the car away from the curb. "besides, it's just a baby car seat, it's not like you couldn't handle it."

"it would've been nice had you even offered to grab the diaper bag or offered any help at all."

jason scoffed. "whatever."

not a word was spoken outside of ella's babbling in the back seat.

by the time the three of you arrived at the arena, you were hopeful that you could act like nothing happened. you got out of the car, and put the baby carrier on while jason grabbed the diaper bag. you quickly got ella situated in the carrier and put on the lanyard mat gave you, handing jason's to him.

the three of you started walking towards the arena. everything was fine until another fan made a comment when you got inside.

he pointed at you and shouted. "a house divided, eh?"

you furrowed your brows. what the hell was he talking about? you turned and looked at jason who was doing his best to look as confused as you were and failing horribly.

he was wearing a rangers jersey.

to the rangers and isles game.

when you were invited by mat.

you clenched your jaw and kept walking, not wanting to make a scene in front of everyone.

by the time you made it inside the box, you were fuming. you wanted so badly to scream at him for being a dick, but another part of you said he was allowed to wear a jersey for a team he liked. after all, that's what you were doing, right?

right?

not that you really had time to think about it because the prettiest woman you think you'd ever seen came bounding over to you with the whitest smile you'd ever seen in real life.

"hi!" she said. "i'm sydney, mat's told us so much about you and miss ella."

you introduced yourself and did your best to smile back, though you're not sure if it was convincing. "this is my boyfriend, jason."

for a moment, just a flicker of a second, the smile on sydney's face faltered. it was so quick you almost second guessed yourself that it ever happened in the first place. "i'm really excited you're here, we love new company." she grabbed you by the arm in a gentle way but with a strong enough grip that you knew you really had no other option. "let me introduce you to everyone!"

after introductions, you found yourself and ella a seat. you pulled her out of the carrier before taking the carrier and your coat off. an action you almost immediately regretted.

"are you fucking serious?" you heard jason say. you turned with ella in your arms to see his normally pale face burning red. "you're wearing his jersey?"

there were no words coming to your mind. the two of you had argued before, but you had never seen him this volatile before.

in a flash, he was in front of you yelling as spit flew from his mouth. you didn't even register what he was saying, how could you when ella was crying? all you remembered was mumbling an apology over and over but that only served to make him angrier.

it wasn't until sydney literally got between you two that he stopped screaming. he looked around to see everyone staring at the two of you and threw his hands up in the air. "you know what?" he said. "fuck you, i'm leaving. you can find another way home."

sydney was in front of you, trying to calm you and ella down but you couldn't hear anything over the blood rushing in your ears.

jason was never the nicest boyfriend, but he'd never been that angry before. you'd never been scared of him before.

"here," sydney said. "let's get you some water."

"ella's upset--"

"because she knows you're upset. once you calm down, you can calm her down."

you nodded and let her sit you in a chair and bring you a glass of water. once your hands stopped shaking, you were able to bring ella to your chest and rub her back in the way you knew she liked.

"i'm sorry," you said.

sydney just tilted her head in confusion. "what for?"

"i brought him here, i didn't know he'd act like that--"

"honey, you are not responsible for a grown man's reaction to a stupid jersey." she pulled her chair closer to yours. "so let's just put all of that on the back burner and enjoy the game, okay?"

you nodded and turned your attention back to the rink where the players were warming up. ella yawned and snuggled into your chest when it hit you.

you forgot the pack and play.

"shit."

"honey, i told you it's okay--"

"no," you laughed. "it's just i forgot the pack and play so my boyfriend isn't gonna be the only who's mad at me by the end of tonight."

sydney, despite the implications of your statement, smiled. "she'll live," she said. "mine have definitely missed bedtime before and they're turning out alright. just means tomorrow might be a little difficult."

"thanks, sydney.'

"anytime!"

the two of you turned your attention to the rink where the game was beginning. occasionally, you'd get up and bounce ella around the suite, but for the most part, she was content as long as she was in your arms. by the time the second period was over, the isles were tied with the rangers 1-1.

ella had long since fallen asleep in the carrier with her thumb in her mouth. the tears were long gone by then, both of you having calmed down significantly since the start of the game. though now your heart was racing due to the intensity of the game instead of the screaming of your boyfriend.

despite your anger at him earlier, and the fear you felt before he left, you still found yourself checking your phone periodically for any text or missed call he might've left.

nothing.

you were so focused, you nearly missed mat's one goal of the night but your attention was brought to the game when you heard sydney shout his name.

you smiled as you watched him celebrate his goal, skating around the rink and shouting. you were too high up to see if he smiled the same way he did when he looked at ella, with that same look of pride. maybe you'd come back to another game to see it up close and personal for yourself.

the isles won 2-1.

sydney, ella, and you waited in the suite until the stands had mostly cleared out, then the three of you made your way down to the locker rooms. ella was out like a light, and you couldn't blame her. you were out later than you had been in months.

you and sydney made small talk while you waited for mat and matt. you watched as other players greeted their friends and family, smiling at the hugs and kisses going around.

it wasn't until matt martin came out that the tears started coming back. the way his face lit up at the sight of his wife, the kiss her gave her that was almost too inappropriate for a public place--

you would've given anything to be loved like that.

in the two years you'd dated jason, you couldn't remember him ever looking at you like that, like you were his entire universe.

you cleared your throat and rubbed at your eyes just in time for mat and tito to walk out.

"mama bear!" tito called. he started to jog over but slowed down when he saw ella asleep in the carrier.

mat, however, looked you over. his brows pulled together and his lips turned down in a small frown. it didn't make sense on the face of someone who shot the game winning goal.

but it made sense for an observant friend who noticed the plus one you came with.

"where's jason?" he asked.

"i--"

sydney cut in with a smile on her face as she dragged her husband over. "this is mat's nanny, babe. the one i was telling you about?"

you could've kissed her feet for the change in subject.

"nice to meet you in person, finally. barzy over here talks about you and ella all the time." matt stuck his hand out to shake, ignoring the glares of the other mat.

"well, we gotta get home to the girls," sydney said. "nice to meet you finally. maybe i'll see you at another game, yeah?" you smiled and nodded and watched as the happy couple walked away.

when they were finally out of sight, you turned your attention back to mat and tito, both whom looked a little too good in their suits.

"where's jason?" mat asked for the second time now that you didn't have another person around to interrupt you.

"he left," was all you said.

"he left you here? alone?"

you nodded. "and he took the car seat."

mat nodded and clenched his jaw while tito glanced back and forth between you two. "i'll drive you home. thankfully, he took the bonus car seat and not the one i use."

you mumbled a small thanks and watched dumbly as he scooped the diaper bag off your shoulder and put it on his own. "mat i can carry it just fine--"

"sounds like you've been carrying enough on your own. i got it."

you had no rebuttal, so you followed him and tito out to the garage. tito parted ways when you reached mat's car. he bid you a silent wave and smile as a form of goodbye and headed to his own vehicle.

you didn't speak until mat started the car. not even when the both of you were loading ella carefully into the car seat or putting the diaper bag in the back. you didn't even say anything when he handed you his phone to plug your address in.

it was silent until you mumbled a small "thank you."

"for what?" he asked.

'"for taking me home. for inviting me to the game even when jason..." you trailed off.

"when jason...?" he implored you to go on. you hesitated. "cmon, you've seen me at my worst, scared about this new baby and raising her. you can trust me."

you sighed. "jason kind of lost his mind tonight and made a huge scene. i tried apologizing to sydney but she wouldn't have it. i'm just sorry that we embarrassed you like that."

mat went real quiet for a second. and in the corner of your eye, you saw his fists grip the steering wheel a little tighter. "what did he say?"

"huh?"

"i saw the look on your face when we came out. he said something that upset you. what did he say?"

and how do you say you didn't remember words just feelings? you couldn't remember the insults he hurled your way, but you remembered the sting of his tone and the burn of his spit and the pure rage in his eyes. you could remember shaking like a leaf during fall and the cries of ella muffled by the jersey with her last name on the back and her father's number on the sleeve.

mat called your name. "i don't remember." he didn't look convinced. "i really don't. he said a lot of things but i blocked most of it out," you said thinking that would placate him.

if anything, it made him angrier.

but he didn't say anything, mainly because your apartment was approaching and he didn't have time. mat parked the car out in front of your building and turned his flashers on.

"you need me to walk you up?" he asked.

you shook your head. "you have ella in the back. i'll be fine."

"text me when you get inside."

any other day, you would've argued with him, but you were just glad someone cared enough about your wellbeing to ask, so you nodded and opened the door.

you got into the elevator, hands wringing themselves together. you wondered what you'd tell your roommate natalie, if you'd tell her anything. but considering how much jason liked to make your relationship business natalie's business, she probably already knew and she probably was waiting on the couch ready to chastise you.

the elevator doors opened at your floor. you walked down the hallway towards your front door. you pulled your phone out, ready to text mat when you heard noises coming from inside your apartment.

your first thought was: intruders. but when listening a little harder, it just sounded like moans. you rolled your eyes and carefully and quietly unlocked the door. only to be confronted with clothes strewn about the living area. natalie's shirt, shorts, socks, all leading on a less than ideal trail to her bedroom. you shouldn't be surprised given how active she's been lately. you just never expected it to be this in your face.

you continued into your apartment, two seconds away from texting mat when you saw it.

a rangers jersey.

taglist:

@whenmypartysover @sunflowerhood @spencereidbasis @icanfsplel @avareadsthings @zegraswrites @calermakar @heyitsmeimdead @kashee-h @bordelhoe

[miracleonice87]

Secret

a Mathew Barzal one shot

a/n: and here it is! the recent news-inspired secret baby fic. Huge thanks to all who reached out and encouraged me to write it and to those who gave me ideas and advice. completely fictitious timeline and hockey-related events here, and we’re pretending the pandemic is not a thing in this one.

summary: Mat Barzal and his longtime girlfriend welcome their first baby after keeping her pregnancy well-hidden from the public eye.

warnings: morning sickness and childbirth (nothing graphic or detailed). dad Barzy, which deserves a warning. swearing. super fluff.

_____

Never in your life did you imagine that you would be attempting to conceal your first pregnancy — or any pregnancy — from members of the media.

Then again, you never could have predicted that you would end up being the long-term girlfriend of one of the most recognizable figures in the National Hockey League, and, more specifically, on the New York City sports scene. But if there’s one thing you had learned over the course of your more than four-year relationship, it was that life is full of the unexpected.

Currently, that aforementioned figure was whipping his car as quickly as possible into a private parking area at New York Presbyterian, glancing at you every ten seconds as you breathed through the early stages of labor with your firstborn baby, your water having broken just as you and Mat were settling in for sleep around midnight.

Only a small, select group of people knew that you and Mat were expecting, and as you checked in to the maternity ward just before one o’clock in the morning, you were grateful that there were very few people around you. You were hurried to your private room, Mat faithfully carrying your bags and nearly stepping on the heels of the poor nurse pushing your wheelchair, refusing to let you out of his sight for even a second.

Only once you were settled into bed, changed into a most unflattering hospital gown, hooked up to several monitors, and examined, did you allow yourself to look up at Mat and announce your practically inevitable victory.

“As long as that nurse doesn’t moonlight as a reporter, I think we did it,” you ventured with an incredulous chuckle. Mat shook his head in disbelief as he stood next to your bed, holding one of your hands in both of his.

“Don’t wanna speak too soon, but yeah, I think we did,” he agreed. “I can’t believe we managed to keep this a secret.”

_____

Six weeks

It certainly wasn’t the first time you’d ever had your head hanging above a toilet bowl on New Year’s Day.

But it sure as hell was the first time it had ever happened when you had no hangover to speak of.

In fact, you’d only had two sips of champagne the previous night before you felt weirdly dizzy and passed out in bed watching the Isles battle the Bruins.

The next thing you knew, you were being gently roused from deep sleep by your boyfriend, whose brow was creased with concern as he leaned over you.

“Sweetheart?” Mat spoke softly when you finally opened your eyes, his fingers smoothing your hair against your heavy head. “You okay?”

You inhaled deeply, feeling completely off. “Yeah... yeah,” you insisted softly. “What time is it?” you asked, discombobulated.

“It’s almost midnight,” Mat answered. “How long have you been sleeping?”

You slowly pushed yourself up on your elbows in bed. “Uh... I don’t know,” you admitted. “I watched the first period... I think.”

That wasn’t like you, and Mat knew it. A lifelong hockey fan, you kept close tabs on not only Mat and the Islanders, but the scores from around the entire league each night. Coming from a hockey-loving family, watching highlights on NHL Network was your late night routine. On top of that, you looked flushed to him, and dark circles hung around your eyes, a rarity for you except when you were ill.

“Baby... are you sick?” Mat shrugged off his suit jacket, tossing it on the end of the bed and quickly taking a seat next to you on the edge of the mattress. He put the back of his hand to your forehead and studied you carefully. “You don’t feel fevered.”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just a cold,” you replied, remembering the strange feeling that had overcome you when you sipped your champagne earlier. “I do feel kinda dizzy... nauseous.”

Mat nodded, eyes still full of worry. “Maybe you’re getting the flu,” he suggested. “That’s been going around lately.” You nodded too, yawning.

“Well, listen,” Mat continued, motioning for you to lie back as he pulled the covers over you again. “Go back to sleep, and tomorrow if you still aren’t feeling well, I’ll run to the pharmacy and get you some medicine and stuff. Okay?”

You nodded again, overcome once more by exhaustion as you settled back into your bed. “Okay,” you whispered. “Thanks, babe. Hey, did you win?”

Mat smiled. “Yeah, baby, we won. Now get some rest. I love you, sweet girl,” he said, pressing a warm kiss to your temple.

“I love you, Maty,” you breathed. “Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year, my love,” he whispered, his thumb tracing your bottom lip slowly as you immediately drifted back to sleep.

And now here you were, seven hours later, heaving into the toilet as Mat dropped to his knees behind you on the tile, gathering your long hair into his hands as quickly as possible.

“Oh, honey,” he groaned, rubbing your back. “You poor thing.”

After flushing the toilet several times to get rid of the contents, you finally sat upright, cautiously, slowly.

“God, I feel like shit,” you whispered, pressing a hand to your forehead as Mat ran his hands back and forth down your legs, trying to soothe you.

“I can tell,” he said sadly, standing. You looked up at him helplessly as he said, “I’m gonna go get you flu meds from the pharmacy. Let me just get dressed.”

You nodded once, feeling too lightheaded to move your head any more than that. You didn’t budge from your place on the floor as Mat took his robe from the hook on the door and wrapped it around your shoulders, kissing the crown of your head before exiting the bathroom. You heard him shuffling around in his drawers as you closed your eyes, willing the queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach to cease.

Moments later, Mat called out to you from the bedroom.

“Do you need anything else from the drugstore while I’m there, baby?”

You opened your eyes to glance around the bathroom, trying to keep your head as still as possible. You saw toothpaste, Tylenol, and... did you have enough tampons?

You reached next to you to open the drawer that held your monthly supplies, and you were surprised to find two boxes of tampons, not even opened, along with a plethora of pads and liners.

Finally, it hit you like a crashing wave. Suddenly, your world started spinning, and it wasn’t because of the nausea.

“Holy fuck,” you whispered, slamming the drawer shut.

“Maty...” you called out hoarsely, causing him to rush back toward the bathroom. Your heart was racing.

“What’s wrong?” he asked anxiously as he appeared in the doorway, ready to take up residence on the floor with you again if necessary.

You bit your bottom lip and inhaled a shaky breath before answering, sounding much more calm than you felt.

“I need you to buy me a test,” you said matter-of-factly.

At first, Mat wore a blank expression. “What kinda te— wait…” he said as you watched the wheels turning in his head. You couldn’t help but allow a small smile to spread across your lips as the realization hit him, too. He froze, mouth slightly agape, wide eyes searching yours to try and determine whether you were serious. Reading him, you nodded, which caused his eyes to widen even further.

“A pregnancy test,” you confirmed in a shaky voice.

“Holy fuck,” he whispered familiarly, his own smile beginning to play on his lips.

_____

“That was Liana,” Mat said, sliding his phone back into the pocket of his sweats after ending the brief call. “She’s catching a flight in the morning.”

You nodded gratefully as Mat returned to your side, dutifully grabbing your hand and running his other over your rounded stomach.

“She said to tell you she loves you, and baby, too,” he added with a warm grin. “And that she—“

Mat stopped short the second he heard you groan softly, the smile you’d worn upon hearing Liana’s name having morphed quickly into a wince.

“Another contraction?” Mat asked, hastily pulling the stool by the bed closer and taking a seat.

“Mhm,” you confirmed tightly, rolling on your side to look into his eyes, seeking a diversion. The pain in your face absolutely shattered Mat’s heart. He despised how helpless he felt watching you.

“Just look at me. Breathe, baby,” Mat coached before breathing in and out just as your Lamaze instructor had taught you both, nodding his head to urge you to mimic him. You did your best, squeezing his big hand hard enough that Mat saw his fingertips turning white, though he was too smart and too concerned with your labor pains to point that out.

“Good girl. Breathe, sweetheart. Good girl,” Mat encouraged. “That’s my girl,” he added softly, lightly dragging his fingernails along your scalp, combing his hand through your hair, in an attempt to comfort you.

“I seriously hate you right now,” you spat between pants and gasps. “You did this to me.”

Though he tried to hold back, a breathy laugh passed through Mat’s nose. “Yeah, my mom warned me you might say that,” he told you. “I’d hate me right now, too,” he added, running his fingers along your forearm lightly as you grimaced in agony.

Finally, your muscles relaxed as the contraction passed. Your face softened and your eyes fluttered open to see Mat staring at you intently, concern etched into his gorgeous features. You reached out your hand to run a thumb over his strong jaw.

“I’m okay,” you whispered, giving him your best smile as you caught your breath.

Mat nodded. “I just hate seeing you hurting,” he whispered back. You gave him an understanding look and then grinned brightly.

“But it’s gonna be worth it,” you assured, making Mat’s eyes light up. He kissed your palm and you asked, “Now what else did Liana say? Distract me.”

With a smile, Mat said, “That she can’t wait to meet this little one.” He leaned his head forward to kiss your belly sweetly as you smiled softly, leaning back against the mattress to rest up momentarily before the next wave, as the memory of telling Liana the news months ago came to mind.

_____

Twelve weeks

Your phone buzzed on the dining room table, vibrating against the glass top. Normally, you would never answer a call during a Valentine’s Day dinner with Mat, even at home, but these particular circumstances allowed for an exception.

“It’s Liana,” you smirked, swiping to answer the FaceTime call as Mat muttered, “Nice of her to call you and not her own brother.”

You ignored his complaint and smiled at the woman who was basically your sister-in-law.

“Hi, Li,” you said happily. “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

Liana didn’t even let you finish your greeting before she asked hurriedly, “What the fuck is going on?”

Mat leaned closer into you in order to be included in the camera’s view. “That’s rude,” he chirped, trying to sound angry, but being betrayed by the smirk twitching at his pink lips.

“No, seriously, you guys,” Liana continued, sounding anxious. “What does this mean?” She lifted the card from the full bouquet of blush pink roses before her. “‘Happy Valentine’s Day, Li,’” she read. “‘We’re so excited to give you another member of the family to love this August.’  And it’s signed from you guys and ‘Baby B...’”

Liana’s eyes flicked back up to your own and she couldn’t stand still, pacing her kitchen. “It’s not funny to joke about this,” she insisted, sounding confused and slightly offended.

“It isn’t a joke, dude,” Mat giggled. “We’re having a baby.”

Liana started screaming after “having.”

Laughter racked your body as you watched her jump up and down, tears streaming down her face as she squealed and asked a dozen times whether you were serious. You nodded each time until her hysteria finally subsided.

“Do Mom and Dad know?” Liana asked with a quaking voice, wiping the dampness from her cheeks.

“Yeah, they know,” you confirmed, swiping at a couple of your own fallen tears. Damn hormones.

“But listen, Liana,” Mat interjected, putting on his most serious tone. “They know, and her family knows, but past that, we haven’t told a soul. We honestly might not tell anyone else, depending on how soon she starts to show. We don’t want crazy fans or, God forbid, the media to get ahold of it and just be intrusive. We’ve seen how that goes. We just want this to be as private as possible. So you can’t post anything, can’t tell any of your friends. Okay?”

Liana nodded, sniffling throughout her brother’s command. “Yeah, totally,” she immediately concurred. “I get it. I think you guys are smart for doing it this way. This is like Kylie Jenner shit.”

You and Mat both snickered at that comparison for multiple reasons, then Liana began truly processing the news.

“Wait... so,” she began. “How far along are you?”

“Twelve weeks,” you replied. “So barring anything out of the ordinary, that kind of means we’re in the clear, risk-wise.”

“And you’re okay? Everything is okay?” Liana asked nervously.

Mat nodded, appreciating his little sister’s obvious concern for you and the baby. “She’s okay, Liana,” he assured as you smiled at him. “She’s perfect,” he added, picking up your hand to press a kiss to your fingers, causing Liana to tear up once again.

“You better take such good fucking care of her, Mat. You hear me? She doesn’t have her mom or any of us nearby, so she needs you,” Liana said firmly to her brother. You warmed at her display of womanly solidarity, ever thankful to have an ally in her.

Mat rolled his eyes. “Yes, Liana, I’ve been taking care of her for years,” he said, unamused.

“Yeah, well, it’s different now,” Liana pointed out. “Now she’s carrying my niece or nephew!”

You and Mat grinned at each other once more, Mat rubbing his hand slowly across your lower belly, which was mostly still flat, save for a slight, bloated curve.

“Yeah, she is,” Mat said airily, gazing into your blue eyes deeply as his sister resumed her squealing in the background.

_____

“Can I please have more ice chips?” you asked as you came down from yet another contraction, sounding whinier than you meant to and slightly hating yourself for it.

Mat smiled warmly down at you, pushing some of your hair back from your forehead and tenderly placing a kiss to your temple.

“Yes. You get all the ice chips you want, sweet girl,” Mat cooed, nuzzling his nose in your hair before stepping back and winking at you, grabbing the ice bucket from the bedside table. If there was one thing you had enjoyed most about the experience of pregnancy and labor, it was the way Mat spoiled you, ever attentive to your needs and wants. “I’ll be right back. Don’t have that baby while I’m gone,” he instructed, pointing at you.

Despite the discomfort you felt, you still breathed a laugh and rolled your eyes at him, Mat positively beaming at you as he walked backwards out of your suite, then turned down the hall.

As you rested your hands against your belly and your head back on the pillow, spotting the big bouquet of flowers Tito had sent for you, another memory from the past several months flashed in your mind.

_____

Twenty weeks

“I’m sorry,” Tito choked out once he stopped coughing on the Easter ham you’d made for a small group of the Isles boys, who had just begun playoffs and therefore weren’t traveling for the holiday, and their significant others. “You’re what?!”

You and Mat giggled, Mat squeezing your thigh under the table reassuringly. Sydney, late in her own pregnancy, jumped from her seat, tears springing to her eyes, and squealed as she ran to you, throwing her arms around your shoulders as you sat grinning at the others — Tito, Marty, Anders, Grace, Josh, and Meg — whose mouths hung open as they tried to process your announcement.

You turned back to Mat, the same broad smile seemingly permanently plastered on his handsome features the past few months stretching across his face once again.

“You wanna show them?” he asked softly, the tone in his voice telling you the decision was yours completely. You nodded, grasping the fabric of your knit sweater, the same casually chic, baggy style that you’d stocked up on to hide your growing stomach.

Sydney let go of you, allowing you to stand from your chair, as she nearly shouted, “What do you mean, show us?! How pregnant are you?!”

You bit your bottom lip, still smiling from ear to ear, and turned sideways, lifting your sweater to reveal your noticeable, ever-rounding bump beneath your high-waisted leggings.

A collective gasp sucked the oxygen from the room, Mat smirking at your friends, as you quietly admitted, “I’m twenty weeks...”

Tito pounded a fist to the table in disbelief and let out a holler. Anders raised his own fists over his head so fast that he knocked off the black baseball cap he wore. Josh and Marty couldn’t stop yelling, “No!” and “No fucking way,” respectively. Meg and Grace immediately leapt to their feet, too. “You’re halfway?!” they shouted in unison.

All Mat could do was beam proudly at you, bringing your waist close as he pressed a reverent, chaste kiss to your stomach over your sweater.

“Surprise!” you sang softly to the onlookers, your voice watery as a couple of happy tears escaped your eyes. The girls all embraced you, taking turns rubbing your belly, as the guys uttered boyish praises to Mat, joking that they didn’t know he had it in him.

Besides your and Mat’s parents and siblings, you still hadn’t told any friends of your pregnancy — making this sacred time that much more special for you and Mat.

But it was time to tell this circle. It had gotten more and more difficult and complicated to refuse drinks when the wives and girlfriends met for brunch, and even Mat was struggling to come up with excuses for why he wanted to rush home from the arena when the rest of the guys his age wanted to go to the bar to celebrate big wins. This close-knit group knowing the truth would help combat that.

You certainly didn’t plan to tell the whole team — quite frankly, there were some recently-added guys you just didn’t know well enough yet, along with some newer girlfriends who seemed a little suspect when it came to keeping team matters close to the vest. You and Mat agreed that you’d tell your close group of Isles friends and leave it at that. And that group, this group, these friends who had become much more like family — these felt like the right people to let in on the secret.

_____

“I’m scared,” you whimpered. “I don’t know if I can do it.” The pain was excruciating now, the pressure was building, and your doctor had just informed you that it was time to push. You felt like crying, but you were so paralyzed by the fear that gripped your chest that no tears were flowing.

“Hey…” Mat began softly, gently taking your face in both of his hands and angling it to look up at him, his eyes radiating confidence and pride. “Listen to me, okay? You’ve been so strong throughout this whole pregnancy. I know better than to believe that that’s gonna end now. You can do this, my love. I know you can,” he encouraged. “And I’ll be right here the whole time.”

You nodded, still feeling completely unprepared but somehow strengthened by Mat’s faith in you. As the doctor approached, gowned and gloved, she looked at you with anticipation.

“You ready, sweetie?” she asked. With one last look up at Mat, who nodded and kissed your knuckles, you turned back to her with a nod of your own. She patted your knee and said, “Okay, let’s have a baby. On the count of three, I want you to push, just the way we talked about. Daddy, you hold this knee. Ready? One… two… three… push.”

_____

Twenty-three weeks

The Isles had lost in the second round of the playoffs. Mat was obviously disappointed, but he was also more excited for this offseason than he’d ever been for a summer before, which certainly softened the blow. You were having his baby in just three more months, and he absolutely could not wait. Mat was ready to commence full dad mode — getting the nursery ready, reading the books, and most importantly, keeping a close eye on you every moment that he could.

On the same day the guys were cleaning out their lockers and giving final interviews following the end of the playoff series loss, Mat had scheduled a meeting with the coaching staff and team public relations executives to inform them of your pregnancy. He wanted them to be aware of the situation in case the news got out before the birth, especially as your baby bump was getting harder to hide. Since the two of you had decided to stay in New York for the summer instead of returning to British Columbia, to avoid travel late in your pregnancy, he knew that the chances of someone spotting your round stomach and starting to talk about it was higher on Long Island than in Coquitlam. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if the news got out, but if you and Mat could help it, you’d much prefer that it didn’t. He wanted this experience to be peaceful for you and as enjoyable as possible.

The meeting had gone well, which was unsurprising. The staff was thrilled for the two of you and promised to keep a tight lid on the information until you were ready to share it publicly after the baby had been born — they also agreed to evade any questions that their office might encounter on the topic during the summer.

Mat had thanked them profusely and said his goodbyes before leaving the building, heaving his heavy equipment bags into his trunk, and heading back home to you. A few minutes later, his phone dinged with a text from you and he glanced down at it at the next stoplight. It was a photo of the two of you in front of Big Ben on a rare sunny day in England, Mat hugging you close to his chest.

“This just popped up in my memories. Four years ago today we were in London and you told me you loved me for the first time. Look at us now. 💋”

Mat grinned at the message before returning the phone to his cupholder, his mind traveling back in time to that first big vacation the two of you had taken together. He knew your affinity for English culture — the fashion, the history, and, of course, the royal family, so he decided to take you on a trip across the pond a couple of months after you started dating.

It was one of the best decisions he’d ever made, as it brought the two of you much closer in those early days of your relationship — so close, in fact, that he found himself professing his love for you over a candlelight dinner on your last night in London. You had frozen, just for a moment, before a broad smile lit up your face, your eyes sparkling.

“I love you, too, Maty,” you’d said softly, allowing Mat to finally exhale as he basked in the knowledge that you felt the same way as he.

London was a landmark in your love story. Mat blinked a few times at that thought, an idea suddenly coming over him.

London…

_____

London Riley Barzal, named for the city where you fell in love and given your current last name as a middle name, was born August 15 at 8:13 p.m., after twenty hours of labor.

You and Mat had never known a love like the one you found the moment your baby girl was laid on your chest, and he had never been more fiercely in love with you than he was as he watched you snuggle her close.

“God, she’s so beautiful,” Mat breathed, voice quivering as he realized that this tiny girl belonged to him — to both of you.

“She’s perfect. Just perfect,” you agreed as her strong cries suddenly quieted into small whimpers.

Immediately, Mat looked you in the eye. “She knows your voice,” he said in astonishment.

As your baby blinked and squinted before opening her eyes for the very first time, she seemed to look directly up at her daddy. You smiled knowingly at Mat, who was frozen in place as he locked eyes with his baby daughter for the first time.

“I think she knows yours, too,” you suggested, the two of you smoothing your fingertips over her tiny face and hands in wonder.

You spent several minutes soaking it all in as a brand new family of three, both talking to London softly and placing kisses on her tiny head, before the nurse took her from your arms to take her vitals and give her a brief exam.

As you watched your healthy, gorgeous baby being fawned over by the medical team, you breathed a deep sigh of relief and a silent prayer of gratitude before opening your eyes again to see the love of your life staring down at you in absolute amazement.

“You did so good, baby,” Mat said through tears of pure joy. He pressed his lips to your damp forehead, cupping your cheek in his hand. “You did so good. You’re unbelievable, you know that? I’m so goddamn proud of you,” he praised.

“We have a baby, Maty,” you said with an awestruck, tearful chuckle. “I just had our baby.”

Mat nodded, grinning. “We have a daughter, my love,” he said. “Our little London.”

_____

One week later…

[c-watches-too-many-shows]

‘The One’ - Mat Barzal (Part 1)

And it’s finally here! Clearly inspired by ‘the 1’ by Taylor Swift.

Let me know your thoughts on a second part, I kinda feel like it’s needed.

Hope you like it!!

Part 2

Masterlist

-

Persist and resist the temptation to ask you If one thing had been different Would everything be different today?

-

“Cappuccino with 2 sugars for ... Mat?” the barista said from her spot behind the counter and your heart stopped for a second because you knew someone named Mat whose usual order was that. He happened to be your ex boyfriend.

This happened a lot of times, way more than you’d like to admit. Whenever you heard someone say his name or saw a tall brunette on the street that looked just like him. This time, just like all the others, you pushed the thought away because there were probably thousands of Mats and tall brunettes in New York, and even if it was him you wouldn’t know what to say. So you went back to your phone as you took another sip from your cup, trying to distract yourself.

“Here.” he answered, making you almost choke on your drink. You’d recognize that voice anywhere and your suspicions were confirmed once you looked up to find Mat thanking the barista as he took the coffee from her hands.

Mat on the other hand knew exactly what he was doing. He knew your workplace was only a couple blocks away, he knew you’d sometimes like to take a break in the afternoon and he knew this was the place you’d always choose. However he didn’t see you when he walked in so instead of finding a table and taking a seat he decided to order something to go since he was already there. He stood there waiting for his drink, feeling dissapoited and stupid for thinking this would ever work. He thanked the barista as he grabbed his drink after they had called his name, and was about to leave the coffee shop when he heard you.

“Mat?” you called him and he turned around instantly at the sound of your voice. A certain spark appeared in his eyes when he saw you. You thought it was probably a surprise, but what he was feeling was pure happiness.

“Hey.” he said with the biggest smile as he walked up to your table.

You stood up to greet him, not sure if you should go for a hug or not. He awkwardly opened his arms once he was in front of you and you stepped into his all too familiar hold. The two of you stood there in eachothers arms, it was clear you both had missed this.

“What brings you to this side of the city?” you asked breaking away from the hug, worried it had gone a bit overly long for a hug between two exes.

“I was just- you know, running some errands. What about you?”

“I wanted to take a quick break from work and this place is near my office.”

“Oh! You still work a couple blocks from here, right?” he pretended to remember just then, even though that was the exact reason he had driven to the other side of the city for coffee.

“Yeah I do.” you replied and the conversation died there. Neither of you knew what to say, you had both imagined this moment so many times and now that it was happening you were silent. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in so long.” you finally said.

“Same. We need to catch up one of these days.” A thought crossed your mind and you let it out without much thinking.

“I still have some minutes left from my break if you want to- you know. I mean if you have the time, I-I get it if you don’t-” you started to regret it as you were saying it, not because you didn’t want to sit and have a nice talk with him, but because maybe he didn’t. After all you were still his ex, no matter how friendly exes could be, maybe he was just being polite when he said you should catch up and you shouldn’t have taken it seriously.

“I’d love to.” he said with a sweet smile cutting you off when he saw how nervous you were getting. Relief washed over your body and you went back to your seat.

“Are you sure? Weren’t you running some errands?”

“Oh yeah but that can wait.” he brushed it off as he pushed the chair in front of yours to take a seat. “So how’s life? Anything new?”

“Not really.” you said and it was like a weight was taken off his shoulders. All of this would have been pointless if you were with someone new, however he knew you were too nice to actually tell him if you had moved or not. “I finally got that promotion I wanted.” you added like it wasn’t a big deal, not sure if bringing up work was a good idea. It was a sensitive topic when you were together because your jobs were the main reason you couldn’t spend as much time as you’d like together, that was one of the main reasons you had broken up after all.

“That’s huge news Y/N! Congrats!” he said grining from ear to ear. You could tell he was genuinely happy for you. “I know how hard you worked for that. You really deserved it.”

“Thanks. What about you?”

“Everything’s pretty much the same. Family is good. Team is good. We play next friday.”

“God I miss going to the games. It’s not the same watching them at home.” you said thoughtlessly, it didn’t feel like a big deal to admit you still saw him play but to Mat it definitely was. You could tell your comment surprised him by the way his eyes went wide and he caught his breath.

“You still watch our games?” he asked, still unable to believe you would. He didn’t know why, but for some reason he thought after the breakup you had stopped watching their games, trying to avoid him like any ex would. Knowing you didn’t try to somehow erase him of your life gave him hope.

“I became an Isles fan because of you but I can’t just stop being one because we’re over.” you replied like it was the most obvious thing on earth. His smile only grew bigger at the thought of you laying on your couch in your pijamas, watching him play, cheering when they’d score and probably doing that cute twitch with your nose you’d do everytime it became too rough for your liking.

“Maybe I could go to the next game. Say hi to the team and the girls. If you’re okay with it.” The idea came to your mind as you witnessed how happy he was to know you were still a fan, nevertheless you started to regret what you were saying again as the words left your lips, not wanting to overstep that line between friendly exes and actual friends.

“I’m more than okay with it.” he was quick to reply, excited at the mere possibility of you going to see him play. He knew you were going to see the whole team, not just him, but still he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss looking up and seeing your face in the crowd, a huge smile full of pride for him.

“The guys really miss you and the wags too. They ask me about you all the time and I never know what to say.” he added.

“I miss them too. The barbeques, going to the bar after a win, gossiping with the girls, kicking everyone’s ass at beer pong.” you said, reminiscing all the amazing moments you had lived with his team.

You had dated for over 2 years and in that time you had become part of his family, not just the team that were like a second family to him, his actual family. In those two years you had somehow made your way into all the aspects of his life, rooted yourself there to the point that after the break up it felt weird not having you there. That was the reason why he was here today, because even almost an year later he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing in his life.

The conversation kept on flowing naturally between the two of you, no one who saw you would’ve guessed you were exes. Mat could feel that other part of him that had been missing slowly coming back, and you too, slowly all the reasons why breaking up seemed like the only answer to your problems started fading away and you even found yourself wondering why you broke up in the first place.

You talked about your families, your friends, your jobs, and once you had run out of topics you started sharing anecdotes, remembering all the good times you have had together. You remembered that night you met after Mat saved you from the worst date of your life, you had become friends after that and slowly started falling for eachother. His happiness the first time you went to see him play and how it had been one of his best games ever. The time you almost burn down the kitchen trying to cook, that had actually happened many times. How nervous he was when he decided to tell you how he really felt and  the overjoy when he heard you say you felt the same. The fact that no one was surprised when you told them you had gotten together, they even teased you saying it was about time. Everyone seemed to know you were meant to be except for the two of you.

Without him even noticing that one question started forming in his head. It wasn’t a new one, he’d sometimes ask it to himself and drift off in his thoughts about all the possible answers and outcomes. He always felt tempted to just text you said question, finally put an end to it and find out the real answer. And now as he had you right in front of him for the fist time in months, a sweet smile plastered on your face, laughing at some dumb joke he had made, he couldn’t resist it anymore.

“Do you ever wonder if one thing had been different, would everything be different today?” The question left his lips before he could even process what he was saying. He was as shocked as you were to hear him say it. “I mean, if we had worked it out how different everything would be today, you know.”

“I do.” you replied, taking another sip of your now almost empty cup and looking away trying to hide the blush that was quick to appear in your cheeks. You didn’t know why you were blushing, it felt like you were admitting something you hadn’t even been able to admit to yourself yet.

“Me too. I think that by now, after trying a million times, a lot of begging and maybe a bit of extortion, I would have finally convinced you to move to my apartment.” You couldn’t help the childish laugh that escaped at his comment. Mat had asked you to move in with him countless times when you were still together, saying it wouldn’t be much different since you already spent most of your time there. But you never gave in, there was always that one insecurity, what if we break up? What if the convenience was too much? You weren’t wrong after all you did end up breaking up, but now as you thought about it it sounded nice, you almost wished it was real.

“And I would have convinced you to adopt a puppy.” you added and he was the one laughing now.

“That’s the extortion part. If you move in, we adopt a puppy.”

“It probably would have worked.”

“So it would be you, me and a dog living together?” he said while counting with his fingers, then stopped to look you in the eyes. “Doesn’t sound bad at all.”

The conversation went quiet once again, but not because there was nothing left to say. On the contrary there were so many things the both of you wanted to say. ‘I miss us’, ‘I regret it all’ were some of them. But neither of you had the courage to say them, you just stayed there looking at each other with a mixture of nostalgia for everything that happened and regret for everything that didn’t. There were smiles on both your faces and your heart started racing when Mat finally opened his mouth to say it, somehow you knew he was going to say what you were too afraid to confess to even yourself.

That’s when your cell phone started ringing bringing you back to reality, the reality in which you were just two exes grabbing a coffee together. You had forgotten you were supposed to go back to work, that’s the effect he had on you, the whole world would disappear. Your phone was in your bag, at some point you had put it away so there would be no distractions. You grabbed it and saw your boss's name on the screen.

“Shit. It’s my boss.” you said shoving it back in your bag. You don’t know how long you had been talking, but it was definitely past your break. “I probably should head back to work.” You hated each word as it left your mouth, but there was nothing you could do. The moment had come to an end.

“Yeah of course.” he said as both of you stood up.

After you made your way out of the coffee shop you stood on the sidewalk. It was clear neither of you wanted to say goodbye but it was time. He noticed your hesitation, so he stepped forward and pulled you into a hug.

“Goodbye Y/N.” he whispered into your neck. It felt like your break up all over again, neither of you wanted to pull away, neither of you wanted it to end, but there was nothing left to say or do. You hated it.

There were a million thought runnign through your head but all you were able to reply was:

“Goodbye Mat.”

Then you pulled away and turned around quickly so he wouldn’t see your face, because if he did he would know exactly how you were feeling. You started walking down the street, trying to push away the feeling that there were so many things left unsaid.

Mat watched you walk away. A feeling of dejavu took over, it was just like your break up, you walking away from him down the hall of his building, into the elevator and out of his life. He couldn’t do it again. No. This time it was going to be different, he would not let you go.

Before he knew it he was running down the street, shouting your name.

“Y/N wait!”

“What?” you turned around confused.

“I wanna see you again.” he finally said once he had caught up.

“Sure we can keep catching up-”

“No I mean see you as on a date.” he cut you off. “I wanna take you out on a date and talk and laugh and discuss what went wrong and how to fix it. I wanna try again Y/N.”

He was saying everything you knew you wanted to hear but hadn't admitted it yet. However your insecurities were stronger. It was getting real and the moment you have had minutes ago was slowly being overshadowed by the bad memories. The fights and the impotence you’d feel after each one of them because the problems you had couldn’t be solved.

“Mat ...” He knew you were about to turn him down, that doubt was taking over, but he wasn’t going down without a fight.

“Come on, you can’t tell me you didn’t feel that. It was like time hadn’t gone by, like we had never broken up. We still have it. Please give me a second chance. Give us a second chance.” He didn’t care how embarrassing he sounded basically begging you, all he needed was the chance to show you not everything was lost.

You stopped for a second to actually think about it, but there wasn’t much to think about, your destiny had been sealed the moment you called out his name when he was about to leave the coffee shop earlier.

“One date.” you finally said and his whole face lit up. You couldn’t help but smirk at how sweet he looked.

“One date.” he agreed.

“Then we can see how we go from there.” You wanted to be clear with him, accepting his offer didn’t mean you were getting back together. He nodded. “When?”

“Whenever you can. If it was up to me I’d take you out tonight, but I don’t wanna be pushy.” You laughed once again at how cute he looked ecstatic to get that second chance.

“Maybe next friday after the game?”

“Yes.”

“I better get going.” you told him slowly, turning around to leave, but he stepped forward to hug you one last time. This time it felt different, it wasn’t a goodbye, this time it was full with hope.

“Thank you.” he whispered before letting you go.

“Don’t thank me just yet.”