#mathew barzal story

[youunravelme]

the worst wing-woman

author's note: just like all my other fics, we are existing in an alternate plane where tito was never traded. also i've never worked for the nhl, so i have no idea how accurate being a photographer is but guess what. idgaf. also sorry for the amount of italics in this fic, i have no self control apparently. and shoutout to my new friend @dani746 for helping me with this monstrosity.

summary: you've been in love with mat barzal for as long as you can remember, so what do you do when he asks for your help to win over your friend?

pairing: mat barzal x islanders photographer!reader

warnings: cursing and low self esteem

despite working for the isles for two years now, you still got nervous walking into work.

you weren't a stranger to the team, some of them you knew quite well. anders and marty being two players you were friendly with (mainly due to the fact that you were somewhat friendly with their wives). but there was always one player who eluded you, who you'd only ever had professional interactions with.

mathew barzal.

and it shouldn't be surprising, you were a measly photographer whereas he was the star player of his team, the winner of the calder trophy, an nhl heartthrob. why should he pay attention to you?

media day was one of your favorite days, mainly because it was the closest you ever got to holding full conversations with him. not that the conversations went anything beyond "look right here" or "great job, mat."

you didn't even think he knew your name.

the longest conversation you had with him consisted of him asking to see the photos you took and patting you on your back when he liked what he saw before he went off to talk to tito.

"you having a good day?" you nearly jumped a foot in the air when your staring was cut off by anders walking up to you.

"yeah," you said when your heartbeat returned to normal. "just busy is all." you held your camera up as if that was enough of an explanation.

anders nodded. "any of the boys giving you a hard time?"

you shook your head rapidly. "nope, they've all been on their best behavior."

"even barzy and beauvillier?" at the mention of their names, the duo turned their heads and locked eyes with you and anders.

you wanted to dig a hole and die in it.

"what about us?" mat asked, sauntering over with his best friend right behind him.

"you haven't been giving her a hard time, have you?" anders crossed his arms. and if you weren't panicking at the closing distance between you and mat, you might've noticed the shared smirk between the three hockey players in front of you.

"us?" tito asked. "why would you think that? we've only ever been angels."

before anders could ask you to corroborate tito's story, your name was called. you awkwardly waved to the three men before walking over to another set of props, ready to photograph another hockey player.

"done embarrassing yourself?" your coworker tyler asked.

you lightly shoved his shoulder. "shut up."

"seriously, you're not his type," he added. "he's not gonna go for you."

tyler might as well have stabbed you in the gut with how much his words hurt you, but you put a smile on and nodded. "yeah, i know. i know."

and you did.

you knew.

but you'd be delusional for a little while longer if it meant going to work wouldn't suck every day.

later that night, you found yourself at a bar with a group of your friends. you didn't want to go originally, but when alexa said she needed to go out to get over her ex, you felt like you had no other choice.

which is how you found yourself sipping a soda water in a booth while your friends danced and took body shots.

your gaze wandered around the bar aimlessly before you checked your phone for the time.

you'd only been there for an hour.

it took all self restraint not to bang your head against the table.

"having fun?" your head snapped up at the familiar voice only to see anthony beauvillier standing at the edge of your booth with a self satisfied smirk.

"i--"

"i didn't take you as one to go out drinking on a weeknight," he said.

you slumped into your seat. "i'm not. my friend alexa wanted to go out because her boyfriend just dumped her and she wanted a distraction."

anthony took the seat opposite of you. "and that is...?" he gestured at your drink.

"soda water," you answered. "i'm the DD for tonight."

"oof," he groaned before taking a sip of his beer. "that's rough."

you shrugged. "it's not that bad, i'd rather my friends get home safe than get drunk and show up to work hungover."

anthony nodded in a way that you'd seen other men do, the type of nod that comes right before someone looks around for someone more interesting to talk to.

"but what about you?" you rushed out, nearly tripping over your own words.

tito smiled. "what about me?"

"why're you here?"

he shrugged. "mat wanted to come out and didn't want to go out alone, so here i am."

mat.

you wanted to vomit.

"oh," you mumbled. "mat's here?"

tito nodded and gestured with his bottle to the bar. "he's over there talking to some brunette."

you followed with your eyes and when you finally locked eyes on him, you wished you hadn't.

he was talking to alexa, smiling at her the way you wished he'd smile at you.

maybe you could leave the bar and get hit by a taxi on the way out, that would be less painful than seeing the man you're in love with flirt with your friend.

"you okay?" anthony asked, nudging your leg with his foot.

you turned your gaze back to him and attempted to give him your most convincing smile. "i'm great!" you said before throwing your soda water back and coughing when the carbonation burned.

anthony didn't say a word.

when you looked back at the bar, alexa was nowhere to be found while mat was fiddling with one of his wristbands. you looked around to find alexa, thinking maybe she was in the crowd dancing or perhaps she was in line for the bathroom.

but she popped up at your table, sweaty and smiling.

"you good?" she asked before fixing her eyes on anthony who was sipping on his beer. "who's this?"

"anthony. i know him from work." tito gave her a small wave before taking another sip of his beer.

"alexa," she smiled before her attention focused back on you. "i actually met one of your coworkers, mat right?"

you forced a smile and nodded. "the one and only. what did you think?" though, to be fair, you didn't really want to know her opinion on him. not when you thought the world of him.

alexa shrugged and tossed her perfect hair over her perfect shoulder and gave a perfect smile that was a healthy balance of nonchalant and mildly interested. "he was alright, he knows he's attractive which is rather unattractive if you ask me."

tito choked on his beer while you stared in awe.

of all the words you'd use to describe mat, "alright" was not even close to the top 25.

"something funny?" alexa asked.

"nope," tito supplied, shaking his head. "nothing at all."

alexa looked at him, unconvinced, but didn't let it bother her. "i'm gonna go dance, you coming?" she asked.

you shook your head. "not really my scene."

alexa nodded and pranced off to the dance floor where the rest of your friends were grinding on strangers to the tune of some 2000s pop song.

"she's a delight," tito said.

you sighed. "she's practically miss america." you were too busy staring at her having fun to notice another person walk up to your booth until he was standing right in front of you with a question posed on the tip of his lips.

mat.

your mouth went dry at the sight of him.

"you know her?" he gestured over his shoulder to where alexa was laughing with one of your friends.

you nodded.

"are you two close?"

you shrugged.

mat sighed. "are you capable of speaking?"

tito spoke up. "mat, you just bombarded her without a single hello, chill."

mat pinched the bridge of his nose. "sorry, i just--she rejected me and i don't know why."

"you're too attractive and you know it," you blurted out before you could stop yourself. you quickly slapped a hand over your mouth like that would stop any other bullshit that might come out.

mat tilted his head and leaned in. "huh?"

"her words, not mine," you said like it would absolve you of any guilt.

"what do you mean by being 'too attractive' and 'knowing it'? how does that even make sense?"

you shrugged for what felt like the twelfth time that night. "alexa's not really into guys who are obsessed with their appearances. she just got out of a relationship with a guy like that," you explained.

mat ran a hand down his face before placing both hands on his waist. "so what do you suggest i do?" he groaned.

"i--"

he snapped his fingers and looked at you for what felt like the first time. it sent a chill down your spine that you had a problem suppressing. "can you help me?"

your mouth dropped open. "huh?"

"you're friends, right? can you help me win her over?"

you could list about a thousand other things you'd rather do. you could think of five just off the top of your head.

but he looked so earnest and willing and how could anyone possibly resist him when he looked at you like that--

"of course!" you smiled.

of course?! yes would've sufficed but now you've got him thinking you'd enjoy this. which you most certainly wouldn't.

oh who were you kidding? all attention was good attention when it came to mat barzal and you'd give anything to keep him looking at you.

"thank you!" he smiled before clapping tito on the shoulder. "ready to head out?"

anthony nodded before addressing you. "i had a nice time. see you tomorrow?"

you smiled and nodded, giving them both a small wave as they walked away. the second they were out the door, you thumped your head against the table.

playing wing-woman for mathew barzal.

what the fuck was wrong with you?

how to be a wing-woman: a guide

usually when you went to work, you kept your head down and stayed out of the way. occasionally, you'd run into anders or marty, or maybe even tito, who would say their polite hellos, but for the most part you stayed out of the way during practices.

you were looking at the photos you just took when someone banged on the glass. a quick glance (that turned into a double take) let you figure out it was mat based on the 13 on his jersey and the fact that you could pick him out of a crowd anywhere.

he waved and smiled (and you might've died inside). "can i talk to you after practice?"

you nodded frantically before gaining a semblance of self respect and slowing down.

"great! meet you outside of the locker rooms!" he said before skating away.

"what was that about?" tyler asked. you turned, not even realizing he'd made his way towards you considering you thought he was on the other side of the arena.

"what? can't i talk to the players?"

tyler laughed. actually laughed. "considering barzal has never so much as looked at you, i'd say him approaching you during practice is pretty strange."

your shoulders sunk at the weight of the truth. "if you must know," you started. "he wants to date one of my friends, so i'm helping him out."

tyler laughed again and walked away without saying another word while you scrolled through the photos you took again until practice ended.

you headed towards the locker rooms only when the last player had been off the ice for ten minutes, you didn't want to chance waiting around too long looking like an idiot.

as you waited, you made a mental note of all the editing you'd have to do when you got back to your cubicle. you got a few good shots earlier, but they'd need some tweaking before you sent them to the social media team. in fact--

"hey, what're you doing here?" you glanced up and saw anders, hair wet from whatever brief shower he took.

you shrugged, not sure if it was your place to give away mat's intentions. "just waiting around."

"for?" he pushed.

"barzy needs her to play wing-woman," tito said from over anders' shoulders. "he wants to get with her friend, but her friend isn't interested."

anders threw his head back and laughed. "barzy not getting a girl? that's fucking hilarious."

tito smirked. "tell him what your friend said" he told you.

"she doesn't like that he knows he's attractive," you mumbled.

if it was even possible, anders laughed even louder. "un-fucking-believable."

"what's so funny?" mat walked up, running a hand through his damp hair.

you said "nothing" at the same time anders asked "you got rejected, barzy?"

mat's face dropped before looking at you and tito accusingly. anthony sighed and nudged his best friend. "chill out, barz. she didn't bring it up, i did."

mat's shoulders relaxed before he punched tito in the arm. "dick," he mumbled.

anders looked between the three of you and sighed. "i don't have time for this shit," he said. "i'll see you later." and he was off down the hallway.

"so what's the plan for today?" tito asked.

"you're not included," mat said. his gaze focused on you. "can i have your number?"

you blinked. "what?"

mat laughed a little and you could feel heat and shame running up your spine. he asked you one fucking question and you had to go act like a weirdo. "so i can text you? i think we should sit down and create a strategy."

you nodded and read off your number as he typed it into his phone. "great," he gave you his megawatt smile. "i'll text you."

"okay," you breathed out as he walked away without a thought.

tito kept standing there, smirking to himself. "you're so fucked," he said.

you nodded because there was nothing else to say.

step one: talk him up

you and mat got lunch two days later on a saturday when he didn't have a game. it was rather surreal, sitting across from him in public. the delusional part of you was begging you to imagine this as a date instead of a meeting to set your friend up with mat.

when did your life turn into something so pathetic?

"okay," he started. "tell me about your friend."

you would rather do anything else.

"she just got out of a long term relationship with this guy named jared. he was a bit self absorbed which is probably why she didn't like you knowing how hot you are." you paused as the words left your mouth, ready to set yourself on fire if he reacted. but he didn't, he only leaned in closer to listen. "she uh--she likes daffodils and goes to the farmer's market at union square every saturday."

"but what's she like?" he asked. "what's her personality?"

how would you say she's the trademarked cool girl? the girl every guy wanted, that mat was one man in a long list of men who tried and failed to win her over.

"she's sweet and affectionate," you started. "she pretty girly on the outside but knows her way around a car. she grew up with three older brothers so she knows a fair bit about sports, just not hockey, but if you wanted to talk stats about football or basketball, she's your girl. in college, she held the record for fastest shotgun in her sorority."

you racked your brain for more information about your friend, but it was difficult under pressure to sum up someone you'd known since freshman year of college.

"what else?" mat asked.

"she's a bit of a partier, but knows how to settle down and just chill. she's a really good friend, like last year i dated this guy who was cheating on me the entire duration of our relationship, which i should've known about because he said he had to go on business trips all the time but he worked as a barista, and she held me while i cried for three days straight and even threatened to fuck up his car."

mat stared at you without saying anything in a way that made you want to sink into a hole, never to be seen again. "you dated a barista and thought he needed to go on business trips?"

you blinked. "that's what you got from that? me dating a shitty barista?"

he shrugged. "i heard everything else, but that was definitely the funniest part. how long did you date him?"

"six months," you replied quickly. "but that's not the point! alexa is going to play hard to get because she doesn't want anything too serious right now."

"great! neither do i!"

"but she's not a one night stand kind of girl anymore. so if you want her, you have to prove to her you can be serious enough for a relationship but not serious enough that you get clingy and overbearing and propose within six months."

mat blinked at you. "how the hell does that make sense?"

"believe me, there's a balance."

he sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. "and you would know this how?"

"well i uh--" you sputtered. your nerves were only encouraged by his light chuckling. "all girls know these things! we don't want overly possessive boyfriends but we also want someone to care. it shouldn't be that hard to comprehend."

"it's not," he defended. "just a little...complicated, don't you think?"

"alexa's a complicated girl!"

he sighed and ran a hand down his face. "okay so how do i show her i mean business but that i'm not looking to settle down and get married?"

"i guess i could talk you up to her in passing conversation?"

"what would you tell her? we don't know each other very well."

"i know more than you think!"

"please, share with the class."

shit.

do you confess that in the two years you'd worked for the islanders that you watched him borderline obsessively?

"well, i know you're good with kids, if your interactions with young fans is anything to go by. you don't like dogs, which is a bit of a red flag in my book, but alexa shouldn't mind. you're a fantastic hockey player, and a great teammate."

"is that enough to convince her?"

you grimaced and shook your head. "she's a bit more personable. she one time broke up with a guy because he was rude to waitstaff. she would want to know how you treat non millionaires and authority figures. for instance, how much do you tip a server?"

"25%," he replied. "but why does that matter?"

"alexa used to be a server throughout college and couldn't stand people who she knew had money but would cheap out on the tip because she didn't greet them fast enough."

mat opened his mouth, presumably to ask another question, when his phone started ringing. "shit," he mumbled. "listen, i gotta go. it was nice talking to you, i'll be in touch." he pulled out a few twenty dollar bills and put them on the table before getting up and walking away.

you waited for the server to come back before paying the bill and told them to keep the change before you got up and walked home.

when you got back to your apartment, alexa was already standing at the door, waiting to be let in.

"finally," she said. "i was wondering when you were gonna come home."

"you could've texted me," you said while unlocking the door.

she followed you inside and shut the door behind her. "i could've, but your phone was on do not disturb for some reason, so i doubt my texts would've gone through in time. where were you anyway?"

"getting lunch with a friend from work," you replied.

alexa groaned as she all but collapsed onto your couch. "please tell me it's not tyler. i hate how he treats you."

you dropped your bag by the door and headed back to your room, but not before calling over your shoulder. "he's not that bad, he's like that to everyone!"

"doesn't make it any better!"

you changed into some comfortable clothing before joining alexa on your couch. "did you have fun the other night when we went out to the bar?"

alexa looked at you weirdly.

shit. you must not have been as subtle as you thought.

"i did," she said. "but what makes you ask."

you shrugged. "i know it's been rough with your breakup lately, but i saw you talking to mat and you looked happy."

alexa groaned and sunk into the couch. "i thought we talked about this already. he knows he's attractive, it's such a turn off. you should've seen the way he was talking, it was like he knew that if he gave me a look, i'd be going home with him."

"well he's really nice, i promise! you should see him with kids at the stadium--"

"you mean the kids who idolize him? yeah i bet he's real nice to them."

okay, switch strategies.

"he tips waitstaff really well!"

"with what he makes? he better." alexa sighed. "listen, i'd be more impressed if he could tell me anything about you, but seeing as you've worked there for two years and he couldn't tell me anything other than your name the other night says all i need to know about him. so can we talk about something else?"

you nodded, ignoring the jutting pain in your chest at her words. you knew well enough that mat knew nothing about you, why would he? but to hear it come from the mouth of someone else stung.

getting them together was gonna be harder than you originally thought.

step two: get them interacting

you were dreading the next time you saw mat for the first time in your life. you were in your cubicle editing photos from the game that night to be posted tomorrow to distract yourself from the inevitable conversation you'd have to have with him. tyler, unfortunately got the shot that was posted immediately to the islanders' instagram account to celebrate their win over the rangers and he had no problem letting you know it. and while it was annoying, it served as a great distraction from your other problem.

"maybe you'll get it next time," he sneered as he packed his bag. most days you hated the fact that you were cubicle neighbors, but neither of you were powerful enough to request moving spaces. and even if you could, you knew it would just make you look hard to work with.

"have a good night, tyler," you replied, not even wanting to give him any ammo to use against you.

the door shut behind him with a click, locking you into sweet sweet silence.

until a minute later when your phone went off with a text message.

mat barzal: where ru?

mat barzal: wanna go to a bar with me and tito and you can bring alexa?

you scoffed. "you can bring alexa," you mocked under your breath. "like that's not the sole reason for you asking me to go out tonight." you packed your bag up and shot a quick text to alexa, asking if she wanted to go out. she replied with an immediate yes, asking where to meet you, which prompted you to reach out to mat who sent you an address in response.

which is how you ended up on a sidewalk in front of an incredibly busy bar with alexa next to you.

"i've never been here," she remarked. "how'd you hear about it?"

"oh, a coworker mentioned it," you said in what was hopefully a nonchalant manner.

she looked at you a moment too long before grabbing your hand and pulling you inside. "you find us a place to sit and i'll grab our drinks!" she shouted over the music.

you quickly looked around for mat and tito, the former who'd texted you the second they arrived. you saw a head of dark hair and immediately knew it was mat. you hurried over, panting when you arrived from having to shove your way towards them.

"you made it!" anthony said. you looked at him and mat, eyes bouncing back and forth between them, when you realized your first problem.

they were sitting on opposite sides of the booth.

which meant you would have to sit with one of them, and alexa would have to sit with the other. if mat had it his way, he'd sit next to alexa, but you knew your friend wouldn't have that. she'd feel manipulated and uncomfortable.

"is there a problem?" tito asked.

you gestured to the booth. "alexa will want to sit by me. she's still not convinced about you, mat."

mat, to his credit, didn't look shocked or offended, he just shrugged and moved to tito's side. "this work?" he asked as you sat down.

you nodded.

"so what's the plan? how should i approach this?" he asked.

"keep the conversation on her, when she tries to turn it on you or about your career, focus on other people, applaud your teammates, your coaches, but whatever you do, don't talk about yourself too much. she already thinks you have a big ego."

"to be fair," tito started. "he does."

mat didn't even dignify that with a response. "so keep the conversation on her and others, got it."

alexa found you a moment later and didn't do a great job covering up her disinterest in sitting with mat and beau.

"i couldn't find anywhere to sit," you explained.

alexa didn't buy it if her eyes bouncing around the bar to find empty tables said anything. but she sat next to you anyway, placing your drink in front of you.

"you remember mat and anthony from the other night, right?" you asked.

she just hummed and took a sip of her drink.

"so, alexa," mat started. "what do you do for a living?"

she stared at him and sighed. "i'm a vet tech," she said, but offered no other information.

"she especially loves the cats," you added.

"cats are great!" mat said a little too enthusiastically.

alexa drained the rest of her glass and got up, leaving the three of you behind.

the second she was gone, beau broke into laughter, slapping his own chest. "that was fucking hilarious," he said.

"yeah yeah yeah, laugh it up," mat grumbled, swirling his cup around instead of making eye contact with anyone.

"i'm serious, i don't think i've ever seen you fail so quickly. it's kind of amazing."

mat focused his eyes on you. "what did i do wrong? i tried asking about her life and she seemed wholly uninterested."

you shrugged. "i don't know! maybe she feels cornered?"

tito took a sip of his beer. "i think you need to workshop this. clearly, neither of you thought this through."

you groaned and rested your head on the table.

this was already harder than you anticipated.

step three: reevaluate and regroup

you met mat in a booth of a coffee shop after you got off work. he was staring at his phone when you walked in, completely unaware that you even existed.

which wasn't abnormal considering you didn't even think he knew who you were a few months ago. but the second the barista called your order out, his head whipped up.

you could've sworn time stopped at that moment.

you made your way towards him and plopped down in the booth opposite of him.

"hi," you smiled. "what's up?"

"i don't know what to do, she doesn't seem interested in me." he groaned into his hands before running one of them through his hair.

god he was so attractive.

you snapped out of your reverie. "listen, you've got what it takes, we just need to reevaluate our strategy. i think the bar thing was a bad idea, she felt ambushed and it probably set us back a little, but i have an idea."

he leaned his forearms on the table. "let's hear it."

"practice dates," you said.

mat blinked once. twice. a third time before he spoke. "practice dates?"

"okay hear me out," you said, pulling a notepad out of the bag you brought. "i have a list of things that alexa likes to do and i was thinking, you and i can do them and work on conversations and how to approach her. so when the time comes, you don't feel out of your element."

"who said i feel out of my element?"

you stared at him. "you said last night 'cats are great!' and expected conversation to flow naturally."

"okay so not my best moment."

"not even close." you sighed. "listen, i wanna help you, and i feel like this is your best bet in winning her over."

mat ran a hand down his face. "okay fine. what's the first date?"

practice date one: pumpkin patch

to be quite frank, you were nervous when proposing the idea, scared that he wouldn't be willing to sit in a car with you for three hours just to get to the pumpkin patch. and maybe he would find it childish.

when in fact, he said nothing about the long car ride, he even offered to pick you up from your apartment, and laughed when you offered to pay for gas. when you finally arrived, you jumped out of mat's car like an excited child. mat stepped out like he knew he was the romantic lead in a movie, suave and collected.

you two could not be more opposite of each other.

it took everything in you to focus on the task at hand, and not fall deeper in love with him. but how could you not? when he looked so boyfriend in a coat and flannel and beanie and jeans that hugged his thighs just right--

you were getting ahead of yourself. you were doing this for mat and alexa, not your own selfish ambition.

"so what's the plan?" he asked after locking his car with the key fob.

you shrugged. "what would you do if you were here with alexa?" the words tasted bitter in your mouth. it was such a painful reminder, knowing that this wasn't real and was in service to hook him up with your friend.

mat looked around and shoved his hands in his pockets. "corn maze?" he pointed. you must've made a face because he spoke up again. "what?"

"alexa hates corn mazes."

he paused. "to the pumpkin patch then?" you nodded and followed his lead. "so how did you meet alexa?"

"she was my first roommate in college, we shared the smallest dorm in history."

"that sounds like an exaggeration."

"says the man who never went to college."

he laughed. "i don't need a college education to identify a hyperbole when i hear one."

you gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. "a hyperbole? what a word."

"laugh it up," he said. "but i'm not a complete idiot, you know."

"never said you were. i just haven't heard anyone use hyperbole in a sentence outside of my english lit classes."

"well, you should know i'm full of surprises."

the two of you approached the pumpkin patch and started weaving between families and the occasional rogue toddler. mat had to tug you out of the way a few times when you about stepped on a child because you were gazing at pumpkins.

"if you don't mind me asking," mat started. "why are you helping me? you don't owe me anything. i feel like i'm taking advantage of your kindness."

you shrugged. "you wouldn't be the first one."

"what's that supposed to mean?" you looked up from the pumpkin patch to see mat's brows furrowed together and his mouth twisted in a cute frown.

"well, i mean, i've been told i have a habit of being a doormat at times."

"who said that?" his tone had changed to a softer one.

"huh?" you asked.

"who called you a doormat?"

you shrugged again, that seemed to be your go to move around him. you squatted down to look at a particularly fat pumpkin, inspecting all sides of it before you responded. "i've heard it all my life, some have said it in meaner ways, others have been nicer about it."

"i'm sorry," he said.

you stood to your full height which was still much shorter than mat's. "why? it's not like it's not true."

"what if i helped you?"

it was your turn to frown. "help me? with what? ice skating?"

mat rolled his eyes. "no, with confidence. maybe even get you a date."

you guffawed, mouth opening and closing like a fish. "what?"

mat pulled you out of the way of yet another child and kept his hand on your elbow until you were clear of the pumpkin roots. and if your heart stopped for a few seconds, that was your business, no one else's. "you heard me. you're young, single, and attractive and you spend all your free time at the office or DDing for your friends. we can work on your confidence and get you out there."

"i don't know..." though your mind was still focused on the fact that he'd called you attractive.

"what about that other photographer guy? tony?"

you cackled. straight up burst into laughter. "tyler? that's fucking hilarious mat."

"what?" the two of you continued down the patch, occasionally gazing at the pumpkins, but mostly just talking. "you two are always talking."

talking or being insulted?

you shook your head. "enough about me, we're here for alexa."

mat nudged you with his elbow. "actually we're here for me to win alexa over."

you kicked a small stone with the toe of your shoe and said nothing. the tragedy of your own personal situation wasn't lost on you, neither was the idiocy of your plan. what were you thinking, spending your free time with mat? to win over your friend?

it was textbook self inflicted torture.

"where'd you go?" mat nudged you again. "i lost you there for a second."

you bent down and picked up a smaller pumpkin. "what do you think about this one?"

"it looks fine. you're ignoring my question."

you juggled the pumpkin back and forth in your hands to determine if you liked it or not. "what question?" you looked up just in time to see mat roll his eyes, but he dropped the topic anyway.

the both of you walked over to the stall to pay for the pumpkin. you reached into your tote bag to grab your wallet, but mat was already holding out a five dollar bill to the vendor.

"you didn't have to--"

"do you wanna get some cider?"

you could've started drooling at the idea of drinking cider. "yes!"

mat chuckled and started walking towards the cider stand where a small family waited in front of you. "does alexa like cider?" he asked.

"what a random question."

"well you're not giving me anything to work with!"

you almost groaned. because he was right. you got caught up in the idea of hanging out with mat outside of work that you forgot the real reason both of you were there in the first place.

"she loves cider, especially when it's spiked. she also loves mulled wine." mat scrunched his face up. "not a fan?" you asked.

"warm wine? no thank you."

mat paid for the cider, going as far as having the cash ready before you could even order.

"you really don't have to keep buying things. i can pay!"

"oh this is all a bribe to get you to go through that corn maze with me."

your face dropped. "alexa doesn't like mazes."

"so i won't go with her next time, but you're here now and i wanna go."

you let him drag you along until you were in the thick of the maze. you let him guide the both of you through it like he knew what he was doing even though you were pretty sure you hit every possible dead end in the maze.

two little kids ran past giggling and smiling. "we found the end, mama!"

you almost laughed at the look of irritation on mat's face.

it took an obscene amount of time to get through the maze, and mat was in a much worse mood when it was all over.

needless to say, the ride home was quiet.

practice date 2: dinner at mat's

you weren't quite sure what mat was planning on making for dinner, but you were willing to bet the smell of smoke wasn't a part of the plan.

the scene when you walked into his apartment could only be described as chaotic. the smoke detector was going off and when you walked into the kitchen, mat was going between waving a towel under the detector and opening every window in his kitchen.

"you weren't supposed to be here yet!" he shouted over the noise before darting past you into the living room to open the windows in there.

you dropped your things on the counter and took over waving the towel under the smoke detector.

"what happened?" you asked.

"i suck at cooking!" he came back in the kitchen and took the towel from you. "i'm taller," he said like that was an explanation.

the beeping ceased and left the two of you in a hazy apartment. when you looked around the kitchen, you saw what had to be charred meat and veggies in a skillet.

"okay so when you cook dinner for alexa, don't. just hire a chef."

mat held up his phone. "or order pizza. you in?"

"do i get to financially contribute?"

he gestured to your belongings on the counter, one of which was a bottle of red wine. "you already did."

"you can't keep buying everything," you said. "it's not fair."

"why not? i'm the millionaire here, i'd look like a dick if i made you pay for anything. besides, when i date alexa, it's not like i'm gonna let my girlfriend pay."

girlfriend.

right.

that was the end goal for him.

you kept forgetting.

you cleared your throat and dusted your hands on your pants despite them being clean.

"you can go pick out a movie or something while i order the pizza?" mat suggested.

you had no choice but to nod and wander into his moderately decorated living room. it definitely still looked like a bachelor pad, but if a bachelor had enough money to hire someone to say he needed artwork, decorative pillows, and a couch that wasn't brown.

you were scrolling through netflix when mat came into the living room and plopped on the sectional beside you, shucking his shoes off. why he was wearing shoes in his own apartment was beyond you, but you weren't one to judge.

"you look nice," he commented, as if just noticing you for the first time that night.

you looked down at your own outfit. it was a pair of jeans and a nice blouse. "this?"

"are you wearing something else that i'm not seeing?" he teased.

before you could die of embarrassment, you switched subjects. "what do you want to watch? i haven't made a decision yet." you handed the remote to him, hating being the one to make the decisions.

he shifted on the couch so he was sitting up instead of lounging on the chaise and took the remote. "what's alexa's favorite movie?"

"birdbox."

mat did a double take. "she likes birdbox?"

you shrugged. "she's into suspense."

mat was about to select birdbox until he took one look on your face. you don't know what you looked like but it made him pause. "but are you?"

"why do you care what i like?"

"because you're here, alexa's not. i don't wanna make you watch something you'd hate." mat shifted on the couch. "why don't we work on those dating tips i talked to you about."

"oh i don't think--"

"why not?" he asked. "you're always so jittery whenever we talk about it."

oh.

was he referring to the other day after practice when he saw tyler tormenting you and mat misinterpreted that as flirty banter? mat had come up to you afterwards to give you pointers but you practically ran away.

"it's not that simple, mat."

"i think it is."

you threw your hands up. "well then, by all means you must be right."

"what's with the attitude?" he asked. "did i say something?"

it was a good question. one that shouldn't make you want to cry, but life felt overwhelming in all the worst ways. between tyler harassing you every second of every day and pretending like you weren't in love with mat so you could set him up with your friend, and taking photos for games and practices, you were exhausted.

"i'm not sober enough for this," you said before getting up and popping the cork on the wine bottle and drinking straight from it.

it was another thirty minutes before the pizza arrived and the both of you were well on your way to wine drunk, you more so than mat. who could blame you though? your life was a sad excuse for a single twenty-something and you were tired of thinking about it.

"truth is," mat started with a mouth full of pizza. "you just need to act like you're the best thing that's ever happened to this city. guys love confident women."

"and that's your biggest issue with alexa right now."

"wanna switch personalities?"

you laughed.

"what?" he asked. "what's so funny?"

"i'm trying to picture you without an ego and i don't think it's possible."

mat rolled his eyes but had a smile on his lips anyway. it shouldn't have made your heart pound the way it did, but you were weak for that man, you had been since day one.

so you switched courses.

"okay," you started. "how do i make get a guy to wanna date me?"

mats eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "you're serious?"

you nodded. "as a heart attack."

mat sat up on the couch and faced you. his eyes scanned your face like he was looking for something but couldn't find it. maybe he was looking for a reason to change the subject.

"alright," he said. "you gotta be confident, even if you don't feel like it. most guys don't mind a little insecurity, they find it kinda cute, but a guy who wants an insecure girl is a red flag."

"should i be taking notes or...?" you took a large sip of your wine and smiled when mat rolled his eyes again.

"secondly, you can't be hiding behind your camera all the time."

you guffawed. "i do not hide behind my camera!"

"oh give me a break, you totally do! you walk around like it's a safety blanket or something."

"because it is!"

"exactly my point! thirdly, chivalry isn't dead. if he's not doing basic things like opening doors, walking on the closest side to the street, and he's only talking about himself? run."

"what? he can't be a good person if he doesn't do those things?"

"if he can't do a basic kind gesture, he's not going to do larger ones. sorry. i don't make the rules."

you blinked. "but you kinda are making the rules for me, right now."

"you're such a smart ass, just like tito."

"is that a good or bad thing?"

mat shrugged and took another bite of pizza. "hard to say, i love tito most days."

love.

don't be an idiot and read into things.

"so," mat leaned back into the couch. "i gave you advice, it's my turn. how do i win over alexa?"

you thought back to the conversation you had with her a few weeks ago about mat. and one comment stuck out the most. "i think the biggest sin you committed was not knowing anything about me despite working together for two years," you admitted shyly.

mat's brows furrowed in that cute way they always did. "what do you mean?"

"she said she's not impressed by you being nice to kid fans or tipping waitstaff. she would be impressed if you knew anything about me because i'm not a hockey player."

mat recoiled as if physically struck by your words. "she thinks that low of you?"

"no she didn't mean to say you were--" you paused. "me? you think she has a low opinion of me?"

mat crossed his arms. "she just insinuated that you weren't important enough for me to know."

"no! that's not what she meant! she was saying that you think you're better than me."

"that's not even remotely true." and he said it so confidently, you almost believed him. "it's not, you know that right?"

you hesitated and you might as well have punched him in the gut.

mat said your name so softly like it was precious. like it was something special. "you have to know, i have never, not once, believed you were beneath me."

you gave him a small smile. "you don't need to explain yourself to me, mat."

he reached over and grabbed your hand, tugging on it lightly. "no. i need you to know, you are important to me."

your heart fluttered at his words, or maybe it was the fact that you were holding hands and you could feel the calluses rub against your own palm.

you could've stayed there forever.

"jesus fucking christ, why does it smell like something burned in here?" the front door opened and slammed sending you and mat sprawling apart like you hadn't been locked in a staring contest and holding hands. tito rounded the corner and crossed his arms, a smug expression on his face. "what do we have here?"

"nothing!" you squeaked out. "i was just leaving!"

"no you weren't," mat started, eyes wide with an emotion you couldn't place. "beau was just leaving."

you looked as confused as tito was. "what? no i'm not." you glanced back at mat who could not have looked more annoyed if he tried. "or i can...?"

"no!" you said. "i need to get going anyway. got work tomorrow, long day."

mat stood up when he realized there was no convincing you. "i can walk you out--"

"don't worry about it! i'm a big girl." you were leaving when you heard whisper shouting. you couldn't fully make out what they were saying, but before you shut the front door behind you, you could've sworn you heard them mention "liking her."

you did your best not to let the talking break your heart even more.

practice date 3: ice skating

you made mat pick out the last date but he hadn't told you what it was, just asked for your shoe size.

aside from that?

radio silence.

maybe you should've seen this coming. you'd talked to alexa a few days ago and she'd suggested that maybe you should put yourself out there more, find a date, find a boyfriend, find some happiness.

after practice, you found yourself scrolling through your camera roll in one of the seats in the arena when a pair of skates came into your peripheral. you looked up expecting to see a mop of black hair and hazel eyes.

but it was tito with a sheepish grin on his face.

"hey," he said.

you put your camera down and smiled. it was always good to see tito, with the exception of the other night. "hey, what can i do for you?"

anthony playfully rolled his eyes. "you don't live to serve us," he said. "i don't need anything, just wanted to say hi."

"hi!" you smiled even brighter.

"i was wondering, what're you doing friday night?"

you jaw dropped. and it must've been funny because tito threw his head back and laughed. "what?"

tito smiled at you and gestured towards you. "i was wondering if you'd want to get dinner with me on friday. i don't know what time you get off work, but i was thinking 6:30?"

you blinked. you blinked again. "are you serious?"

"why wouldn't i be? you're attractive, single, and i like your company. i think we'd have a fun time."

"okay," you smiled again. have you ever smiled this much in your life? you were unsure. "okay yeah, friday at 6:30 is perfect."

"great," tito grinned. "can i have your number?" you handed your phone over rather quickly, watching as he typed his number in and texted himself. "i'll see you," he said.

"bye tito!" you waved until he was out of sight. and even then, you continued to stare at the spot he was once occupying.

"what the hell was that about?"

you jumped about a foot in the air when tyler made his comment from over your shoulder. "jesus fucking christ, tyler." you placed a hand over your heart to feel how rapidly it was beating. "are you some sort of lurker?"

"what did beauvillier want with you?" he condescended.

"it's none of your business." you rolled your eyes when your phone buzzed.

mat barzal: come down to the locker room.

"who is that?" he asked, peering over your shoulder, but you stood up and started walking away.

the both of you headed down to the locker rooms, though you weren't really enjoying the company. tyler kept talking about your lackluster photography skills like the both of you didn't have the exact same job title.

you were rounding the corner when you saw mat leaning up against the wall, still in his hockey gear. tyler, being confronted with an audience, immediately departed. if you had to guess, he probably went back to his office to scheme how else to make your life miserable.

"hey," you said as you approached. "what's up?"

mat reached down and tossed a duffle bag at your feet. "open the bag," he directed.

you squatted and opened the zipper to see a pair of ice skates. you looked up at mat who looked pleased with himself. "what're these for?"

"you ever been ice skating?" he asked.

the short answer? no.

the long answer? once in second grade for a field trip.

"kinda?" you said instead.

mat laughed, like an actual laugh. there was a shiver that went down your spine at the very sound of it. "it's a yes or no question."

"i would say yes, but i was like eight."

"yeah, doesn't really count anymore. grab the bag, let's go." he walked off without a second thought, leaving you scrambling with the bag and rushing after him.

"what's the point of this?" you called after him.

"you told me to pick the last date, this is it!"

you stopped walking immediately. "mat, i don't know if this is a good idea..."

as if sensing your hesitation, mat turned around and walked back towards you. he rested his hands on your shoulders and squeezed lightly, ducking his head down towards yours. "i'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you, i promise. you have nothing to be afraid of."

"what if my boss sees? what if lou sees? i'm a lot more replaceable than you are."

mat scoffed. "first of all, you're not replaceable. second of all, it's gonna be fine. i'll take all the heat if we get in trouble, which we won't because it's not a big deal." he reached down and grabbed your hand that wasn't holding the duffle bag. "now c'mon."

he led you out to the bench where you sat down and placed your camera on the bench. "take your shoes off and put these socks on." he tossed a pair of socks at your head that you barely caught in time.

"but i'm already wearing socks," you said.

"these are longer, unless you want the boot to cut into your ankle."

safe to say, you put the socks on.

mat knelt in front of you to help put the skates on, tying them up so they were secure on your feet.

you wanted to swoon at the sight of him before you. thankfully, he stood up and helped you to your feet before you could start imagining anything preposterous.

like him proposing.

you watched as mat slid over the top of the bench railing and onto the ice. he turned around and looked at you expectantly.

"oh hell no," you said. "where's the door, i'll use the door."

he cackled as you walked and opened the door, but skated to you anyway to give you some assistance when stepping onto the ice.

"easy does it," he said, chuckling when your grip was practically crushing his fingers. "you're okay, i'm not gonna let you fall."

"it's not you i don't trust, it's me."

mat kept a grip on your hands and led you out to the center of the ice. on the way to the center, you slipped twice, a squeak leaving your lips. you quickly latched onto mat who only laughed at your death grip on his forearms.

"it's not funny," you whined. "i'm terrified."

"you're right, it's not funny. but it is cute." he removed your hands from his arms and skated away from you. "okay, now come to me."

he was easily twenty feet away.

you glanced down at the ice and then back at mat. you would've sat down if you knew how to without eating it. "mat, i'm telling you right now, that's not gonna happen."

"it's not that hard."

"you've been skating since you were a child. i have not." you attempted to take a step forward, but thought differently of it. "besides, how does this help you with alexa?"

"easy," he said. "if i can teach you to skate, i can teach anyone."

"so your idea of a romantic date is a girl busting her ass over and over for an hour?"

"not quite," he said, skating circles around you.

literally.

"you're being an ass,' you whined. "why did the one practice date you pick out have to do with hockey?"

"because it's what i love. and if a girl can't hang with it, our relationship is doomed to fail."

you rolled your eyes. "that's a bit dramatic. you can appreciate and love hockey without having to ice skate. thousands of fans do it all the time."

"but my girlfriend won't be just a fan, now will she?"

your heart sank at the idea of alexa and mat in a similar situation. alexa actually trying to skate and looking beautiful while doing so. you pictured them laughing as she slipped and mat catching her before she could fall.

"you okay? i lost you again." mat skated right up to you, leaving maybe a foot of space between the two of you.

"yeah," you breathed. "just thinking."

mat smirked and skated backwards. "uh oh. that can't be good. less thinking more skating. would it help if i pushed you?"

"no!" you shrieked. "it definitely wouldn't!"

but it was too late. mat was skating up behind you and placing his hands on your waist. "relax," he murmured. "i'm not gonna push you without a little guidance."

relax?

relax?

when his hands were on your waist and he was mumbling in your ear?

how the hell was anyone supposed to live, laugh, love in these conditions?

mat added a little pressure to your back. and suddenly you were moving. "that's it," he praised. "now just move your feet."

it was easier with mat's hands on you, the sensation forcing you to focus on the warmth of his palms than the fact that you were skating on sharp knives.

"see? this isn't so bad, right?"

it wasn't too terribly bad, truth be told it was just like roller skating, just ten times scarier.

"yeah," you said. "not too bad."

"so you're ready to go by yourself?" his hands starting slipping away, leaving a burning sensation in their wake.

"i--"

but he was already skating away. he stopped about twenty feet away and smiled. "skate to me."

"mat--" your voice shook at the idea. skating with him was one thing, skating to him was another.

"hey," he said quietly. "eyes on me, okay? i'm not gonna let you fall, if i think you're gonna fall, i'll catch you. i was the fastest skater in 2020, remember?"

you nodded. "just like roller skating," you mumbled.

"except better," mat added.

you took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other, slowly but surely gliding towards him. you started picking up pace the closer you got to him.

"mat?"

"you're doing great!" he smiled.

"i don't know how to stop!"

mat laughed even as he caught you. his arms gripped your biceps and his smile was a mile wide. "you okay?" he asked.

you couldn't help but smile. "yeah," you breathed.

there was hardly any room between the two of you. your heart was beating wildly in your chest at the proximity, the rush of skating alone, who knew? you surely didn't.

you looked into his eyes and could've sworn his gaze dropped to your chin, but you were known for your hopeless romantic delusions, so maybe--

"hey!" whatever trance you were in ended when you saw a man in coveralls standing at the end of the rink. "time's up, i gotta clean the ice!"

"sorry!" mat called. "we'll get out of your way!" he gently took your hand in his and skated the both of you back to the benches.

mat helped you take off your skates and walked you back up the tunnel towards the locker rooms. the both of you stopped just outside of them, considering mat still had to shower and go home while you had the rest of the day to do your work.

"this was really fun," you said. "terrifying but fun."

"i'm glad you enjoyed it." his smile just about made you collapse into a puddle.

but you got a grip on reality and nodded. "well, i hope this helps with alexa, i'll try to talk to her in the next day or so, see where her head is."

mat's jaw clenched but he nodded. "i'll be seeing you."

"bye, mat."

you might as well have been on cloud nine by the time you got up to your office. you were in a different zone, focused on the way that mat's hands felt on your body, in your own hand. the feeling of euphoria wouldn't leave your body, you were sure of it. nothing could take that feeling away.

until you got to your desk and saw tyler.

who was sitting on your desk and using a paper clip to get the dirt out from under his nails.

"what were you and barzal doing?" tyler asked, moving off your desk, instead choosing to lean up against the cubicle.

you ignored him.

"i asked you a question," he said.

"i heard you, tyler. but i have work to do." you signed into your computer and plugged your camera in, ready to start uploading and editing photos from practice and the game yesterday.

“do you really think sleeping your way through the roster will help you get your pics chosen for the social media accounts?” he sneered.

you froze, your fingers hovered over the keyboard. "what?"

"i said--"

"don't repeat it." another voice joined in and when you turned around to see who came in, you were flabbergasted.

mat.

"barzal i--"

"where do you get off talking to her like that? talking to anyone like that?" he stepped into the room, chest puffed out.

in all of your time working for the isles, mat had never been much of a fighter, but he looked ready to pummel tyler if need be.

"mat, it's fine," you mumbled.

"no, it's not. is this how he normally talks to you?"

you said nothing.

that only seemed to make mat angrier. "you need to go to HR about this. this is workplace harassment. now apologize," he directed at tyler.

"for what? speaking the truth? is this how you think you can get ahead in life?" tyler said to you. "first beauvillier now barzal?"

you and mat both froze. in the corner of your eye you could see his jaw clench before he looked at you.

"can you do your work from home?" he asked.

you nodded. "i just have a shit ton of editing but i can do that on my laptop--"

"great. i'll take you home."

"but my boss-"

"if anyone has a problem with it, they can talk to me. let's go." mat was spinning on his heel and walking out of the room as quickly as he came in. you were unplugging your camera and logging off your computer, packing up your things, before sprinting after him.

"mat! mat, wait up!"

he stopped walking and looked at you, an unfamiliar expression in his eyes. "can you wait for me outside the locker room? i still have to shower and change."

you nodded. "why did you come upstairs anyway?"

"to give you the skates." you glanced down at his empty hands. "i forgot the bag, and by that point, i was too lazy to go down and get them without you."

the both of you continued your walk until you got to the locker room.

"i'll be a few minutes and then i'll take you home."

true to his word, mat was only gone for ten minutes before coming out freshly showered and ready to go home. neither of you spoke until he was pulling the car out of the parking garage.

"what did tyler mean when he mentioned tito?" mat asked after moments of silence. his fists were gripping the wheel tightly, though you didn't know why.

"tito asked me to dinner on friday."

mat's fists tightened their grip on the wheel and his jaw clenched so hard, you were afraid he was going to chip some teeth.

"oh." was all he said.

"something wrong? i just figured for once i wouldn't be hiding behind my camera like you said and i thought it would be fun, you know? we get along fine. why? do you think i shouldn't go?"

"no!" mat said quickly. "no, i just, it just caught me by surprise is all. i'm sure you'll have fun."

"and i can give you alexa's number if you want to ask her out! she's coming over tonight so i can talk you up now that i know more about you, make it seem more genuine."

"yeah," he choked out. "yeah, that would be great."

mat pulled up to your apartment a few minutes later and watched as you got out. "i meant what i said in your office," he said. "you need to tell HR about tyler's behavior."

"i will." you probably wouldn't. "thanks, mat."

he nodded as you shut the door and waited for you to go inside before driving off.

you walked up the stairs to your apartment and unlocked the door. as you shut the door behind you, you felt the weight of today bearing down.

tito asking you out.

the moments with mat.

the slut shaming comment from tyler.

when did your life get so dramatic?

step 4: get her to say yes

you had alexa over that night, armed with a million reasons why she should say yes to mat.

and the one reason why she should say no was locked deep in your chest. your happiness and affection for him shouldn't deter her.

besides, you would eventually get over your silly little crush, right?

right?

"so what's new in your world? i feel like you've been so busy lately. it's kind of strange," alexa said before shoveling a forkful of pasta in her mouth. it should've been disgusting, but she made it look graceful.

"oh you know, just working."

"is that why you were in the middle of nowhere a few weeks ago? work?"

"what?"

"i checked your location, you were on a farm. didn't realize the isles was doing photoshoots that far out of the city."

"oh they're not," you explained. "i was with mat, we were just hanging out."

alexa blinked. "since when do you and mat hang out?"

ouch.

but true.

you couldn't come out and say it could you? that the reason the two of you started interacting was because he wanted to date alexa?

no, you couldn't.

so you lied.

"oh, the social media team wanted me to get some information on mat, like a get to know you segment. they wanted something outside of work, so we were just hanging out so i could write this article on him."

a complete lie. you haven't had to write anything on anyone since your college journalism class. but alexa didn't know that. you never told her what you do all day for work. for all she knew, you could be running the tiktok account.

alexa raised an eyebrow. "and how did that go? was he talking about himself the entire time?"

"no!" you said. but then you paused, realizing that getting defensive would just look suspicious. "he told me a lot about how he doesn't like mulled wine and loves corn mazes despite being absolutely shitty at them. he loves his friends and hockey, obviously. he refuses to let anyone pay for anything while you're with him because he has money and likes to treat people. and he sticks up for the people that are important to him. and once you're in with him, you don't have to worry about your place in his life or how important you are because he will keep reminding you."

alexa stared at you. "are you sure you don't want to go out with him?"

you guffawed and hoped that it covered up your embarrassment. "what? no! he's clearly into you, and i think you should go for it."

"give me one good reason why."

"because he's kind, and nothing like your ex. he cares, legitimately cares about people and their lives." you sighed, not sure if you were convincing her. “it’s just one date, lex. if you don’t like him at least you got a free meal.”

alexa chewed her lip, letting you anguish in silence. "fine. you can give him my number and we'll set up a date. i trust you."

"fantastic!" you were already pulling your phone out. "he'll be so excited--"

"only if you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't have feelings for him."

you opened and closed your mouth. "i don't have feelings for him," you said with as much confidence as you could.

"honey..."

"no! i don't! if i had feelings for him, would i be going out to dinner with his best friend on friday?"

alexa didn't look fully convinced, but your date with tito was a welcomed distraction as she started rattling off questions about what you would wear and where he was taking you.

alexa left two hours later, meaning you could go to bed at a reasonable hour. as you laid in bed, you grabbed your phone and opened mat's contact, drafting a text to him.

here's alexa's number. managed to convince her you were worth a shot. xxx-xxx-xxxx.

you locked your phone and put it on do not disturb before you could see his response.

when you woke up the next morning, you saw mat had simply liked the message and left it at that.

by noon, alexa texted you that her date with mat was on saturday.

step 5: let the dates begin

friday came faster than you were anticipating. you kept your distance from mat, unable to look at him without thinking about how he was taking your friend out the very next day and that your interactions from that point on would probably be through alexa.

tyler kept his distance, must've been the threat of going to HR (that you still hadn't gone through with) that had him treating you like a human being with feelings.

as for tito, you probably should've been more excited for your date that night, but all you could focus on was how mat and alexa would fall in love and get married and have beautiful babies and grow old together.

and you would be the sucker who set them up because you could never tell mat no.

a slam against the boards startled you enough to look up from your camera to see tito standing there with a smile on his face.

"you okay?" he asked over the sounds of his teammates on the ice.

you gave him what you hoped was a convincing smile and nodded. but he rolled his eyes.

"we'll talk later," he said before skating away. you smiled and waved at him before you made eye contact with mat who was clenching his jaw. at what? you weren't sure. you even turned around to see if tyler had entered the arena, but you were standing alone.

like you always were.

you were headed back to your desk to do some editing as practice let out, but your name was called before you could get away.

when you looked over your shoulder, you saw tito doing an awkward half jog half walk towards you with a tired grin on his face. "hey," he said. "how do you think practice went?"

you turned to face him fully. "you're asking me? a professional asking some photographer how practice went?"

tito rolled his eyes. "oh c'mon. you've seen our practices, by now you should be able to determine whether or not it was a good one."

"well, no one fought each other, so i guess that's a win."

tito shook his head. "nah, that's when the best practices happen. when everyone's pissed at each other."

you smiled. "shows what i know."

"i think you know more than you think. you've worked here for awhile now."

"i've just gotten better at motion capture photography and following the puck around the ice. doesn't mean i know shit about hockey."

"don't think we don't notice you getting riled up during games when calls are missed."

you tilted your head and furrowed your brows. "we?"

tito shrugged and laughed to himself. "mat usually points it out before i can." you must've made a face because he added more. "it's usually on the bench, he's focused on the game when he's playing."

the both of you turn your heads at the other players walking down the tunnel. when the both of you caught sight of mat, tito smiled.

"will you send me your address? so i can pick you up?"

your attention snapped back to tito. "yeah! of course!"

he nodded and started his walk towards the locker rooms right when mat walked up to you. "what was that about?" he asked.

you shrugged. "just going over details for tonight. he needs my address to pick me up."

mat clenched his jaw again and looked down the tunnel, nodding his head. "that's tonight?"

"yep. at 6:30."

he wouldn't meet your eyes. instead, he looked at your shoes, your camera, the hallway, his teammates, but would never look at your face.

"you and alexa go out tomorrow, right? where are you taking her?"

he ran a hand through his hair and nodded at anders as he passed by. "yeah, we're going out to this sushi place. did you ever talk to HR?"

"well no but--"

"do i need to talk to HR?"

"he really hasn't been that bad lately--"

"because i threatened to tell HR on his ass. he's gonna get comfortable and start insulting you again. it's just a matter of time."

you nodded, feeling a lump in your throat form at the idea of mat scolding you, in front of his teammates no less.

mat sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. "i'm not trying to fuss or tell you what to do, i just don't like seeing you treated like that."

"thanks, mat," you mumbled.

he still wouldn't meet your eyes, instead looking down the hallway to see most of his team in the locker room. "i gotta go, but um, good luck tonight. beau's a good guy."

with that he turned on his skates and walked away.

you felt every bit of pathetic as you watched him go.

that night, you settled on a pretty dress that wasn't too fancy, seeing as the only details tito had given you were that it was nicer than an olive garden but not a michelin star restaurant. you were strapping yourself into your heels when you heard a knock on the door.

your phone said it was only 6:15, but maybe tito was accounting for traffic. he never did specify when the reservation was.

"coming!" you called as you put your last heel on and made your way to the door. "i wasn't expecting you this early, you never told me when the reservation was--" your voice trailed off when you opened the door and saw who was standing on the other side.

mat.

he looked more disheveled than you'd ever seen him. it was clear he'd been running his hands through his hair repeatedly just by the strands sticking out every which way.

he still looked handsome.

"mat, what're you--"

"i think you're beautiful. and smart. and passionate about a lot of things. and i think anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot, and i'd fight them if you'd let me." your eyes started welling up with tears. "i think you're perfect for me and if you'd let me take you out, i promise i'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you."

you blinked until the tears disappeared by sheer willpower, not willing to cry in front of him. "that's perfect," you said. "say that to lex and she'll be eating out of the palm of your hand."

you turned around to grab your bag and coat before you could see mat's face drop in confusion. by the time you turned back around, anthony was standing next to his best friend.

"you ready?" he asked, only glancing at mat out of the side of his eye.

you nodded and squeezed mat's arm as you passed; you couldn't help yourself. "get home safe, mat."

neither you or tito spoke until you got into his car. "what was that about?" he asked.

you shrugged. still not fully comprehending why mat showed up at your door in the first place. "he was telling me what he was gonna tell lex tomorrow, i think."

"really." he didn't sound convinced.

"why else would he show up?"

tito mumbled. "i can think of a few reasons."

after he parked the car, tito got out and opened the door for you while you were answering texts from alexa. he offered you a hand to get out that you took.

there were no sparks, no electric sensations going up your arm. just physical contact, just the warmth of his palm in yours.

he led you into the restaurant which was moderately fancy, like he said. the two of you were escorted back to a table in the corner, away from windows and therefore away from prying eyes.

like a gentleman, he pulled your chair out and helped you scooch up to the table.

"i can't remember if i told you this, but you look lovely," he said with a smile.

"thanks," you replied. "you look handsome." and you meant it. if you weren't in love with his best friend, in another life, you could see yourself falling for his blue eyes. and maybe you still could. mat was going on a date with your friend tomorrow so it was better that you just get over him already and--

"so how long have you been in love with mat?"

you choked on your own spit, and for a minute, tito looked apologetic. for his timing, you had to guess, not the question itself.

surely you heard him wrong.

"what?" you asked when you finally got your bearings.

"how long have you loved him?"

nope. you heard him correctly.

"i--"

he leaned forward, arms braced on the table. "you don't have to lie to me, i know. i've known for awhile."

"i--"

but the server came up and asked for drink orders. tito ordered a bottle of red for the table after asking for your thoughts.

you were still reeling from his question, safe to say you didn't have any thoughts.

"sorry," tito started. "i didn't mean to make you feel cornered, i just wanted to be honest."

"it doesn't look like you're the only who needs to be honest, it's me." you fiddled with the ends of your dress.

"why'd you do it? why'd you help set mat up with your friend?"

you shrugged. "i just wanted to see him happy. and i wanted alexa to find a good guy, i knew mat was one. they make sense together."

"even if it makes you unhappy."

"even if it makes me unhappy."

tito nodded, and looked at you like he could see something you couldn't. "let's forget about him for now and just enjoy dinner, eh?"

you gave him your best smile and nodded.

the rest of the night flew by. soon enough, tito was walking you up to your apartment and kissing your cheek before he left. you wished you felt butterflies, or something, but there was no special sensation. nothing to make you weak in the knees.

it was like a kiss from an old friend.

your phone buzzed with a text from alexa.

alexa: how'd your date go?

you typed out a quick response.

it was good. just got home.

you locked your phone and placed it on your nightstand before collapsing into bed. but your phone buzzed again. you thought about ignoring it, but if it was alexa, you didn't want her to think you were upset at her.

mat barzal: did you have fun?

you blinked before typing back.

yeah. tito's great.

not a second later, you got another text.

mat barzal: good. have a good night.

you fell back against your pillows and cursed at the ceiling.

step 6: let them fall in love

you woke up the next morning and stayed in bed until your bladder was about to burst. after the date with tito and the reminder that mat was going out with alexa tonight, it was all enough to put you back in bed as soon as you peed.

and you stayed there, flicking through netflix shows and wallowing in self pity. you usually weren't this pathetic, but the idea of alexa and mat getting cozy on their date that night was enough to warrant your sadness.

you'd pull yourself together by monday when you'd have to go back to work and see how happy she made him.

that's what you kept telling yourself, that at the very least, two of your friends would be happy.

by 7pm, you were sitting on the couch, waiting for takeout to arrive.

when a knock on the door signified your food arrived, you got up with your blanket burrito and walked to the door. you didn't even bother checking before yanking the door open and looking down at your doormat.

only to see a pair of shoes.

"what the hell," you mumbled. "i thought i said leave at the door...' your voice trailed off as your eyes lifted to meet a pair of hazel.

mat barzal.

he had your food in one hand while the other was in his pocket.

"mat?" you whispered. suddenly, you were throwing the blankets off your shoulders and behind you into your apartment where they'd be out of sight.

though it was then you realized you were in sweats and you hadn't done anything with your hair all day so you were probably better off with the blanket burrito instead.

"hi," he breathed. "here's your food." he handed it over, nodding when you murmured your thanks, and shoved his other hand through his hair.

you glanced at the time on the clock on your wall to make sure you weren't hallucinating. "why're you here, mat? shouldn't you be with alexa?"

"that's what i wanted to talk to you about, actually."

"oh no," you started panicking, your eyes widened. "did she not show up?" you turned back into your apartment and went to your phone, searching for texts from alexa to explain her absence. "i swear i thought she'd show. she told me she would and she's usually a woman of her word."

you turned around when your front door shut with mat standing in the middle of your living room, looking out of place and right at home somehow.

your phone was vacant of any text messages from alexa.

"no, she showed. i left early."

that caught your attention.

you set your food on the coffee table and turned around to face him.

"why did you leave early? was she rude? are you sick?"

mat shook his head. "no, i'm fine, she was fine. that's not why i'm here. i mean it is but that's--that's--i want, no i need to tell you something."

"tell me what?"

he rolled his eyes. "i'm getting to that." he started pacing your very small living room. you wondered if he knew how much space he took up in your apartment. you wondered if he cared how messy your place was. "i'm just gonna come right out and say it, and don't interrupt me this time." you nodded.

mat ran both hands through his hair for the twentieth time since he showed up. "when i said all those things last night, i wasn't talking about alexa. i was talking about you."

what.

but he continued.

"i'm not gonna pretend i've loved you this whole time, but i fell in love with you along the way. the way you kept analyzing every fucking pumpkin for the perfect one, or how you bring red wine to dinner unprompted because you can't not contribute to something, or the way you trusted me enough to take you on the ice and show you something i love, or how you laugh like no one has ever said something mean to you in your life even when i know that jackass tyler harasses you on the daily. you're kind to literally every person i've ever seen you interact with.

"but i hate the way you shrink yourself like you're afraid to take up space. i hate the way you act like alexa's better than you, like i couldn't fall in love with you when you're literally the most generous, kindest, passionate, and beautiful person i've ever met in my life. because i do love you. every fiber of my being loves you."

you blinked once. twice. and breathed.

"what?" you whispered as tears gathered in the corners of your eyes.

"i know you just went out with tito last night, and if you like him, if you love him, i get it. he's a great guy and you'd be great together. but i'm asking you to give me a chance, give us a chance. i've had fun with you the last few weeks and i cannot bear the thought of not calling you mine any longer." his chest was heaving as the words rushed out of his mouth.

you rounded the coffee table to get to him. as soon as you were in arms' reach, mat was pulling you to him. with your hips pressed together, your lips just a breath away, you spoke softly.

"please tell me this isn't a dream."

a small laugh escaped his lips and echoed over your own. "it's not a dream, baby. this is real. i love you so fucking much."

"i love you too, mat."

any words you had left to say were lost as he brought your mouths together.

you weren't sure how much time had passed before you separated from him with your hands pressed on his chest. mat tried to follow your lips, but you kept a firm hand on his sternum so you could speak.

"what about alexa?"

mat pulled back. "what about her?"

"you were on a date with her and just left her there?"

"i more than covered the tab if that's what you're afraid of--"

"what if she hates me?"

he laughed. like threw his head back and laughed before kissing you again. "baby, we were there for fifteen minutes and all i could talk about was you. she told me to come here and tell you the truth."

you smiled. "thank god for alexa."

"thank god for alexa."

mat led the two of you over to the couch where you immediately curled into him. he kissed the top of your head, seemingly addicted to having his lips on your body at all times. "you're fired, you know."

you would've pulled away had mat's grip allowed it. "what? fired from what?"

"the wing woman business. you're absolutely horrible at it."

"yeah, well i think it worked out pretty well."

he pressed his lips into your hair and mumbled. "yeah, i think so too."

[midnightsnyx]

girl at home | mat barzal | part 7

pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader chapter summary: calista continues to put strain on mat and nora's relationship and shocking events unfold

warnings: angst and swearing and not edited word count: 2k authors note: @barzysbaby is officially a co-author on this story cause she comes up with genius ideas and helps me when I have writers block <3 also, all I have to say about this chapter is sorry. i can't even say happy reading because it won't be.

masterlist masterpost ask box requests are open

Despite Jax’s lecture, you’re struggling to accept Calista. It’s mainly because she seems hell-bent on taking on a step-mom role to Nora even though she and Mat have only been dating a couple weeks and Nora absolutely hates her. On the days Mat wants to spend with her, she refuses to if his girlfriend is tagging along. You hadn’t seen Nora throw a tantrum the way she did the first time Calista tried to go with them since she was a toddler. It’s concerning because you are worried that it will start to affect her relationship with Mat and that’s the last thing you want. You know that Nora adores him and in just the short month since you ran into him in the grocery store, they’ve formed a special bond. 

You decide you need to talk to Mat about the situation so you leave a little early to pick Nora up. She spent the night at the Barzal’s and you know that Liana and Nadia brought her out for breakfast so Mat should be home alone and the two of you can have a civil conversation. When you knock on the door and Mat answers with a warm smile on his face, you feel a wave of homesickness wash over you. It’s been 6 years, but the smile he seems to reserve just for you never changes and you wonder if he even notices it. 

“Hey,” he greets you, opening the door so you can walk inside. “You’re early.” 

There’s nothing in his tone that should make you suspicious, but you have a feeling in the pit of your stomach. You follow him to the kitchen, sitting at the island and accepting a bottle of water from him. He sits next to you and there’s a comfortable silence before you break it.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” you say, looking anywhere else other than at him. You have no idea how to address the problem without it seeming like you’re trying to interfere with their relationship. You just need to explain that pushing Nora to be close to Calista isn’t going to work, and if he can’t accept that, there will have to be changes. 

“Yeah, I actually had something I needed to tell you,” he mumbles. He isn’t looking at you, picking at his fingernails instead. It’s a bad habit he’s had as long as you’ve known him. It’s oddly comforting to see something that hasn’t changed. 

You reach out and touch his hand lightly, and he stops and looks up at you. You’re not sure what’s allowed now that he has a girlfriend but he doesn't pull his hand away so you take it as a good sign. 

“You first,” he insists so you nod and pull your hand away. His hand twitches slightly but you don’t let yourself read into it. 

“It’s about Nora and Calista,” you say gently, trying to gauge his reaction. His body stiffens at the mention of them and you have a feeling this isn’t going to go as easy as you were hoping. The coward in you wants to tell him to forget about it and just go home but you have to think about Nora, and her future relationship with Mat. You’re not going to let Calista ruin it, even if it damages your relationship with Mat. 

“What about it?” he asks and there’s a disinterested tone in his voice. It annoys you a bit because you need him to take this seriously. 

“Nora’s not comfortable around your new girlfriend, Mat,” you explain, trying not to let your frustration show.

“Well, she’s gonna have to get used to her,” he argues and that sets you off.

“She’s six, Mathew. You can’t force her to just accept someone new in her life and be comfortable with it,” you snap, ignoring his face that’s reddening. “She’s also her own person, and deserves to have a say in who she wants to spend time with. You might be new to being a dad, but that is common sense.” 

“Oh, here we go with the ‘new dad’ speech,” he says sharply. “When are you going to stop using that against me?”

“When you stop acting like one!” you yell, hating where this conversation is going. You had hoped that it would go smoothly, but you should have known it wouldn’t considering that the two of you can’t have a civil discussion without it turning into a fight.

“Well, I’m about to be one again!” he shouts and your body goes cold, processing the bomb he just dropped on you. 

Your first reaction is disbelief. 

“You’re fucking with me,” you say dumbly, staring at him as if you’re waiting for him to admit that he’s kidding. 

Except he doesn’t. 

“It’s not that hard being a parent, right?” he says dryly and you’re still in too much shock to hit him with a comeback. 

You’re not sure what you were expecting him to tell you but it certainly wasn’t that he knocked up his girlfriend of three weeks. You just can’t believe that he would be so careless considering that he just learned about Nora. 

“This doesn't change the fact that Nora doesn’t want to be around Calista,” you eventually say, standing up and looking at Mat once more before leaving. He doesn’t stop you from leaving so you go wait in your car for Liana and Nadia to get back from breakfast with Nora. 

They must not know or they think you don’t know because they give no indication that they are aware that Mat’s girlfriend is pregnant. You quickly discuss how Nora did overnight and make plans to go out to dinner together soon. They don’t mention that you don’t include Mat in your dinner plans. 

Nora is quiet on the drive home, staring out the window and only speaking when you ask her a direct question. Nadia had said she was well behaved and happy so you’re worried she’s upset about something. When you get home, you carry her backpack in and she trails behind you slowly. She flops down on the couch so you sit next to her, feeling relieved when she climbs onto your lap.

“Something on your mind?” you ask her, and she nods but doesn’t say anything. You don’t want to pry but you’re worried.

“Want to talk about it?”

She shrugs, tucking herself even closer to you. You sit in silence for a couple minutes before she finally speaks.

“Do I have to go see Mat on Wednesday?” she asks quietly, and you realize how quickly her relationship with Mat is declining. It’s exactly what you were scared would happen.

“Not if you don't want to,” you tell her softly. “Can you tell me why?”

She’s quiet again for a moment and then, “Calista is mean.”

“Mean how?”

You hear a sniffle and you want nothing more than to hunt Calista down-

“She said Mat probably isn’t my daddy.” 

Your heart breaks because you can only imagine how confusing this has all been for Nora. She was introduced to Mat without knowing who he was, and then heard from somebody other than you that he is her dad and now Calista is putting false ideas in her head. 

“Well, that’s not true,” you tell her. “Mat is your daddy, Calista is just confused.”

It’s not a proper explanation, but how are you supposed to explain to your six-year-old that Calista is a bitch? You’re beginning to question the woman's sanity. 

Nora doesn’t say anything else and you realize she’s fallen asleep so you put her in her bed and go back to sit on the couch. You really don’t want to talk to Mat yet, but you need to tell him what his girlfriend said to Nora because maybe he’ll realize why your daughter doesn’t want to be around Calista. 

Before you can text Mat, you get a message from Liana asking to meet for lunch tomorrow. You can’t help but wonder if she has an idea about what's going on so you agree and set up a time to meet.

Maybe you’ll get some more insight.

. . .

The next morning, you drop Nora off at day camp before going back home to get some work done before you meet with Liana for lunch. You’ve been waiting for a text from Mat so that you don’t have to message him but he’s been radio silent. Something feels off about the entire thing but you’re probably just still in shock.

Liana is waiting when you arrive at the restaurant and you search her face for any indication that she knows anything but she just smiles at you when you sit across from her. 

“Is Nora at her day camp today?” she asks, browsing the menu even though you know she already knows what she’s going to order. The two of you always go to the same restaurant when you get together.

You nod in confirmation, setting aside your menu and watching her face carefully. You wonder when Mat plans on telling his family about his girlfriend's pregnancy and what their reactions will be. You never knew how they reacted when they found out about Nora, but you’re guessing this is going to be much different. 

“Did you guys have any plans today?”

She frowns, shaking her head. “Mat said he had something planned with Calista?” 

You can tell she’s being careful of what she says because she starts picking at her fingernails - the same bad habit Mat has. 

“I think something’s going on, but I don’t know exactly what,” she says quietly. “He’s been really secretive the past week and Calista has been around more than usual.”

So she doesn’t know. 

“Why don’t you talk to him?” 

She shrugs. “Maybe. I don’t know if he’d tell me anything. Honestly, I don’t understand where their relationship came from. She’s been his friend for a while, but all of a sudden they’re dating,” she says. “He might open up to you.”

Not likely, you think but don’t say out loud.

“Maybe,” you lie. Mat might have a conversion with you, but it definitely won’t be a heart to heart about what’s going on with his girlfriend.

“Anyways, what’s new with you?” she asks, and that’s the end of that conversation. 

Now, all that’s left is to talk to Mat. 

. . .

Much to your surprise, Mat doesn’t argue about meeting up to chat. You agree to meet at your apartment while Nora is at your moms house. He’s late, not showing up until after 8 o’clock that night but you don’t say anything, not wanting to start an argument over that. He doesn’t smile when you open the door but he doesn’t look mad either. His expression is carefully neutral. 

“Do you want a drink?” you ask, mostly because you need a drink if you’re going to talk to him about everything that’s going on. He shakes his head, sitting on a chair instead of the couch and you know it’s to put distance between the two of you. So, you settle on the couch and wait for him to say something but he’s silent, staring at the floor. 

“Listen,” you begin but he cuts you off.

“I get that you don’t like Calista, but she’s going to be around. She’ll probably come back to New York with me but we’ll be back for holidays and during the summer,” he says. “I don’t understand why Nora doesn’t want to be around her, but you’re right-”

You cut him off. “She told Nora that you’re not her dad.”

He looks at you and frowns. “She wouldn’t do that.” 

“So you’re saying Nora lied?” 

“No,” he says defensively. “Maybe Nora misunderstood her.”

“She didn’t.”

“Calista wouldn’t-”

“Mathew, your girlfriend told our daughter that you’re not her father,” you say sharply, cutting him off. “I don’t want her near Nora anymore, and if you can’t accept that, then maybe you need to take a step back and rethink your priorities.”

You want to say you’re surprised when he gets up and leaves without saying another word, but you’re not. 

You used to think that you knew Mat better than anyone, but it turns out you really didn’t know him at all.

tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @barzyblogbabe @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @lovinbarzal @whatthepuckisgoingon @teapartydreams @alilstressyandlotdepressy @keiva1000 @hischiershoe @cavill83 @bellstwd @alwaysclassyeagle

if you asked to be on the tag list but you're not here, it's cause you didn't show up when i searched please let me know if you'd like to be added to taken off the list

[nycbaby21]

Young and Stupid

prompt: sharing a bed with your best friend's older brother

word count: 4,600

“I’m really sorry,” I hear my best friend’s voice rush over the phone. “Wow no hello, no how are you, no I miss you. You must be really sorry,” I laugh closing my book standing up and stretching. I had been sitting at my desk for the past three hours studying for my last final in an hour. “So I know the plan was for me to drive up and grab you and then head home,” Liana started and her voice trailed off. I groan already knowing I’m gonna hate what leaves her mouth next. 

“So funny story, you know that really cute guy I was telling you about,” she continued. “Yes, I remember the very cute blonde with super blue eyes,” I say grabbing everything I needed and heading out of my dorm. I began walking to my last class and stayed on the phone with her the whole way. “Okay so come to find out he lives like an hour away from my parent's house. So he is gonna give me a ride home,” I stop in my tracks.

“Li, what are you saying,” I ask having a feeling where this is going. “I already talked to my parents and they are super excited to meet him. I can really see this going somewhere,” I can hear the smile in her voice. “Okay,” I say stopping at the stairs of my lecture hall. “You aren’t mad,” she asks, concern in her voice. “No, I’m not mad. I’ll just have to find a ride after I finish this test,” I say. “Don’t worry I already have one for you,” she says. “Liana Barzal what did you do,” I ask with a whine in my voice.

“Love you! Talk later, good luck with your test. You are gonna kick ass,” she rambles and then hangs up on me. I can’t let myself think about it and walk into the room focusing on the test at hand. After an hour, I walk out of the building and head back to my dorm. I tried to call Liana several times, but she never answered me. When I walked into my dorm, I could see why.

“Mat, what are you doing here,” I ask seeing her older brother lying down on my bed reading a book. “Geez about time you got back. I was so bored I started reading your stupid little book,” he says in a teasing tone. I snatched the book from his hands and put it on my desk. “Let’s try this again. “What are you doing here Mathew Barzal,” I ask with an attitude. I loved the whole Barzal family, they have become like a family to me over the years. Our parents were friends and then they had Liana and I at the same time. But Mat was a whole different story.

Ever since I could remember he would tease me. Little things never anything terrible or purposefully malicious. He would pull my hair out of the ponytail, always call me stupid nicknames, and my personal favorite pretend he didn’t know who I was almost all of high school. I had always hoped it was the classic, oh he likes you because he teases you kind of thing. Those dreams were shattered when I was around and his friends asked who I was, and he just replied just some girl my sister is friends with no one important. It was not like I had known him my whole life or anything.

“Oh, you used my full name. I’m so scared,” he laughed sitting up and staring down at me. My bed was raised so I could reach to slap the back of his head so I smacked his calf. He laughed at me and I just kept hitting him. Not hard enough for it to hurt, but it did feel good to let out some of my frustration. I had been so stressed with finals, maintaining my grades, and stupid boy problems.

“What the hell are you doing,” my roommate Maddie asks walking in with her girlfriend right behind her. “Aw Y/n, good for you. I’m glad you moved on from that loser. Also, this one is so much hotter,” Olivia says sitting down on the bed. My entire face burns red and I stop hitting Mat. “No no no. This is Mat,” I rush taking a few steps away from him. He quirks an eyebrow at me. “Oh shit my bad. I thought. You know what never mind what I thought. I’m just gonna sit here and look pretty,” she jokes with me. “You think he’s hot,” Maddie ask looking from Mat to Olivia. “I don’t know for a guy yeah. I mean I would never ever never. But I could see the appeal,” she shrugs explaining to her girlfriend.

“I don’t know. How you treat people is way more important than looks,” Maddie rolls her eyes continuing to pack her bag. The whole time I refused to make eye contact with him. “You know who I am,” he asks hopping down off the bed and leaning back against it. “You talk about me Y/n,” his voice comes off condescending. I huff and let out a groan and Olivia throws a pillow at me. I whack him in the face with it. He grabs my wrist and makes me freeze. Noticing the tension Maddie saves the day.

 “I know a lot about you Barzal. Your sister is amazing by the way,” Maddie smirks, knowing she is riling him up. “You think Y/n/n talks about you. Please, you have no idea how many people try to get info on you from her. She has never once indulged them,” Olivia says thinking she is being helpful. I cut her a look and she stops talking. He looks down at me and his face softens. “What is she talking about,” he asked me. “Well, we should get on the road. Long drive down to Tennessee. Love you Y/n,” Olivia says grabbing Maddie’s stuff and heading for the door.

Maddie comes and wraps me up in a hug. “Call me okay. I love you and have a great break,” she smiles. “I love you and you guys too. Also Mads you got this. Any parent should be thrilled for their daughter to bring you home,” I give her arm a comforting squeeze. She nods and walks towards the door. “Barzal, if I hear one word about you hurting my girl you better be ready,” she threatens and closes the door. The air was thick in tension as soon as it was just the two of us.

Mat turns and opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off before he can. “Okay well, she should probably get on the road too,” I say grabbing my duffle bag and throwing it over my shoulder, and grabbing the suitcase with my free arm. I feel myself being pulled back and the weight on my left arm is now gone. Mat now had my pink duffle bag over his shoulder. He sent me a small smile and headed towards the door. This is gonna be a long trip.

I slowly walked behind him following him to his car in the parking lot. I let out a laugh and tried to cover it with a cough. His head snapped back to me and he smiled. “Yeah yeah, laugh it up,” he says putting my stuff in the back with his. “No I’m not laughing at you or the car I swear,” I laugh and he cuts me a look. “It’s just you’ve been in the NHL how long? They have to be paying you enough for a luxury car,” I say getting in the passenger door as he shuts it behind me. “Not that I need to explain myself to you, but there is no point in all of that. I mean this is a great little car, trustworthy, and dependable,” he says leaning over and looking backward to reverse the car. I hated to admit it to myself but he looked way too good doing that.

“No, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I just figured you would be all flashy and get a car to impress some girl,” I shrug looking outside my window and not at him. “Maybe the Mat you used to know would have done that. But I’m not that guy anymore,” he says glancing over at me. His stare makes me feel like the same little girl who had a monster crush on her best friend’s older brother. “Maybe,” I ask in a teasing tone getting a laugh out of him, like a real genuine smile. Happy with how the conversation was going and in fear of messing it up, I reached over and flipped through the stations trying to find a station.

“Here, just play something on here. The static is driving me crazy,” Mat says handing his phone over to me. I held it like it was a bomb, scared if I moved it would go off. “What,” he laughs eyes straight ahead. “I don’t know. It’s just no guy has ever just openly handed me his phone to go through,” I say opening his phone, he didn’t even have a password on it. His background makes me stop. It was a picture of Liana, him, my little sister, and me from one summer when we were kids on my dad’s boat. “Well you have been around the wrong guys,” he says snapping me out of my trance.

I didn’t even know that picture existed, let alone why Mat had it as his home screen. “Yeah well, you could say that again,” I laugh dryly and scroll through his playlist trying to find one. “Oh my gosh. You do not still have this,” I say shocked pulling up a playlist I made him one summer when he said I had terrible music taste and wanted to prove him wrong. I click play and the catchy beat of some random boyband I was obsessed with fills the car. He smiles and starts singing along with the song. “What? Don’t go feeling all special or whatever, it just has some good songs on it,” he says trying not to smile.

The next two hours are filled with us screaming the lyrics of the playlist and dancing around in the car. I had actually never had this much fun with Mat ever. He always treated me like his sister’s annoying friend. Right now it felt like he was treating me like a friend. The snow started to pick up more and more. We had turned down the music to almost nothing and I was helping him watch the road. “I saw a sign for a motel like half a mile back. I know it isn’t ideal but I can’t risk having you on the road in this weather,” he says slowing down even more and turning into the motel.

“Risk having me on the road? What about you,” I ask as he puts the car in park. “Liana and my parents would have my ass if anything happened to you,” he said looking over at me. I deflated a little bit, cursing myself for actually thinking maybe it was because he cared about me. I just nod my head and open the door grabbing my bags and heading for the door. “Hey wait slow down. What just happened back there,” he asks rushing forward and opening the door for me.

The lobby was filled with the same chill as outside. I shook off some of the snow that had gathered up on my clothes and hair. “I have no idea what you are talking about Barzal,” I say walking further inside towards the front desk. “Y/n you just completely shut down on me,” he says grabbing my forearm and pulling me back. I roll my eyes and look up at him. “I have no idea what you are talking about Mat. Look I’m tired and cold I just want to take a hot shower and sleep okay?” 

I hear someone clear their throat and we both look towards the guy behind the desk. He has an annoyed expression on his face. I pull my arm away from Mat and walk towards the desk. “How can I help you tonight sweetheart,” his voice sends chills down my spine. He looked me up and down like he was a wild animal stalking his prey. “Uhm.. a room please,” I stutter out completely creeped out by this guy. My eyes shift over to Mat and then back to the guy. “Okay, so two rooms. That will be,” the guy is cut off by Mat. “One room actually,” Mat wore a smug look on his face. His arm slipped around me, and this time I leaned in and didn’t brush him off.

“Yeah sure okay,” he grumbles out typing away. Mat gave my side a squeeze and his thumb rubbed back and forth under my jacket. I tried to ignore the feelings that came with being this close to him. He was just trying to help like a big brother would. He didn’t see me as anything else. “Right this way,” he said and we followed him down a long hallway and to the last room in the hall. He opens the door and we both can see the room only has one bed in it. I try to control my face, but it must have slipped because the guy smirks down at me. “One bed alright with the happy couple,” he said emphasizing the word couple. 

“Perfect with us. Right baby,” Mat leans down and looks at me. I nod my head, not trusting my voice in that moment. Fear overwhelmed my system, I just couldn’t tell if it was from the looks the clerk was giving me or the fact I had to share a bed with Mat tonight. “Well, I’ll leave you both to it. Come find me if you need anything okay,” he says directly at me slipping a wink in before walking away. Mat all picked me up and carried me into the room away from that guy. 

He slams the door closed and I jump at the sudden loud noise. He turns around and looks at me. I have never been able to read Mat well, he always held his emotions close to himself. But in this moment I was grateful I couldn’t. He was seething with anger. He paced around the room rambling about how no man had any right to talk to a woman like that. I sat on the bed and watched him continue to walk around. “Mat, please. You are making me dizzy,” I groan falling back onto the bed with my legs still hanging off. I hear a deep sigh and feel the bed dip down next to me. “You okay,” I ask looking into his eyes.

“That doesn’t matter right now. Are you okay,” he asked voice soft. I nod feeling very vulnerable under his gaze. I open my mouth to ask him more about what the hell just happened but my phone ringing cut me off. “Y/n, finally you answer me. I got an alert that you and Mat both stopped and neither one of you picked up. I was scared to death something happened to you both,” Liana rushes out. “Li slow down okay. I am perfectly fine okay. The roads just got really bad and Mat pulled over and we found a motel to stay at. We are gonna get back on the road first thing in the morning,” I explain calmly trying to help ease her worry.

“Hey you know I wouldn’t ever let anything happen to her right,” Mat says to his sister looking straight at me. “Yeah, I know. Sorry, it’s just you guys are two of my favorite people, and if I lost you both,” her voice cracked and we heard a hushed voice comforting her. Mat raised his eyebrows and I smiled. “You can’t get rid of us that easy. We are gonna be annoying you for the foreseeable future,” I laugh telling her and trying to get off the phone before Mat realized who she was talking to. “Okay I love you guys,” she says before hanging up. 

“Who was that,” he asked looking back to me. I laugh and shake my head jumping up. He quickly followed suit and stood after I did. “I am gonna go get that shower,” I say walking backward towards the bathroom. “Y/n tell me who she was talking to,” he says walking closer to me. I keep backing up until my back hits a wall. Mat is right in front of me looking down at me. “A friend,” I say in a hushed tone due to our closeness. “Uh-huh. A friend. Who is this friend,” he asks maintaining our current distance. “Maybe a friend who wants to be more than a friend,” I shrug and laugh at the face he makes. “Oh my god. She is a little rat,” he said backing up some. 

“Why is she a little rat,” I ask finally getting to take a full breath. “She totally used me asking to bring you home as a way to hang out with a boy,” he says looking back to me, and then his eyes get big. “What did you just say,” I ask stepping closer to him. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” he says trying to keep distance between us and trips over my bag falling down. “I’m okay,” he says looking up at me and then laughing. “Are you sure,” I ask laughing back at him. “Positive. Now go get a shower, you kind of stink,” he jokes and I kick his shin lightly.

When I was in the shower my mind drifted back to the car ride here. It was so different than any other time I had spent with him. Maybe he was right, he wasn’t the same Mat I knew growing up. I was more confused now than I was before. I shake off all of the feelings coming back from my teenage years and get out of the shower. I go to change into some clothes and realize I didn’t grab a shirt. “Hey, Mat. Can you pass me a shirt? I forgot to grab one,” I yell hoping he can hear me over the sound of the TV he had going. I hear a muffled sound and then a quick knock on the door. I open it and come face to face with him. 

His eyes drifted down and back up very quickly, he was hoping I hadn’t noticed. It was just the same as him seeing me in a swimsuit in the summer, which he had seen several times. Something different was floating around his mind, but I just couldn’t tell what. He cleared his throat and handed me the shirt. “Thanks,” I say softly and step back into the bathroom slipping the shirt over my head. I noticed how much bigger it was than normal and finally looked at myself in the mirror. He had given me one of his Islanders training shirts. I try not to think too much about it, but the small part of me who still believes in fairytale endings drifts.

I walk out turning the lights off in the bathroom and turning to face him. His shirt was so long it covered the shorts I had on. He looked up at me and his jaw tightened slightly. The air was weird between us again like it was earlier. “What are you watching,” I ask looking over at him when he doesn’t answer me. I call his name again and he looks over at me. “Oh uhm I don’t know some random comedy I found,” he says sitting up straighter in the bed. I nod my head at him and walk around the side of the bed opposite him. I pull back the blankets and carefully slip into the bed being very cautious of our personal space.

“Are you cold,” he asks looking over only being able to see me when the TV flashed a bright color. “No, I’m good I promise,” I say back lying to him. “Y/n/n, I can feel you shivering over there,” he says looking over at me. I feel his hand touch mine under the covers and he winces. “Your hands are freezing,” he says. He scoots closer and pulls me towards him. “Mat, I’m fine really,” I try and push him off. He ignores me and pulls me into his chest. I immediately feel warmer, either from his body heat or my face flushing. 

We both stay still as a board, both afraid of moving too much and scaring the other. I could feel his breath and hear his heartbeat. That was the only thing comforting me because he was as fast as mine. “Hey can I ask you a question,” he asks running his hand up and down my arm. “Yeah, you can ask me anything,” I say looking up at him. “Earlier when your roommate and her girlfriend were talking they said you never talk about me even when people ask. Does that happen a lot? People asking you about me,” he asks his hand stopping and resting on my upper arm. “Yeah, I guess it does. I mean people know me from Li’s Instagram and figure I am close with you or whatever. So girls try to be friends with me to get closer to you. Or guys only ask me out thinking I will introduce them to you,” I say scared of how he will act.

“I am really sorry that happened to you Y/n,” he says looking down at me. I look up at him and smile. “It’s okay Mat. Not anything I’m not used to,” I replied. “Has this always happened,” his question made me sigh. I just nod against his chest. “How long,” his voice breaks. “I don’t know, freshman year. It wasn’t because you were mister hot-shot hockey back then. It was because you were this hot older guy every girl our age was crazy about. So that’s why Li and I have always been really selective of our friends,” I answer back. We stay quiet for a minute and then I feel his chest vibrate some. “What,” I ask looking up at him and seeing a smile on his face. “Every girl your age thought I was hot, eh,” he asks in a teasing tone, but not the same one from childhood.

“Wow out of all of that, you wanna know if I thought you were hot,” I roll my eyes and push away from him. His grip tightens on me and I laugh with him. “Why does it matter what I thought of you way back then,” I ask. “I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Can I ask you a question now,” I counter and he nods. “What did I do to you growing up,” his eyebrows furrow at my question. “I mean it was like you had it out for me. Anything I did, you had a teasing comeback for it. And then in high school you just ignored me. So I’m asking you if I did something,” I ask waiting for a response. 

“You didn’t do anything, I swear. Well not intentionally anyway. You couldn’t help me having feelings for you. I don’t know as kids I thought of you just like Li and your sister. And then one day you weren’t the same anymore. I noticed how my feelings were changing with you. And I was stupid and young and had no clue what I was doing so I was just mean.” I stayed quiet just listening to him. “Then high school came around and some of the jerks I called friends started asking questions about you. Like who you were and some other stuff I’m not gonna repeat. So I just thought if you weren’t an active part of my life maybe guys like that would leave you alone. You were way too good for them,” he finished and stared ahead. “Mat, will you please look at me,” I ask, his eyes drifting across my face and landing on my eyes. He nods and I look at him,” Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Like I said, I was a young stupid kid. I was scared of you. You were my sister’s best friend, our parents are super close, and I just knew that I would screw something up. And it wouldn’t just be us it would be us I messed up, but everyone else would suffer,” he said. “Well are you still,” I ask, taking a leap of faith. “Still what,” his voice is filled with confusion. “Are you still young and stupid,” I whisper back to him. “Up until yesterday. Yeah, I was,” he replied. “What changed today,” I question leaning in closer to him. “I finally quit trying too hard around you. I was just Mat with you today. And it felt really nice,” he smiled leaning down our lips almost touching. “Tell me to stop and I will. We can pretend this never happened and go back to whatever we were. Even though that might actually kill me, I’ll do it if that’s what you want,” he says his breath fanning my face.

I close the distance between us by grabbing his cheeks with my hands pulling him closer. It didn’t even take him a second to fall into rhythm with me. All those years of secretly pining and hidden feelings were finally being released. I kissed him until I physically couldn’t anymore needing to breathe. “Holy shit,” I say resting our foreheads together.” If I had known that was what I was missing I would have said something sooner,” he laughed making me smile. “Well, we have about ten years to catch up on,” I smile at him reconnecting our lips.

The next morning I woke up all tangled up in Mat’s embrace. I nuzzled into his chest harder, waking him in the process. “Please tell me last night wasn’t some dream,” he says not opening his eyes yet. “No, you dork. It wasn’t a dream,” I laugh kissing the space between his shoulder and neck. “I don’t really wanna leave the motel, is that bad,” he asks running his hand in my hair. “No, it isn’t that bad,” I smile. “Good because I’m pretty sure Li may just kick my ass,” he laughs. “Am I worth it,” I ask looking up at him. “Worth every second of ass-kicking,” he says kissing my nose. I kiss his lips again and my phone ringing interrupted us. “Oh god, it’s her, isn’t it? She is already cockblocking me and she doesn’t even know yet,” he groans throwing his head back.

“Are you both still alive,” she jokes. “Yes we are both still alive,” Mat groans into the phone before moving us to where he could rest his face on my neck. My hands go to his hair and start running my fingers through it. “Well, I’m sorry for asking. Geez Y/n maybe you should have given him some and he wouldn’t be acting like an ass this morning,” she laughs and stops when she realizes neither one of us answers. “Oh my god. You did not,” she screams.

[hockey-fics]

Missing Piece ~ Mathew Barzal 

Summary: You’re supposed to move on from your first love, but six years later you’re still struggling with it. And maybe you aren’t the only one. 

Warnings: Drinking

Word Count: ~4,700

Love isn’t easy or simple. Love is complicated and sometimes messy. Love can bring out the best in you but it can also bring out the worst. It forces you to deal with issues you didn’t want to deal with, issues you maybe didn’t even know you had. Jealousy, insecurity, distrust. 

Your first love was even more intricate. It’s the first time you feel that true commitment to a person when you know you would do anything and everything for them. The first time you give yourself over to someone completely, give them the power to break your heart into a million pieces. The first time you found your person. The person you don’t want to be without, the person you feel safe and comfortable with. The person who brings out the best parts of you and the person who will be by your side at your worst. 

But not every love story has a happy ending. 

Your first love started in middle school. Mathew asked you to go with him to the seventh-grade dance. Of course, you said yes. You were 12 and you were ecstatic that your crush had asked you to the dance. 

At 13 you had your first kiss. It was on the playground at the park down the road from your house. You had gone there with Mathew after school one Tuesday in October. It was awkward and strange but you loved every second of it. 

At 14 Mathew asked you officially to be his girlfriend. You said yes without a second of hesitation. He took you to a movie that Friday. Or rather, your parents drove you to the movie theatre, where you met up with Mat and he bought you a ticket and popcorn. You held hands throughout the movie and didn’t pay attention for even a second. You spent the length of the movie worried about if you were holding his hand too hard or not hard enough or if your hand was too clammy or stiff.

At 16 Mathew moved away and you didn’t know how to handle it. But you loved Mat as much as you could have at that time so you navigated a long-distance relationship as best you could at that age. He was only a few hours away and between weekend trips and summers together you managed the relationship rather well. 

At 21 things changed. Mat moved thousands of kilometres away and your ability to navigate long-distance deteriorated quickly. There was a three-hour time difference. Weekend trips to see each other nearly ceased entirely. You would go days with nothing more than a few texts here and there. By the time you were done with your day and had time to call Mathew, he would be heading to bed. When he had time to talk in the morning you were still asleep. 

So you broke up. It was mutual, at least that’s what you told everyone. It was you who had brought up the idea. Mat argued against it, promised to try harder, find more time to talk and see each other. But you knew it wasn’t realistic. You hadn’t drifted apart due to a lack of effort. It wasn’t extra effort that would bring you together. 

You were devastated. Beyond devastated. You were a mess for long enough that you had grown embarrassed over the number of tears you had shed, the number of nights you had spent curled up in bed, and the social plans you had cancelled to stay in and wallow in your sadness. 

Eventually, you pulled yourself together enough to patch your life back up. You finished your last few years of university. You started going on dates again, even though none of them ever compared to being with Mat. You did your best to put that part of your life behind you. 

But you were supposed to move on entirely from your first love. You knew that. You knew with time you were supposed to stop thinking about it, about him. You were supposed to go weeks, or months, without thinking back to the days of your first love. 

You weren’t supposed to long to have that person, that feeling, back in your life. You weren’t supposed to flash back to vivid memories of the past, of memories from when you were still wrapped up in that love. 

You thought the hole he had left in your life when the two of you broke up would eventually be filled. With friends and hobbies, school and a career. But no matter how busy you kept yourself, no matter how hard you tried to fill that hole, it always seemed to be there. 

December 22, 2022

You’re sitting in the driveway, Budget rental car idling in the cold winter night. December 22nd. You were back at your childhood home for Christmas. You should be happy. But every time you came home there was a feeling of nostalgia that didn’t fill you with warmth or happiness, it felt sad and bitter. 

“Are we going to go in?”

Whipping your head to the right with a sharp inhale your eyes focus on Ben. Ben. You two had only been together for four months. It felt far too early for him to be joining your family for Christmas but when he asked to come you didn’t really know how to say no. So here you were, with your practically brand new boyfriend, sitting in the driveway of your childhood family home thinking about all the times you had been in that exact place with Mat. 

“Oh, um, yeah,” you mutter, turning the car off before climbing out into the cold night. Dragging your suitcases up to the front door you head in, your parents at the front door only a few seconds later. 

“Hi hunny,” your mom greets, throwing her arms around you. 

“Hey, mom.” Pulling back you look over at Ben. “This is Ben,” you tell her, your apprehension clear in your voice. 

“Hi Ben, it’s lovely to meet you.” She pulls him in for a hug, their bodies rigid and tense. “How was the flight?”

“Pretty good,” you tell her with a shrug. “Nothing crazy happened so I guess I can’t complain.”

“Well, dinner is almost ready, the bed is made upstairs,” your mom says, eyes flicking back and forth from you to Ben and back to you. 

You wanted the night to go well, you really did. You wanted Ben to fit in like a missing piece in your family. But it didn’t and he didn’t fit. It was awkward and uncomfortable. After dinner you cleaned the kitchen with your mom while Ben sat in the living room with your dad and the house was so quiet you could hear their conversation, or rather, their lack of conversation altogether. 

You lay awake in bed that night till Ben falls asleep, till the house is dark and quiet. Slipping out of your room and down the stairs you head out to the car in the driveway. You weren’t even sure where you were going, or what you were planning on doing. But you needed to get out of your head and you hoped that getting out of the house might make that happen. 

Eventually, you find yourself in front of the 24-hour convenience store you used to frequent for late-night snacks and drinks. The year they began selling wine and beer only increased the frequency of trips, youthful giggling as you played a game of ‘who looks the oldest’ in someone's beat-up Honda Civic in the parking lot of the convenience store. 

Sighing you climb out of the car, heading into the store. The lights are fluorescent and bright, too bright. The store is empty aside from the man sitting behind the counter, barely even looking up from his phone when you entered the building. Strolling down the aisles you let your eyes scan the shelves of chips and candy, overpriced loaves of Wonder bread and tiny jars of peanut butter. 

The bell above the door jingles but it barely registers for you, your mind racing with thoughts, with memories. 

“Your parents still don’t keep junk food in the house?”

Twirling around your eyes land on the last person you expected to find in that convenience store at 12:30am. If you had you sure as hell wouldn’t have been there in sweatpants and a hoodie so old you were fairly sure he had seen you in when you were still a teenager. “Mat,” you whisper. “You’re back in town early.” 

“Yeah, we got lucky this year, had a game yesterday and I flew back this afternoon,” Mat explains. “When’d you get here?”

“This afternoon.” You’re fidgeting with the strings on your hoodie, staring over at him. “How’ve you been?”

“Not bad. How are you? Happy to be home?”

“Uh,” you mutter, inhaling deeply. “Yeah, I guess as happy to be home as I can be if I’m using this place as an excuse to get out of the house.”

“That bad, hey?” Mat chuckles. 

“I mean, it could be better. But more importantly, what is hockey superstar Mathew Barzal doing at the 24-hour Stop and Shop in the middle of the night?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Your eyes fall to the bag of chips he was holding, looking back up at him with a teasing smile. “And you thought a bag of Lays salt and vinegar chips would fix that?”

“Probably not.” Matt shrugs, laughing under his breath. Reaching over he picks up a bottle of wine sitting on the shelf across from where you were standing. “This might though.”

“Oh no, it’s sad enough to be back in this place, don’t make it worse by drinking alone.”

Mat chuckles, reaching over for a second bottle, and thrusting it into your empty hands. “So don’t let me drink alone.”

You knew you should say no. There were a million and one reasons why you should say no. You had broken up over 6 years ago. It took you years to move on and you weren’t sure even now you really were. You had a boyfriend now. You had a boyfriend now who was asleep in your family’s home. 

“Alright,” you state, nodding in agreement, despite your mind screaming at you to say no, to put the wine away. 

So the two of you take the bottles of wine and Mat’s bag of salt and vinegar chips to the counter and you let him pay for all of it despite your objection. Outside you climb into your car, agreeing to meet Mat at his house. It seemed safer to go there, your own house seemed off the table with Ben asleep in your parent’s guest room. 

When you pull into the driveway Mat is waiting outside for you, the bottles of wine tucked under one arm. Following him inside the two of you sneak down to the finished basement that had been a common hangout during your childhood and teenage years. 

Once you’re settled on the couch in the basement with a glass of wine in your hand you turn your focus back to Mat. “How have things been? It’s been a while since we talked.”

“It has,” Matt agrees, taking a sip of the white wine in his glass. “I’ve been pretty good, I guess. Kinda just the same.”

“I don’t think you get to make your life seem so boring,” you tease. “I’m glad you’ve been doing well though. Still enjoying New York?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s starting to feel like it’s home more than here now, you know?”

Nodding slowly you take a sip of your wine, staring down into it for a few seconds. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Are you still living out here? You graduated, right?”

“Yeah, I finished my degree a couple years ago,” you tell him with a soft smile. You were still following each other on social media and you were sure that had to be how he knew that. “I moved out to Toronto after graduating.”

“Toronto?” Mat shifts slightly in his seat, taking another gulp of the sickly sweet, cheap wine. “That’s a big move.”

“I didn’t want to stay out here forever, wanted to see a new place for a while.”

“How are you liking it out there?”

Sighing quietly you give him a little shrug. “It’s been okay, it was hard for a while to not know anyone out there. But I’m slowly settling in, meeting new people.”

“You don’t sound like you like it that much.”

Laughing softly you take another drink, finishing off your first glass of wine. “I do,” you insist, reaching over and pouring yourself another glass of wine. You knew the only reason you were hesitating about it was because you were sitting here with Mat now and it made Toronto feel distant and cold. 

As your conversation grows less intense with each glass of wine you find yourself loosening up, laughing and joking with Mat like the two of you hadn’t spent the last six years apart. You weren’t even paying attention to the time, had stopped worrying about Ben waking up and finding your side of the bed empty. Nothing else seemed to matter while you were sitting there with Mat. 

“Any new women in your life?” you ask, the wine blurring your inhibitions, no longer worrying if that question would come across as strange and jealous. 

Mat chuckles, shaking his head. “No, hasn’t really been for awhile. What about you?”

“No, I’m still mostly just interested in men.” 

“Very funny,” Mat laughs, waiting for you to go on regardless of your attempt to deflect the question away from you. 

“Um,” you hum, taking another large drink from your glass. “Yeah, I, um, I’m seeing someone.”

Mat falls silent, nodding slowly as he looks across the room, not making eye contact for a few minutes. “Oh, um, congratulations.”

Laughing sarcastically you set your glass down, nervously running your clammy hands over your thighs. You didn’t want that fact to change Mat’s perspective of you. You didn’t want him to push you away because of that. “We haven’t been together long,” you inform him. “I don’t know if we’re going to be.”

“Why’s that?”

“I just feel like we should still be in a honeymoon phase of our relationship but it’s already really hard. And he doesn’t fit in with my family, which isn’t a dealbreaker but it’s not ideal, you know?”

“He’s met your family?” Mat mumbles. 

Your heart was hammering in your chest now, not wanting to admit what you were about to say. But you couldn’t lie to him. “He’s here with me for Christmas.”

“I thought…didn’t you say you haven’t been together long?” Mat asks, his voice quiet and deflated. 

You can’t help but laugh at that, it was a very fair question to ask and you were a little embarrassed to admit that it was and he was still here regardless. “We haven’t, it’s been like four months. He asked to come out here with me for Christmas and I didn’t know how to say no.”

Mat’s deflated expression is broken by a breath of laughter. “You couldn’t say no? You didn’t want him to come?”

“No,” you exclaim, shaking your head. “I really didn’t.”

“Do you even like this guy?” 

Glancing around the room you let out a loud breath. “I don’t know, Mat,” you admit. “I’ve been trying. I did in the beginning but now I think I’m just trying to force it to work.”

“Doesn’t sound great for four months in,” Mat points out. “Did you also not know how to say no to me all those times I came over for Christmas with your family?” Mat jokes. 

“You know I wanted you there,” you tell him with a soft smile. “I always wanted you around.”

“So why didn’t you want him to come?” Mat asks, seemingly looking for a specific answer though you weren’t sure what it was. 

“Because I don’t love him,” you say simply. “And I love you.”

The room falls silent as the two of you realize what you had just said, your face flushing hot and your heart hammering hard. “I loved you,” you correct, a blatant lie but you couldn’t admit that somewhere deep inside you were still in love with Mat. 

“I should probably head home,” you say suddenly, getting to your feet and pulling your phone out to get an Uber or taxi or any other way you could figure out to get out of there. 

“Woah, hey, are you okay?” Mat asks, getting up and stepping over to you, his hand on your lower back. His touch was gentle and hesitant like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do it. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” you whisper, your hands shaking slightly as you open your Uber app. 

“Look at me.” Mat places his hands on your arms, turning you to face him. “I know what you meant, you don’t have to run away.”

“What did I mean, Mat?” you whisper, looking up into his eyes. 

“That we loved each other when I was coming to your house for Christmas.”

You hesitate, knowing you should just leave it at that. But you couldn’t, shaking your head slightly. “I think I might still be in love with you.”

Mat stares down at you for a few seconds, uncertainty clear on his face. Before you have the chance to say or do anything he’s pulling you closer, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. 

“Mat,” you whisper, pulling back the second his lips touch yours. “I can’t do this right now.”

“I’m sorry,” he mutters, stepping back quickly, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. “Fuck, I’m sorry, you’re in a relationship, I shouldn’t have…I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” you assure him. “I should probably go home though.”

Mat nods, walking you up to the door once your Uber was on the way. He stands in the entryway, shoulder against the wall as he watches you pull your shoes on. 

“Wait,” he says as you stand up, moving towards the door. Turning back to face him you wait for him to go on. “I still love you too.”

You’re frozen in place, speechless for too long. “I’ll talk to you later,” you finally say, slipping out of the front door and hurrying down to the Uber idling at the bottom of the driveway. The ride is quiet and you’re glad your driver was refraining from a conversation, giving you time to think over the events of the night. 

When you get back home you sneak in as quietly as you can to avoid waking anyone up. But by the time you get into your room, you realize you didn’t need to be so worried, finding Ben wide awake. 

“Where were you?”

Sighing you tug your hoodie off, tossing it onto the chair in the corner of the room. “I just went to see a friend.”

“You snuck out in the middle of the night to go visit a friend?” Ben presses, clearly and rightfully suspicious. 

“I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you up,” you explain, only partly lying. 

“Who were you with?”

“Why are you interrogating me right now?” you snap, arms folding over your chest. 

“Because you fucking snuck out to go see someone in the middle of the night and you’re obviously drunk, I think I deserve to know where you were and who you were with.”

“I was with Mat,” you snap. “I ran into him in the store and went back to his place to catch up. It’s not a big deal now can you just go back to sleep.”

“Your ex Mat?” Ben mutters. 

“Yes,” you whisper, glancing down at the ground. 

“Did you sleep with him?”

“Oh my god,” you groan, shaking your head. “No, I didn’t do anything with him. We hung out and had some wine.”

“That’s bullshit,” Ben declares. “Tell me the truth.”

“I just did,” you mutter, though it wasn’t exactly the truth. 

“I don’t believe you.”

You take a deep breath, glancing up at the ceiling before looking back over at him. “You want to know the fucking truth? I’m still in love with him. Yeah, he tried to kiss me but I stopped it. I don’t know what you want from me, Ben, but whatever it is I really don’t think that I can give it to you.”

“I should never have come here,” Ben states, his voice cold and harsh. 

Laughing sarcastically you lean against the dresser behind you, putting even more distance between you and him. “No, you shouldn’t have. I didn’t even fucking want you to, I don’t know why you would even ask. We’ve been together for like four months.” 

You knew you were being harsh, you knew you were in the wrong. But the culmination of everything from the last 12 hours was spewing out of you with visceral anger. You didn’t want him there, your family barely wanted him there, he had already made your first dinner with your family weird and uncomfortable and you couldn’t help but put all of that on him. 

Ben nods, walking across the room to begin reorganizing his suitcase. “Well, I’ll be out of here tomorrow so I don’t ruin your Christmas or get in the way of you and your ex.”

Sighing you walk to the edge of the bed, sitting down and watching him for a few minutes. 

“You had to know this wasn’t going to work out, Ben,” you finally say, voice quiet and soft now. 

“Actually I didn’t,” Ben snaps, turning around to look at you. “I actually have feelings for you and it doesn’t feel great to know you were in love with your ex this entire time.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, looking down at the ground. “I know it doesn’t make it better but I really didn’t plan or expect to see him, now or ever.”

“It really doesn’t, but thanks,” Ben mutters, walking back to the bed to sit back down. Pulling his phone out the two of you fall into an uncomfortable silence while he finds the next available flight back to Toronto. 

Eventually, you decide to get some sleep, the sky already bright outside. The next time you wake up Ben was already gone and you weren’t sure if you were relieved by that or if you felt you should have said a more concrete goodbye. 

Downstairs you find your parents in the living room, curling up on the end of the couch, waiting for someone else to say something first. 

“I’m sorry,” your mom finally says and you look over at her with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Sorry?” you ask. 

“You and Ben, I’m sorry you two broke up.”

“Oh,” you mumble, shrugging. “It’s, um, not a big deal.”

“You went and saw Mathew?” your mom asks. 

“He told you that?” you ask in disbelief. “I didn’t go see him, I couldn’t sleep so I went for a drive and stopped at the convenience store for a snack and I ran into him. He wanted to catch up so I went over to his place, it’s not like I planned to see him.”

Your mom nods, clearly unsure about your words. But your mom also loved Mat and you knew that even if you had specifically gone to see him she probably wouldn’t have been that upset about it. “Well as long as you’re okay then I’ll be honest and I think it’s for the best. You didn’t seem happy with him.”

Sighing you turn your attention to the Christmas Hallmark movie that was playing on the TV. “Yeah,” you whisper, knowing she was right. 

You spend the rest of the day with your parents, watching Christmas movies and eating so many snacks you didn’t even need to think about cooking a single meal that day. 

Most of Christmas Eve had slipped by quickly but you couldn’t keep your mind off of Mat. Couldn’t stop thinking about the night you spent together. He had told you that he loved you and you had left without saying anything else. You left that night with him thinking you were staying in a relationship with Ben.

After dinner you pick up your keys and purse, telling your parents you would be home soon. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe everything you had done since being home had been a mistake. But you don’t stop, you don’t turn around, you keep driving till you’re sitting in the driveway of Mat’s childhood home. 

The driveway is slippery with freshly fallen snow, the air sharp against your skin. When you get to the front door you consider turning around and heading home, pretending you had never driven across town for this. But you knock on the door before you can talk yourself out of it. 

When the door is pulled open you’re hit with a gust of warm air, tinged with the scent of Christmas baking. Your eyes focus on Mat, standing in front of you in a hoodie and sweats, hair a mess, surprise written on his face. “Hey,” he breathes out, one hand still on the door. 

Stepping closer you lean up, hands on either side of his face as you press your lips against his. It’s filled with emotion and all the words you didn’t know how to say. His arms are around your body, tugging you into the house and fumbling the door closed behind you without so much as pulling back for a second. Your hands move down, one tangled in his hair, the other grasping at his hoodie like you were scared that he would be gone again if you were to let go. 

When you finally pull back you leave one hand grasping his hoodie, the other falling to rest on his chest. “Hi,” you whisper. 

“Hi,” Matt replies, his hands on your waist. “What-.”

“I broke up with him,” you interrupt, wanting to get any thoughts that you might be cheating on your partner out of Mat’s head. “Or I guess we broke up, he found out about the other night and wasn’t happy.” 

Mat nods slowly, waiting for you to go on. But you didn’t know what else to say. You didn’t even know why you were there. 

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” Mat suggests, pushing your jacket down your arms, and hanging it on one of the hooks by the door. 

“Okay,” you agree, letting him take your hand and pull you up into his room. The same room you had snuck into many times before, but back then it was because you were teenagers and spending time alone behind a closed door was strictly off-limits. “Straight to the bedroom, hey?”

Mat chuckles shutting the door behind the two of you before making his way to sit on the edge of the bed. “Just figured you wouldn’t want to have whatever conversation we’re about to have in the living room with my family.”

“You’re right about that,” you comment, walking over and lifting one knee onto the edge of the bed, sitting next to him, your body turned to face him. “So,” you whisper, hoping he would take the reins on the conversation. 

“I want to try again,” Mat blurts, not turning his head to look at you as he says it. 

“Try what again?” 

“Being together. We live closer now and I still love you six years later, I think…I think I want us to try and make it work again.”

You’re stunned by his words, staring at him speechlessly. It’s not that you hadn’t thought about it. Not only had you thought about it before this trip home but you had thought about it every moment since you saw Mat in the convenience store. 

“Is that a no?” Mat mutters. 

“No, uh,” you begin nervously, shaking your head. “No, it’s not. I mean, yes…yes, I want that.”

Mat pulls you closer, kissing you again, gently, passionately. “I love you,” Mat whispers against your lips. 

And you whispered it right back to him, contentment deep in your soul. Finally, the piece in the puzzle that had been missing for so long seemed to be back in place. 

[bitchinbarzal]

Biggest Surprise | Sasha & Ivy

ivybarzalzegras

liked by tristanzeegs, steviehughes and others

ivybarzalzegras we had a massive shock this weekend. we had a baby! the story will be told at every birthday for years to come but we want to introduce everyone to our son, Beau Mathew Barzal-Zegras 🧸

view all comments

noaboeser WHAT THE FU WE ARE COMING TO NEW YORK RN WHAT IS HAPPENING

lennondahlincozens we’re so happy for you guys 🥺

titobeauvi91 love you kiddo 💙

mamabarz weirdest weekend ever!

newyorkrangers congratulations! 💙

sashazegras

liked by mamabarz, trevorzegras and 124,678 others

sashazegras biggest surprise ever. welcome to the world Beau! Leo & Nola are so excited to be big brother and sister to him 💙

view all comments

wesleydrysdale congratulations man

ryderbarzal big love!

trevorzegras when will I get a grandchild named after me is it too much to ask

nyislanders congratulations Barzal-Zegras’ !!

[hugshughes]

ugh i just got an idea for a like lengthy multi-part story with famous singer reader and quinn hughes with ex!mathew barzal with like chapters and social media parts and all the stuff.

someone stop me

[brokenanxiety]

no one speak to me omg. mathew michael paul barzal.

from the islanders ig story

[mendeshoney]

can you do a short little story that basically you and mathew barzal go to this party together and he hates when your unsober and he told you no drinking/smoking but you got WASTEDDDDDD and he was pissed so he drug you out of the party and back to your apartment and while in the elevator he kept wrapping his arm around your waist and y’all got into a argument and he was beyond pissed at you for drinking and smoking and idk how to end it off but happy ending!!!!!!!

i’m so sorry that was a lot 😭

I’m going to be 100% honest and say I feel like I wouldn’t be able to do this one justice 😅 I’m sorry!

[ohmyeyesmyeyes]

fourth anniversary

mat barzal x famous f!reader

summary: your annual 'soft launch' post comes around, only this time fans get a little more than they bargained for

warnings: swearing, soft launch, hints at sex, let's ignore the misspelling of 'anniversary' at the beginning, reader has tats

i'm a sucker for soft launches guys i'm sorry but i have no range on social media au's 🤷

liked by glenpowell, camilamorrone and 962,851 others

ynofficial: "flowers? linen? fruit? silk? I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE TRADITIONAL THEME IS FOR A FOURTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY IS AND ALEXA IS TELLING ME SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO GOOGLE AND GOOGLE IS TELLING ME DIFFERENT THINGS!!!! WHY IS THIS SO HARD?" - M

view all comments

fan1: YOU'RE MARRIED????? WTF

fan2: so those soft launches were wedding anniversary posts? i'm unwell babe

fan3: i think i just shat my heart out in mcdonalds

fan4: damn

fan5: so we got marriage??? and a full post??? with a caption??? that proves he has personality??? and three full photos???

fan6: fr we're getting fed

fan7: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS OR WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE BUT I JUST KNOW HE'S DELICIOUSLY DISGUSTINGLY GORGEOUS

ynofficial: i can confirm this, yes 🙋

fan8: have you not seen her track record of partners? the girl's got taste

fan9: PREACH SHE DOES

fan10: LMAO HER ANSWER 💀💀💀

fan: THIS IS SOFT LAUNCH 5 BUT THEIR ANNIVERSARY IS 4???

liked by titobeauvi91, noahschnapp aand 135,861 others

barzal97: happy 4th 💐🍉

view all comments

fan11: barzy hasn't posted since october and then he slams this

fan12: so many hearts broke today 💔💔 (mine did)

fan13: babe i thought we agreed not today!!

fan14: this better be an april fools joke or something

fan15: it's march?????

fan16: that cake was from barzy to me, sorry guys

fan17: THE TATS OH MY GOD

fan18: they look so familiar

fan19: that's because ynofficial has the exact same ones

fan20: wtf

fan21: holy shit she does

fan22: this is 4 years too bro

fan23: are they????

fan24: I THINK SO

liked by taylorswift, alexachung and 991,286 others

ynofficial: i get mystified by how this city screams your name 🌸🚏

view all comments

fan25: i came from stalking twitter and i don't think it's talked about enough that her husband might be mat barzal

fan26: we love us some taylor swift love songs 💜

fan27: i'm dying over here

fan28: GIVE ME SIGNNNNN

comments on this post have been restricted

liked by nhl, trevorzegras and 74,813 others

barzal97: he shoots and he scores

view all comments

fan29: you didn't this weekend bro

fan30: shrieking bc of this

fan31: i spy an innuendo 👀

fan32: i think i burnt my eyes this is too hot

fan33: y'all mind if my boy slays real quick?

fan34: islanders and yankees don't add up

fan35: Y/N POSTED ONE LITERALLY SIMILAR TEN MINUTES AGO

ynofficial posted to their story...

liked by ynofficial, titobeauvi91 and 231,286 others

barzal97: she keeps calling me bro, like, my dude, we've been hitched 4 years

view all comments

fan36: I DID NOT EXPECT BARZY TO BE THE ONE TO SOFT LAUNCH THIS RELATIONSHIP WHAT

fan37: was this intentional?

fan38: holy fuck my god are you two attractive

fan39: i'm crying does mat not tan or something??

ynofficial: baffled. offended. insulted. TILL DEATH DO US APART, MY FRIEND. THERE IS NO RETURN POLICY. THE RETURN POLICY IS THE D-WORD.

barzal97: death?

ynofficial: (divorce)

fan40: what was that?

fan41: that was morbid

fan42: nah they're actually so gorgeous together

fan43: fr i think they suit each other so well

liked by barzal97, pierrgasly and 999,135 others

ynofficial: the man, the myth, the legend, the husband, the broski, the gremlin, the hottie...i give you my husband AKA mathew barzal AKA #13

view all comments

fan44: husband first hockey player second. fair dos.

fan45: i'm jealous of both of you

fan46: why the look of disapproval in the first pic?

barzal97: she called me buddy 😔

fan47: yeah you win. idk what the competition was, but you win it

fan48: he looks completely different in all of these 😭

fan49: how did you guys keep your entire relationship a secret?? between you you're practically wanted by the entire state of new york

ynofficial: hush money

barzal97: blackmail

titobeauvi91: they're spies

fan50: forget ny they're now wanted by the fbi

fan51: if you ever have kids the rest of the world ain't gonna stand a chance

ynofficial: 👀

barzal97: wdym 👀?

fan52: 👀

ynofficial: 👀

fan53: WHAT IS GOING ON RN??? IS THERE A BABY???

ynofficial: nugget

barzal97 just posted to their story...

[caption: fyi, THIS is nugget]

[pyotrkochetkov]

via frankieborrelli instagram story (8.20.22)

[matwith1t]

an instant serotonin boost

[midnightsnyx]

Hi! I have an idea for Mat Barzal. Like the reader is a famous singer and Mat is a huge fan of her and he once mentioned her in an interview which blows up but the reader has no idea who he is. Keep up the good work, I love all of your stories 😊😊

posed here!!

[miracleonice87]

okay I at least made this even if I can’t write atm..

ig story edit - Barzy’s gf posting ahead of tonight’s game

(this photo is not mine — from pinterest)

[kolsmikaelson]

mat barzal fake edit

[lovelylana]

Emotions and thoughts overcame Lana as she started preparing everything for Mat’s arrival. The past month was really trying on both Lana and Mat. They were the happiest and then all of a sudden they were on a break. Where did everything go wrong? To be honest, even Lana didn’t know how things went the way they did. Their schedules were busy and it felt like they were drifting away. The actress needed to think things over, so she immediately flew out to Chicago and stayed with her parents. She did feel guilty for just leaving right away without a doubt. Though the stay in Chicago helped clear Lana’s mind, there wasn’t a day that she didn’t think about Mat.

After being gone for a month, Lana came back to her home in New York and knew she needed to face things rather than run away from them. She reached out to Mat and luckily enough he spoke to her and the two agreed to have dinner. The actress saw it as the perfect chance to cook a homemade meal for the man who still had her heart. Lana cooked a pasta dish and made crème brûlée. Everything was set up and Lana dolled herself up a bit. She lit a candle and took one last glance in the mirror before hearing the door and greeting the figure.

@hfamebarzy

[bitchinbarzal]

can you elaborate on y/n getting robbed at gunpoint from Barzy and Ivy's story? how Mat reacted to the news at the time etc?

trigger warning; discussion of the use of g*ns! & miscarriage

-

Mat was at home after the game when he got a call from Nico.

Nico told him that you’d been hurt on the train and that you were at hospital in Jersey, he had been called down and ask that he come straight away.

Mat’s heart was in his throat as he made his way to the hospital.

When he arrived they took him straight to your room. You were hooked up to multiple machines aiding you to breathe.

Mat gasped lowly and sat at your bedside.

“Mr Barzal” a voice came from the doorway. He turned to see a police officer urging him to come out.

Mat stood and walked to him, hands rubbing on his jeans.

“What happened?!” Mat asked, looking at the notebook the police officier held.

“Your wife, she was robbed on the train this evening. The robbers held her at gunpoint while they searched through her purse and bags witnesses say. We have been led to believe that it was your wife specifically chosen due to her wedding ring which we managed to recover and you’ll be able to get that back in twenty-five days after processing”

Mat swallowed hard and nodded “Did you catch the guy?”

“We did, sir and we will get your wife down to the station when she’s fit to do so and give a little further detail”

“Thanks officer”

When the police left the doctor found Mathew and stopped him

“How’s my wife?”

“Your wife is going to be fine sir” she affirmed and he let out a breath of relief before she continued “However I do have to let you know that your wife’s pregnancy did not survive the trauma and she is currently going through a miscarriage. We will have someone in shortly to discuss with you both the next steps and any support available”

Mat stumbled back, feeling the wind being knocked out of him. He gripped onto the wall next to him for support while he tried to regulate his breathing.

You’d just found out last week that you were having a little girl at a gender reveal that Sydney insisted on throwing you. You were so excited to become a mom. You were bickering about names and now that was all gone.

Mat sat at your bedside for the night, holding your hand. At some point around three in the morning you woke and Mathew alerted the nurses who took out your breathing tubes.

Mat held your hand and stroked your cheek “My girl, god I thought I’d lost you”

“can’t get rid of me that easy” you joked “how’s the… how’s our girl? huh? did they do a scan to check everything was ok?”

mat’s eyes softened “the baby… honey, they said she doesn’t have a heartbeat”

“No.. no!” You mumbled, ripping your hands away from him.

“Babe…”

“No! No.. mat no!”

Tears began running down both of your faces

“our baby girl” you mumbled, voice breaking.

Mat held you, rocking you back and forth “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry my love”

The news completely rocked your world for months. You didn’t go back to work for the devils for the rest of the season and Mat took time off to take care of you.

You moved home, refusing to step foot in the room you’d decorated as her bedroom.

You didn’t think you’d ever want kids any longer. Until one day in the off season you were in Vancouver and you approached Mat

“I think I’m ready to try again”