#Mass Effect had such a profound effect on me

[anathemafiction]

hi ana, hope you've been well. i was wondering, since you like dragon age, do you like mass effect as well? it's one of my favorite series, and it has similar vibes to DA, since they're both from bioware. there's a character called 'garrus' who reminds me so much of hadrian XD

there's a lot of side characters who are very endearing, and it reminds me of your writing. much like ME, i find myself very invested in all kinds of relationships and bonds you can form through the gameplay. if you have time and haven't played yet, you totally should, if you have time for it :)

I adore Mass Effect!!!! I cried so much in ME3, it's not even funny, anon 😭😭 Mordin, you'll always be remembered.

And Garrus is my Shepard's ride-or-die, both on the battlefield and in the bedroom. The best space husband I could have asked for. ❤️

Also, "Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters. The silence is your answer" is probably the hardest-hitting line of dialogue in any video game I've ever played.

[saturnsbabyboii]

⚝Pluto Through the Houses⚝

(Brought to you by Sailor Pluto)

(I apologize for the wonky layout and writing. This one took it out of me for some reason)

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Did you know that Pluto was only discovered in 1930? Many associate it with mystery and darkness. In astrology, Pluto is said to represent our dark side or shadow self, as well as humanity's. As the furthest planet from the Sun its orbit around the system takes around 248 years, and due to its eccentricity, it can take between 12 to 31 years to pass through a sign. Pluto rules Scorpio and the Eighth House, and it is considered the last of the transcendental planets and the higher octave of Mars.

The energy of Pluto may not be obvious, but its effects can be overwhelming. Pluto is associated with transformation, regeneration, and rebirth. Although Pluto's influence can be unpleasant, it is effective. It compels us to discard the old and embrace the new, and we must be prepared for this change. Otherwise, we may find ourselves trapped in misery. Pluto challenges us to transcend our limitations, undergo a process of redemption, and emerge stronger as a result. Despite its creative abilities, Pluto also has a destructive side. It governs the underworld, crime, and subversive activities such as terrorism and dictatorships. Pluto represents secrecy and concealment of hidden activities. Nobody can deny Pluto's power and intensity, as it also rules atomic power. Its energy is often directed toward the masses and their collective actions. Pluto urges people to look inward and explore their subconscious, even if it's frightening. Pluto has a way of pushing people's buttons.

The planet Pluto symbolizes intense changes, mutations, removals, sexuality, attraction, influence, and confidentiality. It brings destruction that leads to rebirth, trauma, and hidden mysteries. It represents things underneath the surface, the subconscious, violence, power, control, obsessions, desires, dictators, sadistic individuals, death, kidnapping, coercion, viruses, waste, violent characters, powerful and instinctive, and possessing hidden strengths. Pluto governs Scorpio and is related to sexual organs and excretion.

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⚝Pluto in the 1st house⚝

When Pluto is located in your first house, it suggests that you possess a commanding aura and possess a fervent and fervid personality. This planetary position indicates that your body is robust and can endure considerable strain. Nevertheless, having Pluto in the first house comes with difficulties. It suggests that you experienced a traumatic event during your childhood that has had a profound impact on you. Planets that are located in the first house are highly influential and have a potent influence on the physical realm.

Pluto in the first house has a big impact on the native's personality and self-expression. Someone with this placement typically possesses a strong desire for transformation and renewal in one's life and the possibility of profound psychological insight and understanding. Those who have Pluto in their first house may desire control. As such, they develop a tendency to assert their power in their relationships and interactions with others. They must remain aware of their proclivity for manipulation and direct their energy toward constructive and positive endeavors. When meeting new people, you may feel as if you are an outsider. This could be because you feel different and excluded as if you have a special purpose or reality. As a result, you may approach the world with caution and a desire to keep a safe distance between your true self and the outside. This is to avoid being duped or caught up in the plans of others.

Pluto in the first house also indicates that you may have been subjected to significant trauma and emotional pain as a child, which can cause you to emit an intense and dark aura that others can easily detect. People tend to perceive who you are, ignoring anything other than your physical appearance or any superficial traits, mostly out of fear. You have a magnetic personality that makes a strong first impression. When people meet you, they either love you or hate you, and some may even be irrationally attracted to you. Here, Pluto gives you power through charisma. With Pluto in this position, you may be perceived as powerful, intense, and mysterious, which may cause some people to be suspicious of you. Others may notice your strength, but you may prefer to be reserved and secretive, valuing and protecting your privacy.

Pluto, being the furthest planet from the Sun and shrouded in darkness and mystery, is comparable to people with Pluto in the first house in that they are difficult to understand, even for those who have known them for a long time. In astrology, Pluto is associated with power and control, and a strong Pluto in the natal chart can indicate a control freak or someone obsessed with power. With Pluto in the first house, the issue of personal power becomes especially important. Pluto in the first house indicates that you discover power within yourself, and it is a fundamental aspect of your identity for people like you. You learned early on to protect and save yourself because you were forced to find your power when you couldn't rely on others. This placement makes you extremely resilient, but despite what others may think, you frequently feel insecure.

You have a fear of rejection or not being accepted for who you are, which is likely a painful experience you had when you were young. Pluto in the first house can also indicate a very strong ego and people with this placement often find it difficult to forgive others. This placement can make you vengeful and uncooperative when feeling opposed or controlled, especially if you have difficult aspects. However, because your natal Pluto is in the first house, you have above-average regenerative abilities, which means you can experience deep renewal several times throughout your life, even when most people are unable to. This is true both physically and mentally.

You may have endured significant trauma that has affected you in various ways throughout your life. The first house represents a person's early years, starting from their birth, and Pluto's positioning in this house could signify a challenging childhood experience. Many individuals with this placement may have encountered abuse and violence, particularly during their formative years, were born prematurely, or were themselves set up for a controlled life since birth. Pluto is a planet associated with the darker side of astrology, making it complex to navigate. Although not always violent, it often is. In the first house of the natal chart, Pluto typically points towards power struggles that may have occurred within the family during the individual's childhood. Perhaps their parents exerted dominance and exploited them in some way, as this is a common manifestation of Pluto. Such early experiences can have a long-lasting impact on a person's life, similar to how a nail leaves a hole even after it is removed from the wall. Pluto can cause profound wounds in the soul, and some people with Pluto in the first house may find it difficult to recover from such profound pain.

If Pluto is negatively aspected in the chart, the individual may exhibit irritability. However, if Pluto is positively aspected, the individual may possess strong healing abilities and be able to help others effectively. By working through their issues, they can inspire others to do the same and lead by example.

⚝Pluto in the 2nd house⚝

The presence of Pluto in the 2nd house can lead to profound transformations in their relationship with their possessions, finances, and self-worth. This placement often signals a strong desire to establish control and power over one's material resources, which can have both positive and negative effects. On the one hand, it can result in great financial success and the ability to accumulate wealth and resources. On the other hand, it can lead to an unhealthy fixation on money and material possessions, which can cause significant stress and anxiety. It's crucial for individuals with Pluto in the 2nd house to strive for a healthy balance between their desire for control and their need for emotional fulfillment and stability.

Individuals with this placement typically keep their wealth and financial status hidden and may appear more modest than they are. They possess a resourceful and intuitive understanding of how to manage finances and make assets yield profit. It's worth noting that many wealthy individuals have Pluto in the 2nd house due to this placement's association with extreme financial success.

This position denotes a strong desire for material possessions and financial success. When you want something, you want it. People with Pluto in the second house are obsessed with what they want. They can devise brilliant plans to achieve their financial objectives, but they can also find ways to obtain what they desire in other areas of life. Pluto is the planet of authority. When it is placed in the second house, you feel the need to control your life, as well as the ability to control others through money. Regarding people as your possession and treating them as such. This could be a problem in your relationships. A natal Pluto in the second house indicates that you want to be in charge of your finances and that you can be secretive about money. Here, there is a lot of conflict between mine (the second house) and yours (Pluto and the eighth house), giving proclivity to want what others have, as well as, wanting something just for the sake of owning it.

Individuals with Pluto in the second house may tend to hold onto material possessions and people due to a fear of letting go. This can lead to an overly materialistic mindset and a failure to recognize the importance of non-material aspects of life. Pluto's placement in the second house can also bring painful life lessons related to material possessions, with the goal of teaching individuals to let go and not prioritize money above all else. Those with Pluto in the second house may struggle with self-esteem and a belief that their worth is tied to their wealth. This may stem from childhood experiences of financial crisis and feeling undervalued. However, they need to learn that their value as a person is not defined by their financial status. Obsessive spending and self-destructive behavior may also be manifestations of this placement. Overall, it is crucial to recognize the potential fears and subconscious issues associated with Pluto in the second house and work towards healthy ways of managing them.

It's very likely that you've faced financial challenges during childhood. Your family may have experienced financial difficulties or lacked financial management skills, resulting in the deprivation of possessions or resources. However, these early struggles can be a powerful motivator for you to strive for financial success later in life. Pluto's influence is strong and resilient, making it difficult to overcome. But with this placement, you have the ability to conquer financial obstacles and turn debt into wealth. A natal Pluto in the second house can manifest as resourcefulness and transformation, which are common traits found in the charts of successful and wealthy individuals. This placement may also make you rebel against the norms and authority figures imposed on you as a child. Buried anger and frustrations may surface during times of crisis. In extreme cases, this placement can lead to greed and a willingness to do anything for money and power. A natal Pluto in the second house can indicate a career in research, banking, managing money, taxation, or investments. But because Pluto also rules the underworld in astrology, this placement may also suggest involvement in sex work or crime. You may earn money through partnerships or even inheritances if supported by the chart.

⚝Pluto in the 3rd house⚝

Your communication style can be intense and transformative. Your words hold a lot of weight and may have a powerful effect on those who hear them. However, this can also lead to power struggles and communication breakdowns in your relationships. It's important to find a balance between expressing your truth and respecting others' perspectives. Remember to listen as much as you speak and be open to learning from those around you. The third house is associated with siblings, early childhood, primary education, and your immediate surroundings. Pluto in the third house indicates that you are a deep thinker with a powerful mind. However, you may struggle with direct or blunt communication. Connecting with others may have been difficult for you as a child, which has left an impression on you as an adult. With Pluto in the third house, you are attracted to what is concealed and what is left unsaid. You understand the hidden machinery and what is secretly at stake when communicating with others. Your communication takes into account underlying information, and you are aware of the subtle quirks and changes in others' body language and speech.

Having Pluto in the third house may indicate a challenging start to your life, with some individuals experiencing traumatic childhood events. However, it's important to note that several indicators in the chart must be present for this to be the case. When Pluto has harmonious aspects, its effects are much lighter. People with Pluto in the third house often keep family secrets and may have intense or dark relationships with siblings. They may also use code language or have an interest in the local underground scene or criminal activity. 

For some individuals, trauma may have occurred within their peer groups or school environments. This can result in deep emotional wounds, feelings of isolation and misunderstanding, and potential speech problems that require therapy. It's common for those with this placement to feel like they don't fully fit in and to encounter power struggles or betrayal. 

If Pluto in the third house has hard aspects, there may be difficulties with neighbors or relatives and a higher risk of accidents. However, harmonious aspects can bring strong and beneficial connections with friends and family. It's important to be cautious when driving or in traffic.

There's a possibility of experiencing family bereavement, specifically the loss of siblings. The third house in your natal chart represents various people in your life, including your siblings. As such, your relationship with your siblings might be strained. You may perceive them to be self-centered, powerful, or even dangerous. If there are hard aspects to Pluto from Mars, Saturn, or Uranus, it can indicate rivalry between you and your siblings. Pluto is linked to power struggles, which can manifest in your relationship with your siblings or relatives. People with this placement may have experienced verbal abuse from their family members, and often have a sarcastic sibling or family member. On the other hand, if your natal chart shows harmonious aspects with Pluto in the third house, it can indicate a powerful sibling who acts as a protector in your relationship. You may hold them in high regard, and your siblings may initiate a transformational process in your life.

You possess a strong grasp of the power of communication. This placement implies you are selective about what you share with others and have the ability to keep and uncover secrets. You are also skilled at collecting data and piecing together small bits of information. You have an inquisitive and powerful mind, with a tendency to obsess over thoughts, overanalyze and not give up until you find a solution. However, this thinking process may differ drastically from those around you, making it difficult to connect with your peers. At times, you may come across as blunt or shocking to others. An unevolved Pluto in the third house may suggest an aggressive personality. These individuals do not sugarcoat their feelings and can manipulate others through their words and gestures. As they mature, they become extremely persuasive communicators. This placement indicates a fascination with taboos and mysteries, such as the occult, psychology, death, sex, and crime. Individuals with Pluto in the third house are life-long learners, often learning best on their own. They have a highly analytical mind and are avid readers.

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⚝Pluto in the 4th house⚝

The placement of Pluto in the 4th house indicates that your family or home environment may have been the site of intense power struggles or upheavals, leading to deep psychological transformation and rebirth. You may have a strong desire for privacy and control over your domestic affairs, which can sometimes cause you to feel isolated or emotionally distant from others. It is important to address any unresolved emotional issues from your past to create a stable and nurturing home environment for yourself and your loved ones. You may feel a sense of distance and difference between yourself and your family, and you may not always feel in perfect harmony with those around you. However, this uniqueness is also your strength and can drive your personal growth. You may feel that you hold a truth that eludes ordinary people and those in your circles, making you difficult to label or define.

Individuals who have Pluto in the fourth house often have a history of coming from troubled families, which may include domestic abuse or violence. This placement can be challenging to interpret in the natal chart, and it typically indicates that their childhood circumstances were less than ideal. Unfortunately, these patterns often repeat themselves in their adult home and family life, leading to power struggles, particularly with one of their parents/caregivers. These conflicts leave a deep wound in their soul, and the rage is frequently buried in their subconscious, subtly controlling their life. Moreover, many individuals with Pluto in the fourth house have some karmic heritage to work through before they can create a loving and supportive family environment. Ideally, the fourth house should serve as a place of safety and support for a child, but this is not always the case when Pluto is present. People who have Pluto in the fourth house frequently experience struggles early on and might come from unstable families. This placement often indicates that they perceived their fourth house parent as dictatorial, controlling, or even manipulative. Additionally, Pluto in the fourth house with hard aspects can indicate domestic violence or abuse. Therefore, the presence of difficult aspects here frequently indicates a troubled parent. The fourth house represents the mother, and this placement usually represents a domineering one. In extreme cases, the parent may be narcissistic, and their desire to control their child might persist even after they have moved out and grown up. Furthermore, individuals with Pluto in the fourth house rarely receive the emotional support that a child requires, forcing them to learn how to be emotionally self-sufficient at a young age. Power struggles and controlling behaviors are common in these relationships, and subtle manipulation is also possible, occasionally leaving an individual feeling emotionally unfulfilled. This positioning suggests emotional baggage, often buried in their memory, preventing them from being emotionally fulfilled, particularly in the area of home life. Therefore, it is necessary to get rid of this baggage to lead a happy family life.

To achieve true freedom, it is crucial to address any challenging relationships with family members. As Pluto in the 4th house individuals end up developing a tendency to become domineering and controlling during adulthood subsequent to their upbringing. This trait can manifest in a more direct manner for those with harmonious aspects. It is imperative to confront and overcome these issues to avoid causing harm to others. If left unaddressed, individuals with hard aspects may become bullies or even abusive, with this negative behavior being concealed from those outside of their inner circle due to Pluto's placement in the fourth house. Unfortunately, domestic violence can occur within their own homes. Even if they are not abusive, they may end up with a manipulative, controlling, or violent partner. The fourth house represents where power and authority are sought after in a birth chart, therefore for those with Pluto in the fourth house, power struggles may transpire within their homes. However, they possess the power to break the cycle of generational trauma and change their entire family's situation.

If Pluto is in your fourth house, it could mean that you struggle with your sense of self, often feeling disconnected from your family and ancestors. This placement may also indicate a family secret that sets you apart from them. Acceptance of oneself can be difficult for those with Pluto in this position, and seeking psychotherapy or a supportive relationship can help. Harmonious aspects can make this work easier. Additionally, this placement can manifest as an intense patriotism, radical ideals, or religiosity in later life that is followed by a lonely old age, where the native may isolate themselves or be abandoned by family members. Alternatively, natives can develop new forms of family function and support for themselves and others. Pluto in the 4th is also an indication of creating a powerful family/household.

⚝Pluto in the 5th house⚝

You might experience a strong urge to express yourself creatively and actively pursue intense experiences related to love, romance, and sexuality. This placement can also trigger obsessive and compulsive behaviors in these areas, which must be handled with caution to avoid adverse outcomes. Despite these challenges, Pluto in the 5th house can instill a sense of personal power and charm that could assist you in achieving your aspirations and desires. It's crucial to maintain a balance between self-awareness and self-control to navigate this placement successfully. Passion, love, and art might appear elusive and mysterious to you, leading you to be drawn to perilous or unattainable love affairs and harboring concealed emotions. Childhood memories may have a special significance for you, shaping your understanding of love and relationships.

Individuals with Pluto in the fifth house possess a strong personality. However, if Pluto is afflicted or there are challenging aspects between the Sun and Pluto in their natal chart, they may have a big ego. This placement signifies a passionate and creative nature but with a tendency towards melodrama and self-centeredness. Those natives find excitement in taking risks in their romantic lives and often possess a strong will and a daredevil spirit. However, a negative manifestation of this placement can result in a struggle for authority. People with this placement feel the need to receive recognition and become the center of attention. Failure to do so may lead to frustration and jealousy. As a result, they may become easily irritated if they do not receive the attention they desire. The negative side of Pluto can manifest as envy or jealousy, so if they feel ignored, they may act childishly.

They possess a strong inclination towards creative pursuits such as art, movies, music, and literature. This is due to the influence of Pluto in the fifth house which amplifies one's desire to express themselves. Individuals with this placement may have a preference for a darker artistic style, and find leisure in hobbies such as deep dives, gambling, and exploring risky arts forms. However, Pluto's obsessive nature may not be ideal for such activities and may lead to addiction and extreme losses. 

Moreover, Pluto's qualities may be embodied by your father if certain aspects of the Sun and Pluto in the birth chart support this. Pluto's energy is directed towards the matters of the house in which it is located, which can be overwhelming and exhausting. It is essential to find a balance to overcome Pluto's dark traits. If successful, you can become a fascinating and charismatic individual, well-suited for creative endeavors, art, and making societal contributions despite feelings of inadequacy.

The fifth house defines your love life, indicating a passionate and intense nature described by Pluto. You give your all in love and expect the same from your partner. Individuals with Pluto in the fifth house often seek powerful and intense partners. This placement implies a lack of interest in superficial relationships. In romance, you tend to embody Pluto's qualities or choose partners who do. Negative aspects of Pluto, such as possessiveness, jealousy, obsession, and power struggles, may arise in your relationships. As a result, your relationships tend to be Scorpionic.

Pluto in the fifth house often transforms through romantic relationships, leading you to become a different person in the presence of your partner. This placement suggests an intense love life, with a strong focus on passion and sex. Pluto represents intense attachment, vulnerability, and intimacy, qualities you seek in a partner. Sexual kinks may pique your interest if Pluto is in this position. On the other hand, this placement can also imply betrayal by your lover and even traumatic experiences in extreme cases. Plutonic relationships may be part of your experience, with manipulative partners or yourself as the manipulator in the relationship.

The position of the planets and signs on the cusp of the fifth house can reveal information about your first child and your attitude toward them. If Pluto is located in the fifth house, it suggests that having a child will bring about a transformation in your life. Your beliefs may be challenged, and you may need to make changes. A child born under this placement may have a strong personality, especially if Pluto receives positive aspects. However, difficult aspects may indicate that your child could be challenging to manage, potentially leading to power struggles in your relationship. Overall, this placement indicates that you have a close relationship with your children and are protective of them. But be careful not to be too possessive or controlling, as this could lead to rebellion from your child.

⚝Pluto in the 6th house⚝

If Pluto is in your sixth house, you may have a strong attachment to your daily routines, which are essential to your well-being. If you're unable to follow your routines, you may become stressed and anxious, and sometimes even display aggressive behavior as a way to cope. Your adherence to rituals may seem morbid or obsessive-compulsive to others. You may experience a transformation and gain wisdom and power in areas governed by this house, but it may also lead to power struggles, deep fear, and even trauma. It can be a difficult area to navigate, with no easy way out. To make the most of this placement, it's essential to acknowledge the hardships and confront your inner demons.

You might have a tendency towards manipulation. Pluto is associated with vast distances and hidden worlds, while the 6th House deals with clearly defined social functions and areas of action. This creates a paradoxical and ambiguous social role for you. Your demeanor may be unsettling on a professional level, and your hidden function may be effective because it is insidious and concealed. The placement of Pluto in the 6th house is believed to bring intensity and transformation to your daily work routine and health habits. People with this placement may have a strong desire for power and control in their job and may be drawn to careers that involve working with the darker side of human nature, like psychology or forensics. However, they may also struggle with issues related to power and control in the workplace and may need to learn to channel their energy more positively and productively.

It's crucial to avoid conflicts with colleagues or being pushed around by superiors. Instead, strive to establish a healthy and secure work environment. You may find yourself drawn to Scorpionic jobs that involve other people's money, death, crime, sex, investigation, psychology, research, or healing. It's crucial for individuals with this placement to find work they are passionate about. However, Pluto in the sixth house can also bring challenges, such as rivalries with coworkers or difficult relationships with bosses. Harsh Pluto's aspects may indicate a dictatorial attitude towards others in the workplace or a controlling coworker. As an employer, you may come across as intimidating and threatening to your workers. This placement can lead to clashes and power struggles in your work life. You may be a perfectionist who dislikes wasteful practices and responds poorly to criticism. You can also be possessive and competitive about your work. Pluto in the sixth house indicates a need for freedom and space to work effectively. Some people with this placement change jobs frequently due to conflicts in the workplace, leading to hardships but also growth opportunities. A well-aspected Pluto in the sixth house can signify great power and effectiveness in your work, as well as a talent for cutting through the superficial and getting to the heart of the matter.

The sixth house also governs the area of health. When Pluto is placed in this house, it can often push individuals to work so hard that their health is the only thing that can force them to take a break. This can result in health issues caused by high job pressure. Pluto in the 6th house can indicate a tendency towards obsessive or compulsive behaviors, particularly related to diet and exercise, which can affect your physical well-being. It is important to maintain a balanced and healthy approach to health and avoid becoming too fixated on routines. Power struggles at work can be a challenge for some. However, one positive aspect of Pluto in this placement is its strong regenerative ability. While individuals may be able to function on little resources for a time, it's important to strive for a more balanced lifestyle by paying attention to diet and exercise.

This placement can also indicate mental health issues such as phobias or anxiety. When Pluto is affected by hard aspects, individuals may experience mysterious health problems, chronic illnesses, or eating disorders. In these cases, it's crucial to seek professional help to overcome health issues, as well as gain psychological insights and guidance to improve daily life.

By embracing transformative experiences, even mundane activities can become intensely engaging. Adopting a powerful daily practice, including daily cleanses and developing healthy habits, can help transform your life. However, it's important to avoid becoming deeply involved in work unions or criminal activities and to stay focused on the task at hand without becoming obsessed or overworked. By embracing a powerful and balanced daily routine, one can regenerate their health and vitality and become a positive influence among coworkers.

Finally, the sixth house also represents pets. With Pluto in the sixth house, some individuals with this placement may have unconventional pets, such as snakes or spiders, and other powerful exotic animals. Meanwhile, others may prefer to have a very well-trained pet for hunting and/or sports, such as dogs or horses.

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⚝Pluto in the 7th house⚝

If Pluto is in your 7th house, it may indicate intense and transformative experiences in your close personal relationships. This placement suggests a desire for power and control in partnerships, which can lead to problems with manipulation or possessiveness. However, it can also result in deep and meaningful connections, as well as opportunities for growth and healing through these relationships. It's important to be mindful of the potential for power struggles and to strive for balance and mutual respect in all partnerships. This placement may suggest that you are drawn to a Plutonic personality, someone who has Pluto in their first house or is a Scorpio rising. This can apply not only to romantic partners and spouses but also to business partners and close friends.

The seventh house plays a significant role in marriage and relationships. When Pluto is located in the seventh house, it suggests that committed relationships can bring about a transformational process for you. Your life changes drastically after marriage, and you learn important life lessons through your relationships. Overcoming challenges in these relationships helps you find your power. However, Pluto in this position can make your relationships intense and dynamic, with strong emotions and a need for passion.

Unfortunately, deep bonding can be blocked by fear, and power struggles may arise. You may crave intimacy but be scared of it at the same time. It is common to experience control issues in relationships with Pluto in the seventh house, which can lead to a lack of balance. To make the relationship work, you need to learn to stand up for yourself and be treated as an equal. You may be attracted to dictatorial partners or be dictatorial yourself. There's a desire and appeal for uneven power dynamics and control. The seventh house is associated with harmony and balance, and a natal Pluto in the seventh house can achieve this by undergoing transformation. It is important to be aware of the possibility of abuse or domestic violence if harsh aspects to Pluto are present.

The seventh house is related to business partnerships and public relations. If you have a natal Pluto in the seventh house, it is advisable to avoid fast-paced partnerships, especially if it receives hard aspects. However, a well-aspected Pluto in the seventh house can be useful in working with the public. This placement is beneficial for individuals working in marketing, politics, law, or psychology, as it provides insight into human nature. Nevertheless, it is essential to behave appropriately with this placement, as Pluto is an unpredictable and erratic planet. A harmonious aspect to Pluto can help you understand people intuitively and excel in many professions. However, it is crucial to remain clear-headed and skeptical about relationships, as Pluto in the seventh house can bring secrets to light and damage your reputation. It is best to view relationships as temporary and not get too attached to them. You understand the illusory nature of social codes and keep your distance from relationships, especially intimate ones.

If you have a natal Pluto in the seventh house, it may indicate a deep-seated fear of forming close bonds with others. While you may crave the intimacy and security of committed relationships, you may also be hesitant to fully invest in them due to issues with trust and betrayal. This fear may even attract untrustworthy partners, leading to a pattern of unhealthy relationships. You may have experienced trauma related to committed relationships in the past. To find balance in your relationships, it's important to establish a sense of power dynamics. With Pluto in this house, there may be a struggle for power between you and your partner. It's important to choose partners who have a well-integrated Pluto, as those who live in the lower octave of Pluto can exhibit negative traits such as possessiveness and jealousy. Your relationship may have darker themes if your Pluto is afflicted, but easy aspects can indicate a strong-willed partner. Remember that you have power within yourself, and by finding it, you can break free from being a victim. Your seventh house planets may reveal parts of yourself that you don't identify with, and Pluto here suggests that you may not feel your power or be able to handle it. This may lead to an unconscious relinquishing of power to your partners.

⚝Pluto in the 8th house⚝

Having Pluto in the eighth house is a noteworthy placement. Scorpio is the natural ruler of the eighth house, which is a familiar place for Pluto. However, having an eighth house placement doesn't necessarily mean an easy life. From a young age, you are conscious of the darker aspects of life. With Pluto here, power holds great importance in your life and is often obtained through crisis, pain, or trauma. If you embrace the positive aspects of this placement, you can become a source of support and guidance for others, showing them that there is always a way out of difficult situations. This is a highly influential placement that can lead to professions with such specialty and mystique. Think of someone that is a psychiatrist for other psychiatrists, a mortician for other morticians, or a private investigator with psychic abilities. You desire something that involves exploring the depths of the psyche and the journey of the soul's evolution. It can also lead to complete psychic and soul makeovers or even the ability to resurrect one's own or another's soul. This placement has the potential to be both a necromancer and a grim reaper, if you believe as such, but it can also awaken a renewed passion for life. 

Individuals with their natal Pluto in the eighth house are known for their ability to overcome obstacles. Planets located in the eighth house tend to manifest themselves during times of crisis. This placement suggests that you possess a significant inner strength that you can rely on. The presence of Pluto in the eighth house can result in powerful transformations and intense experiences related to shared resources, intimacy, and psychological growth. It can also indicate a deep desire to explore the hidden aspects of oneself and others and to comprehend the mysteries of life and death. Additionally, it may suggest a potential for power struggles, manipulation, and obsession in relationships, as well as a tendency to attract intense and transformative experiences.

However, with awareness and conscious effort, this placement can also lead to profound healing, empowerment, and spiritual growth. It is important to approach this placement with respect, integrity, and a willingness to confront one's shadows and vulnerabilities. People with this placement are often drawn to taboo topics and the occult, such as life after death and magic. They may also have an interest in morbid things or horror movies, as they are fascinated by mysteries. However, this placement can create both a fascination with and fear of death.

Pluto in the eighth house also indicates that sexuality is an important aspect of your life, or that you have experienced painful and traumatic events related to it. If Pluto has easy aspects, individuals with this placement may have a high libido and be extremely passionate, even obsessive, about sex. With aspects from Mars or Saturn, they may be drawn to role-playing or have an obsession with violence. These individuals prefer to dominate in relationships as Pluto here is thrilled by power. Simultaneously, they may be afraid of being vulnerable and experiencing intimacy, as this placement can indicate trauma related to sexuality, betrayal, and trust issues. Rage may also be buried in the unconscious of individuals with this placement.

Individuals with Pluto in the eighth house possess a natural knack for psychology and can easily see through people's facades. Pluto has an all-seeing eye, making it impossible to keep secrets from those with this placement. However, despite their insight into others, these individuals tend to keep their secrets close to their chest and have likely learned from difficult experiences. They may struggle with intensity and obsessiveness, finding it challenging to let go and recognize when enough is enough. These tendencies can lead to complicated and tumultuous romantic relationships with emotional and psychological manipulation. Pluto in the eighth house can also indicate a willingness to use any means necessary to achieve their desires, especially when challenged or frustrated. Those with this placement may excel in finance-related careers, such as banking, financial advising, accounting, and investing. However, caution should be taken with Jupiter-Pluto aspects as this placement may also indicate involvement with criminal activity or the darker sides of Pluto's influence. Individuals with hard aspects to Pluto may encounter complications with inheritance or experience power struggles related to money within their family dynamic.

The eighth house is a crucial space in your life, though it may not be visited often. It is here where significant events occur, triggering a profound transformation process within you. If your natal Pluto resides in this house, you may experience more of these moments than the average person. This can make you a skilled sailor, as the saying goes, for a smooth sea never made one. You may find relationships unsatisfying unless they push you to the brink of psychological or emotional death. It's possible for you to feed off other people's trauma to recharge your batteries and demand peak experiences in intimate relationships. However, this can also make you a demanding or controlling partner, someone who wants to know all your secrets and personal information. Probe-like behavior can make others uncomfortable, and you may overestimate your psychological understanding while underestimating your psychological complexes. Remember that just because you have access to someone's secrets doesn't mean you understand them completely.

Individuals with this placement possess exceptional resilience, capable of enduring even the harshest of events. Pluto's influence here grants above-average regenerative abilities, allowing for survival in dangerous situations. However, one's interest in darker subjects may attract potential danger. A well-aspected Pluto, particularly in conjunction with Saturn, may indicate longevity. This placement may also bring about psychological challenges, requiring a purging of negative thoughts and attachments to break free from the karmic wheel. Though such transformations can be painful, they ultimately lead to great personal power. It is important to avoid becoming overly convinced of one's own opinions and adopting a dictatorial approach with a natal Pluto in the eighth house.

⚝Pluto in the 9th house⚝

Pluto in the ninth house indicates that you possess higher intelligence than most people. You have a natural curiosity about how the world operates, and you want to delve deeply into its workings. Your mind is deep and inquisitive due to this placement. This placement of Pluto suggests that you will undergo a profound transformation in your belief system and philosophical outlook. You may develop a keen interest in spiritual and metaphysical matters, as well as a desire to explore various cultures and ways of thinking. This sometimes results in a challenging and intense journey of self-discovery, but ultimately, it leads to a deeper understanding of yourself and the world. It is crucial to remain open-minded and receptive to new ideas and experiences if you have this placement, as it can lead to significant personal growth and transformation.

Individuals with Pluto in the ninth house have a keen ability to detect inconsistencies within the belief systems of those around them. This placement can transform travelers into spies and wise individuals into skeptical philosophers. You likely have little interest in rigid moral codes and commonly accepted explanations. Instead, you relish challenging traditional ideals and prefer to develop your concepts, even if they may not always be clear. Your analytical approach to exploration, travel, and discovery is often detached and critical, bordering on indifference. Superficial explanations are not enough for you, as Pluto urges you to delve deeper into the core of a matter. With this placement, you possess a powerful mind and frequently question beliefs instilled in you during childhood. Your belief system and perception of the world undergo deep transformation multiple times throughout your life. You possess a probing mind and can see beyond surface-level information, making you drawn to foreign religions and philosophies. There are often several soul-searching phases in your life that ultimately lead to profound transformation. While this placement primarily relates to mental transformation, some individuals may struggle with embracing change. Failure to recognize when you are wrong can hinder personal growth, but the ninth house's emphasis on expansion encourages growth. Being a mutable sign, Sagittarius, the natural sign of the ninth house, embraces change. Pluto, however, can be tyrannical and dictatorial, making it challenging to accept new ideas with hard aspects. You value honesty and directness in expressions and interactions with others but may struggle with feeling misunderstood. Those with Pluto in the ninth house may be captivated by foreign languages and cultures and often feel a sense of not belonging to their place of birth. A well-aspected Pluto in this placement can find power through contact with other cultures, while some may even spend a significant amount of time abroad.

With Pluto located in the ninth house of a person's natal chart, their personal philosophy holds great significance. This placement indicates a lifelong learner who is eager to educate themselves without necessarily relying on traditional institutions. As a result, subjects like religion and psychology may pique their interest, and they may possess a natural talent for research and investigation. However, a potential danger of this placement is the tendency to impose their beliefs onto others, which may lead to fanatical or bigoted behavior. It is crucial to avoid becoming dictatorial if they gain power in their communities. On the positive side, individuals with this placement may make inspiring teachers and have the courage to challenge outdated beliefs. Nonetheless, they may encounter difficulties with higher education, and some may drop out of college or experience study breaks. Furthermore, this placement can manifest as authority issues, but it can also support a career in education or research. 

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

⚝Pluto in the 10th house⚝

When Pluto is in your tenth house, you'll develop a reputation as a powerful and influential individual in the world. You may find yourself engaged in power struggles, particularly in your professional life and interactions with authority figures. This is because the tenth house is associated with career and public image. Your ambition and drive to succeed are noteworthy, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve your goals. However, you may feel like success is more difficult to attain than it is for others, particularly if your natal Pluto in the tenth house is harshly aspected. 

Having Pluto in the 10th house can lead to significant transformations and power struggles in your career and public image. It may compel you to confront and overcome deep-seated fears or power dynamics in your workplace. While it can also inspire a strong desire for success and recognition, it is important to be aware of any negative aspects of your ambition. With Pluto in the 10th house, it may be necessary to let go of old habits and embrace a new path that aligns with your true purpose and values. Overall, this placement can be both challenging and empowering, providing opportunities for growth and personal development in your professional and public life.

Pluto is a challenging planet in astrology, often bringing about difficult and even traumatic experiences in the areas it affects. With Pluto in the 10th House, you are skilled at navigating crises and complicated environments. Your progress in professional and social settings is subtle and unique, as you excel at operating behind the scenes and detecting weaknesses and false values. You are driven by your self-interests and have a scheming mind, making you a formidable partner in any venture. 

When considering career paths in your natal chart, there are many factors to take into account. However, with Pluto in the tenth house, it is one of the significant influencers. Possible career paths include psychology, investigation, research, surgery, politics, or other fields that involve hidden information. If there are other indicators in the chart, it may even indicate involvement with criminal activities. As you do your inner work and resolve your issues, you may find yourself drawn to a career in the medical field, as Pluto supports regeneration. This placement also lends itself well to careers that require extensive research or attention to detail, making you a great investigator. 

While Pluto can bring about unforeseen ups and downs in your career path, it also gives you the ability to bounce back and even reach greater heights. However, success with this placement takes time and patience, as the tenth house is naturally associated with Capricorn and Saturn, the ruler of time in astrology. As you mature, you learn to accept that permanent success takes time and to trust in the process. 

People with this placement are often ambitious and have a strong desire to achieve their goals. However, it is essential to develop a healthier and more respectful relationship with time and to avoid using force and power to get what you want. Through the struggle to recreate yourself, you will find your power and ultimately achieve success.

The placement of Pluto in the tenth house of your natal chart may indicate some conflict in your relationship with authority figures. If you feel that you have been treated unfairly, you are not afraid to stand up for yourself. This placement could also suggest that you may become an authoritative figure later in life.

The tenth house is also associated with the parental figures in your life. While traditionally, the father is associated with Saturn and the tenth house, any paternal figure, role model, mentor, or caregiver can be included. Pluto in the tenth house could indicate that the parent represented by this house was authoritarian, domineering, or even dictatorial (especially with hard aspects to Pluto). You may have felt intimidated or afraid of this parent, and they may have had a position of authority that was respected or even feared by others. If there are harmonious aspects to your Pluto in the tenth house, this parent may have had a strong personality, was determined, and had a strong will. They may have been an important influence in your life, teaching you strength and how to cope with challenges. Alternatively, if there are hard aspects to your Pluto in the tenth house, you may be at risk of becoming tyrannical, arrogant, selfish, or overly controlling with your power.

In addition to learning to cope with authority figures, this placement also suggests that you need to learn how to use your power in a healthy way. If you use your power for good, you may become a very powerful figure in your community. However, it is important to remember that with great power comes great responsibility. It is important to avoid becoming too domineering or controlling and to use your power constructively and positively. People may see you as mysterious and reserved, but also as someone who always has a trick up their sleeve.

⚝Pluto in the 11th house⚝

If Pluto is in your eleventh house, it's in the area of friends and organizations. This planet's mysterious and dark side can make it tough for you to fit in and compromise, but you can learn a lot from your interactions with groups of people. Pluto's placement in the 11th house can have a significant impact on your social life and relationships with friends and acquaintances. You may feel a strong urge to join groups or organizations dedicated to social change or transformation. Your desire for power and transformation can drive your relationships, and you may be drawn to those who can help you achieve your goals or further your agenda. However, it's important to avoid letting your desire for power and control take over your relationships with others. Keep a sense of balance and perspective in your social life and relationships, and be mindful of how your actions can affect others.

The eleventh house is closely associated with social groups, clubs, and organizations. However, it encompasses more than just your relationship with society. It also represents the universe's support for you and everything that comes into your life. Individuals with Pluto in the eleventh house may struggle to identify their goals clearly, even though they are ambitious and seek great achievements. Nonetheless, Pluto in the eleventh house suggests immense power to transform your dreams into reality. This planet is intense and influential, capable of magnifying things. When used effectively, it can be an excellent asset for fulfilling your hopes and dreams. People with this placement are future-oriented, often to the point of neglecting the present. Pluto in the eleventh house can lead to a preoccupation with ideas and difficulties in executing them in the present. Once conquered, however, this tendency can make you unstoppable. If Pluto is well-aspected in the eleventh house and in harmony with Jupiter, it can indicate potential wealth acquisition. The eleventh house is also associated with money, specifically money earned through your profession and cash flow in your life. Pluto can contribute to financial success with harmonious aspects, but hard aspects may suggest a willingness to do anything to achieve one's goals, even if it involves immoral means. It can also lead to difficulties in managing money.

Based on the placement of Pluto in your eleventh house, it appears that your interest lies in the study of people and their social behavior. You are fascinated by group dynamics and social phenomena, and you strive to comprehend how people function. This helps you understand yourself better as well. You are drawn to criminal groups, cartels, secret societies, large-scale covert operations, and other similar organizations. However, you are also aware of the negative impact these groups have on society. You have an intense desire to control your social relationships and are known to struggle with building and maintaining friendships. You can be highly intense and may have experienced betrayal or a traumatic event related to your friends in the past. As a result, you tend to be guarded and find it difficult to trust others. You prefer to be alone than in bad company and prioritize maintaining power and control in your social circles. If someone has hard aspects to Pluto in their natal chart, they may exhibit dictatorial or domineering behavior when in a group setting. This can create tension, and it's important to strive for balance. It's necessary to adjust your beliefs and attitude towards groups of people. Although you have a strong desire to belong, achieving this can be a long journey. With Pluto in the eleventh house, you crave acceptance but often feel lonely even when surrounded by others. It can be challenging to fit in and find your place. Despite feeling like a loner, it's important to learn how to connect with others and build a network. Unfortunately, some people with this placement may experience traumatic events, such as abuse or betrayal, that force them to reexamine their beliefs about people and society. Through these experiences, however, they can gain wisdom and learn how to heal themselves.

Having Pluto in the eleventh house can bring loyal and supportive friends who have strong personalities like you. You can discuss topics that others may find morbid, such as the occult or life after death. Friendships with Pluto in the 11th House are dynamic and evolve over time. Your conception of the world and ideals are not absolute but rather emphasize the futility of principles and ideas. Your most significant relationships always maintain a degree of mystery, and you distrust universally accepted truths. Your network helps you achieve your goals and learn about various aspects of life. You may find your power through understanding group dynamics, and can even take on an important role in an organization with this placement. Harmonious aspects of Pluto in the eleventh house suggest powerful and supportive friends who can help you turn your dreams into reality. However, with hard aspects to Pluto, it is important to be careful about who you associate with, as envious friends who do not have your best interests at heart may try to manipulate you or bring trouble upon you. Additionally, it is important to respect others' opinions and not think that you know everything best. Pluto in the eleventh house may also draw you to social causes or humanitarian work, and can even make you a powerful and revolutionary leader with well-aspected Pluto in this placement. However, some people with a natal Pluto in the eleventh house may also become members of secret groups or have secret friendships, and there may be indicators in the natal chart for social anxiety.

⚝Pluto in the 12th house⚝

If Pluto is located in the 12th house of your birth chart, it could indicate a strong connection to your subconscious mind. This placement suggests that you may have a desire to explore the deeper aspects of your psyche and inner world. You may also have a fascination with spirituality, mysticism, and the occult, as well as a yearning to understand the workings of the universe on a profound level. At times, you may feel like you are struggling with powerful forces that are beyond your control, which can lead to intense dreams or nightmares. However, with Pluto in the 12th house, you have the potential to harness these energies and use them for personal transformation and growth. It is important to note that this placement can also indicate a tendency towards self-destructive behaviors or escapism as a way of avoiding intense emotions and psychic energies. By confronting these challenges head-on and integrating them into your conscious awareness, you can unlock a powerful source of personal power and transformation. With Pluto in the 12th house, you may have a strong connection with mysticism, ordeals, and the afterlife, and possess exceptional sensitivity. When expressed negatively, this configuration may lead to an interest in macabre subjects and paradoxical sexuality, as well as a tendency to perceive ghostly enemies. However, when expressed positively, it encourages you to attribute a transcendental value to your actions, thoughts, and life.

Pluto in the twelfth house suggests that you are restricted from finding your power. Tapping into your power is not impossible, but it requires a lot of work and developing self-awareness. This placement often indicates anxiety and detachment from your deep desires. This placement suggests that you find it hard to identify with things represented by Pluto, such as power, sex, and violence. Planets in the twelfth house are not integrated into your personality. You possess all the power Pluto gives us, but it is locked up in the twelfth house, hidden from you. You are blocked from accessing it. In other cases, you unconsciously try to sweep this planet under the carpet. Pluto in the twelfth house can indicate that you were told not to be powerful as a child. Perhaps power was said to be immoral or bad, and you learned that it is unsafe and unethical to want it. The same is true for sexuality. People with this placement have a strong sexuality, but they often feel ashamed of it and they are aware of their desires only on an unconscious level. This placement can indicate problems with your sexuality. Pluto in the twelfth house is often a sign of unhealthy power dynamics in your childhood. Perhaps one of your parents was dictatorial and domineering, while the other parent could not express their power and took up the role of the martyr. This placement can indicate abuse in childhood. This can be emotional, physical abuse, or sexual. This experience can be suppressed in the subconscious, but it is often the root of self-destructive behavior.

If you have a natal Pluto in the twelfth house, you may have a fear of losing control. Control is very important to you, and although the planets in the twelfth house are repressed, they have not disappeared. You may unconsciously fear that Pluto will be set free. This placement suggests that you may experience power struggles in your mind. You may be hard on yourself and tend to beat yourself up. You may also use shadowy, manipulative tactics to gain power, such as playing the martyr or emotionally manipulating others. You may not even be aware of these mind games, but others may feel them. If there are hard aspects and other indicators in your chart, Pluto in the twelfth house can indicate crime or prostitution. People with this placement often struggle with low self-esteem and may feel helpless or lack self-confidence. A strong Sun in your natal chart or harmonious aspects from Mars can help counteract this. A well-aspected and well-placed Pluto can give you a lot of strength, but when it is located in the twelfth house, it is hidden from you. If Pluto is close to the ascendant, it may indicate a traumatic birth or near-death experience. Hard aspects of Pluto in the twelfth house can also indicate trouble with sleep or nightmares. Pluto in this placement may explain suffering through startling and dark dreams.

You may tend to be reserved due to your placement in the twelfth house. While this can be a natural inclination, it's important to be mindful of not suppressing your emotions. Finding ways to de-stress through physical activity can be a helpful outlet for any tension or pent-up emotions you may be experiencing.

It's worth noting that a strong emphasis on this house in your birth chart may make you particularly sensitive, both emotionally and physically. Additionally, if Pluto is also in the twelfth house, there is a potential for psychosomatic illnesses. This placement can also cause feelings of anxiety, not belonging, or unworthiness. In some cases, individuals may even use illness as a way to avoid coping with reality.

To address any potential challenges related to this placement, it's crucial to find balance and address any unconscious guilt that may be present. Pluto in the twelfth house can lead to self-punishment or attraction to toxic partners, so it's important to learn to let go and spend time alone. Meditation and spiritual practices can be helpful in this regard, as well as developing a talent for psychology and a natural insight into human nature. By focusing on these areas, you can help ensure that you can navigate any challenges that may arise in a healthy, productive way.

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

Bye Cunts <3

[kurokawaia]

❛ HIS THIGH KINK ❜

Kaji Ren X fem!Reader

WC; 1.4k+ | TW/CW; kaji and you are in an established relationship, afab reader, x fem! reader, nsfw, thigh kink (obvi), mating press, slightly rough sex, piv, prone bone, no protection (pls wrap before u tap), cum eating, kaji is a lil mean >.<, slight manhandling?? implied orgasm denial, no plot just smut + probably more

⋆·˚ ༘ * 𝒮𝒴𝒩𝒪𝒫𝒮𝐼𝒮 :: it's no mistaking that out of the three, ass, boobs, and thighs, that thighs are his favourite.

m.list | wind breaker m.list

Your legs were thrown on to his shoulders as his dick lay inside your drenched folds, prodding beautifully against the spongey spot in your gummy walls. Kaji's mouth was pressed tightly against your own, his tongue intertwining with your own as his hips rolled into yours, slowly.

The moans that slipped past your lips were swallowed by Kaji, who was eagerly relishing in the moment. His pretty girl trying so hard to keep up with him, your legs over his shoulders where your knees were next to your head on either side.

Kaji pulls away from you lips, a whine emitting from your mouth at the loss of contact, just wanting to be close to him. "Quiet," he mumbles into your ear before flipping you over onto your stomach, a small huff of surprise falling from your swollen lips.

His weight was heavy against your own, your breasts being squished by the mass pushing you tightly to the mattress. Kaji's abs were prominent against your back, you could feel the shape and crevasse of them.

Kaji's hands moved slowly, changing his grip so that one of his hands held both of you over your head, being cautious not to get your hair entangled within the movement. A content sigh leaves your mouth as Kaji raises his body ever so slightly.

His free hand followed the length of your silky back until his fingertips met your sleek entrance. The gasp that came from both his fingers slipping past your throbbing clit and his weight gently lifting off your body to allow you to breathe.

You gasp at the abrupt action of him sliding a finger into your cunt as he murmurs, "Look at you," against your ear before nibbling at the flesh.

Then, you groaned at the slight touch as a thick, pulsating tip pressed against your clit. You attempted to wriggle out of the enjoyable situation, but Kaji was more familiar with your physique than you were, so he anticipated your attempt to flee from his body in response to the pleasure. That's why he weighed down on you again.

When Kaji plunged his pulsating cock into your soft walls, you held your breath as every curve in your soggy cunt pinched his length. You both let out a moan when Kaji's length touched the centre of your being.

Kaji groans, "Look at you, taking me in so well." You sigh with pleasure; he understood that you were somewhat of a worshipper and that you relished his words, which had a profound effect on him and caused him to stutter.

However, he remained motionless, content to observe your need to create friction and your inability to move away from his contact. Kaji's penis poked so far into your gelatinous walls that it caused you to whimper with ecstasy, yet it didn't stop him from remaining motionless. He was still comfortably warm inside.

Warm and dense kisses extend from your ear to the hollow of your neck and end at your shoulder. A panting exhalation left your mouth open before Kaji inserted his hips into yours. A soft groan escapes your lips as his dick grazed every tender spot in your pussy.

"Ren!" you murmured, annoyed at his slow motions.

Kaji's knees split your legs wide apart, guaranteeing that any move on your part would be met with resistance, keeping you positioned beneath him, your attractive physique appearing insignificant next to his huge size. He anticipated that you would be immobile in his ensnaring grasp.

His motions quickened, and as strained grunts and whines from your throat, his cock plunged into the bottom of your eager hole. Your cunt fluttered tightly around Kaji's length as he was panting in your ear and occasionally letting out a deep groan.

Kaji was giving you the full effect, making me scream with satisfaction as his pulsating pink tip found that soft, sticky region in your cunt. He sighed, "Shhhh," and you moaned and sighed, your body trembling with ecstasy. "Take it," Kaji grinned.

Your body attempted to curve away from the pleasure, unable to withstand Kaji's powerful hip rolls, but as you turned your back on him, his thrusts only went farther and harder into your G spot. You cried, mascara running down your face, "But, 'Kaji, too much. "Go slowly, you're going too fast."

He sighs, "That doesn't matter, you're going to take it," observing your thighs quiver beneath him as his hips begin to move more quickly. He loved how your cunt squeezed his cock despite your wishes for him to slow down. He found your words to be contradictory, as you were depriving your body of the release it so desperately needed.

As he hammered into your tight heat, you let out repeated groans. It was as if an instinct had taken hold of you, forcing you to press into his length, but you were powerless against his increasingly powerful thrusts because of his weight.

"So big, you feel so big, Ren!" you cry out mewling. "Please, I wanna come."

"You'll cum soon," Kaji says, pulling your lips into a kiss, he pulls away, watching the saliva break. "Just keep making those pretty noises for me."

You were on your back once more, put your pulsating hole was filled with nothing, his cock laying between your folds. Your legs thrown over his shoulders once more. Kaji was teasingly rubbing his length against your clit, wanting to look at you tremble beneath him and how your thighs quivered.

"R-Ren!" you whimper out.

Kaji scoffs, "you can take it."

He rubs his shaft again through your puffy folds and you whimper as tears well once more in your eyes in the need for him inside me, your thighs clamp shut, ripping from his clamp-like hold. Kaji lets out a moan at the tightness from the grip of your thighs clamped around his shaft. "Look at you. So pretty," He mumbles trying to keep his moans in. "Stay like this for me, my love."

Kaji was in a fog from your soft thighs hugging his length so closely; it made him feel elevated. Although he adored every aspect of you, there were moments when the softness and squishiness of your thighs sent him reeling.

Too overwhelmed and dependent to act otherwise, you comply. He pushes forcefully back and forth between your thighs, squeezing your thighs closer together while clitting against your folds, causing us to both sigh and complain. His balls bump up against your ass base.

As he continues to drive in between, I wriggle and moan in despair as one of his hands leaves the soft skin of your thighs to stroke your clit. You groan, "Feels s' good, Ren," causing him to sloppily force himself farther into your cosy cocoon. "'m love you, Ren. Making me feel so good," you say, slurring as you hear his whimpers get louder, indicating that he is about to be released.

"Gonna cum," He pants as his load spills onto your lower abdomen, some gooey liquid still seeping out of his bulging tip. Just by looking at your cunt and inner thighs covered in his cum, Kaji is almost back, almost coming again. Your chest heaves from the release as you wash over your second orgasm of the evening.

Your legs are carefully placed on the bed when he gently removes them from his shoulders. He hears you whimper as you felt his shaft being drawn away from your entrance and you covered your face with a wince. You could feel Kaji's warm breath caressing your skin and his lips leaving a trail of soft kisses along your neck. He spoke to me in a whisper, his words comforting and loving.

"See, you took it," Kaji mumbles

Kaji's body changed, his back now resting on the wooden headboard as his weight was gradually adjusted in the direction of the pillows. He ran his fingers through his tangle of hair. You shakily sit up, straddling his hips and snuggling up against him because you love the way his arms are wrapped around you.

Do not copy, steal, modify, etc. Relogs and like are appreciated.

m.list | wind breaker m.list

[starmosaics]

Many Rohinis are known for being in the public eye and having an infectious presence— whether it’s good or bad, eyes are on them, but from my observations and my own personal experience along with having loved ones with Rohini placements, most of us feel like we’re playing a part.

You can find Rohinis sometimes unknowingly play into someone’s projections or fantasies of them, other times they’re entirely aware. This may leave the Rohini native feeling alone and misunderstood because of their tendency to show people what they want to see, not who they actually are within. I feel like people tend to have this “idea” about Rohinis that can be so far off from the reality that at times the Rohini native may unconsciously absorb whatever that idea of them is. The Moon is receptive meaning it is constantly receiving stimuli and is sensitive to its environment; it can be easily influenced. Rohinis also receive a lot of passivity, jealousy and anger from people when they don’t match that person’s idea of them. However you perceive a Rohini to be, in worst cases the Rohini can mirror it back to you as we know the Moon reflects.

Marilyn Monroe for example had a Rohini Sun and was either loved or totally loathed by the public and had this reputation for being this beautiful and sensual actress. She often publicly portrayed herself as this innocent woman with a teasing presence that made men go crazy for her, yet she had a very sorrowful and vulnerable side that not many people got to see.

She was known for something called “The Marilyn Monroe Effect” where she would alter herself into a persona which caught people’s eyes. Essentially, Marilyn was wearing a mask. She was a character perceived as a sex symbol by the male gaze.

In her journal entries, Marilyn wrote about loneliness. Bette Davis also said she could sense Marilyn’s loneliness when asked about the actress as she and Marilyn starred in a film together.

Another example is Rohini Sun Priscilla Beaulieu who was 14 when she met her future husband Elvis Presley who was significantly older than her. She was heavily idealized by Elvis and was deemed to have an innocence that Elvis favored. Elvis claimed that he could “train her anyway he wanted.” He ended up doing exactly that; molding her into his fantasy wife, treating her as if she was a doll. He made her dress a certain way, he made her wear makeup and told her to dye her hair and she willingly did out of love for Elvis to embody being “the perfect wife”. Once again, here’s an example of a Rohini playing a role and being shaped by those surrounding them. She also had a lot of Elvis’ fans show disdain towards her as she was dating one of the biggest stars at the time.

In the 2023 film “Priscilla” directed by Sofia Coppola, based on Priscilla’s book “Elvis and Me”, it dives into Priscilla’s backstory. The director perfectly depicts how lonely Priscilla was standing beside Elvis. Many of the scenes within this film show Priscilla being alone in a large empty house.

Rohinis often put their best foot forward to show the world and those they love much like Marilyn and Priscilla did and as a Rohini Sun myself, I can heavily relate. It would make sense for people with this nakshatra in their charts to do such since Rohini is Lunar in nature and the Moon has a mysterious and deep side; being selective as to what you present to the masses (Moon rules masses). There’s a very soft, vulnerable and somewhat melancholic side of Rohini that they possess.

It’s a very vulnerable thing to unmask and show the real and raw unfiltered self when you’re idealized by others or expected to show up a certain way, and it can be a very isolating feeling to not feel understood by anybody which is a very familiar phenomenon to those with Rohini placements. When people don't grasp your nature, thoughts and feelings, it can create a profound sense of isolation, making you feel alone even when surrounded by others, which is what I meant by in an earlier post about how Rohinis may feel alone in a room full of people. To be unknown or misunderstood is to be lonely.

[unknown7s]

I dunno, just my general thoughts on Arcane fandom discourse these days:

Ok, I know that the majority turned to love demonising Silco so unilaterally nowadays (whether it's twitter/tiktoc/reddit..) even though the showrunners themselves have stated that there is no set villain. While this is sad to watch how media illiteracy has gone wild, it's actually frustrating AND fearful because I get the strong feeling of how the dominant mass media really is effective in pushing non-first-world-western-white agendas to the margins and silencing minority voices.

Let me be clear before someone say "but fiction and real world problem/history are different" - YES I FUCKIN KNOW, thank you very much. Surely I can clarify the distinction between them. However, what I'm saying is that it is also true that fiction has a profound impact on the way viewers perceive reality.

I come from a background where my country is built upon a history of people who fought by any means necessary to overthrow imperialist oppressors in 20C (and they were not just "freedom fighters" but all kinds of ideologists from right-wing nationalists to left-wing marxists all together fighting for one goal) to gain independent nation. There were reasons why people had to fight without regard to morality or a particular ideology during that time in order to overthrow the whole system. And in reality, these methods cannot be morally flawless or without side effects - just like how Shimmer is the perfect metaphorical symbol of that in Arcane and thus the episode title is "The Base Violence Necessary for Change". Moreover, in reality the ppl/country that colonised us still defines those who fought for the independent nation as terrorists or criminals to convince that they are the so-called "wrongdoers" (which is not so ironic is it? if you think about how Piltover-side "champions" react to them and what their primary goal is in S2 trailers).

Coming from this part of the historical view, I can't help but understand and support Silco's agenda and sympathise of what his mind had gone through. Not just him but Sevika and Jinx as well (which is why it's a hoot to see some of their fans HATE Silco and I'm like 'jeez do these people even know what the mental/political heritage is? Those characters are built upon his legacy, and the showrunners & writers clearly know what they are doing'). Well, more precisely, because I come from a non-anglowhite world where we had gone through these complex history of independence movement and developmental dictatorship issue, it feels clearer to me where the showrunners - especially Alex Yee since he wrote almost every dialogue of Silco - got their ideas from which part of history & politics and what perspective they are trying to convey through these characters who believe in "the nation of Zaun".

So whenever I see how Arcane fandom discourses are so violent in hating so-called "villains", I really cannot fathom how much they are based on the inadvertently-western-central-imperialistic-and-capitalistic perspective... but then again, this is just some marginalised viewer's thought right? lol

[ano-po]

I'm just gonna talk shit about my family because elections are coming. Hehe

My fam is actually a minor political dynasty around here that has been losing recently. And I WONDER why. We had catering here currently and all my mother did was treat the others differently, others meaning those who are not part of the church or government. Added by my sister who is complaining about the unfortunate asking to take home food and fruits. Our kitchen staff are talking shit about the lgbt families that came, despite knowing I'm lgbt myself and I can hear them.

Later on, the running Mayor came, and they talked about politics, how to win the next election, and how threatened the other parties are. If this is politics, then politics is shallow. I would expect a professional familiarity of human nature, psychology, and maybe, just maybe, good will. But no. It's something 9th graders would talk about during buwan ng wika competitions. Me and my friends have more profound conversations that include dark empathy, and we are just trying to outmaneuver an unprankable friend. I've read fanfictions that capture the realistic manipulation of the masses that leads to mass hysteria, probably written by a 21 year old who hasn't gone out of her room for a week. I've read comments on tumblr that concisely explain the socio-political effects of a fashion trend. Yet somehow, baranggay politics would sound like shallow conversations of chismosas and chismosos who peaked at high school.

To be a good statesperson is to be a genuine person. I know authenticity is not enough to win, as we can see a lot of asswipes in the senate, but at least show kindness and depth??? I don't know why that's hard???

My point is...

1. Now I get Apolinario Mabini's frustration, that the fate of the nation is at the mercy of the egotistic and the delusional, feeling like Light Yagami when they're just talking about the shallowest things on earth.

2. Why can't everyone be like Apolinario Mabini.

3. I wish my family a very well lose

[average-mako-enjoyer]

Bigots and Failed Promises of Mass Effect games

(I had this thing in my drafts for almost a month, and it would have stayed there if not for the wonderful post by @androidtrashfire, because I saw it, and I was like: "Fuck it, I have to rant about these games." I love Mass Effect, and I really think we should critique it. We should criticize things we love because silence = compliance.)

So I was talking to @liss-art recently about the bigoted fans in the Mass Effect fandom, and I think I need to make a post about it because it's something that really, truly bothers me, and it needs to be addressed.

Canon

Mass Effect is a story about deeply flawed people with a lot of problems, and through them it touches on issues like xenophobia, sexism, corruption, elitism, morality, identity. That's why we like it, right? But why are there so many bigots in the fandom? My theory is that it happens because Mass Effect, for all its supposed complexity, only touches on these issues without giving any meaningful commentary on them.

Here are a few obvious examples:

The Quarians are a distasteful allegory of the Roma people (right down to their accents). They are persecuted and ostracized for creating Geth, but the game never gives us any socio-political reasons why the Quarians did that. They just developed real AI because they were naive and stupid? Or because they were the only ones smart enough to do it? Did they do it in secret? Why did other races not make the same mistake?

Same with the Batarians. Yes, the game mentions tensions between humans and Batarians because humans try to claim territories that Batarians think are theirs, but that's about it. Batarians are all racist slave traders and they're bad, don't think about it, here's some memes about 300,000 of them dying, good job. And yes, I know you can read more about their history in the Codex (why is it an Asari who writes about Batarian history,btw?), but it's basically the same thing as saying D*mbledore is gay (I really am sorry for this reference). If no one ever mentions this rich Batarian history, then it doesn't exist.

And please don't get me started on Hanar. They "mercifully" saved the Drell by inviting them to their planet, immediately assimilated them into their own faith and also put them in conditions where they have to train as assassins from the ripe old age of 6 and eventually die of sci-fi lung cancer. But don't worry about it, Drell actually love to serve the Hanar, they do it willingly and consider their servitude an honor. Do you really want to criticize some stupid jellyfish who talk funny? Do you really want to talk about why the so-called Council races do nothing about it? LOL

Another thing the trilogy does is present entire races, including humans, as amorphous blobs. Do all Asari believe in the same "goddess"? Do all Turians obey the same Primarch? Well, what's important is that all humans in this bright future speak English.

But what about the genophage? That's a profound story, right? Well, not really, and it raises more questions than it answers. We hear a lot about how brutal, aggressive, and short-tempered Krogans are, but every single Krogan we meet is extremely well-mannered, and they only resort to violence against other races in dire circumstances. So why not save them? Does the game really present you with this moral dilemma or not?

And can anyone tell me why Salarians are allowed to abduct and experiment on sentient beings, and why Turians are allowed to wage wars? Why does no one talk about Asari in this context?

I really want to say that at least the characters are well written, but I can't because they're not.

Kaidan is a good example of this. We are told about his implant, we are told that he has chronic pain, but do we see him suffer from it? Do we see him in those moments of weakness and vulnerability?

The scene where he gets annoyed with Jenkins acting like he's a circus monkey who has to do a trick and biotically throws a cup at him was cut from the game. We occasionally hear him mention some of the side effects of his migraines ("Too many lights, too much noise"), but that's about it. What has happened to "show, don't tell"? And no, I'm not saying that the writers should feed me the story or walk me through it. What I am saying is that if you gloss over your characters' mistakes, flaws, and circumstances, you're getting people to ignore them. Do people who call Kaidan "boring" and insult him think about how his chronic pain, his trauma from Brain Camp, and the loss of Jenkins and Ashley affect who he is? Hell no.

Thane is another great example. What Mass Effect is telling us as a story is that you can completely abandon your family and your child and be forgiven if your reason for doing it is good and heroic enough. Like avenging your dead wife, because of course there has to be a dead woman thrown somewhere.

Everyone's favorite Garrus (mine too) is a cop whose character arc basically consists of deciding that he is above the law (since the law forbids him from killing people he thinks should die) and then involving his squadmate/friend/partner (depending on your playthrough) in the public assassination of his former squadmate, whom he never even bothered to confront first. Are there any consequences for Garrus for his actions? No. Again, it's all glossed over, and that's unfortunate because it removes the conflict and therefore the character development and depth.

And if you're going to tell me that ME is just a space opera, and that I should just enjoy the spectacle and the romance, then I'm going to tell you that I know that, and that I think it's a wonderful spectacle, and that some of the romance subplots are absolutely amazing story-wise, but the superficial commentary (or lack thereof) on the most important issues that ME covers actually harms the audience.

Fandom

On the one hand, we have people making mods that remove all the clothes from all the female characters (or remove all of femShep's organs and replace them with giant tits). We have people reposting that horrible, horrible art of Miranda and Jack fighting, tearing each other's hair and clothes, and maleShep smirking and saying "I should stay". We have people who say ME2 is the best game in the series because "there are no f*gs". On the other hand, we have people saying things like "there are two Commander Shepards - female and the wrong one". We have people who say "only weird people play as dudebro in 2024". We have people who think that simply playing as a female character is some kind of feminist statement, and that it makes them better and smarter than everyone else (the same people who use the term "dude gamer" as an insult). And all of those things are kind of the trilogy's fault.

Both maleShep and femShep have the same story. The only differences are the romance options, sexist remarks directed only at femShep, and flirtations from various NPCs directed only at femShep. What this tells you is that sexism exists in the Mass Effect universe, and only women suffer from it. It also tells you that only women are worth flirting with.

Another thing this game does (and modern games like Cyberpunk do the same thing) is equate the female experience to the male experience by giving both femShep and maleShep the same lines.

So there are some mixed signals here. Sexism exists and doesn't exist in this universe, Shepard is both genderless and very gendered, romances with underdeveloped characters are all over the place, and bigots thrive in this kind of environment.

The lack of commentary, the lack of perspective, the disastrous worldbuilding allows you to freely choose your sexist, racist adventure and not be punished by the story in any way.

Mirrors

There's a passage from Solaris that I absolutely adore and think about often.

"We don't want to conquer the cosmos, we simply want to extend the boundaries of Earth to the frontiers of the cosmos. […] We have no need of other worlds. We need mirrors. We don't know what to do with other worlds. A single world, our own, suffices us; but we can't accept it for what it is."

I think that perfectly describes what Mass Effect is as a universe. And in a way, it's a reason why it's so compelling. It's just empty enough for us to invest in it, to fill in the blanks of that narrative with the stories of our own. And it's also a reason why this fandom is a fucking hellscape.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

By Andrew Joseph Pegoda, Ph.D.

Unlike its SARS-CoV-1 predecessor a decade prior, SARS-CoV-2—frequently called COVID-19 to lessen alarm—has been an on-going, global crisis starting soon after its emergence in December 2019. The tenth wave of this Level 3 biohazard is starting and the injustices continue.

Official global deaths reported by governments total 7 million. Data scientists, demographers, and economists closely eyeing excess deaths have staggering estimates of actual COVID-19 loses: 20 million by the end of 2021, 30 million by the end of 2023, and currently almost 40 million.

Deaths from this novel, highly contagious virus are sometimes unavoidable. Yet, the vast majority of these seldom-acknowledged deaths are stupid deaths, stupid deaths because they were preventable deaths.

Death tolls from COVID-19 in the United States specifically would be lower had the CDC not given into pressure from Delta Air Lines in 2021 to decrease isolation periods. Death tolls would be lower if states en masse had not rushed to abandon mask requirements in 2021 and 2022. Death tolls would be lower if Hollywood’s stories meaningfully acknowledged COVID-19. Death tolls would be lower if the public narrative had been other than “vax and relax.” Death tolls would be lower if schools and businesses devoted meaningful efforts to improving and monitoring air filtration, especially in elevators. And the recent “back to the office” push will only increase deaths.

Beyond death tolls, I am concerned about what I am naming “stupid (re)infections.”

The typical person in the United States is being reinfected yearly, and the average person has now been infected with COVID-19 more than 3.5 times. And between 20% and 50% of infections are asymptomatic (during the acute phase!).

Repeated infections are unnecessary and avoidable, if mandatory masking in public places had remained and been completely normalized (of course, with appropriate exceptions for those with disabilities that prevent wearing a mask). Hospitals should have never dropped masking requirements, certainly not cancer centers. KN95 and N95 masks are highly effective and easy to wear—a practice that could only increase utility with the corresponding decreased sickness and death. People learned to wash their hands with soap; they can learn to wear a mask.

And this leads me to what I am naming “stupid suffering.”

COVID-19 is not the flu or a cold. Every infection substantially affects the body—including possible cognitive decline and impacts on the heart, T cells, the intestines, and the overall immune system—prompting a growing number of researchers to assert that COVID-19 triggers a new illness that parallels AIDS. Impacts further down the road remain unknown. Still, many people antidotally report having at least some lingering symptoms after their initial symptomatic infection. Specifically, Long COVID, which can be debilitating, impacts tens of millions in the United States, including 6 million children, and currently has no cure. Every infection substantially increases the risk of developing Long COVID. And this stupid suffering disproportionally impacts and further weathering minoritized individuals.

Stupid (re)infections. Stupid suffering. Stupid deaths. We must do better and not allow brute luck to dominate while awaiting treatments and better vaccines.

If missions to save lives and protect best interests are sincere, bioethicists have a profound opportunity, even a categorical imperative, to help lead the way toward a COVID-19 safer future and opportunities for reenvisioned justice, for Aristotle’s the good life.

COVID-19 uniquely shows the heteronomous nature of twenty-first-century life and what little weight negative rights hold as people—especially those already disabled like me—are forced into spaces that ignore the threats.

Andrew Joseph Pegoda, Ph.D., M.A., M.A. (@ajp_PhD), is a Lecturer of Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at the University of Houston and a Bioethics and Health Policy graduate student at Loyola University Chicago.

[allmusesnobruises]

Disclaimer: I won't be spoiling anything major here but I'm going to be negative about Dragon Age: the Veilguard.

I really wanted to be excited for Dragon Age: the Veilguard, but the first reviews are basically confirming everything I was worried about. Honestly, it hurts a lot, but at the same time I'm a bit relieved to see that even people who played the whole game reach the same conclusions as I do, which are:

1- The Veilguard oversimplifies and sanitizes everything. You're kind or you're mean. You're good or you're bad. No dilemma, no grey. The main antagonists couldn't be less complex or more evil. The factions and the characters we already know are so simplified they sometimes look like caricatures of themselves. Three reviews openly compare the game to Marvel or Disney movies. The companions, of course, all like each other, and I hope you're fine with Rook talking to them like they're kids. You've been a flirt with everyone? Don't worry, as soon as you're engaged in a romance, everyone else will conveniently forget they wanted to bed you a minute ago. The found family trope must be protected at all costs. Which lead me to my second point.

2- God forbid there's anything problematic or nuanced - you know, things that could lead to believable, profound, flawed cultures (or to *shivers* Twitter backlash, I guess). As a result, past storylines are weakened. The assassins that tortured Zevran and made him want to kill himself are now romantic defenders of their city. Dorian and Krem's stories seem to belong to another world, as does Merrill's life goal. Kiss Anders' internal struggles and Solas' mystical tales goodbye: you can now see Lucanis' demon and Solas' memories. And did you know the companions had originally been written with specific sexual orientations? I'm okay with everyone being bi. I'm less okay with everyone's identities being erased for the sake of attracting more players.

3- The Veilguard assumes the player has no litteracy and no memory whatsoever. At best, it assumes you've never played a RPG. Forget about complex political and religious plots. Subtlety is a thing of the past. You're constantly reminded of what just happened or what you need to do. You know, just in case you forgot it five times. Or in case you are so stupid you don't know you just sassed Solas or clicked on a romance option.

4- The world is lifeless and lacks cohesion. The cities are full of people that don't look alive at all -- no resident, no guard gives a damn about what you're doing. The different atmospheres, that the companions are supposed to embody, don't always mesh well together.

5- You're not here to shape the world, you're here to watch. Of course, your past choices don't matter either. I wouldn't have believed it a year ago. Your decisions will shape your companions' stories, and you have another important decision at the end, but that's nearly everything. Moreover, you're told exactly what consequences your (few) choices will lead to. Several times, of course.

6- Gameplay > roleplay. The locations are designed for combat and not for the plot. Roleplaying is openly described by several reviewers as a weak spot. Rook's path is very linear. Different dialogue options usually lead to the same outcome. Don't even think of being anything else than a good guy. Sometimes you can be a little stern, as a treat. But don't worry, everything's already planned out for you. You don't have to worry your pretty little head. And the Maker knows it's pretty, and that the CC is inclusive, because that's all the journalists have been talking about for three months.

I'm just bleeding words at this point but entering the Fade was supposed to be a big deal. Mass Effect devs joining the Veilguard team wasn't supposed to mean the ancient elves had sci-fi equipment. Past games choices having an impact were supposed to be a given. The mysteries of Thedas were not supposed to all have the same explanation or even an explanation at all.

I can look past the unreadable expressions and nonexistent lip-sync painted on clay-plastic faces but I can't look past all of this. But the game is smooth, the world looks beautiful, and the gameplay is interesting, if you like puzzles a concerning amount.

A shame that's what I care about the least.

[girldragongizzard]

Epilogue 7: Egg

The burden of being a person is that you can look around at the situation of the world at large, your own circumstances, and the instincts and drives that push you toward certain reactions to that situation, and you know that as a person you have the willpower and agency to make a choice. So you feel the responsibility of trying to figure out the right choice and to push yourself through to do it, even if it's against those instincts and drives. And then you watch yourself follow those instincts and drives anyway.

It's how humanity got here.

I was born in 1974. I was conscious and building memories before Reagan was elected, and I remember one of his debates with Carter. I don't remember it well, but I remember it was important to people. And after that, things got dark and scary.

I was raised during the end of the Cold War, during a time when no one who took it seriously thought it could or would end in any way but nuclear holocaust. And on top of that, I was educated by my teachers and parents about just how imminent and deadly global warming would be.

And then I watched as seemingly everyone forgot about all of that.

But, there are still way too many nuclear weapons on the planet, and way too many close calls with them. And, oh, look, there's that climate change. And the predicted conflicts and genocides as a result of that climate stress have been ramping up for the past several decades, becoming a backdrop a lot of us take for granted. The world's forests burn while militaries bomb the shit out of civilians and cut off their routes of escape.

And, lo and behold, the sixth global mass extinction has begun, and we dragons are, according to the Artists I've spoken to, the final confirmation of it. Never mind that seventy or so species of life form go extinct every day. Gone. No more. Something weird and alarming has happened as a result of the chaos and now the world has us dragons.

Except that we might turn it all around.

When I look back on my life, before dracomorphosis, I don't remember ever thinking that I would have children. I figured I'd die single and unmated. And that if I ever did find a partner, I'd never be able to support a child. I couldn't support myself. And, I had this weird unfounded suspicion I was sterile or something, which I think was an emotion rooted in fatalism and self loathing, really. But, you know, it's hard to have any sort of hope or sense of self worth when you're raised in a world that's obviously been doomed from before the start of your own life and nothing you ever do measures up.

I also certainly didn't see bringing a child into this world as any sort of ethical thing. I resented being alive, myself, and I saw all birth as a profound cruelty.

Though I mostly kept that to myself, because I didn't want to make anyone else feel more miserable for any reason.

I think that when I was freed from my prison of a previous body, my personality did change pretty fundamentally, though. I'm way more aggressive and fearless than I have ever been in my life. Impulsive beyond my own belief. And despite having fewer words, I talk to way more people way more often. I'm outgoing, and I'm enjoying life, and I recognize myself.

And now I'm proud to be having a child.

I feel like I'm making the world a better place by doing it. And I don't believe my child is going to suffer. I think they are going to thoroughly enjoy whatever life they have, in a way I don't think other lifeforms can ever be sure of.

It isn't fair at all. But, it's what I'm doing.

And I may not have even had a choice in the matter, except to eat my own egg after laying it, effectively aborting it. That is an option that did briefly occur to me and repulse me. But, if I hadn't bred with anyone, I'd very likely have produced a parthenogenic clone. Which would have been sort of a disappointment, but I'd still have been so proud and protective of her.

Instead, I got to experience a whole variety of sex this Spring, and then lay this precious, wonderful egg.

An egg with a surprise in it!

And laying that egg was a trip and a half.

It's about the size of my head, and almost oblong. It's nearly cylindrical, with straight but tapered sides, capped with rounded ends. Clearly shaped to roll in a circle, and to have as much interior space as possible while still being able to pass out of my cloaca without tearing anything.

I woke up in the middle of the night to contractions that felt an awful lot like an urgent shit, and I knew I couldn't make it to the outdoors fast enough. It felt like shapeshifting would have just squeezed it out faster. But, then, what started coming out wasn't soft feeling in any way, so I knew exactly what it was.

I stood up and arched my back, lowering my haunches to the ground and looking back between my legs with my head upside-down. And I got to watch it come out!

And seeing my own cloaca stretch like that was weird. Humans who give live birth can sometimes see that kind of thing when viewing it in video afterward. Or, their partners get to watch sometimes. But seeing your own body do that in real time feels like it's extra alarming. The egg came out big end first, and it is quite a bit bigger than a human baby's head. So, there was this red and yellow smeared mottled green surface in the middle of my stretching vent, and it just kept getting wider and wider, and I had no idea how wide it would have to get.

But, what you have to understand is that my haunches are much, much wider than any human's hips now, and my body is bizarrely, magically malleable.

It didn't hurt much.

It felt, at most, like being badly constipated with explosive diarrhea behind it. My gut was cramping and burbling and roiling, and I realized I also hadn't really had the sense of being pregnant before this. I'd just thought the mass was all part of my growth, and was worried I didn't even have an egg to lay. But now that it was moving, I had a sense of where it was and what it had been displacing.

Arching my back like I was doing then felt like it was helping to keep the rotated egg from pressing against my stomach and diaphragm. Which, I'm not sure makes sense compared to other vertebrates, but that's how it felt. And resting my head against the floor made it feel like I had something to push against during a contraction.

And then my cloaca got as wide as it needed to be and slipped around the bulkiest curve of the egg, and my butt went up in the air as the rest of it fell out and rolled to the floor in less than a second.

What followed was that feeling of needing to push more of something out of my gut very urgently, but having nothing there for the muscles to work on. And I felt so much lighter.

And then I really wanted that little sucker and my own ass to be as clean as possible, and I made that happen.

No need to tell you how. Though, it settled my gut to do it.

And now the egg sits on the least used cushioned chair in our living room. Green against green, at least to my eyes.

I put it there, carrying it slowly and carefully in foreclaws, before shrinking myself down enough to go wake Rhoda up and tell her what happened, to drag her out and show her our greatest prize.

That was about a month ago.

I'm not a mother quite yet, but I sure do feel like one.

—

It's a summer evening. I'm digesting three seagulls with the help of some rocks while I watch Joel snooze in the middle of his park. A family is eating takeout dinner at a picnic table near him and the kids keep trying to get up to go over and bother him, but their parents keep telling them to finish their food first. I can't hear them, of course, but their body language says everything.

I'm wondering if Joel would let our child play on him, too.

I also idly wonder if Astraia will teach them how to play D2R and other computer games.

And will Anurak go flying with them and teach them about the spawning habits of salmon?

I have this weird mix of draconic and human child rearing ideals in my head, and I don't know which ones are relevant. And, in part, that's because so much of it gets to be cultural, apparently. The dragons in the Southern hemisphere are each having their own experiences, and it's different by region as well as culture. And really, truly different dragon by dragon.

The draconologists who've started compiling the data have identified a few trends, similar to with human children. Like I said before, dragon whelps mature faster in some ways. But whether they stay with their parents or strike out for their own territories, or mingle with humans or other dragons really varies a lot.

I just don't know what my own whelp will be like until they hatch, so all I can do is daydream and make contingency plans.

And the way that Joel tolerates strange human children really makes me hope he'll do the same for a little dragon.

I know I would. But the more dragons that can socialize with my child, the better for everyone, I think.

And then I hear a familiar voice. One I haven't heard for several years, accompanied by the sound of a couple of children, and two other, deeper sounding familiar voices.

Familial voices.

They're right below me, where car doors are now slamming.

My body shudders and rumbles. And I pull myself closer to the edge of the building, so that I can hang my head over it and look down. My claws sink into the stone trim.

I can't clearly identify my emotions.

I'm maybe startled, excited, scared, anxious, and eager. I feel like when I'm hungry and I see a particularly doofy and vulnerable seagull below me.

But what I see is my sister, her husband, their two kids, and our parents walking toward my coffee shop from their cars.

For a very silly moment, I imagine bullseye targets on the tops of their heads, like that Farside comic with the caption, "How bird's view the world." And my rumbling stutters like a laugh.

I feel a sudden growing affection and a hope that I don't trust is well placed. But they're here!

Why are they here?

Do they even know who and what I am, now? I haven't messaged any of them. I've been too scared.

I can't go down there and appear to them as I used to be. It's the one shape I absolutely cannot bring myself to take. It's not even that I can't stand the dysphoria of it. I just can't do it.

But I know that shouldn't actually matter.

People who know me will always recognize me. It's like a little weakness. A flaw that sometimes comes in handy. Bewildering and strange, but reassuring.

I've gotta go down there.

They're here for me. They have to be. There's no other reason they'd come all the way up to Fairport and my coffee shop. And they look happy, and I need to see them, even if it goes badly.

I push myself away from the edge and pull myself up into princess form to quickly message Rhoda, "My family are here! At the shop! You can meet them!"

Then I message Chapman, too, realizing sie might like to see them as well.

And then I slip into my smaller natural self and leap off the building.

—

Sometimes, as a person, you've got to grapple with your instincts and drives, even as you watch yourself following them, and steer them in a new direction.

Like, making the decision between hunting a living scavenger or eating grass fed beef.

And sometimes, you can call a halt to them. Like, after a long, lovely dinner with the Artist of Being A Dragon where nothing went wrong, you might still be able to decide, "Nope. My child is going to have only the people I love to draw their traits from."

And sometimes when you've made a choice like that, it helps you face the harder things.

Like telling your seventy-six year old parents that you still think of them, even though you haven't said anything to them for years.

You hold the pride of having stuck to your principals in your gizzard, and you digest it along with your seagulls, and it nourishes you as you do the hardest thing you've done since October.

—

As I cross the street toward the shop from where I landed, I can see my family clustered around two of the big rectangular tables pushed together in the dining area. There's six of them, and maybe they're expecting me, so that makes sense. The audacity of them to rearrange the furniture pricks my secondhand embarrassment a little, but I ignore it. Nobody's bothering them about it.

The shop isn't terribly crowded, either.

Nathan is working alone, but I see Bri and Miriam hanging out doing the books on another table near my family and talking to my Dad and Mom.

It's my nibling, Rika, who sees me first, pulling on my sister's sleeve to point me out to her. Emelie lights up and smiles.

Everyone else looks and I get a mix of half viewed expressions through the windows from them, and feel myself under scrutiny. It's too much for me to tell how each person seems to be feeling, and I've never been great at that anyway. But I definitely feel put on the spot in a way I haven't felt since my first interview with the Mayor.

I feel my body stiffen up and start to strut, and I try to make it stop. I want to be relaxed, like this is normal.

I can't really manage it directly, and I feel like various parts of my body are the wrong size or misshapen or something. But I'm not shapeshifting, thankfully. I do almost balloon out to my full size, but I manage to focus on the door handle as my goal well enough to calm down and get there without doing so.

But just before I press the door latch with my nose to open it, I remember something.

I haven't even come out to any of my family as trans.

My hatching and transition was just all so sudden, and then followed by so much stress, I never messaged any of them. At least, I don't recall doing so.

I've daydreamt about doing so. I've made lots of different tentative plans that I've never followed through on.

And I know that, because of Rika, they're probably cool with trans people. Apparently. Now, at least.

But, I didn't communicate. And I should have.

And if they're looking at me now, because of the way the dracomorphosis worked, the way it resonates in the minds of the people who know us, they can already see.

That might explain some of the expressions.

I push down on the latch. And then I push against the door with the top of my head. And I walk inside.

And before I look up, I can already see that my Mom is coming into the lobby, arms out for a hug, looking sideways and the other way to figure out how to do so, and saying something about hoping to see her new grandchild.

I'll need to get my tablet out to tell her that it's too early for that, but that they can all see my egg if Rhoda invites them up.

I do briefly wonder how she knows that much.

—

It turns out that I've been memed.

There've been a few news sites, some of them garbage AI clickbate sites, that have run copycat articles on me, taking words from the Weekly's and Daily's articles. And screenshots of those have gotten around the social media sights I don't frequent. But that Rika does.

One of those articles deadnamed me, because the police did, and a bunch of trans people jumped on that to write corrections, and that got spread around. And that all happened nearly overnight, so it was one of those little corrective memes that Rika first saw. And it still had my deadname on it, so they knew it was me. Then, when they dug a little further, they found a photo of me that the Weekly's photographer had taken and that clinched it for them, and they got excited.

The first thing they told my sister was, "Your sister is trans!"

Not that I'm a dragon, but that I'm trans.

It turns out that being near a billionaire when he gets swallowed by a nightmare, and being the last person seen flying around the sky with him, kind of makes you an icon, apparently.

Weirdly, my Tumblr blog has not yet received the fallout from that. No one's found it yet, except the handful of followers I already had. So I didn't know.

I think, maybe, Rhoda's no bullshit field is still at work, since I also have yet to experience any legal trouble from any of this, either.

Is that also having an effect on the mood of my parents?

I don't know.

Possibly.

They are being way more understanding than I feared they'd be.

—

The hallway in front of our apartment is really crowded with us, and soon, the apartment will obviously be too small. I've been subtly shrinking myself to fit better.

At first, I was deluged with so many questions that I couldn't answer them even if I had taken princess form for the thumbs. Dragon's blood boon of universal language would have helped, but I still don't want it. And I don't want to shapeshift in front of my family yet. I want them to get used to me being truly me, even if I'm now smaller than I was when I first walked in the door of the coffee shop.

Shapeshifting would spur so many more questions, too. So many more.

Nathan had had to intervene, with his strong voice, and remind everyone that I use AAC to talk, and to slow down for me.

Then Rhoda showed up, and then Chapman, and it got a little easier, because both of them could talk for me.

But they both inspired even more questions.

I settled a lot of them by finally remembering this blog, and pulling it up and shoving it in front of Rika, who smirked because they've already been reading it. Natty leaned in to get an eager look, too. And then when everyone else saw my pinned post with the table of contents they realized just how much I'd already written.

And shortly after that, it was decided and agreed upon by everyone, including Rhoda, that they needed to see the egg.

So here we are.

I like to visualize the egg sitting in that quiet, empty apartment in silence just before the flood of humanity about to hit starts filtering in through the opening front door.

As Rhoda unlocks and opens it, the noise of a couple of excited children and their equally excited but hushed parents washes over the space and finds the egg. And maybe the fetus that's inside is already complex enough to recognize a few words. Maybe it knows, somehow, instinctively, that it's about to be surrounded by family.

And then Rhoda pushes the door wide, walks inside just far enough that there's room, and Rika and Natty jostle their way around her and start rushing to the living room. But Emelie calls out to slow them down, reminding them that this is Rhoda's apartment, not theirs. Justin, her husband, apologizes, and Rhoda dismisses it.

"I am so glad to be in the presence of children," she says. "With my cane, I'm not as unstable as I look. And I don't get enough of it. Please, come in."

"It should be safe to touch the egg, if you don't jostle it," Chapman says. "If Meghan and Rhoda are OK with that."

"Yes," I say, feeling apprehensive but wanting that contact to happen anyway.

"I'm OK with it, since Meghan is," Rhoda says.

That quiets the kids down significantly, as they start whispering instructions to each other while crouching down to look at and touch the egg before the rest of us can even see it.

I'm taking up the rear, because I've already seen the hell out of that egg. I shoved it out of my ass. I know what it looks, smells, tastes, and feels like.

And, also, being at the door allows me to guard the entrance, to make sure no rival dragons are coming through it to eat my egg. Not that that would happen here, or in that way. My brain just insists this is a reason, so I let it think it's a good one.

Rhoda stays in the kitchen as she watches my family file by, one eye on the too small tea kettle.

"Don't worry about it," Chapman says to Rhoda. "We've all had drinks downstairs anyway."

"I know," she replies.

And, I make it into the apartment and turn to close the door by the time my parents make it into the living room to see the egg.

There's a pause of quiet. It makes me wonder what they're all thinking. I listen carefully to see if I can catch anyone whispering or something.

I feel a little tense.

Then my Mom exclaims, "It's so small!"

And I turn to face the wall and bonk it with my head. Maybe a little too loud for the neighbors.

[mass-effect-anonymous]

CONFESSION:

Mass Effect had a profound, emotional, artistic impact on me. But as I look back, I cannot fathom how I could like it. The trilogy keeps contradicting itself and creating giant plot holes, often between games, sometimes within games.

For example, if the Collectors were available, why didn't Sovereign use them in ME1, and instead went on to slowly build up armies for years, as far back as the Rachni war? If he did so because the other Reapers were asleep, why did they woke up between 1&2? If they are close enough to physically go to the Milky way in less than a year, why didn't Sovereign just went back to wake them up himself? If the Alpha Relay is enough, why not focus there rather than the centre of the Galactic community? The final boss of ME2 looks like a human, but every other reaper is squid like.

We can discuss character, choices, gameplay, propaganda, and ideologies all day long, but at the end of the day, Mass Effect is a huge incoherent mess.

And it discourages me to participate in it anymore.

[holedaemon]

ASS RESPECT 3: Garrus and Wrex go to White Castle

It's done. We did it. This weekend Ari (@freakpatrol) and I finished the Mass Effect trilogy. The third game is... massively flawed. There's *a lot* about it that I did not like, but despite that, it had some really profound aspects that I won't soon forget.

THE GOOD

MISCELLANEOUS

Shepard can run much longer now

They brought back weapon mods

The armor system is pretty decent, allows for a lot of customization

You can heal in battle using medi-gel again

Garrus is able to be romanced

ENEMIES

There are three factions you go up against in Mass Effect 3. Primarily, the Reapers & their forces, Cerberus, and to a lesser extent, the Geth. I'm here to talk about the Reapers' forces. In terms of design & background, they are peak. BioWare really went all out with them. They essentially took the idea of the Husks and how they are genetically altered, cybernetically enhanced humans, and applied that to most of the other races seen throughout the series. The process leaves them as former shells of themselves, the origin race barely being distinguishable. It's the perfect body horror and totally up my alley. A few of them that really stood out to me:

Cannibals

Harvested Batarians. They have a tendency to eat corpses they find on the battlefield, hence their name

Brutes

Unique in that they are a combination of Turians & Krogan. They remind me of the Tank from Left 4 Dead. Very fun to rip apart with a shotgun

Banshees

Harvested Asari, possibly specifically Ardat-Yakshi? Wasn't really clear. They resemble the Spitter from Left 4 Dead and function similarly to the Summoners from DOOM 2016. Ari HATES these things. Every time one of them screamed I'd hear "Oh I hate that noise"

SQUADMATES

The only new squadmate that really matters in 3 is Javik. You find him on a colony planet that's been overrun by Cerberus. He's a Prothean that's been in cryostatis for the last 50,000 years; when the Reapers last attacked. This is our first time SEEING what the Protheans looked like, and honestly they're pretty cool. Prothean society draws heavy inspiration from Rome & its structure, so you can imagine what Javik is like. He's a soldier; very cold & calculated, carries a lot of baggage knowing he failed his mission & his people perished, which manifests as him being a total dick, but we like Javik, so he gets a pass. The only thing I find disappointing is how he was included in the story, I'll elaborate on that later.

STORY BEATS

Okay, so let's be clear here: the story in the third game more or less sucks major balls. Turns out that's because the lead writer for the first two games left to work on fucking Star Wars: The Old Republic??? That said, there are some really profound moments throughout the story that I absolutely adore, even if they break my heart.

The first being summoning Kalros to fight the Reaper destroyer on Tuchanka. Before you run in to the arena to set off the hammers, Wrex stops you to say

You've been a champion to the Krogan people, a friend of Clan Urdnot... and a sister to me. To every Krogan born after this day, the name "Shepard" will mean "hero!"

HANDS DOWN my favorite Wrex quote.... Just. Gah. I love his development throughout the trilogy. Going from a grumpy merc with no purpose to the fearless leader of the Krogan people. It fills my heart with joy. He also calls Garrus his friend............ THEY HATED EACH OTHER IN THE FIRST GAME!!! NOW THEY'RE FRIENDS REMINISCING ABOUT THE OLD TIMES. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

Still on Tuchanka, this next moment hit me HARD. I can't remember the last time I cried at a video game, but this fucking got me.

Kalros has defeated the Reaper by pulling it fucking underground. We're at the Shroud ready to disperse the Genophage cure across Tuchanka. Except the Shroud has been damaged, it's coming down, and the STG (basically Salarian armed forces) has sabotaged it to prevent curing the sterilization plague. Mordin walks into the elevator leading up to the top of the Shroud, his final conversation with Shepard goes

Shepard: I'm sorry Mordin: I'm not. Had to be me. ... Mordin: Someone else might have gotten it wrong.

Hundreds of feet in the air, amid explosions, Mordin hums the same Salarian scientist tune he sang to Shepard in the second game. He pauses, the sabotage has been overridden, the cure is being dispersed; the scientist looks out over the Tuchanka skyline and smiles. Peace has been made with his fate, he can die happy knowing his wrong has been corrected. He picks up singing his song, but before he can finish the verse, the top of the Shroud explodes. That's the last we see of Mordin Solus.

Compounding the loss of Mordin, during a conversation prior to the events of Tuchanka, he tells Shepard that the Genophage needs to be cured. He does not relent that it was the correct thing to do for the time, but the circumstances have changed and it needed to be stopped. Shepard also asks him what he plans to do after the war had been won. Mordin talks about spending his final days on a warm beach, collecting seashells. The commander retorts saying he would go crazy within an hour, the Salarian responds saying he might run tests on the seashells.

I was really torn up about Mordin for a few days following this LMAO. He really grew on me over the course of the 2nd and 3rd game, hands down one of my favorite characters. Seeing him go sucked a lot, but I'm glad he was able to do it on his own terms. Curing the Genophage was the right thing to do, and I think it really added a lot to his character. He gave up his life so many, many Krogan could live. I love that a lot.

There's one last moment that really stuck with me.

The team is on Rannoch, the Quarian home world. They just defeated a Reaper that was transmitting a signal to control the Geth. Besides controlling the Geth, the Reaper transmission was also upgrading the synthetics. Their consciousness was on par with that of an alive being. Legion reveals to Shepard that he still has this code running in his systems. If he were to upload it to the Geth collective, the entire race would be upgraded to become fully sentient & alive. The commander agrees, telling him to get started, and asking Tali to delay the impending Quarian attack on the Geth. After some bickering with the Quarian admirals, the fleet hold their fire. Legion says

Legion: Error: copying code is insufficient. Direct personality dissemination, required. Legion: Shepard-Commander, I must go to them. I'm... sorry. It's the only way. Tali: Legion, the answer to your question... was yes. Legion: I know, Tali, but thank you. Legion: Keelah se'lai.

Legion falls to his knees in front of the Rannoch sun. In his final moments, he achieved true sentience, evident by his use of "I" instead of "we," as well as calling Tali by her first name. He was an equal, he was a person, he was truly alive. Through his actions, Legion brought on a new era of peace between the Geth and Quarians. In the days following his death, the Quarians had returned to their home planet and started to rebuild with the help of their newfound allies. The Geth's assistance was speeding up the rebuild exponetially. Processes that would have taken years, were taking days to weeks. Some Geth also volunteered to upload themselves into the suits of Quarians, to kickstart their immune systems. This would make the environmental suits the former nomads wore irrelevant in a few short years.

Losing Legion hurts A LOT. He was my precious baby boy. Everything about his death compounded the loss tenfold. The fact that he achieved personhood; the way he fell in front of the sun; his uttering of keelah se'lai as he keeled over... just. UGH. Much like Mordin, his death was not in vain. Had he not done what he did, the Quarians would have been wiped from the galaxy by the Geth. He managed to save two civilization and end a 300 year conflict. This has really, really stuck with me. Genuinely one of my favorite moments & outcomes in any video game, period. I love Legion, I love the Geth, I love what they all stand for & represent, and how they grow over the course of the series. It's fucking awesome.

THE BAD

That's about all I have in terms of good things, now onto the bad.

ACCESSIBILITY

Mass Effect 3 took a step backwards from 2 in terms of accessibility. The second game was perfect; menus were simple and concise. I actually knew what I was doing & where to go. That's not true of 3!!! Shit's back to being convoluted & confusing!!! I look at a menu and say "what the fuck is this?" It sucks!!!!

The other thing is the galaxy map. On the map overview, it tells you the description of missions in certain systems, not the name!!!! So you'll just have shit like "go to Anderson's apartment" appearing over nebula & shit, like what???

Your journal is a disaster too. Missions, both main & side, were grouped together in one tab, so you can't easily decipher which is which. They also decided to remove mission details, rather only giving you a vague description of what you needed to do??? Extremely frustrating.

GAMEPLAY

The movement sucks. It's like halfway to where it needs to be. I gotta give them credit for trying to make it good, but they just fucking floundered. Everything is done with the space bar, and so fucking often when I tried to interact with stuff, Shepard would take cover or do a fucking roll in the wrong direction instead of doing what I wanted her to do. It got genuinely annoying.

Another big issue were missions. For some reason, BioWare decided that missions should expire in this game, except they don't tell you when!!!!!!! SO YOU JUST HAVE TO GUESS!!!!!!! COMPOUNDING THAT, THEY GIVE YOU SO MANY MISSIONS. Literally I had like 20 missions at one point. Most of them were just fetch quests too. The formula for fetch quests is basically as follows:

get mission from random NPC

go to system

ping map to find scannable locations

uh oh, you probably alerted the Reapers. Which means you can't scan in peace without doing a mission.

if you can somehow avoid the Reapers, scan location for random junk until you find your fetch quest item

take it back to random NPC

rinse & repeat 100,000 times

Not a big thing but they... got rid of all of the minigames? There's no more hacking minigames, rather when you need to access an area, you just interact with the door & stand there for a few seconds. Again, not a big deal, but definitely a step in the wrong direction. There's also no resource collection, which I really enjoyed.

Again, this one is less of a problem but just kinda weird. The game is fucking easy. I died less than 10 times in combat. I didn't even know you could heal with medi-gel till the finale. I barely ever had to take cover, I could just run & gun and be fine. Compare this to 2 where I was dying left and right. My performance in the prior game was so dogshit that I think Ari was starting to get annoyed by it, so often would they say "BABE TAKE COVER," meanwhile I'd look like this

SQUADMATES

I was really kinda disappointed with the squadmate selection this time around. The last two games had so many different characters that I really jived with, but 3's selection was pretty lackluster. So as soon as I could, I took Garrus everywhere with me, and would switch between Javik & Tali for the secondary. Not bad, but not ideal. I don't really like human squadmates, so I never picked James or Kaidan. James is just too dude-bro military hot head for me; Kaidan's a whiner & got really annoying. Giving EDI a body was unnecessary, but cool I guess? Her relationship with Joker was cute. Never really cared for her much as a squadmate though. Liara was also just kinda... meh. I think I was really just spoiled by having Wrex and Legion as options in prior entries.

THE CITADEL

Okay this is a quick thing: you spend WAY too much time on the Citadel. This kinda ties back into my complaints on missions, but, I swear a huge portion of the game is spent there, doing side missions. It's fucking boring, man. I really did not enjoy any of the time spent in between priority missions. The citadel is novel at first, but by the end of the game, you've spent at least a few hours just running between the same 4-5 floors picking up quests, turning quests, listening to NPCs. GAH.

THE STORY

Okay, so like I said, Mass Effect 3 has some really good subplots that I enjoyed a lot!!! Overall though, dude, the story is just... weak, the ending especially. Ari and I spent some time reading the Wikipedia article detailing the controversy surrounding this game, and it makes sense. Like, once BioWare lost the aforementioned writer for the first two games, everything just went to shit.

The first thing that really irked me is the child Shepard sees die and his subsequent use throughout the story. Sure, alright, seeing someone so young die is traumatic, but why does it hold so much weight?? Shepard has seen thousands die, personally, she has taken the lives of at least 300,000 people, why does a single kid she never even spoke to for more than a second keep popping up? There's zero substance here. Keep the trauma, keep the dream sequences if you must, but use the people that really matter. Mordin, Legion, Thane, Ashley, I guess, even her fucking parents or squad on Akuze! USE ANYONE BUT A RANDOM CHILD!

Now, let's address the elephant in the room: the ending. That travesty blows shit out of ass, dude. Why is the aforementioned child there? What do you mean there's this intelligence that was created to solve a problem? What even is the problem?? Oh, it's that synthetics and organics don't really truly understand one each other? Okay. Why is that just now becoming the overarching problem of the series? Where was that concept in the first two games? The introduction of this intelligence, the Leviathans, and the "problem" really diminishes the story. It explains away the mystery of the cycle. It diminishes the Reapers a lot! Before, they were these mysterious, almost god-like machines from beyond the veil of reality. Their purpose was unknown & said to be incomprehensible to a normal mind. Turns out they just harvest the universe because it "solves a problem?" Like, fuck off, dude lmao. Giving any context whatsoever to the Reapers and their motives was a bad idea and really killed the magic that they brought.

Anyway, as you finish up talking to the child, you are giving three choices

Control the Reapers

Destroy the Reapers & all synthetic life (EDI, the Geth)

Use your DNA as a template for life to combine & share the same DNA between all species, organic & synthetic alike. (AKA the Synthesis)

Ari & I chose the last option, as it's allegedly the "true ending." Well, when you do that, Shepard jumps in the crucible, turns to mist, a huge explosion of green energy crosses the galaxy through the mass relays (breaking them in the process??), and everyone becomes cyborgs & "understands each other." Reapers & their forces stop fighting and begin to help rebuild the galaxy. Everybody glows green now? It's not well explained and even if it were it's stupid as fuck. Besides that, you're also violating the bodily rights of the entire galaxy?? Forcing change at a DNA level without anyone's consent?? Kind of a weird way to resolve a war. Furthermore, what about the Reaper's abominations? They're all sentient now! They're not fighting anymore! What do you do with them? What they once were is barely even recognizable!!

THE DLC

Alright, last talking point: the DLC. DLC is not a new concept in the Mass Effect games, and while it was not a big deal before, this time really bugged me.

Before I start: the DLC involving Aria & taking back Omega was really fun, I enjoyed it a lot. Anyways.

First off, JAVIK IS DLC????? THE PROTHEAN CHARACTER THAT IS SO VITAL TO THE STORY IS DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT THAT COSTS EXTRA???? REALLY AWFUL DECISION BIOWARE.

Second, the Leviathan DLC. I love the Leviathans, they're really cool creatures in design & concept. But again, their introduction and involvement in the story just Ruined the Reapers pretty much entirely. It sucks. I wish they were better utilized. Also, again, to put something so """important""" to the story in a DLC??? Fucking lame.

Finally, the house party DLC. It was fucking AWFUL. The entire mood of it does not fit the game ONE BIT. Every other sentence is some weird, unfunny quip. Brooks as a character is just fucking annoying. You're running around chasing your clone??? Then YOU HAVE A PARTY??? The dialogue throughout the party is just fucking awkward and forced. Kasumi and Saeed are there for some reason?? It just sucked. I could go on for hours about it but I'm just burned out even talking about this shit.

Overall, a really, really disappointing end to an otherwise fantastic series

Fuck this

[anghraine]

Other tangentially related gaming thing: my bff J agreed to yet another run of Mass Effect to help me decompress/distract myself/maintain the even keel that's kind of required by the whole situation, but also difficult as an intensely anxious (if usually composed!) person.

For context: our first Shepard, who romanced Liara, was about as squeaky-clean Paragon as possible to be while still murdering the fuck out of Kai Leng. I had a blast with that one!

Then, we constructed a whole tragic arc for our second Shep, a somewhat older woman with maximal emotional scars (survivor of Mindoir + butcher of Torfan) and a lot more capacity for ruthlessness (we did every Renegade choice we could square with our consciences—no space racism but lots of space murder).

We decided she'd start to find love again with Kaidan, only for him, like everyone else in her life, to die (at Virmire in this case). Then she would experience a more mature and profound love with Thane that would be very gentle and fully reciprocated, yet bittersweet given that they both know he's dying soon. We had the idea that this initially harsh, ruthless Shepard coming to love Thane and diverge from her previous path of bloody vengeance would be really endearing, especially when the dying Thane wants the prayer read for her rather than himself, and then the rapport between Shep and Kolyat would also have this extra pathos, and killing Kai Leng would be even more satisfying.

(It totally was: our Shep was a Vanguard so there was a lot of punching involved, and then J indignantly went "this is for Thane, you fucker" as we stabbed KL.)

Anyway, the storyline did mostly work out, apart from any degree of nuance being rewarded by the game locking us out of cool dialogue options at particularly critical moments. Still, she was super enjoyable and I liked how we got her arc to weave into Thane's despite a bit of underwriting at times, and the idea of Shepard as this ultimately tragic figure who just keeps on living as her loved ones die over and over and over (we chose Destroy to underscore that fate!).

This time, we thought it'd be fun to go for a Shepard who isn't quiiiiiite as squeaky-clean as the first one, but more of a Paragon type than our tragic Shepard. Basically noble, but with more of an edge. She's a survivor of both Mindoir and Akuze, so she's seen some shit, but she's still quite young (we wanted her to be fresh-faced, pretty, yet also visibly scarred and managed all three :D). We particularly wanted a more youthful, impetuous Shepard who is less straitlaced and less world-weary than the previous ones for the Garrus romance, which after all these years, J has never done! And he's played both male and female Shepards to see how most of the romances play out, but not Garrus's specifically.

We thought it'd be especially fun for this Shepard to be a full Adept and for her to be basically a good influence on Garrus's unfortunate cowboy cop ways (we just shout out "RED TAPE!!!!" as a household joke at this point). But we didn't want her to be an elder mentor figure to him or an incredibly noble icon he'd revere so much as for them to be Reaper-fighting bros who help each other grow as people -> FWBs -> whatever happens in ME3.

So we've started our new run with our very attractive scarred Shepard (J: "I think it works for her, she's probably into scars"; me: "I bet Garrus is"; J: "Oh, for sure!") and it's a really nice distraction. Though now I'm thinking about the ME/P&P AU that's been percolating through my brain for upwards of seven months >_>

[sciencestyled]

The Curious Case of the Missing Aliens: A Deduction Fit for the Bizarre

There I was, seated in the familiar confines of 221B Baker Street, fingers steepled in the pose Watson has often described as my "thinking machine" at work. On this particular afternoon, I found myself wrestling with a most irritating question, one that had been gnawing at my mind for some time: where the devil are all the aliens?

Now, I know what you must be thinking. Holmes, you’ve solved all manner of convoluted criminal cases, yet here you are concerned with little green men. But allow me to enlighten you on the circumstances that led to my strange preoccupation with extraterrestrial mysteries. It all began after a most peculiar visit from an acquaintance—a certain Professor Fortescue, the kind of chap who seems to have misplaced his common sense somewhere between his study of physics and an apparent inability to tie his own shoelaces.

The man burst into my rooms, knocking over a stack of precariously balanced books that I had so carefully arranged, bellowing something about the Fermi Paradox. Naturally, I ignored him at first, believing this to be yet another nonsensical distraction from the simplicity of human reasoning. I had been in the middle of a delightful experiment involving tobacco ash and different brands of biscuits, determining the most effective combination for sustaining creative thought.

"Holmes!" he shouted. "Holmes, we should be swimming in alien civilizations by now! The numbers—the numbers, man!" He waved a chalkboard covered in indecipherable squiggles that were either equations or a summary of the man's latest nervous breakdown.

As Fortescue babbled on about the staggering number of stars in the galaxy and the inevitability of extraterrestrial life, my curiosity was reluctantly piqued. What bothered me most was not the professor's ramblings (though they were quite insufferable), but the sheer logical absurdity of it all. If the galaxy is so packed with habitable planets, where are all the letters from our cosmic neighbors asking to borrow sugar or, at the very least, demanding to know how Earth managed to produce such an utter lack of taste in popular music?

I dismissed Fortescue with a wave of the hand—he left, after knocking over my violin in an unfortunate act of clumsiness—and I proceeded to investigate. The Fermi Paradox, as it turns out, was named after some other poor soul who’d been equally perplexed by this cosmic silence. Armed with this new puzzle, I began applying my deductive reasoning to the matter.

I must say, it was quite a refreshing departure from the tedium of solving murder—really, how many times must a man be stabbed before people grow tired of it? The very idea that there could be countless civilizations out there, all hiding from us, was almost too tantalizing to ignore. I imagined alien committees gathered around in some interstellar version of Scotland Yard, flipping through dossiers of Earth’s greatest catastrophes and deciding, en masse, that we were best left to our own devices. Can’t say I blame them, really.

But the question persisted: Why? Why, with all the potential for contact, have we heard nothing? I explored every angle. Perhaps they were here but had mastered the art of invisibility. Or worse, perhaps they had simply been observing us, chuckling from behind some quantum curtain as we bumbled about our daily lives, occasionally electing disastrous political figures and creating self-driving car accidents.

And then it hit me—a realization so absurd, so bizarre, it could only be true: we were simply...uninteresting. Oh, the profound humiliation! Aliens, upon watching our species for mere moments, had probably decided Earth was the galactic equivalent of an awkward school dance where no one had quite learned the steps. Why visit a planet where the inhabitants argue over the shape of their Earth and willingly consume food labeled "gluten-free"?

The problem wasn’t that aliens were avoiding us; they were ignoring us. We were the neglected shelf at the cosmic library—a volume that had been read once, deemed thoroughly boring, and put aside to gather dust for millennia.

This conclusion, shocking as it was, led me to an irrefutable decision. Clearly, the public had to be informed of this cosmic slight. I could not sit idly by as humanity remained blissfully unaware of its standing as the galaxy’s most forgettable species. But how? How to spread the word? And then it came to me: the internet. The breeding ground of conspiracy theorists, amateur sleuths, and people with far too much time on their hands.

And so, I set about producing this video. It is my duty, after all, to enlighten the masses about the fact that we are quite possibly the universe’s least exciting discovery. Watson was dubious, of course. He always is. But that’s beside the point. In the end, the truth must be shared, no matter how painful it is.

So, dear viewer, I present to you the answer to a mystery far greater than any mere murder or scandal: why the aliens, in all their hypothetical glory, have failed to show up at our doorstep with fruit baskets or invasion plans. The truth is out there—and it’s desperately trying to avoid us.

Enjoy.

[consideratepig]

Terrible Lie (a Don't Starve fic)

SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT —INCIDENT REPORT

Case Number: 006-74891-106-1565

Officer: Detective Lt. Caboto

Unit: Homicide

Date of Incident: Unknown(1905)

Remarks: The following passage is an excerpt from a journal entry thought to have been written by William Carter, the journal page reads:

‘I believe I've made a terrible mistake… It wasn't supposed to be like this. I followed every step correctly, all the conditions were right, everything should have gone exactly as planned… Let me explain: I found a passage in the codex the other day, with information that would allow me to give ordinary objects innately magical properties. In theory, this would allow me to turn my top hat into a storage space for any props I wanted to put in or take out at a moment’s notice. It was the perfect way to bring my magic show to the next level, perhaps even bringing respect back to my tarnished name….Was. In hindsight, I’m only grateful this was an isolated occurrence that happened during a rehearsal and not in front of Charlie, let alone an audience.  Initial tests with sending playing cards and scarves through the portal were a resounding success, however when I tried to retrieve my rabbit there were ...complications. Whatever abomination I pulled from that hat, that definitely wasn't Georgie…In fact, I’m not even sure it was any kind of rabbit at all.  That creature’s shadowy silhouette is one I won’t soon forget. Its coarse fur was dripping with a substance that was as viscous and black as tar. Its limbs(?) were twisted and broken in multiple directions, most likely a result of being forced through too small an opening for its bulky body. I would’ve believed it to be dead, until I approached its body and it drew several gurgling, ragged breaths.  As I stood there, frozen and at a loss of what to do, it suddenly let out an ear-piercing scream of pure  primordial agony, its mangled form twitching and thrashing itself wildly on the floor. When I gazed at what I assumed to be its face, It kept looking up at me with beady wet eyes that pleaded for answers as to where it was, and why it was in so much pain...'

Mirror Links: AO3

When the initial shock wore off for the frightened stage magician, it was only a matter of time before a spontaneous surge of adrenaline kicked in. Without missing a beat, William grabbed the nearest heavy object he could find and with all the might he could muster in his atrophied muscles, he lifted the hammer over his shoulder and bludgeoned the writhing mass of fur in a desperate attempt to put it out of its misery. It was a mercy for the poor critter, or at least that's what he told himself.

To its credit, it didn’t fight back once during its brutal beating, but  after enough trauma to the head, it finally stopped moving. The air he was breathing felt cold and oppressively still for a moment, before the creature’s body rapidly decayed into a puddle of bubbling black sludge.

William dropped to his knees, his body trembled like a leaf and his dress shirt was soaked in a cold sweat. As he struggled to catch his breath, he could taste a drop of blood as it ran from his left nostril. Between the book’s magic and his test of strength, the man had put a great deal of stress on his frail body all at once.

The poor fool’s vision began to tunnel, he felt an overwhelming sense of dizziness and sickness in his stomach while frozen in terrified, wide-eyed disbelief over what he just saw. Was that thing really George? Or was it merely responsible for the rabbit’s disappearance? Was it even real at all?

William's eyes darted back and forth, his mind drowning in a cocktail of intrusive thoughts, extreme stress and profound sadness. His expression changed from fear, to horror, to disgust and finally, crushing guilt. He tried to double down on his self-doubt and tell himself there was a reasonable explanation of what he just witnessed, it couldn't be real… just an effect of the magic going wrong, a figment of his wild imagination, an optical illusion conjured by the stage lights- it had to be.

"Wh… w-what…?" That was all he could manage to get out, eyes shifting between the puddle of muck and his bloody hand, still firmly grasping the handle of the rubber mallet. As his breathing began to even out, William managed to compose himself just enough to wipe the blood from his face. Only a small streak of it was actually his, if one could consider that fortunate.

William was left with a sinking, horrible feeling in the pit of his gut; the reality of the situation hit him like a bare knuckle boxer. He just took a life. A twisted mockery of his prop bunny, perhaps even some horrible demon, but still, a living, breathing creature. The guilt and shame of it was staring at him right in his face with two cloudy corpse eyes and he couldn't take it.

The rubber mallet fell from his shaky grip, loudly clacking on the stage floor as he broke down and braced his trembling hands on the ground for support. William's shoulders tensed, his upper body quickly leaned forward and every hair stood up on the back of his damp neck as he was subjected to a violent fit of retching. The mental image of broken bones poking through putrid, festering flesh & fur wouldn't leave his mind and made him even sicker from the sheer insanity of it all.

"No… No… What have I done?" William sobbed and choked out between heaves, his glasses were slipping and becoming hard to see out of due to the excessive movement and moisture, but he didn't dare reach up to fix them when he felt so unsteady he might slip and fall into a puddle of his own vomit mixed with….whatever sludgy remains that thing had left.

William's mind was running at a mile a minute, his anxiety and stress only getting worse as he struggled to process what had happened. Instinctively, he wanted to be angry and lash out, but his fear kept him in check. His thoughts were a flurry of disturbing images and emotions still fresh in the forefront of his conscience. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to look away.

"This is-…This isn't real, this isn't real this isn't real this isn't real…" William quietly repeated the mantra to himself, his voice breaking down & face contorted into a grimace as hot tears poured out of his eyes. He felt his heart attempting to beat its way out of his chest and he shuddered and let out choked, sucking sobs.

The magician's sobbing quickly turned into heaving coughs and hyperventilation as he slumped against the wall, slowly descending into a more and more catatonic state of shock. He was completely unprepared, both magically and emotionally, for what he accidentally brought into this world.

His bleary eyes darted from the corpse of his fuzzy friend, to the bloody hammer, to the blood on his own hands, to the puddle of puke that was seeping into the rug.

In the back of his head, William could hear his inner voice chastise him for his failures, not to mention how expensive it was going to be to get that mess deep cleaned. Try as he might, however,  all the negative reinforcement in the universe couldn’t allow the rattled magician to move from his current spot.

William eventually curled up in a fetal position on the floor, eyes brimming with tears as he continued to loudly sniffle and shake uncontrollably. The words his mind conjured up to berate him certainly didn't help, his rapidly racing thoughts telling him he's an abject failure, a mess, a horrible person who's taken an innocent life with his powers and he doesn't know how to cope with it.

William knows he has to snap out of this stupor he’s found himself  in, but his mind feels a million miles away from the body that’s supposed to be his. The overwhelming sense of guilt and shame has its hold on him, he'd never wanted to hurt anything or anyone, especially not one of his rabbits. William had spent years working tirelessly towards becoming a successful stage magician, even as his weak health made it difficult to pursue a career. All those years lost to the battle against Consumption and all for what? All for nothing? Nay, all for tragedy.

As William cried to himself in the corner, the goo from the remains of the creature’s body began to crawl towards the magician. Slowly and deliberately, the blob slithered towards him, and wrapped a claw-like appendage around his throat, constricting his windpipe. William knew he had to move, but he was paralyzed with fear. All he could do was gasp for air and watch in panic as the entity began to strangle him.

William's wide-eyed panic only grew as the shambling mass of darkness slowly enveloped his entire neck, gradually cutting off his airflow. He fought against it as much as he could, wriggling to escape its grasp, but it was futile. He had a sinking realization that in his current state, he wasn’t strong enough to remove it himself.

"Please, help me! Someone help me, please! For the love of God, please! Help me!" He frantically cried out for help, his eyes water even more as he started to see stars dancing across his fading vision. He could feel himself becoming lightheaded, his vision fading to black.

"H…help…"

Every time William tried to speak, it was like the shadowy figure was encouraged to strangle him harder. His face turned a flushed red, then a brilliant shade of purple from asphyxiation. Right when he was so light-headed he thought he was going to pass out, his would-be killer was interrupted by the sound of the rehearsal room door unlocking from the outside.

"Hello? Mr. Carter, is that you?" He recognized the voice belonging to Charlie, his assistant he hired last week, calling out to him. Almost instantaneously, the decomposing mass let go and slithered off to the shadows, disappearing from sight  like it was never there to begin with.

"William, are you still here? I'm so sorry I'm late, I overslept and missed my bus..." She called out again, from where he was sitting William still couldn’t see her and evidently she couldn’t see him, but he could hear her closing the door and shrugging off her raincoat.

William took a couple sharp, raspy breaths, coughing and spluttering as he gasped for air. He tried to pull himself up, but his weak limbs refused to cooperate - he was completely drained and barely had any strength left. He heard Charlie's voice calling out to him, but it was difficult for him to find the words to call out for her one more time. Still, it wouldn’t kill him to try, and it just might if he didn’t.

"Y… yes! I'm… h… here… Ch… Charlie." His voice was hoarse and raspy, still recovering from the incident. He let out a sharp exhale and collapsed back down onto the floor.

"There…there's…there's something in the rehearsal room!" William choked out in a strained voice. He grabbed his throat, still trying hard to catch his breath between coughs, and gasped  "In the corner there--please--help me..."

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Charlie asked as she stepped into the room, wearing an expression of befuddlement as she looked at the scene before her. She knelt down next to William and helped him sit upright, her warm eyes full of pity and concern for his well-being. William coughed and tried to clear his throat, still struggling to speak in his exhausted state.

"I’m sorry but, I don't see anything in the corner…" She muttered to herself with her eyes narrowed into a puzzled expression, she investigated the area briefly before her demeanor suddenly changed when a possible explanation dawned on her.

"Wait a second, is this a part of the act? Am I supposed to figure out what you made disappear and how you did it!? Oooh, this is exciting!" She proclaimed with a smile and such enthusiasm that, had it been any other set of circumstances, the magician would’ve found it remarkably endearing.

"N-no, Charlie… there was… n-nothing's h… here now…" As his words trailed off, his eyes drifted over to the empty corner of the room, where he was certain the blob of nightmares was before. Sure enough, there was just a wet patch of carpet in the spot it used to occupy. William's gaze rapidly shifted all around the room as he tried to figure out where it disappeared to and what exactly had happened in the last few minutes. Nothing made any  sense.

"I… don't even … know anymore." He finished with a sigh, looking absolutely hopeless and defeated. Charlie's expression faltered and wore a pensive frown, she kept looking at William with an almost palpable level of concern. She didn’t know what had given him such a fright, but in any case the man clearly wasn't doing well. 

"William calm down, deep breaths okay? I don't know what you saw, but the janitor gave me the keys to lock up right before he left for the day. There’s nobody else here now but you and me." She explained with what she hoped was an assuring smile, trying not to sound scared by how the man she'd barely known a week was acting like he'd seen a ghost. 

William sighed and held his  head in his hands, he felt utterly helpless. He knew what he saw, but now the evidence was gone, the monster was gone. He was scared…he was so scared…His face twisted with frustration, defeat and helplessness. Perhaps it would be best if his assistant wasn't any the wiser to what had transpired, he wouldn't even begin to know how to explain what he saw, even if he wanted to.

"I just…" William let out a deep sigh again, his emotions still all over the place. "I just need… I think I need some rest."

He leaned back, resting his throbbing head against the wall once more. After a brief moment of collecting his thoughts, he gave Charlie a tired smile, a sign she could tell he was just a bit too exhausted to function properly.

"Could you… could you walk me to my room?" He says while he rubs his temples, face covered with a fresh sheen of sweat and eyes deeply sunken in, as if the fool hadn't slept in days. "Ple… please." He added,  clearing his throat.

Charlie nodded, a hardened look of determination crossed her normally soft features as she offered William a sturdy  shoulder for support on the way to his dressing room. In spite of being over a head taller than her, he soon realized Charlie was a much stronger gal than she looked. Or perhaps, William had lost more weight than he realized as of late… although, the likelihood of it being an amalgam of both hadn't slipped his mind either.

William leaned nearly  his whole weight on Charlie and kept himself awake with his thoughts as she led him to his dressing room. He felt so exhausted that he would have slept standing up if he'd had to. Charlie's presence was a welcome comfort, though. He didn't mind it one bit.

As they got to his room and stepped inside, William just let his body crumple and gracelessly flop onto the couch, resting his head on a nearby throw pillow as Charlie looked on. He sighed again to catch his breath, mind too cloudy to even try and think about how awful he was for making his kind assistant care for him like this.

William groaned softly as he settled down on the sofa, taking his glasses off and keeping his eyes screwed shut since the room was so insistent on spinning each time he opened them. Several moments of silence passed, Until he heard the sounds of his assistant's heels clacking on the floors out the dressing room door, followed by the sounds of Charlie returning as she placed a glass on the table next to him.

William finally cracked open an eye to look over at Charlie. He sat up slightly, giving her a smile as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What's this for?" He asked curiously, glancing down to the glass on the table like it was poison. It was clearly meant for him. "I'm not exactly in the mood for a drink."

"Relax, Willy. It's just water, you probably need it after getting sick so suddenly" Charlie explained as she insistently passed him the cup with two tablets of his headache relief medicine.

"Oh." William said softly as he swallowed the large pills and washed them down with water, the cool beverage admittedly felt soothing for his scratchy throat. When he’d had enough, he set the glass aside with a loud exhale of relief, his eyes drooping again.

"Thanks, Charlie." He looked over at her with a grateful expression, but before he could say anything else, a yawn escaped him. William’s eyes closed soon thereafter and he found himself in a fitful sleep, left to the devices of his guilt-ridden subconscious. His dreams were filled with images of a theater going up in flames, shadows were closing in on him and his assistant, with the screams of  hundreds of people dying and the smells of their charred flesh filling his nostrils.

As he tossed and turned, his faithful assistant Charlie never left his side. Like clockwork, she wicked away the sweat on his feverish face with a damp cloth, gently supporting him and patting his back each time a hitch in his breath disturbed his sleep with body spasms or a violent fit of wet coughs.

When William truly woke up, he was drenched in a cold sweat. His head was throbbing with an immense pain, feeling fit to split open any second like a rotten melon. His heart dropped as his eyes wandered to Charlie, whose soothing fingers were stroking away pieces of  his matted hair.

"Huh..?" He grunted while he looked around, disoriented by the dark room. Charlie's weary smile seemed worried and a tinge too fearful for comfort. The sight of her in such a haggard condition jolted him back to reality, and he suddenly remembered everything that happened earlier all at once. The man's stomach lurched as it was too much to bear and in response to the mounting nausea, he quickly sat up.

William cupped his mouth and roughly gagged into the palm of his hand, bringing up little more than watery bile and remnants of the bitter pills he swallowed before. Luckily, Charlie was quick to react to his situation and stuck the empty water glass under his chin, just in time for William to spit up the rest of his stomach's meager contents into something less disgusting than his lap.

Charlie rubbed his shoulders and whispered words of encouragement into his ear, as the sick man was wracked with a painful episode of dry heaves. William was at the mercy of his nerves and could do little more than cough, gag and belch pitifully through the worst of it, leaning into her touch like it was the only thing grounding him to this plane of existence. William groaned as he spit up the remainder of his stomach contents into the once empty glass. He could feel his eyes roll back as he clutched his head and moaned softly, utterly exhausted and in a great deal of pain.

"Ohhh, God…" He whimpered softly and took several shallow, gasping breaths while holding two fingers up against his bruised neck. His pulse was racing and he felt like he had a permanent lump of coal stuck in his throat. He’d had his fill of finding himself in life or death situations as of late,  he wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and sleep for an eternity. "What… what time is it?"

"Half past eight, you've been asleep for about four hours…" Charlie answered, dabbing the cracked corners of his filthy mouth with a cool washcloth. If she looked tired, he could only imagine he looked like death warmed over with how Charlie was doting on him.

"Four…hours…?" William took a minute to process the information. It felt as if he had just shut his eyes for a few minutes.

"It felt like… much less than that…" He mused, a pensive expression crossing his face for a brief moment, before being replaced with one of lethargy..

"I'm tired… Can I rest here a little longer?" William asked her while he leaned his head back against the pillow and shut his eyes again. The pounding in his skull was slowly  fading, but the weariness and mental exhaustion were still there. What a mess.

"Of course, I'll call us a cab and wake you up when our ride is here, alright? Don’t worry, I'm sure after a bit of rest, you'll be feeling like your old self in no time." Charlie spoke with a small smile, though even William could see she was putting up a front, the blatant worry she wore on her face had betrayed her optimistic tone of voice.

"Alright…that sounds good." William spoke softly after he nodded at her, eyes still closed and slowly drifting out of consciousness. He felt what little energy he had was drained just from that little bit of conversation.

He didn't hear Charlie's footsteps as she left the room, too exhausted to think about anything else strange that could come. Maybe she was right, maybe it would all be fine after a good night's sleep. With the worst of his headache gone and with Charlie watching out for him, he felt comfortable resting again.

In a moment’s time, his head lolled to the side and quickly drifted off to a much deeper sleep this time around. The events of earlier that day were a distant, fading memory now. At a loss of how to move on from here, his mind spared William’s weak constitution by sending him off to a facetious inner world reminiscent of a simpler time. At least in his dreams he posed no threat to the ones he loved and despite Charlie's best intentions, William wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon.

[quietwingsinthesky]

what genre of games do u like playing :>

i am a puzzle game girl at heart. i love free dopamine, i love getting told im doing a good job, i love getting trophies. i am also just. bad at making my own goals in games. i want to be told what to do and do it so so well that i get 2000 gold exp points or whatever. that’s why i’ve never really been able to pick up life sim games like harvest moon or animal crossing.

i love platformers but i think everyone loves platformers, even if they say they don’t, they just have too narrow a definition of platformers. that’s quintessential video game right there, that’s making mario do a little jump and a wahoo. can’t go wrong with it. i will tough it out for the stupidest hardest shit just for the chance to get all the stars or a good time on a level, and it will be worth it. to me.

i am Not a shooter person, first or third. mass effect is my favorite game series of all time in spite of the fact that i am very, very bad at it. i just never picked up the sort of coordination you need to be good at shooters. the sensitivity is always too low or too high, everything moves too fast, and i need more time than i am ever afforded to actually line up shots right. video games that let me turn on aim assist my beloveds <3 BUT. that being said im not going to turn away a game because of it, especially if the game is. Weird.

actually yeah that’s my favorite genre of game. Weird. a genre that i can define to include Control and SuperHot and Slay the Princess and Yume Nikki and Jazzpunk and. you get the picture. weird is either weird in the profound way or weird in the ‘who made this and why’ way. or both. but my favorite games are always Weird.

but id be remiss to say all of this and not mention once that i do adore terrible shovelware games. older ones, though some amazing (read: awful) ones can still be made nowadays, but it’s a little harder to love a shovelware game with microtransactions than one that’s just sort of. bad. and honest about how bad it is. made for a quick buck on the cheap, wearing some sort of licensed mascot’s skin, if you’re lucky it has bad motion controls. you know the deal. im fascinated by them. i wish i had a library of all the wii shovelware that exists so i could display them. not proudly but. display them for sure. force my friends to play wreck it ralph the wii game.