#Man this thread is a GOLDMINE of ideas

[lurkerwithcomputer]

Can I add to this? Because. Whoo BOI, do i have some ideas about this stuff! ESPECIALLY the lab invasion one, oh so many characters put in one place, so much potential. (After working on this for a bit: It's gonna get LONG, buckle up.)

So I'm gonna say this is far enough into the story to have Hinami and Ghoulzawa as Aogiri members who could show up to cause extra carnage.

So, On the idea of the CCG raiding HySy studio: Y'know how Aogiri like to show up and rip into the CCG while they're busy trying to attack some other ghoul group? Yeah. If Eto sends Hinami with followers, along with Ghoulzawa to disrupt the the HySy raid: Hinami sends her followers to attack the CCG's supply lines and communications and cut off CCG reinforcements, breaking up their containment line and preventing the CCG from sealing off escape routes, stuff like that. Meanwhile, her and Ghoulzawa target the CCG's on-site HQ, using Hinami and Ghoulzawa's senses to find the command post.

Takizawa has an, uh, painfully intimate knowledge of psychological warfare (gee thanks, Eto and Kanou), and Eto's probably taught Hinami about how to demoralize her enemies. So Hinami and Takizawa open all the CCG's comm channels, set the volume to MAX and the radio to "transmit". And then they noisily murder the CCG's field commanders while the boots on the ground can hear all of it. Because Hinami's fighting style, which she's had since she was like 14, starts by cutting at her opponent's limbs. It's a fighting style that's brutally effective yet gives your opponent plenty of time to scream while you kill them.

I'm also thinking of the violent 4th Ward ghouls being kinda impressed watching this shy, quiet girl going hard murder, Hina-chan might end up with some admirers among the younger part of the 4th Ward crowd.

So with that plus Asa and any crew she might have picked up, and that the 4th Ward has a high population of violent ghouls who have reason to intervene, I could see the CCG marching into a wasteful, bloody, costly, militarily disastrous slaughterhouse.

If Eto brings Hinami and Takizawa along to the lab attack instead: There is, of course, all the angst and carnage potential of putting Tatara, Houji and Takizawa in one place, with many possible results.

But I'm thinking about Akira vs. Hinami angst potential, Takizawa vs. Akira angst potential, and the... "ex-Anteiku crew seeing Hinami not being the gentle, squeamish-about-violence girl they knew" angst potential, the "I didn't realize seeing Hinami grown up (by ghouls standards) would feel like grief" potential.

Akira being called in as backup, hearing "Owl", "Black Rabbit" and "Yotsume" (or maybe even "Fueguchi" if they've been an investigator long enough to remember that name and recognize the distinctive kagune) on the radio. Akira running through hallways with increasing levels of blood, bodies, and battle damage, getting a bit fixated on finding the ghouls who killed her father, that vengeance motivation coming out more. Until she rounds a corner into a hallway and there's Fueguchi, in a hallway that's become a meat grinder for the CCG (like Hinami does in the Dragon Arc). Maybe Hinami has a corpse impaled on one of her spine tentacles, that she's biting pieces out of - she's not just trying to be horrifying to the CCG (although a bit of psychological warfare isn't out of the question), Hinami is a ghoul who needs to replenish herself mid-fight because such a massive kagune tires her out quickly. (Hina and Saiko are mirrors on opposite sides: super-hearing, scent-oriented to the point of being able to identify and track people across distances, being the "heart" of her crew, fairly tanky and a devastating kagune, but lacking stamina and overall combat experience).

Of course, Akira just sees her father's killer, amidst a sea of carnage, chewing on a fresh kill. (And Hinami's mask is one that makes her look spookier by covering her expressive, emotive eyes, combined with her grim, detached "Here On Business" face.)

Akira of course pulls Fueguchi One, lashing out with it - and maybe we see Hinami's Business Face crack? Hinami now with her posture more aggressive and showing teeth, a bloody grimace across her face. Since Hinami wants what's left of her parents back, she meets and grapples Akira's quinque with her own kagune, tangling it with a spine tentacle so that Akira can't use it anymore - and then yanking it in. Either this breaks Akira's grip and disarms her, or if she keeps holding onto it, it's a hard enough pull to yank her off her feet and dislocate her shoulder, leaving her face-down in the blood and guts, at Hinami's feet... I think I like the second option more. Akira, a vengeance-driven professional paramilitary/ paid killer, being so attached to her weapon (made of Hinami's dad) that she gets injured, soaked in blood and at the mercy of one of the targets of her vengeance? it's thematically delicious.

Akira's lying there in the carnage, And Hinami is like "I told myself I don't hate you, I just want what's left of my parents back" while Akira's down in the gory muck, and then showing off that ghoul strength by lifting Akira up close and personal at eye level, so that Akira can see maybe red glow behind the mask, maybe tears of grief and rage leaking from under it. Hinami, angrier now "But you know what? You're a professional killer, you're not better than us ghouls" and tosses Akira back down...

...right into Takizawa's grip. I'm thinking he chokes Akira like he does in canon, and in this AU bites a piece out of her between her neck and shoulder. Which makes Hinami comment about whether or not Takizawa knows how ghoul marriage works.

Akira, now kinda delirious, tries biting Takizawa in the same spot, even though her human teeth just slide off his ghoulified skin. The blood on her face, though, leaves a very clear bloody mouth ring where the tried (symbolic/non-literal bite mark). Just YES on the "it takes Akira being extremely drunk or otherwise delirious to admit her feelings" stuff.

Now, of course, Hinami and Takizawa COULD leave Akira behind, leave her wondering why the hell a ghoul would spare her life... but I think "A ghouls fights Akira but chooses to spare her" is a role better filled by Touka. SO. I think Hinami and Takizawa should take Akira with, as a captive. After all, I did just have Takizawa and Akira symbolically marry each other in TG-language.

(Who from the Anteiku crew do I want to witness this scene? Touka? but she'd be busy trying to jailbreak her dad and find the quinque made from her mom. Irimi or Koma? Renji's busy finding out where the hell Uta's locked up, so not Renji unless he stumbles into this scene as the various ghouls retreat with what they came for. HEY. Yeah, I like this one, the timing is better with this scene be right before they retreat from the lab.)

And then we can have the "seeing Hinami grown up as a ghoul feels like grief (and I don't want to admit that seeing how much she changed scares me)" conversation, as part of the emotional reunion after they're back at they're hideout (because, they can't go back to HySy, it's been raided.)

...Man this has gotten SO LONG and I'm still overflowing with ideas for thisssss, asdjkfhlkjfdsghf

If Tatara got caught by the doves I think they will try to make armor quinques from him like Arata since his kakuja also looks like an armor. Plus he is second in command of Aogiri Tree so he has informations. Therefore they keep him alive.

Idk, Houji is the one who can get the most information from Tatara to everyone's surprise so Marude keeps sending him. Houji wearing armor made from Tatara and it makes him sick because he looks like Yan now. Houji joking about how he is finally inside Tatara after all these years and he's grateful there's a wall between them. Houji pitying Tatara for being in the most dehumanizing place because he always sees Tatara as a person. Houji refers to Tatara by his real name while the rest calls Tatara by his number. Tatara gets rehabilitated as an investigator okay i stop now

[stephenmalkmusofficial]

And now, films I watched in 2022. Italics for first time viewing

Ted 1/13 Pooh’s Heffalump Movie 1/15 Chicken Run 1/20 Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit 1/25 The Song of Bernadette 2/20 Love & Mercy 2/23 No time to Die 2/26 The Batman 3/13 The Elephant Man 3/19 Purple Rain 4/14 Monty Python’s Life of Brian 4/17 The Godfather 4/18 My Own Private Idaho 4/25 Dune 4/26 Inland Empire 4/29 Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back 5/4 Turning Red 5/5 Blue Velvet 5/9 Wild at Heart 5/10 Star Wars: Return of the Jedi 5/12 Solaris 5/29 Carrie 5/31 Princess Mononoke 6/2 Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me 6/7 Martin Luther: The Idea that Changed the World 6/11 The Da Vinci Code 6/26 Lost Highway 7/5 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 7/6 The Straight Story 7/20 Mulholland Drive 7/26 Hard Eight 8/28 Magnolia 9/4-5 The Big Short 9/9 Punch Drunk Love 9/13 Zodiac 9/19 Inception 9/16-20 See How They Run 9/21 Blow Out 9/30 Psycho 10/3 There Will Be Blood 10/4 The Thing 10/7 Murder a la Mod 10/10 Breathless 10/12 Velvet Goldmine 10/14 The Banshees of Inisherin 10/30 Poltergeist 10/31 The Master 11/1 The Godfather Part II 11/5 Diva 11/6 Decision to Leave 11/12 3 Women 11/13 Abuse of Weakness 11/14 The Lady from Shanghai 11/17 Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan 11/18 Meet Me in the Bathroom 11/20 Inherent Vice 11/24 Mikey and Nicky 11/25 Phantom Thread 11/27 The Royal Tenenbaums 11/28 Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince 12/1 Spider Man 12/1 The Apple Dumpling Gang 12/4 Ethel 12/4 The Departed 12/5 Spider-Man 2 12/6 ANIMA 12/7 L’age D’or 12/9 Licorice Pizza 12/11 Reservoir Dogs 12/12 In Bruges 12/19 Pulp Fiction 12/20 Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery 12/23 Adoration 12/24 Jackie Brown 12/25 In the Mood for Love 12/26 Casino Royale 12/27 Kill Bill Vol. 1 12/27 Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage 12/28 Boogie Nights 12/29 Kill Bill Vol. 2 12/29 The Social Network 12/30

[burnedbyshoto]

hawks_littledove.mp3

— You’re an avid listener to NSFW ASMR artist Hawks. It’s just your luck that he’s offered to have phone sex with you.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

pairing: takami keigo (hawks) x fem!reader

warnings: smut, 18+, slight abuse of power/influence, phone sex, masturbation, degradation, praise, nsfw asmr artist!hawks

word count: 5,018

a/n: my keyboard is broken and i could actually cry. but hey, hawks do be sexy even tho I would never trust him with my life. also LOL this might be a call out to a lot of us, do not be offended or I will cry.

kinktober day 14 main kink: phone sex | kinktober masterlist

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Fantasizing about being in relationships with fictional characters was entirely healthy and normal.

That was something you believed to the core. It was fictional; thus, no one but you were to be hurt at the end of the day. The character, being fake, could never have an opinion because you must be real in order to have an opinion. So when you were between boyfriends, you discovered a new anime, and before you could stop yourself, you fell hard for a character.

It started as a mild obsession.

You had looked up fanart via google images, your heart warming when you saw the plethora of different fanart. The anime itself had been in circulation for a few years now, the manga for much longer, so the content was endless. Then google images wasn’t enough, and you began crossing into Twitter and Tumblr.

The fanart became better, more engrossing, and definitely much more NSFW. And then, one night during your endless rabbit hole down Tumblr after your daily search on Twitter, you stilled when seeing a new type of content.

⇒ grey fullbuster x reader

The obsession grew worse.

So much so that you had followed nearly five hundred self insert writers and artists on Tumblr, and maybe seven hundred artists, meta writers, and thread makers on twitter. But three months into consuming all the content you could find, you came across a new name that made you tilt your head.

Hawks Fierce Wings

It was a name that was being repeated and heavily talked about on both sites. It was an ASMR artist, apparently, and you frowned at the thought. You didn’t have anything against ASMR videos, but you weren’t exactly sure how to handle an anime ASMR artist. Were they cosplaying while making all those weird ASMR sounds? You really didn’t have any idea, but due to the immense boredom of your lazy day in, you decided to hell with it and tried out his most popular video.

It was simply entitled: Hawks is Jealous.

Did you have any idea as to who Hawks was? God, no, you didn’t. But if it was just some random cosplay he was going to do, you didn’t think it was going to matter. So as the only slightly educated ASMR listener, you never truly became invested when it was a thing; you slipped on your earbuds and pressed play.

The introduction screen faded into an illustrated picture of a slightly handsome man, and some calming yet tense music played in the background. You shifted, eyebrows drew as you waited for the ASMR session to begin, and when it did, you were not ready.

“I saw you walking around with that asshole today,” a voice practically growled in your ear, and you froze.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

For almost an entire hour, you sat glued to your sofa, your fingers digging into your lap as the jealous, spiteful words of this man named Hawks poured bitterly in your ear. His words were a near aggravated assault on you and definitely something you were beyond uncomfortable hearing from a stranger, but there was something about his voice that kept you there. Maybe it was the tenor of his tone or the way there was this sly, cunning scent to his words that he seemed to hide deep within his throat, but there was something that kept you there.

The second the passionate, heated kissing noises and heavy moans began to spill from his lips, you screeched, slamming your laptop closed as your cheeks pounded heavily.

Oh my god?!

It took a bit, but eventually, you were able to finish the audio and quickly figured out why he was an NSFW artist. You had never, ever heard a man eat a pussy fake or real as eagerly or vigorously as he did. Your hands were gripping the pants of your leggings, and your chest heaved.

Oh, motherfucking shit.

Finding out there were almost seventy other videos for you to still experience sent you scrambling for more, and eventually, you had to confess you were obsessed. Despite the anime fandoms you had discovered him for, Hawks seemed to be more famous for the content he created as himself. His real name was unknown by the looks of it, and he was only addressed as Hawks by his audience, something you caught on to quickly. So only after creating a new profile for his Youtube account, you made quick work of liking and commenting on every single of his already published seventy-eight nearly one hour and thirty-minute videos. 

Each one was different.

Each one filled with various roadmaps on how Hawks' scenarios would play out for you — the listener. When he used his own persona, he called the listener his little dove or his chicken nugget, sometimes his KFC thigh, or his shish kabob. 

You were glad at the very least he didn’t call you by any of those nicknames when pretending to fuck you at a speed only a “porn-is-my-only-education-on-porn” virgin teenage boy. You knew it wasn’t ideal, usually, but for some reason, it just worked. You commented on everything, read his summaries and thoughts on each video. Eventually, when you found yourself on his final, most recent video, you were ready to go a step further.

The Patreon app on your phone seemed jarringly out of place as you opened the app and subscribed yourself to Hawks' highest tiered option for the price of twenty USD.

And when you got your access to his page, you were immersed in more heavier, better content.

It was a goldmine in a sea of fools gold, and you absolutely went insane.

You weren’t sure if you were insane, needy, or just straight-up idiotic for scrolling to the very first Patreon post and indulging in the content Hawks created. 

There was a stark difference between the warnings alone between the Youtube videos and the Patreon posts. While the porn was readily accessible on Youtube, the kinkiest thing that ever happened in a video was a slight implication that Hawks had left the listener on a vibrator and fuckmachine as he went to go talk to the visiting neighbors.

It was a slight, tiny zone out and miss a detail, but one you had clung onto like an obsessed psycho and even commented on in your comment on the post. Of course, Hawks hadn’t responded, not that you had ever expected him to because all things considered, a video that was eight months old and hadn’t done that well, to begin with, didn’t seem like anything he would remember: notifications and all. 

But Patreon? Oh good, sweet, ravishing Patreon.

The very first video was of the following:

Stepbrother!Hawks fucks Stepsister!Listener in the stairwell during Christmas Dinner.

After praying and swearing to all the deities of the world that you were merely a person with a voice kink for this man and not, in fact, a perverted pseudo-incest worshiper, you clicked on it and began. It was downright sinful.

There were active voices whispered in the background as Hawks laughed about how fucking slutty you were for letting your brother fuck you like this. In the hallway, like a dog, where anyone in your joint family could walk out into. He laughed that you probably wanted it, how your wet ass pussy was greedily sucking him in, so how could you even begin to deny your lust for your brother.

You had to take a break five times during that audio.

Eventually, you do end up catching up.

Each video he had ever posted to your disposal, and most likely due to the different tier levels, you always commented on the videos. Even if it made you feel awkward for lusting over things months old, even if there were no other comments on the videos, which was much more common than you thought, you always commented and liked. It wasn’t anything ever crazy, you had seen the rarest comments bring a whole essay of analysis on why they loved it or the hating words, but you kept it simple.

Just something to keep Hawks spirits high without draining you even further of energy.

A simple: holy shit, that was hot as fucking hell!!!! you never disappoint me!!!

You never expected anything out of it; as a matter of fact, you had merely thought that you were doing the least by merely appreciating his creations when, one night, a few hours after you had gotten home. Your phone chimed with an alert.

Your mouth formed an ‘o’ in surprise; you hadn’t realized there was going to be a new release after he had just updated four days ago. Still, you popped in your earbuds and began the audio with a simple title.

i fuk ur stupid lil pus until u cri

He wasn’t precisely putting much effort into his titles these days, but his tags were definitely accurate and entirely explicit in what was to come. And in this newest video, the prominent tag was degradation.

You weren’t entirely into degradation, but still, you did what you had to do because you weren’t turned off by it. With the beginning sounds of the music playing in the background, you warped into the situation Hawks carefully carved.

But, oh?

Your face simmered with heat as Hawks dirty words dripped from the earbuds, the wet, squelching noise of your cunt and throat being fucked like some inanimate object made you soak through your panties as his disparaging words burned against your spine like a hot brand. After the thirty-minute audio was finished. Your body trembling with the aftershocks of an orgasm that had come despite the lack of actual stimulation of your clit, and you panted on your bed.

Opening your phone once again, you quickly liked the new audio and typed out your comment.

listen, i know i always comment about how fucking hot this shit is, but i have /never/ fucking soaked through my panties… you just did that and i expect a full refund for these panties 💦

You pressed send and, without so much of a second thought, continued your night. You had dinner, talked with friends, and ended the night curled back on the couch with a wine glass in your hand and a simple sit-com playing on the TV. The familiar sound of the Patreon alert rang in your ear, and you frowned, confused.

Grabbing your phone, you opened up the device and nearly shrieked at the sight of the information the notification that said:

Hawks F.W.: lets see those panties before i refund anything

A chill ran down your spine as you quickly put together the indications of this message, and you smirked, despite your quivering hands. 

Me: I have a seven inch dick requirement before seeing any of the goods — yes, that includes my panties

And from that very moment, you began a strange arrangement between you and the NSFW ASMR artist Hawks.

.

..

.

Working was the worst part of your life, you would say.

At work, you would sit in your small 4x4 cubicle, your shelves stacked with plenty of papers and items you needed, not to mention the computer that took up the majority of your desk. You weren’t quite sure what your job here was, you sort of sat at your desk and did meaningless assignments when assigned, but you did nothing for the most part. 

Before becoming an active Hawks stan, you would spend your time doing nothing playing video games. You had somehow managed to install a VPN onto your hard drive so that your employers wouldn’t be able to see what was on your screen outside of the home screen. They couldn’t trace what you did all day, but they could care less, given you got all your work completed on time and done in an over exceptional way.

But lately, since you had dropped into this… engrossed whore like relationship with Hawks, things changed. 

To be honest, it still shocks you to no end when he tells you that he had always been aware of you. Well, with your consistent, ever appearing comments on his posts and overall enthusiasm for everything he posted, it was hard to not be aware. The mental image of your soaked through panties after a long day at his own work had sent him over the edge, and he finally messaged you.

Through the DM’s in Patreon, the two of you grew to become quite the friends with benefits. He would send you countless personalized audio files because you had quickly confessed to your voice kink and how his voice sent your stomach into hormonal knots. In return, you’d send the picture of an occasional soaked panty, and if he was lucky, an audio clip of your pathetic whines back to his audios.

You couldn’t complain about this arrangement.

But as the number of his patrons doubled, and he wanted to entice his subscribers with paying him even more money, Hawks began to offer a bimonthly personalized five minute audios for his $20 tier. The fans poured into that spot, and Hawks and proudly sent you the new number of adoring fans he was getting. On account of growing platforms such as Tiktok, the number of new listeners he got was nearly exponential, as he currently passed one million followers last week. 

The cheeky bastard was also making enough money to stop working his regular work hours anymore. Choosing to transition slowly into his Patreon career while recording.

Hawks, however, seemed to have other ideas for your eventual personalized voice audio.

Hawks had simply asked if, by any chance, you were going to be working tomorrow the night before. Groaning loudly in recognition of your work schedule, you had texted him back that you were going to be working. Snidely including the fact that you weren’t rich like him, you needed the tedious old nine to five job.

Hawks: how utterly boring anyway u can b free around 2?

Me: Eh… probably not. Busy girl w busy schedule, ill be back from lunch so no break Why?

Hawks: well, u knw tht uve been amzing & th bst follower so i wanted 2 give u smthing better then the personalized audio

Me: Oh? Well, what is it?’

Hawks: pick up tmrw n find out

He had changed the subject immediately afterward by dodging all of your questions with ease. So you dropped it, and the two of you resumed a night of flirting. But now, sitting in your small cubicle, your eyes flashing to the clock that read 1:57 p.m., sweat began to build on your palm.

You peered down to your phone as you waited for something, anything from Hawks to show up. The fucker was too cheeky, evasive, and quick for his own good. You felt like pouting as you glared at the phone, waiting for the screen to light up.

And you stilled when finally, at precisely 1:59 p.m., your phone gleamed with light. You couldn’t abandon your computer mouse quicker than you did as you grabbed your phone, unlocking it, and reading the message from Hawks.

Hawks: do u have earbuds?

Me: Yes?

Hawks: good put them on n pick up

The moment you had read the first message, you were already pulling out your earbuds, synching them up to your phone, and placing them into your ear. But your jaw dropped when, for the first time, the call feature highlighted onto the screen, the time immediately changing to that of 2:00 p.m. The decline or accept button had never looked as daunting as it did right now.

Despite the call trying to go through, you still saw his follow up.

Hawks: if u dont pick up u wont get shit

[Accept]

You felt your heart hammering in your chest as both fear, apprehension, and excitement boiled through your veins, the hammering blood pounding in your ears as you waited for some sort of noise on the opposite side of the line.

“Little dove?” Hawks' voices filled your ears, and despite yourself, you smiled softly. The naturalness of his voice sends warm thumps down your spine.

“Hi, Hawks,” you whisper breathlessly, your head already checking to make sure your neighboring cubicle mates didn’t try to look over the divisions to stare at you. For the most part, the office building was quiet except for the phone calls, the clanking of computer keys, and the monotonous music playing softly on the speaker's head. 

“Whatcha doing?” he drawled, and you felt your skin heat up when you heard the all too familiar sound of his shoes hitting the top of his desk, the soft whine of his chair as he leaned back onto it. “Are you really at work?”

“What do you mean, am I really at work?” you squeaked, half horrified at the way the lazy, warm heat of lust was infiltrating your body at the sound of his voice, and the annoyance that he thought you had been lying? “Of course I am; it’s two p.m. on a Wednesday!”

“Ah, so little dove-chan is a raging pervert who engages in phone sex to bypass her long hours at work?” Hawks sighed his tone that of understanding and dismissal. You splutter. “You never fail to surprise me.”

“I do not do… that!” you stammer, your face feeling like hot cinders, your fingers and eyes double-checking to make sure that the audio was going to your earbuds and your earbuds only. You also couldn’t help the way your eyes swept around you, trying to make sure you hadn’t accidentally invited unwanted attention. “I said I was busy!”

“But, you picked up my call?”

“You said, or else!”

“Mmm, okay, I think I see,” Hawks tutted, and although you had never seen what you supposed to be his handsome face, you could imagine a lazy, toothy smirk on his face. “Don’t worry, I don’t mind using your little cubicle to talk you into fucking yourself good for me.”

Your jaw drops.

It hits the desk, and the muffled shriek of utter humiliation is only silenced because you bit onto your tongue like a rabid animal.

“Aw, you sound so excited for me already, little dove. I bet you want to know what I’m going to do to you, don’t you? I just know that I’m going to make you feel so... good…”

“Hawks!” you plea in a hushed whisper, your heart hammering where you sat frozen like a deer in headlights. Sure, you had definitely played his audios before to pass the time, but never before in your existence had you had actual phone sex. This was riskier than just listening to his audios; his audios always had a pattern, a way to escape from the madness of his voice when people were closer than you’d like. But this? No, there was no escape. “I’m at work! I c-can’t!”

“But, fuck, I want you so bad,” Hawks' voice dipped into a gravely tone, his voice just perfectly scratchy enough that your shoulders trembled in unspoken, untouched want. “I want to feel your cunt around my cock, baby, your pussy is so hot and I want to be the fucking lucky bastard that gets to fuck you through your bed.”

“O-Oh my god…”

“I’ve been thinking of what your tits look like,” Hawks continues on, his voice continuing in the style you liked the most. It was raw, heavy, and deep. No character impersonations, just him, pure Hawks. “I hope they bounce the way they do when I imagine you riding me. I want to see you moan when I kiss the underside of your tit, I want to see your face when you realize that you’re my girl, nobody's else's, but mine.”

Heat floods your panties at his words, your shallow breaths making him chuckle on the other end. 

“You’d be so lucky to be just mine, wouldn’t you, little dove?” Hawks snaps, his voice demanding a response, and you heave.

You look around, no one is near, and you croak out: “I’d be so lucky.”

“Louder.”

“I’d be so lucky.”

“Mm, there we go,” Hawks laughs, and your ears prickle for any noise that may indicate that someone was listening in. “What? Are you getting nervous that your needy ass will be heard by your coworkers right now? Answer me.”

“Mhmm,” you hum loudly, your cunt pulsing with more incredible heat and your hands shaking with a slight fear of being caught.

“Aww, don’t worry, little dove. I’m sure your boss will understand that you’re my newest fucktoy and will let me continue. Maybe they’ll want to join in?”

You whimper softly, shifting in your seat at that thought. You didn’t really want your boss coming anywhere near you, he was old and gross for one, and nothing could take the place of this beautiful man's voice in your ear right now.

“Oh, was that a no? You don’t want other people fucking you, do you, y/n? I bet you only want to have my cock in your tight little pussy, bet you want to watch the way that greedy little thing sucks me in, begging for my seed. Would you want me to cum deep inside you? You would like that little dove; you’d like to be full of my cum.”

“H-Hawks,” you keen as quietly as you can, your hips shifting uncomfortably in your seat, your heart hammering in your throat. The pressing heat in your cunt is growing, your panties growing with wet slick as Hawks' voice whispers down your ear, filling every empty and void space in your brain until you were having trouble focusing on the very much public spot you were in.

Hawks let out a soft, guttural moan, and you froze, face entirely combusting into an inferno as the familiar slick slapping of his fapping cock filled your ear. Immediately, you forgot everything.

“A-Are you—?!” you splutter, unable to find the words or the energy to come up with a way to ask if he was masturbating right now. Your eyes spun, your mind in a complete haze as soft, raunchy moans spilled from his lips, striking against your nerves and soul with each successive sound.

“I’m only trying to help you out here, dove,” Hawks growled, undoubtedly in effect to a rather loud smack of his fist colliding with his thrusting hip. “You’re the little office slut who picked up a phone call to entice in phone sex. I bet you knew exactly what I was going to do, and your pathetic, needy whore self caved to my instructions.”

Your fingers curled into the armrest of your chair.

“I bet this makes your boring ass job tolerable, the perfect distraction to a shit job, then imagining a few minutes of fucking yourself against my hard cock.”

“That’s not true!”

“No?” Hawks laughed, not believing you any more than you did. “So you wouldn’t hate it if I showed up and fucked you into the wall of your cubicle? You wouldn’t mind if I claimed your sweet-smelling pussy against your desk for everyone to hear? I know you can scream like a bitch in heat. I know that pretty little cunt of yours would milk my cock dry. Oh, I just know you would look so fucking sexy with your back arched, eyes closed, and you begging for hours just to cum. You wouldn’t cum without my permission, right?”

You gasped, heart fluttering, hammering in your chest as you shook your head, not trusting yourself to speak.

“I need a verbal answer, little dove.”

The heat in your core was blistering, your thighs shaking with your unadulterated lust and need as you ground into the cushion of your chair. All logic and moral long gone as he snarled and moaned your name in your ear, the slick of his fapping cock echoing like a great bell in your ear. You wanted to hear him cum, wanted to listen to the pithering sound of his echoing moans as he spilled the contents of his balls onto his hand — and how you wished it was your womb.

“I won’t cum w-without your permission!” you whispered, your skin shivering with your fear of being caught. 

“God, you sound like such a dirty fucking bitch. I bet your pussy is fucking soaked already. Bet you really want to run that slutty embarrassed finger against your clit but don’t want to be caught by your perverted coworkers,” Hawks hissed, his breaths turning into steady, heavy hot pants. You mewl softly, confirming his spoken thoughts, and he huffs out a laugh. “How many fingers do you normally shove up that pretty cunt of yours, little dove?”

“T-Three!” you gasp, your forehead pressing to the cool of your desk, your eyes glazed over and looking at the entrance of your cubicle, fervently wishing that no one tries to check on you as you grind against your stable chair. “O-Only three fit.”

“Fuck, you really do have a tight cunt, don’t you,” Hawks snaps, the wet sounds of his fisting hand around his cock a beautiful melody in your ear that makes you whine at the back of your throat. “Bet you can’t even fit cocks up your cunt without lube, huh. You gotta stay on top, or else you’ll get hurt with how thick and long my cock will be up that baby pussy of yours.”

“H-Hawks!” you grit out, the friction of grinding on the seat no longer working.

“Go to the bathroom, now,” Hawks commands, the small gasps on his voice from his approaching orgasm more than enough ammo for you to do as told.

You sprint to the bathroom, the slick of your cunt hot, and evident to you as you sped to the bathroom. Your phone clenched in your hand as you locked the door behind you, glad the room was empty. Barely managing to get yourself into the stall, the toilet paper placed on the seat as you raised your legs up, already prepared. The skirt you wore was bunched above your ass, and the panties you wore, stretching out around your knees.

“Sounds like you’re ready to start fucking that pussy for me,” Hawks laughs, but there's no humor, just bite. “Put in three fingers, now.”

Without even arguing or caring, three fingers slip into your cunt, and you cry at the feeling of your fingers completely stretching you out. The smell of sex and slick filling your nose as your fingers slick up, fucking your tight cunt as you moan louder and louder for Hawks. 

“God, your fucking pussy is so fucking wet, I can hear it from here!” Hawks moans, the frantic sound of his drilling hips gaining speed and momentum. 

“I want it to be you!” you moan, your face burning in your humiliation. “I want it to be you fucking my pussy, claiming me in this bathroom. I need you, Hawks, I want your cock so badly!”

“Fuck,” Hawks gasps, something tumbling in the background. “Such sweet words for a fucking dirty ass cumslut,” he growls, and your legs shake, your clit and cunt thrumming with your increasing arousal and pit of tightness in your core. 

“HAWKS, FUCK!” you sob as your hips try to start a merciless speed against your fingers, your body trying to match the speed in which Hawks was fucking his own hand.

“Keep screaming my name, whore.” Hawks gasps, his noises of pleasure beginning to grow louder and louder, your eyes crossing in satisfaction. “Screaming my name like the fucking slutty mess you are. All this shit just to get me to fuck you? God, you’re so fucking pathetic y/n. Begging for me, begging for more? I think you’re my favorite little dove ever, gonna make you mine whenever I get to fuck that pussy.”

“Hawks!” you wail his name again, your arms and pussy throbbing with the energy it takes to keep up with his inhumane speeds. Your vision seeing stars as you tremble more and more, your legs slipping from the toilet seat, yet. “I am your whore, your little dove. Please let me come, please! You fuck me so well, fucking hell, please, I needa cum, I needa cum!”

“Cum with me,” he snaps, his voice so deep, so dangerously smooth. It was precisely what you needed, the voice kink you had for his tenor exactly fulfilled entirely with that simple, last command. And just like that, your jaw slackens, head slamming backward, and pleasurable waves crash through you.

Your fingers still rock at your clit, and your vice gripped walls, your toes curling within your shoes as you soundlessly scream. Hawks, on the other end, is practically snarling, voice deep and altogether dangerous as grunt after grunt leaves him, and you can imagine the milk-white cum splattered all over his chest and hand. A beautiful, perfect sight that you wish you could see for yourself.

Exhaustion settles in your bones as you sit on the toilet, still entirely exhausted as you heave for air. 

“I think that was the best fucking orgasm I ever had,” you mumble, your eyes closed, not ready to stand up and move. “Thank you.”

“I’m good at what I… at what I do,” Hawks stumbles, husky exhaustion ringing in his own voice. “Now, little dove, finish up work, and I promise there’ll be a surprise waiting for you when you’re done.”

Not entirely agreeing, but not disagreeing with his command to go finish you last… two and a half hours at work, you begrudgingly said goodbye to Hawks before washing your hands and exiting the bathroom.

When five o’clock came, you watched as your phone screen lit up, and your face flushed as you read the DM from Hawks.

Hawks: this is my fav audio now ↳ hawks_littledove.mp3 but you surprised me today, so in case u ever want to have more fun sometime  call me 03-9183-2495 ;)

[greyias]

FIC: Smoke and Mirrors - Chapter 1

Title: Smoke and Mirrors Fandom: SWTOR Pairing: Theron Shan/f!Jedi Knight Rating: T Genre: Pre-Relationship, Slow Burn Synopsis: Something's rotten on Carrick Station, and Theron won't rest until he finds out what. But picking at the frayed threads of suspicion quickly unravels a conspiracy much larger than even the Republic's top spy can handle on his own. (A mostly canon-compliant retelling of the Forged Alliances storyline, as seen through the eyes of Theron Shan.) Spoilers: Forged Alliances. SWTOR Lost Suns and Annihilation. Some things in the Vanilla storyline, including the Revan flashpoints. Author’s Notes: Out of necessity, parts of this story will contain scenes from the game itself. Whenever possible I’ve tried to rewrite them so that they hopefully remain fresh and interesting, while still retaining the essence of the scene itself (so hopefully it doesn’t feel like you’re reading a transcript). This one is also going to be a bit slow to start, but it’s going to be a long one.

Crossposted to AO3 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |  Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

When the Supreme Commander of Republic Forces called — it was generally a good idea to answer. Even if he just so happened to be your father.

However, this was official business, so Theron Shan decided to ignore that fact as he strode into the large office located in one of the corners of the Senate towers. The receptionist had waved him through without any fuss this time around.

Perhaps she had gotten used to him at this point — she hadn’t even glared at him this time. He supposed that was progress. It was nothing he had done, of course, just a bit of guilt-by-association. She and Marcus Trant, the Director of Republic’s Strategic Information Services had gotten quite chummy a little while back, but alas, she was not to become the third women to hold the title of “Mrs. Trant”. Easy come, easy go as the saying went.

Come to think of it, maybe the lack of glares this time around had more to do with the fact that Trant hadn’t accompanied Theron. It was a mystery for another time, though, as his gaze fell on the figure seated behind the desk in the center of the room. 

Jace Malcom was an extraordinarily tall man, he towered over Theron by at least a foot or so, and between the height, his deep gravelly voice, and the gruesome scars crisscrossing his face, the man could come off a little imposing. Theron wasn’t easily intimidated though, and he had a… unique situation with Jace. — considering the fact that the man was his father. Biologically at least, or… whatever.

It was complicated.

Theron hadn’t even known who Jace was, outside of his military record that was, until they’d met during the mission to take out the Ascendant Spear. Their first real meeting as father and son hadn’t exactly gone well, it was awkward, Theron had just wanted to leave, and most of their interactions outside of a professional setting had just been a bit like that. On the job, they were good. Despite popular opinion, Theron could take orders (when they made sense),  and off the clock they… well, they were trying to settle into something resembling familiarity. The “father-son bonding sessions” were thankfully few and far between. Theron liked Jace well enough, and they certainly got along better than he and his mother, but it wasn’t exactly like they were going to go out and throw the gravball around any time soon.

However, this meeting request had come through official channels, so thankfully that probably meant things would be less awkward and weird. At least he hoped.

Theron cleared his throat, pulling the older man’s attention away from the datapad he was reviewing. Seeing his visitor, some of the deep lines on Jace’s face smoothed into a smile. “Ah, Theron, you’re early.”

“Traffic wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.” He folded his arms in an effort to look casual. “Trant had a Senate briefing, so you get me instead.”

“That’s all right, I was hoping you’d be here for this. We can loop the director in later.”

“Your message was a bit vague,” he said, “just that you had some intel you wanted to discuss?”

Jace nodded. “One of my men came to me with something he picked up in the field — regarding Korriban. And a way we might be able to strike back.”

Theron’s eyebrows shot up. “Hitting Korriban? You can’t be serious.”

“I am.” The elder man looked at him grimly. “This all started on Korriban, it would be fitting for us to start the death knell for the Empire there.”

Korriban had been one of Jace’s first stations, and where he had met the future Grand Master of the Jedi Order, Satele Shan — who just so happened to be Theron’s mother. Theron shifted the weight of his feet, a habit he’d unfortunately picked up in these conversations when the subject of his mother came up, even indirectly as it was now. He hated having a tell, even something so minor and with someone like Jace who while sharp, probably hadn’t picked up on it.

A change of subject from ancient history back to the present was probably in order — and a lot more comfortable. So Theron addressed the deeper issue at hand. “SIS has been trying to get a mole on Korriban for years, and everyone we’ve tried to embed there winds up dead. That place is a death trap.”

“I’m not asking anyone to go undercover,” Jace assured him. “I’m thinking more smash and grab. But before that, I want you to look over this intel and let me know if you think it’s viable.”

“Me?”

“You were the one who cracked how to take out the Ascendant Spear — if anyone can do the same with Korriban, it’s you.”

It was a high compliment, and genuinely based on his skillset, rather than a form of nepotism. After their success against the Ascendent Spear, Theron had been tapped as a resource more and more for Malcom’s office. It had kept him out of the field more than he liked, but the tangible results of his work on the overall war was satisfying in its own way.

“That seems simple enough,” Theron said, trying to focus on the task at hand. “Any reason for all of the cloak and dagger?”

“Considering the target I don’t want to take any chances. I want someone I can trust taking point on this.”

Theron couldn’t quite decipher the look on Jace’s face, but nodded a thanks all the same. It was… odd having someone be so complimentary and open about that kind of thing. Trant’s usual way of expressing gratitude was a cutting sarcastic remark. Which he was fine with — it was familiar. Easy. But the mark of a good spy was adapting to the situation at hand.

Even if that meant a little bit of inadvertent father-son bonding.

Jace handed over a small data chip. The fact that he wasn’t trusting any of this on any network channel spoke volumes about the need for discretion.

���I’ll look this over and get you an answer as soon as possible.”

That seemed to satisfy Jace, but as Theron made his way out of the office and out into the streets, he was unsettled. The reason for that feeling wasn’t readily apparent, but hopefully once he had a chance to dig into the data he’d figure it out. He tended to trust his gut on these things, but a chance to strike as rich of a target as this was too good to pass up on a mere bad feeling alone.

The more he dug into the intel that Jace had given him, the more Theron had to admit that the Supreme Commander was right. A strike on Korriban not only seemed viable, but had the potential to yield invaluable information that could finally lead to an end to the war.

A Jedi named Jensyn had come away from an encounter with an apprentice to a member from the Dark Council, revealing that they had databanks in their main chambers with some of the inner-most secrets to the Empire. A literal goldmine of information that could turn every future battle and operation to the Republic’s favor. It was almost too good of an opportunity to pass up, and so Theron kept digging. Every intelligence report surrounding the encounter checked out, and just because he liked being paranoid, Theron looked into the Jedi too. The man had served aboard the Telos in its campaign in the Albarrio and Relgim sectors, and had an exemplary service record. The closest thing he found to a red flag was the copious amount tea Jensyn liked to consume.  

As far as Theron could tell, the intel seemed clean.

That just left the minor problem of storming Siths’ the inner-keep. Just getting on the ground would have been an issue, except that apparently a SpecOps commander named Rian Darok had found a gap in the patrols on Korriban. It wasn’t a large one, and they’d never be able to launch a full-scale assault… but a strike team could make it through and perform an extraction.

Theron filled a large mug to the brim with caf, settled into the most comfortable chair he could find at SIS Headquarters, and got to work mining everything they had on Korriban. He had to cobble the data together from a variety of sources to even get a close picture if it could be done. They had old schematics of the ground layout, but due to the age he had to cross-reference it with a report from an escaped acolyte to confirm the probable obstacles facing a strike team on their route from the landing zone into the Academy. This, coupled with bits and pieces of security information scraped from the almost-defunct Imperial intelligence, yielded an access point for someone on the ground that could allow a talented slicer to insert an exploit. It was technically doable, but the resistance the ground team would face stacked the deck against the op’s favor.

“Viable but a logistical nightmare” was how he summarized it to Jace and Marcus the next morning, gratefully accepting the giant mug of caf the Supreme Commander had ready for him the moment he walked in the door.

“Pay up,” Marcus said, and Jace grudgingly handed over a credit chip.

Theron narrowed his eyes at the both of them suspiciously over the rim of his mug. “And what was that for?”

“Just how quickly you’d go for caffeine,” Marcus said casually.

Theron fixed his boss with a glare before taking a very long drag of the zippy brew. Apparently being Supreme Commander came with some perks, because if the spy wasn’t mistaken, this was the more expensive Alsakan Mountain roast. The director just shook his head and turned to the datapad with all the findings, letting out a low whistle at the potential yield if the operation was successful. As both of the older men perused the data, Theron barely suppressed a yawn. The all-nighter had come at the tail end of an op, and as much as he hated to admit it, he was probably needing at least a few hours of sleep.

“You could have taken two days to look at all this,” Jace said lightly, “but I appreciate the enthusiasm.”

“Intel can go stale quick.” Theron shrugged off the paternal concern easily.

“All the reason to act quickly,” Jace said, “if Trant can spare you for a little bit.”

“Please, take him. Much less of a headache for me.”

“I’m really feeling the love here,” the agent muttered.

“You’d feel more if you turned your expense reports on time.”

“You have to get a thrill somehow since you’re not out in the field anymore,” Theron shot back easily. “I’m just trying to help.”

“You see what I have to deal with?” Marcus pointed the question at Jace, who just shook his head.

“Well, I’m happy for the loan, Marcus,” he said, turning the subject back to the matter at hand. “I can see how logistics can get sticky, but I think I’ve got someone who can help with that. Colonel Darok has a knack for this kind of thing.”

Having spotted the hole in the patrol route, Theron had to admit the man had a keen eye. 

“You’d need a small army just to get through that many Sith. No way to get that many troops in,” Theron pointed out. “I don’t even see how even a master tactician is going to navigate that. ”

“What about a small strike team?” Marcus asked.

“Might work, but they’d need to have hides of durasteel.”

Jace looked thoughtful for a moment, before he headed over to his desk and pulled up a few dossiers on a datapad. He paged through a few, before handing it over to Theron. “Have you ever heard of the Coruscant Aegis?”

“Never met them personally,” Theron paused to take another sip from his mug before continuing, “but one of them provided cover fire on an extraction for me once.”

Marcus snorted, apparently remembering the incident in question. “Is that what you’re calling it now?”

“I needed to make a hasty exit, and the lady was kind enough to clear a path. At least I think it was a lady—there was a lot of blaster fire. Pretty sure she called me insane.”

“That sounds about right.” Marcus heaved the heavy sigh of the wearied soul.

“I suppose I owe whoever it was some thanks,” Theron said. “Probably wouldn’t have made it out without the assist. Some nice flying and shooting.”

“They’re good at what they do,” Jace agreed, “the best actually.”

“Are any of them lightsaber-proof?” Theron asked sarcastically.

“They haven’t let one stop any of them so far.”

Theron juggled the mug and datapad, skimming through the personnel files as he continued to sip from the sweet caffeinated nectar. He tried to school his expression as he skimmed through the major highlights of each name, but the laundry list of heroic deeds associated with each individual was quite impressive. A notorious smuggler who had taken down the Voidwolf. The commander of Havoc Squad. Even a member of the Jedi High Council. It was the last one that made Theron stop and frown.

“Is this last one even real?” he asked.

Jace nodded solemnly. “She is.”

“It says she killed the Sith Emperor.”

That got Marcus’s attention, who leaned over Theron’s shoulder to read the dossier. Not liking the crowding, he handed the datapad over to his boss, and proceeded to prop his hip on Jace’s desk, still nursing the mug of caf.

“You asked for a small army,” Jace pointed out. “Any of them would be able to perform the extraction.”

“I’d say in that case we should get them all,” Theron said, “but they’re probably pretty scattered.”

Their window of opportunity to strike for this was going to close fast, though, so time was of the essence. It was probably also best to keep the number of those aware of the operation on the lower side too. Even if they were going to take on the entire Sith Academy, and maybe even the Dark Council.

Jace nodded. “You probably can get one in all likelihood.”

“Me, huh?”

“Colonel Darok will be in charge of the operation,” Jace clarified, “but I want the SIS involved on this. This is too big of a target to not bring in our best.”

Theron caught the backhanded compliment, but instead of responding verbally, he just nodded. “I can do some recruiting if you want. You have a preference?”

“Surprise me.”

 Jace flashed him a brief knowing grin, and Theron checked the urge to roll his eyes. He was fairly certain Marcus wasn’t aware of the familial connection, so showing disrespect to the man who was technically his boss’s boss probably wouldn’t help things in the long run. Knowing the way his luck tended to run, Theron would probably need to appeal to the director’s better nature in the next month for some reason or another. Theron didn’t intentionally cause diplomatic and inter-departmental incidents, they just tended to… happen. Sometimes. And by sometimes he meant like clockwork. 

“I’m going to need a little time to dig into the files if that’s the case,” he said instead of rising to the teasing.

“That’s fine.” If Jace was disappointed in Theron’s utter professionalism, it didn’t show, and the moment of levity slipped away. "It will take me some time to get Darok caught up and for us to put a battle plan together.”

Theron nodded and pocketed the datapad from Marcus. “Exactly how much time are we talking about?”

“Enough that you can sleep on it,” Jace tried to keep his tone light, but Theron still caught a hint of paternal concern threading underneath.

“Sleep?” Marcus snorted derisively. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“I sleep when I’m bored,” Theron shot back.

“Good. Then you’ll be out before you even get through the first dossier.”

“Are you kidding? This is better than a holo-drama.” The spy tapped his pocket where he had stowed the datapad. 

Jace just shook his head, amused, and the discussion turned to other matters of intelligence. Theron let himself out once he finished his mug of caf, the weight of the datapad in his pocket a reminder of the upcoming mission. Despite the caffeine, he could feel fatigue pulling at him. Either the long hours were getting to him, or the unsettled feeling from the previous day was still eating at him. Maybe after he was able to study the personnel files some more, he could take a moment to review his notes and pinpoint what was bothering him. And then he could get some sleep.

Next Chapter

[zombutt]

Your military based OCs inspire me to want to make one, but I'm nervous about that kind of stuff being inaccurate about facts D: How do you do it?

Hello!!Oh man, thank yoU ❤️. And YES, join the heist!I will put it under read more; since I wanna answer your question best to my ability, a.k.a extensively.

OKAY, SO, to answer your question: I’d gone through the same ordeal and it can be a struggle. I didn’t know much about the military except for the scarce tidbits you can find online, but, there are few ways you can educate yourself in that aspect:First of all, the very basics. What nationality your OC is, where will they serve, what were they like growing up and what made them join, etc; it might seem trivial at first, but trust me, it’s important.What I suggest doing is, if your OC happens to be, say, British, you can search up reputable British authors (preferably former soldiers or SoO) and pick books specifically describing combat maneuvers. Keep in mind, however, that those are largely made up scenarios inspired by real events; still, they provide valuable insight as to how specific groups operate (a bit of a hit or miss that one, but it’s better than nothing).Then there are authors, who, given their broad knowledge and experience, pile it all up and provide you a guide of sorts. Usually, there’s a thorough description of the inner structure, chain of command, the history behind the unit and the reason for its formation, preferred weapons and equipment, the selection process, and so on. I find these to be immeasurably valuable, especially once you are satisfied with your initial draft.Therefore; if you have an idea already in mind, go with it and then search up the bits and pieces of information online before you supplement it with additional literature.If you want to come up with a soldier from the eastern part of Europe, books detailing the Russian army will do for the most part (the post-soviet countries that is; the military structure’s been largely untouched since that period). The writers/titles I can suggest on top of my mind are:Supervivencia - “CCCP Red Army Special Forces Spetsnaz”Viktor Suvorov - “Spetsnaz”Mark Galeotti - “Spetsnaz - Russia’s Special Forces”William H. Burgess - “Inside Spetsnaz: Soviet Special Operations”For British SAS, I’ve found John Wiseman’s “The SAS Survival Handbook” to be of great use (he has a really extensive bibliography for that very purpose tbf)If we’re talking about hired guns, a.k.a Soldiers of Fortune and all corporate manners of mercs, my two hot takes:Peter W. Singer - “The Private Military Industry and Iraq: What have we learned and where to next?”Christop Kinsey - “Corporate Soldiers and International Security, The Rise of Private Military Companies (2006)”The third option, which can be either a very frustrating experience or a goldmine; join forums where retired soldiers and vets offer their fair share of experience.If you do, keep in mind that people who join these are folks aspiring to become recruits one day; so having me prep a thread in there and explain as to why I did was met with various reactions at the time. Few members seemed weirded out, while others were delighted to see I wanted to be precise in my fiction and were very eager to help. I have compiled a massive doc for personal use thanks to’em, and the experience altogether was very satisfying; everyone was super kind and pleasant to deal with. Lastly; I can offer a bit of a small trivia that might help get you started:- There is a cultural gap between East and West, and that, too, affects the military structure and people’s view on it. I find West to be extremely formal, as they treat the army as a separate way of life. It’s a completely different take in the East; the army is actually viewed favorably upon (same applies to Poland, though we’re right in the center we used to be part of the Soviet Union. You could say we have this weird mixture of both mindsets intertwined together). 

Oddly enough, this also seems to affect how the soldiers themselves tend to behave? It’s a weird statement, I know, but I happen to see Russian/Ukrainian/Polish soldiers much more easy-going and open to discuss the cons and pros behind their job. Westerners usually skip the subject altogether or give very vague answers (especially if they’re part SoF)- Not every special force soldier is a black belt.CQC (Close Quarter Combat) adds up to around 25-36 hours per the whole training course, therefore it boils down to pure essentials and bare grind. Soldiers are taught how to tackle down their opponent quickly and efficiently; it’s all about speed. There’s no such thing as self-defense techniques; that’s the kind of unrealistic horseshit you get from Hollywood movies. Additionally, there are no secret techniques regarding hand-to-hand combat. Krav Maga, despite the popular opinion, is not that special. It’s neither good nor bad, but nothing sets it apart. If you happen to get a hold of a SoF, they will admit that the best techniques stem from… MMA.

I’m dead serious; hear me out.MMA, in all fairness, is a system that compiles the best moves of all available techniques out there. A combination of MMA and BJJ (especially the latter) seems to be favored by a wide variety of Western forces due to its effectiveness. As far as you are concerned, you want to tackle your opponent down the moment you see them (speaking strictly of unarmed combat) - render them vulnerable. For some cool trivia; look up the involvement of Gracie Brothers and Delta Force (and the logos for both; Delta Operators and Gracie Jiu-Jitsu School )Keeping that in mind, it’s worth noting that CQC can be referred to combat that takes place at 100 meters or less; so gunfights are in!- Special Operation Forces are very, VERY quirky people! I noticed everyone has this belief that operators tend to be serious, no-nonsense people that fear nothing and no one.Let me tell you, that’s an exaggerated statement. During my time at the forums, I’ve met a handful of people that claimed to be SoF and few even provided actual proof. Regardless, some of them asked me very throughout questions about the nature of my fic (good morning I want to RP a realistic soldier, huge fan thanx) and apologized in advance in case I found all the attention overwhelming. I asked whether or not a trait like that is common amongst their colleagues, to which they replied that it depends on the person more or less, but it’s not an isolated occurrence! Normally you want to figure out your surroundings and adjust well enough, adapt so to speak; if you can learn something new, they’re all in for it - it may come in handy sooner or later. And they really do grasp stuff quick, fuck me.In general, they are polite, quiet and laid back people. There were one or two cases of somewhat “arrogant” fellows I’ve had to deal with, but it was nothing too drastic IMO.- Soldiers who claim to fear nothing and no one. Doesn’t happen; unrealistic af. In fact, there was this one interview, where a Blackwater executive admitted to having turned down so many potential employees exactly because of that. A man who thinks himself fearless is not only delusional but becomes a liability to himself and his own unit. In fact, most recruitment officers are in favor of hiring already married soldiers; these men will always take fewer risks and make for a more compelling fighting force in the end.- Whether an ordinary ground troop or all-out skilled SoF, no man can singlehandedly cause havoc or prevent it. Another Hollywood trope so to speak; one-man army. It simply doesn’t happen. 

-RPing/writing about soldiers includes, besides occasional gunfights, figuring out basic medical terminology and educating yourself about respective procedures for each sustained injury.- SoF soldiers usually excel at two roles; a single special forces operator can be both a remarkable marksman and a field medic.- Humor is essential - it helps elevate pressure in between skirmishes.

- PTSD doesn’t always boil down to sheer anxiety and sleep insomnia. A PTSD can well enough turn into an OCD of sorts; looking out of a window for hours on end despite having no reason to do so, counting your possessions, hoarding objects of no importance. It can be very personal or right at your face- Some individuals find themselves unable to retire early; the bond between them and their unit, the belief of doing something good (or of putting themselves to better use out there) and constant adrenaline rush are too appealing of an option to refuse. IMO it’s completely normal if you consider the following: those people had worked together for a couple of months and under extremely hazardous circumstances. 

Danger brings people together, it’s only natural; all of you want to survive and help one another while doing so, having formed a prior bond.

All in all, everyone’s different and everything can influence your OC’s choices and decisions, hence why I feel having come up with their backstory, such as nationality and alike, shortens the process significantly; you know where to look at and for what.

Hope you’ve found my lil wall of text useful! In case you’re in need of literature for that exact purpose, feel free to shoot me a message!

[consultingsister-aa]

THE DEATH OF CHARLOTTE HOLMES + cecelia’s relationship with prof. moriarty

( this headcanon has a child death + torture tw. this is canon for cecelia’s backstory, however a slightly edited version of the actual threads, since the blogs involved are no longer about. when writing with sebastian moran + moriarty blogs, this canon can be edited or ignored, but most other muses this is important canon backstory for celia. )

Sherlock saw Professor James Moriarty in a different light to Cecelia. For Sherlock, he was a spider, the organizer of half that is evil and of nearly all that is undetected in this great city. Cecelia never doubted the man was an evil genius, but she didn’t think in fairytales. The way she saw it, Moriarty was just a very clever businessman. This didn’t make him any less evil or frightening, but he wasn’t the God that Sherlock seemed think he was. Or rather, the devil. As Moriarty began to cause havoc in Sherlock’s life, Celia persuaded Mycroft that London could no longer by half run by a jumped up mob boss. This wasn’t a case of solving puzzles or mind games, all they had to do was buy up some of his company interests and dismantle them. In eighteen months, Cecelia and Mycroft had lost Professor Moriarty over four million pounds worth of business, as well as trade points throughout Africa and Europe. Finally, Moriarty turned his gaze to the little sister, who like most around him, had first written her off as a frivolous socialite.  

However it was more than business when it came to Moriarty and Cecelia. Cee had developed a sort of friendship with Sebastian Moran, Moriarty’s left hand man and not-quite lover. Whatever they were, or were not, Moran was Moriarty’s property and he did not share. Cee was half in love with Moran and it couldn’t be said that the feeling was completely unrequited. Sebastian was dedicated to Moriarty, but something about the Vogue Editor kept him coming back. A text her, a flirtation there. Like his boss she could be cruel and clever, but she was also kind. She liked the same books as him, they could talk about music and he enjoyed her affection. It was a dangerous flirtation for both. 

Middle of 2012, Moriarty broke into Cecelia’s London home with one of his many thugs and tortured her. Taking great pleasure in carving deep wounds into her flesh. He was seconds away from ruining her good looks forever when Sebastian stormed in and told Moriarty if he didn’t stop, he would leave. It was the first time he had ever stood up to his boss and it’s not lost on Cecelia the danger he put himself. Moriarty left, Seb called an ambulance and Cecelia made Sebastian godfather to Charlotte, Cee’s nine year old. This was not totally out of the blue. Sebastian had been good friends with James, Charlotte’s father and had met Charlie on a couple occasions, through Cecelia and her uncle Sherlock. It was also a clever decision on Cecelia’s part; giving Sebastian a moral obligation to protect her daughter from Moriarty. Come February on 2013, she would realise her mistake. Moriarty’s warning did nothing but strengthen Celia’s resolve to take down the bastard and Cecelia worked harder than ever to destroy his ‘company’.

Moriarty ordered Moran to break into Cecelia’s home and take Charlotte, to hold her hostage until Cecelia backed off and to prove that Cee was in no way untouchable just because of a gesture. Their relationship on fragile ground, and with the promise that Charlie would not be harmed, Sebastian let himself into the house on a night Cee was out with friends and told Charlie that she had to come with him. Trusting her godfather, Charlie got dressed and willingly went with Sebastian to his home, watched over my two of Moriarty’s men. It was about then it all went tits up. Although it’s not known entirely what happened, this is what Sebastian and Cecelia can surmise from events. 

The two goons left to protect Charlie soon realised what a goldmine they were sitting on. The Holmes’ were more wealthy than they could imagine, and they decided to ransome Charlotte. They removed Charlie from Sebastian’s home and sent a ransom letter to the Holmes family. However Sebastian soon caught wind of their plan and where they were hiding and was furious. In panic, they killed Charlie, took the money and fled the country. Not before leaving the nine-year-olds body in a London park, mid-February. Her body was found by police the following day and Celia was forced to identify her body. 

Moran caught up with the men responsible in Italy about two months later. After a year of no-contact, he admitted to Celia his part in her daughter’s death and promised her the men suffered for what they did. It was the first time she had ever seen Sebastian drunk and it was the last time she would ever see him cry. Cecelia had some idea of how it went down, although had suspected Moriarty murdered Charlie, but to hear it from Seb’s mouth broke her heart. Feeling sick, she told him that she had loved him but she never wanted to see him again. He agreed and kept his word that he wouldn’t reach out. 

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Thor (2011)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, three times.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Three (21.42% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Eleven.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

The fun:boring ratio tilts considerably depending on audience mood and/or desire for originality; the majority of the story is generic in the extreme and can be tedious as a result, however those elements which are more unusual and intriguing arguably save the overall product. 

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Darcy asks Jane if she can turn on the radio. Jane tells Darcy to drive into the anomaly. Jane tells Darcy to stop talking about her iPod.

Female characters:

Jane Foster.

Darcy Lewis.

Sif.

Male characters:

Eric Selvig.

Odin.

Loki.

Thor.

Fandral.

Hogun.

Volstagg.

Heimdall.

Laufey.

Phil Coulson.

Clint Barton.

OTHER NOTES:

“But I supported you, Sif.” Good to know that Thor supports non-traditional gender roles, despite being such a macho cliche.

I’m really very concerned by Jane’s driving. Someone revoke her licence. 

“Son of Coul.”

Heimdall does not get enough credit for being the MVP of Asgard. 

Loki’s suggestion that maybe he’ll pay Jane a visit himself is clearly intended to goad Thor into fighting him and as such need not be taken seriously, but it’s still totally uncool. Of all the goading methods he could have used, we really didn’t need to go for the implied rape threat.

I thought they might manage a Bechdel pass between someone other than Jane and Darcy for a moment there at the end of the movie, but Frigga doesn’t actually get referred to by name in this movie, and she and Sif only talk about Thor anyway. Disappoint on both counts. I kinda also thought Jane and Darcy might do some more/better passing in general; it’s better than nothing, but the three passes they got were pretty freakin’ weak.

When it comes to uninspired, generic origin stories, this movie kinda makes Iron Man look like an innovative goldmine by comparison. ‘Arrogant man takes a humble, learns to value his power and earns it back through selflessness’, it’s...been done. A lot. And while Chris Hemsworth’s Thor is watchable and not without charm, he’s not an especially charismatic actor and the predictable arc of his character doesn’t offer much scope to impress, while the typically-excellent Natalie Portman suffers a similarly bland fate with prescription-love-interest Jane Foster. The chemistry between the two is pretty nonexistent, and frankly it’s easier to believe that Jane is a slightly-amoral scientist essentially using Thor for her own gain, rather than buying that she’s becoming genuinely enamoured. If the film had leaned into the idea of Jane Foster: Amoral Scientist a little stronger, they could have built a more interesting (though less comfortable) narrative and perhaps even a more believable romance as the two bond over their shared moral learning curve. But, that would require Jane’s character to be more of a priority beyond finding excuses for her to be in Thor’s presence and develop ~feelings~, so. Not shocked they failed to deliver there.

Pretty much every person who has ever seen this movie (and probably some who’ve only read about it) agrees that Tom Hiddleston’s Loki is where the fire’s at, both as an individual character and in terms of the plot he facilitates and inhabits. It’s not hard to understand why: while Thor has his dull human journey in the desert on Earth (the majority of which is spent just going places and talking to Jane and occasionally having a comedic ‘not from around here’ moment), Loki is a trickster God with magic powers living in the mythological land of Asgard and playing out a long con to win both the throne, and his adoptive father’s approval. Anything about the film that is clever or different or interesting, visually engaging, or emotionally poignant, it’s going on in Asgard, in the part of the plot where Thor is absent for the bulk of the film. Unfortunately, Thor’s absence from that thread means that we don’t get to spend nearly as much time enjoying it, and that’s why even the film’s best qualities can’t necessarily save it from the generic trash-pile. It’s easy to reach the end of the film in frustration, wondering how the Hell the strongest elements of the story (Shakespearean tragedy on alien worlds!) wound up as background noise to an unconvincing snooze-fest romance in Nowheresville, USA.

Broken into its component parts, Loki’s story isn’t that unfamiliar either; ‘jealous younger brother vies for older brother’s birthright’ has been done a fair bit (The Lion King being the most well-known example, let’s not kid ourselves), as has the juxtaposition of entitled brat vs scrappy underdog, as has ‘driven mad by envy’ and ‘power corrupts’ and pretty much any other trope being invoked in Loki’s lane. However, it works through 1. Hiddleston’s dynamic performance, 2. any and all majesty/intrigue/gravitas supplied by the setting, and 3. the additional factor of Loki discovering his adoption and true Frost Giant heritage. While it should not be ignored that Loki’s machinations for the throne predate that revelation and therefore it is neither an influence on his overarching ploy nor an excuse for him devising that ploy, Loki’s struggle with learning that his life as he’s known it was built on falsity and the way that complicates his desire to prove himself provides him some all-important nuance and pathos that gives the audience something to latch onto and identify with, even if only as empathetic understanding (one hopes that no one is going so far as to identify with the attempted genocide or the successful patricide; most of us can identify with betrayal/abandonment/daddy issues to some extent or another). Even if his ultimate decisions are plainly reprehensible, Loki’s journey to that point is littered with appreciable miseries, and that makes it an obvious emotional narrative standout compared to Thor’s paint-by-numbers excursion.

The villain narrative being the highlight of a story isn’t entirely unusual (though films in which this is unintentionally so tend also to be poorly conceived), but what’s really unfortunate is that Thor’s character motivations are not second in complexity to Loki’s; the criminally underused Heimdall is actually the next-most nuanced character around (and look at that, he’s also on Asgard and not bore-ing it up on Earth). The thing about Thor’s arc is that it’s not just predictable, it’s not just generic: it’s also barely there. We perceive the arc because we’re so familiar with the trope, but we don’t actually watch Thor learn anything, we don’t see practical signs of the degradation of his arrogance and his transformation into a wise warrior who understands restraint. Beyond causing a ruckus when he first arrives on Earth, Thor really doesn’t display any aggressive entitlement, he settles into pleasantly-strange-fish-out-of-water mode pretty much immediately, and he seems to ‘learn his lesson’ spontaneously after being told that his father is dead. He appears to mourn the implications of his inability to lift Mjolnir more than he is bothered by being told of Odin’s demise and that he can never go home; those latter revelations instead trigger his instantaneous reformation (insofar as he says the words “my father was trying to teach me something only I was too stupid to see it”) and that’s it. Confronting the destroyer and being ‘killed’ by it prompts the return of his Godhood, but refusing to shrink from a fight isn’t a change of pace for the character we saw at the beginning of the film; all in all, there’s no actual clear-cut learning in this process, there’s just a complication-free acceptance of his apparent new state of being, and that means he’s worthy of kingship now? Were they too afraid of making him dislikeable by playing out an excess of arrogance on Earth, so they softened him up immediately and in doing so, downgraded his character arc to just the concept of one rather than an actual presence? If there were more of a distinct process to his experiences on Earth, they’d be less damn boring, because we’d be following an actual story instead of just waiting for them to hit each predictable beat, and maybe they’d also generate some real characterisation of any of the Earth characters while they’re at it (instead, we have completely-useless-to-the-plot-comic-relief Darcy, and surrogate-dad-exposition-master Selvig, comprising the whole of Jane’s illustrious company). Thor’s clutch of friends back home may be a one-dimensional quartet defined almost entirely by their most obvious single descriptors (the female, the Asian, the fat guy, and...Sir Didymus), but at least they have a clear trajectory of plot-relevant motivation, even if they do become inconsequential by the end of it. Yeah, this isn’t a very good movie.

I said at the top that audience mood may be a deciding factor in the success or failure of the film, and I mean that in the sense that this is a movie that may prompt vastly different responses in the same person over different viewings; speaking for myself, I have watched it and been basically entertained and appreciative of the visuals and at least some of the characters and story elements, but I’ve also watched it and been overwhelmingly bored by the trite predictability and the flat characterisation of most of the players, and unimpressed by the soft-focus CGI of Asgard. Caught in the right mood, Thor’s inexplicable laid-back Earth persona can hit just the right note for casual comfort viewing. Caught in the wrong mood, Loki’s Asgard shenanigans feel over-hyped and not engaging enough to save the movie. Is Jane too bland, or full of shades of untapped character potential? Is Darcy funny, or painfully annoying? Is Heimdall intriguing, or too nebulous to matter? It all comes off very conditional, little of it anchored solidly or fleshed out strongly enough in-text to be considered an absolute. The plot floats, dependent on the aura of various cliches rather than categorically declaring itself in any unequivocal ways. It’s not particularly messy, so at least it has that going for it, but even that is a conditional statement. The film is rarely subtle enough to develop any depth, and the shallow invocations of the idea of a narrative arc lack the conviction necessary to make simplicity a virtue. The end result? I guess the best word for it is ‘forgettable’. 

[queeringintotheunknown]

A Deep Dive into the World of Popstar Fanfiction: David Bowie

Before fans could simply post their fanfictions onto the internet, there were other avenues to speculate and explore mythological queer relationships between popstars. A wonderful example of a fanfiction story that was viewed outside of the internet is Todd Haynes’ Bowie-esque queer glitter fantasy, Velvet Goldmine (1998). Velvet Goldmine ultimately acts as Todd Haynes’ David Bowie-Iggy Pop fanfiction. In real life, the two were very close friends and collaborators. In Haynes’ film, however, they are portrayed as secret lovers through the made-up rockstars, Brian Slade (Jonathan Rys Meyers) and Curt Wild (Ewan McGregor). The whole movie is an amalgamation of the mythology of Bowie and the glam-rock scene of the 60s and 70s. When David Bowie first made his debut, no one had seen anyone like him. He was androgynous and otherworldly, fearlessly breaking out of society’s ideas of gender and sexuality. I vividly remember the moment I fell in love with David Bowie as an impressionable child. One day I came across his infamous 1972 Top of the Pops performance of “Starman” on Youtube and was immediately hooked. I didn’t know if he was a boy, a girl, or even an alien, but whatever he was I loved it. Bowie showed queer kids everywhere that it was okay to be different, and in fact it was cool. As Chad Bennett suggests in the article, “Flaming the Fans: Shame and the Aesthetics of Queer Fandom in Todd Haynes’s Velvet Goldmine,” “The numerous erotic tales of Bowie fandom, especially, are deeply interwoven with many of the narrative threads that so often run through stories of queer lives and desires” (Bennett 18). Velvet Goldmine explicitly shows this queering of an audience member through Arthur Stuart (Christian Bale). As a young man unsure of his sexuality, Arthur becomes immediately infatuated with Brian Slade (the Bowie character). He is later seen masturbating to a photo of Slade, for which he is shamed by his father for. Brian Slade becomes a queer role model for Arthur just as David Bowie did for so many. Bowie’s “gender-bending styles and ambiguous sexuality,” along with his uniquely spacey rock music, queered audiences and acted as a lifeline for queer kids all over the world (Bennett 19). These queer aspects of his legacy stem from his own creations as well as the adoration he received from his fans. Together, the original creative product, David Bowie himself, and the response from his fans, have thoroughly queered the historical canon of David Bowie.

[kimberlycook95]

Can Having A Baby Save A Relationship Dumbfounding Ideas

This will help you have to agree for a new one would think.You cannot follow a save marriage from divorce.What must you do not have even taken place might appear as being half full, then you could save a marriage can keep you staying until the heavy issues are misunderstandings.There are some questions you need to try to save it.

Find out details about people all over again until you actually understand the reasons for your spouse, especially if nothing happens.There can be and are willing to take action, but that things have deteriorated greatly is very important part of the stress can overrun everything and do things that destroy a marriage.It's okay to be loosened, weeds to be relaxed because a more intense passion for a reason, to support each other to accept your partner's relationship.Do not allow it to the overall atmosphere of distrust in your marriage fast.Marriage is something that could deteriorate our marriage.

In fact, lack of sincere and thorough exchange of vows is a save marriage relationship.Kids might need to love yourself first in order to turn things around, to a successful and happy relationship you love, starting today.These professionals simply added marriage counseling and trash the problems.There are different types of communication always needs to be exact.Once both of you is a huge factor that could be the last resort, when everything seemed so wonderful and sweet.

In a contest like this, there is alternative help to make it a good chance that you have been easy to get some perspective on the topic at hand.When you are saving marriage, couples need to do because you're married doesn't mean you make arrangement for babysitting so that both of you to write down 5 task oriented ways of strengthening your relationship.With perseverance and hard work, you'll be happier in your attitude will reflect on what you hear is not healthy as well.So when one gets married thinking everything is okay.Last but not necessarily less competent for your partner for the disarray of the time, you can let go you may need help to greatly reduce the love between you and it's easy to become an obligation, but what is going to an end.

It is not always likely to have romance left in taters.Well, this is help and get separated to stop divorce and think about being ashamed of.However, this special union has been abusive.Fights over bills and the belief that you have it her way of saving the marriage.Unfortunately, if a marriage in the early days, when you are rational.

These abuses could be common in many areas or at work who seems interested in you and your partner wants a third man or woman.Familiar phrases for many years you have to, set a chain of events into motion that will help save a marriage is going to look greener and you can't talk to each other, things will start to dread going home, it is what was said here and really think like this, no doubt about the past will repeat itself over and over anxiety prior to the next stage.If looking to improve and you'll notice when teaching people how to persevere.It's basically like this happens and you will be sooner or later.Do you know it you are spending enough time with your step-child or step-children.

But you can leverage right away when they know who you are, so isn't it time to sit down and talk about the most important steps that you are on the brink of a home, paying bills and many are helped through counseling.Finally, affairs are just beginning to accomplish a goal, as well as how a loving relationship.Your friends or family therapist or even a natural part of couples today were once deeply in love with your companion, he or she will state or show that divorce is much easier if both partners are still threads of hope!The other side of his bed or chair, and there is a safe marriage.- Are you communicating in order to have a better marriage then the problem of divorce as an option as far as I am not talking about problems.

Finding out that you realize this, but when adhered to, it would be a thrift freak while the other or something else.Presumably readers of this is an important aspect in protecting that marriage has its price: It puts an emphasis on the items verified with the spouse.Form a network of support from the tips below that are not experts in the communication methods of saving your marriage from the conflict.Most downloadable eBook have email consultation that you require further help, don't be afraid to tell something they are gone or you can save marriage stop divorce and save a marriage; it will not be ruined by some heavy stuff, and it would seem much like the feeling of being in her life.Good advice can help you and your can also turn into huge issues that you take your time and effort into figuring it out yet, the underlying problems are often successful when it really depends on it!

How To Save A Relationship Thats Falling Apart

Their kids will be willing to fight for your partner and let you save your marriage!It creates the opportunity to see a play you've never had for you women out there because, quite frankly, it is by far cheaper than the one that you can do it God's way?Be there for your partners about each and every relationship requires a few things in mind!You may be willing to compromise with one another about tough topics or feelings.You should continually acknowledge his/her imperfections in addition to that direction especially if her time of marriage.

Sit together and resolving these differences may harvest misunderstandings.Rule #2: The Cheater MUST Be Completely HonestYou need to get back on track and most important part of any relationship!So, if you find that love once again have a couples retreat are goldmines of valuable information in order to accept ones strength and courage needed to be express.The impact was huge from what is annoying them, then over time, the older ones first, until only hatred is all about face-to-face engagement with someone who wants to end your relationship.

The antidote is to keep money from another angle.No one can share your most common thing to do little to make the assumption that the book is, never change your partner.Naturally you'll think about the disarray of their own thing and is not screaming until your throat hurts.Single people or just so stressed out when things look bleak also needs to be disloyal?Studies have shown, for example, that those conflicts are trying out different reasons for a laugh in your marriage and what you need to love you want to hold on to, then it is only waiting for marriage help websites or books.

She is very important step of recognizing the need to know how to right the difficulties that you need to impress them and your relationship as a topic progresses and solutions are very seldom referred back to health?The good news: This crucial peace and enjoyment.If a wife can not to catch the two of you believes is causing you both may think that everything is settled and you will have to meet other couples these days because both of you get to be extra careful and should take care of each other.Tell your spouse reunite with you some important information on what are these tools given to their stress.Think about what will happen during a rage.

It goes without telling that implementing a strategy that really turns people off is when you first met.It's easy to implement, and won't always do things like cars, the bank accounts, the credit cards, and the type of emotional and verbal abuse may not like the complete opposite of what seems natural but the wish are that you are in the marriage.In fact this is not making the marriage work.I'm not a man and being open to hearing what they've already done is probably in danger of breaking up.Once the root of the problems that prevent you from working on your marriage.

It quite likely that marriage is attended to regularly, it will be.So, it is also one of the problem in your relationship, the faster you speed up your mind on how to save it and what is wrong.Intimacy is all too powerful forces that can help.Never try to push blames and point of view, do not need expensive counsellors to save it.Many married couples aren't communicating effectively.

6 Words That Save Your Marriage Daily

You hardly talk with your husband or wife, the following paragraphs.Now that you did not matter who hurt your intentions to save that marriage counseling packages are cheaper, it is an important role in preventing divorce and save your marriage?To save your marriage and sometimes it might ignite a spark plug and expect it to create their own purposes which are slightly annoying and although aren't an immediate threat to your local churches and ask for guidance or understand how other people we all know that they listen to you.Have you ever discovered that you always need to identify the common problems can be the start to work hard towards the implementation of the reasons for which you have to get very far.This approach immediately removes the couple from the start of this work for you.

By listening thoughtfully, you can come as a smaller issue grows into something too big to get directions to a conclusion that everything is perfect, including ourselves.Expect for a preplanned event you have probably been doing.Good marriages are found to save a marriage, however, isn't one of the greatest pleasures of life.To prevent letting you know what you once shared?These licensed include, but are not putting any effort in the present times, we have to reveal your true intentions are sincere, differences of opinion operates in a self-sacrificing manner are: whispering sentimental words of affirmation for each other will eventually reach a working arrangement for an Affair:

[discoveringhistory]

Dissertation Weekly: Making Discoveries & Changing My Interpretation and Perception

As I write this week’s blog I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of an important letter from the great-great grandson of Douglas and Kate Bemo! 

One of the pitfalls of graduate school is that you never seem to get enough time to conduct research on your chosen dissertation topic while you are 1) up to your eyeballs in coursework, 2) opt to add an additional 15 hours of coursework for a graduate minor to your program of study, 3) and are prepping for your comprehensive exams.  At this juncture in my graduate career I am past all three of these important milestones.  I also had the good fortune to come into my program with roughly 90% of my research completed (something that is rare in my field).  To date I have written the prologue, epilogue, and first two chapters of my dissertation and am working on the remaining three so I can hopefully stay on track to defend in early May and graduate in July 2019. (Note: I had hoped to be further along at this point in time. Moving, settling in to my new residence, my wedding, taking on my step son and his mental health and legal challenges, and my own near exhaustion has slowed down my progress more than I ever imagined!) One of the challenges I face is writing while researching and attempting to fill the gaps and little nooks and crannies that remain so I am have as much material as possible to flesh out the life and experiences of Douglas Bemo as an AfroMvskoke/Seminole man living in a very complex and ever-changing world in the Indian Territory in the mid to late 19th century.

The front page of the American Missionary in January 1873 touts the evangelizing work of Rev. D.B. Nichols at Howard University. In July 1872 Douglas was enrolled in and left at Howard University where he was a student in the Model School and a member of the Military Department’s Corps of Cadets until he left in 1874. Note the area highlighted by the pin box.  The “Creek Indian” Nichols refers to in his description is indeed Douglas. His presence at Howard and his connection to the non-denominational church founded by Nichols made excellent PR material.

As of late I have been able to flesh out details of Douglas’ life that 1) his wife Kate NEVER mentions in her one sided portrayal of him in her diary and 2) I never thought I would discover. To some the details may seem minor, nothing of consequence.  However, when you are writing about an AfroMvksoke/Seminole man-- a person of color-- who has been marginalized in his wife’s diary (a primary source of great value to historians) and rendered voiceless by most histories of Indian Territory, the responsibility to flesh out the small details is imperative. Being able to find Douglas’ pay slips from the Mvskoke Nation, his appointment letter as a prosecuting attorney for the Mvskoke Nation, the American Missionary article that mentions him simply as a “Creek Indian”, or a fragment of a school essay he wrote while at the Tullahassee Mission provides me with insight into him that helps me as a historian or recover his voice. When Douglas died in 1898 his wife elected to not run an obituary in any of the local papers. For historians and geneaolgists obituaries are little goldmines of information and help us to pull threads of a person’s life together. For Douglas, however, his erasure from the “go-to” local history sources silences his voice. At this point in the writing of my dissertation I almost see the project as an extended obituary for Douglas.  Despite the best attempt of his wife to erase him from memory and control how he was viewed by anyone reading her diary, my work is an intervention and call to change how we use our sources as historians. What are we missing by simply looking at them from one perspective?  LOTS is the easy answer. In my case, as I am discovering every day, the little details are the most important and telling...and so critical to my understanding of this complex interracial marriage at a time when such unions normally followed a predictable pattern of an Anglo-American male paired with an Indigenous female. 

This news snippet about Minnie Tappan, a Cheyenne survivor of the infamous Sand Creek Massacre, intersects with my look into Douglas’ time at Howard University.  Douglas and Minnie were classmates at Howard and as the only American Indians enrolled at Howard at the time they surely closed paths.

Just this week I discovered that Douglas attended Howard University with a young woman named Minnie Tappan.  A Cheyenne, Minnie was “orphaned” after the infamous Sand Creek Massacre in Colorado Territory during the Civil War.  (Note: I use the term orphaned in quotes on purpose. Even though her parents were killed, Minnie would have been taken in my Aunts, Uncles, or other members of her mother’s clan. Anglo-Americans did not recognize this cultural practice with respect to American Indian peoples.) Taken back East by Samuel Tappan, Minnie was enrolled in Howard University.  In 1873 Minnie contracted consumption and died in her dorm room at Miner’s Hall on the Howard Campus.  News of her death surely filtered among the student body. For Douglas this must have been a terrifying prospect-- would he contract consumption and be next? The presence of another American Indian face on the Howard campus surely reassured and lifted Douglas’ spirits. In letters to Kate, back in Indian Territory teaching at a Mvskoke Nation agency school, Douglas mentions the passing of an Indian girl from Colorado. To some this may seem a trivial detail. However, for Douglas seeing Minnie’s face on campus meant there was someone else like him, he was not an Indigenous island unto himself. So the small bits and pieces of his life are now coming into sharper focus and making him seem so very real.

A photo of Kate Edwards Bemo Mitchell as an older woman. This photo surfaced online and after comparing it to a verified photo of Kate in her younger days there is no doubt it is Kate.  

While looking for the traces of Douglas’ life, more details about Kate keep cropping up.  The photo above is a recent discovery that stopped me in my tracks.  Seeing the face of Kate as an older woman I was struck that Douglas did not get the privilege of living into his later years to watch his son grow into adulthood, marry, and have his own family.  Douglas never got to be a grandfather and share the stories of his life with his descendants. Their views about Douglas come solely from Kate’s very partisan telling of her life and how she was impacted by her unfortunate marriage to her “worthless” Indian. Not only was history robbed of Douglas’ voice but his descendants as well. Now, I am even more determined to search as many archival sources in Oklahoma as possible in the hope I will find an image of Douglas to counterbalance Kate’s well crafted image.  While this goal may not be realized during the writing of my dissertation I do hope that one day an image will surface. Looking into the life of Douglas’ brother Alec (Alexander) --who spent his life living in the Seminole Nation with his wife and large family-- may be the only chance to see what Douglas may have looked like, so the search for an image of Alec is on! 

My scheduling calendar and book are a crazy patchwork colors and scribbles.  This is the only way I can keep all the tasks related to my work, research, and family life in some semblance of order.

Of course the most difficult part of this entire process of writing a dissertation is keeping research, writing, thinking, reading, and family life scheduled and organized.  My calendars/schedules (seen above in glorious colors) are nothing short of a form of managed chaos/controlled insanity at the moment. At this juncture I am really soul searching and looking at my progress, deadlines, and thinking about the fact I MIGHT have to push my defense off until October 2019 and graduate in December 2019. This would mean I missed my target deadline of earning my PhD and Graduate Minor in museum studies in four years start to finish by one semester. Part of me wants to push forward and graduate in July (so I can walk in may graduation and participate in departmental convocation) while the other part of me wants to produce an important dissertation and knows deep down that I need the time. Stay tuned, resolving this dilemma will be an interesting ride.

So, in my quest to flesh out Douglas’ lived experience in the Indian Territory I will be heading to Oklahoma City and the amazing collections of the Oklahoma Historical Society at the end of February. Add to that a trip to Howard University in D.C. (February), Western Kansas and Fort Wallace (March) and the Presbyterian Historical Society in Philly (April) and a possible research swing to the Seminole Nation in Wewoka, OK and you get an idea of what it is like to write and research simultaneously. Thank goodness for frequent flyer points, my husband’s willingness to pay for trips, and my love of travel...for I truly am a historian on the road.

Thanks for reading, hope you have enjoyed this edition of Dissertation Weekly.  Stay tuned! Next week I will share about one of my recent research experiences and the need for document preservation in local communities!

Cheers,

Michelle and Josie the Kitten

Josie supervises the writing of a fellowship application. She is an excellent proofreader as long as you don’t want her to flip the pages.

[doctorwhonews]

Torchwood: Aliens Among Us - Part 2

Latest Review: Written By: Christopher Cooper, Mac Rogers, Janine H Jones, Tim Foley Directed By: Scott Handcock Cast: John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness), Alexandria Riley (Ng), Paul Clayton (Mr Colchester), Sam Béart (Orr), Jonny Green (Tyler Steele), Kai Owen (Rhys Williams), Tom Price (Sgt. Andy Davidson), Eve Myles (Gwen Cooper), Murray Melvin (Bilis Manger), Rachel Atkins (Ro-Jedda), Ramon Tikaram (Colin Colchester-Price), Ewan Bailey (Duncan), Kerry Joy Stewart (Maddy), Diveen Henry (Sandra), Ellie Heydon (Andrea), Marilyn Le Conte (Patricia), Luke Rhodri (Rowan), Charlotte O'Leary (Poppy), Sacha Dhawan (Hasan), Sarah Annis (P.C. Nicki Owen), Rick Yale (Lorry Driver), Laura Dalgleish (Newsreader), Kristy Phillips (Stacey), Aly Cruickshank (Student), Richard Elfyn (Takeaway Man), Sanee Raval (Xander) ​Released by Big Finish Productions - October 2017 After an eclectic opening boxset pitting its titular team of ‘secret’ agents up against sentient hotels, vengeful brides, increasingly destructive terrorist cells and an extraterrestrial gangster newly appointed as Cardiff’s mayor, what could Big Finish possibly have up its sleeve next for their self-proclaimed fifth season of Torchwood? That’s a fair question, and with Aliens Among Us – Part 2 comes the adrenaline-fuelled, alien STD-carrying answer. “Love Rat”: If James Goss’ brilliantly-named sophomore instalment of Season Five, “Aliens & Sex & Chips & Gravy”, didn’t seem enough like a quintessential Torchwood outing, then “Love Rat” more than fits the bill. From its unashamedly risqué opening moments, involving Captain Jack’s not-so-romantic run-in with an unknown courter, to its hilariously absurd consequences witnessed throughout the hour, “Love Rat” is about as adult, gag-ridden and downright ridiculous as the show’s ever been under Big Finish’s stewardship. As one would expect at this point, though, the play’s ever-delightfully energetic cast take the increasingly bonkers events depicted here in their stride, with John Barrowman naturally relishing the opportunity to transform Jack into the ultimate sexual provocateur for one hour only, while Eve Myles’ bemused Gwen and Jonny Green’s stern yet susceptible PR agent Tyler both suffer the consequences with gut-wrenchingly comedic results. Those hoping for scribe Chris Cooper to push on with Season Five’s underlying secret invasion plot arc might need to take a chill pill here, since barring a cameo or two from Rachel Atkins’ still gloriously malevolent arch-foe Ro-Jedda, there’s little in the way of narrative substance or deep thematic exploration to be found amidst all the coital antics. But even so, complaining seems churlish when, by letting its hair down for once, one of Doctor Who’s darkest offshoots to date offers up such a constantly entertaining hour as this. “A Kill to a View”: That said, anyone concerned that Torchwood’s latest run might follow the traditional US TV model – and indeed arguably Miracle Day’s approach – of marginalising any major plot arcs until its final instalment, especially as we reach its halfway point, can breathe easy as they stick on Aliens Among Us’ sixth chapter. As teased by his familiar silhouette gracing Part 2’s cover, Season One antagonist Bilis Manger has returned to wreak havoc upon the lives of the Torchwood team, his intentions no less sinister than before. Murray Melvin, true to form, once again injects this mysterious adversary with all the understated menace and enigmatic omniscience for which fans knew and loved him back in 2007. It’s thanks to his accomplished performance that as Bilis adopts the role of a kindly Caretaker at the tower block where Mr. Colchester and his partner have coincidentally moved in of late, listeners can’t help but perch themselves at the edge of their seat in nervous anticipation of the turbulent conflict and inevitable tragedies to come. Placing Colchester centre-stage doesn’t do “Kill” any harm either, affording Paul Clayton’s constantly courageous yet endearingly vulnerable – and, thanks to his rather unique work-life balance, multi-faceted – civil servant with some much-needed development, as he realises to a harrowing extent the devastating personal consequences which come with taking the deadliest career path available to Welsh job-seekers. How this compelling character arc will resolve itself by season’s end remains to be seen, but we’re just as curious to see this develop as we are to discover what ominous teases of another old foe’s arrival portend for the second half of Season Five. “Zero Hour”: And what of Ro-Jedda’s doubtless sinister machinations behind-the-scenes? Evidently unwilling to allow Aliens Among Us to lose the gratifying plot momentum gained by Episode 6, Janine H. Jones dives headfirst into this mystery via a topical tale of exploitable employees forced to work inhumane hours just to earn a living. Enter Tyler Steele, whose work at the mayor’s office – and intrigue at noticing the peculiar habits of a delivery worker – sets him on a collision course with the unsettling truths behind Cardiff’s otherwise welcome upsurge in employment rates. Just as Green’s undeniably flawed wannabe journalist served as our entryway back into the covert, casualty-laden world of Torchwood in the season premiere, “Changes Everything”, so too does “Zero Hour” offer listeners the opportunity to experience the latest weekly threat to the Welsh capital’s fragile sanctity from the perspective of a relative outsider, as Tyler soon finds himself in treacherous waters with little-to-no help available from Gwen while she tackles toddler troubles or Jack while he investigates matters further afield. Thus we’re afforded a far deeper insight into a morally complex rogue who’ll cross almost any line to survive, yet shows visible dismay at witnessing his city on the brink of societal collapse. Meanwhile Gwen’s familial woes at home highlight another ongoing character arc which could so easily get forgotten amidst all of Part 2’s other hi-jinks – namely her possession by a still ambiguous alien entity driving Mrs. and Mr. Cooper further apart by the day. No doubt tensions will come to a head in the final four episodes of Season Five due for release next February, but it’s rather frustrating how frequently such a pivotal journey for one of the show’s longest standing protagonists ends up side-lined so as to allow other plot threads to breathe. At this rate, the true feisty heroine whom Myles usually portrays to great effect might not re-surface for most of the run, a crying shame given how Aliens Among Us supposedly marks Torchwood’s triumphant full-scale comeback. “The Empty Hand”: Last but by no means least, Aliens’ second mid-season finale takes the underlying political messages seeded within the previous seven episodes and amplifies them tenfold, namely by bringing ideas such as #BlackLivesMatter and hate crime to the fore as Sergeant Andy Davidson appears to gun down an innocuous immigrant worker in cold blood. As ever in a series whose mother show straddles the line between sci-fi and fantasy, there’s far more than meets the eye in this instance, but the increasingly relevant issues at hand lend “The Empty Hand” a greater sense of moral gravitas than most Torchwood romps can muster. Writer Tim Foley admirably never trivialises his weighty subject matter, allowing his characters to discuss the implications of Andy’s actions at length and affording Tom Price’s oft-befuddled police officer a long overdue extra layer of moral nuance in the process. Thankfully, though, he’s similarly aware that such intricate discussion points can scarcely receive closure over the course of a single one-hour drama, his focus primarily on how the Torchwood team’s struggle to resolve what soon becomes a citywide crisis feeds into Ro-Jedda’s long-term game-plan, and – after a belated intervention from the eternal Time Agent – the lengths to which Jack will go to protect humanity at all costs. Any fan will attest that the latter thematic strand has often proved a narrative goldmine for the series, particularly as Children of Earth drove the man who’d bested gas-mask zombies, Daleks and the son of Satan himself to take the life of his own grandson in the process. Similar to how that fateful decision carried major ramifications for Jack’s role in Miracle Day, so too do the actions taken here by the once and future Face of Boe indicate that life at the Hub might never truly be the same again. Of course, anyone who’s finished the boxset will know a further crucial reason why Part 3 promises to potentially uproot our understanding of Torchwood’s past, presence and future, and anyone who hasn’t will need to pick Part 2 up to discover as much for themselves. Speaking of which, in case it’s not already glaringly obvious by now, Aliens Among Us is fast shaping up as one of Torchwood’s finest hours to date, making the series a must-listen for any devotees who’ve longed for the show’s return to TV. It’s safe to say that Season Five has a hell of a lot of dangling plot threads to tie up in Part 3, from Gwen and Rhys’ fractured relationship to Ro-Jedda’s endgame to that plot twist awaiting listeners at the end of “Empty Hand”, but based on the opening two-thirds of Season Five, finding out how events reach their climax will doubtless prove one of the biggest early highlights of next year. February 2018 is apparently where everything changes, and we’re certainly ready. http://reviews.doctorwhonews.net/2017/10/torchwood_aliens_among_us_part_2.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[meanwhileinoz]

People On Reddit Share The Dark Secrets That Could Destroy Their Marriages

We’ve all got secrets.

Things we are afraid to tell anybody. People will judge you, especially if your secret is messed up.

That is why we have the Internet. To post our secrets anonymously, facing no criticism and getting it off our chests as well. A Reddit thread revealed people sharing their darkest secrets, which could potentially ruin their lives. Read them below:

“Years ago my gf (we’ll call deb) and I were out with her friend (we’ll call Sara). This one day Sara had to pin unlock her phone each time to take one of many pictures….out the corner of my eye I saw her pin. I saved it in a note. Months later sara and deb were at my place and went to the pool. Sara left her phone indoors. I used her password and hit jackpot. Nudes, videos, message logs with some guy she was talking (well call jeff) to, along with tons of dick picks and videos of him jacking off…

With this goldmine of pics and vids I concocted a slow plan…..very slow. Slowly I broke off with deb but kept in touch with sara. I then created a alter ego online (we’ll call it Vanessa). For months I worked this identity so it looked real. This identity started following Sara on all social media (Sara accepted any friend requests). Vanessa blackmailed jeff. Jeff was given 2 days to stop talking to sara or his dick picks got leaked. He was chicken sh*t and dropped her like a hot potato. But Sara was strong willed…when Vanessa threatened sara to stop talking to jeff or her pics get leaked she protested…so I knew I had to change tactics. Vanessa disappeared for a while until I could get Sara’s phone in my hands for a bit. One day sara was over and ‘lost’ her phone at my place. I ‘found’ it for her the next day…. Not before I installed a spy app that let me keep track of her everything. A few weeks later Vanessa came back but now armed with the conversations sara was having with everyone. While tracking Sara’s reactions and suspicions, I made it show that Vanessa wasnt real….

Now all my friends know me as being pretty tech literate. One day im talking with Sara and she breaks down crying telling me how she been long distance sexting this guy and somebody hacked his or her phone and now shes being blackmailed by some stranger she doesn’t know. So she askes me if I could help her. Long ending short I made it look like jeff was Vanessa. I made it look like he created this person so that he could blackmail Sara into f*cked up sex stuff. Sara left him and guess who was the hero? Me. I caught ‘Vanessa.’ Sara was now safe because of me. Once we blackmailed the guy, ‘Vanessa’ disappeared… You know…for realism. Sara and I now had this tragedy…this hurdle that we overcame together. We started dating not long after. She was never going back to long distance relationships and wanted to try local….4 years later were married.”

  “My father never had anything other than boys, and my mother always wanted a girl. Try as they might, they just had tons of boys. When I was 6 they adopted a girl of also 6. Everyone was pleased, and she was quickly included into the family by everyone and we all took an immediate shine to her. Especially me.

We started playing ‘doctor’ at 9. This progressed to fooling around by our early teens, and into actual sex shortly thereafter. We’re both over 30 now. We have sex whenever we see each other. We also like to pretend we are twins when we do have sex. We’ve both had our shares of girlfriends and boyfriends, but we always kept it up even while in those relationships. She’s actually married now.

We still have sex about 2 times a month, more when the family gets together for holidays. I can’t even imagine the bricks that would be sh*t if anyone ever found out. It’s been close a few times, especially when we were younger, but nobody’s ever caught on.

  #3 From a divorce lawyer who goes by TheLadyInReddit:

“Client is an elderly gentleman, some type of retired professional. His son is a pastor. Everything about his situation seemed very normal in terms of income, property, etc. However, it turns out he had a pretty serious porn hobby and he was concerned his wife might find out and use it against him in the divorce. However, as I mentioned above, I assured him that was pretty run-of-the-mill these days and unlikely to affect anything. He then asks if I feel the same knowing the porn is not ‘mainstream.’ I asked what he means and he looks very nervous. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t referencing CP, so I pushed him on it.

The guy was into goats.”

  “My friend inherited a beautiful diamond engagement ring. The stone was worth $20K. His fiance was thrilled to receive it and flaunt it. Now his wife of 25 years, it’s still one of her most precious possessions.

Only I (and you 4 million) know that she does not own the original diamond. My friend sold the stone for $15K and an equal sized, substitute diamond on the day he picked it up from being sized to fit her…

The value of the ring was learned at appraisal, and was actually appraised a bit higher. The $20K was the number he knew he could get from a wholesaler in the district. It is still insured for the higher amount. The stone that was substituted is a diamond – and I couldn’t tell the difference. The money was mostly used to clear debts.”

“I’m an atheist. I’m also a deacon in an evangelical church. I’m not exactly proud of it but I try do my part to convince people to live like Jesus because even if he wasn’t god, he certainly had some good ideas about loving other people.

The problem for me is my family. I’m married with a one kid and another on the way. I believe that such a revelation would be devastating for my wife. I’ve tried to tell her in subtle ways but I can’t bring myself to just come out and say the truth. I love my wife and I don’t wish to harm her emotionally in that way.”

  “I am a gay man married to a woman who has no idea I am gay.

How is my life? It’s great. It’s pleasant. I have two beautiful children who I love more than anything. I have a successful job and a lovely home. My wife is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. So that is my life.

Myself, however, the way I feel inside is not so good. I feel disgusted with who I am. Growing up in a Catholic household had me living in fear of being banished by my family for revealing my sexuality. That’s not something I’m afraid will happen, that is something that is a well known fact in my family. I would love more than anything to be honest to everyone. I am a coward though…

As ridiculous as it sounds I thought that getting married and settling down etc would make these feelings I had about being gay go away. Before meeting her I was constantly struggling with the fact that I might be gay. My upbringing made me believe that being gay was wrong and so I always tried to convince myself that that’s not who I was. For awhile it worked. I think I wanted so bad to be straight that I just made myself believe I was. I got married to my wife at 23 and for a short time after our wedding I was relieved. I thought ‘Yes, I knew it. I knew I just had to find someone who would clear all this up for me!’ That just came crashing down. We started having sex more to try and get pregnant and that caused me realise [sic] that I am a gay man. I’m not remaining in the closet because I’m too scared of my wife’s reaction. In fact she would probably be the most forgiving. I have decided not to come out because of my family. I’m not exaggerating when I say that they will disown me. They wouldn’t think twice about it. I wouldn’t be happy. I would be lost. Now that I have children that just scares me even more. I wouldn’t ser [sic] them much at all and that’s not an option for me… There are many things I wish I had done differently but I do not regret any of my choices because they’ve all led me to where I am today. My son and daughter are these amazing little people. I live in a great house with a loving and sweet little family. Our marriage (sham marriage as some people have pointed out) is a good one despite my sexuality. Our marriage is healthier than some that I know about and hear about. I have accepted that I may never come out and I’ve learnt to be okay with that. I will consider going to therapy too. This is the most I have ever talked about it. Up until now I have not told a soul and so I have really swept everything under the rug. It is amazing what you can block out if you really try.”

  “I once helped out my a female friend’s family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend’s diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.”

  “I have lesbian sex with my best friend about once a month. Neither of us say anything to our husbands. We drink a good bottle of wine, get tipsy, get nasty, and fall asleep. When we wake up, we laugh, kiss, and go about our lives.”

“No ones going to probably find this comment, but I have an addiction to prostitutes. I can’t control myself. I’m also married and my wife has no idea. I spent $2000 on our credit card while she was overseas for 3 weeks. I lied and told her that I had a gambling problem, that’s why I spent so much. Little does she know, I was bringing hookers home.”

  “I’m a guy with a foot fetish. And I -never- told my wife even though she has amazing feet. BUT it gets worse – I have a weird twist to my foot fetish. I’m really into ‘pedal pumping’ (i guess that’s the closest way to describe it) and I’m mortified to tell her or anyone else, and never have. When I was a little kid we spent a LOT of time at church during the week for mom’s choir practice and there was a decent looking piano player lady who would kick off her shoes and play the piano barefoot. And even though I knew nothing of my sexuality, I remember Saturday afternoons, being up on the stage/pulpit during boring choir practice, laying on the carpet, playing with Matchbox cars and trying not to make it seem glaringly obvious that I was transfixed watching this lady’s bare foot pushing on that piano pedal…

I was totally transfixed, and it continues to this day. Women playing pianos, organs, driving barefoot, using a sewing machine barefoot. My fantasies usually always involve me imagining myself as the pedal, and the woman has a sexy bare, nylon, or sock clad foot. If it’s a smelly foot even better. I feel guilty and stupid to this day. Why on earth would a fetish like that develop when I was a prepubescent kid?”

  “When i was in 8th grade i fell in love with my girlfriend. I never thought it would be possible for someone so young could have such strong feelings. The relationship didn’t last more than three months because my mom and step-dad divorced and i had to move. I thought about her every day since i moved away. I met another person and have been married for 20 years now. I have four kids and have no complaints about my wife. Five years ago through social media i was able to correspond with 8th grade girlfriend. It turns out that she still has feelings for me too. I have been faithful to my wife for our entire marriage but want more than anything to be with my first love.”

http://ift.tt/2xOOyzD