#Making this account did NOT help at all. People online don't hold back...much like the news and paparazzi.

[ask-the-biggering-onceler]

he's having a *mental breakdown* (nervous kazoo)

...Ha ha!!

Me? Mental breakdown?? Ha ha!! That's funny, dearie.

Y'know what I do have, though? A wonderful, brilliant idea!!

A BALL!! THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS, A BALL. ANYONE IS INVITED, STAFF OR NOT!!

~UPCOMING SOON, AT MY FACTORY IN THE BALLROOM~

I KNOW YOU'LL ALL LOVE IT...!!

[6rookie-writer0110]

Not like this Forever

Hailee Steinfeld x Male Reader

Request - Hailee Steinfeld x male!reader where y/n is an actor and singer. Before the story y/n and Hailee were together back then, but they have a falling out as they were arguing all the time and they hurt each other (you can decide what happened because I can't think of anything) and after they broke up they don't see each other again until much later. Plus they ignored each other but mostly y/n since he was hurt the most. Can you also make it angsty?

Year; 2016

You and Hailee have been dating for a long time. You go to Hailee’s condo but you are not happy to see her. Lately, you and Hailee have been arguing so much that anything can trigger an argument.

“Is it true?” You asked.

“Is what true?” Hailee asked.

“You went on a date and kissed him? The pictures are over the internet!” You said.

“It wasn't a date, we were with other people. We were tipsy and we just kissed. Y/n, we have been arguing so much that he made me feel special” Hailee said.

“This can’t be real. You cheated on me!” You yelled.

“You never want to spend time with me. When I try to show you affection, you just me away” Hailee said.

“I do spend time with you! You were in Canada and I went there to spend time with you on your birthday! But you wanted to be with your friends for the whole time I was there! Do you even care about us!?” You yelled.

“I'm tired of arguing with you, in person and over the phone! I used to smile when I get your texts now when I see your texts I don't smile anymore. Y/n I don't think we will work out, I'm breaking up with you” Hailee said.

“You want to be with him, don't you,” You said.

“No, I don't want to be with him. I don't think this will work out between us, it's over Y/n” Hailee said.

“Are you serious?” You asked.

“Yes, I'm serious I don't want to be with you. I'm falling out of love with you” Hailee said.

What she said, you felt the pain in your chest. You hold back your tears and she doesn't say anything else. You take your keys and you gave back the key to her apartment, you start to walk away. Hailee doesn't go after you and she started to cry.

---

1 month Later, since the break up you or Hailee haven't contacted each other. You did see the gossip blogs, that Hailee has a new boyfriend. Everyone knew that you and Hailee were dating because you two would talk about it during the interviews etc. But she did call you one time but you didn't pick up the call. On your social media accounts, many people are asking you what happened but you don't answer them. You started to write songs about the breakup. Weeks later, you put out new songs about the breakup and everyone is loving it. You did interviews talking about the song but you don't go into further details. But Hailee did hear the songs and she didn't like the new songs. But your new music was everywhere online and she tries to ignore it.

You and Hailee kept ignoring each other. Your friends try to help you feel better about yourself. You mostly kept working on your music and starting new movies and tv shows. Hailee did come out with new songs about the breakup and the fans are talking about your music and her music.

✫ ✬ ✫ ✬

Time Skip... You auditioned for a marvel show Hawkeye and you got a role. You are feeling excited about it and you can't wait to start filming in New York.

“Y/n, what are you doing here?” Hailee asked.

“I could ask you the same question,” You said.

“I’m playing Kate Bishop,” Hailee said.

“I'm in the show too,” You said unhappily.

You and Hailee weren't happy to see each other.

---

In the past few weeks, you and Hailee couldn't work together at all. You and Hailee would argue about anything and it slows down the production. The director and everyone else is annoyed about how you two act around each other.

“You two need to pretend to like each other and just work together,” Jeremy said.

“It's not that simple. We didn't end well” Hailee said.

“We are on a tight schedule and you two are slowing it down,” Jeremy said.

“Tell him that not me!” Hailee said.

Jeremy sighed. Throughout the day, you two still didn't get along. Again, you and Hailee argued and it's hard for you to focus on any scene because you two would just argue.

“You are such a jerk, Y/n!” Hailee yelled and walked away.

“You are a jerk too!” You yelled.

You go to your trailer angry.

“We need a plan fast,” The director said to Jeremy.

“I’m on it,” Jeremy said.

---

The next day, you and Hailee couldn't finish a scene.

“You are so unprofessional!” You mumbled.

“What did you say? You are the one who can't act! You are saying the words wrong!” Hailee said.

“You always mess up your queues!” You yelled.

You and Hailee go back and forth yelling at each other. Jeremy takes you away and you followed him to the trailer, he is trying to comfort you. You go inside then he locked the door then a few minutes later he did the same thing with Hailee. Now, you two are locked in the trailer and she isn't happy about it.

“You two will stay there until the issue is solved! The windows are locked and so is the door! I will be back in two hours!” Jeremy said.

“Fuck” Hailee mumbled.

You and Hailee sit far from each other on the couch. For a few minutes, you two don't say anything to each other. But she starts to speak...

“We are in this mess because of you,” Hailee said.

“Don't blame this on me. It's your fault because you didn't follow your queues” You said.

You and Hailee glared at each other.

“I don't want to fight with you anymore,” Hailee said.

“Feels like you hate me,” You said.

“I don't hate you. What happened between us, feels like you hate me because of how we ended” Hailee said.

“I didn't contact you for years because I was angry at you. You left me with a broken heart” You said.

“I heard the songs you wrote about our breakup,” Hailee said.

“Yeah, I heard your songs too about our breakup catchy pop songs,” You said.

“Can we be friends?” Hailee asked.

She is hoping that you will say yes. She did miss you but doesn't want to say then you say the opposite, and she would feel embarrassed. You did miss her and you wrote songs about her but never recorded the songs. There were times you wanted to call her but you didn't because you thought she wouldn't want to speak to you.

“I guess,” You said.

“We can do baby steps, Y/n,” Hailee said.

“Okay,” You said.

After that, you and Hailee didn't talk much. Jeremy came back to see how you two are doing. You didn't stick around to talk with them, she watched you walk away.

----

Months Later... While filming Hawkeye you and Hailee started to get along. The director and cast were happy about it, plus you two didn't argue. Hailee would invite you to have lunch with her and you would say yes. It took a while for you and Hailee to open up to each other. You and Hailee are trying hard not to ruin it again.

“You know we don't have to eat silence,” Hailee said.

“I know,” You said.

“Have you been writing new music?” Hailee asked.

“Yeah, but the songs aren't finished. I'm looking for someone to feature in it, I haven't picked who it will be” You said.

“Oh okay. I have to start recording for the new album I'm doing and also record the music video” Hailee said.

“I did hear the new song. I like it” You said.

She smiled.

On set, Hailee has to throw an item at you to catch. She throws the item at you but you didn't catch it on time, you got hit in the face. She runs towards you to see if you are okay, she tries not to giggle.

“Ouch!” You said.

“I didn't mean to hit you in the face,” Hailee said.

“Try to aim better,” You said.

“Next time catch it,” Hailee said.

“Whatever, Hailee,” You said.

She checks your face to make sure you don't have a cut. Everyone thought you and Hailee would argue but that didn't happen.

----

It's April... you and Hailee finished filming Hawkeye. She invited you to hang out and she has been feeling stressed out. You know how she gets when she is stressed out.

You hang out at her house and she talks about her music. You are helping to finish writing a song, and you and Hailee start to sing and she gets new ideas to finish the song.

“We haven't done this in a long time, Y/n,” Hailee said.

“Yeah. Remember, we were in Portugal and we couldn't sleep and we started to write music” You said.

“Oh, yeah. We didn't sleep all night. When morning came we just went to get breakfast and wrote another song” Hailee said.

“Yeah, that was fun,” You said.

“We should go back to Portugal,” Hailee said.

“Maybe. We should come up with a title for the song” You said.

You and Hailee didn't come up with a title for the song, you two got distracted. But she leans and kissed you on the lips, you are speechless.

“I-I...” You said.

You are speechless that you didn't know what to ask her.

“Y/n... I-” Hailee said.

“I have to go!” You said rapidly.

You didn't let her finish her sentence.

“Y/n, wait,” Hailee said.

“I can't lose you again,” You said.

She grabbed your arm but you kept walking away. You get in your car and start to drive away then minutes later she starts to call you. You have the green light, you start to drive then you noticed a text from Hailee. You felt a massive impact your car flipped over, you got hit by a drunk driver.

Strangers start to call for help and some are recording the scene.

“ Hailee” You whispered.

She is still at home when her mom turned on the tv. The news is on and her mom noticed your car.

“Oh my God, Hailee!” She yelled.

“What?” Hailee said.

“Y/n got into a car accident. Look it's on the news!” She said.

“Oh, my God. I-I have to go” Hailee said

“I will drive you,” She said.

They get in the car and she starts to drive fast. She managed to know what hospital they took you to. At the hospital, the nurses didn't let her see you because you are in surgery. Hailee starts to cry and her mother hugged her and tries to comfort her.

✫ ✬ ✫ ✬

You have been in a coma for nine weeks, but she would come to visit every day. She came back again and she puts an extra blanket on you.

“Good news, people are liking your character on Hawkeye and the show got food reviews. I wrote new songs yesterday I just couldn't sleep. I wrote a song about you, but you will hear it when you wake up” Hailee said.

Later, she went to speak with the doctor about your condition. She goes back to the room and holds your hand then she started to cry.

“Y/n, I never stopped loving you. During those years that we didn't talk to each other, I missed you so much. I just can't lose you again. Y/n, you better not leave me” Hailee said and she cried again.

She gets up and kissed your forehead. She doesn't let go of your hand and she wiped her tears away.

She left the room to get something to eat. A nurse walked into to check your pressure and heart rate. You start to open your eyes and the nurse noticed you are waking up.

“W-where am I?” You asked.

“You are in the hospital. Do you remember what happened?” The nurse said.

You try to remember but everything is a blur.

“No. Why i can’t remember” You said.

“You have been in a coma for nine weeks. You were in a bad accident” The nurse said.

You are speechless. You tried to remember the accident but it's a blur. Later, Hailee walked in, and she is happy that you are awake.

“Hey,” You said

“Hey,” Hailee said.

She walked towards you and she starts to cry.

“Don’t cry” You said.

“I don't want to lose you, Y/n. I still love you” Hailee said.

“Come here,” You said.

You make room for her and she lies next to you. She places her head on your chest and you have your arm around her.

“I never stopped loving, Hailee. You won't lose me again” You said.

“I feel like this is my fault. If I didn't kiss and you didn't drive you away, you wouldn't be here right now” Hailee said.

“Don’t blame yourself, Hailee I mean it. The kiss caught me off, guard. I just didn't want us to be like before” You said.

“I don't want that either. But I want you back in my life” Hailee said.

“Me too,” You said.

----

After a while of being in the hospital, you went home. But Hailee would come over to bring you food and make sure you take your medication. She would drive you to your appointments and physical therapy, to learn how to walk again. You and Hailee did get back together and everyone is talking about it on the internet. You did release new music and she is featured in a song with you.

“Everyone is loving the song” Hailee said.

“That’s good to know” You said.

She smiled and she starts to kiss you.

“Come on, we are going for a walk” Hailee said.

“I hate when you taking me hiking” You said.

“But it's good for you” Hailee said.

You lean in and starts to kiss her.

“Just because you kissed me, Y/n doesn't mean we won't go hiking” Hailee said.

“Fine, I will go” You said.

She tries to keep you active so you can get your strength back in your body.

[kylieswift31]

Lucky

Beginning to think it’s time to branch out from listening to just Taylor Swift because I just listened to ‘lucky’ by Halsey for the first time and I’ve never heard anything so incredibly validating.

I've been chronically ill for over six years now with ME/CFS and I had settled into a state of plateau where my symptoms were fairly manageable. Earlier this year with a few big live events outside of my control, I entered into my biggest relapse since 2021 and became bed bound again. Listening to Taylor Swift became my lifeline and the online community that came with that has helped ease some of the isolation that comes with being too unwell to leave the house.

Here's a glimpse into why Halsey's song 'lucky' has resonated with my experience with a chronic illness.

"I am so lucky"

Variants of this comment are so often thrown around by friends and family when they hear that I stay at home all day. It's something they would love to be able to do, but show no consideration for the chronic pain and fatigue I experience while staying home that takes up most of my day.

"Everybody, get in line to meet the girl who flew too high. Who does it all just to be liked by strangers that she met online."

I had my first big relapse during the Victorian lockdowns when everyone was home at the same time. This time around it feels like everyone's moved on and I'm stuck here all alone. When I felt completely isolated from the outside world I began watching the eras tour on grainy live streams, and then joining this online community and contributing my own thoughts became integral to feeling like I was a little less alone.

"Did it all to be included, my self-loathing so deep-rooted. Inner child that's unrecruited, truth is I'm not suited for it."

I spent years trying to push through the pain to attend events in an attempt to fit in, just to end up worse off and in more pain than ever. Having to choose between what's best for my physical health and mental health is an impossible decision. Being able to leave the house once a week was the most I could manage without overdoing it.

"When I die, I won't have time to spend my money. But I hope that you still love me."

Everyone has an opinion when you get sick. And then everyone has an opinion when you don't get better. They're also going to have an opinion when you die. It's hard to believe the positive opinions when the negative ones are so loud.

"'Cause I'm so lucky, I'm a star. But I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin' "If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?""

The references to the early 2000's in this song add a layer of familiarity to the present day. I feel like I'm sitting on my bedroom floor listening to Britney Spears again and wondering what the future holds. Who will I be when I grow up? When the nostalgic memories begin to fade and the pain of the present day begins to seep back in.

"Why they come? Why they come? Why they come? Why they come?"

If you don't see how much pain I'm in, then why do I still feel it? If I'm in chronic pain and no one acknowledges it, then why does it hurt so much?

"And why she losing so much weight? I heard it's from the drugs she ate."

When pain and fatigue take over your life, just being able to eat is a feat in itself. All the "but have you tried..." comments don't take into account how little you have left to invest time, money and energy into the latest craze promising a (snake oil) cure.

"And I feel her, but I can't relate. 'Cause I'd never end up in that state."

When you get sick you go to the doctor and they make you better, right? It doesn't always work out that way, especially for women. Often just getting a diagnosis is a challenge. It's taken a lot of strength to acknowledge that I'm unlikely to recover. For the people in my life to acknowledge that too would require them recognising that the doctors don't have the answers for everything.

"A girl like that is a mother, must be tough. A problem child, I was rough."

Not being able to keep up with the typical activities other families participate in outside of school affects my ability to relate to the experiences of parenthood when I'm confronted with hearing about how much I'm missing out on. The gap between my lifestyle and theirs is too immense to feel anything other than jealousy right now.

"But what do you do with a difficult grownup?"

Ugh. Most of the time coping mechanisms are a necessity. I'm sure I don't have to remind you what the alternative is? It's incredibly invalidating when the majority of the judgemental comments I hear are a criticism of the small things I choose to do on my good days.

"When I die, I won't have time to spend my money. But I hope that you still love me."

At some point we need to take a step back and let other people make their own mistakes. On the worst days it feels like I'm one more bad day away from giving up. Having something positive to focus on (like the eras tour) gives me something to look forward to each week.

"'Cause I'm so lucky, I'm a star. But I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin' "If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?"

When you get sick and don't get better it feels like everyone's comparing your condition to the worst case scenario. Exclaiming that "at least it's not cancer!" and how you're so lucky because you're not going to die from it, while ignoring how the alternative path to death has alarmingly high rates within the community.

"I shaved my head four times because I wanted to, and then I did it one more time ‘cause i got sick."

I shaved my hair off a few years ago because I'd always wanted to try it, but I shaved it off again when I relapsed because I needed to. Last time I was bed bound I struggled to wash my hair. This time I was proactive and shaved it off so it was one less hurdle to deal with. Making choices like this proactively was empowering.

"And I thought I changed so much, nobody would notice it, and no one did."

Having to stay home and not leave the house at all has been a mammoth change for me, but to everyone else nothing has changed. When nobody sees me on my worst days, they assume my good days are the norm and not the exception.

"And I left the doctor’s office full of tears"

I stopped going to the doctors because I was crying in the car on the way home after every single appointment. After struggling to even get a diagnosis they say there's nothing else they can do to help, when they didn't do anything to help in the first place. Having a condition with no approved treatment doesn’t help. Slowly I managed on my own and made progress without the extra stress.

"Became a single mom at my premiere, and I told everybody I was fine for a whole damn year, and that’s the biggest lie of my career."

It feels like all I do is deflect questions about my life to avoid the negative comments and mask the pain. When I do try and share my experiences I'm met with pity or told to try harder. No wonder the challenges I face feel invisible.

"But I’m so lucky, I’m a star, and I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin’, if there’s nothin’ missin’ in my life, then why do these tears come at night."

What most people don't understand is that ME/CFS is ranked as having one of the lowest quality of life scores. Even the milder categories are incredibly debilitating. If I'm so lucky, why does it feel like the world has moved on without me and I'm left behind?

"I’m so lucky, I’m a star, but I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin’, if there’s nothin’ missin’ in my life, then why do these tears come at night."

Going to be listening to this song on repeat for a while. Art like this is integral to counter the negativity and make the hard days a little less invisible.

"She’s so lucky, she’s so lucky, she’s so lucky, she’s so, haven’t you heard."

Everyone has their own battles to face. You never know when you’re interacting with someone who’s trying to hold it together while hanging on by a thread.

To conclude I’ll leave you with my favourite quote from the folklore long pond studio session x

"No one pats them on the back, but every day they are actively fighting something. But there are so many days that nobody gives them credit for that. And so how often must someone who's in that sort of internal struggle must want to say to everyone in the room, you have no idea how close I am to going back to a dark place. Or you have no idea how hard it is to get to the point where you guys think is still shitty."

-Taylor Swift and Jack Antanoff

[skullsfigurepage]

Trafalgar Law - Banpresto Maximatic Figure

Note: I won this figure in a claw machine and it fueled my ego so much before I kept losing at every other claw machine I played. Stay humble.

Review and more photos under the cut :-p

If you follow my main account (@skullc0r3) you might know that Law is one of my favorite one piece characters so walking into an arcade and seeing Several boxes of this figure stacked in a claw machine felt like crazy luck even before I won. I'm so used to all the merchandise for things I'm into being rare or super expensive (persona 5 scalpers I hate you more than I can say) so getting into OP has been interesting because of the sheer volume of merchandise for it that's below $50.

Onto the figure!

For starters this is the first time I have ever seen a figure with such an obvious front and back to the sculpture. In this case it's because the back has significantly less painted details. In the last photo above you can see on his leg closest to the camera the back of his pants and the front have different shadow qualities. This isn't because my lamp was strong enough to cast such harsh shadows, its because the front of his pants (and the front of the rest of the figure) has painted on shading while the back does not. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, most people wouldn't notice or care since they were only ever going to display it from the front, but the box did hype up all the detailed painting that would be on the figure. In their defense though, I understand why this would be necessary from a production standpoint. My biggest gripe with this (still fairly small) is that on his back hand, Law doesn't have his signature (stupid) knuckle tattoos.

Here's his forward hand. The tattoos are all printed on and thank god for that because I can't imagine how miserable it would have been to force someone to hand paint them.

And then here's his back hand. I wonder if the issue was a matter of the tattoos being harder to place in this position, or at least to do it efficiently enough that it would be worth it. Again, not something that impacts the actual quality of the figure but I find it a fascinating insight into the production.

That being said the paint job on the front is super neat, it really does add so much depth to the figure (especially on the yellow and blue parts of the figure; it makes it look less like cheap plastic, lol) and I really enjoy it.

Next, the scale of this figure. I didn't realize when I won it, but this thing is huge. I can hold him like a small carp (and I have). He's huge. I'm guessing here, because I don't feel like finding a ruler right now but I'd say he's probably 10" tall? including the stand, which makes him one of the biggest figures I own. It also means the scale of the sword is perfect for just kind of, pointing at tiny stuff with. Which I have done. I have fun.

I think the figure's pose is super fun. It's dynamic and getting photos of him with a wide-lens is really fun. The actual sculpting details on the clothes and arms in particular are so fascinating to me, they're incredibly well done in my opinion. The composition is good too, the lines create a few triangles which really helps balance the figure.

(had to fudge it a bit here to show the triangle with his hands and head since one hand is hidden in this shot, oops)

The only issue I've had with the figure is it's kind of wobbly. I've fixed this by either putting his lower foot against a "wall" or putting something under it. It's not really a big deal if you don't disturb the figure too much.

From looking around online this figure is around 30$ including shipping (and that is a higher estimate), so as far as figures go this is pretty affordable and imo it's worth it (so long as you have enough display space).

Final Thoughts: I love this freak figure. It's fun, its got great details, it fueled my ego for a week, it has a pole going up the ass of the figure, what's not to love.

Thanks for reading!

[oneangstymotherfucker]

tw csa mention / k!nk mention

Something that gets to me about the anti mindset is that it doesn't seem to be able to account for the fact that we might be reading age-gap stuff from the younger person's perspective. Why do they always assume otherwise? (Of course it's okay if you do, but for this post im talking about the other side).

The truth is, sexuality cannot be completely severed from childhood experiences. From what I've read, most kinks and interests develop alongside the rest of our personality(ies). This is very normal.

It is also very normal to engage in 'pleasure seeking' as a child. Something feels nice on your body, so you keep doing it. I started when I was about six, and every therapist I've talked to has said that is normal.

The age during which you start understanding your bonds and relationships to other people is also very important, and since it affects your development and the rest of your life, going back to those ideas and looking at them can be very healing.

So it makes sense why anyone would be interested in metaphorically 'going back' to those times in their lives and exploring what they didn't have words or capacity to understand back then. Real children do not have the capacity to understand or cope with sex. They are not ready, and it would cause them harm. Maybe it did cause you harm. Fictional children are not real children. Fictional children are an extension of our own inner child, a way for us to process what we couldn't then now that we are safe and have more control of our lives. It doesn't undo the harm, but it can help you sort it out and move on from it.

So yeah, all of this is even more important if you have been hurt. I write about the ages 6-12 a lot because that's around the time I was hurt. It's not that im 'stuck there' or 'fetishizing' it (you can't 'fetishize' your own trauma) - I am doing work there. I am reclaiming it there. I am making sure the needy little 12 year old in me is safe and happy.

But as for me and myself- I was still afraid. I might always be. For a long time I couldn't even approach sexuality. When I finally did it was talking to old men online, trying to get them to believe I was much younger than I was, playing with them and seeing what they would say. That was what felt safe. The only 'part' of me that felt safe being sexual was the part that was still a kid.

I don't cope like that anymore. I found a way that I like better, that is more under my control and is way less risky to myself and the potential people i was talking to. And that is writing fiction!!!!

Through fiction I can set up places where all of me feels safe (even if it might not look safe to you or would not be safe in the real world!). I can create scenarios where I can work through my fears, provide comfort and safety, and make a good place for my kid self to figure things out (and yes, get off).

And it has been helping! We've been feeling safer and more confident since we started writing, and we've learned so much about ourselves and how to feel safe.

I studied psychology for four years. There isn't really terminology for a 'bad coping mechanism'. There is the idea of maladaptive coping mechanisms, but here's the thing- what makes a coping mechanism maladaptive is wether it causes more harm than good in the person's life on a case by case basis.

The idea that a random stranger thinks they have the authority over your life and your unique psychology to tell you that you are hurting yourself with your coping mechanisms is ridiculous. No stranger online knows - or should know - the details of your trauma or life. They have no say in what is good for you. If you are worried something might be hurting you or holding you back, that is for you and maybe a trusted professional to figure out. It is certianly not for some squicked teenager or anyone else online to dictate.

Also, sexuality and brains are really complicated. You don't need trauma (or to remember it) in order to enjoy something. You're allowed to ship any ship for any reason. Bonus points if one of the reasons is because it makes you happy, because you deserve to be happy!

All ships are just roleplays. All fics are just scenes. When I write I put up tags to let people know what's in the scene. I hold on good faith that they are reading the tags, and they that I am not tagging incorrectly. I give them my scene, and if they at any point don't like what I'm doing, they stop reading. It is really very simple!!!

Finally, if you do have sexual trauma, you don't ever have to 'sterilize' it or be 'pure' about it. It's okay to have leftover feelings and kinks and interests that might seem backwards or not make sense to other people. You don't have to conform to a bullshit 'good survivor' image of some saintly person who put all that behind them and avoids avoids avoids like a pure little virgin mary.

You can look at it if you want to. You can pull it apart with your hands, you can reclaim it and get off to it if you want to, you can share it with consenting others and let them get off to it too. That is all okay and good. That is just being human. You are okay.

[clatterbane]

I was also maybe a little low on patience after the fun I've been having the past day or so with my last phone that already had the sketchy USB port and (unsurprisingly) declining battery life. It is an S20 from 2020, and I did already get this replacement. (Thus even less urgency with doing anything about that thrashed screen protector which looks even worse in this lighting...)

It fell screen side down in the floor and hit the base of some metal shelving just wrong. So, now it's doing this shit. 🙃 Started out with a single green line like it gets when I plug it in here, and the very top of the screen very erratically responding to touch input. The screen also won't turn on unless it's put on charge, then it's grudgingly willing to wake up.

That progressed to what you're seeing here, over the past day or so. The screen was actually behaving remarkably well here, but it goes crazier the longer it's on. Usually now the notifications bar can only be pulled down at all from a homescreen that's empty at the top, and the top centimeter or so rarely responds. It's now also registering random phantom touches and swipes while I am actively trying to use it.

So yeah, I am avoiding touching the thing any more than has been necessary to try to get some of the important final shit migrated over. And I'm really hoping the poor thing will stay somewhat functional until after Mr. C gets back in another week or so.

This has primarily been a backup phone that I've been carrying around to continue running Diabox, and the Samsung watch that I mostly even got for the handy CGM display on my wrist. Still no luck getting Diabox reading the sensor right on the Pixel, trying again--and the devs couldn't figure out the issue either after I got the new phone and tried to get it working the first go around. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Same error this time.

But, whatevs. I did get xDrip+ up and running, which is at least as good other than not being able to directly carry my old Diabox data over.

No luck yet getting the watch to connect to this phone properly either, though I did find one more thing to check--and, due to the person I am, I haven't sought advice on the GrapheneOS forum yet. Where other people do seem to have managed OK. But yeah, while I'll be pissed if my smartwatch is effectively a paperweight now? I'll cope if that is the way things play out.

What really has me worried atm, though? My hard-won BankID is still set up on the S20. And you need it here for everything from online purchases, to logging into anything official like the health portal or the weirdest assortment of commercial sites. I'm not thrilled about the whole setup from a privacy perspective (a number of things in this country, tbqh), but it is what it is. It was difficult or impossible to get SO MUCH done before I finally got set up with BankID access, and I don't want to go back there. Even temporarily.

Being a filthy foreigner with a limited bank account, I also can't just transfer it to a new device online like pretty much everyone else. That would require online banking access. (Which I really don't need to get started on now. A whole rant of its own.) Nope, I need to get the Household Swede's assistance to set up a physical appointment at the bank, so they can do it. You can't just rock up, you do need to make an appointment during the roughly 3 hours a day that they're open and deigning to deal with customers. Banks here would really rather you do handle everything online.

And I can't set that up or really physically get there without some help, frustrating as it is on so many levels.

But, that's why the hope that Borked Phone holds out at least until after he gets back from that trip. I don't know if SEB will need to even see the existing app, though one would really hope not in case of lost/stolen or comprehensively busted devices. But, who knows. My main concern on a practical level is maybe getting stuck for weeks without a functioning BankID, while trying to at least minimally function as an adult. With no onsite backup for another week and a bit.

[boy-gender]

hey dude, this might be a loaded question so no need to reply if you don't want to. but how do you deal with being surrounded by transphobia, like hearing people say transphobic shit and having to see radfem blogs/accounts or posts? a year ago i started to argue and beef with any terf i came across on here because of how fed up i was with being treated like shit and being walked all over, as a trans guy. but obviously that only did damage to my mental state and was a form of self-harm where i would go on terf blogs and hate read and argue with them. i still do it now sometimes and i'm trying to stop but if i do, i feel otherwise helpless in this world seemingly filled with transphobia. i just want to be myself and exist as i am, without weird cunts calling me a fetishist or a tranny or a mentally ill lesbian for being t4t. radfems and their allies make me so angry and i feel like if i don't at least show them that i hate them, they will start to abuse me again.

idk i have a lot more to say on this situation but yeah. do you have any advice or any experience on this?

I have very much been in your position, and sometimes I still fall into old habits of seeking out arguments online. It never makes me feel better, but I get so angry I feel like I'll explode if I don't put it somewhere. I actually found a few things that helped me reframe it though:

First, if I get into an argument here, on this blog, I am platforming the hate. I have to reblog it to argue with it, which means I am passing it on. This blog has hundreds and hundreds of followers, most of whom I assume are trans. Do I want to be a part of exposing them to the vitriol I see? It's bad enough I had to see it, I don't want to inflict it on other people. There are going to be trans people here who aren't as strong as me, who are in a bad place, who are in active crisis, and their safety is more important than an argument. Them seeing that one last bit of crap, that one horrible sentence that really sticks with them, could be the thing they torture themselves with past the breaking point. I don't want to give that to people.

This is why I don't reblog terfs to argue with them, I don't ever post the hatemail I get, and I don't show off hate I find in the wild. If I find something like a law that is hateful that can be fought against and has actionable options, or if someone is confused but I feel they're asking something in good faith and can be corrected, those I will reblog and speak about. I'll even talk about my own personal horrible experiences, because those are my stories and I can control how impactful I write them and how much of the nastiness of them I pass on. But those are very different scenarios.

I've started, when I see hate, to focus on my followers instead, and ask myself: do they need to see this? can anything be accomplished by having more eyes on this? can anything i say change the situation? could the harm done by passing this on outweigh any benefit? And once I've assessed those risks, I often find it isn't worth the argument. The best way to handle terfs is to block them, don't platform them, report them if you see something that violates community guidelines, and mark them as red on shinigami eyes to give others a heads up. You can even make a post like "hey username123 is a terf, you should block them" without passing on the shit they say.

But those are all public facing problems. I have a private tiktok, I have sideblogs with no followers/I remove the followers, and there are anonymous options like reddit and other worse cesspools. No risk of passing that shit on, so what holds me back from going there and having a field day?

One simple tenet. My being trans, being vocally and visibly and obnoxiously trans, annoys them far more than anything I can ever say. Terfs are, at the heart, a reactionary group. They don't exist without something to react to. Like a fire slowly being cut off from oxygen, they will wither and kill each other in infighting if left in isolation. Atleast the regular online scum will. This doesn't apply to ones that have the actual power to lobby for real world harm like joanne and the other big ones- but the odds of you talking to them online are slim. Let the terfs implode on each other and continue to exist. Your existence in a world that wants you dead is a radical act of defiance, and your existence despite what terfs say to you makes them froth at the mouth. No fact you could educate them with, no insult you could give them, will ever make them as upset as you simply living your trans life, thriving.

Piss them off with queer joy, is what I'm saying. It's far more effective. Not only do I not post hate I get, I never vagueblog or acknowledge it either. People sit there refreshing my blog constantly waiting to see the attention I'll give them with a snappy reply, and it never comes, and then they refresh more. I can literally see them doing this with an IP tracker and it's hilarious to me. What I do instead is for every piece of hate about trans people, I make two positivity posts about trans people. I FLOOD the tags with positivity and support. I drown out the hate that no one knows I got- because surely someone else has gotten it too. To me it's reassuring to go to a tag and see the love outweigh the hate- which it does. For every terf you find dozens of trans people in love with who they are. I would rather be a part of that. I'd rather pass that on.

It's also really rewarding. I can see in the tags of my reblogs- some posts have thousands- of people saying they didn't know they had options for their lives, thanking me, thanking other people who contributed to the thread, being so reassured and excited to learn there's hope. I suggest not just reblogging positivity, but also creating your own. Put your defiance into the world and let it give other people strength, and then when they come back and comment on it, take strength from them.

As for the world at large? Maybe I'm a bit more nihilistic, but I look at it two ways. First, trans people can never be totally eradicated via genocide. We are a group that occurs naturally and we will always grow back. If every trans person in the world were killed right now, and all knowledge of us erased, within a decade there would be more people who realized they were trans. They might lack community, they might lack the vocabulary to describe themselves, but they will exist again. Our culture might die- our people will survive. It will be horrific and tragic and a blight on the world that what was here was lost, but trans people and nonbinary people and gnc people and queer people will always grow back again, make a new community, carve out a new place in history. We always have, we always will. An interrupted history is still a history.

Second, the majority of people do not want us dead. The system may want us dead, and a very vocal minority with a lot of money and resources want us dead. But polls show over half of gen z identifies as some type of queer. Polls show most people disapprove of us being political hockey pucks. The violent reaction to us that you see is the death rattle of the conservatives, and they know this, which is why they're using the last of their power to do one last act of catastrophic harm. They only have the power to attack the most disenfranchised among us- queer people, PoC, the mentally ill or disabled, the extremely poor- and they will use it. Historically bigots get loudest right before their entire platform collapses in the mainstream. If we make it through the next decade, through the isolation and poverty and violence, we've made it. That's a big if for some of us. For many of us, we won't make it as individuals. I'm not gonna sugarcoat that. But our people will live on, and new trans people will come after we are gone

Now I'm speaking directly to you, anon. For now, my biggest motivator I can give you is to be here to see victory. Endure. Stay with us. I'm staying whether I like it or not. Stay to see all the queer people who will come next and all the beauty they'll bring and the things we will make. Come sit on my picnic blanket and watch the sunset with me. We might not be okay, but we can be not okay together, and we can start getting better together after that.

[officialtayley]

I agree with previous anon - finding you when I was new to the fandom last year felt so good! This is all a bit stupid probably and too deep lol but, I'm neurodivergent (ADHD, but probably autism too) and whenever an ND level special interest takes hold, it's usually when I'm in already in a depression or period of burn out. It's like my brain is vulnerable for something to cling to. Or like a demon notices an easy target to possess hah. When I saw Paramore last year, it was like my brain was genuinely addicted to them, specifically H, and I felt like I was only calm and regulated when zoning out consuming anything to do with them, but simultaneously I ever actually felt like I would "catch up" and felt embarrassed by how much time I was wasting online looking for stuff.

But then I found Kels' blog and devoured the archive, and then found you, and ever since then I felt the frenzied fan in my head settle down, I think because I only have to check one place for info now, but also because you've always been so nice to me when I message even if it's been about old things from After Laughter tours, or just a random submission or thought that I want to share with anyone. Sometimes I can share with an IRL friend who is a fan, but most of the time I know it needs to be just go to fandom fans, and I never wanted to be a twitter fan and didn't know what to do with all my thoughts before finding your Tumblr. Like you are so patient most of the time, you're not like some gatekeeper, and you're also not blind to the band's/H's faults, and I love that because twitter is just full of people wanting to be Hayley's next screenshot only.

The special interest addiction levels of fandom would have died down for me eventually, it always does, but the place you hold for us here was such a help and helps me maintain it in a healthy way, e.g. I don't have a compulsion to check loads of fan accounts on ig or twitter, because anything important will be here. It's so embarrassing admitting how much special interests can consume me especially as it stops being properly enjoyable after a few days and feels like I'm possessed, but yeah thank you idk I just really like this community forum space we have here and seeing you be so welcoming to a new person is making me think about how nice it is that you're pretty much a daily part of my day lol. This is so long why am I being so emotional over Tumblr hahahahah

this is also the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. this whole thing really warmed my heart and i did in fact cry again... i'm not even a crier but i guess i am just emotional today.

i'm glad i can be a daily part of your day, and it means so much to me that you feel this way about my blog and also me. you've always be lovely to me and naturally the more people come back the more i warm up them. i also do just try to be nice in general to everyone here as long as they aren't being weird or rude to me.

the few messages today just make me really appreciate the community we've built here tbh. it's like i say a lot, i am very disliked, it's been that way since 2018 in particular, and i know why even though everyone's reasons are very different, but i don't enjoy it. sometimes it does make me wonder if i am a horrible person, which is silly but it happens. i've had a few ppl i'm friends with tell me about fans they're friends with or fans they talk to tell them about how they don't like me and stuff, but thankfully those friends never were swayed because they know me on a personal level. but anyway, it just makes me glad i have this little community.

i also wish i kept my old posts cause you would've liked many of those, from before tayley was ever confirmed. but i also used to be more annoying back then so it's for the best they're gone. but yeah, i'm glad this blog means this much to you, this was really lovely to read and i'm just very thankful. so so so so thankful 💕💕💕 i also always enjoy whenever you send anything, it's always nice seeing you here so often :)

[rottmntliberation]

How's life?

Greetings, Tumblr! It has been quite a while since any of us have logged onto this account. Life is going pretty well for me. I'm living with my Tia, I'm going to therapy, and Tyler and I are coming up on our one year anniversary in a few months, actually (isn't that wild?). It honestly feels like it was only yesterday when I started this blog. I was angry, in denial, confused, and I thought I would find community and solace with others who had the same detrimental mindset as I did, but that couldn't be more true. It's not only thanks to Dion setting me straight or Tyler holding my hand, it's also thanks to all of you who helped me be who I am today. I honestly wouldn't have believed you a year ago if you told me I'd moved out of the house, cut contact with my parents and was dating my male best friend. It's nearly impossible to fathom even now. As for Mikey and Dion? We still talk from time to time, and we'll occasionally game together. We're not as tight as we used to be, and honestly, it does bother me, but I also realize that we don't have the time to be living our lives online. Dion has college, Mikey is in her budding years of high school, and as the Rise fandom slowly dwindles, we're just not the same people we were back then. That doesn't mean what we had wasn't special; it'll always be special, even more so now that it's a memory I can cherish. I will admit that I miss them every day. I check Discord constantly to see if either of them have reached out aaaand I better stop typing before I make this a vent post! I guess I just wanted to say thank you, for everything. Really! ~ With much appreciation, Asher

[cidthesquid]

The origin of this account! Answering Questions+ Quick Update 03/26/24

Quick Update 03/26/24 + The origin of this account!

Hello all, It's been a while since my last post, so I figured I'd post a short update regarding new content.

In short I'll continue to update this blog when something of note happens in Style Savvy Trend setters, but it's still been pretty quiet/slow, and with FF7:Rebirth out soon, my progress will be slow. ---

Also, I'd like to take some time to respond to a few questions that were sent in. For some reason, I can't see my question inbox, so I'll just be making a short reply based on what showed up in the email preview.

Since, I'm not sure if this person is comfortable with me sharing their name, So we'll just call them 'sender', and I'll 'find and replace' it later if they're okay with me sharing it.

Anyways, 'sender' mentioned that they have a two-week wait before they can post comments. I did not know tumbler had a wait system like that. I'm still fairly new here.

From what I've seen 'like' and 'reblogs' are the most common forms of interactions, so comments are pretty rare, (Fairly different from other social media.)

I've actually been a bit hesitant to comment on others posts because of this. (don't want to rock the boat) But anyone is free to comment here, and I'm open to constructive criticism as well. So if you have an idea of how an outfit could look better (in the style I'm going for) feel free to let me know!

---

'Sender' Also mentioned various setups I could use to make playing ' MODEL Debut 3' easier. Holding up my phone to my pc screen was very uncomfortable, so their suggestion of using a phone tripod setup would have helped a lot, if I go back to the game, I'll give it a shot!

---

'Senders' Third message mentioned how they'd been enjoying reading through the content I'd been posting, including both the game commentary, and the sections that tied it into some of my related personal stories.

And that really meant a lot to me, I honestly considered just switching to 'Outfit of the day' style posts, as in a comment-lite platform like this, it was hard to see what from the content people enjoyed most.

This is why I started front-loading a lot of the outfit pics, After posting them, I'd add a line or two about what happened that day (in-game) as a quick summary, then I'd say "hmm, maybe I should explain a little more about thought process behind the outfit", followed by "ok, but wow, X was done way better (or worse) here compared to Fashion Forward", and next thing I knew hour and hour had passed, XD

As for the little personal stories and connections to my experiences with fashion, and why these games mean so much to me, that has its own story behind it, (buckle up!)

---- /!\ Caution: End of blog updates, Mostly unedited Ramblings beyond this point /!\

The short version is, a few years back I was looking for a way to try to practice being more social, and open about stuff. Normally people would just post online to do that, but I'd been using the same online name since high school, so most the people I knew IRL new it, and it was used on all my social media/online games.

And as it was prime covid time, everyone I knew irl was at home on social media, so any post on my normal social media would likely actively promoted to the people, who I did not really want to see it.

So I figured a 'fresh slate' would be the best way to practice being more social, without having to worry about what people thought about me!

It sounds kinda crazy now, but I ended up making a new discord twitter, reddit and steam account, tumbler was honestly just an afterthought, as I hardly ever used my main tumblr.

So I played some online game, joined some discord groups, and followed and messaged people on twitter…

…and after the first year, I was borderline right back where I was before. Still second guessing everything I post, leaving tons of replies in the drafts, and while I had 'mutuals', there were just other people I followed so I could get more of the content I already enjoyed, there was no real connection outside of a quick reply here or there.

I spent so much time thinking "oh I'm just not comfortable with these IRL people", that simply having a new 'pool' of people to interact with would fix all my social issues, and while I did feel a little more comfortable talking about a wider range of topics with these new people, I'd still feel held back in many of the same was as before.

Every action had to be fueled by multiple layers of second guessing.

"I like this art, I should tell them…well they probably already hear that all the time, it won't matter" "I Also like the thing they're talking about, but they're WAY more interested, so I can't really add much to the conversation" "I really like that outfit/artwork, but it is a tiny bit suggestive, so would that sound creepy coming from a guy?"

…and much more. Addintally, when I often have trouble wording things in a natural sounding way, I'd have to worry about not just 'what' I said but "how I said it" And with multiple questions behind each action, just like with my main account, I just stopped interacting.

And it really took a lot of positive exposure to situations for me to be able to see, sometimes the intent matters almost as much (or sometimes more) than wording.

I've already gone into details on the process here, and in my reddit post prior to posting on tumblr.

But in short, playing in the fantastic Final Fantasy XIV community, gave me a lot of great places to experience this.

You could get carried through a dungeon by a tank that only speaks in the 3rd person, or get great healing from a cat girl, who's every single message contains at least one cat-related pun.

How they presented that help, did not matter, it's the fact that they were willing to help. And you could also look however you wanted, Even if that meant you were protected by a 2.5' very angry munchkin of a tank, people would just roll with it.

Style Savvy was just as helpful, I may never understand modern fashion or trends, But if someone comes into my shop asking to look a specific way, I get to help them achieve their ideal image!

I got to explore a small section of the fashion world, without having to worry about "well, technically that's out of season" or "ooh, that was IN last year, but now it's OUT", or "Why am I dressing this person that way, what would they really want?"

I just got to have fun living in my own little fashion cubbyhole, a comfortable little cutout with only the parts I enjoy.

And Fashion Forward had such a big impact on me, I just really had to share it, so I made the above reddit post, I kept playing and kept enjoying the game, and started sharing my thoughts here as well, as it's much better for images than Reddit.

And just like with playing the games, over time I started sharing more of my thoughts, and eventually explaining "why" I felt specific ways about some parts, it felt fairly uncomfortable at first, but I remember just telling myself, "It's still topical, and if they've gotten this far, they kinda know what there getting into",

My main concern was not making anyone uncomfortable, or upset

but still trying to be open, and I think I've managed to strike a fair balance. As in general, I want this blog to be more about my adventure with fashion, rather than simply sharing screenshots, or just me venting. And even if a majority of people are here for the screenshots, it still means a lot that others are interested in my content!

---

Anyways you all for reading, hopefully this little look inside the creation of the channel was insightful! (I have to head start work, but I'll do a quick edit pass later) I still have a long ways to go when it comes to 'social improvements' , but I feel I've made a ton of progress in the last year or so. These games have helped far more than my 'dramatic social media change', and now I'm getting some external support to manage as well!

And while I won't yet be providing exact details of my situation, Questions and comments are always open!

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Wednesday, February 21st, 2024!

4:13am: Ok I love when I read something online and it actually helps sometimes it just takes a day to find ofc someone, or a whole group/ thread of ppl to relate to. I love the Internet, it helps when you're alone 80% of the time.

Ok so a thread about shame/guilt. But it's a good one bc a lot of the time ppl will post about guilt but then everyone in the comments just yay/nays what they did. This guy never says what he did so it's definitely more applicable to other scenarios and not just a peanut gallery.

Basically, kind of like CBT for intrusive thoughts. Pretending like you're telling someone this story, how would they react? Pretending like ok your worst fear about this case comes true, then what? (Either breaking into my apartment, stealing my cats (idc about other possessions personally but to each their own) or being taken to small claims court I suppose. All of these things, even the worst being the cats being taken away somehow, I know I'll live and life will continue on. Things happen for a reason I 100% believe that nothing happens for no reason. There's a reason this chain of events occurred. Something is telling me God was maybe the one looking for any reason to cut him out of my life. Just have faith in something and you'll always have that something to live for (at a minimum, besides all of the other wonderful things there are to live for).

It happened, I apologized, I offered to help, I made my amends. Could things have gone better? Yes I'll take accountability for that. But also, did he have to threaten my brother twice last week? Absolutely not, and he does not realize how that impacted my decision to be much less cordial, less accommodating, because that would infringe upon my boundaries. I don't want my family to feel uncomfortable, this is a boundary for me now and yk it just doesn't only apply to relationships but also friendships. You were making my brother uncomfortable, there is now a crossed boundary and no shit I'm going to alter my behavior because you act erratically and think your behavior doesn't affect anyone outside of yourself. You are wrong.

The other thing the post says is identifying why you did what you did and how to not do it again. I did what I did because I was scared of you. I'm scared you would make a move on me if we went into that closet together. I'm scared of what would happen if I reject you. I'm scared that you were going to provoke a fight with my brother. I'm scared you're going to take my cats AND this is not irrational because you have given me reason to think you would because they are "in your name". You can't just say that shit to people and expect them not to fucking react to it, you are a shitty person for so many reasons and so many things you've said to me like WITHIN the last month bro, not even like I was holding onto shit you said a long time ago. No this was all recent bullshit you said to me and just thought you could get away with.

Ok so how to avoid this in the future? Don't associate with narcissist assholes who disrespect every person who has ever tried to be nice to them. Don't be friends with assholes. This is literally how I will avoid this moving forward. Don't move in with an asshole who is full of red flags. Ok I feel confident now that this will not happen again. Please feel free to refer back to this post. That's the remedy to this situation, don't get involved with a shitty person, once they show you they are shitty, time is up. Just don't get so entangled with a little bitch coward who is willing to value possessions over people time and time again. You know you're better than him, and there's other better people to be friends with. I actually feel like I can move on after writing this all out. I've learned my lesson time and time again with this one person. Repeated behavior doesn't change. Now if I had been known to destroy people's personal belongings, do you think he would've kept that shit here so long? No because I've never fucking done that before, intentionality or accidentally. So to act like this was some grand scheme of mine, he's just looking for a reason to hate me and dump his negativity onto me. I understand nobody likes getting their shit fucked up, and I apologized, he's too immature for me. I can't control what he does or how he feels, if this is how he chooses to react, my reaction to that is really all that matters! I just gotta do what's best for me.

"Life is 10% what actually happens and 90% how you react to it"

2:10pm: vibing in class, finally caught up with everything after being sick!! :') also sitting here thinking, I think my brother saved my life this weekend ❤️ truly, like how my neighbors saved my life. I love them all. I already feel so much less stress.

5:49pm: (text to speech while driving) I called his grandma and talked to her for an hour :) she told me when she saw that all of the things were wet that she just had to laugh and that she was not mad at me and this is why I love this woman she told him that he still could not be mad at me because of all of the f***** up s*** he did to me and she's right that's how I felt about it too I was like I could have thrown these things in the garbage and she & everybody is surprised that I didn't throw his s*** in the garbage like I what why would I keep the things and just let them get wet makes no sense and everybody knows it doesn't make any f****** sense except for his pea brain girlfriend. I feel better. This is so crazy and she even said that he did not mention anything about it to his grandma because he probably didn't even feel that angry about it and he knows it was an accident but that the grandma heard it from the girlfriend because she wants to run around and tell everyone that I left his stuff in the rain and then he just nods along to that, that's hilarious I feel like it would have been a non-issue except that his girlfriend is just running with it I knew it he doesn't hate me bro I f****** knew it he'll be back I'm going to give him his space because I mean I understand it's still not a nice thing to have happened to you and that's his ego talking, right, that ego that he has to protect by Acting mad or whatever but then once it blows over and nobody is bringing it up AKA she is not bringing it up I'm sure he'll find some reason to freaking text me again about something and then it's just all going to start up again. it's cool it is cool I don't know how long it's going to take but it will happen

Honest to God I'm just glad that Grandma thought it was funny and she's not mad and everybody still hates the gf and everybody thinks she's a snake and that she's fake and that something is morally wrong with her she's such a b**** and nobody likes her his grandma also said that she's working on giving him some type of timeline or ultimatum to move out because why would he still be living there as an adult like it just nobody wants him there AND she said it again she wants them to move in together so that they'll break up like and I keep telling her, you still don't like her?? like it's been literally 5 months they've been together for 5 months and I'm like, the fact that nobody likes each other still, nobody is trying to get to know each other, nobody has tried to make amends and everybody still is petty AF towards each other like that's not what I want to happen but that's what's happening and it has nothing to really do with me now it just has to do with the fact that she's fake as f*** and everybody can tell and he has too big of an ego to admit that he's just f***** up big time and then he just keeps f****** up it's insane the only thing that matters is my opinion about it, God's opinion about it, and his grandma's opinion about it bc she is a saint and she is amazing and I love her and I could talk to her for the whole entire night except I had to go to a meeting and now I'm here. What a relief such a relief I could talk to this woman every single day of the rest of our lives I love her and I mean even his grandpa even asked me like last week, called me randomly and was like when are you coming to town he's so cute I love them both, how can you not? oh wait unless you're a raging b**** 😂 he even mentioned to his grandma how nice it was that I sent him his birth certificate etc in the mail, like he KNOWS this was an accident, he's just being a little bitch for the time being 😂

6:06pm: Long story short, nobody is mad!! Normal people don't get mad about accidents plus everyone else would have thrown it away!! Grandma thought it was funny and still loves me, and he is just protecting his stupid ego 😂 I'm so glad I called her ❤️

P.S. Grandma did not GAF about poor grandpa dying 💀 she said I don't know that man 👀😂 aaaaaaaa I love her sm that's wild. She said the gf is so fake, just puts on this act like she's so innocent and everyone thinks she's just a weird POS. Plus she agreed it's fucked up and if she really cared about her grandpa she wouldn't have left!! I was like wtf?? Jeez so mf fake as helllllll and she's not fooling anyone yuck ick ick. And she STILL looks like a boy 💀 fucking dumbasses 😂

[celesthar]

January 29, 2023

To: Philippine National Police

From: Ms. Celesthar Villanueva Nosotros

121 E Oyo Torong Street Poblacion,

Kalibo, Aklan, 5600

Bachelor of Science in Industrial Technology major in Architectural Drafting College Graduate

SMART cellphone number: 09298300418

E-mail: celesthar@yahoo.com.ph

and/or

celesthar@gmail.com

My latest photo:

Re: 1. Unproffesionalism of the Police Officers in Aklan;

Re: 2. Blotter to all the people whose names are JOHN VINCENT AQUINO IV; KINJO AND IRAH MELGAREJO NOSOTROS; ALEXANDER VIRAY NOSOTROS AND GRACE REONTOY VILLANUEVA.;

Re: 3. PHYSICAL INJURY and RAPE by the following persons to me:

ALEXANDER VIRAY NOSOTROS, GRACE REONTOY VILLANUEVA, KINJO AND IRAH MELGAREJO NOSOTROS, AND JOHN VINCENT "JAYVEE" AQUINO (according to Mr. Jaime Macapar Valeriano III, my former High School classmate, that John Vincent Aquino is the IV);

Re: 4. Requesting for protection in your office for me and my territory, where I live. A security guard that is looking for a job will do. Or a police officer of yours here in Aklan that is tamad can be.

Re: 5. Kalibo Municipal Police Station

MY BLOTTER ENTRY:

This is also posted in my Facebook account and diaries online.

JOHN VINCENT AQUINO (JAYVEE), YOUR SHAMEFUL NEIGHBOR IN OYO TORONG ST., POBLACION KALIBO, AKLAN.

VENADOR MALACAS IN HEAVEN WILL KILL YOU!!!. JAYVEE!!!.

After I always save Jayvee's sake from her stupid evil insecure wife. He became evil to me by helping my war freak parents named ALEXANDER VILLANUEVA NOSOTROS (my father), GRACE REONTOY VILLANUEVA (my mother), and KINJO NOSOTROS (my 1st brother) together with his wife IRAH CRISTA MELGAREJO.

Did someone pay Jayvee?.

Already past 12pm and I haven't eaten lunch. My father arrived maybe at 1pm. He asked me if how much is his payment for the goods (beverages) for the sampid in the house who are KINJO and IRAH that I let pautang and as he said that he is the one who will pay me. How dare my father boast that he can pay his debts whatever the price may and that he is quarreling to me of his payment. He his so tanga to let the sampid live under my roof. He decided not to pay me. I scolded all my hates to him, and my mother's sins and his sins to me. After the useless blabberring of his mouth, he decided to pay me.

They argued with me like they see me as a kid. They look crazy and belong to the mental hospital. So does Kinjo and Irah. Ew!. My mother tell lies entering me and my father's conversation. I so hated her and she just lingo-lingo her head when she tell lies. Their faults to me should have turned to an end to their death. But they defended theirselves. I was about wanting to kill my mother 'who was here'. Because she always makes me the bad person here. She said she's not afraid to die. Time came to fight for my right because I grew up with armed soldiers neighbors when I was a baby. My parents leaves me whenever the prosthetics users of Kalibo Municipal Police Station go here. So I give my mother a taste of a axe I'm holding to slice her. But they grabbed me and tie my feet and hands. I got bruises and wounds. (See photo) I got hurt when Kinjo called Jayvee to help them tie me. Jayvee pulled me out the door of my house, he opened my dress and made my legs show off. (He don't know that I am not a shy type of person. I consider what they did to me is rape.) I asked Jayvee for help. But he did not help me. I just said to Jayvee:

"Venador in heaven will kill you."

Then Jayvee dragged me and he dropped me on the ground and my back was hurt. Jayvee helped them to tie me. They asked Jayvee to call the police. I was should be laughing at them if I was not physically hurt when they call for the police. They are so insane.

I was talking to my father, blaming everything that was not my faults. Again and again. And wanting him to remember me who I am because Marvin Frog and all frogs, and the Kalibo Municipal Police Station poisoned his mind too. He always says wrong answers. I played to his head to know who he is. What they are doing to me is evil. He still stand for Kinjo who came from the jail because of illegal drugs, as said by Monica Frog but my father who was here was not listening to me. He continue tying my arms. I told them to kneel to me so I can forgive them. I started joking him and deal to me or him, to or if both of us will kneel. But he was so insane. I can't believe that he is my father. I started kneeling to him but he was listening somewhere, and just looking somewhere. I showed him my boobs that was revealed because of them dragging me. And he really likes looking at my boobs.

As Jayvee was assigned calling the police, I started thinking of requesting them to bring with the police, the media of any tv network, Aklan Cable TV can do. But they were not reacting. I know the Jayvee is not fake, not a prosthetics. And for the win, I say, they became calm. They don't know that I am an artist and wants to have a presscon.

I was sitting on a chair in the kitchen while my arms are still tied. I was happy when the police came. Three police officers who did not even introduce theirselves and show their IDs to me. And that was not to be happy. So shameful policemen that I am the one who introduced myself to them. When I told the police to come in. My stupid father who was holding me, let go of me and leave me to the policeman who talked to me. Later my father, mother and Kinjo, they just go outside for their great shame talking to the neighbors. They leave me and one police officer with me?.

(Questionable right?!.)

I asked the policeman who was talking to me if he is a barangay tanod. Because he holds a stick that I know is used by a barangay tanod although he is wearing a police uniform. Still, I don't believe him. But as I said, I am honest even if they are fake or wearing prosthetics. And I started telling him what they did to me. I hated the police of being deaf, he do not want to listen to me. I requested to him the media, he thought of picture taking because I said camera so I tell him what I mean is be on television live broadcasting. I don't like the attitude of the policeman who talked to me. He was really deaf to me. He does not care justice for me. I believe he was assigned at Kalibo Municipal Police Station. I already saw him there before. Sitting on the chair for blotter. I hated him for not doing his job right. He wanted to separate our conversation, and their conversation of my parents. But he does not want to invite me. And that I think is not right. He goes outside to them and leave me here. He does not even have a nametag.

Why did the policeman go outside?.

Did he heard Marvin Frog in his bluetooth microphone headset for some cash to betray me?.

I told the policeman who talked to me to rip my parents if they are fake, wearing prosthetics. Because my father went to an operation, surgery before cause of glaucoma in the eyes. I pointed to him that my father's eyes who was with us is not dark but gray.

He leaved me without giving me justice and said that, if I will be violent again I will go to the police?. "THE POLICE?" Funny. I have said to the policeman that his dreams to this crime will not happen. I am always the winner because they are useless.

The two policeman who was with him were just chatting to each other. And the one is also just looking and listening. And hence that they are three policeman here who I believe that were fake, they can be Marvin Frog, Monica Frog, and Maria Frog, the insane elves of the Kalibo Municipal Police Station. Always three people.

I find comfort to 'te Beth when she dropped by to buy rice, she's my neighbor and tell her the crimes done to me today. He even asked me about Wilson Condez, the man I want to promise forever. I said to her that after what happened to us, he replaced me to a bulok na klaseng babae. But he is still the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. So I'm not gonna marry any one.

They just dedma me here, blabbering. I was happy that Irah answered me when she came back. I asked her if what are they doing here. She said that they will get things, their things should she have said. And I said that I'm glad that they thought of it. And I saw them going out of the house with their so-called things. I am still waiting for my parents to go too. Why are they still here?. I will respect my little brother, Aguilao, his decision.

Philippine National Police, I am expecting a reply from you. Call, text, or e-mail is fine too, I will wait weekly till monthly. You give me justice. ASAP. Aklan Province is injustice that people like me here don't even need a lawyer and useless hudas police officers of the Kalibo Municipal Police Station here do not pay there sins to the world.

Thank you.

-Ms. Celesthar Villanueva Nosotros

References about me:

1. Office of the Brgy Hall of Poblacion, Kalibo, Aklan, call and look for Marivic Nolada; and

2. Other Police Stations except the Kalibo Municipal Police Station.

3. Read my Journals, Diaries and Timeline at:

a. celesthar.deviantart.com

b. twitter.com/celesthar

c. tumblr.com/celesthar

d. facebook.com/celestharvillanuevanosotros

The photos attached:

1. Is John Vincent "Jayvee" Aquino IV with his baby and the boarding house of his wife's sister where they live like sampid.

2. My photos of wounds and bruises from what they did to me.

Continuation:

[metbul]

Covid-19 (02.12-09.12)

Last week was pretty stressful both at school and at home. Besides starting preparing for final exam next year, I'm also doing Edx and German online course. The first week of school was total full of squeezing my brain out, including weekend. The second week was also the same, plus there are two Indo boys just arrived not long ago...I think a month ago. We have same school block. At first I was being nice and trying to be helpful as they live in outskirt Rostock, the train departs only every two hours and I understand how that feels. I don't even understand why our company chose that housing for them.

Not only they have not German number yet, but also no German bank account. Well, they think I might can help them out and start asking some questions related to apartments, school, adjustment, etc.

One of them speaks like a broken stereo. One day he greeted me from the door of my class with high pitch voice in Indonesian. I was shocked und uncomfortable, moreover there are other students in the class. That was the beginning of me showing withdrawn behavior, though I try to be nice and polite. The other boy is still very young, 20ish and complaints pretty much which I understand totally. Later on ke kept chatting me on Whatsapp asking this and that non stop, asking to come by cause he still has many questions. At that time my mind was already full with tests and online course deadlines.

Well...in the end I couldn't hold it anymore and asked Novita to take a night walk. On the following day I started feeling unwell, so I took medicine after having breakfast and felt super sleepy during classes. Soaking myself in the bathtub didn't even help me much, I got out before the dizziness became stronger. In the evening my condition was worse. Headache, fever, sore throat, cough, shivering. I fell asleep at 6 PM and woke up at 4 AM on Friday. At that moment I was wondering if I could make it to the doctor and thank God I did it.

I didn't think much if it was Covid, my doctor recommended to do Antigen test at home and I wasn't even convinced to do that. On Saturday I decided to do Antigen test after Han Han suggested me to do so. Turn out yeaaaaa. I was pretty pissed. All of these 2,5 years I've been trying to be cautious because of my job and now out of the blue during school week I caught Covid-19. Yoooo.

The next few days were pretty awful and exhausting. There were no nights I didn't drink much and going back and forth to toilet and coughing. On Monday I contacted my Hausartz and the nurse sounded confused of what to do. Said she'd call me back in an hour and no call back. I called them back and no answer. 30 minutes later when I decided to go to other clinic which is 30 minutes away and more far, she finally called me and still sounded confused, and suddenly hanged up. I called back again and no answer. Sigh.

When I almost reached the second clinic, the nurse called me again and informed that I could come over and do PCR test. I couldn't complain more and said great. There was no point being mad at her because it's Covid and it's for other people safety, though I was disappointed at first because my two friends shared their experiences and their docs were being helpful. Don't tell me to go see their docs because that's not how German healthcare system works.

Finally the doctor did PCR test on me and I extended my sick certificate. I informed my classmates and they were being nice, my bosses are also being nice and understanding, my colleagues are being helpful, too.

I cannot forget how awful it was exactly a week ago. To be honest I was hesitant to tell my parents but nonetheless they are my family so they must know. I'm glad I was able to go through this shit alone and not losing the smell and taste. Today my Antigen test states negative. Yay!!

[thewistlingbadger]

Hi.

My initial post was written after my rewatch of season 1 and I was expressing my frustrations not only with Vi but the majority of Vi defense I see online. A vast majority of people say that Vi was a child that did not abandon Jinx. I agree with this statement. VI did not outright, intentionally, abandon her sister. Had she had the choice, she would have gone back for jinx.

I personally am of the full belief that Vi is a teenager in act one. She looks and acts like one, which is why I gave an age range that included only ages that teenagers are. We do not have a canon age for vi in act one, so it's impossible to lie about her age range (unless someone said something completely off the walls like 31, which would be more blatantly incorrect than a lie). So personally I would disagree to the notion that vi is 14 during act one, but that really doesn't matter because it could be true.

Where the frustration lies in me though, is that people will use their defense for act one vi as a catch all for the rest of the show. That frustrates me. Vi isn't this bad person she's a good person at her core, which is why I am aggravated by the fact that she doesn't take accountability or partake in perspective taking later in the show AND her greatest fans also don't seem to hold her accountable for her later actions.

Vi sees Jinx on the bridge and leaves her. Vi tells the council that it's jinx that did the attack (this is the one I'm most angry about because she knew what would happen to jinx. She knew they didn't know it was her. Caitlyn herself was willing to not tell them it was jinx). Vi picks Caitlyn over Jinx at the dinner scene. Vi has no sympathy for Jinx when she kills Silco.

Am I thinking about this too hard? Probably. I'm just a random internet person who thinks about the shows they love too much. All of these actions have defenses, but the diehard vi stans never use them. Vi leaves Jinx to help Cait. Vi tells the council about Jinx because thinks it's going to get Silco in Stillwater. Vi picks Caitlyn over Jinx because Caitlyn makes her feel like a good person, and the last person that did that was Vander. Vi has no sympathy for Jinx post Silco death because she doesn't understand their relationship.

What I want is for fans of ANY work to think critically and to analyze these works with precisions. I like having these discussions and passionate debates because they're fun and deeppen/expand our understanding. So yeah. Vi being a kid when she left jinx, to me, ain't got shit to do for all the other things she does as an adult. It doesn't justify anything, it's just something we have to consider when analyzing her character.

"Vi was a child." Vi was 15 at the youngest 18 at the oldest i don't see how what she did/didn't do as a teenager justifies her actions/inactions as an adult.

[nightyl]

Haikyuu boys after breakup

a/n: i am not trying to villainize any of these characters. these boys are the best ever and i just feel angsty right now.

characters: Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu, Suna Rintarou

genre: angst

warning/s: drinking

Sakusa Kiyoomi

He'll have the usual scowl on his face. He's more irritated and annoyed. He becomes more intimidating and harder to approach. Sure, he hates crowds, but something in him wants to always look for you. He can order his food online, but why is he at the restaurant you love so much? He convinces himself that he's fine and you don't have effects on his life anymore. You're merely a piece of his past and you don't matter to him at all.

However, the moment he shuts the door of his place, he leans his back against it and sighs. He hates it. He hates his apartment for not feeling like a home. He hates himself for letting you go. He hates every corner of his room because he can still feel your presence. He hates the kitchen because you're not there anymore. He hates the dining table because you're not across him eating and rambling about your day anymore. He hates his bed because whenever he turns around, there's no arms wrapped around him. It doesn't feel like home.

His heart still aches everytime he realizes that there would be no you, who will tackle him into a hug and give him kisses all over his face. Maybe if he did something before, you'd still be in his arms right now. Maybe if he didn't let his pride conquer him, you'd still be holding his hands. Maybe if he followed you that night and begged for you to stay, he wouldn't be wishing at the star for you to come back now. 

Miya Atsumu

It's obvious. I bet his teammates always hear your name from his mouth. There'd be times when he's about to spike during practice and he suddenly remembers you. He will fall over and hits himself. Hinata might give him some advice on how to move on but he can't. He tried, he swears he tried. But he still can't help but make you his wallpaper because you look beautiful from a picture he still has in his gallery even after breaking up.

He even goes to his brother, Osamu, for comfort. But everytime he goes to Onigiri Miya, he still sees you and remembers every moment you have with him during dinner nights at that store. Expect Osamu to smack him.

He will be sassy everytime he hears a rumor about you having a new s/o that's not him. He'll try to stalk the guy from social media and insult him. Sometimes, MSBY will have their night out and Atsumu will get so drunk that he'll burst into tears and try drunk calling you.

He regrets it with his whole soul. He should've treated you better. He should've made time for you. He should've made you feel loved everyday because that's how you are to him. You're the most patient person he ever met and he took that for granted. For every argument, he should've been the one to back down, but it's always you. Because no matter how many times he wins in volleyball, he still lost you.

Suna Rintarou

He may look like he doesn't care anymore and go on with his day as if nothing happened, he's just going to practice and come home and that's it. But his mind always wanders off to you. How are you doing? Have you eaten already? Are you overworking yourself again? What are you doing right now? Do you also think of him? Do you also miss him? Because he does. He misses you so much he can't have a proper sleep sometimes, feeling so uncomfortable on his own bed.

He will create secret accounts on social media to stalk you (not in a creepy way) to try and get to know how you are doing. He'll watch your stories and see if there's something new in your life. If he sees you finally being happy again, he's glad, of course. But he can't help but feel the sting on his chest because how can you move forward without him? Why can't he do the same? Why is he still stuck?

He tried seeing other people, tried going on dates, but nothing changed. It's still you. Because no one can take care of him like you do. No one can understand him like you do. No, they can't make him laugh like you do. They can't bring out the best of him like you do. If he will be given a second chance to have you again, he will. And if he was given three wishes by a genie, he will say your name all over again.

[hedonist-heathen]

Here's hoping there is kindness still out there. I will be putting all information in this post and will not be answering any side questions about it. I'm asking for help and sharing as much as you need to know, or better yet as much as I'm willing to share. Some details are painful, personal, or frankly not your business. You either have a kind heart and can and will help or you won't. Do not message me with more questions on this.

This time last year my looser ex Jason Schweinsburg could not handle the breakup and left my son and I in Vegas without a dollar to my name, then back in San Antonio he took everything I had in this world...to include, my phone which I have charges on him for things he's done with my phone, my drivers license, my clothes, basic necessities, and since I work from home, all my income halted because my equipment and materials were taken as well. Oh, and get this he carried my bag of toys around with him every where he went to for weeks, until he ran off like a little bitch, leaving it behind, when his plug put a gun in his mouth. I'm talking several double dildos, strap on, clit toys. What does a man need with those type of toys? What a fucking loser. Moving on. I spend a year busting my ass starting from nothing and replaced everything from my toothbrush, to my furniture. Which was not easy because he would get online and catfish my businesses by setting up fake appointments and orders, doing foul shit to me online, using my accounts, stole my money, and did all basic loser things. This is all in police reports and can be proved. Anyway, difficult year, but did it on my own. Built my life and was doing well. I stopped dating men after him. It's never worked out well for me when dealing with men anyway. They set themselves up for failure then punish me. I moved out into a tiny home on a 100 acre ranch away from men, away from people and the things they do because jealousy is ugly. Hating me will not make you pretty, or me ugly. Using leverage you think you have on me will not make me date you or fuck you. Simplified in two sentences. They've not been kind with my sin only being pretty, and a genuine person and people hate that. I learned after moving out there I'd been mislead on many different levels about my tiny home and the entire situation. Almost everyday did I have to remind my landlord that I moved out to the counrty to get away from the exact things he began to do to me. He wanted me to move into the main house and become his girlfriend. I reminded him that I made it very very clear that I was not interested in that in any way. He did not slow down with the things he would say and do daily. One day, after spending a night away from the ranch, two hours after returning home my front door was kicked in and I was attacked by a grown man and a woman 3 times my size, while he watched from his porch. My nose is broke, my finger is broke and I have trauma to my chest from the male holding me down with his knee. They stole my money and a few other things. It got dark right after the incident and I was torchered all night. They would surround the tiny house and talk about ways to kill me. The next day when I tried to leave I was met with a locked 8 foot fence and gate. Since I had to climb this fence and walk 5 miles just to get to town, I was unable to take any of my belongings with me. I'm in need of everything you could possibly think of. I'm asking for help. If you have anything you could donate I'll take it. If you put the total it cost you to ship it to me I'll cash app it to you upon arrival. I do a lot of my shopping online, so if you find it in your heart to send me money, things can be worked out for that if need be. So you don't feel like you're giving me money. I'll earn it. This we can have a conversation about, but I will not discuss it until the money is on my cash app so dont even try. Again your gonna help or your not. I'm not going to let you waste my time to in the end do nothing to help.

My cash app is Misfitbitch77. After money is sent, you can then inbox me and will discuss how I earn what you gave.

Anything being shipped, I'll list my sizes and a few things off hand that I know and remember I need quickly. I'm 100 percent serious guys, I don't even have anything to change into. Can't brush my hair or teeth, and could sure use your help.

Dress and top size is 4-8/ medium mostly but can do some small and some large.

Pants and shorts are 6-9,/29 and I'm petite. Barely 5 foot.

Bra size 36D/36DD.

I only wear chucks, saddles, and heels. Size 7-8. High heels are welcomed.

I do not wear greens or browns. Earth tones do not match me well.

I need a Cricut machine and materials. If you know what I'm talking about then you know my needs.

I need a 3rd generation or up air pad for the design space for the Cricut.

All my expensive cleaning supplies and equipment must be replaced for my cleaning business. I need a steam mop, cordless light weight vacuum, cleaning brushes, shower scrubber, you think it, i need it.

I'm an extremely organized person so anything having to do with that im in need of.

All fishing gear, camping gear, and I did my nails at home so any of that.

Purses, bags, suitcases, belts, mirrors, lamps, all kitchen and dining, blankets, pillows, rugs.

Vape, fruity vape juice.

I will also take any gift cards to anywhere. It's a quick, simple way to help.

When you send me a pic of the package you are sending or gift card you are sending I will give you the address to send it to. I cannot put it on here because Jason Schweinsburg is a loser. And again my cash app is Misfitbitch77.

Please help show me kindness still exist and people still have compassion and empathy and will help a lady that has had everything taken by men who failed to take my choice from me.