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taciteaneremite · 8 years

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COLT: -the day before, colt invited finn to come visit him at his new place now that he's all moved in. he hasn't been away that long, but so much has happened it's felt like an eternity... and when he feels he's been away from finn for a while, he does start to worry about him. hopefully this will help.-

COLT: -he's waiting inside the transportalizer hub on odimist, preoccupying himself with little travel pamphlets until finn shows up.-

FINN: -it's weird not having colt close by, and while he is just a transportalizer away, it has a tendency of feeling so much farther. he arrives in odimist's hub, standing in the transportalizer. internally counting to five before he steps out and looks for colt-

COLT: -notices someone arriving and tucks away a pamphlet about the wildlife preserve so he can shuffle over to investigate. when he sees his friend, he gives him a big toothy smile.- Howdy Finn.

FINN: -he smiles seeing colt smile at him--frankly, it's hard not to. he moves over to instinctively give him a tight hug- hey colt

COLT: -SQUEEZES HIM BACK. the biggest bear hug. he pulls away after a moment, looking him over, almost like he's inspecting him. does he look okay? hmm...-

COLT: Let's get a move on... It's still a ways to drive to the house. -because it's out in the middle of no where. just how he likes it... smiling still, he starts leading him out of the hub.-

FINN: -to the normal eye, he looks fine. but in the eyes of someone that knows him so well, he probably looks a little emotionally worn down. he walks alongside colt, taking a look at the decor of this hub to occupy his mind a little- oh yeah

FINN: sounds like you really have your own space

COLT: It's so nice...Wait till you see it. -heads out into the parking lot to his TRUCK. which is new. he just bought it. the country boy aesthetic intensifies. he hops into the driver's side and waits for finn to join him before he starts 'er up.-

FINN: -he chuckles a little upon seeing what this place looks like along with colt's new ride- this is so you

FINN: -he climbs in and buckles up, watching to make sure colt does too-

COLT: -OF COURSE. he always does, but especially with finn around.- Heh... Thanks.

COLT: -and they're off. pulling out of the hub and into town, but before long they're on the open road headed deeper into the woods. and now... is the time for questioning.- So... How's things on Skaia? I know it ain't been that long but... Still...

FINN: -he keeps his gaze outside of his window, soaking in the scenery and how different it is from his new home- no it's a fair question

FINN: everyone's just trying to get settled in i think

COLT: -nods slowly- Yeah... That makes sense.

COLT: Did you know Citrin's movin' to Lauctis? I was surprised but... Guess not too surprised if that's where Ruleus is gonna be.

FINN: seems like people are going in the significant others direction anyway

FINN: i think quinne's still planning on staying

COLT: Oh? That's good...

COLT: Yeah, uh... I'd be surprised if she'd wanna go back to Avalon right now...

FINN: i don't think she ever really does

FINN: but she doesn't always tell me everything so

FINN: that's what i picked up

COLT: Right... Um... Hopefully she'll open up with time.

COLT: That was an awful thing that happened...

COLT: Xebeck... She's uh-- Awake now, right?

FINN: -he nods- yeah

FINN: disoriented as hell but

FINN: awake

COLT: Mrrgh...

COLT: -tries to change the subject- Uh-- The holidays were nice though, right?

FINN: oh

FINN: yeah

FINN: well i'm not sure what everyone else did but i basically just spent most of my time with my parents

COLT: -smiles- That's nice, though...

COLT: -a short while later, they're taking a country road up to colt's rustic home -- and it's quite stunning. it's not a big house, at least it doesn't look that way from the outside. he parks the truck.... anywhere. there isn't really a driveway.-

COLT: This is it. -seems positively pleased to be back at his place as he announces this, slipping outside and dropping into the grass.-

FINN: -he smiles when he sees his house because it's so colt. everything about this environment is perfect for him. he climbs out of the truck and turns in a circle to take a good look at the sky- wow

COLT: -looks up with him. the sky is so open. a little gray this season, but beautiful and vast all the same.- ... When I was at my great grandma's, I was thinkin' about how... the UU would usually stop in cities and towns. And how I never really looked up at the sky much. But it's hard to ignore when you're out in the wilderness like this.

COLT: ... Guess it's kinda silly to marvel at it, considerin' we'd spend most of our time floatin' around up there.

COLT: But you know... Hard to enjoy it when you're stuck in a tuna can. -shuffling towards the front door, getting it unlocked.-

FINN: yeah it's always different when you're looking at it from down here

FINN: easier to appreciate

COLT: -opens up the door and INSIDE it is pretty darn spaceous with an open ceiling in the living area with a big sliding door that opens out into the backyard. the kitchen is off to their right when they enter and a stairwell just beyond it. it already looks pretty lived in... probably thanks to little.-

FINN: -follows behind him. everything seems so real and adult-like here that it's almost a little jarring. these are what people their age did these days, anyway. colt's home is beautiful- how did you find this anyway

COLT: Ah... Well, we built the house ourselves... -it's easy when your family is hemorrhaging money thanks to your dad being co-owner of the biggest research company in the whole gosh diddly dang universe.-

COLT: But Joel's the one who pointed me in the direction of Odimist. He came here to help with the wildlife preservation they're doin' here... And I figured I'd scope it out with him.

COLT: Needless to say I fell in love with the place. Heh.

FINN: this is the place joel and rammie are living too right

FINN: not in this house just in odimist

COLT: -nod nod- That's right.

COLT: If you want, I can take you by their place later... -you should really go see your sister, finn, he says with his EYES.-

FINN: that would be nice

FINN: i don't want to intrude or anything

COLT: You wouldn't be intrudin'... We can call 'em first. -shuffles over to the kitchen to make some tea.-

COLT: Do you want anythin' to drink or...?

FINN: -takes a slow look around for somewhere to sit.- water maybe

COLT: -THERES A COUCH. it looks very cozy. like the kind you can just sink into, with lots of pillows.- Okie doke. -pours finn a glass of water.-

COLT: Make yourself at home... Mi casa es tu casa. :P

FINN: -sits on the couch and nods, smiling a little- tu sofá es mi sofà

COLT: -grins toothily at him. the kettle whistles and colt pours himself his cup of tea before he goes to join finn, handing over the water.- There ya go.

FINN: -takes the water in his hand and sips at it- thanks

COLT: -nestles in... leaning against finn a little bit. he's quiet for a moment, just enjoying finn's company and his warm tea. but then he looks at his best friend with a curious concern.- Hey...

COLT: How've you been feelin'?

FINN: -his gaze is elsewhere for a while, until colt speaks. how has he been doing? there are a lot of technicalities here and a lot that probably isn't that much of a big deal- well

FINN: haven't gone to the infirmary as a patient

COLT: That's good.

COLT: So have you been workin' more again...?

FINN: i'm trying to find a new place to go i guess

FINN: since the infirmary in the ship is no more i'm trying to see what i can get into on skaia

FINN: they have different standards there i think

FINN: i don't know

FINN: i guess that's because i haven't been

COLT: -tilts head- I'm sure there's somethin' you can do through Skaianet if you need to... If not within the company, they can recommend you to any of the local hospitals. Or... any hospital anywhere, I suppose.

FINN: yeah

FINN: -he shrugs- i'm kind of rethinking it i guess

COLT: :(

COLT: Why's that?

FINN: i just don't think i'm actually going to be able to help people like i want to

FINN: as a doctor

FINN: so far all i've done is give myself extra time to be neurotic

COLT: Yeah... Reckon that makes sense... But it's somethin' you love doin', too. It ain't as if it's an excuse to enable your more uh... destructive habits.

COLT: Are you still seein' a therapist? Maybe they can give you suggestions on ways to... I dunno. Work around it?

FINN: it could be though

FINN: and i am sometimes

FINN: i don't see any crazy life changes

FINN: i don't know how it's helping at all

COLT: It'll take time, I think... And the right kinda communication so they know exactly what's goin' on with you and help more effectively.

COLT: If you ain't sure what to talk to them about or somethin'... I can help.

FINN: -he's having a hard time processing all of this for some reason. he hears colt, but it's not really sinking in- yeah

FINN: how are you and little

COLT: ... Oh. Um...

COLT: We're good. Really good.

COLT: She's applyin' for freight haulin' work right now. You know, she likes travelin' and all that...

FINN: that sounds like her

FINN: hopefully she doesn't leave for that long at a time though

FINN: seems like it's going to be scheduled

COLT: -nod nod- Yeah... So long as I know where she is and when I'll see her again, I'll be alright... Plus I don't exactly mind havin' all this entirely to myself. -smiles a little-

COLT: I can always go with her from time to time, too... I think that'd be fun...

FINN: -takes a sip of his water and listens to colt, imagining what him going on trips with little would look like- it sounds like you're really happy

FINN: that's great

COLT: Yeah... I really am.

COLT: I'm glad I did this. -turns the mug in his hands a few times.- I miss hangin' out with you though.

FINN: yeah

FINN: same but sometimes you just

FINN: you just have to

FINN: go

COLT: Yeah. You gotta take care of yourself like that. -sets the mug down on the coffee table and looks at finn again.- ...

COLT: Can you... do me a favor and do that for yourself too? I know you don't always know how so uh...

COLT: Just talk to somebody about how you're feelin'. About bein' a doctor. And the sorta things that are makin' you feel that way...

COLT: Please?

FINN: -looks back at him- i don't know

FINN: maybe if i have time

FINN: i don't really want to talk about it with anybody

FINN: i'm done with it

COLT: Finn...

COLT: It don't really work that way...

FINN: -he shakes his head- i don't care how things are or aren't supposed to work anymore

FINN: they just don't really work you know

FINN: it's like an idea of how things should go but you can't really depend on anything to help other people or help you

FINN: i think it's probably easier if you accept that

FINN: you're happy because you did your own thing

FINN: not because you involved anybody else

FINN: -he's not sure what's coming out of his mouth right now-

COLT: That's not-- -frowns- That's totally different...

COLT: I'm happy cuz I knew what sorta things were bad for me and what sorta things were good. What I want.

COLT: But I never woulda recognized that if I didn't let people in... There was so much darkness in my head I couldn't see anythin' goin' on inside me or around me. Sometimes you need guidance.

COLT: Don't-- -winces- Don't tell me you don't remember what sorta things I'm capable of doin' if I close myself off.

COLT: I never would've gotten to this point if I hadn't let you help me then.

FINN: -hearing him say that makes his throat ache because he knows, he remembers. he swallows because it's practically physically painful remembering- how did i

FINN: i don't even remember-- -he stops suddenly-

FINN: how did i even help you

FINN: by hovering all the time

FINN: you probably felt like i couldn't trust you

FINN: that was all you colt

FINN: you got yourself out

COLT: -here come the tears as the memories return to him too, vivid as always, but it hurts even worse knowing how alone and lost finn must be feeling. even if he doesn't realize it.-

COLT: You helped because you were there.

COLT: I didn't have to bare that burden alone... And maybe it was humiliatin' for a time that somebody knew my secret. That I might have hurt or inconvenienced somebody on account of it. But I never-- -sniffs- I never saw you as a nuisance.

COLT: It was a relief. When I realized that's what I needed to get better. Just to have somebody...

FINN: -colt NO don't cry. he's going to cry if you cry. his eyes water and he forces himself to look away. he knew that he meant a lot to colt, but often times he wondered if he caused him more worry than anything else. hearing directly from colt that finn actually did help him brings so much relief that tears start to roll down his cheeks, too- i thought i was

FINN: basically useless i didn't realize

FINN: any of that

COLT: -huffs a sigh, leaning against him again.- Of course you're not...

COLT: -wipes his eyes on his sleeve.- Geez... Don't that just proove my point now? Some stuff you ain't gonna see unless people help you see it...

COLT: I wanna help you cuz you're always lookin' out for me. Even when you're not hoverin' or worryin', you're there for me by just bein' my friend and that's important too. It makes all the difference.

FINN: -he wipes his own eyes and HE DIDNT WANT TO CRY he doesn't want to cry but of course he does anyway. why is colt so great all the time? how does he deal with finn? everything in him feels like it's breaking down, like the weight is finally releasing what he had been holding the entire time- i uh

FINN: i feel so

FINN: alone and useless colt

FINN: like i can't help myself and everyone around me is basically drowning and really going through shit and

FINN: -he hides his face in his hands- fuck

COLT: -leans on him some more, carefully draping his arms around finn's shoulders to pull him into a side hug.-

COLT: It's difficult... Everything's been real difficult... But I'm with you.

FINN: -he just leans into colt completely, sniffling and just listening to his best friend talk.- it's really

FINN: hard

COLT: -squeezes him tight now that he's got him.- We can take it a step at a time... But you gotta let me help you, Finn.

FINN: -he nods, sniffling and sobbing and being one giant mess- i miss you being so close by

COLT: I know... -starts rubbing circles into his back-

COLT: It'd be alright if you wanted to visit for a while... You can do that whenever you like.

FINN: -it's so much more calming here- i don't think i could leave quinne alone for too long

COLT: Then if you need me, I'll come runnin' as soon as I can.

FINN: -he looks up at him- really

COLT: Of course really.

FINN: even if you're hanging out with little

COLT: Well... I do live with her now... Reckon we'd be spendin' enough time with each other she won't mind much. -smiles a little-

COLT: But I know she'd understand anyways.

FINN: -he smiles a little about that and takes a deep breath-

FINN: thank you

#impenetrablevitality #in which you helped because you were here

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