#Mainly cause my friend insisted on this ship and I thought their wedding would be hilarious

[a-flaming-idiot]

Destruction Butterflies Wedding Attire

You'd certainly be able to call this a Miraculous wedding.... I'll see myself out.

But seriously, I just find this funny and an excuse to draw Plagg in a wedding dress is certainly one I'll take.

[queenshelby]

Gypsy Bride (One Shot)

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Virgin!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Mention of Self Harm, Arranged Marriage, SMUT, Loss of Virginity

Total Words: 8,083 (both parts below)

Parts:

·      Part One – Husband and Wife

·      Part Two – Consummating Finally

Notes: I will be writing another One Shot which will be called ‘Goodbye Marie’. This One Shot will follow on from this story but can also be read on its own.

Part One

It was 9am on a cold Saturday morning. You had been awake for several hours already and barely managed to get any sleep at all the night before.

It was your wedding day and you were nervous to say the least. This was a wedding you didn’t want, a marriage doomed from the beginning.

Your father had recently taken over the business of importing heroine into the United Kingdom from his brother who, due to unfortunate circumstances arranged by your father, was shot during police interference.

In your culture, it was customary to only form alliances with people you trust, mainly family. But, since you and your mother were both only children as a result of a curse impaled on your family decades ago, your family was much smaller than other gypsy families.

In cases like this, alliances were formed by expanding family through marriage.

You had no say in the matter and your father was determined to expand his business through such alliance.

So, today, you were to marry Thomas Shelby, the leader of the Peaky Blinders.

You knew that Thomas Shelby was shipping heroine to the United States and had recently lost his supply from the Chinese. The deal your father was offering Thomas was lucrative and allowed the Shelby Family to reinstate most of their fortune which they had lost in the stock market crash earlier this year.

Your father, however, did not trust Thomas Shelby and insisted on a traditional bond between the families.

Thomas Shelby agreed and, since he was the only unmarried Shelby man of age, it was him, a man almost twice your age, who was going to be your husband.

You never met Thomas Shelby and you wondered what he was like.

You heard terrible things about him and you knew that he was both, a politician and a gangster. You knew that he was involved in drug trafficking, running brothels and killings. He was no better than your father who you despised.

You always wanted to turn a leaf on your life, get away from the illegal dealings and make an honest living. But, this dream of yours was now shattered. You were about to marry into the most notorious gangster family in the Small Heath and Birmingham area.

In the weeks leading up to your wedding, you considered ending it. This was the only way out. But then you met a man who was a priest. Every day you remembered his words. There was a purpose for you, you just may have not discovered it yet.

You never believed, but turned to God for advice after your encounter with the priest. You even began to volunteer at the local church community hall to help you keep your mind occupied.

After weeks of volunteering, you requested to be married to Thomas at the church. The priest was reluctant but agreed after you begged for long enough. Your request was granted.

And there you were, in the back rooms of the small church in Birmingham, preparing for your wedding.

As you stepped into your white wedding gown, tears were building up in your eyes. You were not ready for this, but you had to be strong.

You wiped your tears away with the white cotton tissue your mother had given you and pinned up your hair.

A maid was assigned to assist you, but you enjoyed to do your own hair and makeup.

Shortly after you sent your maid away and while you were applying your mascara, you heard a knock on the door.

You hoped that it was your mother, wishing to provide you with emotional support, but, to your surprise, it was a woman who you had never met.

She had dark brown hair and dark eyes. She was attractive and well dressed.

‘I am Polly Gray’ the woman said as she walked into your room.

‘I am Y/N’ you said nervously.

‘I figured’ she said with a laugh as she handed you her flask of whiskey.

‘Drink up Love, I think you need it, you are about to marry my nephew’ Polly said sheepishly as she stepped behind you and tied up your dress.

‘Thank you’ you said before taking a large sip from the flask.

‘You didn’t want your maid to help you with this?’ Polly asked surprised as she wiped away some of the smudged make up beneath your eyes which were still wet and teary.

‘No. I don’t like to appear weak in front of strangers’ you explained.

‘Showing weakness can sometimes be your strength Y/N’ Polly said before she asked you how old you were while she proceeded to help you with your make up.

‘I am 20’ you responded, your hands shaking.

’20?’ Polly said as she stopped what she was doing and sat down across from you.

‘Did you think I was older?’ you asked.

‘Your parents are older than me, so yes, Thomas and I did not expect you to be so young’ Polly said before she lid herself a cigarette.

‘Do you think that Thomas will be disappointed?’ you asked.

‘No Love. Let me tell you something about Thomas’ Polly said before taking a pause.

‘He has not shown any genuine interest in a woman since his late wife passed away. Whilst I disliked her, she was the only woman he ever loved. He didn’t choose you and he will probably not love you, but he will provide for you and ensure your safety. He expects loyalty in return, nothing else. So long as you are loyal, you do not need to worry about disappointing him nor do you need to be afraid of him’ Polly explained, causing you to feel some relief.

Despite the fact that you had never met this woman, she was able to provide you with the reassurance you needed.

‘Now, let’s hurry’ Polly said, standing up and finishing your make up.

‘Thank you, Ms Gray’ you said as she took your hand and smiled at you.

‘Please, call me Polly. After all, you will be family soon’ she said just before she disappeared to the hall.

Not long after Polly had left and you finished getting ready, your father arrived.

‘It’s time Y/N’ he said impatiently, not even bothering to compliment you.

You hooked into your father’s arm as he walked you towards the hall.

The Church was packed. You had many guests, mostly gypsies from different families.

Your heart sank into your stomach as you observed your future husband waiting for you at the altar.

He was wearing an elegant navy-blue suit which matched his deep blue eyes.

His hair looked immaculate and he had his hands crossed in front of him.

He was very attractive and you could barely believe that he was in his late thirties already.

Despite this, shivers ran down your back as you approached the altar. He showed no emotion at all. There was no smile on his face. In fact, there was no expression at all, just coldness.

As you took your place across from him, you observed him gazing over you for a moment, almost like he was assessing you. But his expressions didn’t change. There was no warmth.

You weren’t sure whether he liked what he saw or whether he was disappointed, possibly by the fact that you were much younger than he had expected or perhaps he preferred a different hair colour or larger breasts.

There was an awkward silence between you as you both starred at each other until, finally, the priest began to speak.

‘We are gathered here in the presence of God, family, and friends to unite Thomas Shelby and Y/N Y/LN in holy matrimony’ the priest went on to say before speaking a prayer, as per your request.

Then, it was time for the all-important question.

‘Do you Y/N Y/LN take Thomas Shelby to be your lawfully wedded husband?’ the priest asked.

‘I do’ you said nervously, starring at Tommy.

‘’And do you Thomas Shelby take Y/N Y/LN to be your lawfully wedded wife?’ the priest asked.

‘I do’ Tommy said, his hands still interlinked with each other.

‘Then, by the power vested in me by God, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride’ the priest said, but Tommy made no attempt to kiss you.

‘We might save that one for later, ey?’ Tommy said as he saw the nervousness in your face. You responded with nothing but a simple nod as you reached for his hand.

‘Are we done here?’ Tommy asked before he obliged and took your hand into his as you both stepped down from the altar and walked towards the exit of the Church.

Your families and guests were cheering as the Church bells began to ring.

You couldn’t help it but feel apprehensive and thought that, if the reception was going to be as awkward as the ceremony, this would be a long night.

Outside the church, you and your families posed for a picture before Tommy took you to his car.

There were no white horses and carriages as you had imagined on your wedding day. There was nothing romantic about this at all.

There was an awkward silence as you stepped inside his Silver Bentley. He started the car without saying a word.

You didn’t know what to say yourself and couldn’t even bare to look at him.

Just before you arrived at the reception venue, he looked over to you.

‘I am sorry you’ve been made to do this’ Tommy said, just as he stopped the car.

‘So am I’ you said as you pushed open the car door and walked inside. The weather was dreadful and you didn’t wait for Tommy.

The reception was barely a reception at all. There was nothing but business talk and your husband ignored you for the entire evening.

By that time, you were certain that he disliked you. He didn’t want this marriage any more than you did.

After several hours of easing your pain with champaign while you engaged into meaningless conversations with Arthur Shelby’s wife Linda, Tommy told you that it was time to go home.

You couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like, your new home.

You were hoping for it to be big enough so that you didn’t have to see your husband very often and endure this awkwardness and silence between you.

The drive home was as silent as the drive to the reception venue. Tommy didn’t speak a word to you, again.

At least this gave you time to think about the task ahead.

Your mother had spoken to you about marriage and what it entails.

She had also spoken with you about consummation of your marriage, which was something you were nervous, almost fearful, about.

Whilst, in your opinion, Tommy was very attractive, you have never been with a man before and you wanted your first time to be with someone you loved not someone you just met.

You told your mother exactly that, but she explained to you how important it is to fulfill your wifely duties and keep your husband happy from the beginning and always thereafter.

The truth was that you were afraid of the pain it will entail. You knew it was going to be painful and it wasn’t as if you didn’t already have to endure enough pain on your wedding day. Your mother explained to you that you would get used to it, the pain will fade and, eventually, it becomes nothing more than a chore.

As you finally stepped out of the car and inside Tommy’s house, you were emotionally prepared for what was to come and were probably drunk enough too.

The house was larger than any other house you had ever seen. You couldn’t believe that Tommy was living in the house by himself.

Tommy took the time to personally show you the house and introduce you to the maids. That was probably the most he had spoken to you all day.

It felt somewhat surreal. This is where you were going live now, with your husband, a total stranger.

Tommy told you that you could use every room in the house as you pleased but that you were not allowed in his office or his bedroom.

‘Your bedroom? Will we not be sharing a bedroom?’ you asked, causing Tommy to chuckle.

‘No Y/N, we will not be sharing a bedroom’ Tommy said before showing you your bedroom. You were relieved to say the least.

‘You can redecorate it if you like’ Tommy said as he opened the door.

Your bedroom was large, with a study desk and your own bathroom attached to it.

It was well decorated and felt warm and welcoming.

‘Thank you’ you said turning around, causing Tommy to nod.

‘I have some work to do now. If you need anything, please call for one of the maids’ Tommy said as he excused himself.

‘Goodnight Thomas’ you said, receiving no response.

After Tommy left, you changed into your nightgown and lied down on your bed. But, there was no way that you could fall asleep just yet. You still felt uncomfortable and out of place.

After about thirty minutes, you decided to get up and make yourself a cup of tea. You weren’t used to be served by maids and enjoyed doing things for yourself.

As you wandered through the house towards the kitchen, you heard noises coming from one of the hallways.

Intrigued, you followed the hallway and observed that there was light shining from the reading room which was also where the noises came from.

You carefully approached the room, glancing in from the distance.

This when you saw Tommy, still wearing his suit while being intimate with the young blonde maid Marie to whom you were introduced earlier that evening.

Keeping quiet, you couldn’t help but stare at them.

Marie was being bent over the big oak study desk while Tommy was behind her, thrusting into her harshly and almost emotionless.

He held onto her hips tightly while she was moaning, digging her nails into the solid oak.

After five minutes of observation, you had enough and quietly walked to the kitchen where you boiled the kettle and made yourself a tea.

‘Mrs Shelby, I could have done this for you’ Francis said, startling you as you poured the hot water into the teapot.

‘That’s quite alright Francis. In fact, I enjoy being in the kitchen. Perhaps, if Thomas allows it, I could cook dinner one night?’ you said, waiting for some kind of approval.

‘That would be lovely Mrs Shelby’ Francis said before you excused yourself.

As you returned to your room you couldn’t help but think about Tommy and Marie. By no means did you blame him. But you also couldn’t help it but wonder why he didn’t take any desire in you. Did he rather want to sleep with his maid than his wife?

Was it that he disliked you or was it that he was trying to be kind, not making any advances towards you because you were forced into this marriage.

The next morning you woke at 7am after spending most of the night pondering about your future as Thomas Shelby’s wife.

After you got dressed, you walked downstairs and joined your husband for breakfast.

‘Good Morning’ you said as you sat down.

‘Good Morning Y/N’ Tommy said, glancing up from his newspaper for a moment to make eye contact with you.

‘Have you slept alright?’ he then asked.

‘Yes, thank you. The bed is very comfortable’ you said shyly.

‘That’s good’ Tommy said before continuing to read the paper.

This was all you spoke as you quietly ate your breakfast.

The next few weeks were just as quiet.

Tommy ignored you for the most part and continued to engage in sexual encounters with Marie. The worst of it was that he didn’t even bother to hide it from you.

Sometimes they would do it in the reading room, sometimes in one of the guest rooms and occasionally even in the stables.

You couldn’t help it but ask Francis about her and Francis told you that she had only been employed by Tommy for the past eight weeks. She was French and her breakfast was terrible. Clearly, she had other talents which kept your husband happy.

Just as you were in the reading room yourself, looking for a particular book, Tommy approached you.

‘Do you play chess?’ he asked.

‘Do I play chess?’ you asked surprised, closing your book. He didn’t talk to you for weeks and this was the question he wanted asked you? You were in disbelieve.

‘Yes, do you play?’ Tommy asked again as he poured himself a glass of Whiskey.

‘Yes, I do, would you like a game?’ you asked.

‘Yes, I’ve been learning. It’s somewhat boring but also extremely satisfying’ Tommy said, making you laugh.

‘It’s strategic, that’s probably why you enjoy it’ you said while you brushed your hair out of your face.

‘Please’ Tommy said as he turned around the chessboard on the coffee table, indicating for you to make your first move and begin the game.

You made your move and noticed that Tommy’s eyes wandered over to you rather than the chessboard, causing you to blush.

You played for about twenty minutes and began to make conversation, which is when you realised that Tommy had been observing you and taken an interest in what you might like.

‘I am thinking about getting another race horse’ Tommy said. ‘Perhaps you could help me choose one’ he added.

‘Me? Choose a horse?’ you asked surprised.

‘Yes. I noticed that you have taken an interest in the horses and I would like you to accompany me to the upcoming auction’ Tommy said. ‘It would be in my best interest to attend this event with my wife’ he added to justify his request.

‘I would love to attend with you’ you said with a smile.

‘There will be other members of parliament attending the auction and there will be a function afterwards. You will need to buy yourself a dress. Elegant, but simple’ Tommy said as he handed you some money.

‘Alright’ you said before moving your queen. Tommy clearly hasn’t been paying attention to the game.

‘Checkmate’ you grinned.

‘Well well, you just beat me at chess’ Tommy said as Francis walked in to the room with some tea for you.

‘Your wife is a smart woman Mr Shelby’ Francis said, giving you a wink.

‘I’ve noticed. Now would you excuse me, I have some more work to do’ Tommy said, smiling at you for the very first time.

The next day you drove into town to buy yourself a dress. By that time you had already done your research on the horses available for auction and the one you had your eye on was called ‘Emerald’.

It won two races quite recently and was slightly more expensive than the budget Tommy had given you.

With that in mind, you considered it to be fitting to purchase an emerald green dress, elegant but yet simple, just as Tommy had requested.

Over the next week, leading up to the auction, Tommy and you played chess almost every day. He hated losing and was determined to eventually beat you.

Even before the auction, he demanded a game and you made sure that you were ready for him.

A gasp escaped Tommy as you entered the reading room wearing your emerald green dress.

‘Is that alright for the auction?’ you asked shyly, wanting to ensure that Tommy approves of the dress.

‘Just missing one small detail Mrs Shelby’ he said as he handed you a box covered with black satin.

You opened the box and, inside, there was a diamond necklace with matching earrings.

‘Thomas’ you said, being stunned by the pieces of jewellery.

‘You will need to fit in Y/N. After all, you are my wife’ Tommy said as you turned around and he placed the neckless onto your neck.

After you looked at yourself in the mirror, you and Tommy played a quick game of chess before making your way to the car and drive to the auction.

At the auction, Tommy introduced you to everyone as his wife but, as usual, he kept his gestures to a minimum. He held your hand once, maybe twice, for show.

You were well spoken and engaged with the other politicians’ wives. The topics that were spoken about were of no real interest to you, but you played along for Tommy’s sake.

Later, at the function, you mingled with the same women while Tommy engaged in pollical discussions with members of parliament and judges.

You couldn’t wait for the night to be over, you were bored beyond belief.

Finally, Tommy told you that it was time for you to leave. He had further business to attend to at the Garrison and you requested that he take you along.

He reluctantly agreed and, as you arrived, the Garrison was packed with drunk men.

You were glad to see Polly and Ada again as you arrived and engaged into conversations with them before their business meeting with Tommy.

But just as Tommy turned his back on you and gave some instructions to Arthur, you were approached by another patron.

‘Good Day Love’ he said, not receiving any reaction from you.

‘Woman, I am talking to you’ he said harshly after you tried hard to ignore him.

‘Sir, please leave me alone’ you said patiently as, all of a sudden, he grabbed your wrist harshly.

‘Love, I can pay well you know. So, whatever offer you have for tonight, I will double it. It is rare to find a whore as pretty and clean as you’ the man said.

‘Get your hand of me. I am not a whore’ you said as, all of a sudden, you heard Tommy approach.

‘Ay, this is my wife you are talking to’ Tommy said harshly, pointing his gun at the man.

‘Mr Shelby’ the man said with a scared voice.

‘Now apologise to her and then fuck off before I blow your head off’ Tommy said angrily.

‘My apologies Mrs Shelby, I didn’t know’ the man said with embarrassment, his pants wet before he made a run for the door.

‘Did he just piss himself?’ Arthur said with laughter as he gave Tommy a nudge.

‘Fucking hell…this is no place for woman like you Mrs Shelby’ Arthur laughed but you weren’t in the mood for jokes. The man had grabbed your wrist harshly and you were somewhat scared by his determination.

‘Are you alright?’ Tommy asked, his hands running over your upper arms.

‘I am fine Tommy. I am sure it was just a misunderstanding’ you smiled.

‘I don’t care. No one speaks to my wife like this’ he said.

‘Now let’s get you a drink, ey? What would you like?’ Tommy asked.

‘Whiskey please’ you responded.

‘Irish or Scotch?’ Tommy asked.

‘Irish’ you responded.

‘Well, we have something in common then’ Tommy said with a smile as he asked you to join him for the business meeting.

‘Perhaps we are yet to discover a lot about each other’ you said, causing Tommy to chuckle.

‘Most people do this before they get married’ Tommy said as you followed him.

You stayed at the Garrison for another hour before you made your back to the house.

The drive was much more pleasant than before and, even though you may never be lovers, you had now found things to speak about with each other.

‘Will you have another glass of whiskey with me?’ you asked Tommy as you arrived at the house and he handed Francis both of your coats.

‘I suppose why not’ Tommy said as he walked you to the living room.

Tommy poured each of you a glass of whiskey before sitting down on the lounge next to you.

‘I enjoyed today, thank you’ you said.

‘And I enjoyed your company. You did well with all of these arrogant bastards’ Tommy smirked, causing you both to laugh.

‘You don’t like politicians much do you?’ you asked.

‘No, I fucking hate them’ Tommy smirked, causing you to laugh again. After all, he was one of them.

You talked about politics and horses for quite some time until you changed the topic.

‘Tommy?’ you said all of the blue, before pausing.

‘Yes?’ he asked curiously.

‘It is none of my business but, do you love her?’ you asked.

‘Love who?’ Tommy responded.

‘Marie. I know you have been sleeping with her’ you said.

‘No, I do not love her. I do however enjoy her company, although not so much for making conversation’ Tommy said with a chuckle.

‘Do you enjoy my company?’ you asked shyly, looking down at your glass.

‘In a different way, I do’ Tommy said.

‘In a different way, but not in the way a husband enjoys the company of his wife’ you said.

‘Listen, Y/N, neither of us have asked for this marriage. It was your father who insisted and the business between me and your father is extremely lucrative as you know. If I would have known that you are…’ Tommy said, and before he could finish his sentence, you interrupted him.

‘That I am so young?’ you asked before pausing, causing Tommy to sigh. ‘If you would have known, you would have forgone the deal?’ you added.

‘I would have asked your father to consider a more suitable match, a trusted man of mine closer to your age’ Tommy said.

‘Well, it is what it is Tommy. There is no turning back now’ you said, taking another sip of your Whisky, before standing up.

‘I think Marie is waiting for you’ you smirked before excusing yourself.

As you walked to your room, tears were running down your face. You couldn’t help it but, for some reason, you wanted Tommy to be a husband to you.

Were you falling in love with him, the man you were being forced to marry? Are you asking for the impossible? Being loved by a man like Thomas Shelby?

You were devastated by thoughts that he would rather be with his maid than with his wife and wondered why he didn’t see you the way you now wanted to be seen.

First fearful about being with him, you now wanted to be with him and you certainly didn’t want him to be with your maid.

As you went to bed that night, you remembered what your mother had told you about keeping your husband happy in order to achieve a fruitful marriage.

You also remembered that, when your mother and father were in disagreement about matters or your mother was worried about your father’s indiscretions, she would add a little spark to their marriage with a nice meal and paying her wifely duties.

With that in mind, you decided to take things further the following week after Tommy returns from his business trip.

Part Two

‘Good Evening Mr Shelby, how as your trip?’ Francis asked as Tommy arrived back home.

‘Fine, thank you’ Tommy said, handing Francis his coat while Marie grabbed Tommy’s bag.

‘Mrs Shelby prepared dinner sir’ Francis said.

‘She did?’ Tommy asked surprised.

‘Yes, sir. She is waiting for you in the dining room’ Francis said.

‘Do we have guests?’ Tommy asked, causing Francis to shake her head.

‘No sir, just you and Mrs Shelby and she said that you do not wish to disturbed’ Francis said, causing Tommy ponder before he excused Francis, allowing her to finish some of her chores.

‘Will I see you later Thomas?’ Marie asked, causing Tommy to nod before walking to the dining room.

As he entered the dining room, he saw you sitting at the table wearing a beautiful but yet revealing black satin dress and the diamonds he had bought for you to wear at the auction.

Your hair was open, long curls falling over your shoulder.

You were wearing dark eye shadow and red lipstick and your skin smelled like musk and flowers.

‘Good Evening Thomas’ you said with a smile.

‘Is this a special occasion?’ Tommy asked, causing you to shake your head.

‘No, I just thought I would cook something nice for my husband’ you smirked before calling Marie for some wine and telling her that she may serve dinner.

‘You know she will probably burn whatever you prepared’ Tommy said jokingly. He knew that you were very well aware that serving food and food preparation wasn’t one of her chores.

‘I am sure she’s got other qualities’ you said cheekily.

As you talked and ate together, you discovered that Tommy had a pretty bad week.

Amongst other things, he told you about a man called Mosley whom he had met in London two days ago and problems with one of the judges. After that, you moved on to discuss more pleasant matters.

‘Would you like a game of chess and a whiskey to end the day?’ you asked as hours had paused.

‘Alright’ Tommy said and it wasn’t until you got up from your chair and walked with him towards the reading room that he saw the entirety of your dress, which complimented your curves.

‘You look beautiful in this dress Y/N’ Tommy said, not sure what else to say in that moment.

‘We have been married for 6 weeks now and this is the first time you have complimented me’ you said with a smile.

‘I didn’t consider it to be appropriate’ Tommy said as he sat down next to you, handing you a glass of whiskey.

‘I am your wife Tommy’ you smiled. ‘Do you not find me attractive?’ you asked.

‘I do. But, considering the circumstances surrounding our marriage and your age, making any advance towards you would have interfered with my conscience ‘Tommy said.

‘And I am grateful for that Tommy. But, whilst I can be in a loveless marriage, I cannot be in a marriage without any emotion at all’ you said suggestively.

‘So, what do you suggest?’ Tommy asked.

‘I suggest that we consummate our marriage and give it the chance it deserves’ you said, causing Tommy to chuckle.

‘Consummate our marriage, ey?’ Tommy said. He was surprised by your proposal.

‘Yes, unless you rather fuck your maid than your wife’ you said sheepishly and with a smirk. It was clear to Tommy that you were being sarcastic and he began to like this mischievous side of you.

‘Well then Mrs Shelby, shall we go to my room or yours?’ Tommy smirked.

‘Mine’ you said determined as you stood up and offered him your hand.

As you and Tommy arrived at your bedroom, Tommy closed the door behind you while you crossed to the bed to turn on the bedside lamp.

The light was just enough to show him all that he needed to see and no more than you wished to reveal.

Tommy walked over towards you as you stood next to the bed.

Leaning in from behind you, he swept your hair over one of your shoulders and pressed a kiss against the back of your neck while one of his hands dragged the zipper of your dress down tooth by tooth.

Slipping his hands beneath the fine satin, Tommy pushed the dress downward and letting it fall to the ground.

Taking a step back, he admired you, studying every tiny detail of your entire body.

Watching you turn, Tommy reached out and a smile flitted across his lips when you slid your hand into his before stepping up flush against him.

‘You haven’t even kissed your wife yet’ you said shyly before leaning in and pressing your lips on Tommy’s lips.

His lips were soft and tasted like Whiskey. He was a good kisser and it wasn’t long until his tongue found its way into your mouth.

The kiss soon became urgent and heated while Tommy’s hands moved behind your back, unclipping your bra. It landed on the floor right next to your dress.  

His hands were urgently exploring every part of you and you could feel his erection press against you.

As he ran his hands over your firm breasts and breathed deeply, it was clear to you now that he desired you.

‘Tommy?’ you said with a hasty voice as his hand wandered lower, wanting him to slow down. Your heart was pounding by that time and some apprehension had set in.

‘Yes’ Tommy said while he took off his shirt, letting it join your dress in holy matrimony.

‘I haven’t done this before’ you said with some embarrassment as you rested your hands on his bare chest while your eyes were exploring his tattoos.

‘You have never had sex before?’ Tommy asked with slight worry in his voice, causing you to bite your lip and shake your head.

‘Are you sure you want to do this tonight? Tommy asked, running his hand gently over your cheek.

‘Yes Tommy, I am sure. I want to be yours’ you said.

‘You are mine regardless Y/N’ Tommy said with a slight laugh as he caressed your face. In his mind, he had already claimed you. You were his wife.

‘Please Tommy, I want you’ you said with a smile.

‘Alright, I will take it slow then but you must tell me if I hurt you’ Tommy said concerned, causing you to nod. It’s been over 20 years since he had been anyone’s first and this was not something he expected having to encounter again.

Tommy’s touch became gentler almost immediately and you loved the softness of his fingertips on your skin.

His fingers were exploring every corner of your body, for now steering clear from your most intimate parts, while your tongues danced in sync with each other.  

After some more passionate kisses, you let your eyes rove over the expanse of his chest and down the ridges in his torso, which was an area of his body you didn’t dare to look at until then.

You bit the corner of your lip shyly as you pushed the zipper of his pants down with a single fingertip, the fingers of your other hand relieving the button.

You almost let out a soft laugh when Tommy let out a sigh of relief as the pressure lightened considerably around his bulge which was now hidden only behind the thin fabric of his briefs.

Even through the fabric, he seemed huge and for a moment you doubted your decision but then you looked up at him and every ounce of niggling doubt was erased from your mind as his blue eyes gazed into yours.

Tommy stepped out of his shoes and let his trousers nose-dive to the ground as he stepped forward, guiding you back to the bed that stood center stage in the gigantic room.

Brushing his fingertips across your cheek, Tommy rubbed the curve of your side and laid you gently back on the bed.

‘I think I got lucky, having such a beautiful wife’ Tommy said as he lowered himself onto the bed and before exchanging another passionate kiss with you.

Tommy’s lips soon made their way from your mouth to your neck and then over to your breasts.

Every little kiss or touch made your heart gallop within your chest, your blood pounding through your veins, soaring through your body at speeds greater than that of light or sound, or so it felt.

Brushing your fingers through Tommy’s hair as he explored your body, you caressed his cheek and stared down at him, your hips rising subconsciously as Tommy teased the soft skin of your abdomen with tiny kisses and nibbles.

There was a fleeting moment of second guessing when Tommy’s fingertips edged beneath the lacey edge of your panties but as soon as he kissed the skin he revealed it was gone.

Your hips were again rising as Tommy removed the scrap of dark fabric from the apex of your thighs to reveal a silky smooth mound of flesh and the now engorged rosebud of your clit.

Hearing him gasp at the sight, you blushed but followed it with a moan as Tommy leaned down and kissed it once, the length of his tongue sweeping out to take a taste of your secret delicacy.

This was something you didn’t expect. What on earth was he doing?

As you were completely naked before him and he was so close to your most intimate parts, you felt more vulnerable than you had ever been in your entire life but you didn't regret it.

Everything that Tommy did to you in that moment made you jump out of your skin in the most wonderful ways possible.

After he gently ran his tongue over your slit a few times, Tommy told you to relax as he pulled gently at your leg and you slowly let them fall open.

You tried hard not to tense up and, even though you didn't know what he was planning on doing, what he did so far felt good so you were willing to give all of yourself to him.

‘That’s it’ Tommy said after you took a deep breath and relaxed your body.

Tommy took this moment to dip his tongue inside of you gently, causing a loud moan to escape you.

His tongue was skilled, moving in and of you slightly while his hands pressed your legs apart gently.

Tommy then moved his tongue over your clit, flicking it slightly and causing you to make a high pitch noise of some sort.

‘Tommy’ you moaned at the sensation. It was almost too intense.

You closed your eyes as waves of pleasure coursed through your body while Tommy kept pleasuring you with his tongue.

When Tommy's fingers finally brushed against your entrance to join his tongue, you gasped and jumped.

‘Tommy’ you moaned but were also slightly worried about what he might do with his fingers.

Tommy’s erection was throbbing from within his briefs but he knew very well that he would have to take it very slow. As much as he wanted to be inside of you right then and there, he was aware that there was some preparation to be done.

With trembling fingers Tommy gently spread your virgin lips open and let his finger brush against your clit while his tongue continued to run through your folds.

He heard her sharp intake of breath from you when he guided his finger inside of you carefully while his tongue played with your clit.

By that time, you were soaked and he could feel the juices coating his finger.

As he pushed his finger deeper inside of you, he could hear your soft cry of surprise and you arched your back up suddenly.

‘Just relax’ Tommy said as he could feel no resistance inside of you.

He pressed you gently back to the bed and dropped more kisses against your virgin lips before circling against your clit again.

You closed your eyes tight and held your body completely still.

‘Tommy, oh god’ you moaned as he moved his finger in and out of you slowly, over and over again.

You were tight around his finger and had no idea how he would possibly fit his cock inside of you.

It wasn’t long until you moved your hips upward, showing Tommy that you were enjoying what he was doing to you.

Tommy sucked hard at your clit, loving it with his tongue as he slid a second finger inside of you carefully and started sawing it in and out.

‘Tommy’ you cringed at the pressure, causing him to slow down again and holding his fingers steady until the pressure eased.

When he could feel you relax, he began moving his fingers in and out of you again and it wasn’t long until you felt a very unfamiliar tightening in your belly.

‘Tommy, oh my god, please don’t stop’ you begged as your breathing started coming out heavier.

Unlike you, Tommy knew that you were close to having an orgasm and he increased the pressure of his tongue around your clit while continuing to move his fingers in and out of you.

Still unsure about what was happening inside of you, you grabbed onto the sheets as, suddenly, a feeling of ecstasy rushed through you.

‘Tommy, fuck’ you screamed, not being able to control yourself while your orgasm washed over you.

Tommy couldn’t help but smile against your flesh as you coated his fingers in your juices.

After you had come down from your high, Tommy slowly pulled his fingers out of you and moved up the bed to kiss you passionately.

You could taste yourself on Tommy’s lips. It was strange, but you enjoyed it.

‘I don’t know what just happened. I hope the maids didn’t hear me’ you said totally embarrassed as your lips drifted apart.

‘If they didn’t then they are clearly deaf’ Tommy laughed.

‘Oh my god, how embarrassing’ you said. ‘I didn’t expect…’ you said, and before you could finish your sentence, Tommy interrupted you.

‘You didn’t expect it to feel that good?’ Tommy asked, causing you to shake your head.

‘Well, Mrs Shelby, I will make you feel good every day from now on’ Tommy grinned before kissing you again.

‘Is that a promise Mr Shelby?’ you asked in between more passionate kisses while your hand moved in between his legs and beneath his briefs.

‘It’s a promise’ Tommy said as he let out a small groan as you began to stroke his hard cock.

He was thicker than you had expected and your nervousness returned in an instant as he took off his briefs.

‘We can wait if you want’ Tommy said as you continued to stroke his hard cock with your hand.

‘No Tommy, I want to feel all of you’ you said with a gentle voice before Tommy ran his hands lovingly over your legs, pushing them apart all the way, much further than he did earlier.

You took in a deep breath as you gazed into Tommy’s blue eyes while he rested himself in between your legs.

He smiled and kissed you softly. You knew that, what was about to follow would hurt. Nonetheless, you wanted him inside of you so badly.

‘We will take it slow, alright?’ Tommy said with a reassuring voice.

You brought your arms up around Tommy’s neck and pulled his lips to yours, kissing him softly once again.

‘I trust you’ you said, looking deep into his eyes after your lips drifted apart.

With his look fixated on you, Tommy reached down between your legs and grasped his cock in his hand before rubbing his tip against your soaking entrance.  

You moaned softly as you felt the head of his cock pressing against you. But, as soon as you could feel him push inside of you, you inhaled roughly.

‘Tommy’ you moaned as he slowly pressed forward with his hips.

 You couldn’t help it but gasp as you felt him start to enter you.

You dug your hands into his shoulder and held onto him tightly as you felt yourself being stretched.

‘Fuck’ Tommy groaned lightly, trying to force himself to go slow. It took more willpower than he had expected not to simply plunge into you as you were incredibly tight around him.

Pushing into you slowly, inch by inch, he finally felt your barrier. He stopped and looked down at you.

You gave your husband the look of approval as you tightened the hold on his shoulders and wrapped your legs around his waist.

Tommy leaned down, pressing his lips onto yours just before he nudged forward and slipped past that barrier.

As your fingernails dug into the flesh on his shoulders, Tommy swallowed your moan that was different from all the others you let loose earlier that night.

It was indeed painful and some small tears escaped your eyes as he filled you completely.

Tommy kissed away your tears before cradling you against him as he paused once more, giving you some time to adjust.

It was killing him to hold still but he wanted to wait until you were ready.

As you adjusted to him inside of you, the last sliver of pain disappeared and was overtaken by pleasure.

Tommy could feel you starting to relax and move beneath him as he continued to place small kisses on your neck.

He moaned as he felt your small movements and it tugged on his cock.

It wasn’t long until he began to move himself, small and gentle thrusts to start with.

Your thighs clenched and your toes flexed, your hips rising in vain to meet his again only to be pressed back into the bed when he sank back into you.

‘Oh god Tommy’ you moaned loudly. You could've screamed right then and there, from the highest point on the face of the earth, from the insane amount of pleasure you felt.

‘You are so god damn beautiful’ Tommy said as he continued to thrust into, picking up in speed and force.

Your nipples grazed his chest every time your hips collided as your movements became syntonised with his.

Every movement he made, no matter how small, brought a new sound out of you, your voice cresting and dropping to new highs and lows that you never even thought you would reach let alone soar passed regularly.

His thrusts soon became more urgent and you pressed into him firmly, wanting him to burry himself into you over and over again.

By that time, you had lost count of how many times the pressure had built within the cradle of your hips only to explode like a weapon of mass destruction, bringing copious amounts of toe-curling, eye-clenching amounts of pleasure so great that it seemed impossible that the next surge would ever top its predecessor.

By the sounds of your moans, Tommy knew that you were getting close to another orgasm and he was getting so close himself.

He held tight to your hips as he drove hard and fast in and out of you, making you whimper with need.

‘Oh my god Tommy, yes’ you moaned and begged slamming back against him the best you could.

Your body was wound so tight you felt like your body was going to come apart any second.

Your legs began to shiver and your walls were tightening around him as your orgasm came at you like a freight train.

‘Tommy’ you screamed at the top of your lungs, sending him over the edge also.

You came in sync with each other and, with the next thrust, he filled you with his warm cum and coated your insides, flooding you just as you did the exact same thing to him.

‘Fuck Y/N’ he moaned as his thrusts became sloppier while you both came down from your highs.

Moments later, Tommy collapsed next to you before pulling you closer for a kiss.

‘Are you alright?’ Tommy asked, running his hands over your cheek.

‘Yes’ you said quietly but with a big smile on your face.

‘The next time will be easier’ Tommy said, causing your eyes to light up.

‘You know I will hold you to the promise you made me earlier Tommy’ you said.

‘I was hoping that you would’ he grinned before wrapping his arm around you, pulling you onto his chest.

‘Will you stay with me tonight?’ you said as Tommy was brushing through your hair with his fingers.

‘Yes. Tonight and every night from now on if you want me to’ Tommy said gently.

Your body felt relaxed and at ease and, for the first time in six weeks, you felt comfortable in your own bed with your husband right beside you.

That night, he showed you a side of himself you hadn’t seen before, a side you were seeing yourself fall in love with it.

With Tommy holding you close, it wasn’t long until you drifted off to sleep.

But you weren’t the only who felt relaxed and at ease.

Tommy watched you sink into your dreams and a smile emerged on his face. He felt a familiar warmth washing over him, something he thought he wouldn’t be able to feel again.

As he turned off the bedside lamp, he felt a happiness that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Unlike other nights, he wasn’t afraid to drift off to sleep because he knew that, tonight, there would be no nightmares and no memories of Grace, there would only be you.

[nanasarea]

Park Jisung as your idol bf

Genre: fluff

Pairing: jisung x idol!reader

Requested

Word count:1757 (dear lord, the longest in the idol bf series damn...) 

a/n: this is more of a jisung as your bf in general, not so much the idol aspect sorry. Also yes, i ended up writing about jisung having a baby, sue me, I’m in jisung hours now! also do i even need to say it’s not proofread at this point?

Haechan /  Yuta / Mark / Jeno / Jaemin / Chenle / Renjun / Jaehyun

you were in the same dance class when you were younger

so you were friends way before either of your debuts

like when you knew each other when he was an smrookie

and of course, both of you being talented dancers

you were both training under companies at a rather young age

and it isn’t easy being a trainee regardless of your age

but because you were both still in school

and so young

you knew you should stick together

let’s say you had chemistry homework

but you also had vocal lessons

i’m not saying he would help you

because he wouldn’t

but he would be there to motivate you 

and study his own school work 

so you weren’t alone

it’s safe to say you were each other’s motivation when it came to school

he would also insist on his mom picking you up from school and driving you to the company when your mom couldn’t

same would go reversed

not that either of your moms minded

they found it adorable

and they shipped you both anyway so

that means him and his family coming over for dinner 

and you and yours going to theirs for dinner

and your moms would document all of your childhood memories

they would bond over it

since you didn’t have time to make any friends in school, 

you both valued your friendship a lot

he ended up debuting before you

and you teased him a lot

until he “taught” you how to ride a hoverboard

and you ended up falling in the first 4 seconds

then he would tease you

and you’d now understand how hard his dances really were

you met most of his members when they were smrookies

but you didn’t know renjun and chenle that well

so whenever you could, 

you would hang out with each other

and become very close

which is why they were all so supportive when you ran into their dorms and yelled that you were debuting 

you end up having a little celebration

when you actually did debut, 

they were so hyped

especially jisung

he streamed your mv so many times

he knew every detail of every scene in the mv

which was adorable

the fans knew you were childhood friends so they absolutely loved your interactions

which meant your company/companies being like 

WE COULD MAKE MONEY FROM THAT

so they make sure you have a collab stage 

like really early in your debut

and it was kinda awkward

but because you knew each other beforehand

you felt completely fine

at this point, your moms were betting on when you’d start dating

to which you would both just blush and tell them to stop

you end up going on so many variety shows together

mainly dance specials

and everyone finds you too adorable

like everyone ships it

but they’re kinda lowkey about it because they don’t want to make you uncomfortable 

not the case of his members tho

or yours

you can’t tell me jaemin’s hiatus wasn’t just him laying in bed, resting and planning your wedding

you can’t

taeyong ends up asking him why he hasn’t asked you out yet

he just blushes

it wasn’t until you were both a bit older

and you were at an award ceremony

where everyone was complimenting you

like your dress, makeup, hair, etc

that he realized he liked you

seeing you like that and realizing he needs to stop looking at you as his little childhood friend

and start looking at you as an adult

or somewhat of an adult

he can never look at you as an adult

because he would always have the image of you

with 6 empty chocolate milks around you

and a gummy worm hanging from your mouth

as you tried your best to color the coloring book correctly

but hey, you were always going to have the imagine of him

hanging from monkey bars

after he finished his 5th scoop of ice cream 

and laughing because he overheard someone say a fart joke

ANYWAY

he starts seeing you as an adult

kinda

and he gets slightly jealous when everyone compliments you

so after that, he goes to taeyong and jaehyun

and asks for dating advice

jaehyun just yells 

“wooooo! you should know my usual boba order by now, right, lee?”

These fuckers bet on how long it would take for jisung to realize his feelings 

and jaehyun would regrets only asking for a free boba when he won

but he’s way too happy about winning to care

it ends with half of 127 and half of dreamies giving advice, 

the other halves teasing

and wayv cooing on the phone as they were in china at the time

it takes him like 5 months till he confesses

he’s a nervous baby let him be

and when he does get the courage, 

he takes you to an amusement park

you don’t go on any of the rides

because he’s scared

but you do play the games and eat food

you even watch the fireworks

which is when he finally holds your hand for the first time

you did a lot of skinship before

like when you were friends

but it wasn’t like this 

it was cute

he was so nervous

your palms were both sweaty from nervousness

but neither of you cared

you were just happy to enjoy the moment

 that got cheesy

he even walked you to your dorm 

like to right in front of your door

which is when he hesitantly gave you a kiss on the cheek 

but you wanted a real kiss so you gave him a proper kiss

and he ended up almost tripping on his way to the elevator

where he smiled to himself

and tried to calm himself down

so the members wouldn’t see him like this

but they did

they teased him

and just yelled with him

“our baby had his first kiss!” -jaemin

“life is going way too fast! weren’t you like 3 years old yesterday?!”- jeno

“how come he’s 2 years younger and already getting more action than me?!” -renjun

the others find out 

and tease him

mostly they just congratulate him tho

“wooo! our baby is becoming a man!” -taeyong

“doyoung, hold me, i’m emotional!” -johnny 

“when’s the wedding?” -taeil

“wedding? i always cry at weddings...” -jungwoo

“no weddings! yet!” -kun

“yeah! he’s not getting married before me!” -jaehyun

they might have gone a bit overboard

but can you blame them 

it’s their baby we’re talking abt

they still see him as the little toddler from when he was on mickey mouse club

also you end up not telling your parents right away

and they keep match making

so you end up being like

“Mom, we’re already dating, you can stop”

cue both of your moms get excited

like they’re already talking about being the best grandmas

and having the cutest grandchildren

even tho you’ve only been together for 2 months

something tells me he’d be the type to want to have matching everything

phone cases

(probably anna and kristoff ones)

then profile pictures

jewelry

clothing

anything and everything

he’d find it so cute

speaking of matching profile pics

the fans would realize what was going on 

when you would match your pfps

so your company/companies were like

yes, they’re dating, no one is surprised...anyway 127 comeback 

your dating announcement is like super chill

mainly because everyone was waiting for it 

also i feel like he’d always be playing with your hair 

and fixing it

like all the time

a single hair out of place?

we can’t have that!

his hands are in your hair already

would text you for advice while filming chenji’s this and that

and would always make something for you too

“chenle’s turned out more aesthetic but mine is made with love, so mine is better my default.” 

also it wouldn’t matter if you’re older than him, the same age, younger than him

doesn’t matter

would want to hear you call him oppa

but immediately get shy after

also he’s an aquarius

so if you end up getting really random texts during the day

like during your schedules

don’t be surprised

like he’s already maknae on top

so he will rebel to like some of the things you say

“jisung! we need to get back to filming in 3 minutes!”

“but weeee!” -jisung going down the slide for the 5th time 

cries when you joke about leaving him there

speaking of crying, 

we all know he’s emotional

and cries easily

so he just runs to you whenever he wants to cry

and just placed his head on your shoulder

to hide his facial expression

but it’s okay

you’ve already seen everything from the random snaps you get every day

he might not know how to comfort you at first

but he will learn

and he’s pretty mature for his age 

so he would take comforting you very seriously

he’s a really good listener 

so he would love to just hear you vent to him

it would kinda boost his ego a bit too

like he’s the one who you’re venting to

yknow what i mean?

but also he protects you very well

you get scared of a spider 

he goes all manly mode 

and gets rid of it for you

doesn’t like to admit it, 

but he thinks about you a lot

and your future

like once you two grow out of your idol lives 

and into a more adult life

where you get married

and have kids

kids who tease their uncles (aka nct members)

because THE maknae on top was their teacher after all

speaking of weddings

his older brother got married

and obviously you were his date

and everyone kept looking at you two

asking when it was your turn

your mom said “hopefully soon”

“mom, we don’t have time, we have busy schedules”

“but one day...”

time jump to when the news breaks about your engagement 

and everyone is crying

they watched you both grow up and now you’re getting married??

what???

the announcement was everywhere

also you don’t announce anything about a child

one day, you just both post a picture of your daughter

with a caption like

“she’s so cute, i knew my genes were good.”

or something like that

and everyone goes wild

nation’s babies having a baby?

legend says chenle’s screaming caused 2 earthquakes that day

to sum it up: nation’s babies turned nation’s it couple because jisung is the best boyfriend you could ever have asked for 

.....i might have gone way more invested than i thought i was going to. Do i regret it tho? hell no. Am i emotional now because I pictured adult Jisung with a baby? hell yes.

tag list: @soleilchannie​

[allnaturalsuga-blog]

AU Prompt List

Please refer to my RULES PAGE before requesting.

Send requests into my ask box with which list you chose, the number, and the couple you’d like to see. (I only take BTS reqeusts, so either request a couple amongst the boys such as Sugakookie, Vmin, etc, or specifiy you want [Y/N] x member of your choice)

Dialogue Prompt List

(all prompts belong to their rightful owners.)

You’re my roommate who’s super cute and it’s the middle of the night and you’re cramming for your exams in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and it’s becoming increasingly hard for me not to kiss you.

Our mutual friend invites us for Thanksgiving dinner with their other friends and now there’s a full-fledged food fight going on with potatoes and turkey flying everywhere and we’re both seeking refuge under the table whilst sharing a bag of chips that you brought (just in case)

You and I are at a sushi restaurant and you’re continuously snagging sushi off the belt that I have to pay for and you don’t seem to be going to stop anytime soon but you look so cute when you’re eating with that smile on your face what the hell man.

A little while ago the sirens would have scared him but now all he could feel was relief.

The evening sun is falling on their face and he thinks maybe, just maybe he is a little bit in love with them.

Emotions were difficult to control. Magic was difficult to control. But no one ever really taught me how to handle either of them. Not handling your emotions wasn’t the worst thing because everyone accepted high schoolers were testy. The magic was another story, however. Not being able to control that was a danger.

A bold traveler hires an introverted writer and/or photographer to accompany them on their adventures in order to document it.

A crisp chill settled into the air, signaling a change in weather and a change in myself. A new energy swirled in the skies. This was going to change everything.

i’m a prince/ss and you’re a servant and we’re not supposed to hang out but we’re gonna fall in love anyways (Requested w/ Namjin)

I’m sick so you make me chicken soup and I’m really grateful but I’ve also seen you read books on magical spells and potion-making so I’m not sure if I should drink your soup in case it turns me into a toad

I’m the owner of a magic shop and you discover my magics one day when you walk in on my cat flying around inside the shop on a broom and now I have to take you in as my apprentice or turn you into a toad

You’re the health-conscious med student and I’m the chain-smoking art student who’s also your barista and you leave me notes on smoking and lung health on your napkins and also a 20-page essay on lung cancer tucked under your saucer

I spilled my drink down your shirt and then tried to drink it off you.

I used to be the best baker in the neighborhood but then you showed up at Mrs Appleby’s 80th birthday with a stack of brownies which almost gave me an orgasm my honor is at stake and I’m going all out for the next event

I can’t tell whether this is a date because you asked to see a movie but I’m still not sure you’re queer, and I’m toeing the line because maybe you’re just trying to make friends

You’re a dragon slayer, and I raise dragons. The king has invited us to his castle to plead in favor of our causes.

I just captured the ship you’re on and about to kill everyone on it, but you’re cute, I’ll keep you (Requested w/ Vmin)

I needed to kidnap you for a mission but don’t worry I won’t kill you, you’ll be staying with my family for a while

You’re the neighbor that keeps their curtains open, even when changing, and I can’t talk to you without blushing (Requested w/ Jimin)

we’ve been roomates for a few months now and I never see you at night except this time when I caught you dragging a body into the kitchen

you hired me to be the surprise stripper for your friend at this bachelor/bachelorette party and they did not take it well and threw both of us out in the freezing cold this is all your fault

“youre singing in our dorm shower, and i just want to let you know that you have a wonderful voice, also oops i’m naked.”

you showed up at my place in the middle of the night with bruises and blood and you won’t say what happened so I just lead you into the bathroom and clean you up

stop yelling ‘parkour’ when you scale fences and run across the road that’s dangerous and an incredibly inefficient detour so gET BACK HERE

your hands ache and your knuckles are bleeding after getting into another dumb fist fight so I’m gonna bandage them and then hold your hand for the whole day

I know you won’t get into any fights when I’m with you mainly because you’re scared I’ll get injured and because you know I’ll whoop your ass even worse if you even attempt to

you may be really reckless and you’re always getting in trouble but I know for sure that every morning you sneak out of bed and go outside to feed the neighbourhood cats

From birth we were rivals. Always competing, always striving to be better than one another. Our parents expected a fight. So I guess that’s why I was startled when we kissed for the first time.

I tore myself apart for you, bit by bit, only for you to go in the grave. I hope some part of me stays with you, wherever the hell you are.

Waves rolled lazily, almost a leisurely stroll in the midsummer day. Somewhere down on the beach, a severed head washed up on the shore.

The rainy morning, the fog, and the news of a murder swept the town in a panicked, subdued state.

A ruby studded crown sat upon scarlet tresses while crimson blood leaked out of delicate rosey lips.

You marry your spouse young. As the years pass, the spark fades. One day, an incident ocurrs, and it is revealed that your spouse has been leading a double life. When their two lives collide, you are plunged into the action. Your brains says that the lies and secrets definitely mean the end of your marriage, but, throughout the chaos that follows, your heart is falling in love all over again.

He wasn’t an assassin or hitman; his only job was to dispose of the bodies.

He wouldn’t stop doing chest compressions on the unmoving body. If he stopped pumping the heart, his own would cease to beat.

We revolved around him like planets around the sun. Without him, we would all separate, scattered amongst the stars. We didn’t know what to do when our sun started to die. And we definitely didn’t expect that the supernova he exploded into would destroy us all.

They visited each other in their dreams because during waking life, it was much too dangerous to be seen together.

From colorful ring pops to bedazzled matching class rings to elegant wedding rings (and more ring pops along the way), we were always tied together with those little circular bands.

Lost hikers who mutually think the other is a bear or other predator rustling about in the forest, readying to pounce. They’re relieved to see that each other is only a human. At least until they hear more rustling.

You and I were sent on a quest together by the king, but now we’re horribly lost, and I’m fairly certain this quest was just meant to kill us.

I’m an alchemist, and you’re my ever-so-patient assistant who finds me the random ingredients I ask for, I really need to find a way to thank you.

You’ve been my best friend for years, and I can tell you anything, right? Good, because I sort of stole a dragon egg.

He was clothed in billowing gold fabric and he shone like the sun.

For everything you gain, you lose something else.

I woke up and found you in the kitchen wearing my shirt and humming along to ‘beautiful soul’ and jfc i think i love your dumb ass

I’m a broke ass musician who plays in the subway station and you drop a couple of dollar in my instrument case whenever you walk by. You’re very cute and i always wink at you because i just want to acknowledge you somehow. One day you show up with two burgers and asks if i wanna eat with you because ‘you didn’t have any change tonight

We’re friends and decide it would be a good idea to get jobs as phone sex operators to make some money over the summer. I thought it was just gonna be shits and giggles but turns out you sound ridiculously hot when you’re talking to horny dudes over the phone and I’m 100% screwed i can barely stand to be in the same room as you when we’re working jfc

I’m pretty used to you disappearing on me for days at a time. I don’t mind it, I have my own work to keep myself busy. One night you show up seriously injured, insisting on not going to see a doctor so I have to stitch you up myself

When we met, you were a drug dealer. I was young and you wanted to take me to see the world. It’s the best year of my life, but eventually I get too scared of the shit you do. I leave when you needed me the most and you feel used. You spiral into drugs. We meet five years later, in a bathroom stall at some club and you’re high out of your mind. I take you home and help you get clean.

You’re a night owl, and your partner has never been able to quite make it to the wee hours with you. You don’t mind them nodding off- their prescence and their sleeping face make the stars dull, to you.

Your partner has been really overworking themselves to ace their finals. You hate seeing them so stressed, so you leave them little treats they love, make sure they’re taking care of themselves, and become their study partner. You know they’ve got this- you’ve just to convince them of that, too.

 I still wake up most nights from the nightmares about the bombings and the war, but you’re always there to tell me I’m fine and safe

I’m behind you in line at the grocery store and all you have in your cart are three pints of really overpriced ice cream and a bottle of vodka. Are you okay do you need a hug?

You work for a drug cartel and I’m an FBI agent working undercover. After a while, I already have all the information I need, but I end up actually falling in love with you in the process, so I keep lying to my commander telling them I need more time. Eventually you find out and you have a gun pointed to my head and tears in your eyes.

She sat on the stone steps of the brownstone house, the cold rain slowly drenching her, but she still looked happy

[yoramkelmer]

Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 1: The Streets of Fort Lauderdale

Welcome back! 

So now we have finally arrived to the day that I have been longing for, ever since I started sporking the Saga back in September 2016, 3 years ago...we have now arrived at the third fic, which happens to be my favourite of the Saga, as there is so much meat that needs to be adressed, so much fail...

This fic, among other things, features more stupid plotlines that go absolutely nowhere, giant spiders that explode by Sue powers, more pointless crying, designated love interests, and to crown it all, a very shitty Jurassic Park rip off. 

The subtitle of the fic is “Salazars return”, a thing foreshadowed way back in the first fic (in which Jamie sees Salazar during DADA, facing her worst fear - this is never adressed again afterwards), and outrightly announced in the last fic with the terrible written prophecy that Emily comes out with. 

As mentioned in the last sporking, the whole “resurrecting Salazar Slytherin” is - despite being stolen from the Draco Trilogy - an actually somewhat interesting plot, but of course we won´t see that much of it, instead we again are faced with terrible soap opera situations. 

Well, let´s dive right in:

Friday, August 5, 2005 “They look like they’re having a great time,” Jamie said, watching enviously from the window in the staff tower as the Giant Squid tossed the girls ten to fifteen feet in the air and then ate them as they fell down permitted them to splash back down into the lake before scooping them up and repeating the process. “Why don’t you go join them, Jamie?” Hermione suggested. “It’s not like we have that much packing to do.” “I’d love to except I haven’t written to Alex today, and we pledged to owl each other every day, because we otherwise would cease to exist if we don´t constantly remind us with the fact that we are a couple” Jamie answered. 

Jamie and Alex would be starting their seventh and final year at Hogwarts in the autumn and had been best friends since their first year. Last year they had finally acknowledged that the feelings they shared for each other went far beyond friendship. Both Alex and Jamie planned to train as Aurors after they completed Hogwarts and then, in due course marry. 

Again, what is it that is so special about their relationship? Nothing has ever been shown to us why they are so perfect for each other, not to mention that Alex has absolutely no personality outside of being Jamie Sues love interest. In fact, Dick Bancroft has more chemistry with Jamie, and that is saying a lot!  When Jamie’s parents died during her fifth year, she had thought that life, as she knew it, would come to a crashing halt. Jamie envisioned saying good-bye to Hogwarts and having to seek some sort of menial employment in order to support herself and her then ten-year-old sister, Emily. 

I actually don´t know why we all of a sudden are faced with a recap of things we already know.  Professor Granger, who had been a mentor to Jamie, refused to think about this alternative. Since the girls had no living relatives, she and her fiancé, Harry Potter, insisted on caring for Jamie as a sister and becoming guardians to Emily. Harry and Hermione did this without hesitation despite Hermione having previously adopted Caitlin, a then eleven-year-old girl 12, actually, also because her age is going to be important the next fic who had been orphaned and abused. And so Harry Potter, now at the ripe old age of twenty-five and married for only slightly over a year, finds himself the father of three children: Caitlin, who would soon turn thirteen fourteen, as she turns 15 in the next fic and start her third year at Hogwarts; Emily, now twelve and entering her second year; and Suespawn Benjamin, Hermione and Harry’s newborn son, just over two months old. “Harry, will we be able to Portkey all the way to Fort Lauderdale or will we have to do it in phases because of the distance involved?” Jamie inquired as Harry entered the room, ready to kiss her arse. “That is the one advantage a Portkey has over Apparating,” he answered. “There is no limit to the distance you can travel. Our group is rather large, however, and so I’ve arranged for three Portkeys.” 

What could possibly go wrong?  “Three? Why so many? And what about Timmy and Ben?” Jamie inquired. “Timmy is rather young to understand he must hold onto the Portkey and Ben, well he just can’t.” Timmy is the four-year-old son of Samantha Bowman, an American Sue witch. Sam had originally come to England searching for Timmy’s birth father but, after a year of no leads, had given up and settled in Hogsmeade where she met and fell in love with Ron Weasley, who suffers from lycanthropy. He had just been released from Azkaban and, at the time, was working in a joke shop owned by his twin brothers, Fred and George. It was at Harry and Hermione’s wedding that Samantha and her son were initially observed by Timmy’s birth father, none other than Draco Malfoy. Draco made a legal attempt to gain custody of his son, but upon failing, begrudgingly accepted the state of affairs and his current role in his son’s life. 

Maybe it is a good thing that we never actually see any of the moments between Timmy and Draco.  “I secured three Portkeys mainly because of Ben and Timmy,” Harry explained. “Traveling by Portkey can be rather rough treatment, especially with a large number of people thrashing their limbs about. I propose that you girls use one Portkey. That will allow Hermione and me to secure Ben between us and the Weasley’s to do the same with Timmy.” “But will all three Porkeys have the same coordinates?” “Yes,” Harry said assuredly. “The only drawbacks are that we have to allow ten minutes between departures, and that we will be arriving in an area that none of us are familiar with. But I’m sure everything will go well.” 

Again, what could possibly go wrong? Also, fooooreeeeshadowing. 

* * * * * *

“I’m tired,” Kim whimpered, “Can we get out of the water for a bit and take a break?” “I’m rather exhausted myself,” Caitlin agreed. “You two are worse than two old ladies,” Emily complained, but she conceded and headed for the shore. “I wish we could shrink Elmo and take him on holiday with us,” she said glancing back at the Giant Squid. 

Yeah, and I´m now totally imagining the Giant Squid with the head of Elmo.  “I’m sure that would go over spectacularly with the other ship passengers,” Caitlin said sarcastically. “Somehow I don’t think they would take kindheartedly to a giant squid in one of the ship’s swimming pools.” “Nah! I guess not,” Emily said sadly. “I’m going to miss him though while we’re away.” “I’ve never been on a cruise ship before,” Kim said excitedly. “I’m so glad your parents invited me to go along.” 

And believe me, we are going to spend a lot of time on the cruise ship, even more time than the nudist resort last fic. 

Anyway, Caitlin and Emily get Kim to walk to Hogsmeade for icecream semi naked, while they themselves are under that charm again. 

The main reason why Emily wants to go to Hogsmeade is because she has the hots for Roger Fortescue, the guy running the shop - HE IS TWENTY WHILE SHE IS TWELVE, AND THEIR FEELINGS ARE MUTUAL WHILE NEIL PORTRAYS THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS A GOOD THING. 

Also, suddenly more recap of things we already know in the middle of everything:

Both Emily and Caitlin are naturalists and preferred to be unclothed whenever possible. Jamie and Emily’s parents were nudists and they raised their daughters in the naturists’ ways. Both girls feel extremely uncomfortable when clothed and would much prefer to always be naked even if others about them are clothed. They don’t see being unclothed as wicked or sexy, but rather as natural and comfortable. Jamie befriended Caitlin when she first started Hogwarts, and was the first real friend and positive role model Caitlin had ever had. It was by accident that the young girl discovered Jamie was a naturist. Caitlin was so impressed by Jamie and her explanation of her lifestyle that she was tempted to try it. She became an immediate convert. 

This makes no sense. 

Kim is a most unenthusiastic nudist. This is an understatement - she is completely forced to it by the other Sues! In order to avoid lingering embarrassment from a cruel prank on the Hogwarts Express in her first year, she had all her cartoon-imprinted underclothes destroyed ´destroyed´ - this sounds like Emily did a Crucio or Avada Kedavra on them. This caused her dorm mates to mistakenly assume that she, like Emily, was a nudist. She now uncomfortably lives that lie. Why though? She has actually become at ease being naked with Caitlin, Emily and their family. The cruise, on the other hand, will be her first experience at public nudity, and she is exceedingly apprehensive. 

And all of a sudden, this:

They had only gone a few hundred feet past the gate, when Caitlin came to a sudden stop. “Did you feel that,” she cried nervously. Kim looked at her questioningly. “Feel what?” she asked, a bewildered look on her face. “I didn’t feel anything.” “I did,” Emily piped up. “It felt as though something hot was trickling down my back. Kim, remember when Professor Flitwick demonstrated the Disillusionment Charm on us last Christmas, the charm that made us blend in with the decorations. It felt exactly the same as when he lifted it.” 

Of course this is an indication of that the modesty charm won´t work later - but what makes this pointless is the fact that it is never brought up again or explained who was behind this. 

They then gush over the fact how fast the ice cream shop was built:

“Wizard contractors take some short cuts not available to Muggle builders,” Emily added. “Yeah!” Kim said. “One might call it magic!” They all chuckled.

This is actually funny, as the Sues on several occasions throughout the fic COMPLETELY FORGET MAGIC, especially a crucial scene in the second half of the fic comes to mind. 

And for the sake of it, this is how I´m envisioning Roger Fortescue:

And the next section...well, I´ll leave that unsporked:

“Well, what have we here?” the clerk behind the counter asked. It was undoubtedly a rare sight to have three towel-clad girls enter his establishment. Although he had addressed all three girls, his eyes only inspected Emily. “Did you girls just get out of the shower?” “No silly,” said Emily dreamily. “We were swimming and had the urge for some ice cream. This is my good friend Kim. She is going on holiday with Caitlin and I.” Roger gave Kim a smile of recognition, but quickly turned his attention back to Emily. “I’d say Kim was extremely fortunate. I would really enjoy being on vacation with you for a week.” At this comment, Emily blushed, but Kim and Caitlin exchanged uneasy glances. This smooth talking git might entrance Emily, but, although she didn’t know why, Kim had taken an immediate dislike to Roger. “I was hoping perhaps you had come to visit me,” Roger said suggestively. “But since you prefer ice cream, what can I get you?” Emily seemed content to stare at Roger; therefore, Kim decided to place her order. “Could I have a small cone of chocolate, please?” “I’ll have a small cone also,” said Caitlin, “but make mine vanilla, please.” “And what about you, beautiful,” Roger said. “Could I have one of those swirl mixes of both kinds?” Emily asked sweetly. Roger purposely served Caitlin and Kim first. The girls sat down at one of the many empty tables as Emily waited to be served and pay. As Roger handed Emily her cone he got a mischievous grin on his face. “Do you know what they say about people who get mixed ice cream?” Emily shook her head, no. “They say they go both ways.” Emily blushed a deep shade of red, but made no comment. Instead she asked, “How much is the total bill?” ”That depends,” Roger said devilishly. “Perhaps we could work out an agreement that would be both easy on your pocket and easy on my eyes.” “What do you mean?” Emily asked innocently, not understanding. “I envisage you looking quite nice in your swim costume,” he said, licking his lips. “If you drop the towel and model it for me; all three cones are on the house.” Emily licked her ice cream, both to prevent it running down the cone and to give her time to think. Her bathing costume was rather skimpy and dropping her towel and modeling seemed like a rather sexual thing to do. On the other hand, she was a naturist. If the world were fair, she’d be happily standing here completely nude at the present time. Besides, she’d sort of like Roger to see her in her bathing costume and free ice cream in the bargain sounded like a great deal. Emily looked around the room. There were only six other patrons in the shop; four pre-teen boys at a table near the rear and a young couple near the window. This felt so weird. She had absolutely no qualms with the entire world seeing her naked. She had even walked naked to the grocery when she was ten, yet modeling a bathing costume in an ice cream store somehow seemed wrong. “I’d really love to see how nice you look,” Roger said entreatingly. Her decision was made. “Would you hold my ice cream?” she asked passing the cone back to Roger. “Now don’t snicker. I’m only twelve and with a bit of luck my figure will develop considerably more.” “I’d never laugh at you, besides I think you have an excellent figure,” Roger said. “Okay, here goes,” Emily said, stepping back from the counter. She couldn’t believe how nervous she was as she undid the towel and in order to avoid seeing Roger’s expression stared anxiously up at the ceiling. As she felt the towel brush her body on its way to the floor, she began turning slowing, allowing Roger plenty of time to scrutinize her before finally looking him in the eyes and saying, “Well, what do you think?” Roger had dropped Emily’s ice cream on the floor. The young girl that was sitting near the window had grabbed her spellbound boyfriend and dragged him from the shop as the four young boys at the rear went wild. Caitlin and Kim, who had been absorbed in conversation and paying little attention to Emily, jumped to their feet. “What happen to your swim costume!?” Kim asked in a panic as Caitlin ran to pick up Emily’s towel and toss it to her. It was only when Kim asked what had become of her costume that Emily realized that she was indeed standing there starkers. “Roger, I’m sorry,” Emily said. “I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry if I made you ill at ease you. Somehow the concealment charm that covered me was canceled.” She started to wrap the towel around herself. “I’m not embarrassed,” Roger said, not taking his eyes off Emily, “and you shouldn’t be either. You’re splendid.” “I’m not embarrassed,” Emily said, letting the towel slip off and into her hand. “Do you really think I look nice?” Roger corrected her. “I’d say fabulous. Nothing would please me more than to have you spend the balance of the day in my shop just as you are.” “Maybe that could be arranged,” Emily said boldly. “I don’t think so!” Caitlin said, giving Emily an appalled look. “We have to go! Emily, please cover up!” When Emily made no effort to do so, Caitlin grabbed her arm. “Suit yourself,” she said with frustration. “Kim, please help me.” Before Emily realized what was happening, Caitlin and Kim had dragged her out the door and on to the thankfully deserted street. “Now will you put that towel on?” Caitlin asked. “Why?” Emily answered defiantly. “There is no one about, and I’m quite comfortable like this.” Emily tossed the towel to Kim and started boldly walking away from the shop and in the direction of the path that would return them to Hogwarts. 

Well, as you can see, Roger is a perv and Emily loves to be starkers in front of other people. And Rogers relationship to Emily is as mentioned earlier, treated as noble. Barf. 

And the charm was lifted, of course. 

On their way back to the castle they meet up with Trilogy!Draco and “Virginia” Weasley who wishes she could be as nude as the girls. 

The sections ends up with this:

“I don’t think Elmo cares if or how we dress,” Emily answered casually, and then added. “Mum likes us to use the concealment charm, but it’s really not necessary anymore on the school grounds. Most of the staff has seen at least one of us nude. It’s really no big deal any longer.” ‘Maybe not to you’, Kim thought and then turned toward the castle and said, “let’s go.” 

This is never picked up on. 

Sunday, August 7, 2005 “Ron, will you please cheer up,” Sam said with annoyance, as she and Ron finished packing. “We’re starting our vacation tomorrow, not going to a funeral.” “That’s easy for you to say,” Ron groaned. “If I had your body, I wouldn’t be concerned with being seen nude either.” “If you had my body, I doubt we’d be married,” Sam said with a laugh. 

Yeah, the Ron-bashing gets worse with each chapter.  “It’s not funny,” Ron moaned. “You know what I mean. I feel like I’m the king of the string bean geeks going on vacation with the Perfect Body Club.” “We don’t all have perfect bodies,” Samantha insisted. “Well, maybe Jamie and Hermione do, because they are Sues, like me!. Hermione is going to have men losing concentration and falling overboard.” “Perhaps you haven’t looked at yourself in a mirror lately,” Ron commented, “but you should put yourself in the same category.” “You’re sweet,” Sam said brushing against him as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. “And that’s another problem,” he said, looking down at a specific part of himself. “It’s totally out of control. It’s ready for action and you barely touched me. If it were the day before a full moon, that’s to be expected, but the next full moon is a ways off. I think I’m turning into some sort of sex manic. Emily and Caitlin caused a reaction the other night and they’re little girls.” 

This is the author handwaving “I´m not a pedo!” “They aren’t that little anymore,” Sam declared. “Their bodies are becoming more womanly every day. Besides, I don’t think that even calm, cool Harry could have handled what happened to you.” 

Why does this sound so creepy? “I wasn’t doing too badly watching them play Twister , although I had to turn away a few times,” Ron said. “Don’t they realize the view they afford when they get into some of those positions?” 

This sounds very misogynistic to me.  “I’m sure they do, but they don’t care. I have to admit that it bothers me a little knowing that my now smooth front will afford people a better view of me. I’m not nearly as comfortable with my body as the girls.”

Anyway, Sam promises Ron lots and lots of sex on the cruise while the girls will watch Timmy. 

Monday, August 8, 2005 8:00 AM “The Weasleys will be here any minute now,” Harry said anxiously. “Are one and all sure they have everything they need packed?” “Why are you insisting we take so much clothing?” Emily questioned. “We are permitted to be unclothed at all times aren’t we?” “When on the ship and at nude beaches, yes,” Hermione answered as she did a cleansing charm on Ben’s bottom and readied him for the trip. “But when we travel about the islands or go souvenir shopping, you will need to be dressed and not just by the concealment charm. I have qualms about any of us even using that anymore now that you girls have discovered yet another imperfection with it.” 

FFFFOOOOORESHADOOOOOWIIIIIING Crookshanks and Alfred both paced the room as if sensing that the family was shortly going to be deserting them. 

This is the first time we hear of them ever since the first fic, as the Suethor simply forgot about them since they´re not nudists - and that is really the reason he wrote!  “Can’t we take them with us?” Caitlin begged. “They’re going to be lonely.” “No we can’t,” Harry said emphatically. “Beside, they will be much more content here, where they have free rein to roam about our quarters and the castle grounds, than they would shut up in a ship’s cabin all day.” “You are sure that Professor Bell won’t forget to look in on them and see that they are properly fed?” Emily asked concernedly. 

Why does she suddenly care about them? “Katie loves animals,” Harry responded. “She’ll see to it that our pets are well taken care of.” As the others finalized their packing, Kim had been reading the cruise brochure and checking their itinerary with animated anticipation.

DAY    PORT                                                                           ARRIVAL                  DEPARTURE

1          Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, United States                                                               5:00 PM 2          Princess Cays                                                               9:00 AM                      4:00 PM 3          At Sea 4          St. Thomas                                                                   7:00 AM                      6:00 PM 5          St. Kitts                                                                        7:00 AM                      3:00 PM 6          Barbados                                                                      8:00 AM                      5:00 PM 7          Antigua                                                                         9:00 AM                      6:00 PM 8          St. Maarten                                                                   7:00 AM                      6:00 PM 9          At Sea 10        At Sea 11        Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, United States                           7:00 AM

I actually think he stole that from an actual brochure. 

“We’ll actually be anchoring at six different islands,” Kim stated with enthusiasm. “I’ve never been further away from home than Hogwarts.” 

And the description for some of them are copy pasted as well. Some, well, might as well be nowhere.  “I’m looking forward to having a wonderful time,” Hermione said as she began breast-feeding Ben.

Such an important detail. 

“Professor Potter, there’s one thing I don’t understand. Why are we leaving so early?” Kim inquired. “Isn’t the United States’ east coast five hours behind us in time? If we leave at nine, it will only be four in the morning there, not even light yet.” “You’re correct,” Harry said rather perturbed. “The American Magical Authority, which is the counter part of our Ministry, insisted that we arrive before sun rise; less chance of us being seen.” 

What could possibly go wrong, again?  “What the hell are we going to do from four o’clock in the morning until five in the afternoon,” Emily blurted out. 

Well, you´ll soon see.  “Maybe we should spend the time teaching you to talk like a proper young lady,” Hermione suggested. “I’m sorry Mum, but that’s thirteen hours,” Emily said apologetically. Hermione looked concernedly at Harry. “Exactly what are your plans for all that time? she asked. “It’s not as bad as it sounds,” Harry responded. “I rented a hotel room nearby, where we can all crash or watch the tele until checkout at eleven. Then we can head to the dock and board the ship. Even though we don’t sail until five o’clock, there will be food and drink available for us from noon, and we can take a tour of the ship.” “That sounds like a good plan,” Jamie said, tearing herself away from her latest epistle from Alex. 

-___-

At least we don´t hear any of the things in the letters. 

Cut for more copied brochure exposition. 

Then this:

Caitlin rushed to the door and ushered the Weasleys in. “Why are you dressed?” Timmy asked disappointedly. “I thought we were going on a nudie coose?” 

Timmy is one of the worst things in this fic. 

Also, note the inconsistencies in the way he talks.  “We are Timmy, it’s just that we can’t get comfortable until we’re actually on the ship,” Caitlin responded. Without warning, Timmy grabbed the hem of Caitlin’s tiny skirt in his hand and pulled it up to her waist. “Caitlin has no knickers. I can see her gina!” he shouted. 

NO.  Caitlin leaned over and lifted Timmy into her arms. “You, young man, are getting to be more and more like your Aunt Emily,” she said giving him a big hug. “Your mother better break you of that habit before you enter primary school in the village or all the little witches will be practicing hexes on you.” Ron looked at Caitlin and then around the room. He could not understand her and the others’ lack of reaction to what Timmy just did. Then he finally comprehended that this girl was normally naked, and that it didn’t bother anyone. Why was he so different? Why did it bother him? 

Because Ron is the only person with a sense of reason and is therefore demonised. 

Anyway, they all take the portkey. 

“Damn,” Harry murmured looking nervously around the room. Hermione could never get Benjamin into his harness quickly enough. Harry didn’t like sending the girls first, but he had no choice. Fortunately, Jamie was a powerful Mary Sue witch, so he figured that they’d be okay. 

If only he knew..... “Girls! Hurry! Over Here!” He shouted. “Each of you, hold onto the umbrella. Don’t worry! You’ll be fine. The Weasleys will be along in ten minutes and your mother and me shortly thereafter. Move at least twenty-five feet from your landing point, but don’t leave the area.” Jamie, Kim, Caitlin and Emily had barely clutched the old umbrella when Emily felt as though a hook just behind her navel had suddenly yanked her irresistibly frontward. Her feet left the floor; she could feel Caitlin, Jamie and Kim as their bodies bashed into hers; their legs becoming entwined as they sped forward in a howl of wind and whirling color; their hands stuck to the umbrella as though it was pulling them magnetically onward. Emily had only expected the trip to last a few seconds, but instead it was minutes before they finally slammed to the ground in a bruised entangled mess. “Emily, will you please get your privates out of my face,” Kim asked as if gasping for air. 

Remember that this is Hogwarts Exposed? “Caitlin never complains,” Emily retorted without thought and then looked nervously from Jamie to Kim and then Caitlin, hoping that in the confusion no one had heard her comment. Yeah, remember the incest scene from the last fic? I wish I forgot it. Neither Jamie nor Caitlin seemed to be paying her any attention as they disentangled themselves, but Kim had definitely heard her and was staring at her piercingly. 

Cut for a scene with Hermione, Harry and Ron talking about how the girls will be okay - with Ron having the last word:

“Hermione, they’ll be okay,” Ron said in his most reassuring voice. “What could possibly happen in ten minutes?” 

Tempting fate Ron, tempting fate....

“I wonder where exactly we are?” Caitlin said as she staggered to her feet. “That trip threw my equilibrium out of whack.” “Me too,” Jamie said leaning against a nearby wall. “Well, one thing is certain,” Emily commented. “Whoever programmed that Portkey has never actually been here.” “You’ve got that right,” Kim added nervously. “I understand transporting to a discrete location, but this is a dirty, filthy back alley.” “Yeah, I’m glad we won’t be alone here long,” Jamie said. “Lets move closer to the main street and more light. It’s eerie in here.” “Now you’ve gone and hurt my feelings,” a voice echoed from the shadows ahead of them. “This alley is our headquarters. Perhaps we should clean up, but most ain’t stupid enough to come here uninvited.” 

Yeah.  “And there are four of them,” a voice from behind commented. “One for each of us.” “I get the older one with the big titties,” shouted a third voice from the dark. 

Yeah, we suddenly get a gang of rapists for no other reason that sensationalism.  “Hey, they’re just kids,” said a fourth disembodied voice. “From the sound of them, from England and probably lost.” 

That is one of the most unrealistic things I have ever heard from a “gang member”.  “Lance, are you a faggot? ‘Cause if you are, how ‘bout suckin’ my dick,” the first of the boys to speak responded. “Pete, what is the name of our club?” “The ’Chasers’, Art. And you’re our president,” answered the boy who had commented about Jamie. 

Wow, the dialogue...it´s terrible.  “And what do the “Chasers” do, Phil?” Art asked his voice sounding as if he were extremely intoxicated. “We’re tit-and-pussy chasers.” Phil answered, laughing raucously as he stepped from the shadows and was soon joined by his compatriots. As the gang closed their circle on the girls, the one referred to as Art, snapped open a long switch knife and waved it menacingly. Jamie whispered softly to the girls, “Wands on three. One… Two… Three… 

Why doesnt Jamie just use magic immediately? Yeah, this is completely pointless, and will be an extended scene in the next chapter and it will never be brought up again afterwards.  End of Chapter One

Thankfully.

And I think it´s time for me to start the spitefic which I will use as a framing device for some of the chapters from now on:

Ebony Dark´ness Dementia Raven Way woke up. She was on a silver ground, surrounded by darkness, just like her middle name. She wore a white dress, too white, for her taste. 

She looked at herself in her reflection on the ground - she gasped. “I...I have no goffic make up on! What is happening!”

The last thing Enoby remembered was that everyone was in the Great Hall, surrounding her together for the final showdown against Vlodemint and da death deelerz. She had swung her wand and yelled “Avada Kedavra”, and now she was in this dark space, surrounded by darkness. 

Suddenly, a light came up - a familiar face came out of it. It was.......Gerard Way! 

“Gerard! I can´t believe its you, what is happening!” Ebondy cried out. 

Gerard spoke up with his goffic, ethnic voice: “We need you, Ebony, the times are dark. MCR has split up, and Hogwarts is in danger of Sues who may be more powerful than you. Especially one certain is the most dangerous one, and Draco is dating Ginny!” 

“That bitch!” Evony exclaimed. 

Gerard held his hand out, while a flame came out. It then showed a picture of a pale smiling girl with dark hair and green eyes, who obviously wasnt gothic. 

“This is Jamie Zacherley, she is the most powerful of them all. But in order to defeat her, you must go to other universes and destroy the other Sues there. The first Universe I´m sending you to might seem familiar - it is Hogwarts, but a much more preppy and sappy one in a eternal tube of HappyLand! It is reigned by Ariana Black, a Sue so powerful and annoying that everyone kisses her arse while everyone who doesnt is evil!” 

Suddenly, a portal opened, and Gerard guided her into it. “Take this”, Gerard said, giving her a black goffic wand. “This will help you against all the Sues you will have to fight. In the end, there can be only one!” 

Then he disappeared. 

Ebony whent through the portal. She was in the Great Hall, but everything was pink, sappy, and preppy. Ebony shuttered, but was now prepared for the worst. Then all the students came in to the hall. 

She gasped.