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elderburn · 8 years ago

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Ruby Rose Kisses (Almost) Every Girl RANKINGS

I haven’t seen this one yet so I’d like to resurrect this terribly underfed blog (sorry about that by the way) to list, in order, my favorite Rube Smooches- as written by @xekstrin. (This is just my personal opinion and does not reflect the opinion of Viz Media, Paramount Pictures, or any other corporation to which I have no relation. I’ll also announce that if you’re tired of this blog not producing (sorry,) you can always follow me on my normal blog, @gottalovethosecostcomuffins, which has been known to reblog at least one thing per day. Maybe more. Let’s begin!

21. There are really that many of these? Goodness. I’ll be here awhile. The bottom of this list is BY NO MEANS the “worst” Ruby smooch, as if there could be such a thing, but something has to go here! Ciel starts us off this morning. I honestly pictured the obstacle course for MW2 for this piece. This also scratches my “Ciel is a tough, smol cookie” HC, which is nice, but it also mentioned suicides, which I hated, so there. Kiss rating: 7/10. Good on Ruple for being conscious of her own sweat. Simple soul confirmed.

20. Neon. LOVED THIS. If there were any more scenes in V3 with Neon, this is how I would have pictured them going. Meg would have had far too much fun VA’ing these, though, so of course it could never happen. Bonus points for the use of “impish delight”, always a crowd pleaser and definitely appropriate. Kiss rating: 6/10. ‘Mmmmmwah’ is my favorite smooch onomatopoeia, sure, but poor Rotunda was just so distraught. Can’t have that. Bonus points for (in my mind) secret domme Rubes and the implication that someone would be kneeling should this piece go any farther. Me like.

19. May Zedong. You may be thinking by now, “Hey. this guy is putting all the secondary/tertiary character smooches pretty low.” And you’d be right. But not because of that. Anywho. May joins Neon in the “Be playfully mean to my daughter” squad, but Rope-a-dope takes it in good fun. These two practicing together/bonding over weapon types was like the FIRST thing I thought of when we met May, and I love that May is having so much fun with it. Kiss rating: 8/10. Kissing the bullet is such a cheeky thing to do, and the slightest possible whisp of gunplay has me goin’ like a drop of water on a dying man’s tongue. Bless. 18. Pyrrha. This one was so cute! I’m gonna go ahead and guess that Ruby decided that those dern Goliaths were just too tempting and decided to go big game hunting. Thus the broken leg, so far the only real injury she’s ever sustained (the_shade_of_it_all.gif) Pyrrha though, as usual, is a perfect god damned angel that this world does not deserve, and thus stands ready to keep her girlfriend safe and... otherwise entertained. Bonus points for pet JNPR rock, whose name I still want to know. Kiss rating: 9/10. There’s lots of em, which is always good for healing (something something transfer Aura). Cute as fuck. Would read again.

17. Weiss. The main team had to start somewhere, right? I like how this one frames the WR dynamic, which has always been one of my favorites, if not necessarily my favorite ship. Flustered Ruby will always get some points in my book. Just don’t be needlessly sharp with her T_T Kiss rating: 7.5/10. So close, but when compared to Pyrrha, Weiss is gonna need to step up her game. Though I don’t think Rubes had any problems with this one. A good kiss. 16. Coco & Velvet. A photoshoot is, of course, the perfect place for Ms. Adel, and the scenario to get Ruskie in one is perfect. Tall/ leggy Yang is my shiiiiiiiiit, so points there. Lots of detail on the shoot itself, which just makes me want to pull out MY camera again. Jerk. Overall a fantastic and well built piece. Like Yang’s legs. I’m not distracted, shut up. Kiss rating: 10/10! First one of the set. Velvet and Coco both playing off Ruby’s flusteredness is my fav, which may or may not come up again on this list... but that’s for later. Bonus point for boo-boo kisses.

15. Salem. Eughhhh. What an unsettling mental image this piece gave me, but at the same time, that’s fucking perfect. The eyes especially got me. Poor Rub. Kiss rating: 6/10. This is more of a “Ha gotcha now you’re my corrupted mindslave” kiss. Black liquid was mentioned. My eyes kinda glazed over after that. Well fucking written, though. Goodness. 14. Reese. “Eaaaaaaat my shorts” has to be the best opening to a piece you’ve had in a long time, Kep. The ball keeps rolling from there. Yang somehow breaking the ice and setting up this little bet also tickles me pink. I guess you could say she was being an... enabler? To her weapon junky tendencies. Now she gets to take the weapons apart. Is what I mean. Not. You know. Shut up. Kiss rating: 9/10. She is Ruby god damned Rose and fuck if she is not getting a kiss you fucking fucks get out of her way

13. Amber. This one seems like the longest? I didn’t do a word count. But I like it. Poor Rutabaga. You hook up with a nice gal, you clock in to your bodyguard job the next day, there she is. Awkward. Did I mention she’s basically a god and now you have to protect her from all the shit that wants to kill her? No pressure. Still, Amber, being Amber, handles it perfectly. A nice fic on its own. Lots of fantastic internal dialogue and focus on thoughts. Which I love. Kiss rating: 7/10. For this one, the kiss was but a small part. Still an important one, but smaller. This was such a fantastic piece that gave more to Amber as a character than Mile and Kerble could ever hope to give her. I wouldn’t mind a little prequel to this one, though... club hookups? Yes please. 12. Arslan. One of my favorite new characters. Aaaaand she’s gone. This one has so many of my favorite #JustXekstrinThings- you got tight, revealing clothing, you got Ruby noticing said clothing, Ruby short circuiting when girls in tight clothing touch her, “beforewards” and the ensuing mental battle over its status in the Oxford Dictionary... the list goes on. Fantastic. Kiss rating. 9.5/10. This kiss has so much. The breathless “Y-yeah.” The “I’m warm cuz exercise, not gayness.” The forehead, mentor mentee thing. But something keeps it from a 10 for me. I dunno. Maybe I’ll come back to this one. Still excellent.

11. Penny. Arguably one of my favorite Ruby pairings, and another one knocked out of the park in this set. Normal girl, normal knee things are my favorite with these two who, along with Ruby/Pyrrha, so desperately need to do normal girl, normal knee things. Cute. As. Fuck. Kiss rating: 8/10: Again, this kiss is a passing thought, but for it to be so normal for them is what makes it beautiful. Did I mention I fucking love this ship? 10. Winter. Hoo boy. Top ten. It’s gonna get a little more difficult here, but I’m taking my time, so I’m confident I’ll get these right. Pilot Ruby is something I didn’t know I needed in my life, but here it is. Winter being naturally apt with such things is a no-brainer, but I love that that became a mentor dynamic as well. Perfect characterization throughout. And just a dash of spice at the end- “I can teach you more... if you want.” I bet you could, Winter. I bet you could. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Kiss rating: 9/10. Keep your sticks under control, Roob. That’s an expensive ship.

9. Neo. Alternative learning style Ruby has always been a thing for me, so what better way for her to learn than through the most unconventional methods possible? Neo yanking her sign language chain made me giggle. Then you turn around and slap me with an “oh shit someone’s fallin off a cliff” scenario. Rubrub to the rescue. Kiss rating: 10/10! Ya gotcher adrenalin pumpin’, almost dyin’, arms slinkin’, shirt bundled in fist ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), height difference, full on smackeroo of a kiss. Perfection. Everything I could ever ask for. 8. Raven. Ohh-ho man. Do I love me some Ruby/Raven. Like Neo and Arslan, this one checks lots of boxes for me. Wall pinning. Desperate clawing. ANGST. Raven’s shirt unbuttoned? Y E S P L E A S E. Still, I feel bad for Ruby in this one. I just want it to stop too sometimes. Kiss rating: 7/10. A bit unclear in this one, but I liked it all the same. What ties into the kiss(es) are what make it so good. An excellent read. 7. Nora. Another one of my favorite ships. Doesn’t get nearly enough love in my opinion, but hey, what can you do. This is weapon-nerd Ruby in her fucking PRIME, so major kudos there. She’s elbow deep in this muthafucka and Nora likes. I like all the little world-building details you’ve got here- gee, it’d be nice if we got those from someone who, say, wrote the show- as they really help explain certain mechanics of weaponry and Aura without having to, say, make a 3-8 minute video narrated by some creepy dude to explain them. Amazing stuff as always. Kiss rating: 9/10. That it was brief was its only flaw. Established couple stuff is my jam, and this delivers. Love, love, love. Bonus points for the wink, Nora. I see you. 6. Numbers 4, 5 and 6 are probably the hardest for me, but I think I’ve got it pinned down. This one is Cinder. Arguably one of your best written ships overall. I like the dynamic you set up in this piece- anti-hero, is she the bad guy or not, and so on. “As always, Cinder was perfectly put together” is the perfect summary of the character- at least as written by you, imo- and the rest of the piece frames that so perfectly. I would gladly measure my music by her footsteps- so long as they were on my back, chest or face. Damn do I love this character. (side note: Is this set in the Chained Rose universe? Cuz if so...)

Kiss rating: 10/10! You’ll probably see a few more of these as we reach the top. This one is double for your money- you’ve got Ruby being a little bold puppy, always a favorite; and it even comes with a side of feigned penitence. This is, of course, immediately punished. As it should be. Bad Ruby. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

5. Emerald. This is one of those fics that just makes you go, “Aaahhh.” Not in the screamy way. In the “I’m home” kind of way. I love all the little domestic touches. Her wife. Calling in sick. Let’s buy a house. Talkin about jobs. It’s perfect. Poor Em- I hope she works through her issues. She’s got a good helper. Kiss rating: 8/10. As the rest of it, this one is perfectly domestic. A nice hand kiss. What a sweetheart. Points to Ruby for taking initiative.

4. Blake. I really miss Beacon as a setting. While the whole high school anime thing can only take you so far, I do love me some dorm room snuggles, and boy does this scratch that itch. All my Ladybug boxes are checked off here. I would read 200k words of this. at $.03 a word... let’s not do that math. Kiss rating: 10/10! Blake is opening up. Her mouth. Get it, Ru.

3. Glynda. I am heeeere for this pairing. Of course Glynda can always find the nearest office space within a few miles to make her home. And of course Ruby can find it’s window to languorously hang off of. I love the dialogue here! Probably some of my favorite out of this whole list. What a fantastic piece. Kiss rating: 11/10!! There are so many!! There’s your hello kiss, your return mid dialogue kiss, your on your knees kiss pepperings. Glynda, as always, is completely down for this. Bravo. 2. Yang. You knew it was coming. And boy oh boy did it come. Heh. This is written in what I called the Style of the Strained Master- all of your Ruby/Yang fics have this feel to it, and it makes them amazing. Ruby is always thiiiis close to destroying herself, Yang, and everything around her, at any given time. Because she’s so. Fucking. Ready. This makes me happy. This waters my crops, feeds my children, eases my aches and pains. This puts a man on the moon and music in my soul. This is everything. Kiss rating: There isn’t even a fucking kiss but you know damn well it’s getting a 10/10

1. The Sisters Malachite. Sound the trumpets! We have our champion! This was a struggle to decide. But this- and I know I’ve said this a couple times now- checks all. The. Boxes. Ruby being difficult. Ruby can’t do numbers. Weiss, help me. I have a number fixation and it’s making it really difficult to be the fuckin’ mack daddy that I know I am deep inside. Ruby has fucked up now. Now you fucked up. It has begun. Double teaming. Vainly struggling. There is no hope for you, child. Your clothes are ours. Have some cleavage, it’ll make up for the last three meals you’ve skipped. Except it wont. How bout we just fuck you instead. K? K. Kiss rating: ∞/10. I mean, there’s two of them, and they’ve got pretty decent stamina... There’s nothing here saying they couldn’t just go on forever. Poor Rubiks has a looooooot of stress to work out.... What. A. Ride. I spent the better part of two hours writing this out, and re-read all the pieces a few times a piece to get things down just the way I like it. Is this full of grammatical errors? Probably. Do I care at this point? Nah. Thank you again, Krissy, for writing this, and everything you write. You put in a lot of time for us nerds, that you really wouldn’t have to if you didn’t want to. And we appreciate the fuck out of that. Keep on keepin on.

#xekstrin #rwby #ruby rose #so many pairings

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