#MLstress

[measuringlife]

This is a picture of me right now. Seriously. I want to share the good and the bad here. I’ve put on 10 lbs since 7/27 and almost left Body Combat in the middle of class because I could FEEL those 10 lbs jiggling on my body making everything seem so much harder. I finished out the class and I’m glad I did. Thankfully my busiest season of work officially wraps up on Friday after an especially grueling Sun-Tues this week. I know I will get back in the groove now that vacation, Birthday, and final push of a busy work season are behind me, but I still feel like a failure. Like I caught a beautiful butterfly that I lost time and time again and swore I wouldn’t let it getaway, but then I did. I know weight loss and fitness is a series of falling down and getting back up. I’m just wallowing in the moment and I thought it was important to share my human imperfection because it’s real. #failure #human #weightlossjourney #fitnessjourney #real #recovery #selfcare #balance #alignment

[measuringlife]

Travel Fail

Greetings from hour two at Dulles airport waiting on my flight to Raleigh.

I planned a secret trip to surprise my good friend A for her birthday. Originally I thought I had my urban hiking class this week and so I wasn’t going to be able to partake in birthday activities but when I realized I didn’t have class I coordinated with some of my friends who were planning to go down to Raleigh. They all were leaving yesterday and driving down but I couldn’t make it so I booked a one-way flight for this morning and then the plan is to drive back with the girls tomorrow. I’m just annoyed because it was an early morning and I was hoping to spend the whole day with them today.

I left my house at 6:40 this morning to take a lyft to the airport and was running early for my first time ever but my 8:25 flight keeps getting delayed due to fog so I’m looking at a 10:45 departure time. The flight itself is just over an hour and I’m looking at 2 1/2 hours worth of delay so stupid!!! Uggghhhh.

I’m currently voice to texting this post as I’m power walking in airport getting steps in! I also plan to whip out my hair straightener in the bathroom and do my hair since it looks like I will have to meet folks at lunch straight from the airport as opposed to stopping at my friends place first.

I was so excited about this fun surprise and making the decision to book a one-way flight but ultimately it would’ve been faster to drive down there at this point. Boo hissssss

UPDATE: after 3 hours at the airport my flight got cancelled and they wouldn’t have been able to rebook me until tonight so I demanded a refund and I’m heading home. FaceTimed with the birthday girl to deliver the sad news 😭

[measuringlife]

Fuck Periods

Seriously they are the worst.

Bloating, cravings, crankiness. 

I don’t even plan on having kids so it’s all for nothing. 

WAH. 

[measuringlife]

Girly Overload

Between wedding planning and now home remodeling I’m getting sucked into a vortex of things I’ve actively tried to not care about ever.

Today we met with a design/renovation husband and wife team that came recommended by neighbors. I was basically like I have no vision, I just want it function, to flow, and to not be an eyesore like our current outdated kitchen and bath. When asked about our style I was like ummmm we’re going for a beachy vibe, despite not being near a beach or major body of water…

I’ve never been a “girly-girl” and I never spent time dreaming about weddings or homes. So of this upcoming planning is going to test my will for sure!

But at the end of the day I’ll be married to my guy and have a beautiful new kitchen and master bath so it’s worth. Oh and I’ll be broke haha.

Woooosaaaaa

Seriously who wants to be my wedding planner and project manage my remodel…

[measuringlife]

Ragged

It’s the final stretch, but I am spent after nearly 3 months of running my office solo. So many competing priorities and deadlines in an environment still “new” to me. 

It’s mile 22 of a marathon. There isn’t that much further to go, but what’s left is going to hurt and take sheer willpower. 

I’ll go from the only full time person and 3 10/hr week students to 2 full time people, 3 full time grad students, and 3 full time students come May 15th. 

[measuringlife]

Gloom

I am over this weather. 

We have enough gloom and doom with Trump in office.

I at least need some blue skies. 

[measuringlife]

I’m still reading “The Drama of the Gifted Child.” It’s only 125 pages, but it’s a tough read. This passage really spoke to me today and I thought it was appropriate to share. . Dread. . Yes, that perfectly sums up how I feeL towards my Mom. I never know who I’m going to get Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. The stress of even worrying about it makes it almost unbearable before I’m in the same room with her. . This year I will be NY for Thanksgiving, but I do not plan to see my Mom. She has rescinded too many invitations over the last few years and I can’t let the dread of seeing her ruin my precious few days off in my favorite city. I hope I can stay strong and not let guilt take over, this is in best interest of my self care.

[measuringlife]

Bad News

2 terrible phones calls in 1 hour

Best Friend’s dad collapsed at home and was barely responsive when medics arrived. Getting her hysterical phone call when she was driving there in winter weather was gut-wrenching. Been texting with her husband, but I don’t know much right now. 

Vet called, after some bloodwork Fred likely has Cushing’s Disease. Need to take him in for an ultrasound on Friday to figure out more.

Thoughts and prayers are much appreciated 

Update: Bestie’s dad who I lovingly referred to as “Thundercat” passed away. Likely heading up to Boston this weekend :’(

[measuringlife]

Metro Madness

I took the metro to work this morning since T took off and is picking me up in a little while to head to the beach (Ocean City, MD). I’ve never been on the metro during rush hour and thankfully today was Friday so it wasn’t as bad as I imagined it to be. I only had my lunch bag and purse with me, but I still felt cramped or like I was taking up too much room. 

After like 11 stops I got off to take a bus, except I couldn’t find the bus stop - not true I found it, but no buses came for like 30 min. So I went back on the metro to a different line and took it 5 stops and then took a campus shuttle to work. It took me almost 2 hours AKA double my drive time to get to work. 

The good news is that I logged like 1.5 miles and 15 flights of stairs during the mayhem. Plus today most of my office is out and I didn’t have any meetings, so me rolling in hideously late wasn’t unbearable.

Today made me realize I don’t hate my ~55min commute as much as I thought I did.  

[measuringlife]

Work Out, Balance Out

In times of transition or “chaos” I have always found comfort in working out these past 6 years that I’ve been living that fit life (haha).

Thursday is my last day of work here, new job starts Monday, thinking of moving jobs/offices, moving houses, and all the details and planning that come with. 

I have been seeking out time to run/work out/even walk just to get away from planning/thinking/feeling like I’m wasting time. 

When I’m working out that is all I can really do. I can think, sure, but if I don’t have a pen to write down a thought or make a list it’s kind of moot for me during stressful times. I commit fully to the workout and let my mind take a break (which sometimes it can’t even do when I’m supposed to be sleeping).

Last week I got Body Pump in and a few runs/walks.

Since Sunday I’ve gotten a run in, walked, went to yoga, Body Pump, and plan on going to 2 more Body Pump classes and getting a run and/or bike ride in when I’m “off” on Friday. 

Wooosaaaa

[measuringlife]

On the upswing

I needed to blog out some self pity yesterday which did help. Now onto better happenings:

Yesterday I went to lunch time yoga at work and we focused on FEET! Lots of foot stretches that felt great. 

After work I ended up walking to the gym (.75 miles) going to body pump and walking back. I had hoped to run there and back, but my heel just wasn’t having it. 

Today I’m working from home so couch snuggles with Fred is always good for my mental health. 

My first Blue Apron box is arrives today, I’m quite excited. 

Finally after my work related cry to help earlier this month, I got the motivation from friends (IRL and here) to apply for some DC jobs in the private sector. I got some great company recommendations and applied to 12 jobs at a few companies. I got one follow up courtesy call since I was referred internally, I only got one automatic rejection, AND I got a request to phone interview for a job later this week. I’m feeling excited! 

[measuringlife]

Pain in the foot

I missed all 100 of my push ups yesterday - I kept pushing them off yesterday due to foot/heel pain and I was cozy in bed after taking a tylenol PM before I remember that I never did them. We’ll see how today goes. 

This brings me to my foot/feet. Last Monday I was back to the podiatrist for another cortisone shot for my PF (on my right foot). But also to talk about some pain on my OTHER (left) foot - on the top by my little toes. 

He believes the issue on my left foot may be a result of over compensating. He diagnosed me as having Morton’s Neuroma and Capsulitis Tendinitis. He gave me an oral steroid (which I have opted to not take just yet) since that inflammation has calmed down significantly, however the cortisone shot which worked like a charm in January and still not eliminated my heel pain. I haven’t run at all since last Sunday, but this weekend I was gardening as part of a community service project and then was jumping around at a concert - which has left my right heel in agony. I iced it last night, but my walk to my office from the parking deck (.20 miles) was really painful this morning. 

I have a 10 miler on the 24th which I still have plans to run and then would like to cut down dramatically on my running. 

I may start the oral steroid this week...even though I generally anti meds, but I feel like in this case it is necessary.  

[measuringlife]

I can’t

My relationship with my boss is toxic - I just had yet another gritted teeth confrontation with her (which I initiated) that according to my Fitbit spiked my blood pressure 30 points. 

So many surveys say that people leave jobs due to their supervisors (in this case she’s a Dean) and she is certainly top of the list (even above long hours and a joke of a salary). She is single handedly making me reconsider staying in higher education altogether. 

I’ve recently been losing sleep over my growing frustrations with her. Last night I was up between 3-6am. A few weeks back I wasn’t able to fall asleep until 4am two night in a row. 

In the middle of the night I keep notes in my phone trying to get my concerns out of my head. I hate that I feel like a broken record to T and those close to me about work. 

The DC Metro search for something “higher education adjacent” in the private sector is on. If you know of any good companies please send me your recommendations. For the sake of self preservation I need to end this toxic relationship this summer. 

[measuringlife]

Footloose - err Pain

I’m headed back to the podiatrist on Monday. My cortisone shot definitely wore off 2+ weeks ago (aka right before my half marathon, but I did have 2 months of relief). 

More concerning has been the top of my OTHER foot. I have had searing pain on the top of my left foot near my 3 little toes. I had MINOR bouts of pain on either foot like this due to major treadmill mileage, but I haven’t really been using treadmills lately. The “good” news is that the pain is no more intense after a run, so foolishly I’m still running since I have a 10 miler on the 24th. 

[measuringlife]

Tech Revolt

All of my running technology is on the fritz.

My 2 year old Fitbit isn’t holding a charge for long/having trouble charging.

My decade old iPod mini (with click wheel) is acting up after yesterday’s wet run and I half broke the armband case trying to get it out due to said hiccup.

My “new” Garmin (it’s an older model, but was new when I got it for Christmas) is also losing its charge quickly. I’m positive it’s not going to hold a charge through my 20 miler and I’m anxious about the marathon (already debating running the first 5 miles without turning it on).

Do I need to invest in new tech, yes. But these need to get me through the next 3.5 weeks. I can’t change shit up this late in the game and all my extra monies are going toward Ireland funsies.

Regardless I feel like I’m on the brink of a marathon meltdown (which isn’t totally surprising)…

[measuringlife]

People are THE worst sometimes

Working with. 

Working for.

Those that work for you.

Weeks like this make me wish I was a farmer or worked with the interwebs or SOMETHING that wasn’t living and breathing people who exist at times just to make my life harder. 

#endrant