#ME SINCE FEBRUARY when he paid for my pizza and aPpArEnTlY hOw He LoOkS aT mE 🙄 WHATEVER

[avatardoggo]

soooo i was right 🫠😐🫥 the Friend like likes me and it seems e v e r y o n e around me has known sINCE FEBRUARY

[kee-writestrashh]

Guns for Hire

Ramsay Bolton x Reader

ao3

Summary:  You are the wife to the Heir of the Red Kings, Ramsay Bolton. living the undercover life of a mob wife has its perks, and you love your husband. But you find out something that seems to unfold a series of unwanted events…

Chapter 29: Leavin’ on a Jet Plane

"Do you have any idea how nice it is to wear fucking sweats and a tee and just lay the fuck in bed?" You yawned, stretching and curling up in a ball under the covers.

Kira simply scratched her ear, her collar and tags clinking noisily.

The morning had been slow, and very comfortable. Outside of bathroom breaks you hadn't been out of bed since Ramsay had left for work at seven.

Your phone vibrated from somewhere in the tangle of blankets and sheet.

You dug around until you found your phone under Ramsay's pillow.

[Rams: what are you doing?]

[you: laying in bed. you?]

[Rams: thinking about fucking you. send nudes.]

Your face warmed as you reread the message.

[You: I suppose I can do that. I need to get around anyways....]

You slid out of bed, stretching again, and stepping into the closet and pulling your most casual clothes free of their hooks.

Ripped jeans, grey tank, and a soft flannel. Ramsay liked to call the look "boot scootin boogie". Or when you paired it with your leather jacket he called it "Winchester Whore".

After sending a handful of pictures and going through your shower and make up routine it was almost time for you to meet with Whit and Jared.

You had given them the address to a hole in the wall BBQ joint in a less desirable part of town. But you figured it wouldn't be overwhelming or make you too noticeable. You knew how to blend in, comfortably.

You sat, waiting at a stoplight when you saw something that made your pulse quicken.

You immediately made a blind grab for your phone and dialing your husband.

'Yes, baby girl?' He said, almost bored like.

"Baby, I'm on my way to meet Whit and Jared, right? And I'm sitting here at the stoplight. I look over and two guys catch my eye. They're exchanging hushed whispers and firm handshake, kay? Then I look closely and it's Robb Stark and your father!" you said, the words tumbling over one another so quickly it all almost came out on one breath.

Ramsay said nothing, but you could hear his pen click furiously.

"Baby?"

'Yeah, yeah. What are you driving?'

"The 'Stang today." You said, glancing in the side view mirror. Both men were gone.

'Ping me your address and I will be there as soon as I can. Do not engage in anything without me. Do you understand?'

"Um, yes sir?" You said, unsure what he meant. Roose Bolton's peculiar behavior recently was too much for you to want to snoop into. You were already walking on egg shells, and apparently your second strike.

Ramsay hung up without another word and continued your way to lunch. You parked next to a jacked up truck, that was dirty and caked in mud. It didn't scream 'city boy wanna be country'. So it could only be Jared's truck.

You sent Ramsay the address and stepped out of the car.

Whit and Jared were leaning against restaurant wall, smoking and both smiled warmly when you approached. You couldn't help but grin at Jared in his damn cowboy hat, and Whit in her flashy square toed boots.

"Truck could do with a hose down." You chuckled, hugging them both.

"What's the point? With all the snow melting and refreezing, no amount of washing will make a difference until summer." Jared shrugged, flicking his cigarette away from him and opening the door for you and Whit, taking his hat off.

Walking in was like stepping through a portal to home. Smoke, beer, the smell of frying foods... it was... heaven.

"Sit anywhere and your waiter will be with you shortly." A woman said, clearing the table closest to you.

You chose a booth by the window, where you could keep an eye on the door and everything else around you.

A young man set menus down in front of you and set down the cutlery.

"Drinks?" He said when he had finished.

"Sweet teas all around." You said, immersed in the menu.

"You guys. They have fried catfish! And cornbread!" You almost squealed, looking up from the menu.

Whit raised her brows at you, "You don't eat cornbread anymore?"

You shrugged, "I just haven't bought the shit to make it. Burgers, tacos, and pizza is about as far as Rams goes in clogged arteries."

"City folks. They're a strange lot." Jared said, nodding wisely.

You snorted, rolling your eyes. "So, how are you guys? I mean... y'all have been together since junior year, work as a team, have a beautiful little girl..."

Whit laughed, "Oh ya know. Cattle prods work real well. We are just the same as when you left. Just older now. It's you who has the most change. Tell me about this child your mother won't quit bragging about."

You shrugged, "not much to say yet. Just turned fourteen weeks. We find out the gender on February twenty-first. Which is part of the reason I asked y'all here. We have a lot of work to do before then and quickly running out if time."

Both your friends stiffened slightly, showing you had their full attention and confidence.

"What's up?" Jared asked, leaning forward slightly.

You made to open your mouth when Whit shook her head, looking past you as the waiter came back with your drinks and to take your orders.

You waited a few moments after he left before finally speaking.

"My husband's life is in danger and it all hangs on to what the little one inside of me is. I have six weeks to set up a safe plan and find a way to keep my husband alive." You said quietly.

Whit chewed her lip and Jared watched you closely.

"We will do what we can. He's your family, which makes him just as much ours. Just say the word and we will make it happen." Jared said with a stiff nod.

A surge of deep gratitude flooded you as you looked at the two people in front of you. You knew the words were sincere and they would do anything they could for you.

You gave a sniff and smiled, "but those details will be worked out at a later time. I came here to enjoy lunch with my two best friends. There is plenty of time later to talk about that. But, first order of business. I need y'all to find someone to help dad keep up the farm. He's having surgery soon. Putting in a pacemaker. And he won't be able to get around for awhile. Said person will be paid well. I've made sure of that."

"Too easy. Sure there are a couple of Ag kids who'd love to help." Whit said. "Take it the old man is okay?"

"More or less. Pissed he's getting old. And y'all know mom. Fussing over him like a newborn calf." You said, sipping your drink.

"How she keeps up with him I will never know." Whit laughed.

Her words made you realize just how much like your mother you were.

Dad had always been wild and in trouble one way or another. No, not with the law, but usually physically injured. Smashed his hand working on a tractor. Wrapped up in fencing. Kicked by a horse, more times than you could even count anymore. He was a big book of cataloged accidents.

And then there was Mom. Patient and headstrong, and so very quick tempered. She kept your father together and alive, more often than not. She was firm, and yet the most loving person you had ever known. She was the true foundation of your crazy family. And she made it look so easy. How she managed to pull off Thanksgiving dinner and get your father to the ER after a hunting accident when you were 13, you never knew.

Maybe you took a bit more after your father's recklessness, but you had your mother's spine, and quick temper.

You grinned to yourself, "oh! Before I forget! Guess who's living here now?"

Jared and Whit both raised their brows, waiting for your answer.

"E! Little shit gets a PCS here, and doesn't tell anyone until he fucking shows up. Rams and I took him out last night. And I tell you what... He's not a boy anymore."

"And what did we do?" Ramsay spoke up, sliding into the booth beside you and running his eyes over the restaurant.

"Took the brother out lastnight." You said, with a smile, as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

"Had a blast. Damon made sure they got back safely. Apparently not as lightweight as we thought." Ramsay said, eyeing your food as it was set in front of you. "The fuck is that?"

You looked from food to husband and laughed.

"Cornbread, a hushpuppy, fries, and fried catfish."

Ramsay pulled a face of disgust.

"Try it. I promise there is nothing better than a good fried catfish basket." You urged, pulling a piece of fish from its fillet and holding it out to your husband.

"You do know I'm allergic to seafood, right?" He said, giving you a cold look.

You knitted your brows, "Are you really?"

"Keys." He said, taking the food from you.

"Huh?" You said watching him place the catfish in his mouth.

He reached over you, snatched up your keys and stood up.

"Ride home with them. Take the back way. I'll meet you at home."

He looked down at you, swiped more fish from your basket and walked off.

"Wait! You seriously aren't allergic to fish are you?!" You called.

He turned to you with his trademark smirk, "guess you'll just have to find out. Love you baby doll."

"I... I love you too." You said, watching him leave.

You looked at Whit and Jared.

"Nah. He's not." Jared said, with a chuckle, tearing into his plate of ribs.

It took so much longer to get home when you had to basically skirt the damn city.

"I have two dogs. Kira and Willow. They look mean, but I promise they are pussies." You said, walking up the stairs and hoping Ramsay was home since he had your keys.

You turned the knob. At least he was nice enough to remember to leave the door open for you as you walked inside.

"So you're a liar." You said, raising your brow.

Ramsay laughed, looking up from his laptop and giving you a wink.

"The best there is."

You rolled your eyes and sat on the couch, nodding at the sofa across from you. Whit and Jared both sat. Whit almost lost it when Kira and Willow came to be nosey.

"Oh my god! They are so pretty!" She said excitedly, sliding from the couch to her knees to rub all over them.

Whit was a dog fanatic. You were sure she would have 500 if Jared let her.

Ramsay crossed the room and disappeared down the hall. No one spoke until he came back and dropped a file folder on the coffee table.

"You two are now employed with a local coffee shop. You bring in coffee bean shipments via air." Ramsay said as Jared pulled the folder open and thumb through the papers.

"You looked us up? And my alias is Johnny Reb?" Jared asked, raising a brow.

"Just a minor background check. Your boots gave me the impression you listen to Johnny Horton, Honky Tonk Man." Ramsay shrugged, leaning back into his seat, resting his hand on your thigh and lighting a cigarette.

"You're a funny dude." Jared laughed, "and look, I get to travel with Percilla."

"So, what exactly are we doing? I mean, this is...?" Whit said, looking up from the dogs, at a loss for words.

"I told you, you're running coffee beans." Your husband shrugged.

Jared snorted, pulling his passport from the folder and examining it.

"But really. Need to be on the same page, babe." You spoke up.

"Okay, listen, and listen good. Because I'm only saying it once. In a few days you will get an address to an airstrip. Once a week you will fly to this strip and cargo will be loaded. Everything will already be packaged and sealed in the beans. If you don't lose your heads no one will ever be the wiser. After picking up the shipments you will deliver it to the designated area here in the city. After that you're free to go. The goods will be taken care of upon arrival. Simple enough."

"Right. Simple enough. And should something go wrong?" Whit asked, now taking her turn to look through the folder. "Oh! That reminds me..." she dug through her bag, pulling out a file folder a sliding it across the table, "Sharon got what you asked for."

"If something goes wrong, you will be taken care of. You are under my services, and I protect those that work for me. Nothing bad will happen as long as you don't let it happen." Ramsay shrugged.

You opened the folder, looking at all the vacant and foreclosed properties.

"Wow, so many places just left to rot." You murmured, looking up at Jared and Whit.

"Our town is dying. Cost of livin' is too high for the old folks, and young kids out of high school." Jared said giving you a sad smile.

"I'm buying it all." You declared, giving your husband a look and handing him the folder, "I'll let you do the buying and scheming. But we are buying it all. Build some businesses or something. Maybe build a safe house."

×××

"I'm starving." You whined, flipping through the pages of the outdated magazine.

"Shut up. You just ate like an hour ago." Ramsay tutted, staring at the ceiling.

"They need to hurry up. I have to pee." You groaned, fidgeting in your seat.

"What do I need to do to make you quit the insufferable bitching?" He hissed.

"Tell me what my surprise is." You said slyly.

Ramsay clucked in annoyance, "No. And if you don't quit asking I will do it all on my own. You're only getting the surprise because I love you."

"Fine." You huffed, pouting at him.

When your name was called you almost jumped up, ready to have all your vitals taken so they could give you the damn cup so you could finally empty your bladder that seemed to have shrunk to the size of a kitten's.

When the doctor entered you were slightly taken aback it wasn't Doctor Cat. But then you remembered... Ned Stark was her husband. And her eldest daughter was still missing. Poor woman. You really liked her.

"I'm Doctor Mordane. I'm filling in for Doctor Stark until she gets back." The old woman said with a sad smile.

"How is she?" You asked, sitting on the edge of the examination bed. Ramsay tutted from his chair. You gave him a dirty look.

"Pretty rough. But she's a strong woman. Anyways, looking at your file here I see you are almost fifteen weeks along. Weight is good. Everything else checks out good. Any complaints or concerns?"

You shook your head, "No ma'am. I seem to be adjusting just fine."

The woman smiled, "good good. Keep taking your vitamins. We will take a quick listen to the heartbeat and you're free to go."

Hearing the tiny heartbeat made your chest tight. Every single time. This time you didn't even bother to try and hold back the tear that escaped you.

"Surprise time?" You asked, smiling at your husband as he closed your door.

"Sort of." He smirked.

"What does that even mean?" You huffed, crossing your arms.

Ramsay said no more until he parked the car in the parking garage of the airport.

"What are we doing?" You asked, following in his wake.

Again he said nothing. You asked no more questions until you stood outside the doors of the airport.

There stood Damon. He exchanged two bags for Ramsay's keys.

"Before you say anything, I know. Scratch her you'll flay me." Damon chuckled, pocketing the keys. "Have fun. See you when you get back." He gave you both a nod and left.

Ramsay took your hand and led you inside. He exchanged a few words and some cash with a TSA man and both of you were boarding a plane a few short minutes later.

"Rams, where are we going?"

"Hush. Take a nap. It will be awhile." He said, stowing the two bags away and taking his seat beside you.

"If I blow you on this plane will you tell me?" You asked, flashing a mischievous grin.

"Nah. But you're gunna blow me anyways." He smirked.

"I will not." You said, crossing your arms and looking away from him.

"I will choke you out and make you sleep the whole damn ride if you don't quit, little pet." He said very quietly.

"What's wrong? Why are you so damn irritable today?" You said, giving him a soft look.

"I don't like flying." He replied shortly.

You suppressed a snort but were unable to to keep the words from falling from your mouth, "You're afraid!"

He took a deep breath and forced a smile, "No. I didn't say I'm afraid of flying. I said I didn't fucking like it."

"Mhm. Right. Completely different. What was I thinking?" You said with a sly grin.

"Do you have any idea how easy it would be to snap your fucking neck and make it look like you're sleeping until I get off this damn plane?" He hissed exasperatedly, struggling with himself to remain calm.

"Probably pretty easy. But I'd be rather boring company dead." You winked, resting your hand on his thigh and giving a tight squeeze.

He gave you a very long look, gave a smirk, and placed his hand in your inner thigh.

"Why are we like... economy class?" You asked, glancing around at the people filling the seats around you.

Ramsay shrugged, "Why not?"

You played with Ramsay's hand, absentmindedly, as the plane prepared for flight.

You watched Ramsay closely. If he really was afraid of flying, he hid it very well.

"Nonstop?" You asked, looking out the window at the tiny square patches of earth bellow you.

"Nonstop." He replied, glancing at you.

You pulled your phone out of your purse, "wanna play a game?"

"No."

You tutted, "Yes you do. You love games."

"I like games that I win. Games that cause other people to beg and die." He said simply, as if it settled the matter.

"Well I like games that let me get to really know you. So, I'm going to ask questions and you're going to answer."

He groaned, "not this again."

"Every time you don't answer or skip the question you will be punished." You said, squeezing his thigh again.

"Does it result with my dick in your mouth?" He whispered.

You shrugged, "maybe, if you're a good boy. Question one, if you could have a theme song, what would it be?"

He stared at the back of the chair in front of him, chewing his lip, "I don't know."

You dug your nails into his leg.

"Thriller or something." He hissed.

You released him and gave a laugh. "Thriller? Like MJ Thriller?"

"Yeah. Why not? It's catchy." He shrugged, taking his jacket off.

"I can't even take you seriously anymore." You giggled, leaning over to kiss him.

"Well that's a bad move on you, baby girl. I'm to be taken very seriously." He smirked against your lips as he took your face in his hands.

"Or maybe you just put on a mean face and deep down you're good as gold. Just have a rather pushy demon in there."

He snorted and pulled away from you, "going to perform an exorcism?"

"Mm, no. I think I'm in love with the devil."  You said airily, with a sigh.

"Show me how much you love me then." He countered with his wicked grin.

"I have a devil spawn growing inside of me, is that not love enough?" You winked, unfastening your seatbelt and pushing your body into his as you slid past him.

You gave him a mischievous grin, walking rather suggestively down the aisle.

Wow, plane bathrooms were tiny. This was not going to be comfortable. At least you weren't super pregnant fat yet.

You only had to wait a moment before Ramsay was climbing in the tiny room with you.

"I don't know if this will work." You whispered.

"Make it." He said, leaning back against the wall.

You glanced around, set the toilet seat down, and grabbed his hips, pulling him into you.

"Make it quick?" You asked, unbuckling his belt and sliding his button from its hole.

"That all depends on you, baby girl." He said helping you pushing his pants down.

"You know, you are the worst influence I have ever come to know." You said, resting your forehead against his warm stomach.

"Maybe you're the bad influence on me." He chuckled, gripping your hair tightly.

You licked your lips and took him in your mouth, letting his guide you.

You dug your nails into his legs as warm desire built inside of you. But there was no returning the favor in this damn bathroom.

You ran your tongue along him, tasting him as his grip in your hair tightened and he ran his other hand over your chest, grabbing at your skin.

His breathing became shallow as you lightly drug your teeth along him, swirling your tongue over his tip.

He made a small noise in the back of his throat, grabbing at you harder as he filled your mouth.

You slowly sucked him, feeling him throb against your tongue.

You swallowed and pulled away from him completely.

"Well that was quick." You laughed.

"Eh, thrill of getting a blow job at fifty thousand feet." He chuckled, fixing his pants and opening the door.

He grabbed your hand and led you back to your seat.

×××

You held Ramsay's hand tight as he pulled you along through the airport. You could see the sun a brilliant red as it sank lower over the horizon.

Ramsay stopped at a counter and hand a man behind it two passports. He glanced them over and then eyed you both.

"Welcome. What brings such a lovely couple to our beautiful country?" The man said in very rough, choppy English.

"Drugs." Ramsay replied with a small shrug and his most charming smile.

You gave a wide eyed side long look your husband and wanted to vanish as you felt your cheeks burn.

Did he seriously just fucking say that?!

The man cracked a grin and let out a loud laugh after a few tense moments, "You señor are very funny man. Enjoy your vacation."  He handed the passports back to Ramsay who slipped them in his back pocket and tugged you along again.

"I can't believe you!" You cried in a small strangled voice.

Ramsay stopped abruptly, placed a hand on your shoulder and turned you to the highly polished, darkening window.

"Look at us and tell me what you see?"

You Looked at your reflections and sighed, "I see a husband and wife on vacation."

"Exactly, baby girl. As far as anyone knows we are taking a late winter vacation to escape the cold. We're here to sip mojitos, soak up the sun, and eat avocados, or whatever." He said, gripping your hand tightly and pulling you along.

"Eat avocados." You snorted with a giggle as you stepped out of the airport.

The warm breeze melting you into a bliss. Warm evenings. God, how you missed the warm weather.

"Journey okay?" Oberyn Martell asked, sidling up to you and Ramsay.

You were shocked only a moment. It all made sense now. You were here so the deal with the Martell's could be finished and sealed.

"Long." Ramsay said, sounding rather weary as Oberyn lead the way to a limo.

Ramsay helped you climb in, took his seat beside you, and pulled you as close as possible as Oberyn situated himself.

"The girls are most excited to take you shopping, (y/n)." Oberyn smiled, offering Ramsay a drink, who eagerly accepted. "Your room has been accommodated and food prepared. We will get down to business tomorrow after you both have rested."

"Food sounds wonderful." You sighed, resting your head on Ramsay's shoulder and closing your eyes briefly.

Or you thought it to have been brief. Next thing you knew Ramsay nudging you to wake up.

You sat up and were taken aback by the beautiful white stone mansion and it's many elegant balconies overlooking the white sand beach and crystal clear ocean.

It was probably the most beautiful thing you had ever seen, apart from last trip you had taken with Ramsay to a warm cabin surrounded by large aspens and evergreens in the shadows of the harsh, unforgiving snow covered mountains.

Tyene rushed you as you climed out of the limo behind Ramsay.

You hugged her back tightly.

"I am so glad you both came!" She smiled, looping her arm around yours and leading you inside.

"This place is absolutely beautiful." You exclaimed, taking in everything from the marble floors to shimmering crystal chandeliers, and the elegant imported rugs.

Tyene smiled brightly, "my uncle likes to be extra."

"Well, at least he has good taste?" You laughed, climbing the spiral staircase.

Tyene stopped in front of a door and stepped aside so you could enter.

"One of the best views in the house. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. Rest easy, (y/n). Tomorrow I am taking you to town. You will love it!" Tyene said, leaving you alone in the lavish room.

So much better than any high end, five star hotel resort. You thought, taking everything in and realizing Ramsay wasn't with you.

You frowned slightly, but the table laden with food caught your very hungry attention. You sat at the table and pulled the nearest dish towards you. You had no idea what to call it, as it was sweet, and spicy, and salty, and definitely meat... but whatever it was it was damn good.

A warm, night breeze blew in from the open balcony door and the sound of the ocean made you drowsy.

Ramsay entered the room a shirt while later after you had already stripped you clothing and climbed into the soft sheets.

"You good?" You asked, peeking over the top of the blanket at him.

His face softened slightly as he turned his gaze to you, "of course."

You pushed back into the plush bed, falling asleep almost at once.

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 47

We stood outside the Paddle Room after texting Sammy to let him know we’d arrived, waiting for him to give us the okay once he’d gotten everything in place for our entrance. The makeup Veronica had so artfully applied was gonzo, replaced with what amounted to a hack job in comparison, courtesy of yours truly. The bun had drooped considerably so I’d abandoned that as well, leaving my hair hanging in loose waves that brushed my collar bones. Tom and I kept glancing each other and shaking our heads in disbelief, then smiling, then frowning. We’d decided that we should use this opportunity to share our news, as a sonogram to determine how far along I actually was would happen as soon as I could get someone in LA to fit me into their schedule, at which point a leak would likely be inevitable…thus, it seemed to be a ‘better they hear it from us’ scenario. WHEN to share it was the question, and we were concerned that those closest to us might be offended they hadn’t been told first. Tom’s phone chirped, and we opened the doors to listen for our cue. The low tones of something classical I couldn’t quickly identify faded, followed by Sammy’s voice booming over the sound system.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for…allow me to introduce, for the very first time…MR. AND MRS. HIDDLESTON!”

We’d requested La Roux’s ‘Tigerlily’ be played as we came in, starting at the first chorus, but instead, there was silence. Everyone was standing around the outer edge of the dance floor, facing us, but there was no applause, no congratulatory shouts…nothing. I turned to Sammy’s DJ station and noticed he wasn’t alone…next to him was Simon, microphone in hand, and I heard music start and he began to sing ‘Stand By Me’. After the first verse, the entire room joined in, and it wasn’t until they'd almost finished that I comprehended why they were doing it. Even though we’d practically just done a shoot for the media as a result of the Claudia debacle, it had completely slipped my mind. Honestly, yesterday felt like a lifetime ago from where I stood, but the sentiment was so beautiful and having the support of so many people, many of whom had either just met or barely knew me, fostered such a sense of belonging, of family…and so, of course, I fucking cried again. When I looked up at Tom he, too, was bawling, which made me feel that my tears were seemingly justifiable. Either that or we’d just morphed into a new phase of our existence, wherein if we were a band I’d christen us The Weepers. We’d play totally emo stuff, with songs like ‘Cry, Cry, Cry’ and ‘All Day Sob Song’. The applause began once the song ended, accompanied by whistles and cheers. Through my tears I raised my left eyebrow at Tom, and he responded with a shrug, then nodded as he darted over to Simon and snatched the microphone from his hand. He walked back to my side as he began to speak.

“Thank you all so much for that, and for being here with us. Maude and I are so very, very blessed to have you in our lives, and sharing this day, one which I wouldn’t have thought could possibly be more meaningful, more joyful, or more…more…” Watching him, I could tell he’d totally lost his train of thought, so I reached out and touched his hand lightly. He turned to look at me, and when I smiled, he smiled, and resumed. “Anyway. Since we’re all here in one place, gathered together in celebration, we’d like to share some news with you, if you don’t mind. Mrs. Hiddleston, would you like to do the honors?”

He handed me the mic, which left me no way out, and my eyes moved from one side of the room to the other, noting the varied expressions of our guests and imagining how they’d change in a matter of seconds. I swallowed, then cleared my throat.

“Well, this is totally out of line as far as decorum goes, probably, and it’s still really early in the game, but we wanted you to hear it from us before it leaks…so…” Another swallow, followed by a very long, deep breath. “I…I…uh…I’m…um…” Tom’s lips grazing my cheek, while a well-intentioned act, only served to make things worse. I met his gaze and mouthed the words ‘help me’, and the grin that lit up his face as he leaned down toward the microphone was both ridiculously sweet and disturbingly sexy.

“What my radiantly beautiful wife is attempting to tell you is that…” He paused, taking the mic from me as he stood upright. “She’s pregnant.”

A chorus of ‘oh my gods’, some peppered with profanity, rang out, as well as more ‘I knew its’ than I would have expected, two of which I recognized as Simon’s and Anne’s. We were quickly surrounded by well-wishers, Simon being the first to reach me, latching on to my forearms and literally jumping up and down with glee.

“I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!” He stopped jumping to embrace me, then leaned back to give me a once-over. “Luke told me you barfed yesterday, you thought you were going to barf on our way to get dressed, and then you barfed again in the grass and I was like wow, she’s been a little nutty lately, I wonder…”

He escaped a punch to the gut only because Anne shoved him aside side in order to place a hand on either side of my face and add her two cents. “I knew when you thanked me for praying.” I sighed, and she smiled widely. “I jest, my dear. I just…knew, as soon as I saw you. I can’t explain it, but I did. The throwing up after the ceremony was confirmation. I remember that feeling.”

I shook my head. “Soooo…am I the only one who, like, had no fucking clue? Because it’s starting to seem that way.”

Simon side-eyed me, lips pressed together tightly. “Are you trying to tell me you DIDN’T KNOW?” Haven’t you been tracking this minute by minute? How could you not know?”

“No, I’m not TRYING to tell you…I AM telling you. It didn’t even enter my mind as a possibility. Because I put April’s info on the May calendar and…”

He crossed his arms, an open-mouthed smirk upon his face, well aware that there was some piping hot tea about to be spilled. “Oh Maude, honey, this is too GOOD. If you had no idea…how did this whole finding out thing, you know, happen? And more importantly, WHEN?”

Next to me Diana, Emma, and Sarah had been congratulating Tom, but were now standing and listening, along with whomever else was within range of my voice. Tom was trying to suppress a grin and failing epically. I rolled my eyes.

“Weellll…my incredibly perceptive husband totally knew and…”

Tom interjected. “To be clear, I didn’t know. I suspected.”

I flipped him the bird, which elicited a deep chuckle. “He suspected. For quite some time, apparently. And after my most recent regurgitation spectacle, he decided to broach the subject, since, you know, I hadn’t. I was all NO WAY DUDE NOT POSSIBLE YOU ARE INCORRECT then I pulled out my phone and suddenly it WAS possible so we sent Melanie out to buy a test while we did photos and a test wound up being six tests and we couldn’t make ourselves wait until after the reception so we literally found out twenty minutes ago or something and here we are and please tell me I didn’t miss the pizza bagels because I’m starving and I NEED the pizza bagels.”

Simon took my hand and began to lead me to our table. “Out of the way, people. Ravenous pregnant lady coming through.”  Tom had followed and pulled out my chair for me, then pushed me in as I sat down. He ran off, and Simon sat down in the chair to my right, teary-eyed and smiling. “Well, I think you’ve outdone MY wedding, which is incredibly rude and I hate you for it. But seriously…I am so, so happy for you. Beyond happy. How far along are you, do you think?”

“Six or seven weeks? That’s just a guess…I’m going to see someone as soon as we get to LA to confirm, though.”

He counted on his fingers. “So you’re due mid-to-late February, then. Fuck me, we’re actually going to have babies together. I can’t. I need more booze for this. You stay here while I hit up the bar, Mrs. Hiddleston.”

As I waited, I glanced around the room, the decorations reminding me that I was sitting at the head table at my wedding reception. My ability to focus had been rendered to near zero, and I hoped I wouldn’t be left alone for too long lest I accidentally set something on fire or inadvertently destroy the universe. A plate of at least a dozen pizza bagels magically appeared on the tabletop before me, the bright silver band on the purveyor’s left hand spurring a stream-of consciousness recognition – this is my husband, who has brought me food, and we are having a baby. He sat in the seat to my left, and I turned to him, smiling, in all likelihood, as if I were a complete moron.

“Hi. I love you. You brought me pizza bagels. We’re having a baby.”

He grinned. “Hi yourself. I love you too. I did. Yes, we are. Have I mentioned lately that you’re alarmingly adorable?”

I shook my head as I snatched a bagel off the plate. “I don’t know. I’m like…” My snack-less left hand rose to ear-height, then flung up and outward with fingers extended as I mimed ‘mind blown/vacant’ as best I could. “None of this feels real. Maybe I need some coffee. Shit, can I still drink coffee? My condolences to all of you if I cannot. Also, I’ve been drinking it the entire time…is that bad? Good lord…I know nothing, Jon Snow. I need a tutor. Send in the moms.”

He grabbed my right wrist gently, guiding my hand to my mouth. “Eat, love. What you really need is fuel to burn.”

As long as I live, I’ll never forget that first bite of wedding-day pizza bagel. On a scale of one to Carnegie Deli Cheesecake, it was Spinal Tap crank it to eleven delicious. The rest were gone in just a few minutes, and as I opened my mouth to ask Tom if he’d go fetch me a few more along with an ice-cold soda, Sammy announced that everyone should proceed to their tables as dinner was about to be served. One by one the members of our wedding party stopped to congratulate us before they took their seats, and Diana paid me a visit before she joined her own table. She leaned down to embrace me, bursting into tears as she began to pat my back.

“The day I get to officially welcome my new daughter into the family, I’m blessed with the news that the family is expanding even further. What an incredible, wondrous thing…and how lucky we all are to have you, Maude.”  

I squeezed her tightly, crying as well. “Thank you, Diana. You’ve all welcomed me into the fold, and I’m so grateful for it. Thank you, again.”

The staff arrived, carrying trays of drinks, soup and salad. By the time they returned with the family-style main course I’d begun to feel more like myself, grounded and present as opposed to being off in la-la land. The initial conversation had revolved around our announcement, but gradually shifted to more everyday things…a bright spot of normalcy in a week filled with chaos. When I realized that it had been only yesterday morning that the Claudia story broke, and that the insanity was not far beyond thirty-six hours old, I felt like I’d been caught in a time-stretch because it seemed that the duration had to be vastly greater. I took my first bite of fettuccine Alfredo at that point, which rendered everything else moot, and the noise I made when the sauce hit my taste buds prompted Tom to slide his hand up my dress under the table, stopping just short of the danger zone when the sound of clinking glasses all around the room demanded that we kiss. Again. For like, the fifteenth time. I shifted forward, hoping to connect and get some quick hand action in, but the bastard pulled away, trailing his fingers slowly down my inner thigh as his tongue exited my mouth.

I pointed my fork in the air, at no one and everyone all at once, voicing my displeasure loudly. “If you all want the bride and groom to hang around past the cake cutting, you need to STOP. DOING. THAT.”

Robert shouted from two tables over. “A toast to Mr. and Mrs. Hiddleston, whom I predict will wind up needing the third-row-seating SUV model in order to transport their brood in its entirety in the not-so-distant future. Or maybe a mini-van…and if that van’s a rockin’…”

Tom yelled back, with a bunch of other hooligans joining in. “Don’t come a knockin’!”

I leaned forward, head in my hands, but was soon disturbed by a tap on my shoulder. I turned and glanced up to discover Melanie, fulfiller of wishes great and small.

“Speaking of cake cutting…would you like to do that now, or should we wait a bit?”

The woman left no stone unturned, and I was touched by her thoughtfulness, taking into account that my digestive system was essentially an active volcano at this juncture, prone to erupt with little to no warning. Admittedly I was nearly full, but…cake. There’s always room for cake. Or any other food from the dessert category. As I imagined the sugary goodness that was buttercream frosting, I rose from my chair.

“Now, please and thank you. Cake. Yes.”

Tom had been engrossed in conversation with Luke, and my sudden movement startled him. He peered up at me, eyes wide. I leaned down, my nose nearly touching his.

“Caaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeee.”

He laughed as he stood, placing a hand on my lower back as Melanie ushered us to the cake table, which had gone unnoticed in the whirlwind of our entrance. “You know I’m picturing that cartoon panel you’ve shown me right now, the stick-ish figure in the pink dress with the yellow hair?”

“Allie Brosh. Mmm hmm. The woman’s a comedic genius. Did I ever show you Simple Dog?”

“I don’t believe so.”

“Really? My god, how could I be so negligent? Those are laugh until you can’t breathe hilarious. Next plane ride, that’s what we’re doing, m’kay? We can probably wade through her entire repository travelling back and forth to Australia over the next few months, and…holy fuck, look at the CAKE.”

It was exactly how I’d envisioned it, and as I examined the text on the spines and worked my way to the middle I was floored by the fact that Tom and I had not only combined our own stories, but as they’d merged we’d begun to write the very first chapter in the book of someone else’s life, a brand new someone else whose life had sparked into existence within…me. I looked to him, shaking my head.

“Dude, I don’t know if I’m ever going to get used to this whole pregnant thing.”

He laughed. “Maybe you should give it more than a few hours to sink in?”

“Excellent advice. But still…it’s BANANAS.”

“Agreed. I must admit that I feel a bit like I’m on a movie set today, because this day has simply been too extraordinary to be reality. You always hear people pinpointing their wedding as one of the best days of their lives, but I couldn’t quite buy into it, and yet…as of now, it’s an indisputable fact. For me.”

I slipped an arm around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder. “Me too. It’s over-the-top schlocky and romantic, but I am SO here for it. Which I will vehemently deny if questioned. Just so you know.” I poked him in the ribs with my free hand. “You gonna cut that cake or what?”

Tom took the silver cake knife from its spot on the table, grabbed one of the white plates, then carved a slice from the left tier and handed it to me. That was my side, his was the right, and he cut himself a piece from there next. The room had gone quiet, all eyes on us, wondering if we’d play it safe or start a cake-smearing war. We each broke off a small piece of our slice with our fingers, and I concluded that the places I’d most enjoy smearing things on him were currently off limits, so simply feeding it to him would have to do. He opened his mouth like a baby bird, and as I placed the cake on his tongue I thought I’d chosen wisely until he curled it around my fingers, covering them with cake which he proceeded to lick off. Slowly, eyes locked on mine the entire time. I mouthed the words ‘you fucker’, then pulled my hand free.

He grinned at me as he licked his lips, then raised his hand and moved it toward my mouth, which I opened, intending to return the favor and make things worse by sucking on his fingers. The opportunity did not, however, arise, as he ‘dropped’ the piece of cake onto my cleavage and then…ate it off. When he finished and stood upright, I pointed down at my boobs.

“Hold up…I think you missed some.” Loud raucous laughter filled the space, and I broke off another piece of my slice and popped it into my mouth. The buttercream frosting was ludicrously tasty and caused an immediate sugar rush to course throughout my body. A member of the waitstaff handed Tom and I forks while others began dismantling the tiers so they could be cut and served to our guests. We ate our first slices standing, then helped ourselves to another and went back to eat them at our table. Coffee and tea were offered, but I was still unsure of the caffeine situation so I had water instead, which was precisely as lame as it sounds, but my brain had still been too addled to think to ask for milk or juice. As folks began to mill about, Luke stood up from his chair next to Tom and clinked his glass with his fork loudly. Sammy ran over to hand him a microphone, and Luke cleared his throat loudly, then began to speak.

“Hello everyone. I’m reasonably sure you all know who I am.” He paused amid lots of nods and soft chuckles. “Tom and I have been part of each other’s lives for almost a decade, both personally and professionally. He’s been, in both those arenas, an inspiration to me and his success has motivated me to work towards achieving my own goals. No matter what I’ve ever needed, he’s always been there, ready and willing to help in any way he possibly can. He’s a gifted performer, a humanitarian, incredibly witty, generous, loving, kind, and he possesses a wickedly delightful sense of humor. Within our business relationship, we don’t always see eye to eye, but we always try to value one another’s perspective. One year ago today, we were at an impasse with no solution in sight. I’d accompanied him to Kauai as he was due to begin a shoot and there happened to be a seminar taking place here that I’d been trying to fit into my schedule for a few years, and after attending I contacted the speaker because I thought perhaps she might be able to set Tom and I on the path to an equitable solution. To make a long story short, she did, she came to work with me and propelled Prosper to a level I might otherwise have never reached, and, most importantly, she’s made my best friend a very, very happy man.”

Simon clapped loudly. “That she has, my sister from another mister. She delights me endlessly.” He leaned forward and looked up at Luke around Tom and me. “OHHHH, you meant TOM. So sorry. Do go on.”

Luke rolled his eyes, shaking his head and smiling. “Anyway. Over the course of that day, one year ago, I watched two people falling in love, right in front of me. Two people who’d been made to be together, but had yet to cross paths. It was such a beautiful thing to behold…and here we are today, celebrating not only their marriage, but the beginning of their journey into parenthood. Please, do join me in a toast to two people I love very dearly, two people I am blessed to have in my life. To Maude and Tom!” He raised his glass, as did everyone else while echoing his words.

Simon was on his feet before Luke even sat down, waving to everyone with both hands. “Hi hi hi. So. I met Maude Gallagher in the living room of a gorgeous beach house here on the island, and I knew straight away that we were going to be the best of friends. Speaking of straight…if that’s what I happened to be, I would have beaten Tom to the punch and asked her to marry ME. The woman is a force of nature…she’s a genius, she’s hilarious, she’s snarky, she’s sarcastic, and she’ll gleefully verbally eviscerate anyone and everyone who stands in her way, the way of those she loves, or those she’s contractually obligated to represent.” The crowd laughed. “Now this bit, she won’t appreciate at all…she’s also giving, loving, thoughtful, empathetic, and…kind.”

I yelled, hands cupped around my mouth. “Shut the fuck UP, Simon. You’ll ruin my rep!” Another round of laughter ensued, continuing even as he started speaking again.

“We are kindred spirits. Our birthdays are one day apart, and we were born in the same year. You’re going to have to guess which one because I am NOT telling you. Anyway. I just love her to pieces, and I’m so grateful that she chose me to be her Person of Honor, and incredibly humbled that I was the one who came to mind when she was in need of someone to walk her down the aisle.” He’d begun to sniffle quietly. “I’m such a lucky, lucky man to have her…oh, and Tom! Tom! Beautiful, wonderful Tom! You’re doing AMAZING, sweetie. Both of them. I’m so lucky to have both of them in my life, to have their love…and they have mine, forever. Cheers, my friends, as you embark on this journey you’ve allowed me to share. May each day going forward bring you more joy than the one before. To Maude and Tom!”

After the applause concluded, Sammy announced that it was time for our first dance, and we took our place out on the floor, singing loudly to each other as ‘Adventure of a Lifetime’ played. A third of the way through people began to join us, and by the end everyone was singing and dancing like fools, which became the theme of the evening. When the festivities began to wind down and it was time for Tom and me to make our great escape, I was both exhausted and elated and unsure of which state would win out once we got back to the room. When he picked me up and carried me over the threshold, I knew it would be the former, and we both barely had enough energy to get ourselves undressed. He pulled back the covers and we flopped into bed, snuggling into spoon position, falling asleep with both our left hands resting on my lower belly, his on top of mine, fingers notched in an attempt to sate the overwhelming desire to connect with each other and the tiny miracle we’d made together.

****************************************

The entirety of Thursday had been spent lazing around and hanging out with friends and family, as most were heading out on Friday. Checkout time was eleven AM, and we both wanted to be present to extend our thanks and say goodbye. Tom had gotten up at eight-thirty in order to squeeze in a run, but my body said ‘bitch, stay down’, so after he kissed me goodbye and left the room I set my phone alarm for ten-fifteen on the off chance that he got caught up chatting and didn’t come upstairs to wake me. Going back to bed had always been one of my favorite things to do…it’s like the ultimate fuck off to the world and all the responsibilities it holds. Granted, I didn’t think I’d ever done it as well as Peter Gibbons in Office Space, but it always felt enormously satisfying. Today had been no exception, other than that I’d woken up at nine-thirty after dreaming I’d heard sirens. There hadn’t seemed to be any here in the real world, so I got up to pee and hoped I’d remain groggy enough to get at least another half-hour of sleep. Passing the dresser, I noticed that there were two keycards on top of it, Tom apparently having forgotten his. I sighed as I entered the bathroom.

“Yeah, that half-hour is so not happening. But, bright side – breakfast!”

As I was washing my hands, there it was…the knock of the keyless husband. I yelled that I’d be right there, then slipped on my robe. He hadn’t responded, which was unusual, but it was still on the early side, so perhaps he was just being considerate. Unlike me, loud shouty woman in room 203. I turned the handle downward and pulled the door open, smirking widely.

“Forgot your key again, did you? You’re going to have to make…”

The person waiting in the hallway was…not Tom. It was a woman with long, straight dark hair. She was very thin, much taller than me and wearing a UNICEF T-shirt with khaki hiking shorts and white Keds. As my focus shifted to her face, it dawned on me precisely who I was looking at...in spite of the dyed hair, there was no disguising those eyes and that perfect Cupid’s bow mouth. Claudia. In her left hand was a medium-sized gift bag, and in her right, a small semi-automatic pistol. I watched, time slowing down to something akin to frame-by-frame as that hand rose and the gun moved up and up until it was pointing at me. I heard a voice inside my head screaming ‘close the door, close the door’ but I was frozen in place, the thought ‘she’s going to shoot me now’ eclipsing all other internal messages, and then I heard a man’s voice yelling for her to drop her weapon. That broke the spell and I began to push the door shut, but she charged forward and slammed her body weight against it, knocking me back a bit, but I knew if I didn’t engage the lock this was all over…I was all over…so I pushed back with all the force I could muster, leading with my right shoulder, bare feet planted apart, toes digging into the carpet. Whichever emotion was propelling her was no match for the adrenaline of my own fight or flight response, nor the thirty pounds or more by which I outweighed her. I heard Sharon Carter in Civil War quoting Aunt Peggy, something that had brought me to tears in the theater, and in this horrific instant it gave me the momentum I needed to get the job done. No. YOU move. The door shut with a click, and as I heard a scream of frustration from the other side I fastened the bolt, and just as I stopped to catch my breath the sound of three shots fired in rapid succession followed by another single shot shortly thereafter made my ears ring. I waited for pain, looking down and expecting blood flowers to blossom in the white silk of my robe, and when none appeared I glanced up at the door there were three dents, but that was all…no holes in it, or in me. Steel. It was steel, and I almost collapsed in peals of hysterical laughter until I heard more voices calling for an ambulance, and that’s when I realized I had no idea where Tom was. That, as logic demanded, rolled over to ‘he should have been back by now…did she get to him first?’ and my vision dimmed, followed by a quick descent into unconsciousness.

Simon calling my name was the first thing I heard as I came to, and as my eyes fluttered open his fully-dilated pupils and panicked expression caused me to panic as well…I sat straight up from where I’d landed on the carpet, and he reached behind me to assist me as I sank back down, paralyzed by dizziness.

“Easy. Easy. Take it slow. You’re all right, I think you just fainted. It’s okay. The paramedics will be here soon to look you over.” I knew what he meant, and though I had no idea how much time had passed, his words comforted me…as did the fact that I didn’t feel anything abnormal going on down below, no cramping, no bleeding…nothing had changed. “I’m not certain how long you’ve been out for, but it took me ten minutes to argue my way through the fucking crime scene to get to you…”

I reached out my hand, and he took it in his own after placing a soft kiss on my knuckles. And then, once again, Tom’s absence was all encompassing and my words caught in my throat as I spoke, then finally burst out, my intonation wildly off kilter. “T..om. Whe…re…”

Simon’s face fell, expression darkening until he realized I’d zeroed in on his face with my gaze, at which point I could clearly see him trying to force the mask back in place. I sat up again, fueled once more by pure adrenaline, my voice my own again.

“Tell me. Just tell me, Simon. Don’t fucking sugarcoat it. Don’t lie. Just tell me.”

He swallowed hard. “Luke’s with him. I don’t have any updates on his condition other than he was still conscious when they arrived at the hospital. Two bullet wounds, right side of his chest.”

I could have never, ever envisioned hearing those words spoken about someone I loved. But, that’s likely how anyone who ever does hear such a thing feels…even those whose loved ones put themselves in harm’s way each and every day to keep others safe. I wanted to pretend I hadn’t, that I was mistaken, because it was too…too much, too awful, too terrifying…a cascade of emotions washed over me, and I began to wish that the earth would just open up and swallow me. A brief bout of déjà vu followed…I’d been here before, when Erik had died…and in that, I found my strength, because now, hope still remained. I latched on to the word ‘conscious’, made it my mantra, and rose from the floor just as the paramedics walked in, gurney in tow. The one in front was a young man, twenty-five at most, and while I figured he’d seen his share of awfulness, something had clearly disturbed him as he was white as a sheet. Behind him was a woman, early forties if I had to guess, slightly on the heavy side, her blonde hair pulled back into a messy ponytail that swung back and forth as she quickly shut the door behind her. I remembered there’d been four shots in total and that only three had hit the door, and the words were out of my mouth before I could even consider not speaking them.

“Did they shoot her? I hope they fucking shot her. I hope she’s dead. Is she dead? She should be so lucky…because if anything happens to my husband I’ll kill her myself, and…”

Simon stepped in front of me, shaking his head slowly, hands held up in front of him. “Please understand that she’s not herself right now…” Which was utter bullshit, because I’d meant those words, and he knew it, but it dawned on me that saying such a thing was decidedly unwise and I hopped aboard his train of lies, lowering my head and covering my face with my hands.

“I’m so sorry…” The woman came over and asked me to please sit on the bed so she could take my vitals, but I refused, and then signed a release indicating that I was refusing all treatment. Simon side-eyed me as they left the room, but I ignored him, instead rifling through my suitcase to pull out undergarments, shorts, and a T-shirt, then dressed right in the middle of the room. My Birkis were under the desk, and as I slipped them on Simon cleared his throat.

“Maude, don’t you think you should have…”

“No. I’m fine. I need a soda, but other than that…fine. I’ve had a miscarriage. I know what it feels like. All I can do is try to stay as calm as possible, and even with that…it’s beyond my control. But if I’m going to stay calm…I need to get to Tom.” I turned to face him. “In order to do that I’m going to have to get past whomever and whatever’s outside that door without incident. Is that a reasonable scenario, in your opinion? Or should I start tying the sheets together so you can lower me down from the balcony? Because getting arrested at this juncture is unacceptable.”

He stared at me, and I figured he might be having one of those ‘wow I thought I knew this person but fuck me not so much’ moments, but then the corners of his mouth turned up just the tiniest bit for a fraction of a second and I knew that even if it did come to sheet tying, he was there for it. The corners took a downturn and remained that way as he answered.

“Claudia’s dead. When I came through everything was still…still…there and I know what you said but it might make you uncomfortable if you see it because…” He paused, face contorting as he carefully considered his next words. “I can’t be positive, but it sure looked to me like she did herself in.”

I ran my fingers through my hair in a half-hearted attempt to tame it, grabbed a Coke out of the fridge, picked up my bag, dropped the soda inside it, then slung it over my shoulder as I headed for the door. “Okay. We’re good then. I’ve got keys for our rental, but you should probably drive.” Saying ‘our’ almost stopped me in my tracks, but I took a deep breath and started to open the door but was held up by Simon grabbing my wrist.

“Are you sure you’re all right with seeing this?”

Shrugging, I opened the door the rest of the way to discover the hallway that had been, in my mind, a portal to a personal paradise, now resembled an episode of CSI: Kauai written by Uncle Steve. Claudia’s body lay prone on the carpet parallel to the walls, her back to the floor, lower half twisted so her knees were pointed in my direction, right arm extended with the gun half-on and half-off of the palm of her hand. Beneath her head was a pool of blood that extended more than a foot toward me and to my left in an oval shape, which, in conjunction with the splatter pattern on the far wall, helped me understand why Simon was under the impression that she’d killed herself. Her eyes were still open, fixed upon the ceiling, and in all of it I was numb until it occurred to me that what she’d done to herself she’d wanted to do to me but had failed, and had tried to do to Tom but had only partially succeeded. As far as I knew. And with that, I turned away and began to walk toward the stairwell, not even bothering to check to see if Simon was behind me. I’d barely made it six feet when a police officer ran past me on my left, then spun around and attempted to block my path.

“Ma’am, this is an active crime scene investigation. You need to return to your room…the front desk will call you when it’s okay to exit the premises.”

I said nothing, instead stepping sideways and around him, continuing to work my way towards the stairs even as he called after me.

“Ma’am, you need to stop right there. No one is allowed to enter or leave the premises at this time.”

After that, Simon called my name. I kept going. The officer shouted.

“MA’AM, I AM ORDERING YOU TO STOP. YOU NEED TO…”

Another voice, one I didn’t recognize. “Carlisle! That’s the wife! The friend came up here to get her. They’re both cleared to leave…Detective Frye’s orders!”

And on I went, registering that Officer Carlisle had fallen into step with me on my right but not giving a remote shit about it whatsoever. His voice was subdued and laced with concern, but I couldn’t tell if that concern was for me or for himself since he’d apparently fucked up quite thoroughly.

“Ma’am…Mrs. Hiddleston. I’m very sorry. I didn’t see you coming out of your room and I assumed…and let me be clear that this time that only makes an ass out of me, and a huge one. Your husband is at the Wilcox Medical Center, it’s about seven miles from here. Do you need transportation? We’ve got a car waiting…”

That gave me pause. I turned to him, my eyes narrowed. “Can you get me there faster than if I were on my own?”

He nodded. “Absolutely, ma’am. Or we can escort your vehicle if you want…lights, and sirens if we need to.”

I was unable to process whether or not I should be pleased or horrified, so I let it go and looked back at Simon, gesturing in his direction. “He’s coming with us. Your car. Thank you.”

Simon ran to meet us, and Officer Carlisle clicked the mic button on his radio. “This is Carlisle. Guests need a lift. Still good on the location?”

It was challenging to make out the reply, but I managed to pick up a ‘entrance well shielded’ and ‘the media’. We walked down the steps and as we entered the lobby the three hotel employees present started at me, mouths agape as if they’d seen a ghost. I elbowed Simon, who shook his head and whispered that he’d tell me later.

An undercover police cruiser was waiting outside for us…a black Dodge Charger, the kind with black rims and trim…and I knew I’d made the right choice. Carlisle apologized again as he held open the door for us to enter and introduced us to Officer Moran as we sat down, whom I hoped had a lead foot even heavier than mine. I fastened my seat belt, noting that screens had been placed between the entrance and the parking lot, and there were at least five squad cars and three undercover and/or government vehicles that I could see. As we pulled away I peered through the back window and caught sight of the parking lot, which was jam-packed with media trucks and curious on-lookers. When I glanced at Simon he was scrolling away on his phone, and he looked up at me, brow furrowing.

“Sorry, nothing to report…I was just…” The vehicle pulled onto the highway and both of us were pushed back into our seats as Officer Moran hit the gas and got rolling down the highway, lights flashing. “Guess I should probably tell you before we get to the hospital…you know, that thing I said I’d tell you later. There’s been some incorrect information circulating, probably because you have dark hair, and…well, some major outlets have been reporting that…”

“I’m dead?”

“Well, yes, but that hit while I was in the room with you. Initially, the story was that…it was…that you...you were the shooter.” He bit his lower lip. “I shouldn’t have told you until it was addressed. I’m sorry, this is outside my…”

I reached into my bag and searched around for my phone but came up empty, so I snatched his.

“Maude, come on, don’t do that to yourself…give it back…”

TMZ’s headline read ‘Honeymoon Horror – Maude Hiddleston dead at 38, kills self after shooting husband Tom Hiddleston on beach where the couple wed just two days earlier’, and finding out where it had happened, another place that I held sacred, that WE held sacred, threatened to break me. That was where we’d first spoken aloud how we felt about each other, where we’d acknowledged that while we had no fucking clue where we were going, nothing was going to stop us from taking the trip. I reminded myself it was just a place, and that it didn’t matter, that the only thing that DID matter was Tom. And if he was awake and aware at the hospital, I didn’t want him catching wind of this, be it via the sound from a distant TV or staff members chatting amongst themselves. So, I decided to do the thing that I always advised clients to do…put the truth out there, right from the horse’s mouth. Simon attempted to pry his phone from my right hand, but I slapped him away, then logged into Twitter. Staring at the blank space where I was supposed to type something short and informative made me realize that I…couldn’t. If it was written, if I shared it with the world, that would make it real…it would make all of this real, and in my heart, and my soul, I wanted it to never be real. I wanted to wake up in my bed back in the room right now to the sight of Tom’s face hovering over me, smiling as he trailed his fingers up and down my arm to rouse me from slumber, and for this to have all been a bad dream and nothing more. I licked my lips, nausea creeping up on me as my body prepared itself for its daily purge, and I dropped the phone on the bench seat and began to sob. Simon unbuckled his seat belt and slid over to me, folding me into his embrace gently, one hand stroking my hair.

“Oh honey…I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s okay. He’s going to be okay, he is.”

My voice was ragged, muffled by the closeness of my lips to Simon’s chest. “He has to be. How am I supposed to do this without him, live this life? Raise this child? I can’t, Simon. I can’t. He’s everything. I don’t want to be here if he’s not, but I’ll have to stay because it’s not just me anymore…I just…I…” The words were gone, and all I could do was weep. Simon began rubbing my back.

“I know. I know. I’m here. It’s okay. You need to be calm, lovey. You’ll see him soon. We’re almost there…”

Officer Moran cleared his throat. “Med center is the next left. I radioed ahead, and they’ll bring you in through a side entrance instead of the ER. Detective Frye just announced there’ll be a press conference at eleven-thirty. That should take care of all the misinformation out there.”

As we pulled up to the building a sort of calm did, in fact, come over me. It didn’t prevent me from throwing up on the sidewalk as soon as Officer Moran opened my door, but I felt like I’d regained some control of the situation, as if the power balance had shifted in my direction just the tiniest bit now that even though we weren’t together, I was in the same place as Tom. We were escorted inside by two security guards, then taken down the hall to a private waiting area. Luke was intermittently visible through the partially-open vertical blinds, pacing back and forth. When we walked through the door, he ran to me and pulled me into his arms, which made me think the worst. I leaned back to examine his expression, and I must have looked like I was completely over the edge because he shook his head quickly and began to ramble.

“Oh good lord I’m a fucking idiot I’m sorry I was just so glad to see you because of the news reports and I knew they weren’t true but…” I just stared, silent, having noticed that he was wearing a greenish-blue V-neck scrub shirt. I gazed downward, and when I saw he was still wearing denim shorts, I knew he hadn’t put it on as a means of infection protection. I swallowed so hard it hurt, unable to look back up at him, and he released me in order to take my hands in his own, speaking softly and slowly, as if to a small child. “Maude, it’s all right. Let’s sit down together and talk. Come along with me to the couch.”

He led me across the room to the maroon leather sofa that was flanked by two maroon leather recliners, all opposite a set of maroon fabric-covered interconnected chairs. Maroon, maroon, maroon. Never was a fan. There was a blonde wood rectangular table in the middle of the room, with a landline phone in the center and various magazines placed strategically around the edges. They were neatly, perfectly arranged, and I got the feeling that most who wound up in this particular space had little appetite for whiling away their time with celebrity gossip or the hottest global vacation spots. There was a TV on one wall, but it was dark. And so was I, as I lowered myself in slow motion onto the sofa next to Luke. He was still holding both my hands, and I turned sideways to face him, the seat cushion creaking as Simon sank down behind me. Luke peered around me at him, nodded, then spoke…still slowly, still softly.

“Tom’s in surgery now. They took him in about ten minutes ago, and it will be a few hours before we have any additional information. We can leave it at that, or I can tell you what I already know about what’s happened…whatever you’re comfortable with, all right? Take some time, think it over…”

Much to their surprise, I actually did pause to consider my options, and decided to take things a step at a time. “Simon said he was shot twice in the chest and was still conscious when the ambulance got here. Let’s start with that…the extent of his injuries. Do you know?”

Luke nodded. “Two bullet wounds. One here…” He pointed to the top of his right pectoral muscle, near the center. “And one here.” He pointed lower, just underneath the muscle, but further to the right side. “He lost a lot of blood, and the paramedics suspected his right lung was collapsing. The on-call physician confirmed that, and by the time they prepped him for surgery it had collapsed fully and they were concerned that the left lung might have begun to collapse as well. He was still conscious when they moved him out of the emergency bay and into the operating room.”

“Okay.” I’d acquired enough second-hand knowledge over the years to fully fathom the seriousness of what I’d just heard, and I let go of Luke’s hands, shifted so my knees were facing forward, then leaned back into the cushions, eyes closed as I struggled to triage my thoughts and rein in my emotions. As I ran my tongue over my teeth, I couldn’t recall having brushed them, so that slipped into slot number one and my eyes flew open. “Do either of you have any gum or a mint or something? I forgot to brush my teeth.”

Simon placed a hand on my knee. “You should drink your soda first. And then you need something to eat. I’ll go see what I can find for you.” He rose and left the room, and I took the soda from my bag and cracked it open, taking several sips that I used as improvised mouthwash before swallowing. After a few more, I leaned forward and set the can on the table between a pile of Newsweek and Country Living magazines, the returned to my resting position. Triage wasn’t working…all I had was a war waging between ‘I need to know everything’ and ‘maybe ignorance is bliss’. I let the pot simmer for a while, watching the wall clock tick off fifteen minutes, but it didn’t require a detailed statistical analysis to predict what would rise to the top.

“Luke? I’m ready for the rest now.”

His voice firm, questioning. “You’re certain?”

“I am.”

A deep breath, followed by an exhale of tentative resolve. “All right. I…I’m not sure I can look…”

“It’s okay. I don’t think I can look at you, either.”

After a moment of silence, he began to speak, rambling as before. “I’d been up since before five because I needed to Skype with the office, and it was just after nine when I heard what I thought were firecrackers…which wasn’t exactly surprising considering the mischief makers who’d been here all week, so I essentially rolled my eyes at their foolishness and got back to work. About ten minutes later Simon and I were discussing what to order for breakfast when we heard noise out on the patio, like chairs moving, then pounding on the glass doors. We debated whether or not to open the blinds and see what was going on or just call security when I heard a male voice saying my name. It was barely audible, and it sounded strange, and of course I thought someone was playing a prank so I pushed the blinds aside and whipped open the slider ready to chastise the moron responsible and…and…” He paused for a solid ten seconds, then continued. “I didn’t see anyone at first, but then I looked down and there was Tom, on his hands and knees, and there was a trail of blood on the stone behind him and he was having a hard time talking. I knelt beside him and tried to help him shift to a sitting position but he tried to stand instead, so I helped him up. I could see where…I realized he’d been shot, and he grabbed my forearms and said you were next and that he needed to get to you before Claudia did. He took four steps through the doorway and into the room, but then he went back down on his knees, and his breathing was very quick but he wouldn’t stay down. He kept getting back up, and he kept saying he needed to get to you and all I knew was that he needed to stop moving, for fuck’s sake, and Simon and I tried to hold him and keep him still but then two police officers stormed in though the open door with their guns drawn and telling us to get our hands in the air. We did, and Tom got up again and shouted…I don’t know how…’UPSTAIRS. SHE’S HEADED UPSTAIRS. ROOM 203. GO. GO!’ As they turned and ran off he went back down on his knees, and we were trying to get his T-shirt off so we could maybe stop the bleeding when three ambulance workers came barreling inside with a gurney. We just, you know, tried to give them some room and they had to put him in restraints because he kept trying to get away. They finally had him all packaged and ready to go when we heard the shots from upstairs, and…and…the sound he made, I…I…I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get it out of my head.”

And then, for the first time ever, I watched Luke fall completely and utterly apart right before my very eyes. When he tried to apologize, I reached for him, wrapping my arms around him as he leaned his head on my left shoulder and cried, his body shuddering with each breath he took between sobs. I rubbed his back, hoping to console him, to ease his pain even just a little bit, and in the process momentarily forgot about my own.

“I’m sorry, Luke. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. Thank you for helping him, and for being with him. He wasn’t alone, he was with someone he loves and…”

Luke’s head nearly caught my chin as he pulled up and away. “Maude, oh my god no, I’m the one who should be sorry. I should be comforting you, not the other way around.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I’m grateful you were there, if that makes sense.” I shifted back to my spot, numb again, and trying very, very hard to not allow what he’d just said to take form as a short film in my head. My spur-of-the moment choice for a distraction? Ask for more. “Did he know that I was okay? Before they took him in?”

“I wasn’t allowed in the back. The desk nurse had me fill out some basic paperwork when I got here, and I didn’t know anything else about his condition until they had me sign consent forms. Simon had texted me as soon as he’d reached you, so I asked the ER nurse who’d brought them out to me to please get word to Tom that you were fine, and that everything was okay because I didn’t want him...thinking… and…anyway, the ER nurse stopped back right before you got here to let me know he’d gotten the message through, and to fill me on how Tom was doing.”

Another thing for me to cling to…that Tom had known I was alive. And hopefully that was something to live for, a reason for him to fight, to hold on. When I put myself in his position, if I believed that he’d gone before me, that I’d lost him…it would be all too easy to give in and give up. The tears returned, and I got up and squatted down in front of Luke, taking his hands in mine. He stared, confused.

“Luke, I can’t even begin to explain what that means to me, and I can never thank you enough for doing it. But I’m going to say thank you anyway. So, thank you. Tom and I are so lucky to have you and Simon in our lives. It’s a huge relief, you know? On the way over, before I…knew…how things happened I was so afraid that he’d heard or seen the news reports and…”

He stood, pulling me up with him and embracing me again, and we remained that way, silent and still, until the door opened and Simon strode in with a push-cart of food, trays and utensils.

“Sit down, you two. Time for breakfast. And, no arguments. Especially from the pregnant lady. I had to turn on some serious charmalarma ding dong in order to get the kitchen staff to allow me to raid the place…we have waffles, scrambled eggs, toast, bagels, oatmeal…though I don’t know who in their right mind would actually want to eat that…Frosted Flakes, Fruit Loops, Cheerios, cherry Jell-O, orange Jell-O, milk, chocolate milk, orange juice and grape juice. I even scored you a toothbrush and some toothpaste, Maude. So, who wants what? I’m Simon, and I’ll be your server this morning. Tips are encouraged but not required.”

It seemed strangely disrespectful to stop to eat in such a situation, and I wasn’t anywhere near hungry, but I knew I’d be far worse for wear if I didn’t consume some calories. I ate slowly, feeling as if my hands were moving through sludge…scrambled eggs came first, followed by toast, Fruit Loops and chocolate milk. Simon collected my tray when I was finished, and I stayed glued to my spot on the couch, eyes fixed on my hands as I ran my right index finger back and forth over my wedding band, then twisted it round and round over and over again. I could hear Simon and Luke talking quietly by the food cart, discussing the upcoming press conference and debating which one of them should leave the room if they decided to stream it on their phone as neither had earbuds with them. I looked up, my gaze shifting to where they were standing.

“You can watch it on the TV if you want. I don’t mind. None of it’s going to be news to me. At least I don’t think it will be. And if it is, it can’t be worse than what I’ve already heard, right?” I’d intended that last bit as a humor, but instead of smiling I started crying again. Simon began to walk toward me, but I waved him away. “Not necessary. I’m cool. I mean, I really have not the slightest fucking idea of what I’m supposed to do right now, and my emotions are like one of those automatic bingo ball things and it’s a mystery as to what’s going to pop out next, you know? But that’s kinda been me for the past month and change so it might not be situational. Anyway. Go ahead, put it on. Is it eleven-thirty already? That would be good, because I was pretty sure time had, like, stopped. If it freaks me out, I’ll ask you to turn it off.”

Seeing the Marriott as the backdrop for a press conference was bizarre, but that I was watching it and it was about me and Tom was some fucked-up Inception kind of shit. There were police, and some suits, whom I guessed were management or attorneys, and when a very tan man with light blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail dressed in a black blazer and jeans approached the podium I didn’t expect him to be Detective Frye. But unless he was fibbing when he introduced himself, that’s who he was. When he spoke, I noticed faint remnants of a Southern California accent.

“Good morning. I’m Detective Frye of the Kauai Police Department, and I’m here working with the officers from the Kapaa Substation. Be advised that we no longer have an active shooter situation here. The suspect has been pronounced dead at the scene. I’m aware that there’s been a great deal of misinformation presented by the media regarding this incident, and I’d like to give you some clarity and request that you remove any information that’s not factual from your publications and broadcasts effective immediately. Most importantly, the suspect has been identified as Claudia Heidrich of Los Angeles, California. From what we can piece together so far, she arrived at the hotel at approximately seven o’clock this morning and approached the desk clerk in or order to obtain Thomas and Maude Hiddleston’s room number. It was not provided for her at that time. She exited the premises, and the parking lot security footage shows her walking to and entering a red Subaru Forester, where she remained until Mr. Hiddleston exited the lobby at approximately eight forty AM and began to jog toward the beach. She then exited the vehicle and proceeded to walk in the same direction. We received a call reporting shots fired at approximately five minutes after nine, and the Kapaa officers arrived on scene six minutes later. The details surrounding Mr. Hiddleston’s shooting aren’t yet clear, but he sustained two gunshot wounds to the right chest and is currently undergoing emergency surgery at a local medical center. Security footage shows Ms. Heidrich returning to the hotel lobby at nine twenty, approaching the desk, then removing a .22 caliber automatic pistol from a gift bag and pointing it at the clerk. Additional footage tracks her as she ascends the stairs to the second floor, then walks down the hallway and knocks on the Hiddleston room door. The door is shown opening briefly, then beginning to close as Ms. Heidrich propels herself forward. At this time, two officers approached and instructed her to drop her weapon. She did not obey their command, and instead fired three shots into the door, paused, then turned the gun on herself. Mrs. Hiddleston was uninjured, though she was in an unconscious state when police entered the room. She regained consciousness with no intervention, refused medical treatment, and was transported to the medical center where Mr. Hiddleston is being treated. Updates will be provided when we have addition information. Hotel manager Leonard Schmaltz will take it from here.”

There were some questions shouted, but Detective Frye ignored them and disappeared off camera. As I watched a few blurbs scroll across the bottom, I remembered that Tom’s family existed. I practically leapt up off the couch.

“Luke. What about Diana? And Sarah? And Emma and James and…”

“They’re still here. Sarah and I have been texting…they were finally allowed to leave the hotel a few minutes ago, so they’ll be here soon. Is it all right if they wait with us?”

My brow furrowed. “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Luke shrugged. “I don’t know. Perhaps they felt you might want privacy?”

I shook my head. “Yeah, no. Pretty sure I’d lose what’s left of my shit if I was alone.” He’d begun typing with his thumbs. “You can quote me on that. Also, anyone know where the closest restroom is?”

Simon nodded. “It’s right across the hall. Come on, I’ll take you.”

He held out his hand, and as much as part of me wanted to roll my eyes and tell him I wasn’t a child, majority ruled and I accepted his offer, albeit grudgingly. The restrooms were singles, and I considered inviting Simon inside but decided that was probably weird and left him standing in the hallway. I moved as quickly as possible, knowing it would be just my luck for someone to show up with word about Tom while I was taking a piss. As I was washing my hands I heard voices, and I flung the door open without bothering to dry off. Simon was across the hall, ushering Tom’s family into the waiting area. Tom’s family…they had become my family, too, but at that moment I felt strangely detached…which made me understand the whole wanting privacy thing. They were father, mother, sister…and I was wife. We had love for Tom in common, but I was odd man out, in a way. When you find a partner, it’s inevitable that your relationship with that person takes precedence over that of those established with your biological familial unit. I appreciated that they possessed respect for those invisible boundaries, but at the same time, I felt guilty, like I’d stolen him away. And then I wondered if they blamed me for this, for what Claudia had done. I had been the one, after all, that stood behind that podium and threatened her with financial ruin and incarceration while the entire world looked on. Not Tom. Me. I’d poked the bear again. And this time, she’d raged. And it was all my fault. How was I supposed to face them?

There were guards posted to either side of the waiting room, making escape impossible, so I went back into the bathroom, locked the door and sat down on the floor, shaking uncontrollably. When he woke up, if he woke up…would Tom blame me as well? How could I have been so thoughtless, blind and stupid? Why didn’t I just say fuck her, fuck the videos and let it ride? Tom was so personally invested in it all, he couldn’t have been expected to be rational about it in any capacity…and he’d trusted me to be just that, rational. Logical. Factual. Had I been? Or had something else motivated me…jealousy, maybe? Revenge? Anger? All of those things rolled into one? The sound of Simon’s voice disrupted my hate spiral.

“Maude? You all right?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?” He tried the door handle. “It’s locked. Can you let me in? Do you need a doctor?

“No.”

“Maude. Talk to me. Let me in.” I didn’t reply. “Maude. Open the door.”

“I’m fine.”

“Woman, you literally just said you aren’t all right, and now you’re fine? Don’t make me trudge my ass all around this hospital looking for someone with a key…”

I stood, unlocked the door, then sat back down. The handle jiggled, followed by the door opening outward. Simone came inside, closed and locked the door, then sat down across from me.

“Well, this is disgusting. Germ central station.” I just stared at him, at the line of his jaw set in anger. “You know you scared the fuck out of me, don’t you? Are you really okay?”

“Physically, yes.”

His face softened. “Well then…what’s going on inside your mind, honey?”

Shrugging, I leaned my head back on the wall and looked up at the ceiling. Dotted acoustic tiles, just like every other medical facility. “I can’t go in there. This is all my fault. They must hate me. I can’t face them.”

“Maude. The fuck are you talking about? How is this your fault? Where are you even getting that from?”

I shifted my gaze to meet his. “Simon. She did this because of what I said at the press conference. I threatened her with jail time and insurmountable debt. I demoed her life in the space of a few sentences, and she tried to take mine in return. And she may have succeeded in taking Tom’s. All because of me, because I couldn’t keep my fucking mouth shut. I fucked with her, and she came for us. Every bit of it, my fault. Every. Bit.” The shaking intensified, and Simon scuttled closer to me and placed his hands on my knees.

“Her actions belong to HER, Maude. Her alone. She made her own choices, every step of the way. You taking responsibility for those actions and choices allows her to become the victim…and she’s NOT. She WASN’T. You and Tom are the victims. End of story. You were just doing your job after she purposely broke the law to hurt you both. When that didn’t pan out, she tried to hurt you even more. She tried to KILL you. BOTH of you. How is that your fault?!”

Leaning forward, I rested my hands atop his. “Are you sure I was just doing my job? Are you sure I wasn’t trying to get even with the woman who wronged the man I love? Make her feel like he did, like the sky was falling, like there was no way out from under it all? Tit for tat, vengeance, manufactured karma…whatever you want to call it. Because I’ll tell you what, I’M not fucking sure. Not anymore. I think I fucked up, Simon. I think I crossed the personal/professional line. And it was the catalyst for this. What I did. MY. FAULT.”

Simon said nothing at first as he removed his right hand from my left knee and placed it gently on my lower belly, then whispered two words. Firmly. Separately. “Maude. Stop.”

I had forgotten. In all of it, I had forgotten that there was someone else in the room, someone who would be with me every second of every day until he or she emerged from what was supposed to be a peaceful cocoon and into the harsh but wonderous world. I burst into tears, and Simon slid beside me and pulled me into his lap, once again offering me sanctuary and serving as my voice of reason.

“You didn’t cross a line. And if you think you did…ask yourself this question. Would you have done that exact same thing for any of your clients in that situation? You don’t really have to ask it, though. Because I know the answer, and it’s yes. You’re the Credible Hulk. That’s why people HIRE YOU. Claudia…clearly, she had issues. But issues don’t justify being an evil fuck, and that’s what she was. It’s not only abnormal behavior, it’s inhuman. In this life, you can never really tell how far someone is willing to go until after the fact. That’s just the deal. You aren’t Miss Cleo. And hell, I’m sure there’s shit even she didn’t see coming. Didn’t she get hit by a truck or something?”

I hiccup-giggled in the middle of a sob. “That was awful. And no. Cancer.” His mouth opened and I knew what he was going to say next, so I interjected before he could even make a sound. “Son, just don’t.”

He sighed, then kissed the top of my head. “We should go now. And…this is a huge, traumatic thing. You’re going to have ups, and downs, and everything in between. Both of you will. But you’ll navigate it all together, and I’ll be there to do whatever you need me to. Focus on now, then one step at a time. That’s how we get where we’re going.” He stood up, then reached for my hands to help me rise. As soon as I was on my feet, I embraced him again.

“The sense of guilt is overwhelming, and I really don’t ever want to leave this room, but if I don’t leave the room I don’t see Tom, so…let’s get on with it. And, thank you.”

I released him, and he opened the door and we walked hand in hand into the waiting room, my guilt mostly assuaged by the depth of love and caring I felt as Sarah, Emma, James and Diana embraced me in turn. They’d seen the news, and while they hadn’t believed I was the shooter, they had feared I’d been shot and killed. We cried together, then waited together, and three hours later, shortly after I’d resigned myself to the fact that I was, in fact, dead and that this was purgatory…this waiting room where I’d remain for all eternity without Tom…the door opened and a woman in green scrubs walked through it. She was slightly built, but I could see the strength in her forearms as she reached up to remove her surgical cap. Light brown hair spilled downward, straight and shiny, the ends resting just above her collar bones, her dark brown eyes large and expressionless. I tried to discover even just the tiniest flicker of emotion that would tell me whether things had gone well or, not well, but failed miserably. Those dark eyes scanned the room until they came to rest on me, and I rose from my spot on the couch as she began to walk toward me. She held out her right hand.

“Mrs. Hiddleston, I’m Doctor Anya Salinas.” I wanted to return the gesture but found myself incapable of making my arm move. I was paralyzed with fear, both anxiously awaiting and dreading the words that would come next. The hand moved upward, eventually gently gripping my left bicep. “Your husband is out of surgery, and while we’re going to be watching him very closely over the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours, I see no reason why he shouldn’t recover fully from his injuries.”

Around me were cries of thank god and gasps of relief, and I could see in my peripheral vision hugging and kissing and back clapping as I sat back down on the couch, the black spots appearing before my eyes alerting me to the fact that I was probably going to pass the fuck out again. I leaned forward and put my head between my knees, and I could hear Dr. Salinas asking me if I was okay, but her voice sounded like it was coming from another room. I felt hands on my shoulders, and I lifted my head to find her face directly in front of mine. She’d squatted down in order to connect with me, her eyes attentive and very kind, and I realized this was the person who had just worked tirelessly for hours on end to save Tom’s life, the person who had given me back the other half of my very self, and given him the chance to be a father to our child. I sat up, still slightly dizzy, and placed my right hand on top of hers, which was still resting on my left shoulder.

“Dr. Salinas. Thank you. Thank you.” My tears this time were those of relief and gratefullness, and I knew no matter which additional words I spoke, they would never be quite enough so I repeated the two that seemed to convey things most simply one more time, my voice almost a whisper. “Thank you.”

She smiled softly, nodding. “He’s in recovery now. Before you see him…mainly before he’s awake, actually…there are a few things I’d like to discuss with you, if you’re up to it.”

Was I up to it? Who the fuck knew, but this human-turned-fainting-goat was willing to do whatever was necessary in order to get in that recovery room, even if it meant they’d need to schlep my ass there in a wheelchair. “Okay. That’s fine.”

“Okay.” She stood, and I did as well, surprised at how I towered over her. “Does walking and talking work for you, or should I clear the room so we have some privacy?”

“Walking, please.” I hadn’t been paying attention to anything that was going on around us, and that continued as I followed her to the door and out into the hallway. Her pace was slow, possibly because she was physically spent, but most likely for my benefit. She handed me a small container of orange juice, which she must have snagged off the cart on the way out of the waiting room.

“This should help with your blood sugar levels.” I thanked her, and again she nodded without saying ‘you’re welcome’, instead getting right down to business. “If at any time I’m making you uncomfortable, let me know. If you need to take a break, of if you need to sit down and rest, we can do that. Your husband is likely to remain unconscious for at least another forty-five minutes. I was the on-call surgeon today, and I was already here when he arrived…they always bring us in quickly for potential mass-casualty incidents. From what I’ve been told the paramedics had restrained him, but he broke free in the ER and tried to get away. They got him back under control, and as soon the ER doc examined him and diagnosed a pneumothorax we started getting things ready in the OR. Normally a sedative would have been administered, but since the need for surgery seemed imminent we wanted to avoid it if at all possible. Whoever sent the nurse back to us with word you were okay…that made all the difference.” She paused as we turned a corner. “Still with me?”

I nodded, sipping the juice through the absurdly tiny straw I’d pulled off the back of the box.

“There were no exit wounds, which meant the bullets needed to be located and removed and any damage repaired. We discovered that the cause of the collapsed lung wasn’t actually due to projectile penetration, which is what we expected to find, but instead a small tear that resulted from a rib broken upon impact as the bullet entered just below the pectoral muscle. Typically, it would take hours, sometimes even days, for a lung to collapse fully from a tear that size, but the intense level of physical activity Mr. Hiddleston experienced after being wounded escalated the process. We removed the damaged rib to avoid further injury, inflated both lungs fully using a chest tube, applied a doxycycline treatment to aid adhesion of the right lung to the chest wall, then removed the bullet and repaired damaged tissue. The wound just above the pectoral muscle had no muscle or tendon involvement, but a nick in the interior thoracic artery caused a significant amount of blood loss and necessitated the administration of two pints of donor blood. The chest tube will be in place for at least four days, and upon removal the incision will be stitched closed. There will be some scarring, of course, but the extent is always dependent upon genetic inheritance and immune response so I can’t really predict an outcome along those lines.”

Dr. Salinas stopped, and upon seeing that the door to our right read ‘Recovery Room A-1’ I took a step toward it. She shifted, placing a hand on my forearm to halt my progress. “Mrs. Hiddleston, most patients who experience a near double-lung collapse…well, let’s just say they don’t usually fare this well. I’m sure Mr. Hiddleston’s exceptional level of overall physical fitness is a significant factor, but…this is difficult for me to say, as a physician…I honestly can’t explain why he’s not in ICU right now. Not scientifically. His blood oxygen was so low he shouldn’t have been conscious, but his blood pressure leveled off at 80 over 50 and his heart rate remained steady the entire time, an even 55 BPM, and it never skipped a single beat. I’m going to be evaluating every step for quite some trying to find an answer, that’s a certainty. One more thing before we go inside…now, he knew prior to surgery that you were alive, but anesthesia can cause patients to temporarily lose memories of what happened immediately prior to being put under. This is a concern because if he regains consciousness and is still under the impression that you are not alive, he may react negatively and the potential for a re-collapse of the lung is very high at this stage. The nurse-anesthetist is inside, and he’ll help you…”

Her head cocked to one side, listening, and what began as quiet murmuring quickly turned to loud talking, and even though it was hoarse and muted by the door between us, there was no mistaking whom the voice belonged to. Tom. He’d cranked up the decibels to the the point that I could now clearly make out what he was saying.

“NO! Why am I here? I don’t want to be here. She’s gone. I told you to let me die. Why didn’t you let me die? I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE.”

I pulled away from Dr. Salinas, pushed the door inward and was at his bedside before her or the nurse-anesthetist could utter a single word. His eyes were wild, full of agony and despair, and he was attempting to sit up when I reached down and took his left hand in mine, squeezing hard. He yanked it away and began clawing at the nasal canula, so lost inside himself and left confused by the drugs they’d administered that he had not the faintest idea who I was. I leaned forward and grabbed him by the jaw, and when his eyes met mine I thought for sure he was going to hit me…but I refused to let go, instead using all the power I could channel to force him to look at me and nothing else. I saw anxiety, then rage, followed by bewilderment, shock and, finally, recognition. The fingers of his left hand grazed my wrist, and as they connected with my rings he glanced downward, then back up at me. His expression conveyed that he wanted to believe but couldn’t quite bring himself to trust in what he was experiencing…not completely. I released his jaw and brought his hand to my lips, kissing it softly, having difficulties of my own in regard to believing that this was genuine, that he was here, and that he was alive. His voice was little more than a whisper when he spoke, and his words made my soul ache for him.

“I thought I’d lost you. I thought I’d lost both of you. It was the end. Of everything.” A pause, and when I saw his sorrow shift to panic as he said the word ‘both’ I shook my head and interjected, hoping to keep him calm. The word of the day…calm. Keep calm and carry on, in spite of the beast within who wanted nothing more than to kill Claudia over and over again for what she’d done, like Dormammu and Doctor Strange. I leaned in close to his face until our foreheads were touching.

“I’m here. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. We’re okay. It’s okay.” He began to cry, and I nuzzled his cheek. “I know you’re upset, and confused, and that shit is FUBAR right now, but I need you to try and relax, my love. Be still. You have to give your body a chance to heal, and the more relaxed you are, the faster that will happen. I’m here, I’m fine, the baby’s fine…and you’re going to be fine, too.”

He was at peace briefly, scarcely more than a minute or two passing before I felt him tense up again. “Maude. It’s not safe. She’ll come back. She won’t stop until…”

Pulling back from him, I followed his eyes as they darted back and forth, then reached out to grasp his chin again, though far more gently this time around. “We’re safe. She’s dead, Tom. Claudia’s dead.”

“She is? Are you sure?”

The scene from the hotel hallway invaded my inner space, and I nodded. “Saw it with my own two eyes. Trust me, she is NOT coming back. For me, for you, for anyone. Ever. Okay?”

“Okay.” A tear tracked downward from the outer corner of his left eye and landed on the sheet beneath his head. “I’m sorry you saw. But I’m glad she’s gone. I love you.”

“And I love you. Don’t be sorry. I’m glad too. Which seems to be my default setting when people die lately. What that says about me, I don’t know…that my moral compass is a roulette wheel, maybe?”

He smiled…a teeny, tiny, itty-bitty smile, and it was one of the most beautiful smiles I’d ever had the good fortune to witness. Dr. Salinas witnessed it as well, from a distance, and realized we’d turned a corner. She joined me at Tom’s bedside to let him know she’d be checking in on him later in the day, and that Gerald, the nurse-anesthetist, would help him with some breathing exercises. We both thanked her, and I though I released Tom’s hand so I wasn’t in the way, I remained where I was while Gerald raised the head of the bed and had Tom breathe into a meter repeatedly until it reached an acceptable level. Once that was over and done with, we were advised that the staff was readying a private room and a team would be in to move Tom when it was good to go. Gerald showed me how to use the emergency call button, just in case, and then left us alone.  A minute later he was back, a Ziploc bag in hand that contained Tom’s phone, his iPod, and his wedding ring. He passed it off to me, smiled, then left without another word. Tom frowned.

“I didn’t want them to take that off. I think I may have raised a bit of a ruckus over it.”

I undid the slide zip and fished the ring out of the bag, hooking it on my right index finger. He lifted up his left hand, then rested it on the bed’s side guardrail, too exhausted to hold it aloft. Another tiny smile greeted me when my gaze met his.

“Will you put that back where it belongs for me, please?”

“You betcha.” I slipped it onto his ring finger, a soft sigh escaping him as he took hold of my hand.

“Much better. Thank you.”

His eyes closed, and I ran my thumb back and forth across his wrist, the constant beeping of monitoring equipment the only sound in the room, tethering me to the present, driving home what had happened and how our lives hand changed so quickly in the blink of an eye, and how lucky we’d been that the change was this and not something else.

“Maude.”

His voice startled me, so much so that I twitched with such violence that my feet nearly left the floor, which set alarm bells ringing in my head and caused me to assume something had gone terribly awry while I wasn’t paying attention.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong? Should I call someone?”

He squeezed my hand, now-open eyes full of concern. “I’m fine. Sorry. Didn’t mean to frighten you.”

I smiled. “It’s okay. I’m, like, jangly. Sorry for overreacting.”

He smiled softly in return. “It’s okay. I’m sorry you’re jangly.”

My left eyebrow rose as my smile turned to a smirk. “Well, someone’s going for gold in the Apology Olympics.”

“Please allow me to apologize for my intensely competitive nature, Mrs. Hiddleston.” And with that, I knew he was fully here again, and though I’d been saying it to myself all morning and to him since he’d woken up, I finally believed…everything was going to be okay. The future, our future, was visible again. Not in a Miss Cleo way, but in a we’ll heal, we’ll move forward, we’ll get through this way. The only guarantee life comes with is that it eventually ends…but now wasn’t the time for that. Not for us. Not today. And I wondered if there was a way to express my gratitude for such a gift, the gift of time…and when I felt Tom’s fingers turning my wedding ring in circles as I had in the waiting room as I sat unsure of whether or not I’d ever see him alive again, the answer to my question was blatantly obvious. The answer was…live.

He bit his lip, his own left eyebrow far higher than the right, then spoke again. “This ceaseless beeping is driving me mad. I don’t suppose I could coax a song out of you as a distraction, could I?”

“No coaxing required.” I took his iPod out of the Ziploc, turned it on, then scrolled to find the song that had come to mind. I put one earbud in my my right ear, the other in his left and hit play – Deathcab For Cutie’s Soul Meets Body.

I want to live where soul meets body And let the sun wrap its arms around me and Bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing And feel Feel what it's like to be new

'Cause in my head there's a Greyhound station Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations So they may have a chance of finding a place where they're Far more suited than here

I cannot guess what we'll discover When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels But I know our filthy hands can wash one another's And not one speck will remain

I do believe it's true That there are roads left in both of our shoes But if the silence takes you Then I hope it takes me too

So brown eyes I'll hold you near 'Cause you're the only song I want to hear A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

We both wept quietly after I finished singing along, still holding hands, me leaning down and in so our cheeks touched. I wanted nothing more than to climb into his hospital bed and hold him, to feel him against me and hear his heart beating, to inhale the scent of his warm skin, and never, ever let him go. But this, this limited contact…it was what we had for the moment, and something I might have been permanently deprived of if things had gone differently, so it would do. It would absofuckingloutely do.

[evasjournal]

Brick.

March 13, 2009.

It’s been nine years since a 19-year-old me made the most life-altering decision I have ever made. Yes, one that even surpasses saying “I do,” getting married, and all the life changing momentum that alone brings with it. That’s because on March 13, 2009, I terminated my 13-week pregnancy.

I guess I can’t say that was the day I made the decision, it was just the day I carried it out. The reality is that decision was made, with ease, two weeks before that. Nine years later, I can still remember with great detail how that all unfolded. Today I share it with whomever may care to read it in hopes that speaking out about my story may in the slightest of ways be of help to somebody somewhere out there.

Let’s rewind to February 27, 2009. Wade – my hockey-playing-Canadian-college boyfriend – broke up with me on this date. Out of the blue on this evening, as “Champagne Supernova” played in the background, he tells me that he’s trying out for the NHL after graduation (he was a senior, I was a sophomore) and he needed to see what else was out there.  Basically, I would hold him back and we needed to end things.

That breakup devastated me (and forever ruined “Champagne Supernova”)! I adored him, maybe even loved him in whatever way an emotionally immature, insecure, and clueless 19-year-old could love somebody. I had given up drinking and going out and took up going to church for his straight-edge Catholic ass! Even though we weren’t together for very long, it hurt like hell to be blindsided like that. Little did I know that break up was only the tip of the iceberg for what would become one of the most emotionally charged and difficult times in my life.

In the week that followed the break up, the weird shit that had been happening got worse to the point that I started to get concerned. And by “weird shit” I mean the random spells of nausea and vomiting I had been having, which I would eventually come to understand as “morning sickness” that seemed to occur at all hours of the day except in the actual fucking mornings. I can still vividly remember having to throw my car door open in the MU parking ramp to puke after work on multiple occasions. I also distinctly remember getting sick immediately after taking a multivitamin that my roommate had given me, and that pizza rolls and orange juice did not sit well with me either. It’s weird, really, the random details a mind can recall.

Eventually, there wasn’t more I could do to deny the reality that was staring me in the face. I wasn’t sick, it wasn’t the flu – I otherwise felt fine. I had to face the very real possibility that I could be … pregnant.

To be clear, Wade and I never had sex. He was a virgin – straight edge and a “good” Catholic, remember? He was waiting until marriage, as “good” Catholics do (unlike me, a “not-so-good Catholic” apparently). Ironically, I was at a wedding not too long ago that also happened to be attended by his college roommate whom he’s still friends with … turns out Wade’s about to be a father and he’s NOT yet married! I mean, if purity rings didn’t work out for the Jonas Brothers, can I really say I’m surprised he gave in too?

Anyway, shortly before Wade and I got together there had been that ONE guy and that ONE lapse in judgment on that ONE night. I had gone to a party at the oh-so-cool Legacy Tower one snowy evening. There was a stranger there named Chris that played guitar and sang Mary Jane’s Last Dance and it made me swoon (because I was 19 and stupid and dumb things like that could make me swoon). Needless to say, the best decisions were NOT made on this evening. Could this really be coming back to haunt me? Well, I guess I was going to have to find out.

Step one: buy a pregnancy test.  Have you ever had to do this? I am convinced this is just as awkward for every woman, regardless of your age and relationship status. I went to Target to carry out this task – which, side note: the only Target in a college town is not the place you want to go to complete such a task if you want to avoid being seen by someone you know. To avoid carrying the damn bright pink box of First Response through the store (and avoid anymore run-ins), I paid for the test at the pharmacy. I can still feel that desire I had for the earth to just open and swallow me whole as I waited for the pharmacist to finish ringing me up.

After what is perhaps the saddest and least fulfilling trip to Target that I have ever taken, I returned to the apartment I shared with three other girls. As much as I wanted to immediately run to the bathroom and take the damn test, I couldn’t. I hadn’t shared my suspicions or what I was going through with anyone, so I would have to wait until I was alone. Living with that many girls though, I had to make the time to find myself alone and skipped a few classes the next day to make it happen.

I remember finally mustering up the nerve to drag myself to the bathroom and get it over with. After reading and re-reading the instructions whilst sitting on the toilet for what felt like half an eternity, I tore open the little pink package and went for it. Fuck …. was that awkward. It was the first time I had ever taken a damn pregnancy test - I got pee all over my hands!

I placed the cap back on the test and set it on top of the toilet, washed my hands, and paced back and forth while my stomach did cartwheels until it was time to check the magical little stick that would forever alter my future. The sound of the timer going off on my phone felt like it pierced my chest with tiny needles with every beep it made. I remember literally running over to the toilet to pick up the stick, turning it over, and seeing the two pink (also, why the fuck pink?) lines in the little window. Two, two two … my hands desperately fumbled with the folded-up instructions as I struggled to find the legend or key to decipher what the fuck two tiny little pink lines meant.

“Two lines means NOT pregnant, right?!” I repeated in my head, almost as if it were a prayer. Well, no, it does not appear that it does. So, I checked and re-checked the key, making sure my eyes were not deceiving me. Was I interpreting this correctly?

TWO lines, as it turns out, means pregnant. 

“FUUUUUUUUUCK!!”

“OH MY GOD.”

Those were the first thoughts to cross my mind, as I’m sure would be the case for any girl in that situation. Fear and panic took over my body, followed by a seemingly endless and uncontrollable stream of tears. I felt so, so, so alone in that moment.

At some point I was able to compose myself and come out of that tiny bathroom, but as I opened the door and stepped out, it was as if I was opening the door and stepping into denial.

“Well I’ve never done this before,” I thought to myself.  “So maybe I did it wrong and it’s not really positive!” Because, after all, HOW COULD I BE PREGNANT? I mean, I knew how, but I needed another test because this could just not be happening to me; this happens to other girls!!

If you were a sexually active young woman who went to college, you know what I’m talking about when I refer to those “Pregnant? Need help?” places, because chances are you probably walked by one at some point and prayed you would never need a place like that. Yes, I’m talking about Birth Rite, those places conveniently located near college campuses that have signs offering free help, but more importantly, free pregnancy tests.

I was a broke college student and I just could not fathom the thought of enduring yet another miserable experience buying a test, so I went to Birth Rite knowing full well they were religious and probably slightly cuckoo. I took them up on their offer of a free test (declined their free help) and, not surprisingly, it revealed the same damn two pink lines (seriously, why pink?) that I had desperately wanted to not appear.

To really top off this already awesome experience, I was forced to sit down and have a chat with the pale-yellow-sweater-wearing blonde lady that worked there. She was really trying to get me to come to Jesus, but I had already made up my mind and I don’t think there was anything that could have changed it.

Even though I had my mind made up though, I still looked at it as, “IF I really am pregnant, this is what I’m going to do….” And it was still a really big, whopping IF in my mind. I couldn’t fully accept that I was, in fact, pregnant.

What would it take to convince me? Hearing it from a goddamn doctor.

So, I made a doctor’s appointment - off campus, of course, to try to avoid any possibility of seeing someone I know. I remember telling the nurse that I had already had TWO positive tests and her telling me that the “over-the-counter tests these days are remarkably accurate.”

Thanks, Susan! So not what I wanted to hear! 

But they humored me anyway and ran another test. This time I peed in a cup, somehow still managing to get pee all over my hands. I’ve never peed on my hands so much over the course of one week. I’m 28 now and still have not mastered the art of sticking something between my legs and peeing on it and only on whatever “it” may be.

I returned to the exam room, heart racing and stomach knotted, to await the results. The doctor came in after what seemed like for fucking ever and, I swear for a brief moment - just a split second - I felt like he was going to tell me I was the rare case, the exception, the fluke. That somehow, I had two false positives … but then he hit me with the real news.

“Well, you’re pregnant,” he said as he walked in. I could tell he was unsure, given my age, whether he should be congratulating me or not. It was a very uneasy experience for all of us. He told me the next step would be to establish prenatal care and that he would set me up with a referral, but that I should probably start taking a prenatal vitamin now.  I politely told him that would not be necessary as I was planning on making “alternate arrangements.”

I left there devastated as my reality slowly sunk in and immediately returned to my apartment, got on my pink laptop (yeah, with the pink), and started looking for my “alternate arrangements.” My first thought was: “Ummmm, what the fuck do I google?”

Abortion+Ames+Iowa?

Abortion clinic near me? 

Then, it hit me: Planned Parenthood. Duh! That is where I would start and that is what would be my saving grace. The closest clinic that could help me was in DSM. I knew where I needed to call, the next step would be to actually do so. My hands were shaking as I dialed the numbers into my flip phone. After all the digits were put in, I stared at the little screen for a very long time before I could follow through with hitting “send.” 

Thankfully, the woman on the other end was kind and comforting. I made the appointment for the following Friday, March 13th. Yes, Friday the 13th. The lady told me I would need someone to accompany me. I would be given sedatives and wouldn’t be allowed to drive. Wear comfy clothes. Don’t eat beforehand. She explained the process, answered my questions, and then I was hit with another daunting realization: I couldn’t afford it. 

In the fucking chaos of it all, I hadn’t even considered the financial aspect of the situation I had gotten myself into. The lady told me there were resources and financial assistance available through “X”, “Y”, and “Z” programs, but I would need to call them separately and secure the funding. Nothing was guaranteed and if I wasn’t able to provide the full amount for the procedure on the day of the appointment, the appointment would have to be cancelled. 

So, my next step became to call the various programs to ask for financial help. It was embarrassing and degrading and just overall difficult to make those calls and explain my situation to the strangers on the other end of the line. I hated that I had to explain myself to these strangers not once, not twice, but four times. I hated that my own choices had put me in that position and that I wasn’t even able to face the consequences of my poor decision making on my own. Thank goodness for these programs, though, and for the people that run them, and the donors that believe in these types of causes who make these funds possible.

Thankfully, I was able to secure assistance.

Next step: tell my mom. *insert cringe* That was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I remember calling her before work and telling her that I was going to call her again after work because I had something important to tell her. I don’t know why I did that – she’s always so busy, I think I just wanted to give her a heads up to make sure that she would have enough time to talk to me. She knew after just the first call though – mother’s intuition, I guess. When I called her the second time, I couldn’t seem to find the words or get them to come out of my mouth because I knew that what I was about to say was going to break her heart. She guessed it though, right away, and took the words right from me. She was devastated and just utterly disappointed.

Then I told her what I was going to do and that was even worse. I come from a Mexican, Catholic family and from a very religious mother. She didn’t try to lecture me or tell me I was going to hell though. She just – in what is perhaps the saddest and most disappointed sounding voice I’ve ever heard her use – told me it was wrong and went against God. Outside of that phone call, we’ve never talked about it again, but I have no doubts she’s probably prayed for my soul repeatedly in the nine years since though.

In the days that followed I also told two of my roommates, who were also my best friends at the time (one still is and I’m going to be in her wedding this September – hey Lors!). I also told another really close friend of mine at the time –  Mandy. Mandy would also be the person to accompany me on the day of. The appointment was scheduled for the Friday that spring break started, so my other two friends would be gone already on that day. Mandy was able to work things out so she could come with me on Friday and travel back home later.

Telling each of those three friends about the pregnancy and what I was going to do pretty much followed the same process, even though I told them all on separate occasions: disbelief, acceptance, support. Over the next few years, I eventually shared my story with other close friends, my sister, and now - 9 years later - with everybody on the internet apparently! I’ve become much more open about it. I’ve never been embarrassed or regretful of the decision I made, I just chose to be very private about it. I don’t even think I told my husband until we had been dating for over two years (and he was amazing about it, by the way – very accepting and supportive as well).

The day of finally came. I don’t think I got more than an hour or two of sleep the night before. Don’t eat – check. Comfy clothes – check. We had to leave Ames early since the appointment was forty-five minutes away – I wonder if that clinic is still there? I also needed to stop by the bank so that I could withdraw $250 – my out of pocket portion that I really felt I needed to pay for in cash. At that time, my mom was also on my account … I didn’t want her to see the transaction and be reminded of my fuck up. So, cash it was.

We got to the clinic and had to go through a metal detector first – talk about sketchy AF. But I suppose it is an abortion clinic and at some point, somebody has probably tried bringing a gun into one. The security guard also rummaged through our purses thoroughly before letting us in the heavy metal locked door that led to a waiting area. The waiting room appeared “normal” enough, except for the fact that all of the receptionists were in little windows behind glass, probably bullet proof. I went up to a window and checked in, paid, and then was told to wait for my name to be called. I remember looking around at the other people that were there. There was a young couple sitting off to my right and the song “Brick” by Ben Folds Five started playing on repeat in my head. If you don’t know the song, it’s based on a true story about the lead singer taking his girlfriend to have an abortion.

I couldn’t help but wonder if everyone else was there for the same thing? To this day, I don’t know if that clinic only does abortions or if they do regular Planned Parenthood stuff too. After what seemed like an eternity and “Brick” playing in my head at least seventy-five times, they finally called my name. Mandy couldn’t come back with me, so I had to go alone. This was the mental health assessment portion of it process.

They took me back and sat me at a round table decorated with a vase full of cheap, fake flowers. A lady came in – a nurse, counselor, I don’t know. This is the part where they ask you if you’re really sure that you’re sure. Are you depressed? Do you feel safe in your home? Is anyone forcing you to do this? Do you have supports? Who are they? Who have you told? Are you sure you want to do this? After that, they return you to the waiting room for more - yes, you guessed it - more waiting.

Eventually I was called back in again, but this time when I came back out I wouldn’t be pregnant anymore. I was escorted back to room and told to undress before being taken to another room where I was told I would have an ultrasound done. This, I’m ALMOST POSITIVE, is a last-ditch attempt to see if you’ll change your mind. They conduct the ultrasound and show you the screen with the black and white moving lines that don’t really look like much but you know it’s a baby and you hear the heartbeat and everything! I’m convinced this is the part where most women have a change of heart. The nurse asked me if I wanted a picture and I declined. I don’t know why, but to this day, the ONLY regret I have about the entire thing is that I said no to the picture.

Then they ask you if you’re sure again.

Again, I said yes, I’m sure.

After that, I was taken to another room that was cold, white, and sterile where I was told to lay on the table with the stirrups. Blood pressure and vitals and all that was taken before I was hooked up to an IV and given a “mild” sedative that made me loopy and drowsy AF, but kept me very much awake the entire time.

I remember there was a nurse there and I’m pretty sure her only role was “emotional support.” She stood by my head the entire time, talked to me, and held my hand. The doctor came in and all I remember was that she was a female and had dark hair.

Then, it started. There was a machine and it was loud. Because of the medication, I don’t remember much and that’s probably for the best. It was uncomfortable and at some points utterly painful, but the nurse kept on holding my hand and she talked to me about her recent trip to Africa. A few minutes later, the noise stopped, and the silence was deafening. The doctor told me we were almost done .... but they had to “check the tissue” to make sure they “got it all.” THAT was probably the most disturbing part of the entire process and forever burned into my memory. If they had some sort of survey or suggestion card, my feedback would just be “Thank you for what you do, but please don’t say that to any woman ever again.”

Afterwards, I was taken to a “recovery” area, which was really just a big room with a bunch of recliners separated by curtains. There were other women there recovering from what I can only imagine was the same procedure I just had. There was a small t.v. in my little area and they gave me saltine crackers and 7UP. Thankfully, Mandy was allowed to come back and sit with me during this point. I wasn’t there for very long and was eventually just discharged. No follow up appointment scheduled or needed – just off you go. Thanks for coming ... try not to come again?

I was pretty drowsy and nodded in and out for the entire drive back home. We arrived at my apartment, but Mandy could only stay long enough to drop me off because she had to hit the road. When I got home, I was alone. Everyone was on spring break. 

I remember having Bear Creek chicken noodle soup for dinner that night and that it was just the most comforting thing in the world that I could provide myself in that moment. To this day, I crave that when I’m sick because it feels so comforting to me, but it reminds me of that day every time I have it. I laid on the couch for most of that evening, swaddled up in blankets and watching chick flick rom-coms back to back as I battled through some of the absolute worst cramps of my life. I was told that was to be expected and that I should treat them with advil and heating pads – thanks for the awesome tips Nurse Judy! Anyway, it was a very emotionally charged night filled with lots of tears, wallowing, and self-pity. At one point, probably the lowest point of the entire day, I felt so alone that I called Wade.

We talked and I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too. Then, in a moment of desperation from the overwhelming loneliness I was consumed by, I asked him if we could get back together. He said he didn’t think that was a good idea and that was the last time we talked ... until two years later when he called me out of the blue, told me that letting me go was the biggest mistake he ever made, and asked me to take him back. I asked him if he was rich and in the NHL – just kidding I didn’t ask him that because I KNEW he hadn’t made it past the first round of tryouts. Anyway, I declined his offer. Another side note: about two more years after that, he called me again … this time to ask me if I had HIV. He was going to go donate blood and knew they would ask him. This is when I truly realized what a fucking moron he was. We never did anything sexual so even if I did have HIV how the fuck would I have given it to him? I gave him a crash course in sex ed. and sexually transmitted diseases and never heard from him again.

Anyway, eventually I wore myself out from all the crying and fell asleep on the couch that night. I woke up the next morning, still achy and cramping, and drove back to my parents’ house to spend spring break at home. Life just kind of went on. I didn’t talk about it with my mom when I got home. I didn’t really talk about it with the friends that I had told at the time either. It happened, I wallowed for a night, accepted it, and I moved on.

There just wasn’t much to process. I was at peace with my decision. I do not regret it whatsoever. I would repeat it without hesitation if placed back in those same shoes and given a do-over.

I can recognize what a selfish decision it was. I was only looking out for myself. I never even tried to reach out to Chris. I didn’t want to give up the life I led and where I was going. A baby would have disrupted and derailed everything in my life. Yes, it was selfish.

I look at everything I’ve been able to accomplish because I was able to choose to not have a baby at 19. I graduated college with two degrees and started law school by 21. I graduated with honors from law school and became a licensed attorney by 24. Four years out of law school and I have a job I absolutely fucking love, a nice car, a nice home, and a fucking amazing husband. A friend of mine recently told me I have a “very charmed life and it only keeps getting better.” 

That is absolutely true – I do and I have no doubt that I would not be here or anywhere even near here if I hadn’t made that choice. I would have dropped out of college. I would have moved back in with my parents and returned to that black hole of a hometown that just sucks ambitious people in and holds them captive forever. I’ve seen it happen to the kids I grew up with, the kids in my neighborhood, kids I went to high school with. Now, there’s nothing wrong with small-town life or building your life in the town you grew up in – there is absolutely nothing wrong with that if it’s what you want and how you consciously choose to live your life. But that was never what I wanted; I wanted out and I wanted different. If I had been forced into that life, I have no doubt I would just be a burnt out, hopeless, and resentful woman today.

In my version of “Brick,” the brick would have been not having the termination. If you know the lyrics, you’ll understand the reference. Not going through with it is what would have made me “drown slowly” and had me “headed nowhere,” so I have no regrets. 

I am so thankful for organizations like Planned Parenthood and the National Network of Abortion Funds that make it possible for women to have a say in how their lives pan out. To have options and the ability to make a conscious choice about the matter. I put my story out there because I am not ashamed and believe there should be more open discussions about a woman’s right to choose and why it is so important. Lastly, if the sharing of my story can bring the slightest ease or peace of mind to even just one woman who is facing this choice or has made that choice, then sharing this is absolutely worth it.

[delightfully-daisy]

Hell’s Angels || Titsy feat the Canard Boys

Daisy’s birthday was in a few days and she had already planned a brunch with a few of her friends and then a small, tasteful gathering before heading to Pixie later that night for Hermes’s show. She had everything planned out and it was going to be perfect, but oh, there was still about a week till that so she hadn’t really been thinking about it when she got up this morning. She didn’t have class till noon today, but was already dressed and ready for action by nine (hey, you never know when a story would call) and was wearing a cute pair of high-waisted jeans along with a light turquoise sweater. Her hair was pinned up, as usual, and right now, she was enjoying a morning latte (made with her own little expensive espresso machine) and reading over the paper, sitting at one of the barstools at her counter top.

There was a knock at the door.

Daisy froze, then darted her eyes towards the door.

“Who is it?”

“The pizza delivery guys,” said a voice she definitely recognized as not the pizza guys. (Also it was nine am).

Her face split into a grin and she immediately hopped off the bar stool and unlatched the door.

Standing in the hallway were her brothers. Nic, the oldest, was actually shorter by a few centimeters and was wearing an old-school aviator jacket that she had gotten him for Christmas and a blue beanie over his blond hair. He hadn’t shaved in a few days. Andre was younger but towered above the both of them, his own hair gelled into casual disarray. He was wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses balanced atop his head.

Nic immediately pulled her into a hug, while Andre bobbed behind him and then swooped in the minute Nic had let go.

“What are you guys doing here?” she asked, in French.

“Happy Birthday, Daisy!” said Nic.

“But you know my birthday’s not till the 14th—”

“Yeah, well you know that we both have to go back to university,” said Andre, folding his arms over his chest. “So we figured we’d stop on by and give you your gift.”

“You could’ve waited till after, you know, when we go on our ski trip.” She named the annual Canard ski weekend that usually happened the first weekend of February. “That’s when you usually do it.”

Nic shook his head.

“Not this time, Daisy. We had to keep it a secret.” He clapped a hand on her shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go. It’s outside.” He started to tug her along.

“Wait, hang on let me look the door, Nicolas!” She laughed a little and then reached for her flat keys that she kept on a hook by the door and the leather jacket that she had on the coat rack, then closed her apartment and followed her brothers downstairs.

Andre bounded ahead of them, opening the door when he got to the bottom of the stairs and making an overly dramatic bowing gesture was Daisy walked through. He jumped aside as Nic walked through and the door hit him on the shoulder and Nic reached over to punch Andre in the side and Andre dodged it and laughed.

“It’s this way,” said Nic, gesturing towards the left. They followed. This time Andre got behind Daisy and clapped his hands over her eyes.

“What the fuck?”

“Trust me. This is a good one. You’re gonna want the anticipation.”

“I’m going to trip!”

“Stop being an idiot,” said Nic. “Uncover her eyes.”

Andre did so, lifting his hands from her face and making a dramatic “dun dun duN!” sound as he did so.

When Daisy saw what was in the parking lot, next to her BMW Z4, she clapped her hands over her mouth, gasping loudly.

It was a motorcycle—a white and black Triumph Bonneville T120, which was a good bike and all, but the reason that she was fighting so hard to stop tears from welling up in her eyes was because this particular motorcycle had a little red leather seat instead of the usual black and a slight nick on the side that was facing her. It was the bike her dad had bought her when she was sixteen, the one Nic and Andre had taught her on, the one she had been looking forward to bringing to uni, before her mama found out about it and yelled at her father and brothers for being so reckless and yelled at Daisy for not knowing better, and Daisy had been forced to sell it.

She took a step towards the bike, running her hand down the seat.

“How did you find it?” she asked.

“Oh it was all Nic’s idea,” said Andre. “We’d thought about getting you a brand new one for a while, but like, they’re not cheap and mama would’ve noticed if we used our cards, but then Nic tracked down the buyer of your bike and we told mama we would visit you and we actually drove to Brussels to get this thing—paid in cash too.”

“Andre drove it back,” said Nic. “It wasn’t just my idea.”

She turned to look at her brothers and couldn’t even think of anything to say—but there was a smile on her face so big and bright. She just walked over to Nic, who happened to be standing closer and leaned her face into his chest.

“I don’t even know if I remember how to ride,” she said, her voice muffled.

“Well, there’s one way to find out, Daze,” said Andre. “Get on it!”

“Get on it?” She pulled away from Nic and the moment she did so, Andre tossed her a light pink helmet.

“Here, we got it in your favorite color.”

“This doesn’t go with my outfit,” she said, looking at the helmet.

“Oh come on.” Andre rolled his eyes.

“We gotta take it to the shop to take a look at it,” said Nic. “We don’t know if the dude we got it from has done anything with it in the last four years.”

“Yeah, I’d get it cleaned in general and it definitely needs an oil change and you might wanna get the brakes checked, they were being a little weird when I was riding it.”

“Oh, that’s perfect—I needed to get the tires on my car looked at because of the snow,” said Daisy. “We can swing by the shop together.”

“Only if you take the bike,” said Nic. “We’ll drive the car.”

Daisy bit her lip. She looked at the light pink helmet and then back at the bike—her bike—and then nodded.

“Alright.”

Andre let out a woop and Nic chuckled. Daisy handed Nic her car keys and he reached in his pocket for the keys to the bike.

She walked over to it, took a deep breath, then, as if no time at all had passed, she swung her leg over it, situating herself comfortably on the seat, putting the helmet on her head and adjusting it. She stuck the key into the ignition and the engine roared to life, purring as she fiddled with it, like a sort of finicky cat that had finally been reunited with its owner.

Daisy smiled, backed out of the spot, and then revved the engine.

“Yo, take the long way if you want,” yelled Nic, who was already in the driver seat of her car. “We’ll meet you there.”

“Have fun!” called Andre.

Daisy lifted her hand up to wave and then kicked off.

Any drive in town was bound to be short and slow, so Daisy took a bit of a long way around the university, enjoying the hum of the engine and the thumping of her heart. She wasn’t going particularly fast now—for one, there was a speed limit and two, well, it had been a while since she’d done this. She was still learning. Thankfully it was like a regular bike and her body was used to balancing and maneuvering. It took little effort to remember how to move on this thing.

She pulled into the auto shop, already spotting her car and Andre and Nic talking to someone, and cruised in so that she was right by them.

“How do you not have the Gislaved North Frost tires for this year? Any idea when that shipment is getting in?”

She heard Andre’s voice, almost accusatory, as she kicked down the kickstand and swung her leg off the bike.

“Andy, it’s a small town, I’m sure we can order some for her,” said Nic.

“I just need snow tires, not super duper industrial strength snow tires,” said Daisy, taking off her helmet. She shook her head a little, to get the hair out of her face and was running a hand through her hair when she noticed just who her brothers were talking to.

“Oh!” she said, eyes widening, her cheeks flushing pink. “Uh, hello.”

It was Tito, of course, because of all the luck in the world he would just happen to be working the day her brothers came into town. He looked very much as surprised as she probably did and she took comfort in that and hoped that Andre and Nic attributed her now pink cheeks to the cold air or the general excitement of her bike.

“Also the bike needs a general touch-up, and also probably new brakes,” said Andre, gesturing, apparently not noticing Daisy’s reaction. “And maybe cover up the scratch on the side.”

“Oh, don’t touch up the scratch,” Daisy said. “That’s from when I broke my arm, remember? It’s a good memory.” She looked at Tito when she said this, a small smile tugging at her lips. “And then we told mama that I fell from a horse.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine. Keep the scratch for my sentimental sister,” said Andre, who hadn’t noticed how wide-eyed Daisy had just become.

Nic, however, seemed to notice something was up, and glanced briefly from Daisy to Tito then back to Daisy, who raised her eyebrows at him and he looked back at her BMW.

@newspaperburritos-forbreakfast

[robbieinterviews]

“Margot Robbie, Australia’s Newest Movie Goddess”, 2014

Margot Robbie was so outrageously seductive as *The Wolf of Wall Street’*s trophy wife, Naomi (a role that earned her an Empire Award in March), that she managed to exceed the script’s hyperbolic requirement that she personify “the hottest blonde ever.” When she makes her sizzling entrance at a Hamptons bacchanal, one prurient male declares, “I’d fuck that girl if she was my sister!” Another breaks down on the spot and masturbates. Richard Curtis compares the Australian siren—who played an unattainable dream girl in his 2013 romantic comedy, About Time—to that other screen goddess Grace Kelly. And this summer Robbie is taking on the role of the ultimate irresistible Ur-female, Jane (opposite Alexander Skarsgård), when David Yates’s Tarzan begins filming in London. Martin Scorsese’s casting director, Ellen Lewis, who first brought Robbie to the master’s attention, said, “As beautiful as she is, that’s how talented she is.”

The 24-year-old actress is slightly baffled by all the over-the-top admiration. “In my big group of girlfriends at home,” Robbie insists, “I am definitely not the best-looking. I did not grow up feeling like I was particularly attractive. You should have seen me at 14, with ­braces and glasses, gangly and doing ballet! If I looked good in Wolf of Wall Street I cannot take full credit; it was because of hair extensions and makeup.” Robbie even downplays her seemingly innate gift for acting, which, she says, did not always bring her topmost accolades when she was growing up in the Curumbin Valley, on the Gold Coast of Australia, about an hour from Brisbane. “My school was very academic. I was up there in English. I could have done law and a number of other things. But I was only second in my year for drama.”

Even so, she had a pretty clear idea of where she was headed. Since childhood she had amused herself and her family (she’s the third of four siblings) by memorizing the films they watched on the household VCR. “My family had nothing to do with the entertainment industry. We had farming on both sides. My mother’s family raised grains and crops. My father’s grew sugarcane and mangos. So I knew more about the basics of farming than of acting. But my background was real­ly helpful when I was shooting Z for Zachariah”—a post-apocalyptic drama to be released in 2015. “I already knew how to drive a tractor and milk cows.” The movie, for which Robbie became a brunette, co-stars Chiwetel Ejiofor, who says, “Whilst she is truly very, very funny and enormously vibrant, Margot takes the ‘doing of it’ very seriously.”

By the age of 10, Robbie was earning her own wages—polishing cutlery at a restaurant and then advancing to “chopping vegetables and waitressing.” During her last year of high school, she worked as a housecleaner. “I’ve worked three jobs at a time. I worked in a pharmacy, an office, at a warehouse, did catering. I was always trying to save up money.”

Robbie’s resourcefulness served her well when, at 17, she moved to Melbourne without professional prospects. “I was sleeping on a mattress in a shitty apartment,” she recalls. Her boyfriend at the time, a university student, worked as “a pizza boy.” Her favorite job during her early Melbourne days was as a sandwich-maker at Subway. “I was really good at it! I make a mean Subway. The trick is to spread everything evenly out and cut it so well that there is never a bad bite.” A few months into her Melbourne adventure, she announced to her Subway colleagues that she was quitting because she had landed a part on the TV series Neighbours—after cold-calling the show’s production company. Six months later, Subway hired Robbie for a commercial, and, she said, “I got paid like 20 times the amount I ever earned there.”

Neighbours—a beloved nighttime soap, running in Australia since 1985—had long been a breeding ground for the country’s breakout stars, Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce, and Kylie Minogue among them. Robbie’s guest stint as bitchy bisexual Donna Freedman quickly evolved into a regular role. “Neighbours was my initiation into the industry,” Robbie says. “It’s definitely the hardest job I’ve ever had; it was boot camp. I spent so long on it. I survived three years.”

During her Neighbours tenure, she received two nominations for a Logie, the Australian equivalent of an Emmy. But Robbie had set her sights higher and farther. “I was carefully setting things up,” she said. Robbie enrolled in acting classes, concentrating on dialect coaching in order to perfect her American accent for the next move she planned, to Hollywood. She traded in a “dodgy” agent for one with Hollywood connections and thriftily held on to her earnings. “I saved up enough to get me through three years unemployed,” she says. A Neighbours co-star, Jackie Woodbyrne, has said, “It wasn’t a matter of if she would become successful, but when.”

“People ask me all the time what it is about Australia that produces so many big stars,” Robbie says. “Honestly, I believe it is a combination of things. Our education standards are quite high, but our industry is very limited. Yet we’re very aware of the industry—everyone goes to the theater, sees TV shows. The logical step is to make a move to America—America is getting the best of the best of us. You don’t leave Australia unless you are passionate. Any Australian actor who comes to America is really committed. There are no dabblers—it’s all or nothing. If you’ve worked in Australia you can’t get away with bad behavior, like showing up late. We take our work ethic seriously. So maybe that’s why we have a good reputation.”

As soon as Robbie’s Neighbours contract ended, she was on a plane to Los Angeles. She had timed her January 2011 arrival strategically, so it coincided with winter auditions for television pilots. By springtime, she had landed a role as the stewardess Laura Cameron on Pan Am, the ABC period drama starring Christina Ricci. A kind of Mad Men of the skies, the series fared better internationally than domestically and was canceled in 2012.

Robbie’s Pan Am character was a runaway bride, who, she says, “fell in love with a black guy.” In both Z for Zachariah and Focus (a romantic-comedy caper set to open in February 2015), Robbie plays opposite an older, Oscar-nominated black actor—Ejiofor and Will Smith, respectively. “Will and I spoke about this,” she says. “It’s 2014—and we’re one of the few inter-racial couples you’ll see in a mainstream film! We’re breaking that mold!” Last November a tabloid published shots of the pair clowning around in a photo booth while filming Focus in New Orleans. Smith was bare-chested and Robbie was lifting her top above her bra. She tweeted at the time, “Been working nonstop, just catching my breath. There’s absolutely no truth to the ridiculous rumor in Star mag . . . ” Robbie says today, “Everyone wants to link me up, make it seem like I have a thrilling love life. They tried to say Leo and I were a couple, too. Ideal­ly, I’d want people to know nothing about my personal life. The truth is my love life is very dull. I’m in love with my job.” She does allow that she and her old Melbourne flame, the erstwhile pizza boy Jake Williams, are no longer together. He went on to co-found the Internet start-up Spotjobs, an Australian employment Web site. “We both went separate ways to pursue careers,” Robbie notes, “and went above and beyond what we wanted to achieve.”

Beore Pan Am was canceled, Robbie sent an audition tape to Ellen Lewis, Martin Scorsese’s casting director, without any real expectation of a response. The Wolf script had gone out to scores of hopefuls, she initially felt little sympathy for the gold-digger character, and she was ambivalent about the requisite nude scenes. Robbie had perhaps one edge over the competition: she had nailed Naomi’s salt-of-the-earth, outer-borough accent. For inspiration, she had drawn upon “my best friend from New York—a chef who grew up in Queens.” Robbie also channeled a woman from “the props department of Pan Am,” which had been shot at the Brooklyn Navy Yard. “These women have huge personalities,” Robbie says. “Nothing like what we have in Australia.”

Back in 2009, during the Neighbours era, an Australian journalist asked the then 18-year-old novice what actors she would most like to meet. High on her list was Leonardo DiCaprio. Remarkably, within four years Robbie was in New York auditioning in person for DiCaprio and Scorsese, doing her very best to keep up with the actor’s “daunting” off-script improvisations and make sense of the indecipherable exchanges between the two men. Riffing on a scene in which an exasperated Naomi argues with DiCaprio’s priapic con man, Jordan Belfort, Robbie suddenly reached out and slapped the star. “We were stunned,” Scorsese recalled, “because she was as surprised as we were. But when she made that move, she claimed Naomi.” As for DiCaprio, he apparently told Robbie, “That was brilliant. Hit me in the face again!”

Under the two pros’ influence, Robbie re-discovered her knack for improvisation, unexplored since high school. Some of *Wolf’*s more memorable bits were, in fact, Robbie’s off-the-cuff contributions. She improvised, for example, the lines (both of which reverse the couple’s power dynamic) “We’re not going to be friends” and “ ‘Who?’ What are you, a fucking owl?” For the notorious nursery scene, it was Robbie’s idea to push her patent-leather stiletto into a groveling DiCaprio’s face. And it was she who boldly suggested that the dominatrix Venice should insert a lit candle between DiCaprio’s buttocks, to follow more closely the debauched autobiographical source material.

Robbie says, “Nobody else compares to Marty. I still pinch myself that I worked with this director who has been a pillar for dec­ades and decades. I can’t believe it! It was one of the best times in my life! I’d sit down and have lunch on the set and think to myself, I’m getting paid to do this! It was insane! Pure insanity!”

Robbie—the latest mantle-bearer in a long line of extraordinary Scorsese temptresses that includes *Taxi Driver’*s Cybill Shepherd, *Raging Bull’*s Cathy Moriarty, and *Casino’*s Sharon Stone—can easily envision a future beyond Wolf. “I’m not an overnight sensation,” she says. Other upcoming films include A Bigger Splash, inspired by Jacques Deray’s La Piscine, with Tilda Swinton and Ralph Fiennes, and an adaptation of the World War II–era novel Suite Française, with Michelle Williams and Kristin Scott Thomas. Robbie, meanwhile, would rather not return to television, for the simple reason that she doesn’t like “playing one role for a long time—I’d rather do many characters for short periods intensely.”

For now the actress has no problem turning down lucrative offers. “I will never sell my soul for a paycheck,” Robbie says. “I don’t need the money because I’m not extravagant. I share my house in London with five roommates. I take the Tube—it’s free entertainment! I intend to stay the exact same person I always was; my family and friends keep me grounded.”

Robbie’s perspective may be unusually long for an actress her age. But then the outdoorsy Australian has some experience seeing vistas from great heights. “For my 18th and 19th birthdays I went skydiving,” she says. “I wanted that to become an annual tradition. But instead I’ve been working on my birthdays.” This year proved to be no exception—she was on the set of Tarzan. And that, she’s decided, is exactly the way she likes it. “The set is still my favorite place to be. I just don’t ever want the novelty to wear off.”

[sparklyeaglepoetry-blog]

Car Insurance Question for Washington State?

"Car Insurance Question for Washington State?

In WA State, does the car insurance follow the car, or the person? I want to say the person, because when someone gets car insurance and they trade in their car, that insurance will cover that replacement car for 30 days or so. But when someone lends their car to their friend and that friend is in an accident or causes a claim, is that friend covered under the insurance of the person who lent the car? Then wouldnt that mean that the insurance follows the car in this case?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecost.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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How do I get health insurance for my newborn?

I am 6 months pregnant and 21 years old. I am still on my parents' health insurance, as I am an unemployed student. My boyfriend, who is an independent, is an unemployed student as well. He is currently uninsured and, as we have found, is uninsurable due to the fact that I am pregnant. My parents' health insurance WILL NOT cover grandchildren (dependents of dependents) and so my baby will not be covered on their plan. Individual health insurance plans will not cover my infant until up to 30 days AFTER he is born (and we can apply for medical insurance for him). How do I secure health care coverage for him BEFORE he comes so he can start going to the pediatrician immediately?""

16 for 2 months and havent recieved my national insurance card?

I have been 16 for 2 months and i still haven't received my national insurance card. I haven't moved house or anything. (sorry if its in the wrong category :L)

How much would insurance be for a young person with a luxury car?

I was wondering if there's anyone (preferably a lady) between 22-25 who has a luxury car like a Jaguar, BMW or an Audi, and how much you pay for insurance. I'm 23 & looking to buy an Audi A4 or a BMW 3 series (second hand). So just wanted to know if theres anyone else out there with those cars :) thanks in advance x""

Can i pay gor someone elses car insurance?

Right so my mum bought a car and I love my mummy so I offered to pay for her car insurance but she said I won't be able to do that for some reason so (I'm her son btw) what I'm asking is if I put all the details in her name but put me down as an additional driver can I pay for the car insurance ?, it's cheaper that way too (for me) lol""

Insurance and meds HELP Please?

Any advice would be helpful first my story I have meds that cost $1000 every month. I need insurance I have not had insurance since Peach-care about 3 years ago My job offers insurance for $2.50 a week my jobs insurance covers everything but my meds I get my meds for free with a prescription saving program I only make around $900 a month If I get my company insurance I no longer qualify for my free med program Any advice? I miss Peach-care they covered $100% of everything for only a few dollars. Is their any insurance that would cover 100% of my meds and dental, vision etc for no more than $100 a month?""

How much does health insurance cost for a foreign student?

i live in england and want to go to america for university and want to know how much health insurance costs for me if i have a f1 visa. if it is the same as normal what is the average sort of cost of normal health insurance?

Car Insurance? best option?

I recently have came back from a trip abroad, and well. I'm looking into car insurances and seeing if I can get any better deals and what other way than the internet! So here's a little about my Insurance right now. I'm paying about 761.82 every 6 months for just liability. I recently got into a small accident last year which raised it about 100$.00. Even though all that was repaired was his fender. it' whatever. I'm 19 and I drive an 01 PONTIAC Sunfire SE So you think this is enough or am I paying too much? Oh and I'm with GEICO""

Motorcycle insurance question?

Hey, I dropped my motorcycle on the right side yesterday during a turn. It's a 2009 Kawasaki Ninja 250r. Two pieces of fairing were damaged pretty badly (right side and front piece). I just got insurance the day of the drop (before dropping it). Will insurance cover the damage? Also is it even worth getting them involved? I already have very very high insurance ($400 a month for a Honda Odyssey) due to previous car accident. I don't want to get any more things on my record. Will my insurance go up if I call them? The replacement fairings will cost me $560 out my pocket. I have a $250 deductible on the bike. So I would save about $300. Is it worth it?""

How much does Toyota Prius insurance range from?

How much does insurance cost on a Toyota Prius

""How much will insurance be on a bmw 5 series 3 litre 17 year old, SECOND DRIVER!?""

im looking on how much it would be for my father to make me his second driver so I could also drive his car, it is a bmw 5 series 3 litre, im 17 year olds I have only just passed my test, please no stupid remarks/commentx""

How much would insurance be for an 18 year old?

How much would insurance be for an 18 year old guy driving a 98-02 Camaro z28? I live in Los Angeles, CA. I been driving my dad's car for 3 months and had no problems/pull overs/ tickets etc, i know 3 months is not much but at least some experience. I know it will be high but around how much? Would it make much different if i get a Nissan 350z since its slower? What are some factors that can lower the price.. Can i get the minimum coverage?""

Baby insurance HELP!?

im getting ready to have a baby in two months and i still dont have insurance for him...i dont know how and what kind to get please help???

Hyundai tiburon insurance?

I am looking for this car to be my first car. I live in Washington and I have a 3.5 GPA (my insurance company told me this would help), and I'm a female. How much would it cost to get car insurance, per month. Is it a sports car? I was thinking of getting the 4 cylinder, 2.0 engine, if that makes a difference. I also have State Farm if that helps.. Thanks!""

How auto insurance determine how much your car worth after claim?

I had a 1998 Subaru Forester S sport utility 132,000 miles and it was totaled. I read some places and people say that insurance don't follow the Kelley blue book and some say they do. Others say they go by autotrader.com or nada.com. Why is that? are they trying to trick us by which value is lower? My insurance offered me only $3200 but it know it worth more than that. Vehix.com say it value at 3900 and kelly blue book say about 4300 so which is right?""

Driver Education/Insurance Rate Information?

For my Driver Education class, one of the assignments goes as follows: Call a local vehicle insurance company and ask if you can take a few minutes to ask some questions. Ask what the insurance rates will be for you when you are ready to drive. Also, ask what the rates would be for someone your age who is not taking any driver education classes. What will the rates be when you are 25 years old? What are they for a person without driver education? What are they for someone convicted of driving while intoxicated? If anyone could spare me the phone call, it would be greatly appreciated.""

Has anyone bought car insurance that deals with people who have points?

I am 20 years old turnin 21 next year march. And I got 6 points in january. Now its impossible for me to get car insurance on my ford fiesta 1.3 2002 plate, they are askin me to pay 6000 pound for insurance. I was woundering if there are any car insurance companys that deal with people that have points?""

Cheap Insurance companies for a Piaggio NRG 50?

I just bought a Piaggio NRG 50 and wondering who is the best company to get insured with and how much will it cost at the least? Thanks!

Got a Speeding Ticket in NJ. Will my Insurance Rate go Up?

Got a speeding ticket in NJ, and the cop said I was going 66 in a 45 zone (which is untrue, but that's besides the point). 1. Does this put points on my license? If yes, how many? 2. Willl my Geico Insurance go up? If yes, by how much? 3. Will a defensive driving course help at all? I'm 20 years old, this is my first offense ever, and and I own the car and insurance.""

Which car is cheaper to insure?

2003 mitsubitchi eclipse or 2005 ford taurus? the eclipse has a 4 cylinder and the taurus has a V6. Both Automatic. Eclipse is older but Taurus is probably safer. Eclipse is smaller. Tauruses have more problems than eclipse. Which would be cheaper on insurance overall?

Which car insurances?

OK 21 years old and looking for a car insurance that cheapest in Washington state, and I am thinking between these three, progressive state farm and Geico, which one is the cheapest of these and tell me the cheapest auto insurance any body know for my age and I am a male thank you""

1998 Firebird insurance?

I'm 16, got my license last week, and my dads buying my first car for me. Yeah call me spoiled but that's how he did it with my brother so he said he has to be fair. Anyways, I want a 98 Firebird. V6 3.8L auto trans. I was looking at 01-03 Ford Rangers but were too pricey. Budget is $5k. Found a 98 Firebird for $3k. Is the insurance any worse on a 98 firebird than an 02 ranger? Thanks""

""Can we hit it out?(16 yr old, 20yr old guy)?""

and before you go saying I have no right being with someone that age and that I'll make a huge mistake; Im virgin. Im saving myself for marriage and I even got a purity ring. I know some of the tricks in the book(like the one where the older guy tricks the younger girl into thinking shes inlove to get in her pants and ect.) so Im no fool, my mom taught me better than that. But Im gonna flirt with him, he's really cool(he's a sk8er boi) and he's so short and his face looks so young that if you didnt know any better you'd swear he's like 17 or something. now once again, Im not stupid enough to have sex with him; I respect myself and body to much to let myself go like that, the only guy getting is this is the one on one knee with a diamond ring. Additional Details oh and ps. he does like me. he said once that my boyfriend better watch out, he's got a cute girlfriend. Someone might take her. and when he washes his car when Im outside he purposley takes off his shirt as if Im not watching him.""

Car Insurance Question for Washington State?

In WA State, does the car insurance follow the car, or the person? I want to say the person, because when someone gets car insurance and they trade in their car, that insurance will cover that replacement car for 30 days or so. But when someone lends their car to their friend and that friend is in an accident or causes a claim, is that friend covered under the insurance of the person who lent the car? Then wouldnt that mean that the insurance follows the car in this case?

Car insurance please help?

Car insurance arghhhh !!! help? OK how does this sound to you guys? my mum has two cars one of which is insured with me as a learner im 19 and my sisters as a full driver 22 she is also insured with her own car but on my mums so she culd take me out to learn and for emergency reasons ok so the second car is going to be insured under the same company on a diffrent policy with my mum only. aparently this sounds suspecious ?? pepole think the 1st car is mine but its NOT my mum will be the main driver on both i she will decided which car she takes one day and which the other not me but she got the second car because my sister who is insured on the policy aswell well her car broke so she took a lend of my moms which was annoying for my mom coz she needed it and when she takes me out to learn my mom got fed up waiting till we come back to she jist got a second car to aviod that ! when i pass my test yeah i will be a full liceance on the policy im currently on but that does not mean it will be my car ! only time i can driver it is if my mom or older sister is not using it. BUT ppl are convinced its mine and all that ? surley an insurance company cant refuse to insure???

Is it any difference between Insurance agent and broker?

Is it any difference between Insurance agent and broker

Does having points on your liscence affect your insurance?

i am currently 20 years old, and have fully comp insurance costing around a grand... i am turning 21 soon but in the next few days am expecting to have 6 points on my liscense,, any opinions of how much i would be looking for fully comp renewal, or even for downgrade to 3rd party? thanks""

Will my car insurance monthly payments increase AFTER i rent a vehicle (READ BELOW)?

I already own a 4-door sedan, which I cover with monthly insurance for a reasonable value. Although recently, I had to rent a pick-up truck from Enterprise Rent-A-Car to move some furniture from a friend's house to my place. Upon sigining of the necessary rental documents, the rental car agent and I came across the section about insuring the rented vehicle; as Enterprise Rent-a-Car will always offer their own insurance services, I mentioned to them that I already have car insurance of my own, of which I can look forward to saving the additional $39 which Enterprise Rent-a-Car originally offers. I encouraged Enterprise Rent-a-Car to contact my insurance provider so that both of us can be sure that my car insurance provider will cover the pick-up truck I am about to borrow from them. (Full coverage that is) Everything went smoothly and Enterprise Rent-a-Car agreed to insure their truck under my own car insurance. My car insurance provider also approved of my intention to borrow the truck and cover the said truck using my insurance. Two weeks later came the insurance bill, and to my wondering, I saw that my following monthly insurance payments all jacked-up their prices to one dollar addtional per month! Huh?!?!?! What could have caused this? Could it be the fact that I have had the rented pick-up truck and the request to insure the said truck under my own car insurance resulting to a somewhat considerable claim of some sort? Any opinions or personal experience you may have had? Thanks Alot YaHoO Readers/Responders! A vote comes to the most sensible and brainstormed answer!""

Canada Car Insurance?

Hi I am trying to find a rough estimate for car insurance in Toronto. The insurance should be for a normal car, like a ford focus 2000 model. I have 4 years no-claims, married and is 28. I hold a full license (British and South African) and will apply for an Ontarian one when I get there. If anyone has a similar details, please give me your insurance quote...it does not have to be spot on. I got some from websites, but they all seem to be $320+/m which is very high...I only pay 42 ($80ish) in England, which is already very high as I paid R110 (8.50ish) in South Africa. This is for my budget to see what I can expect over there. Thanks""

Insurance premiums in the U.S.?

Did Insurance Companies increase their premiums in the U.S. for all customers (regardless of location) after Hurricane Katrina? If they did, is this a common practice? Don't insurance companies ever lose?""

Wanna buy car insurance?

I wanna buy car insurance . My age is 26 year old but this is my first insurance that's why my insurance is very expensive plz tell me which insurance company is cheap

Insurance Status of a car buyer?

I am selling my car. Somebody comes to view and test drive my car. He doesn't have any car before so no insurance of his own. If he test drive my car and have an accident. What would be the insurance status? (I am on admiral by the way) UK People only Please. Thank you.

How much is car insurance for a car with an antique tag?

Im thinking of buying an antique car but im not even quite sure how the insurance and registration works. I live in florida im not sure if it varies per state.

Monthly car insurance?

Hi, im 17 and recently passed my test and bought a 2000 fiat punto. Now for insurance, can you get insured monthly and if so what are the best websites to use? Personal experiences would be good cheers""

How do you insure a used car from a private party on the way home?

If i buy a used car from a private party a few hundred miles from me how do i legally drive the car back to be registered in my state of PA. I called insurance company and they said they cant give me coverage until it is registered however the person who owns the car from when i buy it from them should have insurance to cover me on the way back. Is this true?

""I'm looking for orthodontic insurance in california?? Can't find any, any suggestions??""

ok, i want to get invisalign, but can't find any insurance in california for it, can you please help me find one??""

Will car insurance be cheaper if I drive my mum's car?

I'm learning to drive, but my mum won't allow me to practice in her Fiat 500 or drive it once I've passed the test. This means I can either buy myself a car or drive my Dad's car, which is a much larger Jeep. I don't particularly want to drive it though because its an automatic whereas I'm learning manual (I know automatic is easier, but as a new driver I won't be able to practice for the test and I'm worried I might forget manual if I drive it for too long) and I imagine insurance is likely to be higher. I was wondering, which of these options are likely to work out cheapest? Is it worth trying to persuade my mum to let me drive her car?""

What is the cheapest car for a 17 year old with cheap insurance?

Im nearly 17 and am looking for a car, of autotrader or something? Preferably cheap and cheap on insurance? Thanks""

Quiting smoking. Insurance will cover the patch.?

Only if I have a perscription from a doctor. I can purchase the patch or gum at the pharmacy with out a perscription. Why does the insurance company insist on a perscription for it to be covered. It just dosent make since. A lot more people would quit or at least try, if the patch and gum was alot cheeper. To purchase it out right the patch runs about $35 to get it with a perscription it is only $20. That is less than a carton of cigaretts. Why dont they make it easier to make that discision to quit. Make the quit smoking aid less expensive then a carton of cigaretts.""

How do you go to the doctor if you do not have health insurance?

I am working but I do not have Health Insurance. How do you go and where do you go to the doctor if you do not have health insurance?

California mat do away with mandatory auto insurance. How much will rates go up?

The insurance industry has already said they will raise rates. A few years ago when insurance became mandatory, they raised the rates too. As much as 100%. What's your guess as to how badly the will gouge their customers this time?""

Will my car insurance decrease every year?

I am in my first year with my car insurance in Ontario. Please tell me how it works. By the end of every year, will they re-calculate my insurance rate or keep it the same? Providing I have accident- and ticket-free history, will I be paying lower every year or not?""

Health Insurance coverage?

I'm now covered by the employer's health insurance (with dental) plan. After I quit/leave current job, how does this health insurance coverage work? Before I'm hired by other company, what options do I have on the health insurance?""

How can a college student find an affordable therapist?

I'm 18 and still under my parent's insurance coverage. I have loads of issues including social anxiety, and I think that I'm starting down the path to clinical ...show more""

Does online auto insurance quote comparison sites work?

Does online auto insurance quote comparison sites work?

Looking for a very rough estimate on insurance costs for an 08' Lambo?

I'm a 21 year old woman. The car has just over 10k miles on it It's an 2008 Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder It's listed for $150,000 I'm in school with no income I have money (idk if this is required for an estimate, but w/o getting specific, i have money) The car would be a rental (yes strange i know, but bear w/ me here) I live in a metropolitan area. Never been in an accident (but again idk if this matters since it's going to be a rental) Umm... that's all i can think of that would be required. If i'm missing anything let me know. And again i know you can't get very specific, but if you could give me a general range that insurance would be per year that would be wonderful. Thanks!""

""I heard that car insurance is cheaper if i include my spouse, why ?""

i would imagine car insurance would cost more then there are more people using a car, not the other way around""

I am currently finishing my prerequisites to get into nursing school and I am interested in the different...?

I am almost done with the prerequisites and the huge waiting lists for ALL nursing schools...state and community college...are scaring me. I started to look into the trade schools that offer the RN programs and I know they are more expensive but I was wondering if employers look at them differently. If I decide to go to a trade school I wonder if it will be a disadvantage. Could anybody please give me advice. Thank you.

""I'm looking to buy car insurance, how much should it be? MG ZR?""

Its for an MG ZR 1.4 I cant go on my parents policies because my dads left my mum and my mum don't drive, so theres no way, plus i have no over family, so its impossible for that option. Of course it wont be cheap but i didn't expect it top be extortion, im male, so i know its higher, ive done some online quotes, it said around 6000 a year, how can a 17 year old even buy that, unbelievable, i was hoping it be around max.. 2000 even that's really high. Lol I ain't exactly rich lol. First ill buy a older rubbish car to get my confidence up with driving, then try to go for this car, its my dream car tbh, i find it beautiful. Im gonna name it Phoenix. lol. i am sad. But i was just wondering about it.. if you have any other advice about insurance, such as, what would make it cheaper ( year the car was made, door numbers etc) or what cars li should buy first.. i would appreciate it highly. Thank you in advanced. :) God Bless you all.""

Car Insurance Question for Washington State?

In WA State, does the car insurance follow the car, or the person? I want to say the person, because when someone gets car insurance and they trade in their car, that insurance will cover that replacement car for 30 days or so. But when someone lends their car to their friend and that friend is in an accident or causes a claim, is that friend covered under the insurance of the person who lent the car? Then wouldnt that mean that the insurance follows the car in this case?

Car Insurance discrimination?

I was filling out a car insurance quote form online , I put my mother as the main driver and me as additional but accidentally put me as a spouse , the quote came back as 400 pounds. As i reviewed the quote i notice my mistake and changed it to Other ( Spouse , Partner , Other only listed ) and then my quote came back as 2000 pounds. I am 18 years old and getting car insurance is hard but my question is how does being married make me a safer driver and is it possible to take insurance companies to court because of there overlooked age discrimination""

How much should I be getting paid insurance CSR?

I live in California, I work for a small insurance brokerage that brings in about 6.5 mill in premium. I have been working here for 2 years and have had my PnC license for a year now. I am the ONLY employee in this office. I make 13 a hour, no paid vacation or holidays, no random bonuses, no commission. The company pays my health insurance which comes out to 230 a month. The duties that I do is answer phone calls, policy changes, rewrites, occasional new business apps, renewal quoting, and PDF filing. Im just wondering if Im being taken advantage of or not. Im new to the insurance industry. Thank you!""

How much will my car insurance be im 17?

im going to be on with my parents insurance they have state farm and im getting a 2000 mustang v6 how much will insurance be i also live in florida

Can we carry car insurance in ca from two different companies?

we live in california ,one of my friend he wants to start courier service as an indepentdent contractor the company he wants to join they need commerical insurance coverage 300,000/300,000/300,000. Can he buy additional coverge of commercial insurance from another insurance company with his regular car insurance. Is this legal? can he buy insurance from two different companies two policies? One for commercial and second regular insurance from another company? Thanks""

Where can I find cheap motorcycle insurance?

I recently bought a Honda CBR600F4I and am looking for inexpensive insurance. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

How do you pay for auto insurance?

teen trying to understand how insurance works

How much are you paying for your kids car insurance?

Recently, I brought my daughter a 2002 Camaro v6 for 7,800 with taxes included. I pay 127 dollars a month for insurance. She is about to be 16 and able to drive on her own. She is very responsible, gets great grades and has very few friends. How much do you pay for your child's insurance? I heard that buying them a sports car would make the insurance go very high but that hasn't been the case.""

Who has the best health insurance in California for college students?

I am a full time college student, and I am looking for health care insurance, but I'm not for sure which to go for. I was looking up Blue Shield of California, Health net, and Kaiser, but I'm new to this.""

What do you think about life insurance? Do you have it? Details below.?

My dad got life insurance 10 yeras ago, and now the price of the premium has increased 8 times more than what we were paying. Since his 10 years of life insurance at the affordable rate has expired, I'm thinking of asking him to renew it, but we were paying at such an affordable price. But he doesn't want life insurance and doesn't seem to care about protecting the family in case of his death. But I'm wondering, is life insurance that is something really worth it? My dad is a healthy individual. And even if we pay, would the premium have gotten up? My add is over 50, and I'm wondering if our premium will double even though if they check his health again. What do you think?""

How can I help my girlfriend get cheaper insurance? She is 20 years old.?

My girlfriend just got a new Cobalt lt. The insurance is in her fathers name, and she is listed as a driver. The car is in her name. Her father has a good driving record, yet the insurance is around $250 a month! Please help, is there anything I can do to get her insurance cheaper?""

What's a good website for comparing auto insurance rates in Massachusetts?

I don't feel like paying $2,000 for insurance on a car that's worth barely that, but I don't know where to find a better deal. Any good resources for comparing rates? I'm in Massachusetts.""

Car insurance so cheap........?

21st century insurance (previously aig insurance) is giving me a basic coverage for 6 month car insr quote for 280 dollars. even i had 4 speeding in the past 5 years...still is the above low rate possible

""For health insurance plan, is it good to have a low deductible, but a higher coinsurance?""

I'm looking at a health insurance plan with a premium of $76 per month. The deductible is $500 and out-of-pocket maximum is $2,500, which doesn't include deductible. Coinsurance is 30% after deductible. I get the first 3 doctor visits for $30 co-payment and then pay 30% after deductible. Does this plan sound okay? I normally see a doctor once a year. Thanks!""

Can the car insurance company make me pay the higher amount?

I bought new car insurance for $1000/yr a few weeks ago. I filled out all the paper work and have to make my first payment for the next three months in a week. Yesterday they told me they made a mistake and that they will be charging me $2000/yr instead. Do I have to pay the higher amount amount for the time while I was insured by them (about 2 weeks) before they told me they made a mistake (and the mistake was entirely their fault)? I'd think they would need to renew the contract at the new price if I actually wanted to stay with them. I plan on switching companies since it's a horrible rate, but would like to know if I can do anything if they do take the higher rate out of my account (I'm set up for direct withdrawals and I agreed to pay the next 3 months when the rate was $1000)? They probably won't answer my email til monday, so I'm hoping someone here can help me out sooner. Thanks.""

Where can i get affordable health insurance?

health insurance in south carolina

When can you call insurance for cheaper?

so your car is 10years old, I know that older cars get cheaper insurence. I been with same company for awhile, but when should i call them to lower my insurence since the car is old. Or is it updated automaticly?""

I have cancelled my car insurance?

I have cancelled my car insurance for my old car , because I have bought a new car . . . Now I am waiting to sell it , but I don't know where I should keep it . . Is there any problems if I'll leave in front of my house in the car park without a insurance ? Also , I have SORN available . . Thank You""

How much does deep cleaning usually cost?

My pocket size was 2 or 3 and some of my molars were 4 or 5. So I know I do need deep cleaning. I did half of my mouth already which is $200 and I'm going to do the other side which also cost $200. So I'm paying $400 overall. I have good insurance through my dad so I didn't have insurance it would be Around $1800. It just seems so expensive

If i dont have car insurance can i still drive?

my name is not on the car insurance for my dads car, and he said i cant drive because my name is not on the insurance.""

Health Insurance Advice?

I'm currently laid off and need insurance for myself. I'm not sure what insurance company to go with. Also I'm not familiar with how health ins works. Like deductibles, co-insurance percentages, office visits covered or not covered. I don't go to the dr a lot but recently I've been in a car accident and will be going to the dr more often. I also don't want to pay that much either.""

""Just got a quote for 10,000 for my car insurance?!?!?""

i was getting a quote from comparison websites and the cheapest quote i received was 10,000. i also put my mother on the policy who has over 25 years driving experience and also switched to third party. what else could i do to lower the insurance costs.. im buying an audi a3 but is there any other way i could lower the insurance, thanks everyone""

Looking For Cheaper Car Insurance Quotes?

I am trying to beat my best quote so far and I wanted to ask if anyone knew of anyone I could try or some brokers who could get the price down a bit for me. Here are my circumstances. 18 years old Full licence for 9 months 0 NCB Live in east sussex no claims or convictions car is kept in a locked garage looking for upto 4000 annual mileage will be using car for pleasure and commuting My car is an Renault megane coupe 1.6e sport My best quote so far I got from moneysupermarket which is 1560 and that was from swinton. I just wanted to ask If their was anyone I could try, like good brokers who might be able to get that quote down a bit. I am really looking at no more than 1400 . It doesn't matter how big or small they are I will give anyone a try. I have tried most of the major companies but none of them come close to my best quote so far. Also is it worth putting my best quote down when filling in online forms. Does it make any difference?""

How do I get individual health insurance quotes for North Carolina?

I am currently living in New York State and am considering moving to North Carolina. How do I get individual health insurance quotes while still living in NYS? All the websites ask you to provide a North Carolina address which I do not have yet. Thank you.

Do you have to pay for insurance if you get your learners permit in California?

I am 15 and am getting my permit next week and I was wondering if I would have to pay for insurance if I drive my parents cars.

Home Mortgage Insurance question?

Okay I need some info on mortgage insurance.i am currently living in my parents home which was built on their property, we don't live with my parents. My husband and I pay the mortgage, taxes, and the insurance. We are going to refinance everything into our name but in the mean time we are saving money for any down payments on the refinance(if any).Since we have not refinanced yet, what type of insurance do we buy, home owners or renters insurance?""

Car Insurance Question for Washington State?

In WA State, does the car insurance follow the car, or the person? I want to say the person, because when someone gets car insurance and they trade in their car, that insurance will cover that replacement car for 30 days or so. But when someone lends their car to their friend and that friend is in an accident or causes a claim, is that friend covered under the insurance of the person who lent the car? Then wouldnt that mean that the insurance follows the car in this case?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/can-i-get-full-coverage-insurance-suspended-drivers-license-melville"