#MCR is a religious experience basically is what this post is saying

[kaijumilf]

not to be dramatic but i had so much of my life riding on that fucking concert throughout the pandemic. MCR was a distant island and i was a drowning rat.

when they opened with foundations it’s like someone turned the lights on.

when they closed on kids from yesterday it’s like someone opened the door and let in everything ive been boxing out just to survive.

i feel like i’m waking up from such a very long sleep. i feel like i’m remembering who i am.

i had to cut my hair off when i got home cause that hair was someone else’s, someone i’m burying with the past two years.

and im figuring out how to grieve what i lost and how to mourn two people.

i’m saying goodbye to the scrappy kid i was before all this, and thanking the person i had to be for holding that door shut against an ocean. they both deserve a proper rest.

so i’m overwhelmed i’m tired i’m energized im euphoric im full of despair i have so much love and i am so fucking scared. but i wouldn’t change anything.

so TLDR; not to be like “a band saved my life” but fuck they really did. they got me through middle school, drug addiction, and they got me through the pandemic - the worst three periods of my life i’ve had to go through.

now i have to process being outside again, my eyes aren’t so used to the sunlight after being buried inside this body for so long.

but i know i’ll adjust. i know i’m alive.

so thanks to MCR for all that i guess.

[mychemicalraymance]

@stabbygf wanted to talk about gerad joan of arc things and i wanted to post my little essay about it because i like what i said. it's not like SUPER deep but to me i think on the most basic level it's me thinking of parallels between gerard and joan. i know they're not like an actual like akldjlkjdflkjdflj religious or genuinely widespread cultural figure like joan is but like in the more minor context of being a big figure in the small celebrity of 2000's rock culture /"counter" culture. gerard seems to have a genuine spiritual calling and view their work in mcr as like a religious work. and that's a really cool thing i think they also draw a line from the idea of "hearing voices" and the need for direction in the sense of mental illness to like religious epiphanies or experiences with god. i cant' find it rn but there's a really great quote where gerard talks about viewing themself as a joan of arc figure and in the same breath describes the idea of a religious calling as like "being touched in the head". gerard (to me) sometimes seems to be trying to find meaning in their suffering or like wanting it to be "for" something. which segues nicely into the idea of being chosen by god to be a "martyr" or to suffer for a righteous cause even though there's perhaps not a real tangible evidence of that ( and also people reacting violently to that too, like not even being for something just against what you’re doing) and the idea of sacrificing yourself for the greater good as well. gerard was really like. ok they were not an outwardly explicitly gay celebrity but they certainly did do "gay" things and were perceived that way. and i sort of talked about this a tiny bit but that's what i mean when i say gerard "sacrificed" themself at the feet of the media in order to create a leader (or like. a cultural "martyr" you could even say) for gay kids (or kids with mental illnesses). gerard was sort of burned at the stake in a musical sense (lol) no i mean in a pop cultural sense and in that way created a religious+gay pop culture figure of themself. i don't mean religious in like a traditional idea of like the church or the church institution but like as a spiritual/emotional leader and creating meaning and direction from the random suffering of life. also all of the gender non conformity. that stuff too. anyway now that i said all of that legal voice i’m making a lot of assumptions and this is just me being speculative for fun and i don’t think i know ANY of these things definitively about gerard. also i KNOW martyr is a very touchy word i’m using it pretty lightly here, and if you could give me the benefit of the doubt and understand that i mean that in the context of social /pop culture and not LITERAL death. that would be good. 

[y0ung-and-l0aded]

so ah... you home yet? :-P

LOL I’m sorry! But here we go, 1-100!

Is a kiss considered cheating? Imo, yes

Have you ever faked orgasm? Ye…

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? To be able to live completely normally and healthily with no sleep

Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? LOL NAH

Tell us some funny drunk story. Lol ummm I don’t really think I have any funny ones. OH WAIT one time I was at a party and I called Meghan really drunk and I bitched out this one person real hard and she thought it was hilarious but then again that’s probably only funny for certain people… welp. All my other drunk stories are depressing LOL

Why are you no longer together with your ex? Which ex? For each one there are different reasons

If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? Anything that wasn’t painful and also involved my listening to really good music as I died

What are your current goals? To hit 500 then 1000 subs on YT, to get a new position at work, and honestly to just not have a life crippling mental breakdown

Do you like someone? Yes

Who was the last person to disappoint you? Lol nah

Do you like your body? No

Can you keep a diet? HAHA NO WAY

If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? I have no idea, that’s to philosophical and deep for me

Do you work? Yes

If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? Oh fuck seriously? Ummm probably steak lol

Would you get a tattoo? I mean I have 7 so yeah 

Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? ALL my money? Well all my money basically goes to rent, gas, and food - so that stuff I guess

Can you drive? Yes

When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? I don’t remember

What was the last thing you cried for? It was a person

Do you keep a journal? No

Is life fun? Sometimes actually

Is farting in front of people irrelevant? Depends on who haha, I’m that guy

What’s your dream car? A MAZDA BABY

Are grades in school important? Fuck no, unless you fail and can’t get your degree

Describe your crush. No thanks

What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? Omg omg omg Train to Busan. Check it out, it’s soooo fucking amazing

What was your last lie? That I was okay

Dumbest lie you ever told? I can’t remember. I’m sure I’ve told many dumb lies

Is crying in front of people embarrassing? Not really for me honestly

Something you did and you are proud of? Getting into the Crane school of music

What’s your favourite cocktail? DONT JUDGE ME but a screwdriver 

Something you are good at? Knowing really random knowledge about video games

Do you like small kids? YESSSS 

How are you feeling right now? Indifferent but a little sad

What would you name your daughter/son? Son: Price - Daughter: I have no idea tbh

What do you need to be happy? Someone who loves me as much as I love them, but I’ve been trying really hard lately to be happy on my own

Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? No I would never punch someone

What was the last gift you received? I don’t remember, probably something around Christmas time

What was the last gift you gave? Tickets to an Imagine Dragons concert

What was the last concert you went to? twenty one pilots last summer

Favourite place to shop at? UGH so difficult. Target or Walmart or Aero lolol

Who inspires you? Stumpt

How old were you when you first got drunk? I was a junior in high school but I don’t remember the age

How old were you when you first got high? Same as above

How old were you when you first had sex? Tenth grade

When was your first kiss? Tenth grade

Something you want to do until the end of this year? By the end of this year? What? I don’t get this. But I’d like to get to 500 subs by the end of the year

Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? I normally would say no bc I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, and all those things shaping who you are as a person. But yes there is one exception

Post a selfie. Ugh I’m too lazy for that sorry. Just find my Twitter or something lol

Who are you most comfortable around? I’m not really sure anymore

Name one thing that terrifies you. Being raped

What kind of books do you read? I don’t read much anymore, sadly

What would you tell your 12 year old self? That I was going to turn out trans lol

What is your favourite flower? I don’t have one

Any bad habits you have? Yes

What kind of people are you attracted to? People with a good sense of humour, friendly and inviting personality, and I usually notice people by their smiles

What was the last thing you cried for? I think this was asked?

Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? I hate mint anything and I can’t do really spicy food

Are you in love? I’m not sure

Something you find romantic? I don’t have the energy for this question rn lol sorry

How long was your longest relationship? 2 and a half years

What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? Guys who say bro/lit/turnt, guys who use gay as an insult, and guys who think they’re cool bc they’re guys

What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? Girls who say bro/lit/turnt, girls who use gay as an insult, girls who think they’re hot shit bc they’re defined by society as pretty

What are you saving money for? My survival HAHA LML

How would you describe your bad side? Dark and depressing and run before you get to know it

Are you actually a good person? Why? Idfk

What are you living for? I’m not sure

Have you ever done anything illegal? Yes lol

Do you like your body? No and this was asked already DEAR LORD

Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? No

Ever sent nudes? Kind of

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yes

Favourite candy? It goes in waves, but I think rn it’s Crunch bars

Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! No I don’t use Tumblr much anymore

Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? YES AND MINECRAFT

Favourite TV series? The Great British Bake Off

Are you religious? Does God exist? No I am not and I don’t believe in God, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t exist

What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? I can’t remember tbh

What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? Why do I have to have an opinion on this???? Who cares????

How long have you been on Tumblr? Oh geez ummm six years I think

Do you like Chineese food? FUCK YES MOTHA FUCKA

McDonalds or Subway? UGHHHH BOTH

Vodka or whiskey? Vodka for sure

Alcohol or drugs? Drugs (as in pot if you count that, not other drugs)

Ever been out of your province/state/country? Yes

Meaning behind your blog name? It’s lyrics from an MCR song

What are you scared of? Being raped, being burned alive, drowning, getting shot, and getting in a car accident

Last time you were insulted? Idk

Most traumatic experience? Having the cops called on me for being suicidal 

Perfect date idea? Depends on the mood but I’m down for just snuggling and watching horror movies and/or getting high together but also dressing up and going out to dinner is real nice too

Favourite app on your phone? The texting app bc that’s all I really do. And email I check my emails on my phone

What colour are the walls in your room? Beige

Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? YES YES YES and Stumpt is my favorite channel

Share your favourite quote. “Maybe it’s because I look at everything as a lesson, or because I don’t want to walk around angry, or maybe it’s because I finally understand. There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don’t want to know, but have to learn. And people we can’t live without, but have to let go.” - JJ, Criminal Minds 6x02

What is the meaning of life? I have no fucking idea I don’t think there is one

Do you like horror movies? YES

Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? Yes, many times, and for many reasons

Do you feel lucky or special in a way? No

Can you keep a secret? Yeah

Thanks anon, sorry it took me forever haha. Feel free to come off anon? Interested in who you are. You seem swaggy.