#MAYBE SEEING THE DECLINE OF MY PARENTS HAS AFFECTED ME

[spikeyjo]

love getting cornered by my dad and being told that my mom went into a panic screaming that she was gonna die

[swagglessmoth]

Badly made comic of And So The Moon Wept bc it just finished and I’m devastated

‼️CHAPTER 15 SPOILERS‼️

I wanted to make one more page between the second and third bc pacing, but I didn’t wanna rethink all three of those pages’ compositions. It’s pretty ass bc it’s all sketches, but the last ones came out pretty decent I think👍

(Don’t look at the house too closely, I really didn’t wanna look at a reference so I just freestyled it)

Scrapped versions bc idk

Now that that’s out the way, I’ll start with the ranting, you can leave now this is for me

THE ENDING⁉️ DAMN⁉️⁉️⁉️

I would start rereading immediately to see all the details and analyze the psychology of the ‘tsukuyomi world’ characters BUT I unfortunately have my global exams next week 🥲

Warning for -1000 media literacy‼️ while writing all this I remembered that my memory is bad an my analytical skills are even worse! So be warned :p

BUT ANYWAY!! This was a top tear fanfic, seriously at no point did I consider the infinite tsukuyomi as a possibility. And I think this has to do with the fact that the psychology and individual lives of the characters in this dream were so well developed. There’s so many POVs! And they’re so complex and detailed!! Really makes you wonder if this was really the tsukuyomi or if Kakashi’s consciousness was sent to a different world all together. Which is what makes it so terribly tragic. Kakashi lived so many years in this perfect world just to regain all his memories and find out that it really was all fake, a world made up entirely of his own fantasies.

Oh and what a fantasy it was, getting hit by that boulder and fucking dying! The only reason he got to live was bc of ‘Hound’ (which could be interpreted as his consciousness telling him to wake tf up). Everything felt so wrong to Kakashi not because he noticed this things weren’t right, but bc he was never meant to live in this world. This was the prefect reality for everyone around him, his dream, a world without him (FUCK BRO💔💔💔💔). Which is the reason why I think the characters are so three dimensional in this dream, maybe, idk bro I just made this up.

But even then, things don’t exactly add up (if you think about it they do BUT SHHHHHH LET ME DREAM). Why did some characters suffer so much if this was meant to be a better world for everyone else? Why did Rin’s parent’s die? Why did Sakumo try suicide so many times?

We know Rin’s and Obito’s relationship started declining when Rin didn’t believe Obito when he swore up and down that Kakashi was somehow alive (which IS Hound’s fault in a way, he saved Kakashi and that’s why Obito saw Kakashi sinking into the ground, making him believe that Kakashi didn’t die), but it goes farther than that. Rin’s real problem with Obito was that he was so stuck on his dead teammate that he neglected the rest of his living team, Kakashi was literally everything he thought about to the point it started negatively affecting others (which, yeah him being obsessed is pretty normal considering that Kakashi was part of the reason he activated his sharingan and THE reason he activated the Mangekyo). So what did he do? Go hang out with the one other person who would ALSO only think of Kakashi all day, Sakumo. Obito eventually accepted that Kakashi was dead, but he and Rin never reconnected.

Was this really the perfect ending for them? Come on tsukuyomi, you’re more creative than that.

For some reason I think that the tsukuyomi was freestyling all this. Bc (by my interpretation) the point of Kakashi’s dream was that he died at Kannabi Bridge instead of Obito, period. The rest is extra stuff bc their lives have to go on ig? Or maybe the infinite tsukuyomi is really big brained and depicted a realistic depiction of 🖐️🖐️🖐️HOLD THE FUCK UP I’M DUMB I JUST FIGURED SMTH OUT

Bro this is why I need to reread this instead of talking to myself when I don’t remember half the details in the fic.

OK SO HOUND DID FUCK SHIT UP🔥🔥🔥

I was trying to think why Sakumo would be alive (if my shit theory above was true, which it isn’t but I’m not deleting all that) AND IT WAS BC SAKUMO NOT KILLING HIMSELF IS HIS PERFECT WORLD 😭😭😭😭. The one thing I’m not so sure ab is Kannabi (I bet if I keep writing this I’ll find the answer) bc Obito WAS gonna get hit by that rock, but hey, he entered the dream after the Obito reveal so maybe his consciousness already knew he would survive, so maybe he’d just appear later in the dream idk. BUT BRO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 WAS HE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO COME BACK HOME TO HIS DAD??? AND THEN HIS CONSCIOUSNESS KICKED IN AND HE SAVED OBITO INSTEAD??!!,.. oh I’m sick, this is so evil

That would literally make everything make sense. He derailed the dream so bad that it fucked everything up, making it no longer a perfect world but more similar to reality. If he really was supposed to die, then why did his death have such negative repercussions on everyone he loves? It that was his dream, wouldn’t it be a better world with everybody happy? He wasn’t supposed to die at Kannabi but Hound appeared and saved Obito from a rock, causing a massive butterfly effect.

Pretty romantic if you asked me, “I would leave behind my perfect world just to save you form getting hurt” like damn, it’s not like he remembered that Obito survived at this point in time, but still STOPP I’M DOING IT AGAIN I’M FOCUSING ON THE DETAILS AND NOT THE BIGGER PICTURE AAAA

El cazador de elefantes by Def Con Dos is a pretty good song, hm

Where was I going with this? Don’t remember tbh

This is kinda long, I’m stopping here. Bye internet void ✌️

[yanderes-galore]

Hii!! Could I get Hiccup haddock with your prompts 2, 28, and 33?

These prompts so so interesting because it implies a more manipulative/dishonest Yandere Hiccup... which I plan to have fun writing >:) I have this set to female darling in my notes so I guess I'll just go with it, lol?

Yandere! Hiccup Prompts 2, 28, 33

"It's an honor for someone such as me to take you in and love you!"

"Do you know how hard it is to wear a facade? Just to get people to like you?"

"You ever think of our future children like I do?"

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, MATURE THEMES (but nothing too graphic) Takes place after HTTYD 2, Obsession, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Deceptive Hiccup, Threats implied, Mentions of baby fever, Hiccup wants kids, Strange displays of affection, You're both married, Implications of mature themes, Some graphic kissing/biting I guess, Dubious relationship.

You had a feeling Hiccup wasn't being honest with you. Before you got married he was kind and polite. He cared for you and acted like a partner should.

You were happy to accept his marriage proposal.

Then you started to notice certain behavior from him after all the vows were said and done. Hiccup changed once you were married. Once you were his wife... you thought you didn't recognize your husband.

He was still gentle and kind around you, all smiles and kisses. But soon an uncharacteristic possessive behavior began to brew within him. You could see it in his clouded eyes.

It was easy for Hiccup to intimidate those around him. As Berk's Chief with a loyal Night Fury, safe to say most back off from you with one glare. Hiccup never used to be so threatening before you married.

Yet now you catch his facade slipping at times, revealing a darker attitude underneath his usual one.

Has he lied to you this entire time? Has he lied to everyone this entire time?

You thought you could tolerate it. Maybe he's just stressed due to his new role of chief? Then the yearning for children started.

You notice his touches often drift to your stomach. He leans himself against you and kneads the flesh of your stomach softly while kissing you. You could tell these were all hints.

If you didn't understand it before, he outright told you as you were getting ready for bed tonight.

"Hey..." He whispers to you as you prepare yourself to sleep. "You ever think of our future children like I do?"

The question was expected but still managed to catch you off guard. You glance at your husband for a moment, unsure what to say. Eventually you sigh, you don't trust this new side of Hiccup.

"I don't think we're ready to be parents." You admit, Hiccup going silent at your words for a moment. It's as if he wasn't expecting you to decline.

"What do you mean? Of course we're ready! We're at a good age, I'm chief of Berk... what's making you have second thoughts?" Hiccup asks, standing up from the shared bed.

"It scares me that you haven't noticed." You admit, turning to face the man you once married so willingly. "You've changed, Hiccup."

"Changed?" The viking questions before chuckling softly. "Oh, you poor dear..."

Hiccup's tone takes a noticeable shift. You take note of the darker tone and go to say something, but instead Hiccup wraps his arms around you. You're pulled against his chest, his lips ghosting your ear.

"Do you know how hard it is to wear a facade? Just to get people to like you?" Hiccup whispers in your ear, grip tightening. "I'm tired of playing nice when my wife is having other men talk to her."

He kisses your cheek softly, but you notice his lips travel lower over time. Your breathing picks up, you can't tell if it's due to fear... or if you like what he's doing. This definitely wasn't the Hiccup you knew...

"It's an honor for someone such as me to take you in and love you..." Hiccup continues, nipping your skin occasionally. "I chose you to be my wife, to watch over Berk by my side...."

He pulls down your collar ever so slightly, before shifting his attention to your lips. He adores the blush on your face. Maybe you did like this?

"So why should my wife need to worry about other men? Who cares what happens to them...." Hiccup whispers, kissing your lips deeply. You kiss him back, not noticing Hiccup lead you to your shared bed.

By the time Hiccup pulls away, you're both out of breath and in bed. Hiccup smiles towards you, holding your chin before positioning you into a laying position.

"So what do you say?" Hiccup whispers, kissing you softly.

"Shouldn't we try for children? We'll make great parents."

[juyeonszn]

AND THEN THERE IS YOU

PAIRING ju haknyeon x f!reader (gn technically since there are no gendered terms)

WORD COUNT 1.17k

GENRES fluff ﹒very slight angst like blink and u miss it

WARNINGS another fic of mine that doesn’t require an 18+ warning… fawn in her tamed era 🙏, ur heart will ache from how </3 this is, mentions of divorce, reader had kind of a shitty childhood, reader also has some intimacy issues, hak is the most patient and kind person ever, throws up everywhere bc me when </3

SUMMARY he was content loving you until you were ready to love him.

MORE ANDDDDD my insanity strikes again!!!!1!1!1! aka in my dr. seuss william shakespeare edgar allan poe steven king arc 😍 my inspiration has been crazy lately, so enjoy this before juyeonszn goes into a drought deeper into the semester 😭 ANYWAYS MAE (@maessseongs) HERE U GO!! i kept it fluffier and kinda short bc it just felt right, i hope that’s okay with u! this is the last request from my 100 followers event so far ✨ prompts used are: 2, 7 >:)

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs

Relationships were a weird concept to you. Growing up, you’d never really been shown affection. Your parents weren’t the type to pack your lunch for school in the morning and send you off with a peck on the cheek followed by an ‘I Love You’.

In fact, they never told you that they loved you very often. Maybe a handful of times in your whole life did you hear those three words uttered from them. And even less did you hear that they were proud of you. It was worse when you took a step back and watched their own crumbling marriage.

As long as they’d been together, you never heard them tell the other how much they were appreciated. They fought more than they got along. You usually fell asleep to the sound of doors slamming and loud arguing in the hallway. When they finally decided to get a divorce, you almost cried out of joy. They were draining more out of you than each other.

So, perhaps that had to do with your fucked up view of relationships as you became an adult. You could never fully comprehend what love was since you didn’t exactly have stellar role models. Boyfriends came and went, losing interest as soon as they realized how disconnected you were. Your heart was never truly in it.

And then, you met Haknyeon.

Sweet sweet Haknyeon, who only cared about your happiness and your well being. Haknyeon, who didn’t ask you for more than you could give. Who didn’t push you for answers when you shut him out. Who patiently waited on the sidelines while you rebooted yourself.

If there were a higher being out in the universe, they’d done an excellent job at putting all the best qualities into Ju Haknyeon. By some miracle or a stroke of luck, he found his way to you. You’ll always think that he deserves better than you, but you’ll also always be eternally grateful that you have him.

As summer takes its last breath and the air begins to chill, leaves wilting to the streets and crunching below the feet of passersby, your motivation to get up in the mornings has started its tumultuous decline. You don’t know what it is about the change in seasons that continues to put a damper in your mood as the years go on, but it’s become almost too much to bear. It was no longer a dull pressure in the pit of your stomach and the back of your mind. Now it was a heaviness that settled in your heart and weighed you down.

It was a Thursday evening and you were tucked into bed already, despite a peek of the sun still visible over the horizon. Your head was pounding despite the room being silent. You curl into yourself further just as your bedroom door creaks open. Haknyeon whispers an apology, going to exit the room when he sees the state you’re in.

It was standard for him to leave you alone until you were ready to talk. He knew you had a hard time opening up, considering what you’d grown up with, and he didn’t want to be the person who pestered you to tell him what was wrong. He wanted you to feel comfortable coming to him first. Haknyeon couldn’t handle being the reason you were pushed to your breaking point.

But for some reason, this time is different. You don’t want to be left alone. You want to be held. You want him to kiss your forehead and tell you he loves you, unlike what you had when you were younger.

“Hak, wait,” you call, voice slightly hoarse. “Stay. Please.”

He’s taken aback by your request, but doesn’t hesitate to follow through. He climbs into the bed behind you, wrapping his arms around your center. In spite of the fact that this wasn’t a usual occurrence, that cuddling was something you’ve only done a couple other times, he embraces you as if this was second nature for him. As if holding you in his arms was his very life source.

“Are you sure?” He asks softly, words spoken gently into your hair.

“Mhm, I want this,” you nod, nuzzling into his arm. “I have never felt this safe with anyone before.”

Haknyeon’s breathing stutters. You’ve never admitted this to him before, you’ve never ever said ‘I Love You’, but he’s always been willing to wait. He understood that this was a new territory for you. He was content loving you until you were ready to love him, even if it took months— even if it took years. That’s how much he cared for you. In his eyes, you were the reason there were stars in the sky. You were the reason why the sun rose in the morning and why the moon shone at night.

He kisses your temple. “I’ll be here to protect you.”

You turn in his arms to get a good look at his face. Because it was so rare that you were this close, you wanted to memorize his features from this distance. You trace his cheekbones and jawline with your thumb, eyes flickering down to his lips.

You lean forward, minimizing the gap between you to press your lips into a sweet kiss, almost as sweet as him. Haknyeon gasps out of surprise, but quickly reciprocates your affection, bringing up a hand to cup your face. He allows you to set the pace, to move at a speed you were comfortable with in case this was all you wanted.

When you pull back to catch your breath, he smiles, taking in how pretty you were. He could never get enough of you. He thinks that was his biggest flaw, being so greedy when it came to you. He couldn’t help but indulge himself every time you let him, though if it were a sin, he’d gladly commit it over and over again.

“However many years we have left, I wanna spend them all with you.”

You feel the tears dripping down your cheeks before you register that you’re crying. You couldn’t possibly fathom how Haknyeon came to find love in the form of you; the hollow shell of a person who’s never felt the warmth of another human in their life. You didn’t think you deserved someone like him. The only logical explanation was that you were a saint in a past life, and the higher being you mentioned earlier was rewarding you for it.

But even so, he loved you. Enough that he wasn’t afraid to spend the rest of his life with you waking up on the other side of the bed.

He swipes away some stray tears with the pad of his thumb and kisses your nose. You let out a small laugh, connecting your lips once more. It conveys all you want to say, but you know saying it out loud will make it concrete. It’ll solidify what you’ve been building up the courage to finally tell him.

“I wanna spend them all with you, too.”

© juyeonszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[techramonic]

A couple of questions?

If you were trapped in a room for 24h whould you rather be with a mass shooter or a serial killer?

What do you think Eric"s and Dylans reaction to Dylans 20th birthday aka 9/11?

Any thoughts on Ethan Crumbley and the whole trial?

How much did Whitmans tumor play into the shooting in your personal opinion?

Thank you ! This is a fun ask to write about.

1. Mass shooter lmao

Because it's likely an avoidant teenage boy with emotional issues or a dude still stuck in his prepubescence stage in the room and that makes two of us. It would just be awkward. What are they gonna do, shoot me? The situation can be diffused by conversing the many reasons why that's unethical. It would either lead to us settling it out and no one gets hurt or a fist fight to the death after they won't listen so I grab their gun and beat them up with it

2. They'd either be excited or curious

If they hadn't grown over their edgy misanthrope phase then I think those boneheads would celebrate by lighting up fireworks and snickering like Beevus and Butthead. If they have matured, then I think they would see it as interesting, perhaps even research about it and follow the news. Maybe they'll also turn it into an inside gag where they think it's coincidental or something.

3. His parents are neglectful

I do believe his parents deserved to be incarcerated for involuntary man-slaughter because then again Ethan was still under their responsibility. The fact that a kid as young as 15 had perpetrated such an attack already speaks volumes on the neglect and parental duty his parents underperformed in, even failed. It's reckless for anyone to allow their child, who is clearly underaged, to have such easy access to firearms. Plus, I find it rather odd that his parents would deny to disclose documents and records that could provide more insight on his mental health and upbringing. It's pretty shady to do not help your son and instead allow him to speak for himself without solid and backed-up proof. It just makes it look like they don't want to talk about the reasons as to why their son had done such a crime, maybe it's because they play a role in that.

4. I think it amplified his already declining mental state

My brother who's in physiotherapy helped me on this so props to him

Charles has a malignant tumor (cancerous) located in his dietemporal lobe, which affects his thalamus. The thalamus is crucial for relaying motor and sensory information from the brain to the body, and it processes all information before transmitting it to the cerebral cortex. The thalamus is also connected to the limbic system, which is involved in processing and regulating emotions. As a result, the tumor has the ability to amplify his violent tendencies and emotional irregularities, impacting both his emotional state and his body's physiological responses to threats and aggression.

While the tumor may have contributed to his violent behavior, it's likely not the sole cause. Charles endured a childhood of abuse, which may have already significantly impacted his mental health. The tumor likely worsened his pre-existing mental issues, hindering him from properly coping and regulating his emotions.

[sunny-marl]

Mowdown headcanons!!!! as requested :•3 ( @shakusame )

(using she/her for the girlie.)

please do not. mind. that a portion of these hcs are basically me projecting some of my life experiences onto her. :autism eyes:

hope you like them tehehehe

starts with • <- "main" headcanon, not really linked to other with •

starts with "-" or "--" <- "sub" headcanons of main headcanon

• i really see her living with a single parent(unsure about mother Or father. might end up making them NB and that's it) for some reason?

- she isn't sad about it though, she knows it's for the best, and since it's been that way since she was like a baby it doesn't affect her that much

-- she also has a baby (half-)brother 🥰 he's a little menace, and tries to get away with punishment doing cute faces (it does work with everybody But Mowdown and their parent)

• she wants to change her birthname, to one that isn't similar to Philip.(Maybe. Amelia.) she still calls herself her birthname because. well, it's not really an open thing about her being A Girl, and she gets afraid of saying any feminine name and that end up in the ears of her parent.

- she knows there's possiblity of her parent accepting her, but she's also Too Scared of the possibility that they Won't.

• while she does get some dysphoria from times to times, she is pretty okay with her looks as of now. she doesn't really feel the necessity of changing stuff like her style to be more fem looking, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to try a thing or too.

-- she finds makeup really interesting, and tried to use nail polish on her claws once(it didn't really work and she just gave up on applying it 😔)

• she goes to the gym regularly! and whenever she's in a real bad mood she tends to spend much more time doing exercises to get the energy out.

- she doesn't like skipping leg day☝️

-- she also know how to play drums!! 😁

• Mowdown LOVES horror films!! she really gets into the story and it doesn't really affect her (in contrast of most of the detention gang 💀)

- she specially likes the criminal "trope" of cannibals. she just finds it really interesting how they're get different mentalities but there's also many points in common with one another.

• her favorite aes ever is Gurokawa!!! She also likes Yami Kawaii and a bit of Dokukawa 💖 she has many posters in her bedroom with those elements, and in some of her clothes too :autism eyes:

- she has a collection of tiny plushies!! some she customizes to look a little creepy(-ier).

-- for her gifts with some sort of meaning really outstands any price or size... if you give her a slightly cracked heart-shaped rock because it made you think of her shirt, she'll be Extremely Happy. even if many times she tries to hide her excitement.

• she LOVES hugs. Big Bear Hugger. and she also really likes to squeeze who she's hugging(it just feels more right!). many decline her hugs because of it though, since she may squeeze too tight sometimes 🥺

• she has a plain body pillow she sleeps with. it's pretty old, and she doesn't really like sleeping without it.

- she used to sleep in the same bed as her parent as a little kid, and she liked to cuddle them sometimes (fr i'd love if people really normalized cuddling with family/friends... it's not that deep)

• she has no idea of how to label herself in terms of Liking People, and she didn't have that many crushes overall.

- But. she did have a "small" crush on Scythe once... before her Romantic Feelings faded, it was around when Scythe and Rotten started to "have a thing"(and later date). she tried to play it cool and keep a straight face whenever they were around, but she soaked her pillow with tears because of it at least Once 💔.

i THINK that's most of them!! :•) hope it's understandable.

[shoutosfluffytuff]

Sure the family situation is complex and Enji didn't completely start as an abuser but are you delulu you and @erasurecloud both can't even get the timelines correct y'all be bitching saying "Enji was traumatised by watching his son die that's why he neglected Natsuo and Fuyumi, lashed out at Rei and pushed Shouto harder" all while ignoring that Rei was hospitalised before Touya "died" so Enji was already being abusive and lashing out, acting like Enji wasn't abusive towards all his kids, Shouto got the worse but he was still abusive towards the eldest 3 because neglect is abuse and yes I'm including Touya in this. Plus Rei was a victim, like sure don't make up for burning Shouto but your putting blame on her fuck man she was a victim!

Oh my god my first angry anon and first anon in general 😳:

Kinda excited about this 😂🤣!

Honestly, I don’t know what post of my or interaction between me and Erasure has caused this, but frankly I find it beyond hilarious 😆! If it’s about the recent ask they just answered from me(or even my reblog in response to their answer) you will see so many things that contradict you!

Firstly, I literally stated that I do think Enji was an abusive/bad parent towards his kids, I have never denied that at all. In fact I also stated in my reblog that I do feel differently to Erasure in concern with Touya - and that’s basically that yes I do feel he was neglectful(which is a form of abuse) with Touya, and therefore a bit abusive(eventually not from the start). The only thing I have stated is that it was complex and complicated, and isn’t simply a bad abusive man there’s nuance to the situation. As well as acknowledged that Rei bares responsibility too, and being a victim doesn’t relinquish her of responsibility!

Secondly, I mean we’re not completely wrong 😑 Enji was clearly affected by Touya’s death, and that made him worse than he already was. But to answer your accusation of getting the wrong timeline, I have not gotten the timeline wrong I am well aware of the timeline. Rei hurts Shouto —> Rei gets sent away —> Touya burns on Sekoto peak. I even have panels to clarify - Fuyumi mentions the incident:

In 302, Rei talks about the incident and her hospitalisation:

And obviously we know from Shouto’s backstory, that Enji was pushing him much too hard for a child so young through that “training” at just 5yrs old because Rei was there trying to stop him. So, yes he was already spiralling into toxic/abusive behaviour(which I think stemmed from declining mental health, stress, trauma maybe even a bit of selfishness etc - no excuse but explanation), and Shouto was facing the brunt of it but that still doesn’t change the fact that he got even worse when Touya did pass away!

And lastly, Shouto got the worse sure but frankly I don’t like playing trauma/abuse/who suffered the worse Olympics, because at the end of the day they all suffered and it’s not a competition but also it is fictional so honestly don’t get so worked up over different opinions and interpretations. Plus make sure you are reading right 😅 because it’s baffling to see you accuse me of “acting like Enji wasn’t abusive” when I literally stated I saw him as such! Also no need to call peeps delulu!

Sorry @erasurecloud for getting you dragged into this ask, feel free to give your own opinion or thoughts if you want but honestly I couldn’t help myself 😅 my first ever ask I had too!

[thalassarche]

So, I'm sleepless at 1am and I'm tired and I'm upset so I'm going to get out the shit that has been going on for me the past month and a half, because it keeps leaking out in tags and I guess maybe I should not do that. This is going to be long and it's a huge bummer. I just don't feel like I can come out and talk about it directly to anyone because it is indeed a huge bummer and I just. can't deal with like. the feeling of unloading this on someone and then what. but throwing it into the tumblr void and hiding it behind cuts feels less like I'm throwing a bunch of gross stuff at someone's feet so like, yeah. Content warnings for uh, facing the mortality of aging parents, the American healthcare system being a fucking nightmare, mentions of strokes, infections, and other huge medical problems, and basically stuff being awful.

I have lived with my mom as her caregiver for the past three years, since losing my job during covid. She is six years in remission from breast cancer, diabetic, and in end stage renal failure, meaning her kidneys don't work and she needs hemodialysis 3 days a week. I came in mostly to do things like shopping, the majority of cooking and cleaning, be present in case of falls, things like that. It's worked out, mostly. It sucks that she had to move to AZ to live near her brother simply due to the fact that her cozy little house in MT that she got remodeled to her needs has no dialysis centers within an hour's drive and the closest ones had no open seats anyway, not even for a summer stay, because of the nationwide nursing and technician shortage in healthcare. So she lives in AZ and goes to dialysis 10 minutes away. It works out, sorta. But. Since August 1st:

she had a stroke, which affected the language centers of her brain and made speech, writing, and complex communication difficult

she spent a week in neuro ICU for follow up; this was at a hospital 20 miles away in Phoenix. yes I drove there every day to see her.

she was transferred to a rehabilitation center after that week, where she had several good days but then started to experience severe lower back pain.

the back pain got so severe that she was crying and even screaming when being helped into/out of bed, or having the head of the bed elevated so she could eat.

myself and her other present family were very upset about this, because she was in pain! and also it was preventing progress in her PT/OT after the stroke! we wanted them to do something and find out what was going on!

an xray was done. "no significant findings."

we asked for a CT scan or MRI if an xray found nothing.

it didn't happen. maybe insurance said no, maybe assumptions were made that it wasn't necessary.

but mom spent the rest of her 15 days at that rehab facility on tylenol and then oxycodone.

she was then discharged, and yet in no state to come home.

we found a short-term care facility for her that she'd actually stayed at after her initial ER stay that discovered her renal failure. we thought that she'd do okay there.

she didn't. she declined. she was still in severe pain. MWF for her dialysis, she was basically just, done. and they had scheduled her dialysis at 6am. so. the day was just over, no ability for therapy.

they still just gave her oxycodone so even on good days she was sleeping a lot and very out of it.

we asked to speak to the physician and her case worker. we were not able to.

we asked for her to get further testing instead of just this pattern of throwing narcotics at her and watching her decline. it didn't happen.

at the end of her second week there, she was becoming less responsive and more inclined to just sleep.

she wasn't eating. I tried so hard to encourage her to eat, I even fed her. she still would eat a few bites and then be uninterested in more.

one day she only ate a cup of yogurt.

then she was so badly out of it and barely responsive that I demanded that they do something. so they gave her narcan. because maybe she was too lost in the oxycodone sauce. didn't help, they gave her more. didn't help. they called EMTs.

she ended up in the ER, where they did a CT, MRI, and bloodwork.

(this was a week ago)

turns out she has an infection in her spine. which is osteomyelitis, an infection in the bone and bone marrow that just constantly hurts. oh also numerous pressure sores, including a bad one on her heel, and a bad one on her lower back. either could have introduced the infection into her spine.

that infection has spread to her blood. yeah she's got sepsis.

she also has had at least one additional stroke and her speech has degraded even further.

she spent several days in the ICU and it was very touch and go.

it is still very touch-and-go but she's now in progressive care (pcu) which is a downgrade from ICU in terms of how serious.

but yeah. sepsis is very dangerous for young and relatively healthy people. she is 74. her diabetes means her healing is very slow. her renal failure means that her system can't handle a heavy load of antibiotics so they have to be given more spaced out and in lower doses.

it. sucks.

I still go to see her every day and talk to her even if she's not responding. I sing songs she knows. I put on videos of the church services in her hometown for her to listen to. - it. sucks. so. much.

oh yeah also her place here in AZ is in a retirement park and I can only be here because she resides here. so if something happens even in terms of her moving her permanent residence elsewhere I can't stay here.

I have no income I basically just lived here with her and she covered my expenses as my pay for being her caregiver. so like. looks at the potential need to get independent housing, looks at bank account with $30 in it, laughs darkly and decides I can't think about that.

besides I need to think about how this could be the last time I have left with my mom.

it. sucks.

[mdhwrites]

Diane and Kat: My Original Lesbians

Diane and Kat: The Bound Bands (available for free until the end of the 15th! A decision I made while writing this. XD) was my first original story. Released on August 5th, 2016, it was my first book ever released and worked on over the course of four months. Today I just feel like talking about them and what led to them.

So first... Going original wasn't my idea. It was something I was considering but it was actually someone else in the MLP Fandom that first talked to me about how they wanted to do original works. The two of us had tried to work together in the past, they liked my work and I like to attempt to collaborate. By the end of the day, I had the main concept for the two main characters already written up.

Now mind you, I say ATTEMPT to collaborate. I have literally had more success collaborating in the TOH fandom, the fruits of which no longer are publicly available, than I did in five years? of being the MLP fandom. I would always get brought on for a project, have a ton of ideas and write my portion quickly and then NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN. So for about a week the two of us lightly brainstormed and then it just kind of... died. I think maybe the first chapter had been written by me, maybe part of the second, but they never contributed to the writing of it and a lot of the brainstorming was primarily my own because of how fast my brain works.

The big contribution I remember they added was a piece of advice: "Don't make it about their sexuality." It's a line that stuck with me because you can actually see how it manifests in the second chapter. The mayor who is supposed to pay them is presented as a bigot trying to stiff them. However, his prejudice isn't because they're lesbians. It's the idea that couple adventurers get 'distracted' and so potentially did shoddy work, despite them having done the job just fine. A tongue in cheek subversion that also helps make it clear the sort of world they're living in. People will still try to short change and scam you but it's not going to be by sexual preference.

However, due to the collaborative nature of it, the story went fallow for a while. I think this technically first happened late 2015 when it was first brainstormed and my brain kept buzzing about it on and off but, well, I had other things to worry about like my declining mental health. It only really came back to the forefront when in March of 2016, Walmart threatened to fire me and something in me just... broke. I ended up having to quit due to the void it introduced in me and made plans to move to Colorado to live with my parents. At the same time, as a way to potentially try and make up for the lack of a job, I asked my friend if it was okay if I took Diane and Kat and ran with them. They said yes and so their story began.

But who were they? (I actually have character profiles on a doc for them from that original drafting and there was a SEVERE temptation to just copy and paste for this)

Diane Maxwell:

A priestess turned sorceress who was almost killed by templars for having been found out to have incredibly powerful magic in her veins, she has a fairly serious, focused personality. She is mildly sarcastic, especially with Kat, and would be content in life if not for the fact that the teachings she was raised with push her to want to continue doing good. That and adventuring pays the bills. She wears a dress robe over normal leather armor and specializes in lightning and fire magics due to having an affinity to both and being shockingly bad at any form of healing magic, much to her own disappointment. Is awkward about public affection though it's purely a personal thing and has nothing to do with how deep her love for Kat runs.

Kat Wolfcry:

A self proclaimed knight who is the daughter of the chief to a barbarian clan, she is stubborn, enthusiastic and on the face of it what you would expect from a barbarian who is a bit on the shorter side, especially when compared to her tall girlfriend. Her fiery red hair and heritage hide who she really is. She cares about innocents more than any barbarian literally can for the job. She even almost failed the ritual to imbue herself with a wolf spirit because it required her to kill in cold blood a wolf she knew to become one with it. To give her the sort of magical rage a fantasy barbarian has. It was saving Diane from the templars and their lone journey to bring her back home from a failed pillaging raid that made her decide she needed to leave home and at least try to be a knight, even if she still fights like a barbarian. But uh... Just because she cares about innocents doesn't mean she's defanged. She just can't get mad 'for fun'. If you hurt people, expect her to be all too happy to show you why her clan was known for brutal slaughters of their prey, like a pack of wolves on a moose.

So there are your two bases. The classic dynamic of tank and sorcerer, though only the latter can only do field medicine so they need to be careful. Plenty of backstory potential and plenty of just general potential for good fun between the two, with their first book even mentioning old stories I had in mind for them because I was just so enthusiastic about the ideas I had for them.

So... Why only the one book?

Well, that kind of comes down to format? Amongst a lot of other things but something that has always made me nervous is that I conceptualized the series as being stand alone for the majority of the books. One might reference another book but you didn't need to have read it to get a complete story with whichever book you read. The only book that should have ever broken this would have been the final book in the series because it would have been a celebration of what had come first.

That's also why Bound Bands is the way it is. It was just meant to be a fun dungeon crawl that could be a part of a series, but didn't have to be. I literally have the layout listed on that old doc of 2 beginning chapters, four dungeon layers, three night chapters to serve as quieter breaks, then the boss and epilogue effectively. A simple but effective structure that was based on one main premise: A dungeon meant to stress and push whoever came in's bond with themselves and each other hard. I won't spoil why since you can go check it out yourself, at least if you're reading this when it comes out.

BUT this format is also kind of nerve wracking in that it means having to reintroduce a lot of elements of a character each time and avoiding repetition in that, finding new ways to introduce them and what not, is something my brain has hissed at me each time I've tried starting another book of theirs. I actually don't even know how much I have to worry about this since this style isn't actually something I ever engaged much with as a kid. I never read the old Sherlock mysteries as an example. I don't know how much they rely on you knowing who Sherlock is even if each story is standalone. I read series or single books as a kid, never something in this sort of field so it maybe is something I just need perspective on to help me out.

But just for fun, I'll share the immediate pitches for some of the books I'd considered:

Holy Town Mage Tournament: A small church town belonging to the same faith Diane used to be is holding of all things a tournament for black magic users. While normally something Diane wouldn't be a part of, two things push her to join. The first is the one favored to win, a mage who claims to be an archmage, which is no simple feat in this world. Diane should know: She qualifies as one after all due to having mastered the ability to duel cast. The other? A mute priestess who is the final opponent for the winning mage and her mother who are raising money for the town through this blasphemous act and who claim to have been friends with her father, Avatar Maxwell.

A Feral Circus: After a night of hard drinking that Diane skipped but that Kat went out to enjoy, Kat doesn't make it back to the room they were staying at. Meanwhile, the circus in town's beast master claims to have a new wolf as part of his menagerie who he shall reveal to all in one week's time. With it being the closest thing to a lead Diane has, can she infiltrate the circus and find Kat? And why is the beast master waiting so long to reveal his new prize?

(Side note: I always felt like I had an easier time to figure out stories for Diane to be the lead than Kat. *sigh*)

Test of Mettle: In the middle of a town lies a large stone rock with hundreds of nicks taken out of it by various warriors, knights and swordmasters who wanted to test their might against it. When Kat goes to do it though, she is stopped by an old samurai type who says that a barbarian has no place in testing themselves like this. When she tries anyways, she destroys her sword as if it were nothing. That's the last straw and Kat makes it clear they aren't leaving until she's not just hit the rock but shattered it entirely, with this easily being one of their earlier stories.

(Also yes, I watched the anime take on Thundercats. Why do you ask?)

And finally, of course:

Diane and Kat: On her first raid, Kat Wolfcry chooses a monastery on the edge of the lands dominated by the Kesral faith. It's an easy target but one with plenty of loot to make her father proud. She doesn't know that a squad of templars are there, having been brought in to judge Diane Maxwell, daughter of the old leader of the monastery, for her newfound black magic. They throw her in a well cell beneath the monastery as they finish getting the black powder that they'll be bringing back to the capital. Powder kegs waiting to go off and help start these two girls' destinies with a bang.

The one I've tried starting the most often is the holy town tournament one, with their true origin story of meeting and falling in love being the only other one I've actually tried to start. Feral Circus has always been LOW priority because it's the sort of story I'd want to do as like a fifth book since that one genuinely just removes Kat for the entirety of it while at least the holy town one is simply more focused on Diane. I've never forgotten them though. They always come to mind, asking for when their turn will be and I keep just not quite managing to return to them.

UNTIL NO- No. I don't have an announcement like that to make. I might try to sometime soon, and maybe publish some one offs I made for the two on Ao3, including when Diane first cast magic, but for the moment they are just the two lesbians I want to someday return to. As such, if you have questions about them and the like, please, let me know. I'd love to answer what I can and who knows? Maybe it'll help me get more motivated about them.

And since I did in fact decide to make their book free for a bit, a reminder that Kindle e-books do NOT require an e-reader. They are available to be read on literally anything with a browser. So if you're reading this, you can almost certainly pick it up and check out their first story: Diane and Kat: The Bound Bands.

[dankusner]

120 —— CHAPTER 8

He says, "I can't find them."

I say, "What do you mean you can't find them? Go see if they're outside?" He says, "Sure. Maybe they're in their car."

Sure enough, they're in their car. They're having sex. The constable yanks them out of the car and takes them into the courtroom.

And I say, "The case is dismissed. Don't file a peace bond in my court ever again!"

Texas JPs are even on occasion called on to untangle the consequences of criminality that affect their court only indirectly.

For example, it is part of a JP’s job to determine ownership of seized stolen property located in his county.

Judge Hefner told me that when a large theft ring in Houston was broken up, it fell to him to decide how the stolen farm equipment that had been stashed in Colorado County would be distributed and disposed.

Sometimes it's a complicated business if an insurance company has already made a payout to the original owner.

Maybe that owner wants the late model hay baler back, but now has to reimburse the insurance company for the claim it paid out.

(Where's that darned equipment depreciation schedule?)

How does crime in a JP's precinct today compare with the level of criminal activity that took place in decades past?

Jackie Miller Jr. (Ellis County) thinks that things are much worse now than they used to be.

We have more heinous crimes now.

There wasn't a methamphetamine problem back in the early '90s, as we have now.

You didn't have as many child molestations.

We even have MS-13 in the Metroplex.

They murdered a young man about five or six years ago.

No justice court in Texas is left unaffected by that disturbing tendency in the human animal — even a human animal that speaks with a Texas twang — to be bad, and sometimes to be bad in ways that keep JPs up at night.

Several judges told me during the COVID-19 pandemic that they were witnessing troubling increases in crime in their communities.

One of these judges was George Trigo, who serves in La Salle County.

We are seeing a lot of family violence and are issuing more emergency protective orders.

We have been in lockdowns and/or quarantines on several occasions and this puts additional stress on individuals.

We've had virtual schools, so with children not being able to attend school, they remain at home, and some parents are unable to work, thereby causing more stress.

The number of children who are abused has increased throughout the state.

Downright Criminal! —— 121

Thomas Jones (Potter County) would agree.

He explained that in his role as magistrate during this period, he watched those criminal charges that stem from emotional and mental health issues increase to alarming levels.

All during the pandemic everything was shut down.. except for the liquor stores.

We were finding — with the alcohol and all the factors that created that level of stress — an explosive environment at home.

The result was an increase in domestic violence along with the other crime waves we were experiencing.

Lisa Whitehead (Burnet County) told me that during this period, three out of every four magistrations she performed required her to sign emergency protective orders.

In 2020, Jim Cavanaugh (Brown County) described to me a situation in which many justices of the peace were left powerless when it came to signing emergency detention orders.

Most privately owned treatment centers here have declined to accept any patients, so I cannot make a mental commitment.

The state facilities are overflowing, and no one can be accepted unless they have serious criminal charges pending against them.

The mental health agencies are tasked with finding an alternative method of treatment, but those we used to send away simply walk the streets these days.

People are locked in their houses; they're abusing drugs and alcohol. It's over the top. I'm just amazed. Everybody is falling apart. — Hon. Justin M. Joyce, Tarrant County

With an end to the aberration of the pandemic, the administration of criminal justice in the state of Texas will, inevitably, revert to familiar norms.

And despite the fact that the justice court sits at the bottom of the state's criminal justice system (sometimes literally, with some justice courts relegated to the basement of their county courthouse), JPs will continue to be provided with some pretty powerful tools to help mitigate crime, to render punishment when required, and to deliver some form of justice for those who find themselves victims.

Missi Walden (Ector County) provided me with a great example:

[teabiscuit-bakes]

Heart Shaped Cinnamon Rolls

Welcome back!!!! This lovely Valentine’s Day we will be making heart shaped cinnamon rolls! I usually bake during Valentine’s Day but this year it’s special!!!! I have a new crush!

I’m not gonna name names here because that’s just odd, but she hangs out with my friends Bree, Em, Lissy and I in our art class and skips calc to talk to us. Em had a thing for her at the same time as me but realized it was more platonic for her and backed off. I wouldn’t fight over a girl with my friend anyways but I wonder if she just wanted me to be happy. I’ve spent most of high school single and even then my freshman year relationship was over Covid. I’d hate to admit it here but it definitely has had an effect on my self esteem. Seeing everyone get into at least one relationship, situationship, or talking stage while I remain single is so debilitating for my self esteem. It makes me question if I’m good enough or remotely cute. I’ve been so many places where I could meet people too and yet the opportunity never seems to find me. So I sit back and gain crushes knowing I’ll never do anything about them, like this current one I have.

Lord is she attractive too. I have a major thing for taller women, that plus muscles is my weak point and she has both! The other day she was telling us about her workout routine and flexed and holy hell… I swooned right then and there. I think Bree noticed too because she made direct eye contact with me and gave me the look. Bree is much more experienced in relationships than me, she makes it look so easy. People are just naturally drawn to her, I honestly always feel a sense of envy around her. It’s not like it isn’t partially my fault for being single, I’m a bit dense and too picky for my own good; i will say sometimes my pickiness is justified. There was this one time i was talking to someone and they wrote me a poem after 3 days of talking to me. Like… i just couldn’t keep on after that and I politely declined a second date. It want even the poem thing, my ex wrote me poems often and i absolutely adored them, but this was too early for me. I also think I’m just too friendly for my own good; supposedly whenever I’m being flirted with I just think I’m making a new friend. Even when I’m just talking to people to get to know them I usually get along best with a certain personality type just because I tend to be a bit more quiet or to the point when I speak. I obviously joke around and make small comments with my friends and people I’m comfortable with but that’s the thing… I need to be comfortable with who I’m talking to. Sometimes people will see me when I’m putting on a front at work or at my volunteer organization by that’s where I’m professional Tams. I don’t make stupid comments, I talk a certain way, I laugh a certain way, I’m not my truest self in those places. It’s weird when people see my professional act and like me there; it’s kind of straining to see if I can be as weird as I actually am or if I need to just keep it to professional Tams.

I’m not only making this recipe because I have a crush but to celebrate the love I have for my friends and those around me. My favorite teachers will get one, my closest friends will obviously get one and even some of my school friends. It’s how I show my affections and appreciation for the people in my life. I need to exude love around these times or I’ll fall into a sadness about now having a valentine once again. The bright side is this year my mom also doesn’t have one! Well, it’s not actually a bright side because my parents are divorcing but she, my sister and I have plans for Valentine’s Day. We’re gonna make some steaks, eat some chocolate, maybe a cup of wine (not my sister though, she’s 10), and watch a movie together. It’s kinda nice to have my mom understand my sadness this time around and my need to project or else I’ll crumble. Last years I made these puff pastry live letters (image down below) and my mom cussed and fussed about me making them until I explained it, and now she’s experiencing it. Those love letters were delicious too!

*My delectable love letters*

Anyways onto the cinnamon rolls!

This recipe will call for

Sweet dough (see recipe as linked)

1-3 squirts of pink or red food coloring (I use the gel so the color is more potent)

1 cup brown sugar

1.5 sticks of butter (not margarine you nasties)

A wee bit of half and half or whipping cream for the bottom of the pan (trust)

Cream cheese frosting (see as linked)

Now onto the recipe

Preheat oven to 385°F

When making your sweet dough add in your food coloring for a pretty pink/red dough

Roll out your sweet dough until flat as your heart rolls flat at the thought of another single Valentine’s Day. ( 18 in x 20 in should be the measurement)

Soften your butter as your heart softens when you see your crush.

Spread thin layer of butter onto your pretty pink dough (just like you pretty yourself up for the likelihood of getting a compliment from her)

Sprinkle cinnamon over buttered dough

Take the corners of your shorter side and roll all the way to the other end

Now here’s how you get the heart shape, when you cut your rolls out, you wanna make sure that the dough is facing you and cut down the middle. Not all the way down but enough to create the shape so you can see the layers.

Make sure your pan of choice is greased (a plain baking sheet will do) and place each heart in the pan. Drizzle your cream over your cinnamon rolls until there’s a thin layer at the bottom. It makes em extra fluffy. As fluffy as I feel whenever she compliments my outfit, especially when I happen to be wearing her favorite color.

As I’ve mentioned earlier I absolutely love baking for others! It fills a void and shows my love and appreciation for those around me. It’s a major part of who I am and I’m glad to share it with who I love and care for! Until next time my loves, bonne appétit!!!!

[sammyisfat]

So my Dad has been battling cancer for almost a decade, and is in remission. But now his kidneys are only functioning at 22% and they have an infection that can’t be treated. So, we’re just waiting. He’s been steadily declining the last two weeks.

This is causing me to spiral. I’m feeling like I’m stranded in the ocean in an inflatable boat with duck tape covering the holes, I can see the shore but it’s so out of my reach and I don’t think I can stay alive to make it there.

I don’t regret my hysterectomy but it was my first surgery and was major. It caused me a lot of trauma mentally and physically. It’s been 5 years almost, and since it’s happened I’ve just been in a downward spiral.

I met a guy and got engaged after 6 weeks, and married within a year. I met him 3 months after my surgery. At the height of a heavy dissociation. And I went back to school without thinking it through clearly.

I was terrified to go back to my management job because my boss would constantly call me an idiot, treat me like I was trash, and would send me to work in various stores but wouldn’t pay me for my travel or pay me an active managers wage to make up for that.

So I went back to school, but then I started developing chronic pain that makes being active so painful. The pain is where my right incision from my hysterectomy is, and where my former cervix used to be. And no drs are listening to me. It’s compromised my mental health to the point I was so unreliable I was struggling to show up for work. Between the pain and my mental health.

And then in the fall of 2020, I was in a car accident. The crash was fairly minor but I hit my head off the windshield not hard enough to crack glass but enough to do damage. Where I hit my head is the area that controls your ability to mask and control your anxiety.

I lost mine. And my short term memory has been affected. Due to this, I had to end my lease and move in with my parents in a whole new province from where I had built a new life. I was suffering from insomnia due to the accident.

And I was prescribed sleep pills, I had never taken any before. And they would knock me out for 10 hours sometimes until I built up a tolerance. And I kept waking up in pain. But I found out my partner had been having sex with me in my sleep, because I wouldn’t wake up. And I never consented to it.

This had been the start of things, and then later that winter I found out I was losing my apartment and my jobs. My spiral has gotten worse since these events.

An anon account came forward on IG and accused my partner of cheating. But there hadn’t been any proof. No screenshots or any information regarding where I could find info. This had caused a riff between us.

When we moved to Ontario, his family basically disowned him. And so even though I want and need out. I feel responsible for him. He moved halfway across the country for me. I’ve tried telling him we’re not good for each other, his mental health is impacting mine and vice versa. And I can’t be a good partner right now.

We haven’t been intimate in 3 years. We tried on my bday but he changed his mind so we stopped. So we’re more like roommates at this point.

I’m feeling so trapped and alone. I just can’t handle it all anymore. I went to hospital in ‘22 for a month. But they refused to really help me, because I have borderline personality disorder. And they would just tell me to do DBT when I got out of the hospital.

But I was then and now at such a low baseline I am barely surviving. I am not eating. I’m not sleeping. My pain is at an all time high. I can’t keep track of days. I thought it was still the 15th for 8 days.

I’m just existing. And I don’t want to anymore. I had to flush all my sleeping pills because I didn’t trust myself not to take them all before bed. So I’m just sleeping maybe 2 hours at night. Because I can’t take sleep meds without feeling triggered and unsafe.

I’ve never said anything to anyone really about this. I tell bits and pieces but it a hard to admit the truth and be honest about what my last 5 years have been. And I am so tired.

[princeblack]

He’s not sure what he expects when asking her if she’d rather he be less careful with her, but maybe some part of him already longs for her to tell him it’s okay to want her and that maybe he can even have her. It’s a selfish desire and one that doesn’t make any sense for her— why would she want to fraternize with the person who employs her, especially when that person is engaged and unavailable in so many ways? So he shouldn’t be surprised when she says she hasn’t decided, but his heart sinks a little all the same.

At least she seems to appreciate his compliment, even if it’s less of a compliment and more of an observation. She tells him twice how kind he is and it warms his heart that she seems so happy she gets to see Alfie again. “Don’t worry; we’ll leave out plenty for him. One of the privileges of being royalty is collecting enough shiny belongings to share with a niffler.” It doesn’t bother him, letting the creature take some of his things. If anything it seems fascinating and kind of adorable. “Is that why he loves you so much? Because your face shines when you smile?” just saying it makes him smirk a little, sheepishly. He reaches out, pinching one of her cheeks teasingly. “Sorry.. I don’t even make sense anymore.” All he can think about is her beauty, from those big blue eyes to her perfect lips. Maybe if his fiance were even a fraction as beautiful, he could force himself to be interested. But unfortunately for her, Bexley is going to be working alongside him every day and no one will ever compare to that beauty.

Her voice is so warm and soothing, explaining how she wishes the best for Regulus and Sirius. He could listen to her all night and he has half the mind to ask her to read to him just so he can. “Sometimes I think I care more about fixing our relationship than he does,” he says, which is probably more vulnerable than he should be with someone he just met, but at least she’s giving him permission.

She declines his offer to visit her family and he’s surprised, but listens to her explanation quietly. “Well, they’re free to visit whenever they please and if you ever change your mind just let me know.” He hates the idea of keeping her locked up here, separated from her loved ones forever. He’s sure she’s going to be great at her job and he would miss having her around too, but he doesn’t want to keep her from her family.

He shakes his head when she starts to explain herself. “No, that’s not what I meant… I know you aren’t judging. I was merely lamenting that my behavior is out of place for my family.” He wishes it wouldn’t be considered odd, how much he was willing to grant his handmaiden. But then again, maybe he just wishes that so no one knows the truth about why he’s so soft for her already. How angry would his parents be? How angry would Daphne be, to know that his thoughts for Bexley were so soft?

She apologizes after his reaction to her claiming Daphne must be lucky, causing his chest to squeeze because of how sweet and small she sounds. “You didn’t upset me, beautiful.” He catches her face in his palm, fingers tracing under her chin as he guides her closer. Glancing down at her lips, he thinks about how soft they probably are, wishing he could kiss them. But she did say she hadn’t decided if he should be cautious with his affections yet, so he drops his hand, leaning back. 

She tries to reassure him that he can’t make himself love Daphne and that she doesn’t mind being specially treated this way. “So you don’t mind if I start to fall in love with you, then?” he asks bluntly, green eyes roaming her figure. It’s difficult to focus when her hand is scooping water onto his bare chest and he’s so turned on, but he tries to listen to her words instead of imagining how good it would feel to kiss her pink lips.

Her fingers feel nice brushing against his skin every time she scoops water onto his body, making his lashes flutter. “I would like to introduce you… Sera likes pretty girls, so I imagine he’ll like you even more, since you’re good with animals on top of that.” The dragon hates James Potter, but Regulus is sure he would like Bexley.

She compliments him and it makes his heart race a little, giving her the smallest smile. He knows Sirius is jealous, at least to an extent, of the favor their parents have placed upon Regulus. But it’s difficult to imagine the outgoing and handsome Sirius being jealous of Regulus because he’s lovely. Regardless, he likes hearing her say it. “If you were Sirius, what about me would make you jealous?” he asks, softly prodding her to keep going.

she couldn't believe she said that, knowing what it implies she doesn't know what's come over her as she bites down on her lower lip, regulus seems to catch onto her own teasing and she bites down on her lower lip. "I haven't decided yet..." she smiles softly, biting down on her lower lip as eyes travel along his bare frame, skin glowing from the glistening water droplets that drip down his frame.

he tells her it's hard to believe and she can't help but giggle softly. it's not that she's not gotten compliments before or offers for proposals but it wasn't like the way the prince did, nobody ever made her heart flutter this way before or made her feel like she was actually beautiful. she's never been so charmed before and it's not only because of the sweet words he speaks to her. could she truly be falling for him so soon? it seems kind of silly knowing her feelings could never be more, even if he wasn't to be married he was still a prince and she was nothing but a servant, he could never love someone like her even if he was the sweetest man she'd ever known. her cheeks flush into a glowing blush shaking her head a bit. "you're too kind your highness."

her lips pull into a smile at his words, excitement flowing through her at the idea of alfie actually coming to the castle to be with her. she never thought she'd see her middle again, at very least it would be very rare occasions so the idea that regulus would arrange for him to be part of the palace meant the world to her. "that is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me, thank you..." she says gently, smiling up at him. "serafirm is very lucky to have someone as wonderful as you are and I hope alfie won't be too much of a handful when he comes. as long as he's stimulated he won't normally cause destruction." she says gently. "you could also leave out tea spoons if you're worried he might steal something valuable, nifflers aren't picky as long as it's something that shines or sparkles." alfie had a collection of objects most wizards would find useless but to him it was treasure because of the way the sun hits them in the shining light.

lord sirius sounded like a handful but she wouldn't dare say it outloud, she feels for regulus having to deal with so much and not even having his own brother to depend on. bee isnt sure what she would do without cedric on her side through everything, if her older brother hated her or the other way around the world would feel so lonely. "I hope you and lord sirius can find peace one day your highness. it's important to have your sibling especially when things get tough with your parents, they're always the ones you want on your side through thick and thin." she smiles warmly. "and you don't have to apologize, I might be your handmaiden but I am a good listener too. if you don't have your brother then I don't mind taking the place of someone you can vent to....only if you want."

his offer takes her by surprise, allowing her to visit her family wasn't something she would ever ask for on her own but the fact he does it without her even having to ask makes her heart flutter a bit. "sir i...that is a very noble thing to do but I couldn't possibly ask that if you. I took this job knowing the things I'd have to leave behind and I'm okay with that, I'd be happy with a visit from my family here and there but I do not wish to leave you behind." she smiles softly. "I have a duty to you and I'm not going to take advantage of your kindness just because I get a bit homesick, besides I'm sure they much rather visit this beautiful palace. my brother wants to be a knight one day."

blue eyes flicker towards his soft lips as he speaks, realizing how much she loves the sound of his voic, so smooth and low. even just in the way he talks he sounds so intelligent and it makes her heart race a little bit. "no your highness, I don't mean to sound like I was judging you...I don't think you're heartless. I just...I suppose I usually feel guilty for most things I probably shouldn't." it's what comes with having such a judgmental and demanding father like her own. "you are the kindest person I've ever met and I would never judge someone on their status."

regulus pulls back from her, his gaze as well and it makes her a bit confused, did she say something wrong? she feels a bit guilty but she really didn't mean any harm. blue eyes searching to find his own before he speaks again but his words make sense, people with his status didn't often marry for love,not from what she understood at least. it was often out of political status or to gain something and that's one thing she always feared was being forced into a marriage that wasn't because she loved the person and rather because she had no other choice, to help her family. "I'm sorry your highness, I didn't mean to upset you..." but she's not going to lie she does feel a bit flattered knowing she seems to be a special case. "but you can't force yourself to love someone you do not want to be with...that's beyond your control and not to speak out of place but I don't mind being a special case for your treatment." she smirks, using the sponge to soak his back hoping it'll help him relax.

she notices the way his eyes find her breasts and she realizes she's been showing to him this entire time. it makes her blush a little, hoping it's a good thing he's looking down at her. she shouldn't think like that or want the prince to look at her in such a way but she can't help herself, she wants to be wanted by him as she bites down on her lower lip, dipping her hand in the bath water to gather more water dripping it down against his skin. she listens to him talk about his dragon, the one he mentioned earlier and she can't help but smile fondly, finding it endearing and even kind of sexy that he cares so much. "I would love to meet him sometime if you wouldn't mind..." she smiles. "I've never seen an actual dragon before, not up close at least." she allows him to lean back towards the eyes so she can move over to his chest, gathering more water trying not to focused too long on the fact she can see his dick through the water as she moves lower. "I feel sorry for your brother, he seems to have a hard life. with a brother as amazing as you to compare to, I'd be quite jealous too." she teases, picking up his arm with one hand so she can use the other to scrub. "you're so lovely."

[acefaun]

Hey there! 🦊 I first wanted to say that I really enjoy your work, writing and art, and whenever I get an alert you posted something, it really makes my day. 🖤

I was hoping if you had time and if it was something interesting enough to write, if I could make a request for a Dui comfort story...? Something along the lines of a reader who's dealing with a lot of health issues (nothing super scary or terminal) but feels that her declining health will make Dui stop loving her?

If not, it's totally okay! Thank you for always writing awesome work! 🖤♊

Dui~ Through Sickness and in Health

Synopsis: There are some goldfish who are effortlessly healthy, while there are others like MC who are just born unhealthy. With all Dui has been through, she's starting to wonder if he'll stay with someone as ill as her. 

✨Masterlist✨

Female goldfish! 

A/N: Thank you thank you thank you! I'm so glad my writing can make your day! I wish I had more fics to post more often!🥺 I love being able to write relatable comfort fics. But I'll try to be as unspecific about the illness as possible. But I know most illnesses lower your immune system(especially some medicines made to help) so that's what I'm running on. I also placed this one during the peak of Covid, because what’s more dramatic than having a low immune system during a time of world-wide disease?

–Word Count: 3,967–

The Earth was riddled with chaos and fear. Between the riots that were happening in the streets and the people who refused to wear masks, I wished staying home was an option—there was a threat of a lockdown, but even if it happened, it couldn’t last forever. The government couldn’t imprison people in their own homes for that long.

So, rather than staying in my lonesome house, I paid Dui a visit. All this talk of isolation was making me feel greedy for socializing and affection.

Compared to the nearly barren streets, the run-down mansion was a sight for sore eyes. Knocking on the front door, I adjusted my mask before entering. It didn't take long at all for Dui to make his way down the stairs.

The bright smile on his face told me he was prepared to greet me happily before he noticed the mask on my face and faltered. Was it a new fashion style I was going for? He recalled seeing guys with masks on the anime I introduced him to. Maybe this was related. Taking it as a completely normal form of dress, he resumed smiling. “You showed up before I could go get you.”

“I was feeling a little suffocated by myself,” I admitted.

“How about I hold your hand and take you on a date so you don't feel so lonely?” My heart stuttered, and I found myself speechless as he gracefully took my hand in his. “Why don't we go grab some cherries? Then we can go somewhere and eat them together.” His eyes glittered with excitement as his newfound plan. Why was he so cute? 

Suddenly the mask was making my face feel very warm. But an intrusive thought made me nearly pull away before I asked, “Can gods get sick? The mansion’s really clean, right?”

He drew back, tilting his head as he contemplated it. “Our godly powers protect us from human illness. Though there are certain illnesses gods can catch. They're pretty rare cases though. Not that they travel around like human illnesses. Why, what's up?” His eyes wandered back to me. There wasn't any apparent reason I could've been asking about god sicknesses. Unless I would be worried about him because of what happened to Ichthys’ parents! “(Name)!” He abruptly called my name, making sure I was looking into his eyes. “I promise I won't get sick and leave you, okay? An illness that can kill a god must be a pretty scary concept, but I promise it's super hard to catch.”

As nice as that was to hear, that wasn't the point of my question. I was just glad to know that the mansion was an environment free of bugs for me to catch. At least I knew I wouldn't have to wear a mask visiting them in the future.

My grip tightened around Dui’s hand, desperate to keep him with me. “Thanks. I'm glad to hear it.” I just hoped he could say the same… if he ever found out about me.

***

Our date was considerably less normal than usual. There weren't many humans around the streets and there was an unusual number of people wearing masks—though most of them were older from what Dui could tell. 

Dui just assumed it was an anime thing, but it didn't seem to add up. He didn't understand why some humans complained about wearing masks while others complained when humans didn't wear masks. I, on the other hand, seemed perfectly fine with wearing a mask.

The only time Dui really stopped to take in the situation was when someone passed Dui a snide remark about being on top of me without a mask on. I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, only holding him closer, but he was already looking to me for answers.

“What's going on with everyone today? What's the big deal about masks or no masks?” 

I paused with him, tilting my head. “You guys don't know what's happening on Earth?”

“Something happened?”

“Hold on,” I shouted, pulling away to assess whether or not he was being serious. “You're telling me that none of you know about the big bad disease that's going around killing people even though you deal with humans every day?!” I faltered at calling us humans, drawing strange looks to us, but no one really seemed bothered as they kept walking. But Dui only looked more lost. “There's an airborne disease called the corona virus. It's really easy to catch and unhealthy humans who catch it can't deal with it very well and can die.” 

“Coronavirus…” He repeated the name slowly, scratching his jawline. The name sounded familiar enough, but he didn't know it was that bad. “I think Scorpio mentioned it once. Actually, I think we had a whole meeting about it in the Heavens. Then… We ended up letting it fester. Then it grew… and now it's a world-wide catastrophe. But don't worry! The Department of Wishes is fixing it. Haven't you heard that they're working on a cure?” 

“You let this happen?”

“No! Don't- It sounds bad, but-” Even with the mask he could tell I was giving him quite the pout. While he usually thought it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen, he was getting quite nervous. “It's fine! You're not supposed to get wrapped up in our work. Zyglavis told me not to involve you. It'd look bad if we wrapped a human up in our work. Please, trust me.” 

I huffed in amusement, reaching up to pat his head. “I'm not blaming you. You don't have to get so worked up.” Still, he seemed no more relaxed after having to defend the Department of Punishments from my judgement. “Dui,” I whined, “Why are you pouting? I was just kidding. Please, don't ignore me.”

He huffed, pulling me close to bury his face in my hair. His nose was still stuffed in my hair as he muttered, “I'm not talking about work with you anymore.” After a quiet moment of standing there and absorbing my warmth, he hesitantly asked, “Gods don't get sick but… should I wear a mask too so we match?”

I tilted my head. “You want to wear matching masks?”

Dui reached into his pocket, pulling out a mask that looked just like mine. Only after getting my help to wear the mask did he beam at me. “Now I look even more human. But…” His sudden lack of enthusiasm almost made me tell him to take it off. But he only had one problem on his mind as he asked, “I guess we look like those cool guys from your anime show, but how am I supposed to kiss you?”

My heart melted at his purely honest question. If that was the only problem he had with wearing a mask then these humans were overreacting. But his depression at not being able to kiss me was something amusing. Thoughtfully, I suggested, “I have an idea.” If he weren't a god, I might rethink getting so close to another person. But Dui needed some cheering up. 

Grabbing the front of his shirt, I tugged him closer, booping my nose against his through the mask. His eyes were comically wide and I could tell he was blushing. “This works for now, but…” He paused, taking my hand in his again. “I'll give you a real kiss when we get home. Okay?”

Dui took the situation on Earth well enough. I only joked around with him about it because I didn't want to make him suspicious or worried. If he knew I was one of those easy-to-die humans he'd probably panic. I knew the gods already saw me as nothing but a weak human. How much more pathetic and fragile could I get in their eyes? 

Besides, the thought kept coming back to me that Dui already had to go through losing his best friend. I was convinced he wouldn't want to stay with me if he knew how easily he could lose me thanks to my declining health. I always did my best to hide any symptoms, but that was also a hard game to play. 

With covid, everything was much more difficult to hide. I would accept Dui’s offers to go on dates in the Heavens, but the minute he suggested an Earth date I had to refuse. I knew I was pretty obviously avoiding other humans, but that was just to keep Dui free from worrying or overthinking. 

Despite all my efforts, my stress only ate at my health over time. Though it was only a self-inflicted fever and lack of appetite, I stayed isolated in my home as if I had covid. Stress was another unfortunately unavoidable thing that could cause symptoms of my illness to flare up. If I stayed in bed for a while and rested, I was bound to bounce back in no time.

***

Dui was worried—he tried to act like he wasn't but it was obvious to everyone else. Dui only ever drowned himself in work when he was trying to avoid something. The subject of his avoidance just so happened to be me. He hadn't heard from me in days, not even through the Wishes gods. There had to be a reason. Clearly I didn't want to be bothered by Dui that I had been silent. 

Or… There was another option that Dui didn't want to consider. Unfortunately, it was a real possibility. If I had covid, then he needed to fix it immediately before I could die! 

With his mind made up, he abandoned his pile of finished work and rushed down to Earth to get to my apartment. He knew if I didn't have covid that he might just be bothering me, but he'd deal with that when it came. 

Knocking gently at the door, his anxiety rose as I failed to answer right away. Still, he had to keep cool so Shadow Dui wouldn't come out and cause a disturbance. 

Nervously letting himself in the freezing apartment, his eyes flitted around for me. Not finding me in the kitchen or living room, he walked over to my room where he found me dozed off in bed, curled warmly in the blankets. Well, he guessed so considering how freezing it was. 

He pursed his lips before lowering the temperature for me. Maybe that way I wouldn't have to look like a turtle hiding away in a fluffy shell. 

But hearing the shuffling and the turning of the thermostat, I shot up in a panic. I tried not to make too much noise, but Dui already turned around with wide eyes. “Dui! You're… Why are you here?”

“I was worried,” he mumbled, standing awkwardly by the doorframe. “You haven't said anything in a few days so I came to see if you had something going on. Are you feeling okay? You look like you haven't gotten out of bed all day.”

“Nonsense! I'm fine,” I brushed him off, getting out of bed quicker than he could blink. I hated how I had to act fine when my eyes just wanted to close and never open again. “I just stayed up late watching a movie. My wonky sleep schedule is messing with my head. Guess you wouldn't understand much since you don't experience sleep…” 

“Really?” He brushed his fingers through his hair as he really observed me. “I hope I wasn't bothering you then. I guess I should just-” 

“Dui,” I frantically called, making him pause in his quiet ramblings. “Why don't you… I mean, why don't we have a date? I guess I've been neglecting you because of all this disease going around. But we could have a date here at home. We could watch that movie I was talking about.”

This time it was my turn to ramble, but he didn't seem to mind as he immediately accepted my offer. “I'd love to have a stay-at-home date. You can set up the movie while I get a few snacks. You must be hungry.”

Before I could argue against him getting food for us, he was heading off to my kitchen. Sighing tiredly, I made my way to the living room. As much as I wanted to spend time with Dui, my stamina surely wouldn't last all day. Just moving around the living room was making my head spin. 

Luckily, the living room was a fairly small space, and it took little effort to set up a movie from the comfort of my sofa where I sat tiredly waiting for my boyfriend to return.

I was almost dozing off when I jolted awake by the feeling of a body sinking on the cushion next to me. “I got- The movies ready.” My eyes shot to the bowl of popcorn that he made for the two of us. “Oh. That's a lot.”

“I figured I'd make a lot since we're sharing. And I know you like to eat while watching movies.” His smile was so kind, and he was always so considerate of my likes and dislikes. It was unfortunate that I probably couldn't stomach much. “Hey,” he said, noticing my lack of a reaction, “Are you sure you're feeling okay?” I wasn't outright saying anything, but Dui had a gut feeling that I was hiding something.

Sensing the tension between us, I quickly excused my behavior. “Remember, I stayed up all night watching shows. I ate a good bit yesterday so I'm not too hungry. I was just a little worried that you made too much, but don't worry. Whatever we don't eat, we can save for later.”

Was that a lie too, Dui wondered. He saw nothing out of place in my kitchen and my trash was nearly empty. He couldn't bring himself to question me though with how unusually pale I looked. 

Even through the movie, he noticed how I only picked at the snacks he offered. Dui was far too distracted with me to even pay attention to what was going on in the little screen—which made sense considering I was the more important thing to focus on. I just seemed so lethargic and out of it today, but finding that I had fallen asleep on his shoulder, his eyes narrowed. Gently touching my forehead, he pulled away with furrowed eyebrows. I was much warmer than usual and the only conclusion he could jump to was that I had covid and was trying to hide it from him.

First things first, he had to calm down and think this through. Covid wasn't necessarily a death sentence. As long as he took care of me then it would be fine.

…

…

No. 

He had to see Huedhaut as soon as possible to save my life! Too many humans were dying from this disease. He needed the cure.

Leaving me comfortably tucked in my bed, he was off to the Heavens in no time. This was an emergency. At this point it didn't matter who Dui needed to go through to talk to the smartest god in the Heavens. “Huedhaut!”

His voice rang down the hall of the Department of Wishes, drawing both Leon and Huedhaut to a halt. Dui was clearly the last god they expected to go screaming through the halls of their department—more specifically on the hunt for Huedhaut. But Dui looked terrified, and this shook them. 

“Dui,” Huedhaut replied, already trying to assess what could have caused such a commotion. “What happened?”

“It's (Name),” Dui rushed the words out, thankfully not losing Huedhaut along the way. “I need your help. She’s sick and I don't know what to do. The cure—the one for the coronavirus that's spreading in humans—I need it. I have to save (Name).”

“Dui, wait-”

“If I don't get it now, (Name)’s going to die!” That single thought drew Shadow Dui out in no time, flying towards the Wishes god. Fortunately, Leon wasn't letting that unstable Shadow freak any closer. “Let me go! Give me the cure!”

“Stop,” Huedhaut sharply ordered. “I'm not giving you anything until you can calm down and talk to me.”

“I'm sorry,” Dui said, trying to pull himself together. He didn't need Shadow to be acting out when his top priority was taking care of me, not getting into trouble with the other gods. “I'm sorry.” He helplessly looked at Huedhaut as Leon stopped restraining him. “(Name)’s sick. She has a fever and she won’t eat much and she sleeps all the time. She has covid. You can help her, right?”

Dui felt slightly discouraged at hearing Huedhaut sigh but Huedhaut was quick to excuse himself from Leon’s company to help Dui with this task. Walking down the hall, Huedhaut finally revealed, “(Name) doesn't have covid, let that be a comfort. I've taken extra measures to ensure that she’s safe, and she’s taking precautions as well.”

“Then what's wrong with her?” Dui begged for answers. “She’s still sick. She was hiding it from me too. I don't know how to fix a sick goldfish. What do I do? What does she have?” 

“First, what you can do is slow down,” Huedhaut advised the anxious god. He was worried when he first found out about my health issues as well; it was something he discovered when I got rid of his sin. Seeing how well I lived with such an ailment, he never brought it up with anyone. But apparently it was more of an issue than he suspected. “(Name) has an illness that's part of her and occasionally she’ll fall ill as she is now. There's no such cure that can fix it. The only thing you can do is to be there to help lessen her symptoms.”

Dui slowed down, his eyebrows furrowing together even more. He was much calmer to know I wouldn’t die, but he was distressed to find out that this was my normal health. That wasn't good at all. I never told him anything. Was it a secret? Did I keep it quiet because I wanted to deal with it alone? 

Still, why would I lie to him about it? How many times have I fallen ill and didn't let him take care of me? It's his role as a boyfriend to be there for me and he was failing miserably to notice the most important things about me. Pursing his lips together, he asked, “How do I help her? Tell me everything!”

***

It felt nice to just be able to lie down and sleep. It was especially nice since I wasn't feeling the heat of a fever. In fact, my head was feeling cool and relieved as if stuffed in a cold rain cloud.

As comfortable as I was, my brain finally woke up enough to remind me that Dui was supposed to be around. I couldn't remember him leaving, making me wonder where he went. Though, the longer I laid there, I felt something cold resting on my forehead. My eyes shot open in a panic, but I was still too lethargic to move around quickly. 

Luckily, the only thing I found hovering above me was Dui’s worried face, his eyes wide as he stared at me. “Why didn’t you tell me you had an illness?” My heart jumped anxiously at the sudden question, but he didn’t stop there. “I could’ve helped you. I could’ve made you something easier to eat. We could’ve had more at-home-dates. Why’d you keep it from me…? Didn’t you think I’d care?”

I was sick, sure, but I didn’t know how he found out that this was a common thing that I lived with. But now that he knew, it was time for a proper explanation. Lying wouldn’t help anything at this point. “I didn’t mean to- well…” I paused. “I did intentionally hide it. I just didn’t want to hurt you or scare you away. I figured if you didn’t know about it then you wouldn’t leave me for someone better—someone who didn’t have to suffer often with a chronic illness…”

Dui quieted down, slouching in his seat beside my bed. “You thought I’d leave you because you were sick?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” I looked away from him, not wanting to see when he would finally decide to break up with me. “You’ve been through so much and you already lost your best friend. I can’t sit here and expect you to be okay with waiting for my death too when there are goddesses who won’t die like me. So I thought if we didn’t talk about it then I could pretend like everything’s going to be okay!” 

“Everything will be okay,” he emphasized, his hands wrapping around mine. I turned my head back to him, finding him watching me with sincerity shining in his chocolate eyes. “I don’t want a goddess—I never did. I want you! I want you to talk to me. I want to take care of you and love you. Can’t you just rely on me when you’re not feeling good? You’ve been pretending like you’re okay and you’re fighting your body. I can do things for you.” 

Seeing the tears that gathered in the corners of my eyes, he was quick to jump on the side of the bed, pulling me into his arms. Burying my face in his shoulder, I whispered, “Don’t think of me as weak.”

“You’re not,” he reassured, his fingers caressing my back as if I were too fragile for him to squeeze. “You’re a strong goldfish.You’ve been fighting this all on your own all this time. You even put up with us gods. You’re definitely the strongest goldfish I know. But now I’m here to help you. We’ll be stronger together, right? So don’t worry.” Pulling away with that dorky smile of his, he felt your head for a fever once more before rising from the bed. Ushering you to sit back against the pillows he propped up, he stepped away from the bed. “You stay in bed. I’ll get you something light to eat that’ll be easy on your stomach. I’ll be right back.”

I watched him leave for the kitchen with a newfound determination. He didn’t give me a single second to argue for him to stay since he knew I had eaten little in the past few days. He still never explained how he found out about my chronic illness, but in the end, I guess it didn’t matter. My sweet Dui was determined to stay by my side and help me through it. My cheeks heated up again, but I could tell it wasn’t from the fever this time.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Here to Misbehave (Finale | S.R.)

Series Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Finale |

Summary: It’s Halloween, and there are a lot of things on Spencer’s mind.

A/N: Here it is, everyone: the end of the story. Thank you so much to everyone who’s read this far. I greatly appreciate all of you, and I hope you enjoy it!   Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Fluff/Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Penetrative sex, light D/s, mostly fluff! Word Count: 7.5k

—————————————————

Autumn has widely been considered the season of change. It is an understandable characterization; from the shifting hues of the leaves to the wildly fluctuating temperatures, few things stayed consistent in the fall. Perhaps that’s why someone who loathes change, someone like me, finds the season so thrilling.

It’s like the Earth and the Sun made a pact to make changes more predictable in their own unique, chaotic way. The breeze becomes biting and the days become shorter, but for these downfalls, we are granted a beauty and calmness that can’t be rivaled by any other season.

But she wasn’t a season, and when it came to my attention and appreciation, there were few choices that were easier to make.

“Spencer. You’ve got to be kidding me.”

(Y/n)’s face was half covered by the cup she held tightly with both hands, but I could picture the hidden expression perfectly, regardless.

“What? We don’t have to agree on everything.”

The truce was received poorly, her response a heavy scoff and a shake of her head. I tried to follow along with her suddenly heated words but couldn’t contain the stars in my eyes that often accompanied my daydreams. If she did notice, she stubbornly ignored the adoration to continue, “I understand you’re a genius or whatever, but I think your opinions on cider and cocoa are... wrong. They are wrong.”

It was my turn to feign displeasure (I hoped hers wasn’t real, anyway), clutching tighter to my own drink that I found myself defending on a park bench with dozens of strangers as an audience.

“An opinion can’t be wrong!” I chirped, only hating the way my voice jumped a little bit. After all, it was hard to hate it when it made her giggle. But despite how much sweeter the liquid seemed when I drank it in the presence of her smile, I also knew that she wouldn’t appreciate my immediate agreement. So, I pushed back just a little, “It can be misguided or ignorant but not outright wrong.”

“Unless it’s yours, on this topic,” she shot back without hesitation.

I tried to flash her a pout, hoping that maybe it would work for me like it did for her. It did not. Her eyebrows shot up and her jaw dropped open with another laugh, and I decided that I preferred that outcome, anyway. The longer my bottom lip stuck out, the wider her smile got. I waited to stop until her eyes closed and turned away, just long enough for me to let the full force of my affection show before she noticed.

She saw it, anyway, in the form of a similar smile spread over my face when I softly admitted, “Fine. You’re right.”

“Oh, I know.”

Her tongue peeked between her lips, and I found myself thinking less of cider and cocoa and more about how unbelievably lucky I was to find someone that I never felt the need to prove anything to. A person that didn’t care if I held all the answers.

I might’ve continued down that sappy train of thought, but it was hard to do while she had hoisted herself halfway over the table to try and grab hold of my cup right as I went to drink from it. Of course, she had failed to take into account just how big the table was, and just how close I was willing to come to falling before I let her drink from my cup right after she’d criticized my preference of fall flavors.

For a second, I really thought she might climb onto the table to win, but the judgmental looks from the parents in the park must have beaten her desire to win. As forlorn as humanly possible, she fell back into her seat with a loud “Hmph!” which really only managed to elicit an equally immature giggle from me.

“Shut up,” she laughed before shoving my paper plate further into my chest, “And eat your stupid pie.”

All I could think as she grabbed my fork and stabbed the middle of the piece to try to lift the entire thing at once, was that I was right about one thing: Autumn, in all its vitality and beauty, could still never compare to her.

That thought persisted through the pumpkin patch, growing in intensity as she skipped through the vine-laden path like a regular fall fairy. It was much easier to get lost in her there, crouched and inspecting foliage. Her arguments regarding gourds were much less spirited, with her watching me wide-eyed and curious as I explained the stages of pumpkin growth and all the different uses for the fruit.

I still let her make the final choices, opting to analyze her selections and tease her for them later, instead. That was the plan, anyway, to continue the competitiveness lest she gets bored with me before the day was over. When she walked past me holding open the passenger side door, I thought it might’ve already happened.

But then she just placed the pumpkin into my hands so she could open the back door. Before I could even move, she carefully removed it from my arms again and placed it in the seat.

“What are you doing?” I said through a very amused chuckle.

She was decidedly not entertained by my confusion, stopping to turn to me with a bored, frustrated expression. “I’m buckling him in,” she explained slowly, like I might need the help. Then, to add insult to silly injury, she added, “Duh.”

I was too distracted by the details to tackle the absurdity of it all.

“Him? It’s a boy pumpkin?”

“Obviously. Look at him,” she snorted, finally clicking the seatbelt in before tenderly petting the top of the lucky little gourd. Once she was convinced it would be as safe as she could make it, she allowed me to begin to escort her into her proper seat.

“You know it’s safer on the floor, right?” I asked before she’d slipped past me. I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her away from the car so I could enjoy the warmth of her before it was replaced with the dry air of the engine.

“How dare you,” she balked with an open mouth that was just begging to be kissed. By the time I got close enough to try, though, her hand fervently shoved my cheek away. I tried to laugh, but she used the same hand to cover the noise, trying and failing to convince me she was being serious.

“Why don’t you just hold him?” I mumbled against her palm.

That was enough for her to abandon my embrace altogether. With a scoff and a roll of her eyes, she pried my arms off of her and finally made her way to my passenger seat. I didn’t fight her too hard, even taking the time to shut her door like my mother always insisted.

The mercy was not returned, with her eyes narrowed into a playful disbelieving glare that I hadn’t seen in some time. My mind was brought back to the first time she ever let me know she was jealous, bickering over blondes and preferences while she sat in the very same place. And, just as before, she was still wearing the same raggedy old sweatshirt of mine.

“If this is any indication of how you’ll be with a human baby, I have dramatically overestimated your competence,” she droned, obviously unaffected by the stars that appeared in my eyes every time I looked at her.

“The one and only time you’ll ever be able to say those words. I hope you enjoyed it,” I joked. A funny enough joke that she couldn’t help but smile through her facade.

“Don’t worry,” she chuckled, “I did.”

The day could have ended there, and it would have been enough. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a single thing that wouldn’t be better with her there. In a way, I think we were trying to prolong the high of ‘hooky,’ finding even the faintest interest in an activity as enough of an excuse for a detour.

… Which was probably how we found ourselves in our third park of the day. After all, I loved any autumnal vision, so how could I decline an opportunity to let them serve as a backdrop for watching her? And that was an accurate description of how I spent the day. It might sound boring, and if it were anyone else, it probably would have been. But no matter how often I saw her, I found myself learning new things about her every single time. Each freckle and scar became a part of the high-definition collection of memories that I would never let myself forget. The most beautiful images that kept me sane in the face of evil and filth.

“Do you see that?”

For a moment, I thought she might have read my mind. But then I realized that her eyes were still fixed forward, stuck on the horizon ahead of us.

“See what?”

“That,” she pointed, “Right there.”

My eyes followed the line, finding nothing but an area of carefully manicured, yellow grass and trees already set to rest for the season. It must have been clear to her that I was lost, because her pointing became more animated and her voice rose as she shouted, “Right there!”

“The giant pile of leaves?”

“Uh-huh.”

Then, in all of my obliviousness, I just sort of stared. Even when her hand grew tighter around mine and her feet started to move faster, I didn’t put two and two together until it was too late.

“What about— No! (Y/n)!” I shouted, cutting off my own train of thought and only barely letting go of her in time to watch her jump straight into the collection of fallen foliage that some poor landscaper had obviously worked hard to gather.

I have to believe that even if that unlucky, underappreciated individual saw what she’d done to their hours of work, that they would forgive her. It was hard to feel anything but joy at the sounds that came from the pile. Yet I approached her cautiously, with both hands in my pockets to avoid the urge to throw myself into danger with her.

“You’re a terror,” I said, settling for a crouched position in front of her. Still able to see her but far enough from her grasp that she had to crawl through a wall of leaves to come nose to nose with me. “This is literally the scariest thing you’ve done all season.”

“Come on in, the water’s fine,” she purred.

As enticing as the offer was, my mind was too preoccupied with statistics of spider and snake bites, not to mention the possibility of ticks still scouring the landscape for any last second hosts. The answer was easy.

“Absolutely not.”

With another exhale of pure displeasure, she threw her body back into the leaves, burying herself into a mess of yellows and reds that somehow only made her look even more beautiful. The chaotic scene matched her energy well, and the harm she was doing was minimal considering I was absolutely going to search every inch of skin for any marks later.

The only thing that was more appealing to me than watching her make an absolute fool out of herself in a pile of leaves was the intense urge to tease her about it. So, taking a regrettable seat on the grass, I sighed, “I think I’m going to have to arrest you for trespassing.”

There was a loud gasp from the center of the pile, followed by a scuffle of flailing limbs among the foliage.

“You don’t own this leaf pile! I do! I am queen of the leaf pile!” she screeched.

“Alright Princess,” I subtly corrected, “whatever you say.”

As promised, I didn’t put up a fight. Even when she finally got a hold of my hands and dragged me into the madness with her. I followed her no matter what nonsense she demanded, just as she had with me so many times. Granted, my desires weren’t nearly as dangerous or strange. They were pretty much just a collection of foreign films and reading that always lulled her to sleep.

But that day there was no sign of her energy waning. The early sun faded and we kept going. I’m not sure how, but she managed to enjoy herself in the D.C. landscape of bars and blaring car horns despite not being able to indulge in anything herself. Although she did half-heartedly attempt to trick me into buying her drinks in several different establishments, I think she was honestly proud that I avoided the drinks altogether. It was a nice reminder that sobriety could be something enjoyed between the two of us, regardless of the environment. However, we didn’t let that stop us from jumping into a crowd of very drunk women who had insisted we join their haunted tour of the city.

“Are you scared?” she whispered into my ear. The feeling of her warm breath against my skin caused a shiver to run down my spine, ruining any credibility I had in my response.

“No. Why would I be scared? It’s just history.”

“Are you sure?” she asked again.

“Yes!” I insisted with the worst possible timing. Because just as soon as the word had left my lips, I felt the distinct sensation of fingers running down my neck and arm opposite to her. I was so convinced that’s what it was that I even spun around with a yelp, crashing into at least three different people just to find a very startled woman with the worst hung scarf I’d ever seen.

(Y/n) had already put two and two together and was lost in an absolute fit of laughter. There were already tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she doubled over, barely able to stand through it all. Because there I was, her 31-year-old FBI agent boyfriend, screaming over a scarf.

“Laugh it up,” I droned. And she did. She kept laughing through any attempts at a response, and after the initial embarrassment wore off, I couldn’t help but join her.

“I hope you know you chose me. You chose this man!” I shouted, gesturing to the people around us who had already forgotten about our shenanigans, “And everyone knows it!”

“I’m sorry I can’t—” she wheezed, pausing to take a necessary breath that was all lost with another bunch of giggles “—You’re a fucking FBI Agent!”

“Well I can’t shoot a ghost, can I?” I mumbled through the hit to my ego. But any suffering was quickly dealt with as she threw dramatic arms around my waist, pulling me close and protecting me from any other errant scarves that might show up.

“I love you so much,” she said.

“I’m glad you’re having fun,” I returned with a quick kiss on her forehead. And even if I implied otherwise, I think she knew that I was having just as good of a time as she was. In fact, it was one of the most relaxing days of my life, which was saying something, considering how much walking was involved.

But no matter how tired we both were, I still had one last place to take her. It took her a while to figure out why the route felt so familiar, but I wasn’t ready to ruin the surprise. I wanted to watch the realization dawn on her. She didn’t disappoint.

“The Mayflower?” she asked with a bit of a bashful laugh before looking up at me through narrowed eyes, “Feeling nostalgic, Dr. Reid?”

“Yeah, a little bit. Thought it was more romantic than the club,” I offered, trying to shrug off the nervous butterflies that burst through my stomach. “Not by much, mind you.”

Although I got the feeling that she didn’t know, or perhaps just didn’t remember, that wonderful night from almost a year ago was one of the most important days of my life. I knew it then, too. From the second I set my eyes on her from my pitiful place against the bar, I knew that she would ruin me.

“Nothing screams high end romance like an alley and a little light law breaking,” she sighed. I almost missed it, too preoccupied with the way her arm tugged me tighter so she could rest her head against my shoulder.

“I can take you home if you’d rather.”

“Hmmm. Depends,” she hummed. Then, turning her head up to me with that playful look that always turned me to putty in her hands, she purred, “How much longer do you think you can wait before you just have to have me?”

I sucked in a sharp, sarcastic breath, eyeing her just long enough for her to start to fume, I let out all the air with a defeated sigh, “I guess we’re staying.”

That serene sort of teasing continued past the reception desk and all the way up the elevator. If there were other people there, we didn’t bother noticing. We were too busy watching one another to even look away long enough to find our room. Doubling back through the dizzying hallways until we found the elusive number, we finally settled into the only vaguely familiar layout of beige and tan.

She was much quicker at it than I was. Before I’d even finished washing my hands and checking exposed skin for bugs that I was convinced had hitched a ride from the leaf pile, she was already stretched out on the bed in nothing but a tiny piece of lacy cotton and her favorite sweatshirt. The sight made me stop, lost for breath and logic of how I was lucky enough to be there with her again.

“See something you like, Dr. Reid?” she teased through giggles, no doubt recalling the same memory as me.

My answer didn’t need to be said, but I said it, anyway. She deserved to hear it.

“Yes.”

With arms outstretched, she sleepily begged, “Come here.”

But I couldn’t.

“Not yet… I just… I want to look at you like this a little bit longer.”

How could I move on from this moment, when it was the best I’d ever felt? So overwhelmingly safe and at home despite being in a strange, sterile room. I had no desire to move any inch of me if it meant that this image would persist for the rest of my days.

“You getting all romantic on me?”

“Always,” I chuckled. Her usual disgust for my sappy behavior didn’t show itself, overpowered by the gentle curve of her lips and hands that were becoming more and more insistent to be held. Eventually, I had to move, knowing that it was the only way to hold her.

My body reacted the way it always did when it found her. All of the tension dropped from tired shoulders, desperate to touch her more. To feel the imprint of her body pressed against mine, a mess of heat and need and love.

She was the one to kiss me first, and for a moment I let her do it without reciprocation. I wanted to feel how her touch became softer and shier as she realized what I was doing. That I was spending all of my energy memorizing the way her lips parted as she tried to hold back a giggle against my almost-still lips.

“What’s happening in that big genius brain of yours?” she murmured with eyes half open but still containing universes.

“I’m just thinking of all the things you’ve done to make me fall in love with you.”

I thanked all of the gods in every pantheon that made her too tired to tease. Instead, she just laughed, playing her part in bringing us back to that night we met.

“Like quote Picard?”

“We still haven’t watched Star Trek together,” I whined.

The sound must have stirred something new in her, because she rolled us over to take her seat on my lap. She hung over me, looking down at me, hopeless and breathless at the feel of her thighs under my hands. My heart started to race, but I didn’t know why.

It wasn’t until she spoke the words that were already running through my mind, “We’ve got time. Picard can wait.”

Everything about it was effortless. Our bodies had fallen together and mouths found each other exactly like every romance novel has ever tried to tackle the metaphor of gravity.

But if we were an orbit, it was not a binary like the traditional notion of two equal souls. Despite the nickname I’d chosen for her, nothing about her soul was small. And even though she burned bright, she wasn’t anything like the fiery combustion of a star.

She was a home. A thing so full of vitality and life that I would love to watch for whatever time I had left. I was just a moon, loyally following her and trying my best to shield her from whatever might try to harm her. To protect her when she needed rest and to lead the tides to kiss her when she wished. I would be her shadow, shining a light onto her even in the darkest time. All that I asked for in return was a spot beside her.

‘One day,’ she had said before, ‘if you will have me.’

But it was never a question. Not for me. And if she really needed me to answer it for her, I was happy to give her that. I hadn’t been waiting for even a year, but it felt like a lifetime.

“Yeah, he can,” I repeated, quiet and with such a heavy waver that I’m surprised she could understand the shifting inflections. Even if she didn’t, she knew that something had changed in those few seconds of silence.

“What’s up, Spencer?”

I didn’t know how to answer. How to explain what I was feeling. But I grabbed hold of one hand, clinging desperately to her and guiding her to the heart that felt dangerously light. The rapid pace of its beating still not enough to alert her of the true cacophony of my thoughts.

“Are you okay?”

The answer was yes. Because no matter how loud and chaotic the sounds inside my head were, they all lead me to the same conclusion.

“Picard can wait, and we have a lot of time,” I tried to explain through a dry throat that was only growing tighter with the unwieldy weight of the feeling.

“Yes…” she mumbled back, just as trepidatious and nervous as I was.  

Just like I was. Because we were. We were connected by some force, whatever you want to call it. Whether it was a chemical or psychological or heavenly connection, I didn’t care. I wanted her to know how I felt. To know that there was nothing that would ever tear me away from her.

“But I don’t… I don’t think I want to wait.”

After a couple more seconds of silence, she answered with a knowing stare, “… What?”

From my position underneath her, I was able to reach over just enough to grab my jacket. Of course, it helped that she moved with me, clearly curious and terrified of the possibilities. But a good kind of terror… I hoped.

My confidence grew as her legs gripped tighter around my hips and her hands shot up to cover her chest with balled fists pressed against one another. I heard the friction of her skin as her body started to shake in a different way, with an adrenaline that I hadn’t seen from her in even the most dangerous situations.

But when I pulled a small velvet box from the internal pocket, everything stopped. She became completely still. Her eyes were wide and frozen on the object in my hands, only to look away when she heard my voice.

“(Y/n).”

“Where did you get that?” she asked like she hadn’t just seen me pull it from my jacket. The same jacket that I wore every time that I was with her. The wool fabric that she’d swaddled herself in on a number of occasions, none the wiser of how much heavier it was for me when I wore it.

“I know this is really random, a-and to be fair, I wasn’t expecting it, either,” I said through the most awkward laughs I’d ever produced (which was saying something), “I mean, I knew I wanted to marry you, I’ve known that for quite some time, hence the ring.”

I paused, but got nothing in response. Nothing except her lips quivering from their parted position, and her nose twitching as she tried to settle on just one expression. But it didn’t matter how she contorted her face; they were all exactly as they should be. Because they were all her.

“But today, with you… I-I’ve never been that happy in my life. Jumping in leaves and fighting over fall flavors and I—“

Her eyes stopped bouncing, settling with my gaze and robbing my lungs of all air. She made up her mind, deciding to leave everything exactly as it was. The honest truth of the overwhelming storm of every emotion that had been experienced in the little time we had shared together.

The knowing that everything had happened exactly as it should have to bring us here.

“I love you so much,” I whispered, careful to make every word as genuine as they were, “And I know that we have all the time in the world left with one another… but I don’t want to wait any longer for you to be my wife.”

“Ask me,” she answered immediately and abruptly.  


“Okay,” I laughed, endlessly entertained by how she could sound so aggressive even when we were both at our most vulnerable, caught in the nexus of our love.

“Um… Will you… marry me?”

There was no hesitation. No worry, no fear, and no doubt.

“Yes, you stupid old man!” she outright screamed, throwing arms around me even when it meant we both slammed against pillows and the headboard. She didn’t stop squealing even when she kissed me, struggling to find more of me to hold onto.

After she decided that tugging on my hair was the best way to express her affection, I managed to break away just long enough to shout, “Wait! I have to put the ring on you!”

“Then put it on!” she yelled, thrusting her hand in front of my face and practically slapping me in the process. But none of the pain mattered. Nothing was even recognizable outside of the feeling of her sweaty, shaking palm resting against my fingers.

I noticed for the first time that I was also trembling. I took the time to focus, slipping the ring over her finger. But once it started to safely slide into place, my eyes returned to watch what I knew to be happy tears fall over her cheeks. I wiped them away, but they were replaced with the wetness from my face when she brought us together again with a long, gentle kiss.

A calmness came over the room like the feeling following a storm. A clean slate with soil enriched for growth. A hope for a future forever changed.

“What do we do now?” she asked, biting her bottom lip and holding tight to my hands.

The answer seemed clear enough.

“Whatever we want.”

 —————————————————

 Is this really happening?

I stared at the diamond shining back at me with a clarity that had to be a metaphor for my heart. In the vague reflection of yellow light and us, I felt a warmth that doesn’t normally accompany metal. My finger’s new companion felt so comfortable in its new resting place. A constant reminder of the man I called home.

Then I turned back to him, unsure how I was supposed to move on from this moment. I never wanted to leave, but I also needed to move. I compromised and settled with my face against his chest, listening to the heartbeat he’d just dedicated to me. In that peaceful quiet, I heard him speak so softly I wasn’t sure I was meant to hear it.

But I did.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said with fingers dancing through the ends of my hair, “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

And for once, the thought didn’t feel like a burden. In fact, it felt like freedom. I was finally free to be who I was without worry that I would be alone. Without worrying that I would be too much or too little to please him.

I was enough.

Enough.

“I love you,” I said, tasting salt from tears I hadn’t even noticed were falling.

Curiously, and in a rare role switch, Spencer was the one who took a blatantly affectionate display and turned it into something else. Pulling me away from his chest, he dragged me up until he could drag his lips over my jaw.

“Don’t cry, little girl,” he cooed with what I could only imagine was a wicked grin, “I haven’t given you a reason to yet.”

Something about that gruff rumble in his throat caused my skin to ripple with goosebumps. Every inch of me burned with flames that could only be put out by his touch. I chased after his lips with my own, but he was insistent on trailing down my throat. He knew I would be powerless to him. I wouldn’t be able to argue when my hands were knotted in his hair and my hips were already rocking helplessly against his erection.

“I want you to fuck me,” I seethed. My blood was boiling from the heat I felt within, and before he could even answer I was already working at the buttons on his shirt.

“Oh? You don’t want me to make love to you?” Spencer laughed. As if that had ever been our style.

“No, I want you to take what’s yours.”

He responded to the demand by pushing me from my seat, forcing me onto my back on the other end of the bed. I wasn’t going to complain, either. The new position allowed me access to his belt, which I unbuckled before he even had time to laugh.  

“Are you really challenging me right now, little girl?”

But despite the taunt, he did nothing to stop me. His hands were also busy removing my clothes. And just like before, our nakedness was reciprocated. With each lost layer, I should have felt lighter, but I didn’t. I felt so powerful, so aware of how our bare bodies twined together.

“Here, of all places? Do you remember what I did to you that night?”

How could I ever forget?

“I’m not the same girl you had in your bed then,” I purred. We both knew it was true, although not in the way I was implying.

Because Spencer had changed me. Irrevocably. He taught me so much — not just about physics, literature, or criminology, either. He taught me about kindness, softness, and vulnerability. He taught me how to trust that someone could hold me without the intention of letting me go. More than anything, he taught me that I didn’t have to learn these things alone. Even the smartest man I’d ever met needed help with them sometimes.

Then again, something told me that Spencer wasn’t in a very humble mood. Perhaps it was the fact he’d pinned me down again, with his hands clumsily gripping hard enough to leave crescent moons in my forearms.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he growled with a small, chaste kiss, “You’re still just a fucking brat.”

I wasn’t feeling bratty then, though. Especially not as I felt the head of his cock pressed against me, just hard enough to feel the resistance of my body. He waited there, no doubt taking pleasure in the way my whole body squirmed underneath him. My hips bucked, but he managed to keep a cruelly steady distance.

“You’re so precious when you’re needy,” he mumbled. And although I stubbornly avoided looking him in the eyes out of protest, he forced my face towards him again, anyway. “Go on. Say please.”

“Fuck off,” I whined through a prominent pout that did me no favors.

“Say it.”

“Please!”

I managed to make eye contact, but it was fleeting. As soon as he thrust forward into me, my back arched and I lost myself in the pillows. My hands found him, though, leaving angry red welts over heated skin. If Spencer was at all affected by the pain, he made no showing of it. His pace continued, steadily forcing our bodies together until I trembled in his hands.

He would hold me there, at my limit but not pleading for him to do anything different. With tender hands, he would fuck me until I swore bruises would follow. But I never felt unsafe; I felt cared for and cherished in a way I’d never known. I trusted him to know my limits better than myself.

I trusted him with all of me because I had already seen that when given the chance, he would do whatever he could to protect me.

The love I felt must have shone through my eyes because his hips got slower, drawing out each movement. My hips rose in tandem with his, allowing me to feel every inch of him inside of me.

“This body belongs to me now and forever,” he whispered.

It always has.

“You belong to me.”

And I felt it. The undeniable string of fate that tied us to each other. I could feel his every emotion as his fingers brushed over my throat. I melted under his touch, completely consumed by the love he felt for me. The kind of love that people spent their whole lives searching for only to come up empty. That powerful thing that drove gods to war and men to madness.

The only feeling that could tear down every wall that had been carefully crafted to protect myself. Because I didn’t need them anymore. Spencer’s arms would take their place, holding me through the storms that might follow the same way he had carried me through the ones that led us here.

“Yes,” I breathed, “I’m yours.”

For forever and whatever comes after.

The words were truer than they’d ever been before, and Spencer took it as permission to let go of any remaining hesitation. The slow, gentle thrusts became faster and our moans echoed in the small room without a second thought to the poor patrons in the rooms surrounding us. Because if they felt what we did, they would understand. Spencer still tried to hush the sounds, crashing his lips over mine in a sloppy, frenzied kiss.

I was suddenly reminded of every romantic story I’d ever heard. They all spoke of feeling so close to someone that they felt like an extension of yourself. I wasn’t sure if it was completely true, but there was no denying how at home our bodies were. The way our tongues wrapped around one another and how our noses bumped so gently in the chaos was unmatched by any meeting driven by lust or need.

His hips met mine over and over again, no matter how hard I tried to keep him closer. Even when my hips chased his to be held longer, Spencer was persistent in the ruthless pace. Because like me, he was lost in the euphoria. I knew it from the sound of his whimpers and the way he bit my lip just a little bit harder.

“Tell me what you want, little girl,” he begged. Not ordered. Begged.

“You,” I answered without any doubt, “I just want you.”

His response came even faster, even more desperate and scratchy as it came through his lips into mine.

“You have me. For the rest of my life and whatever comes after, I will take care of you.”

There was nothing left to say. I could feel the truth and force behind the words as he fucked me harder, eliciting one more quiet cry from me in the sound of his name.

“Spencer...”

When he returned the call, though, it wasn’t with any name I’d heard from him before.

“So you better get used to this feeling,” he said through a smile that I felt on my lips before he drew back. He looked me in the eye as he buried himself in me, tensing to hold himself back just a few seconds longer. To see the look on my face and let that be the feeling of us giving in to each other for the first time in our new story.

“Because I’m never going to grow tired of this, Mrs. Reid.”

Mrs. Reid.

That was going to be my name.

Mrs. Reid.

That was the only thought running through my mind as I felt the coil in my gut snap and all of my muscles tense around him. There were no whorish sounds left in my lungs, only little whimpers and whines as I tried to claw him closer. Spencer gave up his visual in exchange for kissing me while he finished. My walls held him so tightly that I felt each pulse and every place where his release filled me. But nothing was more compelling than feeling the way his lip quivered between mine as his body fell onto mine with no grace required.

Spencer could act hard all he wanted, but I felt the way he craved softness. Safety. Love. All things I was happy to give… for a price.

“Say it again.”

“Say what again?” he replied sleepily but animated enough to have a healthy dose of snark. Snark that earned him a rough nudge of my elbow into his ribs.

“You know!”

But naturally, the genius had to play dumb. With a happy little hum, he snuggled closer to me, burying his face into my neck so he could mumble against the skin, “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Please,” I sighed, “for me?”

He seemed to contemplate the plea for a little while longer, with wiggling toes I felt against my shins and a happy sigh that breezed over my neck. I tried to take in those small things while I waited, knowing that while I had a lifetime to learn them, this moment would never come again.

“Fine,” he finally settled, propping himself up to give another soft kiss followed by the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Only for you, Mrs. Reid.”

 ——  The Next Morning ——

 Waking up next to Spencer with a ring on my finger was literally waking up to find my dream come to life. And sure, his light snoring and constant wriggling under the sheets he continued to pull off of me weren’t perfect or picturesque, but they were real. The same way that he chirped when he felt my legs wrap around him in his sleep and only woke when he heard me giggling.

His eyes fluttered open, taken aback by something that he saw. Although I would blame it on the sunlight filtering through the curtains, I was sure that he would give me all the credit.

“Good morning,” he slurred.  

“Hi,” I answered with a smile and an attempt to pull him closer. But my hand was stopped by his, squeezing my palm between his fingers before dragging my knuckles to his lips. From there, he laid a gentle kiss over the diamond he’d placed there the night before. Although it was strange to be outshone by a rock, I let it go for now.

“I know you shouldn’t sleep with it on, but it’s so nice to see it’s still there,” he said with a heavy breath before lowering our still joined hands to rest against his heart. I could feel the way it beat a little bit quicker as I came closer, and I wondered if this was really what it would be like forever.

“I couldn’t resist wearing it.”

“You know you can still change your mind, right? We haven’t told anyone.”

“I haven’t changed my mind,” I replied unlike every time before. There was no teasing, no joke or anger or sadness. Just a pure, unadulterated joy.

… Of course, the question did bring up an entirely new anxiety. It did feel a bit silly, but it needs to be expressed.

“Have you?”

“God, no,” he laughed. Like he’d only asked the question to see the way I might panic. But as soon as I heard his assurance, I knew it was the truth.

My mind started to drift back to that first morning we spent together. It felt like a lifetime ago, but everything still felt so very much the same. I wondered if there were things I would change if given the chance. It wasn’t until after I ran through the laundry list of things that we would have been better off without that I realized I’d asked the wrong question.

It wasn’t a matter of what I would have changed, but what I would have kept the same. And the answer was simple. No matter what I would face in my life, I just wanted it to be with him. Everything would be okay as long as I had him.

However, when I tried to kiss him, Spencer still seemed hung up on the things he would have changed. Our lips didn’t connect for even ten seconds before he broke apart, happily laughing through the words, “This is so much better when I’m not hungover.”

“Old man.”

He didn’t argue back, wiggling under the sheets until our chests were pressed together. I took it as a very poor attempt at a power play, because instead of craning my neck to look up at him from my spot, I simply climbed his lanky figure until our noses were pressed together.

“Your old man now,” he corrected, followed by my own clarification of, “You were always mine, Dr. Reid.”

“But now you get to show everyone.” He grinned, letting go of my hand to roam over the curves of my body. His daily attempts to memorize each version of me he held. After a few more moments of silent reverence, I asked the question we’d have to face eventually, lest we face even more awkward, embarrassing moments with the team.

“Who’s gonna tell everyone?”

He barely even considered the options before he shrugged.

“Let’s just… wing it.”

I paused, certain that I’d heard it wrong. “You, Spencer Reid, would like to ‘wing it?’” I repeated, barely able to get the words out without laughing from the absurdity of it all.

But he was quick to assure me, “Yeah, I do.”

“Alright. Whatever you say,” I sighed. I figured that it wouldn’t be worth it to plan right now, anyway. It wasn’t exactly our style. If anything, we would find the perfect time completely by accident.

“You know what we should do first though?” I excitedly announced to the best audience a girl could ever ask for.

“What?”

“Coffee,” I drawled. To which he quickly answered, “I love you an ungodly amount.”

Taking full advantage of that admission, I shoved the poor soul who’d shackled himself to me forever away as I ordered, “Go turn it on. I am craving shitty hotel coffee in bed with my fiancé.”

“Fine,” he resigned with a smile while rolling out of the bed, “Spoiled brat.”

“Your spoiled brat!” I shouted back from safe under the covers that I could finally get back in his absence. They weren’t as good as him, but they would be enough for now. I buried my face into his pillow, snickering as I heard a very tired Spencer call from the bathroom, “Forever mine!”

Just as the sounds of running water filled the room, I lifted my head at the distant sound of familiar chiming beside me.

“Is that my phone?”

I didn’t answer, paralyzed in my place as I felt the most intense sensation of deja vu I’d ever experienced. Right there on the nightstand, I saw the name Hotchner.

Spencer was quicker this time to leave the bathroom, but just as he turned the corner, a thought must have stopped him. Because he paused, staring at me with hotel sheets gathered around me and his phone against my ear.  

He didn’t try to fight me for the device. In fact, he didn’t move at all, watching from a few feet away with a smile I’d never seen before. The kind that I felt so deep inside of me that I realized this was what they meant to share a soul with someone.

 “Hello,” I spoke softly and filled with love, “this is Mrs. Reid.”

 The End.

—————————————————

Epilogue

[entropy-sea-system]

1 - Were you named after anyone ?

No, unless you count that some headmates share a name with their fictional or real source if they are a fictive / factive or -kin

2- Last time you cried ?

I think maybe last week?

3- Do you have kids?

No and we don't want any

4- What sports do you play / have you played?

Only tae kwon do, like years ago if referring to consistently doing it. I don't like the idea of it anymore bc sparring reminds me of physical abuse and its too triggering. Have a weird relationship w exercise since we have chronic pain and fatigue, don't like intentionally doing it and even daily tasks like walking leave us exhausted, and even things like going for a walk thats a bit longer than we can results in PEM(post exertional malaise), last time that happened we just fell asleep for over 12 hours once we got home.

5- Do you use sarcasm?

Some headmates do, some don't

6-Whats the first thing you notice about people?

Irl its usually their clothes / accessories or hair, for some reason it feels a bit weird for some of us to look at ppls faces or other things about them especially if theyre strangers idk. And things like voice and how they smell are not things one would notice at first glance (unless maybe you hear or smell them before you see them)

I didnt realise it also includes what you notice online, but I usually recall pfps or urls but if someone changes both it may not be likely Id recognise them again unless their description or bio are intact

7- What's your eye color?

The body's eye color is very dark brown, some headmates have different eye colors in their actual form / how they really look, which is different from how the body looks

8- Scary movies or happy endings?

Depends on how its written, but usually happy endings bc we don't like scary movies as they can make us more anxious when its dark

9-Any talents?

Not sure if hobbies count, anyways nothing unusual ? Not sure what to put here bc everything feels like its either a hobby or just how the body is

10- Where were you born?

India

11- Hobbies?

Art (drawing, painting though we havent done that in a while)(mainly traditional art but want to do more digital art also), knitting, embroidery, watching media, sometimes photography (but less often bc it can be physically exhausting), coining terms and making flags digitally, sometimes cooking (though not often unless we need to bc its physically taxing), occasionally singing (but we don't often get to be alone at home so not often)

12- Do you have any pets?

In headspace, some headmates have pets, mainly bc their fictional source has one and theyre fictives. But we don't want to raise a pet bc we aren't capable of it and most headmates don't have the ability to feel affection for pets. Its similar to why we don't want to have kids.

13- How tall are you?

5 foot 4 is the bodys height, headmates ideal forms have different heights than that

14- Favorite subject in school?

Biology (one of my in sys partners calls me their 'biology nerd' its cute), and maybe English, because I do enjoy writing, oh and definitely Art (not talking about college here but anyways yeah)

15- Dream job?

I don't know if we have one tbh.. its a little hard to actually want to have a job, if it were possible we wouldnt even have one (universal basic income when?) and it seems a little fucked up if we think about what if things we enjoy doing became a job for ua bc wow that sounds stressful. For now we're going to just try to do our best in the field we're studying to be in, but I think maybe doing commissions for art or selling our art sounds doable, especially if I develop better art skills. I used to have an interest in wildlife biology but the bodys parents didn't approve (and so I couldnt pursue any study in that - it would have been difficult) and like I dont know how easily one can be a scientist and still be financially stable or even have a job, but our physical ability has also declined and the topic sort of triggers one of my ocd themes due to how ive seen some ppl talk about wildlife biologists / other naturalists, so its not feasible unless I somehow become able bodied or find a workplace w accomodations and actually get ocd cured somehow(similar applies for marine biology), and even then im not sure it would be worth the burnout.

no pressure tags : @strawbiraptora @sluttytylerdurden @annapoofle @disasterdemi @gehe-lihiyot-androgynos-varda @theconstellarium @gestaltsystem

@carebearbro

and anyone else who wants to do this

Saw this tag game on another post and thought I'd do it (idk if I've done it before, maybe something similar, but my answers will be different anyway)

1. Were you named after anyone?

Nope My chosen name (Allister) however, is from a youtuber who has a very cool name and I stole it (Alasdair Beckett-King, very funny videos and he has great hair too). I adapted it a bit so people in Spain would at least have an idea of how to pronounce it at first glance (hopefully) It has nothing to do with any Crowley (which I did not realize was a thing until recently), tho for a bit I named myself AJ like Good Omens Crowley, but I don't like how it sounds in Spanish...

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last month probably

3. Do you have kids?

No. And I don't want any. I don't dislike them, but it's not for me

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Judo, karate and football (the indoors kind). All as a kid/teen. Now my brother and I walk every week day and go up and down stairs (when we remember...) One day I want to try to go to a gym to get some muscle, but not too much, just a bit of definition. Also, I'd enjoy doing rock climbing, but not competitive climbing or anything like that

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Sometimes

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Irl: the way they move their face and hands when they speak, which then I subconsciously use to recognize people, bc I'm a bit face blind Online: the way they choose to express themselves

7. What's your eye color?

Gray/light blue on the outside and artichoke green/lime on the inside

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I like both, but I'd rather watch a happy ending. For scary things I prefer to watch Markiplier's scary games videos

9. Any talents?

I'm VERY good at jigsaw puzzles

10. Where were you born?

East of Spain, by some of the best Mediterranean coasts 😁. I enjoy it here, but one day I'd like to live in the UK, at least for a bit, I think I'd like it there

11. What are your hobbies?

Listening to music, singing, making art (crafting, building, drawing, painting, writing, ...), watching media (shows, panel shows, youtube, twitch), video games (rhythm/dancing, platformer, puzzle... Also minecraft, powerwash sim, potion craft...), going for walks, exercise, learning languages (especially English) If I had any good ones close, I'd go to theatres and museums too. And, if I had money, I'd travel. I'm also slowly learning about taking care of plants

12. Do you have any pets?

Not yet. I'd love to have dogs, cats, frogs, snakes... or anything really. I love animals. But I think cats and frogs would be the best fit for me, considering my personality and current lifestyle I've always wanted a dog, but I've only had a turtle and a hamster

13. How tall are you?

1.63m or 5’3”

14. Favorite subject in school?

Biology and technology

15. Dream job?

Anything that pays me enough to be independent and let me do all my hobbies Although, if I ever have the patience, base skill, and required mental fortitude, I'd go for general robotics and/or prop making (for film and/or theatre)

No pressure tags in no particular order (I tried to tag as many people as I could, but apparently there's a tag limit 😅):

@swamp-communism @they-thespian666 @strongsuits @skelesona @shinekittenace @yeetmewithachainsaw @rockium-z @gordonzola-ramen @vampireopossum @libraryfag @frostytheduck @tetostar @xyrnys @normalscientist @dolltwink @anxi0usgh0st05 @piersgender

@mettatonsass @sinfulauthor @flaretheidiot @sneebles-mcgee @pivotallemonade @aroace-genderfluid-snake @monstrousmaws @satanic-leaf @virtualunease @villowrose @handrazedsun @ceiltheoutcast @atroph1k @entropy-sea-system @abby-cat99928 @maroroque @galaxgay

@realyfroggyfrog @angrysheep @llamaflower @ultrabean @sea-salt-sky @queerestqueertoeverqueer @crowleys-queen @foolishlovers @cassieno @crowleys-hips @argylepiratewd @trianglebird4 @sugarplumanderson @underlilithswings21 @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @healingmyinnerteen

and anyone else that sees this, consider yourself tagged!