#MAMA BEAR CAME TO THE RESCUE AND WISHED FOR ME AND GOT ME MY KITTEN WHISKERS

[luyo-mi]

LETS GO RAHHHHHH

[moonvoiid]

i am writing on two hours of sleep in the past twenty-four hours so please excuse me and all of my mistakes,  both grammatical and overall.    i swear i’m usually in a playful,   cryptid in a sexy way kinda mood...   fhsduifhds SO.    so !    ian moon.   alright,   i’m leaving important links down below !!   the google docs document contains his biography in a slightly    ( re: no big improvement )   better state than what i’m giving you under the read more,   so if you’d like 2 give something    (  SLIGHTLY )   more comprehensive a read i’d recommend it !!!   

( jeon jungkook, cismale ) hey ! have you seen IAN MOON around ? HE works as a SKI INSTRUCTOR (KID) at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 22 years old & they’ve been working here for THREE MONTHS. they tend to be +SPONTANEOUS & +CHARISMATIC, but can also be -MANIPULATIVE & -DESTRUCTIVE. the other employees have labeled them THE REVELLER. thanks a lot !    ( charcoal-stained fingertips, cat hair on dark hoodies, frowning lips around an e-cigarette , distressed pokemon cards & the gleam of a new mercedes benz under street lights. )

google doc   +    playlist    +    pinterest board

THE PAST, a brief summary:

ian was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.    as soon as he could make demands,    he got everything he wanted whenever he asked for it and then more.    i wish i could sum up his childhood in those sentences alone,    but the bitter reality of his early youth was that he was a lonely kid.    his mother was a rather young trophy wife who married into his father’s family and became pregnant to tie herself into the family’s empire and his father was a ceo of a real estate company who only cared about making ian a suitable heir to the title.   he was allowed too much freedom from the start–   his dad only involved himself in ian’s life when it came to academics and his mom…   well,   his mom lazed around the house enough for ian to see her every few days or so.

he rebelled around his first years of university in seoul.   he was studying business to follow the path that was set for him when all of the pressure that had been building up finally made him SNAP.   ian ruined what little relationship he had left with his father and decided to leave home altogether after making a massive mess he couldn’t fix.    with a subsequent agreement he made with his mom,    he got to choose where to live,    if to study right away,    and what to do for the time being with a bank account full of funds.    now THAT’S the ian living and working in big bear village you know  !

ADDITIONAL HEADCANONS:

his job !    ian works as a ski instructor for kids.   back when he was a child himself,    he and his family would often go on vacations and that frequently included leaving korea to go play in mountains of snow.   ian is really good at skiing because it was one of those skills that he worked his naive ass off to be wonderful at so his parents could have something to brag about.   besides choosing it because he’s good at it,   though,   ian also enjoys really active atmospheres in general.   he likes being kept busy and interacting with others and he likes being out in the cold like a mama duck since he ended up getting assigned to teach children how to skii.   he quickly warmed up to the job and he has a ton of fun working with kids which is hard to believe considering how generally insufferable ian is in any other setting.

mimi !    a short one but definitely worth mentioning because if i don’t mention her,   he will.   mimi is ian’s    (   and roman’s   )   beloved cat,   he would literally die for her.   she began living with them in their chaotic apartment after ian rescued her tiny kitten self and took her home.   she is extremely spoiled by him even though she herself is lowkey feral. 

postive habits !    so ian is truly a man of habit.   the pros are that some of his habits are really,    really good...   and the cons,   of course,   is the flipside that his negative habits are rather...    very bad and annoying.   but these are the good ones !!   it seems like he doesn’t really notice it,   but he makes an active effort to treat his friends because he doesn’t really know how to express affection unless it’s within an inappropriate joke or comment.   he’s quite loose with his expensive belongings and will quietly pay for his friend’s drinks throughout the night.  he works out a lot,   he would be a gym rat if he wasn’t busy being a disaster.   he makes up for all of the alcohol he drinks by eating really healthy    (   unless he’s high or,   again,   drunk and needs oily unhealthy food or else he’ll die   )   and keeping up with workout routines !    i don’t recommend having him as a gym buddy because he’ll show up at your doorstep at four am with protein shakes and a really shitty workout playlist.    he is very into art !!   his favorite medium is charcoal and he keeps his drawings / occasional paintings very greyscale.   he can be seen sketching the mountains during his free time like a true buffering romantic,   and his future plans include going to art school !!   he’s real organized with his general space n etc !    a tidy boy.   

negative habits !    alright,    so ian has a lot of these.   perhaps the biggest one is that he doesn’t accept criticism on his character even though he cares about how he’s perceived which is really very annoying for many people who know him.   he’s...   how u say...    irritating.    he never,   ever takes anything seriously and he’s always making a dumb joke,   so he has this persona of being a charming flirty pretty boy who sleeps around like a god taken straight out of greek mythology.   in other words,   he’s 100% a fuckboy.   the reason this is a bad habit is that ian is actually really smart and reliable but he wears 50 coats of shallow asshole that cover that up.    it’s his thing.    he thinks it protects him or whatever.   he can b...    manipulative...   he’s just really good at lying and will never hesitate to do it.   he is BAD at relationships !!    he treats them as things to pass the time or avoids them altogether in lieu of just getting the fun part of people and honestly...    it’s lowkey evil...   he’ll string people along and then blame them for getting attached ?    of course he goes on to feel very empty !!    because he does this stupid impulsive shit !! all the time !!    but anyway ian smokes e-cigarettes and he’s always got a fancy one in his pocket that he WILL use during any free outdoor time that he has.    he likes 2 party a lot and make bad choices while he’s drunk and then do that over and over and over again fhdisufh.   that’s the reveler for u babey !! 

misc headcanons !    ian is a huge weeb and loves video games.   he plays all big three gaming consoles + PC and u BET he hosts super smash bros hangouts w/ snacks and weed and everything u need basically every weekend when there’s not already a party goin’ on.   tbh in general ian rlly likes to start parties up like he’ll b the first to text ‘ aye where the party at ’    all the time and there’s no party invite he’ll say no to.    /    he’ll randomly start sketching u if ur sitting across from him n there’s a pen in his hand.    /    he wears absolutely no colors like this boy rlly only owns dark or pure white clothes.   /    he has only 1 tat:    a palm-sized heart on the side of his right hip.   ton of ear piercings tho !!   /    nnnn....    i’ll leave this lil section at that fr now !! 

to sum it up,   ian is a mix between a charming socialite boy and a messy fuckboy.

[fineillsignup]

Clouds and Rain: a (snarky) Character Index

I lured @math-is-magic​ into trying to read Clouds and Rain despite no prior knowledge of the Three Kingdoms era generally and she professed being impressed at how, long long ago when I read Romance of the Three Kingdoms for the first time, I made my own character glossary to keep track of who is who.

CAVEAT LECTOR: Historically accurate only to the degree that it pleases my pedantry. Departs from Dynasty Warriors in some key areas. Limited to characters that have (so far) appeared in the story directly.

Wu aka Sun Wu - Jiangdong - The Southlands

Colour Scheme? Red Animal Motif? Tiger Part of China? Southeast third, from the Yangtze (more or less) down, west about halfway. Heat, rivers, pirates, rice, fish. Motivation? Bonds Hearts? ON FIRE Enemy Camps? ALSO ON FIRE

Sun Quan, ruler of Wu, style name Zhongmou: Wow, who died and left this loser to rule? Well, that’s the problem, everybody died and left this loser to rule. Ever so slightly neurotic. *coughs* Kind of my problematic fave. Thinks everybody in Shu is out to get him. (Everybody in Shu IS out to get him.) Lianshi: Technically she ought to be Lady Bu but since Dynasty Warriors didn’t bother neither did I. Former lady-in-waiting to Sun Quan’s sister, nicest woman you’ll ever meet, Sun Quan is her problematic fave. Big ol’ tiddies. Lu Xun, Wu chancellor, style name Boyan: OUR HERO. 92.3% perfect gentleman and Confucian af. Gan Ning, Wu officer: Adorable kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day. Former pirate, semi-reformed psychopath. WEARS BELLS, it’s his thing. Used to be in the employ of another army, during which time he kinda sorta killed the father of... Ling Tong, Wu officer: Rich kid who made good in his own right. Wanted to kill Gan Ning for a long time (in revenge for his father’s death) but has mostly gotten over it and now they are best frenemies. (Note to history buffs: just GET OUT of here with your FACTS.) Shield of laziness and apathy. “I don’t care,” says Ling Tong, caringly, as he cares deeply. Zhou Tai, Wu officer: Sun Quan’s personal bodyguard. Former pirate. Tall, dark, and... scarred. Well, two out of three isn’t bad. The strong silent type. Zhu Ran, Wu officer: Lu Xun used to be Wu’s pyromaniac character. Then they introduced Zhu Ran to be the pyromaniac and actually made Lu Xun well-rounded, and Zhu Ran is slightly bitter about it. Also a Rich Kid. (Is Wu’s army all rich kids and pirates???? MAYBE.) Ding Feng, Wu officer: One-note character who looks like Frankenstein’s monster and writes poetry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Han Dang, Wu officer: One-note character who doesn’t want to be forgotten. Forget about him. Sun Shangxiang: Sun Quan’s younger sister, famous/infamous for being wild about martial arts and just generally wild. Arranged married to... (hold this thought...)

Shu aka Shu Han

Colour scheme? Green Animal motif? Dragon Part of China? At this point, the west-southwest. Smallest/least prosperous. Motivation? BENEVOLENCE Really? YES OF COURSE, BENEVOLENCE AND ONLY BENEVOLENCE. Pay no attention to the man behind the crane fan. What’s benevolence? 仁 Ren. Confucius says... no, come back, this isn’t a joke! Confucius really does say! Confucius says: Now the man of perfect virtue, wishing to be established himself, seeks also to establish others; wishing to be enlarged himself, he seeks also to enlarge others. What’s that guy doing over there behind the crane fan? NOTHING!!

Liu Bei, ruler of Shu: He was arranged married to Sun Shangxiang! (I hope you didn’t hurt yourself holding that thought.) Tenuously related to the imperial family but grew up poor af. Charismatic as hell. Wants to tell you the Good News about Benevolence. Liu Shan, crown prince, aka A-Dou: Unspecified, serious intellectual disability. Bears zero resemblance to the Dynasty Warriors version. Affectionate, gentle young man. Gets along really well with Zhao Yun and Sun Shangxiang. Zhuge Liang, prime minister of Shu, chief strategist, style name Kongming, Taoist name Crouching Dragon: The smuggest of snakes. He has a crane fan and he isn’t afraid to use it. Likes: his wife, his lord, his plans, sex magic, being an asshole. "I meant to do that,” he whispers, calmly, while falling at terminal velocity into a pit of vipers. Yueying aka Lady Huang, inventor: Zhuge Liang’s wife. Unspecified not neurotypical. Likes: machines, her husband. Dislikes: people, distractions, social cues. Very little resemblance to Dynasty Warriors character. Zhang Fei, Shu officer: Liu Bei’s sworn brother dating back to when they all weren’t shit, along with the dead Guan Yu. Designated youngest brothers because in Chinese culture it is Absolutely Vital We Know Who Is Older. Big, burly, loveable drunk. (Again, do NOT confuse me with the facts.) Zhang Bao, Shu officer: Zhang Fei’s son. Young and unproven and determined.  Grew up with Guan Yu’s children as pseudo-cousins. Xingcai aka Lady Zhang, Shu officer: Zhang Fei’s younger child. Xingcai is not here to make friends or play games. Xingcai is here to win. Unfortunately for Xingcai, her society dictates that ladylike behaviour means making friends and playing (diplomatic) games, not winning (on the battlefield). Guan Xing, Shu officer: The oldest natural child of Guan Yu. Honour, righteousness, honour, honour, rules, benevolence, honour, rules, and honour. Guan Suo, Shu officer: Youngest son of Guan Yu. In the wake of his father’s death, passive and disheartened. Guan Yinping: Youngest child of Guan Yu. Our heroine! Strong, sweet, determined, and genuine. Zhao Yun, Shu officer: One of Liu Bei’s first and best recruits to his cause. Famous for having single-handedly rescued Liu Shan as a baby while they were fleeing Cao Cao, fighting with the infant on his back. Madam Zhao aka Yunlu aka Lulu: Zhao Yun’s much younger wife, the sister of another officer in Shu, for some mysterious reason her identity is a (badly kept) secret, WHO could she POSSIBLY be? (People who know the answer: shhhhh.) Ma Chao, “the Splendid”: A multi-ethnic officer of Shu who joined because of wanting revenge against Cao Cao for the massacre of his clan. Yes, Ma Chao is Shu’s Sasuke. Catchphrase: JUSTICE. Ma Dai, “the guy who hangs out with Ma Chao”: Ma Chao’s cousin, trails along after Ma Chao trying to keep him from getting himself justiced to death. Wears the only non-stupid hat in Dynasty Warriors. An artist and a joker. Wei Yan, Shu officer: Speaks... like... this... why?... Unclear... maybe... head... injury...

Wei aka Cao Wei

Colour scheme? Blue Animal motif? Phoenix Part of China? The entire north, from the coast to the west, including the cities with the strongest claim to be imperial capital in that time. Motivation? Ambition and power Isn’t that slightly evil? I mean, not necessarily, but they’re the antagonists so in fact yes. So they don’t get the same revisionism deal as the other two kingdoms? Nope. Is that fair? Nope! Show me on the map where I store my fucks.

Cao Pi, ruler and self-proclaimed emperor: I genuinely have a grievance against the historical guy but he was no worse than most of the rest of the people here. But in this story, the fictional Cao Pi is a supreme douchebag. Zhenji, empress: Too good for Cao Pi and this world. Don’t mistake my meaning; also kind of a bitch. A perfect bitch whom I would die for. Sima Yi, Wei prime minister: Genius strategist. Did not even originally want to join the Ambition Kingdom, but has caught the spirit in a big way now. Zhang Chunhua: Sima Yi’s wife, pulls the strings, literally. Thinks all problems can be solved with enough murders. Don’t think I’m saying she’s a bitch and I don’t like her. She’s a bitch, and I like her so much. Zhang He, Wei officer: Could host Queer Eye for the Third Century Guy. Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee. Came to Wei from the same place as Zhenji and they are besties. Li Dian, Wei officer: Has a gut sense about things which is always right, unfortunately doesn’t stop things from happening, poor babe. A nice guy. Yue Jin, Wei officer: Smol and insecure about it, despite the fact that he could fuck you up. He can fuck anyone up. He can fuck himself up. BFF with Li Dian. Also a nice guy. Wang Yi, Wei officer: Hey remember how Cao Cao killed Ma Chao’s entire clan? Well while Ma Chao was attempting to get his revenge against Cao Cao, he whoopsy-doodle massacred Wang Yi’s entire clan. Now Wang Yi dreams of dancing with Ma Chao’s severed head in the moonlight. Xu Shu, Wei officer: Sad man who got tricked into leaving Shu because he loves his mama. Tries his best and deserved none of this. Jia Xu, Wei strategist: Loyal only to himself and shrewd, was an enemy strategist who came very near to killing Cao Cao at one time, but accepted being hired by him when he was captured. Does believe in doing his best.

And (I think) that’s everybody! Whee! I hope all three of you who read this enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.