#MAKE IMPULSE DECISIONS ABT YR APPEARANCE ITS LITERALLY HARMLESS FREE GENDER EUPHORIA

[cannibaleather]

Damn you know they really weren't lying it is worth taking the chance and shaving all your hair off/doing something equally noticeably harsh with your appearance. I wasn't originally trying to, i was going for a different style but i'm still early days at learning how to cut my own hair and scissors are a nightmare in the mirror (how do you co-ordinate your hands mirrored???? i cant do it fucking un-mirrored???), so when i fucked up i just took the number 4 shaver head and buzzed it all off and like. I felt the fear right before doing it of 'oh my god people are going to see me like this. people are going to comment on it', i felt 20 years of thoughts people have implanted in my head of how i have to look, of the pressure of femininity and ideals i never ever wanted to partake in and yet still feel shackled by even now as a man.

But then i did it and it took under 30 seconds to have it all gone, no going back, and it looked fine. It looked good! And it felt good! It's not the style i was going for but what it is is a declaration more than anything; it runs completely against all that horrible intrusive self hatred and self policing, it runs against the expectations of the world around me, it feels like making a more concrete statement of my manhood than i have done before. I've had my hair short for years, but shaved OFF feels so much more drastically masculine in the eyes of the cishet world around me. It makes me more noticeably different.

I was so braced too for comments but the people in my life told me i look good, even people who'd been too nervous previously to shave my head for me. I know as well that i can get the style i originally wanted way easier now by just controlling which parts of this grow out, i get to have my hair grow out like my siblings got to as kids, the way i always wanted to; shaved down to nothing and slowly built up into a style. I look good because i did something I've been too afraid to do, i look good because i let myself be confident in a choice for once. It's so easy to spend so much time softening a version of yourself down to be more palatable to others, picking a hairstyle or clothing style that is balancing between masc enough for you but not masc enough for the world, being just loud enough about who you are to keep dysphoria at a minimum but not so much to make people uncomfortable. But FUCK that, go all the way. You deserve to do what makes you feel the MOST like you, what feels the BEST. Don't settle for half measures anymore, be fucking loud, take up fucking space, the people who matter will love that version of you and anyone who doesn't isn't worth your time. Cannot recommend taking a pair of dog trimmers to your hair enough, just shave that shit it's your hair, fucking do what you want.

Also hey people have gotten out of my way WAYYYYY faster in the supermarket today, people fucking shift now lmao. Win.