#Lolzzzz don’t perceive !!!!!!

[silkjade]

i was going to say something during this phone break but i just realized how much i’ve been yapping about ******* these few days like oh my goodness gracious i’ve hit an epiphany i am so embarrassed maybe i DO need that priv blog dhdjskndmsal

[gifsbysimplysonia]

End of Day Sh!t Post - August 2, 2019

Where the Hell did July go, though? Like ... honestly. 

Last night the fam went to see Hobbs & Shaw and it was ridiculous but so so fun. I hate labeling anything a “guilty pleasure” cuz I shouldn’t feel guilty for anything I enjoy (even though I do, constantly, lolzzzz) BUT I say that Fast & Furious movies are my guilty pleasure because they have gotten progressively over-the-top for movies that are supposed to be set in the real world. Hobbs & Shaw is the pinnacle of that as there’s basically a Hydra and an evil super soldier. The car stunts were also getting catastrophic, but for some reason, the movies are made in a way that I laugh and have a good time. Bonus for me, a former crush is also in Hobbs & Shaw, aka Roman Reigns. However, after the first half of the movie I FORGOT he was even in it (cuz the whole first act takes place elsewhere) and he was only it in for maybe 5 minutes of screentime? Still cool to see him standing alongside The Rock. ALSO HILARIOUS? Finding out it’s not just Hispanic families that throw chanclas aka flip flops at each other when they are mad; Samoans do it too! 

So, it’s funny to me that my Steve Rogers drabble that I wrote for a writing challenge has accumulated hits WAY faster at AO3 than my Ransom story has ... BUT, even though it’s already a 3rd of the way to the Ransom story hits? It has NO kudos lol. I can’t figure out if that means I should be embarrassed, if no smut is always gonna NOT be kudos vs. smut, or what I should be thinking. It’s funny to me that I have been excited to get back into writing but it is bringing out my insecurities SO HARD because after I’ve posted the 3 things I have, I then obsessively check for hits/likes/kudos/any comments to let me know SOMEONE read it and/or enjoyed it. What a trap for someone who craves validation. 

I also don’t know what is appropriate in terms of plugging myself/my work? Like, how often is it ok to self reblog a story? Is it ok to plug AO3? Like ... I don’t wanna be seen as douchey FOR plugging my writing cuz I can make y’all think I’m a douche just by being myself. It’s crazy how much I think about how other people perceive me when the reality of the world is, NOBODY THINKS ABOUT ME!!! Like ... we are so wrapped up in our own worlds and problems and situations that to dedicate THAT much time to thinking about someone else really isn’t gonna happen unless it’s something IMPORTANT to us. So I sit here in fear of being hated or sniped about but really ... nobody gives a sh!t about what I’m doing lol. So why can I sit here, now, logically and KNOW that but it doesn’t make me any freer in how I behave? Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. 

Happy August to y’all! I hope you made it through July ok and that August brings you blessings!