#Lolli is not doing well at all with Pop being basically gone

[screamsofanoutlawbrain]

ANOTHER SILLY WTDW AU!!! LETS GO!!

Basically Ben and Alyssa (Pop and Glory) get released from the freezer through a series of unfortunate events (their animatronic bodies are basically lifeless husks), and regaining their memories. After being released, the two are forced to work at the facility as janitors, and are one of the few workers to work nightshifts (They barely interact with the animatronics, it's always a weird experience.)

Both of them hate it, but are basically being held at gunpoint to stay at this job. Also the building collapsed again and the virus came back, angst ensues.

[benbantz]

Week 17 with long term Covid

Hello to anyone reading this, those I know and those I don’t.

Had Covid 19 now for 17 weeks (or suffering after effects of covid, how ever you want to word it.) Point is had/have Corona and it’s still kicking my arse.

So since my recent facebook update (after being pretty quiet on social media for a while) a couple of peeps have messaged me asking about my symptoms and stuff as (apart from the first 2-3 weeks) I haven't really gone into any detail I just sort of say 'having rough week' or 'things flared up again' etc etc. Without going into too much detail about anything specific. So for anyone interested, and because people have been curious and asking - and as you’ll see is far to detailed to explain person to person (and want to spread the word about long haulers as a lot of people struggling) So it’s just easier for me to have it in one place. For myself more then anything. And if you get anything out of it then that’s great.

Things are just starting to come out about long haulers in the media and on the news and I know people are interested to learn a bit more about it all. So while I’m having a not too bad a time last couple of days I’d thought it’s a good a time as any to go thru all my symptoms. Get them typed out for first time.

And maybe it will be helpful to someone who randomly comes across this post - (thou please don’t use as a guide), every case is different, a lot of similarities   and cross overs , but ultimately different  Just because someone you know might be having a rough couple of days or experiencing a couple of these symptoms it could be something completely unrelated to covid. (Make sure you check with your GP or call 111 if you think you have covid symptoms long term or otherwise.) I am not a Dr.

Here's a list of everything been going on with me over last 17 weeks.           Some experiences have been completely new to me so very hard to explain , some descriptions may sound a little odd , but hopefully you get idea of what I mean! (Also sorry for any grammar mistakes....I dropped out of English A level)

Those who come across this and don’t know me personally know that while this is a (mostly) serious (but hopefully uplifting) post I’m very sarcastic and use dumb humour to deflect from how shit life is at the moment! :-) 

So first thing of the bat I'll explain is I've realised in recent weeks it's been easier to think of it as good and bad days/weeks rather then getting better/worse (as in first 10 or so weeks when I thought of it as 'it's getting better' and got in that positive mindset, the kickbacks have obviously beaten the piss out of me mentally as well as physically, as I've had about four big relapses now where I thought I'm on the right track, having a good couple of weeks then bam, I seem to go back to square one for no real apparent reason. So when I say bad day I'm describing when everything amps/flares up again, A few more symptoms go up and the volumes up on high,and likewise a good day is when things seem to be moving in right direction again and I get a bit of a break.(So now I just appreciate them when they come and try make most out of them.) A good day isn’t a symptom free day by any means, it’s just better then the bad ones.

OK so on to my symptoms.

Specific Areas

Chest - Since the first evening it kicked of early March my chest has felt like a giant has had his hand around it - that’s non stop, constant (told you my explanations were weird.)

On the better days it's a very light grip I can get on and do things to a point, but I am always aware it's there. On a bad day it's grip tightens and he squeezes (or  his fingers press into a couple of key areas - been pressing on my back a lot last few weeks.) - That’s been non stop and has not gone away since beginning. Thou I do believe its starting to ease a little. 

- Chest pain - A shooting pain in my chest (slightly different from description above, feels more like its needles on inside of body. Thankfully these are uncommon, they pop up if I push myself a bit too far one day or if I’m having rougher week.(And it’s not heart related)

Lungs/Breathing - Haven't felt like I've taken in a full lungful of air since beginning, I take a deep breath but only feels like I'm taking in 80- 85% ish (on a good day) 65- 75% ish (on a bad day) - This is week 17 numbers btw,  take maybe 10-15% off when it was at worst. I think the best way I can describe it is it feels like there’s a filter or a sieve/strainer at top of lungs, on a good day there’s more spaces available to breathe thru (but still there’s a filter) and on a bad day more spaces close and I'm breathing thru less.

 *Thankfully bar the first week where I had to get paramedic out, I haven't been gasping for air, I've certainly had to just lay and just concentrate on only breathing a few times because the filters have closed up a lot more (in the night mostly) especially where my bodies relaxed and I've woken and panicked short of air. Yes that’s as terrifying as it sounds.

- The air I do take in doesn't feel clean or fresh (best way I can describe it is when you go to a zoo and they have a indoor Rain Forrest/safari area .... very that lol) That was constant the first 12 or so weeks (even when getting fresh air outside) thankfully that’s eased a little and not so prominent, still doesn't feel like I’m breathing in fresh air but its not so hot and stuffy and noticing the difference when I go outside now.

Throat/Mouth - Burning/inflamed mouth - This is by far been the most uncomfortable/hardest for me to ignore and just get on with day to day stuff, from maybe week 6 to week 14 it was pretty much non stop burning mouth and throat (Call my mum Khaleesi because I was spitting fire.)

 Whole inside of my mouth and down my throat was just inflamed/swollen (felt like I had a golf ball stuck down there) and burning hot. The last couple of weeks its eased I don’t wake up with it (unless i’m having a flare up/bad day) It's still very on/ off but thankfully not constant like it was. And have since learned that high histamine foods make it worse - same with my chest and few other things,  (so choc, dairy, alcohol, fizzy drinks ...my diet essentially ) So have cut most of them down/out. Ice lollies have been my savior on hot throat days. - Marble in throat - Another hard one to explain, it feels like there’s a marble sort of sized ball of phlegm that I constantly need to clear. (OK maybe not that hard to explain - also sorry for the gross imagery.) But not enough mucus coming up to warrant the feeling, it’s irritating more then anything - but a few weeks ago was probs golf ball sized, so again improvement! - This sort of ties in with with the inflamed mouth, but the first thing to flare up on bad day is my tongue, feels tingly most of the time anyway but more so on a flare up/bad day.  - Same with my teeth / gums and the tingly sensation, (my teeth constantly feel like that sensation when you have some orange juice after brushing your teeth.) Sensitive/fuzzy I guess. Not particularly bothersome or concerning...just weird.

Nose

- This is probably one of newest ones, nose has felt hot(on and off)/bunged up for last few weeks. (But I know its not if that makes sense)  I guess you could say same as lungs - not breathing in a full nose-full of air either.  - sorry again for gross TMI but any mucus or boogers are clear (like almost see thru clear/never been cleaner clear)  - Phantom smells - A really odd one, I smell smoke and gas a lot, not just smell it, it feels like its in my nose and my mouth - especially smoke, almost like I’ve eaten it sometimes (non smoker in smoke free flat btw). Was a lot more prominent in first few weeks ,so much so that before I realised it was a symptom I had my carbon monoxide alarms checked because it was making me paranoid I could smell smoke/gas. A bizarre one for sure. Pops up randomly now and again.

Eyes - Last couple of weeks have been getting bit of blurry vision and sore or dry eye , I'm already blind as shit so hard to tell in terms of blurriness how bad this one is, but def finding it harder to concentrate on one thing for too long (but that sort of ties in with brain fog - which i'll get to) but pretty sure once this is done with and I go to opticians will likely need a stronger prescription (some other long haulers who never had eye problems before are now having to wear glasses) No idea if that’s a permanent one but hopefully i’m at peak of it.

Ears - My left ear has felt blocked pretty much since start (or like it needs to pop some days) Most the time I can ignore it but can be quite distracting if it kicks up a couple of dials.Which is likely why I get ear ache in same ear often as well.

*Also for most the things listed above it has always been worse on my left side of body, lung, eyes, ear, headaches.

- Tinnitus (correct word for ringing in ears right?) Usually kicks in early afternoon or on bad day. Varies on strength depending on the day I’m having.

Head/Brain - Brain Fog - So the sort of very basic science behind this is because my lungs aren't producing enough oxygen my brain knows this, so is lending them some to help out...but because of this it means I’m experiencing what is known as brain fog (I don’t know what its actually called, likely has a better more official sounding name) - my concentration is very low, i’m finding it hard to retain things and concentrate more then usual. (not been up to reading or watching something new for month or so as I just cant focus on it) Also been getting odd words muddled or confused (but the bar wasn't the highest with me on that front ha ha)

 Been dropping things when I think I have them in my hand. I do however think this is improving (The fact that I have typed this out with just a couple short breaks so far is much better then two weeks ago when I couldn't even focus on a computer game for more then half a hour) so as my lungs improve so does this or vice versa on flare up. *Edit - This whole post has taken a couple of days to draft and type up, so not too bad in terms of needing breaks etc.

-I'm also constantly aware of my brain... like I can feel it all the time (I literally cant explain that any other way lol, I guess its just heavier at moment so I can feel it against my skull) best explanation I think you'll get from that one. - Have a headache most the time (so much so that I sort of forget it’s there.) Thankfully most the time there mild/low and I can forget or distract myself but like everything else if I'm having a bad few days it goes up a notch. Likely connected to the brain fog.

Stomach and Lower abdomen - Period pains - only way I can explain it, generally thought after nearly 10 years without them it was messing my body about so much I was getting  phantom periods. (I’m a transgender man, 4+ years on testosterone, for anyone I don’t know who comes across this) been there done that, brought the t-shirt.. then sent it back because it wasn’t for me!  Very strong and painful on and off for first eight weeks, get the odd twinge now and again but think that ones done with, thank the gods. - Stomach Pains - Few aches and pains on /off, and recently experienced what felt like needle/stabbing pain for short while in short bursts - and I only really mention stomach because I haven't had the widely publicised  'covid shits' (yet, touch wood... or cloth) So yay!

Heart - Palpitations - First 8 weeks was on and off most days to the point if I was sat still my heart would be palpitating. (I couldn't even sit and listen to music I enjoyed as it would make my heart go mad.) - When I do get the palpitations it sets most things off, so if palpitations do start I generally know I'm about to have rough couple of hours or days and can’t do much, for obvious safety reasons. Thankfully these have subsided a lot last 6 or so weeks. Still get them every few days but generally know whats setting me off and how to lower them down and they don’t last as long.

Hands and Feet - Skin been very dry last couple of months, cracking and peeling on hands and feet (ew)  - Pins and needles/ numb fingers and toes - Get this a lot, obviously very normal stuff but just find them coming on a lot more (especially if i’m holding something like my ipad, phone or xbox controller for a while) Fingers feel numb/puffy a lot too. (Likely also why I keep dropping things) - Also to tie in with skin, have had a on /off spots on chest, face and shoulders for few weeks, they all came up at same time, not irritant or itchy or anything, just there.

General/Other weird things - Voice - So this is one that frustrates me the most, I have had next to no voice for last maybe 10 weeks.  I just cant chat to people at moment. For first 4 weeks wasn't to bad (I even started a youtube channel to keep me occupied and distracted) but slowly week by week it went a little bit more each time. I can talk for short periods of time if I have to/choose to ,like its not gone completely, but it kicks up all the things I mentioned in my throat and mouth directly after. If the phone rings I have to decide if it’s worth answering, in doing so knowing i’m going to have a rough day or so after. Someday’s I feel it's better then others like couple of weeks ago, chatted to my brothers online on xbox for half an hour or so for the first time in weeks, and caught up with a friend on phone for 10 minutes...but a couple of days later everything flared up again. So it's still trial and error and just being patient with my voice. (I'm quite confident no long term damage is being done now as few people in group i’m in reported there voice just eventually got better over time.) Definitely the symptom I’m having to be most patient with. - Fatigue and tiredness - My days now are normally diddily done by 4-5, (except if its a bad day then most of the day is a write off) No matter how little or much I've done, by 5-6 my body and mind are exhausted. As someone who has insomnia, pre covid I would maybe have 1-2 all nighters every ten or so days sprinkled in with 5-6 days of at most 3-4 hours sleep. In the last 17 weeks I have had just 3 all nighters, and maybe just under ten 3-4 hour sleeps. Otherwise i’m getting at least 5+ hours a night. This is the one covid thing I'd like to keep please lol.  I think it's easing a little (most the bad night sleeps have been in last month) and on good days tiredness is kicking in a little later, or it's taking me a little longer to drift off. But generally am cream crackerd a lot of time, especially if I push myself too far on a bad day. - Loss/Increased appetite - This sort of ties in with what I mentioned earlier about different foods causing set backs, the first 6 weeks I had no appetite and lost a bit of weight (I do put a lot of this down to extreme worry and stress thou)  Then I went thru a phase of being very hungry for a few weeks and put most of the weight I had lost back on. I'm somewhere in the middle now, probably because I know most of anything I eat will set me back a little (because as mentioned fussy git = high histamine diet) so i’m cutting portions (otherwise known as the amount of cheese I add to everything!) and cutting out all most junk food (you’ll never part me from my crisps!) and non healthy drinks.  

- Bloated and dehydration - This one I sort of put in pencil because it could be covid related but I also think it could be side effects  from the brown asthma inhaler I was prescribed to help with breathing. I’m still undecided as it pops up especially when I was using inhaler more but it does happen days after I’ve last used it. At it’s worse I was getting up to pee a lot! because I was thirsty all the time. So of course was just very bloated around the belly. 

*Also talking of peeing, (Great segway Ben) number 1′s and 2′s have been very different then normal, urine thicker and bubbly,and smells/is coloured different,   (same with 2′s) Also have a completely different body odour at the moment,(pungent) having to use deodorant twice as much as normal. - Admit it your life’s a little bit better now you know that information.

- THE HEAT! - I touched on this with my mouth and nose being on fire, but for the first 10-12 weeks I did not go a day where at least a couple of things were not burning hot ,like hot to the touch as well, not just inside...(very different experience then having a temperature). Extreme heat in one very specific part of body. Ears, forehead, cheeks, chest, back, nose, mouth,throat to name a few of prominent ones. Over time they have faded (if something does feel hot now its generally not hot to the touch anymore.) Maybe on a bad day a couple of things will burn up. (But in saying that, been calling today a good day but nose is quite hot) but point is its better. - Mood swings/Anxiety - While i’m fairly confident anything emotional has stemmed from experiencing...well everything you've just read. Rather then it being its own symptom (thou I have had days of uncontrollable crying, days of anger..that perhaps outside of covid I would still of had one of those days but just not to such a extreme, I think with everything going on its just amped that emotion and anxiety up.)  it's obviously been very stressful and anxiety inducing. That’s only calmed down in last week since finding the facebook group of other people going thru the same thing. I'm now seeing that people are slowly improving, i'm seeing I've not been going mad and it's all very real and not just happening to me. So the bad days are easier to deal with now and not hitting me emotionally like a ton of bricks anymore. I honestly couldn't see the end of the tunnel two weeks ago but can see it now (even if I take a step forward one day but then 2-3 back another...I see it still.)

*Mushy moment Alert - A good a place as any to include while I'm talking about emotion  - Even thou she probs wont see this,but want to mention my mum. She’s been my rock thru all this, she messages me at least twice everyday without fail, since day 1. Even thou I know she's been worried sick about me herself, she's reassured and calmed me down on the harder more stressful days. I dread the mornings when things have gone downhill a bit and having to tell her ,because I know she'll worry, but after a few texts we both end up sort of reassuring and calming the other down. (especially in the earlier days when it was really bad, scary, new and unknown.) When it was really getting me down for a while and I wanted nothing to do with anything covid related and just stay in bed and pretend this wasn't happening to me, she dug out the articles and tips and things to help or give me a boost. (Not to mention all the coming and going she and my step dad have done for me last 4 months and taking care of my shopping for first 9 or so weeks...because I was a useless mess of a human)       I know it’s basic mum stuff but this would be 10x harder and lonelier without her. Random detour I know but can’t talk about my covid experience and recovery without mentioning her.

Almost looking forward to sending her the first  'Everything normal today' text as much as I look forward to experiencing it....almost. ;-)  

Amount of Symptoms On A Typical Day

On a good day - (when I think virus was at it's worse in the first 10-14 weeks) - 4-6 symptoms ( 2 or 3 cranked up to a medium or high otherwise on mild)

On a bad day - At peak/worse - 6-10 symptoms (throat, chest and no voice on high volume, maybe a couple of things like palpitations and brain fog, heat on medium/high, other weird stuff on mild/low)

Good day  - Now 17 weeks in (excluding my voice which is still a medium to high issue most days) - 3-4 Symptoms on low to mild - usually there’s something still simmering on a medium always ready to turn up to a high if I push it too much in terms of walking or talking. (often my chest) Bad Day (Now) - 4-7 Symptoms - 1 to 3 on medium (maybe a couple will kick up to high on first day of a flare up, but generally now for shorter periods of time.)Everything else on mild or low.

So there has def been improvement in last 6 weeks, i’m sure it wont all be plain sailing and I know/prepare to expect another 'flare up' and then a bad few days. But recently instead of the bad days being 2-3 weeks of it constantly, the duration is getting shorter each time (last bad few days was just under a week)  So things are slowly improving, and i’m sure in time so will the amount of symptoms and the strength of each symptom.

I've probably missed a couple of silly/odd little things that have gone on (likely because they were so early on or very brief (or I’ve forgotten) -  fever and nausea to name a couple. When I got my notes together these were the main ones that came to mind. Quite a lot actually sitting back reading them, and I think the scary (but good) thing is, x-ray came back fine, bloods came back fine.  People have had MRI's, camera’s down there throat, most coming back fine. Covid just not showing up on any tests(unless someones suffered further complications with something) - hence why a lot of people struggling to be taken seriously by there GP's or even loved ones who think there just 'exaggerating’ or its just ‘anxiety and stress'...no living with all what you just read causes anxiety and stress Mary! 

But yeah could waffle on, once its definitely gone and I breathe and look back I can perhaps get a better overview of everything and give you better analysis of all that’s gone on. I get asked 'so when do you think it will be gone?' almost as much as 'are you better now?' To the first question, meh I don't know, I'm now into month 4/week 17 (well month 5 if I include last couple of days of Feb when I believe I caught it and had the very mild cold early March) still a lot of things going on with my body, some new things could still pop up, so instead of saying 'I think it will be gone by..'  ,like I did in the first weeks. I'm just taking it week by week (or day by day if it kicks up a notch) not making any big demands of myself or my body, doing what I can each day....but not pushing it. Instead of the sad, anxiety inducing thought 'when will it go' or the one all us long haulers worry about a lot ‘Will it ever go?’ I now try to think instead  'it will go!.'

To any fellow long haulers I say hang in there, keep fighting, trust your body and that it will get better. Take it day by day. Stay as positive as you can when everything 'flares up again' after a couple of weeks of good progress (easier said then done I know) but know it wont be forever as much as it feels like it is. Don’t be afraid to ask for help (I hate going to Drs would much rather just 'get on with it' , but from pestering a little I got a blue inhaler which has helped me a lot day to day,and had x-ray and blood tests which also put my mind at ease when they came back clear. So don’t be afraid to ask to get these things checked if you’re worried. I've been lucky with my GP's thou who I think have generally believed me and taken me seriously and I know not everyone is getting that help or respect. I think it’s really not helped us that in the early days people were stubbing their toes and thinking they had caught covid and calling their Dr’s (I’m exaggerating but hopefully you get my point lol), so if you do get a not so helpful interaction, be patient,explain yourself or try again with another Dr, remember a GP will only advise you symptom by symptom and not as a whole.   Anyway I’m repeating stuff you already know by now lol.   

Stay positive. Stay hopeful and stay safe.

To anyone else, believe us, know this is very real, and that it absolutely sucks. Its not just anxiety or in our head. We're not exaggerating - in fact most of us are probably playing it down or just not elaborating on things for an easy life and because when someone asks 'are you better now?'  it's easier to just smile and nod and answer 'getting there slowly' because the truth is...well what you just read lol. (And I'm a particularly mild case...next to no coughing, no spells in A and E, a breeze for a lot of other people with long term) Keep yourselves safe (most long haulers have no previous medical /problems/conditions. Some ,myself included, have weakened immune systems due to a long term health condition. A unlucky few are fighting another long term medical illness as well as covid. I'm lucky in that I have no dependants (except 4 easy to please gecko's) and was not working prior to catching it - some are having to deal with all this and be full time parents, or have been to and fro with their jobs (thinking there better then relapsing after going back). There’s mums messaging on behalf of there young kids who have it, lots of young people (one of the lads that co runs the group is 22 I believe), there's athletes/health fanatics used to running miles every day been completely knocked of there game unable to even walk to end of road some days. People of all age ranges. Point is anyone can catch it, it might not just be 'a couple of rough weeks' It might take over half a year for you to recover from.  This myth that it's short and sweet, or a walk in the park if your young and healthy needs to be squashed because its just not accurate. 

If not for my mum and our family and the facebook group I found, (Positive path of wellness - Covid UK Long Haulers) I'd be struggling, really struggling. It's scary, brutal and lonely. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The virus is still out there it has not gone. Keep sanitising hands and wear a mask in busy places!. - Tell the guy who's life this has been for 17 weeks, why wearing a mask in public places, to keep yourself and others safe from catching this nightmare, is a inconvenience for you Karen...go on, I'll wait...

Maybe you can help prevent yours or someone else's next few months from being even worse. x

Was going to just make this a one time post on tumblr account but if it’s a help to anyone (especially fellow long haulers) I’ll post some other bits and bobs when i’m up to it. (thinking of doing a post about things/products etc that I think have been helping me. If that’s useful to anyone) Or just some positive/ funny things to keep spirits up. Keeping it all positive and upbeat as possible.

So I’ll see if anyone reads this first and go from there

So I guess in conclusion ...lol I’m just joking, this post is really done now, go back to your lives, this garbled mess of self woe (worlds smallest violin is back in its case now), sarcasm and naff humour has taken up far too much of all of our days already. Go peacefully amongst the things. :-) 

Stay safe everyone x

[hymn2000]

Hope I’ve Got Something To Lose - MCU AU fanfic - C18

Story overview: Peter has an accident, and Tony makes a drastic decision. In the midst of everything, a face from the past reappears - but Peter isn’t too sure about reconnecting after everything that’s happened.

Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9  10  11 12 13 14 15 16 17

Part of my irondad and spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: injury, hospital stuff, hurt/comfort, mental health stuff, family stuff, corporal punishment, friendship

You can also find me on AO3

Chapter 18 - Finest Hour

-

It was quiet when Tony was out of the bath and dressed. Suspiciously quiet, he thought. He ventured downstairs, and found Loki in the living room with his book and a mug of tea.

“Where are the kids?”

“They’ve gone out” Loki said, lowering his book. “Shopping, I think”

“Oh. Right”

“Should I have kept them in?”

“Hm? No, it’s fine” Tony sat down next to him. “You’re shaking”

Loki looked at him. 

“Loki? Are you ok?”

“I’m tired” Loki said. “Don’t look so worried”

“...What do you want to do today?”

“I don’t mind. You choose” 

“Well, we could always get on the train to the next seaside town. I bet we can find a rough and ready pub for you”

“What about the children?”

Tony paused for a moment. “I’ll ring Peter and let him know. We can go and find them and give them a key, in case they need to come back at all. That’d be ok, wouldn’t it?”

“Whatever you think, darling”

-

Loki and Tony passed a key onto Peter and the girls, and then headed for the station. 

“What if we have an emergency?” Flo said.

“What are the chances?” Peter said. “They’ll probably only be gone a few hours. Come on, I thought you wanted to go shopping?”

“You worry too much, Flo. That’s your problem” Liz said. “We’re more than capable of looking after ourselves”

“Exactly” Peter said. “We can do whatever we want today. Enjoy it!”

-

Loki fell asleep as soon as he and Tony got back to the house that afternoon. Tony left him to it, and went for a little walk. He thought he could stroll down to the sands and enjoy the sea air. He managed this for a little while, aided by the beach being virtually empty. 

Tony spotted three figures on the rocks in the distance. ‘Idiots’ he thought, continuing along in their direction. He narrowed his eyes, peering at them.

“Oh god, those are my idiots”

Tony’s slow, relaxing walk was cut short, and he marched over to the rocks, got the three teens down, and scolded them for their reckless behaviour.

“Those signs are there for a reason, you know”

“Look, dad, everyone climbs on the rocks at the beach. We weren’t exactly in mortal danger”

“Don’t you answer back like that! It only takes one little slip. You might not have been hurt this time, but-” he stopped, noticing Peter’s leg. “You have hurt yourself!”

“Dad, it’s just a scratch”

“You’re bleeding!”

“It’s nothing! It’s not gonna kill me”

“Stop being cheeky” Tony said. “I think it’s time you three came back to the house. That wound needs a proper clean, Peter”

“I told you!” Flo said. “We should’ve gone back as soon as it happened”

“Flo, stop acting like a little old lady” Liz said, starting to get annoyed. “Are you seriously telling me you’ve never ended up with cut knees before?”

“Falling off a scooter is different! You two were jumping between those rocks like stepping stones”

“Yeah, and you were the first one to start climbing them” Peter said. 

“Wait, you were jumping between them? You really are a fool” Tony sighed, looking at Liz. “What’s up with your arm?”

Liz reluctantly moved her hand, showing him the large cut across her elbow. 

“Oh for the love of-”

Tony turned round, closing his eyes and counting to ten. He took a deep breath, and spun back round to look at them.

“Right, you silly lot; back to the house. We need to get you patched up” He took Peter’s hand, giving him a little tug. “Let’s go”

Peter looked at Liz and rolled his eyes, but he didn’t protest. His leg was hurting quite a bit now, and he was tired. A little rest at the house didn’t sound like a bad idea. 

-

Tony woke Loki up and roped him in to help when they got back to the house. Loki sat Peter on the kitchen unit and tended to his leg while Tony sorted Liz’s elbow.

“Honestly, Mr Stark, you don’t have to do this” Liz said.

“I do: your mum left me in charge of you. Hey, don’t look so worried: I’m not new to first aid”

“I’m embarrassed more than anything” Liz admitted. “I-... I’m still a bit nervous of you”

Tony looked at her for a moment. “Darling, being in the limelight doesn’t make me any less human. You should know by now that I’m just as much of an idiot as everyone else”

Liz couldn’t help smiling. “I wouldn’t say that... Why are you cutting the plaster like that?”

“It works better like this. It’ll stay in place without peeling off when you move your arm. Loki taught me this one. Only he’s better than me at it: he can cut it while it’s still in the wrapper and it’ll be the right size. Still doesn’t make any sense to me”

“It’s practice, my darling” Loki said, securing the dressing over Peter’s wound. “Every good nurse can do it”

“Yeah, I know. Still...”

“Right” Loki said, grabbing Peter under the arms and setting him back on his feet. “You need to be more careful: I don’t want to spend this whole trip patching you up”

“Ok, ok. It was an accident” Peter said, going over to Liz just as Tony finished. “How’s your arm?”

“It’s fine” she smiled at Tony. “Thank you, Mr Stark”

“No problem, kiddo. Hey, where’d Flo get to?”

“She’s writing postcards” Peter said. “She bought lots today”

“Ok. Good” Tony said, snapping the first aid box closed. “Right, you two, I need you to behave yourselves”

Liz and Peter looked at him.

“Loki and I are gonna pop out for a bit. Stay in the house, be good. Sort out those bags of yours or something. Can I trust you?”

“We’ll be good, promise” Peter said, crossing his heart. 

“Now, hold on” Loki said. “We’ve only just gotten back. You never asked me about going out again”

“Lolly, my darling, you love the coast, and you haven’t even been down to the sea yet. Come on, humour me. Romantic walks along the beach are right up your street”

“You’re an idiot” Loki said, sighing. “I’ll get my shoes on”

-

Tony sat on the beach, blinking in the evening light, and watching Loki, who was busy skimming stones across the water. They’d had a nice walk, stopping for a Mr Whippy partway down. They’d walked all the way to one end of the beach path and back again, and had settled on an empty stretch of coastline. 

“You know, I’ve been thinking” Tony said.

“That’s dangerous” Loki replied, skimming another stone.

Tony smiled. “I’m being serious, chick”

“Ok, so what is it?” Loki asked, crouching down to find some more likely stones. 

“Come here, and I’ll tell you”

Loki went to his side, half-lying, half sitting. “What is it?”

“Well, it’s sort of about us” Tony said, stroking Loki’s hair back behind his ears. “And sort of about Peter. And sort of not”

“Tony, darling, don’t turn this into a riddle”

“Sorry. It’s just, well... We’re doing ok, aren’t we?” he said, continuing to stroke his hair. “We’re pretty much there, aren’t we? Where Peter’s concerned?”

“I think we’ve been in the swing of things in that department for quite a while now, darling” Loki said. “Yes, he might still be a little cross about the suit, and a little poorly, but he’s ok. We’re ok. I like to think we’ve built a nice home life for the three of us”

“Three... Yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk about”

Loki took Tony’s hand. “What’s the matter? Are you worried about something?”

“No. No, not really. We’re settled, aren’t we? You and me and...”

“And the baby?” Loki said. 

Tony nodded. “I’ve been thinking. Maybe, we’re ready to... Maybe in a few months, we should start talking again”

“Tony, what did I just say about not turning this into a riddle?”

“Sorry, sorry” he squeezed Loki’s hand tight. “I don’t know how to say it”

“Whatever it is, just come out with it”

It still took Tony a little while to find the words, and to pluck up the courage to say them.

“Maybe, in a few months, we should start talking again” Tony repeated. He took a deep breath. “Maybe we could go back to the clinic”

Loki stopped and stared at him. “...You mean... you mean the IVF clinic?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. I think- I think we’re ready again, don’t you? I mean, we’re happy, we’re doing ok with Peter and everything. We could pick up from where we were before we lost May”

Loki could hardly speak. “You mean..?”

“Let’s do it, Loki. Let’s have a baby”

A sound that was a mix between a laugh and a cry escaped Loki, and he threw his arms round Tony. Tony hugged him tight, and he started crying too. 

“I know it’s still basically at trial stage, the whole three person thing” Loki said. “But it could work. It could-”

“Hey, hey, oh darling” Tony kissed him. “Don’t cry!”

“You’re crying!” Loki said, and he started crying properly. “Oh Tony-! Oh, but Tony! What about Pepper?”

“We’ll talk to her, of course we will” Tony said. “She might still be on board. If not, we’ll find someone else. We could do this, Loki. We’ll tie up some loose ends, and then we’ll make that call”

“We got so close before” 

“We just needed to get tested” Tony said, stroking Loki’s hair. “It’s just a formality. We can do this, Loki. Me and you. We can have a baby, we can make a scientific breakthrough, expand our family. You can put the baby moodboard to good use”

Loki buried his face in Tony’s shoulder. “I love you so much..! Thank you”

“What are you thanking me for? We both want this. Oh darling” Tony squeezed him tight, breathing in the cool sea air and trying to stop himself shaking. 

“Oh Tony” Loki kissed his neck firmly. “I don’t know what to say”

Tony moved back slightly, looking him in the eye. “I know. Neither do I! Lolly?”

Loki looked at him. “We’ve really ready for this, aren’t we?”

Tony grinned. “We’re gonna have a baby”

Loki laughed, still crying, and kissed Tony hard. Tony kissed him with just as much force. He pushed Loki onto his back, and they kissed and hugged and laughed and cried, perfectly happy with themselves and with the world.

-

Bumping into Peter in the street on the way back to the house was a bit of a shock. Tony darted and grabbed him by the collar before he could run away.

“And what exactly are you doing, young man?” he said. “We told you to stay in the house”

“I know, but, well, we, uh, we...” Peter stammered, trying to think of a valid excuse. “We were hungry! So we thought... uh, chip shop?”

Tony sighed and ruffled his hair fondly. “That’s probably not a bad idea. Ok, we’ll go down the chippy, and that’s tea sorted. What do you think, Lolly?”

“That’s fine with me” Loki said. “Perhaps we can get that fire pit out tonight”

-

Flo and Liz thoroughly enjoyed their first taste of real English chip shop food, and Peter, Loki, and Tony enjoyed revisiting it. They went out onto the back patio, where Tony set up the fire pit. He made everyone a hot chocolate, and supplied big bags of marshmallows and wooden kebab skewers to roast them on. The kids lounged on blankets and pillows, while Tony and Loki relaxed on two woven deckchairs. Loki had found a perfectly good guitar in one of the cupboards, and was sat strumming away at it gently, exploring the options.

“I never knew you could play the guitar, Loki” Flo said. “Who taught you?”

“I taught myself. I might not be able to read music, but I can play it”

“He’s right” Tony said. “He’s one of those people who can just listen to a song, and then be able to play it without much thought”

Peter blew out the fire from his marshmallow. “Dad, is that ‘Crocodile Shoes’?”

“Well spotted, chick” Loki said, continuing a moment, and then stopping. “Do you still remember all the words?”

“I do” Tony said. 

“I’m sure you do, my love” Loki said, playing the first few chords again, humming along softly.

“I think we can pick a happier song” Peter said.

“Oh? How about this one?”

Peter listened, and his eyes narrowed when he recognised it as ‘Troubled Man’.

“Dad, I said happier”

Loki just laughed, and started another tune. 

“I don’t think I recognise this one” Peter said, listening.

Tony listened, and then a grin spread over his face, and he started singing.

“She sent him scented letters, And he received them with a strange delight,  Just like, his wife But how she was before the tears, And how she was before the years flew by, And how she was when she was beau-ti-ful She signed the letter: All yours Babooshka, Babooshka, Babooshka-ya-ya!”

Loki laughed, but Peter nearly died on the spot, burying his face in his hands.

“You’re so embarrassing” he whined.

Liz and Flo just laughed.

“Hey, who doesn’t love a bit of Kate Bush?” Liz said, putting a hand under Peter’s chin and making him lift his head.

He smiled at her, and Loki noticed how they were looking at each. However, forever the gentleman, he chose to remain silent.

-

They seemed to settle in well together as the sun started to go down. They were warm enough by the fire pit, the kids full on hot chocolate and marshmallows, cuddled together in a sleepy heap. Tony had found himself unable to resist the urge to sing along to the soft tunes Loki was playing, and together they continued to provide a happy little soundtrack to the night.

“Oh, I know this one!” Peter exclaimed. “It’s Simon and Garfunkle, right?”

“Originally, yes, I believe” Loki said, eyes closed. “I must admit I prefer the Mumford and Sons version”

“Oh yeah, you like them, don’t you?”

“Shh, pet” Tony said.

Tony was also a fan of Mumford and Sons, and he knew why Loki had chosen this song - they always used to listen to it together, and Tony had always sung along. Which was what he did now.

“I am just a poor boy, Though my story's seldom told, I squandered my resistance For a pocketful of mumbles Such are promises, All lies and jests Still the man hears what he wants to hear And disregards the rest”

Had the girls not been so happy with the situation, Peter wouldn’t have been able to relax. But, they were happy, and he was too. He looked at Loki, playing so expertly even with eyes closed, and at Tony, also with his eyes closed, singing softly, happily - and quite well too.

“Asking only workman's wages I come looking for a job But I get no offers, Just a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue, I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome I took some comfort there”

There was something about being sung to that just warmed Peter’s heart, and he couldn’t help feeling that the conversation he’d had with Liz not so long ago had been fate - and that now, he was able to prove the point. There was something about Tony’s voice that just radiated feeling. And sharing that with his friends felt incredibly important.

“In the clearing stands a boxer And a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders Of every glove that laid him down Or cut him till he cried out In his anger and his shame; I am leaving, I am leaving But the fighter still remains” 

-

Peter was so contented and relaxed by the fire that it came as an unwelcome shock when Tony said they needed to think about going to bed.

“Oh dad, please, it’s not so late!” Peter protested. “Just another hour?”

Tony laughed, exchanging a look with Loki. “Ok, half an hour, chick. Just because it’s you”

Peter nodded, relaxing back against Liz, while Loki resumed playing, and Tony started singing their funny little songs again.

“And the women tug their hair Like they're trying to prove it won't fall out, And all the men are gargoyles Dipped long in Irish stout” 

Liz and Flo looked at each other, giggling.

“The whole place is pickled, The people are pickles for sure And no-one knows if they've done more here Than they ever would do in a jar”

And with that, Loki found himself joining in with the singing.

“This could be Rotterdam or anywhere, Liverpool or Rome, 'cause Rotterdam is anywhere Anywhere alone, Anywhere alone”

Liz tried to catch Peter’s eye to laugh with him, but he had his eyes firmly fixed on his parents, a beautifully calm look in his eyes. Looking over at the grown-ups, she could see why: their love radiating in the most calming, yet enticing fashion.

- 

Tony finished tidying and locking up, and went upstairs. He knocked on the twin room door and went in.

“Hey, you three” he said gently. “Peter, darling, you need to go to your own room now. It’s bedtime” 

Peter allowed himself to be taken to bed. Tony quirked an eyebrow at him as he was tucking him in.

“What’s that look for, eh?”

“I’m just happy” Peter said. “It was nice hearing you sing”

“Aww. You’re so cute, did you know?”

“Yeah, you say that a lot” 

"Only because it’s true”

“I really do like it when you sing...”

“Are you hinting for a lullaby?” Tony said.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking Peter’s hair gently.

“A gentle breeze, from Hushabye Mountain, Softly blows over Lullaby Bay, It fills the sails of boats that are waiting, Waiting to sail your worries away”

Peter went quiet. He wasn’t sure he’d heard this song before. 

“It isn't far to Hushabye Mountain, And your boat waits down by the quay. The winds of night so softly are sighing, Soon they will fly your troubles to sea”

Tony sang so gently, stroking Peter’s hair all the while, making him feel so calm.

“So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain, Wave goodbye to cares of the day, And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain Sail far away from Lullaby Bay”

Tony bent his head, and kissed Peter gently on the cheek.

-

Tony crawled into bed, careful not to wake Loki. He cuddled close to him, running his fingers though his hair. He was warm, unusually so. Tony wouldn’t pretend he hadn’t seen the signs: the look in his eye, the fight to stay awake, the gazing off into the distance. Somehow he had a feeling Loki might not be up to adventuring for a few days. But somehow, after the day they’d had, that didn’t matter. They’d explored the next seaside town, they’d had another walk here, they’d agreed to try again with the whole baby thing, they’d had the evening round the fire pit. Tony was perfectly happy just how things were.

-

Liz woke up around 1am. She lay there in happy silence, thinking about everything she’d felt over the past couple of days. She was enjoying this trip. She was happy. She was happy having this serene, night time moment to herself.

The quiet didn’t last long. The scream made her jump. She decided straight away that she didn’t care what anyone else said: she couldn’t just sit by with her head under the pillow. She got up, ignoring Flo’s hissed protests, and rushed straight to Peter’s room, pulling her friend into her arms.

She’d expected the crying. What she hadn’t expected was everything else: Peter’s hands feeling like claws gripping the back of her pyjama top; the damp hotness as he cried into her shoulder; the heat of his body; the shaking; the pure desperation and terror in his cries. 

Despite how scary it all was, Liz held him as tight as she could.

“It’s ok. I’ve got you” she said. “It’s ok”

Peter clung to her. 

“Liz... Liz..!” 

He choked out her name, and that was all he had time to say before Tony’s strong arms were separating the pair, and he pulled his son into his arms. Liz stood trembling for a moment, before Loki appeared and guided her from the room, shutting the door behind them.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

It was the softest voice he’d used to address her. She looked at him, and all at once started crying. Loki hesitated, and then put an arm round her shoulders.

“Come with me”

-

Liz sat in the living room, curled up under Loki’s arm, crying softly into his chest while he held her close. 

“I’m sorry...” she said once she’d managed to stop crying.

“Don’t be” Loki said softly. “It’s not nice, I know”

“I-... I thought it was night terrors. You know, when people scream and stuff, but don’t actually know what’s happening, and don’t remember it” she said. “This is so much worse”

Loki kept his arm round her shoulders, and remained silent.

“Is it always like this?”

“No”

“Has he always had nightmares?”

“No” Loki was quiet for a moment, and then said; “He used to have them very occasionally. After the accident, he had them lots, and I really mean, lots. Multiple times a night. He’d been getting better. I don’t know what’s set him off this time: it’s been a while since he’s had them, especially to this extent”

“I don’t get it. He’s been so happy the last few days. Surely if you go to bed happy, you shouldn’t have nightmares?”

“That’s what I would have thought”

Liz swallowed. “Will he be ok?”

“Tony’s with him” Loki said. “He’s in the best possible hands”

“Is that what you tell people at work?”

“You mean at the hospital?” Loki clarified, and nodded. “Yes, and I’m right when I say it there, too”

They were both quiet for a minute or two, Liz listening to Loki’s heartbeat, and Loki trying to keep his eyes open.

“Loki?”

“Mm?”

“Thank you”

Loki paused. “Let’s get you back to bed”

-

Tony stayed rubbing Peter’s back for what felt like an eternity after he’d calmed down.

“...I don’t know what’s wrong with me” Peter said, breaking a long silence.

“You’re just poorly. Shh, Peter, darling, don’t start crying again” Tony said. “Everything’s ok. I’ve got you”

“It doesn’t make any sense” Peter’s voice cracked and he started crying again. “I was so happy before I went to sleep!”

Tony squeezed the boy tight. “Shh, sh sh sh. Hey, come on now, breathe. Shhh”

Peter cried quietly into Tony’s shoulder, too tired to even attempt to figure out what was going on. He listened to Tony, taking deep breaths, eventually settling once more. 

“That’s it. Good boy” Tony said. “Close your eyes now. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep”

“Promise?”

“I promise. I’m not going anywhere”

*

[[Disclaimer regarding Tony and Loki’s beach scene: this is a work of fiction and so I have twisted fact a little bit to suit some ideals. The reality of 2 dad/1 mum babies born through IVF are more at concept stage, although 2 mum/1 dad babies are a reality which have the legal go-ahead in a number of countries. It’s something which scientists believe will be possible in the future, and it’s been successful in mice. As I understand it, it’s near to being given the go-ahead for human trials. Also, there are cases of people being born with 2 dads, through rare cases of embryo fusion and superfecundation, which is better read off Wikipedia than me trying to summarise it. Just adding this little note in case anyone is interested in 3 person babies]]

[littlemix-styleblog]

Requested Jade and Perrie Inspired Drag Theme Party Outfits

Firstly, I apologize if this is nothing you are after or looking for. I got very lost because I didn`t know if you wanted something what Jade wore for her birthday party or anything. What I tried to do was mix and match as best as I could whilst trying to figure if it was something Jade or Perrie would wear.

Dollskill Current MoodFLAME THROWER BUCKLE TOP: $28. You will see a lot of items from Dollskill in this post and that`s because Dollskill is basically the only site that is as flamboyant and over the top. Also most of this stuff is from the new in section so god only knows what they have in the rest. But I went with this top because it reminds me of Jade`s top from the glory days tour. Maybe you can match this up with the chaps, or a black skirt or some black pants. You can also get this in black. Another alternative would be this top.

Jaded London X Dolls KillSTAR BIKINI TOP IN ALL OVER DIAMANTE: $72. This top, now i`m not the biggest fan of this top and I`ve seen it become popular with a lot of festival goers. If it does sell out you will find a lot of them over on Depop. You can also get this one in black and it comes with matching skirt.

Webster Wigs Elle- Black Rooted Yellow: £65. Wigs, who doesn`t love wigs. So inspiration took from their Brit Awards performance last year and the various wigs they are always wearing nowadays comes this. Now, I`ve been following this company since LM wore wigs at the Brit Awards and I can say i`ve liked every single post from them since I have been following them they are that good. Great for anyone who wants to go a different colour or hairstyle or whatever, if it`s just for one night perfect. The website sells all different kinds of colours, style, lengths, sizes etc It`s amazing. I couldn`t recommend this site enough.

Dollskill PleaserXXX RATED ADORE THIGH HIGHS: $105.00. In no way I am intending for anyone to look sleezy, That is not what I picked these for. I did try and look for the same boots as some high street stores but none had any and these happened to pop up as I gave up. Now a black over the knee boot goes with anything, almost anyway. They are from Pleaser, the same brand Jesy wore for the Power MV. If they don`t come in your size or style at least they will be good for stepping on peoples throats.

Missy Empire Sia SLAY Gold Faux Leather Diamante Slogan Choker: £11. So I gathered from doing my research and remembering back to the Power video that drag queens love accessories. Enough is not enough basically. In most cases you can fierce, strong, empowering words or symbols etched across their bodies as make statements. Now, I remember a while ago that Prettylittlething and MissGuided had a whole range of chokers with rude, offensive and empowering words..Some drag queens would wear. Come today and they are all gone, However I did find some and this includes this SLAY one which you can get in gold. But it`s not just a slaying choker you can, get you can also get `Savage` 

Dollskill DON'T EVEN CARE TIARA: $25. On the theme of accessories I came across this tiara, because you can never be too extra. With the words Don`t even care emblazoned on the tiara you will not only feel like a queen but you will be slaying your peasants. You can also get this in black.

Jaded London High Waist Mini Skirt In Snake Print: £16. First place I went to was Jaded London because I knew they were very flamboyant, outlandish, bright etc. I picked up this skirt which must be a hit as it`s nearly sold out. For outfits ideas I can see this with some black fishnet tights,a black crop top and some small black booties with a choker.

Jaded London FLIP SEQUIN CHAPS: £40. I was gonna say no other clothing piece on this post would make a statement but these chaps, but then remembered what else I had. So these come a close second. Now if this doesn`t light a drag queens fire I dunno what will. They will stand out and make you a hit of the night. What`s more is that they are discounted from £85 to £40. So these chaps have everything, sequins, glam and bargains.

Dollskill TALK TO THE HAND HAIR CLIP: $8. Just thought it would be a cool accessory to add to your outfit. If someone comes and starts flirting with you, you can show them this piece and say to them your man has left his mark. I need to stop, I really do. This can`t go bad enough.

Dollskill BUTTERFLY SUGAR BABY HAIR CLIPS: $12. Came across these whilst looking in the recommendation section, If these arent a drag queens heaven I dunno what it is. 

Dollskill Cyberdog MISTRESS SHRUG: $58. I`m not so keen on this piece, I think it`s the top which I think comes with it? Not sure but it`s drag queen worthy right? Inspired by Perrie`s bolero she wore in...She wore in...She wore..When did she wear that bolero?  

Elsie & Fred BANG BANG TWO PIECE SET : $88, Was very suprised to see Dollskill supplying Elsie and Fred now. Elsie and Fred are a brand new, very well establish brand who handmake all of their clothes. They cater for more of the festival person with big, bright sequin skirts. Can you guess where the inspiration came from when I saw this? Very much like her Tiger Mist co-ord, which is a tad overprized, you can get this for a fraction of the price. Pair it it with black fishnet tights, a black leather fringe belt, spacebuns and some black boots.If you read on until the end I have some other sites which are very similar to Elsie and Fred.

Dollskill Club ExxDREAM CRUSHER CLEAR BRA TOP: $32. If you have no reason to die, you do now. How amazing is this co-ord... It`s out of this world. I am speechless theirs no other words I can use to describe this piece. You can find the skirt here.

Jaded London Crinkle Mini Dress With Heart Waist Fastening: £50 So these are just some other bits I picked up but didn`t put in the post because I didn`t want to bombard anyone who over do it...Did I overdo it with the pride inspired? So firstly this Jaded London Pretty woman inspired dress, I love this dress namely because it reminds me of a twister lolly and I love my food, like words cannot express how I love food. Anyway, throw some heels with it and a pink wig with the butterflies and your good to go.

Jaded London Festival Cape In Holographic Sequins: £80. I love this co-ord, so much. I want it for myself. Again I have no words. Would look great with that black star bra and some fishnets and black boots.

The Ragged Priest Black Label Chaps: £60. Yes, I know they look weird and woeful. But I can see these on a night out with a black crop top. Must be very popular though since they only have one size in stock. 

Dollskill STAY PLOTTING HOLOGRAPHIC DRESS: $25. After doing some research I found that drag queens like to be classy aswell. Well this is the only classy piece in the post. Very body hugging which I found drag queens like because girl you got them curves, why hide them under that shirt. Embrace who you are and shake what your mumma gave ya.

Dollskill PRISMATIC FANTASY MOTO JACKET: $58. You can tell I like holographic stuff don`t you? Inspired by Perrie`s black leather moschino dress which nearly showed the world more then it should of. Very on trend this jacket, very sexy. Pair it with some black over the knee boots, black hotpants, a choker and hello new girlfriend.

We are onto the final straight and you are all tired of me rambling on, well what`s new. So finally the sites that does handmade sequin items ideal for festivals or drag parties. I must note their was another site which I just couldn`t find because I couldn`t remember the blooming name..Something rosewild, wildrosie if someone could help out it would be much appreciated. But Depop have a host of people who handmake sequin, flamboyant, carnival, festival theme outfits. Literally go onto the site and you will come across them all, the first one being this site, So she handmakes sarongs, bras, skirts, dresses, tops, shrugs literally everything, She also has a LED bra. Go check her out here. Then finally a brand I have known for a while, she is a more established handmaker who takes pride in her work, from jumpsuits to playsuits, to tops and shorts. They do come a bit more pricier then the others but it`s worth a look. Rosa Bloom

[marvelousaddiction]

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. 

I was tagged by @pheonyxstorm

LAST: 

Drink: Last thing I drank was a coke, last alcoholic beverage was Gentlemen’s Jack (but I may have regular Jack tonight)

(btw Tay, try Irish Trashcan, optional but add strawberry sour straw candy)

 Phone Call: My momma lol 

Text Message: @ceobryce

Song you listened to:  Rammstein - Feuer Frei! (and Victorious a Breezy original)

Time I Cried: two tears in the shower, I missed the breakdown this time and I took care of myself so yeah...

HAVE YOU EVER: 

Dated someone twice: nope

Been cheated on: twice 

Kissed Someone and regretted it: yep, four people.....well....yeah four

Lost someone special: yep, some of them died, and one of them is still alive but I wish her the best still

been drunk and thrown up: yes, twice, but only a little bit each time  and I’ve never really had a hangover, only maybe a mild headache when I wake up, I barely notice it 

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend: I’d like to say so 

Fallen Out of Love: no

Laughed Until You Cried: all the time like (almost) errday

Met Someone Who Changed You: no, not really, but people I have always had I’ve come to some realizations about leading to changes in myself, example, I drink sometimes now

Found Out Who your true friends are: mhm, I always constantly play it safe in this department because of my past

Found out someone was talking about me: honey, listen, people been talking about you since you came into this world and they gon’ talk about you after you out of it. (at least you're on their mind) 

GENERAL:

How many people in Tumblr do you know in real life?: @ceobryce @wolfsilverlight @leftzombiepenguin @brayamac @violet-soulkeeper17 @talonvictor @oneshoeshort (and Megan, I have to find her name and edit this lol)

Do you have any pets?: Yep. Dusty Leroy (my last name), Simba Sophia (my last name), Angel Clemingtine (my last name), Bobby Lee (my last name) and Loli (Lolli) Pop (my last name) 

Do you want to change your name? : First name,no, it made Papa proud I was named after him, Middle name, yes until this past june because I was the only kid of my dad’s kids (and grandkids) without the middle name Marie but in June something happened that changed my mind so I thanked my mom for naming me Irene. Last name, eventually lol, yknow marriage and shiz

What time did you wake up this morning: 6:00

What were you doing last night: laying in bed, talking to @browneyedhunter and ignoring what was going on outside my bedroom or trying with all my might and failing 

Name something you cannot wait for: Just one thing, other than actually starting my life (long ass story), tonight (giggidy), the black panther movie and april fools day to take a day trip to Raleigh and see Kevin Hart (if life allows) and down the line a little bit, to be a mom 

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: not to my recollection, but yes in my dreams, Tom Hiddleston is a amazing man 

What’s getting on your nerves right now: nothing really at this moment, i guess being a female has terrible timing 

Blood type: blood? red? 

Nickname: Nerd, Short Person, BabyGirl, Jess, Jessie, Jessie Jess, Angel, there are so many 

Relationship Status: Happy 

Zodiac Sign: Cancer (June 25)

Pronouns: She, her, I am a cis girl lol but I will proudly respond to Dude, Bro, Bruh, Broski

Favorite Show: Obviously Supernatural is number 1, top 3 are Supernatural, Sherlock, and probably Penny Dreadful (but I have many favorites)

College: Not yet, I took a placement test and such but I am trying to get things straight first. Fingers crossed, within the next year or so I can start. I took some CP/ college class in high-school, there was one, Physcology, where  the professor actually came and taught us and I did well in that also I think I made like a high Cor a B but with the history class they gave us a book, popped us in front of computers. I tried, I really did, but I also did something there that I never did in school before, I tried and couldn’t learn anything (that is when the computers actually worked) and it was just boring so I got fed up basically said fuck this shit and failed on purpose. My education currently is K4-graduating from high school with a diploma. I actually love learning so please don’t misunderstand, I hated school, but I still tried my best and did pretty well and never flunked a grade level or anything, I was also that person everyone hated for reminding teachers of homework when they forgot it because I was the one that, not exaggerating, had mental breakdowns doing it. In highschool there is/was a notorious teacher that everyone hated, literally, someone keyed his truck, but, he saw how hard I worked and such and he actually became like my best friend and I may have been a teacher’s pet but he and my other math teacher my senior year were my best friends. Okay long unnecessary rambling sorry 

Hair Color: brunette, naturally, will eventually be black I know for certain. However, I colored it black once years ago, and in highschool I bleached my bangs so they were blonde, about two years ago but longer I put blue where the blonde was and that faded to teal, then i put red streaks throughout my hair when that was gone. Its been natural for a long time 

Do you have a crush on someone: yes. celebrities, obviously, but there is one man on campus i sware i cant take my eyes off of lol. My babe,marie, and I have a whole private joke thing about it. He is known as Superman, you had to be there

What do you like about yourself: this one is really hard, honestly. It varies but I guess....I mean, my sweatshirt I am wearing now? that count? Oh! I can drink and not become my big sister, despite having to convince myself of that. It is complicated and my eyes too lol 

FIRSTS:

First Surgery: it was getting my tonsils taken out when i was like maybe 5 or 6

First Piercing: ears, although i was never really able to wear earrings because of a reaction but they are closed now. I’m really thinking about getting my belly button pierced

First Sport You joined: there was the time when I was little and wrestling my dad, but that career ended when I kicked his nose/mouth and they swole, and the time I played football as a baby at my moms old family church but I bit my evil cousin? do those count?

First vacation: I don’t know if I ever had a vacation but I know my first time leaving home for a trip we went to Virginia, then Pittsburgh PA, then Niagra Falls NY

First Pair of Sneakers: I am willing to bet were hand me downs or from dollar general or a thrift store

Right Now: 

Eating: Nothing at this second

Drinking: Nothing at this second but later Jack & Coke/soda  and going to taste green apple Crown Royal with sprite,supposedly tastes like Jolly ranchers 

I’m about to: respond to @browneyedhunter, shes been waiting while I typed all of this and hopefully tonight......uh giggidy 

Listening to: keys typing and Jimmy’s snoring behind me 

Want Kids: in the future, someday, yes, very much 

Get Married: maybe, I’ll see if life let’s me but people say Jimmy and I are married. By people I mean my 62 yr old parents and his grandad, and his mom 

Career: I really want one someday, but, we have talked, and we would both be alright with being a SAHM too. Right now, I don’t feel like I am doing my part despite what everyone says; but as long as I feel like I am doing that, I am good

SO TIREED!!! SHOULDERS HUUURURRTT 

Lips or Eyes: who’s?

Hugs or kisses: again, who are we talking about?

Shorter or tall: I am shorter than everyone, @emoryhemsworth knows what I mean since we are both 4′9

Older or Younger: I have a thing for older guys

Romantic or Spontaneous: both

Sensitive or loud: those things don’t always necessarily correlate 

Hookup or Relationship: Relationship. Unless it is another girl’ then I couldn’t do a relationship unless it was Poly

Troublemaker or Hesitant: hesitant af 

Have You Ever:  

Kissed a stranger: no, that is how disease happens. Unless...I guess Jimmy was technically a stranger when I met him and we kissed 

Drank hard liquor: the hardest thing I have found I actually like is whiskey or Irish Trashcan 

Lost Contacts/ glasses: nope

Sex on first date: believe it or not i have only ever done it with one person

Broken someone’s heart: I think I broke Faith’s heart when I told her true things about disney,childhood movies, fairytales etc 

Been arrested: no, my parents have though XD

turned someone down: nope

Fallen for a friend: Yup, wish her well but she co go screw herself or that sweet soulles-

DO YOU BELIEVE: 

In yourself: most of the time, no

Miracles: yes, because of I have lived through some, many of them 

Love at First sight: i guess 

Ive tagged people lol, I am done 

[imaginethebeautifulworld]

71- and what was ur fave thing about each of them? and for the us, can you do states??

71: Countries you’ve visited?

United States

PennsylvaniaI love the fact that in PA, you just can’t escape the trees. The forest is everywhere. Deal with it.

New YorkI’ve only been to New York a couple of times, and each of those times was to the Big Apple. My favorite thing about NYC I think is how no one bats an eye your way. No one asks questions, and it’s kind of great. (That’s the image I got anyway).

New JerseyNew Jersey is kind of one of those layover states for me- a place that I’m only passing through to get somewhere else. But I did have the chance to stay at my roommate’s house when we were getting ready to head to Newark to fly to London. She’s the granddaughter of some really rich dude- Her house is big enough to fit my entire village in, no lie. She took us to her local mall, and I was faced with the blooming reality that there are actually people out there that can spend $3785 on a single pair of shoes and not bat an eye. She is among those. But she also now knows how to thrift shop like a boss, and I think we really balanced each other out in that end.

MarylandI’ve only driven through Maryland, sadly. But as it stands now, my favorite part is probably that it’s the state where one of my homies lives. Oh! And the Baltimore Barnes and Noble! They had a kickass train set in their children’s section, and I spent a good portion of my afternoon there. Got a full set of Shakespeare there~

VirginiaI’ve been to Virginia once in my life, and that was for my high school senior class trip. We hit up Busch Gardens (where I rode my first upside down roller coaster ever), Virginia Beach (my first time seeing the ocean, where I decided to run as far in as physically possible while wearing jeans and all my outer layers), and Norfolk (where I and my best friend hopped aboard a wedding cruise, were mistaken as wedding guests, and basically completely avoided our classmates as we danced with the wedding party and shared stories under the stars with the bridesmaids.) For Virginia- it was the memories. Good, good memories. But mostly Busch Gardens. I love the way that park is set up; each section is based off another country. Highly recommend the pretzels in their Germany, by the way. And check out the Loch Ness Monster- it goes into a tower and- Yes. Terrifying. Love it.

United Kingdom

EnglandMy beautiful, precious England. Lived in the centre of Westminster for about six months, and I had never been happier. I did get to visit a few places outside of London- Rochester, Nottingham, Sherwood, Bath, Dover, Canterbury, Stonehenge- but not as many as I would have liked. For England as a whole, I adored how easy it was to travel around the country- the public transportation there is leagues beyond anything the US could hope to find within the next decade. As for London- I feel I’m a bit more of an expert on this from living there. London- Despite being one of the bigger cities in the world, it never felt crowded? I only was overwhelmed by the size in my first week (then I explored a bit and realised it’s honestly one of the easiest cities I’ve ever had to navigate), My favorite part about England was that, no matter where I was in the country, despite being completely different soil (sometimes brick red, sometimes white chalk), it always felt like I was home. I’ve never fallen in love with a human, but the emotions I feel in regards to London- I find it’s comparible. I didn’t want to leave. I’ve been stateside for over 2 years now, and every day my heart still pangs in longing for the Belgian waffles outside Baker Street station, the roasted chestnuts that are floating around between Tate Modern and the Millenium Bridge, the annoying voice of the lady at Charing Cross always reminding you to “mind the gap,” the houseboats of the Romani in Regent’s canal, Little Venice, the way the hot cocoa from Pret a Manger is so rich that it just melts in your mouth, the peppercorn sauce from Garfunkle’s, the secret gardens in Regent’s Park, the divine massages that come with every new hair style, the salt in the air, the brilliant colours alligning the Queen’s Walk (whether you’re heading towards Southwark or Victoria), and the constant, spontaneous hailstorms that go totally vertical if you’re on Westiminster Bridge.London- London was honestly a dream come true, and as the real world creeps ever closer, I’m becoming more resigned to never having the opportunity to go there again.

ScotlandI only got to spend a couple of days in Aberdeen. We three (my roommate, her boyfriend, and myself) were going to visit Edinborough, but after comparing costs, we realised it was way cheaper to rent an apartment in the coastal city than it was to rent individual beds in the latter. We explored the coast, found a mall, saw a film, I flirted with a cop, befriended a couple of cats, discovered an abandoned castle- Scotland was the most peaceful place I have ever been. I would be entirely content with a small flat somewhere in Aberdeen- The library was very much like one in one of our coal towns, the theatre is active, the shopping district is lively, Primark of course has wonderful selections, and there is a lovely deli/cafe hidden away that makes the best homemade lollis I have ever tasted.

France

I think I would have enjoyed France a lot more if I hadn’t gone in the spring. As it was, I visited Paris (and Versailles!) during my Easter Break, and for the first two days, I was extremely disappointed. Paris itself is amazing; the food at any pop-up stand is to die for (totally recommend the Croque Monsieur served at the open-air stands in Jardins de Tuileries!), you can buy really fucking good wine at any grocery store for less than 10 quid, and there are little secret nooks and crannies you would never expect. However, the city itself smells like shit, and the homeless population is almost overwhelming. It was by far not the cleanest city I toured while in Europe, but it was definitely the… There is gold in most of the buildings, and a certain romanticism that is purely French in itself. My third day, the sun was out, and I did most of my exploration then. If you abandon the Metro, you’ll find gold (literally). You just have to… Learn to ignore the negatives and appreciate the positives. Perhaps one day I’ll return, and give her another chance. When that happens, I’ll take someone with me.

Belgium

Belgium was quiet, there were swans everywhere, I met at least four cats in each of the three cities I explored, and it’s the perfect blend of Germanic architecture and French linguistics to make my heart skip a beat. In Ypres, I found some really cool looking in-ground huts, and a giant wooden cat sculpture in the town square (all cobblestones, by the way). My afternoon was complete when I saw a tractor just roll on through the main streets like it was a normal thing. In Oostende, I was nearly blown into the sea by a squall and found the most romantic little park I’ve ever come across. In Brugge, I danced with an older gentleman playing an accordian, sampled more chocolate than should be tolerated, threw a bottle of beer at a party I wasn’t even invited to, and accidentally found a thrift store and befriended the elderly couple who managed it. I also purchased a watercolor from a local artist and his fiance, both of whom I’m still penpals with to this day. Belgium was quiet, peaceful, and perhaps the most genuinely friendly of countries I’ve wandered.

Netherlands

Another in which I went with my roomie and her boyfriend. We stayed in Amsterdam, and oooh boy there were some moments. At one store, I was mistaken for a local and had a gentleman start talking to me in Dutch. We toured the Jewish Historical Museum; it was the first time I had seen my roomie brought to tears simply by being in a room. There was a carnival in the Red Light District, and we bought a cotton candy that was bigger than our three heads combined. I loved Amsterdam because it was probably one of the most laid-back, cleanest places I have ever seen.

Italy

Spent my birthday in Rome, took a train to Venice. Rome is easily walkable, but be warned that it’s mostly cobblestones and there are a lot of hilly spots; don’t wear shoes you haven’t broken in yet, no matter how cute they are. Don’t take pictures with the guys dressed up; they’ll try to charge you about 5 quid per photo. If you’re craving pizza, there is a tiny, almost invisible pizzeria just across the road from the Spanish Steps. Buy yourself a whole pie; it’s worth the 8 quid. I liked Rome for the mere fact that it felt like a foreign city. It had distinctly contemporary aspects to it, but the orange trees, the heat, the dry air- that was all a new experience for me. I honestly wish I had been there for more than a day. As for Venice- we (my roomie’s bf and me- We scored a deal on Groupon for flights, hotes, train ride for Rome and Venice for two, and we met up with my roomie in Venice with her folks, who had taken her to Florence and Naples) splurged on 1 euro gelato, the best damn apples I have ever found, really bad films- That was just the first night. Our train ride had us sitting across two glorious lads from Brighton- I don’t think they actually had any luggage; their sacks were filled with at least five bottles of wine and half the breakfast buffet. The second day in Venice, we toured the city, moved from our hotel to a private apartment that my roomie’s parents rented, and I discovered the joys of premade toast with nutella, Italian bridal showers, and befriending the local fishermen. The food, the culture, the drinks- well, the wine. I will never do limoncello again in this lifetime. The absynthe in Paris was leagues better, and that’s saying something.- Venice is- There’s something almost mystical about the place. The water trickles all around you, and the wind whispers in old dusty walls. It’s a complete maze, and some corners you turn into have no ending, no life. And’s almost completely walking, which only adds to the whimsy. I- Venice was magical, and I hope I can return to explore on my own before she succumbs to the sea.

Vatican City

Stopped by while in Rome, and I was super disappointed by the hellishly long queue waiting to go into the Chapel. My traveling buddy and I instead opted to explore the mini city within the tiny nation. We found the ATM that has Latin as an option, and played a small round of catch with a young Swiss boy who was there with his grandparents. I feel bad as I don’t really have much feedback on Vatican City, but I can say at least the exterior architecture is ace.

Spain

Oh Spain. Where to begin? Barcelona houses the best gelato out of all the cities I toured (with a small exception to the Gelati Leche I found in Rome, but it still dominates in Vanilla and Chocolate.) The beach is wonderful, the waters were so blue it was almost like looking at the sky again. Our Irish buddy was with us, and it was the first time someone taunted me enough to swim out into the sea deep enough that I could no longer touch the bottom. Again, I always underestimate how much I like being in water, so I didn’t pack a change of clothes that first day. We did do some exploring and some shopping, but the best part after the hours spent on the beach was finding an Italian restaurant that was playing Spice Girls’ music videos in the background, while the owners spoke in French. Spain was the last trip I did while abroad, and the flight home was to Finals Week, and my last week in London. Our flight home brought with it the sunrise over France, knowledge that I was coming to a new chapter of my life, one I still haven’t written yet. But the greatest and most transformative moment came after we had returned.Traffic was fucking shite man. I didn’t get back to school until about halfway through my one history final, so late that I didn’t even go to my room. I hauled ass in with my big backpack, my notes in my free hand, panic written on my face, desperation in my words. Unofrtunately, the professor could not by contract allow me to take the exam. However, in a private meeting later, he asked me to confide what grade I needed to earn full credits back in the States. On account of my earlier performance, he gave me the grade, assured me that I “would have gotten an A anyway; I know you know your history,” and only gave me a brief chiding on poorly timed scheduling.Somehow though, I didn’t mind. I should have been more upset about missing an exam- a Final, no less!- but in comparison to everything I had done that weekend-Spain taught me that sometimes in life, there will be conflicting paths. Both will give you an opportunity, but it’s up to you to decide which one to take. I chose the path that gave me more stories to tell, gave me memories of soft sand and amazing french fries and complimenting strangers over breakfast, gave me a hat and a hand-painted fan that I couldn’t have found anywhere else. I chose to follow my heart, and while I may not have gained the A I wanted for that module, I earned something that can never be replaced.Spain taught me that life is short, and while there are goals you will want to reach, don’t push aside those chances to live a little.In The EndI miss traveling. I want to see more of the US, I want to visit friends and family in Ukraine, Phillipines, Louisiana, Madagascar, Russia, Germany, and Brazil. But for now, I’m here. For now, I’m bettering myself in the small ways. The world is so much bigger and far more wonderful than you could even begin to imagine. I may never see Nepal or Alaska, I might never get a chance to explore the Amazon or wander Kenya. But what I can do is keep collecting each memory, every moment, keep it all close to my heart. Because those little moments?

Those are what make the adventure truly amazing.

[euphoriccalliope-blog]

C’mon. Play the Game.

This just popped into my head re: the Sherlock ARG getting underway in earnest, and some anxiety around that. Folks who’ve been going harddd since January 15th are exhausted -- all the more so because the Sherlock fandom is used to operating on a years-long hiatus schedule and we’ve suddenly been pushed into hourly realtime effort. It’s decidedly uncomfortable on one hand, but also thrilling.

The ARG is basically an epic game of chicken. Do we trust we know the rules and parameters enough to play it without getting bruised or overly frustrated by TPTB who are playing it with us? We’ve been burnt before. If there is no explicit prize of another episode, promised upfront, then what does “winning” mean other than knowing we were smart enough to risk our pride to prove we’re clever? 

Answer: we play it because we can, because we want to, and yeah, because we’re clever. And maybe we also know we can rescue each other from it if it gets too cray. And because it makes us fall in love with the brilliant members of this fandom a bit more. (John has a role also in this scene.)

A Study in Not Blinking

It strikes me that there are a lot of parallels between the fandom’s feelings around the ARG and this scene in ASiP when the cabbie (Moftiss) convinces Sherlock (us?) to stay at the table, even though S. knows there is no gun keeping him there. The cabbie’s gun is fake. Just as many brill folks have determined that the gun at the end of TLD/bracketing TFP is also _not a tranquilizer gun_.  It’s not what we are told it is, based on the evidence of our eyes. And same goes for the representation of a J&S romantic relationship on the show -- we stand by our visual understanding of what is real and there, vs. the “official” view point that it isn’t, and also btw who you are doesn’t matter. 

Bear with me a sec. I think based on what we have seen so far in the ARG, they have been playing a very long game indeed. Witness @tjlcisthenewsexy’s recent brilliant discovery & explication about the cabbie’s license # from ASiP (X). My hunch is that they’ve been building in meta-ARG stuff all along, all so that they would have the option of using it later if they wanted. With that in mind, let’s take a look at the ASiP classroom showdown from the perspective of where we are now, dipping our toes into the ARG.

Read this through, please:

Transcript courtesy of the lovely and astute Ariane DeVere (X) -- S1 E1, part 4:

CLASSROOM. SHERLOCK: What if I don’t choose either? I could just walk out of here. (Sighing in a combination of exasperation and disappointment, Jeff lifts up the pistol and points it at Sherlock.) JEFF: You can take your fifty-fifty chance, or I can shoot you in the head. (Sherlock smiles calmly.) JEFF: Funnily enough, no-one’s ever gone for that option. SHERLOCK: I’ll have the gun, please. JEFF: Are you sure? SHERLOCK (still smiling): Definitely. The gun. JEFF: You don’t wanna phone a friend? (Sherlock smiles confidently.) SHERLOCK: The gun. (Jeff’s mouth tightens, and slowly he squeezes the trigger. A small flame bursts out of the end of the muzzle. Sherlock smiles smugly.) SHERLOCK: I know a real gun when I see one. (Calmly Jeff lifts the pistol/cigarette lighter and releases the trigger. The flame goes out.) JEFF: None of the others did. SHERLOCK: Clearly. Well, this has been very interesting. I look forward to the court case. (He stands up and walks towards the door. Jeff puts the gun onto the desk and calmly turns in his seat.) JEFF: Just before you go, did you figure it out ... (Sherlock stops at the door and half-turns towards him.) JEFF: ... which one’s the good bottle? SHERLOCK: Of course. Child’s play. JEFF: Well, which one, then? (Sherlock opens the door a little but shows no sign of leaving the room.) JEFF: Which one would you ’ave picked, just so I know whether I could have beaten you? (Sherlock closes the door again.) JEFF (chuckling): Come on. Play the game. (Slowly Sherlock walks back towards him. When he gets to the table, he reaches out and sweeps up the bottle nearest to Jeff, then walks past him. Jeff looks down at the other bottle with interest but his voice gives nothing away as he speaks.)

Aside: Aaaand now I get the deeper level of all the Russian roulette gun-swapping references that have been going around (maybe kept up most hilariously by @joolabee originally). 

ARG Meta Interpretation of the ASiP Classroom Showdown

Sorry if this is just reiterating something that someone else has already done. My brain is mush at the moment, and it is entirely possible folks have already thought of this exchange in a post-S4, mid-ARG context.

Here’s the mid-ARG meta view of this scene:

The fandom doesn’t have to play the ARG (alternate reality game). No one is making us. We could just walk out of here.

But. We don’t like being manipulated. We decide to play along only so far as to call the puppet master’s (cabbie/Moriarty/Moftiss) bluff, and make them show us what we are playing for, and force them to surrender.  I’ll have the gun, please. We know what we are looking at (johnlock) and we believe we are right. We cannot be intimidated. I believe this corresponds to the anti-S4 backlash campaign, and the earnest expectation of more content.

The bluff is called. Definitely. The gun. Gun is not what it appears to be. The fandom unpacks TFP and other elements of S4 that are “fake,” and documents/discusses, all in record time. Some of us come out of shock and begin to see elements of narrative threads that can make sense of the mess, the true signals buried in the fake noise.

The Powers That Be (TPTB, the cabbie/Moriarty/Moftiss, all of whom are in charge of the game structure and who know us well enough to be always changing it to suit us with perfect temptations) applaud our skill in seeing the fake gun. We are unfuckable; no fear. We insist:  I know a real gun when I see one.

On our own, we look back over all the times in BBC show canon, esp. within that TPTB seemingly acknowledged fandom interpretation as being deeper than casual-viewer understanding of the show. This was them saying to us: None of the others did. TAB’s heart of the conspiracy, TST’s references to ice lollies, tea code, the best secret societies having acronyms, TFP shockproof elephant glass, etc.

After S4 airs and is effed up, especially TFP, they begin to lose us for a a bit, first because narrative was false to its characters, and then because queerbaiting hamfistedness. TPTB will not publicly or officially engage to confess what their deal is. But we know what we saw. Justifiable anger/frustration/hurt from fanbase over TPTB’s lack of acknowledgment re: queerbaiting and lack of representation. Fandom amasses lists of canonical show reference points as evidence of our case. We take that case to the wider internet, to the BBC, and elsewhere, to try to hold TPTB somehow morally or legally responsible for all that jazz. There are conversations about the fandom crowdfunding an Operation Norbury PR/lawsuit initiative. We get up to leave, and we say to them: Clearly. Well, this has been very interesting. I look forward to the court case.

And then. And then they challenge us to play the game anyway, with the free knowledge that they cannot manipulate us directly with more bullets of questionable narrative content -- nothing more has been officially announced. We are on the point of walking away to wait passively, to write fix-it fic and make art and chat amongst ourselves, and get on with our lives. . . . But. There is a hint of a vast situation in front of us that offers puzzle-solving, intelligence, close-reading of the world, adrenaline and connections. Also possibly witty recycling of our own in-jokes and crack memes, and helping those to become part of the actual 130-year-old vast Sherlock canon’s Great Game, in the service of making real what we have repeatedly seen and know to be true within the BBC show. It’s rather irresistible. And they say: Come on. Play the game.

Do we turn around and consider it? I have already decided I need to sit down at the table and examine the possibilities. I don’t care about seeming foolish, so pride is not a concern. It’s not risking my life, and has the potential to be great fun. . . I respect the decision of those who don’t want to play, but personally I do. I think this is us losing our patience in the most delightful way possible, and taking the reins. Expect the best explosions.

So that’s that. I have no idea how much of this I can keep up with, simultaneously with work commitments and a personal life. But I have hope that the community can collectively carry it forward 24-7 and keep an open mind, and keep pulling on loose threads because it’s fun, and we’re clever. The fandom knows no time zones; we are global and we are engaged. You’re a scintillating group, and this narrative, this Sherlock-TV-world-real-life narrative, is super compelling. It pushes all my researcher buttons in the best way, with the ultimate reward that finding answers makes them real. No clue whether we will see canon Johnlock but I think this is worth playing to see where it goes.

Especially if we can wink knowingly at each other while doing so. (Pleased to meet you, by the way.)

Postscript: Suggestions for How to Play

ARGNet post on Getting Started with ARGs (X)

If you don’t want to play the ARG but want to stay otherwise actively engaged in the fandom, consider saying so at the top of your Tumblr blog, and perhaps blocking the (#sherlock arg) tag. I propose that tag should go on everything ARG-related. 

Reminder to please document with links what you do, and tag/share info so that others can easily know what you’ve done and seen, and carry it forward. When you can, read the notes on a post and repost from something useful or new that someone else on that thread has said, done or seen -- this includes folks who want to be part of it all. Embed links in X marks like so (X) so they will show up in notes.

Players who are coming at this from TJLC fandom should throw in the #tjlc tag, to keep it front and center. All ARG playing requires tinfoil hat wearing, so I’m going to say we mostly drop that set of tinfoil hat tags unless you want to throw it in there. It’s more important to keep #tjlc if that’s the flag you fly.

If you are codebreaking, please post:

the encoded source ciphertext and where it came from (with a link also if possible), and

if you have broken the code, include the translated plaintext, as well as

what kind of cipher it was, and what key(s) it used.

be sure to add the tag (#sherlock arg codebreaking) so our army of smarties can become increasingly code-literate within the ARG, as codes become more complex.

If you’re playing, then play. Contribute something. Use the tags to read up and learn for yourself what’s going on. Engagement is always welcome, but try to refrain from just passively asking others to fill you in personally via direct questions to their ask boxes. Folks will be busy pursuing their own inquiries and organizing the info they have found. And ask box space may be precious to some, if that is how ARG clues tend to arrive from mysterious sources. 

Other optional tags: 

#dancing with the octopus = not knowing how many of the arms of the ARG we are or will engage, but enjoying ourselves anyway. 

#the greater game = gives immediate context for what the ARG is in a way that makes folks think of Sherlock and not pirates (Belated epiphany: OMG. Sherlock always wanted to be a pirate. What do pirates say? ARRRRRG.)

#sherlock chess arg = references the S4 chess promo pic that throws the game pieces to us, and tells us it’s our move.

Tagging folks (I’m wary of tagging too many and causing annoyance, but please consider reblogging if you found this useful. We need to spread the word about standardizing our methods and tags! Thank you!):

@the-7-percent-solution, @whimsicalethnographies @teapotsubtext, @ti-ori-se @jenna221b, @inevitably-johnlocked @marcelock @tjlc @tjlcisthenewsexy, @mrsashdown, @materialofonebeing @joolabee, @toxicsemicolon, 

[cullinankatsudon]

Life After Yuri on Ice - Beyond the Boundary Episode 1

Everyone is coming off their Yuri on Ice highs and are thirsty for more great story. If you’re looking for gay romance, well…um, hi there, but also, you know, there’s a bazillion other books and here are some others I’ve read, just a handful. Mostly though people are looking for anime. I’ve joined MyAnimeList and am trying to keep it updated (still thinking of things and adding them), but I’m also going to start rewatching and recapping the shows I really love and posting reviews on that site and my various blogs. It does double-duty as research/background amp for an upcoming work-in-progress of mine, but it’s also my happy place. So with no further ado, let’s dig in.

Tonight I’m starting with Beyond the Boundary, also known as Kyoukai no Kanata. The anime is based on a Japanese novel which has, alas, not been translated into English. I’m learning Japanese, but right now I can almost write out the basic hiragana with a cheat sheet and I can parrot back a few basic phrases and recognize a few in anime—Japanese characters are still almost entirely nothing but scribbles on the page to me, so I won’t be reading any manga or novels anytime soon. The bottom line is BtB isn’t quite like Yuri on Ice in that it was created specifically to be an anime, but it isn’t like Noragami or Haikyu! in that it’s being made into an anime as the manga is still being written.

I’ve already watched BtB all the way through, but it’s been about six months so some of the fine details get fuzzy. I also am absolutely no expert on Japanese culture or Japanese anything, so expect to hear me talk about aspects of what I’m seeing and be bemused by stuff that someone who knows better will pipe in and say, “That’s because X” or “that’s a Y” and this is all fine. I’m here to make all new mistakes in 2017.

This is post is analysis but also recap, so if you don’t want spoilers you should go watch it first and then get back here and read. You can stream it as of this posting on Hulu as well as Crunchyroll.

The first thing you need to know about BtB is that it is beautiful. I recommend it as something to watch post YOI because beauty is one of the things we fell for, and BtB delivers in every episode. The animation is often breathtaking and sometimes heartbreakingly breathtaking. The opening sequence is absolutely stunning, full of pans and sunsets and so much beauty you want to keep watching just to see what else they’re going to deliver if this is how they open the show.

The characters aren’t exactly slouches either. We begin with narration from Akihito Kanbara, who has spied a new female student standing on the ledge of the top of a building, and he assumes she’s ready to jump and commit suicide. He gives us a few thoughts about suicide in general, about what it means to take one’s life, and he remarks, without explanation, that this isn’t something that’s going to be an option for him in this life, so far as he knows. He also points out that he has two choices, to passively watch to see what happens with this girl or to be active and try to stop it, and though he’s normally a passive person he can’t help but rush to the rooftop and try to stop her. He omits part of what he says to her, though he lets us know he complimented how good she looked in glasses as he begged her to reconsider her suicide.

The girl remains still for a moment, then remarks, calmly, “How unpleasant,” backflips over the chain link fence, lands in front of Akihito, forms a sword out of her own blood, and stabs him with it. He cries out, falls, then asks, politely but out of breath, if she could please take the sword out of him for now. “What are you?” she asks, and he points out he should be asking her the same question. And that, he tells us, he how he met Mirai Kuriyama.

It’s a killer opening…and in the grand tradition of Japanese anime, instead of answering all those questions, we now migrate away from any attempt at those and instead go to high school, or university, or whatever kind of school we’re at here. All I know is there are virtually know parents, everyone lives alone in apartments or in big empty houses with older siblings, and they’re pretty much independent, yet they all go to school and despite dealing with paranormal issues on a daily basis, they still have to study for tests and tend to their club activities.

Which is where we open now. Akihito is in the literary club room with Mitsuki, who is one of my favorite secondary characters. She’s sassy, intelligent, and a cool head in a crisis. Also, sexy. In any event, she teases Akihito as they try to select manuscripts, but he’s distracted by noises in the hall, which turn out to be Mirai, who has come for her daily attempt to kill him. He is annoyed by this and attempts to explain to her, again, that he’s immortal and can’t be killed. In their back and forth they give us some grounding backstory we need to understand the story world: Mirai is a Spirit World Warrior, the last of a cursed clan with the rare and despised/feared ability to control their blood and used it as a weapon to kill youmu, which are these kind of demon things which can possess people but mostly run about making a muck of things and need to be killed. Mirai’s job as a Spirit World Warrior is to kill youmu, and she’s supposed to be really good at it.

Akihito isn’t possessed by a youmu as he keeps trying to tell her; he is a youmu, or rather is half youmu, half human, and because of this he’s immortal. It’s not something he chose, but there’s nothing he can do about it, so would she please stop trying to kill him. She nervously, fussing with her glasses (which he finds attractive as he has a serious glasses fetish) says she’s sorry, she must keep attempting to kill him. He stalks off, frustrated, and returns to the club room.

Mitsuki suggests he let Mirai keep trying, but Akihito angrily points out it hurts when she stabs him. When Mitsuki wonders why Mirai is so persistent, Akihito is struck with a wonderful idea, thinking perhaps Mirai is in love with him and that is why she keeps trying to kill him. He’s very pleased by this thought, because he’s all behind being loved by a girl who looks great in any pair of glasses. Mitsuki calmly labels him a deluded pervert, pops her lolly back in her mouth and continues reading a fiction about dismemberment.

Did I mention how much I love Mitsuki?

Then Mitsuki turns serious, suggesting Akihito should avoid any further interactions with Mirai. He’s surprised and asks why. Mitsuki reminds him that her family, the Nase family, are Spirit World Warriors and have jurisdiction over all the other Warriors in their district. She points out a Nase daughter is giving him advice, and if that doesn’t spell things out for him, then he’s stupid. On that note, she leaves.

Akihito, who is apparently stupid, meets up with Mirai, or rather lingers until all the other students are gone so when she tries to kill him there’s no one around. He does attempt to outrun her this time, but she’s pretty spry and after a merry chase they end up having a duel in a classroom which involves her being by terms as intense and clever as a ninja and clumsy as a clown. Their battle is interrupted by an invasion of a full youmu, however, and when it attacks Mirai not only hesitates but trembles, afraid to attack. Another Spirit World Warrior appears and gives chase, but the gig is up now: Akihito realizes that though Mirai has no trouble stabbing him over and over, she’s too scared to actually attack a youmu.

He takes her to dinner to talk things over, and while she eats out half the restaurant (on his dime) she explains she’s never killed a youmu, that she’s been too afraid. She was using him for target practice, basically, and since she realized he couldn’t die it was super handy. He gets angry at this, reminding her that stabbing hurts, and then the waitress reappears with more food for her and he’s even angrier at the idea that she’s bleeding him dry. “Wasn’t that the deal?” she asks. “You feed me in exchange for not trying to kill you?” Then he realized she intends to not try to kill him only for tonight.

He walks her to the train station, still trying to reason with her and point out she could be hunting youmu like a regular Spirit World Warrior, but she will barely talk to him and simply thanks him for dinner before she leaves.

The next day Mitsuki tells Akihito to meet her in the cafeteria for lunch instead of the clubroom, which is odd, but he does it because it’s what he does. She gives him a cryptic message, telling him once again to stay away from Mirai, more forcefully this time. She lets him know the Nase family is keeping an eye on her. But she also acknowledges that despite her warning, he’s probably going to have contact with her anyway, right? Probably, he admits, then laughs. “But hey, I’m immortal, right?” She leans forward and whispers in his ear, as serious as a heart attack, “If only you could die.”

Now it’s the end of the day again, and Mirai is meeting up for her usual attempted murder. Except instead she goes out for lunch in the park with Akihito, where he gets her to admit everyone talks bad about her on social media, she has no friends but him, and she avoids her apartment because there’s a youmu in there that she can’t kill. He declares this must be fixed. If she learns to kill youmu, then maybe she’ll leave him alone, he thinks.

She says she doesn’t want to, and he asks her, exasperated, why she doesn’t simply quit being a Spirit World Warrior. She shoots back, just as frustrated, that she can’t, reminding him of her cursed blood. She says she tried, but she can’t walk away from it whether or not she wants to. This is what she has to do. He goes quiet, gives her a small, sad smile and says, “It’s the same for me.” Then he leads her to her apartment.

They arrive, and at first it simply seems empty and quiet, but soon there are strange noises and movements, and the youmu appears. Mirai whips out her blood sword as the youmu forms, looking like some kind of floating unwrapped mummy…and the episode ends.

I love a lot of things about Beyond the Boundary. I love that the girl is the one whipping the sword around, to start. I love that the guy is pretty beta. There’s actually more about the guy to come and we’ll discuss that in upcoming episodes, and this will include ships, but we’ll cross those bridges when we come to them. I also love the whole monsters inside theme, which isn’t new at all of course, but I love the way BtB plays with that theme. I love that it’s Mirai’s blood and Akihito’s identity, that neither one of them want what they have inside them but to take it away is to end them and so live with it they must.

I also adore what I already mentioned, how we go through this whole thing with mega ultra paranormal background and it is only going to dial up, but meanwhile, don’t forget your school books. As a writer I’ve got to remember this grounding, because it seriously works. They lose it a bit in later episodes, but I really dig this whole “the world is a mess but school must go on.” Everyone writes it for kids but hey, it works for adults too because that would be Life 101. All damn day all I wanted to do was enjoy anime and maybe do some fun things but I had Things I Had to Do. Oh to only have high school in my way. At least then someone would be making me dinner. I’m the asshole who has to cook and make sure there’s food to be cooked. This is why I love the high school magic. Someone is taking care of the background noise. Oh, to have a cafeteria! A clubroom. An adult above me to pretend to have answers so I didn’t have to be the one standing up and lying my ass off about how it’s fine and we’re not all about to go down in a flaming Cheeto apocalypse.

The thing I’ll tell you too is that this anime ends happy enough that I’ll rec it. Now you may end up shipping people who don’t sail together, and that’s fine—the ending is vague enough you can still pilot side boats if you want. I’m not sure that the “movie” or extra version or whatever you call it is out on Crunchyroll. I think I watched it on Youtube but to be honest I’ll be buying the Bluray because I really dig it and need it in my life. For now, however, I’ll continue recapping the episodes one at a time once I have my life homework done and my word count/WIP goals met for the day.

 If you decide to give Beyond the Boundary a try, I hope you like it.