#Lo & Ro have way too much angst in this au but my brain just won’t stop ahhhhh

[pattonsfam-ily]

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[icecoldflames]

Home Is Where The Heart Is (Sanders Sides)

Based off of WandaVision (this AU is in a world that isn’t quite the mind palace and isn’t quite the real world. There are no spoilers for the actual WandaVision show and I don’t think you need to have watched the show in order to read this)

Past Romantic Logicality

Warnings: Patton is dead, angst, Remus’ dirty jokes

*Sigh* This fic has taken me what feels like ages to write. I wrote most of it all in one go but I just couldn’t manage to write the second half. And so it stayed in my drafts for months. But it’s finally finished!

I hope you don’t mind me tagging you, @jessibbb. I saw your post while I was writing the beginning! I’m pretty shocked we both chose the same ship for this AU.

Anyways, enjoy!

***

Roman didn’t realise anything was wrong until he woke up one morning and the mind palace was empty and quiet. No one was in the kitchen making breakfast and no one was on the sofa.

For the past couple of weeks, Roman had been non-stop working on a screenplay that he had had in his mind for at least two years. He was afraid his motivation would suddenly slump so he had been spending more and more time in his own room, writing away.

Roman quietly began making himself a fried egg, trying to wrack his brain to figure out what happened to everybody. Did they all go on a trip somewhere? Without him? Maybe they didn't want to disturb him when he was in his writing groove.

As Roman sat down at the kitchen table, he only just recalled Virgil telling the rest of the sides that he was going to try to help Logan after what happened to Patton...

Had Roman seen Virgil since then? Roman honestly couldn’t remember. But then Roman remembered scarfing down his supper one day and Janus telling them that he was worried about Logan and Virgil.

As for Roman’s twin brother, Remus wasn’t really one to tell the other sides their plans.

Roman ate the rest of his fried egg in silence, trying to piece together the last few weeks. By the end of it, Roman had a broad idea of what he had missed. Logan had locked himself in his room after what happened with Patton. And Virgil, who had been worried for him, went in a couple days later. Then, Janus, worried for the both of them, went in next.

In both events, Virgil and Janus had gone into Logan’s room and not returned, at least as far as Roman knew.

Roman tried to ignore the feeling that something was wrong and wrote another couple of pages of his screenplay. But the silence of the mind palace nagged at the back of his mind so much that he decided to take a break at 11:30.

He feared that he would spiral into a writer’s block because of this. But he was more worried for his friends who walked into Logan’s room and hadn’t come out. He missed the domesticity of the mind palace. Virgil was always one for night time snacks. And Janus always came to the large bay window in the afternoon when the sun was the strongest.

Roman stood in front of Logan’s door and hesitantly knocked. “Lo?” He asked. “Are the others in there with you? Are you okay?” Roman knocked again on the door to no answer. He contemplated coming back to the door later that night but Roman slowly laid his hand on the doorknob. It twisted open.

Roman slowly pushed the door open. At first glance, the room looked normal, if not a little messy. But Roman could see a breathing lump in the bed that resembled Logan’s sleeping position—sleeping on his back, like a log.

But, at a closer look, the doorway looked to have some kind of shimmery film over it. It reminded Roman of when he would create worlds inside his own room to explore. His door was always there, no matter the world, and that silvery film would be across his doorway. All Roman would have to do is step through that silvery barrier and he’d be back in the mind palace, right in front of his doorway.

Roman frowned and brought his face up close to Logan’s door, his nose almost passing through the barrier. As far as he knew, he was the only side who could create worlds from his imagination. He was creativity, after all.

Roman straightened up. Maybe Logan somehow got the powers to create worlds and he and the others were lost and couldn’t find their way back. It was the only possibility Roman could think of. He closed his eyes and stepped through Logan’s door.

When Roman opened his eyes, he was in a hallway that resembled the one in the mind palace that held each side’s rooms. But, when Roman looked closer he found family pictures on the wall.

Roman was taken aback as he noticed these pictures were all of Logan and Patton in different places—at the park having a picnic, laying on the beach, in the library, at a Build-a-Bear.

None of the places were familiar. They didn't even live near a Build-a-Bear.

Roman slowly inspected each photograph. He halted at the last photo in the hallway. Logan and Patton standing behind two pearly-teethed children.

“That’s little Arthur and Connie.”

Roman spun around and legitimately pinched himself at the sight of Patton in front of him. His smile was uncannily large and he looked real...lifelike. Roman resisted the urge to tackle him into a bearhug.

What had Logan done?

“Uh, I’m Roman,” Roman extended a hand. Surely this was just some kind of fake Patton. Something like a ghost.

But Patton shook Roman’s hand happily. He was as solid as Roman himself. “Nice to meet you, I’m Patton.” Patton didn’t look the least bit confused as to how Roman got inside this weird house.

Roman swallowed. “Um, excuse me,” he managed to say. “I-I have to go. Sorry.” He turned to find the first window he saw, the hallway window. It was tiny but Roman pried it open and wiggled through. He could feel the sweat bead down the back of his neck. “I’m sorry,” he said again and ran as far away as he could.

Roman ran a hand through his hair as he ran through an unfamiliar town. He past familiar faces on the way. Joan going into the grocery store. Tayln on the bench talking to Jamal. Valerie and Terrence buying samosas from the man on the side of the street they always passed when going on their runs. Roman could see people in a nearby cafe and in an office, drinking their coffees and clicking at their computers. Everyone seemed completely unconcerned.

Everyone here must be created by Logan, Roman rationalised. Roman could often create people in his own worlds too, solid ones like the occasional royal for his story, but they required incredible mental strength and they all took a toll on him because he was the one who had to control their every move.

Creating all these people and controlling them all? Roman had been creating worlds since he was a child and he still could only create and control seven people, max.

Creating and controlling an entire city? It was impossible. How had Logan done it then? Roman couldn’t wrap his head around everything.

He passed a gas station and almost did a double take. Virgil was blowing bubble gum behind the counter.

Roman raced inside the gas station and the bell tinkled above.

“What pump?” Virgil asked boredly, not looking up from his phone.

“Virgil! It’s me, Roman!” Roman exclaimed, running up to the desk, out of breath. “Where have you been? What has happened to Logan?”

Virgil blew an especially large bubble before looking up at Roman. “Look, man, I’m just a minimum wage worker. Just choose what you want to buy and I’ll ring you up.”

“No, that’s not—”

“You want to rob the joint?” Virgil opened the cash and turned to look back at his phone. “Go ahead, I don’t care.”

Roman leaned over the desk. “Your phone isn’t even on! Virgil, what is wrong with you? You’ve got to help me! I think Logan is stuck in this world he accidentally made!” Roman placed a hand on Virgil’s forearm.

As if waking up from a bad nightmare, Virgil jolted like he was electrocuted and he blinked rapidly. His breathing became erratic. “You have to help us, Roman.” Virgil’s voice was hoarse and pained. His eyes were wild. “It’s Logan! You have to stop him!”

“What do you mean ‘it’s Logan’?” Roman asked, shaking Virgil a little by the shoulders. ��I know he created this world. Have you seen Patton? And they have children?”

Virgil opened his mouth to reply but, as if someone grabbed him by the neck, he gasped for air. Roman stepped back, scared. What was happening? Virgil blinked a couple more times. He rolled his eyes and blew a large pink bubble. “So, what is it that you’d like to buy?”

Roman looked at Virgil incredulously. “What the hell,” he muttered, waving a hand in front of Virgil’s face.

“Dude, if you aren’t going to buy anything, just leave. Go annoy some other random minimum wage worker,” Virgil said dryly, looking back at his phone.

Roman put a hand on Virgil’s shoulders again and the other side jolted again. “Ro! He knows you’re here. You have to go,” he gasped in a strained voice. His face changed and he popped another bubble. “I won’t hesitate to call the cops,” Virgil said, leaning sourly on the counter.

Roman sprinted out of the gas station as fast as he could. He stood in the middle of the empty street and desperately looked for a hiding spot. His eyes saw the large brick building of the library. Probably not the best place to hide; Logan could be in there for all he knew.

Roman ran inside the building next to it, a squat little one room schoolhouse. When he came inside, the wooden desks were completely empty except for the teachers desk which held...

“Janus!” Roman exclaimed, fast-walking down the aisles of tiny desks to the larger desk where Janus was sitting, a grin plastered on his face.

“Hello,” Janus greeted, almost robotically. “Are you here to sign up your child for school?”

Roman reached out to touch Janus’ shoulder, to break whatever hold Logan had on him, but paused inches from the yellow cloth. It seemed that Logan could detect when people were no longer under his control. Example: Virgil.

But Roman needed somebody else’s help. As much as he boasted about being the knight in shining armour and being able to, single-handedly, save damsels in distress, Logan was an actual person who was going through tough emotions—not a figment of Roman’s imagination.

He stood in front of Janus’ still body, staring into his blank stare. Was it worth trying to get Janus on his side? He’d always have to be near the side so Logan wouldn’t try to control him again.

“I didn’t know Mr. Stick Up His Ass had a sense of humour. Putting Janus in the role of a school teacher?” Remus snort-laughed. “I need to hang out with him more after he’s through with his crisis.”

“Remus?” Roman exclaimed, spinning around and seeing his brother leaning against the large bookshelf. “Wha—How?”

Remus spun his moustache around his finger. “Thought this world might be fun. Instead, I get a dead side returned, a brother who’s too stuck in his own world to realise anyone’s missing, and a side who is too love-stricken that he manages to create an entire world.”

“But how are you not under Logan’s control?” Roman said, turning his attention away from Janus and to his twin brother.

Remus frowned and placed a hand to his heard. “I’m offended, Ro, I’m also creativity. Whatever you can do, I can do.”

Roman paused, thinking this through. Remus did have a point. “How long have you been here?”

“A couple of weeks, in this world’s time. We’re as stuck in Logan’s world as a wet booger on a finger.”

“And you haven’t tried to talk to Logan?” Roman asked, exasperatedly.

“Who do you think I am? A therapist or something? I’m just a fun guy who eats fungi.” Remus blew a raspberry.

Roman wiped off Remus’ spit from his own face and began dragging his brother out the door. “Two is better than one. C’mon, we need to help Logan. He’s grieving.”

“Isn’t time the answer to everything?” Remus asked, shaking free of Roman’s grip. “Just leave him be. He’ll eventually figure his stuff out.”

“And how long will that be? A month? A year? No, Remus, we need to help Logan. He’s created a fake Patton, that isn’t healthy.”

“Well I think that Logan is getting through this in his own way,” Remus said. “We shouldn’t try to push him too much. Who knows what he’ll do? He could create a Godzilla for all I know.”

“We need to go speak with Logan,” Roman stated.

“We?” Remus repeated.

“Fine. I’ll speak with Logan. You can just be there for moral support,” Roman said with a sigh. He felt stronger with his brother next to him and maybe he could get through to Logan by himself.

***

Logan’s house was painted a bright blue and had kids toys littered around the yard. The flowers around looked almost fake. Neighbours around the cul-de-sac smiled and waved from their porches.

“Logan looks happy here. What if we just left him in this alternate world?” Remus’ voice was quiet and surprisingly serious as they climbed the couple of stairs to Logan’s doorstep.

Roman turned to Remus, mouth agape. “Are you kidding me? Logan has created an entire town with kids and a husband who is actually dead. You don’t see a problem with Logan living in a lie? Besides, we’re stuck here too. Or have you forgotten?”

Remus leaned against the house and dug his hands into his pockets. “I dunno. But I just think reality will catch up with him soon enough. Anyways, he can’t keep up this charade forever. And living here isn’t too bad. There are no repercussions to anything I do.” Remus grinned toothily and was inches away from knocking on the door.

The door swung open itself. “Hello! Is there anything I can do for you?” Patton asked, looking down at Roman and Remus curiously.

“Is your…erm…husband home?” Roman asked, suddenly uncomfortable. He didn’t like seeing Patton alive again. It made him miss the old side who used any opportunity to make cookies.

“He is! He’s making supper now for us and the kiddos—”

“What do you want, Roman?” Logan’s voice came from behind Patton. His voice seemed strong and concise which was nothing different. But when Patton moved over a little to make space for Logan, Roman noticed a clear tiredness behind his facade.

“I want to speak with you…privately,” Roman replied, glancing over at Logan. Whether or not Patton was fully under Logan’s control, Roman wasn’t sure he wanted to openly talk about Patton’s death in front of Patton.

“I want whatever you’ve made for supper,” Remus interrupted loudly, elbowing his way around Patton and Logan, disappearing down a hallway.

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply.

“Do you know those guys?” Patton asked quietly, his eyebrows drawn down in confusion. “Are they friends from your time at uni?”

Uproarious laughter came from, presumably, the kitchen. “Patton, can you go check on the kids and make sure Remus isn’t teaching them anything inappropriate?” Logan nodded his head in the direction of the kitchen.

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” He made his way down the hallway, glancing back only once.

As soon as Patton was out of view, Logan grabbed viciously at Roman’s shirt sleeve and began dragging him across the living room. “You’re lucky I can’t control you,” Logan muttered through gritted teeth. They made their way to a closed door which banged open as soon as Logan flicked his wrist.

Logan pushed Roman down onto the bed. He crossed his arms. “You have five minutes to talk to me and then I’m going to kick you and Remus out and will not be allowing you two back in.”

The entire monologue Roman had been planning out in his head on his way here completely evaporated. Whatever he had been planning to say was logical and coherent. But now that he was facing Logan, he couldn’t remember anything. His eyes found a picture to the left of Logan’s furrowed brow.

It was a glossy photo of Patton in Disney World, a Mickey hat on his head, and laughing into the camera. Another event that never actually happened.

But Roman’s eyes were drawn to it. His words came out before he could stop them. “I miss him. He always knew what to say to us to make us feel better.” Roman couldn’t count how many times Patton had helped him get over a break-up or through an especially rough writer's block.

Logan’s strained face softened, following Roman’s gaze to the photograph. He took the frame off the wall and stared at it. When he looked back up at Roman, his face was even stonier than before. “Then you understand why I have to do this.”

“Logan…I…I know what you’re going through. We all do. Patton was our missing puzzle piece. With him gone, it does feel empty. But we can’t change what’s already happened,” Roman tried, gently pulling the photo of Patton out of Logan’s grip.

“You don’t know anything about what I’m feeling,” Logan grimaced and yanked the photo back. “And I’m perfectly content in this alternate universe I’ve created. It was going great before you arrived.”

“Logan, I’m worried for you. Virgil and Janus and I are worried for you. Remus probably is as well. Patton wouldn’t want you to be like this. He’d want you to come back with us.”

“Don’t you dare speak for Patton,” Logan growled, jabbing a finger in Roman’s face. “And if Patton can’t come back, I’m not coming back.”

“Is that the kind of life you want to live forever?” Remus’ voice came from the doorway. Even Roman was surprised to see his brother. Logan whirled around. “To live with a man who has died with children who don’t exist? To be constantly feeding them memories about their fake life and then feeling left out as they talk about them because you can’t give yourself those same happy memories?” Remus’ voice was like a viper and his words were much more intense than what Roman had been planning.

Yet the words actually seemed to get through to Logan. His Adam’s apple bobbed and he quietly placed the framed photo back up on the wall, meticulously straightening it.

Logan’s next words came out soft and broken, staring at Patton’s photo, pointedly avoiding Roman or Remus’ gaze. “I can’t just go back and forget about him.”

“We aren’t asking you to forget about him, Lo,” Roman begged. “We would never ask you to do that. In fact, once we all get back, we should keep his memory alive.”

“Figuratively alive, of course,” Remus interjected, a slight smirk on his face.

Roman silenced Remus with a glare. You aren’t helping. “Do you remember how Patton always knew our hot chocolate orders by heart during movie night?” Roman asked. “Extra marshmallows for me, milk in Virgil’s, piping hot and whipped cream in Janus’—“

“—Mine with some marshmallows and filled to the brim with,” Remus tried and failed to hold in his laughter, “cream.”

“I’d have plain and Patton would have extra everything,” Logan reminisced with a smile.

“Remember when I accidentally spread some kind of sickness with my…prank…and Patton, even though he was also sick, made the time to help all of us?” Remus poked a toy on the floor with the tip of his shoe.

“He always gave the best gifts too,” Logan continued, a nostalgic smile on his face. “I still use my antler pencil when organizing everyone’s calendar.”

“I love the deodorants he gave me!” Remus exclaimed.

“Logan,” Roman began in a gentle voice, meeting the other side’s eyes. “Why don’t we all head home and sit around the couch, telling each other our memories of Patton?” He began to stand up and gently laid a hand on Logan’s forearm. “Come on, let’s go home.”

Logan’s arm flexed under Roman’s grip. Uh oh. “What’s that saying?” Logan said slowly, his voice growing icy. “Home is where the heart is?” He jerked his arm away from Roman and pushed him backward onto the bed. “I can’t go home. There is no home anymore because he has my heart.” Logan’s voice broke and his legs collapsed underneath him. Roman and Remus barely made it to soften his fall.

“Patton is dead,” Logan managed to choke out, hiding his eyes with his hands. Roman squeezed Logan into a hug. Remus began to awkwardly pat his back. “This is the only place where I feel anything worthwhile. Without Patton…I’m…I feel like a robot. Like an empty shell of myself.”

“Logan?” Patton’s voice was small and all three of the sides whipped their heads around to see Patton standing outside of the doorway. His eyes were wide and his hands were shoved in his pockets. “What did you mean when you said that I’m dead?”

“Patton, I—I can explain,” Logan instantly stood up from the floor and wiped his eyes, taking his glasses off to clean them in his shirt. He then took a step towards Patton, an arm outstretched.

But Patton stepped away from Logan’s hand, fear clearly written on his face. “What’s happening? While you were inside here, it’s like the world froze. Even Connie and Arthur. When I ventured outside, I saw two other men running towards our house, telling me that I had to talk some sense into you, Logan, and that I was dead.” Patton paused and Roman saw that his hands were shaking. “I don’t know what’s real anymore. Am I dead?”

“Patton,” Logan started, glancing behind him at Roman and Remus. “I—I’ve not been entirely honest with you. Actually, I’ve been completely lying to you.” Logan gently took Patton’s face into his hands and when Patton re-opened his eyes, Roman had a sense that Patton knew. He knew everything.

“After…after you died, I couldn’t handle it. I stayed in bed for days on end, not doing anything but think of you and cry. I hardly slept. I don’t know how long this went on for until, one day, I woke up, and I walked down this street where you, Connie and Arthur were playing outside. When the three of you saw me, all of your eyes lit up and began exclaiming, ‘dad’s home! Dad’s home!’”

A tear ran down Logan’s cheek and he frantically rubbed it away. “It was like my perfect fantasy. You were alive and well and we had a beautiful family. As time went on, I remembered conversations I had with Roman and began creating an entire city around us, with people, businesses, and schools. I started giving you and the kids memories of trips we didn’t take, things we didn’t do.

“It was exhausting but I was actually happy. I was laughing and, even though it wasn’t real, I was living. You taught me happiness. I feel like I’ll never feel it again” His words hung thick in the air.

“Pat,” Logan said, this time too many tears on his cheeks for him to wipe away. “I don’t want to go back home if it means leaving you. I can’t do it again. I’m not strong enough.”

Patton brought Logan in for a hug and quickly kissed his nose. “You are strong enough. You, Logan, are one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. And you can and will leave. You’re destined for great things out there, Logan Sanders. And I will be forever proud of you. Promise me you’ll try to live life to its fullest, to stop and smell the roses, to be happy once again. Maybe it’ll hurt less as time goes on, maybe it won’t. Maybe you’ll smile when my name is mentioned after a few years, or maybe it’ll still leave your chest aching and your eyes stinging. I can’t promise you it won’t be hard once you leave, but you have to promise me you’ll try to be okay.”

Patton’s lip quirked up. “Besides, think about it, because you conjured me up, I’ll always be a part of you once you leave.” Patton placed a hand over Logan’s heart. “I’ll always be inside of you.”

Remus snickered and Roman elbowed him in the gut.

“I promise,” Logan said, either not hearing Remus or deciding to ignore him. “I’ll try for your sake.”

Patton smiled and hugged Logan one last time. “Come, the kids are all ready for bed. How about one last goodnight?”

Logan seemed to want to reject the idea but bit his tongue. He nodded curtly and glanced at Patton, “one last bedtime story?”

Patton smiled and nodded as well. The two of them began to walk down the hall, their arms around each other’s waists.

Once Roman could hear voices in a nearby room, he began to sit up from the bed that he had slowly made his way to once Patton appeared. “I can’t believe you,” he muttered to Remus. “You have to turn everything into a dirty joke, don’t you?”

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Remus said, fluttering his eyelashes. “Besides,” he said, shaking his head, “everything turned out alright, didn’t it?”

Roman sighed as they made their way outside to give Patton and Logan some privacy. “I suppose it did. And…you did good back there, Remus.” Roman awkwardly rubbed his neck. “Thank you.”

Remus’ eyebrows shot up in surprise but, before he could say anything, Virgil and Janus came barrelling towards them.

“Roman!” Virgil exclaimed, “you did it!”

Roman shrugged his shoulders and glanced at his twin brother. “Honestly? It was a team effort. Remus was the one to get through to him at first.”

“Really?” Virgil asked while Janus just smiled a little over at Remus.

Roman nodded and then asked, “are you two alright?” He couldn’t imagine what being under Logan’s “spell” was like. He didn’t think he’d ever ask. He was glad everyone else in the town was completely imaginary or copies of other people in the real world.

“A little drowsy, to be completely honest with you,” Janus replied with a half-smile.

“That was not my experience,” Virgil grumbled, arms crossed. “It was like I was in a constant battle. ‘Walk,’ Logan’s voice would tell me. ‘No,’ I would tell him back. Back and forth and back and forth.”

The four sides went silent as the door to Logan and Patton’s house opened. Patton and Logan exchanged one last word with one another before they kissed and Patton closed the door shut. Logan jogged down to where Roman and the others stood.

“It’s time to go home,” Logan said, trying to sound brave but his wobbly voice gave him away.

Logan made a flourish with his hands and an opened door appeared in front of all of them. “I think this might be the first and last time I create a world,” he said. “My hypothesis is that I was going through such a great deal of grief that I touched into a power that all of us have but only Roman and Remus have access to it easily and on a larger scale.”

Roman smiled and placed a comforting hand on Logan’s shoulder. “Let’s all sit on the couch together. We can watch a movie and talk about our memories with Patton.”

“I think I have a bunch of photos in a box under my bed and pinned around my room,” Virgil added in. “You could make a scrapbook.”

Logan took in a deep, steadying, breath. He turned around to look at the blue house behind him before saying, “I’d like that. And, um, if you guys want, I can prepare everyone some hot chocolate.”

And, with that, Logan stepped through the door.

[not-from-the-absence-of-violence]

You must be he I was seeking

Summary: Roman and Logan have been best friends as long as they can remember, but will it stay that way?

or

Roman and Logan are huge idiots.

Pairings: Logince, backround (but still a lot of) moxiety and dukeceit.

Warnings: mentions of bullying, friends fighting, there is quite a lot of angst but  with happy ending :)

word count: 5690

a/n: Hello everyone, it’s been quite a while since I posted any fic, I am quite proud of this one so I hope yall enjoy it. I originally wrote this for @sanderssantas fic exange for the lovely @therealmoshar! (go check them out!!). I have always wanted to write enemies to lovers and a soulmate au so I absolutely loved writing this. 

The title comes from “To A Stranger” by Walt Withman. 

you can also find it on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21804592

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Roman was practically bouncing in his seat at lunch, or more than usual anyway. It seemed today he was surpassing even his sibling in hyperactivity. His mom smiled softly at him.

“You’re going to Logan’s later?” She said knowingly.

Upon hearing his best friends name Roman’s face lit up.

“Yeah I’m gonna, “ he said between haphazard bites of his sandwich “Imma pick him up from his house, after lunch!”

Remus rolled their eyes next to him.

“It’s tragic to be the only one with manners here,” they said.

It is to be noted that they said this while practically covering the entire table and themselves in peanut butter and jelly.

Roman playfully shoved them after he finished his food.

“Shut up, Ree,” he said.

To which Remus responded by sticking their tongue out, before going back to their food. Then Roman looked at his mom with his best pleading puppy dog eyes.

Carmen laughed at her children fondly, shaking her head.

“Fine,” she said “You are excused, Roman.”

The moment she said it, he bolted from the table to put on his shoes.

“Be back at seven!” she shouted at him.

He ran back into the room, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and raid rushed:

“Will do, thank you, bye!”

“Love you!” she called out in the general direction of the hallway.

She heard a very loud “Me too!” and a slam of the door.

She couldn’t help but laugh. He reminded her so much of when she had been young and met her soulmate; she and Isa couldn’t get enough of each other either. Absentmindedly she touched her arm where a garden of flowers is tattooed on her skin and she smiled.

Then she turned back to the table.

“Remus! Do not feed peanut butter to the cat!”

--------------

Roman knocked excitedly at Logan’s door.

They were going to go to their secret clearing in the neighborhood park. Well “secret”, technically anyone could come there, but there were never any people there.

It was a small clearing with a bench and overgrown plants all around. Roman insisted that the place had to be magical, Logan on the other hand said it was simply forgotten due to poor municipal planning.

Whoever was right didn’t really matter in the end, it was their favorite place to be.

Logan’s dad opened the door, he always looked very similar to Logan, with his dark skin and black curly hair, although Logan’s was shorter. The biggest noticeable difference was his tattoo on his neck that consisted of various little birds, the very same that his mother had.

Anyway, Logan’s dad smiled at him and said:

“Logan’s upstairs, you know the way.”

“Thanks Mr. Sanders!” Roman said, and ran up the stairs.

He practically stormed into Logan’s room.

Logan looked up from Foundation and Empire, annoyed, until he realised who had just charged into his room.

“Roman!” he said, a little too enthusiastically considering they had seen each other yesterday.

“Yeah, now come on Lo! We gotta go to the park!” he said grabbing his friend’s hand and pulling him downstairs.

Logan shook his head at his impatient friend, but did not stop him.

“You do know we still have about six hours of playtime, right?”

“Yeah yeah but the dragon witch is not going to defeat herself!”

Logan could not really argue with that.

He quickly put on his shoes and could only say a quick goodbye to his dad before Roman grabbed his hand and took off towards the park.

-----------------

They played happily for hours, occasionally Logan would point out inconsistencies in Roman’s stories which he always answered with a variation of:

“It’s magic, Specs!” or “we are playing pretend, calculator watch”.

Roman liked nicknames.

And Logan would give in and follow Roman’s nonsensical plot. Logan always liked Roman’s stories a lot, secretly.

They played until the sun started setting, then tired out and content they sat on their bench, surely late for curfew and not bothered by it whatsoever.

Logan rested his head on Roman’s lap, to be able to properly point at the stars and show them all to Roman.

And although Roman couldn’t really remember all that he was told he always listened carefully, slowly threading his fingers through his friend’s hair, smiling at Logan’s beaming face.

It was time to go home and a comfortable silence fell over them.

Roman sighed content and said.

“We will always be together, won’t we Lo?”

Logan sat up and looked at his friend.

“Always is a very long time, Ro.”

“You think we won’t?”

“That’s not what I said.”

Roman laughed

“It's almost as if you like me, nerd.”

Logan tried to give him an annoyed look, which ended up looking more along the lines of “desperately fond”.

“For the record,” Logan said. “We will be together forever.”

Barely above a whisper but with the conviction one could only have when speaking an absolute truth.

It was strong wording, but such are the things you say when you have yet to turn nine and the world seems simple.

And they believed it, with all of their hearts, they really did.

-----------------

Then middle school rolled around, and everything went wrong. And as far as Roman is concerned, it was all Logan’s fault.

A few months after they started middle school Logan already seemed to change so much. He was quiet and reserved, which is something he had always been, but never around Roman. He was also always seemingly busy.

Roman didn’t know about how kids made fun of Logan in class, how slowly but surely Logan began to believe his only redeemable quality was his grades.

It’s not like Logan told him.

What made it harder is that they weren’t in the same class anymore, so they only saw each other after school.

More and more often Logan would be studying, or taking extra classes, which he didn’t even need in Roman’s opinion.

Roman got increasingly sadder, and quietly wondered what happened to his best friend.

As far as Logan was concerned it was all Roman’s fault, because he had replaced him.

One day Logan arrived at Roman’s house, unannounced, sure, but they did that all the time.

Or they had done that once.

Remus opened the door and seemed genuinely surprised to see him.

“Logan…” they said, pitifully?

“Hello, is Roman home?”

“Yes, but,” they hesitated “he has a friend over.”

Logan’s brain short circuited, a friend? Of course Roman could have other friends, many people at school liked him. He was allowed to have other people over that weren’t him.

It still didn’t sit right with him.

He walked up the familiar staircase to Roman’s door, which was easy to find because it said “Roman” in cursive red and gold and covered in stickers.

He heard Roman’s loud laughter mixed with someone else's.

He opened the door to find Patton Jones in Logan’s usual spot, next to Roman on his bed laughing at a joke only the two of them understand.

The two on the bed stopped abruptly when they saw Logan at the door.

“Logan!” Roman said excitedly, because they hadn’t seen each other in more than a week.

“It’s good that you are here,” he continued.”Now you can meet Patton!”

Patton smiled in a way that seemed to light up his freckled clad face, he seemed lovely with his sunny smile and golden curls, Logan felt something akin to anger bubbling in his chest, he immediately did not like Patton.

“You must be Logan,” Patton said happily “Roman talks about you a lot.”

Logan completely missed Roman blushing, and instead realised that the feeling bubbling up in his chest was something as stupid as jealousy.

“I can come by another time.”  he said.

“No, no its going to be fun!”

The rest of the evening was awkward. Roman and Patton had jokes and stories Logan didn’t know. Logan couldn’t shake the horrible feeling in his stomach.

Logan left before dinner in a hurry.

Roman was extremely confused, why couldn’t Logan even be just nice to Patton.

Patton was sweet and if Logan didn’t appreciate that, Patton was Roman’s friend.

“I am sorry Pat, I have no idea what’s up with him.”

“I think he might just be jealous, Ro.” Patton said softly.

But Logan was not an idiot, there was no reason to be jealous, Roman was sure Logan knew that. But of course he didn’t tell him that.

“No, I think he is just being a jerk.”

Patton shook his head sadly, he didn’t like it when people were hurting.

----------------------

Roman and Logan saw each other less and less through middle school.

They didn’t talk about the things that bothered them or anything really, and soon painful silence fell over them when they hung out.

Things didn’t completely get ruined until about a week before summer vacation.

“My parents agreed for you to come along with our vacation.” Logan said, pretending very hard that everything was fine.

They had always gone on vacation together, he saw no reason for it to be different this year.

Roman shifted uncomfortably.

“Still the week of the 11th?”

Logan eyed him dubiously.

“Yes? It’s always been that week?”

Roman looked at the ground guiltily.

Logan stared at him baffled.

“You forgot?!” Logan said, way too loud, his fists clenched, his body tensed up.

“I am so so sorry Logan! I am going camping with Pat that week but maybe-”

Logan saw red.

Of course he thought what did I expect?

“Fine! Go hang out with Patton then!” he yelled, trying very hard not to cry.

Roman threw up his hands.

“I don’t know why you hate Patton so much!”

“I don’t! I just-”

“You do.”

Logan clenched his jaw so hard he wondered whether he could break his teeth like that.

Roman looked at him with a challenge.

“This is preposterous Roman, we are not toddlers anymore.”

“So you admit you dislike Patton.”

Logan slowly breathed in and out.

“I do not.”

Roman shook his head.

“Oh yeah? You merely hate when I hang out with him? God forbid I want to have a friend that doesn’t ditch me because he is a such a fucking nerd!”

Roman regretted the words the moment they left his mouth and saw Logan flinch.

Logan looked back at him as if he had just been slapped.

Kids at school said those things, but Roman, Roman wouldn’t.

Yet he had.

Logan felt tears prickle in his eyes.

“Logan...“ Roman said softly.

“I hate you!” Logan shouted, before storming off.

Roman did not run towards him, nor did he try to reason with him.

He just shouted “Fine!”

And ran back home choking back tears.

-------------------

3 years later.

Pretty much everyone at Gainesville High School knew Roman Reyes and Logan Sanders.

Roman Reyes was known as a semi-popular theatre kid, that many people knew either because he constantly got the lead role in the school’s play or because he was signed up to at least 10 different extracurricular clubs and activities. Most people liked him well enough, although he usually sat at lunch only with Patton Jones and occasionally his twin.

Whom was another reason he was known across the school, people tend to remember you if your sibling blew up the lab, on multiple occasions.

Logan Sanders was a genius, who had won more science contests than anyone else at the school ever. Everyone also liked him well enough, or at least they said so ever since he started hanging out with Deceit - who did have a real name, supposedly, but made up a new one every time someone asked him - and Virgil Decker. Who were both rather punk/emo and would not hesitate to fuck you up if you messed with their friends. They had a very interesting brand of psychological warfare they had used on Chad Carson when he had spray painted Logan’s locker in freshman year, no one had dared to mess with him since.

Anyway, they had many things in common, Logan and Roman.

They both had a tendency of arguing with teachers, they both had interesting brands of extra, they both liked to wear skirts occasionally.

And mostly everyone knew them because they knew that letting those two in a room together was about as catastrophic as letting an atomic bomb go off.

Some of their arguments and fights were famous.

Like the time they argued for two periods about the correct interpretation of a single line in Hamlet , derailing poor Ms. Chase’s math class.

Or the time Roman joined the debate team loudly announcing to anyone who would listen that he was doing it to kick Logan’s butt. In retribution Logan had auditioned for the role Roman wanted in the school play. They now shared the role, much to the demise of the whole theatre cast and crew and director Thomas Sanders.

Or the time they were doing their standard comparing grades and bickering shenanigans which escalated in Roman pouring water over Logan, which in turn got Roman covered in an unholy mix of coffee and red bull.

Everyone tried to separate them as much as possible, but it seemed somehow those two always ended up stuck together.

----------------

Patton sighed as Roman shouted yet another stupid nickname at Logan, who was sitting all the way across the cafeteria. Logan shouted back a “burn” that sounded suspiciously like a rap verse.

Patton gave a sympathetic smile and wave at Virgil who seemed to be faking slamming his head onto the table in frustration.

Virgil saw him and blushed timidly and waved back, which in turn made Patton blush.

He looked down at his arm looking at his forming soulmark. He had made friendship bracelets is whole life, he was in fact looping one now. A green one, Remus had bitten through their old one. Now he had the simple design of one on his right wrist, a blue one with a little purple heart in the middle. He really, really hoped Virgil had the same tattoo.

Roman didn’t notice his very obvious crush and instead started ranting about Logan, again.

Patton tuned him off as much as he could.

“You two are like Harry and Draco.” Patton cut him off, hoping Harry Potter might make him stop.

Roman scoffed.

“I hope you mean that he is Draco.”

“You have been talking about him for the past ten minutes!” Patton countered.

“First of all clearly I am a Gryffindor, second of all he is just so-”

“Infuriating!” Logan said to Dee and Virgil who were totally paying attention and hadn’t heard this all before.

“Oh,” Dee said, rolling his eyes “you hadn’t mentioned it.”

“I haven’t? Well in that case-”

They were saved by an impromptu lecture on everything infuriating Roman had ever said and done by Remus, who slammed their lunch on the table. They proceeded to crawl on Dee’s lap casually.  Virgil muttered “get a room” which earned him a middle finger from Remus.

“Can’t you shut up about my brother for one second Lolo,” they said “there are more subjects, you know.”

Logan did not give in.

“Doesn’t your brother regard you as a traitor?”

“For sitting with my soulmate?” Remus rolled their eyes “You are so dramatic, nerdy wolverine, besides Roman may be a pain in the ass, but he is also a romantic.”

Logan wrinkled his nose looking at Deceit and Remus’s intertwined arms. In full display was a currently simple, but surely one day extremely extra green and yellow serpent tattoo that coiled around both of their arms, making it hard to make out where each of them ended or started.

They were ridiculous. And so was his mark, it was not visible but it was a simple and way too cartoonish bunch of stars under his left shoulder blade.

Soulmates where stupid, in Logan’s opinion.

“It’s not like any of you like Roman, I am in my right to find him aggravating and-” he saw all of his friends looking at him incredulously. “What?”

He distinctly heard Dee mutter: “Lord grant me patience, because if you grant me strength someone will get murdered.”

“Well, I mean Princey isn’t my best friend but,” Virgil shrugged “ I like him well enough, plus his antics in debate club are always entertaining.”

Logan looked at Virgil disbelieving, then at Dee who smirked a bit.

“He certainly is dramatic and annoying, I’ll give you that but then again,” he gestured vaguely at his company on the table “a lot of people are.”

Vrigil rolled his eyes, Remus simply nodded in agreement.

Logan scoffed.

Since when does Deceit hang out with Roman anyway, well aside from play rehearsal and the fact that he is his soulmates brother and- , Logan thought, realised he was being stupid and shook his head.

“I have seen you hit Roman with a morning star, Remus, you can not tell me you enjoy his company.”

“It was play rehearsal!” Remus defended “and we are siblings, it’s different.”

“I can’t fathom any of you enjoy his company he-”

“Well don’t be like that, you two used to be best friends.” Remus said nonchalantly.

Virgil stared at Logan baffled, Dee burst into laughter.

“I am not joking!” Remus said amused.

Dee shook his head.

“I know, darling, but it's not like we have had to endure daily rants on how dreadful Roman is, and it turns out they were fucking best friends!”

Virgil just kept staring at Logan quizzically.

“Yes, Roman and I were,” he hesitated not sure how to phrase it “..close, but we were children, it was quite some time ago.”

“What happened?”

Logan looked briefly across the cafeteria to Roman’s table, where Patton was tying a friendship bracelet to Roman’s wrist.

“He found new friends.”

-----------------

Logan hadn’t quite realised how much he missed Roman, but now that he had been lying wide awake for quite some time, memories of both of them unable to get out of his head, he supposes it’s a lot more than he initially thought.

He really does like his current friends, but somehow Roman had been different, they had been so very close and Logan had believed they would be together forever.

There was still a picture somewhere buried under books on his desk he couldn’t bring himself to throw away.

It was a nice spring day, they had their arms around each other, they were both smiling so wide it seemed impossible, they were probably around ten years old, childhood innocence still in their eyes. And Roman was looking at him like he hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

Where had that look gone? What had happened?

Logan’s chest ached with nostalgia,and although he had previously never ever considered sneaking out, on this night with a full moon and thousands of stars he quietly slips into his coat and shoes.

He opens the front door silently and he walks calmly to the clearing in the park.

Their park.

He gets there and goes to sit on the bench.

Their bench.

He looks up at the sky, he looks at the stars that he once considered theirs.

A deep melancholy settles into his chest threatening to blow him into pieces.

Tears prickle in his eyes for times long gone.

He is snapped out of his thoughts by a soft, surprised, achingly familiar voice.

“Logan?” his best friend, his rival, a stranger says.

-----------------

Patton had never been mad at Roman before. Sure Roman could be a bit much, Patton had been frustrated, annoyed, aggravated, perhaps a tad angry.

But today it seemed he had finally crossed a line with him. Roman was, as usual, ranting about Logan.

Patton had sighed heavily.

“Now you are just being mean, Roman, I know you miss him but-”

And ok, Roman may have exploded a little, stating that he was better off without Logan in about ten different ways.

Patton had huffed and said in a tone Roman had never heard from him before: “Fine, see you tomorrow.” and he walked away.

And now in the middle of the night Roman couldn’t shake Patton's words out of his head. Mostly because he had been right.

He did miss Logan.

He looked at the little stars, just under his shoulder blade in the mirror. They always reminded him of Logan, and his ceiling full of glow in the dark stars. Too bad Logan hated his guts.

He put his shirt back on and looked through the window, out to the full moon and the stars.

He made his way downstairs careful not to wake up his moms’. Downstairs he bumped into Remus who snickered at him.

“Sneaking out little brother, I always figured you were too much of a goody-two-shoes for that.”

Roman eyed his sibling dubiously, they were wearing a neon green skirt with suspenders over a black crop-top, knee length boots, and those weird long fingerless gloves.

Roman wondered how they could possibly be related.

“First of all, what are you wearing? Second you are also sneaking out and third we are twins! And i was born first!”

Remus laughed and grabbed a rat out of their skirt pocket.

“Can you believe how easy it is to rile him up, Woody?” they said to the rat. “Isn't he ridiculous?”

“You are sneaking out with your rats?”

Remus carefully stuffed the rat back in their pocket and said: “Dee is having a party!”

As if this was an explanation for the rats. Also Roman knew very well Deceits “parties” consisted of either vandalising public property with anarchist messages or some other sort of public disturbance.

Roman shook his head and walked towards the door.

“Don’t get arrested, I won’t bail you out this time.” he called over his shoulder.

“I make no promises.” they said before disappearing through the kitchen window, for some reason.

Outside he wondered whether Logan joined them in their mischief these days.

Logan seemed like a rational individual, but slap a decent hypothesis to any shenanigans and he will call it an “experiment” and go along gleefully.

Or he used to anyway.

He walked towards the park remembering all the trouble they had gotten into, chuckling sadly at his memories.

He made it to the clearing as if last time had been yesterday, and not years ago.

There to his surprise was Logan Sanders, looking up to the sky and...crying?

“Logan?” he asked, unsure of whether or not he was dreaming.

Logan looked at him, a little bit shocked, but mostly he looked tired.

They stood still for a moment staring at each other tension everywhere.

Finally it was broken by a small, exhausted voice.

“I am tired of fighting, Roman.”

He looked so sad, so small, Roman wanted nothing more than to gather him in his arms.

He didn’t, instead he sat next to him.

“I think I am too.”

Silence fell over them again.

“Then pray tell,” Logan said. “What are we doing?”

Roman looked down at his hands.

“I don’t know,” he shook his head. “You promised you know.” Roman said bitterly. “Forever.”

Logan looked back at him, anger clearly bubbling right back into his stomach.

“Maybe we would’ve if you hadn’t replaced me!” he spat with venom in his voice.

Roman’s eyes widened in surprise he turned to Logan baffled.

“What?” Roman asked.

“Well it was clear you favored Patton, which I suppose should be fine, but-”

“Hold up! Time out!” Roman said shaking his hands. “You were jealous? You thought I liked Patton better?”

Now Logan looked equally baffled.

“I- yes?” he said.

Roman burst out laughing. Logan really didn’t get the joke.

“What?” he demanded.

“I thought you didn’t like me anymore! I mean we never hung out anymore and you seemed so distant.” he gripped Logan’s hands firmly into his own. “I love Patton don’t get me wrong, but I started hanging it with him because I was so lonely,” he looked into Logan’s eyes “without you.”

“You were?” Logan said his voice so small.

Thus Roman realised he was an idiot, a petty, stubborn, stupid moron .

“Yeah, I was.” he sighed sadly. “I am sorry, for what I said then and well for everything.”

Logan shook his head.

“It was so long ago.”

“I should never have said that.”

Logan smiled just a little bit.

“I apologize too, for everything.”

Roman smiled back.

“Man, I thought you were being a jerk to Patton for no reason.”

Now it was Logan’s turn to laugh, a little bitterly and with bitten back tears.

“Patton seemed so perfect, and with everything people were saying at school,” he looked away from Roman. “I did not think there was a way I could compete with him.”

Roman did hug him then, clutching to the back of his shirt, pressing Logan close and said:

“No one could ever compete with you, Specs.”

Logan’s heart soared, he hugged back and clung to Roman like a life raft, he let out a shaky laugh, a breath of relief and said very quietly but full of conviction:

“No one could ever compete with you either.”

They stayed in the park way too long, remembering old times, making plans for times ahead. Perhaps it should’ve been awkward, but somehow it wasn’t, they fit like two pieces of a puzzle, just like they always had.

They had years to catch up on, but soon they realised that their lives were still intertwined, their friendship group was pretty much the same and they shared extracurricular activities. They had never really been separated at all.

They did still bicker, but they didn’t fight and their words lacked bite or venom.

So they ended up pressed against each other, looking up at the stars. Logan’s head rested on Roman’s shoulder.

“Look it’s Cassiopeia.” Roman said, pointing at the constellation.

Logan couldn't quite bring himself to be embarrassed about the way he giggled.

“I thought I was supposed to be the astronomy guy.” he said.

Roman smiled into his hair.

“I did listen, you know, when you talked about the stars.”

Logan looked up at the stars and held Roman closer, he remembered, now how it had been so easy to promise him forever.

------------

The next day at Gainesville high school everyone was fairly sure the apocalypse had just started, because Roman Reyes and Logan Sanders had eaten lunch together, with all of their friends, who all seemed delighted and not at all bothered by it. And not just that they had, supposedly also sat together in all classes they could.

“You are kidding me, babe.” said Remy Katz taking a sip from his starbucks iced coffee.

“I swear I am not!” said a very baffled Emile Picani, “I saw them at lunch!”

“You sure they weren’t try to poison each others food? Secretly murdering each other through pure passive aggressiveness?”

Emile recalled how he had seen them, their smiles blinding, looking at each other as if they hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

“Yes, I am sure,” he said smiling “They seemed happy.”

-----------

Logan and Roman’s friends had varied reactions to finding their years long rivalry had ended with a good conversation and some hugs.

Patton was so utterly delighted he hadn’t been able to be mad at anyone, especially after Logan’s very sincere apology, the gist of which was “I was a jealous thirteen year old, and I am sorry.”

Patton had hugged Logan very tightly and handed him a blue bracelet with a little star in the middle.

Logan smiled surprised.

“How did you know I liked astrology?”

Patton smirked and said: “Roman talked about you, a lot.”

Roman turned cherry red and sputtered some nonsensical words.

And of course all his friends were kind enough to laugh at his expense, really loudly.

After that Virgil offered his reaction which had been something akin of “Fucking finally.”

To which Patton said: “Language, babe.”

And Roman got his revenge by laughing very loudly at Virgil's very red face.

Which was not much of a revenge at all because Patton felt so very sorry that they were laughing at his poor boyfriend and so kissed him quite sweetly.

To which Remus shouted: “get a room!” which they shouted while sitting on Dee’s lap with their legs coiled around each other.

Dee had then shook his head, looked Roman up and down and said: “I suppose we can add another moron to our group.” A statement that no one argued.

Everyone ate happily together, bickering loudly and laughing a tad too loud.

Patton and Virgil tentatively held hands under the table; their bracelet tattoos giving an illusion of hands bound together, content and forever.

Deceit and Remus ate, as always, half on each others laps, their arms twisted together to show the serpent seemingly pressing them together.

As for Roman and Logan? Well I hope it is established by now that they are clueless morons.

Yes, they were friends again, and everyone pretty much assumed they had figured out they were soulmates as well.

But

It took them a week more.

It all happened over lunch at Roman’s house, Roman was eating, or well he was shoving food in his mouth as rushed as possible.

His moms shared a knowing look.

“Are you going to Logan’s later?” Carmen aksed.

Roman’s face lit up and made something of a sound of agreement.

“After lunch!”

Everyone at the table couldn’t help but smile at his besotted face, even Remus.

“Well I am glad I don't have to hear your rants about not having a soulmate anymore, they were getting exhausting.” They said brightly.

Roman practically dropped his fork in shock, eyes wide he turned to his sibling.

“What?” Roman said, trying to process the sentence.

“Wait, you seriously hadn’t figured it out yet?” Remus said dumbfounded.

And when Roman, still shocked, shook his head, Remus burst into laughter joined by their moms’ not so subtle chuckling.

Roman on the other hand was freaking out.

“Oh my Gods! Logan is my soulmate?! Oh my- I- What?!” Roman sputtered.

Which just made Remus laugh harder.

“How do you know?” Roman continued “When did you see Logan shirtless? Wait! Do I want to know?”

Remus waved their hand dismissively.

“I got sulfuric acid on his shirt, doesn’t matter, long story, but like...you really didn’t know?!”

Roman felt like his world had been shaken upside down.

He had to-

“GO! I have to go!”

Carmen, who was still laughing said: “you are excused, Roman.”

As soon as she said that Roman bolted out of the door, nearly forgetting his shoes.

----------------

Roman knocked on Logan’s door excitedly. Logan’s dad opened the door and smiled down at him.

“It’s good to see you again Roman!”

Roman nodded politely, still practically vibrating from emotion.

Logan’s dad seemed to notice, laughed and said:

“Logan’s upstairs, you know the way.”

“Thanks Mr. Sanders.” Roman said as he dashed up the stairs.

Upstairs he actually barged into Logan’s room.

Logan looked up from his book and did not even try to hide his glee as he said:

“Roman! You are early.”

He also did not hide his surprise and subsequent rush of warmth to his face when Roman blurted out: “Take off your shirt!”

“I- wh- what?” he stammered.

Roman laughed, still bouncing.

“Ok, ok,” he said. “I could’ve frased that one better, wait let me just-”

Then Roman started taking his shirt off, oh Goodness Gracious-

“Roman what in the world are you-”

Then Roman turned around.

And Logan’s heart either stopped or started beating so fast he couldn’t properly feel it anymore. Because there, covering Roman’s right shoulder blade was a perfectly glitterly, stupidly cartoonish little galaxy.

“We are soulmates.” he stated.

And then again, and again and again getting steadily more excited as he went.

Roman looked on at his shiny face and wondered if it was possible to die of fondness and cuteness overload.

“Yeah, L.” Roman said, giggly and breathless. “We are.”

Logan came closer, laughing now, joy clear on his face.

“Oh,” he said shaking his head. “We are such idiots.”

“Oh yeah we are.”

Logan came to his senses only for a second to realise that Roman was still shirtless.

He coughed pointedly, Roman smirked.

“I don’t know, pocket protector, don’t like what you see?”

Logan swatted him lightly and gave him a fake scandalised look

“Put a shirt on, Roman.”

Roman pouted but obliged and put on his shirt, making a whole show of turning around and putting on his shirt as slowly as possible.

He turned around.

“So-” he started and never finished, because Logan grabbed him by the front of his shirt and kissed him.

Roman made a sound at the back of his throat between “delighted” and “please God more”. And he kissed back, practically making them both fall on Logan’s bed.

Their kiss, they both agreed, had to be magical, they were soaring flying and pulling each other closer and closer, practically melting against each other. They giggled and laughed and whispered sweet nothings that meant the world and nothing at all.

They ended up pulling apart only for the insufferable need for air.

They sat up on Logan’s bed,panting, pressed against each other, looking up at Logan’s glow in the dark stars in pleasant silence.

Roman gently brushed the hair out of his soulmates face and said softly:

“We will always be together, won’t we love?”

Logan smiled and leaned into his touch.

“Always is a long time, beloved.”

Roman tenderly brushed his cheek.

“You think we won’t be?”

Logan closed his eyes, smiling contendly.

“That’s not what I said.”

God, I love him so much. They both thought.

“Gosh, it’s almost as if you like me, nerd.”

They both giggled.

Then Logan pulled Roman even closer and whispered into Roman’s ear, very faintly, but with the conviction one could only have when speaking an absolute truth.

“I know we will be together forever.”

And they believed it, with all of their hearts, they did.

[white-spirit-of-darkness]

Here’s your holiday

Summary:  He’d hoped that a teacher would find him and drag him to the Principal’s office and his parents had to come pick him up, justo so their days would be ruined the same way his life had been ruined for over a week now. 

Highschool AU 

Pairing: Platonic Prinxiety. 

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Angst, divorced parents, mentions of depression, mentions of parents fighting. 

A/N: This a vent fic I wrote while listening to a sad playlist. All of the things described are taken from my own experiences, so this is me yeeting angst into the fandom to cope with my issues. 

Title from Stay Together for the Kids by Blink-182 

“Hey”

Roman lifted his head. Virgil was staring at him from the door of the empty classroom where Roman had decided to hide nearly two hours ago. Sunlight threatened to filter through the dark blinds Roman had made sure to close when he arrived. It wasn’t his usual style, but he didn’t feel like facing the day. Or his classmates, or his teachers, or his friends, or anything.

Virgil walked into the room after gesturing something to someone in the corridor, probably Patton or Logan or both, not that Roman cared. He’d shot a quick text in the groupchat telling them to not worry about him after disappearing before Math class. He’d also turned off his phone afterwards, so he had no idea how long he’d spent on the floor of the old Arts classroom, hoping that no one would go looking for him.

No, that was a lie. He’d hoped that a teacher would find him and drag him to the Principal’s office and his parents had to come pick him up, justo so their days would be ruined the same way his life had been ruined for over a week now. But only his friends had cared, and Roman had to bite back a snarky remark as Virgil walked among desks. He should have know that they wouldn’t leave him alone for too long. They were probably worried about him.

“How did you find me?”, he asked watching as Virgil dropped his bag next to his and sat down with his back against the wall. Virgil was wearing his hoodie, and for the first time Roman realized how cold the room was. The air conditioning must have been on even before Roman got there. His uniform shirt was crumpled, and there dust stains all over his black pants. Maybe that would be enough to piss off his mother, he mused.

Virgil raised an eyebrow before answering. “Honestly, we assumed you’d be here right after you left. Patton wanted to follow you straight away, but Logan thought it would be best if we gave you some space”.

Roman hummed noncommittally. Leave it to Logan to be the only brain cell of the group, again. He would have probably screamed at Patton if he had followed him, so it really had been for the better.

“We made up some excuse for you, but we figured we should try to find you before a teacher decided to call your mom” said Virgil, playing with a fidget cube and avoiding Roman’s eyes. The mention of his mom reminded him why he was in the classroom, why he hadn’t done his homework, why he’d turned off his phone and why he wanted to be alone.

“We saw Remy, you know” continued Virgil after realizing he would not be getting a response from Roman. “He looked like a mess. What the hell happened, Princey?”

At the mention of his younger brother, Roman’s hand closed into a fist. He didn’t know what was going inside his brother's head, because they hadn’t talked in days. He couldn’t forget his screams, or the new dark circles underneath his eyes, or the  dirty cups of coffee that piled up on his brother’s desk. Remy usually drank green tea; he hated coffee.

“Princey?” Virgil’s voice seemed to come from a mile away. He was shaking and there was a desperate sob trying to find its way out of his throat. He would not cry. He hadn’t cried yet. He’d known it was coming, he knew for how long it had been boiling under the surface, the sleepless nights that his mother spent in the living room, the way his father ignored what was happening right in front of his eyes. He knew it was for the best, so why, why, why couldn’t he just accept it? Why couldn’t he just get over it?

“Roman!” he finally snapped back to reality. Virgil’s hands were over his own, trying to get him to stop clenching his fists so hard. There was a dull sting in his palms where his fingernails had started to pierce the flesh, and his eyes hurt with the effort to keep himself together. Virgil’s eyes kept trying to meet his, but Roman knew that as soon as they made eye contact he’d break down, and that couldn’t happen., it just couldn’t happen, because Roman was the strong one, the older child, the one who had known ever since he could remember.

“Roman, breathe” said Virgil, and this time Roman let himself listen to his friend. Virgil managed to make him loosen up his fingers, and slowly the anger faded into the background of his mind, leaving him with the heavy feeling of the tears in the back of his throat. He focused on Virgil’s fingers, still holding his wrists, probably checking for his pulse.

“One, two, three, four” counted Virgil, and Roman followed him in the breathing exercise that all of them had learned just in case after Virgil himself had an awfully strong panic attack. He could feel his lungs filling, and the pressure on his chest lessened up a bit.

“Thanks” he said after a while. Virgil had stopped counting after a couple minutes, but he kept his fingers loosely around Roman’s wrists, grounding him. He still looked worried, and Roman sighed, letting his head fall against the wall.

“I don’t know what happened, Ro” started Virgil, but Roman shaked his head and he shut up. Roman took a deep breath and said, “My parents are divorcing” .

There it was. He’d said it out loud for the first time. Now it was real, tangible, and now his friends would know and Remy would hate him even more because he’d told them and-

Virgil was silent, but there was no sign of pity in his deep, brown eyes. At some point he’d let go of his hands, and Roman hated that he wished he hadn’t, because he needed something to hold on, something to make sure he was still awake. He had tried to pretend that it was all a nightmare for so long now.

“They are divorcing, they told us a week ago, my dad is leaving, or my mother, one of them is gonna leave by the end of the week, and they are fighting over who stays with me and Remy, and-” he paused, trying to keep his voice from cracking up. He kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling lamp, which was broken. Broken,  just like his stupid family. “I hate it so much, Virgil. I hate that I knew it would happen, that I've known all my life, I hate… I hate that there’s nothing I can do, because it’s necessary. They were falling apart for so long… I knew it would happen”.

The anger was back, but this time Roman was tired. He was tired of pretending it was alright, that this was the best solution. He was tired of fighting his own depression on top of having to live in a house with two people that couldn’t even look at each other in the eye. He hated how pale Remy looked, he hated having to hear his brother’s sobs in the middle of the night and not knowing how to breach the distance between their beds in their shared room. He hated that both his mom and his dad wanted to stay with them and he hated that he knew they had to stay with their mother, because she was just a thousand times better at being an adult than their dad. He hated that Remy blamed their mom and that he blamed their dad.

“I don’t know what to do, Virge” he confessed. His voice was barely a whisper. Despite his best efforts, a tear rolled down his cheek.

“You don’t have to do anything” he heard Virgil say, and he finally turned to look at him. Virgil looked softer than he’d ever seen him, and before Roman had time to answer, his friend opened his arms and looked at him.

“Come here, Princey”

For a second he thought about refusing, but something deep inside him needed a hug. When he launched himself into his friends arms, it was with the force of a week of trying to not fall apart, with all the tears that he’d refused to shed, with all the words he had not screamed. He was crying now, and he was babbling, forgetting all about his dignity. There was only the pain around his heart and Virgil’s strong arms keeping him tied to the earth, reminding him that he had a right to feel as much as he had to. Virgil was practically squeezing him and Roman was sure that he was making a mess of tears and snot on Virgil’s jacket, but he also knew that it wasn’t important.

“-it’s okay, Roman, you don’t have to be strong, not for this, you don’t have to do anything” he heard Virgil repeating a mantra next to his ear. His voice was soothing and soft, and only served to make him cry even harder. He was full on sobbing, and he cried and cried until he was sure he couldn’t cry anymore. Virgil kept rubbing his back and talking softly as he did, and only when he felt his throat aching and his eyes burning he dared let go of him.

“I’m so tired, Virge” he said, and one last tear fell from his eye. He felt raw, defenseless; the weight on his shoulders too heavy to bear. Back home he’d have to put on his headphones and play the loudest songs he had on his phone, just to avoid talking to anyone.

“It shows, Princey. You look like a mess” said Virgil with a half smile, before reaching and grabbing one of his hands. Their laced fingers reminded Roman that, no, he didn’t have to be alone, not anymore.

“Listen, I don’t know how you’re feeling” continued Virgil, giving his hand a soft squeeze. Roman nodded, after all, it was true. “But you are my friend, and that means that I’m here for you. You don’t have to hide whatever it is that you’re feeling. If you don’t wanna tell Lo and Pat, that’s fine, I can hold them off or tell them so they won’t ask questions, but please don’t shut us out”

Silence fell once again over the classroom, and Roman used the quiet moments to breathe deeply. Virgil’s hand was warm in the cold room, keeping him from taking a leap into darker thoughts. Yes, it hurt deeply, and he still had tears to cry, but maybe he could wait. He still had to talk to his parents, and he still didn’t know what to do about his brother, but he’d be okay for the rest of the day. There would be countless days where he would want to hit the walls, and thinking about Christmas was depressing at best, but..

“Let’s go to class” he said, and Virgil grinned.

Yes, he would be okay.

[actually-impostor]

Coward

implied analogicality but the ship is not the focus

Warnings: Roman angst, one sided Roman/Ann/Patton, Human AU, Self-loathing, Roman center. hurt/no comfort

This fanfic is a monster of 1437 words so im putting it under a read more and also, this is 100% a vent piece in which i make roman suffer cause he’s (surprisingly) the one thats most similar to me.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Roman stared at his reflection in the mirror. He hated it, he hated the way he looked, he hated how his smile always crocked slightly to one side, how his eyes were a dark brown, hated the fact that he had to try so hard to  get his hair to be soft. There wasn’t a single thing in him that was worth appreciating.

He covered the mirror back with the sheet and messed up his hair. He had to put the front back on, put again the happy mask. He simply couldn’t allow the others to know what he felt.

It all started because he hadn’t jumped at the chance he had. He had just stared from afar, only offering a few hints of his real feelings. But Logan? Oh no, Logan had analyzed perfectly his chances and had won. The worst part was that the teacher wasn’t at fault, no one knew of Roman’s feelings.

He shook his head, trying to stop the tears from going down his face, and plastered a self-confident smirk. He couldn’t fall down in front of the others, not now, not when he had finally accepted he was a coward.

“Hey Princey”

“Hello Sunshine, didn’t saw you there”

“Eh, it happens. Come sit with me”

Roman shrugged, crushing the hopeful feeling in his chest. He was used to this, used to cuddling up with the others or being used as a mattress by Patton and Ann. It was normal and it was something Roman was going to allow himself to enjoy, especially because this would be the last time he would have that contact.

“Oh yeah, I’m going to my parents place later“

“Are you staying the night?“

“Yeah I’m probably staying for a while, mom needs a hand“

Roman nodded, this was also normal. The rest of the day went by like it always did. He spent the day cuddling Ann, getting randomly tackle-hugged by Patton, sharing a small smirk with Logan, reminding the others that food, water and meds were a necessary thing (who cared that he went hours or days without food? It wasn’t important even if it made him a hypocrite), and reminding them to sleep if they were tired.

And the worst was that during the whole day those three were always together; always sharing small kisses and soft words. Things that Roman never got, things he had to stare with a fake smile and forced him to hide his feelings as best as possible.

Once dinner was over and all the others had rested enough Roman sighed. He had to do it now or he wouldn’t be able to do it and he’ll regret it. He approached Logan with hesitant steps and called his attention, with a head movement he mentioned the kitchen and Logan nodded.

Roman was nervous, he actually liked Logan as a person and he didn’t wanted to cause problems to anyone, but this was necessary. He had to, for himself.

“Is something the matter Roman?”

“I…” Roman sighed, trying to find strength in the floor “I’ll be leaving the apartment. It’s nothing to worry about, and maybe I’ll be back. But… I thought you should know”

“That’s okay, but I must ask. Are you okay?”

“I’m just being stupid” He shrugged; he knew pretty well his feelings had no base “I do not wish to worry thought, so maybe keep this a secret from Ann and Patton?”

“Well, I must say they will worry no matter what”

“Point, but if it takes them a while to notice I can think of a good excuse”

Logan stared at the younger boy; his usually calculating gaze was now a worried glance. Roman swallowed; he could feel his stomach knotting out of nerves and fear

“If I may, why are you leaving?”

Roman paused, he wasn’t really expecting that question “You must promise Patton and Ann won’t know of my reasons”

“I won’t say anything”

“Very well… It’s because I was too slow. Because I had the chance to be part of a whole and I ruined it… and a better someone took what my brain insist on calling My Place”

Roman knew the other man was aware of what he was saying; there simply wasn’t a way the other wouldn’t notice. He raised his stare from the floor to look his friend in the eyes and took a shuddering breath, he had to run away. It was the only thing he knew how.

“Keep those two safe, okay? And you too, you are just as important” Logan nodded and extended his hand for a handshake.

The second Roman took the teachers hand Logan pulled him into a hug, Roman tensed a little but after a few seconds melted into the hug, hugging back like the world was destroying itself around him. After a few minutes they pulled back.

“Im… I’m sorry for never noticing Roman. Maybe there’s something we can do?”

“No, I just need to clear my head. Close myself up again”

Logan nodded “If you are sure, then I won’t stop you”

The royal-looking boy left that same night, closing the door to what now used to be his apartment. He still needed to explain everything to the other two, but that could wait. The most important thing right now was giving his resignation letter to his boss and start on his new job.

But irony just loves to laugh, because the one that ended up receiving Romans letter was Patton. Roman cursed under his breath; he had no idea what excuse to use for leaving the apartment, but at least the fact that his new job paid more was a decent excuse to resign from his current job.

“You are resigning? Why?”

“Sorry Pat, I just found a job that pays more”

“Oh… it’s okay! I was just curious since you never mentioned it”

“Apologies” Patton giggled a little and waved the apology away

“I didn’t saw you at breakfast tho!”

“I… I’m no longer living in the apartment. I know it’s sudden, there are just a lot of things going on in my life and brain that I need a space for myself”

“Roman, I’m here for you okay? You can count on me”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just need to close myself off first”

Patton nodded, if that was what his friend needed then he would respect it. They said their goodbyes with a long hug, the last hug Roman allowed himself to enjoy. He inhaled the scent of the other man and sighed, he loved him… he loved him so much it felt like his heart was tearing itself apart.

“I…” He coughed, trying to avoid his voice breaking “I gotta go now; my new boss is waiting on the news”

“Good luck Roman”

With that he left, trying as hard as possible to not look back. He wanted to run back in, to hug Patton, to kiss him, to beg him to leave Logan and please give him a chance but he bit his lips until almost make them bleed and walked away without looking back. This was for his own good and for the good of the ones he loved, he had to do it.

It was almost 3 days letter that Roman got the message he was mostly dreading. He was just lazing around in his house when his phone alerted him of a message, and when Roman stared at the screen he froze. He didn’t had a good enough excuse, oh god what was he going to do?

(22:38) Ro? I’m back from my parent’s and Lo told me you left?? What?

(23:05) ah… yeah. Sorry

(23:05) No, its fine just… idk, give a guy some warning?

(23:07) I apologies, I didn’t wanted to worry you

(23:07)… Ro?

(23:07) yes?

(23:10) why did you told Logan and not me? I understand he’s the one that pays and all but… but we are really close

(23:26) I’m sorry, for not telling you I was leaving… and for not explaining the reason. I didn’t wanted you to worry and I forgot to think on the consequences

(23:27) its chill, just… will you ever come back?

(23:30) I will, I promise

“Maybe when I stop being a coward” the boy sighed, letting his phone slip out of his hand and into the ground. He stared at the ceiling, the conversation running circles thought his mind.

He had promise he’ll be back, and he will. But not yet, not now, not when he still lacked the right words to explain what he was feeling.

“I’ll be back when I can tell you the full story” But for now, for now he was going to be a coward. He was going to hide, even if his heart was bleeding, even if his very being was begging him to tell them.

He was a coward after all