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thepeakygirl · 3 years ago

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Her Boy - TommyxLizzie

Masterlist

Summary - When Charlie calls Lizzie Mummy for the first time, tensions rise in Arrow House. Lizzie loves the boy but not wanting to take Grace’s place she finds herself at odds, battling between allowing him to call her Mummy and risking Tommy’s anger or correcting Charlie and unwillingly hurting him. She believes the choice should be Charlie’s, Tommy believes otherwise.

Pairing - TommyxLizzie

Word Count - 5016

Authors Note - Light smut

“Little souls find their way to you, whether they’re from your womb or someone else’s.” Sheryl Crow

Lizzie wasn't certain when she started thinking of Charlie as her own. She'd never been close to the boy before Grace's death. Like others Lizzie had admired the sweet babe from afar, finding herself grinning stupidly whenever she had the pleasure be around him. From his very first breath, Charlie had been so sweet and gentle, causing everyone around him to be entrapped by his kind heart. Polly had remarked one day whilst minding him that he was everything his parents were not and although her hatred for his Mother ran deep, Polly's love for him ran deeper.

Lizzie had never been jealous of Grace but envious of her perfect life. To Lizzie, Grace had everything she could only dream of, everything she'd wanted before finding herself thrusted into a life of prostitution in order to survive. Lizzie wanted the loving husband, the beautiful house filled with lively children to run her ragged. She'd never told anyone but Lizzie had been pregnant before, a few months after Grace left the city and Tommy had found his way back into her bed. Eight weeks passed when Lizzie lost the baby leaving her heartbroken. After that she refused Tommy for a two months before allowing him through her front door again.

When Grace was killed, Lizzie no longer felt envious of the woman instead she felt a deep sadness. Sadness that both Grace's and Tommy's world had been ripped apart but also sadness for the young child who suddenly found himself without his Mummy, a child too young to understand why she was no longer there. The world seemed to stop for a moment as Tommy began to grieve. Lizzie no longer got to see Charlie's smiling face during his visits to the office with Grace or hear his screams of laughter as his Dad tickled his sides. She would watch them through the office windows in awe but the office blinds had soon been drawn and Charlie no longer came instead he was kept at Arrow House under the careful eyes of the maids along with the Peaky Blinders.

A few weeks passed by slowly when Lizzie had been called into Tommy's office like a lamb to the slaughter. The blinds remained draw, filling the room in darkness but Lizzie had seen tommy clearly. Resting in his throne she'd caught sight of the deep sadness within his eyes but also a familiar look, a look she'd seen many times before with the ability to make her feel both wanted and unwanted all at once. It was never her or her heart that he was after but the cunt between her legs and a warm body, it was all it had ever been.

From that day, Lizzie was called into the office multiple times a week whenever Tommy decided to make an appearance. It wasn't all too bad, he was rough and distant but cared enough to seek out her pleasure as well as his own. She was always left feeling more than satisfied yet even more unwanted each time he called her into the room. What had first been quick office fucks had soon turned into late night house visits. Whenever Tommy found himself alone in the big house, left with nothing but his thoughts he soon picked up the phone and Lizzie would appear on his doorstep like a perfectly wrapped gift dropped from the fucking sky to be at his mercy until he was done. It was in these times that Lizzie found herself getting closer to the youngest Shelby of the house.

"Tommy!" Lizzie moaned out, her hands fisting the bed sheets below to steady herself beneath him. He hadn't even offered her a drink this time. Instead she'd been led straight up the stairs and into the bedroom, not the bedroom he shared with Grace of course, that room had now been locked up keeping the past inside, keeping her inside. Lizzie was grateful to feel the softness of a mattress beneath her and not the hard wood of Tommy's desk. It frightened Lizzie that at times she found herself grateful for the littlest care she received from Tommy. There were times she wanted to kill him and times where she would melt like a blushing schoolgirl whenever he laid a hand on her shoulder or praised her work. She ached for his approval but also want to rebel against it and show him that she was more than just a warm body for him.

She could feel his thrusts starting to slow down, the hands wrapped round her hips loosening as his stare melted into the back of her head.

"You alright Liz, do you want me to stop?" She heard him call out, the voice that had once been thick with arousal, now calm and soft.

Fuck! She'd allowed her train of thoughts to run away, distracting her from where she was for a moment. Tommy believed she was no longer enjoying herself, he was going to stop and pull away from her. Lizzie had the habit of losing herself in thought quite often yet she'd never done it with Tommy, she'd always been present, not lately though. The more they slept together, the more Lizzie found herself wanting more, not just from him but from any man she hoped to have a future with. She didn't see a future with Tommy, he would never give her the house to fill with children. Lizzie was now twenty four and not getting any younger, she didn't want of just be that warm body anymore.

'He's grieving, he needs you' A voice nagged in her head and letting one hand come free from below, Lizzie ran her fingers slowly into her folds and softly began to caress her clit, letting out a small huff of pleasure as she did so, her hips pressing back into him until her arse was pressed firmly against him.

"No keep going" Lizzie murmured feeling her stomach coil up delightfully, her thoughts flushed from her mind until she could no longer focus on anything but the way he felt inside her.

The mood had already been ruined and despite a few more weak thrusts Tommy couldn't shake the thought that there was something wrong with Lizzie and not wanting her to feel forced to continue, he slowly pulled himself from her with a sigh.

"What's up Liz?" He questioned his eyes never leaving her form as she got up from the bed and rearranged her skirts. A flash of sadness bore deeply within her features before it disappeared and she gave him a soft smile.

"It's nothin' Tom, m'just tired" She answered quietly almost as if she were expecting him to tell her off. Not wanting him to read her further, Lizzie walked off into the bathroom to clean herself up. Through the mirror that rested above the sink she saw he'd followed her inside but keeping her head low she kept herself to herself and began to turn the cold tap on.

"Just tired ey? How long have I known you? This isn't just tired" He protested strongly leaning up against the doorframe and watching her wash her face. This wasn't like Lizzie, she was never distant from him and the last time she had been was after Epsom. As far as Tommy knew she'd been perfectly happy all day.

"Tom I swear it's nothin'. I had a lot to do at work today and I think it's put me in the wrong mood. I'll be fine after a good nights rest"

"Are you saying I work you too hard now?" Tommy jested with a small smirk that quickly dropped from his face, replaced by a stern frown "If you're not in the mood Lizzie you can tell me, you don't have to show up every time I call. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this"

"Do this? What, fuck you?" She chuckled as she turned to face him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Liz, I mean"

A loud cry interrupted Tommy's words and Lizzie thanked the heavens quietly. Opening up to Tommy was not something she wanted to try again after failing so many times in the past. She hated pouring her heart out knowing fine well he wasn't listening to a word she said. The cries became louder cutting through Lizzie's small moment of victory.

"Charlie" She acknowledged in concern, surprised by how gut wrenching his cries were. She'd never heard a baby cry like this, not unless they had been hurt.

"I'll go check on him" Tommy replied quickly turning away from Lizzie and rushing out the room. Tommy was a man of many faults but being a bad Father wasn't one of them, he adored his little boy.

Charlie's cries continued as Lizzie placed her shoes and coat back on. If they weren't going to fuck she was now overstaying her welcome. This is how things worked, they would fuck and she would leave without a word, sometimes he'd offer her a cigarette for the road but nothing more. There was no point in staying for conversation when there was nothing for them to discuss.

Walking out the bedroom door, Lizzie decided she would take the time Tommy was away to slip out the house. No doubt she would be called into the office tomorrow but for now Lizzie wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep. Rather than heading towards the stairs, Lizzie found herself moving towards Charlie's nursery. She wasn't sure why, perhaps it was his little cries causing her unrest and a part of her couldn't leave until she made sure both Charlie and Tommy were fine for the night.

She knew she was overstepping as she walked into the open doorway to see Tommy trying desperately to soothe his child. He was rocking him on his hip, kissing his crown with gentle hums yet nothing appeared to be working.

"Is he ok?" She called out gently, alerting tommy to her presence. Lizzie waited for him to tell her to leave instead he threw her a quick glance and moved his attention back to Charlie.

"He gets like this sometimes....since Grace died. Can go on all night until he wears himself out" Tommy informed her and through her pity for the pair, Lizzie took and chance and stepped forwards with her arms outstretched.

"Would you like me to try?" She asked sweetly giving Charlie a bright smile as he shyly looked over at her, his cheeks red and soaked with tears. Tommy on the other hand looked startled at the thought of giving his child over to her "Don't look at me like that Tommy I've always been good with kids. The least I can do is try while I'm 'ere"

"Suit yourself" He grunted and feeling her heart flutter in delight, Lizzie made the rest of the journey over to them and gently took Charlie from Tommy's arms.

It had been a while since she'd looked after a baby but her doubts in calming him never wavered, she was determined. Cupping the back of his head, Lizzie brought it to rest on her chest and supporting the rest of his body with her free arm she cleared her throat and thought of a song.

"Little wild rose in the hedgerow growing,

Coral pink petals blushing and glowing,

While out on the air your perfume is blowing,

Little wild rose, so fair.

Fond little love, in a sweet sleep dreaming,

Dreaming of eyes with the love flame gleaming,

While out on the night a bright moon is beaming,

Dear little love, so true"

"I didn't know you could sing Liz" Tommy whispered looking at her in surprise, hiding his delight as Charlie's cries began to settle.

"Never needed to sing around you Tom" She humoured sticking her tongue out at him before going back to singing until Charlie's sniffles stopped completely and the room was filled with silence again "See told you I was good with kids"

She was more than just a warm body.

From that day Tommy sought Lizzie out often to look after Charlie and each time she would accept with the biggest smile on her face. They still fucked but looking after Charlie had became her favourite thing to do. Watching him grow made her glow with pride and now as he snuggled into her side on the bed, Lizzie couldn't help but fall in love with the child all over again. After falling pregnant with Ruby, Charlie wanted to be around her more often, attached to her hip whilst he questioned just how lizzie had managed to get his sister in her tummy and when Lizzie had moved in two months ago the boy has became her shadow.

Lizzie hadn't wanted to live in Arrow House, she was perfectly content in her own but after spotting blood within her knickers, Tommy in his worry had all but demanded Lizzie move in despite the midwife reassuring him that everything was well. She didn't want this move to give her false hope that Tommy would somehow become more to her than just the Father of her child. Of course she was delighted that he wanted Ruby but where did that leave Lizzie?

She couldn't stay here forever living happy families, it would do nothing but confuse her as well as the children.

"Oh look Charlie, Ruby is kicking again" Lizzie gasped excitedly glancing down at Charlie as her stomach began to move, Ruby was awake. It was the strangest feeling and the closer she got to her due date the more strange it became. It was also the most wonderful feeling knowing it was her little girl and Lizzie was growing more impatient to finally be holding Ruby in her arms.

"Can I feel?" Charlie asked, his eyes lit in wonder, his little hand already reaching up and laying gently on Lizzie's stomach. With any luck the Ruby would be here in a few weeks, her due date was fast approaching and she prayed she wouldn't go over. Lizzie was tired of pregnancy and desperate to feel herself once again.

"She's strong isn't she sweetheart?" Lizzie smiled placing her hand on top of Charlie's and guiding it along Ruby's movements, not wanting Charlie to miss anything "Mummy and Charlie can feel you Ruby, it's about time you came to greet us"

"Mummy?" A little voice asked, hesitantly as Charlie pulled his hand away and sat up on the bed.

"Yes Charlie?" Lizzie answered dreamily before she froze in shock and turned to look down at him, her eyes wide and her words gone from the tip of her tongue.

Had she heard him correctly?

Had Charlie called her Mummy?

She could see from his face that he seemed nervous, almost as if he had thought about the word long and hard before gathering his guts and allowing it to roll off his tongue.

"Mummy, will Ruby be coming out your tummy soon?" He questioned with a shy smile, his beautiful eyes innocently staring up at her, waiting for her to answer his question.

"Yes" Lizzie managed to get out and reaching up she cupped his cheek and placed a small kiss upon the top of his head "I hope so Charlie"

She should of corrected him, she knew she should of corrected him. Tommy was going to be furious. Lizzie wasn't Charlie's Mother, Grace was and Lizzie doubted Tommy would ever let another woman be more than just a minder to his son. As she walked down to dinner, hand in hand with Charlie, Lizzie came to the conclusion that she didn't want to correct him. She would never dare to think of stepping into Grace's shoes and taking over as his Mum but Lizzie loved the little boy as much as she did Ruby. She'd grown so close to him and hearing him calling her Mummy had made her want to cry in joy. Charlie was Grace's and Tommy's boy but now in a way he was also Lizzie's boy. Lizzie needed to talk to Tommy first, it was important she respected his decisions when it came to parenting Charlie nevertheless he also needed to know that Charlie had a right to decide too. She should of never agreed to move in, she should of told Tommy to fuck off with his demands. Already the situation was confusing Charlie and Ruby hadn't even arrived yet.

She ignored the glares she felt coming from Grace's portrait and continued down the stairs, holding onto to Charlie with everything she had as nerves began to bubble up inside her.

Lizzie had tried to tell him multiple times already but nothing came out of her mouth, instead she sat there gawking like a fish on dry land, the food in front of her getting colder with each minute that passed. Tommy didn't care to be there, he never did. As always he sat with a cigarette dangling from his lips while watching Charlie with a small smile, taking in the boys beautiful face before he was called back into the office for work. He'd been working more lately, trying to build up his campaign to take over the role as the Labour MP for the constituency of Birmingham South. If he won everything would change, more than it ever had done so before. Tommy Shelby MP, it was fucking insane to Lizzie.

'Tell him! Tell him!' Her inner voice screamed at her sending Lizzie further into a blind panic and connecting eyes with Charlie she watched a mask of worry cross his face.

"Are Ruby's kicks hurting you again Mummy?"

Fuck!

The air from the room seemed to disappear through the windows leaving behind nothing but suffocating tension. Lizzie didn't dare move her eyes fringe Charlie as Tommy's glare pierced the side of her head. She knew right away that he believed this to be her fault, that she had put that word into Charlie's mouth. She'd never encouraged him to do this, today had been the first time he'd called her it. The word had been just as unexpected to her as it had been to Tommy only Lizzie was upset to hear it.

"Lizzie is not your Mum Charlie" Tommy finally spoke up cutting through both hers and Charlie's hearts without remorse, his voice like ice.

Lizzie watched Charlie's face become crestfallen and with a whimper he placed his fork down on table and looked at the floor.

"Tommy" Lizzie uttered wanting to rush to Charlie's side and take away the hurt he felt until he smiled for her once again. As young as he was, Charlie was smart enough to understand what his Dad had said and how much it had hurt him.

Ignoring her, Tommy got up from his chair and cleared his throat.

"Francis, watch Charlie for a moment. Lizzie follow me into the office please"

And then he was gone, storming from the dinning hall like a walking hurricane leaving Lizzie feeling like a child about to be told off by the headteacher.

No!

Lizzie was not about to let him make her feel this way and throwing down the napkin that had once been in her lap on top of the table, she jumped up from her own chair and followed after him, her feet screaming out in protest as she did so. She was too pregnant to fight with Tommy Shelby but by God she would give it her best fucking go.

"Was this you?! Putting words into his mouth making him believe that we're goin' to be playing fuckin' happy families" Tommy demanded once the office door had closed behind Lizzie. She watched him pace the room feeling her own fury growing the more he glared at her.

Of course it was her fault, it was always her fucking fault.

"No Tom it wasn't me! Today was the first time he's said it and you can't blame him for being confused" Lizzie snapped before taking a deep breath and continuing. She didn't want this to turn into a screaming match, not while Charlie was in perfect distance of hearing them "He's been with me almost everyday for two years. He's Ruby's brother, he hears me talking to her. Do you want her to know me as Lizzie too? Look I understand this isn't what you want but if the kids are goin' to be raised together we need to figure this out now so we don't confuse them both, it's not fair and frankly it's not your decision to make, it's Charlie's. Grace will always be his Mum, he knows this, he talks about her with me but I do not want to be constantly correcting him for regarding me as a Mother too. I won't hurt him like that Tom, he's just a child"

"Yes he's a child, my child Lizzie, my child and as his only living parent I say who he does and doesn't fuckin' call Mum" Tommy cursed pressing his index finger into the wood of his desk like he was trying to stamp the words into her mind.

"You're right Tommy, he is your boy but I think he should be able to decide. I love him Tom, looking after him make my days brighter. Please just talk to him, don't leave him confused and upset especially when he's worked so much courage up to call me Mummy" Lizzie pleaded feeling Ruby stirring inside as she tried to find a comfortable spot in Lizzie's now cramped womb. Resting her hand on her stomach she mourned for the little boy who was growing up without a Mother while wanting one, a present one. Of course it wasn't Grace's fault she wasn't here to raise him, everything would of been easier if she were. Now things were difficult but what was best for Charlie had to come first.

"I don't need to talk with him Lizzie, they'll be no confusion once you're gone" Tommy stated finally stopping his pacing and settling within his chair, reaching for his cigarette case and lighter.

"Once I've gone where?" Lizzie asked with a sharp frown. It was his idea that she move in this fucking house in the first place and now she was going to be shipped off again like always.

"Back to your house, bringing you to live here was a mistake"

That was it. Tommy was done with the conversation, it was time for her to go.

"Yeah it fucking was!" Lizzie sneered yanking open the office door and storming out, her heart racing and hands trembling in anger.

She wanted to kill him! All this time she'd spent with Charlie and now tommy was going to separate them. Slowly she felt the cracks beginning to open up in her heart and pausing in the lounge, Lizzie bent over and emptied the contents of her stomach.

She didn't want to lose Charlie, not now.

Tommy wrestled with his thoughts for the next few days wondering if he had done the right thing in correcting Charlie. A part of him had listened to Lizzie and decided to sit Charlie down the night after the incident. It didn't matter how much he explained to Charlie why Lizzie couldn't be Mummy or why it hurt him to hear it, Charlie was too young to understand and the more Tommy spoke the more sad Charlie became. Lizzie was good with his son, she was very attentive, caring and loving towards him so Tommy shouldn't have been surprised to find out Charlie saw her as a Mother figure. Tommy tried to disregard his own feelings on the matter but everywhere he turned he saw his wife and couldn't allow Lizzie to step into her place yet he hated seeing his son in a state of heartbreak more.

He hadn't told Charlie, Lizzie would be leaving and by the time Tommy had argued with himself over and over Lizzie had went into labour earlier than expected sending the house into a hectic mass of panic.

Charlie wasn't sure what was going on but he was scared. Cuddled up to his favourite teddy he had quickly been driven to his Aunt Polly's by his Dad in the middle of bath time only for his Dad to leave as quickly as he came. Before leaving the house Charlie had watched him run around shouting for a doctor to be called, his worried face striking fear in Charlie along with the loud painful moans coming from the other room, his Mum's room. Charlie had tried to get inside to see her but had been pulled away by Francis who lead him out to the car.

Something was wrong with his Mum.

Was it Ruby? Why wouldn't they let him see her?

Bringing his Teddy closer to his chest, Charlie stared over at his Aunt Pol who was sat on the lounge chair with him waiting by the phone.

"What's wrong with Mummy?" He whimpered wanting to go home and see her. He didn't understand why he was here when Mummy needed him. She always told him his hand stroking her tummy helped put Ruby to sleep so him and Mummy could rest. That's why he needed to go home, to help put Ruby to sleep.

"Everything is alright Charlie, your little sister is on her way" Aunt Polly informed him gathering him up in her arms and gently rocking him back and forth.

If Ruby was coming why wasn't anyone happy? Why did everyone look scared? Why was Mummy in pain?

Silently Charlie began to weep into the soft fur of his teddy, the Teddy his Mum had bought him when she came to stay with him. Feeling his eyes beginning to drop, Charlie allowed them to close, his tears coming faster as the sound of painful moans filled his head again.

"Charlie" Tommy whispered, softly running his fingers through Charlie's hair in an attempt to wake him "Charlie"

Seeing that his son was beginning to stir, Tommy leant in and kissed his brow, tickling him underneath the chin until his eyes fluttered open.

"Good morning Charlie" Tommy greeted him with a large smile watching as the boys eyes suddenly filled with tears before he let out a large sob.

"Mummy, I want Mummy" Charlie wailed jumping off the lounge chair and into his Dad's arms, his body trembling against him and letting out a sigh Tommy pulled him close and attempted to comfort him.

"Liz.....Mummy's alright Charlie. I thought you might like to go home and see her and Ruby"

"Ruby's here?" Charlie asked pulling away with a wide surprised stare, his tears still trickling like a small stream running through the woods.

"Yes, would you like to go see her?" Tommy smiled again getting up from the ground with Charlie still in his arms as his thoughts returned to his girls waiting at home. Ruby was perfect, the most perfect little girl he'd ever laid eyes on. He now had two perfect children, the greatest blessings Tommy had ever received.

"I'm going to give her my teddy" Charlie announced happily, keeping tight hold of the toy for Ruby so he didn't drop it.

"M'sure she's goin' to love it me boy, c'mon let's get you home it's been a long night"

The house was calm when they finally arrived back. Everyone was grinning, their spirits lifted at the arrival of little miss Ruby Shelby. Lizzie had instructed tommy to go get Charlie right away and not wanting to leave her waiting any longer, he walked through the house hand in hand with Charlie and up the stairs to Lizzie's room.

She was sat up in bed with Ruby cradled in her arms, buried within a blanket too big for her tiny frame. Lizzie was exhausted, the dark circles under her eyes told the story of a hard labour yet her face was lit up with happiness as she stared down at the baby, their baby.

"I found a lost soldier" Tommy spoke up walking over to the bed with a nervous looking Charlie. Hearing his voice, Lizzie brought her attention to them and held out a free hand.

"Charlie my love, I've missed you"

"Mummy are you ok?" Charlie asked accepting her hand and carefully climbing onto the bed, sinking into her side like always only this time Ruby was on the outside and no longer moving around inside her tummy.

"I'm ok darling, very tired but happy to see you" Lizzie cooed glancing up at Tommy with a pleading look. She didn't want to correct him, she refused to.

"It's alright Lizzie" Tommy nodded coming to sit down next to Charlie and wrapping an arm around Lizzie's shoulders he leaned over and placed a kiss on the side of her head.

"She's so small!" Charlie remarked with a gasp, peering down at Ruby in awe and bringing up his teddy he carefully placed it by the bottom of the blanket "There you go Ruby, it's yours now"

"Oh Charlie, it's a beautiful gift" Lizzie chimed pulling him impossibly close, the cracks in her heart mending as she stared down at her children. Tommy had already promised her that she could stay, the kids weren't going to be living separately. She wasn't certain how it was going to work between her and Tommy but she would do everything she could to make it work and make the home a happy place for the kids to grow up in.

Lizzie now had everything she'd dreamed of as a girl, the beautiful home and the perfect children. She didn't have Tommy, she knew she never would but that didn't matter to her now. Her heart belonged to Charlie and Ruby. Turning her head to look at Tommy she shared a smile with him and nodded gratefully.

"Thank you for them Tommy" For her girl And for her boy Lizzie Stark was no longer just a warm body, she was a Mother.

#peaky blinders #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #the peaky blinders #peaky blinder #lizzie stark #lizzie shelby #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinder fanfic #bbc peaky blinders #peaky blinders one shot #tommy x lizzie #thomas x lizzie #lizzie x tommy #charlie shelby #charles shelby #peaky fookin blinders

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tyfinn · 2 years ago

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Share ten different favorite characters from ten different pieces of media in no particular order. Then send this to 10 people 🎥🎬📺📚

Tagged by @likerealpeopledo-on-ao3 @lizzie-bennetdarcy @dinnfameron @mallpretzles 💖

1. David Rose (Schitt's Creek)

2. Dana Scully (The X-Files)

3. Clarice Starling (The Silence of the Lambs)

4. Carol Peletier (The Walking Dead)

5. Dr. King Schultz (Django)

6. Beatrix Kiddoe (Kill Bill)

7. Roy Kent (Ted Lasso)

8. Mike Ehrmentrout (Better Call Saul)

9. Red (The Shawshank Redemption)

10. Kinsey Milhone (Pictured Sue Grafton, Author)

Not sure who is left to tag, so consider this your tag if you want to play!

#tag game #this was hard #too many choices

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y0itsbri · 3 years ago

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tagged by my absolute favs (how did i get so lucky to be mutuals w you guys <3 <3) @smokey-mickey @mrsinistertype @grossmickey @thisaintmacys-bitch @heymrspatel @sunoficarus @energievie @shameless-notashamed to do this fun little thanggg ✨

nickname: bri, little shell, vern, bonya, briloved (<3)

zodiac sign: leo 🦁

height: 5’5.5"

last thing i googled: tuna stuffed tomato (because @sunoficarus's post had me curious dsjkshsdf)

followers: like almost 500 🧍 i've been on this hellsite for awhile and i've acquired a lot of bots, but oh my gOD that's still a lot of friends 🤗

song stuck in my head: tia tamera by doja cat (bend the whole world over....)

how many hours of sleep: yes please. would love to sleep rn. but like 7-9 hours. mmm

dream job: oh! so many things! and the list hasn't changed much since i was a kid! filmmaker, fashion designer, chef, animal rescuer, artist (designer, illustrator, writer) -- but like realistically, i just want to do something that i can and that doesn't make me hate myself sdkfhdsf

lucky number: 3, 14, 18, 20

currently wearing: catching me in my cozy state -- plaid fuzzy socks, llama pajama pants, white fluffy sweatshirt

aesthetic: eccentric, yearning, glowing, colorful, comfy?? idk here's a couple screenshots from my pinterest

favorite song: okay it's an artist not a song, but i've been loving lady lamb lately (thank u forever to @messedwithmandy for that rec! <3) oh and also lizzy mcalpine! the backbone of my 'lovers love' playlist

favorite author: janet evanovich -- the stephanie plum series had me in a CHOKEHOLD in high school. something about watching a chaotic bounty hunter pine after a couple competent men really gets ya through the day

favorite animal noise: my cat's snoring, chirps, meows, purrs, brrrrrps i love her sm

tagging @mishervellous @7x10mickey @mickeymilkovichapologist @mickeymilkovichenthusiast @howlinchickhowl bc i'm nosy nosy 🤓

#tagged

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1ddiscourseoftheday · 5 years ago

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📰 Mon 13 April 😴

Rumors continue to fly about reunion speculation, fed by cynical radio stations tweeting garbage with authority. Page Six adds to this by publishing an article reporting all the same hysterical blown up hearsay as fact. Actual things of potential interest: Liam a few months ago said something about the possibility of a documentary for the reunion and recently said the band were in touch and working on something. The article randomly mentions that they're still close to Ben Winston (I KNOW... sighhhhh), the combination makes some sort of documentary type content seem even more likely. The article says that a 'source close to management' says "There’s still a long way to go and a lot of hurdles. Obviously, at the moment anything they do would have to be done virtually. But there’s a lot of good will between them now and they want to make something happen." Things that are still untrue no matter how many times people repeat it, even in print: the One Direction website has not been "reactivated" it was never inactive, the One Direction twitter lists are in no way new, and no one refollowed anyone's accounts because they never unfollowed, this stuff all gets said every few months and in fact I'm just gonna get out there ahead of you since this one is constantly coming back around: the tour tab on Zayn's site was already there, it isn't new. Even that crappy article says right out that "a tour is ruled out" as if they had some special knowledge and not just the basic news-following skills necessary to understand that, painful as it is to acknowledge, no one is going to be touring this summer.

Liam's Killing It interview (it's a podcast about mental health and the music industry) is out and it is, as you could probably guess, A LOT. As always, if you're someone who wants to try to understand what things were like for them in the band, you want to listen to Liam's interviews! Anyway he says the biggest challenge for them in the band was the extreme physical exhaustion they suffered at almost all times and how it made it impossible to think clearly about anything, comments on how fucked up it is that that was happening while their brains were still developing, says that by the end he was drunk "probably 90% of the time." He talks about having the tendency to try to please others rather than figure out what he wanted and that working out was what he found that he felt like was for himself, and about "giving [himself] the gift of trusting [his] own instincts" but also says, "if you are your own soundboard, you're going to disagree with whatever you say anyway because that's how it works." He says he's learned to make his end goal happiness rather than achievements, which I love for him. While I'm sure it's a work in progress it's a great goal. He also talks about Zayn for a good few minutes towards the end, about his performance related anxiety and how he's just recording music now.

Niall agonized over choosing just one song for today's challenge, 'a song from the seventies', played a bit of his choice (Thin Lizzy) on guitar for us, played a bit of I'm On Fire (the sultry Niall content continues) and shared a recipe and its finished product. Well. He didn't actually share his lamb burgers with us but pictures of them! Actually a lot of food pics today, including his exactly three (3) asparagus spears ("legends!") and he said he'd explain the Heartbreak Weather storyline on his next live which would be very good content if true! The Late Late Show dropped a video bit of him playing golf around the office and set of which the best part is him referencing Happy Gilmore, I'm honestly astonished he doesn't constantly quote that movie.

Twitter had a "1D Online Concert" at home streaming party and trended the tags all day.

#Liam Payne #Niall Horan #me clawing my way up out of my isolation pit to yell about things not being true #shaking my hairy paw YOU TWITTER KIDS!#then slumping back into my beast cave to growl at passerby #twitter settings change and make things 'reactivate' all the time it isn't a thing #do you really think they'd prepare for the reunion by.... reactivating a Twitter list made for one d day in 2014 and never used???? come on #or maybe it was used idk but point stands #Niall #Liam #one direction #!#i have maybe never used that tag?? that's quite weird actually #ben winston #uggghhhh #killing it podcast #late late show #13 apr 20 #Liam also said success is scarier than failure sometimes which i feel like i have so many thoughts about but like #not for the post #but i feel like it's something he needs to understand better... maybe he is really detaching himself from reaching for the kinds of success #that don't actually make his life better though. I'd like that for him #tw alcohol

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penandswordbooks · 7 years ago

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Listen to our Helen Barrell as she's Interviewed with novelist Lizzie Lamb, 29th June 2017

Talk Radio Europe, interview with Dave Hodgson, 26th July 2017 http://helenbarrell.co.uk/fatal-evidence/interviews/

#Helen Barrell #Book #Poison Panic #Fatal Evidence #Writer #Author #Interview #Booklr #Talk Radio Europe #Radio interview #Lizzie Lamb

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jovialyouthmusic · 5 years ago

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Girls’ Night Out

A multiple AU piece of fun featuring my female LIs

The girl’s night out takes an unexpected turn, and the author has to step in

Word Count 1709

A/N Just one more chapter after this virtual romp. Partial nudity, some swearing and still NOT SUITABLE FOR UNDER 18S

6 Help...

‘Well crap’ said Lucy as Lizzy went limp and crumpled. John rushed forward to catch her ‘What now? I didn’t think she’d react that badly’

‘The plan was for us to change everything to our timeline’ John said. The three women gaped at him as the music stopped. His expression changed as he realised he’d given the game away.

‘Hold on a minute – this was planned?’ asked Sophia, sobering up swiftly. Her head whipped around to the stage, where ‘Snake’, ‘Glad’, ‘Brake’ and ‘Sebastien’ stood sheepishly in their strippers garb. ‘Bas, is that really you and not another version?’ She demanded. He cleared his throat.

‘Now Sophia…’ he started, but she stormed up to him and poked him in the chest. Defensively he placed his hat over his genitals.

‘So you couldn’t leave us to enjoy ourselves – you had to stay in control’ she hissed. Behind her, Lucy suddenly laughed

‘But Soph – look at them!’ she crowed ‘They stripped for us, for fuck’s sake. They’re way out of their comfort zone. I think that shows real dedication’ Sophia stood back and looked Bastien up and down. He did indeed look extremely uncomfortable.

‘Humph’ she retorted ‘Well sadly the game’s up now. What have you got to say for yourself?’ Bastien spoke, regaining some of his composure.

‘Sophia, my goddess’ he started ‘Tell me you didn’t enjoy yourself. You said – no, screamed - and I quote, Come here lover boy, I’m your gal.’ He folded his arms and gazed at her. It was Sophia’s turn to look sheepish.

‘Well okay, I have to admit you did a good job’ she admitted ‘I never thought you’d be comfortable doing something like that’

‘You know I put my best into whatever I do’ he said, his tone soothing. ‘Les helped – we watched some videos…’ at this, Lucy snorted

‘Wow, I’d like to have been a fly on the wall for that scenario’ she guffawed. Now it was Charlotte’s turn to speak. She glared at her Drake

‘How could you?’ she growled ‘You put me up on stage for everyone to see’ He hung his head in shame, hat covering his groin.

‘I’m sorry Charlie’ he said ‘Was it really that bad?’ He looked at her hopefully, and Lucy nudged her

‘Come on Lottie, it was pretty damn funny’ she prompted. Charlotte sighed heavily ‘and look at him’ Lucy went on ‘He’s almost as hot as my Drake. Tell me you didn’t enjoy it just a tiny little bit?’ Charlotte shrugged in defeat.

‘Very well, it was rather - stimulating’ she replied, then rounded on her man ‘But don’t you ever pull something like that in public again’ Drake nodded, and John was next to speak

‘Lizzy’s coming round – I’m going to take her somewhere more familiar if you don’t mind. It was a pleasure meeting you all’ and in the blink of an eye they were gone.

------

Slowly Elizabeth’s senses came back to her. She lay on her back on some padded surface, head propped up on a firm pillow. It was quieter, and the flashing lights had stopped. The soothing strains of a string quartet filled the air along with a soft murmur of voices.

‘Lizzy – it’s okay, you’re safe, my darling’ she heard her fiancé say, and slowly she opened her eyes. ‘Take it slowly, don’t try to speak just yet’ Above her she saw the vaulted ceiling of the assembly rooms, and to the side was a finely painted screen. She lay on a chaise longue, hidden from the sight of the others she could hear on the other side. She raised her head a little to look down and confirm what she knew - she wore her ballgown and satin slippers, not the skin tight transparent leggings and short dress that her companions had chosen for her.

Beside John stood Morag, gazing at her with concern. She passed her hand over her forehead and handed her a glass of water which she sipped gratefully, sitting up carefully.

‘You gave us quite a turn, young lady, passing out while you talked with your beau’ she scolded ‘I know you’re excited about the wedding but you really should eat properly, or you’ll faint at the altar.’

‘I’m sorry Morag’ she said ‘I promise I’ll remember to have breakfast tomorrow’ John stood by her side and placed his hand on her wrist. She smiled up at him.

‘I had the strangest dream’ Lizzy started, and John smiled, leaning forward and speaking softly so Morag could not hear.

‘Are you sure it was a dream?’ he winked, opening his closed hand to reveal a bow tie. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to protest, but he silenced her. ‘Only you and I know’ he whispered. Morag tutted

‘Now then, you know I cannot leave you two alone. Stop your whispering now’

‘Morag, we will be married tomorrow. Can you not allow us five minutes together? I promise we will do nothing improper’ Lizzy entreated her chaperone ‘I only want to talk privately with John’ Morag crossed her arms and harrumphed

‘Very well Miss Elizabeth, but don’t make me regret my decision. You always were headstrong’ She went and stood a few feet away, still in sight but out of earshot as long as they spoke quietly.

‘What happened?’ Lizzy whispered ‘You appeared in your uniform – were you going to take me up on stage for all to see?’

‘I would not have held you up for scrutiny my dearest, never fear’ he assured her ‘The plan was for all to change and for us to be here together. I was going to dance with you as is appropriate for our time’

‘Were the others to follow?’ she asked

‘You wanted time alone with me’ he said ‘But somehow when you fainted and I brought you here, Morag appeared to look after you’

‘I didn’t get to say goodbye or thank them for looking after me’ Lizzy said ‘Will we see them again?’

‘I cannot say for sure’ he replied ‘I hope so’

‘Can we still dance?’ she asked ‘What about your injury?’ He smiled

‘It seems in this place in between worlds, all is possible’ he said ‘The only obstacle is Morag. How she came to be here I know not’ Lizzy sighed

‘If we knew how to contact our author, perhaps she could help’

------

I sat at my screen, scratching my head. My characters had really kept me guessing. First a request for a mock up of Edinburgh, complete with bars and clubs, then for videos of male strippers performing, now one for research on dances popular in the Regency era. I hadn’t really put two and two together, as due to the health crisis in my own world, although I had time on my hands, I hadn’t felt that writing was much of a priority. I sighed and closed down my document to find ‘my’ Bastien waiting.

‘Hey Bas, what on earth is going on?’ I asked warily.

‘You’d better come over and find out’ He smiled. Wearily I put my hand to the screen and felt the tug that took me through to the virtual world. We stood in one of the waiting rooms, sterile and white, and he was there, supporting me with a hand to my waist. He leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek. I rubbed it, feeling the blood rise to my face.

‘Thanks Bas – I’m sorry I haven’t been on much. There’s – a lot going on lately and I haven’t felt up to it’ He held my hand and squeezed it

‘I’m sorry to hear it, but it’s good to see you. Your characters have been – well, things got slightly out of hand’ I placed my palm over my face.

‘Yes’ I sighed ‘There were some odd requests. Tell me the worst’

‘Well, somehow the pairing from your Regency period became self aware…’

‘That’s odd, the readership is pretty low, and it’s not been going long’ Bastien shrugged

‘Well there’s a lot of spare energy sloshing around so things have been a bit crazy’ I made a gesture for him to continue. ‘So your regency heroine was first – and Lucy, Charlotte and Sophia took her under their wings. Did you not see her when you helped them make that mock up of Edinburgh?’

‘Oh dear, either I wasn’t paying attention, or they deliberately hid her’ I conceded. ‘I just thought they wanted a bit of fun’

‘Well that ‘bit of fun’ was a hen night for Elizabeth’

‘Oh my goodness, I wrote her wedding night but it’s going to have to be redrafted, and there’s a few chapters to go before we get there’

‘Well I think she got a bit restless, then their partners got wind of it. My counterpart was not happy for Sophia to be out on the town without backup’ I snorted with laughter

‘I specifically wrote her as being able to cope for herself’ I scoffed.

‘You also wrote her Bastien as being very good at his job’ he pointed out ‘His background of chasing Leo round the nightclubs and dives in Europe made him a bit antsy’

‘Hmmm, I didn’t specifically write – oh hold on, there was the storyline with him meeting Damien in New York when he was following Leo’ Bastien nodded

‘Exactly. Well, anyway they ended up in a club, and the men gatecrashed as strippers’

‘They what now?’ I gasped ‘Oh heck, now the requests for the videos of Magic Mike make sense. Go on, what happened then?’

‘Elizabeth was – kind of overwhelmed’

‘Ohhh dear, poor lamb’

‘It’s okay, she fainted when her John arrived’

‘John is self aware too?’

‘Uh huh. Anyway, the plan was to spirit her away to the Assembly rooms in regency time so they could have a little time alone before the wedding’

‘And did that happen?’

‘After a fashion. Apparently their chaperone turned up and they’re stuck with her’

‘And that’s why you called me?’

‘That, and it was a good opportunity to reconnect’ I sighed

‘Okay, we’d better go and sort things out. I’m going to start by rounding them up at the club - ready?’ I took his hand.

‘Ready’ he grinned.

#girls night out #Elizabeth and John #drake x lucy x brad #queen charlotte #fanfiction

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blissfullylostinarabbithole · 5 years ago

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A Thousand Words

Far Cry 5 Week, Day 5: OC Day - Deputy Olivia “Ollie” Hendrix (Faceclaim Lizzy Caplan)

Summary - Ollie likes to play games and keep the Seeds updated on what she’s been up to.

1.9k words

(Find the Deputy!Reader version in my masterlist)

At this point, John didn’t know who he wanted to get his hands on more; the deputy, or whoever gave her the polaroid camera she liked using to taunt him.

It started almost instantly. Some VIPs would show up with news of the destruction she caused, and more often than not they would have pictures of his defaced billboards, burning church vehicles, or her posing with Eden’s Gate supplies before stealing them for the resistance.

He thought she had done her worst when she destroyed his sign, and left pictures of herself holding Drubman’s launcher and pointing excitedly at the then still intact sign behind her. But she hadn’t. It turned out, she had an even more evil side to her than anyone could have imagined.

His armored convoy had been destroyed, and the Priestess sent to deliver the news held a small stack of photos in her hand.

“Leave them,” he said, dismissing her.

He took the stack and headed to the office he dedicated solely to her hobby, and scanned every picture, every insult, she gave him before beginning to go through the new stack.

The first picture was enough to send his anger into overdrive.

Her filthy beasts were sleeping on his bed; on his silk sheets!

The next photos showed Nick using his beard kit, and included ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures as well.

Adelaide was drinking his wine, which was hidden, and was wearing one of his favorite moisturizing masks.

The deputy was in his bathtub, playfully blowing bubbles at the camera, at him, while Drubman tried on his clothes in the background.

She knew they wouldn’t fit him!

He had no idea what Charlemagne was doing in his pictures, but he was in his house, touching his things, and that was bad enough.

The archer… he forgot her name… tracked her muddy shoes all over his bear skin rug and plopped them on his coffee table.

His posters had been dug out of storage and used as target practice. Each of them held up their bullet ridden poster with smiles on their faces. Miss Armstrong’s had shot the most at his forehead.

The next ones were the final kick in the teeth; the deputy and her friends had painted his beloved Affirmation using cheap, red, wall paint. After they ruined her, they wrote ‘Jr. Pack Hunter’ on her sides, and took her for a joyride.

She had taken everything, and tainted it.

He screamed. He was sick and tired of being made to look the fool. The first thing he grabbed was a chair, and he flung it across the room. Then it was a small table, and another chair, and before he knew it, the room was in tatters, photos raining down around him.

He caught his breath, straightening his hair and vest before leaving the room, finding a few members of the congregation nearby.

“Get the cars ready,” he ordered steadily. “We’re going to pay our dear deputy a visit.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Faith hadn’t heard from Joseph yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time. She’d gone to see it for herself, the pile of rubble that used to be the Father’s statue; the final destination of her pilgrimage.

Tears silently fell down her cheeks as she waited for the others to retrieve her bible, trembling with the knowledge that at any moment her radio would come to life with Joseph’s disappointment.

“Sister Faith,” a member of the flock called. “It’s not up there.”

“It has to be,” she insisted, her eyes welling with fresh tears.

The people around her grew uncomfortable, and angry that the deputy had upset her, and quickly began to reassure her that it must’ve just fallen to the ground in the commotion. They scattered to search the area, calling for more angels to clean up all the debris.

Needing something to do other than wait to hear from Joseph, Faith began to search the area herself. It wasn’t long before someone came to her, holding a toolbox with a note attached.

To: Faith

Love,

‘Rook’ :)

She opened the box, gasping at the contents inside.

“Nooo!” she wailed, pulling her burned bible from the box and clutching it tight. “Why, Deputy? Why?”

She wiped her eyes, and saw the other contents of the tool box. She placed her bible down and took the pictures, her lip trembling as she looked them over.

Dozens of her bliss fields had been put to flame. One of them showed Hurk squatting, with Sharky creating the illusion that the flames were coming out of his backside.

In others, the deputy and her friends were tearing the conservatory apart. Though it never felt like much of a home to her, it still hurt. All the bliss barrels that had gone missing, had turned up there. New bliss would be hard to come by now, and their stocks were slowly getting stolen.

Then, she was in a helicopter, the one she’d stolen for Adelaide. They were circling the statue, posing with an armful of remote explosives.

Finally, she had Faith’s bible in one hand, and a lighter in the other.

“Faith?”

She shut her eyes and shuddered, bringing the radio to her lips. “Yes, Joseph?”

“What’s happening over there?”

He would’ve sounded calm to anyone, but she knew better. “The deputy’s gotten a little out of hand.” There was silence, and she waited with bated breath.

“Do I need to come down there and help you?”

“No, Joseph. I’ve got it under control.”

“Good. Don’t disappoint me, Sister.”

In that moment, all the previous Faiths flashed in her mind, but she quickly shook them out. No, she would not disappoint Joseph again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jacob had heard of the games the deputy liked playing with his siblings, so when he heard she’d entered his region, he wanted to make sure his soldiers were ready for her. He didn’t think much of her when she showed up to arrest Joseph, but he hadn’t gotten a good look. When he captured her, he still wasn’t all that impressed.

When his hunters returned, he knew they’d have something for him. When he flipped through the pictures, he almost laughed. It was some of the same shit she pulled with John: his wolf beacons destroyed, his posters had been graffitied on, many of them with devil horns or a cliche mustache.

“Childish,” he gruffed, tossing them aside. “If she thinks she can get to me with this petty shit, the little lamb’s even dumber than I thought.”

However, he’d underestimated her.

When he sent soldiers to stop her from freeing the prisoners at the Grandview, only one returned… holding a single photo.

She was holding a sign that said, ‘I’m just getting started’.

The following morning, there was a commotion in the yard. He walked to the window and shouted down, demanding to know what was going on. Everyone looked around, afraid and unsure, and he was losing his patience. Finally, a brave hunter stepped forward.

“It’s your judge, Sir. It’s gone.”

He didn’t bother getting fully dressed, just threw on a pair of pants and his boots before storming outside. He passed the cages, ignoring everyone as they shrank away from him, only stopping once he reached the cage housing his personal judge. It was empty except for a photo of the deputy feeding it.

He made sure to shorten the gaps in between the loop of ‘Only You’ since.

After that, all the pictures were of her and his judge. It was muzzled at first, but he’d heard there was someone working on reversing some of the effects of the bliss, and figured she must’ve taken it to them. Now it was always cuddled up with her, or attacking and feeding on his own soldiers.

A hunter approached with a parcel in hand, and Jacob smiled as he took it from him.

“I’m gonna go visit Peaches for a bit. Don’t bother me unless it’s an emergency.” He took the box and headed outside, tearing it open on the way to his truck. Inside, he chuckled darkly as he placed his own camera on the passenger seat. “You’ve had your fun, pup. Now it’s my turn.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It had been a long time since Joseph knew fear. It made a brief appearance the day he met the deputy, the one who would make or break everything he’d worked so hard for. But he pushed it aside, having faith that she’d make the right choice.

But he was wrong.

Perhaps he should’ve kept a closer eye on John, especially after the cleansing incident, but he needed to trust that his brother would get the job done. He wondered again if he should’ve stepped in when she began to toy with him, knowing full well that his brother’s temper would only work against him. John would’ve taken insult if he had, and it might have undermined his authority within the Project, so he did nothing.

He feared, when he received his own set of photos, that she would be so cruel as to display his brother’s corpse for all of Eden’s Gate, for him to see that she was not a force to be reckoned with. He breathed a sigh of relief when he found no such photo.

Perhaps she’d been merciful, and there was still hope she would find her way to him.

When he received the ones from the Henbane, he knew she was reaching the point beyond salvation. He wasn’t angry as he studied her form throwing a grenade at one of the shrines, he was heartbroken. Over her dirtied tank top, she wore an all too familiar blue shirt, and an ostentatious belt on her pants.

Then, he feared the deputy would humiliate Faith even further by stripping her, as there was no trophy for her to take other than the dress. He was again proven wrong when the next set of photos showed her wearing a floral headpiece Faith liked to wear on special occasions.

News of Jacob’s death reached him, and once again his faith was tested. His family was gone, most of his flock had been killed, and the deputy’s influence only seemed to grow. He feared God had abandoned him.

He was in his chapel, praying for an answer, when he heard a loud thunk on the wall. Joseph walked outside as some of the few remaining members gathered to see what had happened.

“A boat drove by,” one woman explained. “That deputy threw this and then sped off.”

She handed Joseph the large rock with a photo tied to it, and told the others to return to their patrols.

Joseph untied it and flipped the photo over. Now she also wore Jacob’s jacket, tags, and rabbit’s foot. The picture must have just been taken, as it seemed she was on the river not far from the church. She was pointing at it, letting him know he was next. But that wasn’t all. In her other hand, she held a small sign with just one word: Glasses.

She’d already chosen her trophy.

He crumpled the picture in his hand and walked back inside. He prayed, trying desperately to rein in his anger, his wrath. He was glad no one was around to see him crumble. Joseph started to laugh. Softly at first, but it slowly grew as he felt madness begin to take him over. God had answered.

He would offer her one last chance; her, and the rest of her colleagues.

“My children!” Joseph called as he stepped back outside. “I have a special favor to ask of you.”

The others gathered, eager to hear what the Father planned to do about the deputy. Once they set off to bring in everyone who’d helped her, he left to prepare to give his brother’s eulogy, and a final message to her.

One way or another, it would end the next time they crossed paths.

Permanent - @melconnor2007 @ria132love @psychicwitchphilosopher @sireennotsiren @silence–in–the–library@thefridgeismybestie@hymnofthevalkyrie@abbybills22@mvasquez492@ek823@nicky10876@sophiealiice @madeof-ink@dugan365 @magnitude101999 @way-ward-whale @i-am-the-fandom-warrior @seabasstiantrash @eden-the-human-garden @curlyhairedblueeyedangel

#FC5Week #FC5Week2019 #FC5 #Far Cry 5 #John Seed #Faith Seed #Jacob Seed #Joseph Seed #OC

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lizzielambwriter · 2 years ago

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hissyreviews · 5 years ago

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September Reads!

Sooooo, who’s 12 days late to show all the books I read last month?

This bitch!

So here’s how I decided to do this end of the month wrap ups. I’m going to add a read more, give the back of the book summary, my snap thoughts, and then a rating. That way, if you don’t care for long posts you don’t have to suffer.

You’re welcome.

The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

A young FBI trainee. An evil genius locked away for unspeakable crimes. A plunge into the darkest chambers of a psychopath’s mind- in the deadly search for a serial killer. . . .

Thoughts: MMMM yes, this is the good shit. Hell to the bells yes. This is my shit. One of my faves. Top ten books read ever.

Rating: 10/10 would recommend

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

The Road is a profoundly moving story of a journey. It boldly imagines a future in which no hope remains, but in which a father and his son, “each the other’s world entire”, are sustained by love.

Thoughts: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. This book is rough. This world is absolutely horrifying but the relationship that McCarthy crafts between the father and son is so emotional. I have heard that this is one of McCarthy’s least rough books to read in both emotional trauma and philosophical nihilism. (Also I think there was a Jesus allegory in the son. I don’t know why but it felt like he was the future religion. Look, I was too busy crying. I don’t think I could handle reading another McCarthy, alright?)

Rating: 4/10 I didn’t really like it but I think it’s like Pulp Fiction. Everyone should read it once.

The Beguiled by Thomas Cullinan

Wounded and near death, a young Union Army corporal is found in the woods of Virginia during the height of the Civil War and brought to the nearby Miss Martha Farnsworth Seminary for Young Ladies. Almost immediately he sets about beguiling the three women and five teenage girls stranded in this outpost of Southern gentility, eliciting their love and fear, pity and infatuation, and pitting them against one another in a bid for his freedom. But as the women are revealed for who they really are, a sense of ominous foreboding closes in on the soldier, and the question becomes: Just who is the beguiled?

Thoughts: This is one of those books that I came into with high hopes. The story itself was good. I liked the overall story. I was not fond of the writing style. It’s the 1960′s trying to emulate the 1860′s. Overall, it went over like a lead balloon.

Rating: 5/10 Take it or leave it. You’ll either like it or you wont. (Check it out at the library.)

The Ghost Map by Steven Johnson

It’s the summer of 1854, and London is seized by a violent outbreak of cholera that no one knows how to stop. As the epidemic spreads, a maverick physicians and a local curate are spurred to action, working to solve the most pressing medical riddle of their time. Ina a triumph of multidisciplinary thinking, Johnson illuminates the intertwined histories of the spread of disease, the rise of cities, and the nature of scientific inquiry, offering both a thrilling account of the most intense cholera outbreak to strike Victorian London and a powerful explanation of how it has shaped the world we live in.

Thoughts: I loved this. I know that history can be dry and dull but this had a dynamic way of speaking about the past. The writer is a journalist not a “true” historian so it makes for good reading. No shade, but many historians just write like dust. Sooo dry. Mmm, book good, much education. I feel illuminated.

Rating: 9/10 would recommend

Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann

In the 1920s, the richest people per capita in the world were members of the Osage Nation in Oklahoma. After oil was discovered beneath their land, they rode in chauffeured cars and lived in mansions.Then one by one, the Osage began to be killed. Mollie Burkhart watched as her family became a prime target. Her relatives were shot and poisoned. Other Osage were also dying under mysterious circumstances, and many of those who investigated the crimes were themselves murdered. As the death toll rose, the case was taken up by the newly created FBI and its young, secretive director, J. Edgar Hoover. Struggling to crack the mystery, Hoover turned to a former Texas Ranger named Tom White, who put together an undercover team, including a Native American agent. They infiltrated this last remnant of the Wild West, and together with the Osage began to expose one of the most chilling conspiracies in American History.

Thoughts: This is a book that will make your blood boil. It shows the blatant racism with an unapologetic stare. As an Irish Cherokee living in Oklahoma, I was biting my fist in rage throughout this entire book. These crimes, these absolutely disgusting crimes should be taught in history books. If you have no idea what this is about. Read the damn book. If you have an idea of the events. Read the damn book. If you live in Europe. Read the damn book. Events like this should never be forgotten. And God bless Mollie Burkhart. Read the book and you will feel that way too. Just read the book.

Rating: 10/10 read the damn book

The Circle by Dave Eggers

When Mae Holland is hired to work for the Circle, the world’s most powerful internet company, she feels she’s been given the opportunity of a lifetime - even as life beyond the campus grows distant, even as a strange encounter with a colleague leaves her shaken, even as her role at the Circle becomes increasingly public. What begins as the captivating story of one woman’s ambition and idealism soon becomes a heart-racing novel of suspense, raising questions about memory, history, privacy, democracy, and the limits of human knowledge.

Thoughts: Holy shit. This is why I don’t own a smart phone. Read this book and you will second glance at every piece of technology that you own. In thrillers I try to guess what is going to happen and I was wrong about the ending of this book. Which, to tell the truth, made me happy but I was paranoid about the ending. Like it feels like life is moving towards this kind of universe and I don’t like it. May I just say that I am Mercer.

Rating: 8/10 would recommend

Voices from Chernobyl by Svetlana Alexievich

On April 26, 1986, the worst nuclear reactor accident in history occurred in Chernobyl and contaminated as much as three quarters of Europe. Voices from Chernobyl is the first book to present personal accounts of the tragedy. Journalist Svetlana Alexievich interviewed hundreds of people affected by the meltdown - from innocent civilians to firefighters to those called in to clean up the disaster - and their stories reveal the fear, anger, and uncertainty with which they still live. Comprised of interviews in monologue form, Voices from Chernobyl is a crucially important work, unforgettable in its emotional power and honesty.

Thoughts: This book will take you through every possible emotion known to man kind. Alright. Do not read this if you are in an emotionally compromised state. It will make it worse. That said, I truly believe that this is a pivotal piece to understand the Chernobyl disaster from the ground up instead of the top down view that much of the western world understands. Also, with that Chernobyl series this seems an apropos time to read this.

Rating: 9/10 Everyone should read this once.

Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi

Every Tuesday mornign for two years in the Islamic Republic of Iran, a bold and inspired teacher named Azar Nafisi secretly gathered seven of her most committed female students to read forbidden Western classics. As Islamic morality squads staged arbitrary raids in Tehran, fundamentalists seized hold of the universities, and a blind censor stifled artistic expression, the girls in Azar Nafisi’s living room risked removing their veils and immersed themselves in the worlds of Jane Austen, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Henry James, and Vladimir Nabokov. In this extraordinary memoir, their stories become intertwined with the ones they are reading. Reading Lolita in Tehran is a remarkable exploration of resilience in the face of tyranny and a celebration of the liberating power of literature.

Thoughts: You know a book that makes you frustrated with the author when they did something you know that they would regret in the past? I felt that. I won’t spoil it but I did say on multiple occasions “You asked for this!” This book is living proof of the old adage “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” Yeah, that’s what I felt and pity. There was some pity going on.

Rating: 8/10 Read it if you are interested in Middle Eastern history or women’s studies. I don’t think it’s everyone’s cup of tea.

The Perfect Girlfriend by Karen Hamilton

Juliette loves Nate. She will follow him anywhere. She’s even become a flight attendant for his airline so she can keep a closer eye on him. They are meant to be. The fact that Nate broke up with her six months ago means nothing. Because Juliette has a plan to win him back. She is the perfect girlfriend. And she’ll make sure no one stops her from getting exactly what she wants. True love hurts, but Juliette knows it’s worth all the pain. . .

Thoughts: This book is an easy read. It’s a day and a half for someone who reads a lot. Easy to get into, easy to understand, but it doesn’t act like it thinks you’re stupid. Creepy in the same way You was creepy. If you liked You you will like this book. If stalkers aren’t your thing avoid this one. I will say that I found the ending underwhelming. It felt like the author was tired of writing and just wanted to end the freaking book. Other than that, it was fine.

Rating: 6/10 Like You? Read this one.

The Trial of Lizzie Borden by Cara Robertson

When Andy and Abby Borden were brutally hacked to death in Fall River, Massachusetts, in August of 1892, the arrest of the couple’s daughter Lizzie turned the case into international news and her trial into a spectacle unparalleled in American history. Reporter flocked to the scene. Well-known columnists took up conspicuous seats in the courtroom. The defendant was relentlessly scrutinized for signs of guilt or innocence. Everyone - rich and poor, suffragists and social conservatives, legal scholars and laypeople - had an opinion about Lizzie Borden’s guilt or innocence. The popular fascination with the Borden murders and its central, enigmatic character has endured for more than a hundred years, but the legend often outstrips the story. Based on transcripts of the Borden legal proceedings, contemporary newspaper articles, previously withheld lawyer’s journals, unpublished local reports, and recently unearthed letters from Lizzie herself, The Trial of Lizzie Borden is a definitive account fo the Borden murder case and offers a window into America in the Gilded Age, showcasing its most deeply held convictions and its most troubling social anxieties.

Thoughts: I have always been fascinated with this case. It is one of the first nationally publicized cases and as such everyone knew. Can you imagine never being able to go anywhere without being recognized as the one woman who got away with murder? In America we still sing “Lizzie Borden took an axe, gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, gave her father forty-one.” No one alive in America doesn’t know who Lizzie Borden is. If you like true crime and history you will like this. I think you probably would even if you aren’t a connoisseur of those genres. P.S. I still think Lizzie did it.

Rating: 9/10 would recommend

Jane Austen, the Secret Radical by Helena Kelly

An illuminating reassessment of the life and work of Jane Austen that makes clear how Austen has been misread for the past two centuries and how she intended her books to be read. In Jane Austen, the Secret Radical, Helena Kelly, dazzling Jane Austen authority, looks a the writer and her work in the context of Austen’s own time to reveal this popular, beloved artist as daring, even subversive in reaction to her roiling world and to show, novel by novel, how Austen imbued her books with radical, sometimes revolutionary ideas - on slavery, poverty, feminism and marriage as trapping women, on the Church, and evolution. We see that Austen was writing in a time when revolution was in the air (she was born the year before the American Revolution; the French Revolution began when she was thirteen). England had become a totalitarian state; Britain was at war with France. Habeas corpus had been suspended; treason, redefined, was no longer limited to actively conspiring to overthrow and to kill. It now included thinking, writing, printing, and reading (Tom Paine was convicted of seditious libel in 1792 for ideas considered dangerous to the state), the intention being to pressure writers and publishers to police themselves; those who criticized the government or who turned away from the Church of England were seen as betraying their country in its hour of need. In this revelatory, brilliant book, Kelly discusses each of Austen’s novels in the order in which they were written. Whether writing about the fundamental unfairness of primogeniture in Sense and Sensibility (influenced by Mary Wollstonecraft’s 1792 A Vindication of the Rights of Women) or about property and inheritance, war, revolution, and counterrevolution in Pride and Prejudice (Kelly describes the novel as a revolutionary fairy tale written in response to Edmund Burke’s Reflections on the Revolution in France) or about Mansfield Park, with its issues of slavery and the hypocrisy of the Church of England, we see Austen not as someone creating a procession of undifferentiated romances but as someone whose novels reflect back to her readers the world as it is - and was then - complicated, messy, and filled with error and injustice. We see a writer who understood that the novel - seen as mindless “trash” - could be a great art form and who, perhaps more than any other writer up to that time, imbued it with its particular greatness. And finally we see Austen - the writer; the artist; the serious, ambitious, clear-sighted woman “of information” - fully aware of what was going on in the world around her, clear about what she thought of it, and clear that she set out to write about it and to quietly, artfully make her ideas known.

Thoughts: Damn that synopsis. Advice for publishers: create an engaging synopsis in one to three paragraphs. That being said this was a fascinating read. I love Austen so I enjoyed having more context to the stories. Great for women’s studies, english literature and a perspective of slavery rarely mentioned (at least in my readings).

Rating: 9/10 will enjoy if you enjoy Austen

#books #literature #end of the month #jane austen #lizzie borden #chernobyl #cormac mccarthy #thomas harris #clarice starling #hannibal lecter

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