#Likee.. i considered it several times and yet i didn't think. (Though tbh no idea what precisely grandpa guy has/ had going on)

[basicbats]

How did i only now realise that it Would actually make sense to have Fredrik killed for him (still not sure of it though)

[ellouchi]

Jimmy wedding/marriage headcannons (sfw (see disclaimer)/gn)

Disclaimer: abusive and toxic relationship, mentions of physical and sexual assault. Please read this work at your own discretion.

Side notes: OHHH LOOK AT WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST YESTERDAY AHAH...hah my bad. So this started out pretty tame, too tame for my liking. I wanted to get more toxic and miserable and finally I managed to write this. I'm very proud of it tbh lol. First part is alright but second part has things mentioned in the disclaimer. As per usual if I made a mistake or forgot to include smth lmk!!

Lighter scenario:

— Jimmy wouldn't bring up marriage, why would he really? Yeah you two may have been a couple for years but this man literally sees no point in marriage. For him, marriage was not about love — it was about benefits. This doesn't mean Jimmy is unable to love, he can, granted in a very convoluted hot and cold way.

— provided your relationship is on the healthier side, if you bring up the topic, initially Jim would genuinely think you were joking. You weren't. You had to repeat yourself for him to finally consider your words, carefully.

— the man was torn: on one hand, of course you would want to marry him, on the other hand, why did you want to marry him? Jimmy will flat out ask a single "why". He expects something pragmatic, realistic but you give him nothing but a look full of love. Because you loved him, wanting to swear to remain by his side for eternity to come. It was corny, Jimmy couldn't understand how you didn't feel an ounce of embarrassment and yet... Jimmy looked away: dammit, how stupid you were. Now his mind was occupied with the thought of you being his spouse. Great....

— Jimmy would settle for a civil marriage, maybe a short trip to a chapel also. You must understand: this man chronically doesn't have money. You will either have a big proper wedding (which is highly unlikely, besides Jimmy doesn't even want it, he just has an idea that that's how it supposed to go), or just your signatures on the marriage contract. If you follow some specific religion pretty serious, he is willing to fulfil all needed procedures, but that's still bare bones.

— the surname thing can go two ways: either Jimmy insists that you take his surname or he takes yours provided he hates his family with burning passion. If your surname carries some status, definitely takes it, like no way he wouldn't. The idea of double surname weirds Jimmy out a bit but he would permit it if you used his surname more often.

— now, the ceremony: Jimmy will rent a rather chic costume. It's probably the first and last time you will see Jim looking so well groomed: his posture upright, hair slicked back and no traces of the stubble you came to adore. He looks like an eye candy, and even though the suit is not to his liking Jimmy felt all smug with the way you fawned.

— the image of you in your attire makes an impression on him too. Jimmy just stares at you shamelessly as always, he's not too generous with praise but his "wow" and a smirk tugging at his lips tells you all you need to know.

— Jimmy would struggle to find a ring for you. He was well aware he had to go to jewelry store, but the mental image of the employees' treatment of him made it excruciatingly hard. After several attempts, he finally found a decent store with an adequate selection of rings. The piece itself didn't have a diamond in it, but Jimmy was very proud of his find.

— no proper wedding didn't mean that there would be no celebrations. Together with none other than Curly you planned a tiny wedding party, Jimmy had already been suspecting that something was in the making. Despite anticipating the surprise, he had to admit he was looking forward to what you two had planned.

— Jimmy doesn't wear his ring, makes excuses like it's too tight or too loose or uncomfortable to wear but in reality he's afraid of losing it one way or another. He has to hide it from himself actually, just in case he was going to do something foolish.

— now that you're officially married, Jimmy will use his newly acquired status to his advantage. Whether it's legal dealings or winning petty confrontations, Jimmy is using you in many ways you aren't even aware of. This man truly felt like a winner after declaring to some jerk that he was your husband, not some random boyfriend.

— Jimmy will keep the little bride and groom statue that has been on the wedding cake, puts it somewhere on the shelf so anyone could see it. "See? That's you and me. Don't forget about it" he would remind you whilst pointing at it like a child.

— this doesn't end here however. Being your husband means having a silver of authority over you, even if you two are on "equal" standing. Gives Jimmy many opportunities to (un)consciously manipulate you or gaslight you into whatever he wants. "Maybe instead of listening to your "friends" you should be listening to your husband", "As your husband, don't I have a say in this situation?" and "Don't forget you choose to marry me, I didn't force you." are the most frequent ones.

— Jimmy still would struggle with the idea that out of all the people, you've chosen to marry him. He didn't have a high standing in society, a respectable job, or best of character he was painfully aware of that, just as you. During those moments of doubts, Jimmy would come over to you and hold you, possessively. You both swore to be with each other forever, there was no going back.

Darker scenario:

— if Jimmy thinks you're better than him, like you being more successful and respectable, he latches onto marriage like a starving wolf. There is no better way of keeping you to himself than marrying you, especially if you show the initiative. This man projects a lot of his insecurities onto you like it's his full time job. This creates constant arguments and fights, threats of divorce and tearful apologies.

— Jimmy wouldn't believe in spousal infidelity (if he does it, naturally). If you remind him he's a married man, who's married to you, Jim will become annoyed, hostile even, and ridicule you for being overly jealous. The whole marriage situation becomes more of ordeal to him than something of use, especially if you put pressure on him "for no reason". Jimmy's attitude will get worse and worse with time, if he previously didn't pull any weights into the your relationship, now he actively sabotages it.

— Jimmy normally doesn't have paranoia but he's very susceptible to it. Marrying him in order to ease his worries, like you leaving him, won't work and would make things worse, so much worse. Precisely because you're his spouse, Jim would monitor or outright stalk you. It will start with checking your phone, any written journals, receipts from purchases and will escalate to him wandering nearby your work and following you when you're out with your friends or family. Even at home, where the two of you live, Jimmy won't take his eyes off from you.

— paranoia with turn into controlling your every move. Jimmy would create some absurd narrative, stemming from his own insecurities no less, and would frequently accuse you of being unfaithful. At some point smiling at your phone becomes something you have to look out for unless you're prepared for a round of questioning. Retaliation would be met with even more aggression: do you think he's blind or stupid?

— since Jimmy is your husband, you must listen and obey him. Doesn't matter if you are too, or if you are the breadwinner, he is in charge of the household (like, the man barely contributes and when he does, likes to exaggurate his input). Jim loves feeling like he is in control so it's easy to stroke his ego simply by complying with whatever he says, but this will also inevitably trap you. From now on, Jimmy will tell you what to like and dislike, how to dress, whom to talk to and how to talk. With no retaliation from your side, he wouldn't be above getting physical with you, with time he would dehumanise you more and more. Yanks, pushes, slaps and finally beats you if you disobey or "act up". And worst of all Jimmy doesn't even register what he's doing to you.

— I'm not going to go into details, but I do want to bring up the fact that Jimmy would think it's okay to have sex with you whenever he wants. He believes that there is no such thing as "rape" in marriage, because why would you marry in the first place? Gropes you and uses dirty talk at semi public spaces and at home all the time, no matter the situation you're in. You're his spouse (property) after all.

— trying to plead to Jimmy's human side would be a futile attempt. He would remember all of your "cheating", your outbursts, cries and hurtful words towards him. Jimmy knows what you're plotting, you are making him furious with you to look like a victim when it's he who is suffering. You should be grateful he's not divorcing you, no one would want such an awful spouse like you.

— final point, the song for this relationship would be Mascara by Deftones (yes I'm a basic bitch)

[districtunrest]

ONGOMGOMGOMG. (share thoughts. any n all. you know i need to know. PLEASE!)

HAHA sorry. anyway:

I didn’t really like it and I’m sad about it. ☹️ even though there were some interesting ideas and cool new characters, I was taken out of the story too much to fully enjoy them. it read to me like the laziest (most rushed? least edited?) yet most forced storytelling of the series, which sucks bc it’s supposedly the REAL backstory of my favorite character. but I just couldn’t shake my doubt while reading that this was what we and Katniss were missing all along. too many details (that I memorized by heart as a tween and have made everyone’s problem since) didn't match up, even with the card-stacking*. so I just don't believe this was always the intended ‘real’ story when it’s so hidden from the trilogy... imo, SC went back to it with a mission statement in mind after recent current events (and, more tellingly, after Ballad) and did her thing. which is fine, that's her right - it's just, when this whole book seems more like a writing workshop thought experiment than the intended backstory, I will treat it as such. bc as it stands, all the callbacks & connections & Everlark parallels in the world cannot replace Katniss & Peeta watching the highlight tape of his Games, Haymitch telling them what he did was “almost but not quite” as bad as them with the berries, Katniss finally understanding who he is in that moment, and Haymitch later admitting the loss of his loved ones were because of "that stunt [he] pulled with the forcefield" (which is. simply not true anymore with all of his stunts in and out of the arena). like say no more, that’s good enough for me! it’s what I prefer and what I find more compelling than what’s revealed/subverted in Sunrise. and tbh that discrepancy makes Sunrise unfaithful, at least in my eyes, for all it relies on references to the rest of the series. 

now, obviously I had mixed feelings about this prequel in the first place, and my concerns/reservations mounted with each excerpt, only to be confirmed now... but I did try, okay!?? haha I’d told you and several others privately that I really wanted to like this book and I was willing to set aside my gripes if it was good - but it had to actually be good! instead, the book was exactly what I was afraid it was going to be *and* suffered a drop in quality. I found the narration underwhelming, dumbed down and repetitive, and not evocative of Haymitch's voice. even things I thought there was NO WAY would actually happen and I was just being paranoid - but then they did, lmao. like, it was a letdown for me personally *and* it didn’t even do it well enough where I could at least respect it and oblige, lol

overall, it was just too off for me. by answering and explaining so much, it ended up taking away a lot of the trilogy's charm and intrigue - and did so in a way that left a bad taste in my mouth. it made me view Ballad in a more negative light, too, tbh. so I think going forward I’ll just consider it a weird spinoff that is secondary to the main/trilogy canon. 🤷🏻‍♀️

(some more Haybitching under the cut)

tbh, what guts me the most is what SC chose to do with Haymitch’s voice & character, where she watered him down to what he needed to be for this lesson & this plot. it’s frustrating that the dangerous, cunning, arrogant boy that Katniss sees in the highlight reel and can easily recognize in adult Haymitch is all an act. the character we thought we knew is not present here, sacrificed to make yet another point about propaganda, and that’s a crying shame. and his deterioration in the final chapters is so underwhelming (as are the death scenes 🫣) - I've read that same story countless times but told better by people who love the character as is and weren't on a time crunch for a movie deal, I guess.

Sunrise!Haymitch skews shockingly immature and moralistic and hates the idea of being a sarcastic, selfish “rascal." but since when are we calling surviving and fighting to get home in an unthinkable situation selfish? that’s now assumed in Sunrise’s logic, where instead having a ginormous alliance against the Careers with no exit plan (big ‘WHAT IF ALL THE TRIBUTES BANDED TOGETHER AND DIDN’T FIGHT?’ energy) is much smarter and nobler than going it alone and heading in one direction to get to the edge for no reason other than bc nobody had tried it before and trilogy!Haymitch, we know, is an out-of-box thinker & strategist. I know he & Ambert were operating under the notion that they were going to lose no matter what and had their own plans (which. hmm) but it was just so oddly accepted by the Newcomers, too, who had no such threat from Snow. they were so willing to be selfless martyrs and band together when they all know at the end of the day there can only be one survivor - which was heartening in a way, sure, but it almost seemed trite? and again, needlessly moralistic in an established world like Panem, where these things happen every year...? not even self-righteous (Katniss' words but with Haymitch's backing!) Peeta 'not a piece in their games' Mellark thought so narrowly. Idk. I might have to mull that one over more. but anyway, then Haymitch trying to rescue Maysilee is turned into a mini redemption arc in post, when all it was in the first place was a glimpse into his protective & caring nature underneath all the bravado, which was surely part of Katniss’ deepening understanding of him. but Sunrise wasn’t interested in exploring that, either, or even honoring it. okay

and I can’t get over how SC had to kind of retcon the final pages of Mockingjay to fit Haymitch’s epilogue into it, which didn’t help how it already rang so hollow for me, I hate to say. it’s not even done well, containing the most rushed, wrap-up-everything-before-the-deadline writing I’ve ever seen from SC (and it STILL doesn’t read like Haymitch’s voice to me :/). some things can just be; they don’t need some big, loaded, tragic explanation. Haymitch can glibly call Katniss ‘sweetheart’ once, bc she’s been sullen & hostile to him and he is in fact sarcastic (the horror!), only for it to go on to become an actual term of endearment by the end - like, that’s lovely in and of itself. why weigh it down further? who asked for that? I know I didn’t. 

most insignificantly & pettily of all: geese do mate for life - as in monogamously, meaning they stay together until one of them dies. then, they mourn and find another mate. just putting that out there, lmao

*how tf was Haymitch able to kiss his token and set up a bomb and throw it over the edge and put his token back when we know he was convulsing from shock by the end? to where Silka was able to start staunching her wound as she waited for him to die? if him going into shock was taken from footage anytime after, the arena would've been quaking/on fire around him?? Idk fam. it just feels off.

[bromcommie]

case of attachment

seventy years of silence v1.2 alt

I would love to hear about BOTH of these, but if you'd rather pick one, go ahead!!! <3

Hiya, thanks for the ask! I'm nothing if not yappy, so you get both <3 1. case of attachment — this is one of the AO3 Tag Bingo ones I started a month ago but never ended up submitting, and now I'm kind of glad I didn't 'cause I want to work on it more. The prompt was Ghosts, which is nothing if not rife with potential considering who I'm writing about. Because I seem incapable of writing full-scale AUs, though, I didn't take it literally, but the fic's also not...completely devoid of supernatural elements, I guess? I'd call it bordering on magical realism, maybe. It follows a couple of episodes throughout Steve and Bucky's lives through the lens of spirits and the various mythologies surrounding them (as well as the individual and collective fears/hopes they're usually inspired by), because that's a 3 am rabbithole I tend to fall down frequently. There's also something fascinating to the idea that the fear of possession is a fear of loss of identity or personhood or control, but also that possession has historically been used as an explanation for aspects of an identity that are unacceptable being actualized or apparent (mental health issues, behavior not correlated to someone's place in society, sexual desire, etc.) I’m not summarizing this very well, but there’s a hell of a lot of fun to be had with the meaning of ghosts and spirits, is what I’m trying to say.

The name itself sort of comes from the word dybbuk, which from what I understand is just a noun derived from the Hebrew word for 'to cling', but was translated specifically as 'state of attachment' on Wikipedia, and I just found that to be a somewhat strange and clunky but really interesting phrase. Not to mention fitting. Every love story is a ghost story and all that, and every ghost story is about the inability to let go.

In any case I feel like I'm on a roll with this one, so I might even publish it soon!

2. seventy years of silence v1.2 alt — Okay, this is the first script the mockup posters series spawned, so pardon the incoming word vomit as it is my baby—and it kind of ties into the previous one in the sense that it's supposed to be not entirely linear nor lucid in segments (hm, it's almost like there is a pattern starting to emerge here...). Anyway: (more or less) solo Winter Soldier movie, here goes.

I just couldn't stop thinking about how there's a whole goddamned movie missing between Winter Soldier and Civil War in more ways than one, and also about just how great it would've been to see Bucky as the WS (but tbh also just as Bucky) explored more as both the vessel for American Cold War anxieties and the ghost—ha—of their horrific consequences, as well as a storytelling conduit for observing several periods of 20th century history, cosidering he's supposed to be a key player in much of it yet is essentially a complete outsider to the world as a whole and (superficially) to the human experience of it all. I just think it'd work well as a lead up to the politics-adjacent events of CW, too. So on a background level I guess that's what I'm trying to do here via flashbacks that piece together the long road so far, as well as what continuity there is to Bucky pre + post-fall.

On a primary level, it's more or less a classic post-CATWS fic in content, if not form: Bucky post-DC trying to stay out of shit but caught between unwillingly retracing his history when Plot Events keep happening, figuring out how to both get the government off his ass and make sure his captors don't get to him without it becoming an outright revenge spree, figuring out who this Steve character is and if he even wants him to find Bucky (although for the time being I'd say present day Steve features less heavily than usual and is not necessarily the explicit focus, which is not to say that he doesn't play a role and that it's still not gay as all hell), and just figuring out what the fuck is going on in general and how to survive. I also loosely borrow from a couple of the comics runs both with the Department X/Red Room stuff and in order to set up an intro to the Superhuman Registration Act/Sokovia Accords, because I fucking hate how CW handled all that. (Surprise, surprise.)

So basically there is...definitely too much going on there. I've put it on hold a little these days until I figure out what exactly I want to do with it and because it keeps breaking my brain, but I still work on it here and there, so there's still hope.

I've already written way too much, but here's a snippet for the hell of it since I was actually just editing this yesterday:

[cherienymphe]

She only told became she's terrified for what will happen to Nat and she's trying to lessen the punishment. What reason would she have to tell that she saw her? How would that lessen anything? This decision makes sense. She wants Nat out of the basement and safe. Telling Peter she saw Nat that night does not. This decision was done with a goal in mind. Telling Peter the other thing would have no goal because they see that on the same level as Nat escaping, possibly even worse.

I think it's a bit unfair to paint the reader as untrustworthy especially after the position she's put herself in to protect Nat. If anything, she's the most trustworthy one in the house what with not telling any of the husbands the things their wives say and insinuate about them. Her decision in this chapter was driven by guilt and desperation and a strong desire to keep Nat safe. If Nat is confirmed to be pregnant, she won't be in any danger of bodily harm and that's all the reader wants

I guess I was only considering that Natasha would be upset that the reader told because she’s prepared to face her consequences and not that she’s trying to lessen her punishment. My reason for saying that it’s not a good idea is in case Natasha was pregnant but isn’t anymore because that would lead to a very obvious conclusion about what she did. And I agree that it doesn’t help her station to tell Peter that she saw Natasha but I feel like he gave her a chance to come clean about anything else that she shouldn’t have done and hadn’t told him yet, and because she didn’t he will be more hurt in the future because she held back and may be harsher. That’s why I was saying that was her one time to come clean, even though it results in punishment either way, because it seemed like he was giving her a window. And there’s no doubt that he figures out later just because she can’t seem to keep things inside when it comes to Peter.

And I should’ve made it clear that I don’t mean that the reader isn’t dependable. I mean that I couldn’t trust her because if it comes down to it, the women will have to look out for themselves and the men will get any information necessary out of them. And they make their own decisions on when to tell secret information. Even Peggy said that she likely would’ve told if she saw Natasha leaving because she has to think about herself.

But I hope you don’t take my comments as a criticism on your writing. I’m sometimes frustrated by a character’s actions even if I know they were necessary, and I should be less severe with my words or explain them more. I’m sorry if I offended you

Your comment didn't offend me! I just wanted to explain the reader's side of things because I do understand the concern for how Nat will feel. It's a sticky situation and I won't say whether or not Nat will be fully understanding about it, but Nat will see where the reader is coming from. Nat has guilt of her own she's dealing with on behalf of the reader (that will only worsen after the next chapter). Tbh they're both just miserable and feeling guilty about the other.

And yeah I see why you would want the reader to just tell Peter outright about that night when he asked, but I think there's this assumption Peter will be lenient on her solely because the reader entertained that thought herself. The reader understands the severity of what she did. That's why she doesn't want it to ever come out. Nat neither. I was serious when I said in their eyes, the reader's offense is worse than Nat's. The reader's betrayal is bigger than Nat's. The reader knows she fucked up so bad and it's why she'll never tell the truth about that night unless she's literally forced to because doing so won't make anything easier. It'll just make things a hell of a lot worse

[girltomboy]

I've been meaning to write another post, but I kept forgetting or putting it off or not having time. My parents left on Monday. I was starting to get used to early mornings and breakfast with my mom, so I was quite sad that she was leaving, and my apartment felt so different without her. Ofc I'm all good now, got back into my usual routine, with a positive spin on it thanks to my mom - getting up right away instead of snoozing some more in the morning. I mean I've never been the kind of person who sets several alarms and snoozes most of them. I wake up after the first one and that's it. But lately I'd gotten into the habit of lingering in bed, and my mom fixed that for me. It's actually quite nice to start my morning right away, it makes me feel like I've unlocked Time+ and I'm like generating more time. And I can actually eat breakfast, drink a warm beverage, I work better.

Anyway, my bf and I reunited yesterday (and had sex twice in a row for the 1st time ever lol - I mean we've had sex multiple times in a day before, but not in a row... it was kinda crazy good too) and had some quick dinner, then went for a short grocery trip to the supermarket. We actually didn't spend that much time together, and today he didn't want to meet up bc he had some chores to do at his apartment. And tomorrow is his bday but I think the gifts I got him are kinda lame 😓 I didn't find anything I planned on getting him. He needs a new backpack, but I haven't been able to find one that is spacious, sturdy, and nice looking. I've also considered buying him a winter coat, but I'm not too sure about his size. And I've been looking for like a sweater or a sweatshirt, but there are absolutely no options in men's sections. Like, anywhere. It's either navy, gray, beige, or white (if you're lucky), OR ugly graphic tees and hoodies. That is pretty much all men's fashion nowadays. I'm BORED. I keep telling my bf he needs more than just some graphic tees and hoodies, but he's like I don't really like anything else. And with the current options I can't even blame him. We need to go thrift shopping together. God damn I'm taking him to the thrift store in the city center. I found some really high quality and cool looking things there a while back.

So my stepdad needs to do a check-up on Friday, and my parents are gonna bring me some stuff. My mom told me that my stepdad's sister gave her a "camel hair blanket" for me a while ago, and she never got around to giving it to me. I had no idea they made BLANKETS - or anything else tbh - from camel hair, but now I'm super curious and excited about it lol. I have plenty of plans for this week: bf's bday tomorrow, parents coming here Friday (they won't be staying though), date night with my bf on Friday? We HAVE to go thrifting and then have dinner somewhere, haven't decided where yet 😬 Saturday I'm going to my work friend's roommate's birthday which is EXCITING because I haven't been in a social setting like this in ages (I mean with ppl I don't know) but I'm also nervous bc I don't know if she'll like the gift I got her... (the book Snowglobe and a cat shaped metal bookmark). And then on Sunday my work friend and I are gonna watch some movies.

[schizosupport]

Hi, i have what im pretty sure are delusions sometimes but my therapist thinks its anxiety/compulsions but sometimes i am not anxious about it but its still really hard to not believe it even if i know it’s not real (like for example that was very difficult to write being like it is real, i know it is but also i know its not), im just wondering if that is a delusion or not. I mean like it hasn’t been that much off a problem recently like basically nothing at all but these past few days it has been getting worse and I just have been thinking about it for awhile and i want to be aware if it is for future reference

Hey there anon! I would like to help give you a qualified idea of what you might be dealing with, but it's hard for me to guess at anything from the information you provided, nor is it necessarily my place. I'm going to give you some general info on delusions vs anxiety that might be helpful though.

The line between anxiety, compulsions and delusions can be pretty blurry tbh. A lot of people have this misconception that delusions are always more serious or debilitating than the others, but that's definitely not always true.

Both anxiety, compulsions and delusions can have the quality you describe, of you knowing it's not real, but it's still hard to believe that it isn't.

With anxiety, this commonly does occur with a level of felt worry or anxiety.. and the concern itself is usually, while often over the top, not overly bizarre/unreal.

An anxious thought often exaggerates existing dangers - it looks at very unlikely odds, sometimes impossible odds, and inflates the risk of danger. "I'll get accidentally electrocuted from using the toaster", "I'll get stabbed to death if I go for a walk in the evening", "if my joke doesn't land, people will hate me and I'll be lonely for ever".

Anxious people are usually aware that their fears are exaggerated, but it doesn't stop them from being controlled by the fear.

Compulsions can really be a lot of things, but in relation to anxiety, it's often used to refer to the actions that anxiety may compel us to perform. This could involve checking behaviours (running back several times to check that you locked the door is a classic example), as well as more elaborate and even seemingly unrelated compulsions ("if i flip the light switch 10 times, this unrelated event i fear won't happen"). Most of the time, the person with compulsions is aware that the action is exaggerated and/or doesn't have a logical relation to their fear. Yet they can't help but do it "just in case", as it momentarily relieves the anxiety.

Compulsions are often considered to enter delusional territory, when the person with compulsions lose insight, and they become convinced that if they didn't perform the compulsive action, the bad thing would certainly occur.

Delusions in general can be a lot of things. They are often more "weird" than anxiety - classically we talk about bizarre, paranoid or grandiose delusions. The content often involves things that are not just exaggerated odds, but downright impossible/in the realm of fantasy and make belief.

There's a common misconception that it's only a delusion if the person has no insight at all, and is unable to comprehend that the reality they are experiencing isn't objective truth. Such experiences can and do occur, but it's also common for psychotic people to engage in "double bookkeeping".. where we feel convinced about the delusion, while still being able to acknowledge on some level that our reality has diverged from consensus reality, and may be in error.

Based on your ask i can't easily say which is more true to your experience, but the good news is that there is a lot of overlap, and I recommend for you to look into coping mechanisms for all of these experiences, and see what works out for you.

If your therapist is not acknowledging the nature of your experience and working with you at the place where you are at, that is an issue.

But if they do acknowledge and work with the experience as it is/aren't denying your experiences, and you otherwise have a good working relationship, then I wouldn't worry too much about what they refer to it as.

These definitions are so loose and unclear and historically shifting etc, that different professionals can have very different understandings.. and debating semantics with a therapist is usually a waste of time, since they ideally work with basis in your experience rather than the name given to a symtom or diagnosis.

Hope this was helpful!

[papirouge]

What are your political/life views? I just found your blog, you have so many varying ( yet valid) opinions

uduekzkskejejaldkz I am not a political person (I don't even vote lol) but I beefed with so many people who got so confused by my position because it's impossible to fit me in a box. I know some people are genuinely confused at me not being conservative. Or me orbiting around radfem...while being prolife. I may be Christian, but I'll NEVER be the token Black woman/Christian Candace Owens (lol) (though homegirl can have very stupid views i.e jumping on the Tate white knight bandwagon). Some White Christians are veeeeery transparent with their (cultural, racial) bias and I don't mess with them. I am actually very pro Black (pro Black WOMEN - I am very into "corrective promotion of Black women" Black feminity, hypergamy, etc.) but some Black people might dislike me bc I loathe rap culture, call out the one drop rule and Black women obsession with wearing Asian women hair... 🤫

I think the blueprint behind my mindset is that I am a VERY logical person.. I hate double standards and hypocrisy. I can respect a standpoint totally opposed to mine as long as it's consistent.

Some of my milestones 😹

💥 I beefed with Christians hypocrites seething on homosexuals while being spiritual adulterers themselves (watching witchy shows)

💥 I beefed with Calvinist for saying Once Saved Always Saved wasn't biblical 👀 when I came out as a Christian I called out a big/popular Christian/Calvinist blogger (I didn't realize how popular she was when I called her out lmao) and she freaked out and deactivated and all of followers went off at me lmaooo even today IDK what triggered her to react this way... I think she was mentally ill :/ (?) She came back though but blocked me. If it helps her feeling safer her I'm fine with that tbh. Then a pro OSAS/Calvinist Christian YouTuber challenged me (several times) to a d-d-d-duel but I said "lmao. No." The idea of a Calvinist Christian YouTuber having a one-sided beef with me cracks me up tbh lmao #papirougeexposed 👀

💥 I beefed with Cath trad nv crusaders for making fun of colonialism & slavery à la "it just taught these savages how to behave 😈" while being shook when people look up Communism (bc their grandpa died in a gulag or whatever). So it's ok to make fun of entire countries/civilizations being genocided and enslaved from centuries...but looking up a dead regime that made your family suffer soooooo baaaad is somehow morally corrupt? just choke already - and props to Stalin for keeping your ancestors on check considering how ugly their offspring turned out to be.... ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ see how bad it sounds? now WHY do those ghouls feel comfortable doing so for non Whites/non-Europeans? I HATE these demons.

💥 I regularly beef with pro gun Christians because gun culture is from the devil and unbiblical

💥 I regularly beef with radfem because they hate that I'm pro life (but otherwise love my takes which makes them ever more mad LOL)

💥 I beefed with (Christian) libertarians because they're stupid 🤷🏾‍♀️ Also you can't hate against governments authority (or simply existing) while being Christian. Governments are from God. Their dedication to act like Romans 13 didn't exist is hysterical.

💥 I beefed with kpop stans for saying kpop guys are ugly and were sending people to hell lmao

[doctorbunny]

MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.

[ginjointsintheworld]

Hey Gin.

Have you read the latest article from David, the showrunner?

We are in for the long haul. In my mind I said I was going to trust the writers and their vision, but you know sometimes I doubt if they'll handle things properly. Because, I'm not gonna lie, they've disappointed me a few times when I expected much from them.

I think I'm starting to have some reservations about how they are setting up the whole breakup/fallout.

Tbh, I am having a hard time believing that Leyla will just up and leave without letting Lauren know if she's safe or not considering how they met. But to now read that Leyla wants to be far away from NA, doesn't want to see Lauren, or even hear her name at all.

One of my fear since the last episode is that they'll exaggerate Leyla's reaction and unintentionally make her into this cold and heartless person for the sake of drama.

I understand Leyla's hurt and she deserves to cope with it whichever way she wants but I want them to be true to her character but also let things develop organically and not forsake canon for the sake of drama. I'm still not convinced that the Leyla we've come to know and how she relates to Lauren and what we believe she knows about her past will just disappear.

I know they get a kick from making Lauren suffer, but they shouldn't do it at the expense of Leyla. You know, I've already seen several people saying she's ungrateful and acting precious. I like Lauren, but I care about Leyla too. It's not one or the other. I want to them together ultimately but they should not destroy them in the process. We know Lauren is in the wrong but what she did is not the most horrible thing anyone's ever done on this show. The way they keep hammering on punishment and consequence is quite toxic.

I don't know if I'm making sense, just trying to air out my jumbled thoughts.

hey bud. i did read it and you're right, i think we are in for the long haul. but it's something we probably all had an inkling of since the conflict revealed itself in 3x14. there was no way to get through this without debriding a lot of hurt and betrayal first. holding some reservation is probably always going to be the safest bet when it comes to trying to anticipate things like this and it's one i try to abide by because at the end of the day, there's just no way for us to know what the writers have planned. heck the writers could have something planned but then change their mind on the direction.

best policy though is to just wait and see how it unfolds on screen. we can go crazy spinning our wheels trying to theorize or read into interviews but i know i've seen (and given myself) a lot of theories that turned out wrong or right in a way that i still wasn't expecting from this first half of the season.

i agree with you though, i think based on what we've seen of leyla that at the very least, her just going MIA for so many weeks without letting lauren even know through second hand if she's safe seems... uncharacteristically cruel. but hey, again, we don't even know what the full context around that situation is yet. i try to keep in mind as well, leyla just found out some very ground shaking news for her and sometimes hurt and anger clouds things and makes you act uncharacteristically.

you're right, leyla shouldn't suffer at the expense of lauren being put through the wringer. it's part of why i loathe the idea of leyla being willingly to uproot and start everything over when she deserved the spot at NA. i have no shame in saying that i'll have choice words if the writers do end up having leyla be someone who would indeed follow their pride to the ends of the earth to feel worthy despite giving up so much and working five times harder than anyone for what she has already. and objectively, no lauren didn't do the worst thing a human being has ever done in the history of humanity on the show and it's irritating that the reactions sometimes escalate to that level. unfortunately these writers have a twisted sense of characters needing to be punish, though i think everyone capable of objectivity can agree that lauren has more than paid her pound of flesh in suffering. but in this same interview, schulner talks about how this situation floyd is in is almost in a way, life's "Kind of punish them for their lack of an open mind." not my favorite mentality to approach your characters with but. drama writers i guess.

i'm all for magic handwaving to an extent to resolve things but of course, the criteria will always be that it doesn't ruin the foundation of these characters as individuals and their relationship. if you have to turn them into shells of who they were to fix it, that's lazy and shit writing.

BUT again, this is all us kind of spiraling when there's so much more we don't know than what we do know. we just gotta wait and see.

also you made perfect sense. askbox is always open for the venting and jumbled thoughts!

p.s. i'm actually listening to your leyren playlist as i answer this and 'love won't let me leave' by seafret GOT DAMN.

[fleurriee]

let’s go let’s go let’s gooooo!! arranged marriage trope?? prince neteyam?? sign me the fuck up asdfghjkl

Gone were the humpbacked sea surfaces, replaced by the boundless freedom of the open sky. The white foam, once adorning the ocean's crown, now transformed into fluffy clouds, resembling intricately woven blankets. It was as if the heavens themselves provided a soft embrace, offering comfort and warmth.

writing writing writing writing >>>

…he missed his youth, even from a time when his family sought shelter. He missed being careless, learning new things, having fun…

neteyam bby 🤧 all he ever wanted was to be the child he was supposed to be, but he had too many responsibilities :((

"Mawey, brother."

im sorry, but i really need neteyam to tell me to calm down in na’vi. his voice??? 🥵

Apprehensive of his brother's reaction, Lo'ak didn't know how to say it, "Uh, I kinda… please don't be mad at me."

sometimes i really consider whether lo’ak is my favourite, just bc of things like this lmao. he’s so pure and innocent yet at the same time literally the spawn of the devil & all i wanna do is wrap him up in a blanket and give him the biggest smooch

Yes, she was a stranger to him whom he had never seen once, but she was soon to become the closest and most important person in his life after all.

gentleman neteyam ughhghghh gimme gimme gimme

"My daughter, you have been chosen by the Omatikaya to become their Olo'eyktan's mate," your mother had said, beaming with pride.

honestly if i never knew anything about him & had no idea what he was like, i’d run away too… but then i’d come running straight back when i see its neteyam ugh lets be honest THAT MAN <33

"But what about my own happiness?" your voice had been barely above a whisper.

And now you stood here, in front of the Tsahik of the Omatikaya — who was so different from the one in your clan — and were forced to undress and be inspected by her…

i cant imagine being in that situation :((

Her name was Kiri, and amidst the chaos of the day, she appeared to be the most grounded and relatable person you had encountered; she was clearly the most normal person in this whole clan, that was for sure.

man i love kiri so fucking much. i can definitely imagine her being the only one the reader can go to when she feels trapped like this. best sister tbh

Before anyone could respond, a stunning woman entered the tent with grace and elegance, capturing the attention of all present.

hell yeah she’s so fucking beautiful!!! wanna be her so bad

 You chuckled to yourself, even though you refused to admit it openly, it was a remarkably beautiful name. At least you had to give him that, you would have a mate with a pretty name.

pretty name for a pretty boy huh

"Or y/n'ite…You know what, kind of eww because he's my brother but it's good that you already think about your children's names," Kiri said smiling smugly.

“No, I mean it, repeat that in front of my grandmother and she will be head over heels for you.” You highly doubted that.

i love this dynamic between the two of them & i love kiri in general. have i mentioned that before?? like the way you write makes her ten times better than she already is istg. you’re just too talented lana

"Is he dull? Not very smart? Mentally slow? I can work on those."

lmao her confidence is unmatched 😭

"I mostly like him, more than Lo'ak at least," the younger girl began venting in a nonchalant tone, "but today I'm so angry at him, he really—"

tuk just being brutally honest lmao gotta love her. she’s too innocent :(( but also?? neteyam?? what you up to??

Tuk smiled at you and said, "Did anyone ever tell you how pretty you are? You're going to have wonderful children, I know it." And just like that, she left.

TUK?? BABY TUK UR SO ADORABLE I LOVE UUU

"Nature is calling."

"Oh," his eyes grew wide within a second, "Oh, uh," he stammered, "Yes, um, sure, you can– you can just go over, uh, there," he cleared his throat several times and pointed in two different directions with his hands, a light blush visible on his cheeks, "D-do you know the way? You do, don't you? Should I…?"

oh my god, men lmao 🙄 always works

Lost in your thoughts, and trying different ways, you remained oblivious to the presence behind you, until a man cleared his throat and approached you.

"Um, are you in need of assistance of some kind?" he asked, his voice gentle and filled with genuine concern.

i already know that’s my baby, always the gentleman.

"If you must know, I'm trying to find out the best way to climb over these rocks."

"Climb... whatever for?" he questioned, genuinely intrigued by your confession.

IS THIS QUEEN CHARLOTTE??? THE REFERENCE??? IMPECCABLE LANA

"I'm a woman in need of help. And you refuse?" you confronted him, your voice tinged with disbelief.

"I refuse when that woman in need of help is trying to go over the rocks so that she does not have to be my mate," he stated, his words hanging in the air, revealing a truth that caught you off guard.

AHAHAHAA LANA THIS IS SO PERFECT! THE CROSSOVER?? IM GETTING BUTTERFLIES  I WANT THIS

"Not your Olo'eyktan," he corrected you in a soft-spoken manner, withdrawing his hand. "Neteyam."

"I mean, yes, your Olo'eyktan, but to you, just Neteyam," he clarified jokingly, the sound of his beautiful laugh after made you speechless.

ughghghhgh 😫 he’s the definition of gentleman… TO YOU, JUST NETEYAM??? i’m on the floor rn

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, contemplating his words. Finally, he spoke, his voice filled with a sincere and gentle admiration. "You are incomparable."

"No one told me you'd be this beautiful. You may be too beautiful to be my mate…”

INCOMPARABLE?? IM DYING LANA THIS IS SO SWEET AND AMAZING AND EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED ASDFGHJKL

"But I cannot show it and climb over rocks and fly away with my ikran because I am Olo'eyktan of the Omatikaya, and that would cause a scandal. But I promise you, I am neither a demon nor a beast," he reassured, his eyes ever so dreamily locked with yours. "Just Neteyam."

crying 😭🤧

lana this was so unbelievably amazing, like it’s 10000% a favourite fic of mine now, u have no idea. you’re writing is always so beautiful and has feeling like im actually there in the moment. and the way you write neteyam?? PRINCE NETEYAM?? had me writhing even when this was just pure fluff istg.

anyways, gonna be coming back to this wonderful fic constantly, just a forewarning bby <33

JUST NETEYAM | neteyam x reader

pairing: olo'eyktan!neteyam x f!reader

summary: despite being from a different clan and expected to marry the leader of the omatikaya without knowing him, you agree to it for the sake of your family, but doubts start haunting you the moment you set foot in the clan, causing you to plan your escape on the day of your mating ceremony.

word count: 8k

warnings: arranged marriage trope, fluffffff, love-at-first-sight kinda thing, a bit of angst in the beginning, traditions, non-sexual nudity, prejudiced reader, royal neteyam, he is just such a prince it’s unreal!!

note: all characters are aged up by five years. the title eyktan/eykte (leader) being unofficially reserved for the olo'eyktan (clan leader)’s mate made sense to me since both are supposed to rule together. please correct me if i’m wrong. see end notes for more.

* gif‘s not mine.

You will learn to love her. He remembered his mother’s voice, and he recalled the vast expanse of the sky, where billowing clouds danced gracefully and the wind embraced him with gentle caresses. The sky, like an endless canvas, painted in hues of blue, purple, and gold, held a beauty that stirred his soul. 

Instead of roaring waves crashing against the cliffs, he witnessed the majestic flight of ikrans, soaring high above the jagged peaks. Their wings, strong and mighty, carried him through the heavens, as if he were a part of their elegant dance. Gone were the humpbacked sea surfaces, replaced by the boundless freedom of the open sky. The white foam, once adorning the ocean’s crown, now transformed into fluffy clouds, resembling intricately woven blankets. It was as if the heavens themselves provided a soft embrace, offering comfort and warmth.

Keep reading

[lesakuraciel]

trans ask game!

original by @solareclipselgbt

1.) what’s your gender and pronouns?

nb and they/them!

2.) what does your name mean (either literally, or to you personally)

i don't feel a particular connection to my birth name, though it is based off anna karenina (it's anna corinne), but i've been toying w the idea of going by ashe... obv it's based on the tree but to me it means walking through a dappled forest near the end of winter, timeless and strange and perfect

3.) when and how did you realize you were trans?

not entirely sure, def after i figured out i wasn't straight(which was aug. 2016), but as far as accepting my place under the /trans/ flag (i knew i was nb, but was still hesitant bc of the people against enbys iding as trans), that didn't happen until like. end of last year,

4.) what was the most helpful in figuring out and accepting yourself as trans?

my trans friends definitely!! and also doing a report on enbys in the trans community, and subsequently finding what, the white stripe means, i still have trouble asking people who already know me to use they/them though,, (i still say she/her is fine even though it's kinda not)

5.) have you or do you plan on medically transitioning?

i do plan to get top surgery! and soon, hopefully!!! other than that, i eventually want a hysterectomy, but no hrt

6.) what’s something you’re most looking forward to in your transition (or something that was your favorite part of transitioning)?

no! boobs! i hate them!! and not having to wear extra layers (read: binder) in summerr

7.) do you have dyed hair?

sjsjsnd yea it's dark blue right now don't think /that's/ natural lmao i even have The Haircut (tm)

8.) who was the first person you came out to (or plan to come out to)?

i'm pretty sure it was my good friend henry!! i mean, he also basically told me i wasn't straight cause i wouldn't admit it :'>

9.) what’s your favorite season?

fall!! so many pretty colors and finally, appropiate weather for the jackets i wear year-round,

10.) have you ever been to pride?

yep! i went to pride for the first time in tacoma last year!! (plan to go to the seattle one this year)

11.) if you’re on hrt, what changes suprised you the most?

not on hrt!

12.) what gives you the most gender euphoria?

oh being called "sir" definitely, and a xloae second is when strangers use they/them to refer to me!

13.) do you have a specific piece of clothing thats especially gender affirming to you?

hmm i mean my binder obv but other than that, certain shirts when i bind? idk they just Do(tm)

14.) what’s your favorite trans joke or meme?

friend who is very comfortable in their identity: talks abt someone not realizing and being transphobic around them/other people not knowing how trans things work/etc.

(sarcasm) wow i can't believe you're really a cishet

15.) if you’ve had any gender affirming surgeries, how was your experience? what are the biggest positive effects?

not had surgery yet, but kaiser permanante has been great so far in working w me !!!

16.) do you have any piercings?

haha just one in each ear, and i basically never use those

17.) who’s your favorite trans character? or do you have any characters you headcanon as trans?

we stan lup from taz in this house

other than that, i hc a lot of characters as trans! e.x. bakugo, todoroki, and kirishima (bnha), snufkin (moomins), indrid and angus (taz), and like, a lot more,,

18.) what do you wish other people understood better about being trans?

just. it's okay to ask pronouns. god

better to ask than to assume

also use context clues, jesus (like if someone isn't out, they may switch to a diff name for some people. never use it unless they ask you to)

19.) top 5 fav songs?

bohemian rhapsody - queen

oi - carbon leaf

light in the hallway - ptx

ocean city - anthony ramos (this isn't anywhere but soundcloud but it's So Good???? go listen)

wait for it - hamilton soundtrack

20.) what advice would you give your younger self?

you can be more assertive about being trans, most people are good abt it and those who aren't can learn or fuck right off

21.) do you have any pets?

yep! my baby, friend

and my doggo, kody!

22.) do you find yourself fitting into gender roles, or consider yourself gender non-conforming?

def gnc!! i like to be androgynous, whixh usually means wearing masc clothes bc i still present fem, somehow,

23.) are you part of your schools gsa or any lgbt organizations?

nope! i prefer to make friends by just chatting, and they usually end up being non-cishwt anyhow lmao

24.) any trans role models?

not really tbh, i see a lot of people that i want to emulate, but i can't think of any in particular atm.

now that i think abt it though, my friend henry has been a sort of guiding light in figuring out, accepting, and then loudly proclaiming my identity, bc i've def come a long way since sophomore year! (if you're reading this, thank u henry)

25.) did you go through multiple gender identities before figuring out your gender now?

yep! i id'ed as genderflux very shortly, then demigirl for a long time, and finally nb/genderqueer!

26.) what makes you most proud to be part of the trans community?

it's so positive and uplifting!! i love that people are just, kind to others that's v nice

27.) favorite movie growing up?

princess bride was and is my favorite movie, but mulan was my fav disney movie and well, if that was someone's fav movie and they ended up cishet? i'd be surprised

28.) if you went by multiple names before deciding your current name, which was the first?

n/a

29.) do you have any pride merch or pride related tattoos?

i have a rainbow flag (handheld) on my bookshelf, and a genderqueer one behind my bed (big)! i also have a trans flag shawl that i made, pan flag converse, several pride shirts, and a pride hat! i'm not shy about letting everyone know i'm neither straight nor cis lmao

30.) if you experience dysphoria, what do you find helps you the most?

binding definitely helps! i get mild dysphoria wearing anything other than a binder or sports bra, and also on my period :/

31.) do you have any siblings, friends, or family who are also trans?

@dorkryptos is my friend and so is henry!! none of my family is though ):

32.) which gender roles or cis beliefs do you find most ridiculous?

nail polish is feminine?? deodorant and razors are gendered???? flowy things are feminine????? guys can't have style beyond Tux(tm)????????????????? fuck all that noise

35.) if cis people didn’t exist for a day, what would you do?

33.) how did you decide on your current name?

go out and make some new friends! ^^

34.) do you fit any trans stereotypes?

i have dyed hair and That haircut, i'm fairly short and afab, i mostly wear ""masc"" clothes, i'm in high school, etc. etc.

ahah, i didn't? but w ashe i wanted smthn with the same initial, old-timey, and connected to nature

only like, every single trans nb stereotype,

[punkscowardschampions]

Tommy & Ali

Chatting ‘bout Christmas, boy troubles, pregnancy AND THE FACT THE BABY IS TOTALLY NOT DREW’S LOLLOLLOL

Tommy: Oi! 😼 What you gettin da cos like even I feel cheeky considering socks for 2 years running Ali joined the chat 3 hours ago Tommy: I was gonna go full rivers of whiskey cept I'd probs drown myself in it before the bottle was in the bag 😂 Ali: So you should, elf on the shelf! Socks should only ever be an add-on prezzie, even if they're DEAD comical, like. Ali: Speaking of elf on the shelf, would you be willing to come round mine every day at the crack of dawn (aka JUST before the kiddos will arise like horrible demon krakkens from the depths) so I can arrange you in comical positions and situations? Ali: They love that shit. I on the other hand want to murder the CEO of whatever company/the high-key mum mafia that made this shit popular again. Ali: I've got me thinking cap on for the old man for ye...Hmm Ali: (and how rude to get cuffed for the season and not even get to the part where you get a bomb-ass present/someone to tout around the family functions...rude. You not actually at the bottom of a bottle quite yet though, yeah? Doing the obligatory welfare checkup here) Tommy: Excuse you miss money bags! 💰 just 'cause you're one of the rare artists who ain't starving like! some of us don't have boyfriends who cook or paying audiences Tommy: so yeah obvs! Gotta keep in shape just in case don't I? catch me pirouetting across your patio bitch Tommy: Green's my colour these days and red's always been signature Tommy: I'm alright (love you for asking!) how's you? Tommy: Genuinely Ali: Oh yeah, 'cos father will flip his shit if the price tag ain't AT LEAST three figs... 😏 Silly billy, and oi, oi! My student loan ain't kicked in yet ...I'm on a gap yaaaaaah though, darling, I've simply GOTTA act like a frivilous rich bitch. Deal with it, you're still the shady bitch of the fam, okay? 😘 Ali: Yaaasss, you're gonna have to drop a couple of pounds to fit in that teeny costume but a day in the life of a TRUE star init, babe? I believe in you Ali: Bet you didn't come here to be called fat, did you? How fucking cheeky is that forreal Ali: Colour of luck boy 🍀🍀🍀 Ali: Hmm, ngl I'm in a bit of a...situation, and I ain't talking I've forgot to order a turkey Tommy: Imagine...jog on old man just 'cause went for the quantity with the sprogs doesn't mean you'll get quality back soz Tommy: try it but good luck trying to get your little uns to deal with you being the spoilt one 😂 Tommy: well since I got the 🍀 its 🤞 Tommy: feckin hell has caleb forgotten kids are for life not just chrimbo again? Tommy: I'll deck his halls if he's being a prick Ali: That'll show him! That's what you get for bringing me into this world, whole lotta backchat and not an ounce of grattitude, take that! Ali: Join me 'cos I'm sure that's what mum feels I've got her Ali: We did Rio's first Xmas morning, and 2nd, at home! It really is Caleb's fams turn Ali: I can't help that its Junie's first, evidently I ain't planning this shit woman! Ali: #contraceptionwhomst? #pulloutnhopeforthebest #itswhatgodwouldwant Ali: And it ain't like we're not coming over for a second dinner, we fat as hell, get wid it and pass the gravy Ali: Catch me in the tesco throwing tantrums with Rio on the reg tbh #twocanplayatthatgamehoney #childrenraisingchildren Ali: Nah, although loving all the macho threats of violence when my honour is at stake as of late...Is my drama letting you live up to your full brotherly potential? Welcome... Ali: TMI, give a shit, but I'm late on and I've thrown up a few times, not from the mother's ruin, like Ali: hahahahahama'sgonnakillmeisn'tshe Ali: whatthefucklike Tommy: Who you kidding you're the blatant fave & lbr if the lord's got his specs on should be even more so for following her shining example like Tommy: honor thy father and mother and all that Tommy: who doesn't love a mini me Tommy: especially one who can sing every sperm is sacred with perf pitch Tommy: Amen! this aint 1850 pass the roasties gdi! Tommy: all we want for christmas is carbs Tommy: OH MY CHRIST NOT AGAIN Tommy: 😧 Tommy: I know you're on your gap year but no need to be so literal Ali: Ha, please! Not Tess Vickers' fave. Da's, obviously, as he is mine, (babe). You and Joe are the momma's boys, always have been, you needy little babbas. Ali: A woman who doesn't love herself...damn, too deep, reverse, reverse! Ali: You'd be surprised how annoying an all-singing-all-dancing constant reminder of all your best and worst bits is Ali: Usually the best, which is happy-making magic, but when its the worst...GOOD LORDT. Plus its a reminder of the same in your other half, and we all like to overlook that shit now, don't we? *sips tea* Ali: God I am gonna go HAM with my 'cravings' this Chrimbo...what timing! Maybe I did plan this after-all Ali: but no, I did not Ali: But yeah...this is a thing I'm processing, thought I'd drag you down with me 🤷 Tommy: I was gonna be all like not with him probs dead in a ditch and me one audition away from getting cosy in a cardboard box but I better swerve too dont wanna spend the season with the samaritans on speed dial Tommy: you and fraze are the success stories savor it Tommy: honey I've got a mirror Tommy: and near constant feedback from them in the know Tommy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tommy: that's calebs chrimbo gift sorted then yeah? Ali: Lordy, I know we're Irish but there's no need to be that fuckin' maudlin, Tommo Ali: Oh, you wanted an idea for Da but that is SO Fraze's prezzie Ali: Just tell him that, all day. Money can't buy that kinda happiness Ali: The spirit of the Holidays Ali: Them in the know don't know shit Ali: I mean...gift or curse? Ali: We've only just got back on track, this is probably going to derail the whole damn caboose Tommy: everyone's a critic and there's only one shane macgowan I hear ya Tommy: I reckoned you meant a mirror for a sec I was like uh huh he's got that one covered love 😏 Tommy: Hey! That's mine covered 🙋 just repeat that back to me Tommy: those clueless cunts Tommy: Nah he'll be buzzing esp if he gets another girl Tommy: there's only one Rio but he's shameless ha Tommy: leave the cursing for ma she'll be doing plenty once she's done stuffing your stocking with contraceptives Ali: Mhmm, save it for the improptu karaoke when we're all feeling merry on the day, like Ali: Lmao, he'd live in a 360 degree view changing room if he could Ali: How millenial of us! Lets just gift each other with positive affirmations Ali: Maybe...Gah Ali: Whatever, whether he deals or doesn't, doesn't change the fact I am with child again and yeah, Caleb's reaction is the least of my worries Ali: I'm going to be going to Uni abroad with 3 kids...damn Ali: If I don't get locked away for my own good, of course Tommy: 😇 Will do Tommy: I reckon that's the goal when he 'makes it' Tommy: scrawl it on my personalised starbies cup and have done babe Tommy: You're grand it'll just be one hell of a plane ride Tommy: 🍀 & 🤞 Tommy: OH SHIT WAIT Tommy: the whole Caleb reaction thing has me thinking...not to be rude but Tommy: it is his yeah? Ali: It better be Ali: Aside from the Drew incident I didn't shag anyone else Ali: and we used a condom Ali: I mighta been several sheets to the wind but I hadn't lost my whole goddamn mind Tommy: thank christ for that Tommy: imagine trying to play happy families with that twat Ali: Amen Ali: Yeah that isn't the life I've signed up for Ali: Bitches forget I already got a ring on my finger, like Ali: Legal or otherwise Tommy: Beyonce is here for your union Tommy: good enough for me Tommy: low key proud of ya not to be an enabler but like Tommy: I'll happily hooray you getting Drew to put something on it too god knows where that fuckboy's been Ali: Thank you! I will take that hooray because I literally had to mum Ro's arse and tell her to do the same every time Ali: AND had to do it in such a way it didn't sound like I was saying as much, like, your boyf is a cheater and we all know it sweetie Tommy: ugh 😷 glad you did though I hear your next door nemesis had to get herself to the clinic sharpish & i don't reckon she'd spread gossip that'd make her out to be riddled Tommy: 🦀🐛 Ali: 🤢😤 Unsurprised on both their behalf there but low-key furious Ali: he knows how that bitch treats Ro, and always has done Ali: there's being a cheat with any random hoe and then there's that...is it me or is that next-level careless? Ali: To the point it looks like he's doing it to hurt her, I'm sure he's just ignorant but, like, what the fuck?!!? Tommy: RIGHT? Tommy: like I don't doubt she ain't telling him all the ins and outs of her childhood drama but still Tommy: even with more brains than biceps he's gotta have a clue or two Tommy: OOOPS ACCIDENTAL COMPLIMENT Tommy: I'm offended on my own behalf Tommy: almost as cringe as once thinking he was hot 🤓😳 kms Ali: Yeah but it ain't like he's not been here...and she's still a cunt to Ro now, so Ali: Tries to be to me but who's listening, Bitch I'm deaf all of a sudden??? Ali: Hahahahaha Ali: He's attractive, to the point its kinda fact more than opinion so I don't think you're alone on that score Ali: If the notches on his bedpost are anything to go by...and I fucked him so can't be judging, consider your sins absolved, no hail mary's needed, maybe a few bloodys when I next pin u down for an IRL debrief? Ali: Oh wait, a bitch can't...I'll make it a Virgin Mary...WHEY! Tommy: True and I know he ain't got a bitch muted 'cause I aint rn either 👀 & my specs are on when I'm scrolling Tommy: I see what I see Tommy: 😞 Tommy: Fuck it lets go dancing Tommy: bounce that bump while you still can Ali: 'Course not, gotta 'low the bitch to slide into dem dms on the reg, if for nothing else than the ego boost Ali: 😒 Ali: I need that, lets go lets go lets go, its been TIME since I got to go out and not take the bubs Ali: I'll have to see who can have 'em though... Ali: Can't be mum, really selling how responsible a parent I'm gonna be to 3 by throwing 2 at her and fucking off to partay Tommy: SAMSIES...not that I'm going out with 2 kids on the reg but y'know Tommy: we on it 💃 Tommy: Dial up their daddy Tommy: he'll step up while we step out I'm sure Ali: Sure, just the one, like #oosh! toosoonforbants? Ali: Can but try, I'll get back to you when he replies Ali: Ooh, what are we gonna wear Tommy: I've got my elf cossie if I can only squeeze in Tommy: you could pin a red letter on if you've got something that won't clash 🤔 own that guilt like a good catholic 📿 Ali: Ooh, festive AND appropriate for my situ, I like it. Tommy: A for advent sweeties 😘 Tommy: can you cut my hair though I looking like the grinch if he was a blonde blue eyed dreamboat Ali: And Awesome! And Ali! And Ass! 😎 Ali: Obvi, you never could rock the long hair look, remember that dark period in time 😂 Ali: Can I try something slightly new tho? 🤔 Tommy: why the feck not gotta at least look ready to mingle like Tommy: 💔😂 Ali: Dubo not gonna know what's hit it and ya mans gonna know what he missing when I'm done with you! Promise Tommy: I'll hold you to it Tommy: no pressure Tommy: oooh maybe we could go shopping 😀 Ali: You know I'm winning boys back like its my business Ali: well, boy singular but that's enough, right? #greedybisexual Ali: I am always down for killing time snapping up killer #lewks, lets do it man Tommy: yaaaaaaaaaaas Tommy: careful I might hold you to that too #tipsfrommybabysiskms Ali: baby be wise tho 💞 where u at i'll come get u Tommy: about a lot of things yeah 👍 nws I'll come at you I need the exercise #aintforgotyoucalledmeafattylike Ali: alright well, RUN FORREST RUN Tommy: 🏃