#Like the instant Stiles says it Derek immediately shifts back with a big ol “Nope! I'm done!”

[noyzinerd]

Derek the Doggo

Now, I've read a few Sterek AU fics where Derek has to pretend he's a dog/wolf and gets adopted by Stiles, who is none the wiser. Stiles usually talks to his "pet" in these as if he were talking to a person.

That's nice and all, but can someone PLEASE give me a Stiles that speaks to fully-shifted wolf Derek like a tumblr millennial raised on the internet? Like the single, poorly socialized, unhinged, expending-waaaay-too-much-energy-into-his-"fur-baby" dog-mom I know he'd be?

Like, Stiles holding up a mirror up to Derek and going "It you!"

Or, when Derek lays belly-up, paws to the ceiling, and stretches his toes wide, Stiles says sagely, "Ah, yes.The beans are coming in nicely this year."

Or Stiles putting Derek in a hotdog costume.

Or decorating his entire place with balloons and streamers and ordering an elaborate, dog-safe cake made of peanut butter and Milkbones to celebrate their one-month-iversary since the adoption.

Stiles hiring a professional baby photographer for a photoshoot.

Stiles setting up a Zoom call for Derek with another friend's dog, in which, Derek just sits there, looking awkwardly between Stiles and the other dog like "What exactly am I supposed to do here?", because he's a full grown man expected to have a "conversation" over videochat with a dog like they're supposed to bark back and forth about the weather or park recommendations or something.

Stiles making Derek a Twitter account and constantly posting as him in doggo speak (which he reads out loud, in a voice he imagines Derek would have, as he types). Like "Henlo! I is heckin good boi derk! Big anger! Much grump!" Or "No bork. Only O\m/O". Or "Mmmm hooman shoes omnomnomnom 😋"

And when Derek tears into things or misbehaves in an attempt to upset Stiles, he's just met with a psuedo-stern "Wuh-oh. Looks like Hurricane Derek strikes again. I hereby sentence you to 3 hours of cruel and unusual punishment!" Before being put in a cone of shame.

Bonus points if, after Derek shifts back, it turns out Stiles already knew he was a werewolf (maybe not the whole time, but definitely early on). He just wanted to see how far he could push things until the mysterious werewolf he had adopted finally showed himself and revealed whatever he was planning.

(If there is, by miracles of miracles, already a fic like this, recs would by greatly appreciated!)