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deterministpalindrome · 7 years

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==> Pal: Poke at future!Tyfora. At length.

deterministpalindrome okay 2o thii2 ii2 me puttiing all my threat2 and brii2tliing down by the door a2 much a2 ii can and approachiing wiith hand2 up where you can 2ee them ii ju2t want two talk out of curiio2iity iif you're not game ii'll fuck off

sugary-empress O)(! )(ello, Paladiin, is it, or am I misremembering? T)(is is pretty surprising to me, but I appreciate it a lot! If you feel t)(e need to t)(reaten me, feel free, I'm a lot better at not )(aving panic attacks and flipping out and being generally intolerable w)(en scared now.

deterministpalindrome paladiiiin yeah though ii more u2e pal 2tiill that'2. good ii gue22 but ii mean the goal ii2n't threat2 or w/e plu2 you're 2tiill aliive after that long obviiou2ly you haven't cro22ed any of my liine2 2o ii'm not really 2ure ii'm goiing two need two and yeah ii diidn't really. iidk expect two talk two you duriing thii2 but. you're defiiniitely diifferent and ii ju2t. iidk iit feel2 liike an opportuniity for /2omethiing/ and ii don't really want two let iit 2liide by

sugary-empress Pal, lovely. I currently go by Tyfora, just so you know. T)(at all seems quite reasonable. Do you )(ave even a vague idea w)(at you want to get from t)(is? I've got plenty to offer, )(ot gossip, future possibilities, insig)(t on me, delicious cake recipes.

deterministpalindrome tyfora alriight ii can do that now that ii've acciidentally 2lept on iit yeah ii do ii want two 2ee for my2elf ju2t how diifferent you are ii mean yeah obviiou2ly you're a thou2and 2weep2 iin the future of cour2e you’re diifferent but you're /2urprii2iingly/ diifferent? liike. lookiing at the you ii know and lookiing at what ii've 2een of you and lookiing at the theoriie2 ii've got... the dot2 don't connect riight. 2o ii fiigure ii could rii2k a conver2atiion and get a better feel for thiing2 ii gue22 2ee iif thiiing2 cliick better.

sugary-empress I'm just trying to get away from Condy, because like. )(er Imperious Condescension is literally T)(-E douc)(iest tidal ever, I couldn't come up wit)( anyfin more obnoxious t)(an t)(at if I tried. May I ask w)(at t)(eories you've got about me? I feel like I'm not T)(AT surprisingly different, but t)(en, of course I do, I lived t)(is. I am t)(e result of an incredible narcissist facing real consequences and knowing people wit)( real feelings for me for t)(e first time. Mom dying and getting to take a long break from my job bot)( kelped immensely.

deterministpalindrome iidk my ver2iion of your alternate went by the godqueen whiich ii2 pretty up there but ii gotta agree wiith you ii gue22. top ea2y one ii2 that you've gotten way better at actiing over the 2weep2 and can actually fake not beiing 2cum but a thou2and 2weep2 miight giive you a lotta practiice but a lot more opportuniitiie2 two fuck up and you wouldn't exii2t iif you'd fucked up. and the you ii know doe2n't have the patiience 2o that'2 unliikely. ...there'2 a part of me that'2 glad all that happened and not ju2t 'cau2e iit 2olve2 my problem2. a liittle part ii have two admiit but. fiiguriing out how two not be a mon2ter'2 not 2omethiing ii can 2hiit on yeah?

sugary-empress T)(e Godqueen, t)(at's so awful. T)(at's a perfectly fair conclusion to come to, but as you said, I'm quite impatient. A long con just is NOT my t)(ing. I will say t)(at I'm just one possible future. Maybe it's incredibly unlikely t)(at I don't fuck up, but t)(e anon just snagged t)(e zillion to one c)(ance. I'm glad it )(appened too, and not because it means I get to be alive. I've been pretty done wit)( t)(at for a w)(ile. It's nice to know t)(at you're not completely irredeemable. I don't blame people for sinking I am, all fins considered, I'm not like, w)(ining about people being mean to me. But it doesn't feel good, no matter )(ow deserved it is. I enjoy not being a monster.

deterministpalindrome iikr? your alt2 ju2t have the be2t ta2te iin iincrediibly tacky everythiing ...from thii2 2iide iit'2 niice two know there'2 at lea2t a /liittle/ chance that xanthe and co aren't ju2t up theiir own chute2 about thii2. that iit can get through. ii mean ii'm not gonna go hop 2kiip and a jumpiing riight iintwo tru2tiing my you or anythiing ii'm not 2tupiid enough two expect her two be you yet and ii'm not forgiiviing her for the 2hiit 2he pulled. but. iidk. ii miight giive her a chance eventually. iif 2he 2tiick2 wiith iit and aiim2 for beiing you. and liike get2 way clo2er ii have exactly no de2iire two deal wiith her fuckiing 2hiit more than ii have two. but ii'm not haviing trouble talkiing two you. and you're certaiinly better at not pii22iing me off.

sugary-empress If only t)(at was t)(e worst t)(ing about us. Xant)(e is a really good guy. I know )(e's less trusting now, but I believe t)(e reason w)(y may still be a secret. I know associating wit)( me makes )(is life a lot more difficult. I will stick wit)( it until I die. -Even in your present, I'm starting to feel t)(at magical alp)(a feeling known as guilt. If you can't trust in my selflessness, w)(ic)( is entirely fair, trust in t)(e fact t)(at I feel bad if I do bad s)(it, and feeling bad is unpleasant, so I try and avoid it. I'm not asking you to be very bestest buddies wit)( me. I'm not asking anyt)(ing of you, actually. But I )(ope it puts your mind at ease t)(at w)(ile I'm sometimes impulsive enoug)( to talk to you and yours, I'm mostly fucking terrified, so I'll never impulsively actually DO anyt)(ing besides w)(ine.

deterministpalindrome p 2ure iif that wa2 a thiing niinety eiight percent of the multiiver2e'2 problem2 wouldn't exii2t and iit can't have that can iit ii don't actually liike. know xanthe. ju2t what 2how2 up on my da2h 2ometiime2. 2o. not liike ii expect hiim two tru2t me or even know ii exii2t 2ecret or no 2ecret. ...dunno iif iit'2 rea22uriing or w/e but iit'2 good iinfo two have. both of tho2e really. guiilt'2 u2eful af 2ometiime2 and fear... well ii mean. that'2 2ort of my goal obviiou2ly. keep her 2pooked enough two 2tay over there and on good behaviior wrt me and miine. 2he'2 not exactly harmle22 yeah? neiither of you are. '2 not an ea2y thiing two forget. ...niice two know iit'2 been effectiive though. that'2 rea22uriing 2ome and btw whiile ii 2aw iit mentiioned iidc iif you keep the log or not doe2n't really matter iif 2he 2ee2 what ii've 2aiid two you iit'2 nothiing that'2 2ecret or anythiing

sugary-empress Well, Tumblr just cras)(ed and deleted several )(undred words of reply. To be fair, I really do need to be less wordy. Anyways, I'm glad I told you t)(e stuff, I'm trying to distribute a variety of "good info to )(ave", and tanks for confirming I don't need to delete t)(is log. Brevity: wit. I've got a question for you, and it's insensitive, so feel free to tell me to fuck off eit)(er preemptively or after you read it.

deterministpalindrome oh god that'2 the ab2olute wor2t riip thank2 for giiviing iit back at you ii know ii'm not exactly optiion a for thii2 2ort of thiing but. iidk thii2 wa2n't awful at the very lea2t. niice two have a conver2atiion that'2 rea2onable for once ...alriight ii'm curiiou2 and prepared and have my fuck off ready for deployment. a2k away

sugary-empress I s)(ouldn't need to ask, but it's been a very long time. Did I do anyt)(ing to you, or was it "just" words, or was it "just" a loved one of yours t)(at I )(urt? T)(ere were so many, and I'm incredibly sorry eit)(er way, but I would like to know. I'm sorry t)(at I don't remember.

deterministpalindrome ...that'2 not that iin2en2iitiive. memoriie2 can be garbage e2peciially after 2o long and iit beiing 2o far iin the pa2t iin the 2en2e of iit beiing a diifferent liife almo2t? iidk. but. you never diid anythiing /phy2iical/ two any of u2. but you diidn't really have two. you'd watch our blog2 for low poiint2 and 2woop iin and diig claw2 iin two wherever you could. you triied two get me and artiifex for a riig p much riight after we got blog2 and kept tryiing. we were your cute liittle batteriie2 we ju2t diidn't know iit yet. ...ii. got riigged. a 2weep back. and ii'd barely gotten back onliine before you were cooiing at me about fiinally beiing what ii wa2 2uppo2ed two be. you were wor2t two my mate2priit. there wa2 a long whiile there where he wa2 2truggliing wiith an eatiing dii2order and you 2et iit off for fun. you liiterally admiitted iit and everythiing iit wa2 2omethiing you diid when you were bored or he wa2 two happy or you were jealou2 or 2hiit liike that. every 2iingle 2elfiie he po2ted. every tiime he mentiioned food. for /periigee2/. he almo2t 2tarved hiim2elf two the poiint of no return becau2e of iit. you barely even regii2tered iit happened he wa2 ju2t a toy for your amu2ement. iit'2 2hiit liike that that make2 iit 2o ea2y two piicture you dead at my feet iif iit happen2 agaiin. let alone the re2t of everythiing you've done

sugary-empress Gods. T)(at was incredibly awful. I remember t)(at. Karkat, t)(e one w)(o reblogged my selfie. I believe I know t)(e answer, but would an apology to )(im be at all )(elpful?

deterministpalindrome yeah that one. calodemongelastic. and ii honestly don't know. from you? maybe?? you're at lea2t rea2onable 2oundiing and liike you mean what you 2ay. he miight actually lii2ten or he miight not. my you? ii doubt he'll take iit 2eriiou2ly and ii doubt /2he'll/ take iit 2eriiou2ly.

sugary-empress I take t)(ings more seriously t)(an I seem. I'm bad at communicating wit)( alp)(as at t)(is time, I get better, but it's very different, attempting to genuinely interact and connect rat)(er t)(an just talking to people w)(o need to obey me. I'll attempt to do so, but no )(ard feelings from me if it doesn't work out.

deterministpalindrome people are hard iin general ii can't iimagiine tryiing two unlearn that 2ort of 2hiit. and none from me eiither. you tryiing at all and a2kiing for adviice fiir2t 2ay2 a lot more than a 2ucce22 doe2 yeah? ju2t keep iin miind he'2 kiind of up two hii2 horn2 iin 2tre22 rn from the rebelliion we're tryiing two wrap up 2o liike be patiient and clear and name drop me iif you need two.

sugary-empress I'm sorry to you too, by t)(e way. I didn't mean to take you saying all t)(e bad stuff t)(at I did to ALL of you, and go "wow yea)( t)(at stuff I did to KARKAT was bad".

deterministpalindrome ngl ii'm more pii22ed about what happened two hiim than anythiing you diid two me 2o. kiind of made 2en2e. and ii appreciiate that yeah? you fiiguriing out that wa2 fucked up. all that 2hiit. and beiing able two put a2iide priide enough two admiit iit. '2 not ea2y.

sugary-empress I felt like, and maybe t)(is was just because you guys front better, I affected )(im more. I used to take notes. It was gross. And I figured you were most defensive about )(im, based on w)(at little I know about you. It's not easy, but it's necessary. I'm getting better at doing not easy stuff.

deterministpalindrome ...yeah ngl that ii2 kiind of completely dii2gu2tiing but not really all that 2urprii2iing con2iideriing '2 riight though. he took iit bad. and ii'd do anythiing two keep hiim 2afe. anythiing. and iif that mean2 2tandiing between my you and hiim damn 2traiight ii'm gonna. iit ii2 yeah and a lotta hiighblood2 don't learn that. ii mean. ii dunno how thii2 m!a work2 or how your tiimeliine'2 iin relatiion two blah blah fuck tiime 2tuff but. keep iit up? you're doiing really well and 2hiit. that'2 not nothiing.

sugary-empress I suppose, given Time S)(it, all we really know for sure is t)(at it's tec)(nically possible for me to do well. Like I said, I could be t)(e zillion to one c)(ance. But I've got fait)( in me. I'm trying to set s)(it up so it's easier for me, w)(en my younger self returns.

deterministpalindrome yeah ii've 2een the po2t2 you've been makiing about that ngl that'2 probably a good iidea. you thought about leaviing her a letter wiith tiip2 and encouragement? and iit miight be that you're around two make becomiing clo2e two you po22iible liike iidk iin2piiratiion or 2/t liike ii 2aiid iidk what iit ii2 about thii2 but iit feel2 liike an opportuniity and maybe iit'2 for more than ju2t me

sugary-empress I've been making one on our vent blog, and a p)(ysical one. T)(e vent blog is like "keep on keeping on", and t)(e p)(ysical one is like, "don't trust politician A, t)(ere's gonna be a natural disaster, finally retire you trainwreck". I )(ope it can be an opportunity for as many people as possible.

deterministpalindrome ii got one of tho2e from a future me once. iidk iif iit liike /helped/ helped but at lea2t iit gave me 2hiit two thiink about re moviing forward and a few iin2piiratiion2 for thiing2 two try two learn 2ame. ii don't want two kiill you or anythiing that'2 never been goal a or iit'd be done already. ii fiigured you'd fuck off or we'd fuck off at 2ome poiint and that'd be the end of iit. but. iif there'2 a way two make that happen fa2ter and wiith le22 ho2tiiliity ii'm not gonna 2ay no. ii'm not gonna roll over eiither iit'2 not gonna be one and done or w/e but. iit'2 not hopele22? ii can be conviinced of thiing2.

sugary-empress I figure it'll be inspirational or somefin, at t)(e very least. Yea)(, I figured. You guys are all very competent, it used to bug me a lot t)(at none of you killed me. I couldn't figure it out.

deterministpalindrome ...ii wa2 two 2cared two for a long long tiime. two 2cared of you two 2cared of your riig. after you got mortaled... ii'm tryiing not two be a mon2ter eiither. iit'd be 2o ea2y two 2olve everythiing wiith murder but. ii don't want two be that per2on. 2o ii have two waiit untiil you fuck up bad enough two de2erve iit and not a moment 2ooner. threat2 yeah remiindiing you the liine2 are there 2ure but. you have two move fiir2t.

sugary-empress I wouldn't believe you if you told me t)(at. Present me, your present, I mean. You and Sparks in particular are )(orrifying godbeings in my pan, I can't imagine you being scared of anyfin atoll, in particular me. I appreciate you not killing t)(e s)(it out of me now t)(at I'm mortal. I'm scared of a lot of stuff, my risk assessment is terrible.

deterministpalindrome yeah ii fiigured whiich ii2 why ii'm 2ayiing iit now two you 2o maybe 2he read2 iit. and ii can't blame you ii mean ii don't 2ay ii'm a god of war 'cau2e iit 2ound2 niice. but iit'2 not liike beiing riidiic powerful iimmediiately mean2 you're iimmune two beiing 2cared obviiou2ly re you and me. and iit'2 not liike there aren't a biilliion fate2 wor2e than death. the multiiver2e ii2 kiind of fiilled wiith awful terriiblene22 not beiing a 2cared of 2omethiing'2 an iimpo22iibiiliity

sugary-empress I've lived many fates worse t)(an deat)(, not a fan, in general. I appreciate t)(e t)(oug)(t, and I'm sure baby me will too. I'm learning t)(at ot)(er people are just... Ot)(er people, and not actually )(orrifying figures w)(o want nofin but to torment me. Being an enormous narcissist makes discovering t)(at not literally ebberyfin about me super roug)(, but I'll get t)(ere. T)(ank you, really.

deterministpalindrome yeah can't 2ay ii recommend any of the one2 ii've been through eiither. ju2t not a good way two 2pend a niight out heh ii can under2tand dumb pan 2hiit liike that and iidk iif thii2 would help but ii don't thiink ii have tiime iin my 2chedule to put a2iide for tormentiing purpo2e2. keepiing my clade iin one piiece take2 enough of my focu2 and ii2 a /way/ hiigher priioriity nah 2hould be me thankiing you. you diidn't have two giive me a chance or an2wer my que2tiion2 and ii appreciiate you doiing 2o.

sugary-empress )(a)(a)(a)(a, wild, it's almost like most stuff worse t)(an deat)( sucks. It absolutely )(elps. Moby we bot)( s)(oal be t)(anking eac)( ot)(er. 38)

deterministpalindrome what a weiird coiinciidence how diid that happen cool =] glad ii could help eheh 2ound2 liike a good plan two me. thank you a lot for all thii2 help and you're welcome for the help iin return =]

sugary-empress W)(o could possibly )(ave predicted it? I need to get to a daytime meeting. I dunno )(ow muc)( longer t)(is anon will last, but if you want to talk to me anymore, feel free to )(it me up. I sent Karkat an ask, so I'm )(oping t)(at doesn't go completely awfully!

deterministpalindrome yeah 2ame back at you. thii2 went way better than ii thought and iit happeniing agaiin wouldn't be a bad thiing =] ii'll let hiim know there'2 2hiit on tumblr for hiim two look at 2o he doe2n't lo2e track untiil next periigee or 2/t but yeah good luck wiith your meetiing

#posted ooc #sugary empress #somehow a lot of words go incredibly well????#did not see this coming at all

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