#LetoH.Suresh1

[sanguisxferox]

~Early 2024

Fear. That's something he's never really felt around Suresh. Not like the kind people feel in the faction or out of it. Worry that he'd disappoint Suresh as he'd grown up had been normal, but right now, he's afraid. Afraid that Suresh will abandon him and stop loving him over the request he'll ask. He'd never asked anything before, because Suresh has always been a step ahead; so attention to his needs. Leto couldn't have asked for a better father. He's so fucking afraid that he's teared up a few times on the way here.

But Leto understands that the life he'd love to build with Levi cannot happen if he's still an Underboss. But retirement isn't something they do, but maybe, just maybe, there could be a way for him to be with the man he loves deeply without destroying everything he's lived for for so long. Here, sitting by Suresh, his skin almost tremors with how emotional he is. When he finally finds the courage to say and ask what he'd been here for, his voice is trembling. "I really love Levi, Suresh. Fifteen years of you know..." Suresh knew everything, Leto has no secrets for him. "And to realize just now how much we loved each other... I don't wanna waste any more time... But I... Is there a way for me to step away?" The fear is everywhere now, in his voice, his eyes, trembling body, potent in the air around them. And all his eyes are begging for is: please don't hate me.

@naga-raja-suresh

[sanguisxferox]

"No. It's mine for being selfish in thinking I could have a life with my father at my side and my boyfriend." His voice is controlled. After so many decades in the factions, Leto had learned to control his temper when it came to business, but in front of Suresh; things are different. So as much as he can hold back most of the emotions from his voice, the myriad of emotions he feels is suffocating. He's angry and hurt. He feels abandoned by the one person who's been there all his life. And his anguish grows, because his anger should be targeted at his father for forcing him to sacrifice a part of himself, but his mind has been so twisted by manipulations that he can only hate himself more. Deep down, he's always felt unworthy of Levi's love and attention, it's something that plagues him daily, but now, unbeknown to Leto, a new seed of self-loathing has been added. He's unworthy of his father's love, because he's selfish. And if he's unworthy of Suresh's love, than he doesn't deserve any.

He's unlovable.

"Yeah, it sounds great." There's a lack of emotions there even if he's pushing himself to smile. The desperation in his gaze though is palpable. Nothing broke today—but maybe that would’ve been better than a new core belief being anchored in his soul.

Suresh knew that this moment was inevitable. He hated it. And he couldn't help himself but dig his claws in a little deeper. Leto was his. Would always be his. Even if he had to share his son. No one would usurp his position. He let out a soft sigh at the outburst. Not reprimanding his child but instead looking away from him, turning his head to the side as if in pain. Waiting for the apology he knew was coming. Finally he turned to look at Leto, brushing fingers over his cheek, "It's my fault. I didn't know how to be a better father. I did my best. I love you and I want you to be able to have any life you desire..." Even if it's without me, the unsaid words drifting through the air.

There was a small sense of gratification that Leto was angry. A deep abiding anger deep inside of his soul. The scent of rain, metal and flowers filled the room. He touched Leto's cheek gently. "We can swim. Pontchartrain?"

[sanguisxferox]

He just nods, knowing that it's his choice and he'll have to live with it. Though, right until that moment, he thought he could have both Levi and his father at his side. But when he hears his father's suggestion, whatever happiness and childish joy he'd been feeling evaporate.

"Is this to be my punishment as your son for leaving your side as an Underboss—getting treated like some random acquaintance?" There's anger there, but it's not toward Suresh. Well, maybe a lil, but it's mostly toward himself for reacting this way when he'd expected to be abandoned or punish in the first place. He's hurt; terribly so. While Suresh will no longer be his faction leader, he's still the deity he worships as Desire's avatar and the man he calls father. But Leto remembers his upbringing, straightening back up and out of the embrace. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have given you that attitude. You've always had by best interest in mind. I'll follow your wishes, like always." He says quickly like he would've done during a meeting with other people around.

Though on the inside there's a raging storm; a strong desire to lash out, but he does. Leto knows his father will feel it, but he doesn't want to talk about it, cause he doesn't want today to end on a bad note. "How about that swim?" He smiles and it manages to reach his eyes, but only because he's a great chameleon.

When Leto said he would be the one worrying about Suresh now the Naga's laughter slid away from him, bringing back a deep sense of melancholy to his face. He petted Leto's neck gently. "That's just the price we'll have to pay isn't it?" Because if Leto stayed he wouldn't have to worry, because he'd still be here. But Suresh would not ask him to stay. Couldn't. He knew that this was not an easy thing for Leto. But he was still doing it. He'd made his choice. Picked what he was willing to give up for that boy he loved.

His graceful arms held Leto like he weighed still only as much as a child. Remembering how small he'd been when Leto's father had first placed the baby in his arms. He stroked the back of Leto's head soothingly as he heard the mania in his son's voice. But he smiled softly, that intensity a benediction to the Naga. Suresh let out a gentle chuckle, "My beautiful boy. Why don't we start with once a month? I don't want you to over extend yourself and worry about disappointing me while you are trying to set your new life up." He knew it sounded cruel and maybe it was a little bit but there was a purpose to it. His voice gentle and full of love, "You know you will always be welcome. But if you want a new chapter. Then turn the page lovely boy. You can't be here all the time if you are retiring. I'll have to come to you..."

[sanguisxferox]

He’s happy to hear his father laughing. Seeing his father’s smile always comforts him. He’s over a century, but he’ll always feel like a kid around the naga and he’s happy that Suresh is alright with that. “About me? No. Though, I’ll be the one worrying about you now.” Leto wants to offer his father to still be there in private for Lotus Eaters business, but he’s worried that the partial retirement might hurt Suresh more than a clean cut.

Leto will make sure to see his father as much as he used to. Levi has a life outside of them, but he knows the biggest change will be that he will no longer have his father’s back and that’s a great sacrifice for him. But he can’t let go of Levi—not again. They’d lost 15 years already, he couldn’t waste any more time. But he’s aware that Suresh had lost his advisor who’d been his closest friend and now his most trusted Underboss; his son. He feels so selfish for it. He pushes himself further into his father’s embrace, not wanting to let go. “Nothing will ever change that; I’m your son and you are my father.” His voice sounds crazed again. And just like with Levi, unless he’s abandoned by either, he’ll never let go, nor let anyone stand between him and those relationships. “Then we should make it a weekly activity among all the other times I’ll visit you.”

A laugh bubbled up out of Suresh at the cheeky little statement. The joke had landed well but there was a twist of bitterness that the Naga kept to himself. Maybe one day he would die. And he didn't want to think about how his boy was aging. It was an inevitability. And they still had so much more time. He drew Leto into an embrace, holding him tightly with the love he held for his child, "Should I be worried my boy?"

He would have to let Leto go soon. Literally he would have to let go of Leto so the other could leave at some point. But for right now he just wanted to hold him. Because this was a loss for the Naga. A natural shift in the dynamic. No one would love him the same way that Leto loved Suresh. And while he would never promote someone he couldn't trust there would be nothing like Leto's blind trust. He rubbed Leto's neck as the other spoke. He nodded. Suresh's voice was very soft as he replied, "I know. I am your family and you are mine." -You are mine.- He nodded again at the next sentence, "We should... It's been too long."

[sanguisxferox]

"I planned on outliving my parents—" He pauses a sec before he adds "including you." There's a big grin on his face 'cause he knows he cannot outlive his father, unless some miracle happens, but the thought is nice and comforting. He also just wants to tease his dad a lil. Whoever is responsible for his father being in his like, he's grateful. And where Suresh sees Leto as a gift from Desire itself, Leto sees Levi as his own blessing. Retiring is honoring that gift and wanting nothing more than cherish it while still. Having the love of his father.

Leto is happy—very much so. Filled with joy, excitement and desire for this next step in his life. Though, he has to admit that the one worry he has is that his father won't have someone on the field that he can blindly trust. "That might prove difficult, but I'm sure it's not impossible. But you know right—you know that if you ever need me, I'll be there. Even if it's just for one meeting, I'll be with you. You've been by my side since I was born, so I'll be by yours till my last breath." It's bittersweet, but more sweet than anything else. And while unofficial, they both know his business will keep its eyes and ears opened for the Lotus Eaters. "We should go swimming later—" Leto suggests as he gets more comfortable into the embrace of the cold tail.

Listening to Leto, Suresh nodded quietly, "I know. But not tonight. And not for a long, long time if I have anything to say about it." Dark and twisted roots of influence spreading through the both of them. They were tied together more than blood. Suresh believed that his god had given him Leto. And in return Suresh had made sure that Leto would be a source of strength for both him and Desire. Suresh had known he could have denied Leto's request. But that would have lead to a different break, something more permanent down the road. He'd make sure that Levi never took Leto too far from him. One way or another.

He smiles at the laughter. The feel of his sons happiness washing over him for a moment. His golden eyes drifted to Leto, he could taste the beautiful mania in the statement. All the intensity of the possessive protectiveness of their relationship. That perfect poison that he could pull at later. Suresh reached his hand up and cupped the back of Leto's neck, rubbing it soothingly, calming him. "Hush, now. Pick your replacement then. Find me someone that is as good as you. But not you."

[sanguisxferox]

"I'd rather die first." His admission is fearless. Dying is part of the job and he'd lay down his lice cor the Lotus Eaters and even more for his father. Orders are no loner needed for Leto; a look is more than enough. Enough to command, hurt or make him happy—that's the true power Suresh has over his adoptive son—utter desire to please. It's carved on his bones at this point; written in his DNA. And it's why he cannot fully leave the Lotus Eaters; why he'd come back in a heartbeat if asked to. Suresh could've told him to remain at his side and instead drag Levi in and Leto would have done it.

But this way ensures the link between Suresh and Leto remains as strong as diamonds, no scratch, still perfectly cut into the desired shape.

Leto laughs—more like roars of laughter. "Tolerable then." He grows serious for a moment. "I want" desire "someone as good as me at your side, because you deserve the best, but I'll never let anyone replace me." For those short seconds, manic enters his gaze. Leto might not be insane, but anyone trying to take his father away from him would get to face him and see why Suresh is proud to call him son. But indeed, he can be quite possessive like his father.

"You would never do anything to harm me on purpose…" Suresh spoke softly as he held his son. It wasn't a question. It wasn't a guess. It was a statement. Maybe even an order. But he could taste it in Leto's words. His most loyal creation. But there was a tang of bitterness in that thought. His most loyal creation was leaving him. This was the accidental harm. The wound that Leto gave him. But he couldn't take it out on the boy that had caught his son's affections.

He watched Leto's expression change. Become lighter, closer to what he usually saw in the other. A smile spreading across his lips as he listened to his son's outpouring. "As much devotion as you but only half of your abilities? Doesn't sound decent. Tolerable maybe." But he nodded gently, "No, no one will replace you. No one ever could."

[sanguisxferox]

A father will always have its own place in a kid's heart. Though, Suresh has more than that, he also has a mother's place; having taken all the space reserved to parents and a god. It's not something he'll ever give to another, not just because he can't, but because he doesn't want to, just like his love for Levi. He knows the past and present make the future—that he wouldn't be the man he is without it, but if he could have always been only Levi's without changing who he is, he would.

Leto welcomes the touch, especially now when he'd been so terrified of losing his father's affection. He never imagined that he could have both, be a boyfriend and a son. The former title had always been such a mess before Levi. Leto laughs and shakes his head. "It was an accident. I would never break anything of yours deliberately." The conviction in his voice is unshakable. If there's one thing Suresh can be sure of is that if Leto ever betrays him, it'll be because he's under someone else's control—the magical type.

A cocky grin suddenly makes its way to his lips. "No one will replace me. They'll just take over the mantle and better serve the Lotus Eaters—you—with as much devotion as me. If they can do half of what I did, you'll have a decent Underboss." He laughs then, because while confident, Leto has never thought so highly of himself.

The trouble with desire was that it is never satisfied. Not fully. If it was it would cease to be relevant. Suresh was aware of the web that he was the center of. With no way to escape he focused on pulling other's into the gravity well of his influence. There was an aching emptiness that could never be alleviated inside of him, apart of the sacred agreement he'd made with his god, in exchange for all the power given to him as a conduit, there was a price. There always was. Leto's love was pure and unconditional for him, something that sustained him in ways the short heated lust of others did not. And he would do anything, and had done much, to make sure that at least a piece of Leto's heart and soul remained his forever.

No matter how old Leto was he would always be Suresh's child. The given comfort of the familial touch not meant to infantilize but to offer reassurance. Suresh smiled and chuckled, nodding, "Yes. Even then." He eyed the other and teased, "But are you telling me that it wasn't an accident like you told me?" Suresh's golden eyes drifted carefully over Leto's face. His son seemed to believe what he said. Suresh nodded gently and turned his gaze away as he thought for a moment, "I know you wouldn't abandon me… I do pity whoever will have to replace you as Underboss."

[sanguisxferox]

The horror of it all is that even if he was faced with the truth, the roots are so deeply sheathed that Leto would defend Suresh's actions and most likely kill anyone for trying to cause a rift between them (which he's already done; many times before). Suresh is the only family he has left; nothing will come between his father and him. And that reality, the one he's unaware of is the reason why this right now is possible. There's no magic needed here, because Leto's love for Suresh is truly pure and unconditional; like a kid in utter adoration of his parent. After all, Suresh was simply there and loving; protected him since birth. They grieved the death of Leto's father together while his mother lost herself to her grief and need for revenge. His biological parents where there for 16 years of his life, but Suresh has been there for almost two centuries—it's not a connection that can easily be tarnished.

Most people will find disgust in being made to feel like a child, but Leto welcomes the feel at Suresh's side—the warmth of a parent will never be a bad thing for him. For a moment, he's back there, at a time where he was carefree and blind to the horrors of the world. It's a short embrace, but still one that brings him utter rest and joy. "Even when I broke that antique vase when I shifted into a jaguar in your office?" Leto jokes; good mood returning, but the relief in his eyes at the kind words won't go unnoticed. "I know I asked a lot, but I'll never leave you—we're family and the Lotus Eaters, your Lotus Eaters, it'll always be who I am." He's incapable of turning his back on Suresh and everything he stands for.

A beautiful gossamer prison. Every piece of Leto holds stitches of Suresh's embroidery. He had woven so many patterns into his beautiful boy over the centuries. And Suresh knew that Leto loved him. The Naga could not tolerate any other reality than the one where Leto's pure devotion to him was ever marred by anything. Leto was his godson but also his real son. A reflection of everything the ancient creature had poured into him. But Suresh knew that he could not be all of the things that Leto required to maintain the stamina for living. Others had come and gone. But this last one. It had been different from the beginning. It was a heartbreak that Leto would be damaged from. Something he couldn't have.

He holds the man, cradling him like a child. Tenderly running his fingers through his hair. Humming a song that had no words. Something that he had heard long ago and had hummed to the child that had fallen asleep rocked in his coils. And how he loved this boy. With such bitter selfishness covered with honey and kindness. He smiled at being called 'dad'. "I know. You have never disappointed me." And seeing the hope was a slice to the heart. But he also knew that he had given that light back to him. It was his to give.

[sanguisxferox]

Manipulation and intricate webbing are what he's made of—so finely sewed that Leto is completely blind to it. Suresh is the one that took him under his wings after the tragic and unfair death of his father; a very close friend of Suresh, whom had then been his godfather at the time. He still is, but he's a father to him now. There's nothing Leto wouldn't do for his father, but he's also been miserable more and more; losing that lively spark in his eyes without that romantic kind of love in his life. The last time had been a disaster really. But through everything the one constant in his life has been Suresh. He still remembers sleeping all curled up into the naga's tail and feeling so safe and loved as a kid. And Levi—Levi is the first person to make him feel the same. It's different because it's two types of love, but still very strong in their own way. He'd die for both men without second thoughts.

Suresh pulls him close and the way he's embrace, Leto breaks down and sobs; he feels so little. He's sad and happy. It's just stress really - and relief - to know Suresh still loves him. "Thank you... so so much! I love you dad. I promise you won't regret it." He wants to marry Levi one day; go through the goods and the bad with him. But knowing Suresh will still be there— there's no word to explain how he feels right now. And that light comes back in his eyes.

Suresh smells the salt of the tears as it runs down Leto's cheeks. Satisfaction running through him at the emotional distress. He held Leto's happiness in his hands. A butterfly that he could crush between his palms. But he had no desire to break his boy. He reached a hand up and brushed a tear away from his boy's face. Touching the drop of water onto his tongue. He can taste it all there. Leto's pain, his love, his fear of loss. He reached up and cradled the back of Leto's head in his hand as he hushed the other. The painful slice of loss clear and bright in his chest. But the words were what he had planted in Leto's soul for decades at this point. A careful and constant gardener of his son. But he can see what will happen if he denies Leto now. Maybe not tomorrow, or in ten years. But a 'no' tonight would lead to a permanent break. Something un-fixable. A small bending of the branch now will stop a complete snapping later. Suresh shook his head and pulled Leto against his shoulder, tucking the other's head against him so he could place his cheek on the top of Leto's head. Holding him like he had when he was very much younger. "You will always have my love. You're my son. I do not want to give any part of you up. But that is the way of children and their parents. If this is the life you choose. Then it can be your choice. Whatever it costs me. I can deny you nothing. But you will always have a home here with me. Always."

[sanguisxferox]

Knowing that Suresh knew the moment he'd entered breaks his heart and Leto cannot stop the silent tears sliding down his cheeks like his whole world is about to implode. He doesn't want things to fall apart, but Levi— that man; that's his soulmate and he just cannot let him go again. Watch him leave New Orleans once more like he's just a fuck friend when he loves him so fucking much. But losing Suresh is just as painful, it's not disappointment, it's the concept of losing family, his last parent and he can't—not again.

"I'm so sorry. I don't want you to think—I'm so selfish..." But he nods, unable to say the singular word to answer the question. "I'm not afraid of that, because I know if you say no, you have good reasons and I'll accept it." Leto can't even make himself look at Suresh as the fear drowns him. "I just—I'm afraid you'll stop loving me and won't want me anymore. You're my father... I just—I don't want you to hate me because I love Levi and want to spent more time with him." He whispers; mentally preparing himself for rejection.

The smell of fear caught Suresh's attention. An acidic smell that he was all too familiar with. But not from his Leto. There was an aching sadness inside of Suresh's ancient heart as he looked at the man he considered his son. Because the Naga knew what the request was going to be. Even before the other spoke it. They had been heading this way for years now. Despite all of his attempts to slow it down. But this moment, it was inevitable. Suresh can smell the dry tears on Leto's cheeks. He had patted the couch when Leto had come in. Let's the younger man sit down next to him. Waiting with silent patience for the hammer to drop.

The other one. Levi. Suresh looked down at Leto's hands as he listened. He nodded, stopping the other from rehashing things they both knew. He had tried to prevent this. But he would not lose his child. This child that that he had molded into his perfect creation. His best work. But this was uncharted territory for them. And Suresh let his face fall into sad lines as he took Leto's hand in his, holding it tenderly. "You don't have to explain why. I knew what you wanted the moment you came through the door…" He paused, voice silk and anguish across the other's skin. "Are you asking to leave me or the gang?" Suresh already knew the answer but it was important to the set up to ask. Before he added, "Why are you so afraid, my boy? When have I ever denied you anything?"