#Later in life about taking care of everyone no matter the cost to themself. Much like Siffrin does sometimes. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heyiwrotesomethings · 4 years ago

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Afraid to Love Again

Lady Tamayo x They/Them Reader

A/N: Heyooo. Tamayo is great, but I kind of struggle writing her. I tried anyway though because I love this demon doctor lady. Be prepared for sickness, death and a dash of angst. There is a happy ending though (my delicate heart wouldn’t be able to take it if there wasn’t)! Also, it’s kinda a reincarnation/ soulmate kind of deal but I didn’t really develop that angle too much. And I can’t remember how much of Tamayo’s backstory was discussed in the manga vs the anime so just a heads up on that. It’s not super spoilery or anything (I think you could guess how that went) but just in case I thought I’d let y’all know. Hope you enjoy! Word Count: 6,939

The village had fallen on hard times. Work was scarce, poverty and disease was rampant. Over the past several months, (Y/n) had seen many family, friends and neighbors fall ill and never rise again. Those who had the strength to leave did, and many offered passage to (Y/n) as well. Though they were thankful for the offers of sanctuary, (Y/n) remained in their family home. They converted it into a makeshift hospital and began caring for the people who no longer could take care of themselves.

There were no doctors in their little village. The nearest, (Y/n) heard was days away. They couldn’t risk leaving all of these sick souls without someone to look after them, they would surely be dead before they could get back. If these people, their people, were going to die either way, they wanted to be there to make the process as easy as possible.

(Y/n) had seen more death and sickness than most. They had almost forgotten what it was like to truly live.

��(Y/n)-san?”

(Y/n) paused their movements wiping sweat from an old woman’s body, and turned to the cot behind them.

“Yes, Ichiro?” (Y/n) smiled kindly, though their eyes reflected just how tired they were.

“I don’t feel so good.” The young child coughed harshly.

“I know, I’m sorry. Let me get you some water.”

(Y/n) quickly finished bathing the old woman left behind by her family and tucked her in. (Y/n) suspected she’d be dead before the next morning. The rattling, gurgling breaths were just about the only sign that she wasn’t already gone.

(Y/n) put the rag in a basket to be washed for later, then they retrieved some water for the sick boy. They made their way through the sea of moaning people waiting for death, checking in with the more lucid villagers as they went.

(Y/n) was caring for thirty-seven people in their ancestral home and they did so alone. Any healthy people that remained in the village avoided the plagued building at all costs. It was hard work, keeping all of these people as comfortable as they could. But compared to the seventy people they had started with during those first weeks of winter, it was much more manageable.

“Here you go, drink as much as you can.” (Y/n) spoke softly, helping the boy sit up to receive it.

He took a few sips before spluttering, excess water slipped down his chin. He sniffed and held his throat, curling back into himself.

(Y/n) skimmed their hand over Ichiro’s burning forehead and watched him struggle forlornly.

How much longer would they all have to live in this hell?

(Y/n)’s question, however rhetoric, was answered the next night.

(Y/n) groaned between blinks of sleep. They had fallen asleep while standing, again. The noise that so rudely awakened them sounded like someone was rattling the door of the main entrance.

Who could it be at this hour? Weary travelers? Surely they had a fair choice in vacated homes already. No matter, (Y/n) figured once they caught the full blast of the smell of death permeating the air they would retreat quickly enough.

They approached the door sliding it open with little preamble. Even if the smell wasn’t enough to deter the unwanted guests, surely the look of utter despair (Y/n) wore would scare them off.

“I’m afraid if you came searching for lodging, I cannot take you.” (Y/n) spoke, barely perceiving the two people before them. “There are, however, many empty homes you have passed by that you are more than welcome to help yourselves too. I would recommend to be on your way quickly, sickness is rampant here.”

“That is why I’ve come.”

(Y/n) allowed themself a puzzled face, finally looking at the woman and her stern looking companion more carefully, taking in the delicate beauty of the stranger before them.

“I’m a doctor.”

(Y/n) suddenly felt more awake, staring at the woman with unrestrained hope and awe.

“Really?” They whispered, as if afraid this was all just a dream or a sleep deprived hallucination.

“Are you doubting her?” The young man spoke up sharply.

“Yushirou.” The woman warned, leveling a look at her companion that immediately shut him back up. The woman turned back to (Y/n). The soft, empathetic look in her eyes made (Y/n) feel weak. The softness of her voice as she addressed (Y/n) again made them feel fragile, all the while they shook like a leaf.

“Allow me to evaluate your sick. I’ll do everything I can.”

“Please,” (Y/n) nodded, making room for the pair to enter their home turned sick ward, “even in my wildest dreams I never thought anyone would actually come for us. I’ve tried so hard to save these people, but I am no doctor.”

The woman came forward, gingerly taking (Y/n)’s shaking hands in her own. (Y/n) noted how cold they were but still held on to the offered hands like a lifeline.

“You’ve done well with what you have, your kindness is immeasurable. Sleep now, and leave the rest to us.”

“Who are you?” (Y/n) asked, suddenly feeling as if they were about to collapse. Just hearing those words was like a weight was dropped from their aching shoulders. The woman caught them before they could fall, the young man, Yushirou, let out a strangled noise of displeasure but stayed back.

“You may call me Tamayo.”

***

When (Y/n) awoke, it was still dark. They assumed they must have only slept a few hours. At least, they thought so until they noticed a crack of sunlight shining between the curtains.

(Y/n) held their head in their hands and grimaced. They couldn’t even remember the last time they had slept in their own bed before now. They didn’t even remember how they got there. They sighed. It didn’t matter, they needed to get up and see how everyone was doing. They had already been negligent long enough.

(Y/n) noticed as they walked through the halls that all the curtains were drawn. They found it odd. The curtains were always kept open regularly, (Y/n) couldn’t be bothered to deal with such minor details in the grand scheme of things and they wouldn’t start now. They left the curtains closed and continued on their way.

“What are you doing up already?”

(Y/n) turned, shocked at the clear and present voice. It had been a long time since they heard someone who sounded so strong and healthy. They turned and saw a grumpy boy staring sternly at them.

“Who are you?” (Y/n) asked, holding on to the wall as a dizzy spell passed through them.

“Tsk, get back to bed. You clearly aren’t well.” The boy said.

“Yushirou? Did you find any— oh, awake already? You should rest more.” (Y/n) turned back down the opposite side of the hall and saw the woman who had been in their restless dreams the night before.

“You’re... You’re real?” (Y/n) asked, mostly to themself, peering at the woman with blurred vision.

“Yes,” Tamayo smiled sadly approaching (Y/n), “you don’t need to worry anymore. Yushirou and I are taking care of things. Please, rest.”

“No, wait. I want to help. Please, teach me everything you know.” (Y/n) pleaded, sliding to their knees as they gave out.

“Like you could help anyone like this. You were already way past your limits before. Stay out of Lady Tamayo’s way.” Yushirou stated harshly.

“No need to speak in such a cold manner, Yushirou.” Tamayo scolded lightly before coming to kneel at (Y/n)’s side, rubbing their back. “How about this, you rest until you are back to full health, then you may observe my work. Is this acceptable?”

(Y/n) frowned, but nodded in agreement. “Yes, thank you.”

“Of course. Yushirou, help our host back to their room please.”

Yushirou readily complied, easily picking (Y/n) up and retiring them to their room.

“And stay there this time.” He grumbled.

(Y/n) fell back asleep almost immediately and when they awoke once more, another day had come and gone. They felt a lot better, just hungry. So they got up and made their way back down the hall to see what was left of the foraging they had done a couple days prior. Hopefully, Tamayo and Yushirou were well versed in the plant life of the area and got some more.

They stopped at the sick ward first to see how things were going. Yushirou wasn’t around, but (Y/n) saw Tamayo whispering to a sick man. Whatever she had asked him, he shook his head looking a tad uncomfortable. (Y/n) moved closer and Tamayo turned, like she could sense their presence and offered a tight smile.

“You look much better. How are you feeling?” She asked.

“As good as I can be. How have things been going here?”

“I apologize, we lost three while you slept.” Tamayo informed solemnly.

“You don’t need to apologize. It means the world to us that you care to try at all.” (Y/n) replied, sincerely. “I’m sure you’ve noticed we don’t have very much in value. Not many people would work like this for no incentive.”

“You must be one of them.” Tamayo’s eyes softened, “you could have left, but you stayed with them. You have a kind heart.”

“...Thank you.” (Y/n) rubbed the back of their neck and looked away, feeling heat gather around their cheeks.

“I just realized I don’t know your name.” Tamayo said. “How rude of me to not ask sooner.”

“It’s alright. I haven’t exactly been conscious most of the time you’ve been here.” (Y/n) let out a dry laugh, “I’m (Y/n).”

“Just (Y/n)?” Tamayo blinked.

“If I can call you Tamayo, please call me (Y/n).”

“Very well, (Y/n).” Tamayo smiled. “I have a few more people to visit with at the moment. Would you care to observe?”

“Yes, I—“ (Y/n) stomach growled before they could finish speaking, they held onto their gut, abashed.

“Oh, you haven’t eaten? You should have told me, we must keep you healthy. Come,” Tamayo guided (Y/n) to their own kitchen where Yushirou was watching over a boiling pot.

“Yushirou, when the broth is done give (Y/n) a bowl please.” Tamayo asked.

“I just finished it Tamayo-sama. I’ll get on it right now.”

(Y/n) slurped down the broth with vigor and thanked Yushirou profusely, making him blush and turn away. They fed the rest to the sick. (Y/n) had asked Tamayo and Yushirou why they hadn’t taken any for themselves to which Tamayo replied that they had already eaten not long before (Y/n) had woken up.

After a long day of absorbing any teachings Tamayo had to share, (Y/n) was sent back to bed for the night much to their dismay.

“But, I slept just recently! I can still help!” (Y/n) frowned as Tamayo ushered them back to their room.

“I don’t know if you remember this, but humans are supposed to go to sleep every night. Yushirou and I have everything under control.” Tamayo assured.

“You guys need to sleep sometime too you know.” (Y/n) retorted.

“Don’t worry, we rest in turns.” Tamayo spoke. (Y/n) couldn’t explain why, but they felt as if Tamayo was being a bit deceitful with her words. However, they let her be for now and went back to bed without anymore fuss.

When (Y/n) woke up the next morning, they were surprised to see that some of the people looked much better already. Of course they were still quite ill, but (Y/n) felt hopeful for them. Unfortunately, the man, Jiro, that (Y/n) had seen Tamayo talking to the day before had died sometime in the night. A few others seemed to be not far behind him in that aspect. Still, (Y/n) worked hard and learned everything they could about the medicines Tamayo crafted and how to distribute them.

“Tamayo?” (Y/n) asked one night before being sent back to bed by the motherly woman.

“Yes, (Y/n)?”

“I was just wondering... what made you come through here? Our village hasn’t had outsiders since last spring, if even then.”

“I was simply looking for somewhere quiet to practice my craft. We were passing through when we realized this village was a little, too quite.”

“Mm, yeah... well, you’re welcome to stay. You can even live here forever if you want, I don’t mind.”

“That’s a rather, bold, offer.” Tamayo replied after a short pause. It was then that (Y/n) realized how that may have sounded and got embarrassed.

“I mean, because— sorry if that was weird. I just, it’s nice having you and Yushirou-san around. I can tell your both good people, you know? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable!”

“You didn’t,” Tamayo had a far away look in her eye, but she still reached out to pat (Y/n)’s arm in a gesture of kindness, “I appreciate the sentiment, but it will be best for all of we take our leave once we are done here.”

“I see,” (Y/n) tried to keep the disappointment out of their voice, “we’ll just have to make the most out of the time we do have.”

“I suppose. If that is what you wish.”

Over the next several days (Y/n) noticed several odd little behaviors and happenings in their home. They went out one morning to gather certain plants and herbs for Tamayo and when the came back, they noticed a piece of paper with a strange symbol drawn on it that they had never seen before. They questioned Yushirou about it since he was the first one they saw upon returning.

Yushirou scoffed, saying it was a healing symbol and told (Y/n) under no uncertain terms that they shouldn’t look at it, much less even think about touching it. (Y/n) promised him they wouldn’t and backed away into the kitchen with their basket of herbs and a bead of nervous sweat running down their chin.

They also noticed how neither Tamayo or Yushirou appeared to ever eat or sleep when they were around. Even when (Y/n) made something as light as tea, they were refused by both travelers.

Another oddity was that Yushirou always yelled at (Y/n) for peeking through curtains to see if the sun was shining. For some reason, he and Lady Tamayo did not seem to be fond of the sun. Perhaps they were just light sensitive or burned easily. They both seemed to be very fair skinned. (Y/n) was often sent off alone on errands during the day as well. They didn’t complain though, they were happy to help in anyway they could, even if the doctor and her assistant were a bit odd.

Stranger yet was how Tamayo would speak so softly to the deathly ill who showed no signs of recovery. The soft lilt of Tamayo’s voice was not what (Y/n) found strange, they were quite enamored with its dreamlike quality. It was the soft urgency in which she spoke so quietly that always left (Y/n) curious. They only witnessed such events a few times, but they always had ended with the recipient of Tamayo’s whispered words dead mere hours later.

(Y/n) didn’t fault Tamayo for such coincidences. The good doctor probably knew who would die the second she entered the room that first night. (Y/n) figured she was just giving them some form of solace in their final hours to help them find peace.

It was one night where (Y/n) had woken up with a painful thirst for water when things became... complicated.

“We need to think about leaving soon, Tamayo-sama.” (Y/n) heard Yushirou speak as they neared the kitchen. “You have already gone past your limit of resistance by a few days.”

“I’ll be fine, Yushirou. Soon there will be a good handful of people who will have their strength back. (Y/n) still has much I can teach them... we mustn’t leave just yet.”

“The blood here is diseased and of poor quality, even if you could get some without anyone noticing, it would not be filling enough to do much good. Please my lady, let’s keep moving to the next city like we planned.” Yushirou stressed.

“I can’t Yushirou, not when these people need help that only I can adequately provide. I can go a little longer...”

(Y/n) stood still in the hall as they listened in. Tamayo needed blood? For what, a transfusion? They took a deep breath and entered the room.

“If you need blood—“

The air was suddenly knocked out of their lungs as Yushirou came forward with inhumane speed and knocked (Y/n) hard into the back wall.

“Spying? Why couldn’t you just keep your nose away from where it doesn’t belong!” Yushirou hissed, tightening his hold.

“Yushirou!” Tamayo warned, coming up behind him, willing him to loosen his grip, “don’t hurt them.”

Yushirou clicked his tongue in agitation and allowed (Y/n) to slide to the ground in a fit of gasps and coughs.

Tamayo knelt beside them and checked them over with a worried frown.

“I’m sorry, (Y/n). You aren’t hurt are you?”

(Y/n) took a moment to catch their breath before answering, “I, I don’t think so.” They coughed again, “Damn Yushirou, you are a lot tougher than you look!”

Yushirou growled, but upon seeing the stern look Tamayo leveled at him he backed off and looked away, almost sheepish. He looked more like a scolded guard dog than anything else.

Tamayo turned back to (Y/n) looking forlorn, “How much did you hear?”

“You need blood or you’ll have to leave.” (Y/n) answered honestly, “If you need blood, you can have some of mine... I don’t know if it’s the right type, but if it’s what you need, I’ll be more than happy to give it to you.”

Tamayo shook her head. “(Y/n), I don’t think you understand what you are offering.”

“It’s my blood, I’ll offer it to whomever I please,” (Y/n) staggered back to their feet, “and I want to give it to you. You don’t even need to tell me what for.”

Tamayo scanned (Y/n)’s face before closing her eyes and turning away. She walked towards a nearby window and pulled open the curtains, allowing the full moonlight to glide over her skin and flowery kimono. (Y/n) swallowed thickly, clearing their throat they turned to look out the window as well. The young doctor was bewitchingly beautiful and (Y/n) could not risk missing whatever Tamayo had to say.

“Before you commit yourself to this decision, you must first understand what I am.”

“Tamayo-sama!” Yushirou called out only for Tamayo to raise her hand to call for his silence.

“...What you are?” (Y/n) cocked their head to the side, confused. “You look like a normal person to me.”

“That’s what makes a lot of my kind so dangerous.” Tamayo sighed, her eyes still trained on the moon, “Monsters in human skin. Although there are many who wear their sin in grotesque and prideful ways.”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at, but it’s not like all humans are great people either. Like how Ichiro’s parents left him here after he got sick and still haven’t wrote back like they promised. Even if you are different from humans as you are claiming, I can’t say that your any worse than the people I know. In fact, I’d say you’re better than a lot of the people I know.” (Y/n) tried to explain.

“I’ve done more evil and unforgivable deeds in my time on this earth than I could ever atone for. Even as I work to do better I know I can’t take back all the harm I’ve caused.” Tamayo shook her head and turned to (Y/n), cupping their cheek with a chilled hand, “I’ve aided in more atrocities than you have years on this planet. Do not let what you’ve seen of me in these short weeks fool you.”

“Okay, so you’re committed to believing your evil and irredeemable, is that right?” (Y/n) grasped the hand at their cheek, holding it in their own, “Well, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to believe that. I don’t know what you’ve done, but you’re obviously torn up about it. I can’t say someone who was pure evil would think twice about that.”

Tamayo pulled her hand away, cradling it close to her chest and turned back to the window with a slight tremble before whispering, “I’m a demon, (Y/n). I’ve turned Yushirou as well. We get by on blood these days but before then, I have killed and devoured many humans in five hundred years. Tell me now you don’t find me repulsive.”

“I don’t!” (Y/n) spoke immediately and resolutely, surprising the demon doctor and Yushirou to an extent with their resolve. “I don’t know who you were or what you were going through back then, but the Tamayo I know is kind enough to stop in some nowhere village to take care of sick people she doesn't even know while expecting nothing in return. I can’t say my word means very much in the grand scheme of things, but I don’t think you’re a monster. Monsters don’t mourn over their victims. I think you’re a good person Tamayo, worthy of my blood if you’ll just let me give it to you.”

The determined look on (Y/n)’s face made Tamayo feel as if she’d seen a specter from her past. She felt tempted to reach out again but held back, afraid of what, she wouldn’t allow herself to dwell. (Y/n) took her silence as a hesitation and insisted once more, bearing their arm up to the crook of their elbow.

“Take what you two need. Please don’t make me try to do it myself.”

Tamayo closed the distance between them quickly and held (Y/n)’s arms as if she was frightened of them doing something dangerous to themself.

“Yushirou, please get the phlebotomy kit from the travel bag.” Tamayo asked softly.

Yushirou nodded. Though he was not particularly fond of how close his master was to the human, he was glad she would finally be getting some sustenance.

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” (Y/n) tried to joke to lighten the mood.

“You can revoke your offer whenever you wish. If you want us to leave you may ask us to do so without fear. I promise you.” Tamayo said, nothing but sincerity in her tone.

“I’ll keep it in mind, but I’ll do no such thing. Now, I hope you don’t think it rude of me for drinking some water myself first before I get you your... beverage. It was the whole reason I was walking through in the first place.” (Y/n) said as they walked across the kitchen and fetched some water.

Tamayo’s lips curled ever so slightly into a wisp of a smile aimed at (Y/n)’s back as they drank.

***

Now that (Y/n) knew they were sheltering a couple of demons, the strange behaviors they had noted prior made more sense and they took them in stride. They loved teasing Tamayo and Yushirou about the quality of their blood. Often making Tamayo flush faintly or earn a quick jab to the chest from Yushirou that was probably harder than he should be hitting a fragile human.

They kept the knowledge of their species to themself, not wanting to stress the sick or endanger Tamayo in some way. They had since learned that the strange papers that were littered around their house were actually some kind of warding seal that Yushirou could produce to keep their presence hidden to outsiders. If all that Tamayo had told (Y/n) about the realness of demons held true, they were surprised that they hadn’t encountered them sooner. Perhaps the constant scent of death and decay had kept them at bay, figuring there was no fresh flesh to tear into.

However, that was all changing now. Of the twenty-six remaining villagers, twenty-five were making marked improvements in their health and many could even walk about the the house without being too fatigued. (Y/n) had smiled so brightly when they saw Ichiro slide out of bed one morning that they had brought a hand to their mouth in delighted shock. They couldn’t remember the last time they had smiled so earnestly. Tamayo had surprised them, taking their hand away from their mouth.

“Let your joy shine through. The light you have to share could lift anyone’s spirits. I know it has lifted mine, so don’t hide please.” Tamayo said kindly.

“Right!” (Y/n) laughed sheepishly as heat crawled up their neck. They were sure Tamayo could hear the blood rushing through their system but thankfully she was polite enough not to comment on it.

“(Y/n)-san, can you take us outside?” One of the other young children asked.

“Mhm, only for a little bit though. Don’t want to over do it now, do we?”

“Tamayo-san, do you want to come?” Ichiro asked hopefully.

“Tamayo-san is very busy. But I’m sure she’ll be happy to read you a story later. Won’t that be nice?” (Y/n) smiled, saving Tamayo from having to come up with an excuse to avoid the brightness of the spring sun.

A small group gathered and slowly made their way outside, blinking hard against the bright sun stinging their eyes. Still, they felt overjoyed. Many never thought they’d make it through the winter so they took in the scenery before them with a range of emotions.

When they returned, (Y/n) helped everyone get settled again. As they did, they noticed Tamayo speaking quietly to the young woman in the corner cot. She had been fighting against the illness for a particularly long time and had been getting worse as of late. Keeping the interaction in mind, (Y/n) made their way to the kitchens to see if Yushirou needed any assistance with lunch. Now that everyone’s appetites were returning they had to produce a bit more than they had in the past.

When everyone was fed, (Y/n) had managed to find Tamayo alone. The doctor had found the old ceremonial tea room and enjoyed the space, so naturally (Y/n) had given her permission to do with it what she liked. (Y/n) knocked and announced themself, waiting for Tamayo to beckon them in before entering.

“(Y/n), does someone need something? Do you need something?” Tamayo asked, momentarily pausing in her herb crushing to look up at them.

“No, everything seems fine right now. Although Kotori does not appear to be doing well at all.” (Y/n) sighed, kneeling across from Tamayo. “...She’s going to die, isn’t she?”

“Yes.” Tamayo nodded solemnly. “I gave her medicine to dull her pain, but she’ll be dead before the next morning. There is nothing more I can do for her.”

“What do you tell them?” (Y/n) asked, “I mean, I’ve noticed how you talk to the dying ones before they pass. What do you say to someone who’s dying like that?”

“Many times they already know the end is near and have accepted it. Many are relieved to know the fighting and pain is almost over for them. What I offer them... is a second chance at life.”

(Y/n)’s eyes narrowed in concentration before shooting back open. “You offered to turn them into demons, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

“It can be, only if you don’t have someone to look out for you and remind you who you are. I would be there for them as I was for Yushirou of course.” Tamayo assured, though she looked guilty. “You must think it cruel of me to offer this cursed existence.”

“Not at all. Many people fear death. I can especially understand it from a perspective of those who have yet to truly live. As long as they can remember their humanity, I don’t have a problem with it.” (Y/n) smiled, “I’m sure with you to guide them they would be just fine.”

Tamayo blushed and got back to work, grinding her herbs.

“Though I’m surprised, has no one taken up your offer since you got here?”

Tamayo shook her head, but a small smile pulled at her lips, “No. I’m content with their choices though. I think they were all very brave choosing to face the unknown.”

“Speaking of unknown,” (Y/n) mumbled between their fingers as they watched Tamayo carefully scoop her powder into a jar before moving on to the next herb. “Everyone will be more or less back to full health soon... are you still planning on leaving?”

“(Y/n), we’ve already discussed this,” Tamayo frowned, “I was never meant to stay here.”

“But you could.” (Y/n) said, an almost frantic waver in their voice, “you taught me a lot about medicine and how to be a physician, but you’ve quite literally have hundreds of years more experience than I do. Not to mention everyone here loves you, I love you—“ (Y/n) tried to shut themself up but it was too late. As made evident by the roundness of Tamayo’s eyes.

“Oh (Y/n), I’m sorry.” Tamayo said, the pestle held in between her fingers shook.

“Don’t be sorry, just, stay?” (Y/n) stuttered. “You can forget the last part if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“This just further proves that I mustn’t be here.” Tamayo put the pestle down and covered her eyes with her hands.

(Y/n)’s heart ached so much they felt compelled to rub the the spot in an attempt to soothe it. “Is the idea of me loving you really that awful?” They asked, a watery chuckle falling from their lips.

“(Y/n), it’s not that simple.” Tamayo tried to explain, but (Y/n) was already getting up and heading out of the room.

“It’s fine. I’ll try to stay out of your way. Stick around a bit longer for the sake of the village is all I ask.” (Y/n) didn’t wait for an answer. They went to their room and felt numb the rest of the day.

They were jostled out of their upset thoughts by the sound of pounding feet drawing closer and before they could react any further, Yushirou barged in practically foaming at the mouth. (Y/n) was not intimidated by the display however.

“Would it kill you to knock?”

“What have you done to upset Tamayo-sama?” He seethed, his voice a dangerous whisper.

“I’ve momentarily burdened her with my feelings. Don’t worry, once you get on the road again I’m sure she’ll feel much better. And you’ll have her all to yourself again, you must be thrilled.” (Y/n) bitterly informed.

“Don’t speak as if this is no large matter, you’ve left Tamayo-sama very distraught! What did you do? Why was she crying?”

“Crying?” (Y/n) asked, the information chilled them like a sudden torrential rainfall.

“Yes! Now what did you say to her you mongrel? Spit it out!” Yushirou growled, grabbing at the neck of (Y/n)’s clothing to shake them around a bit.

“I kinda... told her I loved her?”

“You what?!” Yushirou bellowed with rage and envy befitting a rival.

“I’m pretty sure you heard me the first time.” (Y/n) still had the gall to tease the demon knowing full well he could think of ten different ways to kill them with one hand tied behind his back.

“You idiot! Don’t you know what she’s been through? And you just think you can say such things and be on your merry way? Honestly, a goddess like her should not have to shed tears for such insolence!”

“What are you talking about?” (Y/n) grunted. The hold Yushirou had them in was very uncomfortable.

“If I tell you, you must never bring this up to Tamayo-sama, and you will apologize right away for your unsavory actions. Do you understand?”

“...yes.” (Y/n) nodded tentatively. Yushirou let go of them and they rubbed at their tender flesh where he had dug in.

“Tamayo-sama was ill once as well,” Yushirou began, observing the books (Y/n) had strewn around the room with a bit of disdain for the mess, “when she was human, she was desperately searching for a cure that would save her from an agonizing death. Then, as fate would have it, one day she met a man who promised her a cure for her ailment. What that man did to her turned her into a demon. It was true that Tamayo-sama was freed from the pains of her illness, but at the cost of everything she held dear. For you see, the man had not explained what she would become and with no way to control herself, she had killed and devoured her husband and children.” Yushirou crossed his arms tightly, “Do you understand now? Can you imagine what that must have been like?”

“I had no idea.” (Y/n) looked down at their feet.

“Yeah, then you come in and— argh! What are you still hanging around for? Go apologize already! You’ve already waited the daylight away, get moving!”

“Okay, I’m going! I’m going!” (Y/n) batted the angry demon away and jogged down the hall. They checked every room until they made it to the sick bay.

They asked around and quickly learned that Tamayo had gone out for a moonlit walk. They thanked the patients and quickly made their way out the door, shutting it tightly behind them.

They looked out from the engawa, scanning the scenery they saw no sign of the demon doctor. Deciding the nearby forest was their best bet, they hopped off of the engawa, bare feet against the grass and dirt, and jogged into the woods.

“Tamayo?” (Y/n) called for her, searching around for any clues to her whereabouts.

They traveled deeper still, teasing the edge of the deep woods where not even the sun could shine through on the brightest of days, much less the soft reflection of the moon. They heard a rustle.

“Tamayo?”

(Y/n) felt the hairs on the neck and arms scrape to attention. Their heart was beating frantically as the noise drew closer. It couldn’t be Tamayo, she surely would have called out in return.

Then, (Y/n) screamed.

They couldn’t remember how they had ended up on the ground. They blinked sluggishly up at the moon only for it to be blocked moments later by a blurry figure. (Y/n) swore they saw swirls of colorful flowers dancing at the corners of their vision. (Y/n) winced and gurgled. Why did their chest hurt so bad, what was this pressure?

“(Y/n), please, tell me what to do. What do you want me to do?” A muffled voice cried, confusing (Y/n).

They tried to take in another breath but it just felt like they were drowning. The voice sounded farther away, but no less pleading, mixed with far away screams and angry yells. Neither of which sounded like they belonged to the figure before them.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”

‘For what?’ (Y/n) wondered, the pain had faded greatly. Whatever was happening, it was better than the pain. Perhaps they could go back to sleep now.

And so, they did.

***

When (Y/n) awoke, it was to the soft brushing of knuckles against their hair which was almost immediately drowned out by a ferocious hunger. They bent to snap at the fingers but something had kept them restrained. (Y/n) struggled and growled, the need to tear into flesh was, all too fittingly, consuming them.

“(Y/n), take a little at a time. Control yourself.” The voice beside them gently urged, presenting (Y/n) with a tube. They were highly uninterested at first until the further end of the tube was released from a pinched grip and allowed blood to flow down to their waiting mouth. It wasn’t fresh or hot, but it was better than nothing. After a few minutes of stopping and starting the thick slide of blood, the figure took the tube away all together, causing (Y/n) to growl and hiss with displeasure.

“You will need to learn to pace yourself, the sooner you do, the better.” The soft voice informed, not that (Y/n) really understood them.

(Y/n) wasn’t sure how long this had gone on, but they learned quickly not to bite the hand that feeds you, even if it was only aged blood on the menu.

Then slowly, they felt their brain working overtime. Apparently, there was a lot of information hiding under all of the bloodlust, and (Y/n) thought maybe, just maybe, there was a part of themself that detested those desires for human flesh and bone.

Then one night, it was like a fog had finally rolled out of (Y/n)’s mind and they struggled against their restraints for a whole other reason.

“How did I get here?” They yelled, breathing heavily though they had no real need to breathe at all anymore.

(Y/n) heard the soft patter of footsteps on the matted floor out in the hallway. They were honestly surprised they could hear such a slight noise to begin with.

The door slid open and Tamayo stood there, observing them nervously.

“Tamayo!” (Y/n) sighed in relief, “Where were you? All I remember is going out to look for you. How did I even—“

Tamayo was over in a flash, resting her forehead against (Y/n)’s with her hands cupping their cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” She sobbed, “I didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t speak for yourself. I should have just tried to make your passing quick and comfortable, but I was selfish. I’m so sorry.”

(Y/n) winced, thinking back hurt, but with that last ‘sorry’, they were back in the moonlit woods, bleeding out with Tamayo above them and Yushirou dismantling the low level demon that had jumped them.

(Y/n) leaned their forehead up to meet Tamayo’s more firmly since their arms and legs were still tightly bound.

“You don’t need to apologize, but I forgive you.” They rasped, drawing more tears from the demon doctor.

“I couldn’t lose you. Not again.”

“What do you mean?” (Y/n) asked, puzzled.

“Do you believe in reincarnation, (Y/n)?”

“I think it’s a nice idea, to be reborn as something new.” (Y/n) shrugged as best as they could.

“When I first came to this village, something pulled me to this old house, and it wasn’t the smell of death and ruin. Something inside me told me this was where I needed to be,” Tamayo ran her thumbs along (Y/n)’s cheekbones, “it all led me to you and though you are unique from any other person I have met in all my years roaming this earth, I feel like I knew you life times ago.”

“I feel like I felt something similar.” (Y/n) whispered, “Something about your eyes just felt so familiar. Do you think...”

“Yes and no,” Tamayo smiled sadly, “I believe my husband had a hand in bringing you to me. You may have the same soul but you are still you’re own person with unique experiences. I like seeing little reminders of him in you, but I’m also growing very fond of who you are on your own.”

“Then, why didn’t you tell me before?” (Y/n) asked.

“Because I was afraid and I had every right to be. I almost lost you again.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Tamayo raised her head to brush a kiss over (Y/n)’s forehead, “Forgiven.”

“...Do you think you could maybe untie me now or...?” (Y/n) asked with a goofy smile on their face.

“Oh, yes, I should do that. So long as you promise to tell me if you ever feel like you’re losing yourself.”

“You have my word, my lady.” (Y/n) replied, leaving Tamayo a bit flustered.

“So, how is everyone?” (Y/n) asked with a stretch, sitting up from the bed.

“They all left for new opportunities in the southeast. I apologize, but Yushirou and I thought it best if they believed you had died. A bear mauling.” Tamayo’s nose crinkled very subtly, but (Y/n) easily saw her displeasure.

“Don’t worry, I understand.” (Y/n) said with a melancholic smile. They leaned over hesitantly and kissed the faint wrinkle of Tamayo’s nose away, making the doctor fall forward to bury her head in (Y/n)’s collarbone.

“I worry that you’re too understanding.” Tamayo commented shyly, earning a laugh from (Y/n) and after another moment of stillness, (Y/n) spoke up again.

“Where is Yushirou anyway?”

“I’m in the kitchen and I can hear ever word you say you blood sucker!” Yushirou yelled, making the doctor and the new demon jump at the volume. “You better get travel ready soon, because you gobbled up the last of our blood supply!”

“Sorry!” (Y/n) called awkwardly, snorting only after Yushirou replied with a handful of sounds that made no sense, but got his grumpiness across.

“Don’t feel too bad. It’s a process Yushirou has endured as well. He was no less needy and feral than you were when I changed him.” Tamayo said.

“Needy and feral,” (Y/n) groaned, “I wish you didn’t have to see me like that.” Tamayo chuckled lightly, raising her head from (Y/n)’s chest to look into their eyes making their breath hitch.

“That hasn’t harmed my image of you at all,” Tamayo kissed their cheek, “you are still the sweet,” a kiss to the other cheek, “selfless,” a kiss to the nose, “person you were before this.”

(Y/n) tentatively raised their hands to cup Tamayo’s cheeks, noting the pale blue hue of their previously clear nails as they did so.

“Forgive me if this comes off as needy, but could I kiss you?” They asked, barely above a whisper.

“Please.” Tamayo responded quickly, pulling in (Y/n) from the back of their neck.

Soft lips glided together, occasionally leaving their target to land sweet pecks elsewhere before diving back in. When they finally drew apart, resting their foreheads together, Tamayo smiled brightly. It was a feeling she hadn’t had since she was human all those years ago.

#kny x reader #kny oneshots #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer oneshots #lady tamayo #lady tamayo x reader #tamayo #tamayo x reader

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cassolotl · 4 years ago

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Just submitted my response to the Trans Inquiry 2 (England and Wales)

You can see the call for evidence from the W&EC here on Twitter, and submit your evidence here. It requires a Word, ODT or RTF file to be uploaded. You can write as much or as little as you like.

The deadline is tomorrow, Friday 27th November 2020.

My response is below the cut, because it’s over 3,000 words long...! But please, be aware that you can write 20 words if you need to. You can just say “I’m trans and the reforms still don’t allow me to have a gender recognition certificate. They don’t go far enough, because the process is unnecessarily medicalised and still doesn’t accommodate nonbinary people.”

ABOUT ME

I am 34 years old. I live in Powys, Wales. I am nonbinary - specifically, I feel like I have no gender at all. My pronouns are singular they (they/them/their/theirs/themself, plural verbs). I learned what nonbinary was when I was 24, and immediately came out and began my transition. I have been attending the NHS gender identity clinic (GIC) in London since April 2012, about 8.5 years. Throughout that time I have presented as openly nonbinary, and have had surgeries and hormone treatments from the NHS to aid in an androgynous presentation. I have all the records and paperwork that I would need to receive a gender recognition certificate (GRC), if one were available to nonbinary people. I am openly nonbinary with everyone I see and interact with on a regular basis (social workers, support workers, landlords, friends and family, etc).

SUMMARY

The Government’s proposed reforms are positive but only a fraction of the changes needed to ensure trans people have equal rights and sufficient trans-specific medical care.

In particular, three additional gender clinics in the NHS are horrifically insufficient, especially for children and adolescents facing the body-horror and permanence of the wrong puberty, resulting in preventable major surgeries. Requirements for obtaining a gender recognition certificate remain excessive, demoralising and unnecessary. The financial cost currently involved is much greater than the £140 fee, making a fee reduction seem like lip service.

The gender recognition process remains needlessly and discriminatorially medicalised, unacceptably has higher standards for gender recognition than the NHS has for medical transition, and allows for stalling and abuse by spouses because UK marriage laws are needlessly gendered. It also does not account for Gillick competence in the case of legal gender recognition for children.

There is a complete lack of provision for nonbinary people, which is unacceptable, especially now that the courts have found that nonbinary people are protected under the transition characteristic of the Equality Act 2010. This means that nonbinary people are unable to marry or parent children while being authentic in their genders, and are unable to receive a correct pension.

These barriers presented to trans people mean that still only a minority of trans people will access gender recognition certificates, which results in unnecessary and preventable problems for trans people, but also for the systems that have to accommodate them in accordance with the Equality Act 2010.

RESPONSES TO PROMPTS

The Government’s response to the GRA consultation:

Will the Government’s proposed changes meet its aim of making the process “kinder and more straight forward”?

Yes, but only marginally.

Three new GICs: Each month the NHS makes several months’ worth of referrals to GICs. Nowhere in the UK is it possible to access a GIC within the 18-week NHS-set timeline; the average wait is 18 months, which is horrific for transgender adults, and devastating and traumatic for transgender adolescents who are forced to go through the body-horror of the wrong puberty while waiting for two appointments to be prescribed puberty blockers. [1] It follows that in order to bring this waiting list down to lawful amount of time we need to increase the number of NHS GICs not by 40% but by 400%.

Fee reduction to “nominal amount”: I have still seen no reason to delay making this process a demedicalised case of submitting a form declaring a change of legal gender, much like changing one’s name by deed poll. We are not charged to update our details with HMRC, so we need not be charged for updating our details at a General Register Office.

Placing the procedure online: This is something that should have been done decades ago, but better late than never. It is also an attempt to repair the Titanic with superglue as it sinks. The system is difficult to access for all trans people, but not because of the method of application. The problem is that we are required to apply to the gender recognition panel at all.

Should a fee for obtaining a Gender Recognition Certificate be removed or retained?

It should be removed. It is arbitrary, and other administrative changes of a similar nature and risk level do not have fees associated.

Are there other financial burdens on applicants that could be removed or retained?

The requirement to provide medical evidence for change of gender is unnecessary and costs money. For example, living in rural West Wales means that for the 8 years I’ve been attending the London GIC I have been paying for accommodation in London, because it is not physically possible to travel to London by public transport and back in one day when attending a GIC appointment. Each trip costs me at least £80 or so out of pocket, because I have to find accommodation close to the GIC for me and a PA (I am disabled and receive direct payments). I am entitled to have my travel costs refunded by the NHS but others are not, so attending GIC appointments will cost them money even if they don’t have to stay overnight.

At the moment the wait of in some cases several years for a first appointment followed by 1.5 years waiting for the second appointment means patients being referred today will be waiting 4-5 years for their first hormone prescription or surgery referral, so a significant number of people who would like a GRC have to pay for private treatment to get the proof they need within a reasonable timeframe.

Should the requirement for a diagnosis of gender dysphoria be removed?

Yes. Legal gender need not be a medical issue. As when changing one’s name, legal gender need only be a case of signing a document with witnesses. The two reasons I’ve heard cited against demedicalising the gender recognition process are (1) fraud prevention and (2) protection of vulnerable women in single-sex spaces.

(1) We already have laws against fraud, and it is very easy and cheap to legally change one’s name in the UK. When you consider how “identifying” something like a gender is when compared to other identity metrics such as photographs, dates of birth, names, etc. (i.e. not very), it seems absurd that gender is so difficult to change. Existing fraud laws would allow for prosecution as easily if changing one’s legal gender were a matter of a statutory declaration only.

(2) We already have laws against abuse of women, women’s spaces are already protected even taking into account the Equality Act 2010, and in general the women responsible for protecting those women-only spaces currently accommodate and welcome trans women and have done for a long time. [2] Birth certificates are not required for accessing women-only spaces such as shelters, toilets and changing rooms. Other ID that might be required in a less free version of our current society, such as driver’s licences or passports, do not require a gender recognition certificate to have the gender marker changed, so demedicalising the gender recognition process has no effect on provision of necessary gender-exclusive services.

Anyone wishing to use an alternative gender presentation for fraudulent or abusive purposes does not have a more difficult time in the crimes that they are attempting to commit thanks to the Gender Recognition Act. The fact that currently only 1 in 10 transgender people have a GRC suggests that the system can currently accommodate people whose genders don’t match their birth certificates or tax records, so presumably making it much easier for people to make all of their IDs match will make no difference to fraud and abuse incidence, and may make it easier by removing discrepancies.

I would also argue that the current “gender dysphoria diagnosis —> correct ID” situation is back-to-front. Wanting ID that reflects a gender that is different from the one you were assigned at birth is evidence of gender dysphoria, and so applying for a birth certificate that shows a different gender to the one you were assigned at birth should be considered evidence of gender dysphoria for a diagnosis. It doesn’t need to go through a doctor; wanting to change the ID should be enough on its own.

Should there be changes to the requirement for individuals to have lived in their acquired gender for at least two years?

Yes. Being transgender isn’t something that comes on suddenly later in life. It is a neurodevelopmental issue, considered by some medical professionals to begin in the womb. Having to wait two more years to have that gender recognised in law seems arbitrary and unnecessary.

Most transgender people have known that their gender was different to the one they were assigned at birth for years before they begin their transition. I would say that making it very difficult to change one’s legal gender is, among other factors, something that contributes to this unfortunate tendency.

I understand that living in a new gender role for two years is considered proof of commitment to that gender role by the state. Proof of this nature is not required for other administrative matters such as change of name or title. Let’s imagine the same situation for something that might be considered harder to change because it is by its nature decided by biology: date of birth. If one’s date of birth had been entered incorrectly on a birth certificate and the individual or their parents noticed some years later, the birth certificate could be corrected with, at most, medical records showing that the baby was born on a different day. Likewise, to change a gender marker on a birth certificate should require, at most, medical records showing that the individual’s gender was assigned incorrectly at birth. This would be a copy of a letter from a doctor diagnosing gender dysphoria, which requires only 6 months of a specific type of discomfort. The legal system therefore is four times more strict about changing legal gender than the NHS is about referring for permanent gender-affirming surgery or prescribing hormones that cause permanent physical change. This is unnecessarily stringent. It could be considered discriminatory under the Equality Act 2010: trans people are less able to change incorrect records relating to their gender, in accordance with GDPR, because of the additional barriers.

If the gender recognition process was easy and cheap, and for some reason a person changed their gender marker on a whim and then wanted to change it back, it would be very easy for them to do so - but as you learned in the first Trans Inquiry some years ago, countries such as Ireland, where it is easy and cheap to change your legal gender, have not seen this happen. In general, we know that when it is easy and cheap to change your one’s legal gender, people tend to do it once and then never again.

What is your view of the statutory declaration and should any changes have been made to it?

I have no problem with the statutory declaration aspect of the gender recognition process. It seems acceptable that a change intended to be permanent should require the signing of a binding legal document, and that people who do so for fraudulent or otherwise harmful reasons be subject to criminal proceedings.

I am opposed to a spouse’s consent being required for married/civil-partnered people, as it gives another person unnecessary and potentially harmful control over their spouse’s transition.

Does the spousal consent provision in the Act need reforming? If so, how? If it needs reforming or removal, is anything else needed to protect any rights of the spouse or civil partner?

I understand that when one person in a marriage is changing their gender that changes the legal status of the marriage from a different-gender marriage to a same-gender marriage, or vice versa, and I agree that a spouse must consent to that change as an equal participant.

In order to resolve this issue, I would suggest making marriage law gender-neutral. There is no reason to have a same-gender marriage be any different than a different-gender marriage in law. It need not be “men can marry women, men can marry men, women can marry men, women can marry women” - it can simply be that an adult can marry another adult. That way, if one of the spouses changes their gender, the marriage is unchanged.

This would also prepare marriage law for legal recognition of nonbinary genders.

Should the age limit at which people can apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC) be lowered?

I am not aware of any reason why it would not be appropriate. In the UK, the NHS has a policy of assuming that children are capable of understanding and consenting (or not consenting) to medical treatment. It should be assumed that a child can also consent (or not) to having the gender marker on their birth certificate changed.

What impact will these proposed changes have on those people applying for a Gender Recognition Certificate, and on trans people more generally?

Moving the process online will allow people to apply electronically, which would likely have a positive impact on the environment due to being less CO2-intensive. It may also make the process faster, which would be positive.

Making the process cheaper will allow poorer people to apply for a GRC, which is positive.

The NHS providing 3 more GICs will allow some patients to travel a shorter distance to access care, which is positive.

However, I don’t think these changes will have a significant impact on the most serious issues affecting transgender people. I consider these to be: excessive waiting times for transition-related treatments, difficulty of access to change of legal gender, the demoralising and humiliating nature of the gender recognition process, and the complete lack of legal recognition of nonbinary genders in UK law.

What else should the Government have included in its proposals, if anything?

Legal recognition of nonbinary genders (including availability of gender recognition certificates and X gender markers on state-issued ID), legal gender recognition by statutory declaration, 400% increase in the number of gender identity clinics in the UK, and no cost for GRC application.

Does the Scottish Government’s proposed Bill offer a more suitable alternative to reforming the Gender Recognition Act 2004?

Yes.

Living in the “new” gender role is required for only 6 months, in line with diagnosis of gender dysphoria. A diagnosis of gender dysphoria is not required, as living in the “new” gender role would suggest that the person has gender dysphoria to the extent that they wish to live in the “new” role and the official diagnosis would be superfluous. A statutory declaration is required, which seems acceptable. All of this seems positive to me.

Requiring applicants to wait for three months to consider their application seems unnecessarily patronising and patriarchal, but the proposed Scottish Bill is still much more fit for purpose than the current and proposed England-and-Wales model.

Wider issues concerning transgender equality and current legislation:

Why is the number of people applying for GRCs so low compared to the number of people identifying as transgender?

I am not sure. I imagine there are several complex and intersecting reasons.

I think cost is probably an issue. I think that the amount and type of evidence currently required by the gender recognition panel is not very easy to obtain, and the applicant is unable to sit before the panel in person with or without a legal representative, and so there is a high risk that applicants will not meet the panel’s obscure criteria or be able to persuade them or answer their concerns/questions in person. If the application fails the money is lost, and the (significant) effort involved in application is wasted. The latter is offputting for everyone who might consider applying, and the former is a bonus barrier for poorer people.

I would speculate that it might also be because because living as a different gender than the one you were assigned at birth and getting medical treatment are easier and more medically urgent than changing one’s birth certificate, especially when compared to the frequency with which one has to show one’s birth certificate (and therefore “out” oneself, if one does not already have a GRC).

I think there is a tendency for people to think, “well, how often do I have to show my birth certificate or my tax records to people I have direct contact with? And how often are they going to be indiscreet and transphobic about it? Hardly ever, right?” But by the time they find out that transphobic people do exist and do make an issue about it, or by the time they have to show their birth certificate to someone they’d rather not come out to, it is too late and they are not able to apply for a GRC and get their records updated in time. Not having a GRC is therefore always a problem in the past, which removes urgency.

By comparison, gender dysphoria is a chronic and acute daily psychological discomfort, which is much harder to ignore.

Are there challenges in the way the Gender Recognition Act 2004 and the Equality Act 2010 interact? For example, in terms of the different language and terminology used across both pieces of legislation.

I understand that the Equality Act 2010 has now been tested in court by a nonbinary person in an employment tribunal and found to protect nonbinary people under the characteristic of gender transition “beyond any doubt”. The Gender Recognition Act doesn’t accommodate or provide for nonbinary people, and is therefore in breach of the Equality Act 2010. [3]

Are the provisions in the Equality Act for the provision of single-sex and separate-sex spaces and facilities in some circumstances clear and useable for service providers and service users? If not, is reform or further guidance needed?

I think the guidance for the Equality Act should explicitly state that nonbinary people are protected under the characteristic of gender transition. I do not feel that I am knowledgeable enough to comment on any other issues.

Does the Equality Act adequately protect trans people? If not, what reforms, if any, are needed

Now that the Equality Act 2010 has been shown in court to protect nonbinary people under the protected characteristic of gender transition I have no complaints.

What issues do trans people have in accessing support services, including health and social care services, domestic violence and sexual violence services?

A lot of trans people just don’t report hate crimes to the police because the police often don’t do anything about it. [4]

Because trans people face extra barriers in matters such as housing, employment, and primary and secondary medical care, they need additional support from e.g. Social Services. This means they have the barrier of having to ask for more than other people do, and for that request to be considered by individuals in the system who may also be transphobic, before being granted.

There was a women’s shelter in a city I used to live in, which said on a sign at the door “no men allowed!”, but then on their website it said “women only”. I emailed to ask for clarification, because I am nonbinary and it was unclear whether I would be allowed on the premises. They said that if I identified as a woman I was welcome to enter. As I don’t identify as a woman I didn’t enter. I would presumably also be barred from entering a shelter for abused men. The difficulty for nonbinary people is that there are no provisions for us whatsoever, whether provided or funded by the government/local authorities or otherwise.

Are legal reforms needed to better support the rights of gender-fluid and non-binary people? If so, how?

Yes. We need to be explicitly written into laws and guidance relating to the following:

- Marriage

- Passports

- Driving licenses

- Adoption

- Sexual violence (as victims and as perpetrators, in matters such as disclosure of transgender identity and medical history, definition of rape, etc.)

- Birth certificates (as parents, e.g. language relating to mother/father, birth parent)

- Pensions

- Hate crime

- Provision of public services and facilities (public toilets, changing rooms)

- Any law that has gender-specific statements or provisions

… and probably more.

[1] https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/08/13/nhs-trans-patients-laurels-gender-identity-clinic-south-west-waiting-list-yeovil-pride/

[2] https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2018/08/03/domestic-violence-shelters-transgender-no-impact-on-services/

[3] https://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/gender-is-a-spectrum-landmark-uk-ruling-61650/

[4] Not a reputable third-party source, but a well-described and typical anecdotal example. https://twitter.com/JayHulmePoet/status/1328995596670267392 “Once I reported a hate crime to the police. They dropped the case without telling me, and then when a hate crime advocate called them out on it they took no action AND blamed it on me being open about being trans. I've not reported a hate crime since. The irony of the police telling me not to tell people that I'm trans so I [don’t] get hate crimed (again, not how hate crime law works) is that there's precedent for trans people to be charged with sexual offences if they have sex with someone without disclosing that we're trans.”

#trans inquiry #trans inquiry 2 #activism #UK #gender recognition act #GRA #gender recognition certificate #transition #trans

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constablegoo · 4 years ago

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@astralglam filed a report .

mint: does your muse view themself as virtuous & moral? what do these words mean to them?

OHOHO. hey hi ily. this is, of course, one of odo’s deepest ongoing battles, and the moment he stops questioning it is the moment he becomes a founder.

the founders grant themselves god status. GOD! status. they just reach out and pluck it. Within their range of power, the founders become unquestionably Just and Virtuous and Moral, their Word becomes Law, it becomes “the way things are” and “fact” and they create their own reality stemming from thousands of years of intense xenophobia. they’re above it all. gods don’t make mistakes, right? sure, maybe changelings were hunted and feared ages ago but they still fear it, and that drive for Order and Control over the galaxy is now encoded into their genes and they place a companion structure into the genes of every other species they control, subjugating them to the founders’ own cozy position as Gods, or-- ‘gods’. the founder (i rly don’t like saying “female” founder so she’s THE Founder. she speaks for the link.) makes it quite clear on many occasions that the founders are not here to negotiate. they fully intend to control EVERYTHING at any cost. it is absolutely chilling when she cuts garak down with: “they’re dead. you’re dead. cardassia is dead.” and draws the line between the dominion and everyone else miles deep into the sand.

that same genetic coding is one of the first semi-concrete things odo comes to understand about himself and, horribly, he’s landed into conditions under the occupation that very easily could have taken advantage of a less meticulous or stubborn changeling. no, odo says initially (and incorrectly), i am not bajoran** and i am not cardassian and i stand apart from either side of this conflict and so i am bound to PURE Virtue and Morality because of it. he can’t be bribed or bought or won over, and he won’t allow for anything less than a kind of incorruptibility. this effectively wins him allies (and enemies) on both sides, however -- that’s just not how the universe works. the truth of it is that no matter how much he tells himself he is not a part of their regime, his working with the cardassians makes him a collaborator in that he has then recognized their authority and ultimately upheld their legitimacy, even if he never agreed with the cause, even if he was also on some level a casualty of it. at some point when he moves past ‘contract’ investigation and begins to work permanently, he falls into the trap of thinking Order is the same thing as Justice... huge yikes. in that moment he becomes a true and apathetic villain, but he’s subsequently haunted by the resulting execution of innocents. it shakes something up in him. years pass and he still wonders, what other mistakes has he made? what other less direct consequences of his ‘neutral’ arbitration exist? he (and everyone around him) has to live without really knowing, and it’s a constant reminder to him of the power he holds and it informs his understanding of what Real (and imperfect) Justice Means.

**sidenote but later in s7 he introduces himself as ‘from bajor’ and AAAAAA. its good. very good. yeah, you’re bajoran, odo. he gets it now.

Mirror odo is really the ultimate example of an odo having taken those instincts to extremes in an environment that rewarded him for them -- there is no guilt there, and even a sadistic kind of pleasure in it. i’d argue that gaia!odo is another, less extreme example of an odo who’s been alone too long and lost sight of things when he single-mindedly (and against kira’s wishes) chooses her (one person) over 8000. like holy shit? NOT ok? uhhuhhhhfff. anyway. very fortunately, neither of these are OUR odo, but act as great foils to reflect on the worst (bastard cop) qualities or potential qualities of our goo pushed to highly visible extremes, which star trek just loves to do all the time.

but regular/prime odo isnt exactly a rule-follower, either. throughout his life, he frequently takes things into his own hands, uses his abilities to his advantage, spies, wiretaps, eavesdrops, and yes, harasses [quark] sometimes -- he develops his own set of values and personal rules and follows them; even starfleet comes in wary of him and how he operates and hes on thin ice. but because of possibly his most redeeming quality, odo is able to adapt those self-ordained values toward something increasingly honest: for how rigid he can be in personality, he is HIGHLY influenced by the world around him, listens hard to what his friends and allies have to say and adapts that feedback; this allows him to evolve and grow and take important matters to heart. he becomes more flexible and better able to hold onto what’s really most important after locking into a decision, because above all else, he is passionately committed to doing the Right Thing. he PLEADS with himself in things past, “your job is to find the truth, not obtain convictions.” by his tendency to push back against what is laid down as ‘law’ (something he becomes more and more aware of and effective at doing) as not always being good or right, or necessarily even creating Order (the thing he’s driven genetically to want), he prepares himself to challenge the most deadly voice of authority -- that of his own people.

so... yes and no. odo’s role and persona as ‘your average security chief’ might dictate that he be virtuous and moral, but he so obviously can’t fit the same exact mold as others in his position -- he has these insane abilities and this mind-consuming nature and it requires he tread with extra care, but he also has a potential for more adaptive, more nuanced morality. he has to build up his own definitions to the words, constantly examine and tease and test them, or else he risks straying too far from what he really wants to achieve -- harmony, honest justice. he has to accept that he’s a part of the system he operates in (not, in fact, alone or isolated! something he actually wants), and know that he is not exempt from making the wrong choice, just like anybody else.

carnation: what is your muse’s relationship with their gender? how do they express or not express this relationship?

ODO AND GENDER!!! i love odo and gender. let’s take this one step at a time. he starts out as an amorphous glob -- he has no gender. there’s no basis for assignment, no culture of difference, and all the goos are goo. odo takes on the shape of the first living thing he sees / the thing he sees most frequently: dr mora. he adopts an image of masculinity from mora and he adopts the hair. that’s about it, and it’s pretty much arbitrary. (maybe the hair is simple enough for his skills, too?) the next people odo meets are also these very masculine, military, cardassian leaders, so again -- this is all he knows! this is neutrality. i imagine it takes him some time to work out what the differences in gender are, and sex, and orientation, romantic vs sexual stuff, all of that. it’s all got cultural baggage he knows nothing about and does not experience, and he’s also dealing with multiple, clashing cultures to boot. since he doesnt have any strong inherent leaning, he simply opts out. he/him becomes his default because thats where he started, thats what he’s been able to successfully present and how people know him, and, terrifyingly, under cardassian rule, it probably offered a bit of safety, too, which was obviously something he needed at the time.

way way way way way down the line in season seven, odo asks kira to (paraphrasing) look at me. what do you see? [i see you.] but this is NOT me, this is only a shape ive assumed in order to fit in. she says, yes, i know that. but this is who you have chosen to be. “a man. a good and honest man.” (i knowww shes not really talking abt gender here BUT) its hard as a trans person not to read the metaphor. he’s chosen to express SOMETHING. he’s chosen something other than what he was given (neutrality) and although he doesnt personally buy into what ‘masculinity’ “should be” (ie the ferengi, smh) / would certainly not argue he doesnt feel non-binary, this is how he has presented all his life, its how hes been treated, and it is what he has chosen to adhere to. there’s a choice in that, kira’s right, and now it reflects something about him.

parallel this, i’ll mention the “female” founder again bc of course there is no discernable reason for her to have a gender -- other than to appeal (im not talking sexually here although there’s,, obviously weird shit happening with the link... yike) to odo in the sense that until that point odo has lived with “gendered” individuals and, i think importantly, kira is with them when they first meet. i think its safe to say the founder saw her, figured she was a friend/ally to odo or at least familiar to him, and took her general representation to appeal as a friend/ally.

otherwise... why, honestly? the founder’s got NO love of humanoids lmao why would she bother.

anyway i’d like to see odo experiment a bit. because when hes safe, he can!! aside from his own doubts and insecurities about shapeshifting, at some point he really has no reason not to, at least a little bit. really, it should just be another thing to practice, much like becoming a convincing rock or a leaf, its just that there are other significances in the cultures around him. i’d just like to see him loosen up a little. have fun. grow ur hair out a bit, odo, why are u still looking like ur terrible dad.

#astralglam #geez ok anyone who reads these are gods #thanks for letting me let some frogs out of my brain #like a lot of frogs #⌀ EVERY SIXTEEN HOURS I TURN INTO A LIQUID! [ about. ]#⌀ YOU HAVE NO SECRETS FROM ME. [ asks. ]#long post /#long as hell post /#sorry hopefully everyones asleep i dont wanna do readmore bc im a nuisance asjdfa

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dokuhebi · 4 years ago

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(( I know I sent you one on Kabu’s old blog buuuut I was Thinking about our Plot and this happened ))

It’s one of their lucid moments, and in many ways, that’s worse than when the disease is in control. Because he doesn’t like the look they get when they don’t know what they did in their rage; he doesn’t like when they start to remember; he doesn’t like that they know how hard they’ve worked to obtain immortality and superiority, and that they know its this quest that’s damned them.

(He doesn’t like the realization that, with Orochimaru’s immortality being a definite, they might have to live with this, if he can’t find a cure.)

Kabuto reaches out, hand pressed to the glass wall - but he owes it to them to be the strong one, to let them feel worried or weak or even frightened about their fate with him if they ever desire to, and he suppresses a sigh, shields onyx eyes from displaying pity.

“You knew they couldn’t keep me out of here, right, Orochiamru? It’s your birthday. You deserve to see a friendly face."

But that’s not all you came here to say, is it? The voice in his head sounds like theirs.

” .. I didn’t come here to say that. Well I did, but - I wanted to say that I’m sorry. For what I said when I left, and for what I said when I saw you again.“ A pause. "I don’t want to burden you with explanations or justifications now. That can wait for when you get better. I said when and not if, because I am going to cure this. You can depend on me, you can trust me. I’m not going to give up on those summons, and I sure as Hell am not going to give up on you. I promise.”

Because this is your fault, isn’t it? You let them handle Miki. You let them get bitten. You let them work close to you without knowing how their unique biology could be affected. You let them get sick. The voice in his head sounds like his.

Kabuto - sits, his back against the wall. None of the other medics would dare do this to Orochimaru, lest they relapse, lest their viral rage give them enough strength to break loose when those other medics aren’t watching them like the Sannin is in some zoo enclosure -

But Kabuto trusts Orochimaru implicitly, even all these years later, and he’s confident this act will silently tell them such (just as he’s confident that they’ll know it’s a display of trust, and not an act of disrespect).

“If you want me to sneak anything in here for you, let me know. What are they going to do, right? Kick me off the case? They know I’d kill someone before I’d let that happen.” He laughs. “No alcohol, though. We can have a drink together when this is over, back at the Sound Village."

It has been years since they have felt this pathetic. Aimlessly sitting in the center of four walls, one made of glass. Perhaps the universe had a sick sense of humor after all, to give the wretched serpent what they had fought tooth and claw for, to ensure that even with immortality - it was never enough. That achieving their dream may in fact be the catalyst for a different kind of entrapment. A different kind of death. For what was the purpose of living eternally, if day by day their mind was eaten away at. If they were left a shell of themself, unable to sift through their own memories when something angered and relentless consumed them. The silence in their cell is deafening, it offers far too much opportunity to think, to let their dark imagination run wild with just how badly this could all end. That they may be left some passenger in their own body. A sick sense of irony, a prolonged form of karma, as they are dealt a hand so similar to the one they inflicted on others. Only their misery would be eternal. Courtesy of their own blood, sweat and tears when they were younger.

The sound of a hand on the glass, the sudden realization of a quiet presence that had completely slipped their attention, snaps them out of these morbid musings. Golden eyes lunging to the source of life standing on the other side of the glass divide. And as soon as they see they have company, as soon as they hear his voice echo in the pristine halls, they get to their feet. Up from the small table center of the room, away from the bed pressed to the tiled wall adjacent to their seating, and instead toward the doctor now viewing them. It stings a little less seeing him there rather than another medic however, knowing that he is not here to examine them like something wild and deranged, but instead to seek them out as a companion. Offered that grace of being treated as human instantly, as the birthday wish falls from his lips. In turn, a smile instantly appears to their own, a mask of feigning utter indifference to poor circumstances. It is all they know, to put on a brave face, to pretend this was precisely where they wanted to be. The swap from their forlorn expression when they had thought themself alone, to something masterfully boasting confidence and nonchalance may only give them away however. They can’t fool him surely. And all they may have actually achieved, is showing the man just how well they wore a disguise of being all right, when they truly weren’t. Well - with the hell they are putting him through, what is one more concern to add to his list?

“That’s a pleasant change from what I have been hearing all morning,” they say, before pausing for a moment, was it morning? They lost track of time in here, it could well have been a day lapsed, they would be unsure, “the others seem to think my presence is costing them more than they are willing to pay. That’s the problem being in our position, isn’t it? We are only worth anything for so long as we pull our weight, and the weight of everyone too lazy to pull their own. You don’t have to sugarcoat it you know, I’m well aware my time being nursed to health is terminated the moment my usefulness is. I’m on borrowed time.” Another pause, as they momentarily contemplate just how unfair it would be to utter their next sentence, to place the pressure so weightily on his shoulders when they can already guess he has placed such mountains there already. Yet, desperation catches in their throat, and the words seem to birth themselves, their tongue forming each syllable as if not saying such a thing may damn them once and for all. “You’re my only hope.” They watch as he rests against the wall, as he takes a position that anyone watching would call him a fool for. What is a few seals, a few divides, between his life and the Sannin’s wrath? When they are so blinded by the viruses sway that the temper wins out? When they care for their own life about as much as they do for his, and would destroy themself in order to offer him the same fate. It would take the inevitable relapse in to violent psychosis - and how the next fit is pending - for another life to be lost. The glass yet to stand the test of time against the Sannin’s more erratic behaviour. But he sits anyway. Without a flicker of concern in his eyes, without a hint of hesitation or tensing. Part of them wants to try and assess if he is putting on an act as they are, the other part however, the winning part, decides that it doesn’t matter either way. If he doesn’t truly feel safe, it is only more testament to the fact that whatever side of him cares so deeply for them, so instinctively, had banished primal instinct, and kept enough control of himself to make such a seamless display and gesture. It only meant they could perhaps, drop their own guard just enough, to let him take the place of defending them a little while. They come to sit beside him on the other side of the glass divide, listening to his offer, his clear attempt to make a miserable existence a little more bearable, “perhaps instead, you can sneak something out for me? I haven’t spoken to my sons in quite some time, I’d like to write to them,” they say, that confident smile finally diminishing bit by bit, until they glance toward him and it returns, perhaps a little more genuinely this time, “...and perhaps you may give me your word, that you will come back to visit at the next opportunity? The other doctors lack a certain quality I like in my company.”

#毒蛇 IMMORTAL; the curse is broken (post war)#raichoose #蛇 KEEP-SAFE; some memories we keep #ouch with this one :')#thanks for sending it in <3 #submission

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theaurorfileshq · 4 years ago

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E D E N B L U E / A U R O R O F F I C E R

AGE: Thirty-Seven

BADGE NUMBER: S91X22

BLOODSTATUS: No-Maj Born

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Agender, They/Them

IDENTIFYING FEATURES: Hamsa tattoo on forearm, several other tattoos on chest and back, Russian accent, pretty eyes, always carries tea leaves somewhere on their person.

STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES:

(+): Sight, Empathy, Nonverbal Magic

(-): Disregard for the System, Fear of the Future, Combative Magic

BACKGROUND:

Volkan Şimşek doesn’t realize that the dreams they have aren’t dreams for a long time. Their parents have more to worry about than their middle child’s vivid imagination, after all, so they grow up assuming everyone has them, but no one talks about them. That’s just how it is, keep quiet unless it’s something serious. There are too many mouths to feed in the Şimşek house, seven children, not enough work to get by easily, they don’t have time for the trivial. Their parents talk about the glory they thought they would find when they left Turkey, swept up in the promise of a utopia, a notion that was quickly assuaged when they arrived in the Soviet Union, and found themselves stuck in a worse position. Everyone talks about change as the years pass, about things looking up, the streets becoming less dangerous, but he has dreams about his family, he sees what their future is like. Change like that for doesn’t happen when you’re poor.

When the strange woman comes to tell their parents that they have magic, and that there’s a school for them where they can hone their skill, their parents are shocked, never having seen any signs of it before. Volkan’s surprised, too, still not making the connection. The dreams are dreams, vivid and realistic, but nothing more than that.

When a second stranger shows up a day later, offering the same, but with the promise of power, mentioning they’ve seen them in visions, what they can be if they come with them instead, they all start to take it seriously. Suddenly they’re afraid of what the bad dreams mean. Their parents, though, see it as an opportunity for one of their children to have more. Any chance to get away is a good one, even if none of them can fully wrap their heads around a world existing where a flick of a wand can change everything in an instant. Their parents want them to take the second offer, Durmstrang. It’s far, an escape from this reality. But they’ve seen who they become if they follow that path, even if they hadn’t realized it until hearing the name of the second school. The words had just been gibberish to them, shouted in their nightmare. Sturm und Drang.

(Later, they’ll call it the difference between a small vision, and a big one, never having had anyone to explain it to them. The small ones are literal, a glimpse of a concrete future, no room for questions, possible to dissect and reverse with the right critical eye. The big ones, they’re full of symbols, and fantastical images. They feel like dreams in a way the others don’t once they’re more aware, and sometimes they happen with such intensity they can’t even remember them, a blank spot in their memory. But they always leave them with a sense of dread.)

They choose Koldovstoretz, the first offer, the school too close to home. They beg, and they cry, and they make their parents’ lives hell, until they relent and agree, so afraid of becoming who they are in that nightmare. Divination isn’t a subject taught there, brushed off as archaic, not enough actual seers alive to make it worth it, so it takes their own research to begin to understandthat they’re a seer. They know they should tell someone, but that’s part of the nightmare. People knowing. (They were surrounded by crowds in the dream, chanting about eyes, about being seen.) They may have managed to keep their education from the ones who want the nightmare for them, but that doesn’t mean they won’t find them. So they don’t tell anyone, and none of their classmates or professors seem to look at them for long enough to notice. Unlike in the vision.

They teach themself to hide it, to control it, their Sight. Most of their Sight involves dreams, but they’re good at the more traditional methods, too, tea leaves, crystal balls, reading the stars, as foolish as they feel doing it at first. Over the years, on their own, they learn how to trigger the visions, although they have little control over the subject matter, even if they try to focus it as best they can. A certain concoction of herbs made into a tea, with the right ones burning at the same time, and it’s like falling into a trance, or a sleep filled with someone else’s dreams.

When they have a vision of their father and both of their oldest sisters being dragged away by the government, for crimes that weren’t even crimes, it feels like a jolt of lightning. There’s something horrifying about working so hard to change your own future, and realizing you can’t change the futures of those you care about the most.

After that, there’s only one possibility, stop that from happening to anyone else they can. They think the best way to do that is to stay in the Soviet Union, but too much in their vision is uncertain, and they’re afraid if they stay close to their family, they’ll be putting them at risk, too. The pain that comes with looking in any of their eyes, knowing they had seen what happened to their father and sisters, but did nothing to stop it, helps make the choice easy.

They do what their parents wanted, the go far, far away, all the way to America, accepted to Wizard Harvard Law, without anyone knowing about their Sight. They change their name to something lighter, less powerful sounding, hoping that might keep anyone from finding them, and keep them from becoming their nightmare. And it’s easy to get comfortable in the skin of Eden Blue. Everything is so simple with their visions. They don’t mind leaning on the tea leaves, the crystal balls, the stars in private to make it through, and they learn a thing or two about the system they’re walking into being just as awful as the one they had come from and with less excuse for it, magic and freedom making it so much simpler to be good, in their mind.

From there, it’s New York, because there doesn’t seem to be a better place to do their work. Mentors throw around words like prodigy, and when they’re in their own firm, the prosecutors they face like to shake their heads about how they could get even the devil off. They only take cases they’ve seen, that’s the thing. A lot of them are cases they see other defense attorneys screwing up, costing the lives of those either innocent, or simply guilty of breaking laws that shouldn’t even exist. They steal clients, and make enemies of a lot of people, but the people who matter always thank them, and that’s what matters. They’re not going to let any more of their nightmares become a reality.

They’re suspiciously good at what they do, but it takes a long time before anyone realizes how they can have such a perfect record of getting their clients off. The only reason anyone does is because one of the big visions happens unexpectedly, in the middle of a deposition. It catches them off guard, hitting so suddenly they can’t stop it, the sort of earth-shatteringly fierce visions that they don’t remember afterward. The bigones are few and far between since they started making a living off of the small ones, so it’s a shock. And looking around the room, when they come back to themself, it’s clear that it’s a shock to everyone else, too.

Even now they’re not sure what that vision was, and it’s always in the back of their mind, that they might’ve been able to help whoever it was about. They do it differently in America, apparently, collect visions, prophecies, they call them, and keep them safe for only the ears of those involved, so that’s where it goes. There’s not necessarily a law against what they’ve been doing, but once it’s in the open, as it goes through the system, apparently everyone seems to agree it’s not something that should be allowed. They’re disbarred, and suddenly it feels a whole lot like maybe they’re hurdling towards the nightmare they had as a child, as they watch all of their cases thrown out the window, everyone they helped suddenly in danger of the futures they had been trying to prevent again.

(That’s the problem with the future, they learn, and it terrifies them to realize it; too much is up for debate, there are too many choices people can make, even the smallest thing changing an entire life, there’s no way to guarantee they can ever do enough to stop something from happening, when they can only control their own choices.)

But there are other ways to help, they have to believe that, so they put themself on the other side of the system, with no indication of what else to do. They’re accepted into the Salem Academy with a dozen warnings; they make it through, and they’re offered a place on the Central Squad. The condition of their employment is that they can’t use their Sight the way they had during their years as a lawyer. The thing about that is that they have no way to know. The smallvisions, no one catalogues them, no one puts them in a little crystal orb, and files them away in some governmental department few people are allowed to enter. It probably says something about how poorly the rest of the legal system, and the aurors actually communicate that they don’t give them any other restrictions. But then again, maybe the reward of having a seer on the team outweighs the risk, of what they could do, as just one person.

The problem is that they can’t choose their cases, they can’t play this system to make sure they’re only on things that they’ve seen, things where they can try help. It feels a whole lot like they can’t make enough of a difference here, but they try, they spend a hell of a lot of time trying to force visions on the cases they do end up on, but it rarely works, and when it doesn’t, they do it the old fashioned way, like every other auror. And it makes them realize something strange, when one rough night they try to force a vision of their own future, to see if they’re on the right track here. They haven’t seen their own future since that nightmare nearly thirty years ago.

They made a choice when they were a child, afraid of finding themself in the future they had seen, and every decision they’ve made since then has been trying to be the opposite of who they were in their dream. Somewhere along the way, they might’ve gotten something wrong. To choose to try avoid what they’ve seen, means being in the dark, but to give into prophecy means choosing the nightmare. Their mind’s been filled with everyone’s choices but their own for so long, that it makes them worry that they changed their future so wholly that they won’t have one at all. In the meantime, all they can try is to help the ones who do.

#written by roman #eden blue #aurorx

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ardenttheories · 5 years ago

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Can I get a Prince of Doom analysis?

The Prince of Doom is someone who Destroys Rules, Restrictions, Inevitability, Futility, Obligations, Pessimism, Decay, and Lacking Energy.

Princes of Doom are fervent people. They are filled to the brim with determined Energy and tend to be larger-than-life people, Powerful and Optimistic to a fault. They are constantly Changing and evolving, almost unable to stop things from influencing who they are and what they do; they are activists for Change and embody that wholly, expecting nothing to ever stand still.

They can be highly contradictory people as a result. They can rally everyone behind an idea for Change and Growth - and believe completely in this idea as the best way to attain what they Desire - but then utterly denounce that thing weeks or months later with scathing hatred. As soon as something is “out”, or has lost its spark, or even slightly hinders the cause for Progression, the Prince of Doom will show no mercy in Destroying that which they once saw as their sole cause.

They are headstrong and wild, and stubborn as anything. There’s no stopping this force of nature - someone who’s so highly opinionated it might be hard to get a word in edge-wise, or who might quickly shut you down if you go against their cause - and they will almost inevitably take on some sort of leadership role.

They will always be at the head of the pack with vigour and determination, and will have no trouble rallying people behind them - whether they’re right or wrong. They imbue people with their natural Energy, too - and as a result, they can quickly form mob-like groups that are highly reactive and highly dangerous.

Naturally, this comes with issues. There’s no Limiting the Prince of Doom, and no way to hold them back; they throw themselves into things wholeheartedly, and that sheer force of will can knock down anyone who stands in their way. They aren’t scared to stomp over anyone who hinders their Progress, and will spend an excessive amount of time trying to convert people to their cause.

They might also be a bit… much. They’re hard to handle, hard to talk to, and hard to ignore - and they can be incredibly brutal if things stand in their way. They have the potential to be cutthroat, and they truly have no idea when to give up; in their mind, there is no giving up - there’s only push onwards to the end Goal at the cost of everything else.

They also have no capacity to deny themselves anything. If they want it, it’s theirs - end of discussion.

In Destroying their Aspect, Princes tend to leave only the purest form of their Aspect’s opposite in its place; in this instance, by Destroying Doom the Prince leaves only Life. This means they have an overabundance of Life, however, and that can become quickly toxic.

The Prince of Doom will Destroy every Rule and Restriction that stands in their way, from actual legalities that stop them from doing certain things - such as money laundering - to things that exist in everyday life that might stop them from Growing - such as people who are dragging them back. They have no guilt for doing this, and are ironically accepting of the Sacrifices they have to make in the name of Growth.

The Destruction of Obligations and Inevitability can naturally have incredibly dangerous consequences. The Prince of Doom is bound to nothing and no-one; they are highly unlikely to keep up with contracts, to accept that something is dead and done, to give in when everyone else has been told no.

They refuse to accept that Inevitability is a thing, and thus (especially in a game like SBURB) won’t actually play their part in things that have to happen. If they are required to do something, they’ll fight against it, and they will utterly refuse to accept that certain things are impossible, or can’t be avoided.

This can become an issue in SBURB. They are the Player most likely to screw up Paradoxes and Stable Timeloops, simply because they Destroy the Inevitability of the concept. This’ll be a session that struggles to make things like Ectobiology and Frog Breeding work as a result, since both require Paradoxification, and one that will have to fight tooth and nail to actually Godtier.

Well, either that, or the Prince will force everyone to Godtier upon realisation that it’s the next step in their Progression - whether the Player is ready to Godtier or not.

Of course, there are significant benefits to the Prince of Doom’s Destruction. They can destroy the Pessimism in any Player, and can imbue them with a sense of Energy that makes them far more active in the session than they normally would have been. This can make it one of the most productive sessions possible! Everyone will be running around with nigh-endless Energy, and with absolutely no Rules or Restrictions holding them back from doing what they need or Want to do.

But this comes with consequences, too. Such ferver can quickly reach a fever pitch, and people can completely lose their morals if the Prince isn’t careful. It’d be like Trickstermode but much bloodier, with people being all too willing to break conventional Rules (such as robbing or murder) for their own Progression and Growth.

This can be taken as darkly as you can imagine, although this is never going to be the Prince’s intention - chances are, they just wanted people to have the power to do what needed doing.

On top of this, Princes of Doom have the ability to destroy Decay. This isn’t quite Healing, but it isn’t not, at the same time. They can, for instance, get rid of the rust from a blade with a wave of their hand, but it might be that the actual body of the blade isn’t Healed.

They could also destroy a poison flowing through someone’s veins, but they wouldn’t be able to Heal what’s already been damaged - so, while they could stop the heart from taking even more damage, they can’t really fix it.

Of course, part of the issue is that Death is more of a Time-based aspect. Once something is Dead, the Prince of Doom has no power over it. Using the heart example, they can “Heal” the Decay in each cell and keep the person alive that way - but if the cells are already Dead, or if the person themself is Dead, then there’s nothing they can do. In that sense, Destroying Decay would probably outright destroy the remains.

It would take a lot of work for a Prince of Doom to be able to “Heal”, and would likely be a late-game ability. So long as there is some form of Life still left, the Prince of Doom can “Heal”.

To become a Realised Player, the Prince of Doom needs to understand that some Doom is acceptable. There are some Rules that need to stay in place, some Inevitabilities that really do need to be Inevitable. They have to understand that Acceptance doesn’t always stop Growth, but that it can stop bad or chaotic Growth - and that Stagnation in some areas is important.

They’ll start to calm down a little. They’ll recognise that their Energy can’t be spread around so widely, and that focusing it on some areas is a good idea. Some things will Decay as a result, but the things they need to focus on will Flourish in ways they’ve never seen before.

They’ll also, in some cases, become a little bit more Accepting. They’ll start letting go of things they can’t win, or that should be left to Rot. They’ll start fulfilling their Obligations and - at least in some situations - will accept the Futility of an action. This will make them a little more down and dour, and they might not be entirely happy about this at first, but they’ll slowly become more and more Accepting as time passes.

In other words, they’ll still be filled with boundless Energy, but they’ll be directing it towards the things that matter, ensuring that Growth happens without going wild. They’ll lose that Energy for things they can’t focus on, and may just become a little more reserved when they have to face Acceptance (the sort of Doom sourness that always follows the Inevitable).

#kingantlion #prince of doom #classpect analysis #ardenttheories #long post//

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bethhxrmon · 6 years ago

Text

All I Ask of You Pt. 37

“Anywhere you go let me go too. Love me, that’s all I ask of you” - “All I Ask of You from Phantom of the Opera

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female OC

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings: Poorly done fight scenes??? Some angst

Summary: The plan everyone’s been working towards is put into play

A/N: So there are only a couple more chapters before this is over, and I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I am! As always, the masterlist is in my bio, and if you enjoy my story then please let me know!

Getting back to New York was more than likely the easiest part of the plan. Which was a shame because Annie felt so warm in Peter’s arm. She knew that it was only a matter of time before they had to get up, but she buried her head in his chest anyways. And while she couldn’t tell if Peter was up or not, he did pull her closer.

Right as she felt herself starting to drift back to sleep, the door opened. Annie pretended to not hear, squeezing her eyes shut. Just trying to hold onto the moment for a few minutes more.

“Come on, love birds, we gotta get going,” Harper said, turning on the light.

Peter looked over at Harper, “Five more minutes.”

“Um you guys should get up now before Stark sees. I know you guys can’t really do anything, but I’d bet he’d flip anyways,” Harper pointed out, “I’m doing you both a favor, now get up.”

Annie sat up, frowning, “You know, I really hate it when you’re right.”

“Hey, you’re the one who got to sleep with your boyfriend, so I don’t wanna hear it,” they insisted.

Annie perked up a little, “Why not? Is there someone you wish were your boyfriend?”

Peter’s eyes darted back and forth between the two friends, “I-I’m gonna go get the last of my stuff together. See you guys!”

“Well? Is there someone?”

Harper rolled their eyes, “No, definitely not. Who would it be anyways?”

“Ned. You like him, don’t you?”

“Well yeah, as a friend. He’s alright…” Harper trailed off.

Annie smirked, “More than a friend.”

“Annie, I can’t. I’m gonna be in college, you’re all still in high school. It wouldn’t work, maybe if I were still in high school too, but… oh forget it.”

“Ha! Peter owes me.”

The ginger scoffed, “Did you really have a bet going over this?!”

“Well, yeah. I’m willing to bet that if you and Ned had half a chance you guys would’ve done the same with me and Peter.”

“Actually… now that you mention it,” Harper shook their head, “Would you look at the time-”

“Wait, you guys were talking before all this?!”

“Well, we had to, for Christmas. And I told him that I was willing to wager you would both be a thing by the time the musical was done,” they claimed, “And it’s your flighty attitude that cost me the bet.”

Annie shook her head, “I really can’t believe you guys. Can’t say I’m surprised, though.”

Harper laughed, “Yeah, yeah, I get it, disappointed but not surprised. Whatever, I gotta get packed.”

With that, they left Annie’s bedroom, leaving her to change into a different set of leggings and another hoodie. It was going to be hot outside, but she already knew it was going to be chilly in the plane. Then, she looked around her room and the closet, making sure she wasn’t about to leave anything important behind.

Really, she just didn’t want to leave her room. Because that meant she would be one step closer to leaving. One step closer to the more complicated phases of the plan that had so much potential to go wrong.

Except, if she didn’t leave the room then, someone would come and get her later and then she wouldn’t be able to have the chance to enjoy the coffee she could smell brewing in the kitchen. It was probably Harper’s doing. The more she thought about it, the more Annie wondered if anyone even bothered to get any sleep to begin with.

In a way, there was something in this for all of them. Annie already knew her reasons, and Peter was probably going to help her even if she told him to go. Tony and Pepper were just responsible for ensuring that they didn’t die from this, and in a situation where everything could go wrong, there was much to worry about. Harper was the one who created her suit. If something went wrong because of a suit malfunction, she knew Harper would beat themself up over it. Ned seemed to always be there for Peter, and she would have been surprised if he wasn’t nervous for him.

Annie left her room with her suitcase in tow, setting it in the living room next to her backpack where the scroll of her ukulele could be seen poking out. Then, she went into the kitchen, pouring herself a cup of black coffee, sitting at the dining table. She heard the front door open as Tony and Pepper stepped into the cabin.

“Alright, you kids ready?” Tony asked.

“Are we supposed to give an honest answer?” Annie asked, taking a sip of coffee.

Tony sighed, “I’m saving the pep talk for New York.”

The environment was almost exactly like it was during dinner, everyone trying to focus on everything but what going back home would entail. Harper kept on talking about how they could hardly wait to start their fashion classes. Not to mention, they were pointing out that they had done a phenomenal job with Annie’s suit.

“I mean, come on! Do you know how hard it is to find a white fabric that’s easy to wash? I had to work with a whole predetermined concept here!” Harper exclaimed.

Ned shook his head, “Couldn’t you have changed the color scheme?”

“No, the aesthetic! Like, that’s been her look. Just like the hood, that’s almost part of her mask.”

“Why didn’t you just give her a legit mask?” Peter asked.

Annie sighed, “Long story short, I kept getting all sweaty and I couldn’t breathe. Plus it was always raining. So if you can imagine the feeling of a wet sock… just put it on your face.”

“Waterproof it?”

Harper shook their head, “Oh, wow, Peter, never would’ve thought about that. If only I had any way to waterproof fabric without my parents getting weird about it.”

“They’re that nosey? They seemed like they didn’t care about what you did when we were there,” Ned commented.

They sighed, “My parents don’t care about what I do if it doesn’t involve taking what they need. When Annie was trying to get a costume together, I only had white, silver, and some black fabrics.”

- “Aren’t they rich though?” Ned asked, raising an eyebrow.

Tony shook his head, “Just because someone’s rich, doesn’t mean they’re gonna give their kid a whole lot.”

“He’s right… besides, imagine going up to your parents and saying ‘hey, I’m gonna make a superhero suit for my best friend, just let me take all this really great material for free’... I’d rather ask them to forgive me for calling their tuatara an overrated lizard.”

Annie snickered, “Do you think they would?”

“Hell if I know, and I’m not about to find out,” Harper insisted.

What Annie couldn’t remember to save her life was when they got onto the plane. They had been having breakfast and joking around, and then they were suddenly in the air. Headed straight back to New York. There was no way for Annie to squeeze her way out of this. It wasn’t like she could afford to do that anyways.

After what she had put everyone through, she owed it to them to at least try. Even if she had no idea what was going to happen. The worst of it was that everyone expected her to know. By all rights, she did have more experience in this case. And the thought that she was the only one who knew the most about Carnival made her stomach churn.

Not exactly the best feeling when sitting next to the window on an airplane.

Originally, she was taking a nap, her head rested against Peter’s shoulder. Then, she was up again and no one else seemed to be talking. Granted, they were all beginning to run out of topics that could avoid Carnival. She knew that they would need to start going over the logistics of the plan again, but maybe they would just never reach New York. Perhaps the plane would just keep going, and they would land in some cute European country and they could all keep enjoying the calm state things were in.

Peter snapped Annie from her thoughts as he kissed her cheek, “You’re thinking awfully hard.”

“How could I not be?” Annie retorted.

He wrapped an arm around her, “I get it, I can’t stop thinking about it either. But you know what?”

“What?”

Peter smiled softly and whispered, “You owe me a Star Wars marathon.”

“I so do not!”

“Yeah you do, Ned said nothing about Harper. I win by default.”

Annie eyed him, “But Harper said they did like him.”

“Seriously? When?”

“After you left. They were giving me crap for having you in my room, so I gave them crap about Ned. Only problem is that Harper’s not gonna do anything,” Annie explained.

“Sounds like you’re making something up.”

“You’re just mad because I won.”

“I thought you meant both had to admit it.”

“I never said both.”

“You said crushes on each other. I win. After all this is over, we’ve gotta watch all the movies.”

“All of them?” Annie asked, “Even the prequels.”

Peter smirked, “With that tone, especially the prequels.”

Somehow, talking about what would happen later, in the last weeks of summer, got Annie’s heart rate to slow down just a bit. If Peter wasn’t questioning the likelihood of them making it, then she shouldn’t either. They were going to defeat Carnival one way or another, and they were going to have that Star Wars marathon because Peter was right. Then, they were going to go back to school, and they would keep being a team. She would audition for the school musical, and Peter would do whatever sciency thing his heart desired.

The point was, they were going to turn out okay. This was just one last obstacle they had to get through. After that, they could put everything that had happened behind them.

And maybe, just maybe, she could forgive herself for what happened with Tina.

A couple hours later, Tony went to the pair, “Okay, we have a bit of time before we land. We gotta go over this again.”

“Right. I show up and seduce Carnival an-”

“That’s not the plan, Annie,” Tony deadpanned.

She shrugged, “I think it would work. Anyways, I get the dude’s attention. Then, I get him all riled up. Maybe even get him to do some fighting to tire him out.”

“Good, and Pete?”

“I trail Annie the whole time, stay hidden, and then I use the new web fluid. He’ll try to break out of it which’ll make it explode and then he should be in a weakened state.”

Tony nodded, “Good, and your suits have your vitals monitored around the clock. If there’s a simultaneous spike then I’ll rush in. Once that happens, you two get yourselves out.”

“Noted. And if we’re in danger but the monitor isn’t working?” Annie prompted.

Tony sighed, “Then there’s a worse problem on our hands.”

“Lovely.”

Soon after that, they were left to their own devices until they started to descend on New York. That was when Tony pulled Peter to the side. Probably to say something about how the kid was like a son to him. If any of them should have been getting their DNA tested to see if they were Tony’s kid, it was Peter. Maybe even Harper, but that was a stretch.

Then, it was her turn and Tony was talking to her, “Is this that obligatory pep talk you mentioned earlier?”

“This would be it, yeah.”

“That didn’t sound too peppy,” Annie remarked.

Tony sighed, “We still haven’t gotten those test results back just yet. Not sure if that’s for the best just yet, but… you’re a good kid. You’ve been doing what you can, and you gotta realize that whatever you do today, it’s because you believed it was for the best.”

“Because that’s worked out so well.”

“Hey, do you want the pep talk or not?”

Annie frowned, “Sorry, continue.”

“Everything you’ve done, you did it thinking that was what needed to happen. And I know you’re gonna go in there doubting yourself. I’ve been there, but it’s gonna work out.”

She tilted her head, “And how could you be so sure?”

“Because you’re gonna do what it takes to get Peter out of there alive and vice versa. You two are a great team at the moment and that’s gonna do more good for you guys than anything else.”

“So you think we’ll be okay?”

Tony nodded, “Yeah, I never doubted that.”

“Okay, and do you think we’ll stop Carnival?”

“That’s the one thing I’m not sure about, but I feel like this is the best chance we have. Unless you have something hidden up your sleeve that you never mentioned.”

“Nope, I’ve told you guys everything I can remember.”

“Then this is probably the best way. Don’t stress it too much. You’re too young to feel responsible for an entire city. Both of you are, honestly.”

Annie raised an eyebrow, “Then why haven’t you stopped us?”

“Because you’d both run off and do your own things. You’d get hurt from making dumb mistakes instead,” he pointed out.

“Hey, when I’m fighting Carnival, I’ll be fighting someone with the same skills I have… how do I best that?” Annie asked, mentally smacking herself for not thinking to ask about it earlier.

Tony paused, thinking about the question, “You know those powers more than he ever would, but even if that doesn’t help… look for different tells. Everyone’s got something, an old injury or a ritual of sorts before they attack.”

“Wait, what’s mine?”

“You tend to have a performance aspect. There’s a certain rhythm to what you do, and sometimes it’s like you’re stopping for the sake of spectators. You’re always putting on a show of sorts.”

With that in mind, Annie felt her heart rate getting faster and faster as they got closer to landing. Her hands were clammy and just a bit shaky, and when she stood up to get off the plane Annie didn’t think that her legs would be able to hold her up.

It was like the first time Annie had ever performed. All the way back when she was still a kid, before she had any idea she had powers. Her first ballet recital ever at the age of seven. Of course, she didn’t remember it all that well. The song selection and the choreography were a blur. She couldn’t even remember the names of all the girls in her dance class. What she did remember was being positive that she was going to screw up. That she would come in at the wrong time, make a wrong step, or something completely beyond her control would happen.

No matter how hard Annie tried to remember, she couldn’t figure out if the recital had gone well. What she could remember was how her parents cheered her on afterwards and, more importantly, that she was certainly well past that day. She couldn’t remember the last time a performance made her nervous.

However, she could remember feeling the fast heartbeat in her chest from the last time she faced Carnival. As she finished putting on the suit, Annie felt like the same little girl who was terrified of her first recital. She messed with the new belt that rest on her waist as she went back to the others.

“I added some stuff in there for you. I know you might not need it this time, but there’s some stuff to generate electricity with. You could probably fit whatever else you need in the little pockets,” Harper explained, “I guess I’ll probably never be done with this suit.”

Annie laughed a bit and hugged them, “It’ll be perfect either way, trust me.”

Before she knew it, she was wandering through the back alleys of New York. It was pretty hot, and Annie could even feel the sun. She didn’t think it was right that the sun was shining like that. While she walked, Annie noticed that the shoes Harper had built in were almost exactly like ballet slippers. Fitting.

There wasn’t anyone around just yet, and Annie was wondering if Carnival was even out today. Maybe he was more scared of her than the other way around. However, the jumbled feeling in her stomach told her otherwise.

Except the point was to attract the enemy. Her tell was making a show, so that was exactly what she was going to do. It wasn’t like Peter was going to have any trouble with following her around the city. So she got up to the top of a skyscraper and started to glide from building to building. The feeling was just as freeing as it had been in Seattle.

Right in midair was when she felt the energy beneath her give out from beneath her. There was only one person who could do that. Annie had only barely stopped herself from splatting onto the ground beneath her.

“Fancy seeing you here,” she quipped, dusting herself off, “You should come out, it’s not polite to fight someone when they can’t see you.”

Carnival slowly walked into the alley, “Well if it isn’t my darling!”

Annie flung a blast of electricity at the clown, “Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not your darling. I never was.”

“But weren’t you? How was being with Greg any different from being with me?”

A nasty taste entered Annie’s mouth, “Because I chose someone who wasn’t you. You’re the one who tricked me.”

“But it was still me either way. And that is probably why I have no plans to hurt you today.”

Annie took a deep breath, “You’re full of it,” she said cooly.

Peter was nearby, she could just barely make him out from behind Carnival. He was a few blocks down, but she knew he was there. The plan was working better than she had assumed. Except, there hadn’t been any actual fighting yet, and something simply felt off. As though there was something that was happening that she didn’t know about.

“But who else knew your favorite songs and your dreams and how you like your coffee?”

“They’ve changed. And new people know them. People who are exactly who they say they are,” she replied, clenching her jaw.

At the end of the day, it didn’t matter if those things changed or not. Carnival had known her so well at one point.

But that was over a year ago.

Carnival was about to say something, but Annie didn’t bother to wait to hear what it was. There wasn’t any audience watching her to make the next move. What he said was going to mean nothing to her. She lunged forward, sending a burst of energy his way.

Both of them quit talking and stuck to fighting. Annie focused on staying in the moment. All she had to do was keep him distracted and not get herself killed in the process. If she could just remember to not pause or show off, she would be fine. She focused on fighting in the way she learned over the better part of the summer.

A lunge here, a sudden dip there, and in any minute she knew that Peter was going to do his part. Annie focused on fighting him, as though there wasn’t going to be anyone there to save her. At some point, she started to wonder if anything was going to happen.

“There’s something coming over the top of you. You may wanna dodge that,” Eve said, nearly catching Annie off guard as she stepped back.

Then, Carnival was suddenly pinned to the ground in webbing. The new webbing. It had a more silvery color, and Annie stepped back.

“You think you’re clever, don’t you?”

Annie shrugged, “You could say that.”

“I’ve gotten out of this stuff before,” he stated, looking like he was about to attempt an escape.

They hadn’t specified this part of the plan, but Annie knew that if things went right, they needed to get out before they got hurt by the explosion. She grabbed Peter’s arm and ran for it. Not too far, she could still see exactly what was happening. Though, Annie did pause for a moment to push Peter’s mask up just enough so she could kiss him. There was the sound of an explosion right behind her.

“I love you.”

“I know,” Peter said with a cheeky grin as he pulled his mask back down.

Annie rolled her eyes, “I try to have a cute moment during a mission and this is the thanks I get?”

“Yeah… um you might wanna see this,” Peter said, turning to where Carnival was.

It seemed that he was steadily pushing himself out of the webbing. The explosion hadn’t been enough to weaken him. In fact, he only seemed angered.

Everything in Annie said that she needed to run. She needed to get Peter and they needed to leave before things got worse. Someone else could handle this. They could get Tony to handle this, some other heroes. She wasn’t supposed to do this.

Yet, she remained planted and looked at Carnival, watching carefully as he slowly but surely got himself out. Annie rushed to him, trying to give every attack that she could think of. Carnival quickly countered and got the upper hand easily enough. Peter tried to help, but couldn’t get between both of them right away.

When he did, Carnival simply swept him away into the wall. Annie winced, looking to Peter for a second to see if he was getting up. He was, but Annie couldn't afford to watch something like that happen again. So in a moment’s notice, Annie pulled out one of the knives and had it pressed against Carnival’s throat.

“We never agreed on weapons.”

Annie glared at him, “And we never agreed on you showing up here.”

“So we’re playing that game, hm?” Carnival smirked, managing to wrench the knife from her grip.

Her eyes widened and she jumped out of the way. Where was Tony? Why wasn’t her AI doing anything? This was the type of thing they were supposed to get help for. She really knew that she shouldn’t have used the knife, but it was too late to change that decision.

“Wondering where your assistance ran off to?” he asked, turning the knife in his hand, “All those devices… that can all be turned off with a simple electrical pulse. It takes time, but nothing that a nice, opening conversation can’t take care of.”

Tony didn’t even know that they were in trouble. She froze, so certain that she was going to get her throat cut. Carnival was approaching her and all she could do was back away. Her heartbeat was the only thing pulsing in her mind.

However, Peter had a different plan when he sprinted and attempted to web the knife from Carnival’s hand. He missed by millimeters and Carnival quickly turned his focus to the other hero. Annie attempted to separate them, but she was overpowered and there was a knife pressed to Peter’s throat.

“No, this is you and me. Let him go!” Annie snapped, tears stinging her eyes.

Carnival laughed, “Then he wouldn’t have involved himself. But I’m not completely unreasonable. Come with me. If you come with me, I will leave all this behind. Your boy will stay unharmed. But you must stay with me for forever.”

“And if I tell you to screw off?”

“Then you don’t have a sidekick.”

“Don’t do this! We can figure something out!” Peter begged.

But the lack of space between the knife and Peter seemed to say differently. If she left, everything would be solved. Peter would be safe. She couldn’t be with him, but she’d rather he was safe.

“You’ve done nothing but manipulate me. You know that right?” Annie asked, starting to pace, “This whole time. It’s always been a fear game and you’re always hoping to make everyone miserable. And maybe that makes you feel better, I-I don’t know-”

“Make your choice already.”

“I’m not finished! You’re giving me a choice, but it isn’t one. Not really.”

Peter’s voice was shaky, “Y-you can’t do this. You deserve a chance to move on.”

Annie couldn’t see his face under the mask, but she was positive he was crying. The right choice was obvious, but it wasn’t easy.

“Fine. I’ll go. Now let go of him!” Annie exclaimed.

The knife was dropped to the ground in seconds.

“The least you can do is let me say goodbye,” she said emptily.

Peter rushed to her, holding her tightly, “You can’t do this,” he whispered.

“Just trust me,” she whispered, “It’ll be okay. Go get someone, a-anyone.”

He nodded stiffly before letting go. Annie felt her hands shaking as she turned to follow Carnival. Maybe he could get to Tony before anything could happen. She looked back for a moment and there wasn’t anything on the ground. That was when it hit her.

Perhaps no one would be able to find her. She didn’t know where this guy was going to take her. If she didn’t get this taken care of right then, she would probably never get out of this.

Striking too early was far too predictable and she knew that. The timing had to be perfect. Maybe some small talk as in order. Something to get over her nerves.

“You know what really sucks?” Annie asked, kicking a rock.

“Hm?”

“I won’t get to go to homecoming. Again, you know how much that sucks? Because that guy you almost killed was actually pretty cool.”

Carnival hummed, “I don’t like that you care for him more than you ever cared for me.”

“Sucks for you, I guess.”

“Is that the kind of animosity you would have towards the one who spared that boy’s life?”

On second thought, her temper was wearing thinner and thinner by the second. Without even taking a moment to second guess or see if anyone was there, she pulled out the next knife and jammed it into Carnival’s back as many times as she could get in before he turned around.

It didn’t feel like there was anything happening to her, but Annie saw the other missing knife stabbed into her side. She just kept going and going and then there was no one and the other knife clattered to the cement.

Carnival simply vanished and there was a man in the oddest robes in front of her. Looking from the now empty area to the man, Annie held the knife up. She pushed herself back.

“I wasn’t here for you,” he said, sighing, “He was causing a massive disturbance to the city and there was potential for him to destroy the Sanctum.”

Annie blinked, “Am I losing too much blood? Because half of what you said made no sense.”

“Who I am isn’t important to you. But for what it’s worth, you would’ve only got yourself killed with that constant stabbing. You realize that, right?”

“Sure, let’s say that I did. What did you do that worked so much better?” she asked, looking at the stab wound she had.

The man rolled his eyes as he adjusted his cape, “He’s in a different dimension now.”

“Wait just one minute. You could just make him disappear and not be my problem anymore like that,” she snapped her fingers, “And you didn’t do this until now because… why?”

“He wasn’t a threat.”

“You and I have huge definitions of what a threat looks like. He terrorized Seattle over a year ago and he’s been here for months. Where the hell were you?!”

“I’m responsible for this stone and the Sanctum. Nothing more,” he said firmly as he started to do what looked like a spell.

Annie scoffed, “You’re really just going to leave me here bleeding on the streets?”

“You’ve survived a stab wound before.”

She opened her mouth to counter.

“And your friends are here anyhow. Good day, White Swan.”

With that, he disappeared through a portal. Annie stared straight ahead, trying to think over everything that happened. It was then that she felt a searing pain and she lay in a fetal position on the ground.

She hoped the man was right because the pain was suddenly too much for her to think of anything else. It was impossible to so much as move. As she shut her eyes, she was certain that she heard rushed footsteps.

Tag List (if you want to be added let me know!): @flushings-here / @moonstruckholland / @gaypanda / @twilightparker / @ironmaxn / @parkerpuff / @ijustdontknowsometimes / @dolphinsarecuteandstuff / @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy / @buzzinglee / @lcy-thot

#peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x oc #mcu #mcu fanfic #marvel #spider-man #spider-man x oc #spider-man x reader #spider-man: homecoming #spider-man: far from home #fanfic #all i ask of you fic

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ihavenoside · 5 years ago

Note

Azalea: Who does your character wish would take better care of themselves?Bay leaf: What gives your character strength? Cattail: Is your character at peace with themself? Why or why not? Geranium: What’s one mistake your character remembers making? Iris: If your character could send one person a message, who and what would it be?

Flower And Tree Language Prompts || Accepting

Azalea: Who does your character wish would take better care of themselves?

Without a doubt, Hank. He worries about Hank a lot and knows he should intervene but doesn’t for one reason or another. Mostly because while he understands the warning signs in humans and when they should seek professional help, he’s not really in a position to enforce it. It would act as a double edge sword because the right action would be to have Hank committed and be forced to deal with his depression, which is something Hank would likely not appreciate and blame Connor for, making Hank distrust Connor. So for Hanks well being the right action is seen as the wrong action.

This is something I learned recently thanks to a friend that works in that field. Considering Connor is very aware of Hanks suicide tendencies and has caught him more or less in the act of it. What Connor should have done that night when he found Hank on the floor drunk with a gun next to him, would have been to call an ambulance, the EMT’s might have seen it was an attempted suicide and after question Connor about it, would have learned the Hank had a cause for depression and would have been forced to seek help.

What Connor did instead, was rule it as Hank having suicidal tendencies, throw Hank in the shower to sober him up. Express, once again that Hank should seek professional help in which Hank yelled at him again for and Connor convinced Hank into going to the Eden Club because that is where the next deviancy report was. Connor is forced to work with Hank because without a human handler superviving Connor, he isn’t allowed to work on the deviancy cases alone, as per the loan agreement / Androids aren’t allowed to act without orders. Which is particularly bad because Connor doesn’t take orders from Hank, he takes orders from Cyberlife/Amanda. Thus putting his mission to Cyberlife above Hanks health. Which is already fucked and then Connor technically goes rogue when they are taken off the deviancy case, breaks all the rules a signed to him on Cyberlife's behave to find Jericho, making him a deviant before really becoming a deviant. Which is all sorts of messed up lol.

On another note, because seeking help for mental illness is dangerously ostracized today and even in-game. While Connor can see the signs in other’s he doesn’t see it in himself because he knows he’s an android and logically, Androids shouldn’t have depression or other mental related illnesses but they are designed to be carbon copies of humans. Which means if they can be provoked into attacking their owners, feel fear, as well as emotions and if not physical pain.(which if Connor falls during the hostage mission. his next unit does have a fear of heights, while mine hasn’t died) They are also susceptible to depression and other mental illnesses caused by and related to trauma but considering they can’t simply be medicated to fix the imbalance, it makes treating them so much harder.

If anyone were to step back and remove the idea the Connor’s an android, they would see the signs too and if it was anyone other then Connor that found Hank that way. Without a doubt, Hank would have been committed but the system does seem flawed and Hank getting the help he needs willingly or not is as far as my knowledge goes on that subject. So Connor often feels like he’s failed Hank in one way or another because he was designed to be the ideal partner and he’s been far from an ideal one.

That was a long one and its only question 1. rip dash lol... Why am I this way??? but please take care of your mental health. :[

Bay leaf: What gives your character strength?

I’m not sure if he has a source of strength atm and could be what's causing him to be sort of depressive. His greatest strength used to be his determination to complete his objective at all costs. That he was ruthless, unfeeling and obedient because he was a machine doing what he was designed to do.

Knowing and realizing better now, he’s lost all those things about him because he no longer has any goals to fulfill, no one to guide him and since he’s his own person, he’s left to figure all of this out on his own, leaving him feeling lost and without a purpose. Which, he wouldn’t be the only android feeling this way in this new world, a lot of those who Connor had freed would likely feel the same way since they were never sold to anyone yet and went from being told to obey to being told they are there own person and to be free. What is freedom to those who have never experienced life?

Cattail: Is your character at peace with themself? Why or why not?

lol... no. He’s at war with himself and struggles to understand what’s wrong with him because he sees others enjoying themselves and having fun, being happy and he well... isn’t. He often finds himself acting more machine-like then a deviant and has no idea how to fix that aside from accepting that is just who is he and he’ll never outlive his reputation he’s created for himself. Which to be fair, people have the right to hate and judge him but he’s a lot harder on himself than people really see.

He’s drawn more to humans because they can empathize with him easier and he’s more at ease with them because they see him as simply a misguided machine who turned good? Humans tend to like him because he’s kind and helpful. Which to his credit, he was designed to be and enjoys being so because it gives him a sense of fulfillment that he didn’t get as a machine. With humans, he’s freer to try and be himself because they’ll be more impressed with how lifelike he can be rather than his fear they will assume its a facade like he does with his kind.

With his kind, he’s seen as a monster and rightfully so. He’ll try to be kind and helpful where he can but he’ll often be met with distrust because he was designed to obey Cyberlife and was designed to take away androids freedom. He isn’t anything like his kinds designed purpose, which was to serve humans. He has little way to repair this image but to show in any way he can that he isn’t a threat. So he puts up with all sorts of verbal and physical abuse from his kind and doesn’t react because reacting can make him look hostile, making people fear that he will kill them and not reacting shows him as a machine like. There is little room for him to win and while he shows it doesn’t affect him at the time, it really does mentally later but there is no way for him to express how sorry he is for the things he was technically forced to do and no matter what he does, he feels like it will call for his termination. Which is a bit of a cruel irony because it was deviants that once lived in fear of dying and now that he’s a deviant, it's him that lives in this fear.

Lastly, he also sees he hasn’t changed much, that he can be just as cruel and ruthless as a deviant as he was as a machine. This is made obvious with how he treats 60. @head-shot-60‘s sixty to be specific. He’s tried being nice, he’s tried being mean, to downright manipulative to 60 to a point that his aim was to cause Sixty to deviate in one form to another but has somehow convinced sixty that he’s secretly Amanda. Which is fucking hilarious because it has Connor all sorts of conflicted now but this acts as a double edge sword again because pretending to be Amanda could get him information on sixty and Cyberlifes motives where is anyone, where to find out Connor, is Amanda... which he isn’t. Then he’ll have to accept the consequences of those actions and Considering he feels he has no one in his corner to defend him (even though he does) he isn’t willing to put up much of a fight to defend himself.

So Connor was just having a sense of humor and playing into Sixty’s sudden paranoia that Amanda is watching him, made up a convincing enough lie and now can’t decide if he’s just that good of a manipulator, his model series is gullible as fuck as a machine or if sixty is toying with him as much as Connor was toying with sixty lol.

He’s so at war with himself that he doesn’t know who he really is. A machine? someone who is alive? a manipulator? a monster? When all he wants is to be happy and be like everyone else. Which I feel so bad for him and love him so much XD I am a cruel mun but sometimes in life, you just don't get a break and while he does get breaks and does have fun in his own way. He’ll hyperfocus on other’s people's opinion on him and try and change himself just so he can be liked.

Geranium: What’s one mistake your character remembers making?

All of them. lol. One that sticks out more then anything and would change if given the chance, would be prioritizing Hanks life over catching the deviant Rupert. Despite Hanks good odds at surviving, he’s not a monster and had faith that Hank didn’t need his help and was doing what he thought was right. Given how upset Hank was at his decision, it really makes him wish he hadn’t done that.

Iris: If your character could send one person a message, who and what would it be?

I don’t think there is anyone that he can’t already contact if he wanted to. The only person that comes to mind might be Amanda but he has no reason to want to talk with her.

#rip dash lol #long post #its so long and took sooo long but it was fun XD thank you!#its a little depressive? don't know if i need to tag it under anything #beauty evermore #Filed Under: Ask

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