#Last of the kofi I think I'm caught up now!

[hajihiko]

Some kofis

Imposter receiving love and affection from their S.O's for Ai

Nagito and Dante (OC) bitching for Angie

Roughed up but victorious Fuyuhiko for Star Murmur

Kuzusouda for Moth

[romanarose]

Please, Mr. Miller?

Header by and the fic dedicated to @sweetlummie . Thank you for supporting this series

Dividers by @anitalenia

DBF!Joel x Reader

Join my taglist : Masterlist

Buy Me A Coffee : Kofi : Go Fund Me

First installment is Yes, Mr. Miller? but all parts can be found on my masterlist <3

Summery: Getting ready for the labor day cookout, you reminisce on Labor day last year when things with Joel began. Ft. your dad surprises you

Warnings: Virginity loss, dirty talk, PIV sex, age gap (legal, reader is over 21 so stfu y'all), size kink, bleeding from sex (I know theres been discourse over the whole bleeding your first time, but I bled soooo. It's a normal thing to happen, don't be embarrassed.) Joel is a bit of a pain slut what can I say, reader scratching Joel enough to make him bleed,

Immersivity: Reader is fem, afab, dresses v hyperfem and cutsie, reader is shorter than Joel and coded that Joel is larger, can carry you.

A/N: My last instalment for this series, the dbf holiday fucks series as I call it, caused a whole hoopla. I didn't do memorial day nor forth of july as planned. I wasn't even going to do any more but then I thought of everyone who supported me and of course my dear Lum, and decided to write one more installment. This will wrap up the series with a happy end for our dear horny bastards <3

Everything needed to be perfect. Joel was coming over for the yearly labor day cookout your dad did to celebrate the end of the summer, and oh what a summer it was!! Joel had made this time after gradating college special, spending time taking you out of town so you could both not worry about getting caught. You even had another threesome with him and Tommy, a time that was extra special now that you belonged to Joel officially.

This wouldn't be your anniversary technically. Labor Day always falls on Monday, but your anniversary was the same date of course. You spent the "anniversary" of the first time Joel and you had sex getting fucked into oblivion at Joel's house. Today was still special, because you and him would always remember Labor Day for this.

As you apply your simple make-up, pink eyeshadow and pink blush and pink lipstick to match the dress you brought over to your dads, you think back on that day.

You had been giving Joel 'fuck me' eyes for months. Ever since him and your dad became friends the last year or so, you can't deny how much you wanted him. The barrier, however, was obvious. He was your dads best friend, and then there was the fact you were a virgin.

Still, your record wasn't exactly lily white. You'd fucked around a bit here and there with boys and girls but that was the problem. They were all just like you, inexperienced. Most were boring, most only focused on what they wanted. You need a grown ass man to teach you, to guide you, to make you cum the way your vibrator could.

Joel was that man. So, you spent months sending signals...

Signals that ended up with you pushed up against your bedroom door that fateful Monday while your dad fell asleep on the couch, his body crowding you with his breath hot against your face.

"You think you are awfully cute, don't you little lady?"

You can't help smile at that. Yes, yes you do think you're cute, thank you.

"You just think you can prance around here in these little skirts and lowcut tops and get me hard like a fucking teenager not have any consiquences?"

Despite his words and harsh tone, when Joel's hand went to your hip his grip was light, letting you know you weren't being trapped.

You look up at him. "I know what I'm about, Mr. Miller."

A small smile appears on his face, and he grind his hips against your stomach, making you feel him growing erection. "You feel what you do to me?" He waits until you nod. "I think it's only right you help me take care of it, don't you? Or do I have to fuck my fist in the shower thinking of your face again?"

"No, Mr. Miller, I think I should help you, but... you have to help me with something..." You trail off, uncertain how he'll take the news.

"And what is that?"

"I'm a virgin..."

With this piece of information, Joel's face softens and he gives you a little more space. He seems like a new person, resting his head on your forehead and you see him cringing a bit.

"Shit darl'n, "m sorry. I was come'n in strong for no fucking reasons"

But you don't want him to feel bad for assuming you weren't a virgin, most people aren't by your age... "No, no don't be sorry! I... I liked it." Joel opens his eyes to look at you, your faces so close together. "i like you being dominate."

That smile again... that damn smile and you knew you were in trouble.

"You want this? You can say no, any time..."

"I do. I really fucking do."

With that, Joel kissed you... and oh what a kiss it was. Joel devoured you like this betrayal of his friendship was sending him to death row and you were his request for a last meal. He kissed you like he was willing to sacrifice it all just for your lips, that committing this sin was worth it just to be the first between your legs. He kissed you like you were his already. Joel never stopped kissing you like that, not even a year into the affair.

He took his time with you, just like you knew he would. This, this is why you trusted Joel Miller with this part of yourself. Your vibrator was at your apartment, but Joel made you cum on his lips, humping the mattress with his arms locked around your shaking legs. Then, he opened you up on his fingers, the thick digits easily maneuvering in and out of your drenched pussy before curling them up and dragging another orgasm out of you.

When Joel finally lined himself up between your legs, your pretty dress still on and the skirt flared out at the bed sheets, he tucked his face to your neck, kissing and nipping softly to not leave and marks. "Are you sure you want this, darl'n? We can stop. I promise."

But you didn't want to stop. No part of you wanted to stop.

You grab at his ass, your done up nails gripping his asscheeks. Your body felt on fire, burning for him and only for him. You knew this could never be a one time things, even before he deflowered you, you were his to keep, his to play with. "Please, Mr. Miller?" You begin to beg for him. "I need your cock, please, please, please? I need it so badly, it's all I want, I need you, only you!"

Joel groaned at the honorific, head dropping down at he began to slid into your tight hole, splitting you open. "Shiiiiiiit baby... s'fucking good... so fucking good."

Your grip on his ass tightened as the pain of being stretched peaked, nails digging in and scrapping him, making him bleed for you as you did for him.

When he's fully seated inside you, Joel plants a little kiss on your lips, humming a little in the back of his throat. "My sweet girl... saved herself just for me, huh?"

"Yes" You lie a little. For the bit. "Wanted you to be my first, Mr. Miller."

He groans, slowly pulling out almost all the way. "Love it when you call me that." then, he thrusts himself completely into you, pounding your pussy as the gentle uh, uh, uh's begin to fill the room in time the the pleasure he brings you.

"Shhhhh princess," Joel's nose nuzzles your cheek. "Gotta be quiet, remember? Can't have your daddy finding out you let his friend deflower his little girl, hm?"

You whimper at that, the secrecy, the naughty air adding to the sin happening in your old bedroom as he thrust again and again and again until you're unable to keep quiet anymore. The pleasure is too great, too strong as your orgasm approaches and he knows it. Gentle hand a contrast the the way he cock is rearranging your insides with pound ferver, Joel cups your face and puts his thumb to your lip.

No hesitation, you open your mouth and as soon as his thumb slides inside you lock your lips around him.

"Good girl... good- fuck- good fucking girl... just needed someth'n to keep your mouth busy, huh? Something to suck on? Yeah, I know baby, I know, it's a lot isn't it? It hurts a little, huh?" Joel looks down, watching the way his cock disappears into you, watching how it comes out covered in slick. He likes looking at you writhe under him, struggling to take it all... "Awwww big stretch.... That's it baby, suck on my thumb... harder, want yuh to practice for my cock, because i ain't done with yuh after tonight. You know that, don't you? You're mine, pretty girl. I'm your daddy now."

He can feel you tightening, your cunt beginning to pulse the same it did around his fingers.

"Bite down on my thumb when you cum baby, make it hurt."

You do as you're told, biting down to prevent from screaming as you cum on his cock, waves of pleasure rushing your body like the crash of the ocean on a rock. Not holding bad, you bit him to the bone and watch as his head rolls back as he cums, reveling in the pain as he floods your cunt with his spend. Again and again he fucks his cum inside your pussy, feeling it begin to leak out and down your ass crack before his softening cock finally still inside you.

There is a moment when Joel body falls on your, covering you with a blanket of just him pressed on your dress, that you think he's just going to get up and walk out. Maybe he's wake your dad up to say goodbye and then just not speak to you again now that he got what he wanted...

But he doesn't. Joel kisses you, saying he'll be right back before getting his pants on again and going to the bathroom. He returned to clean you up, calming your embarrassment when you see the blood on the sheets, and holding you until you fell asleep.

That was one year ago.

Today, you skip down the stairs at your dads,m pink dress fluttering around your knees, and hope happily outside to where you dad was grilling. A few people had trickled in, but were talking across the yard.

"Hi dad!" You start surveying the party goers, looking out over the yard. You don't see Joel yet, but Tommy is in the pool already which means Joel is probably stuck carrying in whatever they brought.

"Hi honey!" He greets you warmly. "That a new dress?"

You give a twirl. "Sure is!"

"Looks real nice, I always liked pink on you. I think Joel will like it too."

Your blood runs cold and you freeze. You don't even have it in you to act natural or confused, you just stare at him in shock. You wonder if he's about to start yelling, although that was rarely in his nature.

"I..."

Your dad smiles at you, adding cheese to a few burgers. "Relax, honey, it's fine. I saw your car at Joel's house back in May. Yuh ain't slick." He gives you a wink.

"Oh...." You say dumbly, unsure what else to say. "Are you... mad?"

"I was a little when I first saw it... but mostly because you guys didn't tell me. Then I thought about it and realized you guys were probably nervous. I figured as long as he's treat'n you right, I'm fine." He cocks an eyebrow. "And he's treating you right, ain't he? Just cause he's my friend don't mean I'm choosing his side."

Tears of relief well up in your eyes. "Yeah daddy, he does. He treats me real good."

"TOMMY!" Joel shouts walking up the driveway, carrying several bags and a cooler. "You couldn't help?!"

You and your dad laugh, and when you sniffle he leaves his grill to give you a hug. "Good. I'm glad. I just want you to be happy, and Joel's a good guy. I'm just glad it's not Tommy."

You laugh again at that, and once he's satisfied you're happy, he goes to putting the burgers on a plate.

"So... is it serious? I don't wanna be in your business, just wondering."

You watch Joel set up the snacks and beer he was specifically told not to bring, but because of who Joel is as a person he brought them anyway. He and Tommy help a kid out of the pool, and when Joel looks up he sees you staring at him from over the deck.

He grins at you and waves. You wave back. "Yeah dad. It's very serious."

You run down the steps to tell him you dont have to sneak around anymore.

If you want more joel with fem reader since this series is done and I'm largly leaving pedro characrters, check out @sweetlummie 's work! lots of v fem cute reader, including great plus size!!

Thank you all for your love on this series!!!! the first part went over 1k notes which is huge for me!!!!

I love you all dearly.

althought im not writng pedro characters as much if you are an enjoyer of my writing, check out my tag list! i got rid of it for a while but am bringing it back

thank you!!!

@fandxmslxt69 @runa-falls @k-ra @ahookedheroespureheart @mikaelak @littlenosoul @stevenandmarcslove @pikapuff-316 @del-ightfulling @faretheeoscar @harriedandharassed @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @campingwiththecharmings @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @milly-louise @casa-boiardi @joeldjarin @mrs-oharaxx @pedge-page @readingiskeepingmegoing @survivingandenduring

[yaekiss]

꩜ Room Content: GN! Dom! Reader x Male! Sub! Sydney the Faithful, no gendered terms for reader, jerking Sydney off in a cinema, lmk if I missed out anything ! ꩜ A/N: This has been on my mind for so long, ugh the grip Sydney has on my mind is maddening. Might also do a corrupted Sydney version after this who knows teehee :3c

It was meant to be something relaxing. At least that's what Sydney had in mind when he agreed to a movie date with you at the cinema.

It's been a while since he's seen one so he thought that it'd be fun to watch one together. (He was even the one who suggested watching the newest romance movie after hearing about it from Robin.)

So how did it ever end up like this?

Maybe he should've paid more attention to Robin talking about the movie because when the beginning of a sex scene starts to play on the screen, he flushes instantly, hands shooting up and shielding his face to prevent him from seeing the lewdness on display.

His sudden actions catch your eye and you turn to take in the delicious view of your lover trying to tune out the raunchy moans from the actors, eyes squeezed shut and brows furrowed so cutely that you just want to eat him up ♡

Your hand finds its way over to the edge of his pants, pulling the band before letting it go, snapping against his skin. A squeak escapes him as his eyes fly open, surprised by your actions.

"W-what are you doing?" Sydney's voice is shaky, volume slightly above a whisper.

"I'm just helping distract you from the movie, angel. Now quieten down, you wouldn't want the people to realise, would you?"

Worried, he surveys the other cinemagoers around the both of you and breaths a sigh of relief when no one else heard the squeak he let out. Turning back to face you, he notices the hunger in your eyes and the blush on his cheeks deepen.

His hands are still held up in front of him so you take the opportunity to slip your fingers past his waistband, teasing at the rim of his boxers. The sensation of your fingers on the skin of his hips has him quivering but he makes no move to stop you from taking this even further. You press on, dipping into his boxers and when you come into contact with his already half-hard cock, he jolts in his seat, biting down on his lip to muffle any noises from him.

Leaning closer, you take his cock into your hand, gradually stroking him until he's hard and dripping. His self-restraint wavers when your nails glide across his slit, hips bucking up with a sharp gasp. Alarmed, his eyes dart around the surroundings, heart jackrabbiting in his chest at the prospect at getting caught. Working him up to his orgasm, he's squirming in his seat, moving one of his hands down to bite down on to stifle his moans as he loses himself in the pleasure you're showing him.

A harsh tug and a scratch along the underside of his dick is what tips him over the edge, he doubles over and his hands immediately shoot to grasp at your wrist so that he can rut into your hand as pure euphoria overtakes him. There's a wet patch growing on the fabric of his pants but he's too caught up in the bliss to notice.

After he rides out his high, he slumps back against the backrest, boneless and panting as he tries to process everything that just happened. Retracting your hand covered in his spend, you hold it before him, expectant. Hesitant, he slowly licks away his cum. He's slightly put off by the taste of his own cum at the start but determined, he carries on until your hand is completely cleaned. Giving your fingers one last suck, he pulls away, face still hot from arousal. As thanks, you grab his face and pull him in for a heated kiss that leaves him melting in his seat, his brain mushy. The only thing he can think of is you, you, you. + + Love

Well, he can't lie, he supposes the movie was relaxing in a way! - - Sydney's Purity

Thanks for reading! Consider supporting me on kofi if you enjoyed this or check out my other works hehe ♡

[shadowbriar]

Regulus Black - Supermassive Black Hole IV

Pairing : Regulus Black x (she/her) Selwyn!Reader Word Count : 4.2k Warning : Food. Height. Fluff. Synopsis : A simple arrangement turned into an everlasting one as two naïve children try to figure out their heart. Notes : I'm sorry it's taking forever for me to post this, I had a change of heart of how the plot should go and tbh I still dk how to end this story so bear with me please. If you'd like to be tagged for the next chapters, please comment or reblog so I can add you to the tag list. If you like this story and would like to support me, please visit my kofi page and perhaps get me a coffee?☕ Taglist: strikethrough means I could not tag you. @lostarc24 @hogwartshouse @milivanili99 @stelleduarte @40rimm @lilmaymayy @mischiefmanagers

↞ Part III

Regulus rolled over to the other side of the bed for the millionth time now. His eyes were staring at the clock by the bedside table, watching as its hands moved and ticks with every second passed. He knew that he had to get up, sooner or later, be it from the knock on his door or the unbearable hunger in his stomach. He barely ate last night. His head was spinning, heavy from the unpleasant memories and regret of his once again apathetic gesture towards her.

It must’ve been her worst birthday party. He spoiled it all the moment he walked in on her and Rosier. Perhaps he should have minded his own business. She has all the right to kiss Rosier if she wanted to, it’s the least bit of freedom he could give to her, but Regulus couldn’t help but feel a little bit triumphant when she seemed to be uninterested in him. That she too finds the idea of kissing Rosier to be baffling.

A loud groan escapes his lips when the next memory floods in. Regret beyond imagination is sticking to his skin like a muck. He wonders what would happen if he did what she asked him, if he would just lean in and kiss her. Would that be a great gift he could’ve given to her? Or would it’ve been a one way ticket to hell for him?

Reaching for his jumper, Regulus finally stood up and walked out of the room. He figures it would be worse to have her knocking on his door than to face her willingly. He could perhaps piece some words to meet her with a cool head than to have him caught red handed.

“Morning,” He greets her as he reaches the dining table.

She looks up to see him, her shoulders slightly tense and it makes Regulus bite his inner cheek a little harder, “Morning.”

Regulus kept his lips in a tight line. He took a seat opposite of her. His fingers locked to each other, an attempt to soothe himself as his brain tries to make some coherent explanation. It proves to be a harder task to do each day whenever she is in the equation.

“Listen, about last night—”

“You’re right,” She cuts in “I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was saying so if we could just.. Forget about what I said, I think that would be best for us all.”

Regulus opens his mouth, wanting to argue with her but finds himself nodding and turning silent, trying to ignore the loud cracking of his heart. Her words twisted a knife in his heart. Somehow he hoped that his words were lies, that she was sober and she really wanted him to kiss her. It wasn’t like he saw her drink anything, anyway. But who was he kidding? There would be no chance in this universe that she would want him to kiss her. No chance. None.

She flashes him a small smile before looking back down to her toasts.

Now what? Regulus thought. Where does it leave them at? He knew that he still owes her an explanation. About the Greengrass, about Rosier, about everything, but is right now the best time to bring it up? And what could he say about it? The truth? Would that do them better or worse?

“Do you have any plans for the day?” Regulus finds himself asking.

She pinched her brows, shaking her head, “I don’t think so, no.”

He hums in acknowledgement.

“Well actually, there’s this theme park I wanted to go to with Sirius.”

Regulus nods, finding himself to be more heartbroken, “Right.”

“But if you’d like to come—,”

“Yes.” He says, a little bit too excited for his liking.

“—I can cancel on Sirius.”

Regulus clears his throat, attempting to conceal his embarrassment as her brows rise. His excitement was surely out of character. Something the reserved, quiet, and collected Regulus never does. But then again, he could never be his usual apathetic self whenever it comes to her now, could he?

He wonders what her pinched brows and confused eyes mean. Was it really that appalling that he wanted to go to the theme park with her? Was it wrong of him to show excitement for her offer?

She blinks. Seemingly taken aback to his agreement but her smile slowly blooms. A sight that would be replayed in his head repeatedly before he sleeps tonight, “Alright.”

—-

She finds her teeth slightly chattering from the cold. The weather was playing with her. It was bright and hot when they first came out of the house, but now that the sun is slowly retreating, the wind blows stronger and colder. She was never good with coldness in the first place but she certainly didn’t think it would be this cold tonight. Her thin layer of flannel did not help to preserve warmth and she knew she was pretty much screwed for the rest of the night.

Her knuckles were turning white, body shuddering as she tried to gain some warmth. She could see Regulus glancing at her every once in a while but he never said a word. She knew that he could tell that she was freezing. Hands burrowed deep into the pocket of his coat, Regulus is warm and cosy under his thick layer of wool coat and it's surely shredding all of her dignity to say it but Regulus was right, she should’ve brought a coat.

“Quite the gentleman, you are.” She remarks between her chatter.

“One warm gentleman, indeed.” He says, snuggling into his coat as he sighs “The weather is so nice tonight.”

She glares, certainly not appreciating his sarcasm.

“I’ve told you to bring a coat,” He says as a matter of factly “I’m not going to give you mine, just because you’re cold now. Even if you’re freezing yourself to death and begging me for it.”

“Oh just how chivalrous of a man you are, Regulus.”

He shrugs, buttoning his coat and snuggling deeper to it.

“I am not cold and I most certainly will not ask for your coat.” She replies, her anger giving her the slight raise of temperature “Don’t worry your infuriating little mind about me, Reg.”

Regulus smiles jubilantly, nodding.

She turns to look away, finding herself conflicted once again with his charms. On one side she wanted to slap that enchanting little smirk off of his face but a bigger part of her wanted to take a picture of him and keep it in her pocket. 

Regulus has been smiling a lot today, so she noticed. He was beautiful. More beautiful than she remembered him. Perhaps it was due to the fact that she could stare on his face straight on instead of stealing glances like she used to or perhaps Regulus has just simply been enjoying their time, she couldn’t really tell. All she knew is that he looks beautiful this way and she hoped he would show this side more to her.

Now they’re standing in line, waiting for their turn to try on the rollercoaster. Regulus notes lazily that it wouldn’t be much worse than flying for quidditch. He’s played some of the most brutal games as a Slytherin quidditch player, but James said that rollercoasters are worse than flying and she told him exactly that. 

“You can hold my hand if it’s too scary for you.” Regulus said as they put on their seatbelt.

If he didn’t have that mocking smirk on his face she would have let herself blush and enjoy the butterflies in her stomach, but instead she rolled her eyes, “You wish.”

But boy, how right James is.

Regulus seemed to be having the time of his life through the loops of the track as she screamed her lungs and clung onto him for dear life. He was laughing, happy cheers escaping his lips. If she wasn’t fighting for her life she would’ve been hypnotised by the happy scream Regulus was shouting. Funny how the one time Regulus truly enjoys their shared moment is when she’s trying her best to not shat her pants.

When the cart stopped, Regulus turned to see how tightly she’s been holding his hand. He smiled at the sight but bit it down and turned the other way before she could see it. She was still panting from the adrenaline but a bright smile was evident on her face. She too seemed to be enjoying the ride.

“Shall we go for another round?”

“I’d love to, but I’m not a big fan of the queueing line.” She says, peeking out “It seems to be longer than before.”

“Well, that’s why we’ve got wands, isn’t it?” Regulus says as he takes out his wand from his coat pocket.

“Regulus, what are you doing?”

Before he could utter the spell, she hurriedly pushed his wand away, widening her eyes in disapproval as Regulus kept his nonchalant self, “What?”

“You can’t use magic in the presence of muggles.” She scolds “What on Earth were you thinking?”

“You said you didn’t want to queue. We could just do a little confundus charm and they wouldn’t know a thing.”

Her jaw dropped, completely horrified at his mischief.

“Just relax.”

“No,” She said before he could take out his wand again “You’re not going to use your magic here.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Why not?”

“Will you two get off? We have a long queue.”

Regulus' glare was certainly terrifying that it made the operator step back, looking intimidated. The boy didn’t look much older than them which made her feel even more sympathetic that she pulled Regulus' arm, dragging him out of the cart with angry steps.

He followed her, a small smile was still tugged on his lips as he watched her. She was evidently seething, for whatever reason he couldn’t understand. He only wanted to make her happy. She said she wanted to go for another round and didn’t want to queue, so what exactly is the issue with doing a little confundus charm? It’s not like anyone would know.

“Alright, ground rule for the rest of the night.” She says as they stopped, turning to face him “No magic. No matter how simple the spell is, or how insignificant it is in your eyes, no magic is allowed.”

“Why?”

She widens her eyes, appalled, “You know why!”

Regulus couldn’t contain his laughter now. Her reaction warms his heart. He finds it adorable how she’s so worked up over little mischief he’s sure no one would bat an eye for. It fascinates him how for once he’s finally the troublemaker instead of the voice of reason. Being in a trio with Rosier and Crouch, Regulus has always been the moral police instead of the third rascal.

“Fine,” He says, messing her hair “No magic for the rest of the night.”

She was stupefied then. His beautiful smile, the tender noise and his gentle gesture, it feels like the Regulus she’s always dreamed of is finally hers. Her cheeks were turning rosy, flustered by the enchanting side he’s showing at the moment.

“Don’t do that,” She says, slapping his hand away from her head “No messing my hair either.”

“You’re blushing.” He remarks with a satisfied smile.

“I most certainly am not.” She argues “It’s from the cold air.”

“Oh, so you admit you’re cold now?”

She glares, not saying a word.

“I’m still not giving you my coat.” He says.

“I did not say I was cold nor was I asking for it.” She spat with evident vexation “Has anyone ever told you just how much of a pain you are, Regulus?”

He shrugs, “Only on my good days.”

She rolled her eyes, taking steps away from him.

Regulus was toying with her, she knew it, and as much as she tries not to give the reaction he’s craving for, she couldn’t help but to give it. He was always right, always so perfect for her to ever be truly angry. The fact that he’s being so lovely tonight makes it impossible for her to hold a grudge longer than three seconds.

“So where to next?” He asked, matching his pace with her.

“We’ve ridden all of the rides,” She says, looking around the park “But one.”

The rogue on her cheeks turn darker as she stares at the Ferris wheel. The stories of her muggleborn friends about how romantic Ferris wheel rides are, echo in her head. She didn’t understand what was so special about the ride. They could certainly just get on their broom to go up and see the city lights but muggles seem to romanticise the ride a lot and she couldn’t help but to hope to feel such romantism with him.

“Alright, shall we go then?”

She turns to meet eyes with him, nodding.

Now they find themselves sitting in one of the cabins. She couldn’t find it in her to see his face because she knew she would be blushing hard once again. The excitement is building up, making her giddy and skittish. She could only hope that the tapping of her feet wasn’t that obvious for him to notice.

“You alright?”

She nods, not facing him, “Yes.”

“Okay.”

Regulus finds it odd how she’s suddenly looking away, not sparing a second to see him ever since they headed to this ride. Was she still angry about him taking out his wand? Was it about him messing her hair? Or was it about something else?

“It’s nice up here,” He comments, trying to break the ice.

She hums.

“Reckon we can see your house from up here?”

“Maybe.”

Regulus frowns. Her sudden coldness was something he didn’t expect to see. Everything was brilliant just a minute ago. He enjoyed their time, feeling as if it was a proper first date for them to have, and he thought that she felt it too. Now he wasn’t so sure.

His finger taps on the metal cart, biting his lower lip as he thinks of the moment things went downhill. She still had that smile when they began walking. It only disappeared when she pointed at this ride, a ride that doesn’t look half as interesting as the others. Compared to the rollercoaster, Regulus would argue that this ride is dull and dreary. Is that really the cause of her sudden change of demeanour? That she didn’t really want to go up this ride?

“Can I ask you something?” She asks, suddenly facing him.

Regulus nods.

“Do you have any muggleborn friends, Regulus?”

He frowns, shaking his head, “No, not really.”

“Right,” She nods, muttering to herself “That makes sense.”

“What makes sense?”

“Nothing,” She lies “I just remembered that I’ve only ever seen you with Rosier and Crouch.”

Regulus clenches his jaw. Is that it? Is that why she’s suddenly distant now? That she’s thinking of Rosier? 

And he thought she was having fun with him. Apparently not.

“Is there something you wanted to know about?” He asked, digging his grave deeper “Do you want to know about my friends?”

“If you want to talk about them, I’m listening.”

Regulus bites the inner of his cheek. It hurts to know that she wanted to know about his friends better, that she was even thinking about them, when they’re literally on a date. Well, she didn’t say it was one but it should certainly be called as. What else would you call this? This certainly goes beyond what a friendly hang out is.

At least in his dictionary.

“You gave a rule earlier, so can I give one too?”

She nods, her brows furrowing a little at his question.

“Can we not talk about anything else but ourselves for the rest of the night?” He asked “I know I owe you a lot but I really hope we could finish the night with just the two of us.”

Her expression changed. There was a hint of tenderness Regulus couldn’t really put a word on. As if she was touched over his words. Like she didn’t expect him to want to spend the rest of the night with just the two of them.

She smiles, nodding, “Alright.”

They turned silent once more. But the air is certainly different now. Tension and awkwardness no longer linger around them, only comfort and mutual understanding that they both wanted to bask in this moment while it lasts. It fills both of their hearts to know that they’re enjoying their time spent together. If only they would say it aloud, they would’ve amplified their happiness by tenfold.

But after a couple minutes of silence, as their cabin got to the peak, the wheel suddenly stopped. The sudden halt was making her panic, squealing in fear as Regulus put his arm protectively around her. The engine stopped.

“Looks like we’re stuck here,” Regulus said, looking down to see people trying to work the machine “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” She said, still clinging on his arm “How long do you think we’ll be stuck here?”

Regulus shrugs, “How should I know? I’ve never been to these kinds of parks before.”

She frowns but remains quiet.

Regulus closed his eyes, feeling the light breeze of the wind as he relaxed his feet. It was refreshing up here. Quiet, calming, serene. It reminds him of his night flies around the castle whenever he needed to get some peace of mind and tranquillity. Perhaps he could go and find more of these rides some time.

One of the things he loved most about this moment is how she’s still holding his arm tightly. He smiles at the thought, how much more comfortable they are with each other over this date. Perhaps he should’ve done this years ago.

“This is nice.” He comments, still with his eyes closed.

Silence.

Regulus opened his eyes, turning to see her who has her head now resting on his shoulder, “Hey, you alright?”

“Do you think it’s still gonna be long until the engine comes back on?”

“I don’t know,” He says truthfully, pulling away to see her better “Are you okay? Should we just disapparate?”

“No,” She says fast, finally looking up to him “No magic, remember?”

“Well you don’t seem to be enjoying this ride.” He points out “Surely we can make an exception.”

“It’s not the ride that’s the problem,” She says, her teeth chattering a little “I’m cold.”

Regulus bites his smile. He wanted to rub it on her face, how he’s right from the beginning and she was just too stubborn to admit it, but the tormented look on her face made him think twice. She seemed to be really bothered by the coldness that to be fair, was nothing for Regulus, but still, he wouldn’t give his coat.

Instead, Regulus unbuttoned his coat and took off one side of it, gesturing to her to come closer.

“We both can’t fit inside, Regulus.” She notes.

“Well, I told you I’m not giving you my coat, so either we squeeze in or you freeze yourself to death.” He says with a nonchalant shrug “Your choice.”

She looks at him with disbelief. As if she couldn’t believe that the man sitting in front of him, acting cheeky and playful, was Regulus Black. Everything about him today just doesn’t make sense. From the moment he volunteered to come to the theme park, to asking her to snuggle close to him to share his coat now. Whatever happened to the apathetic Regulus Arcturus Black?

But she knew better than to complain about it. She enjoys every passing moment of the day. Every bicker, every annoyed remark, every feigned anger. She wouldn’t wish for any other way to spend the day.

And so she snuggled closer to him, encircling her arms around his body like a koala to a tree. His body warmth was comforting, along with the smell of his perfume. Regulus put the other part of his coat around her, trying to cover her as best as he could.

“Is this okay?” He asks. She could hear his heartbeat from the close proximity.

“Yeah,” She whispers, not looking up cause she knew her cheeks must be as red as tomatoes “Is this okay for you?”

Regulus hums, resting his chin to the top of her head.

“This is nice,” She says “I might actually fall asleep on you.”

He smiles, “Just don’t drool on my shirt.”

“No promises.”

—-

Regulus couldn’t recall the last time he woke up with such a light heart. The memory from last night still intoxicates him. How they spent hours waiting for the wheel to finally turn, to get them to the ground, yet neither of them were complaining. Matter of fact, he hoped that it would’ve lasted longer. He wouldn’t mind spending forever stuck in that cabin with her.

When he came down to the dinning hall though, a frown bloomed on his face. She was absent. Her plate was empty, cup cleaned as if she hadn't even used it. Only Sirius was present with a stack of toasts on his plate.

“Where is she?” Regulus asked.

“Resting,” His brother said “Where the hell did you go last night? Why did you come back so late?”

Regulus sniffled, taking a seat and fixing himself a cup of tea, “We just hung out, went to the park in the city.”

“Why did you come back so late then? There’s not much of a ride there.”

“We got stuck on the Ferris wheel for hours.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, “Why didn’t you just disapparate?”

“She wouldn’t let us use magic. I don’t know, ask her.” He said, defensive “Why is she still resting? Isn’t it late already for her?”

“She’s sick, that’s why.”

“Sick? What do you mean she’s sick?” Regulu asked, feeling guilt to seep in “She was just fine last night.”

“She caught a cold. Fever and all,” Sirius said as he put a toast in his mouth, standing to leave for his room “Next time you go out with her, tell her to bring a coat, will you?”

Regulus rolled his eyes, “You think I didn’t tell her that?”

Regulus’ words were met by silence as Sirius entered his room. He begins to wonder if his banter of not giving her his coat was wrong, if their play stubborn was too far that it made her fall ill. It might just be one of those light colds, sure, but Regulus has never made anyone sick nor has he ever taken care of anyone unwell.

Should he even be taking care of her? Supposedly, yeah, seeing that he is her husband and the kind gesture she did the other week when she brought him his breakfast, but such action is strange for him. Where does he even start? How does he even do it?

—-

It was noon now and Regulus sprinted out of his room the moment he heard some noises in the kitchen. He saw Sirius left for whatever business he has so the only cause of such commotion would be her. He skipped down the stairs, feeling relieved to see her that is now enveloped under layers of blankets.

“You look awful,” He comments.

“Wow, thank you,” She retorts, sniffling “What a pleasant compliment, Regulus.”

Regulus bites down a smile, taking a seat opposite her, “Have you taken any meds?”

“Yeah, not much of a help so far, though.”

“Well, at least now you’ll remember to bring a coat whenever you go out.”

She glares at him, “You’re a prick, Regulus, do you know that?”

Regulus grins.

He watches as she fixes herself a cup of tea. One and a half teaspoon of sugar, no milk. He finds himself noting the small details of hers he didn’t know before. Like how she leans more on sweet kinds of breakfast instead of savoury ones, or how her brows are more often pinched than not whenever she’s thinking, or how the scent of rose from her was not from her perfume but her hand cream— her perfume was patchouli based.

“Do you not have any plans today?”

“No,” Regulus shakes his head “I prefer to stay in and read. I don’t normally go out.”

She hums in acknowledgement.

“Did you have plans for today?” He asked in return.

“Not really,”

Regulus nods, turning silent.

The only noise between them now was her sniffling. She taps on her cup, looking as if she has something she wanted to say but is still debating to utter it. Another thing Regulus takes note of— she fidgets quite a lot.

“Will you read for me?”

“No.” Regulus answers firmly.

“Oh come on, that’s the least you could do!” She whines “You got me sick!”

“You got sick because you’re too stubborn to listen to me.”

She huffs, “I wouldn’t be sick if you had given me your coat.”

“But then I’d get sick if I did.”

“Yes, but I’ll make you soup and read you a book, so you owe it to me.”

“You will not make me soup,” Regulus snorts, mocking “I doubt you even know how to turn on the cooker.”

Her mouth agape, offended, “That is beside the point, alright!”

“You don’t look sick enough for me to owe you a reading,” Regulus remarks, standing up from his seat “Feel better soon though. You look ghastly.”

“You—,” She said, throwing him a ball of tissue “And whose fault is that?!”

“Yours.”

“Regulus!”

Regulus chuckles, turning and heading back to his room. At least her anger is still intact. He could lose the bigger weight of guilt he’s feeling over her cold from the knowledge. Another thing to note, bring her coat for her the next time they go out.

↠ Part V

[therapycat21]

His True Obsession Five

Ultimate Masterlist KOFI Ask a question

Word Count:1090

"I cannot fathom the idea that the Queen had caught you in a compromising situation! with her son nonetheless!" Viserra sat on the small chaise as her mother paced back and forth. After Aemond and Viserra were caught in his chambers by his mother, Rhaenyra tried to find reasons and excuses to ensure her daughter was not scorned for simply seeking pleasure in the one-eyed man.

Viserra had been fidgeting with her fingers to the point the skin was turning red in irritation. Viserra looked up at Rhaenyra as she stopped pacing "I've always been drawn to him mother" Rhaenyras face softened, knowing all too well how her daughter was feeling. She placed a soft hand along her daughter's cheek "I know my dear, but there are plans in place for you, and I'm sorry but it does not include Aemond Targaryen"

Viserra looked up at her mother, baffled at her words "What do you mean? I was told you and the queen were planning a marriage between Aemond and me?" Viserra could feel the panic rising in her chest. Rhaenyra sighed, pacing once again before facing her daughter "After I was told what occurred yesterday, The Queen has decided to betroth Aemond to another house, one they can use to strengthen the armies."

Viserra could feel the tears threatening to leave her eyes. She just knew Aemond would be livid at the idea of not being with her. Rhaenyra watched as her daughter's reserve was starting to crumble before her, her face hardened, and a distant look formed in her eye. "Who do you have in mind for me to marry?" Rhaenyra clasps her hands together, looking down at her daughter with a soft smile.

"I was thinking of your cousin, Clarenzo Targaryen" Viserra looked at the wall behind her mother before standing and looking her in the eyes and whispering "I cannot stop Aemond when he finds out" Viserra walked around to the door, right as she opens the door she looks back at her concerned mother one last time. "If I know one thing about Aemond, nothing will stop him from trying to marry me, not even his mother."

Viserra walks away, closing the door behind her, leaving a baffled Rhaenyra, She sighs knowing what her daughter said is the truth. Viserra walked the dark halls in search of the library, she needed to hide away with a good book, needing to forget the heartbreak in her heart. Viserra nodded at the guard as he opened the library door. She smiles softly as she sees Halaena and the small children. Just what she needed.

Alicent jumped as she sat in the council chairs, She looked at the now discarded materials on the floor, her son throwing the rest off in a rage at what he had been told. "I will not marry unless it is to Viserra! and what? just because you found us that way means I am to be married to some Baratheon bastard or whoever knows!" Aemond was seething in anger as his mother told him the news. 

His hands were clenched in tight fists before he looked at his mother "I don't care what I have to do, but I refuse to be with anyone but her, and If I am to see her betrothed to another, then whoever he is signed over his life to me" Alicent stares at her son baffled with a frown on her face before she shakes her head and stands to be in front of him.

"Why are you so adamant about marrying Viserra?" She looks up at Aemond who only stares with an emotionless look, softening ever so softly at the thought of Viserra "Because we love each other, and I refuse to have anyone rule beside me, carry my children." Aemond shakes his head softly "She is my downfall, if she were to die tomorrow I would never take a wife or have any children, I don't want any of that unless it is with her" Alicent stares up at Aemond, shocked at his confession.

Taking the silence as the end of the conversation, Alicent watches Aemond as he leaves the room with long angry strides, she jumps slightly as the door is slammed shut behind her already lost son.

The library doors are pushed open and the sound of heavy footfalls resonate through the quiet library sans the giggling children. Viserra looks up as she sees Aemond staring at her. Viserra smiles up at him gently, already feeling the tears wanting to fall. Viserra looks to Halaena excusing herself before walking to Aemond.

Right as Viserra reached Aemond, his hands already grasping her body, pulling her towards him. "Come, we need to discuss some important matters". The pair walk silently back to his chambers. Viserra sighs as she sits down on the small bed near the fireplace. She looks at Aemond who started to change into his night clothes. 

"I'm guessing you heard?" Aemond looked at her as she whispered, and he nodded walking to her, She stared up at the tall man, Aemond placed his warm hand along her cheek, rubbing her cheek while starting softly. Aemond pursed his mouth "It doesn't matter, I've made the decision, I will not be marrying anyone else." he smirks down at Viserra "What of you?" Viserra sniffles "Mother has told me that I am to marry my cousin" Viserra looks up at Aemond as his hands start to clench.

"Who is this cousin?" He whispers, the air between them tense. "His name is Clarenzo Taragryan" Aemond hums before a dark look crosses over his face, his hand sliding towards her throat before gripping her throat "You will not marry him, bare him any children. When you are full and pregnant it will be with my child, my seed inside of you" He whispers.

Viserra nodded as best as she could with the grip on her throat. She watches as a satisfied look rolls onto his face. He pulls her close by her throat and pecks her lips softly "Good" he whispers against her lips. 

He pulls back slightly, a smirk evident on his face "Now, get undressed and get on the bed." he lets go of her throat and hums in satisfaction as Viserra turns and starts to undress in front of the prince.

[almondmilkcleanser]

CH. 58: THE HONEST MOON .❀

■ characters / fandom ⥋ f!namedOC x naraku

■ tw ; MINORS DNI

■ word count ⥋ 1.1 + k

■ a/n ⥋ n/a

➸ buy me a choco chip kofi if you love my work - it’s really appreciated!

✧ lost, are ya ? click here to go back to the main menu

previous chapter | The moon felt so far away. Watching from above as humans tried to figure themselves out down below. Kagura felt.. a tinge of sadness loom up her spine the more she stared up in the sky.

She knew Mei for who she was. She remembered her now, and now it would be even harder to push that memory out of her head seeing her everyday. She thought she was dead along with Kenji and Reiko, but somewhere along the way the plan thwarted itself and she was the last survivor.

All for this stupid Shikon Jewel.

No words, only footsteps closer to her until they abruptly stopped. She didn't have to look his way, but she could feel his disappointment in her. It seemed to bean ongoing emotion between the two, but she didn't care. She was too weak to put up a fight.

No words, only footsteps closer to her until they abruptly stopped. She didn't have to look his way, but she could feel his disappointment in her. It seemed to bean ongoing emotion between the two, but she didn't care. She was too weak to put up a fight.

Closing her eyes, she braced for whatever strike Naraku had for her. Just make it quick so I can go back to bed, she thought.

There was a short silence before he finally spoke.

"Kagura, I'm leaving tonight to look for the sword. Mei is sleeping, and I need you to take her to a nearby village East of here for medicine."

Slowly, Kagura opened her eyes, her back still to Naraku. She fidgeted her fingers in her hair, pulling the feather that was affixed in her bun and placing it on her lap.

"Okay," she replied, "I'll take her tomorrow."

Naraku didn't expect much of a differing response. As much as Kagura's rebellious fashion infuriated Naraku, she was undoubtedly obedient to a fault. He turned on his heel, aiming to depart until-

"Naraku, do you remember the castle that stray demon burned down a few years ago for you?"

Her question caught him off guard. With a twitch of an eyebrow and a turn of his head to the side, he replied flatly,

"I ask demons to do a lot for me. What difference does it make from one significant event." Kagura lowered her head, disappointed in his response.

She tapped the feather on her lap, contemplating her next response.

"Do you remember that samurai whose castle you had burned down? Don't you think Mei's sword looks very familiar to it? If I remember, his sword had 3 shards embedded into it, whereas Mei's only has two of the three." Her eyes wandered across the fine details of her feather, counting the strands one by one, hoping this heaviness would rest on her lap like this feather. 

Naraku's eyes shot open, his ears ringing back and forth. A flashback crossed his mind at lightening speed of him making a deal with a demon to exterminate a Samurai for his sword that had the Shikon Jewels. Then the battle between his comrade that he possessed thanks to that demon.

It couldn't be-!

When he put his face to the jewels and Mei's notebooks to the forefront, it all connected!

Hahahahahahahaha! Of course, you killed her father! You actually tried to kill her so many years ago! How could you be so forgetful, Naraku? The same girl you're trying to procreate with was the same girl who's father you had burned to a crisp! Oh, this is rich! You truly are no better than me, Naraku. Hahahahahahaha!

The room grew three times its size at his realization. It all came rushing back to him now like a lucid dream. Hide, Tetsuo, and, her father, Kenji. Hide lied to him saying he wasn't able to retrieve the sword in time and by how poorly maintained it was- just how could he not connect the two sooner?

"Naraku," Kagura called out, turning her head to the side. The moon's radiance beamed off the side of her face, giving her skin a hallowed glow.

"You remember, don't you?" In her eyes spoke a melancholy that nobody had ever seen on her face before. The creases in her brow signified that the ending of this fairytale bore no happy ending. And yet, it was only beginning. She didn't want to flat out say what was already known between the two of them, but all clues pointed in one direction:

Naraku was responsible for the death of Mei's family. And she doesn't even know.

He tried to conceal his surprise, but without a doubt he knew deep in his heart that the clues were lining up abruptly in front of him. He remembered that moment almost a year ago when he picked up Mei from the clearing. An old, money-hungry demon blabbed to Naraku about a girl carrying around a sword with Two Shikon Jewels inside. But after so many years and so many recent battles he fought with Inuyasha, he simply. . . Forgot. 

He fell in love with a  woman whose family was murdered on his own hand. At first, it was just a matter of telling Mei the truth, that he was going to use the jewels in the shard to aid his mission in taking over the Eastern Lands, but in turn he would have the power to bring her back to life if tragedy were to undergo her fate if she were to bear him children.

But now. . . But now. . .

"Naraku, what are you going to do if she finds out?" Kagura asked, her back turned away from him once more. The room bore a chill to it that crept down both of their backs. It was uncomfortable, suffocating, and Stiff.

Naraku swallowed down his concerns, choking at its bitter taste. His mouth curled into a smile only to drop into a deep frown. Truth be told, he didn't know what to do.

But he didn't want to lose Mei. Not if he could have any say-so over the matter. 

"She's not going to." he said, walking  towards the Shoji doors. Kagura softly gasped, her eyes bulging at his response. She's known Naraku for making selfish decisions for the greater good but this turned her stomach to the core. Needing  not to respond, she turned her focus back to the moon. The unwavering moon. The Honest Moon.

His footsteps felt heavier as he left the room. Before he closed the doors behind him, he called out to Kagura.

"Don't forgot she has to go to the village tomorrow for medicine." of course he would change the subject, she thought.

"See to it that this stays between us, Kagura. For her sake and yours." the doors snapped shut, his footsteps echoing down the hall till it fell silent again. 

"Oh, kid." Kagura breathed, looking down at the luminescent pond in front of her. 

"Why couldn't you escape when you had the chance. Silly girl. . . "

There was a ripple in the pond, breaking her reflection into waves. She wondered, if a human's tears had the same affect.

[finniestoncrane]

That's My Girl

TWOJAR!Riddler x Female!Reader, word count: 1.5k HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WONDERFUL FRIEND @riddlemeri i love you so much, i'm so glad i met you and i'm so grateful for you every day 💚 this is for a request ri sent in and uh yeah i just wanted to fuck him oops, happy birthday i guess oops 💚🎉🐧 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: ok so cunnilingus, praise!kink, piv sex, desk sex, fingering a little bit, doggy style, blowjobs, and i think that's it...?

Returning to the office, silent nods of approval from Edward’s other employees marking your grand return, you felt a sense of accomplishment, pride. It had been hard to commit yourself to criminality, the inevitable punishments that would follow, but you’d do anything for Eddie, anything to be Edward Nygma’s most trusted friend, and more. And as you returned to him, the necessary first part of his plans set up, you couldn’t help but smile. Entering his office, you practically skipped over to him, his feet resting on the desk pulled down, elbows replacing them on the tabletop, his chin resting on his hands as he watched you perch on the edge.

“Done?”

“All done!”

“Well done.” There was limited perceptible emotion behind the words, but you could see the glimmer in his eyes as he let a small smile creep up on one side of his mouth.

“Well…what now?”

He lifted his elbows, leaning back in the chair, his arms outstretched.

“Now, baby, we enjoy the feeling of peace and accomplishment, because it won’t last.”

“How so?”

“Well, we’re about to go to war.”

His smile was slightly wider as he explained it to you, a little bit mocking but sweet either way, and you found yourself leaning into him, taking a couple of steps towards him as you spoke.

“Huh…I never really considered the inevitable risks. I was too caught up in all of the excitement!”

“Well, now we can sit back and relax.”

Tossing your head back, you sighed a little, clenching your fists and grinning at him as you looked back to him.

“I don’t think I can, Ed! I’m way too full of adrenaline! I want to plan, I want to scheme, I want to…”

You cut yourself off before you sounded desperate, but it was too late because he knew what you wanted. Silently, and with his finger curling towards you, he called you to him, grabbing your hips and settling you into his lap, removing one of his hands to brush the hair from your face, his hand ghosting against the side of your face, resting on your cheek as he kissed you, pressing his lips to yours.

With your hands on his chest, open shirt pushed to the side, he leaned back in the chair, raising you up and pressing his hands around your ass, gripping your cheeks, sliding to the underside of your thighs and pushing under your skirt. Holding your closer, your chest against his and your hands around his neck, he moaned and you giggled against his lips. His fingers dug into your thighs as he lifted you up, dropping you down on the desk.

He pushed up your skirt, bunching it around your hips, fingers slipping into your underwear and pulling them down, fingernails dragging into your thighs as he removed them. Holding your ankles, he kissed up your leg, pulling himself closer to the desk, pulling your body closer to him on the desk. A satisfied hum emanated from his mouth as he pressed a kiss to either side of your cunt, against the tops of your thighs, his hands moving up and under your shirt, smoothing over your stomach, lifting your shirt up as he went, yanking the cups of your bra down and exposing your breasts with a low growl, letting his fingers trace around your nipples, your moans spurring him on as he groaned in chorus. Straining his upper half, he reached to place a kiss to your abdomen, one on your mound, and one on your lips, swollen in anticipation.

His breath was heavy, warm against your cunt, as he held his tongue against you, flat and wide, a wave of intense pleasure flowing over your body, breath shuddering as he laughed at the effect he had on you, the vibration of the sound over your pussy. He looked up at you briefly, dragging his tongue from the bottom to the top, lifting it off, strands of his drool and your slick falling to his chin before he dipped it back in between your folds, lapping at you, dipping into you, hungry for your taste.

You brought your hand to the back of his head, pushing him further into you as he pressed his thumb to your hood, teasing it back to expose your clit, running the tip of his tongue over it, flicking fast and making small circles as you hitched your hips into him.

“Good girl, use me.”

The words were muffled, barely a second to get them out before his mouth was around you again, your hand forcing him closer, deeper. His appreciative groans rumbled through you as you ground his face into you, his strong jaw moving up and down, two of his fingers dipping inside of you as he licked and sucked, dangerously close to pulling an orgasm from you. He only ceased when you started shaking and whispering his name.

He stopped, panting as he looked up at you, wiping his chin with the back of his hand, lop-sided smile and blow out pupils as he stared, desperate, wild. Pushing back from the desk, he got himself onto his feet, staring down at you as you giggled, face blushing as he removed his shirt completely.

Edward loosened his belt, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, letting it all fall to the floor with an oddly erotic thud. He dipped his fingers below the band of his underwear, and as you stared at the bulge, he released himself, his length bobbing as it was jostled from the tight fabric. Palming himself, cock hard, twitching as he stared at you, devouring you with his eyes. As he moved towards you again, leaning in to kiss you, you could feel the stiffness of his length pressed against you, guiding the head of his cock into you, inching deeper as he took your hands in his and held them against the desk above your head.

“Oh…god…you feel…so good…”

You clenched, muscles tensing at his words. Nothing made you feel better than when he complimented you, any modicum of praise you received sent chills down your spine.

“You’re…hng…taking me…mmm…so well…”

He was letting himself enter you further, until his abdomen met your body, moving in and out, soft smacks echoing in the room, his enthusiastic grunts spilling forth from his soft lips as he rocked into you, one arm around your back as he cradled you, holding you up, your foreheads pressed together.

With Edward this close to you, his grunts rang through your body, pulling your orgasm closer as you listened to the sweet sounds he made as he pushed himself into you, your walls tightening around him as your fingers gripped the edge of the desk, knuckles white as your whines grew louder, closer and closer to your orgasm.

“Wait…baby…you’re too good…this is so good…”

He brought his thumb to your clit, his cock still pumping in and out of you as you whimpered at his touch. Laughing breathily, clinging to his composure, he ran his other thumb along your cheek.

“Is this…ok?”

You could barely find the concentration to nod, your body so tense, filled with him.

“You’re beautiful…fuck…”

He whispered his testaments of love to you, rutting into you, his thumb rubbing circles against your clit still, your whining and pleading driving him close to orgasm, and you weren’t far from it yourself, something he could send as you let your nails sink into his back, moaning his name over and over as he clung to you.

“Do it…do it for me…ah…good girl…”

His mouth was over yours as you came, kissing you and muffling your screams. You rode the waves of your orgasm, his thrusts gentler, but still drawing more from you, your slick covering his cock, his own moans louder, heavy panting and whimpering. He slid out completely, grabbing your hand and pulling you up on to your feet, your legs shaking under you.

“Be a good girl, hm?”

You sank to your knees in front of him. Edward stood before you, gripping his length, slick, wet cock in his hand, tightened fist pumping up and down, your own reaching for it and taking over. You ran your tongue over his flushed head, wrapping your lips around it and sliding them down the shaft, tasting yourself on him, his head tilted back as he whined, your cheeks hollowing around him.

“Good…girl…such…hng...a good…huh…girl…”

He strained his neck up, head tilted back as his thighs tensed, mouth open to let a grunt out, chest heaving as he came, hips jutting, his seed spilling into you at the back of your throat, warm, thick, pleasantly salty. You swallowed it completely, smiling up at him as he grabbed your chin, tilting you to look up at him, stroking your cheek softly, looking into your eyes.

“That’s it, that’s my girl.”

Smiling down at you, he reached to help you up, holding your body in his arms as he kissed at your neck, brushing the hair out of the way and moaning against your skin.

“So good, so beautiful. You’ve done so well.”

You laughed, leaning all of your weight into him, forcing him to hold you up completely.

“Because of that?”

“Because of everything…everything.”

[sagemoderocklee]

I'm sending more cause I'm a slut got angst too. 14 I think was the number? A sad kiss? Gaalee!

i know you sent this literally over a year ago but…

—-

It was always like this–quiet, desperate, fleeting. He always left in the silence of the late night, as early morning began to encroach upon nighttime. He always left when the village was quiet, when no one wold see him, when no one would know. Gaara didn’t often visit Konoha, but when he did Lee’s door was always open, like his arms, like his bed, like his heart. But Gaara never stayed. He couldn’t. Lee always feigned sleep at Gaara’s departure, determined to avoid the bitterness of goodbyes; afraid that if he watched Gaara leave his tongue would run away with him, afraid that he’d beg Gaara to stay, “Just this once.” He knew it would never be ‘just this once’. If he asked even one time, he would ask every time. He’d never stop asking. He’d look at Gaara from across a room, and the question would be in his eyes, “Just this once? Can we have forever, just for a moment?” Gaara couldn’t give him forever. Wasn’t ready for forever. Didn’t know if he’d ever be. Sometimes, he thought he’d skip going to Lee’s. He’d tell himself as he arrived at Konoha’s gates, “This time I won’t go.” Somehow, he’d find himself at Lee’s window or at his doorstep anyways, against his better judgment, desire fighting against what he knew to be right–Lee didn’t deserve this. Lee didn’t deserve fleeting moments in the dark and secret longing. But Gaara couldn’t stop himself; he was pulled to Lee like a magnet, like the moon caught up in the earth’s orbit. He wanted Lee, he wanted Lee’s hands on him, he wanted Lee’s mouth against his, he wanted and he craved and he yearned, and he always gave in. 

And Lee always let him. 

Lee wanted Gaara just as wholly, as soul-crushingly deeply as Gaara wanted him. But Lee loved him. Lee loved him down to his core, down to the last gate that Gaara knew Lee would open to save him. Gaara didn’t love Lee. He didn’t know how to love. Not like that. He didn’t think he did, at least, and he didn’t want to break Lee’s heart. He didn’t want to promise Lee ‘once’ over and over again until it turned into promises of forever, only for him to take it away when he realised one day that he couldn’t give Lee his heart the way Lee wanted; the way Lee needed; the way Lee gave Gaara his heart, his soul, his everything. 

But Lee’s heart was still broken, a tangled and tattered mess. Every night that Gaara left, every window left open as Gaara fled from his bed, every quiet escape with no goodbye, every kiss, every touch, every moan, every whisper of his name. His heart was in a hundred-thousand pieces scattered across his bedroom floor, across his bed, staining his sheets red where Gaara could have been; where Gaara should have been. And yet he still offered it out to Gaara, waiting for a day that would never come. 

Gaara stared at Lee’s back, at the tension highlighting the muscles there. He was a terrible liar, even without words. Gaara’s lips quirked, a small movement more like a twitch than an actual smile, yet somehow still tinged with sadness; with the ache of longing, with the regret of a love that would never be realised. 

He leaned over, reaching out to trace his hand lightly against Lee’s arm, already missing him; already yearning for the next visit. It would be months from now, maybe even a year. They always had so little time together, yet so much time apart. 

Lee’s muscles relaxed, a soft sigh escaping him as Gaara ran his hand back up Lee’s arm, to his shoulders, his neck, into his hair. Gaara brushed Lee’s hair aside, moving closer, bending down to close the gap between them. Lee stirred, ruining his lie so he could meet Gaara half way. 

The way Lee kissed made him feel hunted, made him feel as though he were being devoured, made him ache deep within. He wanted Lee take him, to have him, to consume him. He wanted to wrap himself up in Lee and never leave. 

He pressed closer, hungry and aching, his eyes stinging, his heart beating as if it were screaming.

He broke away, breathing heavy, hands shaking as he pulled away. “Please,” Lee asked, the word as broken as his heart. 

“I can’t stay,” Gaara whispered against Lee’s mouth, wanting to crawl inside him, wanting to exist as close to Lee’s soul as he could get. “I–I can’t. I’m sorry.” He fled. He always fled. 

But he didn’t usually say goodbye. 

Perhaps this really would be the last time. 

[find on ao3 // my kofi]

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - Fuck You Physics I'm a Horse

Transmission date: Monday 2/Tuesday 3 January.

.

Slightly behind schedule because ahahaha fuck off there is no schedule, this is MONDAY AFTERNOON RAW!

.

and

.

yknow

.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

.

(says vince)

.

anyway, we're in tampa, and goldberg will be here

.

ooh, and the zayn/strowman last man standing match

.

looking forward to that

.

but first, here's mick

.

HE'S HAD A HAIRCUT HOLY SHIT WHAT

.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

.

this is weird

.

he's making a thing about him cocking up the name of the town last time

.

good to see them acknowledge that

.

shark cage on display on the stage for some reason

.

more like shark stage am i right

.

and here come kevin and chris to tell me if i'm right

.

jericho is now boldly accessorising with two scarves and a tie

.

chris breaks into kevins rant to insist he calls him a sexy pinata

.

and they hate mick's new hair

.

because they hate mick

.

i cannot convey how great this rant is because kevin and chris just make it

.

the gist is they're angry at mick abusing his power

.

every time they mention the cage, the camera does a dramatic zoom on it

.

kevin refuses to stand for mick's bullshit any longer

.

so...mick is giving kevin a talk show?

.

and he can interview goldberg

.

this took a turn for the strange

.

mick, i don't think the kevin owens show is meant to be a talk show

.

there are other kinds of shows

.

kevin rants at mick some more, enter steph

.

to defend mick, which is nice

.

like i defend all of his decisions to the hilt although it would have been cool if you'd consulted me hmmmmm

.

kevin bursts in with WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHO CONSULTED WHO AND WHERE MICK FOLEY WAS AT CHRISTMAS GRAAAGH

.

i love him

.

you may have noticed

.

steph's giving chris a us title match tonight

.

with no champion's advantage

.

kevin's angling to have seth banned from ringside

.

so mick wants kevin banned

.

and steph is just like will all of you shut the fuck up smackdown's beating us in the ratings kevin you can fight seth for a chance to be at ringside now fuck off

.

and i assume they did, because this video broke

.

and now it's the kevin/seth match

.

i don't think i missed much

.

so yeah, whoever loses this is banned from ringside for the us title match

.

announce team get their intros, corey's just like it's 2017 and byron is still fucking here

.

commence to punching

.

kevin and seth, not corey and byron

.

although that'd be hilarious

.

for 2017, seth seems to have decided to not use any moves other than topes

.

kevin stomps on seth's head, because apparently he's allowed to do that when nobody else is

.

this match is pretty much just seth does a flashy move, kevin kicks him in the head, another flashy move, kevin kicks him in the back, continue unto death

.

kevin ends up cannonballing the barricade

.

ouch

.

cue big long slapfight section

.

seth has apparently hurt his thigh, is trying to get it back in the game by repeatedly punching it

.

not totally sure that's the medically-approved treatment

.

seth gets a comeback off a sling blade, like he does

.

aaaaaand tick the ugly suicide dive counter

.

ended up hitting the barricade shoulder-first

.

fucking stop it

.

brawl outside the ring, kevin hits seth with the ring bell and gets dq'd

.

shockingly, kevin is pissed

.

brief brawl, then kevin runs off when it turns out seth's still in a fighting mood too

.

but calls him a scumbag

.

strong words

.

in any case, now we have the tag champs

.

and they actually have matching shirts now

.

brave new world

.

cesaro's fighting, sheamus is on announce

.

and he's fighting carl anderson

.

cole like hey sheamus we're coming into rumble season how relevant are your opinions to this

.

(they are not)

.

apparently the club are aiming to divide and conquer

.

ominous

.

cesaro countering all anderson's throws like fuck you physics i'm a horse

.

because switzerland is basically skyrim

.

sheamus starts making game of thrones references, corey takes the chance to implicitly call byron a eunuch

.

some a+ 17th-century smack talk there

.

yeah, cesaro is basically just having fun stomping all over him, while letting through just enough offense that anderson and gallows seem like a legitimate threat

.

outstanding double springboard crossbody by cesaro there

.

gallows tries  to interfere, sheamus comes down to fuck his shit up

.

cole immediately forgets which one was on announce

.

*slow clap for cole*

.

really weird busaiku knee from anderson there

.

gallows and sheamus have a ruckus, cesaro gets crotched, anderson gets a big top rope neckbreaker for the win

.

wolfpac haaaaaands

.

and now we have some recaps of strowman/zayn

.

corey like well cole, the only explanation i can think of is that sami doesn't like his career very much

.

this video package is really long

.

so yeah, that match is next

.

now that video is finally over

.

and some of the bucs are in the crowd

.

corey tries to find a nice way of being like hey look, it's the bucs, they had a terrible season

.

the future's bright, apparently

.

but now, apparently we need a recap package of goldberg/lesnar

.

also super long

.

aaaaand finally we have the match

.

jojo gets a chance to have her nameplate on screen while she explains the rules

.

OHHHHHHHOHOHOHOHHHOH

.

(that was sami's intro, if it wasn't clear)

.

GRAAAAAAAUUUUGH

.

(that was braun's)

.

(or possibly someone shot a bear)

.

seriously cole, we don't need to hear the rules again

.

that's like four times in the last two minutes

.

and activate

.

sami immediately twats it out of the ring and grabs a kendo stick

.

because i know if i were faced with a seven-foot murderer, my first thought would be to slap him with some bamboo

.

sami does his barricade moonsault, braun just catches him off it and hotshots him on the barricade

.

oof

.

sami gets up by 6, immediately throws braun into the ring post a few times

.

gets cocky, goes for a torpedo ddt

.

gets caught in midair with a fist

.

braun's entire moveset is still just NO FUCK YOU

.

every time sami stands up, braun just clotheslines him again

.

braun hasn't gone down yet

.

sami tries a move, braun say no

.

cut to ads, when we come back braun's bombing sami off the stage

.

and beating him against the edge of the announce platform

.

fight spills into a backstage bit that apparently has no lighting

.

and further backstage

.

and sami finds a pipe to beat him with

.

also tech crates

.

there are always tech crates

.

shit a fuck

.

braun just full-on threw a tech crate at sami

.

missed, luckily

.

now for the chair beating

.

sami is just defining pluck here

.

and getting chokeslammed onto the stage

.

less advisable

.

corey blames mick foley for encouraging an unsafe mentality

.

which is probably true

.

big comeback

.

sami crossbodies braun off the stage through some tables

.

braun makes it up on 5

.

tampa crowd think this is awesome, and they're kind of right

.

proper old-fashioned hardcore match

.

braun powerslams sami on the floor

.

that must hurt

.

especially if you are a human who likes breathing

.

but of course, that applies to neither of these people

.

one is actually an undernourished victorian street mongrel in human form, and one is a truck

.

every time sami's down to like 8, braun picks him up and powerslams him again

.

and finally lets him stay down to 10

.

good result, really

.

lets braun keep being an undefeated monster, while stopping sami from having to back down

.

mick comes out with the ubiquitous stretcher guys

.

to check on his protégé

.

braun shoulder-checks sami off the stretcher, because fuck everything

.

and stalks off to demolish some other poor unfortunate

.

or maybe a cake

.

braun love cake

.

and now we get a recap of the gallagher/daivari weirdness

.

which was amazing, but i have genuinely no idea how americans felt about it

.

such a british variety thing

.

and now, jack is in the locker room, teaching the new day to fight with umbrellas

.

they start grinding, jack's just like yeahhhhh no and leaves

.

so now the new day are here

.

after a trailer for another new network show that i probably won't watch

.

still not convinced of the safety of throwing cereal boxes into crowds

.

kofi continues to weave subtle sex jokes into everything

.

oh, big e's joining in

.

basically, they're announcing themselves for the rumble

.

but now they're doing their new year's resolutions

.

and...

.

titus just stole the new day's intro?

.

and is now here for some reason

.

he's angling to join the new day

.

i could not be cringing harder right now

.

he's just doing all their catchphrases badly

.

and he's brought a whistle to join the trombonery

.

xavier just like dude, lemme tell you a thing

.

nobody likes you

.

so you can fuck off

.

titus is mocking xavier for being the weakest link in the new day

.

schoolboy error

.

so xavier challenges him for a match

.

titus coldcocks him in the face, then accepts

.

nice to see xavier getting some solo action

.

so far this has pretty much entirely been titus putting on headlocks

.

but cue the comeback

.

and kicking

.

mnogo kicking

.

bullfights titus over the top rope, then hits a lovely tope con giro

.

crowd suddenly very excitedly chanting for something that wasn't on camera

.

gonna have to wait for botchamania on that one

.

titus lines up a powerbomb, xavier does a sunset flip and gets the pin

.

new day dolly out like fuck youuuuuuu

.

and now bayley is backstage with steph

.

complaining about dana being a guest referee

.

steph's just like basically, lawyers

.

the flairs are rich, the fuck was i meant to do

.

oh, and by the way, i don't like you and i never wanted you here

.

just slip that in

.

bayley's like yeah cool don't actually care

.

so steph's rewarding her pluck with a contendership match for the title at the rumble

.

against nia jax

.

moohoohaha

.

end of segment

.

and now, cedric walking backstage with alicia

.

and noam coalesces out of ambient sleaze

.

to faux-apologise, objectify alicia, and run away

.

and now we have cedric v drew

.

and we don't see drew's intro, so i don't have to complain about him being dressed like a shitty final fantasy character

.

oh, and apparently tony nese is here too

.

in a suit, rather than his heman harness

.

cedric is still blindingly good

.

nese gets on the apron, alicia pulls him down and starts shouting at him, drew gets a pin off the distraction

.

disappoint

.

gulak and nese run away, and cut to kevin and chris backstage briefly

.

because it's time for chris/roman now

.

for the title

.

with no champion's advantage

.

which means logically, chris could just have someone come in and slap him, win by dq, and take the title

.

but then

.

yknow

.

logic

.

no cole, don't talk about roman winning the 2015 rumble

.

we all agreed to forget that

.

apparently chris jericho is always the man with the plan

.

excuse me corey, i think a certain sex pirate would have something to say on that score

.

we're getting full-on let's go roman/roman sucks chants

.

his cenafication is complete

.

roman goes for a superman punch on the apron while chris goes for a springboard dropkick

.

the kick was quicker

.

chris is playing smart, getting back in the ring every time roman leaves

.

roman gets back in on 9, because of course he does

.

lionsault foiled by roman having knees

.

that move does get countered a lot

.

speaking of which, roman sets up for the spear, jericho counters into a codebreaker attempt, then turns that into the walls

.

roman turns it into a pin

.

out at 2, back to the fight

.

roman catches chris off the top rope with a superman punch

.

goes for a spear again, chris counters again

.

chris removes a turnbuckle pad, the ref notices and goes to put it back on, chris gets the belt while his back's turned, gives it to roman and then takes a dive

.

classic evil

.

the ref isn't entirely convinced, but it still gives chris an opening for a codebreaker

.

the pin, doesn't take, unexpectedly

.

jericho runs headfirst into the exposed turnbuckle that the ref apparently did a really shitty job of covering

.

so reigns retains, the world shrugs

.

end of segment

.

looks like the women's contender match is gonna be our main event

.

oh, or maybe kevin talking to goldberg

.

but who gives a fuck

.

because right now, we have brian kendrick

.

fuck you corey, responding to my jokes a week in advance

.

he just slipped in a clarification between 'the man with the plan' and 'the man with plan'

.

but yeah, it's perkins/kendrick round #zaynandowenswanttheirschtickback

.

apparently swann was meant to be here, but neville fucked him up but good

.

i missed a couple bits of that match, but it was short anyway

.

in any case, kendrick taps to a kneebar

.

and now for an advert for the UK championship

.

PE THE HYPE THE HYPE THE HYPE THE HYPE THE HYPE THE HYPE THE HYPE THE HY

.

holy shit, it's this weekend

.

i hadn't realised

.

right, guess i need to get this shit up to date by saturday

.

and next, a match with no hype at all

.

cass v jinder/rusev

.

but first, an even shittier than usual emmalina video

.

reasonably sure it was put together in powerpoint

.

so yeah, here are enzo and cass

.

enzo is in a powered chair, and as someone who uses a wheelchair in real life, i'm side-eyeing him even more than usual

.

also, every time he moves, the motors are fucking with the mics

.

in other news, i'm still not totally sure why jinder's a heel

.

his whole thing is peace and enlightenment, and his only possible heel attribute as far as i can make out is 'foreign'

.

corey embarks on a shitty joke about disability fraud

.

careful, graves

.

i love you, but i can only take so much

.

jinder slaps enzo for giggles

.

general ruckus, and rusev hits a superkick for the pin

.

welp, that was short

.

probably shorter than the intros

.

moving on

.

let's have a recap video of the last man standing match

.

good job moving on, wwe

.

but now, women's match

.

and an advert for tajiri returning to 205

.

but where the fuck is tozawa, guys

.

sigh

.

anyway

.

match

.

charlotte's on announce, and here's bayley

.

charlotte wearing black, which is weird

.

recaps of nia being a bitch

.

and begin the match

.

and begin the pounding of bayley all over the place

.

and a long section where i try and piece the match together in my mind because this recording is broken as fuck

.

nia gets bullfought into the post, beats bayley up more

.

goes to the second rope, sasha'a music kicks and she comes in, bayley takes the distraction to hit a belly to bayley for the pin

.

so she gets a title shot

.

sasha's looking okay, but for the knee brace

.

apparently next week on raw we have shawn michaels and taker

.

because legends can be on whatever show they fucking want

.

and now we have the kevin owens talk show

.

the set consists of a desk for him and chris, a deckchair for the guest, and a man wearing both a kevin owens show shirt and a kevin owens show sign over his head

.

which is the most exquisitely surreal thing here

.

because why would you not hire someone to be a sign

.

kevin does a big intro to goldberg, switches at the last moment to be talking about chris

.

awwww those guys

.

the ko show has its own screen overlay and everything

.

tampa is getting put on the list for chanting for goldberg

.

and apparently chris has big breaking news

.

he's proclaiming himself the third entrant in the rumble

.

which is dubious because the new day already announced

.

but w/e

.

kevin's pissed because if jericho wins, they'll have to fight

.

but anyway

.

commence the epic backstage journey of a man named bill

.

if he makes it to mania, they're gonna have to start the show with him waking up

.

and just have the whole day on the network be a live broadcast of his journey to the match

.

bill is angry about...well, everything

.

kevin is trying to regain control of his show

.

goldberg killed the deckchair

.

and gets put on the list for it

.

so he's just started shouting the names of his finishers at them

.

kevin: "Wait, am I meant to be intimidated because you said the word 'jackhammer' and took your coat off?"

.

best question

.

kevin and goldberg get all up in each other's business

.

and cue paul heyman, to tell us that brock isn't here

.

cool, good to know

.

oh, and he's got spoilers for the rumble

.

which are eat/sleep/elimination/repeat

.

which, frankly, i'm looking forward to the 'eat' and 'sleep' sections

.

goldberg mentions roman, he appears

.

clearly had no shit better to do

.

gets up in roman's face, and...braun?

.

the fuck is even going on here

.

fuck it, everyone in the ring

.

paul is literally cowering on the floor as braun passes

.

braun is also apparently going to win the rumble

.

gonna be a bit awkward when five different people all win

.

how many muscles will vince have to sever

.

moment of tension broken as roman and goldberg spear braun

.

they have a moment of mutual respect, and then roman leaves as goldberg poses and roars

.

and then we fade on him getting pictures with kids in the crowd

.

well, that happened

.

and i think that's your daily dose of my wrestling shit

.

unless you want another hilarious episode where i pass out and miss the middle third of smackdown

.

but you don't, and more importantly, i don't

.

so that was raw, and now for a bit where i have a nap and a life, cleverly disguised by the magic of technology as a series of dashes

----------

Back in the metaphorical saddle (the horse is, sadly, not metaphorical) welcome to TUESDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN!

we open with the miz, and the crowd refusing to be quiet on set

.

him and maryse are both wearing real person clothes

.

i'm conflicted

.

although maryse's dress does zip all the way down the back, which is interesting

.

oh, and let's have recaps of miz/renee

.

which is good, because i forgot about it

.

sod off, i'm tired and i haven't watched smackdown in like a fortnight

.

you're not my real parents

.

(unless you are)

.

(this is statistically unlikely)

.

oh yeah, dean has a title shot tonight off all this

.

miz is helpfully informing us all how great him and his wife are

.

he's resolved to be more forgiving, so renee needs to come out and apologise to him

.

...i'm not sure that's how that works, mike

.

and now he's threatening to hold up the show until she comes out

.

apparently renee has sacrificed her journalistic integrity by sleeping with dean

.

dude, she's an interviewer on a wrestling show

.

you do not in fact work at reuters

.

dean comes out, miz hides behind maryse, she hits dean

.

and miz leaves, with maryse keeping firmly between them throughout

.

dean like lololol your wife hits harder than you

.

seriously, can this episode not just be all gender-based humour

.

next we have ziggler/corbin

.

and later, a contract signing for styles/cena at the rumble

.

which i'm sure will be as uneventful as any other bit of corporate paperwork

.

although, to be fair, in a company run by vince mcmahon, that could be how all business looks

.

i would not be remotely surprised

.

baron's wearing a jacket composed entirely of unnecessary zips and d-rings

.

shitty bondage corbin

.

and dolph's gone to black tights and making one fan very happy by throwing his shirt

.

apparently baron has resolved to "go through his opponents like foreign water through a tourist"

.

[mauro intensifies]

.

in any case, baron is currently stomping dolph into jam

.

but that's how most dolph matches start

.

baron's taken to keeping a vest on, which means now i can't spend the match just talking about his tattoos

.

boooooo

.

dolph gets smacked into the apron a few times, which seems to have reactivated his comeback circuits

.

i say that, then we cut to break, and come back with baron just standing on his head

.

so much for those

.

"Look at that clothesline! That's like watching Michelangelo paint...for someone who really likes clotheslines."

.

thanks, jbl

.

if you like clotheslines, you'll like that clothesline

.

the wheels on the dolph go clothesline, clothesline, stinger splash, neckbreaker, elbow drop

.

might have to work on the scansion in that

.

famouser for a near-fall

.

i started typing that even before the move landed

.

because nobody has ever been pinned off the famouser

.

might want to trade it in for a signature that actually, yknow, works

.

baron picks dolph up over his head then just throws him across the ring, dolph doesn't give a shit and goes straight into a zigzag

.

doesn't take

.

dolph has a complicated relationship with selling

.

OH GOD MY ARM IT HURTS ok i'm fine

.

and end of days for the pin

.

that was alright

.

dolph is great lately, and baron's on the up

.

and now he has a chair

.

(ho ho ho)

.

and here comes kalisto

.

dropkicks the chair out of baron's hands, bullfights him out of the ring, then picks it up himself

.

beautiful sequence

.

and then dolph superkicks him?

.

dolph turn?

.

the fuck

.

i was not expecting that

.

stands there screaming at kalisto about how he doesn't need anyone

.

huh

.

so that happened

.

and now,carmella is backstage

.

and enter james ellsworth

.

being aw shucks awkward

.

and giving her his shirt

.

like literally taking off the shirt he was wearing and giving it to her

.

she has a moment of um what the fuck then invites him to escort her to the ring

.

in the locker room, dolph is wrecking shit

.

and apollo objects to his behaviour

.

so dolph starts unloading on him until mojo and rhyno pull them apart

.

the most unlikely pairing to restore order

.

but now, let's talk about the women's title scene

.

and the ongoing adventures of the mysterious la luchadora

.

jbl is trying to explain the concept of a character being played my different people to the rest of the announcers

.

guys, you all work in wrestling

.

work it out

.

so now we have becky v la luchadora

.

who i'm thinking is nattie?

.

i mean, there are only like six women on this show

.

and she's too pale to be carmella or naomi

.

oh wait, she's got dark hair

.

so i guess i have no idea

.

she twin magics under the ring, enter a new one who totally isn't being played by alexa bliss

.

does twisted bliss, but becky rolls through for a disarmher for the tap

.

unmasks her, she is shockingly alexa bliss

.

and then both of las luchadoras start beating on becky

.

alexa ddts her, and las luchadoras leave

.

up next, contract signing

.

everybody's favourite part of the corporate experience

.

ad for 205 live

.

and now for the paperwork

.

enter bryan like a homeless man who's acquired a nice shirt

.

the ring has a carpet, a table, and an office chair either side of it

.

how long are cena and aj going to be sitting there?

.

padded chairs seem like overkill

.

they're literally there to sign a piece of paper

.

and if it's going to take that long, where is bryans chair

.

basically, whatever your starting point, this setup is dumb

.

oh, cena actually took his seat

.

well, guess that showed me

.

aj isn't sitting down

.

he's too good for chairs

.

or possibly has bad knees

.

he turns up and is immediately just like come on bryan we're old friends and workers why am i getting a match with this media personality

.

half expecting bryan to shrug and be like hey, worked for goldberg

.

*counter on smackdown staff congratulating themselves on beating raw in the ratings dings*

.

bryan's just like, hey, people want to see it and ratings are good

.

which is enirely fair, tbh

.

cena's up and doing a weird dance every time bryan says anything emphatic

.

and now he leaves so they can do some serious signing

.

i have no clue how this logically works

.

aj criticises cena for being tenuously related to authority, take an incredibly bland shot

.

aj like hey john remember when you told me i needed to pull out a win or i'd prove i didn't belong in the wwe funny that hmmmmmmm

.

and pointing out how they've had great ratings lately, coincidentally as cena has been absent

.

and now this whole conversation is about things john said either like three years ago or on talking smack about the rock

.

i did not watch either of those things

.

and in conclusion hey john you were great but now you can fuck off

.

also you're not as good an actor as the rock just sayin

.

fun fact: despite their whole old school/new school thing, aj is only a month younger than cena

.

and cena goes off on a thing about how being a man means standing up and fighting back

.

stop gender policing, john

.

ohhhhhhhhh he called aj a bitch

.

in the pg era, that's like calling someone the illegitimate child of adolf hitler and a public toilet

.

and now let's have a cena-brand (tm) tirade on the meaning of 'passion'

.

and on how great it is to be john cena

.

apparently at the rumble, aj should bring his family, his friends, the noise, and his a-game

.

one of these things is not like the others

.

cena says 'recognise', drops the mic, and...baron is here?

.

don't try and steal braun's shtick, dude

.

he's here to tell us that he's entering the rumble

.

great

.

nobody cares

.

cena's like finally, someone who'll agree to fight me

.

he takes his shirt off, aj dropkicks him in the side of the head

.

solid move there

.

also good throw by cena there

.

that cap must have hit like the sixth row

.

aj runs away, baron shouts a bit, end of segment

.

now maryse is backstage

.

slapping renee

.

so that happened

.

and straight fade on that

.

huh

.

and now, carmella v aliyah

.

welcome to the main shows

.

and carmella's wearing a cutoff ellsworth shirt

.

he is here too

.

side note: according to what he just said, jbl thinks old televisions ran on nanotubes

.

he may in fact be from the future

.

apparently they're called carmellsworth

.

and reference to david being married to jennifer hudson, just in case you'd forgotten

.

also jbl can't tell carmella and aliyah apart, even by name

.

dude, one is italian-american, one's middle eastern

.

sigh

.

ellsworth shouts at aliyah, carmella gets the code of silence off the distraction

.

he's being used as the most stereotypical arm candy valet role, and i kind of love it

.

and now, we have american alpha fucking up the fashion police

.

so good to see them with belts

.

long may it continue

.

i literally looked away for twenty seconds to check my youtube feed, looked back as they hit grand amplitude

.

huh

.

but here's the real meat of the segment, as bray has a video for them

.

tl; dr: next week, they're getting the title back

.

weird moment of tension as randy does the run thing, and luke looks at him like dude that's my line

.

but now, nikki and natalya in dramatic talking to each other action

.

apparently brie and nikki worked their entire lives to make the bella name mean something

.

no, i think you have italian to thank there

.

nattie claims she's never got anything off the back of her family, nikki's just like um what have you seen your entrance music/gear/finisher

.

exhibit A, a tweet from bret saying good things about nikki#

.

so nattie is using this as proof of a grand conspiracy against her

.

and accusing nikki of using her sex appeal to get stuff

.

have you seen what you're wearing, nattie

.

tells nikki john's going to leave her when she's old and ugly and she'll die alone, so nikki punches her head off her face

.

backstage, dasha asks dean if his mind's in the right place for this title match

.

at least, i think that's what she said, because she shat approximately all the beds on delivering her lines

.

who knew 'intercontinental championship' was so hard to say

.

(spoiler: everyone)

.

(i don't even type it usually)

.

ADVERT FOR THE UK CHAMPIONSHIP HYYYYYYYPE

.

this weekend, 8:00

.

get in

.

got to catch up on another week of this first

.

doable

.

but now, jack gallagher gives us a 205 advert

.

along with his umbrella, who is apparently called Willem

.

next week, we have nikki/nattie, american alpha/wyatts for the belts, and corbin/cena

.

as you could probably have inferred with three and a half brain cells

.

(side note: the terrible internet part of my brain has started shipping francesca ii turbo/willem)

.

miz and maryse's outfits are so ridiculous, and i love them so much

.

maryse's vampire basque is vinyl this time rather than lycra

.

titanium monk remains the same

.

and dean has stepped up to the occasion by dressing like that drug addict who beat you up behind a little chef at 3 p.m. one time

.

(you know it happened, and so do i)

.

bell rings, dean immediately goes super dean on miz's bedazzled ass

.

(bedassle?)

.

cue the scooby-doo segment where dean chases miz in and out of the ring a few times

.

the crowd need to start doing yakety sax for that

.

dean seems to have decided to mash miz against every object in the room

.

crotches him on the barricade

.

unsafe at any speed

.

"Talk about ringing in the new year!"

.

...let's not, mauro

.

not sure i want to know how you do that in your house

.

maryse starts shouting at dean, miz stakes the opportunity to dropkick him in the head

.

mauro thinks dean is dolph ziggler

.

eh, close enough

.

both scrappy, both capable of pulling out disproportionately good big matches, both kind of a douche when you think about it

.

miz counters dean's running bulldog through a complex gambit known as 'standing still'

.

i might not be putting it across, since all the circuits in my futuristic computer brain that don't specialise in sarcasm, bizarre musings and scatological humour are in sleep mode, but this match is pretty solid

.

lots of cool reversals and nicely timed sequences from both men

.

miz gets a finale off maryse shouting at the ref, but the pin doesn't take for once

.

maryse stood by the side of the ring like crisse de tabarnak what does a girl have to do

.

(yeah, québécois humour)

.

(don't get that on your other wrestling blogs)

.

reversal, reversal, reversal, dean lands a lariat but takes them both down

.

dean psyching himself back up by repeatedly punching himself in the face

.

GUYS

.

that suicide dive was actually properly executed and solidly caught

.

and on the miz, as well

.

wonders never cease

.

maryse interferes again, the ref tries to dq miz, but dean gets him to just eject her instead

.

miz coldcocks him off the distraction, still can't get the pin

.

dude, if you can't pin him off two distractions in a row, you may as well just resign

.

goes for a finale, dean reverses into dirty deeds, 1, 2, 3, new ic champ

.

like i say, miz deserves it for dicking all over the fine and storied art of the ref distraction

.

and fade on dean panting over his shiny new belt, and climbing on the announce table while jbl moans at him

.

and that was the smackdown

.

expect another post soon, since i want to get on track before the uk title tournament

.

yknow, if you hadn't guessed that already

.

but first, 205 and nxt

.

and maybe some non-wrestling-related life things

.

who can say