#LUCKLY. i technically have a work around.

[artystaroc]

I am going to fucking vomit, what the Fuck happened to my finished fourth Back Home page?

[notasdriedapricots]

Also, living room and attic for Liz x I’m really enjoying reading your answers.

Oh, thank you! I’m really enjoying thinking about these, there’re many I had never considered before!

Thank you, Iris! (Part 4 lol) 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 (Yes, I’m committing to this)

Living Room:

How does the character spend weekends?

Liz already spends a lot of time at home during the week practicing, so on weekends she likes to go around town. Usually with Simon (her best friend), and they pack as many things as they can in a single day, even if they’ve already done everything and been everywhere a thousand times before. 

What kind of movies does the character watch?

Liz is a cinephile, so she watches everything. She has her periods of watching a lot of the same movement or director before switching to a different one. Still, she always comes back to her favourites. She likes watching movies many times to find new things in them. So yeah pretty much, everything.

What do they do with friends?

Given that her BFF is also a musician, a lot of it is related to music. They play together, talk about it, go see live music, share new artists... They let each other know if they can’t make it, otherwise they just assume they have plans together, even if those plans are yet to be determined.

They get together every Friday night to drink wine and play cards or board games while they have deep chats because they’re cool like that. They die laughing every time.

With her other friends she goes out for coffee or pints. Sometimes she has picnics with some of her friends from the orchestra, if the stars align and they can all make it.

She likes cooking for her friends, even if it’s something very simple, the ritual of inviting them over and have them stay until late just chatting and having a laugh is the best time she can have.

What’s their favorite pastime?

Learning new pieces on the cello. And I mean new as in cutting-edge stuff. She’s in contact with several people that are modernizing the instrument and is always eager to do something new and experiment with it. She is technically very talented, but a great part of why she’s gotten so far so early is because she’s on top of her shit. And she loves it. She doesn’t consider it an extension of her job, though, at all.

What’s their favorite TV show/film?

TV would probably be something like Fargo. Funny, but also not funny.

Film, she would tell you she has two or three for every genre, but I’ll say three: 1. Singin’ in the Rain: I mean, she’s kinda the embodimen of that movie; sweet, and funny, but oh so sassy and self-aware; also music. 2. Memento: Innovative, rewatchable, unique, fast, complex. 3. Clue: Just brilliantly comical, meta, original, an absolute classic.

Attic:

What is the character afraid of?

Mundane? Snakes. Deeper? Liz is terrified of losing the people closest to her, which is a big problem given her personality. Her nature is to let people get close, but she’s had to learn to put up a barrier just in case. The only people she lets get that close are those who have proven to her that they won’t hurt her, that they won’t decide to just one day walk away without explanation. This is why she usually seems like she cares way more than she actually does; she looks like she cares as much as she wants to let herself care, but she knows she shouldn’t so she rarely does (I hope that sentence made sense lol)

How do they deal with bad memories?

She tries to work through bad experiences so they don’t weigh on her. So unless something specific brings something to the surface, she usually doesn’t think about the bad parts of her past. She took them as a lesson, learnt what she deemed valuable, and let them go (as much as she could).

What is this character’s role in a horror movie?

She’s the final girl for sure. She’s resourceful, and even though she will be pretty sceptic at first, she will go “okay so this is happening” instead of fighting the evidence. She won’t chicken out, and won’t be the asshole that lets the others behind.

How do they hide their secrets?

She’s a bit like Lucas in the way that you probably won’t even know she’s keeping a secret in the first place because she’s usually very private regarding her personal life. So she won't show it, and if you say something she'll just deny she's hiding something. But she’s a great liar if she needs to be, and won’t hesitate to even gaslight you if you insist on snooping around. She’ll feel bad, though.

Which of the Seven Deadly Sins does the character relate to most?

This one was pretty hard but... surprisingly even for me, I’ll have to say wrath. She’s very, veeeeery hard to piss off, but when you do... it brings out the worst side of her. If you manage to get her actually mad, it’s gonna get ugly, because she will go right where it hurts the most. She’ll use everything she knows about you, and she’ll turn cruel. Luckly it hardly ever happens.

Send me a character and a room and I’ll tell you my HC for them!

[the-worst-fe-player]

(For Ceres) What do you like to do for fun with the other golden deer students?

Its really depends on who I'm with. Looking after the horses and pegasus with Marianne is so fun and she's so good with them it's really impressive plus it's one of the few times Marianne will hold a conversation and she's such a sweet heart to be around. Baking with Raphael and lysithea is great it's like being on the farm again plus seeing Raphael after all these years is amazing i never thought i would see him again and lysithea is so fun to tease while she totally doesn't stuff the whole cupcake in her mouth. I have been drawing with ignatz latly I think I'm getting better he actually knew I was trying to draw a cat this time and not a whale. Me a leoine have been riding into town and we talk about our lifes back home and also sparing, she said fighting against a flying mage is something captain jeralt never taught her plus I want to get better if we are going to be thrown into battle every month! Every time I try to talk to hilda I always get wrapped up doing some chores for her so I haven't been able to spend any real time with her yet. while I still have my guard up around claude and probably will for a long time we ran into eachother in the abyss once while snooping in things we probably shouldn't be I dont know what hes after but its become a weekly thing every Wednesday but even if its silence I enjoy it and he hasn't rated me out yet and when were down here he doesn't try and pry into my life. Lorenz has been trying to teach me stuff about nobles it turns out his father couldn't keep his damm mouth shut and knows I'm technically his cousin luckly he hasn't said anything yet so I'm trying to keep on his good side and it sucks and is boring I'm no noble! but honslty not all the stuff hes shown me is that bad and some of it was kind of fun like learing how the alliance lords work and the rose hair pin he gave me is cute just dont tell him that.

[Picrew credit]

[suhnnyskiess]

Life is really complicated sometimes. With recent events going around (health crisis, human rights activism, feminist activism too, etc) Idk i feel with a whole lot of mixed feelings.

When i was still in school (15-16 y/o at best) i was SO blinded by my privilege lmao, i used to believe everyone grew up in a big house with TV and cable, WiFi and had takeout at least once a week. I am not ashamed of who i was, because it was part of me and i can’t just pretend it did not exist, but i gre out of that pahse and now as a 19 y/o going on 20 i feel really confused. I’m sorry if i make typos, this is a self indulgent post bc i never post stuff here and its too long to be a tweet lmao.

For example, Capitalism. 

In school i finally paid some attention in my hs senior year and i grew aware of how awful the system we live in is. Which now makes me have mixed feelings with the music i lisent to, like take KPOP idols for example, the kpop industry is such a wasteful in materials and non sustainable for the planet its such a peak of capitalism and how they exploit their idols just because most of them genuinly want to make music so they go and sell their souls to the capitalism world we live in. Which makes me sometimes feel bad about supporting them, becuase me supporting them (by buying things that are one use only for example: posters, stickers, photocards, etc)

So i always end up rethinking if i should really be supporting them, bc if i do it means i support the system when in reality i just want to support them alone bc i like them as artist, i like the persona they portray (bc lets be real Korea would never let them be as truthfull as they want to be) 

Korea is such a conservative country i can’t believe i wanted to study there, i would just be stared @ by old ladies bc i’m brown and latina. Like Korea is so full of male chauvinism and so homophobic too like ??? Capitalism gave birth to male chauvisnm and you cant change my mind.  Which leads to the next point.

Feminist movement

I actually am thankfull of paying attetion in my senior year, learned so much more of the feminist movement and even started to actually speak up sometimes. So, having to deconstruct myself these past years haven’t been easy but i’m still conflicted.

I have friends that are way into the privilege bubble or in their micro male chauvinism bubble, bc they sometimes make some “jokes” about womans bodies or how girls “are such aslut for doing ____” and i’m still scared to speak up.

Shouldn’t i be able to speak up? Knowing what they are saying is wrong? Because the times i have done it they always and up with the “You take everything so seriously” or how can we forget the “You can’t take a joke” 

Luckly, my closest friends were never that kind of way, but some of them still live in their bubble and i try to leave hints like “Hi ur dad is a jack ass, you should know that” with a lowkey tone because i do understand they grew up in adifferent enviroment BUT thats not an excuse to be a jackass lmao we are in the 21th century FFS

Racism/Clasism

Technically speaking my country is not neccesarry into the criteria of racism (completly) because what i see more here is the clacism. 

People feel entitled to be superior to tohers just bc their families live in the richer areas or have more money than others or whatever.

I feel kinda sad i wanted to fit in in that kind of world when i was a kid, i saw many others with new phones or brand new clothes and i wanted that so bad, i was so envious for material objects lmao clown

Ofc now i am ware that no matter where i come from and what i have im not either superior nor inferior to anyone, bc we all are equal.

MY POINT HERE IS THAT, even in 2020 i see many being classist, saying white wome are prettier (becuase if you are tan it means you work in the sun, you are poor) or how someone “Could never use public transportation bc its disgusting” (and yes i heard that from a classmate) and it makes me think y’know, how many people are out there being judged just bc of their income, their job, their neighborhood, etc. Its just DUMB

In conclusion:

I’m still lost and i never know what should i believe in or even if the things i believe in are okay or things i support, we all are equal, we all deserve the same things and please remember that.

[chungha-supremacist]

No borders - Chapter 2

word count: 5003

SUMMARY:

“It’s just us 5 right?”

“Forever.”

“No men allowed… ever. Let’s promise to eachother that we will never let any man come in between us!”

“Never!”

Naive promises told at a young age, just between 5 best friends. They promised their world to eachother, “best friends ‘till death breaks us apart”. 10 Years passed. The same 5 girls, but no longer blinded by those “stupid promises”. It will be broken. The promise of a lifetime. The lust of love is what makes us all see unclear. We lose our friends, or soulmates, we fall for the unknown, we fall for lies and for the feeling of being important to someone who will drag us far away from who truly matters.

“Forget about the world… forget about them… right now, it’s only me and you. They don’t need to know that I love you.”

CATEGORY: F/F; F/M

Fandom: RED VELVET (Band), NCT (Band)

Relationships: Park Sooyoung / Kim Yerim; Bae Joohyun / Kang Seulgi; Son Seungwan / Nakamoto Yuta

Characters: Park Sooyoung; Kim Yerim, Bae Joohyun, Kang Seulgi, Son Seungwan, Seo Youngho, Jung Jaehyun, Nakamoto Yuta, Dong Si Cheng, Wong Yuk Hei, Lee Taeyong, Chung Ha

Additional Tags: friendship,angst, mistrust, lies, cheating, lesbian interactions, smut, fluff, fashion, models, rich life, etc

RATED: SMUT, FLUFF, ANGST.

CHAPTER 2

Sooyoung found herself in the most awkward encounter with her alleged “boss” at the dinner, in a pub where all you could see were horny couples grinding on eachother on the dance floor and drunk dudes whistleing and winking at her. She felt out of context, especially because all Yuk Hei was doing was drool over every chick who would pass his sight.

“Could you be any more obvious…” sighs Sooyoung.

“Jealous?” says Yuk Hei now smirking at her.

“You’re drunk. Maybe it’s better if I will drive your car to your home, so that I make sure WE get there safe and I can take the subway to my home-“

“I’m not drunk, Sooyoung. I just wanna have some fun tonight, whether if it’s gona be with you or with some random chi-“

Sooyoung was so full of it that her punch met the table in the loundest way possible which made Yuk Hei forget his words.

“Hey.. I was joking, ok..”

“I am not joking here, Yuk Hei. If you just wanted me to come here for you to get me drunk and get laid with me, you should’ve said so. Goddamnit, boys are all the same!” screams Sooyoung, now being angrier than ever before, while grabbing her purse and running out of the pub.

She felt like tearing up. She can’t stand this feeling anymore. Every guy she tries to even be friends with, they all end up wanting “something” back… She is sick of these “species” called males.

“SOOYOUNG!”

Sooyoung doesn’t bother to turn around and she wipes the small tears from her eyes hearing Yuk Hei running after her. Soon, he catches up to her and grabs her hand firmly, turning her to face him, centimeters away from eachother.

“What.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what. Nothing happened there, I’m just tired. Take me home. Or I’ll take the subway.”

“I’ll take you home Sooyoung.”

They were now standing in the even more awkward silence than the atmosphere at the pub. Yuk Hei was pretending to be focused on driving and Sooyoung was desperately refreshing her messages waiting for a message from Yeri who seemed to have been offline the entire day. She sighs.

“What’s wrong..?” says Yuk Hei while putting one hand on her leg.

“Don’t touch me.” And she throws his hand away.

Yuk Hei suddenly stops the car at an empty gas station.

“Sooyoung, I know you don’t have a good impression of me-“

“Damn right.”

“But tonight I invited you to change that.”

“Does it seem like it worked?”

“No.. but I want to make it work.”

“What do you even want Yuk Hei…”

“You.”

Sooyoung swears she gaged at this word.

“Excuse me?”

“Sooyoung… give me a chance.”

“You are my boss!!” quietly screams Sooyoung.

“So? I’m technically not. I am just the chief of your department Sooyoung, and nobody would care anyway. One chance. Let me prove you that you are the only woman I’ve been thinking about lately.”

The strong smell of liquoir was now filling Sooyoung’s nostrils and she knew what she had to do.

“You are drunk and saying nonsense. Grow out of it. Tomorrow you wont even know what you just said now and you will get back to sleeping with 10 different girls per night.”

“That is not true!!” protests Yuk Hei.

“Oh yeah? Tell me more of how you fucked almost all the models from our company until now except me and Chung Ha. Hmm, I wonder WHY you chose exactly me and her to go out with you tonight. Luckly Chung Ha is not a stupid, sensitive person like me.”

Now Sooyoung feels more uncomfortable than ever. She just wants to run out of this stinky car.

“You- How do you know that??!! You got proof, honey??!!” screams Yuk Hei, now seeming like a monster in comparison to the innocent Sooyoung.

“I- BECAUSE I HAVE EARS YOU DUMB SLUT! DON’T YOU THINK I TALK WITH THE GIRLS YOU USE?? Don’t you think they cry to me after you ruin their lives with sweet lies, promising them the moonlight and in the end, leaving them on the edge of killing themselves??!! They feel like worthless whores after you use them!” Sooyoung can’t believe she just had the guts to say this.

“Sooyoung.” Says Yuk Hei while locking the doors of the car.

“W-what. W-what are you doing??” Sooyoung is now on the verge of crying and screaming.

“I will teach you a lesson, Sooyoung. Right here, right now.”

Yuk Hei unzips his pants and Sooyoung swears that she’s going to start crying.

“Yuk Hei please… Let me go, I don’t want you.” Cries Sooyoung while hitting on the door to open.

“After this, you will want me, baby girl.”

He takes his pants off revealing his expensive underwear and his very erected member.

Sooyoung is a smart girl. She wipes off her tears and crawls on top of him.

“See, you already know what you have to do baby girl. Now please your boss and maybe we’ll see about a promotion or something-“ but Sooyoung turns around and presses the button to unlock the doors. She falls on the stone-cold ground of the empty gas station and starts screaming for help. Right when she gets up, Yuk Hei grabs her hand animalistically and covers her mouth. Sooyoung bites with all her power on his finger and Yuk Hei screams in pain. She left her purse in his car, but she couldn’t care less. She is now running, screaming for help, but there was hardly anyone on the street. She runs for the subway station where she finds a tall man, dressed in a suit, lazily scrolling on his phone while waiting for the subway. She runs to him and grabs his hand desperately like her life depended on it. The male stands up in fear.

“Please help me. I am being chased.”

“By who?”

“There is a guy! Tall, black hair, wearing a black shirt and blue jeans. H-he is trying t-o-“

“Don’t worry, stay by my side and if you see him, I will make sure nothing will happen to you, alright? Calm down please.”

Sooyoung takes a seat next to the man who looked so neat and who smelled like vanilla. She is trying to catch her breath when she realized her shirt was half unbuttoned and she lets out a small cry.

“I’m sorry…” she sobs.

“It’s alright. Don’t worry.” Says the man trying to reassure the insanely scared girl.

The subway arrives in the station and they both go in, no sign of Yuk Hei still following her.

“Do you think he is still looking for you?”

“That guy… He is my boss… I will have to face him at work… Or at least when I will apply my resignation.”

“Aha… Do you live far from the subway station where you get down? I can take you to your place if you’re still scared.”

After what happened, Sooyoung couldn’t trust anyone. Especially a stranger. She had no phone or money whatsoever at her so she had no one to call.

“May I use your phone..?” she quietly asks.

“Of course.” Says the man while taking out his huge, expensive phone.

Now the problem was: the only phone numbers she knew were her mom’s, her aunt’s and… Yeri’s. But Yeri hasn’t answered all day to her messages and calls, why would she answer now… She’s probably asleep. But she still tries her luck. She calls.

…

“Hello?”

Sooyoung swears she will start crying hearing the reassuring words of her best-friend.

“Y-yeri-ah… It’s me, Sooyoung. Joy.”

“JOY??!! Is this a new phone?”

“N-no.”

“What is wrong?” and now Yeri’s voice turned darker and more serious than ever.

Sooyoung starts crying.

“Y-yeri.. can you come pick me up from the subway station please.”

“SOOYOUNG WHAT IS WRONG??!! Yes!! I’m coming right now!” there is a pause and then Sooyoung hears the voice of a male on the other end, talking to Yeri and telling her ‘See you some other time?’. Sooyoung’s stomach ached.

“What was that-?”

“What was what? WHERE ARE YOU JOY??!!”

“In the subway, im getting down in 2 minutes. I’ll explain when we meet. Bye.”

…

The man smiles at her.

“Is everything ok? Is someone picking you up?”

“Yes yes! Thank you so much, Mister! This is where I get down… Thank you again…”

Sooyoung must’ve bowed to the man 50 times because she couldn’t thank the him enough.

When she exits the subway, there she is, Yeri, in the most gorgeous dress in the world, a silky black dress complimenting her body like a crown compliments a princess’ head. She worriedly runs to hug Sooyoung tightly and puts her jacket around her.

“Sooyoung… oh my godness… what happened??!!”

Sooyoung wipes her tear of happiness after seeing Yeri.

“Yuk Hei. I went out with him.”

“What??!! Your boss you mean??”

“Ex-boss. I aint walking in that office ever again.” Sobs Sooyoung while being guided by Yeri.

“Oh no… What did he do…”

“He tried to rape me Yeri.”

Yeri could swear she is going to punch a wall. She feels as anger grows inside of her and she feels like both crying and go look for the guy who did this to her other half.

“Soo…young.” Yeri finds her words terribly hard. “I cant believe this..” and she falls into Sooyoung arms, hugging around her small waistline. Sooyoung pats her head and they both start crying under the dark sky filled with stars.

 ---

It is the next day and Irene shows no sign of being calm, standing in front of all the girls, after Sooyoung told them what happened.

“Where does he live???”

“IRENE!!”

“What?? HE needs to pay!”

“And what? You will go and fight him with your pilates movements??” replies Seulgi, making Wendy burst a small laugh.

“Hey.. I think the best way to deal with this is calling the police, right?” says Yeri. “This was almost harassment!”

“ALMOST, Yeri. The police cant do anything if it DIDN’T ACTUALLY HAPPEN and if Sooyoung has no sign of harassment on her body like bruises, hickeys, blood, cum.”

“I do have some bruises from when I fell on my knees…” says Sooyoung looking to the ground like being embarrassed to talk about what happened.

“Doesn’t prove anything!” screams Irene, being on the verge of giving up. She cant take stressful situations for shit.

“Ok ok ok. I see all of us are stressed here so what about: Sooyoung, you give your resignation throught email to the main CEO of your company so that you don’t have to go there and give it yourself and encounter the bastard. Next step, buy you a new phone.” Says Wendy.

“With what money…” replies Sooyoung demolished by the thought that she is now jobless.

“We will help you sweetie!” says Seulgi while kneeling in front of Sooyoung and massaging on her knee like a mother reassuring her daughter.

“I cant girls- I cant let you do this for me… I need a new job.”

“I think I can solve this…” says Yeri.

“Wait? What? How? I thought your company doesn’t accept any new models?” says Irene.

“Not me… I got a.. well… friend who can help you.”

“Friend??” gasps Wendy.

“The guy.. The guy I went out with last night.”

Wendy swears she choked while hearing about him.

“The photographer huh?” she says.

“Yes! Him.”

“Wait what- What guy?” says Sooyoung more confused then ever, until she realizes the male voice she heard last night through Yeri’s phone.

“He is a photographer for my company and for another company aswell. He also said  his other company are looking for more models since they are at the beginning and she asked me if I know any girls willing to do this and guess what-“

“No.” says Sooyoung all of the sudden.

“What??!!” screams Irene. “ Are you crazy Sooyoung??!! This is the best opportunity ever given to you!”

“No… I don’t want the mercy of your boyfriend, Yeri.” And with this, she leaves the room leaving only silence between the girls.

“H-he is n-not my boyfriend.” Stutters Yeri, trying to catch Sooyoung not to leave the house.

“You said y’all went out huh? Wasn’t it like a “date”?”

“I mean… It was but Sooyoung… He’s not my boyfriend, actually, I don’t think we have much in common, I don’t know.” Says Yeri trying to find her right words with her clearly jealous “friend”.

“Problems in paradise…” whispers Irene.

“Irene!!!” screams Seulgi.

Irene is now smirking while leaning on the wall. Seulgi swears sometimes she wants to rip that cocky smile off Irene’s face. She thinks too much. Her mind always “overthinks”. Irene thinks Sooyoung likes Yeri, but Seulgi denies this.

Sooyoung is now back in the room with the girls, sitting next to Yeri who is hugging her, to soften down the panicked friend and try to convince her.

“Sooyoung.” Says Wendy while biting her lip, not knowing if what she s about to say will affect her future… “I think you should accept working for Yeri’s… um.. friend.”

“Yees! See, all of us encourage you, Sooyoungie! Come oon! He is soo nice, you have nothing to worry about! I also heard one of his models is the Instagram Model Seo Soojin!” reassures Yeri excitedly.

“WAIT FOR REAL?” gasps Seulgi.

“Oh my god Seulgi, your crush is showing off…” sighs Irene.

“SHUT UP! You know I love Soojin, I follow her since she started her career!”

“Why don’t u marry her then…” says Irene sassily while looking at her nails.

“Irene… fine, I will shut up…” pouts sadly Seulgi and looks to the ground.

Irene smirks again. Knowing that Seulgi wouldn’t do anything over the power of her word. She basically has Seulgi at her little finger… and she loves it.

---

It’s been a day. The girls spent it all together, watching 2 romantic movies at which Irene wanted to puke 5 times and Wendy didn’t pay any attention. They cooked together, played video games and had silly conversations. Nothing unusual.

Yeri is now alone, on the hallway, calling her photographer friend.

…

“Hello. Hi Yuta, it’s me, Yerimmie.”

“Of course, you don’t need to say who you are you know? It says when you call” says Yuta sarcastically, while letting out a small laugh.

Yeri seemed unphased but she left out a small laugh for the situation to not be awkward.

“So, you told me about your other company and that you are looking for new models?”

The conversation goes on, Yeri basically begging for him to take her bestie, Sooyoung, as a model at that company. They both come to the agreement that Sooyoung needs to come to an interview with him and his friends, the ones that basically run the entire company. He reassures Yeri that they are a trustable company, after Yeri summed up to him what happened to Sooyoung last night with her alleged “boss”.

Wendy listened to the entire conversation. ‘Yuta.. this sure is an unusual name… just as beautiful as the man who owns it…’. Wendy caught herself thinking about him again. This is bad Wendy. BAD BAD BAD.

---

The following day, Sooyoung is more nervous than ever. She just sent her resignation through email to her CEO and she is waiting for an answer while she is getting ready for the job interview Yeri arranged for her. Sadly, Yeri wasn’t available today to come with her, since she had work to do, a runway most exactly, very important and couldn’t miss it. Irene refused to come because she “had better stuff to do”, Seulgi cried about how she has too many photos to edit and the only one left was… Wendy.

“I-I don’t think it’s a good idea…” stutters Wendy knowing that if she goes there, she will see Yuta.

“Comee onn!! Why not! You re the only friend I have left who doesn’t have work to do today. Please!”

“H-how do you know I aint got work t-to do..?”

“YOU DON’T WENDY!! You just said yesterday ‘Oh man, I cant wait for tomorrow to come since I have nothing to do but to laze around’.”

“Oh my god…” Wendy facepalms herself. “You really pay a lot of attention to what I say don’t you…”

“Yes. Now get ready. Dress up formally since not only me, but my bestie has to make a good impression too.”

“Whatever.. all im gona do was cheer cringely for you anyway….”

Still, she knew she will meet him. She had to look good, at least decent.

Wendy decides to go for a green, college-like sweater with a pair of skinny black jeans that complimented her legs like no other, some black knee-high boots and a leather jacket.

Sooyoung was wearing her hair in a ponytail, dressed in a flowy dress, Balenciaga Triple S shoes and a Balenciaga jacket.

They soon leave Sooyoung’ s apartment and they get In her car where she starts blabbering about how nervous she is. Wendy couldn’t help but not focus on what she was saying. She was nervous. She was just as nervous as her best-friend. Maybe even more. ‘No wrong move, Wendy.’ ‘Don’t look at him, Wendy’ ‘Don’t faint, Wendy’. It is BAD BAD BAD.

There they are. In a huge, 45 storey building, all glass everywhere and the most futuristic furniture. Dinamic walls that imitate a waterfall are welcoming the girls at the entrance desk, where an inasanely gorgeous woman in a suit waits for them with a big smile.

“Hello, ladies.”

“Uhm, hello m’am.” Says Sooyoung. “My name is Sooyoung”

Wendy hits her with her shoulder.

“Park Sooyoung” she adds.

“Oh, yes, that’s right! You ve got an interview in 5 minutes, right?”

“Yes! She,, she is my friend, Wendy. She came to support me, is it ok is she comes with me.. please?” pleads Sooyoung with her puppy eyes.

“Yes, of course. All of us need a back-up friend, an interview can be very stressful! Floor 35, Room 102. You have a changing room right next to it. You have the outfit you need to wear waiting for you there. Here is the key to the locker. Good luck!”

She sounded like a little machine at this point, together with her robotic smile. This made Sooyoung even more nervous. In the elevator, Wendy is adjusting her hair.

“Why are you even prepping yourself so much? Its not like you are the one being interviewed…”

“You said it yourself. In order to make a good impression, you need your friend to look just as good as you.” Says Wendy cockily.

“Ugh…” sighs Sooyoung as they get out of the elevator.

Everything is set and done. Sooyoung has changed into the interview outfit which was way less revealing than the one she had to wear for the previous interview for the other company. She felt relieved. This meant they are not some creeps like Yuk Hei. Wendy reassures Sooyoung by telling her she is gorgeous and that she will do well. She combed Sooyoung’s stunning slightly curled hair and now she looks like a princess. She is ready. But, is Wendy ready for what’s about to come?

 “Hello.” Bows Sooyoung politely as she shyly enters Room 102.

She is greeted by 3 of the most beautiful males in the world. Sooyoung is feeling it again. She will stand in front of 3 males. 3 insanely gorgeous males. They looked like models for the biggest modelling company. She couldn’t believe her eyes that they were just some CEOs.

She is followed by Wendy who refuses to look at the table where the 3 men where standing. She greets them with a small bow and stands next to Sooyoung as she is introducing her as her friend and asks for permission if she can stay during the interview.

“Of course.”

She heard this voice, this so familiar voice. She finally gains courage and looks up at the table. There he was, the man she has been dreaming for 3 days now. The “forbidden” temptation. He had his hair pushed back now. His blonde hair was now sleeked back, leaving sight to his forehead. He was wearing a white shirt with rolled up sleeves, showing off his expensive Rollex. His accompanied friends weren’t any lower than him.

“You can take a seat next to us” kindly but intimidatingly  says one of the others. “ My name is Dong Sicheng and I am the CEO of this company. I want to welcome you here first, and wish you luck. I wont be talking during this interview, I will let my mates do this.”

The CEO was definitely something else. A slender man, but very good-looking. All dressed in a black suit and a red tie. His auburn hair looked insanely sharp, as it was styled with care like it was the creation of God. He sure was intimidating. Standing there, not saying a word but analyzing every move with the attention of a tiger aiming for it’s prey.

“My name is Kim Doyoung. You may introduce yourself” said the last man of the 3.

She recognized him. Sooyoung. Sooyoung knew him. It was him. The man that saved her in the subway. The insanely kind and amazing guy that offered his phone to her. The tall and handsome male was looking at Sooyoung like he knew her. He recognized the girl and gave her a reassuring smile. She could read a warm “everything will be alright!” on his face, just like two nights ago. He looked just as sleek as that night. Suit, pushed back hair with a sense of gel in it.

Wendy quietly sat on the other side of their table, next to Doyoung, so that she wont have to sit next to Yuta. She felt followed. She didn’t know why but she had the impression he was looking at her. Even if she knew, its all in her panicked head. The males smelled absolutely heavenly. She felt like she was sitting among the angels.

Sooyoung was doing so well, she was showing off her amazing body in the most sensual ways and the males seemed to show now sign of “perversion” at her presentation. They seemed formal and professional. This boosted Sooyoung’s confidence even more, knowing she is not showing herself off to some “preditors”. Wendy smiled to Sooyoung the entire time, but she couldn’t help not stare at Yuta while he was focused on studying Sooyoung. Wendy analysed Yuta like the most surreal painting you find in a museum, trying to uncover his secrets. She wanted to know more. She wanted to know him. She needed to approach Yuta. But no. This is BAD BAD BAD.

Sooyoung was now done and the males sent her to the changing room to put back her casual clothes. Wendy was left alone with them. She felt like the minutes became hours. She was sweating so bad and the silence was a killer. Until one of them broke it and said “What do you think?”.

“Isnt it weird for us to talk about this next to her friend?” said the CEO, Sicheng, nonchalantly, like Wendy couldn’t hear them just perfectly.

“Don’t mind me… I can leav-“

“No, theres no problem.” Stopped Yuta.

She swore her heart fell to the ground and came back to her chest. It meant nothing to him, he was just being nice and a professional man, but yet, in her hopeful mind, she hoped that maybe he found the slightest interest in her.

The males were filling the room with their deep, rough voices as they were talking about Sooyoung. In the end, they decided to accept her. Wendy jumped off her seat unconscioudly and screamed a small “YES!”.

The males were staring at her blankly. Except for Yuta, who started smiling and broke the silence with a small laugh.

“You must be really happy for your best friend. Especially after what I heard happened to her. I am so sorry.” He said.

That was it. She felt like there was only him and her right now.

“Y-yes. She suffered a lot. You guys gave her a chance to be happy again and gain her own money, she is a very hard-working person, don’t worry about it!” added Wendy, trying to be as serious as she could.

Sooyoung entered the room and Wendy could read on her face that she was extremely anxious and nervous. She ran to hug her. This made Doyoung and Yuta smile a little. Sicheng looked at them and rolled his eyes. The man for sure was the most professional here and he was very stiff. He announced Sooyoung that she was accepted, gave her a timetable, a key to her new private locker and changing room and a list with all the phone numbers and the names of them and the models of their company. Wendy’s eyes widened when she saw Yuta’s number on that paper. But, she would never have the courage to ever use it… Would she?

Right after saying goodbye to them and before leaving, Yuta calls for Wendy.

“Hey, I just wanted to know, are you by any chance the girl that was at Yerim’s apartment when I came to take her? You seem familiar, that’s why.” Said Yuta while gathering the scattered papers from the desk.

“Yes. Its me. I also recognized you.” Says Wendy slightly awkwardly.

“Ah, that’s nice. So if im friends with Yeri, I guess we can be too… or?”

Wendy swore she felt like she was just asked to prom in the 7th grade by the cutest guy in the class. But they were two grown up adults. Yet he made her feel so comfortable, so childish around him.

She rushes a “Yes, yes! Of course!”.

“That is great” he shows a sweet smile. So sweet she feels her feet melt. His whole face took another meaning when he smiled. “Ask Yeri or Sooyoung for my number, if you ever need anything or just want to… you know, see eachtoher at a coffee or something.”

“Ah. Yes, sure!” she couldn’t think of anything smart to say. She was brainwashed.

They were now in Sooyoung’s car, on their way to Seulgi’s place where they all were planning to see eachother and celebrate Sooyoung’s new job. Wendy was looking on the window the whole way home. She was smiling. She was happy. She was feeling for this man something she hasn’t ever felt before for a man, and she had many meaningful relationships throughout her life. But never has she dreamt at a man the way she keeps thinking at this one. Next step: she had to know what Yerim truly feels for this man! She had to know if she has to erase him forever from her memory or if maybe she has a chance.

They got to Seulgi’s place where they were greeted with arms opened by all the girls. Even Irene seemed truly happy, she had a wide smile that the girls haven’t seen in so long.

“Soooo… HOW DO WE PARTY TONIGHTT??!!” jumps Yeri excitedly.

“Why don’t we go to the club?” proposes Seulgi. “I don’t really want to clean up over a party that we would hold at my place”.

“I would help you…” mumbles Irene.

“Shuut up! I want in a club!” protests Seulgi who seemed like a child who wants candies.

“I am alright with this!” says Wendy while staying on her phone, looking for clubs.

They all agreed in the end, more or less they had to drag Irene there. They were all getting ready and Yerim was in the bathroom doing her make-up since the whole bedroom was packed with the other girls. Wendy saw the perfect oprtunity. Now it’s the time. Now or never.

“Yerimie…” says Wendy shyly cracking the bathroom door open to make sure she wasn’t gona walk on to Yeri being naked or something.

“Yes, Wendy?”

“Hey…” she scratched the back of her neck. “You know… just a question…”

“Sure, what is it” says Yeri nonchalantly while applying lip gloss.

“I just wanted to ask you, you know, just from pure curiosity. How was that date with… what was his name..” she pretended to forget the name she has been having in mind all the time.

“Yuta. It was… nice I guess.”

“You guess?” she felt her heart skipping.

“Yeah. The guy is ok, very charming, handsome, well mannered, a real gentleman. But I don’t really wanna mess into a relationship with my photographer. It would be slightly weird and if we ever get to break up, I could never pose for him again, it would be awkward.”

“I see…”

“So yeah. But I am interested in keeping to see him. You know, as friends I guess. I don’t really know what else to say about him.”

“Aha… Alright then, I was thinking to take a shower before leaving, are you done with your make-up?”

“Yes, just now. You can have fun in the shower.” Says Yeri while smirking and patting Wendy on the shoulder.

This is exactly what she needed to do. Relax herself, make her lose her mind for a moment. She could lose her mind but he would still not leave it. Wendy enters the shower and pleases herself thinking about him, hoping that he does the same.

 The girls are now all prepped and ready to go hit the biggest club in Seoul, Octagon. Any male that would see them now, would feel their boner kicking in. Five insanely hot girls, all dressed in leather skirts, dressed or pants, crop tops and high heels being the main star of their outfits. They looked like they were heading out for Seoul Fashion Week, not for a club night. 

Little did they know was that tonight was about to be a night to remember, forever…

[aaheartlikeherss]

July 3, 2020 Day 110

Its Day 110 and im still not working. Colibri posted on instagram and facebook saying “can't wait to come back” and “Grand re-oping coming soon” but they haven't contacted us or sent out a schedule or had a meeting to even talk about the future of Colibri and the staff and that kinda worries me because it makes me feel like they called everyone else and not me. and i might not have a job when things open up again. Technically they didn't fire us, we are just on call. Other places officially LAID people off and sent out notices and office letters but Colibri didn't do that. And secondly, indoor seating isn't even available here in san Francisco... especially for fine dinning. With how covid is going, things are taking a step back and closing again... so who knows. im trying to not get ahead of myself and think things through logically but my head likes to just be dramatic and think the worse situation. Luckly i got Unemployment this month, it looks like i won't be getting it for much longer tho so hopefully i hear from colibri before my Unemployment runs out. 

I finished week 4′s workouts a day early, all 8 workouts and my knees are killing me. maybe ill go run tomorrow morning seeing as Antonio works and i don't have anything planned for tomorrow.  I don't understand how rey doesn't have money for rent right now. he hasn't bought anything around house and all he does is just lay in bed. Im sure he is sending his money to his wife but this is  not the time to do that. He's so annoying!!!  

[aswadsofa-blog]

First

I am not writing this with the hopes for people to read it.. i am writing it more to get things out of my head that are either stuck there or got lost and randomly come back.  i think i am hoping for it to be therapeutic to some extent.

i used to have livejournal and stuff when i was young.. like 11..12.. xanga.. that stuff, writing stupid things, posting stupid things, more as a trend.  

i have many experiences, leading to how i got to how i am now.. and which make a part of how i will be tomorrow and the next day. sometimes i think it is natural to ask yourself, how did i get here? how did i let things happen?

as a practicing muslim, “how” “if” “what if” .. i have learned by guidance these type of thoughts and questions are very toxic to your brain and mind.. and my mind has never really been a, to the normal, a healthy place.  

it might be odd after the stories i write in here to say i am a practicing muslim.. there was a time where i had no idea what life was about and was searching and depressing myself more then my already natural stage of depression and anxiety.. but oh god i cannot praise god enough for things and every thing... my outlook.. after my experiences.. some people are entitled but they never learn.  things cannot be learned without experience.  i am not justifying some of the things i have done at all.. but they have taught me things that have giving me a better understanding of life and after.. but after saying that-- i am far from wise.. and i still have a long way to go..

i was telling my brother a story recently, i don’t see him too much, but i am comfortable with him more than anyone and i have no idea what made me start telling him this one story, but i started going on in pretty much detail-- and he mentioned “you should start a blog” or something along the lines of that.

the problem with that is my experiences i have tried very hard to get away from my head and thoughts, but they pop up like an acid flashback, it could be from all the acid and hallucinogens i was doing at one point, i don’t know, i’m not a neurologist or a doctor of any sorts.. but my stories wont be in any order.. which i guess would be a problem if this was meant for people to read and get interested in.. but it’s not..

i was a digusting terrible drug addict . i use past tense since i am not actively using, although i have been medicated since my last use of hard drugs, which i would love to stop, oh how i would love to stop, but once you stop the medication that body sickness comes back and then you wonder is it worth it? and i am not ready for that sickness.  i have an autistic toddler who i need to give full attention to, and i feeel sometimes i use this as an excuse but oh god i wish to come off this medication at some point. i don’t consider myself a a drug addict and i don’t like using the term “recovering” i used that for a while when i first got clean by medication for a period, but i don’t even consider myself recovering.. even if i technically am, whatever.. i just am.  

my drug of choice was heroin, heroin was my #1 over anything.  heroin became me, actually, he took over me.  he was my family, my lover, my friend, my drive, my job, my life.  i knew i cared about other things, but he did not want me to, he is very ... clingy, i guess.  (he = heroin).  why? why did i start it? it could have to do with genetics, but i don’t like to think that, but i might be.  my father immigrated to america and loved drinking.  i am sure he probably dabbled in other stuff during his time.. but i don’t know for sure, and i am not sure if it was an addiction, but maybe it was i don’t know.  so maybe my body already had some shit wrong with it.  both of my parents had actual depression, the chemical imbalance.. so this is something i was born with surely.  i didn’t really know even what depression was until i like 17 years old.  when i was young, 4-5, i would have anxiety attacks and i never knew what it was until i was grown.  i have other family members that had drug problems, so it’s not like addiction was something foreign to me.  i knew about it pretty well.

when i was 12 i used to listen to music where it was cool to be straight edge, so i was like yeah i don’t drink or use drugs.. but i was only so young so... i didn’t have even a chance really.  i was always friends with kids older than me, my best friends were 14, 15.. and one of them lived down the street.  she was a grade higher than me, and i think she was 14 or 15 when i was 12.. she smoked cigarettes like crazy, and she dated guys over 18.  oh this girl.  but we were friends, and my family thought she was a nice girl i guess.  i didn’t even curse before and during the start of my friendship with this group of people.  i remember one night she had high school kids over and they were smoking weed and i smoked with her, and then it became like a regular thing.. 

something happened, i can’t remember what, but i was embarassed of it and then until into like freshman year i didn’t touch drugs or drink, i think i just smoked some cigarettes maybe.  

then really i have no idea what the changing point was, maybe the depression, maybe the lifestyle, but i became smoking weed again, drinking sometimes you know at parties.. i tried coke freshman year, i liked it but it didn’t become an addiction.  my doc was weed and that was it, didn’t really like drinking too much either.   i started dating this guy who hated drinking and smoking and i stopped for a couple years during that relationship... but then at the end i started drinking at parties and smoking weed again regularly  which ultimately ended our relationship, he did not like the lifestyle i was going towards.  

after that, i had freedom to do more.. i was working in the mall at a sub-culture type store and i had started taking acid regularly and weed was constant.  i started getting synthetic hallucinogens from people in asia and took them.  i would trip constantly.  

some point in this my dad started getting sick, and i was very heartbroken over it, i love my dad a lot, and i think now, if i love him why would i have done this stuff? i was fucking stupid obviously.  anyway.

these trips brought me light on things and also brought me to a dark place.  i started taking opiates, pills, and every once in a while would snort some coke or heroin, but pills were more available for me at this time.  but still prefered weed.  a doctor prescribed my xanax for my anxiety attacks and i was taking them not to get high, i never was able to get high off them, i still don’t know how people do, but they did definately almost kill me a couple of times when mixing them with heroin,,, but that’s for another story. my anxiety at some point got so... fucked, i don’t know another word.. i hated going around people, i hated going to school, i pushed away my friends.. and i didn’t really tell any of them about anything.. we would hang out, it would be normal, but my feelings were my feelings and i didn’t bring them really to anyone else.. 

at some point i moved out of my parents house, to the city, where drugs were readily available.  at this point i  was using heroin a bit more regularly, but i still was snorting it.. still smokng weed.. still drinking.. tripping, but not as regularly.  was muslim at this point, but i wasn’t practicing.. but i would pray to god to help me.. you know .. but my life i was living was still a sin.   i started working a good job and i made friends.. and i had more money, and i partied more, and i then i started shooting the heroin, and sometimes shooting coke.  even that statement right there put a knot in my chest thinking about it.  it made me think of this time my best girl friend and i were at a party with our co workers and we kept running off to the bathroom to do the heroin.. her and i would go to the park and snort it in front of people like it was nothing, and they didn’t even realize it.. one person did, i remember that, but we played it off and said it was just coke and he was like oh ok that’s fine it’s just coke hahahaha... her and i were always together day and night.. i was comfortable with her, 

this girl and i were exactly the same person, i loved her to death, her i and after a bit even started relationships with two guys who were best friends, we were always together, at work, after work, but the problem was we started to become ugly junkies together.  her boyfriend liked shooting coke always with his heroin, which got me into really liking doing them together.  oh god that feeling, oh god.  when it goes through your veins, that is what makes it addictive.. 

she moved far away with her boyfriend for a job they were offered, and i was living with my boyfriend but we broke up, and i think that was how i became a toxic junkie.  i didn’t have someone next to me, or doing it with me in a loving way i guess, i stopped caring about everything around me, i didn’t care about work, unless it was to get the money to pay my rent and to get my drugs, i wasn’t eating a lot, but luckly i was working in restaurants at this point so i didnt’ have to worry about paying for food anyway. my mom was helping me out a lot.  i was a piece of shit.  my life was all about drugs.  i was in school and working, and then i stopped going to school.. and i stopped working, because i was so into my habit i couldn’t be responsible anymore towards these things.  

the point where i stopped working i didn’t have rent money so i ended up moving in with my parents again, and i was going to school in the citty a couple days a week.  this only lasted 3-4 months.  my fathers illness was killing me to live around, i was spending hundreds of dollar a day on drugs.  where the fuck does that money come from? i wasn’t paying rent or bills anymore, and i had some money left.  and i kept saying i am going to stop, i am going to stop.  my brother knew at the time i think i was using, but my mother was in denial and my dad i think he knew too but his brain was all fucked up from his illness that even if he did know he wasn’t going to say anything or he didn’t want to say anything because he wasn’t sure if HE was hallucinating or not, and he loved me so much, my dad.  never will anyone ever love me like he did.  i swear to god, if any of his other children were a drug addict and in the position i was , my father would have literally KILLED them, but he was in love with me.. and i pray his soul is resting in heaven now and i repent for caring more about the drugs then him.  that isn’t what it was, even thought it was what it was.. i didn’t want to remember this person that loves me so much is withering away.. so let me just shoot some heroin and feel good.  

i had someone who wanted to marry me, he had no idea i was an addict, the only people who knew i was an addict was the people who i told or who saw me.  my brother found me a couple times out with a needle stuck in my arm, so he knew, but my mom “didn’t know” and others didn’t.  

i am missing a lot from this story, but it is a basis so maybe the other stories will make more sense.

so this guy i pushed him off for a year, but after the few months of living in my parents house again i was going crazy, i told my brother i couldn’t handle it anymore and if i didn’t die soon from the drugs i was going to kill myself.  i told my mom i was an addict and she tried to get me help, but it didn’t work out.  i convinced myself if i got married that would help me, because i would have something.. and at some point it did.. after getting married, my husband found out almost right away i was an addict and after 3 months of marriage, i got put in a program, but i also was pregnant.  but thank god for that.  almost 2 years i was in this program, but i came off too soon and relapsed.  and spiraled out of control about another 6 months of drug use, $5,000 worth of drugs in less than a month, i don’t know how i let that happen, my son was young but not so young.. and i loved him but i had disappeared twice during this 6 months, leaving my son without me.  oh god, how fucked up was that of me? oh god, how could i do that? heroin really is mind control... you choose to do it, yes, this is your decision, but the monster it makes you.. oh god it is fucked up!! i don’t know what i was thinking, i was being selfish.  my husband and i were fighting a lot and i wanted to feel good, because that was the only outlet i knew at the time.. i knew that when i felt bad, heroin would make me feel good.  so i started again with the heroin and coke . i thank god i found somewhere to help me and god gave me the power to see what the fuck i was doing.

during that whole time up until that relapse, where i almost lost my family and son, i honestly don’t think i was thinking how fucked up i really was.  i knew that what i did was bad, yadadada, but i don’t think i was taking it seriously.  i wasn’t ready to come out of the program, and i did, and i was around fucked up people, god i fucking hate people .  i am not blaming it on them, but addiction is a hard thing, and when you are around other addicts it doesn’t make it much better.  it was a good thing that i was in that program, because it intitially got me off the drugs, but being around those people made my mentality of life fucked up.  how can the state think it is helpful for addicts to be around other addicts with addict mentalities? i don’t know.. but what i do know, is that since that last relapse, i have not been in programs, and maybe once a month i talk to a psychologist, i take some medication, yeah, but i am not around any people.  i am around my son and my husband, who i thank god for putting up with all of this fucked up shit i did.  i’m not around addicts.  “my kids mean everything to me” god when i hear them say that, i know it is bull shit, because being around other addicts you will never get that fucked up mentality out of your head.

thank god i am away from this shit addiction is hard getting away from it is hard getting your mind back is hard i thank god for this i swear .. i am not where i should be, but i thank god i am where i am.. i can’t say it enough.. i can’t think it enough!

so.. i know i missed a lot of stuff.. which could be useful in my stories.. but it is the basis for the stories that i will randomly remember and put in here.. the stuff some people could never imagine, the stuff some people know about but never seen, the stuff that i remember and want to punch myself in the face for, the stuff that i thank god i saw and i thank god i have the mind to use it to learn from it, instead of continuing being a worthless piece of shit...tales of depression, anxiety, addiction and life!

anyway

this is enough for now

i didn’t even get to put any stories , but i will

bye for now