#LIFE IS CURRENTLY BEING RUN BY THIS SHIT AND I WOULD REALLY PREFER TO DO LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE

[bicon-crange]

can the nosey ones know abt ur crush? :3c dw if not. my condolences (positive)

yeah sure why not i cant stop fucking talking about it anyways.

iiii dont know if its necessarily a crush though!! definitely an obsession. definitely some kind of. fixation. thanks for your condolences i definitely fucking need them. TT-TT )

its like. uh. this person i know whos sooo articulate and smart and. theyre really sweet. yknow BASIC SHIT. theyre great everyone likes them.

anyways when we first started talking it was like. some kinda. there was clashing. i guess is how you could put it? but every time we finished talking i felt soo like. electrified. like buzzing. like my whole body was just shaking. adrenaline? maybe?

i really thought at first that it was just a friendly interest. some sort of.. y'know intellectual thing! you meet someone whos so much smarter than you and whos ideas are so well put together and who thinks YOU'RE interesting and of course you want to know more of how their brain works of course youre. captivated a bit yknow? thats like. normal. to feel. i think.

oh the first couple times we talked i went so nuts! i reread over our convos like a thousand times and reiterated our talks several times to EVERYONE in my house. its so actually embarrassing. but they were good convos you HAAAVE to understand. it was like. ducking weaving. it was like. some sort of mental exercise . and i thought it was like. normal. but it just kept. HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING.

and i tell you what this was a lot easier a month or so ago when i was like I JUST REALLY LIKE TALKING TO THIS PERSON!! ^_^ (<- STILL A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY) cause ugh. lately its like. ever since the thought popped in my head that this interest MIIIGHT be romantic in nature its. ALLLL DAY thinking about them its so nuts! its so constant!! its literally like a fucking DISEASE... i feel like. angry over it? spiteful? almost? it reminds me of when i had a crush on a guy in elementary school and I didnt know how to handle it so i beat the hell out of him with a lunch box.

like im over here forgetting shit left and right and messing up basic conversation skills and having heart palpitations and theyre like. fine probably. iiii honestly dont think they even think about me lol. i mean definitely not as much as i am,easy, because im totally insane and obsessive i know this.

we also dont talk so much! its not very often! so yeah im sure they dont think about me as much. im even definitely sure if i ever verbalized this it wouldnt work out. ive visualized them turning me down like 20 different ways for 20 different reasons just today. lots of reasons yknow! im mentally unwell and totally nuts, im immature and also very ugly im unable to carry out a meaningful relationship because of my chronic pain problems and various health issues, all of that is fine but my obsessive nature is really freaky,LD relationships are a no-go, they just dont like me that way, ect ect ect.

its sooo stupid. its SO middle school. they type a response to me and i can barely look at the screen. i feel SO fucking stupid its insane. im like. going to claw my eyes out of my head and chew on them till they burst. i hate it here. and its never going to be reciprocated whatsoever so im literally not even going to try.

BESIDES Y'KNOW!! I DONT EVEN KNOW FOR SURE IF THATS WHAT IM FEELING!! its been wracking my brain for a week straight!! its like. am i just fascinated on an intellectual level, am i just interested in an anthropological sense, are these just really good conversations, if this just normal friendship and im making things super weird? am i just excited that someone seems to get what im saying about what im interested in? yknow. dumb.

either way TLDR; im waiting for it to pass. either I'll sort my own feelings out or itll pass! if its infatuation, GOOD, that has a expiration date of 1-2 years so i will just box it up and not think about it and not do anything about it. ^_^ )9 and it WILL die. BUT if you know how to force that process to go along faster let me KNOW.

[ms-demeanor]

Sometimes college professors like to hop on my posts lamenting the sorry state of syllabi these days and joke about how they haven't thought that far ahead in the course themselves, or talk about how they struggle to complete a schedule for their students.

With all due respect, that's your job. If you can't do your job, you should have a different job. If you need help, ask your colleagues or your department chair or *someone* because I know that professors aren't given a hell of a lot of education on how to educate, so you probably *need* help.

But every single time I make one of those posts I get anywhere from ten to thirty messages, replies, reblogs, and asks say "oh man, that's exactly why I had to drop out of school; I couldn't keep up with the assignments because I didn't know when they were due until the week they were due."

I have been a college student in three separate decades, and "not having a schedule of assignments in the syllabus" is new to my experience. That shit didn't fly in the 2000s or 2010s and I think it likely has to do with professors being overly reliant on apps.

AT A MINIMUM your syllabus should have:

Contact information (including preferred method of contact) for the professor

Office Hours

Grading Policy

Assignment schedule.

Your assignment schedule doesn't necessarily need to have the exact page numbers of every reading or a full assignment sheet for each project, but it should have things like:

December 1st - Major Project 3 second draft due December 9th - Quiz 10 December 12th - Major Project 3 final draft due December 15th - Final Exam

If you end up presenting a more thorough schedule with readings and homework later, that is acceptable to present a week or two into the semester but it is absolutely insane to me that students these days don't know what homework they're going to have to get done over Thanksgiving break during the first couple weeks of class.

If I had three professors at once who didn't give me a schedule, how on earth would I know if I was going to have to read three chapters of a novel, take a midterm and turn in two stats homework assignments, and complete a history research paper the same week that I'm planning to travel to see family? If I'm aware of this from the beginning of the semester I can make sure not to pick up extra shifts, or I can plan to leave a day later to accommodate the midterm, or I can start working on the paper early to complete it before the due date but if I don't know what's going to be due when, I'm going to have a big problem.

If you don't give your students a schedule you are communicating that you don't care about their schedule, and that you think it's their responsibility to contort their life (and their job, and their other classes) around your class, and honestly my advice to students in that situation is "drop in the first week and pick up another class". That's actually part of why I recommend signing up for one more class than you can really manage - if you get a professor whose class looks like it's going to be a disaster because they don't have a schedule, you can bail before the withdrawal period and get a refund for the class.

I'm only in one class this semester but the professor's response has fully dropped me into "Fuck it, I guess I'll fail" mode and I don't even know if I can pull myself out of my current D grade because I don't know how many assignments we have left in the semester.

This is a shitty way to run a class. If you can't do better than this, you shouldn't be running a class.

[sailorkamino]

fights and hugs (crosshair's pov)

wildflower masterlist

relationship: twi'lek!jedi!reader x crosshair [gn, can be platonic or romantic]

summary: everyone thinks you're perfect but crosshair knows the truth - you're annoying, manipulative, and stupidly optimistic. so why does he get so protective when a creep harasses you?

word count: 1.8k

warnings: cross thinks kindness = emotional manipulation, jealousy, sexualization/verbal harassment, slavery, creep gets punched, protective cross, clones not having rights/unfair justice system, separation anxiety, soft cross, he's like a feral cat that secretly wants to be a house cat

ryl translations: chi'kan- pervert, keela- darling

a/n: i think i wrote cross like wednesday addams lmao

Crosshair thinks you’re the most frustrating person he’s ever met. And he can’t even do anything about it. He might be a prickly bastard but he’s also a soldier and you’re his commanding officer. He can’t just pick a fight with you. Especially since you never take the fucking bait.

He gives you the bare minimum amount of respect required. He follows your orders on missions (they’re actually pretty smart but he’ll die before he admits that.) He calls you general or sir. He doesn’t outright insult you. But he certainly doesn’t worship you like his brothers.

They think you’re an angel. What makes you so special? You make Wrecker laugh obnoxiously loud. You encourage Tech’s messy collecting hobby. You play with Hunter's hair until he’s purring like a tooka. It’s pathetic. You’re probably using jedi mind tricks on them. The truth is you’re a manipulative little shit and if it didn’t make Crosshair so angry he might be impressed.

What he really hates is that satisfied look on your face when he does what you want. Like when he plays a stupid dancing game just to prove to you that he can do it better than Wrecker. Or smiling at him proudly when he doesn’t shoot a reg.

Then you have the audacity to compliment him? Disgusting. So why does he crave it? Why does he get annoyed when you praise his brothers instead of him.

One day you give him a piece of dark fabric. “You wear it to block out light when you sleep,” you explain with a bright smile. The cool material is like his blacks but softer. He can’t help but run his fingers along it. He mutters a thanks and quickly leaves.

That night he uses the sleep mask and to his horror likes it. Now he’s in debt to you. But he doesn’t have any credits. Fucking great. Why do you have to make his life so difficult?

Luckily he finds a gift for you within the next few days. After a mission he notices a rock that got caught in an explosion. It’s been cracked in half, exposing the crystalized insides. Jedi like crystals right? He grabs it and drops it in his pack.

Of course you make a big fuss when he awkwardly gives it to you. You almost hug him but don’t, thank the force. He doesn’t feel dissapointed at all. You show the rock to his brothers proudly. His face burns when they send him questioning looks. “Easily impressed,” he scoffs dismissively. Although secretly he’s proud of himself.

He’s having a sleepless night on some forgettable outer rim planet when you knock on his cabin door. He knows it’s you because his brothers would have barged in. “Hey Crosshair, wanna get some snacks? I’m paying,” you offer. You shake a satchel draped across your body, making the credits inside clank together.

He wonders if Hunter (who’s currently on watch) put you up to this, why else would you seek out his company? It's obvious you prefer his brothers anyways. Not that he cares. The thought of you being coerced into this makes his hackles rise, he doesn't need your pity, but then he imagines telling Wrecker’s that you got him nat born food tomorrow. That will be entertaining. He sharply agrees and puts on his boots.

He glances down at his GAR issued loungewear. He doesn’t know if they’re appropriate for a nat born store or wherever you’re taking him but you’re wearing sleep clothes too so good enough. You're swaddled in an oversized robe to be exact. How childish. Not at all endearing

As you exit the ship your eyes reflect in the dark just like his. That’s another annoyance. Enhanced eyesight used to be his thing. You began humming a tune under your breath. Crosshair almost says something but the sound isn’t too horrible so he lets you continue.

Within a few minutes you're at the store. He's instantly overwhelmed by the bright lights and endless options, who needs so many flavors of the same thing? He doesn’t know what any of this is but he doesn’t want to admit that so he begins recon. He grabs a crinkly bag that appears to be some kind of a cracker to inspect it.

That’s when Crosshair notices a stumbling man leering at you. He’s caught off guard by the sudden flash of protective anger he feels. Why is he so concerned? If you can handle yourself on a battlefield, you can handle one pathetic human. Your body language is the opposite of your usual demanor when talking to civilians. You’re usually very open and engaging, easily forming a connection with them. Not now.

Crosshair has seen you face hoards of battle droids with a smile. He’s seen you meditate while being shot at. He’s seen you make fun of General Grievous while fending off four sabers. But now you look shaken. Your colorful skin has paled, eyes wide in a mix of shock and horror. You suddenly look so young and so frightened.

He's beside you in a second. He tries to ignore the relief in your eyes, the way you subtly lean closer to him. It makes his chest feel odd.

“You their master?”

He sneers. Does he look like a jedi master? You go completely rigid beside him. That catches the clone off guard. You know how to keep a straight face. You’re not only a stupidly brave fighter, you’re a damn good negotiator. What could have possibly upset – then it hits him. This man was referring to a different kind of master.

You quickly recover, slipping into an emotionless jedi facade you rarely use. Crosshair’s jaw clenches so hard his toothpick snaps in half. He spits the broken pieces towards the man’s feet. “I belong to no one. The galaxy is much bigger than your prejudices,” you state evenly but there’s a fire in your eyes. “My friend and I are leaving now.”

Then the creep, who’s either stupud or plain suicidal, scoffs angrily. “You think you’re better than me? Tail head whore.”

The sniper sees fucking red. How dare this piece of shit demean his jedi? His self sacrificing, too nice, pain in the ass jedi. Only Crosshair is allowed to make your life difficult. The way the stranger judges you reminds him of every kaminoan that looked down on his brothers and his free hand is swinging.

The drunk is sent staggering to the ground, giving Crosshair a grim satisfaction. Before either man can recover your fingers wrap around the sniper's wrist to hold him in place as you bend down. “You want to go home and rethink your life choices," you instruct melodically, waving a hand in his face.

“I want to go home and rethink my life choices,” he repeats blankly.

You make quick work of charming the concerned worker, assuring that no police presence is necessary. Then you turn to Crosshair and in that fake calm voice he hates suggests he get a drink for his chips. For once in his life he follows instructions without complaint, watching you closely as you pay for your snacks. Your moves are less graceful and much more droid-like than usual.

Once you get outside you shakily sigh. He holds back an eyeroll. He’s lived with Hunter long enough to know when he’s going to get scolded. “You shouldn’t have done that, Crosshair. I was about to mind trick him.”

He stares at the ground with a tight jaw. He doesn’t know why he defended you when you didn't need it. He saw a creep harassing the only nat born who’s ever been kind to him and he just snapped. He’s still angry, honestly. Why aren’t you? “He deserved it.”

“Perhaps. But clones don’t have rights, you can’t just go around assaulting civilians. Even if it’s self defense you’re going to be painted as the aggressor.”

But Crosshair is only half listening. He's more focused on your unsteady hands. “You're shaking."

“Are you even listening to me? This is serious.”

He suddenly seizes your free wrist, mirroring your actions in the store. "So is this.”

You look like you want to argue for a moment then you slump in defeat. “I’m just… overwhelmed.”

Crosshair has experience with overwhelmed siblings. Hunter like space, Wrecker likes affection, Tech likes a listening ear. "What do you need?” He asks, surprisingly gentle.

This seems to be your boiling over point as you gesture wildly, swinging the bag in your hand. “I need sleep. I need to meditate. I need my master.” Your glowing eyes widen at your own outburst. The frustration morphs to sadness. “I guess I’m a little homesick. I thought spending time with you would be a good distraction but that chi’kan ruined it.”

This should be the point where he drops the subject. You already said what’s wrong and it’s not his responsibility to make you happy. But a voice that sounds suspiciously like Hunter points out that if the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t leave him to suffer.

He thinks back to the cadet days, when it was just him and his brothers against the world. He remembers the overwhelming anger when a reg hurt one of them. He was never good at comforting, he was good at revenge. But he can’t fight your emotions. And he already punched the chi’kan (he’ll have to find out what that means later.)

There’s only one option left. Out of his brothers you remind him of Wrecker the most and Wrecker likes physical reassurance when he’s upset. He awkwardly opens his arms and bites the blaster bolt. “Do you want a hug?”

“... What?”

“I’m not saying it again.”

Then you’re flying against him. Crosshair almost falls into the grass as you smash your face into his neck, fists balling into his sleep shirt. You’re warm and solid and your touch isn’t completely revolting. He slowly relaxes as he winds a long arm around you.

Crosshair will never admit it but he can understand your separation anxiety. As the sniper it’s his job to watch his brother’s backs. The instinct to protect is so engraved in Crosshair he needs to be near his siblings or know where they are at all times. Maybe that’s why he defended you tonight. He’s starting to accept you as part of the squad.

“Blossom?” He mutters, thumb absently stroking your lower back.

“Yeah, Cross?”

“If you tell anyone about this I’ll shoot you.”

You snort against the crook of his neck. "Whatever you say, keela."

[anonymouslosersworld]

Two-faced

Two-faced pt 2

Characters; Tenjiku

Genre: Fluff (F)

Toman reacts to : s/o with a double life.

warnings: Reader is a menace to society pt2

Requested by: @sousheiswag

Summary: gang leader!s/o that hides the fact that she Is a True menace and a gang leader to anyone.

characters: Izana, Ran Haitani and Rindou Haitani

Hiding something like 2nd life was exhausting. Like honestly how did you even find the energy to do it?

Your boyfriend's clingy, stupid, and always had to give you a heart attack one way or another, even if he doesn't admit it. He was up your ass every other day and making you angry half the time. Which made you so happy that you had ...creative outlet

It honestly took a load off caving someone's faces in after a big fight you had said, boyfriend. Sometimes you needed something to end up in flames and someone's ugly sobbing to get your anger out.

It was always a big plus that the people you were kicking the shit out of weren't the innocent bystanders but other gang douches that broke your territory rules or tried to take over your said territory.

But today you were running behind schedule some gang decided to pull some shit the day of some important day your boyfriend invited you . So you had to stop in the middle of getting ready to go deal with them.

you were kinda pissed, while you were hot the temp for that day was even higher and it made you cranky. So the douches got the death of a lifetime.

Izana Kurokawa

Izana was fucking worried, he went to your apartment to check on you because you hadn't called him like you promised you would. Your room looked like it had been ransacked if he was being honest, but he knew that the mess was a part of getting ready to go out.

what really made alarm bells ring in his head was the ugly boot footprints all over your home, he thought you had been kidnapped. While he usually said anything about your shoe preferences these seemed to be all over certain parts of your parents. It's where you keep all your valuables...kept is more like it since these places were empty/ ransacked.

Izana let out a huff and gritted his teeth.

'unbelievable' He thought as he walked out of your apartment.

'I'm so fucking late!!!'

well, you say that but you didn't seem to stop shoving s scum bag's face into the floor.

"you seem to like being on your knees for a girl huh? you must make someone happy." you said trying to alleviate your bad temper.

"oh but who am I kidding, you get no bitches do ya!" You grunt as you knee the guy in the face. "You'd be lucky with just a hello!"

"If it weren't for you I'd be with my boyfriend but noooo. Y-you just couldn't shut the fuck up and leave me be!"

The sound of bones breaking was clearly heard by you as you curb stomp the idiot who dared to cross paths with you. You can't help but remember a time not so long ago when it bothered you. But you were most certainly more bothered by your current predicaments because you didn't notice someone coming up behind you trying to confirm it's really you.

"DO you know how fucking long it takes to get a date with that asshole?! A lot! I worked really hard and you ruined it!"

"I could be sipping a (insert drink) with him right now! or watching a fucking movie?! Now I'll have to wait til his dumbass schedule opens up for another one bitch!"

Ran Haitani

See you rather die than admit to Ran that you were a leader of the gang. To give that man satisfaction would be a stain on your pride. So you obviously decided you would deal with the way you love.

Fighting was not one of them.

Physiological warfare of course.

So no Ran didn't catch you exactly fighting but in a particular scene. To him, it looked like you were ambushed or being harassed by a gang. When they looked at him in fear he just assumed it was because of him.

Turns out it was the opposite situation, he had no idea that you had told this daddy's man that his daddy knew what he was doing in his free time.

You had just exposed him for being a fraud rich boy wannabe gang leader just cosplaying, causing his fear to become real as his gang was ruthless and cutthroat.

"Now. do you want me to tell certain interested parties about this orr?" your paused before continuing, "you know you have a really pretty dad ya know? He really looks like my friend's type too, maybe you'll have a new step-mommy."

" You think your empty threats-"

"Empty? who said they were?" You grab his face and squeeze it with a force to bruise his face. "watch your tone with me little bitch boy, or you won't like the consequences ."

The look on the man's face when registered Ran's oncoming figure was hilarious. You would probably laughed if you weren't caught red-handed doing something."

"Heyyy Ran~"

"Is this what was keeping you late?"

"hmm~? what do you mean?"

"This dude bothering you?"

"Oooh, no we were just having a spirited conversation and we finally finished. "

The look on Ran's face was unreadable but after a minute he nodded.

"alright you little bitch, do what I told you or else," you whispered to the man behind him and walked to Ran who had extended his hand to you to hold.

So ran didn't find out till after rumors had spread that he was someone's dog and bitch.

Rindou Haitani

Rindou finding out that you were in a gang was actually pretty easy if you asked him (you never denied it or tried to hide it) . But if you asked yourself, you couldn't have been more obvious with him. In your relationship with Rindou you pride yourself with being honest with him and having a clear and open line of communication with each other.

you literally had just gone to the bathroom at this cafe that you and Rindou decided to have a date at and suddenly Taiju Shiba was in your seat trying to "conduct business'" with Rindou. You smirk as you approach the table before stealing a kiss from Rindou and placing yourself onto his lap.

"Hi baby, whose this date crasher?" you question him playing dumb. You knew Taiju very well.

"This is_"Rindou began before being interrupted by Taiju

" I don't think it any of your business'."

A laugh escapes your throat and you smile at him.

"Well I know you don't think at all. But seeing as you interrupted MY date with MY boyfriend.. it is my business. "

" No one has taught you to speak when your spoke-"

" Unlike your shitty ass, poor of excuse of a way of treating your "family" you don't get to talk to me that way. Or did you forget your manners when your parents died Dog." You spoke with poison in your veins, you hated every single cell of that loser. For the way that he treats your friend and her brother but also the way he handles things.

Taiju blood boils and he begins to try to "disciple" you but before he or Rindou could even react, your men quickly disabled Tajiu and pinned him to the table. With his face shoved into the dirty café floor , you motion to your men to pick the loser up. Blood ran down his nose and forehead, his cheeks stung from your full force slaps to the point were he almost didn't feel them.

" Now, just this once I'll let you off easy okay girlie? Because i know of a couple of interested parties that would like to shoot another one those videos. "

His face drained of color as he remembers Haikai's significant other torment and the humiliation's he went through because of them.

"good you realize who I'm speaking of. Hears what we are going to do. Your going to leave me and my boyfriend to our date. These lovely men are going to beat you to inch of your life then leave you for dead in some random river while recording everything and maybe just maybe that video will end up in Koko's or haikai's lovely s/o hands. And you will spend every waking moment wondering when either of them is going to strike."

Rindou had chills for weeks after that. He processed the event slowly as he clearly remembered the fear in Taiju's face. The fact that you could be so cold and ruthless but the next second be so warm to him blew his mind.

He would do the same thing of course but he needs time to process. But in the meantime you two go on a lot of uninterrupted dates.

Hajime Kokonoi

Kokonoi values information, money and luxury.

But there was a fourth thing he valued with his grubby greedy hands the most and that was you. You had everything he valued and loved all wrapped into one. You somehow knew information that it would have taken him a lot of time and money. You had "strange" and "random" friendships with some questionable people, connections he knew where in HIS world.

so he didn't have evidence to back up his claims but in his 4 million heart he knew that you were at least involved into his world but just didn't know how much. He knew you either deep enough to be an information gatherer of a spy but he didn't think you were a gang leader.

Day and night he would undirectedly tell you to leave that world behind and that he would take care of you but you never acknowledge his underlying message.

But he realized how strong you were when a gang he was working on merging another gang to tenjiku only to realize that group had disbanded and joined another gang.

Shion

Oh He knew, you think he would forget getting his ass beat by you??

[drabbles-mc]

On the dirty headcannons list,

Q for Happy, Tig, Chibs, and Coco pretty please?

(And S if you're feeling kind 💜 /np)

Omg hello!! So sorry this took me forever to get to. Life has been lifing! 😂

(also i might be able to do ones for S at a later date but I'm currently running on fumes I'm so sorry 💞)

Headcanons under the cut for:

Q - Quiet please (what’s the volume like in the bedroom? are they quiet? do they scream? do they like a loud partner? do they prefer if their partner is more soft spoken?)

I think that Happy is a man of few words in general, and I don't think that that necessarily changes behind bedroom doors. However just because he isn't a chatterbox, doesn't mean that he's completely silent either!! I think that he is very specific and purposeful with the things that he does say. He will always be getting the most bang for his buck, so to speak. He'll figure out very quickly what his partner likes to hear and he will focus in on that. I also don't think that he's someone who necessarily needs a partner who is loud in the bedroom. I don't think he's opposed to it, either. But I think that since he's someone who isn't exactly super vocal, he would completely understand and be fine with a partner who is wired similarly to him. I think that as long as he can know, in some way shape or form, that his partner is having just as good of a time as he is, that he'll be juuuuuust fine 😏

Tig though??? Tig staaaays talkin' shit I just KNOW it! That man is cocky and also a little insane and we love him for it. He's also the type who 110% wants to hear how much his partner is enjoying it. Volume is nice but I know that this man can clock a fake moan from a mile away so if it's not real don't even bother. He doesn't need someone to exaggerate to inflate his ego, he is just going to figure out what makes them tick so that every moan and noise and plea is as authentic and genuine as it gets. I also think that he's the type who, when he's mad or frustrated, is down for a hatefuck and at first he'll try to hold back praise because it's Not The Time For That, but before the end of it all he's saying all of the same good and filthy things he always does because he simply can't help himself. And while I don't think that volume is necessarily a make or break for him, the SECOND he realizes that they're in a situation where they shouldn't be loud, his new life mission is going to be trying to get his partner to be as loud as humanly possible. Menace behavior but again, we do love him for it.

I don't personally picture Chibs as a loud guy in the bedroom. But I do think that he's vocal. I think that his partner feels his breath against their skin with every curse and growl and grunt. I think that even if he's not loud about it, he's is undoing his partner with words in every language that he knows and he is unapologetic about it because he knows how crazy it drives them. I don't think that he's really going out of his way to look for a loud partner. Being with someone who is soft-spoken wouldn't bother him in the slightest. He doesn't need to hear it as long as he can feel it- the rough kisses and the harsh grips, nails biting into his skin as they desperately try to pull him closer and closer even after they're as close as they can possibly get.

Coco is another who, imho, isn't loud but he is talkative. That man is riling up his partner the whoooole fuckin' time best believe it. Whether it's praise or he's talking shit to get them more worked up, he's always got just the right things to say to get the most out of each moment. And I think in that regard he definitely needs someone who is going to match his energy. He doesn't need someone who is super loud but I feel like praise is a big thing for him in general. And I think that knowing he's with someone who can go line-for-line with him when he does decide he's on a shit-talking streak is also a big thing for him too. He needs someone who can keep up and when he finds that person he's going to make sure that they know he's all about them. 😌

Thank you so much for these, they were so fun! And also thank you for your patience ❤️

Dirty Headcanon Game

[19burstraat]

So I read in your newest fic’s (which IS INCREDIBLE btw you never miss 🩷) notes that you originally conceptualized the fic as being in the vein of “it’s a wonderful life” and I’m wondering…….how do you think that would have gone? Just curious 💕

Ty!! I note that I haven't seen it for quite a few years so it would have been a fairly basic comparison bc I forget the specifics of the context in IAWL, but yes... The spirit of Jordie (or possibly just Kaz's brain pulling a Really Complex Hallucination, I think the idea was it's like a fucking weird dream after he either nearly drowns or gets beaten up) pulls up, and says Hey Kaz Want To Know What Would've Happened If You HAD Died and Kaz is like. 'Um not really actually' but it's too late. I do have a bunch of notes app scraps of it, that I repurposed slightly for the current fic, so I'll paste em under the cut for your perusal. Ultimately I found this way of doing things a bit unsubtle but it was very interesting!

"Is this some guilt complex shit?" said Kaz.

"If you want it to be."

"No, I don't." Kaz wriggled out of the way and got to his feet. "I'm just going to—"

***

The sheet was wrenched away.

Kaz had seen plenty of death in the Barrel and on the Barge, and he had known who was going to be under the sheet. It didn't matter. He had to crouch abruptly in the corner before his legs gave way. He clamped his hands over his mouth and tried not to look anywhere in particular— not at Jordie, dead beside him, or Jesper, dead on the morgue table with a set of terrible wounds. He could hear snatches of conversation:

"...ran up debts... gangs... sent debtors after him..."

****

"Well, Miss Zenik— I run a little thing called the Hellshow," said Rollins. "Heard of it?"

Nina shook her head.

"Don't," Kaz said, even though it made no difference.

***

With a horrified start, Kaz realised it was Wylan; leaning on the wall in neatly re-hemmed Barrel flash and hastily cut hair.

"I want my cut now," he said.

"You'll get a cheque in a few days."

"In cash; now."

"You think I'm running a charity?" said Wylan. "You think all this information and all those chemicals come free? If you want to run this job without me, that's fine. But I won't bail you out of the Stadhall Jail when the Stadwatch grunts catch you with a fucking circular saw at the vault."

Per Haskell exchanged glances with Red Felix and Beetle. Eventually, there was some fumbling, and a wodge of kruge was produced. Wylan took it and counted it.

***

Kaz watched him go.

"He won't get out," he said.

"He might," said Jordie.

"He won't," said Kaz. "He can't. He's in too deep, now. He should've folded and left months ago, but he was too conscientious about the money and too anxious about being scammed."

***

"I get it, alright?" Kaz said wretchedly. "I get it. I understand."

"Do you?"

"I know I have to live for everyone else to make it, too." Kaz spat. "I know. What do you want me to say?"

"Fate has plans for us all, Kaz."

"Killing her and taking her platitudes? That's fucking rich." Kaz turned and paced the cobbles furiously. "Fuck! Fine! So— what? Go on! Tell me! Give me the moral!"

***

It's interesting bc I kinda like the idea (I miss Kaz when he's not there I get very upset when he's not around. Like a baby at a party screaming when everyone holding them isn't the Specific Person They Want) but also I think I'd never have finished this lmao. Also I'd have had to decide if it was a real supernatural kinda thing or if it was just Kaz's brain on a mad one. And like I say, I kinda prefer the ominous absences... To deploy Kaz's favourite tactic, planting an idea but leaving a lack of specifics or certainty, creates a lot more unsease.

[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai X Odasaku!Sister Ch9

Chapter 9: "You Are Not A Good Man"

Summary: Dazai fights between the darkness of what he has always known and what Odasaku wanted for him. Oda's sister finally meets Chuuya, our favorite angry ginger.

Warning: pm! fifteen year old dazai, Dazai self destructing, Odasaku death mentions, Dazai torturing himself and everyone around him, manipulative behavior from both sides, Mori mentions and grooming themes, underage drinking, talks of suicide, pm! fiftten year old Chuuya being a good boy. I gave Oda's sister a name but you can imagine it as y/n.

(This is chapter nine of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. Oda's death has been moved up to when Dazai is fifteen for plot purposes. Asagao's ability is to stop time for up to six seconds.)

Three Part Intro Here: (just cause the first chapter is so long)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 7k total

Moving down the familiar port mafia base, Dazai shoved his hands inside his pocket begrudgingly, his feet shuffling as he thought about the annoying conversation he was probably going to have. 

Yet the one thing that occupied his mind the most was the red haired dork he had left behind. 

And yeah, the last thing he probably should’ve done was leave Oda’s sister unattended in a port mafia owned building, knowing that she had a habit of not following directions and staying put. She had run away from Ango three weeks ago after all, what was to stop her from doing the same thing here?

It was no secret that she liked to cause trouble, in more ways than one.

But unlike the agent, Dazai didn’t underestimate her. Yes, leaving her alone wasn’t preferable but he also knew that she was fully capable of handling herself if someone did decide to step out of line and mess with her. Hell, she could probably outsmart and kick the asses of every incompetent subordinate in the building if she wanted. 

The truth was, she didn’t need his protection, not in the way that Ango thought she did. Asagao was calculating when she wanted to be, even if she was limited by the effects of alcohol currently. She was still a force to be reckoned with and the boy wasn’t worried in the slightest at the fact that he had just left her in a den of wolves. 

And in some sort of way, the boy looked at this little opportunity as a kind of test, wanting to see just how the girl would react to his way of life. Most people wouldn’t have been able to handle his port mafia lifestyle but Asagao, he knew that she could.

And not only that, he knew that she could thrive in it if given the opportunity. 

Was it wrong to think that though? Was it fucked up to hope that she would be in danger while he was gone just so he could see the full extend of her capabilities? That was probably not something a good person was supposed to do, but what could he say? The situation was too perfect to pass up. 

Humming to himself at the thought, Dazai then frowned at the shift in air only to vaguely feel a burst of air approach from his left, causing the boy to quickly duck in order to just merely miss a kick in his direction. “You piece of shit, there you are! I’m gonna kill you!” 

Already groaning at the sound of his voice, the brown haired mafioso simply closed his eyes before turning in order to meet a very familiar head of ginger

Ah, right on cue. “Aww Chuuuuya, did you miss me that much? And thanks for the offer but dying by your hand doesn’t really interest me at all.” 

Watching Chuuya shake his head in exasperation, the boy grumbled back, clearly bursting at the seams from unkempt anger the entire day. “Shut up! You left me alone to take down those losers by myself. Do you know how outnumbered I was because you decided to ditch?!” 

Dazai only raised an eye though, mocking his pathetic partners immediately.. “Oh boo hoo, I thought the famous gravity manipulator could handle a few measly thugs, but it looks like you are more incompetent than I thought if you’re complaining about this much. Pity, I thought you were at least a little useful to me..” 

The boy then shrugged his shoulders only for his partners to immediately wrap his gloved hand around Dazai’s jacket in order to shake him around as usual. “Screw you, I did take down all those idiots by myself! They didn’t stand a chance!”  

Dazai then replied halfheartedly, his finger in his ears in order to block out the ringing from Chuuya’s shouting. “Then what’s the problem? The job was done, wasn’t it? Unless you just like yelling to hear yourself talk?” 

That only seemed to make the hot headed mafioso even more angry though, his fingers tightening on his partner's jacket before yelling even louder than before. “The problem is that you ditched for nothing just to make me look like an idiot!” 

Scoffing in response, Dazai smirked. “Oh Chuuya, you don't need my help for that, you do that to yourself..” 

Then the bandaged boy simply lifted his hands out in defense before smiling in wistful memory of today's events. “And if you must know, I was very busy. I told you, I promised a lovely young lady a good time. What kind of man would I be to deny such a wonderful request?” 

Dazai then thought back to the adorably drunk Asagao that was waiting for him back at his apartment. And though he loved pissing off Chuuya, tonight this was the last place he wanted to be. 

Closing his eyes in exasperation, Chuuya then caught the silence in his idiot partner's gloat before forcing himself to let go of the boy with a grumble.  “Listen, I don’t care about what kind of fucked up disgusting shit you do in your free time or what kind of brain damaged girls you manipulate for your own selfish whims. Just know that if you pull that shit again, you’re gonna regret it.” 

Dazai only raised an eye in amusement though. Calling Asagao brain damaged, what a way with words he had. It’s like he was implying that he was forcing her to date him. If only Chuuya knew just how wrong he was, about how opposite he had everything.

How would he react to knowing that Asagao was the one who pushed him into this relationship? That for once, it wasn’t the demon that had made the contract but rather the angel. 

So much so, the mafioso felt his lips curve upwards before a short chuckle escaped his lips at the idea, causing Chuuya’s head to turn in angry confusion. “What? What the hell are you laughing about, mackerel? What’s so damn funny?” 

Shrugging his shoulders in response, the boy then forced his lips closed before shaking the thought away. Nah, this slug didn’t deserve to know about her, at least not yet. “Oooh it’s nothing. But really, you’re so scary Chuuuya. I’m practically shaking from fear..” 

Then all at once, he watched the red haired kid start to get wound up again, his words practically seething through his teeth in order to point a finger in his direction. “I mean it, dickhead! I’m watching you..” 

Dazai only rolled his eyes though, responding in a millisecond. “How can you watch anything? You can't even see that high..” 

And just like that, the momentary calm was broken as Dazai watched Chuuya’s control completely snap, much to his satisfaction. “Fucking basard..!” 

Yet that’s when a new voice seemed to enter the space, stunning the two bickering children immediately as he strolled up behind them rather unbothered. “Dazai, there you are.” 

Widening his eyes, Chuuya then turned to the voice before immediately falling to his knees in a sign of respect as Dazai simply remained silent. “Boss..” 

Mori simply nodded his head in return, unbothered by the bickering he had just witnessed. “Ah, Chuuya, you’re here too. Seems like you two are just as explosive as ever.” 

Crossing his arms over his chest in a huff, Dazai frowned, knowing that the reason he was stuck with this little brat was because of the boss in the first place. “It’s your fault for making me deal with something so unpleasant all the time.” 

The port mafia boss didn’t seem bothered in the slightest thought, his lips giving a cruel short chuckle before seemingly getting right to business. “Yes, well I suppose you’re right. Now Chuuya, if you would excuse us. I must speak to Dazai alone.” 

Almost immediately, Chuuya responded, his body snapping back up before giving another small bow of his head in response. Whatever the boss wanted, he would gladly do. 

Besides, it finally got him away from the bandaged bane of his existence, and that was a blessing in itself. “Yes boss, of course..” 

The boy then turned around only for Dazai’s mocking gaze to follow his steps before calling back to him all at once, almost like he wanted the last victory. “See you, Chuuuuya. Maybe the next time we meet you’ll be able to reach the top shelf! I highly doubt it though, petite mafia!” 

All at once, Chuuya felt his eyes twitch, his fingers curving through the leather of his gloves in order to force his feet to continue to move and obey their boss’s wishes. But that didn’t stop him from muttering cruel obscenities inside his head all the same. 

Stupid annoying little prick, picking on my size like that. He’s lucky the boss is here or else he’d be dead! God, I hate him so fucking much!! Why did I have to be stuck with a guy like him?! 

And even though his threats were unsaid, Dazai still gained a sense of satisfaction from them, his lips twisting into silent victory as he watched his favorite little toy stomp away. 

------

Mori led the boy straight to his office as Dazai watched him descend into his usual chair, virtually unbothered in order to turn towards his favorite little executive with his usual calm and collected smile. “Now Dazai, could you please share with me why you were absent from the job I assigned to you and Chuuya today?” 

And although his smile was seemingly unbothered, Dazai sensed the threatening aura that always laid beneath. Too bad for him though, the boy was never shaken by his attempts of intimation.

Because of that, Dazai simply shrugged his shoulders, his own lips showing hidden intent, like he was up for the challenge. “Easy, cause it was boring and I didn’t wanna.” 

The port mafia boss only frowned though, his expression dropping to a disappointed pout in order to lace his fingers under his chin. 

Perhaps to anyone else his response would’ve been seen as unacceptable, but Mori already knew Dazai’s cruel mannerisms like the back of his hand. “Now that’s not very nice. I thought we had an understanding between each other when I offered you the executive position.” 

His voice came out scolding, like you would do to an unruly child but the executive knew better to take his words at face value and think it was that simple. Nothing about Mori was simple after all, he had learned that the day they had first met. 

Because of that, the bandaged menace called him out on it, Dazai’s fingers crossing around his own arms with a huff. “Oh please, we both know the real reason why you offered me that job. It was so you could keep an eye on me and protect your dirty little secret.” 

And for a moment, Mori paused, seemingly taking in his answer before his fingers dropped from his chin with a simple nod. “Right you are, Dazai. You are the only one that knows the truth after all. That I killed the precious boss and took his place.” 

Normally the man wouldn’t have ever admitted such a thing but he knew it was pointless to continue the charade, especially since it was Dazai that had figured out his true intentions long ago. 

Why he had given him the position of executive, why he held the boy so highly, it wasn’t without reason. 

Dazai only nodded back though, his eyes rolling in exasperation. “And I’m your accomplice for it all, I was the only witness to the previous boss’s demise.  I know I know. I get it already. If you’re really that worried about it then you should just silence me permanently and get it over with.”  

It was something that had tied the two together long ago. Dazai could still remember it like it was yesterday, the day his tiny little eyes accidentally caught the sharp metal scalpel as it slid across the previous port mafia boss’s throat. 

After the event it was concluded that the old boss’s will was for Mori to take over but only he and Mori knew the truth, that the doctor had lied to the entire place in order to take the boss’s position. 

And since that day Mori had regarded the two of them as partners in crime, always reminding the boy of his place in all of this over and over again like a broken record.

It was almost like he was worried that Dazai would ruin everything with just the slip of a tongue. Instead he used that little secret to try and tie him down to his side. 

Mori simply waved the idea away though, almost like he had already read the boy’s mind. “Don’t be silly. There would be no benefit to kill you like that. If I really wanted you dead then it would already be done. I’ve already stopped multiple of your suicide attempts in the past year, I’m not going to let all that taxing work go to waste.” 

You see, that was one thing the port mafia boss had figured out fairly quickly. For as much as he wanted all the loose ends of his little evil deed erased, the man knew it wasn’t that simple.

In a sick way, he needed Dazai, he needed him to keep their little lie going because with the boy gone, the old boss’s members would suspect him of the murder. 

But that was easier said than done. When he had proposed his little plan Mori thought he was tying himself to a sad pathetic weak and stupid suicidal kid that he could manipulate to his own hand. 

Yet almost instantly the doctor realized he had made a mistake, a grave miscalculation on his part. 

For you see, Mori had learned very quickly that a monster like Dazai couldn’t be tied down. He couldn’t be manipulated as easily as he first thought. And now by putting himself in this deal he had also undoubtedly tied himself to an evil even he himself couldn’t predict. 

But then again, that also made everything all the more enticing. 

Dazai only pouted his lips though, not liking his annoying response. He knew that the guy had stopped his fair share of attempts and the boy still wasn’t happy about it. “Boo. You’re no fun, Mori.” 

Mori waved his childish manner away though, his eyes planning in clear calculation in order to go for the nearby teapot that was just out of reach. “Everything I’ve done has been for the benefit of this organization. I will always do what I think is best for the port mafia, and that includes the assassination of the precious boss. A change of power was necessary, and when the time comes for another change, I will allow the transition wholeheartedly.”

The bandaged boy then watched as the boss tipped over the pot into his cup as Dazai truly thought about the meaning of his words. Was he saying what he thought he was? Was the guy really that dedicated to the mafia? 

Narrowing his eyes, the boy questioned curiously. “So you’re saying that you’ll allow someone to murder you in cold blood and take your position just like you did with the old boss?”

It was an interesting idea, being aware of your own humanity and your own imminent demise. Was that how Mori lived his life, knowing it was a fleeting moment, that he was just a small chess piece in the grand scheme of the port mafia’s legacy?

Mori then closed his eyes, thinking about Dazai’s accusation before simply putting the teapot down onto the table in order to turn back towards the clueless boy with a knowing look. “Precisely. But only if it is someone worthy enough to do so. Everything has a time and a place, and when that moment arrives, my executioner will be hand picked by my own design.” 

The air was silent then but the boy could feel his skin prick with devious unknown intent as Mori stared through Dazai’s nonexistent soul for what seemed like forever.

 And though the kid was curious about his plan in all of this, the only thing that could stick in his mind was one perplexing thing. For someone so against suicide, you sure have thought a lot about your own death. What a hypocrite you are, old man. 

Yet before he could truly stew on the matter, Mori waved the idea away in order to change the subject completely, or so the boy thought at the time. “Now, onto other matters. How are you holding up? I’m sure Oda Sakunosuke’s tragic death has taken quite a toll on you. It truly was an unfortunate event after all.” 

At the sound of Oda’s name, Dazai then felt his entire body tense without permission, the words dying in his own throat all at once. Just the mere mention of his old friend was enough to make him internally unravel. 

And he suspected that was the point, that’s why Mori had brought him up. To gain a reaction, to put him in his place and take control of the conversation for the first time since their meeting. Dazai hated it, he hated the kind of power anyone had on him with just one simple name. 

So much so, the kid’s words came out bitter, not wanting to talk about this. “Why does it even matter to you? You don’t care that he’s gone. He was a low level lackey in the port mafia. Odasaku had no value to you.” 

Dazai knew that was the truth, Mori didn’t care. Because of Odasaku’s morals and his refusal to kill, his position in the mafia was bottom tier at best. He was the equivalent to an errant dog, doing odd jobs here and there. He meant nothing to the organization and therefore he meant nothing to Mori. 

That’s right, the boss was only bringing him up to get under Dazai’s skin, to make him squirm and act out. There was no other reason for it then to shove his own weakness straight into his face. 

Mori took the boy’s reply with a collective air though, almost like he knew the kind of response he would get. “That may be true, but he certainly had value to you, did he not?” 

And he did, to the boy, Odasaku was the most valuable person and thing to have ever existed. He was the closest thing to a friend or a family he had ever had. No one would be able to understand that, not even Oda’s own little sister. 

Feeling his own lips screw shut in order to hide an emotional reply, Dazai shoved his hands into his pockets with silent despair. He didn’t want to pour his non-existent heart out to Mori but he also didn’t want to lie and tell the man that Odasaku was insignificant. 

Because he wasn’t, he would never be. 

Mori eyed the reaction silently as well, his expression unchanging before finally looking away from the boy in order to stare down in silent thought. “I must say, you are taking everything quite well, better than I expected.”

There was something different in the man’s tone then, something that Dazai couldn’t quite pick out. It was like there was something else laced in that sentence, something that sounded like..disappointment? 

But why would Mori be disappointed in his reaction to all of this? 

Wanting to dig deeper, Dazai frowned. “And what did you expect?”

Mori then snapped his gaze back up before speaking distantly, like he was listing off some sort of checklist in his mind. “I expected that I’d be saving you from another suicide attempt, that I’d find you in some sort of ditch alone and broken beyond belief. That’s usually how people grieve the deaths of important friends and family.”

And for a moment, Dazai paused. Was that what he was supposed to be doing? Was that the proper response to grieve someone’s death? He didn’t know, considering the boy wasn’t anything resembling normal. 

He was already broken beyond belief though, even before Odasaku’s death. He had always been a sad amalgamation of what he should’ve been. How could you break what was already broken? How could the shattered be even more shattered? Perhaps it wasn’t possible. 

Perhaps he was too numb to feel any of that. 

But even Dazai knew that was a lie, that for a split second while holding his best friend’s dying body he had felt something. It had been what Mori had described for a split second. Grief, devastation, self-destruction, they twisted into him even more than before. 

He felt the painstaking loneliness stuck to his skin whenever he tried to move around Odasaku’s apartment, he felt the numb pointless burn of the alcohol when he only poured one drink instead of two. Such human emotions, in those small moments Dazai knew what they were, even if he didn't want to admit it. 

Yet if that was the case, why hadn’t he crumbled under it all? Why wasn’t his body succumbing to the pain of the loss? That’s what Mori expected, that’s what should’ve been the logical conclusion. Why hadn’t he given up all together and tried to kill himself again? 

Then all at once, the boy had his answer. 

Asagao. 

Oda’s little sister, she was the reason he was just barely hanging on these last few weeks. She had fed him letters, memories and moments that were so new to the boy that it felt like Odasaku hadn’t disappeared from this world entirely. 

Whether on purpose or not, she had given delusions to keep going, to wake up just in order to read another entry from his best friend’s fingers. Those letters, they meant everything to him. They were his lifeline, the boy depending on them just like Asagao did for her entire life. 

And yes they were fleeting, they were just temporary spells in the end. He knew that, he knew that one day there would be no more words to read and Dazai would have to face that. 

But not today, he didn’t have to do that today. 

He wondered if she knew that, if she knew just how important Odasaku’s writing was to him? That they were just barely keeping him afloat even now? 

And Asagao also, just her very presence filled a void that Dazai thought would never be filled again. Her living, breathing body, her tangible touchable skin, they filled his grief filled soul with a shaky wavering peace he knew wouldn’t last. 

She wasn’t the real thing, but she was close enough to Odasaku for him to keep trying.  To be a good man, a good person. That’s what both siblings wished, what they believed for him. 

And he wanted to do that, for them. 

Just then, Dazai’s internal thoughts were shattered as he heard Mori’s soft chuckle, the sound filling up the entire room in order for the man to sigh. “Then again, it should be expected that your reaction to grief and death would be different, considering you have always been different, Dazai.”

Not fully understanding, the boy then allowed him to continue, his voice coming out in a cruel edge. “Anyone else would look at you and see a child but you and I both know that’s never been the truth, not really. Not after all the blood and death you’ve shed over the years. Such an innocent yet simple term could never fit you.” 

Sure, by looks and hypotheticals Dazai was a fifteen year old boy but Mori knew that was no excuse to underestimate him. The boy was young, yes, but he had already seen far more evil and monstrosities than an old man. Each experience had twisted and changed him into something more complex than just a sniveling child.  

And Dazai agreed in a sense. He knew he wasn’t normal, he wasn’t like the happy and carefree Odasaku or Asagao. He never fit inside that box but in those moments with them the boy liked to pretend, to wish for another outcome then just the demon that resided in his heart.

This hopeful and trying side of him that he had displayed tonight with Asa, that wasn’t like him. He had never tried to be kind before, to give anyone anything like he had given her Bar Lupin.

And though it was selfish, Asa told him that it didn’t matter. That just the very act of trying was enough for her. It was so tiny so minuscule and yet Dazai wondered if that was truly enough? Could he really honor Oda like this? He wasn’t sure. 

But the fact that he hadn’t completely disregarded the idea, that he hadn’t given up yet was new. It felt almost human in a way, his desire to keep going and prove to Odasaku and Asagao that their words about him being a good man could be true.

He would pretend, he would imagine himself as something more than a monster. 

And maybe if he pretended hard enough, then someday it could be real. 

Realizing he needed to say something, Dazai then turned his head, curious to hear what a man like Mori would have to say on the topic. “If I’m not a kid than what am I?”

The boss had his answer immediately, seemingly countering the boy’s delusions with sharp truth. “Why, the demon prodigy of course. It’s what you've always been. Anyone else would be foolish to think otherwise.” 

It was like he was calling Dazai out with his words, like he was trying to shut down his silly little “pretending plan” but even still, the executive couldn’t abandon it. He didn’t want Mori to be right in any sense, but especially for this. 

Leaning back into his chair, Mori then smiled once more, the corners not reaching to the edge of his face before carrying on his thoughts. “Speaking of which, I’m in need of your help. Chuuya successfully completed today’s raid and we were able to capture one of their colleagues. The thing is, it seems like he needs a little more..persuasion..to tell us the rest of his plans..” 

Dazai knew what he meant immediately. Torture. He wanted him to be the demon prodigy and torture this guy for information.

And normally he would’ve jumped at the chance to play around with some pathetic enemies but Asagao was still waiting for him and he knew this job wasn’t going to be an easy one. “I see, and you want me to do it?”

Mori only nodded his head though, pushing his fingers back under his chin with a hum.“Think of it as your makeup assignment for missing the mission.”

Oh, so that’s how he was playing it. He was blackmailing him for missing that stupid boring raid by asking this. And Dazai knew that if he refused then Mori probably would look into the reason on why he missed the raid in the first place. 

And that would lead him back to the pretty little redhead that was in his apartment right now. Long story short, if he didn’t do this job, then there was a risk that Odasaku’s sister would be found out. 

He was giving him this option as a way out, as an alternative instead of digging into his life. And though the boy wanted so badly to counteract his little game, the risk was too great. Oda would be horrified if Asagao ended up in the port mafia.

Because of that, Dazai simply took his hands out of his pockets before smiling back in challenge, just to push his buttons. He couldn’t be too eager about this either, or else it would raise suspicion. “And if I say I don’t wanna?” 

Mori seemed to find amusement in the question though, his eyes narrowing in victory before reading his favorite port mafia executive immediately.

 “Oh, I think we both know that’s a lie.”

-----

Stomping his feet in pure lingering frustration, Chuuya made his way back to his place, still muttering under his breath because of the dipshit encounter with his least favorite person in the entire world. Fucking Dazai, always putting him a bad mood like this. 

What was that guy's problem anyways, always pissing him off like this? It’s like he enjoyed it or some shit. Hell, he probably did, that little asshole would. 

Thinking back to their unpleasant conversation, the boy then turned the corner before shaking his head with a new list of obscenities. 

Just what was that guy saying anyways? There was no way he was out with a girl all this time. What kind of brain dead freak would ever hang out with him anyways? Nah, he was bullshitting him, he had to be. 

Chuuya then turned back around in order to put his arms up in a huff only to feel his hand connect with something solid on accident as a small female groan was heard to his left. What the hell was that?

Yet that’s when the boy’s eyes widened as he caught the sight of a hunched over figure in front of him, the strangers hands covering their face as Chuuya felt his stomach dropped in guilt. Ah, shit, when did she get there!? He didn’t mean to hit her like that! 

Panicking almost immediately, Chuuya hunched over, his hands moving in all sorts of directions before speaking at a million miles a minute. “S-Shit, are you okay? You came out of nowhere. I didn’t see you.” 

The mystery girl only waved her only free hand away though, seemingly unbothered that the ginger had almost knocked her out. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it. This happens a lot..” 

At that, Chuuya felt him raise an eye. “You getting hit in the face happens a lot?” 

 What the hell did that even mean? Why wasn’t this chick yelling at him like he deserved? He had just hit her, unintentionally or not he was still in the wrong. 

She only seemed to laugh though, finding humor in the sentence in order to lower her hand a little bit so he could see her large round framed glasses on her face. “Yeah ha ha..I don’t have the best eyesight…” 

And though the glasses were surprising, it didn’t change the facts. The way she was still holding her face was concerning itself. “Still, it’s my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Are you sure you’re okay?” 

That’s when the girl simply nodded her head in order to put her hands out in defense with a goofy little smile of reassurance.“Yeah, of course. Look, I’m perfectly fine! No need to worry!” 

 Yet just as soon as she said that, Chuuya watched a thin line of blood trail down from her nose in response, his eyes hollowing in horror as she simply touched the sight with a nervous laugh. “Ah..ha ha..would you look at that..” 

All at once, alarm bells started to go off in the boy’s head, running through every horrible possibility. He did hit her pretty hard, what if he broke her nose or gave her a concussion? Oh, he hoped not. Then he’d feel even worse than before!

Reaching his hands forward, Chuuya’s fingers then swept under the blood in a panic, ridding himself from the sight only for more to take its place. Oh, this was bad. “Ah, damn it. You’re bleeding!” 

The glasses girl only shrugged though, still giving him that goofy unbothered smile in order to reply softly. “Just a little, it’s..” 

Yet Chuuya was done hearing her downplay the situation, the boy simply grabbing onto her hand in order to pull her off the ground with a frustrated huff. “Is your brain broken? Come here already..!” 

With the way she was acting he was sure that she had a concussion of some kind. No one would ever act this calm about this mistake, especially here in a port mafia owned building. 

Dragging her over to the lobby bathroom, Chuuya quickly threw open the door before pointing to the fancy plush waiting area sofa with hastily command. “Sit.” 

She complied a second later with the boy practically pushing her shoulders down in a rush only for her to put her hands up in reply. “Hey, I promise. I swear I’m okay. You don’t have to..” 

Yet that’s when her words were cut off immediately by Chuuya’s hand, his thumb and forefingers latching against her nostrils in order to make her dip towards him with annoyance. “Lean forward and don’t move. The bleeding should stop in fifteen minutes or so.” 

It was a trick he had learned from an early age while in the sheep. A lot of the younger members would get nosebleeds fairly easily so this was basically secondhand nature to the boy. 

And it seemed like the mystery girl knew that as well, her voice coming out rather nasally and strange considering his hold on her. “You’re really nice.” 

Chuuya couldn't help but scoff though. “Did you forget that I caused all this?” 

She only pouted her lips in response though, not at all bothered by the truth. “You didn’t mean to though. You said it yourself. Besides, it’s kind of my fault too. I’m not the best with new places. It was bound to happen.” 

Shaking his head in exasperation for her answer, the boy then caught something else in her sentence. “Speaking of which, who are you? You port mafia?” 

He had never met this girl before after all, and though he was fairly new to the port mafia himself he knew he would’ve remembered her. She was too odd not to. 

And not only that, she seemed way too nice to be in a dark place like this. A little naive and stupid also. Definitely not good traits to have in the mafia. Which either meant she was new or she didn’t belong here at all. 

A moment later, he had his answer, the girl giggling to herself in a cutesy manner before smiling back. “Me? Oh no, not at all. I’m just visiting Osu.”

And because she didn’t use Dazai’s last name, Chuuya had no idea who that was, his head lifting in confusion. “....Osu?” 

She then attempted to nod under his fingers, beaming with child-like excitement. “Yeah! I’m gonna surprise him with a sleepover! Ah, I really hope he likes it. I want to make him just as happy as he makes me.” 

Her feet then began to kick happily underneath him with hidden joy as Chuuya couldn’t help but wonder who this guy really was. Sleepovers seemed kind of childish for the port mafia but then again she seemed so happy about it. He hoped it went well for her. 

Feeling her tilt her head up without permission, the red haired girl then added.  “And what about you Mr. Ginger? I take it that you're port mafia.” 

It was a conclusion that was fairly obvious given the place that they were in. So much so, Chuuya barely gave much thought to her clever deduction in order to latch his fingers even tighter around her nose in order to pull her head back down.  “Yeah I am, so you better listen to me and quit moving or else..” 

She took in his threat immediately before another apologetic smile crossed her fingers. This guy was really serious, huh? “Okay okay sorry.” 

Then all at once, Chuuya felt his shoulders relax, the anger dissipating only for that same heavy guilt to sink in. “I’m sorry too, for hittin you like this. I wasn’t thinking straight.” 

This girl wasn’t even a port mafia, she was just some guy's girlfriend or something. She had probably never even seen blood in her life and he had done something so horrible to her. A thousand apologies would never be enough. 

She only batted her eyes though, still not angry or spiteful in the slightest. “What were you thinking about?” 

Almost immediately, her words brought back the annoyances of the night, Chuuya still hearing Dazai’s ear grating insults in his ears. “Just an annoying bandaged dumb ass I have to work with. He pisses me off, that’s all.” 

What Chuuya didn’t notice though, was the way Asagao perked up at the sound of his description, her voice coming out rather curious and coaxing. “Bandaged dumb ass?” 

Nodding his head in fury, Chuuya then grumbled to himself before forcing the distaste down his throat. “Yeah, but it’s not something you gotta worry about. That guys not worth anyone's time, especially yours.” 

God, he knew that Dazai would’ve eaten this poor girl alive if he was here. She was too good for everyone in this place but especially for a monster like him. He would crush her innocent little soul into nothing. 

If only he knew, right? 

But naive little Chuuya didn’t know, his lips fixed into a frown only for the female stranger to say something rather out of pocket. “Sounds like you two are close..” 

Close? What kind of joke was that? Yeah, the boy guessed he was close to Dazai in some capacity but not any he wanted to be. They were partners, forced to be stuck together. That’s it. Just what was this girl saying, what was she inferring from his words? 

She didn’t think that two were…friends…right?

Because that was disgusting. 

And he wanted her to know that. “Close?! You gotta be fucking kidding me, I hate that guy. I’m just forced to work with him, that's all. Calling me a dog all the damn time.” 

Seriously, just what was this girl thinking? The day he actually became close to a guy like Dazai would be his last fucking day of earth. 

Yet there was something in his sentence, something at the end that caused Asagao’s head to tilt back up against his hand as her lips parted open in some sort of delicious realization. Oh, so this is your dog, Samu. I can see why you love him.

And for a moment, Chuuya paused, sensing something different in the air. 

Just why was this innocent girl looking at him so deviously, like a predator finding a new prey? It kind of creeped him out, like a horrible case of deja vu. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

Yet just as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared, the girl’s head tilting back down in order to kick her legs back and forth with some sort of hidden delight. “Oooh nothing. Just thinking, that’s all.” 

The way she said that, it sounded so similar to Dazai that he couldn’t help but cringe, pushing his fingers away from her nose all at once.

But that was silly, that bastard was just getting in his head. The two couldn't be alike. She was too nice to be that twisted. 

Shaking the idea away, the ginger haired boy then took a step back before running his hands under the sink next to him with a huff. “Right..well that should be good enough for now. When you get back to Osu or whatever, make sure he takes care of you.” 

Then he watched as the red haired girl seemingly hopped to her feet before giving him a small smile in return. “Thanks..” 

Her tone was open ended, like she was looking for his name. And because he didn’t see the harm in it, the boy compiled. “Chuuya.” 

Nodding once, the girl then pulled her hand out of her pocket for him to shake before repeating the gesture. “Asagao.” 

He took her hand reluctantly, shaking back and forth before the two kids made their way out of the bathroom only for Chuuya’s head to ring with concern. She wasn’t seriously going to wander around by herself, right? That was a horrible idea. 

Pushing his hand to her shoulder, the boy then reeled her back in question. “You know, this isn’t the kind place you should be walking around alone..” 

Yet the girl simply put her hand up before laughing at his worry, almost like the thought hadn’t crossed her mind. “Oh, it’s okay! I’m not alone, I’ve been getting some help. And here they are now. Did you find everything I asked for boys?” 

Then Asa simply lifted her hand up before waving a group of scary suited men over to her, their hands full of various pillows, snacks and other items that Chuuya assumed were for her supposed “sleepover” plan.  “Yes miss.” 

He couldn’t help but gawk at the sight though, seeing the small cute girl sandwich herself between them before patting their shoulders without a care in a world. “Perfect, now let’s go! We don’t have much time.” 

Just who was this girl? And how had she commanded this group of mafia guys to do her bidding? There was no way, right? 

Yet before he could come up with an answer he heard Asagao call back to him, her hand waving as she beamed joyfully from a distance. “Thanks again Chu Chu!” 

Almost immediately he felt his lips twist in annoyance for the nickname, knowing that’s not what he said when he introduced himself. “That’s not..”

Although before he could finish the sentence, she was gone, leaving him to wonder just what kind of hurricane he had unknowingly got himself into. 

“...my name..” 

-----

Feeling his own feet carry him down the dingy steps, Dazai soon found himself back in the port mafia basement, his fingers lingering over the knives in order for his dull lifeless eyes to pick up the blade like a cruel cold welcome. 

He had picked up these weapons hundreds of times before and this was no different. It was like muscle memory at this point and the boy fully knew what was coming next. 

Dazai then seemingly slipped into his own internal thoughts, the warm lights of Bar Lupin and the soft blush that crossed Asagao’s face just a few hours prior. Such things were so lively, so real that he had almost forgotten the damp lonely feeling of where he originated from. 

In Odasaku’s apartment, in the presence of Asagao he could block out the evil inside him, he could ignore the pull to destroy and to trample, but not here. Just by the shift of the air he knew that here there could only be darkness and corruption.  

He couldn’t be a good man here, it was impossible to be. 

But perhaps that was the point, that’s why Mori had brought him here. Because he was getting too comfortable, he was beginning to delude himself from reality. He had told himself that he could change, that he could be more than a monster. 

And the boy still wanted that to be true, for Odasaku and Asagao both. 

Pushing open the rushy hinges, Dazai then made his way to the shackled prisoner before him in order to immediately dig his knife into the man’s shoulder and twist and blade in muscle memory as he cried out in agony. 

And as he felt the familiar sickening joy course through every single one of his muscles, the boy knew that it was wrong. That he shouldn’t have felt such satisfaction in making this man squirm. That’s not what a good person was supposed to do. 

Yet he did, his body, his fingers, his muscles all twitched in satisfaction with the only thing that had accompanied him since he was a child. It was familiar, pulling him further away from his original goals by the second. 

Simply because this was what this fucked up world had made him to be. 

That’s right, he was the demon prodigy, he was shaped and misformed to be this way, a perfect monster of the port mafia. If Asagao saw him then he would think so also. She would take back her belief in him.  

And though he tried to keep that fragile hope of change, with every stab and scream he physically felt it begin to slip away from him. This isn’t what Odasaku would’ve wanted, it’s not what Asagao thought he was..but this was all he had..

As a boy, as a child, Dazai was never given love, he never knew a gentle touch or a kind word. He didn’t grow up with normalcy or any sort of mundane. He went to bed with murder woke up with blood on his fingers and the sound of deafening screams.

Sometimes his own, sometimes not. But the fact remained clear as day even so..

This was what he was good at, whether Dazai liked it or not. 

And that only showed just how different he truly was to Oda’s precious little sister. The things that Asagao had lived through were great but she had gotten away where he couldn’t. She could see more than his pathetic little world. 

She was free where he would never be. 

Another stab, another trail of blood seeped across his fingers only for a dark mocking voice to fill his ears and drown out his victims screams, his own thoughts and guilt corrupting him to insanity.

You are dishonoring his memory. 

He knew that. He knew that so well, that by doing this, by torturing this guy he was going against everything that Odaskau wished for him. But he didn’t know any different, he couldn’t know any different. He wasn’t worth anything else but this. 

You are making his little sister's words useless. 

Damn it, he knew that also, okay?! A haunting memory, a foolish statement, that’s all it was. She called him a good man but what he was doing was in no way the truth. He knew she’d be disappointed like this, seeing him bathed in blood, torturing this man because of own inability to change. 

Fuck, he hated it, he hated himself for being so incompetent. 

What did she possibly see in him? Why did she call him precious? He wasn’t precious, he was a joke. A pathetic unfunny fucking joke. Didn’t she see how he was crumbling, how much of a failure he truly was?

Gritting his teeth against his own chaos, Dazai’s own demons tormented him once more.

You are not a good man. 

And as his bloodied knife raised into the air once more, the demon prodigy knew the truth, his mind screaming it like a death sentence. 

No, I’m not. I’m sorry.

[yutahoes]

Polarity

Teaser

characters: mafia boss! Yuta Nakamoto x innocent! florist! reader

summary: While running away, you seemed to be moving closer to the man you were avoiding. Are you even heading to the right direction?

genre: chaptered, angst, fluff(?), slow burn, smut(?)

warnings: abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), violence, language, blood, guns, drugs, alcohol, sex

"Hey!" a booming voice coming from your door can be heard followed by the appearance of two men coming into your house. The one in front has dark black hair and piercing eyes while the guy behind him has brown hair. They looked young, preferably the same age as you. The guy who pushed you turned to bow at the two before the guy in front held his hair, pulling it so the bigger man is facing the man with darker hair. "What is the number one rule of the Nakamoto group?" 

Your ears perked up at that. Nakamoto group? Is it one of the mafia groups around? What does a mafia need in your house? The three looked your way and your eyes widened in surprise, heart dropping on your chest. Their looks are predatory, scaring the shit off you. “Never hurt a woman.” The larger guy, being held by the hair, mumbled. 

“Apologize.” Quickly, the man who pushed you kneeled on the floor while muttering an apology. The turn of events startled and confused you. What is he apologizing for? But the guy in front, probably their leader, stepped on his head, making the larger guy fall face flat on the floor. “Louder!” 

“I’m sorry.” You can hear the desperation in his voice as he kept on saying the words repeatedly. 

“I…It’s fine.” Your voice was shaking, scared for your life. What even are you witnessing now? Is this how mafias act? The man in front of you might be young and leaner than the one who pushed you but he seemed scarier and with more power. You can feel your insides shivering in fright as the leader kept his foot on the man's head while taking off his leather gloves with his teeth.

He only let go of the man when he walked in front of you.

"Are you hurt?"

Hi everyone! Do you like the small snippet? I'm currently challenging myself to write a mafia fic based on these requests:

I might add some requests in future chapters as well. For now, I'm not sure how the whole fic would go since I have only written half of the second chapter and it's looking really bleak. Sorry for the sudden teaser, maybe it can force me to write the upcoming scenes. 😅

First chapter will be up next week. Message me if you want to be tagged. ❤

Chapter One

[royboyfanpage]

If you were put in charge of the Green Arrow comics,What story would you write for them? What character arc would you make?

Please and Thank You 😃

Thank you for the ask!!!

I'd love to write a story that actually went into their relationships a lot more. Not really a huge fan of the current Green Arrow run, I don't like that they're separated constantly and there's too many Events to actually explore them. Character's definitely more important than plot, so currently it's been very plot-heavy, so I'd like to write one with more filler to explore their relationships. I'd love to write a team-up between Roy, Connor, and Mia especially, let them interact more as heroes rather than just of costume, maybe with Onomatopoeia as the antagonist (i love Onomatopoeia, he's so me, I too repeat sounds), but without Connor being sidelined because of a shot to the head. I'd also like to explore Sienna more, there's not much content including her so I think it'd be cool to maybe have some issues with her and Dinah to develop her character (though I think having a run with Dinah and Sienna in the Birds of Prey would probably be better fit than in a Green Arrow run). Also some interactions between Mia and Emiko, I think they'd have a really interesting dynamic that I'd love to see explored. Also, I would include Eddie back into the Arrowfam on their side, I'm not suuuper up to date with the current continuity but isn't he a bad guy now? Yeah, no. He'd be back on their side as a recurring character in Connor's issues, and also have more interactions with the other Arrows. Jade'd be included as more than just "Roy's ex"/"Lian's mum", I don't think she'd be particularly Close to any of the Arrows but definitely some team-ups with her, mutual enemies bringing her into the run, and a deeper exploration of her character and who she is outside of just assassin. Ollie'd be broke as shit, naturally, either from the start or he'd give his money away early on (while him constantly gaining and losing his money is funny, I do prefer him voluntarily giving it away), and there'd be more exploration of him as a flawed yet loving family man. Also I'd stop separating the family. Also him and Dinah would run a Sherwood Florists in Star City.

I'd also include Lian as a hero working with the Arrows. While ideally everything Lian would still be an age she's meant to be (I think like, 8 or 9?), I think that having her as Cheshire Cat would be cool and also good for angst purposes, Roy struggling to adjust to the fact that his baby's older now and that he's unable to shelter and protect her anymore. A conflict between Lian (possibly with Jade's support?) vying for her independence and hating that her dad keeps seeing her as a defenceless five year old, and Roy trying to protect her and stop her from going out, maybe Lian ends up saving Roy's life and after a long conversation they come to a mutual understanding. I'd also love to have some issues where it's a full-team fight. A lot of the issues conflicts would be smaller so that they could be split into smaller groups for more personal interactions, but there would be some major events scattered around that require the full family. I think it'd be cool to see them bouncing off each other in combat, and how they manage to combine their abilities to fight effectively.

Also. Death of the "someone Ollie's close to gets injured/nearly killed for Ollie's character development" trope. Hate it.

[unablethethird]

once again

Same with you skip the weird ones

1: Name Robert [rob]

2: Age 14

3: 3 Fears 1- Friends dying/getting hurt 2-Going back to the last place i lived 3-Not being able to help/be there

4: 3 things I love 1-My frens 2-Laptop 3-headphones

7: My best friend You and yaya [irl]

8: Sexual orientation AroAce [fictoromantic/fictosexual, and kinda orchidromantic]

10: How tall am I 166cm [for now]

11: What do I miss

cant think of anything rn

12: What time were I born 4am

13: Favorite color red, orange, purple, black

15: Favorite quote "Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night, light a man *on* fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

16: Favorite place Arcade

17: Favorite food Imjaderah [rice+yoghurt+beans]

18: Do I use sarcasm sometimes, not rlly tho

19: What am I listening to right now

20: First thing I notice in new person Not sure, maybe symptoms???? but not on purpose

21: Shoe size No idea

22: Eye color dark brown [almost black]

23: Hair color black

24: Favorite style of clothing 1920s men atire

25: Ever done a prank call? Not that i can remember

27: Meaning behind my URL I mean this is the 3rd acc

28: Favorite movie THE LORAX!!!!

29: Favorite song right now it's

30: Favorite band FamilyJules? LemonDemon? Will wood? Chonny jash?

31: How I feel right now My body's scared but im chilling

32: Someone I love You /p

33: My current relationship status AroAce, platonically married

34: My relationship with my parents lol

35: Favorite holiday Eid al adha, free money

36: Tattoos and piercing i have Ear

37: Tattoos and piercing i want Sleeve tattoo when i transition

38: The reason I joined Tumblr Needed to continue a fic/comic that was on tumblr

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? idk

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? thank you fren /gen

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? my dad? maybe when i was really young

42: When did I last hold hands? My little sister, i didnt want her to get run over when crossing the road

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? As long as i have, if u give me an hour i'll take an hour, if you give me 30 seconds i'll take 30 seconds

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope, i get gender dysphoria from shaving my legs/arms

45: Where am I right now? Bed

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mum, not dad

49: Am I excited for anything? Turning 18 and going uni and being a human person with a human life

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Im an oversharer

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Im autistic so not in a deppressed way

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Cant remember

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? H [irl]

55: What is something I disliked about today? My sister stealing money from my mum, i was this close to having smoke outta my ears, she should know better

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? God, im going to beat the shit out of him

57: What do I think about most? Cringe memories i guess?

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can bird whistle

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Touch might be strange?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind fs

61: What was the last lie I told? "I don't know who they were talking about" [i didn't want to hurt her feelings]

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? voice, video is a nightmare

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yea because either i've seen them or im delusional [im delusional]. aliens are a given, even a bacteria could be one

64: Do I believe in magic? Kinda? idrk, maybe

65: Do I believe in luck? yea

66: What’s the weather like right now? cloudy n cold

67: What was the last book I’ve read? DnD rulebook

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? LVORE IT LOIF LVOE LOVE IT

69: Do I have any nicknames? I get called by my last name a lot

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? not sure

71: Do I spend money or save it? Save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Unfortunatly no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? My sisters deoderant

74: Favorite animal?

FOXES!!!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? calming myself down

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I dont think he has one, idk im not religious

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Corny/cringe as hell but Honeypie by JAWNY

78: How can you win my heart? havent thought about it

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

I TOLD YOU MY FOOT WAS KILLING ME

80: What is my favorite word? supercalifragilisticexpialadocious

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr Moots

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? your god is the right one [chaos]

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently, but my dad and some uncles were

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Time manipulation

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i dont think questions are scary

86: What is my current desktop picture? basic

90: Failed a class? classes

94: Had job? I have one now, dont always get paid though

95: Left the house without my wallet? Dont have a wallet

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no

98: Played on a sports team?

Unless school sport team counts

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? yea

106: Been to a wedding? ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Duh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe i dont remember

109: Been outside my home country? Technically im from iran, and i live in australia, so, yeah

110: Gotten my heart broken? i guess

111: Been to a professional sports game? no

112: Broken a bone? no

113: Cut myself? yeah Im stopping though

114: Been to prom? we dont have that

115: Been in airplane?

Yeah

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? kinda

119: Learned another language? I know arabic and english

120: Wore make up? Forced to when i was younger but not anymore

123: Dyed my hair? Part of it purple, but its gone now

124: Voted in a presidential election? Cant vote, eitherway all of em suck

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yep

126: Had a surgery? not sure, memory bad

127: Met someone famous? Not that i know of

128: Stalked someone on a social network? mutuals tumblrs

129: Peed outside? Yea

130: Been fishing? nope

131: Helped with charity? yep

132: Been rejected by a crush? nope

133: Broken a mirror? Yep

134: What do I want for birthday? Wouldn't ever happen because it's expensive as fuck but a pump it up machine

i usually get a slice of cake tho

[dykeomania]

in thinking about moving forward,

this is the last thing i will say on this. i would feel really weird if i didn't have this on my blog, while continuing to run it. i apologize that this is so long.

i think it is incredibly important to begin navigating how we are going to cater to the experiences of women [and nonbinary individuals -- my! fault! i am so sorry, thank you**] who have felt particularly left out as told by the uproar that's been going on for these past few months apparently, and by these current conversations.

if women and/or nonbinary individuals who feel like they cannot find themselves in fics have to write them themselves, be it for a particular reader insert or for a more general one, then some kind of sub-community needs to be made to nurture and amplify that sentiment, at this time. i do not know if that is preexisting. if it does exist, it needs to be expanded upon or heavily revised.

as both a reader and a writer, if you see yourself in something, it is absolutely necessary that you ride for it so that other people can have the opportunity to see themselves in it, as well. and if you can't write certain perspectives, then embrace them. it's like completely normal to decorate your blog with things that align with who you are and the kind of desires you have, but at this time, as a community, it's really important to make room for neglected narratives.

and finally, for the love of god, please, stop being so fucking horrific to people.

it is okay not to like pillow princesses or, it's okay if you have a hard time vibing with hyper, hyperhyperhyperfeminine personas. your idea of what sex, femininity, and queer expression looks like does not have to coincide with their expression and definition, and that's completely normal. but under absolutely no circumstances is it okay to be antagonistic or threatening towards someone because of how they interpret their queerness. that is homophobic, and it is pride month. hyperfemininity is inherently queer in and of itself, just by theoretical principle. that doesn't make it immune to criticism -- absolutely not. but you are being mock-righteously** hurtful towards people and telling them to go off themselves, all because you don't like them writing for white bitches with fishtail braids and shitty mullets. principally, you have to understand how awkward that is. that doesn't look okay. you don't move like that towards queer people who are different from you, in real life. that's not what being queer is about.

i don't know how long any of this has been going on for and frankly, i really don't want to. what needs to happen now, is that people need to feel held in order for this to properly scab over. this applies to everyone. this is deep and if it got this deep, then it always has been. it's fundamental that something is done, in light of this, to keep going strong.

i don't want this community to be mortally wounded and divided by all of the shit that's been happening, and i'm like, so sad, that it has come to this point. i'm in a position where i can only mobilize but much (and i will if i have to, but my main priorities are my research, my girlfriend, my friends, and my family, and tbh just being happy and taking care of my mental health). but i really implore those who can / are able to, to just make something of this while holding down their own. i know y'all can everything considered, so just do it.

this was very embarrassing and not a good look for a lot of different people. if you need to apologize to someone, go apologize. if someone feels a way about how you moved during all of this, don't get defensive, because it was probably weird. move accordingly so that everyone can enjoy themselves in this community, again.

get it together. preferably within the next week or so.

tough love.

[caycanteven]

Lexverse - Current Skele Head Canons! (Sans Versions)

Since the skele-boy’s are comin’ along on their own, I decided to take some time to describe my head canons of them and their relationship to Lex–to satiate the curiosity as well as remind me of personalities when there are so many bone boys as it is ;3; I’ll also include some stuff they like to do as well.

Sans - Still a lazybones. He often doesn’t get out much and prefers to just stay home if he can help it. Lex and Sans share a common inability to remember things they have to do, so they help each other out. They sometimes go out and stargaze on the roof or watch a bunch of terrible movies on netflix. The two of them together often ends up with a lazy day every day, with occasional “fun” if they run out of movies.

Red (Fell!Sans) - Cocky and arrogant, but easily Lex’s best friend and lover. Not as lazy as his classic counterpart, but he would rather be in his room than around other people. He can’t keep his shoes tied for the life of him and likes how sweats feel over shorts (probably blames Lex for it). Easily pissed off and will argue with you just for shits and giggles. Red makes teasing remarks at Lex while she easily likes to push his buttons too (they will wrestle it out if necessary), but if she needed him, he’d be there in a soul-beat. Their favorite pastime is listening to music, preferably rock, and he owns a white electric guitar he calls “Ivy.”

Blue (Swap!Sans) - Lex and Blue act more like siblings, and she's quite protective over him. Though, while being his second biggest supporter, she is also the one who encourages his outlandish behaviors just to get under Stretch’s marrow. Blue is a great listener despite his slightly obnoxious tendencies. He likes working out and will do whatever he can to try and get Lex out of the house to do the same, but fails miserably more often than not.

Axe (Horror!Sans) - nobody gets her more flustered than the soft spoken, yet very deep toned skeleton,  Axe. He also suffers from short term memory, so two often write notes for each other to remind of important dates, events, or what’s for dinner. Axe is an excellent cook, though relatively humble about it for Paps and Butch’s sake. He focuses on baking in his free time, but when he’s not doing that, he’s enjoying Lex’s company in more ways than one. He is quite smart despite his short term memory, capable of speaking German fluently (mostly to tease Lex) and often reads plenty of fiction. He naps just as much as Sans, but enjoys cuddles more than anything. 

Dusty (Dusttale!Sans) - Dusty is pretty laid back and keeps to himself, but he’s protective in his own way for Lex. While she helps keep his LV attacks to a minimum, he keeps his eyes—or mostly his brother’s—on her any time she goes out by herself. Does Lex know? Meh, he doesn’t know or care really if she does. When he’s not doing work for Nightmare, he spends some of his past time throwing up Graffiti in random AUs; helps relieve stress.  He’s got a big brother vibe going on, and while he may be quiet around others, he always knows how to make conversation with Lex when he’s out for a smoke or it’s drink night. Lex often helps him sleep on rough nights by singing to him, and letting him stay in her room if it’s nightmare levels of rough. What else happens, well, he may not tell you.

Killer (Killer!Sans) - Probably the most dumbest, craziest, and perverted character Lex has ever come to meet—yet whatever this energy he’s got going for him, she’s all for it. Lex and Killer are two chaotic smartasses wrapped up in dynamite with its fuse lit. If Killer finds trouble, he’s dragging her with him. And if Lex gets in trouble? Killer ain’t there to participate (if it’s Nightmare that is.) Killer has made his shot with her before, but Lex often turns him away, not because she isn’t interested, but because he gets absolutely dramatic. It's always funny to see him whine about it. Definitely not because Nightmare would have his head…

Nightmare (Dreamtale) - Nightmare, the dark and brooding guardian of negativity, didn’t take to Lex when the two first met. Though, after an encounter with one of her trauma induced panic attacks, he realized everything she did was simply an act of hiding her own negative aspects. Nightmare, to say the least, pitied her and the two would often congregate in his study to talk about things that bothered her, where the negative energy wouldn’t be as harmful and would sustain him as well. Lex, while her positive expressions were undesirable, was never unwelcomed around him even so. Nightmare won't admit it up front, but he favors her dearly and has genuine care for her wellbeing…and the fact he admires her stubbornness. He’s a bit of a romantic, and if the two are ever alone, he takes his time “appreciating” her, but his jealousy is unmatched. He often will throw Killer into the nearest wall if he sees the two flirting. Sometimes, he does it just cause he finds it funny.

Big E (Error Sans) - First he stole her chocolate; then, an entire box of instant hot chocolate; the last straw was when her favorite pair of sandals went missing. Error, of course, being the culprit, took pride in the fact he got away with it too. Error and Lex didn't quite start off on the right foot when they first met either; Lex shook his hand without realizing he had Haphephobia, sending him into a glitching fit and leaving quite the impression following. Error holds a grudge like nobody’s business, and often steals some of her belongings to mess with her, sometimes even keeping them for himself. He managed to steal a pair of her black sweat pants one day, but they didn’t quite fit, so he had to stitch them up. He prefers to stay in the Anti-Void in his comfy bathrobe where he relaxes on his bean bag, watches Undernovela and enjoys knitting, crocheting, and whatever he can make with string, yarn, or fabric. He has a pair of glasses he stole from Lex, only to find out they weren’t even hers. He doesn't need them, but he likes how they look and makes him feel important. While he has no interest in being anywhere close to Lex, sometimes he tolerates her visits if she promises to watch at least five episodes of Undernovela, stay the FARTHEST away on the bean bag, AND bring him a chocolate milkshake. He doesn’t like her. Not even a little. Nope, not at all…

Ink (Ink Sans)- If there’s one thing Error and Lex have in common, it’s the fact they have little patience with Ink. While he means well, he often fails to read the room. Personal space isn’t a thing for this guy, but it’s easy to fall for his charms and enthusiasm. Lex often engages in conversation with the little bastard mostly to make it up to Error (if they happen to be in the same room). Lex actually enjoys discussing art with him, but she can’t last too long because Ink will forget everything within a few minutes and she’ll have to start over. It’s not his fault, of course, but she admits it can be tough. Though, she has seen his mischievous smile before, and she has gotten chills from it. Whatever he has cooking in his skull, she’d rather not be around to find out.

Lil Man (Edgy Bittybones) - Lil Man was a rebellious bitty who more so found Lex, instead of her finding him. While she didn't want to call him Little Red (Red would have her soul for it) she decided to call him Lil' Man, since he was so adorably small. However, he was also a little shit. Leave him unsupervised, and he would cause all kinds of trouble. Red wouldn't even watch him, it was too much work. So, Lex bought the little guy a tiny CD player and if he was good, he'd get a new CD when they went to the store. Much like Red, he enjoyed Rock music, but he also enjoyed musical numbers too. He's never not hungry, leaving Lex having to buy extra snacks for him so he didn't raid the fridge every week more than once. Even if he is a hand full, Lex loves him, and Lil Man always enjoys ranting about random shit with her...even if he doesn't know what it is they are ranting about.

[the-cult-of-russo]

Just Beneath The Flames (Part 9)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: cursing, smut at some point probably lmao, zombie shit, typical canon violence. You know the drill.

A/N: Thanks for all the love with this story!

—-----------------

“There you go,” Leo smiled, tying the object around your wrist. Your lips twitched up as you looked at it, a warmth blooming through your chest that seemed to spread out to every inch of you. She’d made you a friendship bracelet out of twine and it was such a sweet gesture, it made your heart ache.

“Thanks, Leo,” you murmured sincerely, making the girl’s smile widen as she nodded.

“It’s okay. I should head back and check on mom, I’ll come by and see you later if I can,” she grinned before she left the tent. You’d been laid up now for a little over two weeks and you were really having a hard time with it. You were still in the tent and you’d tried to get Billy to help you leave so you could stay outside, knowing the kids used it. He’d convinced you though that they had a few tents, they just preferred not to use them and that the kids were already set up in a different one. Your injuries were at odds with each other which made things a little complicated. With your cracked ribs, you weren’t supposed to just lay there the whole time as mucus could build up in your lungs, but with your gorged and possibly fractured leg, you really couldn't get around. Curtis had instructed you to instead stay propped up and every so often, sit up fully and move your shoulders around. Your leg was currently in a makeshift splint made from wood and twine that Matt and Foggy had hobbled together. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but you were just grateful you still had a leg. With how much blood you’d lost with your wounds, you didn’t think you’d have made it if they had to amputate. You reached over and grabbed your walkie from beside your bed area, the bracelet catching your eye once more and making you smile. You’d hated being cooped up like this, nothing to do, not able to go on runs with the rest of them. It was your definition of hell. There was nothing you hated more than being stuck in like this with nothing to take your mind off your treacherous thoughts or memories. Thankfully though, the people here would constantly check on you to make sure you were doing okay, Leo stopping by more than most. Zach had brought you a flower he’d found just days before that was now sitting in a bottle of water near the door of the tent. For going through something so jarring like this new world and losing everything they ever knew from their old life, the kids were doing pretty well mentally and you were glad.

You knew Billy was partly to blame for everyone checking in on you though when he wasn’t here and he was out on runs. You'd only found that out after Sarah came to see you after one week of being here. She’d let it slip in conversation that Billy had been reluctant to go on any runs since it meant leaving you here without him and he’d only been lured into going by being promised you wouldn't be left alone for too long, but that wasn’t all she let slip. She’d also told you that the day he’d brought you back to the camp, bleeding and possibly on the verge of death, that he’d really lost his shit. He’d been getting in the way of Curtis trying to help you and every time you woke up in pain, he’d lost it and Curtis had to get Frank to remove him which resulted in them fighting. The fight only ended when Billy ended up having a full-blown panic attack in the middle of it. You’d been surprised to hear just how strongly he’d reacted to you being hurt but he hadn’t exactly told you about it. You weren’t sure how long you’d been out of it before you woke up that day after being fixed back together, you’d never bothered to ask, but clearly you’d missed the drama. But with how he’d reacted you to alone witnessing his panic attack what felt like forever ago, you knew he probably decided to sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen. Sure, these people were his family and he trusted them a hell of a lot more than he’d trusted you at the time you’d witnessed his panic attack, but he saw it as a weakness and it wasn’t something he relished in. You hadn’t brought it up for that very reason because you didn’t want to fight with him, and you knew he’d be an asshole out of sheer defensiveness. It had been startling to hear about his reaction from someone else like that. It was one thing him telling you he included you in his little family now or that he cared, but this really cemented the fact and it was a weird sensation to you. But you knew if the shoe was on the other foot and it had been Billy dangling on the edge of death, you’d probably have burnt the whole forest down.

“Ares, you there? It’s Artemis,” you said down the walkie with a wry smile. You’d taken to calling him that sometimes instead of Blackbird, you couldn't help yourself.

“Go for Ares, everythin’ good?” he asked and you could hear the smile he had from your new nickname for him. You’d spent a hell of a lot of time with Billy since you’d been here, mostly because when he wasn’t off doing runs, hunting or taking watch, he was in the tent with you. He even slept in here with you, telling you he needed to make sure you were okay. You’d tried to tell him the worst was over and that he hadn’t needed to sequester himself away like this, but he’d refused to listen to you. He didn’t seem too bothered by it so you decided to stop worrying so much, it wasn’t like you hated him being here with you. 

“Yeah… just bored,” you muttered, glaring at the walls of the tent. You really hated being stuck here like this when there was so much left to do and you still felt a little shaken up by the attack that led you to this position. Anyone could turn up here and you’d be defenseless and unable to protect anyone. You hadn’t brought up the whole Rawlins thing with Billy knowing he was very on edge with it all. You’d heard snippets from outside the tent with Frank and Billy becoming increasingly agitated that they had no leads to go on. Karen had an attempt on her life and now this was your second one, everyone was antsy. You’d wondered why they targeted you and not the others though, given your lack of history with the man or even this group. You’d heard Billy say something to Matt about how it was to get at him, to take something away that he cared about. You weren’t sure about that and wondered if it was more an association thing. They knew you were connected with the group now and it would send a message. Either way, Billy hadn’t mentioned it to you, nor you to him, and you had no idea just what was going on with the whole thing. You were just thankful that nothing else had gone wrong since but it did leave you feeling on edge, like you were waiting for the dam to break. 

“How are you feelin’?” he asked, concern lacing his voice and you could picture the frown marring his face that he often wore when he asked you that question.

“Achey, frustrated… the usual,” you snorted, not wanting to really go on about it or he’d end up coming back from the run early. Your injuries seemed to be healing and weren’t hurting as much as they had been but you still weren’t right. Your ribs felt a lot better and less like they were about to cave in with every little movement but if you coughed or sneezed, you felt like they’d cracked all over again. The puncture wounds on your leg were healing well and Curtis had removed the stitches. The possible fracture was another thing though and would take some more time. The only time you’d left the tent was when Karen and Sarah would have to all but carry you out, your arms around their shoulders, so you could pee and you couldn't put your weight in your bad leg. Billy had offered to help you but you drew the line firmly. You weren’t about to let him help you go to the bathroom. 

“How’s the run going, anyway?” you asked, wanting to change the subject. You didn’t walkie him just to whine about your unfortunate circumstances and you wouldn't be responsible for him rushing back to camp again. 

“A complete bust, there’s nothin’ here,” he sighed and you frowned at his despondent tone. You were pretty sure winter had started now and the cold would only get worse. They wanted to go on as many runs as possible so they didn’t have to venture out into the cold, especially if it snowed or got to freezing temperatures. 

“That sucks, I’m sorry. There’s always next time, right?” you asked, trying to be optimistic for his sake. You were never optimistic, not since the turn. You’d been very firmly a glass half empty kinda girl for a long while but you didn’t want to show that with Billy, not when you knew he always took it like a personal failure every time he came back empty-handed. 

“Yeah, I guess,” he muttered and your frown deepened as you shifted carefully where you sat.

“And you got a bunch of shit a few days ago so it’s not like this was essential. Not to mention the three rabbits you got hunting before you left this morning,” you pointed out.

“Yeah… yeah, it was a good hunt,” he murmured and you felt better that he didn’t sound like he was beating himself up so much. 

“You guys heading back now?” you asked curiously, a tinge of hope in your voice. As much as you appreciated everyone coming in throughout the day to keep you company, it wasn’t the same as Billy being here. Even the camp just seemed quieter without most of the guys and you felt the loss of their presence. 

“Just got one quick stop left, then we’re headed home,” he affirmed and you felt yourself relax a little. 

“Alright, I’ll let you get to it then,” you smiled to yourself. 

“See you soon, Ares out,” he ended and it made your smile widen a little. 

It was a little under an hour later when you heard the guys get back into camp, the volume going up ever so slightly as it always did when they arrived. They didn’t sound as jovial as they did when they came back with stuff, but they didn’t sound too put out either. You wished you could be out of the tent, waiting with the others to greet them on arrival. It felt so odd to be isolated in the tent. You were used to being alone but you weren’t quite alone. You were in this weird limbo and you didn’t like it. Your tent opened and Billy poked his head inside and you were surprised to see the grin on his face after how disappointed he’d been when you’d spoken to him. 

“I found you somethin’,” he beamed, and you raised your brows, wondering what it could be or why it seemed to put him in such a good mood. He was still lurking in the doorway of the tent, not coming right inside like he usually did.

“What is it?” you asked curiously. His grin got bigger as he reached beside him and suddenly, he was holding a pair of crutches. You blinked at them for a moment before your brain registered what it was you were looking at and what that meant.

“Seriously? Where the fuck did you find them?” you asked, a smile on your own dancing on your lips. While it wasn’t like you could go on runs yet, it meant you’d be able to move freely around the camp and you wouldn't be locked away in your tent. 

“Found ‘em on the way back. Come on,” he smirked, setting the crutches to the side before he moved into the tent. He put your arm around him before he helped haul you up and you only winced slightly at the barely there twinge in your ribs. He guided you out of the tent and you noticed it was just getting dark. Billy handed you the crutches and you grabbed them, testing them out a little bit and grinning when they helped you get about. Billy was giving you a wistful smile as you tested them and when you beamed a smile at him, his eyes seemed to sparkle. 

“I don’t think I’ve been so happy to see crutches in my entire life. These are awesome, thank you,” you smiled brightly at him and he shrugged, a smile on his lips he couldn't seem to shake. 

“Know how much you hate bein’ cooped up. When I saw ‘em… couldn’t just pass ‘em by,” he explained, looking a little bashful. You used your crutches to go over to him as he watched you looking slightly amused. You couldn't wrap your arms around him in a hug like you wanted, given your hands were previously occupied with the crutches, but you leaned into him and he seemed to take the hint as his arms came around you and you lay your head on his chest. He had one hand on your lower back, the other cradling your head, his preference of how he liked to hug you it seemed as this was how he did it every time. You already felt so much lighter at the idea of having some of your freedom back.

“Thank you,” you murmured once again and he placed a kiss to the top of your head that made your stomach flip around and your cheeks get hot. You knew he was resisting the urge to tell you that you didn’t need to thank him. No matter what you thanked him for, he’d tell you that you didn’t need to thank him and you’d tell him every time that you would anyway. 

“I’m glad you like ‘em,” he smiled, lips still pressed against your hair a little. 

“Come on, Karen’s makin’ dinner,” he said after a long moment of him holding you. You moved away, flashing him another grateful smile before you used your crutches to go to the campfire area where everyone was sitting around. 

“Well, who the fuck is this?” Frank asked teasingly and you snorted. It wasn’t like you hadn't seen him at all but this was the first time joining everyone for dinner since Billy had brought you here. Billy took your crutches from you, letting you cling onto him so you didn’t put pressure on your leg before he lowered you to sit on a log that the guys had found and dragged here for seating. He placed the crutches to your left before he sat next to you on the right. 

Karen got to work cooking the rabbit from that morning and you’d instructed her earlier on how to salt the rest to preserve it. You didn’t mind them using the salt since you were essentially part of the group now. At first, Billy had made it clear it was because the treehouse was dangerous and you were hurt, but everybody knew, including yourself, that you were just part of the group now. With the whole Rawlins thing looming over you, it wasn't safe for you to be on your own now you had a target on your back and it wasn’t like you had anywhere else to go anyway. The idea of leaving completely and leaving everyone behind was far too unpleasant now. That itch in the back of your mind that was screaming at you to run had been quelled to nothing but a mere whisper after you almost died again. You all ate and people made conversation and you realized just how much you’d missed this. It was a simple thing, just sitting here and enjoying dinner with everyone, but eating alone in your tent or with only Billy for company had started to feel a little lonely. And of course, you’d felt bad for Billy every time. 

“I think maybe we should consider making our way to the other safe house,” Sarah mused as she licked her fingers clean and your curious eyes flit to her then. You’d never heard then mention a safe house, let alone two.

“Safe house?” you asked curiously, glancing around at everyone. Even though you were technically part of this group, there was still that uncertainty about you, the odd one out. You still felt like there was so much you didn’t know and still felt like you didn’t have the right to ask. You wondered if that would ever go away. If this turned out to be your group now and if miraculously they didn’t wind up dead like your last group, would you always feel like the black sheep?

“You remember I told you Micro picked this place? When we needed to leave the city?” Frank asked as he glanced at you and you nodded at him, remembering the brief conversation you’d had with him on the way back from killing the assholes that had slit your throat. 

“He knew some guy, he’s got safe houses all over the place but Micro knows of two. We picked this one ‘cause it was closer but we got there and… and there was nothin’ left. The whole place had gone up in flames at some point. Nothin’ but a set of bones now,” Frank explained, a dark look passing across his face.

“Doesn’t sound like a very safe safe house,” you murmured and Billy snorted next to you.

“Ain’t that the truth,” he muttered. 

“This guy had connections to Rawlins too and now we know the prick is still up and kickin’... well we think he mighta done it,” Frank huffed, rage flashing behind his eyes for a second before it was gone. 

“How do you know Rawlins hasn’t done the same to the other one?” you asked with a small frown.

“We don’t,” Billy bit out, not sounding happy with the idea of the other safe house. Not that you blamed him given everything you knew about Rawlins and what he’d done to the first one. You could just imagine how demoralizing it was to travel somewhere you thought was safe, only to find it in shambles. 

“Come on, man. This one is in Virginia. The chances of Rawlins hitting both of them? He probably doesn’t even know about this one,” Micro argued weakly, shying away from the glare Billy shot his way.

“We’re not goin’ to the other safe house… not yet anyway,” Frank piped up firmly. 

“Frank…” Karen sighed, a knowing tone to her voice that made you feel like you were missing something. 

“I don't wanna hear it,” Frank answered, not even looking at her as his jaw tightened. 

“I have to agree with the girls on this one. Rawlins is getting bold and it’s dangerous. Sarah’s pregnant and getting her to safety is what’s important here,” Matt murmured carefully and Billy’s dark eyes cut to him then. Unlike Micro though, Matt’s unfocused gaze didn’t waver. 

“We’re never gonna be safe as long as Rawlins is alive. No matter where we end up, he’s gonna follow us until he picks us off one by one,” Billy glowered as he rolled his shoulder.

“We’re gonna get Rawlins first, then we can leave and maybe actually start a life there,” Frank added, his tone telling everyone there was no room for arguments. Foggy however, didn’t get the memo, or he didn’t give a shit. 

“And how are you gonna get him, Frank? We have no leads, no idea where he is or even how many men he’s got. We’re sitting ducks here, man,” he whined, looking around at everyone with a worried face. You could see it from both sides. Men like Rawlins didn’t just give up and he seemed to have men willing to do his bidding for him. If they left, then of course he’d follow them. As Billy had once said, the man seemed to be ten steps ahead at all times and it was terrifying. The last thing they needed was to lead Rawlins to yet another potential safe location, only to have it blown to smithereens and be left with nothing. Not to mention it was about an 11 hour drive there which required a lot of gas and you’d run the risk of coming across them on the way there. But you also knew why the others were wary of just staying here. They were out in the open here, no protection, no walls. And it seemed like Rawlins probably already knew where they were given the fact his men had found you not too far away and had followed you and Karen when you’d gone to the baby store. 

“Look… if you wanna leave and go to Virginia, be my fuckin’ guest. But I ain’t leavin’ until this shit is done,” Frank gave Foggy a harsh look and the man looked away with a sigh. You knew they wouldn't leave, not unless all of them were together. You felt unsure about the whole thing, you didn’t even know if the invite extended to you. Didn’t know if they’d just leave you behind even though part of you felt like they wouldn't. You wouldn't assume. 

With no wiggle room on Frank or Billy’s side, the conversion soon turned to some lighter topics and you were thankful. You really didn’t enjoy the heaviness or drama. Once it got late and Billy saw you yawning, he helped you back into the tent to get some rest. 

“So, let’s hear it then,” he muttered once you’d laid down, half propped up with some balled-up blankets. He himself sat down on his sleeping bag that was now in the tent.

“Hear what?” you asked, sounding confused as you looked at him. 

“You think we should head out to the safe house, right?” he asked. He didn’t sound annoyed, more resigned than anything like he was waiting for an earful or something. 

“I don’t know what you guys should do honestly. There’s risks either way, so…” you shrugged lightly, being mindful of your healing ribs. He looked a little surprised but his body relaxed, like what you thought about the whole thing mattered to him.

“We just need this over with. Me and Frank… we had this loomin’ over us for far too long, it’s time to end it all. Once it’s done, we can head out and maybe we got a shot of a safe life down there,” he insisted and you nodded, yawning once again as tiredness took its hold. 

“You know I’ll back you up, whatever you choose,” you murmured sleepily and he smiled at you as he settled to lay down. It was silent for a while as you started to drift off, but just before sleep could drag you under, Billy’s voice cut through the silence. 

“You’re comin’ with us when we go… right?” he asked, his voice sounding weirdly small to your ears and you blinked through the darkness at him. He wasn’t looking at you, laying on his back as his eyes glared up at the ceiling of the tent. It made your stomach clench and your heart flutter that he’d asked.

“Do you want me to?” you asked slowly as self-doubt crept in. He finally turned his head to look at you then and you could barely make him out of the blanket of darkness in the tent. 

“What kinda question is that? Of course I do. Was just tryin' to figure out if you’d put up a fight or not so I knew how to prepare for it. I’d take you even if you said no,” he said with a wry smirk and your lips curled into a smile as you rolled your eyes. You didn’t even doubt it. 

“Then I guess I’ll go. I mean, someone has to keep saving your ass,” you grinned cheekily and he scoffed.

“Please, like I haven't saved your ass just as much,” he muttered and you could just picture his look of mock offense as you snorted.

“By my count, I’ve saved your life three times already, you’ve saved mine once,” you shrugged playfully and you felt his eyes burning into you.

“Well now I’m startin’ to rethink my life choices,” he huffed teasingly and you grinned to yourself. It was a little exciting to think about leaving and going somewhere else. An adventure you were longing for, especially since you ended up getting bed bound. You wondered what the safe house would be like, what the potential could be there. Was there room to make some kind of small farm where you guys could grow your own crops? Make a water system? You found yourself falling to sleep with a smile on your face as you thought about it. 

Two months later

You bent down and grabbed the pieces of wood, putting them into the basket before you picked it up and walked to find more firewood. It was dark outside and winter was in full swing, a layer of frost covering the ground. You felt it down to your bones despite the many layers you were wearing and the big puffy coat that Billy had gotten you from a run. A lot of things had changed in the months that had passed and for the most part, you were fully healed. The splint was off your leg and you still had a very small limp, but you were pretty much back to normal. Since Curtis took your splint off two weeks before, you’d gone back to hunting and doing things and you felt amazing at the normalcy of it all. Or mostly normal anyway. As soon as Curtis gave you the all clear, you’d wanted to go on a run but Billy had given you a firm no on it, telling you that you weren’t 100% yet. You’d agreed given the fact he wasn’t entirely wrong and you didn’t want to be the reason someone wound up dead because you lagged behind if something bad happened. But when he’d also tried to tell you that you couldn’t go hunting either, it had resulted in an explosive argument in front of the entire camp. Hunting was your domain and you knew what you were doing. It wasn’t even like you’d be venturing too far from camp either and his bossiness had hit a nerve. You’d told him that while you might be part of the group now, it didn’t give him the right to try and tell you what you could and couldn't do. He didn’t back down though. Despite the fact you were mostly better now, Billy hadn’t stopped sharing a tent with you like you thought he might, his reasoning for sharing in the first place being to keep an eye on you. But even after you healed, he’d stayed and you were grateful for it. You didn't think you could go back to sleeping alone, you struggled even on the days where you didn’t have watch together and he’d be out there with you alone in the tent. Even when no conversation was happening, just knowing he was there, feeling his presence, was enough to soothe you and make you feel safe. But in your fury at him after your argument, you’d grabbed a spare tent. Everyone had theirs up now since the cold was in full effect and you’d decided to just have one to yourself if Billy wanted to be that way. But you hadn’t even started to put it up when he’d come over to you, sheepishly telling you that he was sorry, he was just worried you’d get hurt again. You’d remembered Sarah's words about how hard he'd taken it when you almost died and you decided to give him some leeway. Rawlins was still a threat and just because nothing had happened in the months that had gone by, it didn’t mean they wouldn't. If anything, it made it more likely that shit was going to happen soon with how eerily quiet things had been on that front. You remembered what it was like to worry like this over people, hell, you worried all the time now for the group you were now a part of. And his fears weren’t really unjustified given the fact that you’d almost been murdered twice now. So you’d told him that while you wouldn’t be giving up hunting, you'd at least take someone with you for backup and make sure your walkie was on. He’d allowed it, not wanting you to be mad at him, and of course, that night you shared the tent once more. He hadn’t been as bossy since but it hadn’t gone unnoticed that he seemed to be the one accompanying you hunting each time you went.

You were feeling antsy though with the lack of moves on Rawlins’ part and you wondered just what it was he was planning, because you didn’t doubt he was planning something. Everyone seemed more on edge about the whole thing and the more time that passed, the more you just wanted to make your way to the safe house in Virginia and be done with it. You weren’t the only one though and it had caused a lot of tension between the group lately, especially now Sarah was starting to show. It was like everyone was waiting for the other shoe to drop. No one really wanted anything to happen as it most likely meant someone else getting hurt again, but at the same time, if nothing happened, there would never be any leads to go off to see if Frank and Billy could figure out how to deal with Rawlins. It was a stalemate and one that seemed to be chipping at the whole group's sanity. Feeling like you had enough firewood, you started to walk back. You knew Karen was cooking food and you hoped it would be done when you got back. Your body was getting used to the regular meals, even if it mostly was canned goods now it was the colder months. You hadn’t been able to find any fresh meat but it didn’t mean you didn’t try, going out almost every day. You did have some meat preserved but it was being rationed out until the cold went away. You’d ventured a little further out than you’d meant to and you could only imagine Billy throwing a fit if he knew as you made your way back through the trees to the camp. But then you heard yelling and your whole body tensed like a tightly wound coil, dropping the basket of firewood on the floor as you grabbed your knife. When you got to the camp, still slightly outside of it in the trees, you saw a man. He wasn’t some weary traveler hoping for some hospitality though, instead he was holding a gun to Leo who he held in front of him, his gun to her temple as she shook and cried and you didn’t remember the last time you felt rage like this flow through you like lava. The guys were all pointing guns at the man but it was risky to shoot him, not knowing how fast of a shot he was and if Leo would get a bullet to the head in the process. Everyone was shouting over each other and you could barely make out who was saying what, but you weren’t focused on that. Your grip tightened around your knife as you crept from tree to tree in the darkness, getting closer and closer to the man. When you were close enough, you sprang up, pressing the tip of your knife to the base of his skull and you heard his sharp intake of breath. It gave you a sick satisfaction that you’d caught him off guard.

“Drop the gun and let her go,” you demanded harshly.

“Really, sweetheart?” he asked mockingly and you dug the tip of your knife into his flesh ever so slightly, enough to draw a slight amount of blood and his whole body tensed up.

“You know, I sharpened my knife this morning. Wouldn't really take much pressure for it to slice right through your brain stem,” you growled dangerously. The man chuckled but he sounded annoyed, yet he listened as he held his arms out, dropping the gun to the floor. Leo rushed off into her scared and tearful mother’s arms and you kicked the back of the asshole’s knee, forcing him to kneel as he hit the muddy floor with a thud. You moved out of the way as Billy and Frank approached him, thunderous faces and guns at the ready and Karen grabbed your wrist, yanking you towards her and further out of the way as if she was trying to protect you.

“You think you’re funny, huh? Comin’ to our camp like this?” Frank asked roughly, his eyes glittering menacingly. The man had a lazy smirk on his face despite kneeling on the floor with guns pointed at him. 

“It is pretty fun to see you all scramble like rats on the Titanic,” he grinned. Frank yelled, punching him so hard in the face that the man’s head whipped to the side. It looked painful but the man didn’t even flinch. Instead, he started laughing in a way that made a cold chill run down your spine. 

“Where’s Rawlins?” Billy asked seethingly. He looked like he was hanging on by a thread the way his dark eyes glared at the man. The man in question just gave him a shrug that made Billy growl, his back straightening as he rolled his shoulder. 

“You’ll see him soon enough,” the man finally answered ominously and Frank and Billy shared a look at his words.

“The fuck does that mean?” Frank asked in a low voice. The man on the floor turned his eyes to Micro, Sarah and the kids then who were now standing by the tent, the kids huddled with their parents as Matt stood next to them protectively.

“He’s gonna start with the Lieberman’s first. Little Leo and Zach… the lovely pregnant Sarah,” the man smirked darkly and it felt like someone poured ice-cold water over you as your eyes darted from the man and then to Sarah. Knowing where you were and following you was one thing, but knowing that private information only meant they’d been listening in to the walkie calls despite various channel changes or that they’d been close enough to the camp without any of you knowing it to hear conversations. Both options were deeply unsettling to you. The man turned his eyes to Frank then, still wearing that smug and unsettling grin.

“Then it’ll be Karen,” he smirked before turning to Billy. “Y/N…” he added with a vicious smile. You barely had time to process your name before a gunshot rang out and you jumped as the man flew back with a bullet hole in his head. Billy stood there, gun outstretched and a detached yet crazed look in his eyes.

“The fuck, Bill?!” Frank yelled, moving over to glare at Billy. Billy cracked his neck, rolling his shoulder once more before he turned his cold eyes onto his best friend.

“What?” he asked slowly, eyes squinting. 

“He was our only lead, man! How long have we waited for somethin’ like this? And you just-just fuckin’ shoot him before we get anythin’ outta him!” Frank bellowed. You were pretty sure the vein in his neck was about to burst. 

“He came into our camp, Frank! He threatened our kids, our goddamn women! You okay with him doin’ that?!” Billy snarled. Frank shook his head, wiping a tired hand down his face.

“Don’t talk shit! You know I’m not okay with it, but he was all we had. It ain’t like we were lettin’ walk away from this anyway,” Frank huffed with a glower.

“We both know that fucker wasn’t about to tell us shit. There’s a reason Rawlins sent this piece of shit and not another one. You saw him, Frankie, this asshole was ready to die for Rawlins. We coulda tortured him for days and he wouldn’ta give us shit,” Billy argued hotly. He and Frank shared an intense stare-off for a moment and you shifted on your feet, unsure if they were about to fight. Despite being best friends, from what you heard, physical fights with the pair weren’t uncommon. Frank was the first to look away and he took a large steadying breath, closing his eyes as he did.

“Well there’s not much we can fuckin’ do about it now. Check him out, see if he’s got anythin’ on him that could help,” he ordered and Billy’s jaw twitched at the commanding tone yet he still did as he was told. Frank’s eyes turned to Matt and Foggy then.

“You two, check the perimeter, make sure no one else is around. Check the road too, see if the asshole brought a car or some shit with him,” he muttered and the pair nodded before they left the camp. Your body was shaking slightly, still on edge from the whole thing. 

“You okay?” Karen asked you softly as Frank went to talk to a frantic looking Micro by the tent. 

“Yeah, you?” you asked, looking at her shocked face. She nodded but the movement was jerky and you knew this had shaken her up. You’d seen a lot of things and death since the world fell apart, you’d done a lot of shit too. You had no idea what Karen had been through between the start of the turn and now, no idea if she was used to this bullshit or not. You were to a degree. Seeing someone who was bad get killed didn’t bother you, not anymore. It wasn’t like there was a justice system in place to take care of the evil in the world, not that it helped much back in the old world anyway. You were more startled by how much information they knew. That was worrying.

You stayed off to the side as people spoke in hushed tones, not wanting to intrude even as Billy walked over to the Liebermans and they had what looked to be a very intense exchange. You still somewhat felt like an outsider, despite your life being threatened by the man and his goons on several occasions now. After a while, Frank and Billy came over to you and Karen, both of them with grave faces and Micro following behind them.

“We need you to do us a favor and it’s a big one,” Frank said bluntly, his eyes not wavering as they pinned you in place.

“What is it?” you asked, already knowing you’d most likely say yes. This whole thing was getting out of hand and now the kids' lives and Sarah’s and the baby’s lives were on the line. 

“You need to take Sarah and the kids to the safe house in Virginia,” Micro blurted. He looked absolutely terrified and you understood why, but his words had a frown creasing your brows.

“What about you guys?” you asked warily as your eyes darted to all of them before landing on Billy.

“We’re gonna stay here. We got unfinished business and it needs to get done. We need to stop hidin’ out here and see what we can find,” he muttered, his feral eyes not landing on you and seemingly darting to everything else. The idea of leaving them behind, especially Billy, made your chest constrict and your frown only deepened. 

“You’ll be takin’ Karen too,” Frank added.

“Like hell I’m going!” Karen protested firmly.

“Karen…” Frank sighed, turning his tired face in the direction of his girlfriend who was glaring bloody murder at him.

“No! You’re not bundling me into a van and sending me 11 hours away, I’m not going. I draw the fucking line!” she yelled, looking more than beyond pissed and Frank sighed with a shake of his head. He wisely didn’t argue with her and you had a feeling if he had, he wouldn’t come out victorious with this one. That still left you to be the chaperone though for the trip and you didn’t like it. Not only was it a big responsibility, but you had no idea when the rest of them would come to join you. How long would you and the Liebermans be down there by yourselves?

As if sensing your thoughts, no doubt from the deep frown taking root on your face, Billy glanced at Frank before he took your arm and you led you away from the others. 

“I know it’s a lot to ask,” he murmured, looking at you softly as you shook your head.

“Billy, I…” you trailed off, wrapping your arms around yourself as you looked away.

“Please, Y/N,” he prodded and you closed your eyes with a deep sigh.

“Why does it have to be me?” you asked, giving him a look.

“We need all the manpower we can get here, we don’t know what shit might go down,” he explained but it didn’t make you feel any better.

“Exactly, which is why I’d be better here,” you argued.

“You need to be with Sarah and the kids. They need someone to watch out for ‘em, to get ‘em there safely. We know you can do that, I know it,” he implored and you hated the stabbing in your chest at his words. If Karen had agreed to go with you, you could have made a case that she could have done that, but it was down to you and you didn’t like it.

“Why don’t… why don’t you come with us?” you asked weakly, already knowing what the answer would be. Your tone held a desperate edge you hadn’t been able to mask but you couldn't help it though. The idea of leaving him for god knows how long and being so far away from him made you feel sick. He’d become a constant in your life, even down to sharing a tent. You weren’t sure how you were supposed to be without him now. Not to mention the crippling worry that he wouldn't make it at all that was already gnawing at you.

“You know I can’t do that,” he frowned, a regretful look on his face. You looked away as you felt a lump lodge into your throat and you looked away from him. You were fighting the urge to cry and you refused to do so, especially in front of him. You were friends now and you liked to think you were close friends, but you didn’t want to make it into such a big deal and have him be weirded out by it. He didn’t seem bothered by it and his plan was to reunite everyone after Rawlins was taken care of. You didn’t want him to think you didn’t believe in him. You felt his cold hands cup either side of your face and your eyes snapped to him as you blinked rapidly.

“We’ll be as quick as we can with this shit, alright? We won't be too long,” he said firmly as if he could read your thoughts and you felt your cheeks burn.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” you murmured, causing him to frown. It was one thing you’d learned in this new world, never to promise things when you couldn't predict the future. Anything could happen between you leaving and them getting there. If they even made it. He didn’t argue with you, probably seeing there was no point or maybe he realized you were right, you didn’t know. Instead, he pulled you closer and wrapped his arms around you but you didn’t melt into him like you usually did. You hugged back but your whole body felt tense, it felt far too much like a goodbye and you didn’t like it. After a moment, he moved away but you still couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

“When are we leaving?” you asked quietly. 

“Now, preferably,” he said sheepishly and you bit your lower lip to stop a snarky reply leaving your mouth. You didn’t like the feeling of being ousted from the group so suddenly with no time to prepare. For all you knew, you’d never see these people again or it could be months until you did. Everything was far too sudden and it was jarring. 

“Okay, I’ll get my shit together then,” you muttered and he nodded, looking at you with sad eyes. 

“Me and Frank are gonna get the van ready for you,” he nodded, giving you one last look before he walked away. 

Your eyes drifted to Sarah then who was arguing with Micro. You knew whatever you were feeling about leaving Billy, she was feeling tenfold. The kids both looked distraught, Leo looking shell shocked, not that you blamed her after being held at gunpoint like that. You heaved a large sigh before moving to your tent. It sent a bitter pang to your chest as you glanced around the tent you’d called home for months, seeing your makeshift bed beside Billy’s. You tried to ignore it as you packed your bag ready, making sure the picture of you and your brother was in there. You took your bow and arrows too and you knew Karen and the guys would be putting food in the van to take with you. You had to force yourself to drag your feet from the tent. Frank and Billy still weren’t there so you mused they were at the van. Matt and Foggy were back though and seemingly had nothing to report. They were all talking to Sarah and the kids, probably saying their goodbyes as you approached. 

“I’ll see you guys when you’re done,” you said pointedly, not wanting to do a whole goodbye speech. Maybe you’d regret it if they never came to reunite with you, but you almost felt like you'd be jinxing yourself if you gave them some grand speech. Despite your lack of meaningful goodbyes, they still decided to give you a hug, Micro being the last to do so. It was a little awkward and you patted his back before he moved away.

“Thank you,” he murmured sincerely and it made some of your annoyance fizzle right away. You felt a bit selfish then. You were annoyed at having this responsibility put on you and annoyed at how sudden it was. But most of all you were annoyed at being separated from the group, feeling like it was a very bad idea and annoyed over the fact that you didn’t know you’d ever see them or Billy ever again. You knew though that getting Sarah and the kids far away from this bullshit was the best course of action, they’d been the ones who the man had said would be targeted first. You nodded, giving him a hesitant smile before you moved over to Sarah and the kids.

“Ready?” you asked and she nodded at you, not looking any happier than you were about all of this. 

“I’ve put food and supplies in the van for you guys. We’re not using the walkies right now, not with everything that guy knew. They wouldn't work that far anyway,” Karen shrugged as she hovered near you both. It felt like hell, not even hearing from them until they maybe turned up one day. You decided to suck it up though. Being part of a group meant sacrifices, you knew that. You weren’t doing this for yourself, you were doing this for them. But a niggling voice in the back of your head wondered if Billy had insisted it be you because he also wanted you out of all this. It wouldn't be a first with how much he tried to stop you doing anything once you got better. He wanted all hands on deck here but anyone could have gone with Sarah and you could have stayed behind. Curtis would be a better fit for it in case anything happened with the baby before everyone joined up again. You didn’t even want to touch that train of thought with a ten foot pole or you really wouldn't leave.

Sarah walked beside you, the kids trailing behind, as you weaved through the trees to get to the road. When you got there, Frank and Billy were standing near the van looking deep in serious conversation. You hovered near the van as Frank hugged the kids and Sarah, telling them goodbye for now and Billy seemed to linger by your side looking like he wanted to say something, but nothing left his mouth. When Frank was done with the Liebermans, he turned his gaze to you as he walked over.

“I swear, if the word goodbye leaves your lips, I’ll stab you in the throat,” while you wore a teasing smirk, there was a serious edge to your voice that made him chuckle nervously as he nodded. 

“Can I at least get a hug?” he asked, giving you a sheepish smile and you rolled your eyes before you allowed him to. It was a brief hug and you knew he probably had words he wanted to say but he settled on just hugging you. When he moved away, he looked at you for a moment before giving you a hesitant smile. Billy took your hand then and turned you to face him and you felt your whole body tense up tightly. His mouth opened and closed a few times, a small frown on his face like there was so much he wanted to say and he didn’t know where to start.

“Stay safe,” he settled on saying and he was lucky because with how you were feeling, you weren’t above punching him. 

“I’ll try,” you murmured with a nod, heart feeling heavy as you looked at him. He wrapped his arms around you and you tried to relax into it, knowing you wouldn't get this comfort in who knows how long. You took a deep inhale, trying to let his scent soothe you as you tried to commit it to memory. It felt like he held you forever and you heard car doors opening and shutting. He placed a firm kiss to the top of your head before he moved away, his dark eyes boring into you.

“I’ll see you around,” you muttered uncomfortably, making him nod as he swallowed thickly. You couldn't stick around to keep looking at his sad eyes like this. While he was sending you off, he didn't look too happy about it and it was making you feel all upside down. You moved to the driver’s side, noticing Sarah sitting in the passenger seat and the kids huddled in the back with a bunch of supplies. You and Sarah shared a look before you started the van, heaving a sigh as you pulled out of there before your heart won out and you refused to leave. You had to get them to safety. If the safe house in Virginia even held safety, but you’d deal with that when it came to it. 

The whole van was blanketed in uncomfortable and tense silence as you started driving and you stared out at the road. It was icy and you tried to take the journey slow, not wanting anything to go wrong on your way there. It had been so long since you’d driven anything and it felt like being a newbie all over again. The silence was eating at you, not even the kids talking in the back and your skin felt like it didn’t fit right. 

“They’ll be fine,” Sarah murmured after ten minutes of driving, the map in her lap. You weren’t sure if she was trying to convince you, the kids or herself but her words didn’t seem to ease any of you. You wanted to say something reassuring for her sake and especially for the kids. Something like ‘I know’ or ‘we’ll see them soon’. But you wouldn't lie to them, wouldn't be responsible for them getting their hopes up like that. If you expected the worst then it wouldn't be such a shock when it happened. You nodded, as much of a lie as you could muster because something in your gut just didn’t feel right about the whole thing. Another fifteen minutes of torturous silence as you drove slowly passed by and you wished the roads weren’t so icy because you could floor it and get there quicker. It was around about an 11 hour car ride but it would take way longer if all the roads were this bad, especially in the dark. You never liked driving at night and you were waiting for a roamer or something to pop out in front of you, the only saving grace being the journey was on a straight shot road at least for another few miles. Maybe you’d be a little more reckless if it was just you in the van, but you had Sarah here who was pregnant and the kids. You’d been tasked with keeping them safe and that’s what you’d damn well do because you couldn't fail anyone else. The group had trusted you with this, Billy had trusted you. It was so dark that you didn’t even see the car behind you until they turned their headlights on and you swerved a little in shock at the brightness blinding you from the rearview mirror. 

“What the fuck?!” you yelled as you resisted the urge to whirl your head around and look through the back window. You couldn't take your eyes off the road and like hell you were about to pull over.

“Who is that?!” Zach panicked and Sarah gave you a look.

“Maybe… maybe it’s Frank… or Billy… maybe we forgot something,” she murmured with a frown, far too hopeful and naive for your liking. 

“That’s not Frank or Billy,” you bit out, your hands tightening around the wheel as the car behind revved its engine and came up right behind you. You put your foot down on the gas, still wary of going too fast with the conditions of the road. You felt like you could hear your heartbeat in your ears like a drum as you tried to figure out what to do. You couldn't outrun them, not with the ice. If you stopped, they’d stop too and you could only imagine what would happen then. You felt like you couldn't breathe. You glanced back in the mirror, watching as the car was dangerously close to the van and you were so preoccupied with the car that you didn’t see the spike strip laid out on the road until you went over it. The tires popped audibly and the kids yelled out as you lost control of the van. You tried your hardest to not veer from the road but the wrecked tires and the ice was too much of a bad combination and before you knew what was happening, the van was careening off the road and down the slope to the side. You were vaguely aware of the van rolling at least twice before your head harshly smacked into the steering wheel and everything went dark.

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate

@blanchedelioncourt

@ariesbutalibra

@sunshinedaisies-anddeath

@snowkestrel

@music-indie-tv

@idaofinfinity

@sweetserendipity65

@ramadiiiisme

@k-marzolf

@celestialams

@woowwwee

[growling]

you know i do not think about whether i may or may not be somewhere on the aro spectrum or whatever that often, partially because it's significantly harder to look for something that isn't there as opposed to "would you fuck the male human specimen (yes/no/depends)" do you get what I mean did I say something. But also can somebody explain what the fuck does "romantic attraction" entail. I swear everybody has a different definition. It's like. Where do I even start like I think I would want a relationship or something that'd be poggers can you give me like 2 girlfriends I can keep in my house and let them run around freely and do stuff but like the only requirements would be that you're a close friend beforehand. Like where does the line between friend and partner start aside from like just what I call you. Growing up I always thought romance is just the Advanced Friendship + Fornication permit ig but obviously that's wrong since people frequently marry people they fucking hate and would never hang out willingly unless they were sucking and fucking or discussing who owes eachother more money. Actually hold on how is friendship different from romance exactly can you explain like I'm 5. Describe romantic feeling and how exactly is it different from platonic. How the fuck is a crush/infatuation different from just really liking somebody/their attention and being fixated on them in a pal kinda way like I don't think I'm "in love" with anyone I've ever . Nevermind actually. People say "friends cannot have sex that's immoral and perverse ONLY touch your current one (1) true love or else you're blurring the line between friendship and romance thus leading them or whatever the fuck" and I do NOT get it <3 I would in fact prefer to ONLY fuck my friends (because I actually would know them. lmao) if they're also cool with it as a beloved and cherished bestie bonding activity, for fun, or perhaps even competitively. Recently I fucking realized (took literal ages) that when people say they have a "crush"/are "in love" with a celebrity they never met in their entire life they don't mean they admire them, think they're beautiful or engaging in a bit, they mean they are literally straight up romantically attracted in-love with them what the hell. The information you don't even need to KNOW somebody to want a romantic relationship with them (and I'm not talking sexual I mean just purely romantic. I could mayybe get the sexual one but personally I'd never do that with a tv man. or is that hypocritical of me) fucking changes everything because then that means it's entirely separate from friendship in that you don't have to get to know the guy even I grrrhgghgrrrhhh. I'm literally shaking, Jesse what the fuck are you talking about what do you MEAN what does ANY of this mean. Are you lying to me is everyone just doing this for shits and giggles what the fuck. I wasn't so ffucking feeling strongly about this subject when I started typing this out but now I DEMAND an explanation maybe perhaps a powerpoint presentation up until I deduce what does it mean to be romantically attracted to something I won't be able to debate on whether or not I'm capable of it. Anybody want to count every instance of "romantic" I typed out in this wall of text sorry there is not another word . Damn

[homenecromancer]

continuing to be very glad I do not use twitter, but also yes of course I have thoughts related to this round of adults-arguing-about-YA-books discourse:

1. I am an adult who posts a lot about one specific YA series, and has for a long time. This is because it is exactly mid enough for me to have takes about it — if a book is actually, like, good, I generally have too little self-esteem to say anything aside from “i liked it :)”. I’m not good at assessing books for their deeper meanings, but I am good at serving up half-assed takes based on vague memories of reading a book fifteen years ago. Or being mean about mass-market fiction. I do in fact read other books, I am just not really interested in discussing Blood Meridian on Tumblr dot com.

2. I think it is important to note that this whole kerfuffle ultimately goes back to asking American college freshmen their favorite books. These are, for the most part, people in their late teens. I can tell you right now — and those of who who have followed me for long enough will know — that I had some real dumb opinions at 18. It is a prime age for dumbassery and pretentious opinions. Of course you’re gonna get a range of answers from “heh, I am an intellectual who only enjoys Ayn Rand and Shakespeare” to “[frantically trying to remember any book they have read] ummmm… my favorite book is uhhhh…”. The good thing is that you only have to be 18 once. The bad thing is that then you have to live the rest of your life remembering the dumb shit you said when you were 18.

3. This dude would be even more depressed if he were talking about books to people (in that age range or not) who are not college-bound. I work with people who have not voluntarily read a book since graduating from high school. Not like “they aren’t reading Shakespeare anymore but they read Harlequin romances, young adult fiction, or self-help books”. Not like “they don’t read every day but once in a while they pick up a book”. Like “the last time they touched a book was when forced to read aloud in senior-year English class”. These are adults in their mid-twenties and older. I wanna introduce this guy to the concept of “adults who do not read” and see how he reacts.

4. I generally agree that yeah, if you’re a grown-up, you should consider adding some more complex books to your literary diet — you don’t need to burn the books you liked as a teen, but getting some variety widens your mental horizons. I cannot offer advice to those who prefer audiobooks, but if you can tolerate reading ebooks, then there’s a staggering amount of written text available to you for free at the touch of a download button. Project Gutenberg and Standard Ebooks are my recommendations for copyright-free ebooks — and many classic novels are long out of copyright. I am currently propping up my mental health by reading as much 1950s science fiction as I can get my hands on, because it’s easy to find. You will never run out of reading material.

5. Also if you read classic novels you can win arguments about them on the internet. Which I think would be the real appeal to them for like at least a third of the people involved in this discourse.

[wellgoslowly]

WELCOME TO LINNIE'S MASTERLIST

NOTICE: i am still writing but requests will be coming very slowly as i am a social work college student and i have so much shit to do all the time lol. requests are not closed they are just coming slowly!

you heard that right folks! linnie is finally making a masterlist! I've been meaning to make one for a while I just haven't had the time/motivation to do so until now!! i've been getting a lot more requests (which i love!!!) so I figured it was about time :) also! this layout was highly inspired by @tangledinlove 's layout!!! just wanted to give credit where credit is due :)

all of my writing can also be found under the tag linnifer writes !

if you want to make a request: i currently write mostly for lockwood x reader, lucy x reader, and george x reader! i have a list of my current media interests in my bio, and i am open to writing ship and x reader prompts for most of them! if you have any x reader or ship prompts that you want me to write for any of those fandoms, please send me a dm or an ask!!

RULES FOR REQUESTING:

No nsfw pls!! I don't shame smut readers/writers but I am on the ace spectrum and I don't really feel super comfortable writing that sort of stuff! there are plenty of writers who are, and I'm sure they'd love a request from you! ❤️

if you're requesting, please specify what pronouns you'd like me to use! Most of the time I can infer based on the request, but it would be really helpful if you could tell me preferred pronouns or if you'd like fem/gn/masc reader! I write for any gender identity, I just need to know :) [no hate to any of you who requested before I put this rule in, you're all fine! I'm just adding this to make it a lil bit easier for me]

pls be aware that most of my requests at this time are fairly short- however, I do write multi part requests!

if you don't want your request to be multi part, pls let me know!

please note that i am anti pro-shipping so i will not be writing for any ships or people that i find problematic or have issues with. i do have right to deny requests!!

anthony lockwood x reader

ain't a life a many splendored thing?

1.4k words. no warnings

part one / part two coming soon

you are a new hire at lockwood and co. despite being the complete opposite of your new boss, anthony lockwood can't help but fall for you.

nearly witches (ever since we met)

1.6k words. no warnings

lockwood comes home early from a job to find you dancing in the kitchen in your underwear and one of his shirts. obviously, the most sensible thing for you to do was to ask him to dance.

bookstore girl

3.3k words. no warnings

caught in an intense rainstorm, lockwood stumbles into the small bookstore you run with your best friend and your boxer, Bruce. you two hit it off and lockwood leaves a newly-dedicated customer.

lucy carlyle x reader

none [so far ;)]

george karim x reader

none [so far ;)]

lucy carlyle x anthony lockwood (all on ao3)

shall we look at the moon, my little loon

2k words. 1/1 chapters. no warnings

Anthony Lockwood says something stupid, again.

This is how Lucy Carlyle ends up on Montagu Barnes's doorstep at 11:00 at night, soaked to the skin.

OR: Montagu Barnes is a parental figure for two traumatized teens trying to figure out what they mean to each other.

let me live (or let me love you)

10k words. 5/5 chapters. warnings: canon typical violence, fleeting sexual imagery.

In which Lockwood & Co. get put in a sticky situation at yet another relic auction, and the only way to get out of it is for Lucy Carlyle to kiss her best friend.

jealousy is a song that only your heart can hear

1.5k words. 1/5 chapters (ongoing). no warnings.

5 times that Anthony Lockwood was jealous, and one time that he didn't have to be.