#LAST PARAGRAPH THO

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

im gonna cry again beacuase dapper. was so obviously Affected by bad forgetting him and dying and everything but just. always focused on finding him and keeping him safe and playign with him instead of talking through hsi own feelings. and like yea dapper has pomme. he can talk to her. but she's upset by this, too. all of the other eggs can talk to their parents. empanada did. pomme talked to bad. even richas talked to bad. but dapper didn't. bad worked so hard to collect as many neighbours as he could to build dapper a support system, but. bad has always been helping other people. dapper was along with him. bad was always there for dapper so dapper didn't NEED to build up that same support with the other islanders that the eggs managed to build up with his dad and their other non-parent caretakers. dapper has islanders he's friends with, like etoiles, and he claimed baghera as his mom, but id be fucking shocked if he felt like he could rely on them for this. and why would he. it's his own mess. his own research. his dad. he's not the one who needs to be taken care of here. its the fucking. the responsibility of caretaking and the way that putting other people before yourself to the point of hurting yourself is something that BAD taught him. the self sufficiency. soldiering on through the pain. is there really a difference between a thousand totems and a thousand soul vulture scars. the apathy towards his own wellbeing. even when bad was doing well, he praised dapper for helping people.

its just. its fucking. the sunshine song. just like when the eggs went missing, the only way dapper is going to hear that fucking song is when he plays the recording. but this time bad won't be singing it back. he'll be right there, and he won't remember the lyrics.

[hulloitsdani]

What do u think Kiran is

How do u think the order sees kiran

*slowly sits up in my chair*

I think Kiran is a very normal person. This is someone you and I have met before. Be that from the other side of grocery store cashier, waiting in the same elevator, or walking by on a crosswalk. Kiran is a civilian from our world trying to roll with the punches of being warped somewhere completely alien. And you can see it in how they conduct themselves.

I always have a lot of fun writing Kiran’s dialogue because their casual modern speech almost feels like a dialect in comparison to the more formal fantasy tone everyone else speaks with. An “ain’t” will never exit Alfonse’s mouth, you know? And there’s a difference in “Do you have gold?” vs “You got gold?” To me, this gives Kiran an air of unfamiliarity to anyone they interact with. Let’s use Grima as an example, because it doesn’t sound like this grammatical change would make much of difference until Kiran has the audacity to hit Grima with a bro mid sentence. But that’s just how they talk. And as sweet and friendly as they are, there’s always moments like that to remind that no one has the cultural context to fully understand Kiran. Except for the audience, who can realize that Kiran let the customer service voice drop to talk to Grima like he’s an actual person.

And that’s just about how they talk! This view is only emphasized by every other thing about them! They’re a lovable goof, which is normal chill person behavior in the audience’s eyes but feels REALLY ODD to the characters of FE’s medieval fantasy war setting. There is this air of unknown about them that the more socially perceptive will pick up on and will try to come to a conclusion about. Example, I imagine Soren would interpret a lot of this as a dangerous and deeply annoying lack of intelligence from someone he has the displeasure of sharing a tactics table with. Or looping back to the Grima example, he would totally think Kiran has greedy ulterior motives behind that pleasant facade. It takes a lot of work for those types to realize that the discrepancy present isn’t really any of those things. But I also wouldn’t be too surprised if Kiran doesn’t try to directly prove any of those assumptions wrong unless they have to.

Why? Well now it’s time for the implications! Oh how we love the implications.

Because the Summoner is a different story. No one has any fucking clue what that is.

I can tell you what Kiran has pieced together so far. Summoning people from across time and space is apparently not easy. It’s not some school of magical study that some mage could pull off with enough time and research. Trust, Eitri tried. It’s a lot of complex moving parts. For example, the contracts. The contracts Kiran automatically binds their summoned to don’t even compare to the ones Veronica used in book 1. They are far more intense and infinitely harder to break. The only way out of them is if Kiran wills it so. Not even death is an option, because Kiran can come in for the revive. If they had to guess, it’s an older, more completed version of the art. Something lost to time. But no matter the case, Kiran has the ability to take full control of whoever they manage to summon. From a lowly farmer to the divine. And their power only grows.

In a similar vein, if there was any character to canonically see the hud, I think it would be Kiran. It’s genuinely part of their power set. I have previously described Kiran as the party mage until Veronica shows up to be the actual mage, but it would be way more accurate to call them a mystic/seer. They see the map, everyone’s stats, and is doing a fast amount of math to give the combat forecast. Then, upon processing all this information their enemies couldn’t dream of having at their disposal, Kiran can telepathically communicate any change in plans to anyone under contract. Kiran is not inherently some great tactician the moment they touch ground in Askr; they simply can do things no one else can. They’re learning the actual tactics part on the fly. This makes them simultaneously the largest ace up the Order’s sleeve and potentially its biggest liability. If they fall, it could cause a whole system cascade. By that same token, some of the biggest threats the Order has faced are the ones who do their research and rightfully target Kiran.

Now. Thinking critically about all that. That’s downright terrifying. A ridiculous amount of power has been dropped callously into Kiran’s lap and they have to work extremely hard to be moral with it. It’s terrifyingly easy not to be. It would actively take less effort to ‘take the reins’ as it were. But in order to be able to sleep at night ever again, they go the extra mile to not invalidate the will of their summoned. To take over like that. To make a colony of worker bees out of people. Because oh dear god they just summoned a child and the fact that they could easily force them to fight and die for them, only to be revived and do it all over again, is HAUNTING. No. No the Order has an in house orphanage now. This kid is getting adopted and cared for god damnit or Kiran might just pop a blood vessel. And sure that child is going to be a child and there will never be a world where they get along with everyone else, but that’s just going to need be a problem they address when they get there and not an excuse to use Hubris; the power set. Now replace the word child with everyone they ever summoned and you have the wider philosophy they apply to the entire Order.

They’re hyper aware of the power imbalance. They hate it with every bone in their body. They work really hard to correct it in whatever way they can.

So Kiran might not jump on the opportunity to correct those who think lesser of them. It’s… oddly comforting to know someone is keeping a critical eye on them. Holding them accountable. Especially since so much of the order just thinks of them as this quirky yet well meaning host. And, really, what can they even do about that? They have gone over the contract with every hero they summon and despite that they still choose to stay. So, what, do they try to inspire more mistrust? The problem with that they would have to actually do acts that intentionally inspire mistrust. And even if that was successful they can’t just waste the extra man power because every other month there’s some new divine asshole who wants them all dead. And if they fail that means they have to start their life from square one and god they can’t do that again so—

Just breathe Kiran.

It’s fine. You’re fine. Just breathe.

You have work to do.

[the-somwthing]

Welcome to my little meta analysis essay called

Why do we misremember Flower Husbands as being “nicer” than it was?

Disclaimer: I’m not here to talk about whether or not FH is “toxic” or anything like that. It’s just a fact that many old fans rewatching FH POV and new fans who are watching it for the first time after seeing fan content tend to be surprised at how they actually behaved in the series compared to how everyone remembered them being back in the day. This will NOT go over whether or not I think FH is unhealthy or whatever and instead just discuss why I believe this phenomenon has happened.

So, if I try to make this a fancy well written essay, I’ll be here all day, so I’ll just get to the point. 3rd Life came out during the DSMP era of mcyt. MCRP has been around for ages, but the DSMP style of RP (which I’ll be calling “smp rp”) was pretty much popularized by DSMP, mostly towards the end of 2020. For reference, 3rd Life started early 2021, so there’s about a half a year between these two events, and DSMP kept going for years so 3rd Life was absolutely happening during the golden era of DSMP.

But what does DSMP have to do with this? Well, it sort of created this idea of “lore” and only specific things being “canon”. You can make fun of me for the way I worded that, but you know what I mean, DSMP was weird about that stuff. I don’t really blame them as it was kind of a new style of RP they accidentally spawned, but still, it was a confusing time for SMPs.

3rd Life was actually less like DSMP and more like the modern SMP RPs, where there’s no (known, lol) scripted events and the fandom itself deciphers what is or isn’t “canon” rather than it being told to them, with mostly everything being considered canon. HOWEVER, I do believe that DSMP’s style did still affect the fandom, specifically with the topic of this essay, Flower Husbands.

But why would it only really affect Flower Husbands? Now we get into a rough topic: shipping discourse. Back in those days, shipping in the mcyt fandom was heavily frowned upon. Moreso than it is today (I know it’s still around, but it was a lot worse the earlier we go lol). I’ve even seen old relics of ppl saying flower husbands should only be portrayed as platonic cuz it’s wrong to ship them, despite their team name literally being husbands. But more importantly, for A LOT of people, flower husbands was the One Ship people felt “allowed” to ship, BECAUSE it was canon. So they would allow FH and shun every other ship.

My point isn’t actually that, with it being the only “acceptable” ship everyone tried to make it more wholesome, though I suppose that could be a contributor. But my ACTUAL point is where all the things I laid out finally close in on each other:

Ships were a Dangerous territory in mcyt fandom, and ships being “canon” was something a lot of people weren’t prepared to deal with. People don’t want to get too close to RPF territory, but back in the day their ideas of c! vs cc! wasn’t as great, so they default to the DSMP Rule of “if it’s stated to be roleplay, then it’s canon to the characters, if not, it’s noncanon and just the CCs hanging out”.

You see where I’m going with this? When trying to follow this rule for a character relationship where they don’t explicitly state what is or isn’t RP, they hear “we’re married” and instantly mark that as canon to the characters since it clearly isn’t true to the CCs, and tend to block out anything else, otherwise you’re risking it not actually being true to the characters. Especially when it’s things like Scott saying something mean about Jimmy; that directly contradicts the “these characters are in love” thing, so it must not be canon, right?

But wouldn’t people still remember that these things happened, or did they actually straight up not process any of it? My answer to that is: of course everyone was paying attention, but with the context that it’s the CCs playing a video game, all of the teasing and other behavior seems WAY less serious. It just looks like average friends playing a hunger games smp together. And as I explained earlier, the fandom was ONLY processing this as a CC thing, so Scott’s treatment of Jimmy never stood out because that’s just how it is playing games.

Back to DSMP, I’m not active in that fandom anymore but I’ll see snippets sometimes, and I’ve seen the claim that beeduo was actually boring in canon and the fandom was the one that made it interesting. I feel like this is exactly what happened with FH. Nobody was actually expecting anyone to go hard into romantic roleplay, so the fans just take whichever pair says they’re getting married and fill in the blanks themselves. And that was normal back then, it wasn’t fans making stuff up for no reason, it was kind of expected of us.

So yeah, I personally believe that this whole confusion about FH is a result of its time. Whether you want to finally look at the actual substance of the relationship rather than following weird rules about what is or isn’t “canon”, or you believe that since FH was from a time where romantic RP was confusing and weird it would make the most sense to take into account the time period it came from and ignore the less appealing bits in favor of the fanon, I don’t really care honestly. But man isn’t this an interesting situation.

[rae-unbeloved]

DEAD GIRL WALKING MY BELOVED<33

[jotx]

i often worry very deeply about how hateful and negative i can be and could at any point fall into a misanthropic mindset but then read shit like this n go oh wait im perfectly fine just need to eat something probably

[the-clay-quarters]

(tags from @neathyingenue @zeebreezin)

hang on have I not mentioned this enough- Hi! Yes! Vincent is Catalan, from Barcelona! I usually talk about them as being/using Spanish but that's honestly just because I know that's what most people would recognise/understand, compared to how relatively niche Catalan is unfortunately. A lot of the time it's more important in the moment to connect somewhat even if it's not entirely accurate "^^ (and they do use Spanish, it's just their second language instead).

Being Catalan specifically is a key part of Vin as a character because, well... I'm projecting, honestly! I live in Barcelona! I may be British, but I've lived here for most of my life now and it's an equally important part of me as a person. Writing about Vin is an excuse to write about the experience of immigrating (though admittedly in reverse of my own) as well as Catalan language, culture, politics, history...

One day I'll sit down and write out some of this stuff and approximately nobody will know the cultural/historical context <3

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

it's kinda funny the disconnect i get from my art, like today my art teacher called me over and had a picture of a project that i'd done and lowkey hated cuz i thought it was ugly lookin and she asked me if i wanted to join ap art lmaoooo like sure? but that's what made you ask?

[born-in-hell]

4ever: "im sorry for saying smth abt dapper. pls stop hurting the innocent worker... dapper wouldnt be happy w what ur doing...."

im sorry 4ever but dappers villager disagrees w u

[feralghxuls]

i have an ask from @demigaydemigod in my inbox rn that i was like "oh let me respond to this with a ficlet"

well. me being me, that "ficlet" is now 5k and counting and largely unrelated to the actual ask because it turned into a character study oops

[randomwriteronline]

Pohatu was not here.

Kopaka registered the thought in an objective manner, not angry nor relieved, and kept laying down in the half miserable little cave in Ko-Metru which might as well have been his sad attempt at a den.

Misfortunes and blessings always come in groups of six; so of course six Visorak had stubbornly remained in Metru Nui even a thousand years after being told to scram, one for each of its sections, and of course each Toa Nuva (Takanuva notwithstanding, furtunately) had gotten bitten by one of the disgusting little pests while exploring the desolate city that felt so incredibly unnatural compared to the island paradise they had just left, and of course the Hordika venom had ensnared them all in an iron fist and mutated them into six new unwanted flavors of monstrous Rahi-adjacent beings.

Sure, they weren't alone in this hellish situation: there were the Matoran, and the Turaga, and the Rahaga, and Keetongu. Technically speaking, this should have been a non-issue, and it shouldn't have been taking so long to be rectified - it was just a matter of wrangling the Nuva up all together, making them hold hands, slapping the majestic Rahi in their circle of friendship, and boom. Problem solved. No more Hordika. But things could never simple, and this time the new complications were caused by the very simple fact that the venom had that annoying effect of adding on top of the already horrendous packaging of the new forms a nice complementary picnic basket of inane oddities and instincts that had immediately taken over the Toa's lives and made them even harder to handle than they already were.

It is one thing to deal with a bunch of seven-foot-tall children who came out of their canisters full of elemental powers, a lot of fighting experience, and no knowledge of the world whatsoever. It's even more of a hassle to look after those same barely matured kids after they've promptly gotten even more power, instantly had it stripped away, regained it, gotten the tar beaten out of them by snakes in gundam suits, and gained a brand new even taller baby brother. All things considered, the former Toa Metru and their villages had done egregiously already.

But to deal with semi-feral Toa was a new can of beans entirely.

Not that the interested specimens were having an easier time wrangling themselves - by all means, they were failing at that rather spectacularly: Gali had begun voicing her displeasure with her brothers in more assertive manners, which would have been very healthy if she also hadn't fallen into a habit of roaring them into submission and smacking them around like Kohlii balls if they were too stubborn for her opinion; Tahu had put Ta-Metru under a protective seige of one, essentially, yelling at his siblings to piss off when he saw them come too close and whining inconsolably when his cries and growls frightened the Matoran away from him as he tried to groom them clean almost obsessively; it had taken roughly two days to find Lewa after he'd mutated, plus one and a half to catch him, the other half to convince him not to start another round of Tag across the Metru and another good dozen hours to make him promise to engage in less expansive games before they had to do all that again, because keeping him put did not work; a group of Matoran was now glued to Onua to keep him company and give him little safe excavation tasks so he would not dig directly through the Archives' floors and into the deepest pits of the world, because the last time he absentmindedly started doing that he almost collapsed half of Onu-Metru and thank the Great Spirit Taipu had managed to drag him back up or they might have lost him forever to the depths; and Kopaka, of course, had gotten an enormous anxiety attack due to his horrifying appearance and had decided that the only way to handle this was to disappear into the mountains for an indeterminate amount of time, possibly forever, avoiding any and all contact with civilization before either his looks scared someone to death or he was laughed at into his grave.

Pohatu was fine. Because of course, Pohatu was fine. He'd gotten the sensory overload of a lifetime for all of ten minutes, and then he'd gotten immediately over it and taken it all in stride. As Pohatu does.

He'd very quickly acclimated to his new body, senses, instincts, and secret languages, and since there was technically nothing wrong with him he had been allowed to leave his Metru and try to help out his siblings regain their minds from the intensity of their uncontrollable Hordika moods. His intervention had generally proven irreplaceable in those terms: just by splaying himself on the ground he was able to calm his brothers and sister's boiling rage, he could coax them into playing or stopping almost on command, and thanks to the way he angled his body at every step his mere presence soothed them into a more agreeable state. He'd even managed to find Kopaka and be admitted into his sad little recluse home, bringing him toys or food or water and tending to his needs - including his fears and his desire for privacy from wayward Matoran who tried to seek him out, reassuring them that their Toa was just fine and they needn't worry about a thing.

Perhaps he was almost a little too comfortable in this situation. Almost like this entire ordeal had given him a new role among their group, their pack - that of the peace-keeper, of the calming presence, the one who keeps everybody happy and at ease for the sake of themselves and those around them - which nobody else had been able to fill, thus easing his nagging worries about what exactly he brought of worth to the team. Maybe this was how the Hordika venom was trying to corrupt him, promising a shield from his anxieties in exchange for his and his siblings' real natures.

Kopaka pawed at the ground and furrowed his expression. His mind felt too disgruntled and heavy for these thoughts.

His entire being had been feeling too disgruntled and heavy for anything in the past few days. It was like having a weird itch in a point of the back that is just unreachable without putting yourself in an awkward position that is just as if not even more uncomfortable. Standing up was a chore, and while moving around did help it wouldn't stop the annoying sensation from sitting all over him with a light but maddeningly ever shifting weight; so he generally preferred to lounge around lazily as he allowed the days to pass him by, looking like the spit image of depression. Not that he was depressed in truth, he felt anything but - he was just... Fatigued. Lethargic. Uninterested. Maybe just too busy trying to shake off that bothersome feeling to focus on anything else around him. He had responded so differently to so many different stimuli already, he reasoned, so who was to say this couldn't have had something to do with the climate, then? If that was the case, he hated that. How dare this new form make him so tired and devoid of energy in his preferred environment and weather. He wasn't going to look for a hotter place to stay at, that was certain: the Hordika could be as miserable as it wanted here in the snow, but the Toa refused to be made miserable by migrating to any of the other Metrus.

While he'd been stuck in this funk, Pohatu had been stuck at his side. He hadn't seemed too worried about his condition, but he definitely wasn't too keen on it either: he was always gently coaxing him into at least some activity every day, usually through some of the puzzle toys that Onewa would carve for him and that he placed with Kopaka's reach, not forcing him to engage with them but offering him some low effort entertainment nonetheless, or simply sitting or laying by his side to nap with him if he really couldn't stomach to move at all. He had decided to handle the hunting for him as well, as he was clearly too distracted by his inexplicable condition to fetch food properly. It was logical to imagine that he was off getting breakfast for the both of them right now.

How nice he was, Pohatu. Nice and reliable. A real sweetheart, when he put himself to it.

Normally, when the Rahi instincts within him stirred and dropped their muddled thoughts into his mind, Kopaka snarled and shook his head in an attempt at getting them out of himself; he was his own master, thank you very much, and he did not need nor let alone want some incorporeal semi-voice to tell him what to think or do or feel.

In this case, however, he didn't fight back against them. Why should he? They were right. Pohatu was nice, reliable, and a sweetheart. Those were simple objective facts he had known and been keenly aware of for months by now - nothing less, nothing more. Even an idiot would have come to the exact same conclusions, because they were true. The mere fact that the Toa of Stone had thought of seeking him out to check on him in the first place and then decided on sticking around in a relatively unobtrusive and pleasant manner upon seeing his sorry state spoke volumes of his kindness and patience already. None of their other siblings would have managed to stand him like that, especially in their current situation.

Yes, Pohatu was so kind, the beast within him nodded as it began kneading at the ground: a very kind, very good being. He was open and friendly, so willing to listen even when he got bored, terribly stubborn and yet also fast, strong, protective, steady - maybe his quick thinking got the best of his common sense and he was not too smart at times, but that wasn't anything Kopaka couldn't fix. He had proved himself to be a great provider in times of need, and awfully loyal to boot - so many chances to desert him in favor of someone else, someone more agreeable, more fun, more pleasant, like he was, and yet it was always the Toa of Ice he was drawn to the most... He was so good at handling smaller beings as well, taking care not to frighten them too much if unnecessary: when Matoro had come around looking for Kopaka on Nuju's behalf, Pohatu had taken it upon himself to greet the Matoran in his peer's stead, carefully posing himself to appear as inoffensive as possible so that the little hunter would not react violently against him. He had even helped Matoro on his hunt, and made sure to secure him on Kopaka's back so that he would have a safe trip back to the slowly rebuilding Metru while he carried enough food for all of the villagers waiting - even allowing them to actually bask in their Toa's presence for a few minutes before his anxiety demanded kicking and screaming to be whisked as far away from people as possible again, yet another wish fulfilled by his Stone peer's unmatched affability reassuring Turaga and Matoran alike that he'd look after him. A kind heart in a powerful body; yes, his instincts purred again, making his entire frame stretch out across the ground with a sudden rise of delight, Pohatu really was a great candidate, and Kopaka was so caught up in the satisfaction of that assertion that he didn't even stop to wonder what that meant.

He pulled himself to his feet, feeling reinvigorated all of a sudden. His joints popped with a pleasant feeling, and a strange antsy excitement coursed through them in careful jolts: he began pacing around the cave restlessly, almost trotting, his previously stifling itch turning into a soft energy that pervaded his entire frame. His stomach shifted a little with a low rumbling growl and his mouth started to salivate: he probably must have been hungry, though he didn't quite feel like eating yet, either. Strange. No matter. A great candidate, his instincts kept repeating, a perfect candidate, and despite not knowing what exactly the phrase referenced he couldn't help but agree wholly, feeling more and more energized.

If Pohatu had said he didn't miss his normal body, that would have been a plain lie - but he had to admit, readjusting his teeth's grip around the poor no longer breathing thing that had the unfortunate duty of being his and Kopaka's breakfast today, that wading through the snow on four legs was much easier that on two. It still wasn't ideal by all means, what with the wet feeling it left on him and having to trudge through it because he couldn't help but sink in the freezing cold stuff; however, he'd take the mild discomfort over nearly falling face first in the white cover at every other step.

His back wagged a little. What was he excited about, he wondered briefly, interrogating his rumbling instincts? The speedier travel, the food in his mouth, or the fact that he was almost at his destination? The Rahi in his chest made him jump into a few piles of snow for the fun of it: a bit of all of that, he assumed in the end, plus the hopes that Kopaka would be awake enough to eat with him. The Toa of Ice had been woefully under the weather recently, laying around most if the time, not even wanting to go out hunting. He wasn't big on playing, Pohatu had realized very quickly - or at least not on the sort of roughhousing that their other siblings enjoyed destressing through from time to time, which made sense considering his character. No, he had much more fun tracking down scents and footprints, stalking little beasts with his light paws barely pressing dents onto the snow as he almost slid across it only to suddenly jump high!, and lodge his snout into the candid mound so hard that his spine bent from the momentum and sent him sprawling on the ground, tiny unmoving prey proudly secured in his jaws so tight that it probably hadn't even realized what had happened. He was a joy to watch, frankly, so graceful and goofy and happy - it made Pohatu almost whimper ruefully at his inability to emulate him: they could have had fun racing each other after ice lizards, or maybe one could have hidden in the snow and the other would have had to track him down and pounce him, or even just going off to find food together... Kopaka's sudden melancholy had managed to keep him even from his preferred source of fun, and if it kept going on like this the Toa of Stone was going to start seriously worrying for him.

It wasn't anything to be scared of, his instincts soothed him once again: it was a normal if fragile state for his peer to be in, just passing a little slow. His mere presence was helping, he was certain of it - he just had to wait for the right signal. After that, everything would have gone right back to how it always had been without a hitch. In the meantime all he had to do was take good care of him and make sure his needs were met.

It was very, very important, to show he could look after him so well; the Toa of Ice needed to be assured of that as much as possible, lest he found him unsuitable in the end. The beast within made his stomach clench at that discomforting thought, no doubt just as worried about losing such a close friend as Pohatu himself was. Felling his anxieties mount over his spine, the Toa breathed through his occupied teeth and calmed himself: there was no need to worry about such unlikely things, he reasoned, when Kopaka's body language had been consistently hollering with delight whenever the other so much as caught a glimpse or whiff of him. He had cuddled him out of his worst moments and offered him all of his support, and right now he had some fresh breakfast in his mouth just for him - or mostly for him, if he wasn't hungry enough or instead felt inclined to share. Pohatu could admit that hope was mostly gluttony, as he'd had quite a few snacks of his own already while stalking down a good enough prey for his friend, but still, eating together did always feel nicer than doing so all alone... But that wasn't important: the sight of the entrance brough him back to the present.

He readjusted his grip on the meal again and slipped into the cave, easily making his way into the innermost chamber. To his delighted surprise, Kopaka was up and about, looking much more energetic than he had in the past few days: he threaded across the ground restlessly as if looking for something, although his snout was not grazing the ground following a track and his stance was very different from the one he adopted when out hunting. He made a few quick turns, joints essentially sparking with energy, aching for something indeterminate. His curious, quiet enthusiasm stirred a satisfied excitement in Pohatu's chest, the source and meaning of it unknown; the Toa of Stone decided to make himself known by throwing the prey a little further in front of himself (just in case the other didn't feel like fake-battling for it for fun) and letting a long shudder cross his body to shove off any snow on it and make a curious yet mostly indiscreet noise which would have surely gotten the other Toa's attention. As predicted, Kopaka turned to look at him; Pohatu noted with no shortage of curiosity that his eyes were unusually clear.

He pointed with his snout to the breakfast he'd caught for his friend, wiggling with pride just a little bit. And yet, despite the rumble in his gut certainly pointing towards his hunger, the Toa of Ice did not even look at the tasty morsel but instead kept his gaze fixed onto his peer with a sort of twinkle in their light blue color, a quiet wordless excitement that made Pohatu's back straighten a little by reflex. Still in perfect silence, Kopaka trotted over to him until their noses grazed one another as though to sniff him - which made it all the more surprising when instead he ducked his head under the other's jaw and leaned heavily against him, rubbing between the crook of his neck and chin. Before the Toa of Stone could fully grasp the motion his friend had already slid his entire body against that spot, the bumpy spine massaging his tough skull from underneath it before slinking away once more, putting a little distance between them but immediately turning to look at him with that same strange gaze while Pohatu stumbled a little in an attempt to follow along so that the velvety feeling would continue. It struck him only then: Kopaka smelled really, really good.

Did he want to play? Kopaka never wanted to play. Not roughhousing. But something in the way he posed himself before him was very deliberately making him want to flatten to the ground and jump him, roll with him, push him, cling to him. His eyes frantically looked all over him, trying to decode his physical language and coming up with blanks - he seemed to be nudging him closer to something, but what? He'd never seen his siblings speak like that. His confusion was slowly overwhelmed by another feeling, one he couldn't put a word to - his instincts were clearly familiar with it though, seeing as they were singing along with it, exalted, delighted, bursting with joy: their reasonings weren't fully comprehensible (many of them weren't) but amidst the confusion clouding his mind he still understood the enthusiasm coursing through him, and that this was fine, this was great! He had done everything just right! Kopaka was over the stars about the careful and attentive way he'd been treated, and now he was inviting him! Waiting for him! All he had to do was follow his lead!

The Toa of Ice watched him intently. He trotted closer once again to repeat the motion: something in Pohatu's chest jumped as he felt those hips rub against his chin, and one of his legs rushed above and over them, to trap him - which caused Kopaka to swiftly slink away again, widening the gap between them with a sudden stiffness.

Right, right - this was Kopaka's game, under Kopaka's rules.

The Toa of Stone flattened to the ground sheepishly, asking for forgiveness with wide guilty eyes. He hadn't meant to do anything wrong, he'd just gotten a bit too excited... Could he really blame him? No, he read in the smooth tilt of his peer's head, he really couldn't, not when they both had that confused antsyness animating them. Another chance, just one, alright? But be careful this time. Just follow my lead, the cadence of his steps said as he approached him for the third time while his new tantalizing smell bloomed from him so magnificently that it almost made his peer shake, and wait until the right time. I'll show you. You will? I will. You promise? I promise.

Pohatu held himself very still as their snouts almost touched. On his best behaviour, wasn't he? Kopaka's throat rumbled, pleased and amused; his nose dug into the crook of the other's neck playfully, to make him squirm a little and ease him up. No need for all that formality - just pay close attention. His head slid under the Toa's chin, rubbing against it as he slid forward, and soon his skull was replaced by his neck, then his shoulders, then his back, his waist, his hips... Just as his tailbone was about to break contact, something snapped for the both of them: Pohatu shifted in an almost liquid manner until he was essentially laying on him, legs aligned with his own, chest and stomach pressed against his spine; Kopaka wriggled beneath his weight until he deemed himself comfortable enough, and his entire upper body went down placidly, laying on the comfortably cold ground while a sweet nose rubbed his nape affectionately and tickled it by sniffing.

A sudden pressure caused them to pause for the fraction of a second, confused. But their insticts purred loudly in tandem, the vibrations rattling through them so comforting and soothing, reassuring them it was alright, reassuring them everything was just fine and normal and good, everything was going perfectly, and they were doing so very good; so the Toa were gently sat back down once again and simply watched, curious, a little excited even, as the Hordika resumed to move in perfect synchrony, filling a void they didn't even know was there with a comfortable warmth.

The sensation was so good that they didn't even register anything else they might have been doing. The rest of the world didn't exist: there was just comfortable weight, their bodies' shapes fitting together like puzzle pieces, a gentle ondulating rhythm, and purring.

So much delightful and delighted purring.

All of a sudden the pressure increased again, much more forceful: Kopaka grumbled and squirmed at that, stopping his intense kneading as discomfort slithered into his mind. Pohatu was quick to nuzzle the side of his head in order to soothe him, promising it wasn't anything to be concerned about - but he too could feel it, some kind of uncomfortable opposition that kept him from going forward. He just needed a moment, a very quick moment, and if he could relax for just a second, if he could help him... They slipped closer against each other in unison, growling quietly to get rid of the foreign sensations together, and the action produced a welcome feeling, like sort sort of tactile equivalent of the onomatopoeia 'pop', dissolving both the pressure and the unpleasantness back into their rumbling enjoyment with a pair of long sighs.

The strain of getting through that moment had worn them out completely. They laid down on each other, not moving a single inch, eyes closed and breathing even; their paws rested close while they absentmindedly rubbed cheek to cheek, exchanging every now and then little licks to comfort each other without any real purpose, and their instincts continued to purr intensely, praising perfectly satisfied their performance.

They prattled on within their chests and minds about things that the two Toa couldn't hope to comprehend nor really wanted to try decoding at the moment, tired as they were.

Pohatu reached out enough to pull his morning haul a little closer: Kopaka nibbled on it without even prying an eye open, just thankful for the offered breakfast. They shared it like that, one laying over the other, buzzing with quiet affectionate rumbles between bites, wondering lazily what all of this had been about. By the time they were picking off the last morsels from the protodermis bones they'd each individually come to the conclusion not to think about any of this too much. The Toa of Ice was clearly feeling much better anyways, and his peer didn't seem to have caught whatever had been plaguing him during their strange game - so all in all, everything was back to normal.

It wasn't like this once in a lifetime happenstance was going to have any long standing repercussions in the future anyways...

[fappellmoan]

also ok maybe had a weird little freak moment yesterday :/ i was with lydia and needed to eat my godawful shitass sushi before going to the library so anyway who do i spot but the roommate with some random guy naturally and im like lydia pause i need to be a stalker but so casually for just like a sec. (this is in a downstairs like cafe/hallway/elevators area) so i stall and then we go to check for a free room to sit in and when there r ppl in it we just go back near the cafe area and theyre over in this little. alcove. of a sitting area. lounging. and im so normal and rlly naturally glanced over a couple times hoping to god the guy didnt see me cause luckily roommate was faced away. anyway. but lydias screenaging it up so im just sitting there awkwardly. and i have to walk past them at one point to get soy sauce to drown the sushi in and maybe that made me look like a weird little stalker too. well again this is if the guy even knows who i am and prob not so whatever its like fine. but like yeah and then i def saw them getting up and then on the elevator to leave so i think my skittish little creature tendencies scared off the vibe from across the room even... and i didnt just wave like a normal person bc i wasnt sure they saw me but we've spotted each other at much greater distances there's simply no way. i was treating them like what the kids call an 'opp' kinda... me when im an anxious little beast...

[blood-darkened-moon]

(1/2) TEW question: If Ruben hadn’t been burned but was still a serial killer, what is his motive for killing? Since there’s no need for revenge, what would happen? SKs IIRC develop a fractured identity hidden behind a wall of primitive defenses, so it’s a horrible way of coping, like self-medicating (we know there’s trauma and a predisposition).

Ok, anon, I love horror movies and games and also read about some serial killers out of interest, but I’m not an expert on this topic, especially not on the psychological aspects. And I refuse to diagnose fictional characters with mental illnesses. The headcanons I write are just for fun and should be seen as an attempt to write a horror AU rather than an analysis based on the mindset of real people. I don’t think that I can give you a qualified answer to your questions, but I’ll try my best. Here’s a more analytical approach to the topic.

I agree with you that there was a predisposition, but was there trauma involved before the fire? I don’t think so, or at least I think there is absolutely no evidence for this within the game. Even Jimenez wrote in Research Entry #31, “After surviving the incident and subsequent abuse from his parents, it’s a miracle Ruben can function at all.” We know very little about Ruben’s past before the incident. Some information originates from Ruben’s documents or his recordings after the fire. At that time, he is deeply traumatized, hallucinates, and is overall mentally unstable, which becomes even noticeable in his records. His state likely influences his perception in a heavily subjective way. Due to this and the ongoing abuse by his father, he may evaluate his childhood as worse than it actually was. However, since there are no more reliable sources, I have to take his words for granted.

While I don’t see anything that could have traumatized Ruben as a child, I still think that there were conflicts that could have worsened even if the fire never happened. There was tension in his family, specifically with his father. Ruben already seemed to have a somewhat strained relationship with him before the incident. Yet, he still respected him, as Ruben stated in one of the recordings, “Father was a stern man. Proud, and I thought intelligent.” He was calm while he recorded this. Therefore, I think this statement is valid, and their relationship wasn’t that bad at first. On the other hand, Ruben also wrote: “He’s trying to punish me again. He always resented our closeness. Thinks he can use it against me.” He wrote this while he was clearly enraged, likely not fully accountable. It still indicates a conflict between the two.

The latter statement is somewhat strange, though. Why should Ernesto mind if his children get along well with each other? Isn’t this a good thing? Jimenez describes Ruben’s love for Laura as “almost on an incestuous level”, and considering Ruben’s records, that seems to be a legitimate interpretation. But the records are from after the fire when he was already a teenager or young adult. Moreover, he was locked up in the basement for years without any human contact (except for his father and a doctor, maybe). This long-term isolation would excuse Ruben’s affection for his sister reaching an abnormal level. Even in case little Ruben had a crush on Laura at that age (10 or younger), I think this would hardly be a reason to be concerned. He could likely outgrow it easily if he grew up under normal circumstances. So, it is unlikely that this was Ernesto’s issue.

I think it is possible that the statement relates to Ruben’s experiments in some way. We know Ernesto cannot cope well with problems that would damage his family’s reputation. After all, he preferred to lock his traumatized son away after the fire instead of organizing real help for him. Well, dissecting pig heads is not a normal behavior for a child, and yet Ruben had the equipment and a room where he could do his experiments. Why did Ernesto tolerate this behavior, which is significantly more concerning than suffering from physical and mental trauma after barely surviving a fire? (In the sense of the latter is an understandable reaction.) And why did he show it to Jimenez in the first place? This isn’t something that you show proudly around in the neighborhood. I assume that maybe Laura protected her brother, acted as the voice of reason, and convinced Ernesto that instead of punishing Ruben for his experiments, he should deal with it differently. Jimenez was just about 20 at the time he met Ruben. He can’t have been a doctor then. He was likely only a student. (The model in the game is older, probably due to time or budget reasons.) Jimenez wasn’t working at Beacon yet either. In Research Entry #16, he stated that he started working there but also mentioned Ruben, so he already knew him before that. Perhaps at Laura’s request, the Victorianos looked for someone with the necessary expertise to deal with Ruben’s behavior but who would do so in secrecy. Therefore, they went with a student. In the end, it backfired, and instead of talking Ruben out of his experiments, Jimenez confirmed his beliefs. Ernesto could take this amiss and think strict punishment would have worked better. This is highly speculative, though. Ruben also mentioned punishment in the document, but it is unclear what kind of punishment it was and when it happened. It could be something (long) before the fire, or he could relate to his recent confinement in the basement.

Another issue Ruvik mentioned is his hatred for the church and his father always supporting them. He said, “Somehow he always supported the church, no matter what the newspapers said. He waved away the allegations as if they were infallible. The wretched, the vermin, the stern... All were taken in by that church.”, followed by “They were promised salvation and eternal life. But there’s nothing they could promise that I couldn’t take away.” Where his hatred for the church originates from is again not clear. We know the church was a shady place, but had it anything to do with child-Ruben? I think it is also possible that Ruben developed his hatred later during his time in the basement. He thought his father had taken Laura away from him, the one person he loved the most. Perhaps he then decided to take something away from his father that he cherished deeply.

This covers the conflicts at home we know of. None of them seem to be a major issue before the fire, though. I doubt that these alone had the potential to set up Ruben on the path of a serial killer unless drastic changes occur. However, there are still some other aspects.

Jimenez is one of them. He is not a good influence on Ruben at all. He could have tried to channel Ruben’s interests onto a healthier path. Instead, he affirmed that ethical and moral standards in science must be questioned if true greatness is to be achieved. Ruben knew very well that his experiments were unacceptable when they met for the first time. Jimenez probably had a chance of convincing Ruben to give up on them. Later, he continues to be a toxic influence. Despite his sympathy for Ruben, Jimenez often disregards his poor mental state and only tries to gain profit from Ruben’s results. Only after the experiments reached an extreme level of gruesomeness and the death toll went through the roof did Jimenez realize that he made a big mistake. “I had taught him from a young age that the end shall justify the means, but I could not have predicted things to be this extreme.” Not that it would stop Jimenez from leeching further on Ruben’s work.

Now, before I come to the possibility of Ruben still becoming a serial killer without the fire, I want to speculate a bit about his early experiments, because they could hint at a predisposition. We know that Ruben dissected pig heads, but I think this can’t be the only thing he has done. I assume the pig heads are slaughterhouse waste. (He can’t have killed and decapitated a large pig alone at the age of 9, right?) Little Ruben doesn’t seem to have the proper equipment to prevent the decomposition in his room. (How fresh were the heads when he got them?) As far as I know, brain matter decomposes rather quickly, though. How far can he get with a half-decomposed pig brain? He can develop and improve his surgery skills. However, Jimenez mentions Ruben’s studies, and he is really impressed by them (“… but Ruben... Comparatively insignificant, but even at his young age, his studies are remarkable.”). While it is not shown or otherwise described in the game, I think it is likely that Ruben also experimented on other smaller animals that were either still alive or killed shortly before he started. We don’t know what kind of studies he performed, but I think you likely need a fresh or well-preserved brain for most experiments. Ruben was also hesitant to show his experiments to Jimenez. He said they are gross and that Jimenez now thinks he is a monster. Ruben did not try to justify them. Would this be the case if he only used slaughterhouse waste? It would still be gross and off for a child but a little less disturbing than experimenting on animals he had killed first. At least assuming that Jimenez might think he was a monster for doing so seems like an exaggeration to me since the pigs were slaughtered beforehand anyway.

Edit: In the room where Ruben dissects the pig’s head, there is an eviscerated dog carcass (which I’ve apparently always overlooked). So he has definitely killed other animals and experimented on them. The cages in the room also point to this. Judging by the size of the cages, he probably mainly used cats and dogs.

So much to the background, now what could have happened without the fire? Firstly, Laura was 17 when the fire occurred; Ruben was only 10. Laura probably wouldn’t have stayed with her parents forever. Maybe she would have gone to college the following year. Ruben spent his teenage years in the 80s, so no internet, and telephones weren’t constantly available either. He still has to live almost without Laura for several years. As I said before, I assume that Laura protected Ruben in some way from Ernesto. After she leaves, Ruben has to deal with his father mostly on his own. Their relationship was already strained before and would certainly not improve over the years, rather the opposite. I can’t say how far Ernesto would ultimately go with his punishments if Laura isn’t on-site without further information, though. We should also bear in mind that Ruben is getting older and can probably hide his activities better from his father. Jimenez might also be able to help him with this. I think, it is unlikely that the situation would take on similarly traumatizing proportions as after the fire, but there is still a certain conflict potential.

The bigger problem is, in my opinion, Jimenez. Without Laura and with a tense atmosphere at home, Ruben would probably spend more time with him. At least initially, Jimenez seemed to understand and support him. He recognized Ruben’s talent and was his mentor, even if not entirely for selfless reasons. I think it’s possible that even without fire, he could lead Ruben down a similar path as in the game, but probably at a slower pace. Seeing Laura again would no longer be Ruben’s driving force, but she wasn’t his only motivation in the game anyway. Ruben took a lot of pride in his research. He became furious when Jimenez stole and published his results (“That cockroach, that sycophant; living off of me, feeding off of my work.“). Sure, Jimenez is an asshole, but he was somewhat correct when he said Ruvik couldn’t have published it in a reputable journal otherwise. If Laura was really all Ruben wanted, he shouldn’t have been so angry about what Jimenez was doing. So, Ruben’s own ambitions as a scientist may have played a role, albeit a subordinate one.

Jimenez has persuaded Ruben from the beginning that the end justifies the means, plus there is Ruben’s potential predisposition, now adding some overambition, nurtured by his mentor, on top. Ruben would probably not shy away from human experiments, as they would be more reliable than the ones with animals. Jimenez would certainly provide him with test subjects, and he might even urge him to take this step once Ruben’s abilities were sufficient. After all, Jimenez also wants to profit from his work.

I don’t think Ruben would become an ordinary serial killer, but, for instance, I could imagine him evolving in a similar direction to Josef Mengele. In the game, he no longer sees the people he experiments on as people. He describes them as vermin and microbes. Without fire and the years in the basement, he should feel less hatred towards others, but with Jimenez as a mentor, he may have come to the conclusion that the death of some people is justified in order to help others through scientific advancement. His test subjects may no longer be vermin to him but laboratory supplies. He still would use and kill them as he pleased.

Serial killers often have a traumatic past and use the killing as a coping mechanism, but not all of them. It is not impossible that someone could become a serial killer for different reasons. The scenario above is the best I could do with the little information we have. I guess my answer isn’t really what you wanted, but I cannot see a canon reason for Ruben to snap if the fire and the abuse afterward never happened. If we knew more about his past, perhaps this would change. (I left Mobius out for simplicity, by the way.)

[starlightomatic]

Hi, I *really* don't like the implication in that "cholera" post that not wearing masks forever (which is how I always understand these COVIDSafe things) is not just bad and unacceptable, but *disgusting*?

I don't remember the post but it's very possible I skimmed past that part and if so I apologize!

[flintstill]

Finally watched the first episode of part 2 of Bridgerton season 3

And is it just me, or was that sex scene, like, not remotely sexy?

there was just something off. Like the direction and dialogue we’re not it. There was no tension. Was it lack of chemistry? I mean the carriage scene in the previous episode WAS hot, so idk what it is but it was just so blah and flat and just gave nothing. Would’ve been better cut imho

Esp because the fucking “this may hurt a bit” THEN FINGER HER OPEN MORE before you try sticking your fucking dick where none has yet been, you fucking numpty. I really really hate that shit (but the scene was unsexy before that)

[90stvqueen]

the hardest part about writing is all the grinding you have to do in order to earn the ending

[xceanlynx]

This gotta be the last time I'm talking about it.

In my humble opinion, the "Boston is/isn't being punished by the narrative for being promiscuous" discourse here on tumblr/twitter/tiktok is starting to boil down to if you believe the producers intended for us to feel pity/sympathize with Boston or not - which is just a more convoluted way to say authorial intent vs. death of the author, i.e. a never-ending discourse. Let me try to explain my train of thought:

I, for one, prefer death of the author. To me, it doesn't matter if authors had a certain intention or not: if it wasn't 100% crystal clear, any grounded (as in with evidence) interpretation is just as valid as the original intent. Once the story is public, it is ours to interpret.

This is how I choose to interpret media, that's the way I think makes more sense to my beliefs. There is no "wrong" way to do it. If someone thinks the authors opinions and intentions matters when interpreting, that's fine, that's just not the way I and other people prefer to do it.

So when it comes to Boston's development and narrative, to ***me*** (gotta be very clear again), it doesn't matter if the authors wanted us to sympathize with him. It equally does not matter if they hated Boston and wanted us to despise him. It does not matter what they wanted to do. To me, what matters is the media they put in front of us.

And, to ***me*** and many others in the audience, there was a harsher punishment for him based solely in his sexual habits. I'm sure you can find the think pieces and evidence in many posts here on Tumblr, but I'll give you my main 3 points (and 1 side point).

You can skip them if you're as tired as I am:

Boston's friends constantly judging him by his sex behaviors - while the other presumed slut Top (I say presumed because, other than Boston - arguably, since Top was practically coerced by him - he never showed interest in people other than Mew) was given praise since he wanted monogamy now;

Boston was recorded non consensually twice + having said recordings spread by others (even being threatened to have his recording shown to his presumed homophobic father);

Atom falsely accusing him of sexual assault because he didn't want a relationship with him. Side note: this one gets me the most because some people use this storyline to justify the "narrative wanting us to sympathize with him" opinion. Look, I'm sorry, but if they wanted us to do that, Boston would have had no consequences for his false assault, and Atom would have for his false claim. Instead, we got Boston choosing to not graduate (a punishment first inflicted on him by his friends for his, I repeat, false accusation of a crime) and Atom confessing his own crime to his sister and receiving a "oh, you did bad but I'm proud you're out now" as a response. We got absolutely no catharsis from this storyline;

Boston is the only character to have an absolutely miserable final scene. Yeah, it was Nick's final scene too but he wasn't miserable, he was free from that really toxic dynamic. The only promiscuous character is the only one to get absolutely nothing by the end - as in visual media, what we actually saw with our eyes. I know he is most definitely better in NY, but we never got to see it. The classic show, don't tell wasn't used (and with a miserable ending scene like that, we needed to be shown, not just told by other characters that he is doing good);

Actually, scratch that: Boston wasn't the only one shown pursuing multiple people at the same time unapologetically. Do you know who the other one is? Boeing, a non character, plot device of a villain that also got a bad ending. Do y'all see my point?

This is what I got from his character development. This is what was shown to us, Boston being constantly berated within the narrative by the fact that he is a slut. In these points I did give my personal opinions, but the core of it was based on actual scenes from the series. Don't get me wrong, I believe there was a way for the narrative to simply portray him as a villain - if they focused more on the betrayal aspect of topboston car night than on the broad aspect of Boston sleeping around. But they didn't do it. They chose a language that in the real world would be slutshamey without a doubt.

And don't fool yourself, there is real slutshaming happening in this fandom. It may be directed at a fictional character, but the behaviors criticized are real. Real people can be slutty like Boston, and they should not face criticism because of this. Wanna hate on Boston? Please hate him for being a shitty friend, or for sleeping with Top, or because he lied to Nick. Not because he sleeps around.

I still don't know the crew's intention with his character, and I don't claim to know. I do have opinions on what the directors/writers/cast actually think of a character like Boston, but again, it does not matter when it comes to us as audience and what we think of it.

Am I saying this way of ignoring the intention of the authors is the correct way? NO. I just urge you to remember that we do not have all the information on the intentions of the crew. Actually, we have more evidence of them simplifying Boston's character as just a "slutty villain" (eg. Jojo's comment in a podcast - I believe it was the LoveCast? Don't quote me) than we have evidence of them wanting us to sympathize with him. Am I saying that this is what they had in mind while producing the series? NO. And even if it was, IT DOES NOT MATTER what they had in their heads. What matters is the finished product, and the finishing product, to me and many others, was a slutshamey narrative.

You can still have your opinion, disagree and all with whatever I said here. You aren't inherently wrong for thinking the authors had the intent to make us sympathize with Boston, as I said, we don't have access to their original thoughts. What I do not think it's cool is that there are people simply dismissing valid criticism, calling them absolutely wrong, as if the very skill of interpretation is static and monochrome. If everyone understood that, I guarantee there would be way fewer condescending posts here on Tumblr, on Twitter and Tiktok.

That's it. I'm done talking, this will be my last post about it. I doubt anyone will change my mind on this, especially the last paragraph part, but feel free to share your opinion.