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hum-suffer · 1 year ago

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"You're my god." Said Kans, looking at the pregnant belly of his sister, looking at the future that was predicted to kill him. How bad must the child be, if it had the potential of killing him. A murderer. A god.

"You're my god." Whispered Vasudev as he kissed the forehead of an infant, who was covered in blood from his mother's womb still and yet smiled prettily at his father. He had saved him from rain and flood. A rescuer. A god.

"You're my god." Said Yashoda, cradling him in her arms, laughing and kissing his dusky cheeks. She held him close to her chest and somehow, she felt her heart align with every giggle he let out. An enchanter. A god.

"You're my god." Said Nand, as he ruffled his son's hair that curled in ringlets that shined even in darkness. Yashoda had told him of their son's miracles. Universe in his mouth. Somehow, beyond his love for her, Nand believed her. His played with his fingers. A hope. A god.

"You're my god." Said Radha, laughing as he bowed in front of her with flowers of different colours and scents. Tears dried whenever he appeared. She flourished with him, her becoming simply more. A flash of mischievous smiles, and she was his. A melody. A god.

"You're my god." Said Ugrasen. Bones and frail flesh scarring, hands shaking as he was held. Dusky and smooth skin contrasted every silver scar he had and blood returned to his fingers once more. He stained his grandson's yellow clothes with his blood. A healer. A god.

"You're my god." Smiled Rukmini, an open secret between the two of them, eyes shining with love that none could see but him. His hands held her feet and helped her up. He led her, homeward bound once more. Home wasn't a palace, home was at his side. A love. A god.

"You're my god." Said Sudama, tears glistening in his eyes as he gazed at the shredded skin of his friend's feet. Blood that rewrote everything that Sudama ever had been, blood that bled when words failed. A shelter. A god.

"You're my god." Said Arjun, meeting a cousin he never wished to part from, recently married and aching raw. Morals broken, vow forsaken. A hand held him up, a shoulder to lean on. A saviour. A god.

"You're my god." Said Yudhisthir as he knelt before a throne of his own, blood on his hands of those who lived before him. Blood stained hands washed the feet of the man who was the reason the throne was built. A kingmaker. A god.

"You're my god." Draupadi sobbed in his arms, bruises littering her face and arms, lip burst and forehead cut. At his feet, reverently cursing all and blessing him all the same. Lonely, inviting death with every word. A protector. A god.

"You're my god." Gandhari wailed, an accusation on her lips and tears coming to her throat. Blood dripped down her knuckles from where she had hit him fruitlessly. Her words, punctured and breaths shallow, all but dead. A killer. A god.

"You're my god." Balram tells him, calm and serene. So unlike everything they saw in their mortal lives. His clothes suffocate his skin almost beautifully and the sunset is something to watch. He's not watched the sunset since he was six, he thinks. He's not properly felt the sunset in this lifetime.

He smiles at his younger brother. The brother he was supposed to protect. The accusations still make ugly scars on his skin and Balram wants to accuse them all back for a moment. They never knew his god. None of them, except his Mata, knew his god. So serene, so calm, so wise, so innocent. His god is everything and anything and nothing at once.

They don't know what godhood is.

And as Balram leaves his body to return to his abode once more, he wishes they knew better. He wishes they didn't claim to know godhood or his god.

He waits to be reunited with his god and goddess again.

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aadya1005 · 2 years ago

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A mother's agony

Her lips quivered as she stood at the threshold of her home, holding her son's hand. "Kanha…… Kanha…….” she chanted her son's name as a mantra... Her world had shattered into a million pieces when her son told her that she was not his birth mother. She was not his Janani. She had slapped him hard across his face the second those words had left his mouth.

"How dare you say such a thing to me, Kanha? Do you have any idea what-" She choked. Devastation was all that she could feel. All kinds of thoughts were running through her mind continuously

She was about to faint, but her son caught her just in time. Kneeling beside her, he said, "Maiya, I am bound to those wretched shackles of destiny. Even I don't desire to leave you, but I have no choice."

Yashoda looked at her son , who was giving her a watery smile; his eyes were all red and moist.

She broke into sobs again, occasionally clasping her mouth with her pallu, trying to stop crying.

"Nandarani!" exclaimed Nanda distressed, seeing his wife's condition. Grief had taken over him too. After all, his life had always revolved around his Kanha… Since he was born, Kanha had wrapped him around his little finger. He ran to his wife and hugged her. Krishna and Balram were the divinity of his heaven, losing them was certainly hurting him.

It was an emotional moment for the Leelapurushottam as well. His lotus-shaped orbs had closed as he let tears fall from his eyes. Watching his mother in pain was unbearable for him. He felt as if someone had put burning coals down his throat.

Yashoda was aware that Krishna wasn't her own blood. But her love for him was indescribable. His heartwarming antics would make her want him even more. Her passion for him multiplied every day.

She knew that someday or the other, he would leave her and move forward in his life, but she never let the thoughts of the possibility of him going her cause a hindrance to her unparalleled love for him.

"Lulla......before you go, please ask Yamaraj to accept me at his abode."

He looked up at her bewildered. He felt like a hundred arrows had pierced his heart, making it bleed profusely. His mothere was asking Him to kill her, after all the gods goddesses and humans were his part. Nevertheless, he composed himself and said-

"Maiya, who am I?"

"You are my hridayansh, my son, "she said, confused.

"Aren't kids the incarnations of the Gods on the earth?"

"Yes, they are, but lulla-"

"Isn't God omnipresent, Maiya?"

"He is, Kanha….."

"It means that I am omnipresent as well."

Yashoda looked at him, a weak smile playing on her lips.

"No one can win against your words Lulla."

Seeing her smile, his demeanor eased a bit.

"If your lulla is omnipresent, why fear you won't feel him again? I will be there in each breath you take. You will think that I am pressing your feet when you get tired.

I will be alive in every Deepak that illuminates my home, my Vrindavan.

This Krishn will stay in the soil of Vrindavan forever. Never once will you feel my absence."

She smiled at him. Suddenly a thought struck her mind. She smiled brightly and said, "Oh, Kanha! I am so foolish. I forgot that you will return to me once you slay Maharaj Kansa. Go quickly, Kanha, free your parents from the clutches of that monster and come back to me, and bring Devaki bhabhi and Vasudev bhaiya along as well."

"Maiya, I will not be coming back….." Said Yashodanandan, whispering. He cursed himself again for being the reason of the pain of his parents.

"What did you say, Kanha?" said a beaming Yashoda; Krishna paled the moment he felt her ecstasy.

"Maiya…..I"

"Yes lulla….?"

"Maiya…..I won't…."

"What is it, Kanha?"

"Maiya, I won't be returning to Vrindavan ever again."

Yashoda's face fell, and she threw him a disgusted glance. Wiping her tears, she stood up and started walking away from him.

"Maiya….." said He falling at her feet.

"Go, Krishna, leave my house this very moment. Free your parents and live with them happily, not as a cowherd but a Yuvraj." She said, fuming.

Maiya…please-" He pleaded. His Maiya had never called him Krishna. He could feel the remorse in her voice.

"Stop right there, Devakinandan. After all that I did for you, you refuse to return to me? You should undoubtedly free your parents, but you shouldn't forget your home. She gave birth to you, but you grew up in MY care. I made you eat makhan for the first time at your annaprashan.

You addressed me as Maa for the first time. After all that Gokul and Vrindavan did for you-

You have grown up, Krishna. I was blind that I did not see your cunning mind. I was blinded by your innocence. I thought you were MY Kanha, my innocent Muralidhar, who would come running to me and hide behind me escaping your Bal's scoldings. You would come to me and ask for makhan. You now say you do not want to relish that makhan ever again….I am very disappointed in you, Kanha…." “Nandarani….please at least listen to him for once” said Nanda “Aarya, how can I? HOW CAN I? He……He is mine, I am his mother and he refuses to come back to me! He doesn’t care about other’s feelings does he? So selfish-”

“Nandarani! Don’t hurt him anymore, can’t you see his plight? He doesn’t want to leave you either” said Nanda flabbergasted.

"Baba, please calm down. She has the right to say anything to me. Maiya…..please try to understand….I must move on now. I cannot stay back…..As much as I want to hide behind you again, I have no choice but to face the upcoming threats in my life. If I'd stayed here, my life's aim would remain incomplete. I-"

"If you stay here, you will live peacefully away from the challenges ahead in your life. You are the one who preaches prem, right? Then why are you not staying back? Why are you insulting my prem for you? Do you not love me?"

"Maiya, I cannot escape my destiny, I love you, and I can never insult your prem; I will die the very moment I occur such a misdeed-"

She kept her palm on his lips, nodding in no.

"I must go there and face my destiny Maiya……I must protect the people out there. Not just the Mathura vaasis but all those helpless people who get tormented by the evil. I must teach them prem as well."

"I am sorry, Kanha…..I just-"She said, slumping on the ground as she understood the meaning of his words...

"No, Maiya…..you have every right to get angry at me…….I promise you, Maiya…..that I will never leave your side. In some form or the other, I shall remain around you. Maiya, one day you will meet your Kanha again. When one day the night sky will be shining brightly, from the east direction, I would come here riding a white chariot, to take you and baba along with me forever."

"Kanha…….when will you be leaving?" She said, pain visible in her eyes.

"Tomorrow night Maiya….." said He with difficulty.

"Will you fulfil a few of my wishes before leaving?"

"Order me, Maiya."

"Will you become my little carefree Kanha once again so that I can experience the joy of being your mother for one last time before you-?" she couldn't speak any further.

Though she knew that she would have to let him go, the mother's heart inside her was not ready to bear separation from her son.

"Sure, Maiya….if that makes you happy."

"Come, I'll feed you makhan with my own hands."

"And I will break all the pots of makhan in this house." He said, smirking.

"Kanha……." She glared at him pulling his ears.

"Ahhhh maiyaaaa………….." he said wincing.

She let go of the hold of his ear and made him sit on the couch.

Sitting beside him, she fed her own hands.

A teardrop fell on the makhan as she brought her hand towards his mouth.

He ate the makhan and winced at the bitter taste he was experiencing.

"Kanha, is the makhan not good enough?" she asked.

"It has the tears of your pain maiya….. that's what has made it bitter. Never surround yourself with sorrow, Maiya, because that will cause bitterness the overshadow my life. Do you want that to happen?"

"Not even in my dreams, lulla…."

"Kanha! Kanha!" yelled Balram at the top of his lungs.

"What happened, Dau?" enquired BalramAnuj.

"Jarasandha's army……is….His army is on the way…..to Vrindavan." He said, panting.

Yashoda forwarded a glass of water toward him.

"We must leave tonight, or there will be a huge massacre in Vrindavan."

Yashoda's face paled upon hearing him, "Why can't I get to spend some quality time with my son before he leaves? Why Parameshwara?" She mentally cursed her fate as her breathing got heavier.

"Bal….. can't you stay here till tomorrow-"

"Sorry, maiya, but the life of the villagers will be at stake if we do not leave right away," Balram said tenderly, sensing his mother's grief. He had understood that she needed Krishna the most, but alas! If the gameplay of destiny was not that simple.

"I will go pack all your belongings. Just give me 5 minutes." She said plainly and went towards Krishna's room.

Packing her son's stuff was the most challenging task for her; his belongings had brought back all the memories she had of her son. She packed all his belongings in a cloth and sealed it with a tight knot.

She walked downstairs and handed the bag to her son.

"Remember your promise, Kanha," she said, hugging her son tightly.

She hid her face in the crook of his neck, pushing back the tears that threatened to come out.

"Your memories will work as an elixir for the rest of my life. I will stay alive until you come back. Do not make me wait for a long lulla…..Come soon. Come…soon"

She backed away from his embrace and looked at him in his eyes. Smiling.

Masking her grief beneath her bright smile. But the Parampita knew that their separation was tearing her from inside. He smiled back at her; his smile spread the much-needed positivity in the monotonous surrounding.

He and his brother touched their father's feet. Nanda blessed them with a heavy heart.

"Vijay bhav," he said, giving them the blessing of victory.

Krishna giving one last glance to his parents, turned around and started walking. Away from peace, from love, from happiness.

The Kanha in him was left behind. The one stepping out of Vrindavan was Krishna, setting on the most crucial mission of his life.

Back in Vrindavan…….

"KANHAAAA…………." Yashoda screamed at the top of her lungs.

She slumped down on the floor and started wailing loudly.

"My lulla…..my Kanha……." She kept chanting.

The immense pain she had kept in her heart came out as soon as he was out of her sight.

Leaning back against her husband's shoulder, she continued wailing.

Krishna heard his mother's wails. Tears kept brimming in his eyes, blurring his vision, but he walked ahead.

He never looked back. Not even once.

"There is nothing that love cannot achieve, and there is nothing that love cannot sacrifice."

#krishna #shrikrishna #srikrishna #vrindavan #yashoda #mother #mahabharat #balram #nanda #dharma #pain

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