#King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain

[this-is-not-a-slow-burn]

Just gonna put that second one in the Notes area of any fic I decide to post from now on.

newbie fic authors, shooting themselves in the foot: This fic is bad haha I suck at writing lol I am being mean to myself in the hopes that you will be nice to me but actually am dissuading anyone from even clicking on my fic because all I have done to advertise it is tell you why you shouldn't read it

me: I am King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain and I have arrived in your fandom with the Express Intention of writing my Very Favorite Fics, which I will generously allow you to read. You're welcome.

[iskierka]

first chapter of halstarion beauty and the beast fic is posted >:)))

[theladysunami]

Many other people have already posted their thoughts on the various peaks of Cang Qiong Mountain sect, so I figure I might as well throw my own thoughts and preferred headcanons out there.

First, my thoughts on the peaks we know exist but don't know much about in terms of their specialties:

Xian Shu Peak: Textiles Peak

This is my favorite headcanon for the all women's peak! The textiles industry is a big part of Chinese history, and was traditionally considered to be women's work, so it would only make sense for it to be Xian Shu Peak's peak specialty. It's not just one specific skill either, as spinning, weaving, dying, garment making, embroidery, rope/cord-making, etc. are all a part of the industry.

As they are a cultivation peak, I expect some of the products of their work to be defensive robes with talismans or incantations stitched into the fabric, Qiankun bags or sleeves, spirit trapping pouches, etc. If rope making is included in their preview, they could also be involved in making immortal binding cables, nets, and so forth.

Ku Xing Peak: Rites, Rituals and Purification Peak

We don't know much about Ku Xing Peak except that they live an aesthetic lifestyle. As it's common for individuals to take on certain aspects of aestheticism (simple clothes, restricted diets, abstinence, etc.) before engaging in many types of rituals, I'm inclined to believe a peak that practices aestheticism at all times would be particularly well suited for such tasks.

I tend to imagine their peak being similar to the Gusu Lan Clan, minus the music aspect (music being Qing Jing's purview). They could specialize in things like summoning spirits, communing with the dead, dispelling resentment, exorcisms, purifying objects or locations, properly laying the dead to rest, etc.

Since SVSSS predominantly focuses on demons, not ghosts, it's only natural a peak that deals more in spiritual cleansing and laying the dead to rest wouldn't be involved in the plot much.

Zui Xian Peak: Potions and Elixers Peak

While lot of fanfics make jokes about Zui Xian being a peak for alcoholics (which is completely fair, as this is the dick joke filled world of SVSSS we're talking about), my first thought upon learning of Zui Xian Peak's specialty was the immorality granting heavenly wine in the Journey to the West. Looking into the matter more, I've since learned that wine has actually been a huge part of Chinese medicine since the Han Dynasty. The traditional character for medicine even includes the radical for wine!

With this kind of precedent, it seems only logical that Zui Xian Peak doesn't merely make alcohol for social and/or enjoyment purposes, it's quite likely to be the ‘external alchemy’ peak of Cang Qiong Mountain. I expect they grow and process at least some of their own herbs and ingredients, along with performing other alcohol and potion making tasks like brewing, distilling, extracting, fermenting, filtering, infusing, and so on.

Next, my thoughts on what the three mystery peaks might be:

I am not going to try and name these peaks, as I struggle with naming things even in my own native tongue.

Hunting, Trapping and Scouting Peak

Having read MDZS before SVSSS, I found the distinct lack of archery in SVSSS to be quite peculiar. As the peak of scholars and strategists, I suppose it's only logical Qing Jing Peak focuses on the four scholarly arts (the guqin, strategy games, calligraphy, and painting), rather then the six arts of Confucian gentlemen (rites, music, archery, equestrianism, calligraphy, and mathematics), but that does leave several ‘arts’ free to be claimed by other peaks! This inspired me to think up a hunting and scouting peak, where disciples excel at archery and equestrianism.

Since mounted archers became a significant aspect of Chinese warfare in the 4th century BC, thanks to King Wuling of Zhao, I'd say having cultivators of this sort in a Xianxia setting is perfectly reasonable. Giving Cang Qiong Mountain sect scouts also nicely fills the gap in their martial capabilities. Without this peak they have strategists, weapon craftsman, ground troops, and suppliers, but no reconnaissance forces!

I also consider this peak to be the rough equivalent of the ‘Beast Taming Peak’ so many works are fond of. Who else could breed and control hundreds of spirit eagles for the Immortal Alliance Conference but a group of cultivators focused on scouting missions? As supernaturally superior mounts and spirit (hunting) dogs would be incredibly helpful to them, they'd likely engage in horse and dog breeding programs as well! Their skill as hunters and trappers would also permit them both to provide game for Cang Qiong Mountain sect, and to aid in the rounding up of various living monsters for both alchemical ingredient harvesting and for releasing at events like the Immortal Alliance Conference.

In summary, this peak would produce disciples skilled at equestrianism, archery, falconry, animal husbandry, scouting, herb gathering, hunting, trapping, etc. For anyone familiar with D&D, I did basically make a Ranger peak here, but I stand by that decision!

Artifacts, Arrays and Invention Peak

Every time I read a work with some variation on the "Mad Scientist Peak" I adore it, so naturally I have to include this type of peak as well. This peak would be for the Wei Wuxians of the cultivation world, hoping to revolutionize cultivation society!

Their focus would be mathematics, spell geometry, arrays, talismans, non-medicinal alchemy (aka ancient materials science), engineering and of course artifact recovery, study and creation. The crystal mirror ‘surveillance equipment’ from the Immortal Alliance Conference? These guys would be the ones that developed it!

Agriculture, Earthworks and Architecture Peak

While I admittedly don't know the nuances of feng shui, I am at least aware there is far more to it then what you usually see in western depictions. In MDZS, it's noted that an area having bad feng shui (like Yi City) can cause premature death, disaster, and an increase in all sorts of nasty supernatural phenomena! With this in mind, a peak that focuses on connecting to and harmonizing with one's environment seems perfect for the final Cang Qiong Mountain peak.

I don't imagine this peak doing much of the actual building in the sect (that's An Ding's job) but when it comes to designing the sect's buildings, or altering its geography through earthworks, they're the ones to talk to. I also see them as producing at least some of the sect’s food supply, using their skills to encourage a positively supernatural abundance of plants.

In short, disciples of this peak would be skilled with things like architecture, earthworks, geography, topography, irrigation, agriculture, element manipulation, etc.

If SVSSS’s heavenly realms have anything akin to TGCF’s elemental masters, there is probably an unusually high chance they come from this peak.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Apr 4th

~*~

1. Hello! ITMF multiple WWX's? Like he clones himself or if maybe time travel causes there to be multiple WWX's running around. Can be chaste or naughty, but bonus points for LWJ getting flustered having some many WWX's around! Thank you!

Wei Wuxian’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good First Meeting With His Future by Enigmatree (T, 3k, wangxian, Time Travel, Cloud Recesses, YLLZ WWX, POV Outsider)

How to Deal with the Conundrum of Your Past Self: A Case Study by anatheme (E, 16k, wangxian, A/B/O, YLLZ WWX, Established Relationship, Pining, Sexual Tension, alpha YLLZ WWX/alpha LWJ/omega MXY!WWX: the fic, ft. soft married wangxian, Threesome - M/M/M, yes LWJ gets the knot after xx years, Bottom LWJ, Switch WangXian, Knotting, time travel of sorts, a thesis on making peace with and loving yourself, Happy Ending, welcome to my LWJ has 2 hands for 2 WWX agenda)

~*~

2. itmf fics where ljy is lxc's son! whether bio or not is fine, just looking for some scenes where lxc is like a father to ljy. tyvm!

🔒how to make your dad fall in love with your high school teacher in five steps; the complete and bulletproof guide by ravenditefairylights (T, 90k, WangXian, Modern AU, Coffee shop AU, NB LSZ, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, Genderfluid WWX, Nonbinary LSZ, Trauma, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Healing, Hurt WWX, Found Family, Hospitalization, Therapy, Single Parent WWX, Mutual Pining, Teacher LWJ, Unreliable Narrator, Teenager LSZ, Yúnmèng Siblings Dynamics, Chronic Pain, Autistic LWJ) although their relationship is not the focus of the story

3zun Raise Jingyi AU series by Deriliarch (T, 94k, 3Zun, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Established Relationship, Fluff, Angst, Happy Ending, Kid fic, Hurt/Comfort)

~*~

3. Do you have idol aus? I want idol Wei Ying. A) Specifically, the idol life, can be before/during/after debut. B) Idol survival show participant wwx

3A)

Bodyguard king by 74243 (E, 8k, wangxian, F/F WangXian, Modern, Idol WWX, Bodyguard LWJ, Female NHS, Platonic D/s, Loss of Virginity, Not NOT inspired by KUWTK s05e04, When u do what u love u never work a day in ur life)

shooting straight into your heart by tangerinechar (T, 13k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Modern, Multimedia, Humor, idol WWX, cameraman LWJ, and a very Done(tm) manager JC)

Amidst the Crowd by GusuBunnie (G, 5k, wangxian, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Idol WWX, Supportive LXC, JC Needs a Hug, Background Xicheng, Angst, Fluff, Light Angst with a Happy Ending, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Drama & Romance, LXC being the best brother, Modern, Idol/Fan AU, LWJ is Bad at Communicating)

3B)

🧡 I Don’t Want to Debut! by countingcr0ws (G, 56k, wangxian, Modern, Reality Show, Idols, Celebrity, Social Media, Epistolary, Romance, Fluff, Footnotes, Kissing, Poetry, Podfic Available)

~*~

4. Hi , idk how to ask about fanfics properly. I am very new to Tumblr . But can you please recommend some fics on Wangxian's parent's generation. Like lan Qiren, Wei Changze, Cangse Sanren, Jiang Fengmian, etc, being teenagers @kwalitymxtxpow7

Cursed Couple by shorimochi (M, 121k, LQR/WRH, CSSR/WCZ, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Out of Character)

The Other Mountain by nirejseki (T, 287k, LQR/WRH, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Mentions of Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Trauma, Domestic Violence, Torture, Sadism, Asexual Character, sex-positive asexual, Past Relationship(s), An Exercise in Gender Roles, Non-Egalitarian Views on Marriage, World Domination, Pedagogical Theory, Ethics, comedy of manners, Implied Harm to Children, Mental Health Issues, Undernegotiated Kink, Canon-Typical Violence, Close POV Narrator, Donghua Imagery) i recommend "the other mountain" by nirejseki, and all her other lan qirenx wen ruohan works

~*~

5. thank you for your hardwork admins! itmf for rich lwj who is head over heels for wwx? and i mean like he is a massive simp for wwx, worship the ground he walks on kind of way ^^

LWJ’s Big Dick Agenda Series by raitala (E, 146k, WangXian, Modern AU, College AU, Porn with Feelings, Light Dom/sub, Under-negotiated Kink, Public Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Cock Warming, Angst, Feels, Domestic fluff, Misgendering, Slut Shaming, Crossdressing, Rimming, Roleplay) try LWJ's big dick agenda!

CEO Billionaire Lan Zhan by detention_notes (T, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Parody, Pining Bunnies, Wealth, Crack)

For Safekeeping Purposes by ChilianXianzi (M, 3k, wangxian, Modern, Gangsters, Crime Boss LWJ, Sugar Daddy LWJ, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, And LWJ's going to take care of that, thoroughly, Domestic fluff but everyone's in a crime syndicate, Found Family, Age Difference, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Canon-typical Abusive Jiangs)

~*~

6. For INTMF could you rec some pretty heavy angst with happy and/or hopeful ending? Like Working Title: Everyone Lives (With Knives) series. @dragonfairies

Love Song In Reverse by timetoboldlygo (T, 237k, WangXian, Amnesia, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, agressively mixing and matching novel and cql canon, No Homophobia, Mentions of Starvation, Parental WWX) maybe? do they want canon era stories? I have heavy angst /whump stories but they're not in the canon era

Shameless self rec because angst with happy ending is like my signature at this point.

New Perspective Series by mrcformoso (T, 35k, WangXian, Angst, Hopeful Ending, Fatherhood, Regrets, Flashbacks, POV LWJ, LWJ-centric, Canonical Character Death - WWX, Pining LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī Needs a Hug, Character Development, Dead WWX, Introspection, LWJ is Bad at Feelings, Character Study, Regretful, LWJ Breaking Toxic Cycles, Canon Compliant, LWJ in Seclusion, Post-LWJ in Seclusion, Child LSZ)

Window of the Waking Mind by mrcformoso (M, 8k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, JC & WWX, Graphic depictions of violence, Major Character Death, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Torture, Golden Core Transfer, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Hurt WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX Needs a Break, Flashbacks, Curses, Night Hunts, Suicide, Starvation, Canonical Child Abuse, Canonical Character Death, Cannibalism, Although it was forced by the situation to survive, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, lots of comfort, Soft LQR, Learning To Communicate, Zidian Spiritual Tool, JC Tries, Reaction)

When the Words Stop Coming by mrcformoso (T, 7k, WangXian, Canon Compliant, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, Rejection, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Trauma, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending)

~*~

7. hi, itmf wangxian in a hunger games setting that is not "The Hanging Tree" series by chatonnerie (just read that, it's so good and has me hungering for more!). thx so much!

our lives, never ours by glitteringmoonlight (T, 7k, WangXian, Hunger Games Setting, Angst, Minor Violence, Blood, hunger games typical references to violence, implied happy ending, but it's a bit ambiguous, this exists mostly for angst purposes tbh)

~*~

8. hey admins! itmf longer post canon fics like 'wind rose in the clouds'? thank you ❤️

For 8, what about that fic did the requester like? What specifically are they looking for other than length and post-canon setting? Or are those the only criteria?

~*~

9. IITMF ask; Give me your favorite ‘Wei Wuxian in Wei Wuxian’s body or keeps his body or doesn’t actually die’ fics. I’m in the mood to read more of our favorite boy as his og self. (He doesn’t have to start in his body, but I want my boy looking like himself by the end)

Saw My Life in a Stranger's Face by timetoboldlygo (T, 27k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Married Life, Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, wwx's face changes post-canon to look like his original face, Slight Panic Attack, because lwj doesn't recognize his husband, the mortifying ordeal of not knowing your own body, the terrifying inevitability of change, taller!wwx theory)

~*~

10. fics in which wwx comes back (from the dead/from the burial mounds/from hiding, whatever really) specifically for lwj!! (can be modern too if there r any)

🧡 Ghosts Shouldn’t by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 15k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

~*~

11. itmf fics where wangxian time travel to modern times - not reincarnation, but straight time travel. Preferably (mostly) canon typical before the time travel, but the point in canon when it happens does not matter

🧡 The Shade of Old Trees by Kryal (T, 266k, WIP, WangXian, Ridiculously Long Notes, History, Canon Divergence, Modern AU, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Slow Life, Action/Adventure, Magic Returns, BAMF WWX) could technically count if you don't mind it being just wwx who ends up in the future?

take me back to a time by DizziDreams (T, 143k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Modern with Magic, Time Travel, Sharing a Bed, Angst with a Happy Ending, Student!WWX, Time-Traveling Wizard!LWJ, Slow Burn, Character Death, Angst, reference to abuse, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Abuse, Canon!LWJ, Canon-Typical Violence, Mutual Pining, Chronic Illness, Not A Fix-It, Case Fic, implied 3zun, Transmigration, America, [Podfic of] take me back to a time by dreamhazer) not sure if this can work

~*~

12. ITMF for fics where wwx is abused sexually by the jiangs (JFM/JC) or an adult male figure he trusts. (Like the "between a rock and a hard place" series by Mydla but the truth is revealed and it's properly dealt with/ he gets his justice) @linossock

🔒 a choice to call our own by renhui (E, 93k, wangxian, JFM/WWX, WIP, Rape/Non-Con, Underage, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Forced Bonding, Homelessness, Dubious Consent, Self-Esteem Issues, Soulmates, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining while fucking, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Breaking Up & Making Up, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Good Uncle LQR, No Sunshot Campaign, Asexuality Spectrum) mostly fits the bill, although the requester should be warned that it's a WIP that ends before JFM gets his comeuppance, although it ends with the beginnings of a setup for that, so it's clearly on the way.

clean from the war (your heart fits like a key) by sysrae (E, 28k, WangXian, Modern AU Reunions, past xy/wwx, xy is fucked up but not evil because it's a modern AU and I said so, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, past wwx/jfm, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Abuse, Rape Recovery, transphobic violence, Victim Blaming, Past wei Wuxian/others, allusions to past self-harm) I think this might fit- note the tags

~*~

13. thank you for this blog!! for the next itmf - any stories that take off like RoseThorne's wonderful ' a grain of millet drifting' - untamed canon-ish where WY is left on his own after the temple scene. angst appreciated - thank you !

tell some storm by qurbat (G, 31k, wangxian, JC & WWX, LSZ & WWX, NHS & WWX, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, liberal amounts of outsider POV, the legend of wangxian, how to create a romance epic for dummies)

~*~

14. Hey can plz anyone tell if there is a fic where wei ying is an omega and wangji is an alpha and we ying is an op omega but no one knows about it like everyone thinks that he is an alpha or something.

backfire by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 115k, wangxian, LWJ/MXY, One-Sided MXY/WWX, MXY/NMJ, Modern, BDSM AU, Biologically Determined Dom/sub Roles, BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Sadism, Masochism, Past Sexual Abuse, Sexual Slavery, Self-Harm, BDSM as a Form of Self-Harm, Minor Character Death(s), Arson, Shades of Black Widow WWX, Extremely Dubious Consent, Rape/Non-con Elements, Normalized Homosexuality and Bisexuality, Normalized Polyamory, nonsexual bdsm, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Pining WWX, jealous WWX, Touch-Starved WWX, Professional Dominant WWX, Sex Worker WWX, gentle dom LWJ, Mean Dom LWJ, oblivious LWJ, Past WC/WWX, Minor JGY/WWX, Mentioned WWX/Others, Emotional Infidelity, Angst with a Happy Ending, endgame wangxian, MXY Also Gets a Happy Ending, the tags are scary but i promise there's some lightheartedness too, wangxian love one another so much, WWX is healed by the power of nonsexual bdsm and friendship, and then gets bdsm'd quite sexually and happily by the love of his life, Additional Warnings In Author's Note)

~*~

15. helloooo do you know of any fics that are canon events (mdzsverse preferred but cql still fine) narrated from lwj's pov where he's just horrifically pining for wwx? looking for peak canon-compliant lwj pining <3 @nutellacats

🔒 The Price of Old Wishes by SoManyJacks (E, 67k, WangXian, Minor canon divergence, Angst, POV LWJ, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, semi-verbal!LWJ, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide) Novel events from LWJ's pov

The Choice is His to Believe in Me by mrcformoso (T, 11k, WangXian, POV LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, but only the ending, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, LWJ regaining WWX's Trust, Golden Core Reveal, Good Kid LSZ, Snippets, Post-Time Skip, Love Confessions, Requited Love, Trust Issues, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, WWX Has No Golden Core, Light Jealousy, Fierce Corpse WN, Protective LWJ) CQL compliant but with some novel elements, and with a canon divergence ending. Might want to read New Perspective (link in #6) first for context

~*~

16. Hello! For the next itmf, fics that place heavy emphasis on how what wwx practices is guidao (ghost cultivation) as opposed to modao (demonic cultivation)? Ideally canon dynamics, but no smut is also definitely ok! @lovelyiknow

The Young, the Horny, the Jaded and the Jade: Partners in Time by Admiranda (T, 55k, wangxian, established couple, Crossover, road trip with your older selves, teasing your younger selves about their obvious crushes, yin iron does yin iron things, mdzs/cql crossover, adult wangxian, Teenage Wangxian, genius WWX, LWJ adores his husband, we’re all in this disaster together, xue yang causes problems, WIP)

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending) Been a while since I last read this one but I recall WWX working & interacting with ghosts & corpses & explaining to other characters how that works

🔒 the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 91k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, /Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days) in later chapters

~*~

17. For itmf, what are you guys’ favorite fics that are novel or audio drama canon only fics? No CQL compliant fics please!

two guys r in love thats literally it by victortor (M, 11k, wangxian, Time Travel, the fluffiest thing ive ever written)

🧡 a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke ( M, 180k, WangXian, Arranged marriage, Canon Divergence, Hurt/comfort, Light angst, Canon typical violence)

SanRen by Kyogre (T, 87k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Different First Meeting, Romantic Fluff, Action & Romance, Eventual Happy Ending)

the field meets the wood by astronicht (T, 7k, WangXian, BAMF WWX, slight whump, Ritualistic Self Harm, Canon Era, Tang Dynasty style, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, salt economics, Post-Canon)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[secretlystephaniebrown]

You are absolutely King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain. To me

seeing this message after coming back from vacation, not remembering the King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain post: aww, sweet, but confusing!

me remembering it: OH RIGHT. 💜💜💜

Anyways, thaaaaanks hehe

[milktearosethorn]

I am King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain, and you are all going to love and cherish my Hunger Games OC-centric fanfic when it’s finished 😤

[secret-third-thing]

banging on your door frantically asking about erhys!!! i bring snacks

hehe

I want them to kiss, mostly. I don't have a full-on plot for that, but I like the idea of a power struggle between them and a mutual understanding of the trauma they have both gone through. Maybe it's like a secret way they get their angst out. idk.

Realistically I don't think Rhys would even ENTERTAIN the idea b/c of Mor, but this is fanfic and I make the rules.

What did that post say? I am King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain. Here is my story. I'm trying to embody that moving forward.

[simmonsized]

The draft is 14k and it's totally fine and normal okay it's not even the longest oneshot I've ever written but I am laughing because how in the hell did I think this would be under three!!!!

Me to Tony, four days ago: Tony I think I can keep ur fic under 3k

Me now, four days later, 2.5k in and still basically in the introduction:

[thatforgottenbasilisk]

FUCK YES ITS THE RETURN OF KING BIG DICK OF FANFIC MOUNTAIN (ME)

[crowsent]

My Personal List Of Karkat Insults

I used these back when Cherubplay was a big thing. Feel free to use them in your fanfics, your RPs, etc

Pisscouch

Ventripotent

Asscactus

Shitgibbon

Cretin

Douchepistol

Mouthvomits

Half-eaten Sandwich

Absolute Walnut

Spam Email

Soggy Lampshade

Buttplug Face

Toupeed Fucktrumpet

Utter Cockwomble

Moldy Leftover

Cranberry Fucknut

Useless Paperclip

Legless Table

Ass Dandruff

Warthog-faced Orangutan

Puerile Filth

Pile of Putrescence

Sack of Excrement

Catatonic Peanut

Ignored Text

Broken Headphones

Floppy Breadstick

Neon Croc

Insipid Petunia

Cockroach Motherfucker

Slackjawed Pickletits

Pugnacious Dish Rag

Hamster Basket

Ignorant Fuckmuppet

Snooty McSnotwhine

Undigested Burrito

Slope-browed Weaseldicks

Paint-huffing Shitgoblins

Mangled Apricot Hellbeast

Hemorrhoidal Shit Stain

Pestilent Little Toad

Inconsiderate Space Herpe

Witless Wombat Cocksplat

Tangled Headphone Cord

Uneducated Cat Penis

Unnecessary Stock Footage

Arrogant Beet Casserole

Unusable Bobby Pin

Wannabe Wikipedia Philosopher

What The Entire Fuck

Bloviating Flesh Bag

Shit-faced Ferret-Wearing Shitgibbon

-

Staple your fingers together

Please choke on your spoon

Bright as a black hole and twice as dense

Piss lord of shit mountain

Go fuck a cactus

Shove a cactus up your ass

Rusty used razor from the 1800's

Pile of wombat shit

I'd slap you on he head, but I'm not sure your brain knows the concept of pain

The human personification of Monday

Fuck me sideways with a sandblaster

May natural selection come for your pathetic ass

Human beings perpetually display an inordinate amount of infallible stupidity

You'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel

Someone ought to rip your vocal cords right out of your throat

I'm not frivolous enough to buy your bullshit

Are you making a special effort to be extra stupid today

After evaluating your statement, I can conclude that you are a complete uneducated soapy dishrag

You ask for more stuff than the Red Cross

I don't even know how to respond to this bullshit

Disappointment wrapped in apathy and sealed with self-loathing

There is a land called Shitface Douchebagstan, and you are the king

You potato with eyes

Make like Icarus and fly into the sun

Well, I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong

I'm going to pour hot tea on your face

I get so emotional when you're not around and that emotion is happiness

Is your ass jealous from the shit coming out of your mouth

That skinny jeans must have cut the oxygen supply to your head

I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover

You're as pretty as a picture and I'd love to have the honour of hanging you

Pardon me sir, but you seem to have mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck

Why don't you pray to God to throw some brains down from heaven, or you know, a stone as long as it's well-aimed at your empty head

Consider me the king of weaponized profanity

I don't have an education high enough to qualify understanding the language of douchebag

Did the circus come to town

The biggest dick with the tiniest dick ever to walk the planet

Are you a professional at being a douchebag because you're doing a great job

I'd call you a dick, but you're not good enough to be one

It's amusing how you state the obvious with such a sense of discovery

You are not worth the calories I burn talking to you

Get off your high fucking emboldened horse

I will shove your entire upper body into your own ass and make you fuck yourself from the inside out

It must be hard being that stupid

If you're going to be a smartass, you have to be smart

I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel

Your birth certificate was a waste of paper

Congratulations, I hope you feel accomplished by the fact that you suck

More of your conversation would reduce the amount of brain cells I have

Stop poisoning the air with your toxic presence

Charientism is an art you have no skill in

I'd love to introduce your face to a shovel

Tell your intestines I said hello since your head is that far up your ass

Back the fuck up you soggy burger

From the very moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I'd spend the rest of my life avoiding you like the Black Plague

Pile of white crayons

There's digging your own grave, and there's blasting a hole straight through the earth's core and jumping right in

I'm somewhat of a bullshitter, but please, carry on, I want to listen to a real pro

Your father should have been a eunuch

Natural selection will come for you

If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't be able to drive a tiny ant go cart a single lap around a cheerio

Someone ought to open an umbrella in your ass

Go contract a debilitating case of genital warts

Human equivalent of the common cold

Dog shit is prettier than your face

You seem to be having delusions on adequacy

Stop making me want to pick you up and shake you until your ass spits out the pathetically microscopic amount of brain cells you have in your tiny head

Take a swim in the Dead Sea

Look into my eyes and take a deep breath, does it look like I care

What kind of qualities do you have to make up for your stupidity

I want to punch down a wall and that's sad because I like my walls; they're freshly painted with a nice colour that looks better than the entirety of your face

You need to sit down and think about just how fucking wrong you are

If I want to be you, I'd put a fucking horse face on

Stop throwing a temper tantrum worthy of making my non-existent three year old kid die of embarrassment

-

....long before your parents squirted water at each other from across the clown car and then honked their bicycle horns to indicate they really wanted to make a smug, insufferable little clown baby together

...drunk on your own buzzword, incapable of forming an original coherent thought

...you display a lack of knowledge and a fundamental disregard for human nature so profound, you make me wonder if you consistently incorporate lead paint into your daily diet of doritos

...should be burned to the ground, the ashes salted, and the remains baptised by a priest willing to wade in all that bullshit

...supporting their moronic crusade of dragging everyone everywhere down into the pits of hell to rot

...popping up faster than an entourage of wild untamed forsynthias

...regroup instead of fucking playing whack-a-mole

...skills of a plastic houseplant

[fushiglow]

what @thequeenofsarcaasm said. we are all king big dicks of our respective fanfic mountains here, @lmskitty 🙏 time to rb the thing again

Me posting my shitty fics on here when I’m mutuals with some of the most amazing writers I’ve ever met

[iridescentjin]

For the ask meme, all? :D 😂

Oh, nonnie, you forget that I’m nothing if not petty. You thought I wouldn’t do it? I took almost none of this seriously.

Planets: Life

Mercury: What’s your full name? em i. ly

Venus: What’s your first language? Arguably English because I’m not literate in my actual first language and no one speaks it to me anymore

Earth: Where’s your home?About 15 minutes from where I am now

Mars: What’s your sexuality? queer af. I tell people “mostly gay. gender fluid”

Jupiter: Do you have any siblings? yep. Several.

Saturn: Any pets? yep. 2 doggies, 1 cat

Uranus: What’s your hobby? writing and backpacking

Neptune: When’s your birthday? Just before the Ides of March

Pluto: What time is it right now where you are? 7:28am but I’m saving this as a draft so probably a different time when I post it.

Moon: What are you currently studying/hope to study? uh….I was learning Korean until my language exchange partner was the worst…but not much right now. I’m a whole adult.

Stars: Experiences

Sun: Have you ever had alcohol? obviously

Sirius: Have you ever failed a class? Just once.

Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster? emotionally. also physically

Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country? loads of times

Arcturus: Have you cried out of something other than sadness? always

Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about? trauma

Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about? education and soft cheeses

Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone? nah

Bellatrix: Have you ever been forced to lie/keep a secret? sure

Alphard: Have you ever lost a friend? several

Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t? not wearing sunscreen. also too many shitty dudes with shitty dicks.

Constellations: Favourites

Centaurus: Favourite holiday? Halloween

Orion: Favourite month? March or June…maybe October

Cassiopeia: Favourite book? Fahrenheit 451

Delphinus: Favourite study? Postcolonial theory

Hercules: Favourite instrument? idk? Harpsichord?

Gemini: Favourite song? At this moment, Holy by King Princess

Pegasus: Favourite place to be? mountains

Libra: Favourite colour? mint green/teal

Phoenix: Favourite thing to wear? nothing or those swishy windbreaker pants

Aries: Favourite movie? Amelie

Cygnus: Favourite weather? 40-60 degrees F, partly cloudy.

Hydra: Favourite sound? my dom’s voice

Galaxies: Love/Friends  

Milky Way: Who’s your oldest friend?  like age oldest or longest? Because one of my coworkers probably or my friend Casee

Andromeda: Do you consider yourself social? NO. Not. At. All. I am friendly to everyone, but I want to be home alone in my bed.

Black Eye Galaxy: Do you believe in love at first sight? nope

Cartwheel Galaxy: When was your first kiss? age 12

Cigar Galaxy: How’s your flirting skills? not good. I’ve been told that how quirky and awkward I am is very charming though so…¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Comet Galaxy: Have you ever had to leave a relationship because someone changed too much? yes, a lot with friendships too.

Pinwheel Galaxy: Would you date the last person you talked to? as it is the person with whom I’m already in a relationship, yes

Sombrero Galaxy: Do you have a crush right now? yes ☺️

Bode’s Galaxy: Have you ever had a secret admirer? “Stalker” is probably a better term, but yes.

Sunflower Galaxy: Would you date/make friends with someone out of pity? absolutely not

Tadpole Galaxy: Would you deny a relationship/friendship?  I actually don’t know what this means…so…maybe?

Whirlpool Galaxy: Have you ever cried over a breakup? duh

Other stuff: Wishes

Comet: What’s your big dream? become an heiress

Asteroid: What does your dream life look like? loads of sex, ice cream, and fanfic

Meteor: What’s something you wish you could tell, but can’t? well that would be telling it, wouldn’t it? Vaguely? Andrew

Nebula: If you could undo one thing in your life, what would it be? the knot in my hoodie string

Shooting Star: If you could bring back one thing, what would it be? I’d bring my coffee cup back inside my house to wash it.

Pulsar: What do you hope to do in the next 10 years? in the next 10 years…I’d like to be ages 29-38

Supernova: What’s one thing you want to do before you die? be unconscious 

Quasar: If you could spend the rest of your life with only one person, who would it be? Jeff Goldblum

Wormhole: What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? Bernie

Black Hole: What’s the last thing you want to see? the inside of my eyelids

[simmonsized]

It really has helped boost my confidence to say "I AM king big dick of fanfic mountain, actually," especially being in a bigger fandom space, and although it has given me probably a bigger ego than it should, it has been equally helpful to keep my personalized discord status King Bro Strider Liker, which I know, divisive, but in my head, true

[formlessvoidbeast]

newbie fic authors, shooting themselves in the foot: This fic is bad haha I suck at writing lol I am being mean to myself in the hopes that you will be nice to me but actually am dissuading anyone from even clicking on my fic because all I have done to advertise it is tell you why you shouldn't read it

me: I am King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain and I have arrived in your fandom with the Express Intention of writing my Very Favorite Fics, which I will generously allow you to read. You're welcome.

[covfefeships]

The biggest change in mindset for me was that post that basically said when you are putting down your own fic you are putting down the people who like your fic.

When you insult your fic and say it’s shit, you are saying that the people who enjoy it have shit taste. It has made me re-examine how I speak about my writing.

newbie fic authors, shooting themselves in the foot: This fic is bad haha I suck at writing lol I am being mean to myself in the hopes that you will be nice to me but actually am dissuading anyone from even clicking on my fic because all I have done to advertise it is tell you why you shouldn't read it

me: I am King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain and I have arrived in your fandom with the Express Intention of writing my Very Favorite Fics, which I will generously allow you to read. You're welcome.

[secretblackout]

JUST WRITE IT. seriously- just write your fic. Go back in a few years and redo it if you like. But your writing is something SOMEONE will enjoy. Be King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain- be the writer. Do it.

newbie fic authors, shooting themselves in the foot: This fic is bad haha I suck at writing lol I am being mean to myself in the hopes that you will be nice to me but actually am dissuading anyone from even clicking on my fic because all I have done to advertise it is tell you why you shouldn't read it

me: I am King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain and I have arrived in your fandom with the Express Intention of writing my Very Favorite Fics, which I will generously allow you to read. You're welcome.