#Kim Hongjoong scenarios | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sanjoongie · 5 months ago

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𝑮𝒓𝒖𝒎𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝑨𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓

⚖️For the See U on the Flip Side Event, prompt chosen: True hates kiss

⚖️Pairing: Rogue! Kim Hongjoong x Holy Knight! Reader (f) x King! Jongho

⚖️Genre: angst (happy ending!)

⚖️Trope: the reverse of true love's kiss!, e2l, unrequited love

⚖️Au: Medieval au, fantasy au, rogue au, holy knight au, hanahaki disease

⚖️Word Count: 6,648

⚖️Rating: 18+, MDNI

⚖️Warnings: mentions of throwing up, blood, sword fighting, death, battle, war

⚖️Summary: when you're cursed with the hanahaki curse, your only discourse is to search out King Jongho and to get a kiss from him to cure yourself. But when a certain master of spies sticks his nose in your business, life is suddenly a lot more harder

The fire cracked and you jumped as the not-so-dry wood caught fire in the wise woman’s hut. You had not declined her offer of blackberry and mint tea but you were beginning to regret it as your nerves got the best of you.

Only an hour ago you had hacked up flower petals and blood.

“Now, tell me about this problem you say you have,” the wise woman prompted you as she sat heavily on her rocking chair after placing down the prepared tea.

You reached into your breastplate and pulled a sealed envelope out. You pulled your knife from your boot and cut through the wax that you had applied yourself. You spilled the contents on the table between you and the wise woman.

“What does it mean when you throw up flower petals?” You offered.

The wise woman picked up one petal and popped it into her. “It tastes bitter.” She raised one to her nose and smelled it. “Primrose, I believe.” The wise woman looked at you with certainty. “You have the Hanahaki Curse.”

“...pardon me?”

The wise woman pushed your cup of tea further to your side, the clay scraping against the well-worn wood. She drank deeply of her own before answering. “You are dying. A kiss will break the curse. And only you know who will break it. I can’t tell you; it’s your heart that needs mending.”

You stand up, putting down the untouched tea. “Thank you.” You tossed the wise woman’s fee to the table. “I trust you’ll tell no one about this?”

The wise woman mimed locking her lips with a key and throwing it away. “Of course.”

You walked back to the castle that you were in charge of, wondering how the hell you got here.

You raised your hand in greeting to the guards at the castle’s gates and they let you in. You curt nods were all they needed in acknowledgement before they went back to their duties. It was not their place to ask the captain of the guard where they had gone.

Your head was in a daze as you walked through the castle listlessly. The only good thing about your King going to war was that there was no one to question your current state. Your king had taken practically every able-bodied soldier with him to invade the country that had taken a precious artifact that belonged to your kingdom and left behind the bare minimum.

You had been hurt and angry when Jongho had told you that he was leaving you behind. The shame ran through you like hot lava through your veins. You were the captain of the guard; it was your job to keep the King alive and safe. To leave you behind from his war was an insult that was beyond resolving.

Jongho’s face informed you that there was no arguing, even though he tried to insist that he could only trust you to keep his throne safe. All the while, Hongjoong was across the round council’s table, hiding his grin with a hand.

“But you’re taking him, aren’t you?” you accused.

Jongho ran a gauntlet through his hair in frustration. “Hongjoong will be travelling back and forth between you and I, to keep the information secure.”

Your hatred for Hongjoong went from a steady fire to a raging bonfire.

In your life, Hongjoong always won where you lost. As children, you followed the rules and somehow got scolded while Hongjoong created discord and was beloved. You couldn't even have your moment of triumph by being knighted as Jongho’s captain of the guard; Hongjoong had been given the role of master of spies at the same time. You were dedicated to Jongho, sword and heart, but the king had chosen Hongjoong to warm his bed and not you. Hongjoong was the bane of your existence.

“You’re not one to get your head in the clouds, what’s happened to you?”

You jump a foot in the air as you come back to reality. Your feet had taken you to your office and Hongjoong was sitting behind your desk, running one of his daggers underneath his finger nail.

“Get out of my chair,” You snarled immediately.

The last thing you needed was the man you despised to see you at your lowest moment.

Hongjoong gave you a long look. “Something bad by the sounds of it.”

You slapped his boots off your desk. “Your very presence puts me in a bad mood. Now get the fuck out of my chair or I’ll haul you out of it myself.”

Hongjoong fluidly rolled out of your chair and danced around your desk. Lithe, graceful fucking rogue. You hated him. “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Captain.”

You rolled your head, cracking your neck menacingly. “Do you have anything to report to me or did you come back just to get under my skin?”

Hongjoong’s eyes are dark and inquisitive on you. “Do you have something to report back to me first?”

Your arm came down and you swiped the entire contents of your desk onto the floor in a rage. You roared so loud that your lieutenant came to check on you. Your shoulders were heaving with your heavy breathing.

“It’s nothing, lieutenant.” Hongjoong dismissed your underling and firmly closed the door on her very-confused face. “Captain, you can’t let anyone see you like this. You are their leader and the one in charge of the King’s throne and crown.”

You threw an accusing finger in Hongjong’s direction. “Get out of my office. You are the cause of all this.”

Hongjoong tilted his head curiously. “This must have to do with our fair King, methinks.”

You tiredly sit on your desk and bury your head in your hands. “Hongjoong, this is not up for discussion. I don’t care if you get off on it or not, I’m not in the mood tonight. I am not above personally escorting you out of here.”

“You’d have to catch me first.” You could hear the grin in his voice. You wanted to wring his neck. “I do love a good game of cat and mouse.”

You lowered your hands, if only to send a murderous glare at Hongjoong. “All is well with the castle. I’ve heard nothing of any rumblings about the nobles thinking they can do a better job than Jongho or I in governing the kingdom. They are eager to hear about the King’s progress, that is all.”

Hongjoong sat beside you on your desk. With his hands on either side of his hips, he tipped his head back to stare at the glass chandelier that Jongho had commissioned for your office when you had earned your position. “It is slow progress. The army is so big that travelling is taking us longer than originally anticipated. The King wondered if I couldn't snatch one of his favorite bottles of elderberry wine from the cellars.”

“Brilliant,” You replied tonelessly. “We’ve done our respective jobs. You can leave now. Enjoy wrapping your lips around Jongho’s--”

“What are those?” Hongjoong nudged a petal with his booted toe with a frown. “You despise flowers, they make you sneeze.”

Your eyes widen in alarm. “I’ve an admirer. Must be one of the noblemen. Goddess help me if it’s one of the guardswomen. That never ends well.”

Hongjoong shook his head. “Mmm, I think not. Your eyes tell it all, Captain. Nice lie though. Hoping that I would tell His Majesty and that he would do that cute pout he does when he needs to think things through?”

“I owe you nothing,” You insisted.

You put some space between yourself and Hongjoong. Hongjoong didn’t allow you that much consideration, however. He followed close on your heels as you moved to the armorstand. “You might as well tell me. I know you know I have the means to figure it out for myself. Nothing escapes my notice.”

You removed your gloves first, then moved to the buckles at your ribs. “Oh, but wouldn’t you have so much fun discovering my dirty little secret, Hongjoong?” You mocked him. “Why would I take that away from you?”

“What dire news has acted as a thorn in your side?” Hongjoong posed, thumb and forefinger framing his chin. “You are often easy to anger but surely this is the worst I’ve seen you. And I’ve seen you witness me sneaking out of Jongho’s rooms on more than one occasion. Once, you even barged in on us hav--”

You pulled the knife from your boot and threw it across the room. Hongjoong leaned backwards, evading your knife easily. “If you do not shut your mouth, I will do it for you.”

Hongjoong smirked, pulling up one half of his lips upward. “Oh, the images in my head.”

How you managed to wretch your breastplate off, was beyond you, but next was your sword belt, and finally your shin guards. “I am going to my room now. And you will most certainly not be following me there.”

“But Captain, we barely finished our foreplay!” Hongjoong called after you.

You opened the door to your bedroom connected to your office and slammed it behind you. You turned the lock with the key around your neck and sighed heavily. You needed to think in peace. You needed a strategy to break this curse.

The wise woman said you would know who you needed to kiss in order to break this curse. There was only one man who you wished to kiss and that was Jongho. But that would mean you would have to abandon your post. You had to break your oaths and go against your king’s direct orders. But which meant more, your word or your life?

You found the peaked window and saw that the Goddess was hidden behind some clouds on this night. You couldn't even pray to your sworn God to seek guidance. If you broke your oaths, all the sacred powers that were bestowed upon you by the Goddess of the Moon would be gone. You would still be a knight but if your oaths were forsworn to your king, where would that take you? You would be losing your life either way.

You bit down on your lip, hard, and resisted bellowing in frustration. Jongho would understand that your life was in danger. Your goddess would still want her most dedicated knight to live. You had no choice, you had to go hunt down Jongho and beg a kiss from him. Regardless of whether he returned your feelings or not, this was your life!

You began to undo your hair. You tugged the hairpins that held the braid from the crown of hair around your head. You would have to travel light if you were to travel as quickly as you could. You couldn't wear your armor or you’d be spotted immediately.

You moved to the chest by the foot of your bed. There was old leather armor you could don. It would simply appear as if you were a mercenary travelling and looking for work. Your sword, Mist, would have to stay too. You sighed. Your current sword and shield had also been commissioned by Jongho. It bore your coat of arms, a lioness rearing on her hind feet, claws ready to attack her opponent. Yet, it had to be done.

You picked up Silver Light from your chest. The rainbow opal shone in the hilt of the bastard sword that used to be your weapon of choice. It was the sword you had dedicated to the Moon Goddess, swearing to be one of her holy knights. It was the sword that had the power to slay with the gentle light of the moon. It would be nice to remember who you were, instead of who you had become.

A cloak of dappled grey sufficed for the remainder of your outfit. You grabbed a satchel to stow some bread, cheese and apples from the kitchens and then you were straight for the stables. Your trusty mare Siren neighed softly when you entered her stall.

“We go on a quest, my dear,” You murmured to her.

“Ah, a knight on a quest. What a picture perfect night to do so.”

You grabbed Siren’s reins before she reared. You smoothed a hand over her neck, whispering to calm her. You refused to acknowledge Hongjoong. You simply lifted the catch to the gate and swung up on Siren’s back.

Hongjoong leaned against the doorframe of the stables. He tossed the same knife he had been cleaning his fingernails with, repeatedly catching the hilt of it as it twirled in the air. “Where are you going at this time of night, Captain?”

You continued to ignore the master of spies as you walked Siren out of the stables. You did stop ignoring him, however, when Hongjoong silently launched himself over Siren’s flanks and onto her back behind you.

“Captain, I can no longer let this mystery slide. This is beyond out of character for you. I’m starting to think there’s no whispers about a coup from the nobles because you yourself are the culprit.”

You pulled Siren’s reins gently to halt her. She snorted, clearly unimpressed that she was being stopped so shortly after her freedom was delivered. “Are you seriously besmirching my name right now because I refuse to acknowledge your presence?”

“What else am I to suspect when you’re sneaking out of the castle just as I come for my report.” Hongjoong’s voice sounded as if he was amused but his words were sharp. “If only the truth would set you free.”

“I would rather not report to the king that his master of spies hasn’t broken his neck from falling off a horse, so get off of Siren,” You said through gritted teeth.

“The only thing that would make you abandon your post is Jongho. I know exactly where he is, Captain. If you simply tell me what is going on, I’ll take you on a direct course to him.” Hongjoong let his offer dangle between the two of you.

Fuck. Your life was hanging in the balance. You didn’t know how much time you had. Curse Hongjoong.

You breathed in and out deeply. All that could be heard was the soft clomped as Siren walked down a postern gate that wasn’t guarded. It was a secret escape for the king in case he was in grave danger. “I threw up blood and flower petals this eve. The wise woman says I'm dying. I think only a kiss from Jongho will break it.”

“Ah,” was all that Hongjoong said.

“You insufferable man,” You grumbled under your breath. “All that berating to get me to tell you what’s going on and all you have to say is ‘ah’?!”

Hongjoong chuckled behind you. “I apologize for that. I didn’t know it was truly so grave.”

You turned around to view Hongjoong. His gaze flitted around naturally, to keep an eye if anyone spotted the two of you. “Will you help me?”

“Of course I will.”

Your shoulders released tension there that you didn’t know you had been holding. “This will be a great source of entertainment for me. I want a front seat.”

You scoffed. Of course he was going back to jokes again. “I don’t care about your motives. This is my life on the line, Master Spy.”

“I know,” Hongjoong acknowledged that.

Travelling with your arch nemesis really wasn’t what you’d call an enjoyable time. Hongjoong constantly poked at you, prodded you, and laughed when you snapped at him. You made decent time, for two people on one horse. You, more than once, complained to Hongjoong about him not having his own horse but his reply was always “Why would I steal a horse when I get to be so close to you?” which was ludicrous but he stood by his statement.

It all came to a crescendo the first night you decided to pay for a room at an inn. Hongjoong had said you had done enough covert traveling, and that no one would spot the two of you for one night of comfort. More than happy to pay for a roof for Siren, you put up the few coins it would take and entered the inn with Hongjoong.

You paid for two separate rooms but dined together. Blessedly, Hongjoong was silent as he filled himself with roast chicken and fresh bread. You ate heartily as well, tired of road fare. Then you went your separate ways to your respective rooms and you expected to get a good night's sleep.

What you hadn't expected was to get such a swell of feelings for Jongho. You missed him. It had been weeks since he had left with the army. You missed how he was such an anchor in your life. Jongho was solid, and not going anywhere, or so you thought. You thought you had wound yourself so closely in his life that you could never be separated.

That’s when you felt the burning at the back of your throat and you rushed to the basin in your room that was supposed to be for your morning’s wash up. You threw up petals, your body convulsing to spew out your unrequited love incarnate. You coughed and shook, as your body rid itself of the flowers inside of you. By the time you were done, you felt weak.

“Captain.” Hongjoong’s voice was coated with sympathy. He slipped into your room through your open window.

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. “Go away,” You said hoarsely.

Hongjoong’s hands felt cool to your warm skin. He pulled your hair back and tied it up. “You could have called for me.”

“I was a little busy,” You said mirthlessly.

“Come on, let’s--” His eyes widened as you began to cough again.

You couldn't help it. Your mind sent images of happy Hongjoong with happy Jongho. Those two were always so easily together. How was it that Hongjoong got what you had worked so hard for?

You spewed more petals and flowers into your basin. Your throat now felt like razer’s were brushing your insides.

“Get…” You said hoarsely. “Don’t want you…” You coughed and grimaced, pulling a singular petal from your tongue. “...you shouldn’t see me like this.”

You felt weak, you felt powerless and even worse, you felt heartbroken. And part of the equation was sending you worried looks. “Just go.”

Hongjoong shook his head, a look of determination on his face. “I’m gonna help you back to bed, first of all.” Hongjoong ducked under your arm and raised you up with a hand around your waist.

“First?” You squawked.

“Mhmm,” Hongjoong hummed. “Then you’re going to let me call for some cool water and I’m going to put a washcloth on your head.”

Hongjoong got you to bed. He sat you down and then swung your legs up. You fell back onto your pillow with an oof and Hongjoong giggled. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they charge your room for the extra water.”

“Hong…” You coughed and the rogue froze at your door.

“I’ll be just a minute,” He said before slipping out your door.

You couldn't fathom why he was doing this. Perhaps he appreciated what you did for Jongho and the kingdom. It certainly wasn’t a job that Hongjoong could, or wanted to, do.

Hongjoong came back with a pitcher of cold water. He did exactly as he said, wetting the cloth and folding it carefully before placing it on your forehead. “There, was that so hard to accept?”

“Yes,” You barked.

“You know that all Jongho wishes is for us to be closer, to work seamlessly. Why are you so stubborn?” Hongjoong asked.

“Stubborn?” You struggled to sit up but it only took a firm hand on your shoulder from Hongjoong to keep you down. “You’re the one that pushes my buttons every chance you get.”

“If I didn’t provoke you, you’d literally pretend I wasn’t there,” Hongjoong insisted.

You scoffed at his remark. How could you ever forget that the love of your life’s love of his life was in the room? You felt queasy and winced.

“Alright, alright.” Hongjoong fussed, pulling a blanket over you. “Just sleep. I’ll stay here in case you have another episode.”

“You will not!” You insisted.

Hongjoong laughed. “Right? What a waste of good coin. You should have told me you were going to be sick. I could have stayed in the same room with you.”

“I’d never willingly share a room with you, Hongjoong,” You grumbled. But your weariness from the curse tugged you into its embrace.

Your eyes closed and you faded into the darkness of sleep. You didn’t even wake up, having a full night's sleep on a somewhat comfortable bed. The same couldn't have been said for Hongjoong when you woke up.

You were on your side when the morning sunshine woke you up. You opened your eyes and saw Hongjoong’s sleeping face. He had fallen asleep, arms propped up on your bed but his body on the floor. He was snoring softly, his lips parted, the tips continuously turned upwards. He almost looked… softer, like this. Is this what Jongho felt appealing when he slept with Hongjoong?

You coughed and Hongjoong shook awake immediately. “I cleaned the basin out, do you need me to fetch it?”

“No, I’m fine,” You replied briskly. You got off the bed and stretched a little. You sent a look over your shoulder to Hongjoong, who was still sitting on the floor. “Why the hell did you stay here, anyways? You should have slept in the bed you paid for.”

Hongjoong smiled and stretched his arms above his head. “Jongho would have my head if I let the captain of his guard die under my watch.”

You rolled your eyes and sighed heavily. “How chivalrous of you.”

“Besides, I said I’d help you,” Hongjoong added with a more solemn tone.

“I…” You took the bite out of your tone. “Thank you.”

It was back to the road, riding and sleeping in shifts. Siren had taken a shine to Hongjoong, of course. You muttered that she was a traitor while she eagerly ate the pieces of apple Hongjoong cut up for her with his knife. She lipped at his upturned palm and he giggled at the feeling. Jongho wasn’t enough, he had to have the sympathies of your horse as well???

You heard a rumble of hooves. Hongjoong’s eyes met your own immediately. “I thought you said we were still a few days away from the army?”

Hongjoong’s eyes narrowed. There wasn’t a cloud of dust, which explained that it was a much smaller party than the army. “We are. That’s not them.”

“I’ll scout. You stay here.” You couldn't argue with Hongjoong because with a susurration of the bushes, he was gone.

You paced at Siren’s side, who mimicked your mood, plodding at the ground with one hoof. You rubbed her soft nose. “It’ll be fine.” When Siren whinnied at you, you frowned at her. “He will be fine. What is with you?”

Hongjoong was back just as quickly as he left. “They have no official uniforms but I overheard them. They are from the kingdom our fair king is invading. We have to wipe them out.”

Your stomach dipped at the thought of delaying reuniting with Jongho. But your honor and vows to the Moon Goddess wouldn’t let you back down. Anything to ensure Jongho victory was in your best interest.

“I agree,” You said. You strapped your sword to your back and swung up on Siren’s back.

Hongjoong grabbed a hold of Siren’s reins as he approached. Your damn treacherous horse nudged his body with her head, as if she was checking his body for any harm. “I’m okay, girl,” he reassured her.

“How…” You purse your lips but continue your sentence. “How would you like to do this?”

Hongjoong’s eyebrows rose in surprise but rolled with your punches. “If you let me get in place, I could have an immense advantage with a sneak attack. Then when all hell lets loose, you can come charging in like the knight that you are.”

“I’ll wait for your chaotic signal then,” You reluctantly agreed.

Hongjoong flashed you a confident grin. “Try not to stare at my ass while you fight. It’s very distracting, I hear.”

You nudged Siren’s flanks with your feet, but it didn’t take much to encourage her to follow Hongjoong. He brought you as close as he dared and then signaled for you to halt. You couldn't get close with Siren otherwise that would give your position away. So you had to wait, without any visuals.

The seconds seemed to stretch into minutes as you waited for some kind of signal that you could push forward and fight. The silence was torturous, until you heard a call for arms and knew this was it.You charged through the brush, into the opening where the opposing army had settled. A quick scan of the battlefield showed that they were a guerilla group, small for secrecy and travel. Hongjoong had already taken down quite a few, you observed. There were many that laid with their throats slit. Hongjoong was ducking and dodging amongst the other warriors in the merry band.

With a wordless roar, you drew your sword and swiped at the men that you ran by. You took a few down before jumping off of Siren and started fighting sword to sword. You had an advantage on Siren but you would never risk her life.

Hongjoong flitted around you, nipping at the hoard that had surrounded you. Your broadsword did its work, as your body fell into the motions of the different moves you had learned. Metal against metal screamed, but still you took down each man or woman that dared approach you.

Hongjoong threw dirt, cackled when someone coughed when his hand to hand combat caught someone directly in the throat, and stomped on toes to throw off his foe. He was such a dirty fighter. The longer he danced around you, tightening the circle around you, and eliminating your foe, the more you grew angry. He was the epitome of what you despised.

But you were tiring and you needed your ‘oh fuck’ power. “Hongjoong!”

The rogue had two seconds to guess why you were raising your sword above you and not fighting anymore. He closed his eyes, speaking highly of the trust he laid in you and then you began your prayer.

“Holy Mother, Queen of the night, and ruler of the darkness. Bestow your power upon me!”

The pommel of your sword shone with the brightness of the moon and blinded the majority of the soldiers around you. Once your sword was imbued with the power of your goddess, it was over. Your eyes lit with the eerie blue of a cold moon. You cut down anyone in your path and you did it with fierce justice. How dare these men come from behind your beloved king?

“Justice will find you even in the night of a hidden moon.” Your mouth formed the words but your heart fluttered. The goddess was using you as a vessel!

When all there were left were corpses on the ground, you sheath your sword. The light faded from your eyes and from the opal on your pommel. Hongjoong’s mouth was on the floor and he had to snap it shut.

“I didn’t know you could do that!” He said, awe still shining from his eyes.

“You know I’m a sworn holy knight, Hongjoong,” You said with scorn.

“I know but it’s usually just a bunch of--” Hongjoong shook his head. “You’re a Moon Maiden.”

You scoffed at him. “A Moon Witch. Hongjoong. A maiden is one of our sisters who is still untried in battle.”

Hongjoong batted his eyelashes. “And in bed?”

“Virginity holds no importance in our order. Such a man thing to say.” You shook your head and whistled for Siren.

Your horse came galloping from the foliage and whinnied when she came to your side. Then she snorted on Hongjoong, causing his hair to get pushed back with the gust of air. It seemed not all your anger had been dispelled in the fight. You grabbed Siren’s reins rather harshly and tugged her to you before Hongjoong could pat her forelocks.

“Let's get going. If we can let Jongho know we stopped an attack from behind, that might give him an advantage,” You said gruffly.

“I…” Hongjoong let the hand he had raised to pet Siren fall lamely. “You’re right. That’s exactly what we should do.”

The last leg of your journey was strained with tension, to say the least. The closer you got to Jongho, the heavier your episodes became. You got extremely terse with Hongjoong, and eventually that mocking smile snapped as well. The gentle man from the inn was gone. You refused his help so many times that he no longer offered. It all came to a boil the night before you were set to arrive at Jongho’s encampment.

“I don’t understand why you’re so eager to receive a kiss from a man who doesn’t love you back,” Hongjoong grumbled under his breath as he tossed pieces of grass into your fire.

You breathed in and out heavily in a gusty sigh. “Oh, I don’t know, Hongjoong, perhaps because it’s going to save my life?”

“How do you know?!” Hongjoong demanded, suddenly standing up.

That caught you off guard. “The witch said I would know whose kiss would fix my curse. It’s obvious when my episodes occur when I’m thinking of Jongho. I have to receive a kiss from the man who I have unrequited love with.”

Hongjoong’s face twisted into judgemental disbelief.

“What?” You prompted, standing up as well.

“Even after the kiss, he’s still not going to love you! How is that going to break the curse?” Hongjoong challenged you.

“I--” Your heart began to palpitate and you felt sick to your stomach. You hadn't thought about that. You had a magical curse but would the kiss have a magical ending. You hadn't actually wished for Jongho to love you after the kiss but…

You swallowed down what surely felt like some petals rising for you to vomit. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

Hongjoong looked like you had just slapped him in the face. “Excuse me? Not any of my business?! I told you I would help you. I’ve been with you this entire journey, helped you when you were sick, taken care of your horse--”

“Yes, well done, Hongjoong. You’ve wheedled your way further into my life. How brilliant of you. Even my horse adores you. How excited you must be that everyone around me loves YOU more,” You said with rage filling your voice.

Hongjoong’s mouth opened and closed, clear shock written across his face. “That’s not what I--why must you hate me with every fiber of your being?! It’s been like that since we were children. I’ve never done anything to--”

“You merely existing is the cause for my anger. You never have any regard for anyone. You simply live life how you prefer, regardless of who it hurts. You are sneaky, and conniving. You fight without honor and you break hearts without consideration! I despise you, Kim Hongjoong, and that will never change!” Your shoulders heaved with how heavy you were breathing from your anger zipping through you like a spark.

Hongjoong threw his hood up and tipped his head so that his facial features were hidden. “Very well. I understand you explicitly. Once I’ve delivered you to Jongho, your life is your own. You won’t need my help any longer. I’ll take first watch. You sleep.”

The rogue slipped into the shadows surrounding your fire without a sound. Your chest felt hollow but you didn’t understand why. Shouldn’t you feel better after unloading like you just did? Hongjoong promised to leave you alone. You got what you wanted. You rubbed your chest. You decided to forget about it and go to sleep. So you rolled up in your cloak, and closed your eyes.

The next morning was a quiet one. Hongjoong didn’t say a word to you, even when he woke you up for your shift of keeping watch. He didn’t even sit on Siren with you, opting to take her reins and guide her to Jongho’s camp.

Hongjoong waved at the guards on the outskirts of the encampment but they simply waved back. Clearly they were used to seeing the master of spies travelling to and from their camp. He wound through several levels of security until finally Jongho’s grand tent came before you.

Your stomach twisted into anxiety. You weren’t even sure how you were going to explain to Jongho exactly what was going on. You knew that Jongho would never condemn you to die but he wasn’t big on physical affection. A kiss for the sake of a kiss wouldn’t appeal to him. Not to mention, you had to tell him the part about how you loved him.

But before you could get to Jongho’s tent, Hongjong suddenly changed direction and aimed Siren for another route.

You leaned over Siren’s neck and hissed, “Hongjoong, what are you doing?!”

“We’re going to my tent.”

Your face heated up at such a comment. “Why?!”

Hongjoong remained silent. You almost scrambled off Siren’s back as a form of rebellion but it took no time at all to get to the rogue’s tent. By then, Hongjoong had tied off Siren’s reins and then reached up to bring you down off her back. His hands on your waist burned through where they touched. And even once your feet hit the ground, the man didn’t let you go.

“Hongjoong, what is going on?”

“I have to do this before you kiss Jongho.” Hongjoong’s voice was husky and it made your stomach dip.

“Do what?”

Hongjoong’s lips twisted into a bittersweet smile. “Just don’t punch me too hard afterwards, okay? I have a delicate stomach.”

Before you could ask once again what the hell was going on, Hongjoong tilted your head towards him with his thumb under your jaw and his hand curling around your neck, and kissed you.

Your lips tingled and you felt tears form at the corner of your eyes. Why did this feel so right? You hated Hongjoong… right?

Hongjoong broke the kiss and then wiped your tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “Don’t cry, love,” he said, even though tears were streaming down his face as well. “Well, it was worth a try--”

The both of you let out a strangled yell of surprise as a whirlwind of primroses and petals swirled around you. Hongjoong held you close to his body, arms wrapped around in a protective stance. You swallowed but your throat was tight with emotion and you were pretty sure it wasn’t rage. Before you could wonder what was going on, the whirlwind was gone and so were the petals.

Hongjoong suddenly grabbed your head between both his hands and demanded, “Quick, think about Jongho.”

You pursed your lips. “I don’t feel like throwing up, Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong let out a noise of exasperation. “Just do it!”

You sighed heavily and closed your eyes. You thought of the gummy smile your king always greeted you with when you entered the council room. You felt wistful and… you didn’t throw up. Your eyes widened in surprise.

Hongjoong let out a whoop of celebration. “We did it! We did it!!!”

You took off your gloves from one hand and brought your fingertips to your lip. It was Hongjoong’s kiss that you needed the entire time?

“How?” You said in disbelief.

“I love you,” Hongjoong admitted simply.

You shook your head in confusion. “What?”

Hongjoong avoided your gaze suddenly. “I’ve loved you since we were kids. But you always had eyes for Jongho. And despite what you believe, whatever I did, was to get your attention. Also, Jongho came to me first. I wasn’t against it but I thought it might prompt you to finally see that I was the one for you but instead it only made you resent me even more.”

You tried to back away, to put space between you and Hongjoong, in order to process what he was saying but the man was having none of that. “I was already at the castle before you saw the wise woman. I was on my way to your office when I saw you sneak out. I saw everything. But I came to a different conclusion. Kissing Jongho was never going to heal your curse from unrequited love. You needed someone to love you. It was true hate’s kiss, a kiss born from hatred turned to love. What better kind of kiss would break a curse like yours? I just didn’t think that you returned the feeling. Especially after last night.”

“I…I don’t--” Your throat closed in on itself. You couldn't say it. It would have been a lie and broken your honor.

Hongjoong had that stupid smile that you absolutely hated; the one that said he knew what you were thinking. “You don’t have to say it outloud. I already know it’s true or your curse would not have been broken.”

You allowed yourself a moment of relief. You weren’t going to die. You didn’t have to cause discomfort to your king… speaking of such… “Oh no,” You covered your mouth in horror. “I’ve come all this way, abandoned my post, and for what? Nothing!!”

Hongjoong swung an arm around your shoulder and guided you to the opening of his tent. “I know a thing or two about keeping others hidden. You’ll just stay in my tent until I can sneak out again.”

You frowned. “I’m not staying in your tent, waiting for you to come back, like a handmaiden’s tiny court dog.”

Hongjoong’s smile only grew wider. “Do you bark, little doggy? Sit pretty for me and I’ll give you a treat.”

“I’m still armed, Hongjoong,” You reminded him dryly.

Hongjoong hummed in acknowledgement. “Oh, we haven’t sparred in such a long time. Let me deliver this elderberry wine to our king and then we will enjoy some more foreplay after--oof” All the air left Hongjoong’s lungs as you punched him in the stomach.

“I suppose I was due that,” Hongjoong said in a pain-filled voice.

You gripped Hongjoong’s chin. “You better be telling Jongho you’re no longer available for his bed,” You said in a low, threatening tone.

Hongjoong’s smile through the pain was almost beautiful. “Anything for you, beloved.”

You grimaced at the pet name. It was going to take a while to get used to that. You had a feeling that Hongjoong would be forever wiggling under your skin, looking to get a reaction out of you. But you knew that you secretly enjoyed the back and forth, be it words or with weapons.

“Thank you,” You whispered suddenly.

Hongjoong’s eyes softened. “Anything for you, beloved,” he repeated, this time sounding more like he meant it.

Your heart skipped a beat and you abruptly let go of Hongjoong. You raised your still ungloved hand to your cheek. Was your skin hot? What was this feeling?

“Are you… blushing?” Hongjoong asked in astonishment.

“Shut up, Hongjoong,” You snapped, turning away.

“Or you’ll do it for me?” Hongjoong teased, eyes dancing merrily, recalling your threat from when he had found you in your office.

“You’d like that immensely, wouldn’t you,” You sighed.

“If it puts your lips against mine again, why not?”

You may love Hongjoong now, but you were pretty sure you still hated him.

#codn: summer24 #cultofdionysusnet #pirateeznet #ateez angst #kim hongjoong angst #ateez scenarios #kim hongjoong scenarios #ateez fanfic #kim hongjoong fanfic #topaz's work #recent #ღatz

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roomsofangel · 9 months ago

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mouth agape, soft breaths shakily escaping with each touch the padding of his slender fingers created on your bare skin, your doe eyes looked into his — a prey gazing into their predator’s desire with claws just as fatal

“how much can you handle?” you teased, fluttering your eyes shut for a moment to listen to his breathing that only quickened, the sound of metal clasping and a low throat based chuckle, you opened to watch him undo his belt, a mocking grin on your face to rile him more

hongjoong hummed, sliding off his belt fully to throw aside, “what are you willing to give me?” eyes never leaving yours, devouring each and every part of you with sight alone, he sunk to his knees as if he was worshiping and you were his religion.

soft butterfly kisses on your inner thighs, your head fell back, sharply inhaling — fingers finding their way to his hair, a slight rough tug earning a groan from the other, “so pretty on your knees, hongjoong, what would your men say if they saw you on them for me?” you taunted

straightening his posture, lips ghosting over yours, hongjoong lowly chuckled, “then why don’t you get on them for me, doll~”

a challenge accepted.

sinking down slowly, eyes never leaving his predator gaze as if the answer to his previous question was just that. everything, your eyes read. i’m willing to give you everything. your hands trailed alongside you, dragging down his body before they stopped at his waistline, your fingers finding the buttons to undo his pants before pulling them down low enough to take his hardened cock that was already leaking precum, doe eyes looking up at him with a grin, “you sure you’ll last?” jaw clenched, hongjoong snaked the flat palm of his hand to the back of your head, slightly moving you closer to his length, “just be a good girl for me.”

#kim hongjoong smut #ateez smut #ateez #kim hongjoong #kim hongjoong scenarios #kim hongjoong imagines #hongjoong #ateez hongjoong #ateez hard hours #ateez hard thoughts #ateez fic #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez writing

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sorryimananti-romantic · 2 years ago

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Eternal Sunshine

hongjoong x reader

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind au except i tweaked... a lot

genre and warnings: fluff, angst, suggestive, cursing, violence warning

word count: 23k

synopsis: you and hongjoong meet on the train and instantly connect, going from friends to more. however, you're both plagued by a past that you do not remember, and when you both start to dig into it, you realise that your pasts may be connected and the situation might be graver than you thought.

Your plan to sleep the entire train ride that was about to be 6 hours, travelling from one corner of Wonderland to the other, was failing miserably.

Firstly, it was daytime. Your sleep schedule might be staying up late at night and sleeping for most part of the day but for some reason, it was a hit and miss whenever you were travelling. That meant that if you dozed off the second a journey would start, you would stay asleep for almost the whole part of it. But if you didn’t fall asleep as soon as it started, you would have trouble trying to sleep. And trouble looked like resting your head against the window or any closest surface with eyes shut but brain wide awake.

You could hear the kid whining about not bringing enough snacks for the journey all the way from the end of the cabin. You were sure he wasn’t very loud but you still wanted to go and say something to shut him up. You could also hear the old couple in the back talk about their kids. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but they weren’t being quiet so it wasn’t entirely your fault. You could also hear the constant thrum of the train whooshing on its track, and if you opened your eyes and looked outside, you would see the buildings as a blur.

The only good part about this whole journey was that most of the seats were empty which meant you had quite some space for yourself. Your front seats were empty so you were resting your feet on them. Your arms were folded and your overcoat was keeping you warm. Your pastel pink muffler was bundled in your lap. The coffee you had brought from home had long gone cold in the tumbler. You sighed to yourself- not the best start to the day, but once you would reach Sector 1, you might feel better.

You had no idea how long it had passed when you were woken by a tap to your shoulder- woken from your almost-falling-asleep stage. It made you jerk before you blinked to see who dared disturb.

“I’m sorry, is this yours?” the man asked, your huge black headphones with cat paws on its ears in his hand.

“Ah, must have rolled off from my… bag,” you grimaced at the sight of your tote bag upside down on the floor, a few things having rolled out that the man was already placing on the table with a faint smile. “Sorry for the trouble.”

“It’s alright. I was dozing myself there-” he pointed at the seats next to you at the other corner, “when something bumped my feet.”

“Gosh, I’m a mess,” you finished placing everything in your bag, zipping the bag as you pointedly looked at the man who laughed. You took a second to scan him- he had quite memorable features and appearance. Half bleached hair, glasses that were probably an accessory, pointed features but warmth radiating from his rather cute smile. “Sorry to wake you up, Cruella.”

“I get that a lot,” he grinned, extending his hand. “I’m Hongjoong.”

“Y/n,” you shook his hand, and he pointed to the seat in front of you and you nodded to tell him he was welcome to sit and chat. “Where are you travelling to?”

“Sector 1. You?”

“Same place. You live there?”

“Yep. I was staying a few months at my friend's house in Sector 8, for work.”

“That’s crazy because same,” you laughed. “Glad to be going back home though.”

“Yep,” he nodded. “You look familiar for some reason. Might have come across you either there or back home.”

“You look familiar too, for some strange reason, but I’m sure I would have remembered you,” you pointed at his hair. “I kind of love it.”

“Ah, really?” He touched his hair, laughing nervously and you thought it was cute. “I tend to try different things.”

“I’ve had the same hair since I was born,” you rolled your eyes. “I might go ahead and do something funky one of these days too. And then I would call you my muse.”

“That’d be cool,” he grinned. “So what do you do for work?”

You offered him a chocolate from your bag, taking one for yourself and looking outside- it was almost evening. The train would be taking a break at Sector 4 soon and you wanted to get something warm. “I’m a literary editor for a company. You?”

“Music producer,” he told you and you wowed at that. “It’s not as great as it sounds. When it’s a hobby, it’s all fun and games, but when it becomes work, it can give you a hard time.”

“I relate to that. I used to be a writer until it became too much and I stopped,” you said and he raised a brow but didn’t probe further. He could tell there was a story behind it. “It’s fun when you do something you like for work, even though sometimes it could give you a hard time.”

“That’s true. I noticed your headphones though, and I couldn’t help but wonder if you’re interested in music?”

You couldn’t tell why you could connect to Hongjoong instantly but there was just something about the way he talked that kept you engaged, listening to his every word and then answering more than you would have with any other random stranger. You weren’t one to talk to strangers in the first place- but something about him was so utterly genuine that you found yourself chatting with him for half an hour until you stopped at Sector 4 for an hour-long break. Hongjoong offered you to grab some tea with him and you couldn’t refuse.

“It’s freezing,” you wrapped your muffler around your face like a mummy, leaving only space for the eyes, making Hongjoong laugh- another thing about him that was endearing. He mirrored your action and like mummies, you two walked to the nearest shop to get something warm to hold and drink.

As you sat next to each other on the stools looking out of the window and checking your phones, finally having unwrapped yourselves, you asked him if he was looking forward to finally being home. He passed you a tight-lipped smile, taking a sip before replying.

“I needed to be away from home. I know that for me my home is the most comfortable place in the world, but I don’t know. I somehow needed to get away from there.”

You nodded- you weren’t sure you could relate entirely but you could understand. “It’s like that with people too. Sometimes you want to run away from them even if they mean the whole world to you.”

Hongjoong looked at you. “I guess so. Have you ever had that point in life?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I tend to be the type of person who doesn’t let anyone mean ‘the whole world’ to me anyway.”

Hongjoong unexpectedly laughed at that, making you wonder what was so funny even though you joined. “You must be a hard nut to crack. You don’t give off that vibe.”

“Really? I need to strengthen my defences then- do I seem like an open book to you?” You asked, making him laugh and shake his head again.

“Not an open book but not someone I realised might not be who they seem to be,” he explained and you made an impressed face. “That means you’re doing fine.”

You forgot how you were going to retort when something caught your eye and you turned to look outside the window, realising it was-

“Snowing. It’s snowing!” You grinned, taking his hand and dragging him outside despite his protests, and you two were a laughing mess when you were finally under the snowflakes.

“Aren’t you the one who was just freezing to death moments ago!” Hongjoong laughed, not bothering to dust off the snowflakes anymore and finishing his coffee.

“I do like it when it snows though,” you grinned.

Hongjoong shook his head, taking your cup as well to throw it in the bin and when he came back, he scoffed at the sight of you- trying to hide under the tree to avoid snowflakes on your uncovered face. He stood beside you, watching the ground turn whiter with each passing second. When he looked at you again, there was a snowflake on your cheek and before he knew it, he was brushing it off with his thumb, earning a short but surprised gasp from you, which made him go someplace else entirely before he smiled casually.

“We should go inside.”

Once inside, you two resumed chatting about casual stuff, not trying to get personal, but at some point you fell asleep and Hongjoong watched you with a smile before resting his head on the window and falling asleep across from you. Before you knew it, you had reached Sector 1 and you both were gathering your things.

“I hope to see you again somewhere around,” you said. “It’s a small town. We’ll probably run into each other sooner than we’d expect.”

“I don’t really go outside often, so let’s see,” Hongjoong pouted. “Are we not exchanging phone numbers?”

You smiled faintly at that, wanting to exchange contact information so bad but… there was a side to you he didn’t know about. “Tell you what- the next time we run into each other, we’ll share our numbers first. But for that,” you leaned in a little as if to whisper a secret. “You’ll have to come outside more often.”

Hongjoong shook his head in amusement. “If you catch me standing in the corner of a street looking like a lost kid, you should know it’s because I was waiting for you.”

“Oh, I have a feeling we’ll run into each other before we get to that point,” you winked, spotting your tall friend behind him and extending your hand to Hongjoong. “It was really nice to meet you, Kim Hongjoong. Until we meet again.”

“No wonder you’re a writer,” he scoffed. “Until we meet again… y/n.”

—----------------------------

“Yunho, if you ‘accidentally’ kick my leg one more time, I’m going to break all your toes-”

Yunho choked on his drink, laughing. “This is a small table, and I need space for my legs!”

“Well, you’re the one who brought me here!” You sighed. “Let me just-” You turned your legs against the wall, letting him have the rest of the space to himself. “We good?”

“We’re great,” he grinned mischievously. “Now can you stop whining about every minor inconvenience and tell me how the past six months were at Sector 8?”

You sighed, slumping down further as you sipped on the chocolate milkshake. “It was fine. I’m doing better at work. I just still feel like there’s a spark in me that’s missing. Maybe the creative soul in me has… died, you know?”

“You just need a muse,” he told you as if he had the right answer. “And if you look closer, you might find it right in front of your face-”

“A muse, huh?” Your mind went elsewhere, though, to a person that resembled a certain fictional character. “I haven’t written a book in two years. I’m glad I chose to be anonymous because I don’t think I could have handled the pressure from my fans if they knew who I really was.”

“Fans should know when to give their favourite writers time and space,” he said but you knew he felt sorry too. “I think you should just be glad you didn’t leave a project unfinished or left in the middle of writing a series.”

“Yeah, that’s a big relief,” you nodded enthusiastically, shivering at the prospect of having done any of the two. “I can even say I’m officially retired and have no regrets. Well, not exactly no regrets but at least I’ll be satisfied.”

“Totally, though I wish you could give us one final piece if you do wish to retire,” Yunho made puppy eyes and you glared at him but smiled. He was your best friend but also your biggest fan.

“How’s your new roommate? What was his name again?”

“Seonghwa- he’s really good. Mingi and I are adjusting well with him,” he told you and went into the details about how Seonghwa was working in the music industry and had the kindest soul. “He’s also kinda hot so I think you should really come over sometimes because I can’t hear you whine about how lonely you are anymore-”

“Speak for yourself,” you scoffed. “One girl breaks your heart and you swear off relationships. It’s a wonder you didn’t kick me out of your circle.”

Yunho sighed deeply. “At least I don’t complain about being lonely, y/n.”

He was right- it was usually you, and since during the last six months you and Yunho only talked through text or calls, he heard it more. Life in Sector 8 wasn’t full of parties and all. It was just being holed up in your room, occasionally being dragged by one of your friends there to the outside world for lunch or dinner. Other than that, you focused on work. It was an opportunity you didn’t want to miss and if that meant being away from home for half a year, you didn’t care.

Especially when you were pretty sure you were going to go crazy.

As if Yunho knew exactly what was going on in your head, he asked, “You still have those daydreams?”

“They’ve turned into dreams,” you looked at him. “It feels like another life, Yunho. And I know I could write about it, but I don’t think I can.”

“You should stop being scared of what’s inside your head,” he said. “I don’t get what you’re so afraid of.”

“I don’t get it either,” you muttered.

On the way back home, you took your time, taking the longer route to your apartment, just wanting to roam around your hometown and soak in everything and see what had changed. No matter how much it changed, you realised, it would still feel like home every time. Safe, but you found yourself looking over your shoulder a few times. Warm, but you would suddenly feel chills. The weather was pleasant though and you were enjoying yourself, kind of glad it wasn’t snowing yet.

Your mind immediately went back to Hongjoong. You wondered where he was and if you were ever going to run into him again. You were pretty sure you would, but the reason why you didn’t take his phone number that day was something you needed time for.

Your daydreams- they were like flashes of an alternate life. In that life, you looked the same. You went to the same places, but you were with someone else- someone with hair the most pretty shade of blue. You didn’t remember what he looked like, nor did you recall how he sounded. But you were happy and you were loved. Those feelings were sometimes so intense that you would feel as if a part of you had been snatched from you.

Before you moved away for work, you were plagued by those daydreams. You didn’t recall when they started coming, but by the time you noticed, you realised that they were distracting you from life. You started writing, wondering if it was just another prompt or idea you needed to get out of your head but that didn’t work- they were out of control. And when you stopped writing and started working, it plagued your nights.

You took the job for Sector 8 wondering if you needed to be away from your home, your hometown, to get away from the memories of someone that was you- that was what it felt like. Memories- or maybe they hadn’t even happened yet.

Or maybe you were becoming delusional, way too much into fantasising about what could have been. But the whole year you spent telling yourself that you had read and written way too much fiction and needed to get back to real life and stop imagining things, that night at the train with Hongjoong made you wonder if you were wrong about yourself.

It wasn’t anything he did. It’s just that when you fell asleep, you had a dream about the blue-haired guy after a long time. And in that dream, you were thrumming along to a beat you were listening to.

“You like that?” The blue-haired guy asked. You tried looking at him, but it was like you couldn’t see him. You did not know whether he was older or younger than you. You did not know what he looked like, other than the unique hair.

“You’re so good at this,” you replied, squeezing his hands and noticing a detail you hadn’t seen before- a single nail painted blue.

When you woke up, you wondered where you had seen that. And when Hongjoong extended his hand to say goodbye, you noticed it. The same pinky finger, but painted black. How many people have you met who painted only their pinky finger?

You were fearing that the lines between your dreams and reality were becoming blurry, which is why you left in the first place. It didn’t help that Hongjoong popped out of nowhere with an all too familiar vibe. Perhaps you dreamt about the painted pinky finger because of Hongjoong. Perhaps your blue haired guy never even touched nail paint- if he existed in the first place.

You stepped inside your apartment, dropping your bag on the couch and going to wash your face, cleaning up and changing before coming to your room and stopping in front of your wall with the softboard- the one where you chalked ideas, put polaroids of your memories, finding a lot of picture with Yunho and Mingi. And then you stared at the pattern of these photos- there was none.

That’s what bugged you. You were eerily meticulous with how you arranged every part of your room. How you arranged your notes, the photos on your wall, your stationery, everything. And one strange day, you woke up and nothing in your room made sense to you. It was as if you had been placed into someplace foreign, even though it was your home.

And that’s when the daydreams started. You searched the internet when it got worse but found nothing relevant. You gave up but didn’t change anything in your ‘new’ room, hoping it would one day rock your memory- if there was something in your memory in the first place.

You pulled the covers over yourself, pushing away the thoughts and welcoming sleep after a long day.

—---------------------

You did not expect to run into Hongjoong so soon.

You were expecting at least a month to pass before you would stumble upon him somewhere- probably shopping for groceries if he lived in your area, or maybe at a cafe or a restaurant, maybe at a club. But certainly not in the middle of the night when you rushed out of your home to take a breather.

You were speed-walking to the park, thinking about the dream you just had. The blue-haired boy holding you so close- you could still feel the warmth of his touch on your arms. His voice- sometimes sounding familiar, sometimes sounding alien. But what really did it for you tonight was an all too familiar place- you had only been there once. The book-cafe in Sector 7. You had only been to Sector 7 once, and you recalled that you were not alone, however, no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t remember just who had accompanied you. But you had definitely been there- it was not a dream or a daydream. You could remember the layout of that place, the books you read there. You even found one of your books there and had a good laugh about it- with who?

You were thinking just that when you spotted your Cruella, dressed in all black, sitting on a bench with headphones on, staring into the distance- as if he, too, was trying to recall something but couldn’t. You smiled, forgetting all about the dream and instead taking a detour to sneak up on him from behind and sit beside him like a stranger would. He glanced at you and went back to staring into the distance and you watched recognition click on his face before he shifted his full attention towards you.

“I can’t believe this,” Hongjoong laughed, taking off his headphones. “What were the chances?”

“Is meeting in the middle of the night our thing now?” You shook his hand, scoffing.

“Maybe it is,” he winked. “Do you live in this area?”

“Actually, yes. Block F,” you told him and he nodded.

“Block K,” he told you and you nodded- it wasn’t very far but it wasn’t close either. “How does it feel to be back home?”

“Strange but welcoming,” you shrugged. “How’s your sample coming along?”

You were talking about the sample he’d shown you on the train- some song he was composing for a band. “It’s been approved. You wanna hear it?”

“Hell yes,” you grinned, taking his headphones. “What are you calling it?”

“You gotta listen to it first,” he told you and you made a face but listened to the instrumental song, now fully composed.

And you were in love instantly. With the song, of course.

Hongjoong could tell you were enjoying it- the way your brows were furrowed as you focused, the way you were literally on your toes but slowly thrumming along to the beat. It made him a little giddy. And when you took off his headphones, you were gaping at him.

“It’s changed a lot since the last time, but I’m not complaining at all. It’s a masterpiece!” You exhaled, looking at him with wonder. “You’re truly an artist, Hongjoong.”

“Ah, you’re flattering me way too much,” he laughed, cheeks flushed and waving his hands dismissively. “It’s called Horizon. Does the name fit?”

“Definitely,” you mimicked his posture from when you found him sitting here. “Is that why you were staring at the… horizon?” Hongjoong stared at you deadpan, making you hide your face. “Admit it. That was funny.”

“A little,” he finally shook his head in amusement. “What brought you here in the middle of the night though?”

The smile fell off your lips. “Dreams.”

“Dreams and not nightmares? That’s new,” he made a face but he relaxed back, staring into the distance with you. “Care to share?”

“Just… very vivid dreams. Sometimes I wonder what was real and what was a dream.”

“I actually know what you mean,” he admitted and you looked at him. “I still think about those dreams and at this point, I’ve probably already mixed them with reality.”

You frowned. “When did you start having these dreams?”

“About a year ago, I think. It was a strange time for me, with work and all,” he sighed but you were thinking about how it was a coincidence- you started having these dreams around a year ago too. “We’re both artists, you and I, y/n. My medium is music and yours is writing. When we get a little too creative… I guess it happens. Dreams become mixed with reality, and we have to take a step back but it keeps plaguing us, back there in our heads. Isn’t that why you needed a change of pace and became a literary editor?”

“No one has figured me out this quickly, not even my therapist,” you exhaled and the two of you began laughing at the absurdity. “But you’re right. Is that why you decided to go to Sector 8 too?”

“I only went four months ago to work with a producer, but I know I wouldn’t have if I didn’t need to get out of this place,” Hongjoong told you. “But I’m saying that I totally get what you mean. And I think it’s good to dream- better than not dreaming at all.”

“That’s kinda poetic,” you teased. “But is it good to dream if you can’t figure out what’s real and what’s not?”

“That’s the fun part, isn’t it?” Hongjoong smiled. “You get to decide.”

You looked at him- really looked at him this time. Messy hair, tired but sparkling eyes, lazy smile, relaxed posture. Was life so easy for him? To figure out stuff like this? Maybe you need to stop being so strict with yourself and start acting a little like Hongjoong.

But… there was a strange tug in your heart that told you that you needed to delve into your past to figure stuff out before you ever decide to dismiss it. At least after the dream tonight.

So you straightened and smiled at Hongjoong before telling him, “I think if we can’t differentiate between dreams and reality… we need to get a grip. If you don’t even know yourself, how are you supposed to move on and begin to know other people?”

“But we never truly know ourselves,” he countered. “We do things that surprise even us.”

“But we should be aware of ourselves, and you, Hongjoong,” you poked his temple, making him groan and laugh at the same time. “You need to be aware of yourself too. And don’t give me the ‘I’m very aware’ bullshit. We’re in this shit together, it seems.”

“Well then, let’s find self-awareness together, shall we?” You couldn’t tell if he was being serious or was just teasing you. “Also, are you going to ditch me like last time or do I get to have your phone number now?”

You grinned at him and exchanged contact information. “Let’s meet for coffee sometime?”

“Definitely,” he nodded and you looked at the time. “You should get going.”

“You should too,” you pursed your lips. “It’s almost 4.”

“You wanna see something?” He asked out of the blue and you raised your brow, even more in surprise when he took your hand and led you to where a bunch of trees were, making you laugh out loud when he gently pushed you down by the shoulders to make you sit, and then he lied down.

“Come,” he patted the space next to him and you lied down as well, frowning at him in mild amusement.

“You think this is a nice spot to sleep?”

“Shut up and look,” he pointed upwards and you followed his gaze-

Finding stars shine from between the leaves of the trees. “Woah. That’s something I’d like to see before sleeping every night.”

“I know,” he smiled. “I like to watch this when I can’t sleep at night.”

“I can see why,” you said and looked at Hongjoong-

His side-profile looked awfully familiar. It was unique- he had those features you rarely saw on anyone. A very memorable and handsome face. Now why did he look familiar?

You were having a daydream again- or was it a flashback? You were lying down just like this, right here, with your blue-haired boy.

“Y/n?” Hongjoong clicked his fingers in front of you and you shook yourself out of the trance.

“Can I ask you something?” You cleared your throat and he nodded. “Do you dye your hair often?”

Hongjoong was thrown back by the sudden curiosity and he laughed a little. “Yeah, you could say. I’ve had ginger hair, blonde, pink, blue and red too. I’ve tried many different colours.”

Blue.

“Blue sounds interesting. Do you have some pictures of yourself from when you had blue hair?”

“Not right now- I got a new phone a few days ago so it’s basically empty,” he told you and you nodded. “You like blue?”

“Yep,” you smiled. “I think it’s my favourite colour. But I really like your hair now too. I never thought it would look this good on a person.”

“Thanks,” Hongjoong smiled shyly. “I think I’m going to keep it for a while.”

“Sounds good,” you turned to look up, trying not to conjure up the image of blue-haired Hongjoong.

—------------------

Your coffee date with Hongjoong had taken a wilder turn than any of you had intended.

Firstly, you showed up half an hour late, making up the excuse of ‘work’ when the real reason was that you spent hours in front of the mirror trying different outfits because Hongjoong was always looking incredibly good with all his details and you were honestly a mess in comparison.

Secondly, you were wondering if this was a ‘date’ or just a casual meetup where you’re still getting to know each other and becoming friends. You were pretty sure it was the second but that didn’t keep you from stressing over the fact that you, for the first time in years, were trying to socialise with a random stranger. Your only other friends were Yunho and Mingi, both from high school. And they couldn’t help but make fun of you.

“You think seeing me after six months would have done it,” Mingi began, glancing at Yunho, “but she shows up at my place with her hair looking like a nest and in her sweats, barely holding herself up with her laptop and books, and asks to stay over because she needed a break. That’s how she decided to meet me.”

“Ah, is that so?” Yunho laughed. “She looked pretty decent when she met me. I almost got scared.”

“That was because I was coming back from work,” you looked at Yunho pointedly, and then turned to Mingi. “And that was because I was in the library all day and didn’t have the energy to go all the way back home. Your place was like two streets away. And Yunho- you missed that. I even met Seonghwa- the new roommate.”

“Oh? In that state?” Yunho groaned. “My plan to set you two up has already failed then.”

“He liked me,” you simply said. “We talked a bit.”

“That’s just him being kind,” Mingi scoffed. “When you went to sleep, he asked me if you were ‘alright’. He looked like he knew you from someplace.”

“Oh, goodness,” you stopped drying your hair. “Did I look that bad? And he should have told me if I looked familiar.”

“Not your best, you gotta admit,” Mingi ran a hand through his brown hair. “And you’re getting dolled up for a stranger you met on the train? I don’t recall the last time you actually made an effort to look good for someone.”

“I’m not doing it for him, I’m doing it for me,” you said but Yunho and Mingi didn’t look pleased. You rolled your eyes. “Fine. I want to look good. And don’t give me that look- it’s not a date. We’re only friends, still getting to know each other-”

“Which means the possibility is there,” Yunho grinned. “I hope it works this time.”

“What do you mean this time?” You frowned- you didn’t recall any previous time.

“Weren’t you maybe dating someone like two years ago?” Yunho tried to recall. “You didn’t tell us the details but I think you were.”

“Was I?” You frowned. “I don’t remember-”

Your phone buzzed and you read the text from Hongjoong saying he had arrived at the cafe, which was when you realised you were running late. You had to push Yunho and Mingi out of your room so you could finally change and get ready without further distractions.

So now that you were in front of Hongjoong late, anxiously wondering if this was a date, and already feeling nervous because of how good he was looking in all-black, you were wondering just what was happening- especially when Hongjoong asked you if you wanted to join him at the music festival that was taking place in the arena- he had just gotten two free passes from a friend who was working there.

“Wow, that’s gotta be wild!” You laughed nervously. You wanted to go so badly-

“We can skip if you want to,” Hongjoong was carefully scanning your face.

“No, I’m just wondering if I have any prior engagements for tonight,” you asked him to give you a second so you could check your schedule. You were free. You glanced up at him with a growing smile which he reflected. “Am I underdressed?”

“Nobody cares, we’re good,” Hongjoong said after scanning your outfit. "You look pretty in blue."

"Thanks," you smiled shyly, wondering what it was about him that made you nervous. "You look pretty in everything."

Hongjoong laughed out loud. "That's something I needed to hear."

"I'm not joking!" You huffed. "My friends were making fun of me because I couldn't decide what to wear. You look like someone who would look good in a sack too."

"That's definitely an exaggeration," he scoffed but leaned forward, face resting casually on his hands. "Were you dressing up for me? Is that why you're so late?"

You didn't expect the rush of heat in your stomach but you liked the thrill. "And if I was?"

Hongjoong shook his head, amused. "Let's make the most of tonight then, huh?"

As you exited the cafe, you bumped into a woman who seemed to be in a rush, making her bag drop. You sighed, helping her up and handing her the bag with an apology.

“It’s okay,” she smiled at you and then at Hongjoong and her smile fell. You frowned at that.

“Are you feeling alright?” You asked. “Let me help you inside- you look pale.”

“No, it’s alright, I just need to get my coffee,” she said, scanning you both again with a smile this time. “Date night?”

Hongjoong and you laughed at that. “Kind of,” he said.

“Good luck,” she patted your shoulder and you watched her go inside.

“She seemed familiar for some reason,” Hongjoong said.

“It looked like you seemed familiar to her too,” you commented. “Maybe an old colleague?”

“Maybe. Let’s go.”

A few minutes later, you were at the arena, the combination of loud music and Hongjoong holding your hand as he guided you through the crowd making your heart sound like it was between your ears. Thankfully, it wasn't very crowded. Hongjoong led you to the front where the band was rehearsing before they would start playing- they started lowering the volume and Hongjoong turned towards you.

"Do you prefer watching or would you like to dance along?"

"I think once I'm feeling it, I might dance along," you shrugged. "I can't say- it's been a while since I came to someplace like this."

"Well, I guess you'll be learning a few things about yourself tonight," he winked, noticing that he was still holding your hand. "Should we stay here then?"

"For now," you nodded, squeezing his hand in appreciation before leaving it, taking a deep breath and smiling as you looked around. "You must come here often."

"I haven't been here in a while as well," he looked troubled and you decided not to ask further about the reason. "But I feel kind of nostalgic now that I'm here."

"I'm excited to see what you look like when you're in your medium, Kim Hongjoong," you teased and he rolled his eyes.

"You have to see me in my workplace. You won't recognise me."

You raised a brow- somehow, you had imagined that he looked kind of hot as he worked. He had that kind of vibe to him. But as if he had read your mind (or noticed you biting your lips) he shook his head. "People avoid me when I'm working on something. I really don't wanna be disturbed and I get frustrated easily too."

"That's pretty similar to writing. When I have an idea, I need all my attention focused on writing. If someone distracts me, I'll burst."

Hongjoong smiled, nodding. It was very true. "For now, I think we can let loose and enjoy."

As if on cue, the speakers were back at full volume, making you grit your teeth momentarily as you got used to the sound of your bones shaking and then you were swaying along to the beat in a light manner, much like Hongjoong. He seemed to know the song- or maybe he was just better at this than you, but his grin told you you were doing just fine.

The rest of the night was a blur- it took you only another few songs to completely lose yourself into the music. You were soon reflecting Hongjoong’s wild energy and if you could see yourself from afar at that moment, you wouldn’t recognise yourself. It was as if either something had possessed you or you’d finally let go of the things bothering you.

When you exited the arena and went to the food stalls, Hongjoong grabbed water bottles and you took a big few gulps before exhaling loudly. “I think I should have just come to a concert before deciding I was depressed and needed to change my environment. This is free therapy!”

Hongjoong laughed loudly. “Post-concert depression is also a thing. Don’t move around after that.”

“Really?” You said but realised that your heart was still pounding and your legs were still thrumming along to some beat. “You better deal with that mess then.”

“Oh, I will,” he smirked and you raised a brow. You hadn’t missed the ‘casual’ touches Hongjoong had passed throughout the concert, nor had you missed how he glanced at you more often than necessary. And he alone wasn’t to blame- you hadn’t been subtle either. There was an undeniable pull between you two and it wasn’t helping that you two were tiptoeing around it and not addressing it. “You wanna take a walk and calm down before we go home?”

You nodded and didn’t protest when he took your hand in his and guided you to the exit, avoiding people he recognised because he didn’t want you to feel overwhelmed. Once you were out, you intertwined your fingers as a silent thanks and to let him know you didn’t mind holding hands.

“I won’t forget tonight,” Hongjoong’s voice was low. “I enjoyed it very much.”

“Me too,” you pursed your lips. “It was also a bit nostalgic being there- I don’t know why, but I just felt… like I’ve been there before.”

“Really?” Hongjoong looked genuinely surprised. “I felt the same- I’ve been to many concerts but this was the first time I felt so nostalgic- but more like I was having an intense deja vu.”

“I think it’s us,” you grinned at him. “When I was writing for fun, I read something that stuck with me- that there are some people we know in another reality. We instantly feel a connection with them and they make us feel like we’ve been there before- with them. Do you think so too?”

“I didn’t know it was actually a thing,” Hongjoong seemed fascinated. “I thought it was just because I liked you a little too much.”

You tried suppressing a grin but failed, bumping against him on purpose, squeezing his hand. He copied that and you two giggled like kids. “That’s the most cheesy thing I’ve heard in a while. I think I should use it in one of my books.”

“I’d read that,” he laughed and you both paused when you reached the intersection- you were to go left and he to right. He turned you towards him, looking down at your still joined hands. “I think you should let go now.”

“I think you’re the one still holding, see?” You flexed your fingers in his hand and he chuckled.

“I’m taking you to dinner next time- a real date. If… if you’d like to,” Hongjoong asked cautiously.

You pretended to think about it. “I think I’d like to. Very much. Good night, Hongjoong, and thank you for today.”

You leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek, making his eyes go wide in surprise. You grinned at that, waving and rushing off before he could respond because god, he looked absolutely hot when he looked at you that way.

And you were glad he had voiced that he liked you and that you weren’t hallucinating or reading too much into things. Because you liked Kim Hongjoong very much. It was strange how it felt like you had known him longer than the actual few weeks because you weren’t the kind of person to open up to someone this quickly, nor did you get along with many people.

You put your hands in your pocket as you walked back and felt something in one of the pockets- a card. You took it out and frowned in confusion- you didn’t remember putting this business card in your pocket, nor did you remember ever meeting Lee Sunmi from ‘Wonderland Intelligence Service’. The WIS was a government organisation- something not even known to the general public. Why did you have the business card of someone from the WIS?

As you got home and changed, you sat in front of your laptop on the table, staring at your plain black desktop screen, zoned out. There was this feeling like something scratching at your subconscious- you just couldn’t figure it out. And when you felt something wet on your cheeks, you realised it was tears. You wiped your face, suddenly overwhelmed, and decided to cry your heart out when you couldn’t hold it back anymore.

You couldn’t figure out what was this sadness clinging to you like a part of your soul- it followed you everywhere. You couldn’t find its origin nor could you see its end. All you knew was that there was something you had forgotten- it couldn’t just be your dreams and imagination making you sad. There was no way. You had forgotten something, and whatever it was, it must have been important to you.

You needed to find answers. And you would start with yourself. Tomorrow.

Tonight, you cry, alone.

In his apartment, having washed up, Hongjoong sat in his studio-room in front of his big setup of laptops and PCs, a mess of wires and screens and speakers and earphones lying around. It was always comforting to simply sit and stare, even if he wasn’t working. He thought about the concert earlier, about you, with a faint smile on his face.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had let loose like this. You probably wouldn’t believe it if he told you, but he wasn’t always like this. There was just something utterly familiar and comforting and welcoming about you that made him open up to you and befriend you, that made him want more than being just friends. He thought you were absolutely pretty- in the way you held yourself, in the way you talked. And he had seen a new side of you tonight- the wild side, and oh, he knew in that moment that he was done for. There was no coming back now.

He had to have you.

Hongjoong opened up a few folders, trying to find old concert footage or photos from the last time he went- probably a year or two ago, maybe even earlier. He had a habit of organising his folders by years, and he went to open the one from last year, not finding much, just some photos of the scenery that usually served as inspiration when he produced or composed. He opened the folder from two years ago, finding photos of-

Sector 7? The board read Sector 7 in one of the photos. He frowned as he tried to recall- when exactly had he gone to Sector 7? He couldn’t quite recall and he thought it odd- he wasn’t one with memory issues, he had never been. Hongjoong opened one of the photos- Sector 7 was famous for its hills and rivers. He scrolled through the photos of clouds, hills, flowers, finding a few of himself and then some of a cafe- a book cafe, it looked like.

Hongjoong stared at the photo for a long time- it seemed awfully familiar but it was odd that he couldn’t recall what he was doing at a book cafe. He wasn’t the type to go to cafes alone- certainly not book cafes. It was also a bit odd that he could only recall fragments of his trip if he tried hard. He shrugged, opening his music files from that year- perhaps something would rock his memory.

There were surprisingly more tracks there than he had expected. He opened a random one, which was a guitar sample. Before he could open another, his phone rang and he went to find it, finding his old friend Seonghwa calling and he slumped on the bed, talking to him for a long part of the night and catching up, forgetting all about the audio and music files in his folder.

—---------------------

“Do you ever think that you’ve been replaced in another reality? That you’ve… switched with the ‘you’ of the other dimension?”

“What in the world have you been reading again?” Mingi looked up from his laptop to frown at you. “Don’t tell me you stayed up all night reading those conspiracy theories again.”

“Doesn’t it make sense?” You continued, pouting as you played with the rings on your fingers. “You remember everything because you’ve lived the same life, but at the same time, some of your memories… there’s a glitch.”

“Definitely the conspiracy theories,” Yunho muttered, not even bothering to look up at you as he worked on something, picking his mug to take a sip of his coffee. “Why are you here again? I thought you had better places to be.”

“This was ‘better places’,” you threw a pen at Yunho who scoffed. “I am unwanted. I should make myself scarce.”

“Now you realise, after like a decade of our friendship,” Mingi sighed deeply and you cursed out loud, straightening when you heard keys jingle and the door unlocking.

“Hi guys- oh, you’re here too,” Seonghwa waved at you and you smiled, waving back. “I’m just stopping by to throw my stuff- I’m hanging out with a friend tonight. Don’t wait for me at dinner.”

“Ah, we’ll have to order takeout again,” Mingi sighed again and Yunho laughed. Seonghwa stopped to point his finger accusingly at the two before rushing to his room. You looked at Yunho who was eyeing you rather suspiciously.

“What?” You challenged- you had told him you were not interested in Seonghwa like that, but Yunho seemed intent to do something about your relationship status, saying it was necessary at this point- you had been single way too long.

“Nothing,” Yunho stifled a smile and you all waved at Seonghwa as he said bye. You looked back at Yunho. “Can you stop smiling like a clown and tell me- if you knew your memories were going to be lost, what would you do?”

“If and only if you’re writing again, I’ll answer,” Yunho challenged. You pursed your lips.

“Maybe I will.”

“Fine,” Yunho straightened, thinking. It had always been like this- you, sitting aimlessly around the two, throwing the most random questions and mostly talking to yourself. It helped straighten your thoughts out and that helped when you wrote. “So I know my memories are going to be lost, and I want to protect the cherished ones?”

“Kind of, yes,” you nodded, thinking about your dreams. “There’s someone important to you that you’re going to forget. You can’t avoid it. What would you do?”

“Maybe you wanted to forget them,” Mingi almost mumbled. He looked up from his laptop to find you two staring at him. “Just a thought, carry on.”

You made a face and Yunho reflected, saying, “That’s plausible too. But… maybe I’d keep something in case I want to remember, huh? How would that even work?”

“Maybe a journal or a picture… or an object that would remind me of them?” You mused. “But all of that’s easily manipulated. Something I would know for sure is real.”

“And you can’t rely on your memories, if they come back?” Yunho looked confused. “Because you can’t figure out what was real and what was your imagination. I read something similar once too.”

“Yeah, so what would you do?” You asked.

“I don’t know,” Yunho shrugged. “Probably hide something that belonged to them in a place only I would know.”

“Or hide something in plain sight but decipherable only to you- if you want to remember,” Mingi contributed and you did a double-take because that was the kind of thing you would do as well. “Maybe you shouldn’t be looking too far, you know?”

“You’re kind of a genius, Mingi,” you acknowledged and he simply saluted.

“But the kind of people you both are, you’d be staring right at it for the rest of your life and never figure it out,” Yunho sighed and the two of you laughed- that was something that was definitely a possibility with you and Mingi. “You’ll have better luck hiding a time capsule. At least you could be right about the location if you ever decide to bury one.”

“But… where would I bury a time capsule?” Mingi was not fully invested in the discussion, having put aside his laptop and shifting on the couch. “I have several places in mind. Do I go digging around at each site? I’d look like a maniac”

“Think of a place special to you,” Yunho mused, relaxing back. “Some place you go to when you’re alone. A place special to you, known only to you.”

“I don’t have such a place I think,” you said, disappointed. “Probably my room is the closest to the description.”

Mingi snickered at that and Yunho shook his head, “There’s always such a place for everyone. You just gotta think.”

You did think when you got back home that night. You combed through your room, spending hours rearranging the mess in your drawers, pausing at certain objects with a smile- like the mini penguin plushie from Mingi at your last birthday or the box of stationery from Yunho which contained everything you needed whenever you were in the process of writing something- markers, sticky notes, even some words of affirmations handwritten by Yunho himself, some scolding you to stop slacking.

Some objects made you sad as well- remnants of your childhood, of your parents, a few items making you incredibly nostalgic. But everything you owned had a distinct memory attached to it- there was nothing out of the ordinary in your room. You even searched through your laptop for any journal entries (you weren’t the type, though) or anything, but the only thing amiss was a draft for what you assumed had to be a story prompt. It was in a folder where you kept the few selfies you sometimes took. You thought it was odd that a text file was there but it had probably been because you were in a rush. You opened it and skimmed through it- some plot about a writer being a spy hired by her country to investigate illegal activities in the entertainment industry. You smiled to yourself- it wasn’t an unusual plot for you as you usually wrote crime novels, but there was a hint of romance in this one, which was new because you never wanted to add romance in your books.

You sighed- maybe you were losing it, maybe you needed to go out more.

And when Hongjoong texted and offered to take you out on a lunch date two days later, you agreed, forgetting about the blue-haired boy that had been plaguing your thoughts recently.

—-----------------

Hanging out with Hongjoong every other day was becoming a part of your routine- meeting up for coffee in the evenings, getting dinner together a few times or just late night walks in the park when you first met him- because you lived so close to each other, it wasn’t too hard to meet up. And you weren’t going to complain- you were in a better mood these days, as observed by Mingi and Yunho.

They teased you often about Hongjoong- you hadn’t told them anything about him yet. You knew they would never let you live if things with Hongjoong didn’t turn out like you were expecting, so you teased them to bits especially when they tried guessing his name.

“Sometimes I have a feeling that it’s Seonghwa- but then… he would have told us, right?” Yunho looked at Mingi and he scoffed.

“Seonghwa wouldn’t like her,” Mingi pointed with his controller, going back to playing the video game as if he hadn’t just insulted you.

“Excuse me? What’s so wrong about me, why are you always like this?” You were whining now, poking his thigh with your feet that were sprawled over the couch and Yunho laughed.

“I’m just saying Seonghwa knows better. You’re a mess, frankly. No wonder you’re still single- ouch!”

“Well deserved,” Yunho agreed with you this time, complimenting your aim- you had tossed a pillow at Mingi and it had barely missed his eyes. “She’s not that bad-”

“Not helping, Yunho,” you put a finger on your lips, indicating to him to shut up if he couldn’t say anything better. “Honestly? Admit it I’m better than those girls who put on this fake persona. At least I’m real. Who doesn’t like that? What if I was a stuck-up bitch who only cared about how her nails looked- oh, hi, Seonghwa.”

You didn’t mind Seonghwa now, mostly because he didn’t mind your presence, though he had been wary for the first few times you came over. He explained that it was just because he was shy but you got comfortable with each other soon- perhaps because with Yunho and Mingi present, it felt like you were all old friends.

It didn’t help that Seonghwa knew way more about you than you’d like, thanks to certain two loud-mouthed friends of yours. Seonghwa waved, sitting across from you. “You were saying?”

“Nothing,” you smiled sweetly but Yunho had other plans.

“She’s still not telling us who it is she’s been meeting up with. She’s not even telling us if they’re still friends or more,” Yunho sighed dramatically.

“She’ll tell you when she wants to, isn’t that right?” Seonghwa winked at her and you looked at him gratefully. “You haven’t ordered yet, have you? I should ask Hongjoong when he’s coming.”

You frowned, watching Seonghwa fish out his phone and text ‘Hongjoong’. “Your friend who’s joining us today- he’s called Hongjoong?”

“Yep,” Seonghwa finished texting, looking up. You had a funny look on your face as you looked at Yunho who was following you and you scoffed.

“What are the chances?” You muttered.

“AH, so he’s called Hongjoong?” Yunho raised a brow. “Let’s wait for this Hongjoong to arrive then. Let’s not talk more about him.”

You felt a sudden thrill- was it really such a small world you lived in? And if Hongjoong really was Seonghwa’s friend… that would be a big coincidence.

And it turned out to be right. When you spotted the familiar ‘oreo-hair’, as you titled it, you hid your face in your hands for a moment before looking up at Hongjoong, who paused and looked at everyone in the room before back at you, and then you two were laughing like madmen.

“I’m kicking them both out,” Mingi got up, laughing along as he dragged you by the arm. “Get out of my apartment, you’re scaring me with the way you’re laughing!”

“No, it’s just…” you finished laughing, wiping your eyes. “He’s the Hongjoong that I- that I’m friends with.”

“Just friends?” Seonghwa asked. “I thought Hongjoong loved you or something-”

“Shut up, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong smacked his arms. “We’re… dating. I think.”

“You think?” Yunho guided Hongjoong to sit. “You better tell us everything, the two of you.”

And so you did. You two were meeting up every other day, yes. Maybe you could call it a date, but you two found out that you preferred really getting to know each other before defining your relationship- friends, or more. And so far, you two were still confused.

“You two definitely like each other, look at the hearts in your eyes,” Seonghwa sighed dramatically. “Get a room.”

“Seonghwa, please,” you groaned. Seonghwa was one of Hongjoong’s oldest friends and you felt like you could instantly trust him- and that also made you two more comfortable with each other, as friends. “Shut up and eat.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he obeyed, taking another slice of pizza. “So you two met on the train, then by chance, found each other in the park. And now you’re dating. You should write a book. And you, Hongjoong. I bet you’ve already written a song about her.”

Mingi snickered at that and Hongjoong groaned loudly. “Let’s leave, y/n.”

“Let’s,” you folded your arms, waiting for anyone to stop you but the three hyenas were too busy laughing and eating. “I hate you all.”

“Hate is a strong word,” Mingi commented.

“I wish there was a stronger word in my head right now,” you smiled sweetly at him and then looked at Hongjoong. “You know, if you had mentioned a certain Seonghwa being your friend, I would have connected the dots.”

“I did!” Hongjoong said. “I’m sure I did… you could have mentioned Yunho or Mingi too!”

The two of you got into an argument that escalated from being bad with names to arguing about why you had memory issues recently and why Hongjoong couldn’t separate dreams from reality when you realised the three of them were quietly listening to everything.

“My god,” Mingi was the first to break the silence. “They’re just like each other.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled and for the rest of the night you tolerated your group of friends, giving in to their teasing. That’s just how it was between the three of you, and from the looks of it, Seonghwa and Hongjoong shared a similar relationship as well. You found yourself looking around, heart full- these were your people.

You wished you all would stay like this for a long time.

When it was almost midnight, you grabbed your stuff and said goodbyes. Hongjoong was quick to get up and offered to walk you and you nodded- you two would be going to the same path anyway, at least for a while.

“It’s a small world,” Hongjoong found himself laughing as the two of you walked through the streets. “I never expected this.”

“Me neither,” you grinned. “It was becoming a joke at this point because I wasn’t telling your name to any of them on purpose.”

“Why though?” Hongjoong sounded curious. “Because they would tease you?”

“Oh, I’m used to that, it even goes over my head now,” you shook your head. “It’s just… I’ve had a bad experience with dating- god, that sounds wrong. I just mean that dating rarely works for me, which has become an inside joke now.”

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right guy yet?” Hongjoong looked hopeful and you passed him a look but then sighed.

“I think it’s a me-problem. I’m rarely ever emotionally available. That doesn’t sit well with people- they don’t expect it from me even if I tell them beforehand. And when they do find out… it doesn’t end well.”

“I can relate to that- I’m more of the ‘physically absent’ person when it comes to dating, being always busy with work. I’ve always put work as my priority and that doesn’t sit well with people.”

“They say they understand, they all do… but they never really understand. I’m just- I don’t deal with the dramatics, Hongjoong. I hate it when someone’s being vague with me. I want to hear the truth, and I want to tell the truth. That sounds simple but that’s probably the hardest thing to do.”

“It is,” Hongjoong was nodding. “The truth isn’t always what people want to hear.”

“I think,” you were now stepping in the blocks of the tiles along the pavement and Hongjoong found it adorable that you were avoiding the lines. “I think I really like you Hongjoong. You’re honest, unfiltered, and you know your priorities. I like that. I’m just figuring out if we’re better off as friends or if we should try being more.”

“Ah,” Hongjoong’s heart did a somersault. “I kind of understand what you meant about yourself. You make it sound like it’s very simple, y/n, making that sort of a decision.”

“Isn’t it?” You stopped and turned to him, grinning. “I like you. I could kiss you right now. But if you tell me we think we’re better off as friends, I would-”

You didn’t get to complete your sentence because Hongjoong had cupped your face and was kissing you urgently, as if trying to tell you to stop thinking anymore. You got the message and brought your hands to his shoulders, squeezing them as you kissed him back, tasting chocolate from the dessert you had just before you left. You kissed him deeper, stifling a groan because he could kiss, and his hands travelling to the back of your head and cradling your neck were driving you insane.

Hongjoong broke apart, your breaths mingling as he rested his forehead against yours. “I- I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, y/n. Can we try being more than friends?”

“Of course,” your response was quick. “I didn’t realise that you liked me this much.”

Hongjoong laughed when you poked his stomach. He poked it back, drawing apart a bit and tucking your hair back. “There’s just something about you that speaks to me in a familiar way. I think we’d be good together, don’t you think so?”

You nodded. You two could be good together. You snaked your hand in his and urged him to walk with you. “Do you want to go to Sector 7 with me, Hongjoong?”

“Sector 7? What for?” He asked.

“There’s a place I need to go,” you sighed deeply. “I need to solve a mystery. And I need you with me as I do it.”

“You’re being weird,” Hongjoong teased but when he saw that you were serious, he paused. “Is this about your dreams- the flashbacks? You want to confirm?”

“Kind of, yeah,” you nodded. You had told him about your flashbacks- of a presence that you missed, of places you’ve been to or things you’ve done that you no longer had a memory of.

Surprisingly, Hongjoong hadn’t deemed you insane. He had been nothing but a great help, telling you that it was okay, urging you to explore and find answers if it was bugging you to the point that you had trouble sleeping. Hongjoong squeezed your hand yet again, as he had so many times. “I’ll be with you.”

That night, the two of you discovered a missing piece in the long-forgotten puzzle.

Hongjoong sat, lovestruck, in front of his PC, scrolling through some old samples looking for inspiration. He came upon an unclosed tab from days ago- those samples that he didn’t recall producing. And when he played all of them patiently, his chest tight from the intense deja vu, he couldn’t help but think that he, too, had a mystery to solve. And perhaps, going to Sector 7 with you would rock his memory. It was incredibly odd that you were going to Sector 7 because of a similar question as well- maybe you two didn’t realise it yet but you were both on the same journey, with one destination. But why- how could this happen?

How could this happen, you thought as you went through the draft that you had read a few days ago. It was starting to look less like a draft and more like a narration of events- there was the blue haired boy. He was a producer. The main character was a writer. And the blue haired boy had said something-

“Cold snowflakes wither and fall Until you bloom as a spring flower I’ll be with you-”

You hadn’t made the connection until you were showering after coming back, recalling what Hongjoong had said just before you had parted ways- ‘I’ll be with you’. It would have been a casual phrase but then you recalled seeing these lyrics in Hongjoong’s music journal- he was working on the rhythm for the song. As soon as you finished showering, you were wondering just where you had heard it before- and then about an hour later, you found it in your draft.

Could your blue haired boy really be Hongjoong? If so, what was the reason you didn’t remember him? You supposed there was only one way to find out- Sector 7.

—--------------------

You decided not to mention that you suspected Hongjoong to be your blue haired boy for several reasons. He could be pretending not to know you, which was very suspicious. He could have forgotten you as well, which was more suspicious. But you were going to be testing Hongjoong today- you were going to be watching his every move and see just what was going on.

Clearly, he was doing the same thing as you. As you two sat in the train, deciding public transport would be the best since you had no idea how long this trip would take, you both were feeling that same deja vu like the last time you shared a train journey together, and…

You both were staring at each other. Without shame.

Hongjoong was the first to give in with a nervous laugh and he brushed his clothes, running a hand through his hair. “You know… I don’t like being watched.”

“Maybe you’re just a very pretty sight to see, you know,” you were chewing gum fiercely. “Maybe I’m… memorising your face. After all, we kissed two days ago. I thought we were going somewhere, Hongjoong-”

“Stop teasing me,” he laughed, and your heart swelled when you found his cheeks flushed. Even if Hongjoong wasn’t who he was pretending to be, which you were maybe 49 percent sure was the case, he was still a very cute and handsome and sexy guy. You mentally slapped yourself for not coming up with better vocabulary as a writer, but hey, what could you say? He did render you at loss for words oftentimes.

“Are we not going to address where we stand, Hongjoong?” You teased again, poking his shoes with your own.

“I think…” Hongjoong scanned you and you made weird faces but he tried to be serious. “I think that I don’t know who you are, y/n.”

“Well, we never really know each other. I won’t claim I know myself either, at this point,” you almost mumbled the last part.

“I can relate to that,” Hongjoong sighed, scooting to the corner. “Why are we really going to Sector 7? And I need to hear the truth this time, y/n. You’re not giving me answers and I don’t know why I followed you- I mean, I trust you. I feel like I can trust you, but I don’t know where we are headed.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that you trust me,” you said- you really were. “It’s just… I don’t know why I’m going either. I just need to go and I need to find some answers. I need to clear my suspicions. I think I forgot something important, Hongjoong. We’re visiting a book cafe- I hope to find answers there.”

Hongjoong straightened up after hearing that. Could it be? “The book cafe at the top of the hill?”

“Ah, you’ve been there?” Now that was news to you and certainly made things more confusing.

“I think I have,” Hongjoong nodded. “I was scrolling through some old photos and found some. I don’t really recall going there, though, which is odd.”

“Well, I think you might be involved then, Hongjoong,” you said cautiously and he frowned in confusion. “Did you, perhaps, have blue hair when you went to that book cafe?”

“From the pictures I saw? Yes. But did we go at the same time?” Hongjoong asked. “Do you remember when you went there? I checked the date- I went around 2 years ago.��

“I don’t have proof that I went there, just… flashbacks,” you sighed. “Which is why I cannot trust my memory and need concrete proof. And I don’t want to think of you as the blue haired boy until I’m sure it was you. Because if you think about it… could we have known each other? Really? What is this then, mind wiping? Time travel? Alternate reality?”

“Slow down,” Hongjoong grinned.

“I might be going overboard with my imagination but I’m not crazy, Hongjoong,” you said but Hongjoong nodded sarcastically- you didn’t sound very convincing. You groaned, giving in. “Okay, yes, I’m going to prove that I’m not crazy. Why are you going?”

“To prove that I’m not crazy,” Hongjoong admitted and you raised a brow. “I found some samples that I don’t remember producing. A few photos that I don’t remember taking. And they were kind of hidden, in my own laptop, if that makes sense,” he looked at you. “As if I hid them from myself.”

“Crazy because I found a draft too,” you told him. “It’s supposed to be a story but I think it’s meant to be a narration.”

“But if we did know each other… and if we’ve forgotten- I’m entertaining this crazy impossible idea only because we’re on the train and we have time to kill,” he looked pointedly at you and you scoffed. “But… what I’m saying is that if we knew each other… the people around us would have known about us too, right? Like Seonghwa, Yunho, Mingi. But we’re all strangers, aren’t we?”

“But the timeline…” you leaned forward. “It was almost a year ago that I woke up in my room and thought that I was an alien because nothing in my room made sense to me! I told you about that- I always, always make patterns, but there were missing photos on the softboard, the room was a mess-”

“One drunken night could do wonders-”

“We’re theorising, okay, let’s explore every possibility,” you slapped his thigh and he shrugged. “I was feeling so disoriented. Didn’t something like that happen to you too?”

“It did,” he had told you about it- it wasn’t as obvious to him but he felt this intense dread for no reason. It was like he had lost something important but didn’t know. The kind of gut feeling you get when something bad is about to happen. “But it could have been a coincidence.”

“Duh, but we’re thinking of possibilities other than coincidences,” you leaned back, biting your nails as you thought. “It can’t be a past life. It could be an alternate reality but… let’s think realistically first, huh?”

“Sure,” Hongjoong laughed. “Such a realistic trip we’re going on.”

“Look, if you think I’ve lost it after this trip, we can pretend the kiss never happened and go back to being friends,” you laughed but it fell when you saw the look Hongjoong gave- like he was going to scold you. “Unless you don’t want to be friends anymore?”

You almost sank to your knees- you hadn’t entertained the possibility that Hongjoong might actually think that you are nuts and never want to see you again. But when Hongjoong leaned forward and grabbed your hands in his, you found him smiling.

“One of the reasons I like you is because of your brain- even though it doesn’t make sense most of the time,” he laughed and you joined, feeling relieved. “I like how you think. You make me look at the world differently, y/n.”

“Yeah. The crazy pov must help a lot with producing and stuff, huh?” You said and he chuckled.

“I just connect with you, crazy or not,” Hongjoong said. “We’re friends no matter what. We’re friends first, no matter what answers we might find ahead. Can we shake hands on that?”

“Definitely,” you shook hands with him.

“If what you’re thinking is true… it could be something ugly,” he sounded grim. “But… let’s remember this moment. I would like you to hold my hand if I want to run away, and I can do the same for you.”

“Hongjoong, you’re gonna make me cry,” your lips were quivering as you looked up.

“Don’t cry,” he cupped your face, wiping your eyes. “Let’s trust each other, okay? Let’s not hide things.”

“Let’s not run away from the truth,” you added and he nodded, kissing your forehead. “Talking about the truth, what if one of our friends knows about us but is hiding it from us?”

It was Hongjoong’s turn to smack the spot on your forehead where he had just kissed you. “You think too much, I’ll admit.”

“Ah,” you shook your head in disappointment, drawing away. “All that talk about finding my brain sexy was lies, huh?”

“First of all, I never called your brain sexy!” Hongjoong was laughing.

“That’s how it translated in my head!”

And so, the two of you bickered and made fun of each other until you reached the station. You both had only one backpack each with a change of clothes so you were quick and anxious to get out of the train, immediately gasping at the sudden change of scenery.

Sector 7 was everything Sector 8 wasn’t. For starters, the train station was cleaner- no wrappers lying around, no drunkards lining the walls. It was all monochrome and had a retro vibe to it- but then again, Sector 7 was known for leaning towards nature and cleanliness rather than the modern mess which seemed to be your home’s staple.

“The air feels so… different,” Hongjoong looked at you as you exited, picking a stray leaf from your hair. “Everything smells… cleaner.”

“Definitely,” you took a deep breath. “I can feel my lungs opening. I can’t believe how suffocating our hometown is. Maybe I should have moved here instead of Sector 1- at least I could have come back healthier.”

Hongjoong laughed. “Sector 1 really wasn’t much different from Sector 8, huh?”

“Yep,” you scoffed, looking at your phone for all the book cafes in Sector 7. “Just more modern and messier. Also, you should have taken a photo of the name of the cafe, Hongjoong. Really would have saved us the trip.”

“We have time to kill, don’t we?” Hongjoong shrugged, smiling. “Besides, how many book cafes could there be in one sector?”

An astonishing five was the answer. It seemed like the people here had a thing for book cafes. Sector 7 was the smallest sector but it had more book cafes than any other sector. And since it was a hilly area, you couldn’t rule out your options, and Hongjoong’s photos of the inside of the cafe weren’t helping much, though you did rank the cafes from the most probable to the least before marking the route on the map before taking the bus to get dropped off at the foot of one of the two hills that had two cafes.

“Better be one of them,” you sighed, looking up- the hill looked smaller in the photos on the internet. “That’s quite a hike.”

“I hope it’ll be worth it,” Hongjoong was mirroring your position.

“Shush. We’re having fun whether we find something or not. That’s the plan, remember?” You smiled and he took your hand, squeezing it before following you up to the trail.

Though the first cafe had a similar interior to the one you could see from the few pictures Hongjoong had, you decided it wasn’t the one after surveying. You did grab coffee to go and decided to rest before hiking up. You were checking your group chat with Yunho and Mingi which made you scoff internally- they were being wild.

Mingi: I hope you’re having… ‘fun’.

Yunho: Let’s not disturb her today hehehe

“What’s so funny?” Hongjoong snickered. “You know you can laugh.”

You let out the laugh you had been holding. “Just Yunho and Mingi. They can get weird sometimes, especially in our group chat.”

“Tell me about it,” Hongjoong scoffed. “We have a group chat of 6 and boy, does it get crazy. I keep them on mute.”

“Is that the one with Seonghwa? He seems… mature.”

“Mature?” Hongjoong laughed. “To you, maybe. He’s still a kid.”

You noticed how Hongjoong was smiling. “You adore him.”

“I don’t,” Hongjoong didn’t sound convincing and you shrugged. “Okay, yeah, of course I do.”

“See, that wasn’t too hard,” you stretched your limbs. “I adore Yunho and Mingi too- at times when the desire to kill them is less stronger.”

“Yeah, that’s more relatable,” Hongjoong agreed, finishing his coffee. “Do you think… if we knew each other, and one of our friends knew about us… they didn’t tell us on purpose?”

You looked at him- that was something you had discussed on your train ride too but it seemed like the possibility stayed with him. “Isn’t Seonghwa your closest friend? Has he done anything to make you feel like that could actually be a possibility? Because I was just rambling on the train-”

“I don’t know,” Hongjoong sighed, leaning forward and watching his shoes stick in the grass. He recalled the time when he found you at his place during dinner with the boys. Seonghwa had, just for a moment, looked at Hongjoong like he had found something he wasn’t supposed to find though he had been pretty normal later- a bit too normal, if he could admit. “I don’t know how I’ll feel if that’s the case.”

You took Hongjoong’s hand in yours, tracing his fingers. “You have cute hands.”

“Shut up,” he laughed.

“No, really,” you laughed back, taking a deep breath. “Seonghwa seems like someone who genuinely cares about you. Even if he did that, which is a possibility I’m not actually entertaining, but even if he didn’t tell you about this on purpose… I’m sure he had his reasons, Hongjoong. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, right? He’s been your friend for like a decade, just like Yunho and Mingi with me, right?”

Hongjoong nodded. “If Yunho and Mingi did that to you, would you hate them?”

“I don’t think I can ever hate them. That’s how it is with friends,” you squeezed his hand. “I won’t hate anyone after finding out the truth. Maybe the only person I’ll hate is myself.”

“You should be kind to yourself,” Hongjoong almost whispered, turning towards you. “I believe you, you know. Even if we find out nothing today, even if the dots don’t connect… I believe in you.”

You couldn’t help it. You couldn’t help watching his eyes sparkle like there were more worlds to explore than the one you were in. You couldn’t help but not smile when he did, when his face shifted into warmth and loveliness, so you went ahead and pecked his lips, lingering a bit before you drew back, clearly having surprised him. Before you could regret the decision and maybe apologise, Hongjoong was cupping your face with one hand and bringing you forward to meet his lips in a proper kiss and after you recovered from the shock, you were kissing him back with equal enthusiasm, ditching your coffee to fist his shirt as you brought him closer.

“Shit,” Hongjoong breathed as he broke the kiss, shaking his head in amusement. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

You grinned, pulling him closer for the dramatics. “You can always back out.”

“Nah, I’m enjoying this,” Hongjoong cupped your face in both hands this time as he kissed you and you were amazed, blown by how good he was at kissing. He knew what exactly to do and you were submitting to him. You only pulled apart when you heard the faint sound of passersby but he finished with a peck to your cheek, tucking your hair behind your ear.

You stifled a smile, suddenly shy, watching him straighten his clothes and hair and when he was done, he looked at you. “Done staring?”

“Nope,” you muttered, continuing to watch him as he picked up both your cups and threw them in the trash can. “I’ve suddenly forgotten what we were supposed to do.”

“We’re hiking up, hello?” Hongjoong snapped his fingers in front of you and you came to your senses. He extended his hand and you took it, helping you get up. “Done already?”

“Done for,” you teased as you elbowed him, making him grin. “You should know that this was supposed to be a platonic investigation trip.”

“We can make it a romantic mystery trip,” Hongjoong suggested.

“Gosh, you sound cheesy,” you made a face and he laughed. “No wonder you’ve been single for so long. Whoever would tolerate such cheesiness?”

“Says you!” Hongjoong scoffed. “When’s the last time you dated?”

“Oops,” you flinched. “Does the imaginary blue haired boy count? Pretty sure I’m dating him…”

“You can’t two-time on me,” Hongjoong narrowed his eyes.

“Whatever. He’s prettier,” you mumbled.

“You don’t even know what he looks like!”

And somehow, with the constant teasing and bickering (and a few kisses exchanged to prove a few points), you were outside the second cafe- Cafe Crescent. With folded arms, you scanned the exterior- all wood and greens, and then looked at the view it provided with the outdoor sitting- you could see the majority of Sector 7 from this point of the hill.

“Pretty cool. We should have lunch here, what do you say?” You asked.

“Yep, definitely. I don’t think I can tolerate the sound of your growling stomach anymore…”

“I should just friendzone you,” you decided before urging him to follow you, ignoring his chuckles. Once you stepped inside though, you both automatically shut up.

“This has to be it,” Hongjoong was the first one to say. You agreed, and you placed your orders before surveying the inside, pretending to look at the books that lined one whole wall. There was a variety of genres that made you pleased.

“We have the more recent books in the back too,” one of the staff pointed. “Along with a photobooth, if you’re up for it.”

“Thank you,” you smiled and you two decided to eat first, in case you would lose your appetite later.

And you were right about that. After you finished eating, which was quick since you two were silent eaters, you went to the back, wowing- the back was more pastels, just like in the photos that Hongjoong had. There were two large bookshelves and some couches and the smell of coffee in the air just made it perfect.

“I like it here,” you mumbled, scanning the shelves and scoffing when you found your own book there. “Hongjoong? Do you wanna see my book?”

“Your book is here?” Hongjoong wowed. “That’s nice.”

“There it is,” you picked it out. Hongjoong had already read your book before he knew you so he was quite surprised when he found out you were a published writer. You opened the first page and smiled to yourself- the nostalgia was strong with this one.

“Let me see,” Hongjoong asked and you gave him the book, which he was skimming through as you went to the photobooth and saw several polaroids stuck to a softboard- of tourists, probably. You were looking at them when you felt Hongjoong tap your shoulder.

“Uhh, you might want to see this.”

You leaned forward to see what he was pointing at, surprised to find a doodle with your signature- a blue haired boy and a girl that looked an awful lot like you.

“Only I would dare to doodle in my own book, huh?” You muttered as you took the book, inspecting it closely. You skimmed through the rest of the pages, finding a few words that were highlighted in blue. “I think I should sit down and see what the random highlighted parts are about.”

“Sure, I’ll look for another book if they have,” Hongjoong offered and you nodded. Hongjoong asked the staff if they had more works or copies by that author, but it seemed like the one in your hand was the only copy they had, so he sat with you and you noted every highlighted word that came in random intervals, noticing that sometimes a single letter was highlighted as well.

It took about half an hour- and complaining about the length of your own book- when Hongjoong had the words down and he stared at the long note in confusion.

“Forget… do… not… love… you… one… the… and what’s with these letters?”

“Do not forget the one you love?” You translated for him and he wowed.

“You’re quick.”

“Let me see this,” you took the note from him, working on arranging the rest of the message while he fidgeted in nervousness and by the time you were done, you were looking at Hongjoong in disbelief, passing him the note to read.

“Do not forget the one you love. Your mind may forget but your heart will remember. If there is one memory you could keep it is of him. Ignorance is bliss.”

“Does this make sense to you?” Hongjoong asked, noticing the unarranged letters. “And what’s this?”

“Go ahead and figure it out. It’s an anagram.”

Hongjoong stared at the jumbled letters for barely a few seconds before he looked at you. “That’s… my name.”

“Kim Hongjoong,” you pursed your lips. “You are my blue haired boy.”

“Wait- hold up,” he stared at the note, feeling his heart sink. “It doesn’t make any sense- I… what does this mean?”

“It means I might have to look closer than I thought,” you got up, going to the softboard glancing at the polaroids. “Where would I hide something I wouldn’t want to forget? In plain sight. I might have to look through my room again, and I think you should too.”

“But,” Hongjoong stood next to you with the note in his hand. “If we knew each other, why have we forgotten?”

“Ignorance is bliss,” you quoted. “I think we’re not supposed to remember each other for some strange reason.”

“And the biggest question- how did we forget? The both of us?” He sighed. “It just… doesn’t make any sense.”

“It’s as confusing for you as it is for me,” you noticed a polaroid peeking from behind another photo- the only one not on display in the entire board. “But…” you said as you leaned forward and unpinned that photo, not expecting to see two familiar faces in the photo behind. “I… think we have concrete proof now.”

The photo was a selfie of Hongjoong in blue hair with you sporting bangs that you had some two or three years ago. Hongjoong looked at you in disbelief and then at the photo- it looked like he had a hard time processing all of this. He handed you the photo and muttered something about getting air, leaving you inside the cafe.

You stared at the photo- it was taken at this very photobooth, and dated the same as the pictures Hongjoong had. Hongjoong and you were cheek to cheek, grinning like idiots. Idiots in love, you thought, smiling to yourself despite the absurdity of the situation. You turned the polaroid, not surprised to see your writing on it.

“To the love that I may forget, I hope we find each other again.

P.S.: Contact Lee Sunmi.”

The name sounded familiar and you wondered where you had heard of it before. You put the photo in your pocket and took your and Hongjoong’s stuff, placed your book back on the shelf and found Hongjoong sitting on a bench at the edge of the hill, wiping his face. You could understand how he felt- you had been entertaining so many possibilities for a while now, but he probably hadn’t thought it could be real- and the fact that he was involved in this and had forgotten you too…

You joined him on the bench, staring ahead at the sun setting. You let a few minutes of comfortable silence pass before you showed him the backside of the polaroid.

“I knew you were familiar from the moment I saw you. I have never, ever opened up to someone in such a short amount of time as I did with you. And I think it’s because it was so easy,” Hongjoong said, “It was so easy being with you. As if I had known you for a long time.”

You nodded, scooting closer and then hesitating. “You can back out, Hongjoong. If you don’t want to learn the rest of the truth-”

“No- I want to. I want to remember you, y/n,” he looked at you, his hair falling over his eyes. “I want to know why I had to forget someone I loved. I want to know who it was that took me to Sector 7, who took me places I don’t remember going, who made me create music that I don’t remember composing. I want to know why I woke up one day and felt like something had been snatched from me.”

“You don’t know if you loved me, though,” you smiled. “You could have hated me.”

“I think I’m sure,” he smiled back, eyes glazed. “I wouldn’t be taking a picture this close with someone I hated,” he waved the photo and you laughed.

“Well then,” you shivered as a cold crept up your spine. “Do you think us meeting again was fate or a planned coincidence?”

“I’d like to find that out, too,” he sighed, taking your hand. “I know it said ‘ignorance is bliss’ and we might be diving into something dangerous because let’s face it- who possesses the power to wipe memories? That’s insane and the only two things I can come up with are both realistic and bullshit.”

“The government, realistically, or something supernatural, which might be bullshit?” You asked.

“Exactly,” he took a deep breath. “You’re a writer. I’m a producer. Have we ever worked for the government?”

“Not that I know of…”

“And are we interesting enough to the supernatural?” Hongjoong made a ridiculous face. “I don’t think so.”

“Maybe I am,” you pouted.

“Shut up,” Hongjoong laughed. “Either way, let’s explore the realistic option first, even though it might be less probable than a supernatural event…”

“Look who’s talking crazy,” you grinned. “You’re turning into me!”

“I need a detox day after this trip,” Hongjoong said and you elbowed him. “Who’s this Lee Sunmi anyway?”

“Let’s look into that first,” you said and he agreed.

—----------------------------

Everything had changed, yet it felt like you were fitting into each other like a puzzle long forgotten.

You both had decided not to tell any of your friends for two reasons- the obvious one being that the situation was unbelievably ridiculous, and second… the gnawing fear that they knew all along and were pretending.

You both had no idea who Lee Sunmi was and you couldn’t risk asking people so you decided to work this out at a tolerable pace- visit places together in hopes that you’d get your memory or fragments of it back, visiting each other’s place and going through old photos together- you were together in none of them.

Visiting Hongjoong’s apartment was an experience- it didn’t rock any memory nor did it feel familiar, but it was just a strange feeling visiting your boyfriend’s apartment for what was the first time but wasn’t really. He told you that he practically lived in his studio at the place he worked so you should probably visit that.

For Hongjoong, he found your apartment unusually familiar. He hadn’t recalled much from his past, and he was afraid that his memories would get mixed up with what he would be conjuring up in his head now. He was relying more on you who often got dreams but you both decided not to believe everything you dreamt of. So when Hongjoong stepped in your apartment and nostalgia hit him like a truck, he had to pause and take a seat.

“I think I know what your room looks like,” he looked at you.

“You could have just said you wanted to see my room, but that’s okay too,” you teased and he rolled his eyes, following you into your room.

“I… expected it to be more coherent and organised, I’ll admit-”

“You’re not wrong,” you told him. “I woke up one day to this-” you motioned around. “Like, look at this,” you showed him the softboard which had a few notes of your current work in progress and a few photos. “I’ve always created patterns- in colours, or sizes, or shapes. This looks like I stuck things wherever I found space.”

“Something I would do,” Hongjoong grinned. “So that was your first clue that something was wrong? I would have dismissed it as being high.”

“Yes, that was my first concrete clue,” you glared at him. “And turns out I was right. I also have this draft here,” you pulled your chair and made Hongjoong sit on it in front of the pc while you opened the document standing near him. “The narration I told you about, practically hidden in plain sight. I have no memory of writing it- and no, I don’t write when I’m ‘high’.”

“I believe you,” he placed a hand around your waist casually to assure you, though it sent butterflies in your stomach. You took a breath before showing him the clues in the document.

“It sounds like a plot for a crime novel, I know, but my life’s been starting to feel like that too. This is practically my villain origin story- I’m one step closer to losing it everyday.”

“Me too,” Hongjoong mumbled, skimming through it and frowning. “But this isn’t as unbelievable as it looks. I work in KQ entertainment, right? One of its subsidiaries had rumours of trainees going missing but there was never any concrete evidence to prove the case.”

“Really?” You frowned. “So if what I wrote is true, I was a spy hired to investigate that? But I’m not a spy, and even if I somehow managed to get that job, how come I forgot everything?”

Hongjoong shifted towards you, his hand travelling down your arm absently as he looked up at you. “If it was just one of us, it could have been an accident, but it’s the both of us, apparently. Which means, somehow I was involved. Was I a spy too? Were we rivals? Did you get close to me to access the industry-”

“Which is the plot of every other movie these days,” you laughed. “But I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to start an actual relationship with you if that was the case. I would have just seduced you-”

“Hey!”

“For a one night stand or something,” you laughed. “Come on. I wouldn’t make a dumb spy!”

“And how exactly would you have managed to seduce me?” Hongjoong’s voice was dangerously low as he asked, pulling you towards him and you put a hand on his shoulder to hold steady. “I’d like a demonstration.”

“I think you are easily seducible- you did approach me on the train first,” you teased.

“Yeah. I totally found your half sleeping figure the sexiest,” Hongjoong made a face and you slapped his shoulder, grinning. You trailed a finger along his face, from the temple down to the jaw, tracing it until you reached his chin and tilted it up, making him face you properly.

“You were saying?” You asked, letting your finger trail down his throat, down to the collar to draw circles on whatever skin you could see. You met his eyes and found his eyes glazed with something unrecognisable and it was almost too much- god, the way he sometimes looked at you. You could feel your entire heart sinking into your stomach.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you tilted his face so he could stop looking at you but he held your hand.

“Like what?” He pulled you over him, making you sit on his lap. “Like this?”

He was perfect. His black and white hair was the most perfect mess you had seen and you couldn’t resist the urge to run your hands through his hair, finding it incredibly soft. His hands found home at your waist and when he hooked his thumbs under your shirt, you shut your eyes for a second, relishing the feeling.

“You make me feel overwhelmed when you look at me like that,” you admitted. “Not in a bad way, not at all, but… it feels like-”

“I look at you like I’m in love, don’t I?” He asked, leaning into your touch as you caressed his face. “I look at you like I’m falling in love all over again. Because I am.”

“Hongjoong,” you almost groaned but he shook his head.

“You look at me like that sometimes too,” he kissed your palm. “Like you’ve known and loved me all your life. I love it when you look at me like that.”

You kissed him then, to tell him he was right. He was absolutely right- you had loved the blue haired boy even when you had forgotten him. And when you had met Hongjoong, you had felt like he was the one. His hands on your waist tightened as he kissed you back, slowly, trying to understand everything you were saying through the kiss. And when you broke the kiss, lingering before drawing back, Hongjoong was chuckling.

“I don’t think you’re capable of mere seduction, y/n. You’re capable of making people fall for you.”

“Are you saying I suck at seducing?” You challenged, pushing him back into the seat and surprising him before putting your arms around his neck and kissing him differently this time- more passionate, more hot, more rushed and Hongjoong’s hands travelling all over your body only fueled you into sitting right on top of him and moving to the rhythm of your kiss, grinding on him until he moaned into the kiss.

“What do you have to say now?” You broke the kiss, laughing but Hongjoong had picked you up, making you squeal. He placed you on the bed gently, a devilish calm in his eyes as he pushed you back, drawing on top of you ever slowly and trading open mouthed kisses before travelling down your neck and taking his sweet time, making you whimper but you couldn’t move. He had your wrists pinned on the sides.

“Hongjoong,” you groaned and he changed character, planting gentle kisses up your neck to your cheek.

“You good?” He asked.

“Never better,” you smiled and he smirked, drawing back to push his rolled sleeves back, licking his lips.

“What am I gonna do with you, y/n?” He ran a hand through his hair, scanning you.

“What are you gonna do?” You asked naively.

Hongjoong narrowed his eyes. “What did the intelligence agency ever see in you to hire you as their spy?”

“Maybe I seduced my way there,” you joked and he laughed, putting a finger over your lips.

“No more talk about seduction for the rest of the night,” he was right in front of you and found himself tracing your lips. You brought him closer for a kiss and soon you were on top of him, his hands under your shirt as you two made out, gasping into the kiss when he pushed himself on you, making you feel everything. You were going to take off your shirt when you paused, eyes widening in realisation.

“Hongjoong! The intelligence agency- Wonderland Intelligence Agency!”

“God, you scared me,” Hongjoong put his hands on his face. “What about it?”

“Lee Sunmi- I have a card somewhere,” you got up from top of him and started searching frantically around the room, leaving Hongjoong confused but he watched you in amusement as you tried searching for whatever business card you had.

“For someone so organised, you sure know where you put the business cards,” Hongjoong commented and you ignored him- where had you put it? You moved to the table and looked into the pencil holder, scoffing.

“Aha!” You waved it in front of him, walking back to the bed. “I found this in my pocket on our first date. Remember the woman we bumped into that day we went to the concert?”

Hongjoong looked at the business card. “How do you know it was her? I don’t remember her passing you this.”

“I’m guessing it’s her- I always put my hands in my pockets and I had empty ones when I left that day. When she went inside, she patted my shoulder like this. She must have slipped this inside then.”

“Wow,” Hongjoong sat up a little. “This does have her email, but can we contact her? Can we trust her?”

“She recognised us, didn’t she?” You asked him and he nodded slowly. “It sure looked like she did. She didn’t like seeing us together.”

“Yeah, I remember that. I say we should take the risk for some answers?”

“Not right now- I’ll need to do some research on your company,” you bit your lip.

“Not my company, the subsidiary- they separated from us some two years ago, I think. That’s the last I heard of them.”

“That’s good,” you nodded, letting Hongjoong caress your hand as you processed all of this. “So let’s just… relax?”

Hongjoong laughed, pulling you closer, back on top of him. “I love it when your eyes light up like that- when you connect the dots.”

You went back to a memory- the blue haired Hongjoong caressing your hand, the two of you on what looked like a bus and he whispered something in your ear.

You smiled. “You’ve told me that before, Hongjoong.”

“Yeah, earlier?”

“No, before,” you kissed him. “You held my hand just like this and you told me that you loved it when my eyes lit up when I connected the dots.” You kissed him again, resting your forehead against his chest, half seated.

Hongjoong was running his hand through your hair when he realised you were shaking. He squeezed your shoulders before drawing you back, wiping your silent tears. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

You took a deep breath, feeling utterly broken in the moment, feeling like Hongjoong was holding all your broken pieces in his hands. “I don’t like this, Hongjoong. I don’t like it that I forgot you. I don’t want to know why I did- I feel like it’s going to be something that’s going to break us. It's been chasing me all day long, all night long- I feel so lost.”

“It’s okay,” he kissed your forehead, hugging you and rocking you back and forth. “I know what it feels like. But y/n… I feel like we won’t find peace until we find the truth, no matter how bitter it is. And I know we’d like to think that the past won’t affect us now, but it will. So let’s just enjoy what we have now, huh? If it’s too much, we can stop.”

“No, you’re right,” you sniffed, wiping your face. “I’m just afraid to lose you again.”

Hongjoong smiled at that, finding it unbelievable that you two didn’t remember losing each other but knew exactly how it felt like- in your hearts. “I don’t want to lose you. I can’t,” he caressed your face. “I don’t think I can stay away from you no matter what the truth is.”

You let him kiss you then, throwing the card away- that could wait. For now, you were going to let Hongjoong make you forget about all your fears, make them dissolve with each kiss, each touch.

—---------------------

Hongjoong regretted setting up a date to meet with Lee Sunmi.

Over the past few days, while he had been working on getting more information on the subsidiary company that went under investigation, called AG Entertainment, he had only found speculative articles on the internet about the missing trainees but nothing concrete. He was mostly letting you create theories about what could have happened but it wasn’t enough. And then one day, Seonghwa asked Hongjoong how his relationship was going.

Hongjoong had to do a double-take. It was a casual question, yes, but these days he was doubting everyone and everything.

“It’s… good. It’s great, actually,” Hongjoong laughed a bit. “You’ve met her a few times, right? Do you like her?”

Seonghwa had never been good at hiding his emotions and the way his eyes flashed, Hongjoong knew in his gut that he was aware of something. “Yeah, she’s…. Nice, I guess. A bit weird at times but we all are.”

“We all are,” Hongjoong agreed. “When I’m with her, it sometimes feels like I’ve known her for longer.”

Seonghwa raised a brow at that. “That’s… that must mean you’re good for each other.”

“She said she feels like it too- like she’s known me for a long time, like we’ve met before,” Hongjoong continued, watching Seonghwa fidget with the pen in his hand. “I suppose with some people, it’s like that, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose so,” Seonghwa agreed, getting up from the table. “I’m heading out to get some groceries. You’re working?”

“Yeah,” Hongjoong watched him get his things and just when he was about to leave, he stopped him.

“You won’t hide anything from me, right?” Hongjoong asked and he saw realisation cross across his face. “Just tell me if you’re hiding something from me. Because no matter what I think, I believe you wouldn’t hide it from me unless you had a big enough reason to. Bigger than our friendship.”

“That’s right,” Seonghwa patted Hongjoong’s shoulder. “I would only hide something from you if it meant more than our friendship.”

That was all the confirmation Hongjoong needed. He nodded, smiling in appreciation. “Thanks, Seonghwa. I’m glad you’re my friend.”

“I’m glad you trust me,” Seonghwa smiled back, nodding slowly as he processed. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Hongjoong. I really do. It may be dangerous, but… I hope you do.”

With that, Seonghwa left and Hongjoong wondered just what he meant by that.

And somehow, one thing led to another and he found himself in the same cafe that he went to, on his first date with you, now waiting for who was supposed to be an intelligence agent. He hadn’t dared to send a mail or anything, no. He just thought he would come and check if this was Lee Sunmi’s regular coffee stop.

It looked like it was. Just around that time in the evening when he was expecting her, she came dressed in a suit, and Hongjoong watched her get coffee. When she turned, she met eyes with Hongjoong, almost ignoring him until she saw that he was maintaining eye contact on purpose. Hongjoong raised his hand to confirm that he was waiting for her and he watched her sigh and look around before walking to him.

“This isn’t a safe spot to talk. Get in my car.”

“And I’m supposed to follow you?” Hongjoong asked and she smirked.

“You did wait for me. It’s up to you, Kim Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong shook his head at that, asking her to lead the way and she started driving. She let a few minutes pass before she asked what he wanted with her.

“First of all, why did you slip your card into y/n’s coat?”

“I saw you both together, after years,” Sunmi smiled. “I was quite shocked. It didn’t look like you both recognised me, though.”

“We didn’t,” Hongjoong confirmed. “What do you mean ‘after years’? When was the last time you saw us together?”

“A year ago,” she said, making a turn to the left.

“When was the first time you saw us together?”

“Two years ago,” she answered.

“So are you going to tell me what this is about, or should I just ask questions?” Hongjoong asked, sighing as he slumped back, wondering how to steer this conversation.

“Does y/n know you’re here, Hongjoong?” Sunmi asked and Hongjoong looked at her, not answering. “That means you must have recalled something that you couldn’t tell her.”

“I’m not actually sure if what I recall is a memory or just my imagination,” Hongjoong sighed. What he recalled a few days ago wasn’t a pretty memory. It was ugly, with a certain someone pointing a gun at him.

Sunmi drove to a park, stopping her car and reaching into the back to get some documents from her backseat pocket. “I started keeping this here in case I ran across one of you. It’s the ugly truth and how it started. I can give it to you, but… it’s not yours. It’s y/n’s truth. If I give it to you it will only create misunderstandings.”

“Then just tell me… how was I involved in all of this?”

That night, Hongjoong didn’t come home. Sunmi had assured her it wasn’t the whole truth and was just what the WIS, specifically her who was in charge of this case, could tell him without violating your privacy. To him, it was a bit too much to process. He sat in front of the river all night, arranging his thoughts.

Y/n. Writer. Spy. AG Entertainment. Human trafficking. Government involved. Hiding the truth. Memory wipe.

And all he could conclude was that he was involved because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It was your mission. Only you had to forget- and only about the mission. Somehow, he had found out, which had created a mess. How did he know you? Did you really approach him because of your mission? Unfortunately, Sunmi did not have the answer for that.

The next day, when you woke up, you sighed when you checked your phone and Hongjoong hadn’t even read your messages. This wasn’t new, though. He had been a bit distant for a few days, and you wondered if it was just because he needed a break.

Or you feared that it could be because he recalled something bad. Because you knew whatever happened, it must have ended in a tragedy. If you and Hongjoong were in love, having to forget each other was a tragedy- and you still didn’t have the answers.

You fiddled with the business card of the WIS agent. Could you contact her now? What would you even ask her? Would she even tell you, or would she make you forget everything again? Was this a test, her slipping the card so you would call her, so she could wipe your memories again? You had no idea. And with Hongjoong not responding to any of your messages from the past whole day, you were worried.

You asked Mingi for Seonghwa’s number and texted him if he knew where Hongjoong was, but his reply made you worry- he hadn’t been responding to him either, and he wasn’t at the studio yesterday. Apparently Seonghwa had stopped by Hongjoong’s place last night, but he wasn’t home and Seonghwa assumed that he was with you.

You told him that you would stop by his place today. You still had time before you needed to clock in for work, so you made a stop at Hongjoong’s apartment, but he wasn’t there.

“Just let me know if you’re safe. Seonghwa is worried too.”

With that, you went back home and absorbed yourself in your work, forgetting about everything for a while- maybe he was just taking a breather. It would be understandable.

That night, Seonghwa got a call from Hongjoong, asking if he could stop by his place. Seonghwa asked Hongjoong if he had let you know that he was alright, but he hadn’t. So with a text to you that Hongjoong was back home and presumably alright, Seonghwa stopped by his place with chicken and beer.

“Ah, just what I needed,” Hongjoong said when he opened the door and Seonghwa smiled. “Not you, obviously. The chicken and beer.”

“Right,” Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “You look like a mess.”

“I feel like shit, yes, thank you for noticing,” Hongjoong slumped down on the couch, watching Seonghwa set the table. When he was done, he looked up at him.

“Are we gonna talk?”

Hongjoong told him everything then- starting from the day he met you at the train to his meeting with the WIS agent. By the time he was done talking, Seonghwa had to take a few minutes himself.

“I never thought it was that deep,” Seonghwa phew-ed. “But you’ve got most of it wrong, Hongjoong.”

“What do you mean?”

“With the story you have, you must believe y/n is the bad person here.”

“Well, she did point a gun at me,” Hongjoong shivered. “She threatened to kill Jaebeom too- you remember him. He was my supervisor at that time.”

“He worked with AG Entertainment, and if he was involved in the whole trafficking business… he must be in prison now.”

“Well then, her business was with him, right?” Hongjoong frowned. “Why involve me?”

“You really think she approached you on purpose?” Seonghwa scoffed. “Didn’t you say that agent saw you both together some two years ago? You and y/n first met more than three years ago, Hongjoong.”

Now that had Hongjoong’s full attention. “How do you know that?”

“Because I’m the one who introduced you to her, you fool,” Seonghwa threw a pillow at him and Hongjoong let it hit him. Was he hearing this right?

“So you’re telling me,” Hongjoong shifted towards him fully. “That we might have known each other before that job?”

“Yes,” Seonghwa nodded. “The agent saw you two together two years ago. She didn’t tell you when she approached y/n, so there’s that. And since I introduced you both, I’m pretty sure she wanted nothing to do with musicians and producers at that time.”

“Wow,” Hongjoong sighed deeply. “How did we meet?”

Seonghwa smiled, telling him about the time Wooyoung hosted a party and invited a bunch of people from town. Knowing Wooyoung, half the sector was present. Wooyoung and you were high school classmates so that’s how Seonghwa got to know you, and while they had been chatting at the party, Seonghwa had introduced you to Hongjoong, knowing you two would get along. “I had no idea you two would get along that well. You both ditched the party and went ice skating or something. You came back with bruises but you were lovestruck.”

Hongjoong pursed his lips, trying to wrack his brain for any sort of a flashback but he got none. He buried his head between his knees, sighing. “I just wish I can remember it all, Seonghwa. I feel it in my heart that I’ve loved her for a long time, yet… there’s also this sense of dread that’s stuck with me.”

“I think you didn’t know about y/n’s job, and you must have felt betrayed, that’s why,” Seonghwa thought. “Think about y/n too. If she got this job without knowing you were involved… she might have found herself in a situation with no way to get out. A number of possibilities and since your memory is coming back, I know you two will be fine and will sort things out. What I don’t understand, Hongjoong, is why the mind-wiping was necessary.”

“Sunmi only told me that it was because the government got directly involved, but I don’t know what that means,” Hongjoong looked up. “They could have signed a confidentiality agreement or something. Were we test subjects? Because I remember that the mind-wiping thing wasn’t an actual possibility until a few years ago.”

“That’s why I said it’s dangerous to dig,” Seonghwa started cleaning the table. “It’s fine if you stick with just finding out about your relationship without digging into the matter. What if they do something again?”

“Why did they not wipe your memory then? Or y/n’s friends?”

“Yunho and Mingi were studying in Sector 1 back then, so I’m not sure how much they know. It looks like they don’t know about you being her boyfriend but they’re aware y/n dated. As for me… I had to sign a confidentiality agreement with Ms. Lee. I wasn’t in the equation until I noticed how you forgot about y/n one day entirely. I noticed someone following you and somehow met with Ms. Lee who explained a bit and let me go because apparently, the situation had already gotten a bit out of control and she didn’t want to risk any more people. She also said that unless the memories came back naturally, which she hoped would happen soon, trying to force these memories might cause brain damage.”

“Wow,” Hongjoong blinked. “Brain damage. Just what I needed.”

“Hey,” Seonghwa slapped his arm. “Your memories are coming back naturally, so just relax.”

“I don’t know how to face y/n though,” Hongjoong hid his face in his hands. “I went behind her back because of that memory and met with Sunmi. We promised to share whatever memory we could recall, yet I couldn’t tell her this. And I don’t know if I’m sure about what happened between us.”

“Maybe, like Lee Sunmi said, you should talk it out with y/n and meet with the agent to get the documents on what happened. Then connect the dots.”

Hongjoong agreed but all he could think of right now was your smile fading when you would learn what he had done.

—---------------------

Two more days had passed with Hongjoong not showing up, only a text from Seonghwa to assure you that he was alright and just needed some time to himself, and the last thing you were expecting anymore was to find a package on the door that contained documents from Lee Sunmi.

Your first instinct was to tell Hongjoong, but you had some qualms about that now. You understood that Hongjoong needed space and you were almost sure he had recalled some memory which had caused the sudden rift between you two, which made you wonder just how bad it was. Well, if the government was involved, it must have been bad.

You had recalled a lot of memories too in the past few days. You recalled meeting Hongjoong at a party where apparently, Seonghwa introduced you two. You remembered that party- it was more than three years ago. So you thought that there was a chance that Seonghwa knew about you two all along and Hongjoong had found out about it. It was why you let the boys have their space- perhaps they were sorting things out.

You also recalled the first time you saw Hongjoong at his workplace and you hid out of instinct- you hadn’t realised that he was involved in your mission. You hadn’t realised that AG and KQ Entertainment were connected- Hongjoong worked at KQ, and you had forgotten. You had gotten yourself in a mess. You remembered that now.

So when you saw the document from Sunmi, you wondered if Hongjoong should be present. What if the truth was really, really ugly? What if, after learning everything, Hongjoong wouldn’t want to be with you anymore?

With that fear in your heart, you mustered up the courage to open the document and empty its contents- a letter, a file and a USB. you opened the letter first and read its content:

Hongjoong has learned his truth. It’s time that you learn yours. I’m sorry for all that went wrong with this mission, and I’m sorry for involving you both. I hope you and Hongjoong can learn the entire truth and learn from it, and find in your heart forgiveness and love. Sincerely, Sunmi.

Hongjoong had learned ‘his’ truth? Had he met with Sunmi? You scoffed in disbelief- he was avoiding you on purpose. You wondered what happened to the promise you two made about sharing each memory you would recall and going through this together.

You decided to go through the file first- it had basic information on you, on why you were selected, what the mission was, and what exactly had happened. Surprisingly, it had no information on why Hongjoong was involved, and after reading the whole thing and going through the USB, heart pounding wildly as you went through everything that had something of Hongjoong in it- old video files, audio files, even Hongjoong’s data- after that, you didn’t need any more answers.

You remembered exactly what went wrong with that mission- and it wasn’t about the case you were investigating. It was about Hongjoong.

That night, you couldn’t sleep. Your waking hours were all filled with your memories coming back, fragment by fragment, head throbbing crazily. You were so dizzy that you didn’t remember calling Seonghwa- you don’t know why you called him, but it felt like he was the only person you wouldn’t need to explain anything to. A few minutes later, you opened the door to Seonghwa.

“Shit, y/n, you look like a mess.”

“I feel like shit, yes,” you confirmed, brushing your clothes, and he laughed to himself, recalling how Hongjoong had said the same things. “Do come in. Did you bring some painkillers?”

“You should eat something first,” Seonghwa looked around your house- he had been there before, but he wasn’t sure you recalled it yet. “If you have ramen, I can make some killer ramen.”

You agreed and watched him go through your kitchen like he knew exactly where everything was. “You know… I never told you where I lived, yet you knew exactly where to come. Pretty sure Hongjoong didn’t tell you my address.”

Seonghwa paused in the middle of cooking, looking back at you. “I don’t know. Maybe Yunho or Mingi did?”

“Come on, you can stop pretending like you don’t know me, Seonghwa,” you laughed out loud, crazily enough that he watched you the whole time until he was laughing along with you. “I don’t know why I forgot you- you were my friend. My… comfort buddy- is that what I called you?”

“Here to pick up both your and Hongjoong’s mess,” he shook his head, taking the ramen off the stove. “You really remember me?”

“We’ve known each other longer than I’ve known Hongjoong,” you said, spreading your arms and he came forward to hug you, rocking you like you remembered he always did. Then you slapped his back harshly, making him wince. “That’s for all that acting you did around me. 100 points for that. You should try a career in that.”

“I couldn’t risk damaging your brain,” Seonghwa pouted. “I’m sorry, though.”

“That’s okay,” you two sat at the table. “I’m sure it was hard for you too.”

“I missed you, I really did,” Seonghwa’s eyes were sincere and you didn’t doubt it. “When I saw you that day at my apartment, I thought you knew everything and came to kill me.”

You laughed. “I didn’t, but I felt like you were involved somehow too. Thanks for being there for Hongjoong though- is he okay?”

“Well… for the most part, yes,” Seonghwa urged you to eat. “Why did you call me?”

“You must remember Sunmi,” you asked and he nodded. “She sent me everything about the case. I remember… everything now, I think. There are some gaps but I have enough for now.”

“Oh,” Seonghwa whistled. “Hongjoong met with her.”

“I knew it,” you nodded. “What does he know?”

“I told him about how you two met,” Seonghwa said and you nodded. “He recalled the day everything went wrong- you pointing a gun at him.”

“Oh god,” you slumped back. “I need a drink.”

“No, you don’t,” Seonghwa scolded. “What exactly happened, y/n?”

“Can you call him here right now?” You asked and Seonghwa looked at you.

“Are you sure?” Seonghwa asked. “Do you want me to leave when he comes?”

“No, I want you to stay, because if you don’t, I might kill him,” you pursed your lips and Seonghwa frowned in confusion. “He’s the one who involved himself, Seonghwa. We were never supposed to forget about our relationship. He just came at the wrong place, wrong time, and he misunderstood everything. He didn’t let me explain anything. He went ahead and told Sunmi he knew everything about the mission, and they talked it through and he made the decision that he wanted to forget about me too. He decided he would forget about me, which meant I had no way of getting my memories back. He stole my choice, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa stopped eating, watching you finally break apart and bury your head in your arms as you cried your heart out. He let you be for a few moments before he went to sit next to you, rubbing your back. It all made sense to him now. He made you eat the rest of the noodles and take the medicine.

“You need to sleep it over tonight, y/n,” he insisted. “We can all talk tomorrow.”

“I don’t know,” you were dizzy after all the crying. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“I can call Yunho and Mingi over too. They should know- they’ll help you out a lot, y/n, you really should tell them. They are your best friends, and they still think you made all of that up when you said you were dating.”

You laughed a bit at that. “Might as well have. I don’t know if I can handle telling them everything.”

“I’ll brief them,” he assured you and you nodded. “I’ll ask them to go easy with the questions- I’m sure they’ll have a lot of them.”

“Please,” you groaned, wiping your face. “Can you call them over then?”

Seonghwa nodded. It looked like you weren’t going to get to sleep any time soon. He called the two over, and made you sit in your room while he explained everything, but you felt a bit better so you joined them, letting Seonghwa do the talking. By the time he was done and you showed them the pictures of you and Hongjoong, they looked like they had learned that the world was ending tomorrow.

“I can understand, but at the same time… I got none of this, I’m sorry,” Mingi gave up, getting up and roaming around in the living room and you were almost amused. “First of all, whose genius idea was it to make her a government spy? She can’t even hide when she has a crush!”

“Hey!” You threw the nearest object- your lip balm- at him which he caught. “I did my job right!”

“She was hired because of connections, wasn’t she?” Yunho was going through your file. “Sunmi knew you from when you worked on your book.”

“Ah, no doubt,” Mingi sat down. “She isn’t spy material, just hired because of connections. That makes more sense.”

“She approached me because of the job, read that right,” you kicked Yunho’s leg. “It says my research capabilities from the time I wrote my political crime novel were noteworthy.”

“Whatever,” Yunho mumbled. “I’m going to need 5 business days to process this.”

“And I need 10,” Mingi sighed. “Why did your memories come back?”

“Two reasons,” you said. “Sunmi did a bad job intentionally- she messed with the numbers so her bosses can think it actually happened, but I guess she saved the day. She also thought Hongjoong was making a mistake, because my plan was to go through the mind wipe and have Hongjoong fill in the gaps for me. Sunmi told me I was going to have to forget Hongjoong since he was involved. I think she told me that on purpose- she didn’t like how the government was using us.”

“She’s an angel,” Seonghwa sighed. “Is she safe, though? If the government learns-”

“I think she has leverage,” you thought. “Which is why she sent me all of this. If the world learns that their political leaders were taking advantage of minors who went to AG Entertainment to become trainees… that’s going to destroy Wonderland.”

“I know what your next novel needs to be about,” Mingi scoffed and you shook your head furiously. “You should! It’s going to be like rubbing it on their faces.”

Somehow, the conversation got steered into jokes and teasing, and with that, you found yourself sleeping on the couch, Seonghwa dozed off on the other couch. Yunho and Mingi made sure to take some snaps before they decided to crash on your bed, messing up your room just to annoy you, which they would have an earful about the next day.

Later that day, Hongjoong agreed to meet you by the river- the same place he had gone to. He realised it might have a connection to you too. When he saw you, eyes a bit swollen but still looking pretty, he sighed internally before walking to you.

“Hey,” he pursed his lips, not knowing how to greet you.

“Hey yourself,” you scanned him. “You ghosted me for days.”

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, sitting next to you on the bench. “I shouldn’t have.”

“You shouldn’t have a lot of things, Hongjoong,” you started. “Are you ready to hear the whole truth? Or do you still believe what you know is the entire truth?”

That was a jab but Hongjoong thought he deserved it after all. And then he heard you out. How you had met Sunmi through your crime novel. How she made you a job offer that had none of the memory wiping in the contract. How you were supposed to befriend Jaebeom, the producer from AG Entertainment and get access into the building and investigate. It was when you and Hongjoong had dated for a year already. You had no idea how KQ and AG were connected, and Hongjoong hadn’t taken you to his studio yet. How he did take you to his studio and it was the first time you two had taken things so far.

“Do you remember that, Hongjoong?” You asked with a faint smile. “I always said you looked hot when you worked.”

“I remember that,” Hongjoong wiped his eyes. “You were so beautiful that day, y/n.”

“You were my first, and you were quite good at it, frankly,” you said and you two laughed for the old time’s sake. “I never knew studio sex could be this hot.”

“Please, you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into,” Hongjoong laughed and you slapped his arm playfully.

“I wish we only had these happy memories to remember,” you sighed after a few moments. “When I saw you at AG, do you have any idea how shocked I was? Do you have any idea what went through my head? All I could think of was what if you were involved? And then I slapped myself because I knew you, Kim Hongjoong. I knew, I believed you would never do something so disgusting.”

“Thanks for believing in me,” Hongjoong sighed, feeling guilt.

“It was hard lying to you, but I passed you so many hints, hoping you would know what to do. It wasn’t supposed to go wrong in so many ways, Hongjoong. First, I found out the politicians were involved. And when my bosses found out, they struck a deal with the politicians. They decided to bury this under the rug, which meant I had to forget about everything that I worked on. The greater good, they said. I think it was also because they needed us to be lab rats for their latest memory wiper,” you mocked. “So what could I do? I decided to go along with it. I would have to forget you, I learned. I made sure I left something so I could recall my memories one day…”

“With me,” Hongjoong finished and you nodded. “You had prepared me for that day.”

“Yet…” you sighed. “I think it was my fault. It would have been too much for you. You couldn't possibly comprehend the whole situation- no one could have. But then one day, Jaebeom called me to AG, pissed to learn about what happened. And he called you too, knowing it would break us. He threatened to kill you if I didn’t make it, so I called Sunmi ahead. When I reached there, me and Jaebeom fought- I fought for my life, for yours-”

You hid your face in your hands, shaking as you recalled that night. The fear that had gone through your bones when he said he would hurt Hongjoong, his threatening voice- you could still feel it ringing in your head. Hongjoong was quick to scoot closer and put his arms around you, holding you as you tried to steady your breathing.

“I snatched the gun from him and pointed at him,” you sighed. “That’s when you came and misunderstood everything. You believed whatever shit Jaebeom spewed because he was the one defenceless, posing as the victim. I can’t get that look out of my head when I saw your trust in me break.”

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” Hongjoong squeezed your hand. “I remember that.”

“I don’t blame you, Hongjoong,” you shook your head. “You knew nothing about what was going on. Whatever I tried to explain to you at that moment, it must have gone over your head. And last night, I wanted to kill you after I learned the whole truth, honestly,” you laughed a bit. “But now… I don’t blame you. You did what you had to.”

“I was an ass, y/n,” Hongjoong shook his head.

“You were,” you nodded, smiling. “You exposed yourself to Sunmi which meant she had no choice but to wipe your memories too. And you were so willing to wipe your memories of me. My last hope, gone, just like that. I woke up without knowing what to do. But I think we have suffered enough, the both of us, haven’t we?”

Hongjoong looked up, tears falling down from his face. “I… I really shouldn’t have done that. If you can believe me, I’ve been beating myself over it for the past few days.”

“I know,” you sighed. “But now… we know the whole truth. And I can understand if you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.”

“Why would I not? I can understand if you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore,” Hongjoong laughed nervously, wiping his eyes. “It was my fault, all of it.”

“It wasn’t any of our fault, let’s just blame the WIS for messing us up. I just don’t like how you didn’t trust me. Not then, not now. You went ahead and talked to Sunmi on your own. What does that say about us, Hongjoong?”

Hongjoong sighed deeply, getting up and you thought he was about to run away but then he was sitting on his knees, in front of you, holding your hands. “That time, and this time… it wasn’t you that I blamed. It was me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I recalled the memory of you pointing your gun at me, asking me to just listen to you. Even though the memory painted you as a villain, I knew, in my heart, that you meant no harm. Just like I knew at that time. I made the mistake of rushing to Sunmi, both the times. I learned what I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry for that. I blamed myself for not being there for you. I felt like shit when I learned everything.”

“No, Hongjoong,” you cupped his face. “I should have told you from the beginning. I shouldn’t have used you like that. I understand now why you acted that way- if I was in your shoes, I’m pretty sure I would have done much worse. If you recall… I’m the more impulsive one.”

Hongjoong shook his head. “You’re only blaming yourself, aren’t you? We both messed up, y/n. Whatever happened simply wasn’t supposed to.”

You nodded. He continued. “I missed you so much. You’ve been my best friend, my everything for so long. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”

“No,” you cried. “I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner. I should have done better, I-”

“Don't blame yourself, please,” Hongjoong got up, making you stand so he could hug you. It was like you were in the past at that moment. “I don’t want to see you in pain anymore.”

You hugged Hongjoong back, wrapping your arms around his waist and before you two knew it, you were both crying into the hug. Crying for all the memories you forgot. For the ones you recalled. For the ones that might be lost forever. When you drew back, Hongjoong wiped your face and kissed your forehead.

“I can understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore,” Hongjoong looked like he was in actual pain as he said that. “I’ve broken your trust. I’ve let you down.”

You scanned his face. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”

You took him home and showed him the files and then the USB which had all of your digital memories stored. You both spent the whole night recalling everything, just like old friends, eating ice cream through the bucket, filling the memory gaps for each other. Hongjoong had most of his memories back too.

“I heard from Seonghwa how he told you about the first time we met,” you smiled, searching through the files again and opening the photo of you and Hongjoong wearing ice skates, clinging on to each other for support. “We ditched the party and messed around all night.”

“I’ve never done that,” Hongjoong laughed. “I rarely go to parties. I think going to that party was the best decision I made in my whole life.”

“And I rarely ditch the party with a random stranger and stay out until dawn,” you countered, smiling. “The 3 am hour does something to us, doesn’t it?”

“Our first kiss,” Hongjoong smiled. “We decided to try being friends first because we both believed the 3 am hours make us do weird things, but…”

“We really sucked at staying friends,” you laughed, pushing your hair back as you looked at him- you were sitting across each other on the couch, the laptop on the table. “Do you think we could stay friends now if we tried?”

“I think you think that I can’t keep my hands off of you,” Hongjoong raised a brow.

“I know for a fact that I can’t,” you looked at the clock. “Gosh, it's 3 am again.”

Hongjoong laughed. “Should we really be making such decisions at 3 am?”

“I don’t know,” you pouted. “I say fuck it-”

Hongjoong was quick to climb across the couch and capture your mouth in a kiss, drawing back to check if it was okay with you. You pushed him back, showing him the ice cream bucket still in your hands, placed it on the table and cupped his face, kissing him back, his arms immediately wrapping around your waist as he brought you on top of him. The intensity of the kiss was different, this time with those long forgotten memories and emotions resurfacing, trying to hold yourselves together, trying not to break apart because what happened to you two was sad.

When you did draw apart for breath, you hugged him, burying your nose in the crook of his neck. “I don’t want to forget you ever again, Kim Hongjoong. You’re the only one for me.”

Hongjoong groaned in relief. “I’m glad… I’m glad that you forgive me.”

You drew apart, slapping his arm. “I still think you can be a major ass, but… I think we can work this out. What do you think?”

Hongjoong tucked your hair behind your ears, caressing your face lovingly. “I think… I think we were meant to be with each other, really. After all, we found each other again, didn’t we? On a train from Sector 1, of all the places!”

You smiled. “Does that mean we are meant to be?”

“Maybe,” Hongjoong smiled. “Shall we try and find out?”

You kissed him as your answer. You could definitely try again.

#i hope this didn't suck as much as i think it does #hongjoong x reader #kim hongjoong x reader #hongjoong fluff #hongjoong angst #hongjoong smut #kim hongjoong fluff #kim hongjoong imagines #kim hongjoong scenarios #kim hongjoong angst #kim hongjoong smut #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez smut

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makeitmingi · 4 months ago

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When Flowers Bloom In The Dark [Chapter 1]

Genre: Romance, Mafia!AU, Violence, Angst, Slow burn

Pairing: Hongjoong x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Florist!Reader, Mafioso!Hongjoong, Mafioso!Seonghwa, Mafioso!Yunho, Mafioso!Yeosang, Mafioso!San, Mafioso!Mingi, Mafioso!Wooyoung, Mafioso!Jongho

Summary: When you appeared and wept at his mother's funeral, Hongjoong found himself wanting to find out more about you. A regular girl, who owns a flower shop in his territory and has a relationship with the mother that he hasn't spoken to in years, why hasn't he ever noticed you before?

[Warning(s): 18+ for violence, use of weapons, smoking, alcohol consumption, slight gore, gang affiliation, tattoos and character deaths. Minors DNI. This is a work of fiction and does not represent the Ateez members in real life.]

Word count: 3.1K

(Chapter warning(s): Character death, grieving/ funeral, injury, recollection of previous argument, Hongjoong is in a weird place with his feelings.)

"Thank you for coming." Hongjoong had a stoic look on his face as he deeply bowed to the people that came to pay respects. The people bowed back, reaching out to shake his hand with a comforting smile on their faces.

"She was a good woman. Kind." They patted him on the shoulder. All he could do was stiffly nod in reply.

"Please help yourself to the food and refreshments." He forced a small smile and gestured to the buffet spread where the other people were all seated.

"Should we ask him to take a break?" Yunho leaned over to ask Seonghwa as the older collated the beoseom money together.

"You can try but he's not going to like it. Just let him do what he needs to do." Seonghwa replied.

"Hyung loved his mother. They didn't have the best relationship but I know he always missed seeing her and talking to her." Yunho sighed with a small frown. Seonghwa hummed in agreement.

"But this is for him to figure out. We'll just help him where he wants us." Seonghwa said.

Hongjoong recognised all the people that came. All friends of his late father and now, mother, or his own allies. They were men that worked for him or with him. Although they didn't know his mother at all, he knew that Wooyoung had gathered all their men to come and support him as the leader.

"Oh, coming." Hongjoong noticed some people going to pay their respects and went to his post as the son, keeping his head lowered as they bowed to his mother's casket.

"You have our condolences, Hongjoong sshi. If you need anything, let us know." The leader of a small gang shook his hand.

"Thanks." He nodded. Hongjoong knew their motive, it was to create favours and forge loyalties with Ateez.

"Umm, excuse me." Hongjoong looked up at the sudden entrance of a light, tinkling voice. He eyes fell on the girl that entered, she looked so different, sticking out like a sore thumb.

Who are you?

"Here you go." You took out an envelope of money and handed it to Yunho and Seonghwa, who received it with a bow.

"You can head that way." Seonghwa gestured to where Hongjoong was standing. From the looks of it, Seonghwa seemed just as entranced and/or curious about you as Hongjoong was. You nodded and headed to him.

"You must be Hongjoong sshi." You looked at him with familiarity, still cradling the small bouquet of flowers in your arms. All Hongjoong could do was nod.

How did you know him? He, for sure, didn't know you. There wasn't an inkling of recollection seeing your face or hearing your voice.

"If it's okay with you, can I place this bouquet by the casket? It's our favourite flower." You asked politely.

"Go ahead. Thank you." He nodded. 'Our' favourite? His eyes followed you as you placed the bouquet of white tulips by the casket. The bouquet was simple but elegant.

"I'll miss our afternoon chats. Take care of yourself and rest easy." You prayed softly as you bowed to his mother's casket.

"Thank you for coming." Hongjoong said to you when the both of you stood up from your kneeled positions.

"S-Sorry..." Your bottom lip quivered and tears streamed down your face as you struggled to wipe them all away. There was so much grief and upset on your face, you probably felt more grief than Hongjoong did. Hongjoong held his handkerchief out to you but you hesitated, you didn't know him to take it.

"It's okay." He whispered, trying to convince you. With a shaky hand, you took the white cloth and dried your tears. All this time, Hongjoong was trying to study you.

"Thanks." You smiled awkwardly.

"How do you know me? Did you know my mother?" He asked, even if the answer was obviously yes.

"She comes by my shop almost every afternoon to chat with me. She'll even bring tea and snacks with her. I recognise you from the photos she shared with me." You giggled.

"I see... Well-"

"Hongjoong hyung, there are more mourners. Do you want me to take over?" Someone came over.

"No, it's fine, San ah." Hongjoong assured his brother and bowed his head to you before going back to where the casket was. You tucked the handkerchief into your pocket.

"There are snacks and refreshments." You were directed to the area where the other mourners were chatting, eating and drinking. There were barely any other women around, all men dressed in suits. It almost felt like a business convention, not a funeral.

"Who is that?" Wooyoung asked San when he came back to where they were seated.

"No idea." San shook his head. The 7 Ateez members watched you with curiosity. You sat in the corner by yourself, you didn't take any food or drinks.

"Do any of you know her or recognise her?" Mingi blinked.

"I think she genuinely knew my mother." The boys looked up to see Hongjoong standing behind them.

"Really?" Even Seonghwa was shocked too. They all knew that everyone who came didn't know Hongjoong's mother. How did someone like you befriend Hongjoong's mother?

"She's definitely not from underground." Yeosang said. You were still wiping stray tears that escaped your eyes.

"She's... really grieving the lost of my mother... Even more than me." Hongjoong observed.

"Her name is (y/n)." Yunho said, reading from the mourners book of those that came. The others didn't even notice that Hongjoong left them, going over to where you were seated alone. When Hongjoong pulled out the chair next to yours, you blinked, breaking out of your reminiscing moment.

"Apologies." He said.

"Don't apologise, you must be busy having to do this on your own, on top of the fact that you're mourning and grieving too." You shook your head with a soft smile.

"I have a good support system." He nodded over to where the other Ateez members were.

"You must haven known my mother well to know her favourite flower." Hongjoong brought the conversation back.

"She always came to buy them from me, along with other flowers. That's when I learnt that we both have the same favourite flower. I'm a florist actually." You informed.

"Oh... And here, I didn't even know my mother had a favourite flower." He chuckled.

"Hongjoong sshi." You shocked him and frankly, yourself too, when you placed a hand over his own in comfort.

"I'll miss her too but it'll be okay. From the way your mother spoke fondly of you, I could tell that you both had a great relationship. At least you'll still have your good memories of her with you." You smiled softly. Suddenly, Hongjoong retracted his hand.

"Excuse me." He stood up, buttoning his blazer. He watched as your face fell.

"Hongjoong sshi. I-I'm sorry." You stuttered, realising what you just said to him and how your words crossed a boundary. Hongjoong clenched his jaw and walked back to where Ateez was.

"Woah, hyung. You okay?" Jongho asked, noticing the sudden change in Hongjoong's mood and expression.

"I'm fine." Hongjoong replied through gritted teeth.

Despite what happened, you still stayed until the final standoff. Hongjoong was unexpectedly hypervigilant of where you were, standing on your own at the back of the crowd.

"Hang on." Before the Ateez boys could load his mother's casket into the back of the hearse, he stopped them.

"Captain?" They were confused. Leaning down, Hongjoong grabbed a stalk of flower from your bouquet and placed it on top.

"Carry on." He cleared his throat, side eyeing you. You were watching the entire time as you cried softly to yourself. All the mourners that hadn't left bowed to the hearse as it closed. Hongjoong, still holding his mother's picture, walked to the front seats where he would follow along to the burial site.

"We'll follow behind, hyung." Wooyoung said to him. Hongjoong nodded and entered with Mingi closing the door behind him. The 7 entered their respective vans that were prepared.

As the hearse began to pull out of the drive way, Hongjoong spotted you walking along the streets, arms hugging yourself.

"Who are you?" He whispered as you walked further away.

When the news of his mother's passing first came until this moment, Hongjoong hadn't shed a tear. Was he cruel or unfilial for not doing so? Or were tears just a sign of weakness?

"Good memories?" Hongjoong turned to his mother's picture, remembering what you said to him.

You sighed as you made your way into your apartment. After you removed your shoes, you fell back onto the couch.

"I can't believe you're gone." You said, feeling tears well up in your eyes again as you thought about Mrs Kim and her not being around any longer. Maybe because you grew up without a mother, she was the closest thing to a mother that you had.

"Can I help you?" The doorman asked when he saw how confused you were upon entering the building.

"Oh, good morning. Sorry to bother you but I'm looking for Mrs Kim? I hope I have the right address." You scratched your head, bowing to the older male.

"Do you mean the Mrs Kim that stays in the penthouse? I'm sorry but she passed away yesterday." He informed.

"W-Wait, what?" You couldn't believe it. The flower bouquet slipping from your hands.

"Are you okay, agashi? Yes, unfortunately, Mrs Kim passed." He picked up the bouquet, placing a hand on your shoulder. It was so shocking you couldn't even cry.

"Are you family?" He asked. It took you a while to answer as the news was still sinking in.

"N-No... I'm not but I knew her..." You tried your best to form a coherant answer in your head but it was too difficult.

"I'm sorry, agashi." He said sadly. You bowed your head and turned around, leaving the building. When you reached home, you searched funeral homes online and there it was, her name and her picture. It only solidified that what the doorman said was true, the closest person to a mother that you've had was gone.

"I can't believe I said that. (y/n), what did you do?" You facepalmed when you remembered what you said to Hongjoong. Who were you to tell him that?

"He's her real son, you're not." You scolded yourself, holding Hongjoong handkerchief in your lap.

Mrs Kim always spoke about Hongjoong with such a sad smile, indicating that their relationship wasn't amicable.

There was love, of course. But you could hear the regret and guilt in her voice. All you knew was that if you were to run into him again, you'll definitely apologise for overstepping.

Hongjoong seemed cold but you were grateful that he placed one of your flowers on top of her casket before the hearse left. Whether it was done for you or for her, Hongjoong's gesture warmed your heart.

"Where's he?" Seonghwa asked as he climbed up the stairs to the second floor. The younger ones nodded over to Hongjoong's back. The captain leaned against the banister of the terrace, a glass of whiskey held by his fingertips.

"He's still there. Been there since we've come back." Yeosang informed.

"(y/n) (y/l/n). She's a florist in Hongjoong hyung's territory, studying botany part time. Practically as normal as it gets." Jongho walked over, closing a folder. Seonghwa took it and read it.

"As long as she isn't a threat." San shrugged.

"Far from. If there was a motive for her to get close to Mrs Kim, it's not in the file." Jongho said, pouring himself a drink.

"But damn, she seemed to be closer to Mrs Kim than Hongjoong hyung was." Mingi stated and Seonghwa slapped the back of his head for being so direct.

"What? It's the truth..." Mingi rubbed his head. Yunho sighed, patting his best friend's back.

"Hyung will be fine, right? He has to be. He's our captain and our leader. Let's just give him some time then he'll bounce back like always." Wooyoung said with a small frown. Seonghwa nodded in agreement. Although Hongjoong suppresses his feelings and emotions, he always puts Ateez first.

"Yes, Hongjoong will be okay. He just needs space now. And don't bring up the girl anymore, okay?" Seonghwa said. The younger 6 nodded their heads obediently.

"Hyung, what happened between Hongjoong hyung and his mother?" San asked.

"No idea. Even if I did, it's not my story to tell." Seonghwa shrugged.

He is Hongjoong's best friend and second in command, but he didn't know what was Hongjoong's relationship with his mother. It was almost a love-hate relationship, for Hongjoong at least.

"Go back to work. Give Hongjoong a few days off, I'll be taking over his duties in the mean time." Seonghwa informed.

"Sure, hyung." All of them split up to go back to work. Seonghwa cast one more worried glance at his best friend's back before leaving.

Hongjoong sighed as he took another sip of whiskey. Even as he shovelled the dirt over his mother's casket, he didn't shed a tear. The heartache was there but he couldn't will himself to cry. He watched as the flower he placed on top got sullied by the dirt.

"She's really gone." He breathed out.

"You're really gone." He repeated as if he was speaking directly to his mother, clenching the glass in his hand.

You, the girl that appeared out of nowhere, seemed to have a much better relationship with his mother than he did. You cried while Hongjoong was emotionless.

"Damn it." Hongjoong must have channeled all his frustration to his hand because before he knew it, the crystal shattered into pieces.

"Hyung!" Yeosang rushed out, having seen the whole thing.

"I'm fine, Yeosang." Hongjoong hissed, cradling his now injured hand. Yeosang gently took it into his own hands, looking at how bad is was. Blood began to drip on the tiles.

"No, it's not fine. There's crystal shards in your hand now. Come." Yeosang frowned and brought Hongjoong in.

"Get someone to clean the terrace." Yeosang said to a passing butler, who nodded with a deep bow. He brought the captain to his office where his medical supplies were. Thankfully, Hongjoong didn't protest and sat down, patiently waiting for Yeosang to get what he needed to treat his hand.

"Don't move." Yeosang said as he took forceps and tried to remove the crystal pieces from the cuts. Luckily it wasn't too deep that he would need stitches.

"Are you not going to ask me anything?" Hongjoong asked as Yeosang took a magnifier to look for any smaller pieces.

"No. What's there to ask?" Yeosang asked back. At that, Hongjoong sighed and just leaned back in the seat.

"This is going to sting. Bear with me." Yeosang took the antiseptic and spray it over Hongjoong's hand, causing the leader to let out an onslaught of curse words and winces.

"I saw the butler cleaning glass on the terrace. What happened?" San came in.

"Just a small accident." Hongjoong sighed again, watching Yeosang use gauze to wrap up his hand.

"We're done. If it starts to bleed through the bandages, you have to get them changed. If not then I'll check on them in a few days." Yeosang said as he used clips and medical tape to secure the bandage. Hongjoong nodded and stood up.

"Thanks, Sangie." He left Yeosang's room. San stared at where their captain disappeared to.

"Everyone deals with grief differently, whether they want to admit it or not." San said and Yeosang let out a hum in agreement, clearing the bloodied gauze and area.

"He'll be okay. Hyung is strong." Yeosang assured.

When Hongjoong went upstairs to go back to his room, he walked past the second floor lounge and saw a file there.

'(y/n) (y/l/n)'

So, the boys went to search up on you and who you were. Reaching down, Hongjoong took the file and tucked it under his arm, retreating to his room.

"Florist... Studies botany... That's it?" He read the file as he walked. If there was anything else, even secrets, he knew Jongho and Yunho would have found it by now. No piece of information escapes those two. They can source information about a person's entire life on their computers, it's why they're the best.

"Oh?" Hongjoong paused, eyebrows raising when he saw the location of your shop. It was in the territory that he took care of, which was also the area where his mother's house was.

Despite that, Hongjoong has never once visited his mother nor has he spoken to her in years.

"How could you do this? How could you do this to me?! To us?!" Hongjoong yelled, seething with so much anger.

"I know... I'm a horrible mother, I'm sorry Hongjoong ah." His mother shook her head, tears in her eyes as she faced her angry son. She didn't even bother to give an excuse.

"Why?! Why would you do this?" He faced her, his own tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I couldn't just standby and watch. I couldn't." The woman wrapped her arms around herself pitifully. This time, Hongjoong didn't hug her.

"After everything, you'll still side with him. After knowing what he did to all of us, including you, you still..." Hongjoong shook his head, unable to finish his sentence. He was just filled with so much rage he couldn't even breathe properly.

"Get out. I never want to see you again." He turned away, hearing her soft footsteps leave his office and disappear.

"Seonghwa." Hongjoong called out, knowing that his second in command was standing nearby and most probably overheard the entire exchange that happened.

"Yeah?" Seonghwa walked in.

"I want her out of here now. Buy her a house or whatever, somewhere I don't have to see her." Hongjoong ordered.

"Sure, Hongjoong." Seonghwa bowed his head and exited the office. Hongjoong let out a yell, angrily swiping everything off his desk. Papers flews and things broke but he didn't care.

Seonghwa ended up buying his mother a penthouse apartment in the territory that Hongjoong managed. Although Hongjoong didn't like that idea, Seonghwa gave an excuse that at least Hongjoong could keep an eye on her.

He didn't know that Seonghwa did that so if he ever wanted to see his mother again or let her make amends for what she did, he'll know where she is.

But it was too late anyway. Hongjoong's mother was gone, there were no more amends to make, no more apologies.

"Great relationship? Good memories?" Hongjoong bitterly scoffed once again when he remembered your words, throwing your file aside and going to take a much needed shower.

He needed to get out of his head.

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fantastic-bby · 1 year ago

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Pairing: Reader x Hongjoong

Word count: 1.3

Genre: Angst | Non-Idol AU | Is a heavy reference to Rick and Morty's Unity, but I just never found the right time to post it (I wrote it more than a year ago)

You and Hongjoong have always been in this horribly dangerous and toxic cycle; at least until Seonghwa takes it upon himself to try and stop it.

Warnings: Heavily implied drug abuse | Heavily implied alcoholism | Implied sex

A/n: Everyone say hello to the winner of this month's Choose a Fic! p.s I'm surprised this one won, but I hope you guys enjoy!

Masterlist

[23:49]

It went without saying that what you two had wasn’t the healthiest thing in the world. He couldn’t even call it a relationship from how you were technically broken up… only you two would constantly fuck whenever you ‘bumped’ into each other at parties or at dinners with mutual friends.

Which leads Hongjoong to his current situation:

His, so far, week-long bender with you as you both continue to feed each other more drugs and more alcohol only to end up having messy, extremely uncoordinated, but—for some reason—the best sex you both can get.

And it’s disgustingly messy and extremely toxic with how the both of you are sober, clean, and happy when you’re away from each other. But whenever you’re together, you’re drunk, high, constantly having sex, or screaming the most foul and hurtful shit to each other.

Despite how toxic and unhealthy your relationship is, you both can’t seem to let each other go because it’s familiar. As torturous as it is, Hongjoong finds your presence and company to be familiar enough for him to yearn for. And as much as everyone tells you to leave him, you just can’t seem to stay away from him for too long.

Which is horrible considering how much more functionable and productive you are when Hongjoong isn’t in the picture. The way you’re both completely sober without each other only adds to the fact that everyone thinks you’re not healthy for each other.

Because you’re both only ever on benders when you’re together. And it doesn’t create the best reputation for Hongjoong whenever he calls you up in the middle of the night and you disappear to drink and fuck for weeks.

“Coming!” Hongjoong calls as he stumbles towards the banging front door, clumsily throwing on his t-shirt before opening it. Seonghwa stands outside with his arms crossed over his chest, displeasure painting his features as he lets his eyes scan Hongjoong’s state. “Oh,” he grumbles, a tinge of annoyance filling him at the sight of his friend. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to pull you out of this fucking bender,” Seonghwa states.

“I don’t need someone to ‘pull me out’ Hwa. I’m perfectly fine,” Hongjoong argues with a snort.

“You might be, but they’re not.” His eyes flit behind Hongjoong and it makes him turn around to see you standing in the living room, one of Hongjoong’s oversized t-shirts engulfing your frame, and staring at them.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you’re a bad fucking influence on them. (Y/n) owns a restaurant and they’re not even there anymore because you keep bringing them away. They own multiple cafes and they can’t be there because you keep dragging them on benders. They have actual goals compared to you and you keep tearing that shit down instead.”

Hongjoong can feel the twinge of annoyance becoming stronger and stronger the longer Seonghwa stands in front of him, but you speak before he can do anything.

“Seonghwa, I think you’re overreacting,” you laugh, hand waving to visibly brush it off. “It’s not like it’s anything that bad. Joongie and I are just having fun.” You move to Hongjoong’s side and wrap your arms around his waist. “I need the break every once in a while, ya’know? Just some time to relax and have fun with him.”

“You guys broke up two years ago and you’re still fucking each other when you’re drunk or high. It’s not healthy. You guys go on benders that can last up to months, and, honestly? I’m surprised you guys aren’t fucking dead with how much shit you put into yourselves,” Seonghwa argues.

He’s obviously getting more agitated as well, which only fuels the anger that bubbles in the pit of Hongjoong’s stomach.

“We like doing this, okay? We like being with each other and we like doing this together. Why can’t you just accept the fact that (Y/n) and I are together?”

“It’s unhealthy!”

“It’s temporary!” Hongjoong yells. “Why are you so up my fucking ass about this?! It’s not like I’m doing the bender with you! I’m doing it with (Y/n) and they’re perfectly fine with it.”

Your grip around Hongjoong’s loosen as the argument starts to get heated. The tension in the air starts to thicken and it’s making you uncomfortable. You never really saw your relationship with Hongjoong as anything more than a momentary release from the real world; a form of escapism that you would never fail to hop onto just to relax.

But hearing how it seemed to Seonghwa just made you feel… ashamed.

It was never a problem in the beginning because you had always seen your relationship as something that was good.

But you wonder how Seonghwa must’ve been thinking about it this entire time.

Hongjoong just wants to have fun and you knew that from the first time you met him, and you broke up with him because of his inability to want to actually grow. Hongjoong likes things the way they are and he’s so terrified of change that, no matter how long you two spend apart, he’s still always exactly the same.

And hearing it come out of Seonghwa’s mouth finally seems to put it into perspective for you. You’re finally able to see it from the lens of someone else and you realise that the bottom line of this horrible codependent relationship that you and Hongjoong have is purely fun. He’s fun and that’s all you ever want out of him—it’s all he’s ever wanted out of you.

“Mind your own damn business and get the fuck out of my apartment,” Hongjoong finally spits before slamming the door in Seonghwa’s face, a twang hitting your chest just as he does. He lets out a heavy sigh and turns to you, “sorry about that, babe. Hwa overreacts over these things sometimes.”

“I-I don’t know, Joong. Maybe he has a point,” you mumble.

“Don’t let it get to you. He’s just upset because I don’t see him often whenever I’m with you,” he quickly grumbles and pulls away from you. “Come on. We don’t have to let him be such a buzzkill. We have the rest of the week to fuck around, baby, and then we’ll get you back to your work.”

Despite the growing uneasiness filling you, you decide to give Hongjoong this fleeting moment of freedom.

He needs it anyway, you think.

You made up your mind the moment he slammed the door in Seonghwa’s face.

And when Hongjoong wakes up the next morning, you’ve disappeared from his apartment with nothing but a note on his bed.

I can’t do this in person because I know I’ll just end up coming back to you like I always do, but you have to agree to some extent that Seonghwa’s right, Joong. What we have isn’t healthy and it never was; not even when we were dating.

You don’t want change and the reason why I was okay with it was because there’s something wrong with me too. I loved you because I was in love with the idea of never having to change anything… which only adds to my point. We both feed off of each other, and to some extent, I indulge in letting you completely control my decisions and without me even realising it until it’s too late.

For some reason, you’ve always been such a big part of me. And because of that, it’s easy for me to fall back into you over and over again no matter how much this relationship is basically torture for the both of us.

I’m blocking you on everything to try and break this toxic cycle so we can both grow and be happy away from each other.

Yours, and, forever, only yours,

(Y/n)

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koyagifs · 1 month ago

Text

𝓲𝓯 𝓼𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝔂𝓼

pairing: hongjoong x reader au: college | in between worlds | genre: angst word count: 12.861k synopsis: no one seen it coming. how could they? the lead singer of up and coming band and the shy celloist. warning(s): mentions of death, hospital. author note: another favorite book, if i stay!! will be heavily basing it on it. When they release the seasons greeting, i just had to.

september 25th, 2021 12:15pm

Hongjoong stood in the doorway, frozen as if time itself had stopped. The dim light of the studio cast a warm glow over the young woman seated at the center of the room, her form almost ethereal. Her head tilted slightly, eyes closed in concentration, and her fingers danced delicately along the neck of the cello.

The bow in her hand moved with such grace that it seemed to breathe life into the instrument. The muffled strains of music seeped through the heavy door, a melody both haunting and beautiful. The cello nestled between her legs seemed an extension of herself, responding to her every touch as though it shared her soul.

Hongjoong felt his breath catch, the world outside fading into irrelevance. There was a power in her presence, one that silenced the chaos of his thoughts and left him wholly captivated. For a moment, he wondered if she had somehow charmed the room—or perhaps just him.

He came out from the trance when someone came beside him, " what's her name?"

Hongjoong turned his head sharply at the sound of her voice. A girl stood beside him now, her expression soft but curious as she glanced between him and the young cellist in the studio. Her smile grew as she returned her gaze to the girl playing, an unmistakable fondness shining in her eyes.

“Yn,” she said simply, her voice carrying a warmth that matched her expression.

Hongjoong nodded slightly, the name embedding itself in his mind like a melody he couldn’t forget. Without another word, he stepped away, feeling the pull of the moment lingering even as he distanced himself from the studio.

Yn. He repeated the name in his head, savoring how it sounded—soft, yet powerful, much like the music she played. It felt like the kind of name you’d whisper into the quiet of a night, afraid to disturb its beauty.

As he walked down the corridor, the faint echo of her cello followed him, weaving into his thoughts. He knew he’d be back, though he couldn’t quite say why. Something about Yn and the world she created with her music had already begun to anchor itself deeply in him, like a seed of inspiration waiting to grow.

He smiled faintly to himself. Whatever it was, he couldn’t wait to discover more.

Back in the room, Yn paused mid-stroke as the last note faded into silence. She looked up to see her best friend Maddie leaning against the doorframe, a wide grin plastered on her face. The mischievous glint in her eyes was unmistakable.

“What’s that look on your face for?” Yn asked, raising an eyebrow as she adjusted the bow in her hand.

Maddie shook her head, her grin widening as she stepped closer. “Oh, nothing,” she teased, her voice sing-song. “It’s just... someone has a secret admirer~.”

Yn blinked, her brows knitting together in confusion. “What are you talking about?” she asked, setting her bow down on the cello.

Maddie plopped down on a nearby chair, crossing her legs as if preparing to spill the juiciest gossip. “There was this guy—he couldn’t take his eyes off you,” she explained, dramatically clasping her hands to her chest. “It was like watching a puppy stare at a treat.”

Yn frowned slightly, tilting her head. “A guy? Who?”

Maddie shrugged her shoulder nonchalantly, though the grin on her face betrayed her excitement. “Oh, you know—only the Kim Hongjoong was looking at you.”

Yn froze, her hands stilling on the cello as her eyes widened. “ you're telling me hongjoong saw my geeking out on the cello" she asked, her voice rising slightly as the words tumbled out.

Maddie burst out laughing, clutching her sides. “Oh, definitely,” she managed between giggles. “He was standing there, all wide-eyed and awestruck, like he’d just stumbled upon a hidden gem.”

Yn groaned, covering her face with both hands. “Oh my god, Maddie,” she mumbled through her fingers. “He probably thinks I’m some weirdo.”

“Are you kidding?” Maddie shot back, her laughter subsiding as she gave Yn a playful nudge on the arm. “He looked like he wanted to commission a whole symphony inspired by you. Trust me, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Yn peeked at her best friend from behind her hands, still unconvinced. “You’re exaggerating,” she accused, though a small part of her wanted to believe Maddie’s words.

Yn groaned, burying her face in her hands as Maddie laughed and tugged her up by the wrist.

“Come on, rock star whisperer,” Maddie teased, dragging Yn toward the door. “Let’s get out of here before your new admirer decides to camp outside the classroom.”

Yn rolled her eyes but let herself be pulled along, her thoughts still swirling. Kim Hongjoong—the name alone sent a flicker of disbelief through her. He wasn’t just anyone; he was the lead guitarist of 8teez, the up-and-coming band that had been the talk of their small town.

Their music was raw and electric, a blend of emotion and energy that had quickly captured the hearts of their growing fan base. The group had been making waves in the local scene for months, playing at festivals, gigs, and even the town’s annual summer fair. And now, with a record label finally backing them, 8teez was on the cusp of something bigger.

feburary 19th, 2023 11:15am

Yn sat quietly in the backseat of the Uber, her gaze fixed on the snowflakes drifting lazily down outside the window. The world beyond the glass was coated in a pristine white blanket, the streetlights casting a warm glow over the soft snowfall. It felt like something out of a dream, the kind of moment that felt both fleeting and infinite all at once.

Yn’s phone sat in her lap, her thumb instinctively tapping the screen to turn it on. The soft glow illuminated the emptiness of her notifications, and her heart clenched just a little tighter. She locked the screen, exhaled slowly, then repeated the cycle moments later, as though willing a message to appear from him.

Nothing.

Her heart ached each time the blank notification bar stared back at her, unyielding. It felt silly, almost foolish, to let it affect her this much. But still, she couldn’t shake the weight in her chest, the unanswered questions circling her mind like an unrelenting storm.

A storm had struck, leaving a devastating aftermath in its wake. The once calm streets were now a blur of swirling snow and ice, the world outside distorted and harsh. The wind howled, a fierce reminder of the storm’s power, and the snow fell in thick, heavy sheets that seemed to blur the line between day and night.

Inside the Uber, Yn's body jerked forward with a sharp impact, the car sliding uncontrollably across the slick road. Her breath caught in her throat as her seatbelt dug into her chest, the force of the motion throwing her against the back of the seat. Panic surged through her as she gripped the armrest, her heart pounding in her ears.

The sound of tires screeching against the ice was drowned out by the screeching of her own thoughts, a chaotic cacophony in her mind. The world outside had blurred into a whirl of white, the wind slamming against the car, but all she could focus on was the feeling of helplessness, of being entirely out of control. The cold metal of the seat dug into her back, her grip failing on the armrest as the car spun, and she felt the sharp jolt of panic in her chest.

This can’t be happening. Not now... not like this.

Her heart pounded in her ears, the terror crashing over her in waves as the car slid further, the sense of time slowing down, twisting, until it became a blur of sensations. The last thing she saw was the back seat, the familiar black leather seat cover before darkness closed in on her like a heavy blanket.

And then, everything went silent.

october 19th, 2021 1:06 pm

Hongjoong walked towards the two girls who were laughing, their voices carrying through the quiet space as they shared a moment. His heart was pounding in his chest, the familiar rush of adrenaline hitting him in a way it never had before. He'd been with girls before—spent time talking, laughing, even flirting—but this? This was different.

As he neared them, a wave of nervous energy surged through him, making him second-guess every step he took. He adjusted his jacket for the hundredth time, running a hand through his hair, feeling the weight of the situation settle on his shoulders. Why is this so hard? he thought, swallowing the lump in his throat. It's just a conversation. Just a hello.

But with every step closer to Yn, the closer he got to unraveling. He had never been this nervous before. His mind raced with questions, with thoughts that felt like a whirlpool. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I say something stupid? What if...

His gaze was fixed on her, her laughter drifting toward him like a melody he couldn't escape. She was so effortlessly beautiful, so calm, so magnetic, and all of a sudden, he felt like a clumsy fool trying to approach someone out of his league.

Just breathe, he told himself, shaking his head as if he could clear the swirling thoughts. He was Kim Hongjoong. Confident. Charismatic. The guy who led his band with ease. And yet, here he was, fighting the urge to turn around and run.

Still, his feet carried him closer, one step after another, until he was just a few feet away from the two girls. Maddie was the first to notice him, her grin widening when she saw him approach.

“You’ve got guts,” she teased with a knowing look, but Hongjoong barely registered the words. His focus was entirely on Yn, who turned toward him, her expression unreadable but not unkind.

He stopped in front of them, his heart racing, and he opened his mouth to say something—anything—but for a moment, the words wouldn’t come. It was like his voice had abandoned him.

Pull it together, Hongjoong.

“Hey,” he finally managed, his voice a little rougher than he intended. “I… I just wanted to say hi.”

Yn raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by his sudden nervousness. “Hi,” she said softly, her smile gentle

Maddie left with a playful smile on her face, her hand giving Yn a quick pat on the back that Yn barely registered. As she walked away, her grin widening, Yn couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She knew what was coming, but she had little time to process it as Hongjoong stood there in front of her, a small, nervous smile playing on his lips.

"I'm Hongjoong," he said, his voice carrying a certain warmth as he spoke, like he was trying to sound casual, but the slight tension in his posture betrayed the nerves he was trying to hide.

Yn blinked, her mind briefly catching up with the moment. “I know," she said automatically, her words coming out quicker than she intended. She cleared her throat, embarrassed. "I mean—sorry, I’m Yn.”

The exchange felt awkward, but in a way, it also felt... real. Hongjoong wasn’t some unreachable figure anymore—he was just a guy standing there in front of her, offering a friendly smile. But the weight of his presence, the nervous energy still lingering between them, made it hard to find her balance.

Hongjoong couldn't help but chuckle at the nervous girl standing in front of him. His smile was easy, but there was a certain softness in his gaze that made him look even more approachable than before. "I uh, saw you play," he said, his voice light, but his words carrying a sense of sincerity.

The moment the words left his lips, Yn’s face flushed with a deep blush, her cheeks warming instantly. She tried to hide the heat rising in her face by looking down, but it was no use—the flush was very evident. Her heart skipped a beat, thudding hard against her chest as she fumbled for something to say.

"I—I didn’t know you were there," she stammered, her voice almost a whisper. Get it together, she told herself, but it was hard when he was standing so close, smiling at her in a way that made everything feel a little too real.

Hongjoong’s chuckle softened into a small, knowing smile. "I guess that’s a good thing, right? You’re so focused when you play," he said, his eyes warm with admiration. "It’s impressive."

Yn could feel the heat in her cheeks spreading, her heartbeat still erratic. The compliment felt like it was both a gift and a challenge, and she didn’t know how to handle it. Why is he making me feel like this? she thought, her thoughts spiraling just a little.

She cleared her throat and shrugged slightly, trying to regain her composure. "It’s just... something I do, you know?" she said, trying to downplay it. "I don’t really think about it too much."

Hongjoong tilted his head, his expression thoughtful. "Well, it definitely stands out," he said, his voice quiet but sincere. "Not everyone can make something like that look so effortless. You’ve got a gift."

The warmth of his words made her heart race again, and she had to look away for a moment, trying to steady her breath. "Thanks," she said softly, a little embarrassed by the intensity of her own reaction.

There was a brief, comfortable silence between them, the kind that didn’t feel forced. It was like they were both caught in the same quiet bubble, the nervous energy now mingling with a budding sense of ease.

Hongjoong’s words stumbled out in a rush, the nervousness creeping back into his voice as he looked at Yn. He had been thinking about asking her for days, but now that the moment was here, it felt harder than he anticipated. “I, uh, have these tickets to Yo-Yo Ma’s concert,” he started, his words a little more hurried than he intended. “I was wondering if maybe you’d... go with me? I mean—you don’t have to, but—”

He cut himself off, feeling the familiar weight of uncertainty pressing down on him. His eyes darted to the ground for a brief moment, trying to shake off the sense of awkwardness, but the words had already left his mouth, and now it was too late to take them back.

Yn’s heart skipped another beat, the unexpected question hanging in the air like a soft challenge. She hadn’t expected him to ask her out like this—certainly not for something as intimate as a concert. Her breath hitched slightly, and she struggled to find her voice.

"I'll love to," Yn said, smiling brightly, the warmth spreading through her chest as she met Hongjoong's gaze. The fluttering in her stomach felt like a small, hopeful spark—like something new was just beginning to take root.

Hongjoong's eyes lit up at her response, a wide grin spreading across his face. He had been nervous, unsure of how she would respond, but hearing her say yes made everything feel a little lighter. "Really?" he asked again, almost disbelieving, though his tone was filled with happiness.

Yn nodded, the smile never leaving her face. "Yeah. I’d really like to go with you."

The relief that washed over Hongjoong was palpable, and for a moment, he seemed to forget about his nerves entirely. "Awesome," he said with a grin, his eyes soft with gratitude. "I’ll send you the details soon. It’s going to be great."

feburary 19th, 2023 11:54am

Yn’s head throbbed, the sharp ringing in her ears growing louder as she blinked rapidly, trying to clear her blurry vision. The cold air around her felt foreign, like she wasn’t quite connected to the world around her. She pushed herself up from the ground, her limbs unsteady as she took in the chaotic scene unfolding before her.

The first thing she noticed was the crunch of snow under running feet, the hurried movement of paramedics and bystanders rushing past her. The flashing lights of an ambulance painted the snow a harsh, pulsing red and blue. A sense of panic slowly began to settle in her chest as she realized that something had gone horribly wrong.

Panic surged through Yn’s body, the overwhelming rush of confusion and fear clouding her mind as she stumbled forward, her legs weak. Desperate to make sense of what was happening, she ran toward an EMT, her heart hammering in her chest, trying to find someone who could help.

"Excuse me!" she tried to call out, her voice a strangled whisper, but it was caught in her throat as she reached the EMT. She reached out instinctively, but when her hand passed through his arm—when she felt the cold air instead of solid flesh—her breath hitched, and her world tilted violently.

Her heart skipped a beat as she froze, staring at her hand, now hovering through the EMT's arm, utterly confused. The chaos around her continued, the flashing lights of the ambulance blurring in her peripheral vision, but everything felt... off, like a dream slipping further away from her grasp.

She blinked, looking around frantically, trying to process what had just happened. Was she hallucinating? Was this some kind of fog settling over her mind? No—she could still feel the snow crunching beneath her feet, the cold air biting at her skin. Yet there was a feeling of separation, like she wasn’t fully tethered to the world around her.

She tried again, moving toward the EMT with renewed urgency. "Help me, please!" she tried to shout, but her voice failed her, the words coming out as an echo, distant and hollow. She reached out again, her hand passing straight through the EMT’s body as if he wasn’t even there. Panic tightened in her chest, and she stepped back, her heart racing.

What’s happening to me?

The sensation of fear and confusion flooded her as she tried to make sense of the growing disconnect between her body and the world she was in. The EMT didn’t seem to notice her at all, continuing his frantic efforts to help someone else on the ground.

Frustration and terror bubbled up in Yn’s chest as she turned, looking wildly for someone else—anyone who could see her, could hear her. She didn’t know what was real anymore, and the weight of her own disembodiment made her feel small and helpless.

Yn’s breath caught in her throat as her eyes landed on something that made her heart stop—herself. There, lying in the snow, her body surrounded by EMTs. The sight was surreal, like an out-of-body experience, and she could hardly process what she was seeing. She reached out instinctively, but her hand passed right through the scene as though it were a fleeting memory.

Her pulse hammered in her ears as she tried to make sense of it. Is that... is that really me? The image of her lifeless form in the snow felt distant and cold, yet the emotions rushing through her were too raw to ignore.

Her body, motionless and pale, was being carefully tended to by the EMTs, their hands moving with practiced precision, as though this was just another emergency to be handled. But Yn couldn’t shake the sense that something was wrong. Something had shifted.

“On three, we lift,” one of the EMTs called out, his voice firm and steady, signaling the others to prepare.

The words felt like a punch to her gut. They weren’t talking about her—they were talking about her body. The weight of that realization hit her all at once, a cold, hollow ache spreading through her chest. This can’t be happening.

She watched helplessly as the EMTs lifted her body from the snow, their movements synchronized. Her lifeless form was carefully cradled and placed onto a stretcher, the medic’s calm instructions echoing in her mind as they began to wheel her away.

Yn wanted to scream, to run to them, to demand to know why they weren’t helping her, why she wasn’t there with them. But the words wouldn’t come. She could see everything, feel everything, but nothing seemed to connect. She wasn’t part of this world anymore—not physically, at least.

In that moment, she realized the truth, the awful reality of it all. She was here, but she wasn’t. Her body was being taken away, but she remained, trapped in this disorienting space between the living and the dead.

Yn’s heart pounded in her chest as she watched her body being loaded into the ambulance, the reality of the situation crashing down on her. She couldn’t quite grasp what was happening—how she was standing there, yet her body was somewhere else, being whisked away as though she were nothing more than a memory.

Desperation clawed at her as she took a hesitant step toward the ambulance, her feet barely making contact with the snow. She couldn’t feel the cold; the world around her felt oddly detached, like she was floating just above everything. But the instinct to move, to follow, was too strong to ignore. She needed to understand. She needed to know what was going on.

october 26th, 2021 10:00 pm

The chill of the fall air bit at their skin as Hongjoong wrapped an arm around Yn, holding her close as they walked away from the venue. His heart thudded in his chest with each step, the excitement of the night mixing with a sense of warmth he couldn’t quite shake. Being with her felt like something important, something he couldn’t quite explain, but it was undeniable.

His thoughts were a mix of exhilaration and uncertainty, wondering how this night would unfold, what it meant for them, for their connection. Everything felt right in the moment, like the world had shifted into place.

But suddenly, Yn came to a halt. Hongjoong almost didn’t notice at first, still caught up in the rhythm of their walk, but when he looked down at her, he saw that something had changed.

Yn stood perfectly still, her eyes wide and distant. It was as if a wave of confusion or realization had hit her all at once, and she was frozen in place, her breath shallow. Hongjoong could feel the tension in the air, the way her body seemed to stiffen, like she was struggling with something invisible.

“Yn?” he asked, his voice soft but filled with concern as he gently pulled her to face him. “Hey, are you okay?”

For a moment, Yn didn’t answer. Her gaze drifted over his shoulder, her eyes unfocused, as though something had pulled her attention away. She looked as if she were searching for something—someone. Her chest rose and fell with each breath, but she seemed lost in thought, caught between the moment they were in and something else.

Hongjoong’s grip tightened slightly, worried by the change in her demeanor. “Yn…?” he repeated, stepping closer.

" what do you want from me hongjoong.."

Hongjoong's heart skipped a beat as her words hung in the cold air. The question was raw, unexpected, and it cut through him like a blade. The weight of her words hit him harder than he anticipated. It wasn’t just a question. It felt like a challenge, a hesitation, an invitation to something deeper, something that he wasn’t sure how to answer.

His breath hitched as he stepped closer, his eyes searching hers. She seemed so distant, like a part of her was somewhere else—far away from the moment, far away from him. He couldn’t tell if it was uncertainty, confusion, or something else that held her back, but he knew he couldn’t let this moment slip away.

“I want to be with you, Yn,” Hongjoong said softly, his voice steady but vulnerable. His words felt like the truth, simple and pure, yet heavy with the weight of everything they’d shared and everything they hadn’t yet said. “I want to be here with you. If you’ll have me.”

He paused, letting the words settle between them. His hands still gently held her, a silent plea for her to meet him halfway, to let down the walls that seemed to be pulling her away from him.

Her eyes flickered with something—something fleeting that he couldn’t quite read—but before he could say anything more, she turned her gaze to the ground.

" why me? Why now?" she asked, her lips trembling.

Hongjoong’s chest tightened as he watched Yn’s gaze fall to the ground, her words lingering in the cold night air. The tremble in her voice made his heart ache, and he instinctively took a step closer, his fingers brushing against hers, a silent gesture of reassurance.

He couldn’t help but wonder what had brought those words out of her—what fears, what uncertainties were swirling in her mind. But he also knew, deep down, that it wasn’t just about the moment they were standing in. It wasn’t just about the way the world felt heavy and tangled between them. It was about the weight of everything she had to carry, everything she wasn’t sure she could give.

"Why you?" Hongjoong repeated softly, as though the answer to that question could ever truly be simple. “Because you’re you, Yn. Because you’re the one who makes everything feel… different. When I’m with you, I don’t feel like I’m just going through the motions. You make everything seem like it matters.”

He paused, his voice turning more vulnerable, more earnest. “I don’t have a perfect answer for why now—I guess it’s because right now, it feels like the right time. I don’t know if I can explain it any other way.”

Yn looked up at him then, her eyes still filled with doubt, but something in her expression softened, as if she were trying to process his words.

Yn’s breath hitched as Hongjoong gently pulled her closer, his hands warm against the cold of the night as he wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. The gesture, so tender and full of care, made her chest tighten with something she couldn’t fully comprehend. There was a rawness in his eyes, a depth of sincerity that reached her in ways words never could.

"Yn..." His voice was soft, yet it held a quiet determination. She couldn’t quite bring herself to look away from him, even as her thoughts raced, her doubts clouding her mind. But his presence was grounding, like an anchor pulling her back to the moment.

"The moment I laid my eyes on you, playing your cello," he continued, his voice steady but filled with emotion, "I just knew you were the one I wanted to be with."

Yn felt her heart lurch at his words. It was as if everything she had tried to suppress—her fears, her doubts, the lingering uncertainty about herself—was suddenly laid bare. He was seeing her in a way no one else had, and it terrified her. She opened her mouth, ready to protest, to explain why she wasn’t ready, but before she could speak, Hongjoong shook his head.

"Please, just this one chance?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper, but the sincerity in his eyes made her heart skip.

Yn froze, her mind battling with the storm of emotions inside her. She wanted to push him away, to protect herself, to keep the walls that had kept her safe for so long intact. But there was something about Hongjoong—the way he was looking at her, the way he was with her—that made it impossible to ignore.

Hongjoong’s heart raced as he saw the subtle nod, the quiet acceptance in her eyes. It was all he needed. No words were left to say, just the raw, unspoken understanding between them. His breath caught in his throat as he slowly leaned in, the distance between them disappearing with each heartbeat.

He cupped her face gently, his fingers brushing against the soft curve of her cheek. There was a tenderness in his touch, a reverence for the moment, as if he were afraid that moving too fast would shatter the fragile trust they were beginning to build. Yet, despite the uncertainty that lingered in the air, he couldn’t ignore the magnetic pull between them, the undeniable need to close the gap, to be closer to her.

Yn’s breath hitched as his lips finally met hers, soft at first, a careful exploration. The world around them seemed to fade into the background, the only thing that mattered was the warmth of his lips, the gentle pressure as he deepened the kiss, just enough to feel the weight of everything unspoken.

It was slow, patient, like they were both trying to savor the moment—an acknowledgment that this was something more, something real, that was blooming between them. For a moment, Yn melted into him, her body leaning into his touch, her fingers gripping the fabric of his jacket like she was afraid to let go. The kiss was a quiet promise, an unspoken vow to take things one step at a time, to trust, to be present.

When they finally pulled apart, their foreheads rested together, breath mingling in the cool night air.

Hongjoong smiled softly, his voice barely a whisper as he spoke. "Thank you for giving me a chance."

Yn’s heart was still racing, but there was a lightness to her now, a quiet warmth that she hadn’t felt before. She didn’t have all the answers, didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. But for now, she was here. With him.

“Let’s take it slow,” she murmured, her voice steady now, the uncertainty beginning to fade. "But I’m willing to try."

feburary 19th, 2023 12:15pm

The sudden rush of activity around her was overwhelming, the frantic movement of the doctors and nurses around her—everything was happening too quickly for her to process. Jogging by the nurses and doctor that hovered over her.

"Female, early 20s, collapsed lung, unresponsive," one of the doctors said sharply, his tone focused and commanding. "Let’s get her into operating room one now."

Yn stood frozen just inside the door, her gaze locked onto her own body, laid out on the operating table in front of her. The blood that stained her clothes, the mask over her face—everything felt unreal. It was like watching someone else, as if she were standing outside of herself, unable to grasp the full weight of what was happening.

The sterile, cold air of the operating room surrounded her, the bustle of the medical staff continuing on as if everything were normal, yet everything felt... wrong. She didn’t feel like herself anymore. Her body felt distant, almost foreign, as if she was a spectator in a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from.

A nurse came to her side, her voice low but comforting as she leaned in close. "You're in control of this whole show, baby. Whether you live or die, it's all up to you. I'm going to be by your side. I will not be leavin’."

The nurse’s words struck Yn like a lightning bolt, the gravity of the situation slowly sinking in. In control? How could she be? She was already here, trapped in the space between life and death, stuck in this bizarre limbo. Yet, there was something in the nurse’s voice, a quiet strength that reached through the chaos and uncertainty.

Yn looked down at herself again, at the form that was so familiar, yet felt so foreign in this moment. Blood. The oxygen mask. The steady beep of the heart monitor. She felt her chest tighten, a rush of panic threatening to overtake her, but the nurse’s words grounded her—offered her something to hold on to.

It’s up to me...

Her heart thudded in her chest as she thought of everything she hadn’t yet lived for. Hongjoong. Her friends. The music she’d yet to play. The chance to still make something of all the potential she had. The tears welling up in her eyes blurred her vision, but she didn’t let herself fall apart—not yet. Not until she could fight for it.

The cold, sterile environment didn’t feel as suffocating now. The nurse’s presence, her steady voice, gave her a sense of direction in a place where she had none.

november 9th, 2021 9:15pm

Yn couldn’t help but feel out of place as she stepped into the dimly lit bar. The low hum of chatter and clinking glasses filled the air, but everything around her felt distant, like she was on the outside looking in. Her fingers brushed against the cool glass of her drink, but it didn't quite calm the nerves that had begun to twist in her stomach.

The sound of her name being called made her look up. Hongjoong stood by the entrance, a warm, inviting smile on his face, his presence like a beacon in the crowd. His eyes, dark and intense, locked onto hers as he moved toward her with a confident stride.

He didn’t waste any time, offering his hand to her with a slight bow of his head. "Come on," he said softly, his voice warm and full of reassurance.

As they stepped into the back, Yn felt a rush of nerves that she couldn’t quite explain. The warm, dimly lit space was filled with the sound of instruments being tuned, the low hum of conversation among Hongjoong’s bandmates. There were amps scattered around, wires on the floor, and an air of excited chaos that came with preparing for a show.

But what made her feel most exposed was the fact that, as soon as they entered, the eyes of Hongjoong’s bandmates shifted toward her. The energy in the room seemed to shift, and for a moment, Yn felt like she was an outsider, a stranger in their world of music and camaraderie.

Hongjoong, however, was unfazed. His excitement was palpable as he turned to her with a bright smile, his eyes sparkling with genuine enthusiasm. “I’m so glad you came,” he said, his voice full of warmth. “You’re gonna love this. The band’s been practicing hard, and it’s gonna be a great show.”

He led her further into the room, guiding her with a hand on her back, but Yn couldn’t shake the feeling of being out of place. She was still getting used to this side of him—the musician, the one who was part of something bigger, something she didn’t fully understand. She felt like she was stepping into his world, and it was both exciting and overwhelming.

As they approached the bandmates, Hongjoong’s energy was infectious. He waved at the guys, who were all busy with their instruments or talking amongst themselves, but paused when he reached them.

“Everyone, this is Yn,” Hongjoong said, his voice proud as he introduced her. The bandmates looked up from their instruments, offering her warm, welcoming smiles. There was a casual ease about them, but Yn couldn’t shake the feeling that they were sizing her up, trying to figure out who she was in the midst of Hongjoong’s world.

One of the bandmates, a tall guy with a friendly grin, reached out to shake her hand. “Nice to meet you, Yn. I’m Mingi,” he said, his tone laid-back and easygoing. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”

Yn nodded, smiling politely, but her nerves were still running high. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said, her voice a little unsure.

Another bandmate, a quieter guy with dark hair and a focused expression, nodded in her direction. “We’re glad you could make it tonight,” he added, his voice smooth but a little reserved.

Hongjoong’s face lit up as he watched her interact with his friends. His energy was infectious, and it was hard to deny the sense of pride he seemed to take in having her there.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said softly to her, almost as if he were reminding himself that she was really there, in his world now. “I know this is a lot to take in, but I want you to be a part of it. All of it.”

Yn felt a rush of warmth at his words, but it didn’t completely erase the sense of vulnerability she was feeling. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to dive headfirst into his world, but the way Hongjoong looked at her, the way he included her in everything—she felt like she wanted to try.

Hongjoong noticed the slight tension in Yn’s posture, the way her eyes darted around the room as if she were trying to find a way to disappear into the background. His heart ached for her, seeing how out of place she felt, and instinctively, he reached out to her, pulling her gently towards his side.

"You don’t have to go out there or even be in the front," he said, his voice soft but reassuring. "You’re more than welcome to hang back here. Just... be comfortable. I want you to enjoy yourself."

His words were like a balm to the growing anxiety inside her. He wasn’t pushing her to be anything she wasn’t ready for, and that small gesture—a simple, comforting touch—was enough to make her feel a little more at ease.

Yn looked up at him, her expression softening as she took in his words. His concern for her made her heart flutter, and she felt the weight of his kindness. He wasn’t trying to drag her into his world forcefully. He was offering her space, letting her decide what part of it she wanted to be in.

"Thanks," she whispered, her voice tinged with relief. She glanced around again at the band, then back to Hongjoong, appreciating how he wasn’t making her feel like an outsider.

Hongjoong smiled, the warmth in his eyes never leaving. "Of course. And if you change your mind, I’ll be out there with you. But for now, let’s just hang out here and enjoy the show from the sidelines." He gave her a playful wink, making it clear that there was no pressure.

Yn let out a deep sigh of relief, the weight of her nerves lifting slightly as she nodded her head. She felt a sense of calm settle over her in that quiet corner, away from the chaos of the venue, knowing Hongjoong was there beside her.

Before she could say anything more, Hongjoong turned to her with a warm smile. His eyes softened as he cupped her face gently, leaning in to place a quick, sweet kiss on her lips. The soft press of his lips against hers was enough to make her heart skip a beat, grounding her even more in that moment. It was simple, but filled with a tenderness that made everything feel right.

As he pulled away, he flashed her a wink, his grin playful. "Stay here, alright? I’ll be back in just a minute."

Yn watched as he rushed towards the stage, the energy around him changing as he got closer to his bandmates. She couldn’t help but smile, her heart swelling with pride. She was still processing everything—this world of music, his band, the people—but in that brief moment, Hongjoong had made her feel like she belonged, even if only for a little while.

As the band took their places on stage and the crowd erupted into applause, Yn stayed back, watching Hongjoong’s every move. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to be out there with him, but from here, in the safety of her corner, she could take it all in. The way he moved, the way his confidence shone as he interacted with the crowd—it made her heart race, and for the first time in a long time, she felt like she was part of something bigger than herself.

The music began to play, and though she wasn’t on stage with him, she was right there in the moment, her eyes locked on him, cheering him on in her own quiet way. Hongjoong had invited her into this world, and even though it was overwhelming at times, she couldn’t help but feel a growing sense of excitement about where it might lead.

feburary 20th, 2023 1am

Yn sat on the bench beside her bed, her body tense, her legs trembling with a mix of anxiety and fear. Her mind was in a haze as she watched her own body being wheeled past her, pale and lifeless under the bright hospital lights. The sterile smell of the hospital was overwhelming, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sight of the medical team rushing her body to the icu. It felt surreal, like watching a scene from a movie that was far too close to home.

Her heart pounded in her chest, the reality of the situation sinking in with each passing second. She wanted to scream, to rush to her own side, but she couldn’t. She was stuck in this strange, haunting space between life and death, unable to make sense of what was happening. Her mind was racing with questions, thoughts she couldn’t answer, and a deep sense of helplessness she couldn’t escape.

The sound of footsteps approaching pulled her from her thoughts, and she turned her head quickly, hoping to see a familiar face. Maddie appeared in the hallway, her expression full of worry and confusion. The moment their eyes met, Maddie started to rush towards her, but security quickly intervened, blocking her path.

"Hey! You can’t go past here," one of the guards said firmly, holding his ground as Maddie tried to push through.

Maddie flick him off as she let out a frustrated groan. Yn went up to the glass door as she placed her hand there as Maddie.

Yn’s heart sank as she watched Maddie break down, her words barely a whisper but carrying the weight of every unspoken fear. "Maddie..." Yn mumbled , her voice cracking as the tears streamed down her face. She could feel the overwhelming emotion rising inside her, the agony of being so close yet completely invisible.

Her breath hitched when she saw her parents rush into the scene, their faces etched with concern and worry. Maddie’s frantic questions hung in the air as they gathered around her, trying to offer some form of comfort in this moment of chaos.

Yn’s mother pulled Maddie into a tight embrace, her own sob catching in her throat as she tried to hold herself together. “Oh, Maddie…” she murmured, her voice trembling with sorrow. The pain in her words was raw, a mother’s anguish breaking through as she sought to comfort Maddie, even as her own heart was breaking.

Yn’s father stepped forward, wrapping his arms around them both, creating a cocoon of shared grief and worry. His eyes, bloodshot and puffy from tears, reflected the helplessness that hung heavily in the air. His voice was hoarse when he spoke. “Did they tell you anything? Anything at all?”

Maddie pulled back slightly, her face streaked with tears as she struggled to find her voice. “They said…” she began, her voice quivering. She wiped her face with the back of her hand, trying to steady herself. “They said it was a head-on collision. A collapsed lung, broken ribs, and—” Her voice cracked, and she couldn’t bring herself to say more.

Yn stood frozen, watching her parents and Maddie cling to one another. Her mother shook her head in despair, her tears falling freely now. “My baby…” she whispered, her knees threatening to give way as she leaned heavily into her husband for support.

“I don’t know if she’s going to make it,” Maddie finally choked out, her voice breaking as the weight of her fear pressed down on her. “They didn’t say much else. Just… just that she’s critical.”

Yn’s father tightened his hold on the two women, his own tears now streaming down his face. “She’s a fighter,” he said, his voice wavering but full of conviction. “Our Yn is strong. She’ll pull through. She has to.”

Yn felt like her chest was caving in as she watched the scene before her. The love, the pain, the desperation—it was all so overwhelming. Her family and her best friend, the people who meant the world to her, were suffering, and there was nothing she could do to reassure them, to let them know she was still here, fighting to find her way back.

“Maddie, Mom, Dad…” Yn whispered, her voice trembling as tears blurred her vision. “I’m still here. I’m not giving up.”

But no one could hear her. The invisible barrier that separated her from them was unyielding, and all she could do was watch, her heart breaking with every tear they shed.

november 30th, 2021

Hongjoong stepped into the lively house, the hum of chatter and laughter filling the air. The cozy glow of the lights warmed the space, and despite the initial flutter of nerves in his chest, his eyes instinctively searched for you. The tension in his shoulders eased the moment he spotted you, standing by the kitchen counter with your brother and his girlfriend, a bright smile lighting up your face.

Your laughter was infectious, drawing him in like a beacon amidst the bustling crowd. You were gesturing animatedly as you spoke, the soft hum of joy radiating from your little group. It was such a natural moment, and yet, to Hongjoong, it felt extraordinary. The way you laughed so freely, your smile effortlessly lighting up the room—it made his own lips curve upward.

He hesitated for a moment, standing near the doorway, watching the way you interacted with those around you. You seemed so at ease, so utterly yourself, and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of admiration, mixed with the nerves that hadn’t completely dissipated.

Your brother nudged you playfully, causing another bout of laughter to erupt, and Hongjoong took that as his cue to move closer. He adjusted his jacket, smoothing down the front as if it would help steady his racing heart.

“Hey,” he called out softly, his voice cutting through the buzz just enough for you to turn your head in his direction.

Your eyes lit up when you saw him, a warm smile spreading across your face. “Hongjoong! You made it!”

That simple acknowledgment was enough to make his heart stutter. He grinned, stepping into your circle. “Of course I did. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Your brother raised a curious brow, his gaze flicking between you and Hongjoong, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just smirked, sharing a glance with his girlfriend before excusing themselves, leaving the two of you alone in the corner of the bustling room.

Hongjoong leaned in, his lips brushing softly against your cheek, his warm gesture drawing a quiet smile from you. The tender moment was interrupted by the sound of hurried footsteps, and you turned to see your mother entering the room, her cheerful energy practically lighting up the space.

“Ah, there you are!” she exclaimed, her voice filled with excitement as her eyes landed on the two of you. “Hongjoong, it’s so good to see you again!”

She rushed toward the two of you, her arms outstretched in a welcoming gesture. Hongjoong straightened up, his signature grin lighting up his face as he met her halfway. “It’s great to see you too, Mrs. [Your Last Name],” he said, his tone warm and genuine.

“Oh, none of that formal nonsense,” your mother said with a playful wave of her hand as she pulled him into a quick hug. “You’re practically family now.”

Your cheeks warmed at her words, and you glanced at Hongjoong, who seemed equally caught off guard by the comment. He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, I’m honored. Thank you.”

Your mother stepped back, giving the two of you a knowing smile. “You’ve been keeping this one happy, haven’t you?” she teased, nudging you lightly with her elbow.

“Mom!” you protested, though your flustered tone only made her laugh more.

“What?” she said innocently, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “It’s just nice to see my baby with someone who clearly adores them.”

Hongjoong’s ears turned a faint shade of pink, but he didn’t shy away. Instead, he glanced at you with a soft smile. “I do, Mrs.—I mean, Mom,” he said, testing the word with a bit of humor, which earned an approving laugh from your mother.

“Well, good,” she said with a satisfied nod. “Now, you two go enjoy yourselves. There’s plenty of food, and your father’s been trying to show off his new grill skills if you’re brave enough to taste-test.”

With a wink, she bustled off toward the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone again.

Hongjoong turned to you, his expression a mix of amusement and affection. “I think I might be a little scared of your dad’s cooking now.”

You laughed, nudging him playfully. “Don’t worry, I’ll be your food tester. It’s a small price to pay for having you here.”

He leaned closer, his voice dropping slightly as he whispered, “I think I’m the lucky one for being here with you.

feburary 20th, 2023 10:30a

Yn’s gaze was fixed out the hospital window, the rhythmic beeping of the machine keeping her stable a constant reminder of the fragility of her current state. The hum of the bustling world outside seemed so distant, like a melody she could no longer fully reach. She took a shaky breath, her thoughts heavy and tangled, when something in the distance caught her attention.

Her eyes widened as she stood abruptly, the chair scraping softly against the floor. Through the glass, she saw Hongjoong, his figure unmistakable even amidst the chaos outside. He was running toward the hospital, his expression frantic, his strides fueled by urgency and worry.

“Hongjoong…” she whispered, her voice barely audible in the silent room.

Her hand instinctively moved to the window, as if the simple gesture could bridge the gap between them. She pressed her palm to the cold glass, her heart aching at the sight of him. He looked disheveled, his jacket barely clinging to his shoulders as he sprinted across the snowy pavement.

The desperation on his face was clear, and it struck something deep within her. It wasn’t just worry—it was fear, the kind that clung to every fiber of his being, driving him forward with reckless determination.

Yn’s chest tightened as she stepped closer to the window, her breath fogging the glass. She knew he couldn’t see her, couldn’t feel the weight of her gaze. But still, she stood there, watching, willing him to sense her presence somehow.

Yn’s feet carried her toward the ICU’s main doors almost instinctively, her entire being drawn by the pull of Hongjoong’s presence. The air felt thick with tension, her anxiety mounting with each step. She stood just beyond the threshold, her translucent form unable to do more than watch as he burst through the hospital’s front doors.

Her breath hitched when she saw him sprinting down the hallway, his hair disheveled, his face flushed from the cold and exertion. His eyes were wild, frantic, searching desperately as he neared the ICU.

And then he saw her body through the glass window.

"Yn!" His cry was loud, raw, and full of anguish. He banged on the glass with his fists, his voice breaking as he called out her name again.

"Sir! You need to calm down!" the nurse urged, her tone firm as she tried to guide Hongjoong away from the glass.

Hongjoong shrugged her hand off with an irritated huff, his frustration palpable. “I’m not leaving her!” he snapped, his voice trembling with raw emotion.

Before the nurse could respond, Maddie appeared by his side, her face a mix of worry and exasperation. She grabbed his arm, tugging him back gently but firmly. “Hongjoong, cut it out,” she said in a low, urgent tone. “You’re going to get kicked out if you don’t chill.”

He let out a heavy sigh, his body still tense as his eyes darted back to the window. “She’s in there, Maddie,” he said, his voice cracking. “I can’t just stand here and do nothing. She needs to know I’m here.”

Maddie’s expression softened as she stepped in front of him, placing both hands on his shoulders to steady him. “She knows, Hongjoong,” she said firmly, her tone laced with a kind of quiet strength. “But you losing it here isn’t going to help her. You need to keep it together—for her.”

Hongjoong’s shoulders slumped, the fight in him wavering as Maddie’s words sank in. He dragged a hand through his hair, his breath uneven as he tried to compose himself.

" joongie.." yn mumbled, watching their figure leave her sight.

december 15th, 2021

Hongjoong felt his heart swell, almost painfully so, as he watched Yn standing before him, her cheeks flushed from the crisp air and her laughter still echoing in his ears. She had this way of lighting up the world around her, making even the simplest moments feel extraordinary.

Her hair danced softly in the breeze, and the faint glow of the setting sun cast a golden halo around her. It was as though she belonged to this magical hour, a vision he couldn’t look away from.

“You’re staring,” Yn said with a teasing smile, her voice pulling him from his thoughts.

He blinked, a sheepish grin tugging at his lips. “Can you blame me?” he replied, his voice soft but filled with sincerity.

Yn rolled her eyes, though her cheeks grew warmer under his gaze. “You’re ridiculous,” she murmured, but there was no hiding the affection in her tone.

“Maybe,” Hongjoong admitted, taking a step closer to her. “But only when it comes to you.”

Yn bit her lip, trying to fight the smile threatening to break through, but she couldn’t. He always had a way of disarming her, of making her feel like the most important person in the world.

Hongjoong reached out, gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered for a moment, his touch warm against her skin. “You’re incredible, Yn,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

Yn leaned forward, her heart racing as she closed the distance between them, her lips meeting Hongjoong’s in a soft, tender kiss. The world seemed to pause, the cool evening air wrapping around them as their connection deepened.

Hongjoong’s initial surprise melted into warmth, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he kissed her back. Their shared laughter mingled into the moment, light and full of affection, as if they couldn’t help but revel in the joy they found in each other.

His arms circled her waist, pulling her closer, while her hands rested gently against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It was as if they were silently promising each other that this—whatever they were building together—was real, solid, and theirs to cherish.

When they finally pulled back, their foreheads rested against each other, both of them grinning like they’d just shared the best secret in the world.

Hongjoong tugged her hand into his pocket, " come on i have something to show you love"

Yn looked around the dimly lit warehouse, her eyes adjusting to the faint glow filtering through the dusty windows. The place was far from glamorous—cracked walls, old boxes stacked haphazardly, and cobwebs clinging to the rafters—but there was something charming about it. It was raw, unpolished, and full of potential, much like the dream Hongjoong and his band had been chasing.

" this is going to be the band's place - we finally got approval from our managment,"

Her hand remained snug in his pocket, and she could feel the warmth of his fingers against hers as he gazed at her with barely contained excitement.

“Really?” she asked, her voice tinged with awe. “This is going to be yours?”

Hongjoong nodded, his grin wide and proud. “Ours,” he corrected. “The band’s. But yeah. Management finally approved it. We’ve been saving up and negotiating for months.”

He stepped forward, spreading his arms out as if envisioning what the space could become. “Just imagine it, Yn. Our gear set up right here, a recording booth there. A space where we can practice, record, baby it's going to be amazing.”

Yn stepped closer, her eyes scanning the empty space with a growing sense of excitement. Hongjoong’s vision was infectious, and she could already imagine the transformation: the sound of music filling the air, the hum of creativity bouncing off the walls. It wasn’t much yet, but it was theirs.

“I can already see it,” Yn said, a smile tugging at her lips. “I can hear the music echoing through here. It’s going to be so good.”

Hongjoong’s eyes lit up at her response, his hands moving as he spoke, like he was sketching out the dream in the air. “And imagine this corner for the band’s merch, some cozy spots for us to relax after long sessions, and of course”—he grinned—“a place where you can come play your cello whenever you want.”

Yn's chest tightened with emotion, her gaze softening as she looked at Hongjoong, feeling a rush of warmth flood through her. The way he spoke about her cello, the way he included her in his dreams, made her heart swell in a way she hadn't expected. The love she had for him was so deep, so unwavering, it was as if her entire world revolved around him.

She blinked rapidly, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over, but it was no use. They welled up, catching the light in her eyes as she took a step closer to him, her hand still held tightly in his. Hongjoong smiled at her, cupping her cheeks as he pulled her close to him.

Hongjoong’s touch was gentle but steady, his hands cradling her face as he pulled her closer, their breaths mingling in the quiet space. Yn’s heart fluttered as she gazed into his eyes, the weight of her feelings for him settling deeply in her chest. Every moment, every word, every small gesture from him made her feel more seen, more understood, than she ever had before.

In that moment, surrounded by the rough edges of the warehouse, they both knew one thing for sure—no matter where life took them, they would always have each other. And together, they would make every dream, every note, every moment count.

january 29th, 2022

Yn stood at the front, just a few feet away from the stage, her heart racing with excitement and pride. Hongjoong was right there, his fingers moving effortlessly over the strings of his guitar as he played with all his passion. Jongho’s voice soared through the venue, harmonizing perfectly with San, who added his own energy to the song. The crowd was electrified, cheering, screaming, and dancing as the music reverberated through the air.

Yn’s eyes were locked on Hongjoong, his face lit up with a grin as he caught her gaze from the stage. There was something about seeing him up there, so alive and so in his element, that made her heart swell with admiration. He wasn’t just a musician; he was a force, a person who had worked so hard to get to this point, and now he was sharing it with the world.

The energy of the room was contagious, and as the beat dropped, the crowd lost their minds, jumping and clapping in perfect rhythm. The sound was overwhelming, but all Yn could focus on was the way Hongjoong moved on stage, the way he made it all look so effortless. He was doing what he loved, and she couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of pride and joy for him.

As the song built to its climax, Hongjoong’s eyes met hers again, and he gave her a subtle nod, as if to say, This is for you too. Yn’s heart skipped a beat, the connection between them even more intense than before. The crowd was screaming, but in that moment, it felt like it was just the two of them, sharing something beautiful.

Yn fumbled with her fingers nervously, her gaze flickering between the boys as they loaded their gear into the van. The sound of laughter and conversation filled the air, but her thoughts kept drifting to how much her heart raced in anticipation. She could see the boys—Hongjoong, Jongho, San, and the rest of the band—smiling, their faces lit up with the excitement of a successful show. Yet, she felt a nervous flutter in her chest.

Hongjoong caught her eye from across the parking lot and flashed her a wide grin, his energy infectious. He had just finished talking to some of the crew members but immediately made his way over to her.

"Hey," he greeted warmly, pulling her into a quick but tender hug. The weight of his arms around her made her feel grounded, despite the chaos around them. "You good?" he asked, his voice low, filled with concern but also affection.

Yn nodded, trying to hide the anxiety that still simmered in her stomach. "Yeah, so proud of you baby!"

Hongjoong chuckled, placing his case on the ground as he pulled her to the side. " hey, what's wrong?"

Hongjoong stepped closer, his brow furrowing in concern as he gently cupped her face, making her meet his gaze. "You don’t have to hide it, Yn," he said softly, his thumb brushing across her cheek. "Talk to me. What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

His words, his tone, made her heart flutter, but the anxiety still lingered. She took a deep breath, steadying herself before speaking again. " i applied to julliard "

Hongjoong's breath caught in his throat, his mind racing to process what Yn had just said. He took a step back, trying to read her face, but all he saw was a mix of uncertainty and fear.

" julliard..wow," His voice was softer than he intended, but the shock was clear. His heart felt heavy, the weight of her words pressing down on him. He had always known how talented she was, but hearing her mention Julliard—one of the most prestigious music schools in the world—took him by surprise.

Yn nodded, her eyes avoiding his gaze. she gulped, " i got an audition, in seoul. i go next week and i was wondering if you'll go with me.."

" that's in new york yn,"

Hongjoong’s words hung in the air, heavy with the reality of the situation. New York. It felt like miles away, a world apart from everything they had here. He was torn between wanting to support her and the gnawing feeling in his stomach, knowing what it could mean for their relationship.

Yn fidgeted with her hands, her heart racing. “I know. I just... I can’t go alone, Hongjoong. This is everything to me, and I want you there. To help me through it, to support me like you always do.”

Her voice trembled slightly, and Hongjoong could hear the vulnerability in it, the fear of taking this huge step alone. His heart ached for her, for how hard this decision must have been.

" i-i can't baby... our manager signed us up for a gig next week and i-.."

yn felt her heart drop and hongjoong saw it in her face. The guilt crept up in him as yn nodded her head, swallowing the tears that wanted to drop. Hongjoong’s heart clenched as he saw the way her smile wavered, her sadness barely hidden behind the façade she put on. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, the way her shoulders sagged slightly, as if the weight of the situation was starting to settle in.

She smiled at him, " that's okay..it was kind a sprung up on you last minute."

Hongjoong's heart ached as he heard her try to downplay it. He could see through her words, the way she was trying to make it seem like it didn’t hurt, but he knew better. He gently reached for her hand, squeezing it softly.

febuary 20th, 2023 5:25pm

Hongjoong couldn’t keep still. His eyes darted around the waiting room, his mind racing a thousand miles a minute. His fingers were nervously gnawing at his nails as he paced back and forth. His thoughts kept circling back to Yn.

The rest of the band was quiet, some of them half asleep, clearly exhausted from the long day. But for Hongjoong, sleep was impossible. His heart was in his throat, each minute feeling like an eternity as he waited for any word on her condition.

He glanced over at Mingi, who was half sitting, half laying across a row of chairs, trying to catch some rest. Yunho was dozing with his head resting on his arms, while Seonghwa sat upright, clearly as restless as Hongjoong, though he was trying to keep his composure.

"Why isn’t there any news yet?" Hongjoong muttered to himself, pacing faster. He could hear the soft hum of the fluorescent lights above, the sound of muffled voices down the hall, but it all felt distant. His mind kept replaying the last moments he spent with Yn before she left for the audition, how everything had felt so normal, so right.

His heart skipped as he thought about her walking through those doors, the joy in her eyes when she spoke of her dreams, and how much he wanted to be there by her side through it all.

The door to the waiting room creaked open, and Hongjoong snapped his head towards it. A nurse stepped inside, her expression unreadable. His breath hitched as he took a step forward with yn's mother and father.

“How is she?” yn father asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

The nurse paused, giving a small, empathetic look before answering. “She’s stable for now. The next few hours are critical. She’s been through a lot, but the doctors are doing everything they can.”

Hongjoong breathe hitched in his throat as Maddie looked at him. Hongjoong left, tears streaming down his face as he left, his chest tightening as maddie trailed behind him.

Hongjoong’s legs felt like they were made of lead as he staggered out of the waiting room, the words of the nurse echoing in his ears. Stable for now. His heart was pounding, a rhythmic beat of fear that seemed to sync with the deep ache in his chest. The weight of her words hung heavy over him, every step feeling like it might crush him beneath its gravity.

His vision blurred with unshed tears, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was getting to her, making sure she was okay. He didn’t even know where he was going, just that he needed to move, needed to do something.

“Maddie, stay back,” he croaked, trying to steady his breath as he rounded a corner. But Maddie’s footsteps were right behind him, firm and determined, just like her.

“I’m not leaving you alone,” she said, her voice low but insistent. She caught up to him, grabbing his arm as he tried to push forward. “You can’t do this alone, Hongjoong. Let me help.”

He shook his head, wiping his face with the back of his hand as he looked at her, eyes filled with pain and guilt. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve gone with her. This is my fault.”

“Stop,” Maddie said, her voice firmer now as she stepped in front of him. “It’s not your fault, Hongjoong. No one could’ve predicted this.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm the storm inside of him, but the thoughts were too overwhelming. The image of her, smiling and excited just hours before, was burned into his mind. The memory of their last words together—so full of hope and love. And now, here he was, standing in the hospital corridor, unable to protect her.

“I don’t even know if she’s going to wake up,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I can’t lose her, Maddie. I can’t.”

Maddie reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, her grip strong and reassuring. “She’s strong, Hongjoong. And so are you. Whatever happens, you won’t be alone in this. You have us. You have me.”

Hongjoong nodded, trying to find some semblance of strength in her words. He swallowed the lump in his throat, a shaky breath escaping his lips.

" did she make it ? into julliard?" hongjoong asked, his voice cracking.

Maddie shook her head no, " she was supposed to get a letter today..so we don't know,"

feburary 27th, 2023 10:30am

" yn ln "

yn breathe hitched as she looked at Maddie who gave her an encouraging smile.

" you got this, go geek out on stage " maddie said, smiling widely at her.

Yn nodded her head as she stepped onto the stage. She let out a breathe. As she sat on the chair, she brought her bow out and began to play.

The moment her bow touched the strings, everything else fell away. The world, the crowd, the noise—everything blurred into the background as Yn's focus locked solely onto the cello in her hands. She felt the music rise within her, each note flowing like a wave of emotions she hadn't realized she was holding onto.

The sound filled the room, vibrant and alive. It was as if every chord was an extension of herself, her heart beating through the cello’s strings. The bow moved fluidly, her fingers finding their way effortlessly as she sank into the music, the rhythm pulsing through her veins.

She wasn’t just playing. She was alive in the moment, her soul dancing with every note. The audience was captivated, entranced by the passion that poured from her. And in that moment, Yn could feel it—the connection between herself and the music, a bond that no words could describe.

As the bow glided across the strings, the music swelled, carrying her higher with each note. Yn felt weightless, as if the melody itself were lifting her onto a cloud. The world outside her cello didn’t exist, not the aching silence from Hongjoong nor the uncertainty that had plagued her since their last conversation. Here, on stage, she felt whole.

But even as she poured her soul into the music, a bittersweet ache lingered in the back of her mind. The absence of his voice, his laughter, his reassuring words—it all weighed on her. She hadn’t heard from him since she told him about the audition, and the void he left felt like a quiet, unspoken goodbye.

Still, as her fingers danced over the strings, she let herself believe for a moment that the music could reach him, wherever he was. That maybe, just maybe, he’d hear it and understand everything she couldn’t put into words. That this was her love, her passion—and it didn’t mean there wasn’t room for him too.

The final note lingered in the air, a perfect echo of her feelings: raw, vulnerable, and yearning.

feburary 20th, 2023 10pm

Hongjoong's breath hitched as he stepped into the room. The sterile smell of antiseptic and the rhythmic beeping of monitors filled the air, a stark contrast to the life and energy that always surrounded Yn. She lay there, her face pale against the stark white of the hospital sheets, her frame seemingly smaller, more fragile than he remembered.

It was like the world had stopped turning.

His knees threatened to give way as he approached her bed, the weight of his emotions almost too much to bear. Hongjoong clenched his fists, forcing himself to stay upright, to be strong for her even when every part of him felt like crumbling.

“Yn,” he whispered, his voice cracking. He reached out, his trembling hand gently brushing a strand of hair from her face. The sight of her like this, hooked up to machines, her chest rising and falling so faintly—it was unbearable.

He sank into the chair beside her, clasping her hand in his, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. Hongjoong pressed his lips firmly against her knuckles, the warmth of her skin faint but enough to keep hope alive. His tears fell freely, dripping onto their joined hands as he clung to her, his heart breaking with every shallow rise and fall of her chest.

Yn froze as she stood beside him, her translucent figure mirroring the stillness of the room. She watched in disbelief as Hongjoong reached into his pocket, pulling out a slightly crumpled envelope. Hongjoong’s fingers trembled as he unfolded it, his tear-streaked face softening as he read the letter. His voice cracked as he began to read aloud, the words carrying through the room like a whisper meant just for her.

“You got in... you’re going to Juilliard, Ynnie,” he repeated, his tears falling freely, dripping onto the crisp paper. His grip on the acceptance letter was tight, as if holding onto it would somehow keep her tethered to this world.

Yn’s ghostly figure stood frozen beside him, her eyes wide and glistening as she took in the moment. Her voice cracked, though he couldn’t hear it. “I got in...?” she whispered, her ethereal form trembling. “I really got in...”

Hongjoong nodded to no one in particular, as though responding to her unspoken words. "You did it," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "You’re incredible, Yn. I always knew you would make it."

The weight of his love and regret was almost tangible, filling the room like a storm about to break. "You worked so hard for this," he continued, clutching the letter against his chest. "I should’ve been there for you, cheering you on, not stuck in my own head. I’m sorry I wasn’t. But I’m so damn proud of you."

Yn reached out, her hand hovering inches above his tear-streaked face, wishing desperately that she could comfort him. “Hongjoong...” she murmured, her voice shaking. “I wish you could hear me.”

The stillness of her body in the hospital bed mirrored her helplessness. The machines beeped steadily, indifferent to the emotional storm in the room. And yet, Hongjoong’s words, his raw, vulnerable love, seemed to reach something deep inside her.

The faintest flicker of movement stirred in her fingertips, unnoticed by either of them—but it was there.

Hongjoong’s voice trembled as he spoke, his chuckle brittle with the weight of his emotions. He shoved the letter back into his pocket, his hands shaking as he ran them through his hair. “I’m sorry for ignoring you, Yn,” he said softly, his gaze locked on her still form in the hospital bed. “I got so scared... I didn’t know how to handle it. You were chasing this huge dream, and I... I didn’t know if I’d be enough to keep up.”

He laughed bitterly, tears slipping down his cheeks as he sat back in the chair, gripping her hand tightly. “I thought maybe if I stayed distant, it would hurt less if things fell apart. But it didn’t. It only made everything worse. I pushed you away when I should’ve been holding on tighter.”

Yn’s spirit stood frozen beside him, her translucent figure trembling as she listened to his confession. “Hongjoong...” she whispered, though her voice couldn’t reach him. Her heart ached at the sight of his raw regret, the tears he tried to hide, the way he clung to her hand as if it were his lifeline.

“I was so stupid,” he continued, his voice cracking. “You deserved someone better—someone who would have stood by your side no matter what. But I was scared of losing you to the world. And now... now I’m scared I’ve lost you for good.”

Yn’s gaze darted to her body in the bed, her fingers unmoving, her chest rising and falling with the rhythm of the machines. Her ethereal form shimmered as she stepped closer to him, desperate to bridge the gap between them.

“You haven’t lost me,” she murmured, her voice breaking. “I’m still here... I’m trying to come back to you.”

As if sensing something, Hongjoong leaned forward, his head bowed over her hand. “Please, Yn,” he whispered. “If you can hear me, if there’s any part of you that can feel this... come back to me. I’ll wait forever if I have to.”

The sudden rush of air into her lungs was startling, as if she’d been submerged underwater and finally broke through the surface. Yn gasped, her ghostly form snapping back into her body with a jolt. The darkness that had surrounded her felt heavy, but the warmth radiating from Hongjoong’s touch lit a spark deep within her.

Her fingers twitched again, this time more deliberately, and then her eyelids fluttered. A small groan escaped her lips, hoarse and barely audible, but enough to send Hongjoong reeling back in shock.

“Yn?”

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ateezreactionsandscenarios · 2 years ago

Text

The Regular

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x Reader

Genre: Fluff

CW: None

Word Count: 1837

Summary: You always remember a regulars face and order but there’s one regular you’ll never forget and when he doesn’t turn up for a while it leaves you worrying.

Part of StayTeez Trope’pril

Prompt List Series Masterlist MasterList Buy me a Coffee

It was another usual day at the cafe, the bustling morning, a moment of piece and then chaos again as soon as lunch rolls around. Despite being rushed off your feet you still try your hardest to have a bright smile on your face and a welcoming attitude. You were always praised for being one of the best workers in the shop, your dedication to the job and how well you got along with the customers, even the difficult ones, made you one of the most recognised employees. You were on a first name basis with all the regulars apart from one who just so happened to be your favourite.

It was 1pm and Hongjoong was running through the rain to the cafe for his daily black coffee and muffin. He’s learnt that by the time he gets there the que has died down and the lunch rush has come to an end, giving him more time to have a small chat with you if you were working, which was always his favourite part of his day.

Stepping inside he smiles to himself as he sees you at the coffee machine and he’s so glad you’ve got your back to him or you’d see how much he was smiling like a child. Turning around you notice him in the doorway and gave him a quick welcome smile before handing a coffee to your customer.

“The usual, black coffee and a muffin?” You ask as he approaches the till.

“Am I that predictable?” He laughs fishing his wallet out of his pocket.

“I never forget a regulars order.” You smile setting the card machine for him so you can make the coffee.

“That bad huh?” You laugh wiping the droplets falling from his hair off the counter.

“Oh, sorry, yeah I don’t know where it’s come from, one minute it was fine the next I’m getting drenched head to toe.”

“Well lets hope this warms you up.” You slide him his coffee over and he smiles wrapping his cold hands around the warm cup while you go off to get his muffin. He takes a second to look around, noticing no one else was lining up for coffee, giving him a bit more time to talk to you.

“Busy day?”

“So-so, the usual rush, clam, rush sort of dynamic, lucky you though you always pick to come in when it settles down again.” You laugh handing him his muffin.

“I prefer it when it’s quiet, I can get some work done and talk to you.” You blush slightly at his light flirt, not knowing if you should play into it or not. You had to admit, although he came across as quiet and often times shy, he really had a way with words and would always say something that stuck in your head. That’s why he’s the regular you remember the most.

“I’m sure you say that to all the baristas you talk to.” You joke, trying your hardest to hide how giddy it made you feel.

“I guess I do, since you’re the only barista I talk to.” Oh he was so smooth, it took you off guard and you couldn’t help but stand there a little stunned. You were thankfully saved by another customer walking in, catching both your and Hongjoong’s attention.

“I’ll let you get back to work, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He shoots you a sweet yet cheeky smile before heading out the door, leaving you to wonder for the rest of your shift if he was genuinely flirting with you or if that’s just how he is.

The next day you waited patiently to see him walk through the door again. You were ready this time, any flirts or sweet comments he’d possibly throw your way today you were ready for, silently building your confidence up as time went on, but he never showed up. It came to closing time and you hadn’t seen even a glimpse of him, it didn’t bother you too much though, you just assumed he must have been busy or not felt in the mood for a coffee and muffin.

Now it had been a week and you were starting to get a tad bit worried. The first two days you didn’t think much of it, even though the highlight of your shift didn’t turn up you knew it wasn’t the end of the world, but now it was coming up to a week and no sign of him.

You’d started asking your co-workers if he’d come in lately and at first they didn’t know who you were talking about since you still didn’t know his name, it wasn’t until you described him to them did they realise who you were talking about and even then they hadn’t seen him.

Your mood had decreased considerably, you tried to keep your cheerful, welcoming smile on but it wavered from time to time when you’d look over to the door and see someone walk in who wasn’t him. You were starting to wonder if he’d found a new coffee shop to go to, one he liked more than your one and you found yourself getting more upset than you expected to over the though of him treating another barista like he treated you. All you wanted at this point was a brief look at him as he walked past the window...but nothing.

You’d given up waiting for him. It was clear to you that he wasn’t coming and you didn’t want to keep your hopes up any longer and as it was it was 15 minutes before closing time, he wasn’t turning up now. The last of the customers were heading out leaving you in an empty cafe on your own to clean up.

You were in your own world wiping down tables and taking trays of empty cups and plates to the back, only snapping out of it when you heard the bell on the door chime as someone walked in.

“Sorry were clo...” You stop mid sentence as you see the familiar face you grew to miss. He was jogging up to the counter almost like he was in a rush.

“I know I’m sorry, I just wanted to pop in for a bit, I’ll be out of your hair soon I promise.” You couldn’t just shoo him out now, you hadn’t seen him for a week and you’d be dammed if you were kicking him out now.

“It’s okay, do you want to stay while I close up.”

“I can’t do that to you, I’ll just be in your way.”

“It’s no problem at all I just need to run the dishwasher and wipe down the counter and coffee machine and I’m done.” You say with a smile making your way over to the coffee machine to quickly make his usual order and fish out the muffin you’d had stashed away all day in hopes he’d come in for it.

“Thank you.” He smiles, pulling out his wallet which you quickly wave at him telling him to put it back.

“It’s on the house.”

“No, I can’t just take it, I need to pay you.”

“Call this a thank you for keeping me company while I close up.” Now it was his turn to give a small smile and a faint blush.

“I haven’t seen you for a while, how have you been?” You start as you clean the coffee machine for the second time since closing. He gave a small laugh, smiling to himself at the realisation you’d noticed his absence.

“Yeah, I’ve been up to my eyes preparing for an audition today.” He said quietly, but your ears pricked at the word audition.

“An audition? That’s amazing, how did it go?” His facial expression was enough of an answer for you but he still decided to say anyway.

“Not great, I didn’t get it.” Your heart sinks hearing his normally cheerful tone drop to a seldom one.

“I know I don’t know much about you but I’m sure those people don’t know what they just let go, you’ll get the next one I’m sure of it, then they’ll really be kicking themselves when they see your name in lights.” His eyes brighten at your statement. He was so overwhelmed with warmth, you were so nice to him yet you barely knew him and he really appreciated it.

“Thank you...umm, sorry I don’t think I’ve ever caught your name.” He says with a tilt of his head.

“Y/n.” You smile.

“Hongjoong.” He introduces himself finally. A pretty name to match a pretty face, and now a pretty name to always remember.

“Thank you y/n, it means a lot you think that way, it’s made me feel a lot better.” He beams taking a sip of his coffee.

You both have a catch up while you finish up, Hongjoong also lending a hand with some of the cleaning after feeling bad just standing around watching you. With everything clean and back where it should be you both head to the door, pulling your jacket off the coat hanger as you go past. Once outside you lock up and take a deep breath preparing you for what you were about to say, internally worrying about how he’d take it.

“You know Hongjoong, I really missed you while you were away, it didn’t feel the same when you didn’t come in for your daily coffee.” You didn’t want to look at him at first, the silence from him was too loud for you to bear. Did you just mess up big time?

“I missed you too y/n.” You look up at him with big eyes, not expecting him to feel the same.

“Really?” He nods in reply, giggling slightly at your surprised reaction.

“I don’t know if you noticed but you’re the reason I come here.” You were speechless, you didn’t quite know where this was going but you wanted to find out.

“Me? Why?”

“You brighten my day, just like today, I was down about not passing the audition and here you are and I feel like it never happened, I just wish I could get to know you more.” The butterflies in your stomach were going insane. The cute regular you’d developed a small crush on over time wanted to get to know you, how were you meant to react?

“Would you maybe want to go out with me sometime y/n?” And there it was, the question you could have only dreamt of him asking.

“Like a date?” You ask jokingly, not wanting to seem too eager.

“If you want to call it that.” He jokes back internally hoping you’d agree.

“I’d like that a lot, can I just request one thing?” He takes a step closer to you, tilting his head in curiosity at your request.

“Can it not be a coffee date, I’m sick of the stuff now.” He erupts into a small fit of giggles, completely understanding where you’re coming from.

“Okay, not coffee, how does dinner sound?”

“I can do dinner.” Your nonchalant facade was fading, the reality that you were going on a date with him was setting in.

“Perfect, can I have your number, I’ll text you the details.”

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#trope'pril #ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez fluff #ateez series #hongjoong #hongjoong scenarios #hongjoong fluff #kim hongjoong scenarios #kim hongjoong fluff #kpop bias #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #kpop series #titch collabs #stayteez trope'pril

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dancinglikebutterflywings · 10 months ago

Text

A Pleasant Surprise | Kim Hongjoong

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x Fem!reader

Request: from anon.

Summary: Hongjoong's growing family visit him on tour.

Warnings: Pregnancy. Wooyoung 'kidnapping' their daughter.

Word Count: 1,003

ATEEZ Masterlist | Tag List Sign-Up | Requesting Guidelines

“Appa!” Ha-Joon excitedly calls out to her father from her Uncle Yunho's shoulders. The kind-hearted giant gently lifts her off his shoulders and places her on the ground, while Hongjoong turns around upon hearing his daughter's familiar voice. His eyes widen with surprise as she rushes towards him. As soon as she reaches him, he scoops her up in his arms, showering her with hugs and kisses. The three-year-old bursts into giggles.

"I'll give you some alone time," Yunho says, wanting to give the little family some space.

"Thank you, Yunho," Y/N expresses her gratitude and walks over to her husband as he leaves to go back to the rest of the guys.

“Isn’t this a pleasant surprise,” Hongjoong smiles, greeting her with a kiss. “I thought you couldn’t get time off work?”

“I managed to find someone to cover for me,” she tells him. “I just have to get you all to sign her daughter’s album.” She pats her handbag, letting him know she’s got it with her.

“We can do that,” he smiles and kisses her once more. "I've missed both of you," he says, playfully tickling their daughter. Ha-Joon lets out loud giggles as she squirms in his arms.

“We miss-” Y/N's words are abruptly interrupted by Wooyoung’s loud high-pitched voice, echoing through the auditorium as he calls out to their daughter.

“JJoon-ie! Kim Ha-Joon-ie!”

Ha-Joon claps her hands in delight, unable to contain her excitement at seeing her favourite uncle. She loves and adores all her uncles and has a very special bond with them, but there is something extra special about her bond with Wooyoung, which earned him the title of godfather much to the others’ dismay.

“Uncle Youngie!” she shouts back to him as she scrambles out of her father's arms and runs towards her favourite uncle.

“You couldn’t wait five more minutes?” Hongjoong says, annoyed.

“I’ll give her back in an hour or two,” he says and walks away. “Say bye to Eomma and Appa!”

“Bye, Appa, Eomma!” Ha-Joon waves her tiny hand at her parents over Wooyoung’s shoulder as they disappear behind the stage.

“I should text Seonghwa to make sure they don’t get into too much trouble,” Hongjoong says pulling out his phone and sending a message to right hand man.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” she tries to reassure her husband who did this every time Wooyoung looks after their little girl.

"You know how mischievous they can be," Hongjoong replies, his worry evident in his voice.

"I know, but he loves her just as much as we do," she says, trying to ease his concerns. "He always makes sure she's safe and doesn’t get into too much trouble."

“I should also tell them not to eat too much candy. I don’t want her having a sore stomach like last time,” he adds.

“Baby,” she says taking his face in her hands and making focus on her and not his phone. “They’ll be fine.”

Hongjoong nods, reluctantly accepting her reassurance, but he can't help but worry. Being a father has made him more protective than ever.

“You’re right,” he sighs. “How have you been? Has the sickness eased off yet? Has Eomma been helping?” he questions placing a hand on her lower stomach, feeling the small bump that’s now forming.

Hongjoong feels bad that he can’t be with her during this time. After almost missing the birth of his daughter he vowed never to miss any of his other children’s births. Her being pregnant at the start of their tour meant he had more of a chance at being home for this one’s birth. But still, it didn’t make him feel any better that he was missing appointments, feeling and watching her bump form and being there for her during this time.

“It’s eased off a lot. I’m still a little nauseous. Eomma has been wonderful. She’s practically living at our house, helping with the chores, looking after Ha-Joon, making sure we have plenty of food and are eating well,” she assures him. “Your brother has even stopped by a few times to take Ha-Joon to the park.”

“I hate that I can’t be there,” he says with a mix of emotions.

"We're managing, don't worry," she attempts to reassure him again.

"But I do worry," he admits, his voice filled with longing. "I want to be there for every moment. I want to hold your hand during the ultrasounds and see our little moving about,” he continues, taking one of your hands in his. “I want see our child grow inside you and feel him kick for the first time."

She reaches out and takes his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I know, Hongjoong. I want you there too, but we knew this was a possibility. And it’s okay. You’re doing what you love, and I support you all the way."

He nods, understanding her words but still feels a pang of guilt. "I just don't want you to feel like you’re alone and like I'm not there for you."

She smiles softly, eyes filled with nothing but love. “I have never felt that way. And I’m not alone. We have an amazing support system back home and even though we’re not physically together while you’re away, you’ve always been there for me."

“When you go back home, I want photos and videos every day. I want to see the bump grow, I want to see the ultrasounds and everything I’m missing while I’m not there,” he tells her.

“I can do that,” she smiles, feeling herself get emotional.

“Good,” he hugs her and kisses the side of her head. Letting her go, he says, “I think it’s been an hour.”

Confused, she looked at the time, seeing that only 10 minutes had passed. “It’s only been 10 minutes.”

“Wooyoung can look after her later,” he says wrapping an arm around her shoulders and leads her out of the auditorium. “Right now, I want to be with both my girls.” '

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orshii · 9 months ago

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Will I Ever See You Again? CHAPTER 1: Last To Fall

Author: orshii

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x reader

Warning: cursing, violence, blood

Word count: 4,6 k

Summary: You were left alone with your brother, Yunho, and his best friend Hongjoong, after your parents' death. Yunho had someone to grieve with, but you? You had no one as your brother and his best friend pushed you away, singing becoming your only savior. There was one rule that Yunho made inside his friend group: “Don’t touch my sister”. And for this reason, Hongjoong had always kept his distance. But one night, you find yourself in danger. And from then on, Hongjoong does not leave your side. He is suddenly overprotective of you, and your relationship shifts and becomes fraught with tension and unspoken feelings, with secrets lurking beneath the surface and a painful past haunting you. Will you find out the secrets your brother and best friend have been keeping away from you? Will you be able to finally free yourself from your cruel past?

Will you fall in love amidst the chaos around you?

A/N: Finallyy...the adventure starts everyone!! Yayy, I really hope you are going to like this whole rollercoaster, I really tried with this one. Please look forward to this story, as it has a really special place in my heart. Before reading, or while reading, please listen to WTF by Sasha Sloan, as it is included in the story. Okaay, enjoy!! hehet.

Taglist: @bvidzsoo @vixensss @deltamoon666 @scarfac3 <3 (taglist is still open if you are interested)

I stepped onto the stage, darkness tightly hugging around me as I became one with it. I stood by the microphone, waiting for my bandmates to settle down. They nodded once they were ready and the lights suddenly blinded me as everyone could see us now. I felt vulnerable for a second, but when Yeosang, my best friend, started playing the acoustic guitar as he gave me a reassuring look, I finally got the courage to start singing.

♪ Sometimes I got a hard time seeing the point to existing ♪

My vocals resounded around the enclosed space as Yeosang accompanied me with his guitar, representative of our real-life connection. He has always followed after me, guiding me, holding my hand if I needed a little extra support.

♪ Sometimes I got a hard time

Seeing the good in the chaos ♪

And then Jongho joined in with the drums that sounded like thunder, followed by San, who was our bass guitarist. I looked over to him as I sang, our gazes connecting as he smiled at me, telling me everything was alright with his soft eyes. These boys gave me the strength I needed to step out in front of the world and sing about my feelings.

♪ Am I the only one losing my mind?

What the fuck am I doing here? ♪

It was weird singing about my feelings right in front of so many strangers, who came to the pub either to get laid or just have some fun. The thing is, that I feel more comfortable singing in front of people who I don't know, because I know they won't judge me. They are only here to enjoy themselves, listen to my singing, which is more like background music to them after a certain amount of alcohol has made it inside their systems, however, sometimes they would sympathize with the lyrics, I could easily see it in their eyes.

♪ Stuck in a one-man circus

Trying to find some purpose

But it’s unclear ♪

Singing, was the only thing that kept me going after all the bad things that have happened in my life. I could escape my feelings like this, letting them out into the world. This was the only time when I allowed people to see the real me, my real feelings, because the second the music was over and people cheered, my mask was back on and my emotionless self was back again, showing no interest in anything at all. I was back to the state of not feeling, of being a robot who had to just simply survive. Days mushed into one, monotone and repetitive, there was no fun in being alive anymore. But still, something kept me going, something kept me alive, and I wasn't allowed to leave, yet.

I had nobody except my brother, Yunho, whom I love the most, and my only purpose in life is to make his easier, so he doesn't have to suffer like me. We went through tough times together, and we had to stick to each other in order to survive. I have always tried my best, and I still do everything I can to support him.

Speaking of him, I have to be at his boxing match in ten minutes. I quickly hurried backstage, where my bandmates were and hugged them tightly. I was happy to see them, and grateful that they were doing this with me. We have created our band just for fun, no serious intentions were put into it, however, we got an opportunity to perform some nights at a pub called, MIST. We asked the owner a few times to let us play, and in the end he allowed it. I guess it was an escape for all of us. An escape from a cruel world in which we couldn’t truly be ourselves.

I ran towards my car with Yeosang trying to keep up so that we wouldn't be late to the match.

"Are you okay?" Yeosang asked me as I drove off fast once we were seated inside the car. I really didn't want to be late.

"Yeah, of course." I briefly glanced at him. He saw how tired I was, so he was worried. I haven't slept well at least in the past three years, so my face kinda always looked like. Some people may think I was a living zombie, so I get it.

"You sang beautifully tonight." He smiled at me proudly.

I felt the urge to smile back at him, "Thank you, for being there for me too." I didn’t look at him, but I knew he was still smiling.

"I had no choice, I was the one playing the guitar." Yeosang teased with a chuckle.

"Mhm, so I am forcing you to play now?" I gave him a quick side glance.

"No, no." He put his hand on mine as it was on the gearstick, "I'm glad I can play alongside you, it's an honor, Milady." He grabbed my hand and gently pecked my knuckles.

I chuckled as after running a few traffic lights and avoiding traffic as best as I could, we finally arrived to the Boxing Club. A few people were still outside, smoking a cigarette or waiting for someone, so this meant that the match hadn't started yet. We went inside the building and there were already a lot of people sitting in the grandstands. The air was a bit cold in the big hall. Some people stood around the boxing ring while behind them there were seats available, our reserved ones being among them. We went over to find them as I could feel excitement overcoming my whole body. The atmosphere was full with anticipation as everyone was here to see some fist fighting between bulky and angry men. I had no idea what the rules of these boxing matches were, but when my brother was in there, I felt like if anyone tried to harm him, I was going to get inside that ring and punch the motherfucker until he’s passed out. But to my luck, Yunho was one of the best boxers here. He was tall and well-built, and he didn't have enemies in this little town that would come to challenge him. Everyone feared him.

And he rarely lost too. One of the few occasions when he did lose, was against his best friend, Kim Hongjoong. He was shorter than Yunho, but he was strong still, and since he was smaller, he had the advantage of being quicker as well, so, he outplayed Yunho. Even though Hongjoong lost one of his teeth that one time, he was still smiling proudly over his win. I had a feeling that Yunho maybe let him win.

Yunho and Hongjoong have been best friends since forever. Hongjoong was kind of part of our family at this point as he had lost his own family in a car accident, and my father was there for him, together with Yunho, trying to breathe life into Hongjoong again. After a while, my dad started taking care of Hongjoong as if he were his own son, and one day I woke up to him suddenly living with us. Yunho and Hongjoong were like brothers and I was so envious of their relationship, because Yunho never told me anything, he never told me what he was feeling, he pushed me away, only letting Hongjoong in. I hated it, I hated that I was left alone, alone with my thoughts, with my feelings, after our father died. It was tough for everyone; the three of us were left without a parental figure for good now. Everything just seemed so suspicious to me, I didn’t know anything about how my father died, about what happened to him. Yunho and I were alone now, but he had another sibling to grieve with and I had to stay strong, alone. It was the three of us, yet they pushed me away like I was some stray cat, unworthy of their time and attention anymore.

I looked over at Yeosang, and I smiled as he sat next to me, looking around with big puppy eyes, taking in the atmosphere. Suddenly, I felt the urge to hug him. He was by my side from the second we met last year, when we bumped into each other as both of us were trying to find our next class, realizing in the process that we both were music majors. From then on, we did everything together. He kind of brought me back to life, he was a real sunshine in my life as his blonde hair lightened his beautiful face with a glow always to it, his birthmark under his left eye making him look even more ethereal. I have always admired him, and felt lucky that I had bumped into him. So, I hugged him, hiding my face in his neck, his scent enveloping me, offering me peace. He smelled like orchids, that's why my favorite flowers were orchids.

He chuckled, "Okay, you’re acting strange, Y/N. Are you sick?" He pressed his palm against my forehead, checking if I had a fever.

I smiled, "No, I’m not. I just wanted to hug my best friend, is that such a bad thing now?" I moved closer to him, not wanting to let go just yet.

"You never hug me, sorry, but it is strange." He looked down at me, smiling.

"I know…that's why I'm doing it now, because I'm glad you’re here, with me." It was rare that I expressed how I felt, I wasn’t the type to vocalize my thoughts so easily.

"Yeah, me too." He hugged me tight and warmly. I felt safe in his arms, never wanting to let go of him.

After we killed the time by goofing around, finally the match started and we were waiting for my brother to appear in the ring, so that we could cheer for him. Kim Hongjoong was the first to compete against a big guy, so buffed up that I was kind of worried he would break Hongjoong into pieces. Both participants prepared for the fight, and when it started, Hongjoong looked like a little bunny next to the big man. However, Hongjoong never failed to surprise me with his strength as he attacked his big opponent with two perfectly timed strikes. The guy had no choice at all, Hongjoong didn’t even give him time to try and attack him. The man just blinked, and then he was on the floor. The crowd cheered for Hongjoong as he fist bumped the air as he celebrated his quick win with the crowd.

After Hongjoong, more men fought inside the ring and it was becoming boring. They were playing the cat and mouse game, but finally one of them punched the other one and he was knocked out so hard that the ambulance had to be called. Nothing too unusual.

Finally, Yunho appeared inside the ring with a confident smile, his opponent being Song Mingi, his other best friend. They had a very interesting dynamic, always glued together, they acted like I imagine soulmates would. I have always adored their friendship; it was unbreakable and full of respect. I really wouldn’t be surprised if one day they announced they were in love, really, I wasn’t blind, I could see the tension between them. I could see the way Yunho looked at Mingi, his eyes having a particular glint in them as if Mingi was his whole world, Yunho always only saw him. Yunho not only had Hongjoong by his side, but Song Mingi as well.

It was shitty when you had to compete against your best friend, but, may the better man win. They were standing in front of each other, both tall, but their bodies shaped differently. Mingi was always quick to dodge the strikes, but Yunho was merciless, and he never stopped. The crowd went silent as the thick tension between them made everyone shut up and follow their match on the edge of their seats. I knew Yunho well, and I was sure he did not care about the fact that he was going to kick his best friend’s ass in no time, because he only wanted to win. He was addicted to the rush he felt when winning. May you be lucky enough to never encounter Yunho after a match he lost, his rage scary and dangerous. I saw how Yunho and Mingi murmured to each other, something only they could. Mingi seemed a little off today, like he wanted to be anywhere, but here. Yunho, on the other hand, continued smiling confidently and quite smugly, not even noticing the expression on Mingi’s face, which seemed to be screaming that he didn’t want to fight against his best friend.

Yunho was the first to attempt strike against Mingi, and he hit him straight in his ribs. After a few more tricks and moves, all we could see was Mingi trying to hit Yunho, but my brother dodged all of his poor attempts. Mingi seemed to have loosened up a bit as a smile appeared on his face. Suddenly, they smiled at each other, it seemed like a friendly match between the two, until it wasn’t anymore, until Yunho suddenly managed to strike some counter kicks and hits at Mingi and he was on the floor, his mouth bleeding. Mingi looked mad, disappointment showing on his face. But he suddenly got up and hit Yunho straight in the face. Yunho was taken aback, so he couldn’t fight back for a moment, and Mingi managed to hit him once or twice. But Yunho was the type to never give up, even if he had only one unbroken bone. The crowd around us suddenly roared with such loudness I wanted to cover my ears, especially when they cheered because my brother got hit, I didn’t like that. But Yunho suddenly got the strength to hit back, and that was Mingi’s last chance. He was on the floor after getting showed against the iron bars aggressively and roughly, now barely able to move from the pain. I felt sorry for Mingi. Yunho was so blinded by the rush of adrenaline he got, that he didn’t even realize that his best friend was on the ground, bleeding, because of him. This side of Yunho had always scared me, I didn’t recognize him when he was like this. And I was sure Mingi was fighting his inner demons as well, trying to understand Yunho somehow. In the end, the referee raised Yunho’s arm into the air, announcing he had won against his best friend, who had stormed off angrily towards the changing room.

A few more matches passed, and then in the next one Hongjoong lost against a guy who seemed to know every calculated move of his. The guy easily dodged Hongjoong’s attempts, and quickly gave a few strikes back, straight into Hongjoong’s face and ribs. Hongjoong was breathing quickly, and my heart started to race. I was a bit worried for him as the guy tried to hit him again, but he dodged it, and punched the guy’s solar plexus. The guy fell to the ground, but it seemed he was a tough guy, and he got angry as I watched Hongjoong tell him something. That was when the guy moved forward quickly and stroke Hongjoong in the ribs with force, immediately making Hongjoong pass out. The crowd stood up at once, myself included, as Yeosang followed with a gasp, all of us shocked as we couldn’t believe the fucker knocked Hongjoong out.. The referee announced the guy as the winner, and finally, Hongjoong slowly opened his eyes, barely moving as someone helped him out of the ring. So, Hongjoong was out of the competition. After that, Yunho had a few more fights, Mingi as well, but in the end, Yunho was announced as the number one winner of the night.

When the matches were finally over and the crowd started to slowly disperse, I waited for Yunho so I could congratulate him. Yeosang had already left as he needed to go home for some unknown reason to me. I was near the ring, but nobody was in the room as I read briefly over the history of boxing displayed on the walls. There were a pair of old boxing gloves on a shelf and I took it into my hands, wanting a closer look.

"Wanna learn?" A sudden voice from behind made me jump a little.

I turned around and saw Hongjoong coming my way, freshly showered, wearing a black tank top that tightened around his upper body perfectly, paired with black sweatpants. He had some fresh bleeding cuts on his eyebrows and lips, his two-colored, black and blonde hair was still wet, falling into his eyes. The colors of his hair kind of represented his personality. I knew he had a bright side that he only allowed Yunho to see, and whom he felt close with. And he had a dark side, which I have known from the beginning as he was always unnecessarily protective and mean with everyone. He had a really bad reputation, and he was a bad influence on Yunho. That’s why I hated him as he made Yunho become part of some dangerous gang, the two doing some illegal shit together. These things never ended well…

"Not really." I shrugged, and placed the old gloves back in their spot.

"Come, I'll teach you some tricks. It may come in handy, and who knows, you may have to knock out some bastards." He said, motioning with his hands to follow him as he jumped up into the ring.

"When is Yunho coming?" I asked, looking up at him.

"In a few minutes. He is currently yelling at Mingi, so until they finally figure their shit out, come." He reached his hand out towards me, so that he could pull me up beside himself.

I sighed, and with a frown grabbed his hand, allowing him to pull me up. I suddenly felt worried about Yunho, I didn’t want him to fuck up whatever had been lately happening between him and Mingi. On the other hand, I didn't understand why Hongjoong was suddenly acting like this. We were never really on good terms, but we also weren't on bad terms. It was always as if the other wasn’t there, like we grazed past the other. Most of times, it was Hongjoong doing this, so, after a while, I started doing the same. And yes, I started hating him as well, because I felt jealous of him stealing my brother away from me.

I put the gloves on Hongjoong handed me. It was a weird feeling, but if I’m being honest, I would gladly punch him in the face with these gloves on or off. Preferably off, would feel more real.

"Can I punch you?" I blurted out without thinking much.

"No? Why would you?” He looked at me with a frown, “Wasn't it enough when that other guy just knocked me out like I was nothing but a feather?"

"No, it wasn't. I want to be the one to knock you out." I tried to scare him as I hit the air in front of his face.

"Okay, okay, chill out, sugar." He grabbed my wrists, "You'll have another chance to take me out, but it’s not now." He said with a smirk, and I scoffed at the realization of how he meant it. Hell, no. I wanted to punch that smirk off of his face.

He started explaining how to hit someone in the solar plexus so that you knock them out immediately. I could practice as he held his palms up. I held my right hand in front of my face, because like he said, one hand must be there to protect your face. With my other hand, I punched his palm. Left-right, then right-right, and so on. After a few strikes he said that I could practice some more on his abs as he pulled his tank top up. I gulped seeing his toned abs, bruised with black and blue marks on his ribs.

“God, you are so bruised. I’m not merciless enough to hit you in this state, Hong.” I said, my eyes still on the cruel bruises.

“Don’t worry, sugar. You only need to hit my lower stomach now. Try and find my solar plexus, but you can’t hit me strong enough to knock me out.” He smiled confidently and took his lifted-up top between his teeth, his hands held up behind his head, waiting for me to strike.

Oh, so I couldn’t hit him strong enough? At first, I softly punched his stomach as he was watching me with eyes that made me feel like I was his prey and he’d pounce on me any minute now.

“C’mon, sugar. You can do better.” He said, taking the top out of his mouth just so he could talk to me.

“Fuck you.” I snapped, getting angrier. Suddenly, I struck him with all the strength I could muster up, aiming at his solar plexus only. It felt good. I started cackling loudly when I successfully hit him hard enough that he hunched over, trying to catch his stolen breath.

"Okay, okay, I think you've got this now." He raised his hands in the air in surrender, "But next time, you have to get it right away. It hurts, but it has to be the perfect timing if you want to knock the other one out."

He stepped closer, reaching his hands out, one settling on my lower back and the other on my lower stomach, "You have to hit right here, without missing." He said it in a low voice, whispering it into my ear, his warm breathing sent shivers down my body as it tickled my skin.

“Your strikes are good, but if I wasn’t an unmoving target, I could’ve knocked you out in seconds, your left-hand needs to be here.” He raised my left hand slowly to hold it in front my face, “You need to protect that pretty face of yours.” His face was emotionless, I couldn’t read his features.

“You couldn't protect your dumb face, from that guy who knocked you out.” I said, getting angrier.

He chuckled, “Okay, sugar, fair enough.” He stepped even closer, watching me with an unnerving hunger in his eyes.

“One last thing.” Slowly, he let his hands travel down to my inner thighs, close to my knees, and made me stand in a wider stance, “You need to stand balanced so that you can put all your power into your fists.”

Fuck this, I didn’t sign up for this. He really just touched me without asking for permission first, acting like he could do anything to me without it there being repercussions to his actions.

“Can you like, not touch me every time you try to explain something?” I snapped with a glare as I got more furious because of his actions.

Hongjoong looked at me with a surprised look on his face. I guess he didn’t even realize he made me feel uncomfortable. I was seconds away from recoiling and hitting him hard, showing him just how easily I could knock him out if I really wanted to, but suddenly Yunho was shouting at us.

"Hands off my sister, Joong!" Yunho approached the ring just as Hongjoong quickly jumped back, putting a great distance between our bodies.

"I just wanted to teach her some techniques she can use in the future." He raised his hands again in the air, genuineness showing on his face as he slowly walked near Yunho. Now he was acting like he was the hero and I was some damsel in distress needing his help, how funny.

"Let's hope she won’t have to use them, then." Yunho looked at Hongjoong with deadly eyes. This always happened when I was the subject of their conversation, they acted like I wasn’t even there, they talked about me like I was an object.

There was a stupid rule that Yunho had come up with, “My sister is off limits, if you try to touch her, I'll just simply kill you.” And this rule did work because no one really dared to even as much as look at me. I hated it because I never had the chance to have fun. Yunho was always there in the shadows, letting others know that, “If you touch her—well you know what happens.”

I have always felt like I was a princess held in a big tower, wanting to desperately escape...

"Let's drink something at MIST." Yunho said, sounding a bit angry and tired. He reached his hands out towards me, helping me off the platform.

"I thought you were coming home, that's why I waited for you." I jumped off the ring, accepting my brother’s help. It was alarming how cold I felt without Hongjoong by my side.

"I want to celebrate, come drink with us." Yunho looked at me through his dark eyelashes, his black hair still wet from the shower.

"Nah, I'm tired, I'll just go home." I said, rubbing my face as I fought against a yawn.

"Do you need a lift? Hong can take you home, I came by bike." He pointed at Hongjoong, who finally jumped off from the ring, ready to take me home.

"I came by my car, so I don't need a lift.” I said, looking at Hongjoong with a sharp glare, “Alright then, see you at home, don't get shitfaced." I turned around and walked towards the exit.

"Drive safely, and send me a message when you have arrived!" Yunho shouted after me.

I just lifted my thumb up in as a silent way of telling him okay, and left the building. The weather was a bit chilly this evening as I was headed towards my car, trying to find my keys in my backpack full of notebooks and torn out pages. As I was walking towards my car under the moonlight, my mind was whirling around with thoughts accompanied by an unfamiliar melody, that I have noticed I started making up lately very randomly. The words that came to me had the potential to be even some lyrics, but it wasn’t anything I have heard before. It was my own song.

≫ The feeling of being drowned in your thoughts,

Trying to find someone who’ll jump to save you. ≪

I have never wrote music before, I thought I wasn’t talented enough for that, but this melody that lately had been playing in my head made me want to write these random lyrics down, so that maybe I could create something special too one day..

I finally found the keys to my car, and I sat inside my black Honda Civic, igniting the engine to life. I suddenly felt hungry, so I decided to stop at a restaurant, called Granny's, on my way home to order some takeout. It was a fifteen-minute drive from where the boxing matches were held, and after I arrived, I went inside the restaurant and ordered some chicken wings with french fries. I patiently waited around a bit for my order to be finished, then I paid and said my goodbyes.

I was currently headed to my car, grabbing the keys from my pocket, food in my other hand, when suddenly, I heard footsteps behind me. I had no time to think as I suddenly found myself on the dirty ground. I hadn't even reached my car, it was blocked by two tall figures dressed in all black, and as I looked behind myself, I saw two other men staring at me like they were going to kill me right then and there.

A/N: Ty for reading, just one thing, if that Yungi fight scene caught your eyes (wink), my best friend @bvidzsoo, wrote a behind story for them on AO3, I recommend it is very good, I died.

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