#Kermit the rizzler | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

helluvatrek · 1 month ago

Text

Me and @kermit-the-fag-official made some dumb ships so here’s the fanfic💀

Their fic: https://www.tumblr.com/kermit-the-fag-official/769167417183207424

Tuvix x Lizard Janeway

Chapter 1:Bro is lowkey wild for that

Chakotay was extremely enraged as he watched Tuvix step off the transporter pad. “GRRRRR!!!” he exclaimed. “First, our helmsman and captain become lizards, and now our security officer and lunch lady became one person!!!.”

“Erm…ackshully,” Tuvix said, “Neelix is not a female, and he does a lot more than prepare lunch.”

Chakotay hissed. “I DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR OPINION.” He proceeded to throw Tuvix against the wall.

“Not nice, man.” Tuvix said. “I was like, just born. Can’t you cut me a break?”

“NOOOOO!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!”

Kes nonchalantly entered the transporter room. She looked at Tuvix and started blushing. He’s such a rizzler, She thought.

“ARGGHHH YOU STUPID FURRY!!!” Chakotay yelled at Tuvix.

“Erm, what the sigma are you doing?” Kes asked.

Chakotay turned around and realized she was there. He started blushing kawaii like a schoolgirl in an anime. “Erm, I was just chatting with my new friend.”

Kes looked at him in disbelief. “Bro stfu you’re not an alpha. Also The Doctor asked me to take ermmmm….Neebok to sick bay.”

“Erm…ackshully, my name is Tuvix; a combination of the names of my fathers.”

“Wait,” Kes said. “TUVOK AND NEELIX ARE MARRIED!? AND THEY HAVE A CHILD!?”

“Um no,” Tuvix exclaimed in a rather annoyed tone. “I am a unique person with the combined DNA, knowledge, and memories of Tuvok and Neelix. I call them my fathers because they did create me using their DNA, so it would only be logical to do so.”

“Just put the fries in the bag, bro.” Kes said, “It’s time to go to sick bay.”

Chapter 2: wtf moment💀

As soon as the turbo lift doors closed Kes started moaning violently and Tuvix was lowkey a traumatized mf at this point. “Hrrrnnbhhhfggggggg.” Kes mumbled. “Finally, someone lowkey chill as Tuvok, and as much skibidi rizz as my alpha Neelix.”

“Erm,” said Tuvix, “I’ll have you know that I have only been living for about twenty minutes and I am too young to lose my virginity.”

Kes looked at Tuvix in a sarcastic way. “Bro lowkey forgot I’m one year old. Imagine, could never be me.”

Tuvix was concerned. “So you’re telling me you’re not a virgin?”

“Erm, I thought you said you have the combined memories of Tuvok and Neelix.” Kes bombastic side eyed.

“Well, about that…..ermmmmm I’m just a forgetful person.”

Kes didn’t care so she continued moaning violently. I need to get him pregnant. She thought.

Finally, the turbo lift doors opened and B’elanna Torres was standing outside.

“Oh, skibidi!” Kes said in a frustrated tone indeed. “I forgot to halt the doors. No wonder it was hard to looksmaxx.”

B’elanna nonchalantly looked at Kes, then at Tuvix. “Who tf are you!?” She asked him.

“I’m Tuvix.” he said.

“Bruh.” B’elanna exclaimed and then she proceeded to enter the turbo lift.

“Whoa buddy, who do think you are?” Kes said in a preppy ahh way. She pushed her.

“Chat, aren’t you going to sick bay with this beta?” B’elannna growled. “Cuz sick bays on this deck, y’know.”

Kes hissed. “HOW DARE YOU CALL MY ALPHA SIGMA DISCORD KITTEN A BETA!!!!” B’elanna rolled her eyes and yeeted Tuvix and Kes into sick bay. B’elanna barked at them to make sure they didn’t come back into the turbo lift.

Chapter 3: Tuvix meets lizard Janeway

Tuvix was rather annoyed indeed that Kes kept touching him. Not as annoyed as The Doctor when he entered the room.

“Oh,” said Kes, “Hi, doctor.” Tuvix could see her blushing like Chakotay did earlier. Bruh, he thought. Why is blud like this? “This is my alpha, Tuvix. Tuvok and Neelix got in a transporter accident.”

“Argghhh,” said The Doctor. “No one ever tells me what’s going on around here.”

Suddenly, Tuvix’s ears bled. “ERMMM!!!! WHAT IN THE ACKSHULLY IS THAT SONG!?”

The Doctor was super pissed. “I’ll have you know that this is my favorite song.” He said angrily. He sang, “FROM THE SCREEN TO THE RING TO THE PEN TO THE KING WHERES MY CROWN THATS MY BLING ALWAYS DRAMA WHEN I RING!!!!!”

“Bro actually thought he ate.” Tom Paris said while laying on the bio beds. He still had some lizard characteristics, such as the tail, so it was really hard for him to mew without having to change his gyatt position every 5 seconds. Janeway was there too, and as Tuvix looked at her, he realized he was blushing in the same way Kes and Chakotay were.

“Hey you beta!” Janeway called to The Doctor. “Who is this mf?”

The Doctor sighed. “Tuvok and Neelix got combined bruh.”

“Bro…that sucks.”

“REAL!” The Doctor exclaimed. “He doesn’t even like my music taste!”

Janeway mewed. “Blud no KSI song is a bop wtf man.”

Tuvix tried not to giggle, because Janeway was so rizzful.

“So, when are we gonna get Tuvok and Neelix back?” Janeway asked The Doctor.

“Soon,” he said, with a huge smirk on his face.

“NOOOOO!!!!” Tuvix cried. “PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE TO PROVE MYSELF AN ALPHA MALE!!!!”

Janeway looked at Tuvix, and she realized he had kind of a jawline. “Have you been mewing lately?” She asked.

“No?”

“Bruh never mind.”

Chapter 4: THE EPIC EDGING BATTLE pt 1: Tom Paris is moaning

“HES MY EDGER!!” Kes screamed angrily. “HOW DARE YOU TRY TO RIZZ HIM UP!!!” Janeway was very angry so she yeeted Kes with her lizard tail.

“GRRRRRRRR!!” Kes exclaimed. “SKIBIDI TOILET AHH TAIL!!”

Janeway lowkey didn’t really care cause she was just a chill guy who lowkey didn’t really care.

The Doctor looked at Tom Paris.

Tom Paris moaned, “If you don’t hawk tuah, then I won’t talk tuah.”

The Doctor sighed and then proceeded to spit on that thang.

“Ugggghhhh,” Paris mogged. “Now glaze my lizard toes.”

The Doctor looked at how dry and sad his toes were. “Only if it gives you aura.”

Meanwhile, Tuvix was watching Janeway and Kes fight. “THATS IT!” Janeway announced. “I CHALLENGE YOU…..TO AN EPIC EDGING BATTLE!!!”

The Doctor gasped. “Did I hear what I thought I heard?” He smiled. “Ah, I remember the first edging battle on this ship.”

Kes rolled her eyes.

The Doctor continued, “It was when we first lost our aura-“

“GRRRRRR!!!!” Janeway screamed. “SILENCE!!!” Tuvix watched quietly as Janeway and Kes edged violently. Kes moaned….Janeway moaned….they both moaned…. The Doctor was still getting Tom Paris oiled up. Tuvix was still worried about his aura points.

“Gyatttttt.” Said Tom.

“Bruh,” said The Doctor.

“Shush.”

“Okay…..Alpha.” Tom moaned freakily.

Suddenly someone yelled, “SKIBIDI TOILET!!! ENSIGN KIM IS PREGNANT!!”

Chapter 5: THE EPIC EDGING BATTLE pt 2: Ensign Kim is pregnant

“But how?” The Doctor asked. “He can’t be pregnant, he’s a man.”

B’elanna explained, “So you know that Quinn guy? Well it turns he and Harry Kim secretly fell in love and so Quinn used his magic aura points to make him pregnant.”

Harry Kim was furious. “Doctor, B’elanna is lying. Chakotay is the father.”

The Doctor lowkey didn’t really care, because he was still in the middle of massaging Tom’s lizard toes.

“Bruh,” Tom said to Kim, “YOU MOG SOMEONE ELSE, HUH?! YOU STUPID BETA! THATS IT, WERE NOT RIZZING NO MORE!!!”

Kim looked at him awkwardly, “Erm, we were never dating, what the sigma are you talking about? Also, why is The Doctor getting you oiled up?”

Tom was cooked.

Meanwhile, Janeway and Kes were still doing their epic edging battle. Janeway was edging so fast barely anyone could identify her aura. Kes got blinded by the light of her mewing. “NOOOO!!!” Said Kes, “AHHHHHH!!!” Janeway’s streak of edging light was so powerful that it lowkey ate and left no crumbs. Kes died.

“NOOOOOOO!!!!” B’elanna cried, “MY UWU COTTAGE CORE DISCORD KITTEN!!!!”

Harry smirked. “Maybe you shouldn’t have lied to The Doctor about who the father to my child is!!!”

“The gacha heat is wild.” Tuvix exclaimed.

“SHUT UP, TUVIX!!!! NO ONE LIKES YOU!!!” B’elanna yelled angrily.

Tuvix lost so much aura that he never won a dress to impress game ever again.

Chapter 6: Tuvix gets unalived I think

“Golly gee,” Janeway announced. “Looks like I won the epic edging battle.”

Tuvix blushed. “Now we can get 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂.”

The Doctor sighed. “Well, sorry to burst yer bubble, but I have just found a way to bring Tuvok and Neelix back. And also to make you lizard folk human again.”

“GRRRRRRR!!!!” said Janeway.

Tuvix knew what he had to do because queen never cry. “WAIT! THEY DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE YOU!!!!!!”

The Doctor side eyed bro. “Chat, I barely know you.”

Tuvix was lowkey cooked. He looked at the dead body of Kes. “Erm, shouldn’t we have a funeral for bro or smth?”

B’elanna blushed kawaii just thinking about her. Tom Paris started hitting the griddy. Harry was in labor. The Doctor was rewriting his program subroutines to emit the perfect jawline.

Tuvix sighed. No one cares about me. “Do it,” he said sadly, “Kill me. I deserve it. I’m a mistake.” He said to The Doctor.

“Just put the fries in the bag bro.”

Bro did the transporter thing and now Tuvok and Neelix are mewing again. The Doctor also cured Janeway and Tom’s incurable beta disease somehow.

“Erm, hi Mr. Vulcan, I mean…alpha male…I’m your discord kitten, right?” Neelix said in his gacha life male anime protagonist ahh voice.

“No, wtf-“ Tuvok was cut off as he heard Harry moan violently.

“Oh my sigma!” B’elanna exclaimed. “It’s a lizard baby!!”

“That’s enough sick bay for today.” Tom said as he proceeded to leave.

“We can be a polycule right?” Janeway and Tuvok asked Neelix.

“Sure skibidi slicers.”

THE END😤😤😤

12 notes · View notes