#Kenneth Horne

[insidecroydon]

80 years on the stage - taking Croydon from the Blitz to Narnia

SUNDAY SUPPLEMENT: This year marks the 80th anniversary of the first performances by CODA, the Croydon Operatic and Dramatic Association, making it one of the longest-lasting community arts organisations in the borough. DAVID MORGAN looks into how the group came to be formed in the middle of World War II Grand designs: Harry Carter and friends got Croydon’s Grand Theatre and Opera House reopened…

[qupritsuvwix]

nudist leap-frogging…

[lesser-known-composers]

Kenneth Fuchs (b. 1956) - Eventide, Concerto for English Horn

Thomas Stacy (Englsh Horn)

London Symphony Orchestra, LoAnn Falletta (Conductor)

[jolieeason]

WWW Wednesday: November 16th, 2022

WWW Wednesday: November 16th, 2022

WWW Wednesday is a weekly meme hosted by Sam at Taking on a World of Words. The Three Ws are: What are you currently reading?What did you recently finish reading?What do you think you’ll read next? Personal: Wednesday (after last week’s post went live): I took Tony (my youngest cat) to the vet. I noticed that his pupils were two different sizes, and the eye with the smaller pupil was cloudy…

[pr0v1t4]

...hi phighting au community.. me and my friends have a new contribution (time to get bullied)

PHIGHTING! ACTOR AU

basically if phighting was just a tv series and the phighters are all actors playing the characters

by the way, the gear = name mechanism is part of the tv script. the demons in this au are gearless and have human names

cast + extra info under the cut

CAST:

LOST TEMPLE: sword/joseph, medkit/david, scythe/sue ellen, broker/rodney

PLAYGROUND: skateboard/kai, boombox/josh, coil/jayden

THIEVES' DEN: vinestaff/julia, shuriken/corey, slingshot/aiden, katana/kenneth

BLACKROCK: subspace/alex, hyperlaser/allen

(note: biografts are played by multiple actors)

MISC: zuka/neil, rocket/asher, banhammer/dante

SFOTH: firebrand/jean paul, darkheart/steve, windforce/edith, ghostwalker/lucian,venomshank/luther, icedagger/timothy, illumina/charles

CHARACTER INFO:

alex and david are best friends off set. in a blooper take, alex accidentally poked david's actual eye when filming the subspace and medkit eye scene. he repeatedly apologised to david and gave him an ice pack

joseph is an introvert that happened to get the role of an extroverted protagonist. he is sometimes overwhelmed by the amount of attention he recieves and finds it slightly pressuring to do his role

kenneth and neil are actual fathers with children back home. due to this, they tend to look after the younger actors in the studio and watch over them

they picked an actual hornless person to play hyperlaser. allen had his horns removed when he was a teen for medical reasons

they also picked an armless person to play zuka. however, rocket and scythe's prosthetics are just props attached to their actual arm

alex is one of the sweetest people ever even with his role as a self centered mad scientist

kenneth is a metalhead and a fan of hard rock, whereas allen likes 50s-60s hits and soft rock

kenneth uses a lot of modern slang, and people are surprised at how different he is from his role as katana. he was mainly picked for his physique

dante and sue ellen act a lot like their respective characters. they are very happy with their roles

julia, aiden and corey joke about kenneth being their other dad

unlike rocket and sword's friendship, joseph and asher have slight beef with each other off set due to joe having to take multiple takes of the same clip because of his struggle to play an extrovert. he was mainly picked for his identical appearance to sword

allen lets the others try out his helmet. it's really stuffy with it on, they often have to retake a longer clip multiple times since he starts fanning himself within barely five minutes. he also struggles a lot to keep a straight face, you can hear stifled laughter in his lines, especially when he has to say something comedic as hyperlaser

ppleas dont bulli.....

[valentineforlemonandcherry]

Joke's On You 16

When Fred Weasley carelessly bumps into you into the hallway, you decide to take him a notch down; not by berating him, but by showing him up at his own game of using your charm and intellect to get what you want. And it’s fine if the end result doesn’t leave everyone quite satisfied - in fact, that’s what you want…

[Fred Weasley x Reader.] [Warning: Story Contains Explicit Smut.] [Warning: Non-Consent.] [Warning: Manipulation.] [Warning: Humiliation.]

⍟ Click Here for Joke’s On You Home Page (All Chapter Links) ⍟

The Slytherins came back from holiday to find the most horrendous smell lurking in their common room. The obvious answer, of course, was to simply Vanish the smell. However, the smell was sure to return again over time. Besides, everyone wanted to know what the source was. Was it Goyle’s filthy Quidditch shoes, stewing away in the far corner? Was it Parkinson’s horned toad, who kept leaving a trail of droppings from the entryway to the window? Or had Filch’s dirty mop finally gotten so incredibly filthy that instead of cleaning, it soiled everything it touched?

The Slytherins grudgingly searched the common room, walking around with their noses plugged until they were next to whatever they thought was the source of the scent, then unplugging their nose to sniff it, only to shake their head and hastily plug their nose back up. Finally, fed-up with what he called “servants’ work,” Draco Malfoy cried out in a plugged, warbly voice, “My father will hear about this!” Hundreds of miles away, Lucius felt a sudden crick in his neck. 

At long last, Professor Snape was called in. Imagine his fury when he discovered a well-placed, completely rotten egg under the tile under the foot of the grand piano. He puffed up in anger, with his chest welling up so much that it strained his tightly buttoned-up black robe. He opened his mouth –

At the precise moment that Snape began to let out his breath of rage, over in the Gryffindor common room, Neville’s frog, Trevor, emitted a long, high-pitched whistle that alarmed everyone – and not in the least Fred and George. Because for a split second, Fred and George thought that their mum had followed them all the way to Hogwarts to yell at them again. It would have been good timing too, Fred thought wryly, as he, George, and Lee began to pull all manner of goods out of the secret compartments of their trunks. 

Almost an hour later, Fred finally announced, “That’s everything.”

“Great,” George said. “Let’s sort it all out and write out that order form again.”

Lee nodded over at Fred’s trunk. “What’s that?”

Fred didn’t need to look over to see what Lee was referring to. There was only one item left in his trunk and he’d left it there because it would have hurt his pride to take it out. Nevertheless, the tips of Fred’s ears went red as he muttered, “Nothing. Never mind that.” 

Stuffed in the corner of his trunk lay the heart-covered boxers you’d gotten him for Christmas. 

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You were happy to return to classes – most of all, Charms. As you took your usual seat next to Kenneth, you gloated, “Well, well, so you got me in nearly all of our subjects – except this one, huh?” You waggled your finger at him. “You can beat me ten times over in Potions and Arithmancy and what-have-you, but never in Charms.”

Kenneth merely said, “You seem very happy.”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” you replied, as you sat down and began to pull your notes out. As you set your parchment down on the desk, Kenneth frowned.

“What is that?” Kenneth asked, pointing at a rude doodle drawn on the parchment.

You peered down at it. It was a small doodle of a devil cat, clearly enjoying its time as it basked in the flames of hell. You quickly turned the parchment over to hide it – only, scrawled on the back of the parchment were the words, Yours truly, Fredrick Gideon Weasley.  You flushed as you hurriedly put the parchment back into your bag. Kenneth stared at you.

When you turned back around, he said, cautiously, “I wasn’t going to bring this up, but just before break, I happened to be in the Great Hall for breakfast - ”

You couldn’t help but giggle at this, as you pointed out, “You make it sound like that happened against your own will, Kenneth.”

Kenneth turned slightly pink. But he continued, “ - and I saw - well, the whole school saw - Fred Weasley asking you out.”

You suddenly went quiet.

Sensing that he had the advantage, Kenneth pressed, “Is it true?”

“Well, it sounds like you saw it with your own two eyes, so who am I to deny that?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” 

You began to rummage around in your school bag, looking for a quill or a book or something (anything, really, except that piece of parchment), when Kenneth reached over and grasped your arm to stop you. “Are you really dating Fred Weasley?” 

You met Kenneth’s eyes. Oh, he’s my friend. I can’t lie to him. Besides, I’m not ashamed or anything to be with Fred. In fact, I’m rather proud of it.

“Yes,” you confirmed.

You expected Kenneth to let go of your arm, but he only held on harder as he pressed, “Have you lost your senses? Of all people, Fred Weasley?”

“Yes,” you said stubbornly, now trying to sidle your arm out of Kenneth’s grasp.

Just then, a familiar voice said, rather meanly, “Oi. Let go of her arm.” 

You and Kenneth both looked up to see Fred standing there.  Kenneth slowly let go of your arm.

“Hi, Fred,” you said brightly.

“Hi, hellcat,” Fred responded, though he lifted his eyebrow at you. “Interesting conversation you’re having here, huh?”

Kenneth’s brow furrowed, as he put together the drawing with Fred’s nickname for you.

You replied, “Not really. I was only slandering your name, and Kenneth here was sticking up for your honor.” You reached over and thumped Kenneth heartily in the back.

“Oh, really?” Fred said wryly, his mouth twisting into a rather cruel shape.

“Yes, really,” you stressed. “So, you should move along before McGonagall comes in and starts the term by taking twenty points away from her own house.”

“Fine,” Fred replied. But before he stepped past you and Kenneth, he said, “And it’s none of your business, innit, Towler?”

Kenneth shook his head at you, as if to say, ‘Really? That guy?’

You looked over at Kenneth and nodded, replying wordlessly, Yeah, that guy.

“But you’re a prefect,” Kenneth said, speaking quietly now.

“Yes, I am.”

“How are you going to - ? Isn’t it going to pose a problem? I mean, aren’t you going to let him off the hook now?”

“Oh, no. Absolutely not,” you said earnestly. “I’m going to be more strict with him than ever. In fact, I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that Fred Weasley will be the reason I become Head Girl. I’m going to catch him so many times that it’ll be a new record for how many times a prefect has rounded up a villain.”

“Villain?”

“Fine. Mischief-maker. But you get my point.”

“And he’s not going to be mad at you?”

You snorted. “I damn well hope he is. That stupid Fred Weasley.” 

You buried your head in your book, trying to hide the happy blush that was spreading on your face as you thought of ‘stupid Fred Weasley.’ 

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

During lunch, you came over to Fred’s dormitory. Knocking on the door,  you sang out, “Fred! Could you come out here, please? I have something for you.”

Inside, you heard George throw something and then call out, “Oi! Fred! Devil’s knocking on the door, and it’s for you.”

You paused. Then, you knocked on the door again and said, in a very different tone, “Hey, you in there, what did you just call me?”

Just then, the door opened. It was Fred. “Hi, hellcat. Come to see me?”

“Yes,” you said. “Could you please come out here? I want to speak with you.”

Fred started to step out, but as he did, you caught sight of George and Lee sitting on the bed in the room. You pointed at George and said knowingly, “You.”

George ignored you – and Fred had shut the door. Turning to you, Fred immediately meant to grab you and kiss you hello, but as he made to reach for you, you stopped him short by suddenly presenting him with a piece of parchment.

Fred looked down at it. “What’s this?”

You tapped the top of the parchment, where you had neatly titled it: Petition to Fred Gideon Weasley, regarding the use of certain pet names. You explained, “I would like to reserve the names, ‘Freddie’ and ‘Freddie boy’ for cases of cuteness.”

Fred instantly looked disgusted, but he also looked a tad confused. “You wrote an entire letter just for that?”

“That’s right. It’s my petition to you, my boyfriend,” you said softly. Reaching out, you gently stroked Fred’s tie. “I miss my pet names for you.”

Fred snorted. “You can call me pet names, just – just something more fitting.”

You cocked your head at him. “Like what?”

“Like…” Fred thought about it for a moment. Then, his eyes brightened, and he suggested proudly, “Like ‘Sir.’”

You blinked. “Sir?” you repeated.

Fred smirked slyly at you. “That’s right.”

“Oh…” Your brow furrowed – and then you burst into laughter. “Ha, ha, ha!” You keeled over and laughed merrily, and you accidentally forced Fred into a bow, as you were still holding onto his tie.

“Oi, you’re – you’re choking me,” Fred groaned.

“Oh! Sorry!” You let go of his tie, but you kept laughing into your hands.

“What?” Fred said defensively. “What’s so funny about that?”

You wiped tears from your eyes and waved him away, chortling, “Anyways, Fred, have a serious thought about the original petition, please.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

The class after lunch was Potions. When Professor Snape stormed into the dungeon, everyone immediately fell quiet. At once, he barked out, “Weasley!”

Fred and George chorused together, “Yes?”

“On your feet!”

Fred stood up. Meanwhile, George remained sitting.

Snape glared at George. “I said, on your feet!”

“Oh, I thought you meant him. Sorry.” George stood up, and Fred sat down.

“No, both of you, on your feet!”

About half of the class giggled as George then (completely unnecessarily) sat back down before he and Fred stood up together.

“A regular ol’ circus act,” Lee murmured appreciatively.

“Stupid,” Kenneth muttered under his breath. “They’re only making Snape angrier.”

“I shall give you one chance for repentance before I report you to the Head of your House,” Snape said thinly. “Which of you disrespectful dunderheads decided it was a good idea to hide a rotting egg  under a tile under the piano in the Slytherin common room?”

Your eyes flashed. Oh Merlin, I completely forgot about that.

“Neither of us, sir,” Fred said confidently.

“Is that so?” Snape sneered, clearly not believing Fred.

“Yep,” Fred replied. His eyes twinkled merrily, as if he was secretly dying with laughter inside.

George chirped up, “Cross my heart and hope to die, Professor.”

Your cheeks slowly turned red, as you realized both Fred and George were teasing you, though both of them were pros and didn’t so much as throw you a wink.

David mused, “I thought only first year girls used phrases like that.”

Your cheeks brightened even further. “Some – Some older students might use that phrase, too,” you murmured defensively.

Snape ground his teeth in frustration. “I have tried to give you a chance for repentance - ”

“With all due respect, Professor, I did all my repentance on New Year’s. I had an angel come by and lead me through the whole she-bang,” Fred said, in a mockingly innocent tone. “So I reckon I’m clean as a sheet - ”

Snape blew up. “Enough! Enough! I shall – I shall see to your punishment after class. Sit down. Now.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

When class ended, you dawdled near your desk.  Meanwhile, Fred and George dutifully came up to Snape’s desk.

“Are you aware of how long it took Mr. Filch and myself to discover where the horrendous smell was coming from?” Snape seethed.

“No,” George said. “To be honest, we’re not at all sure of what you’re talking about, Professor. Could you maybe explain to us -?”

Slam. Snape brought his book down on his desk. He grasped the edges of his desk and leaned over it to peer unpleasantly into Fred and George’s faces. “The two of you will never have another moment out of detention again. I shall assign to you six months’ worth of - ”

“Oh, no!” you cried out, as you dropped an ink bottle. It smashed and went all over the floor. Distressed, you sat down and began to wipe at the ink with your sleeve.

Snape berated you, “Idiot girl! Did you forget you’re magical? Move aside.”

You shifted out of the way and Snape waved his wand. The ink cleared up at once.

“Sorry, Professor,” you said earnestly. “I was only looking for my quill and ink because I had some questions to ask you about the Draught of Living Death. You were saying something about its alchemic properties and I didn’t understand - ”

Snape closed his eyes for a moment, trying to contain his fury. Finally, he said, “Read the textbook, then. I will not spend my time entertaining the most basic of questions. And, Mr. Weasley - ”

“Yes?” Fred and George chorused together again.

“Out. Get out. But be warned, if I ever catch you pulling such a prank again - ”

“Professor, we’d never - ”

“ – Honestly - ”

“- We don’t even know - ”

“ – what this is all about - ”

“ – But good day, Professor - ”

“ – Take care - ”

“- And happy New Year’s!”

The twins had been slowly tripping backwards towards the door and when they let out their cheerful New Year’s greetings, they slipped out of the room.

Meanwhile, you had finished stuffing your quill back into your bag and you high-tailed out of there as well.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You spent the evening with your friends, coming up with study plans for the term. Afterwards, as you made your way back up to your prefect’s room, out from a secret passageway, a tall, ginger-haired boy suddenly appeared and wrapped his long arms around you.

“Well, well,” Fred whispered teasingly in your ear. “Look who’s become a little rogue. I always knew I’d bring you over to my side.”

You scoffed. “As if. I simply thought it was unfair that Snape was trying to punish you when he had no evidence that you actually committed the deed.”

“Mhm,” Fred agreed, squeezing you in his arms and nudging the top of your head with his chin to make you squirm, “especially because if he followed the trail all the way through, he’d find you  holding the end of the rope, right?”

“No.”

“Who was the one that asked for the egg to be hidden under a tile under the piano?” Fred reached down and grasped your chin with his hand and made you turn your head to look up at him. “Who was it, hm?”

You yanked your head away and said lightly, “I have no idea.”

“No?”

“No. Truly haven’t the foggiest.”

“Maybe because you were drunk off of Firewhiskey that night,” Fred said, grinning now. “And you’d taken a bucket to the head - ”

You reached up and pushed your hand against Fred’s lips. “Shush, you.”

Fred shook his head, shaking your hand off of his mouth. “Drop any more fireworks, lately?”

You scowled. “You keep this up and I’ll drop you.”

Fred grabbed your wrist and pulled you back to him. “You could never,” he said knowingly. “You couldn’t live without me, your boyfriend.”

You eyed him skeptically. “You’re being disgusting, Fred.”

“Am not.” Fred proceeded to make all sorts of kissy faces at you, clearly making fun of you.

You took the opportunity to stomp hard on his foot.

“Ow!” Fred yelled. He hurriedly stepped back.

Slinging your school bag coolly over your shoulder and walking away, you waved your fingers in the air and called, “Come find me when you’re done being a moron.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Fred did come and visit you, in your prefect’s room, later that night.

When he walked in, he was grinning to himself and he was dusting his hands off of something…

You hesitated. “What were up to, Fred?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing,” Fred said easily. “Just testing the properties of permanent ink.”

You blinked. “Why in the world would you need to test for that? Isn’t the main property in the name?”

“Of course, silly, but how permanent is ‘standard permanent’?” Fred explained. “And would it be possible to create, let’s say, an ink that is permanent unless removed by a very particular, even singular, singular erasing liquid?”

“Well, of course it’s possible."

Fred gave you a doubtful look.

You reeled off impressively, “You’d have to find a type of ink that wasn’t based on whatever regular ink is based on. Then, in terms of creating a singular erasing liquid, it would essentially come down to an application of Golpalott’s Third Law for antidotes. In other words, the erasing compound wouldn’t ever be a simple one-to-one ratio or the simple sums of the ratios present in the permanent ink. Something alchemic would need to happen to create a true antidote – or, in this case, a true and singular erasing ointment.”

Fred clapped his hands together. “Brilliant! That’s how we can create an ink where only the prankster can erase the ink. That’s mighty helpful. Thanks, love.”

You paused. “Wait, what? That was why you asked me that?”

“I didn’t ask you, technically speaking,” Fred pointed out. “I was merely speaking aloud an observational question. It was you that couldn’t pass up the opportunity to show off and be little-miss-know-it-all.”

Your jaw dropped open. He pretended to look foolish on purpose, just to egg me on!

Fred waggled his finger at you. “Humility, love, you’ve got to learn it someday. You’re just too full of yourself.”

“Me?!” you said indignantly. “I was merely sharing my knowledge with you, hoping to educate your stupid little brain. It’s not my fault all you can think about is pranks - ”

“ – and pussy,” Fred finished for you. He pranced over to you and grabbed your face in his hand. Leaning towards you, he made a kissy face and said, in an overly playful voice, “And it looks like I’ve got both of those sorted out right here.” He squeezed your cheeks in his hand and leaned in to peck your nose.  

You went bright red. “Fred!”

Fred chuckled merrily. He let go of your face, but he shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned towards you as he said, rather brightly and boyishly, “Wow, this is what flusters you? Look at you, red as a tomato. Of all the embarrassing shit you pull, the fact that you helped me develop a product is what sinks you?”

Your mouth turned into a very thin line, and you made to turn away from Fred. But he grabbed you and pulled you into his arms.

Fred’s breath tickled you as he murmured teasingly into your ear. “Where d’you think you’re going, huh? You’re in your own room. There’s nowhere to go to.”

You quickly batted him away.

Fred laughed and let you go. He then started to flop over onto your bed, but you made him wash his hands first.

You paused, however, when you heard your shower start up. Ten minutes later, Fred walked out, wearing nothing but one of your fluffy pink towels. You stared at him.

Fred smiled as he ran another towel – a lavender one – through his hair. “Like what you see, mistress?”

You cleared your throat. You did, in fact, like what you were seeing. Except his chest is too clean-looking. It doesn’t have the kiss marks that it should have… from me.

You shook your head, trying to clear your mind of such wanting thoughts. Then, standing up, you pointed to your bed. “Have a seat, Fred.”

Fred snorted. “What is this, a business meeting?”

“Yes.” You brought your notebook over to the bed and plopped down with it. You pointed to your notebook. “Listen here. I’m going to offer you a little deal. You’d be a fool not to take it, I think, but well – it’s your life and I don’t like forcing anyone into anything, so…”

Fred glanced down at your notebook. “What the hell is that supposed to be? A rune?”

“No.” You pushed the notebook towards him. “Have you ever heard of the game ‘tic tac toe’?”

Fred shook his head.

“Well, it’s easy enough. The goal is to get three in a row,” you explained. “But here’s what I propose: Every time you and George pull one of your stupid pranks and you don’t get caught, you get a turn. But every time I help a professor catch you, then I get a turn. Except if it’s Snape, Filch, or Umbridge, of course. I won’t help them catch you – unless I’m really annoyed with you, that is.”

“Why’s that?” Fred asked, curious.

“Because Snape, Filch, and Umbridge aren’t fair with their punishments,” you explained succinctly. “But the other professors are – and you do deserve to be punished. You, George, and Lee are absolutely awful students. And from the sounds of it, the three of you are developing and selling a lot of stupid things - ”

“ - Our products aren’t stupid, they’re brilliant - ”

“And I’m not going to allow that, much less facilitate that.” You gave him a stern look. “Do I make myself clear?”

Fred rolled his eyes. Reaching out, he brushed the notebook away. “Or, how about you just help me get out of every punishment ever?” He leaned back onto your bed. At the same time, he reached over and grabbed you by your waist and pulled you on top of him.

“No,”  you emphasized, hitting his chest lightly with your hands. “Can’t let you do that, Fred.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a prefect and that means something to me,” you said. “Besides, I promised Kenneth I would continue to be a good prefect.”

Fred frowned. “You promised Kenneth?”

“Yeah, Kenneth – you know, top of our class, fellow prefect, and my study friend. That Kenneth.” You pretended as if you hadn’t mentioned Kenneth on purpose and as if you were describing him only to help Fred remember who he was, but Fred caught the mean glimmer in your eye.

Fred growled. “You tease.” He suddenly gripped your wrists in his hands quite tightly. “You’re just dangling him in front of me, aren’t you, to get me all riled up?”

You laughed softly. “Maybe,” you admitted. Looking down at your hands, caught in his, you said pleasantly, “I think it’s working, don’t you?” You then nodded down at the pink towel that Fred was still wearing. “By the way, pink looks quite nice on you.”

Fred groaned. He dropped your hands and then, pushing you off of him, he rolled over and buried his face in your pillow.

You grabbed the notebook and followed him, nudging his shoulder repeatedly. “Fred? Fred? C’mon, won’t you play the game with me?”

“No,” Fred said emphatically.

“But you haven’t even heard what the prize is,” you pointed out.

“Don’t care,” Fred said shortly.

“Do you know what it is?” you pressed.

Fred was quiet for a moment.

He’s going to ask, you thought confidently. He won’t be able to stand the idea of missing out. He’s going to ask me… any second now –

“All right. What the hell’s the prize?”

You grinned. Rolling over so that you fell into his lap, you looked up at him and whispered lovingly, “Anything you want.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

“Professor McGonagall!” you shouted fiercely. “There they are!” 

Fred, George, and Lee, who were all gathered around the entrance of the Slytherin common room, wheeled around. Spotting you, Fred cursed.

Dropping the net they had been installing over the Slytherin common room entrance, all three of them ran for it.

“Iterdum!” You performed a Trip Jinx, pointing your wand at none other than Fred – and it caught him.

With a shout, Fred went sprawling onto the ground. However, just before McGonagall caught up to you, two pairs of hands reached out from behind the adjacent hallway and dragged Fred along the ground and out of sight.

Huffing and puffing, McGonagall appeared behind you. Her hat was lopsided. “Where are they?”

Glumly, you said, “They left.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

“First move goes to Fred!” Fred crowed gleefully as he placed an X right at the center of your little tic-tac-toe board.

You crossed your arms over your chest. “It shouldn’t count. You were dragged out like a dying seal.”

“Doesn’t matter how it happened,” Fred countered. He fell back onto your bed. Running his hand through his hair, he mused, “Now, let’s see, what shall I have you do when I win?”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” you said, still annoyed.

Fred looked over at you and shot you an easy grin. “Sour grapes already? Boy, are you a sore loser.”

“I’m not sore and I’m not a loser,” you fired back. “I just don’t see what the point of you running your stupid little brain is, when I’m going to win anyways.”

“It’s just part of the fun, innit?” Fred said, now grinning even more cheekily at you. “I can imagine you however I like…” He closed his eyes. Imagining you, he moaned softly.

You scoffed.

Fred smirked. Without opening his eyes, he murmured, “Good girl, you know what I want already, even without me telling you.” 

“No,” you said stoutly. “Rather, I know how simple-minded you are, and how crass, and how - ”

While you were speaking, you had slowly wandered over to the bed and were now standing at the edge of the bed. Fred, still keeping his eyes closed, suddenly lifted one leg and tripped you. You fell right onto the bed, with a surprised shriek.

Fred grabbed you by the shoulders, and pushed you back onto the bed. He kissed you hungrily, making your lips part with his own and swallowing your fevered gasp. His hands roamed all over your body at once, making you go all soft and flushed for him.

“F-Fred…” you moaned softly, almost whining as he bit your lower lip and tugged playfully.

“I bet your plans for me are just as crass,” Fred whispered accusingly. “So, who are you to go calling me simple-minded and all that? Huh?”

“Well, but it’s true – mmm…” You felt Fred’s mouth push roughly against yours again, and his hands slipped under your shirt. His hands warmed up your tummy quickly and then, Fred groped your breasts adoringly, if not a little impatiently. Meanwhile, you had your hands wrapped around his slender neck and while you weren’t choking him, you reveled in being able to keep your hands there, slotted against his neck, keeping him warm while being able to hold onto him.

The two of you became lost in kissing each other for a long moment.

However, when Fred pulled away to catch his breath, you managed to whisper, “I’ve given it a lot of thought, Fred. If I win, I’m going to make you…”

“What?” Fred asked breathlessly.

“…Study.”

“What?” The romantic, heated atmosphere broke entirely as Fred sat up indignantly. “You’re going to make me what?”

Your lips, now flushed pink from kissing Fred, spread into a wicked little smile. You remained lying down, but your eyes slipped down and you gazed at Fred through half-lidded eyes as you whispered, seductively (and sardonically), “Study, Fred.”

Fred scoffed. “You’ve got to be joking.”

“Mm,” you agreed lightly. You shifted over so that you could slip your head into his lap.

Fred only scowled at you.

“Fred,” you whispered, staring up at his ugly, immature expression in secret joy.

Fred ignored you.

Your heart skipped a beat. “Fred…”

Still nothing.

“I said I wasn’t sore yet…” Staring up into his eyes and slowly reaching out to pull at the end of his tie, you asked him in a gentle and honest voice, “I have to go and patrol the halls in an hour. Before then – could you maybe make me sore?”

Fwump.

You half-gasped and half-giggled as Fred roughly threw you over onto the bed and leaned over you.

“For Merlin’s sake, will you ever put me down nicely?”

“Shut up,” Fred growled, as he went to unzip his pants at once.

“Mm, nice growl, puppy,” you cooed. “And come closer, I want to rip off all your buttons.” You reached up and flexed your hands and grinned up at him.

Fred muttered, “Hellcat,” but he did as you asked, leaning down a little so that you could have your fill of happiness.

As you ripped off his tie, which was in the way, you remarked, “Fred, you’ve tied your tie all wrong.”

“I’ve tied it this way all my life.”

“Well, it’s wrong. Why didn’t you listen to your mum when she taught you?”

Fred grumbled, “How did you know my mum taught me?”

“Of course she did,” you said knowingly. “Your mum is wonderful, Fred. It’s you who’s the problem.”

Fred rolled his eyes as you made short work of his tie and shirt, throwing them off merrily across the room, and then you reveled in the sweet happiness of sinking your nails into his handsome chest.

Fred watched you merrily marking up his chest with kisses, bites, and scratches. As you let out little purrs and happy growls, he shook his head and murmured, “Seriously so weird.”

However, as you sucked at Fred’s chest, you were slowly undressing yourself – until your shirt fell open, revealing your shape and your cute little bra, a pretty lavender thing that pushed up your breasts just enough that you knew it would drive Fred crazy.

Sure enough, Fred changed his tune quite quickly. His eyes widened and he said hurriedly, “But fuck, it’s fine, baby, when you look like that…”

Fred made to touch you, clearly meaning to rip off your bra so that he could ravish your breasts. But you caught his hand in yours. Looking up at him, you whispered, “No. No touch.”

Fred made a face. “Again?”

“Well…” You slowly brought Fred’s hand to your lips. “I get to touch you first.” You opened your mouth just enough to let his finger slip into your mouth. Then, you sucked. “Mmpfh…”

Fred let out a breath. He swore that you had the prettiest eyes, and when you were looking up at him like that, with his finger in your mouth, in between your soft, pink lips… His own  mouth fell open slightly and he watched you rather dumbly.   

You smirked slightly. Speechless already?

As you sucked on his finger, you gave him your orders, only you masked them as soft and sweet requests. You whispered lowly, “Be a good boy and slowly reach into your pants. Now, stroke yourself. Make yourself nice and hard for me. Yes, for me.” Your voice accidentally slipped into a more aggressive tone towards the end, as you felt yourself getting quite excited.

Fred, whose eyes had slipped shut as he slowly pleasured himself to the sound of your voice, paused. He blinked.

You distracted him quickly, sucking on his finger once again and whispering softly, “Mm… Yes, like that… Get yourself allready for me. Show me how much you want me.”

Now panting slightly, Fred gripped his cock and pumped up and down quickly, getting himself all hard for you. His cute face was starting to get all red.

You held back a giggle as put on your softest voice, to ask him, “Tell me the truth: Are you thinking of me?”

Fred nodded – but it was a casual, brief nod.

“You are? You’re thinking of me?”

Fred nodded again – too quickly for your taste.

“And nothing but me?” you pressed.

Fred groaned, as he pumped his cock in his hand, but he nodded again, and more earnestly this time.

“Yeah?” you said, slowly and subtly encouraging him. “Are you picturing how you’re going to take me? How you’re going to make love to me? How you’re going to fuck me until you make me yours?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Fred huffed out, now fisting his cock furiously. “Gonna fuck you so hard, baby. You’re gonna be mine.” His voice became a deep growl on the last word.

“Mmm. And you’re going to cum in me, aren’t you?”

“Yes baby, I’m gonna cum hard in your pussy,” Fred moaned, now nodding non-stop.

“Okay,” you whispered softly. “I’d say you deserve some pussy now. Yes?”

“Yes,” Fred stressed, impatient. He opened his eyes and stared at you hungrily, his pupils blown wide with lust. He croaked out, “Now. Please.”

You smiled. “All right.” You slowly stripped your skirt off. As you did, you murmured, “Fred, you’re so gorgeous. Did you know that? I think you’re so handsome when you’re all flushed for me.”

“You do…?” Fred whispered, and his voice was hoarse. He watched you as you tossed your skirt to the side.

“Of course,” you said soothingly. Next, you slipped your fingers under the tiny slips of fabric lying over your hips and began to shimmy your panties down, little by little, until you revealed that you were wearing your little heart butt plug for him again.

Fred moaned audibly when he saw your little plug.

You lifted your legs a little, to show it off, and as you did, you whispered tellingly, “Oh, and Fred? I was wearing this all day today. Do you know why?”

Fred stared at your cute little ass and plug. Rather foolishly, he blurted out, “No.”

“Because I missed you,” you confessed. “As soon as I came back, I put my plug in, because it means that I’m… yours.”

“You’re mine? That’s what it means?” Fred reached out and pressed his finger against the plug.

“Ah…” You breathed out softly. “Yes, Fred…”

“Fuck,” Fred muttered, “that’s cute as hell.”  

You let one of your hands fall on top of his knee and you gently stroked his knee as you murmured, in a sweet, low voice, “Now, come here.” As you spoke, you opened up your legs, to make room for Fred. The heart-shaped nestled between in your pert ass glittered in the light as you pushed your thighs apart.

Fred kept staring at that little heart, until his mouth fell open.

Godric, he looks like such an idiot, you thought lovingly. Oh, Fred. You tapped on his knee again, to wake him up. “What are you doing? Come be with me.”

Fred shuffled forward on his knees. You nearly laughed out loud at how awkward he looked. He almost looks shy, you thought, and you felt so very fond of this sweet, naïve version of Fred.

However, when Fred was closer, he had no hesitation whatsoever in spreading his large, warm hands on your thighs and pinning them down immediately against the bed. Your breath escaped you as you suddenly felt yourself being held down against the bed.

Ah, traitor, you thought in your head, he always does this. He looks all pathetic and pitiful, and then as soon as he’s close enough to take control, he suddenly does his damned best to do so.

With your thighs so obviously split open by Fred, now your pussy was there for Fred to see – already glistening and all pink and – and – You felt embarrassed for a split second and nearly covered yourself with your hands. But you caught yourself and whispered in your head, Don’t get carried away now.

Sure enough, Fred said knowingly, “Well, look at that. Wet already? You little slut. You did miss me.”

You scowled slightly.

Fred smirked. “And here you were, making me think that I needed you more than you needed me, and that your little ‘plug’ speech was just so you could use me to get yours.”

You muttered, “Who said anything about needing anyone? Now, get on with it.”

“Godric, look at you, getting all shy.” Fred was fully teasing you now.

You glared at Fred, and he grinned back. He said cheekily, “You nearly got me, love. Nearly. But now I know. You weren’t just luring me in and playing me like a chump. No, you meant every word of what you said, didn’t you? I mean – look at you, laid out in bed like this, dressed up in some fancy new lingerie, (Fred tugged at the strap of your bra, and you indignantly pushed his hand away) wearing your cute little heart plug (Fred pressed it again, making you suddenly moan rather too softly for your taste), and with your pussy all wet for me (Fred touched you between your legs, pressing his fingers right up against your pussy, and you hurriedly grabbed his hand and stared up at him with desperate, wanting eyes). Merlin, you need me. That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? Telling me that you need me bad.”  

A wicked glint appeared in your eye. However, you pretended to relent. “Sure, Fred. I’m wet for you. I told you, you look so handsome. I can’t help myself – when you’re in bed with me, I get all wet.”

Fred suddenly sat up a little taller, with his shoulders back and his chest puffed out slightly.

Oh, look at him, all proud of himself, you snickered in your head. He’s so cute. You reached down and gently grasped his cock in your hand. It’s like he doesn’t remember what a whiny little puppy he becomes as soon as he’s inside me. Well, I can remind him of that.

Fred hissed slightly, as you let your hand run up and down his length. Slowly, you guided Fred’s cock to your pussy and slid the tip of his cock up and down against your wet slit. “‘I’m a complete, heartbroken slut for you. Is that what you want to hear?” You grasped his cock harder and jerked your hand up and down as you whispered rapidly – “Sir?”

“Fuck,” Fred moaned, and his hands slid up your thighs and onto your waist and he squeezed your waist, making you suddenly huff.

“Fuck,” Fred repeated. “Call me that again, baby. And hold still – ‘cause I’m - ” His voice gave out, and he huffed heavily as he suddenly felt all worked up over hearing you confess how much you wanted him and hearing you call him ‘sir.’

You nearly slipped and gave into your desire in that moment, which was to push Fred’s cock inside of you as fast as you could, because Merlin knew that that was what you wanted. You were a slut for him. But you made yourself stop, with Fred’s cock barely pressed to your pussyhole, and you murmured quietly, “But you ought to know one thing, sir -”

“W-What’s that?” Fred panted out.

You toyed with Fred’s cock, rubbing it against your pussyhole gently, but never letting him slip inside. “No matter how much I need you, you’re always going to need me more.”

“Well, I don’t know ‘bout that,” Fred protested, even as he squirmed with how badly he wanted to be inside you now. “I’d like to – baby, please, just put it in – to think we’re even.”

“Even?” You slowly shook your head up at him. “No, we’re not even.”

“Damn it, are you trying to be mean again?” Fred huffed out, with his hands in fists now as you kept dragging the tip of his cock up and down your pussyhole, without actually taking him in.

“I’m never mean.”

“You are, and if you can’t see it – baby, for fuck’s sake, take me in – if you – uhn – if you can’t see it, it’s only because it’s your default.”

“No,” you corrected him, speaking softly. “If you think I’m mean, it’s only because you’re being stupid, Fred.”

“I’m not stupid,” Fred said at once, sounding almost sullen.

“Well, then, willfully ignorant, which is worse,” you said flippantly. “But I’ll show you.”

“Show me what?” Fred said, now getting quite annoyed with you.

You stroked Fred’s cock in your hand again, as you answered, “How badly you need me.”

Fred groaned. Your hand felt so good wrapped around his cock, but he knew that your pussy would feel even better. Merlin, why isn’t she taking me in? I need to be inside her. Just look at her little pussy, all wet and waiting. Fuck, please!

“Just – Just – Can’t we do that some other time?” Fred huffed, trying desperately to swallow down his impatience.

However, you added fuel to the fire by looking up at him and innocently shaking your head. “Can’t, Fred,” you replied matter-of-factly. “Now’s the only convenient time. See, unlike you, I have real tasks to attend to after I play with you. I’ve got to go study, for one, and then I have prefect duties, and then I have to fold my laundry – and I like to line up all my socks before I roll them up all daintily with my hands - ”

Fred growled, “Listen here, you – you demon - ” But just then, you pushed in simply the tip of his cock inside of you.

Mmm, you moaned in your head.

Fred let out a soft whimper and he shook his head, completely disarmed by how good you felt squeezing around his cock, even if it was just the tip.

“Uhn…” Fred breathed out. “Mmm, yeah. Now deeper, baby, c’mon.”

“Fred, say you need me,” you whispered enticingly. “And mean it.”

Fred let out a pained groan. “S-Stop teasing me.”

But you shifted upwards, and you let the tip of Fred’s cock slip out of your pussy.

Fred groaned. “Baby, where are you going? C’mon, please - ”

You shook your head up at him. “First, admit how much you need me - ”

“All right, fine, I need you , I really fucking need you,” he suddenly reeled out. “C’mon – fuck – stop teasing me.”

You checked your grin as you replied, in a voice as light and soft as feathers, and in a tone that seemed so regretful, “Oh, Fred, you were so close, but you just weren’t sincere enough - ”

“Bloody hell!” Fred cursed at you. “What’s your prob - ?”

You put your finger up to his mouth, cutting him off. “Shush, no cursing.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Fred was nearly shaking all over, and his cock was so hard, it was almost painful.

You pretended not to notice as you sighed and said, in a disappointed voice, “Can’t pay attention, I see. Can’t even give his girlfriend ten seconds of his focus.”

“I swear to God - ” Fred growled, but you only smushed your hand against his mouth again, and more definitely this time.

“Dwevil,” Fred protested, against you and your hand.

“Fine. I’ll make my point another way.” You locked eyes with Fred and smiled pleasantly at him. "I was going to let you have me for as long as you wanted tonight, but I changed my mind." Then, you announced, in a voice that promised pleasure that was to die for, “I’m going to make you cum in three minutes, Fred Weasley."

[siremasterlawrence]

The Epic Farce

My epic farce of a boss is on my last nerve on this day where the heat has risen to what is unknown level of insane fiery passion and that has overcome the craziness pushing his employees past their limits so I march in to his office today.A little concoction of mine accidentally or I intentionally made by my way exposing it to fellow laboratory assistant however that is not here or there and I approach my bosses office as I mix it in to his coffee formula then hand it to him.

I am at a loss sliding the office window to the side as the breeze washes the room in a sweet scent letting it metastasize every where and my life froze in time as I here him screech. His bellow reaches the sky shaking the walls to new levels and heights building up the hot fury within me because he is that man my boss and he is about to taken down an end to his life.

He swipes it from my hand in anger with a evil look in to my eyes so deep he frightens me with that glare I step back watching the magic happen and he gulps it down slowly with a cooler tone as he began to relax more and more. His body jumps up flinging the cup in to the air as it falls dropping to the floor it loses balance smashes to the floor and he goes crazy his arms flailing till he hit the floor and his head is on his chin because he believes in me now.

I pump my fist in excitement watching him be come alive his head starts to bop upward to face me with this expressionless face I have ever seen and I inform in to stand up tall face me with so much love and adoringly with wide open arms. Approaching him I kick the door close giving us the ultimate privacy walking closer to him he shoves the chair to the side and then the desk as well and wraps his arms around my waist and he kisses me slowly without a single thought.

The idea that nothing else matters at the moment except for me the architect of his entire world and extraordinarily soon he will not acknowledge the life he once led ever again and with one final kiss I shove him on to the chair. Snapping my finger a resounding loud air horn sound clicks propelling him back in to reality as he wakes up the sleep creeps from his face and he swerves a bit in his chair to coming to terms with it all he looks at me lovingly with lust in his eyes.

“How did not see how fucking amazing you are?”

“You are a beautiful.”

“Oh Tom”

“You are babe”

“You are Master”

“Address me as Master Lawrence “

“Yes Master Lawrence “

“Kneel at my feet”

“Take my hand boi”

“May I kiss it ?”

“Yes boi!”

“Do you comprehend the change?”

“In me my love?”

“Yes you fool”

“Stare in to my eyes “

“Yes Master Lawrence “

“You are a pussy”

“A epic farce “

“A nobody to the ninth degree”

“I am 100 percent my God!”

“You revolve around me”

“Love me”

“Live for my approval”

“I am your lifeline.”

“Oooohhh Mmmyyy Ggggooodddd…mmmmmm”

The end

In The Summer Heat Part 1 - 2

Kenneth

Tommy invites me to his cabin retreat with his friends on a weekend vacation in the record of the hottest summer ever but I am not to find of him because I want some alone time.

My formula could be quite useful brewing up another two cups creating a new ice coffee mix and bring it out to his best friend Ken who looks at my funny before taking the cup and downing it with encouragement from Tommy.

I exit the backyard back in to the house as I hear some weird conversation discussing how strange I am and how he does not feel comfortable with me around even I can see Tommy pissed.

Five to ten minutes later Tommy gives me a thumbs up to say it is in all affect waving me to come and I walk over to see Ken slumped over the chair and drugged for next three hours.

I decide to play a game grabbing an exact duplicate seat at the table using my hands to place on his shoulders rubbing them very tightly as I begin to whisper into his ears so sweetly.

I instruct him to use his eyes to look at the focal point on the trail toward, imagine your feet rising upward into the sky reaching your full height and everything and everyone else is gone.

You are alone in the cabin on a beautiful day with the winds strong blowing on him and the clear blue ocean waves calling to him and a backpack appears on his back as he goes on a nice mental vacation.

He begins to walk making his way in to the track moving to nowhere in particular as the day passes by and he sees a cave as night emerges and sneaks in walking blindly to his own doom.

Standing right behind him begin I telling him to see my image as he grimaces, I smack him across the ass informing him to follow me and he does obediently listening to my words his protection melts.

“Who are you?”

“Oh Ken!”

“Obedience is pleasure “

“Pleasure is obedience “

“I rule you “

“Join Tommy “

“By my slave “

“I refuse”

“Stay locked in”

“No!”

“You have one choice “

“Be mine”

“You have no choice “

“The coffee is soaking “

“Dripping in to your blood”

“You have given in to me”

“I own you “

“You cannot do a damn thing about it “

“Accept your faith”

“Willingly follow me”

“Or blindly fall”

“All you have to do is kiss me”

“I dare you “

“Uuuugggghhhh! Fuck! Mmmmmmm”

Tim

“What is with you man?”

“What Tom?”

“The gay shit”

“He is our Master”

“Yeah man relax “

“RELAX? Fuck you “

“I’ll fix you “

“I like to see you try “

“Back up freak”

“Move Ken”

“You don’t dare to touch my man”

“Your man?”

“Mwahahahahaha “

“Something funny”

“Your man! You have to be kidding “

“We are not “

“Say that again”

“”Pussy”

I laugh so hard holding my stomach as I fall to the ground, I command them both to hold him down, and I am created a quick mix of my potion in to a wine glass with wine then I poured it down his throat.

Tim tried to fight both of them failing as he hit the floor and they pin him down to the ground and they smirk with utter ecstatic relief of success as he would soon become for me.

Tim starts to shake shivering as he flails out of control he rolls over on the floor and soon he is now completely an empty mindless husk under my supreme control because I am his world now.

“I surrender my Master”

“Claim me”

The end

[sir-virtem]

Thinking about it, and considering I haven't seen anyone mention it so far, I still remember that random omen in stormveil.

I know most people hate Godrick for grafting and follow Kenneth slanders to him in the community, so most thought to him are negative... however I don't follow that line of thoughts.

This omen, a commonfolk since lacks any horn, is probably for most the first encounter we had with an omen in the game, so isn't surprising if many forget them and their puppy.

But the fact an omen is in Godrick's castle is quite remarkable to me at least, we see omens in altus in campament and sometimes in crypts... but an omen as part of the highest point of security in a fort? hell no.

Which I found to be showy, this omen may had been from when stormveil striken upon leyndell, could be deserter who swap sides at some point or just be a conscript; an omen between the cucko or the redmane wouldn't be out of place since both don't really care about politics and are only interested about holding their ground and fighting... but Godrick's????

Our boy Godrick is a man obsece with his lineage and goldness and yet he employ an omen and trolls, the omen is a resemblear to the hornset and the trolls are giants who joined the order and seem to live in... bad conditions most of the time. The troll are justifiable since Godrick being so fixed upon his forefathers that he welcoming and hosting trolls is not out of place since they fight side by side with Godfrey, so for the matter he could had even welcome Zamoarians.

But an Omen???? again people don't like them in most cases and Godrick being from Leyndell, should make his opinion about them no different and yet, this random ass omen is in a yard with a dog. This made thought, does Godrick had a motive or reason to allow them wander around?

Perhaps, since Godrick is from the golden lineage, he had relatives that were omen and were thrown to the sewer, we know that royal omen face such demise while the commonfolk have their horn choped, maybe he grown seen brothern and sistern face over and over again have such destiny. Such thing may had impulse him to feel some resemblance of empathy to omens, even if was just once.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Imagine

"When I win your heart (Name), and I will win it, it will not be because of any trickery. It will be because you want me." (- Captain Killian 'Hook' Jones, OUAT) they say, then give you a smirk that was almost warm, and leave.

^ This ^ with you & the following villains :

CreepyPasta; Eyeless Jack, Laughing Jill, Nurse Ann, Offenderman, Puppeteer, Zalgo, etc.

Disney/Pixar; Captain Hook (i mean-), Charles F Muntz, Dr Facilier, Horned King, Jafar, Long John Silver, Maleficent, Professor Ratigan, Randall Boggs, Scar, Shan Yu, Shere Khan, etc.

Gotham; Edward Nygma/The Riddler, Fish Mooney, the Scarecrow, Lazlo Valentin/Professor Pyg, Victor Fries/Mr Freeze, etc.

Misc: Black Hat, Captain Hook (2002), Damien Dalgaard, Deucalion, Don Falcone (2022), Eris (S;LOTSS), Jack Bass, Lucius Malfoy, Mal/The Malevolent One (TDI;AS), Merle Dixon, Napoleon Boneparte (NATM), Owen/Wolf (TWD), Peter Hale, Spike/William Pratt, etc.

Once Upon A Time; Cruella De Vil, Hades, etc.

Horror; Candyman, Harper Alexander, Inkubus, Jerry Dandridge, Kieran Wilcox, Leslie Vernon, Mental Manny, Kenneth Chase/Jeffrey Hawk, Caleb Quinn, the Djinn, Tiffany Valentine, etc.

[scotianostra]

29th August 1999 saw the death of Lew Schwarz, the Scottish TV scriptwriter.

Lew was born in Glasgow on April 16th, 1926, the son of an optician, and educated at the St Aloysius Jesuit College, graduating to the Holyrood Secondary Modern School.

On leaving school he took a job at the Clyde shipyards as a riveter. In 1944 he joined the RAF as a flight engineer and flew Lancaster bombers over Germany. After the war he returned to Scotland, furthering his education at Glasgow University before moving to London in the 1950s. There he took on a job as a taxi driver, married Margaret Glen of Airdrie, and in due time fathered three sons and two daughters.

It was while driving his taxi that Schwarz sold his first few comedy gags. Always a fan of radio-show comedy, he sent his samples to Richard Murdoch, then starring with Kenneth Horne in Much Binding In The Marsh, The Forces Show, and other prominent BBC series. Murdoch bought them, thus starting Schwarz on a career which would soon spread from spare time to full time.

It was through his taxi-driving that Schwarz encountered Spike Milligan, writer and star of The Goon Show. They got to chatting about comedy and Milligan invited Schwarz to come up to the office he and some writer friends used as a base. This was situated over a greengrocer's shop in Shepherd's Bush, not far from the BBC Television studios. Schwarz was delighted to meet Milligan's partners in laughter: Eric Sykes, Johnny Speight, Ray Galton, and Alan Simpson, all great names in comedy creation

Joining the group as a gag writer, Schwarz was taken on as a partner by another big name in comedy, Eric Merriman. Together they wrote their first TV series, Great Scott - It's Maynard! This starred two popular stand-up comedians, Terry Scott, who frequently played an overgrown schoolboy, and Bill Maynard, not yet the chunky character he would become. The show mixed short sketches with situation comedy, aThe Charlie Drake Shownd was a great success. In the 50′s he also wrote episodes of

Lew went on to write a host of other shows, The Army Game, Mess Mates and The Dick Emery Show in the 60′s as well as scripting 3 episodes of The Andy Stewart Show.

In the 70′s he wrote scripts for Harry Secombe, Dave Allen and Norman Wisdom, as well as writing for Carry on Laughing and the popular sitcom The Liver Birds, which Schwarz originated with Carla Lane. Schwartz also penned some mainstream drama like Crown Court, Crossroads and an episode of Space;1999.

Closing his comedy career teaching creative writing at an adult educational college, Schwarz wrote a book, The Craft of Writing TV comedy. He summed up his career thus: ''Writing comedy for television is a very serious business.''

[milimeters-morales]

chap 7 of my transfem miles fic :3

Chap 1 / Chap 2 / Chap 3 / Chap 4 / Chap 5 / Chap 6 / Chap 8 / Chap 9

Wordcount: 3k+

Warnings: None!

(milesganke focused-chapter)

This time, Miles knows he’s dreaming. 

He’s standing in front of one of his classes, completely naked. He screams, and a blanket materializes around him as the crowd laughs. Tears in his eyes, he can make out his parents, Ganke, some of his friends, and some people wearing animal heads. 

G. suddenly appears behind him, asking about dinner plans, and suddenly Miles is sitting on his couch and fiddling with a remote. 

“Uhm,” he begins, awkwardly wondering what to do now. He can’t stop the dream, he doesn’t really know how, but he doesn’t want it to continue either. “What’d you say?”

G. doesn’t say anything, it doesn’t even look like he heard him, and just keeps brushing his teeth.

Miles exits the… bathroom. Alright. He hates this.

“You forgot to shave!” His own voice calls as he leaves, stepping into a crosswalk. Kenneth laughs beside him, their scarf randomly cycling through colors each time Miles remembered it was there. They look up at him with bright eyes and a warm smile, and Miles can’t help but return it.

“You’re like me?” Kenneth asks, a bit breathless. “We have to stick together, you know. Others are gonna love you, but they don’t believe me.”

“What?” 

“It’s tomorrow,” Kenneth laughs again, dress slowly growing vines and spreading to Miles’s feet. They’re still in the middle of the crosswalk, and a car horn honks at them.

“Kenneth, I’m dreaming, okay?”

“Aw, c’mon. We were getting somewhere,” the kid waves around a fancy purse, “I have a present for youuuu….” 

Miles really wants to reach out, to grab that bag. It’s calling to him, and Kenneth looks so happy. Their brown eyes are warm, is someone hugging him? The scenery changes several times in just a second-- rainy crosswalk, sunny greenhouse, his school gym, the top of the Brooklyn Bridge-- it makes his eyes hurt. 

Opening them, he’s back in Gwen’s bedroom. She’s about to pierce his ear, and he’s late for work. Work? God, he really hates being so aware in this…

“This is gonna hurt, but you’ll feel much better.”

“It itches sometimes,” Miles tells her, grabbing at the skirt Kenneth was wearing, now on him. Wait, no, he’s wearing jeans now. Okay? 

“I know, but you’ll look great!” Gwen squeezes his shoulder, and stabs his lobe right after.

Shouting in pain but not feeling it leave his chest, just air push through his throat, he’s thrown down one of Spot’s portals-- he’s not calling them holes!

Landing roughly on a slab of concrete, Miles pushes up his mask to his nose to breathe better. Alright, he’s fighting… who’s he fighting? Maybe this dream’s going to turn into a nightmare?

The monstrous mix of Green Goblin-Spot-Scorpion soars past him, carrying Hobie and Ganke with its clawed feet and dropping them right above a portal.

“No!” Miles screams out, darting out to catch them, trying to protect their heads and necks as they land directly onto shattered glass. It doesn’t hurt though, just burns and runs down like he’s in a hot shower.

“Oh my god, please wake up, please wake up,” his voice, weirdly distorted, begs. 

Hobie stirs, and Ganke’s fingers twitch once, but neither wake up.

This is definitely a nightmare. 

“Not real, not real, this isn’t real…” Miles reminds himself. It’s not real, and he knows that, why is it so hard to just wake up? Not even a scenery change?

A tugging at his side makes him look away from the sight of two of his best friends clinging onto life and to the sight of his mom and dad in a doorway. Warm light outlines them, invites Miles in, actually. A younger version of himself sits down between him and his parents, glaring at him. “You’re scaring them. Hurry. Up.”

Miles’s nose wrinkles in distaste. Rude little…

“Miles, ¿Tienes hambro?”

Hambro? What’s “hambro”? 

His dad nods, seemingly agreeing that Miles is hungry (that’s probably what his mom meant to ask) without Miles actually saying anything. He’s not, by the way.

There’s blood on his back, and now there’s some on his hands and face, but he can just walk in the kitchen? 

“Dreaming, sweetie,” some woman’s voice reminds him.

Right. None of this is real. His friends aren’t in danger behind him, and his parents aren’t asking him to come eat, and his younger self isn’t sneering at him. Ugh. Was he really this bad as a kid? No, right?

Kid-Miles throws a pebble at his foot, and runs off into the dark.

With a scoff, Miles steps through his parents, which is real freaky, but then he falls through onto his bed, feeling like he’s still falling through the air even as he lies down.

With a jolt, he wakes up, clutching at his blankets that somehow ended wrapped around him like a cocoon. 

Time, what time is it , he thinks as he blindly reaches around for his phone. 

10AM-- Ganke definitely wasn’t awake yet. There was no way he’d willingly be awake before noon on a Saturday.

Hiding his head under his pillow, Miles tries to recall anything about his dream. He knows he was pretty aware during it, but not much else. He thinks Kenneth was there? They were definitely talking to him in it, maybe it was something about getting jumped? He thinks he remembers that Green Goblin, the one that died a while back. And… food? His mom was saying something about food, maybe. 

Speaking of food…

Pushing himself up, Miles makes his way to the kitchen, scratching behind his ears. He can find something to eat, and while he’s doing that he’ll text Ganke the good news, and they’ll go from there. A part of Miles kinda hopes it ends there, to be honest, but he feels a little guilty thinking that. So he tries not to think about that at all.

Once he’s halfway through a bowl of cereal is he finally awake enough to start being a human.

•••

Miles:

good morning (o´▽`o) !! i told peter again about us & i told g too  peter was like a warmup but they were both chill  with it though u probably  guessed that lol love you <3 text me when u wake up

•••

With a sigh, Miles puts his phone down and makes his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth. 

Looking in the mirror, he almost loses his damn mind.

Is that… Is that hair? Above his lip? Real hair? That can’t be actual hair, hold on--

Miles wipes roughly at his lip, gasping when he sees the hairs still there.

How long as that even been there? Surely his parents, or even any of his friends, would have pointed it out if it’s been a while? Hairs don’t just-- wait, spider-powers! His hair probably grows quicker! His growth spurt was probably somewhat affected by the bite, so who’s to say he won’t have like, an entire beard within the month?! 

Wait, no, he doesn’t want a beard. Hm. 

Quickly running back to his room, he grabs his watch and opens a portal to Peter’s dimension.

It takes a few minutes, and an escape from a dog, but he manages to get to the porch unscathed. He doesn’t even get to knock before the door opens and he’s being pulled in.

“Peter! Look, I got a mustache!” He all-but-shouts, bouncing on the couch he’s thrown on.

“Who’s this?” A woman playfully asks.

Miles briefly looks at her behind him, leaning on the kitchen counter. She’s got white hair, dark brown skin, and piercing green eyes, and a black latex suit that’s showing a bit… more than Miles thinks he should be looking at. He quickly focuses on Peter, who looks haggard but still wearing a smile on his face. 

“I’m Miles, ma’am,” he tells her, not looking in her direction, “Dude, look! See! Does the--” he remembers the guest in the room, eyes widening slightly, “--um, the condition, does it affect hair growth? Will I get a beard in a few days?”

Peter shrugs, “I don’t know, the bite didn’t make my hair grow at all, but it’s different for everybody. Miles, Felicia, Felicia, Miles. He’s that Spider-Man I was telling you about, remember?” he asks the woman, Felicia. She waves, and Miles distractedly returns it.

Aw, man! So Peter’s not going to be any help for this.

Absentmindedly, Miles holds his chin and runs a finger over the tiny hairs sprouting above his lip. He could ask Hobie, maybe he’s had to deal with facial hair growing quicker? But Hobie doesn’t ever really seem to have facial hair. But he could just be shaving a ton-- wait, he said he didn’t shave his legs though, so he doesn’t see why Hobie would shave his face either. Maybe Pavitr could help?

If he knew for sure this was a normal puberty thing, Miles would've gone straight to his dad after he came back from work. He can see it now, his dad would make a joke about how he’s growing so fast, clap him on the shoulder, and laugh before telling him that he better not start acting like he’s grown. Maybe even take him to get some snacks as a little celebratory thing…

“What are you smiling about?” Peter’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts, and Miles turns to see the man holding Mayday in one arm and his coffee in the other. Felicia is pouring herself coffee as well, but making faces at Mayday, who happily squeals in return.

“Just, uh, dad stuff. I’m gonna ask Pavitr something,” he answers. 

“Are you gonna get dressed?” Peter asks him, tilting his head. 

Miles looks down with a confused look. He’s wearing a white tank top and some red pants, what’s wrong with how he’s dressed? He’s just going to call the other teen. “What?”

“Oh, nevermind then,” Peter shrugs, “say hi May!” 

“Ahb! Mmm,” Mayday giggles, yanking at Peter’s hair. He winces slightly, mouthing something about super strength. 

“Is she trying to say his name?” Felicia coos, taking a sip of her coffee right after.

“So, you’re another hero?” Miles asks, realizing he didn’t even actually know why she was here.

“Ah, me? I wouldn’t say that,” she smirks at Peter, and Miles pretends he doesn’t see that.

“She’s Black Cat, do you not have one in your universe?” Peter asks him, successfully freeing his hair from Mayday’s clutches.

Miles goes to reach for his phone to search that up, maybe there’s some news articles about her in his universe, but when he feels nothing in his pockets, he sighs heavily. “I left my phone at home.”

“Okay wait, don’t actually look that up, I’ll do it,” Peter says, eyes wide and brows raised in a sort of panicked way. Felicia looks briefly panicked too, coughing lightly before schooling her expression.

“I need to call Pavitr anyway, I’m gonna get my phone--”

“NO, no-- do not look that up, just ask your dad or something. He’s probably had to deal with her. Them, who knows? I didn’t expect Doc Ock to be a woman in your universe! Did you know--”

Peter’s rambling again, which means he’s stalling. What’s he even stalling from? Is she a horrible criminal? Wait, no, then she wouldn’t be in Peter’s home near his baby. Oh, maybe she had a really personal matter made public… Miles can understand Peter not wanting to see all that when he hasn’t even met his version of Black Cat yet.

“Alright, fine, I’ll ask him later. Bye,” Miles waves goodbye, jumping up into the portal and hoping it actually drops him off right back into his apartment.

It doesn’t.

He had to crawl back into his own home through his bedroom window since it decided the roof of the building was good enough, stupid piece of…

Anyway. Miles was currently getting hyped up by Pavitr, something the other boy is incredibly good at, over the phone while he admires the few hairs in the mirror. 

“I’m so jealous!” Pavitr laughs loudly, and hurriedly quieting down. “I can’t believe you tell me this right when I’m about to fall asleep, c’monnnn…”

“Hey, I don’t control the time!” Miles replies, “I wish you could see it, it’s not much--”

“Don’t sell yourself short--”

“--no seriously, it’s not much! But like… you don’t really expect it until bam! It’s there! And it’s gonna grow, and I’ll look like my dad. Or my uncle!” His chest feels warm at the thought. Man, getting a mustache like his uncle? He probably wouldn’t let it grow into a beard like the man did, might just keep it the way his dad does, but still… the fact that he even can! 

“I have to shave sometimes, but the hair doesn’t really grow that fast. Weird, right?”

“Yeah,” Miles replies distractedly, “wait, you have to shave? Your face?”

“Yes? It’s quite common,” Pavitr yawns, “I’ve seen boys only a year older with full beards. Maya Auntie says I’m still gonna look like my mom even with one, though.”

Miles hums, “Would that bother you?” 

“Probably not? Don’t tell her I said this, but I think she might be wrong. I’m gonna look way more like my uncle, I’m sure of it.”

“Yeah,” Miles smiles, “I won’t tell a soul, don’t worry man.”

“Same here,” Pavitr says, sounding entirely too serious out of nowhere. “I’m great at keeping secrets, okay?”

“...Yeah man. Uh, but I got a question, and then I’ll let you go,” Miles says, running a finger over the hairs. “Do you think our facial hair grows faster because of the spider-bite?”

Pavitr hums tiredly. “Maybe. I don’t see why it wouldn’t… all my other hair definitely grows fast, but I don’t know if our powers have anything to do with that.”

Miles looks down at his own legs. Some hair is visible, but not enough to make him want to shave it. Dang, he should’ve been comparing that to normal growth rates online-- ONLINE! 

“Oh, I got the answer! Thanks Pavitr, love you man!”

“Love you too, bro,” Pavitr yawns again, and Miles hangs up.

He stares some more in the mirror, trying out different expressions to see… something. He isn’t exactly sure. He turns his head side to side, seeing if the hairs are visible from certain angles. Running a hand over his jaw, thoughts of a beard popped into his head. Pavitr said boys even younger than them sometimes get them, and Miles knew that, he’s seen kids both a year older and a year younger have the beginnings of one in his school. He’s seen a few pictures of his dad and uncle from when they were only a little older than him, and they didn’t have any visible facial hair, so maybe it really is accelerated for him?

He really doesn’t want to deal with a beard. He’d have to shave it so often, and the very thought of it makes him feel wrong. Is that weird? No, right? Many guys don’t want beards. Pavitr is one of them, evidently. 

…

Ugh, does it even matter? He’s really focused on this for nothing.

He should see if Ganke responded yet.

•••

Ganke:

omg thats great !ヾ(≧▽≦*)o  but i still wanna talk more about this about us i feel really bad making you come out to them so i wanna apologize lunch on me?

��••

Miles takes a deep breath, looking to the ceiling for a minute. Ganke’s sorry? But he didn’t really do anything… 

•••

Miles:

yeah sure <3 what r u feeling like and no need to apologize! i totally get where you were coming from

Ganke:

thats not really the point okay lets meet at the bakery im not doing this over text 

yknow that one near whole foods

Miles:

the one that costs too much?

Ganke:

lol i already said im paying!!

vut yeah *but

Miles:

ight im getting dressed and leaving in 10 (─‿‿─)♡

•••

“So, why’d you apologize? It’s not like you did anything wrong,” Miles starts after taking a bite of his sandwich. The park they decided to sit in while eating was filled with people, parents playing with their young children or resting on benches, elderly couples simply walking around and enjoying the nice weather, people generally hanging out, the usual.

“No, it’s… um,” Ganke rubs his knee, looking to the ground, “I shouldn’t have-- I knew you weren’t ready, even if you said you’d try it out, and--”

Miles watches with slowly growing anxiety. Did he do something wrong? Is Ganke gonna leave him anyway because they even had this problem in the first place? No, right? They worked through it, they are currently talking about it, he needs to stop jumping to conclusions.

Calm down, Morales.

“Okay, I’m getting all… ughhh. I wrote it down,” Ganke groans as he pulls a neatly folded piece of paper out of his pocket. “I stayed up all night trying to figure out how to say this.”

Maybe with enough willpower, maybe Miles can absorb the sweat forming on his forehead before Ganke notices it.

“Okay, I’m sorry for sending you to come out to people on your own. I should’ve given you more time, and helped you more with trying to be okay telling anybody-- like, rehearsing together or something like that. And I really should’ve gone with you so you wouldn’t have to do it alone, I… was… I basically forced you to come out. I knew you were scared, weren’t ready, and I made you do it anyway.”

Miles raises a brow in confusion. “What? No, you didn’t. I said I would do it, that’s like, the exact opposite of you forcing me to do anything.” 

Ganke shakes his head, “No, I know that you said you’d do it, but I kinda put you on the spot and didn’t really give us a chance to really talk it out. I was just so excited that you were finally telling people in your life about us, I didn’t… think it through.” He trails off and focuses on something behind Miles. “Hey, is that… Hobie?”

Miles’s eyes widen as he whips his head around, spotting the older teen leisurely strolling towards them.

“Hobie, what’s going on?” Miles asks, placing his sandwich down on the bench. As Hobie gets closer, the small but numerous cuts on his face and arms become visible. He shakes his head with a shrug as an answer, and sits on the arm of the bench.

“You eatin’ that?” Hobie asks, nodding towards his barely-eaten sandwich.

Miles wordlessly hands it over. 

“Are you alright?” Ganke asks.

Hobie gives a thumbs up. 

“Not tryna talk right now?” Miles asks, watching the cuts heal up as the teen took more bites.

A hum of confirmation.

Well… seeing as Hobie doesn’t seem to be in debilitating pain or worried at all, and is eating in a safe spot where Miles can keep an eye on him, there doesn’t seem to be any reason for worry. 

Turning back to Ganke, Miles tries to remember where they left off.

“Oh, right-- It’s not like that at all, man. Sure, it would’ve been nice if we did it together, but I got through it on my own!” Miles gives Ganke a reassuring smile, but the other boy keeps glancing at him and then Hobie with furrowed brows.

Turning back to Hobie, the realization hits Miles like a truck: he’d have to come out to the other boy, too. Miles hears Ganke’s breath hitch when Hobie slowly turns to meet both of their eyes. 

Whenever they had first got to the park and made their way to a bench a bit a ways away, Miles was pretty aware of the few people that would pass by, it was kind of difficult not to be, even though he knew most of them weren’t paying the two. It made him worry that he was beginning to look suspicious, but he still managed to mostly ignore those worries. But now, Miles was hyper-aware of the sound of children playing a game of tag, people talking about dinner plans and family matters, birds singing, the occasional dog barking-- his and Ganke’s heartbeat were the loudest noises by far.

However, Hobie’s heartbeat was calm, the deep bags under his eyes adding to his usual sleepy-look, and had an overall uninterested aura. So, the usual. But Miles didn’t let that fool him, Hobie was smart, knew how to appear like he didn’t care about whatever was going on when in reality he was already five steps ahead.

Wait, stop-- he shouldn’t be thinking about his friend like this, like he’s some… master manipulator. Hobie is possibly the most accepting guy-not-guy he’s ever met, why is he so anxious? Hobie wouldn’t hurt him, especially about something like this. He probably wouldn’t even joke about it.

Miles turns back to Ganke with wide eyes, and gives him his best “are-we-going-to-come-out-to-my-friend-together-or-will-we-try-to-get-him-away-from-us-for-a-bit-to-continue-this-discussion” look.

Ganke gives a tiny shrug and a wince.

Okay. Then they’re gonna do this.

They can do this. Miles knows Ganke can, and Ganke knows Ganke can, so that’s already more than halfway there. With a strained smile, and a nod that make the other boy’s eyes widen, Miles lets out a deep breath.

Hobie starts eating again, but almost immediately begins choking on the sandwich, which both boys ignore in favor of their silent pep-talk.

Ganke nods up once towards Hobie, with a raised brow. Are you sure? This guy?

Miles furrows his brows and nods rapidly. Yes, I’m totally sure.

Ganke squints one eye as if he’s struggling to wink. Are you sure you’re sure? Not trying to force you.

Miles smiles softly for a quick second, and inches his hand closer to his boyfriend’s. I’m sure.

Ganke returns the smile.

Alright. Okay. He can do this. Just turn around… just turn around and say a single sentence to Hobie.

“Hey dude,” Ganke starts, leaning forward a little to get a better look at Hobie, who was taking deep breaths and staring at the ground. The sandwich was nowhere to be seen. “We need to tell you something.”

“Go ‘head,” Hobie says between breaths.

Miles swallows, pushing past the feeling of his clammy hands and the shivers going down his spine.

“We’re together,” Miles says, several invisible hands clutching at his chest and pulling harshly at his shoulders as the words come out. 

Ha, come out, a part of him tries to joke. 

“Congrats,” Hobie responds, rubbing at his throat, “yeah, congrats.”

Miles feels his legs shaking a little, and turns back to Ganke, who kisses the corner of his mouth after aiming for his cheek.

It feels amazing, like always, but at the same time, Miles can’t help but feel like this is the beginning of an end. There’s a sense of doom, but it is probably the anxiety that normally looms over him when it comes to PDA with Ganke…

He returns the radiant smile Ganke gives him afterwards anyway.

A/N: formatting the text portion on here is HELL. anyway in this chap i made it to where something seems a bit rushed, that's from Miles's anxiety about his relationship making it hard for him to truly focus on things that aren't related to it in a way you'd expect. oh and especially the nuance of what Ganke's talking about, he still doesn't really understand, his brain just wants the "problem" to end. dw though the future chapters will teach his ass

also here's the link to the fic too if you wanna read a little ahead (it's private): https://archiveofourown.org/works/51117049/chapters/129152488

and the squidgeworld link too if you can't access the first one: https://squidgeworld.org/works/56441/chapters/116867

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Illustration: Carol Of The Field Mice. :: from The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame :: by Inga Moore.

* * * *

It was a pretty sight, and a seasonable one, that met their eyes when they flung the door open. In the fore-court, lit by the dim rays of a horn lantern, some eight or ten little field-mice stood in a semicircle, red worsted comforters round their throats, their fore-paws thrust deep into their pockets, their feet jigging for warmth. With bright beady eyes they glanced shyly at each other, sniggering a little, sniffing and applying coat-sleeves a good deal. As the door opened, one of the elder ones that carried the lantern was just saying, "Now then, one, two, three!" and forthwith their shrill little voices uprose on the air, singing one of the old-time carols that their forefathers composed in fields that were fallow and held by frost, or when snow-bound in chimney corners, and handed down to be sung in the miry street to lamp-lit windows at Yule-time.”

~Kenneth Grahame, The Wind in the Willows.

[The Queen's English]

[ratsoh-writes]

Kenneth: We are them~!

Kenneth waved his hand at Yarrow.

Issa:... are you okay, bunny?

Oh Stars, even her voice sounds silky and melodic.

Beck just takes his aunt and grandma's bags as Kenneth walks next to him. The contrast between the two of them was very apparent. Kenneth had pitch-black fur with golden and red strands, two very beautiful curled horns, and three tails, while Beck's fur was red with splashes of white on his ears and on the tips of his two tails. And he had three horns!.

Beck: Shall we go-? uh... were are Kevin and Temmie?

Kevin appears once again making every one (except the Dijon) jump. He now has a newtsmead baseball cap on and is holding a soda lol. Wait where’d his luggage go?

Yarrow: STARS!! How do you shortcut so quietly?? Only my Nan can get away with that-

His eyes go glassy

Yarrow: ah never mind, lemme give y’all the grand tour!~

Meanwhile Hansel squeaks when Issa dares gracefully her with acknowledgment. Rather than act like a normal person, she proceeds to hide behind her best friend

[bugtypeskilledandthenrevivedme]

im a person that is real (no lies here)

i dont really have a name. if you really need to buggy is fine. i know internet safety. it/its. if you use they/them for me then i will actually just kill you.

where i live: none of your buisness and barely even mine.

where i came from: your left nut.

my pokemon: okay finally a good question (i was starting to get a little impatient)

i have a Firoke (named Baby Man) (commonly just refrred to as Lord Babilicous Esquire Esquire The Third of His name: House of Man) (also just Baby) that i love with all of my heart even though he is dumb as bricks. I will link an image of him cuz Firoke dont really live in other regions.

i also have an Purugly named Kenneth. she has the demeanor of a sixty year old man who lost both his legs in bicycle incident. shes also mostly blind so unfamiliar people = scary = threat. her dad was also a nidorino so shes got a horn. is evil.

and a falinks. its just around. their name is command.

caught a heracross. her name is sixteen-crunching-leaves-stuck-elytra. tried to get her to agree on anything shorter but it wasnt happening

got a larvesta. no name yet but thats because baby man is taking his sweet fuckin time

my biology? fucked. ive got mandibles, bug wings, compound eyes. the whole shebang

now also adding glitter and shit to your mass produced pokeballs. so they dont look lifeless and mass produced. pay what you want, send me an ask about and ill work on it.

buggy: firoke hybrid (magically induced). level 32. moves: overheat, incinerate, x-scissor and sunny day.

Baby man: firoke. level 42. type: fire/bug moves: incinerate, bug bite, sunny day and nightshade.

Kenneth: purugly/nidorino hybrid (12 percent nidorino. 88 percent purugly. 100 percent shithead). type: normal/poison. level 40. moves: dig, poison jab, retaliate and fake out.

Command: falinks. type: fighting. level 29. moves: reversal, protect, headbutt and bulk up.

Sixteen-Crunching-Leaves-Stuck-Elytra: heracross. type: fighting/bug. level 58. moves? she does what she want

// hi there. finally made that other blog huh. and at an ungodly hour.

// magic anons are off until i say so. because thats the way the world works. TERFs, intolerant people and the like can honestly just walk into an imdustrial freezer and go to sleep. forever. sentient pokemon are welcome, this fucker has seen weirder shit.

// pelipper mail is on. please send this fucker pipebombs god knows they need them. also no replies. i keep forgetting to turn that off

// also i will be counting some fakemon as real, the entire pokemon uranium dex is canon because buggy is from tandor.

[lesser-known-composers]

Adolphe Blanc (1828-1885) - Septet in E, Op. 40 (1860)

Allegro, Andante, Scherzo:Tarantella, Finale: Andante maestoso - Allegro

Kenneth Grant, clarinet :Benjamin Kamins, bassoon :Eric Reed, horn :Espen Lilleslatten, violin :Brett Deubner, viola :Emilio Colon, cello :James VanDemark, double bass

[evolutionsvoid]

Cryptic Beast (Normal / Dark)

- "Despite sightings of this Pokemon being reported across many regions, there is little actual proof of its existence. A paranormal magazine suggests this beast escaped from some secret laboratory." Cryptic Visitor (Fairy)

- "A story in a paranormal magazine talks of tiny winged beings invading an eyewitness's home. The report of them was never taken seriously, especially when the writer claimed they liked baked goods." Cryptic Wing (Flying)

- "A strange flying Pokemon that supposedly terrorized a town. A paranormal magazine says this creature can be identified by its glowing horn and horrid stench." Cryptic Stalk (Steel / Grass)

- "A robotic Pokemon said to have come from a crashed spaceship. Though there are no real records of this event, a paranormal magazine says it is a result of a coverup." Cryptic Collector (Dark)

- "This bizarre Pokemon is blamed when things vanish mysteriously in the night. A paranormal magazines claims these creatures are tasked with collecting "samples," and that includes other Pokemon and people..." Cryptic Crescent (Steel / Flying)

- "An odd metallic object a pilot spotted as it soared through the skies. It can fly faster than any known craft or Pokemon, or at least that is what a paranormal magazine claims." Cryptic Wheel (Steel / Fire)

- "No sightings of this entity have been recorded, but its existence is argued due to ancient carvings and drawings. This blazing wheel is mentioned often in a certain paranormal magazine, as they debate if its origins are from this world or beyond." Cryptic Pods (Grass / Dark)

-"A seemingly harmless collection of seeds, said to have come from another world. A paranormal magazine warns of what they can become, or rather, who they can become..." -----------------------------------------------

Had so much fun making the paradox fakemon with @james-silvercat, that we just had to do more! This will probably be the last batch for me, but who knows if I will get a hankering for it again in the future.

So of course, explanation time (from top, left to right): We got an Electivire based around the concept of an escaped lab experiment and made to look like Ro-Man, a Ribombee based on the Mince Pie Martians, a Masquerain turned into the Van Meter Visitor and a Sudowoodo based on the Georgia Stalks. Then we got a Delibird that is part Tuscumbia Space Penguin and part alien abductor cliche (why the actual paradox Delibird didn't go that route is beyond me), a Lunatone based on the UFO seen by Kenneth Arnold, a Solrock that is based on a chariot wheel (which tends to be mentioned when talking ancient aliens and angels) with also the idea of a UFO shaped like a ferris wheel (which my Scholastic Alien Encyclopedia says has been sighted before, but this book is all sorts of wrong on a bunch of stuff, so maybe not) and then finally an Exeggcute that is the pods from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Enjoy!