#Kazu.exe has stopped||Crack!IC

[bloodsoakedsakura]

“You may spank it.”

“Once.”

[bloodsoakedsakura]

“Since we got some new arrivals, Da Vinci asked me to go over the list of things Kirke is not allowed to do...mostly to the fairies, but this applies EVERYONE within Chaldea, that being said, lets begin...ahem...”

Unedited joke source

Kirke is not allowed to feed anything with peanut butter to  Kijyo Kōyō

Telling new Mages that you can tame  Kijyo Kōyō  with a rolled up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out.

No longer allowed to challenge Chen Gong to unwinnable games like tic-tac-toe. It was three weeks before Chen Gong conceded a draw.

SOLOMON is not to be taunted!

Attempting to disprove BB to BB, is a horrible idea. Mage staff are still trying to get her out of the logic loop...

While it is true that "No one expects the Chaldean Inquisition!", that is only because there is no such thing.

Kirke is not king of anywhere. Or queen.

Kiara is not to be used for recreational or procreational purposes.

Although it is entirely possible to use BB to create tentacle monsters, no.

There is no market for Xiang Yu brand pornography.

Should not replace the gunpowder in Billy the Kidd’s bullets with any of the following: birdseed, confetti, cake sprinkles, sawdust, or glitter.

Clocktower is not the correct agency for dealing with Lostbelts.

Victims of the A-Team are not toys.

Kirke is not allowed to bargain with personnel for their "souls."Not even if she can get them a good deal.

Don't let Kirke get a sample of BB’s Spirit Origin. Let my laptop be the last victim.

Not allowed to go off my medication.

May not use any form of the word 'accident' as an excuse.

Violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.

If a file says never to do something, it is not because we want to control your mind. Yes it is. No, it’s not. And Kirke is not allowed to edit this list!

[DATA REDACTED ON Holmes REQUEST]. Not even for recreational use.

Not allowed to end reports with lyrics from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air".

But is allowed to end with lyrics from the Safety Dance.The interpretive dance routine, however, is forbidden until she gets lessons for the foreseeable future.

Kirke is not allowed anywhere near a Renaissance Festival.

And is hereby banned from playing Dungeons and Dragons making use of Magecraft to 'simulate the real danger.'

Tesla is not a joy buzzer.

If a mind-controlling Servant is discovered, it is to be turned over to the proper authorities. It is not to be used to advance herself or others higher in the Organization. 

Kirke is NOT: A superhero of any sort, Head of Public Relations, in charge of Orientation for new staff, a doctor of psychology, a member of Staff Command, made out of bacon, in possession of a IQ over 300, Head of Clocktower, or a member of Maintenance Staff. (Sorry boys, Kirke IS a member of Staff Command. It's usually best not to ask why...)

There is no Ethics Committee.

No longer allowed to make up jodies for morning calisthenics.

Kirke is not allowed to challenge anyone to a duel, just for the chance to steal their magecraft.

Kirke is not allowed override a Magus’s magecraft

Kirke is not allowed to steal Command Seals.

Merlin and Kirke are not allowed to interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.

Chainsaws are not the solution to every question.

Servant speed dating never happened. Any one who claims to remember such an event should report to Staff Command for administration of Class A amnesiac.

Kirke is not allowed to use any Servant or Magecraft to alter or affect the outcomes of any reality based television shows, including but not limited to Survivor, Big Brother, Hell's Kitchen, American Idol, or any dating show on VH1.

Kirke is not allowed to administer spankings to anyone as punishment, as it only causes more rules to be broken.

Elizabeth Bathory is not to be given song requests, especially not "Like A Virgin".

Kirke is no longer allowed to utter the phrase "More than 1,000 babies" in the presence of any personnel.

Nothing in Chaldea is rated 'Over 9000.'

Stop posting classified information on 4-chan.

No using Magecraft for personal gain.

If it involves doing something wrong, it isn't right.

If it involves something right, you did it wrong.

If Kirke has to ask, it's above her clearance level.

If it's above Kirke's security clearance… run.

Kirke is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing or person.

Chaldea credit cards or expense accounts are not to be used to purchase pornography.

Kirke is not a "marital aid" and cannot refer to herself as such. Especially on official documents.

Kirke is not the Lord of Rodly Might.

[bloodsoakedsakura]

“OH GREATER GRAIL! I WISH FOR--”

“YAMETEKUDO-STOP!!!!!”

“Oh I’m sorry, did someone just request to have centipedes thrown into their orifices?”

“.......”

“Now then, Greater Grail. I wish for a larger enclosure for my insects please. I’m on a tight schedule so if I can cut some corners I’d rather do it.”

“You’re more or less useless right now anyway so this should be fine, right?~”

“....Yeah, sure, whatever...not like anyone calls on me anymore anyway....”

“It would be one of you damned Sakuras...”

“Splendid! Now back into obscurity with you.~”

[bloodsoakedsakura]

Kazuradrop’s first day at Kindergarten

“Alright, so, I start school tomorrow...”

“Don’t be asking me for no pencils, no paper, no gum.” “None of that. That’s so fucking childish...”

“When I come with a chop cheese, or a bacon, egg, and cheese.” “Don’t say “Piecy, Kazura! Piecy Kazura!” No! Get the hell out of my face with that shit. My Mama made this for me I don’t owe none of my food. Let me eat in peace.”

“When I come with a Gatorade or an Arizona, don’t come at me with “Let me get some of your juice!” Bro... I’m tired... I just got out of the gym, I want to just kick back, relax, and enjoy my drink that I worked for. My guy, you could die. I do not care. Don’t ask me for nothing.”

“And yall dumb motherfuckers don’t ask me. “Did you get last night’s homework? Last months homework, last years homework--” Don’t ask me shit! Yes I did, but I’m not helping you, you stupid lil bitch, fail. You should’ve paid attention in class, you fucking bozo...”

“Oh and, one thing. Don’t. Like, when I walk into school? Don’t run up to me saying “Oh Kazura! I missed you!”

“I do not want to hear that bullshit, because I didn't miss you.”

[bloodsoakedsakura]

BB: This is gonna be so fun!

Violet: Why do I have to do it...?

Melt: Because all you do is just stare in your mirror all day anyway.

Violet has left the chat

Violet has been added to the chat

Violet: = =;

Kazura: Can we start?

Lip: CREEPER!

BB: AWWW MAN!

Protea: So we back in the mine!

Violet:...

BB: >:/

Kazura: I love you sister, but I will personally disembowel your rectum if you do that again.

Violet: >:/

Kazura: 🔪

Protea: CREEPER!

BB: Awww man!

Violet: = = So we back in the mine...

Kazura: Got our pickaxe swinging from

Melt: Side to side!

Sakura: Side, side to side! XD

BB: Our task a grueling one

Lip: Hope to find some diamonds to!

Violet: Night, night, night.

Kazura: Diamonds to night!

Sakura: I'M NOT A FAN OF PUPPETEERS!

Protea: COUNTRY ROADS!!!!!!

BB: TAKE ME HOME!!!

Kazura: WEST VIRGINIA!!!!

Lip: WEST VIRGINIA!

Melt: MOMS SPAGHETTII!

BB: This is just chaos... XDDD

Kazura: DISCORD!!!!!!!

[bloodsoakedsakura]

“I remember some months back, the world had an outbreak of deranged Savages running around in clown costumes and acting “scary.”

“I suppose the ones that didn’t end up getting beaten retreated here. Makes sense. And the graveyard is a nice touch as well. When their base is located, their executioner won’t have to drag the bodies all that far to do away with them.”

“PLEASE DON’T PROVOKE PEOPLE TO KILL 2,000 INNOCENTS.”

“First one to kill 500 clowns gets a free copy of Fate/Extra Record.~”

“KAZURA!”

“SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO DO THAT! DO NOT LISTEN OT HER!”

“1000 gets candid photos of Mother from her time on SE.RA.PH.”

“CAN YOU STOP BEING MOTHER FOR FIVE MINUTES, PLEASE?!”

[bloodsoakedsakura]

“The new fairy needs a name...whether Kazura likes it or not, she’s family now too! So let me think....something really cute....”

“...” She hadn’t planned any current atrocities, buuuut.... “Oh do give me a really really cute one! I’d like to learn yours as well~”

“I got it!!!”

“I’ll call you....”

“Yes...?~”

“Limey!!!!”

“Ahh....”

“I’m proud of you, Kazu...~”

“Right? Limey is super cute for her! From here on her name is Limey!”

“Welcome to the family, limey...~”

“.......”

[bloodsoakedsakura]

Regina: 'Kazura, do you think that maybe someday you might want to get married and have kids?'

Kazura [flatly]: 'No.'

Regina: 'But what if you met the right man, who worshiped and adored you? Who'd do anything for you? Who'd be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?'

Kazura: 'I'd pity him.'

[bloodsoakedsakura]

Kazura: 'I don't want to be in the pageant.'

Mozart: 'Don't you want to help me realize my vision?'

Kazura: 'Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character and the Aristotelian unities.'

Mozart: 'Young lady, I am getting just a tad tired of your attitude problem.'

[bloodsoakedsakura]

c h i n k e n n u g g e t ?

“NUGGETS!!!!!!!”